Home

10/17/00 I have a big pill to swallow. Also some herb teas with big green leaves. A pile of garbage in the closet beside my bed. I tell a man to dig down in the garbage and there are butchered chickens, wet feathers, some partly cooked. Looks like the garbage dump outside Manila that collapsed in heavy rain. George Bush appears and says he's going to do the rest of his dirty Navy laundry and dumps out a duffle bag of very white T-shirts. I tell him to do my laundry too. After he leaves I gather up some books and put them in the duffle bag - two Bibles and an envelope of pictures - some with scenery and some of people.

10/19/00 Liz Taylor or Lisa Minnelli having a baby - in late pregnancy. Giant tree cut down.

10/20/00 I go inside a hollow tree. I'm dying and want to go there. I ask a man if he likes them and he says, no, they scare him. School kids taking a tour tell me there are stairs to the top of the tree on the inside. Milk cartons piled on the floors, dolls and doll dresses, a complete living room with couch, glass bookcases, sideboard and hutch. A committee is eating fudge and thinking about what will be a good investment as an antique of the future.

10/26/00 A new court system.

10/29/00 East coast making a boat. Live by themselves. Real wet in here after Thanksgiving. Holidays of hate crimes. No itinerants, no comedians. Floods do no damage.

11/5/00 Long time prisoners' shorts are wearing out. One is going to make a pair from two worn out pairs to go to court to stand up to some injustice. Looks through his clothes on hangers.

11/6/00 On the direction for developing pictures it says to tell if one bunch of kids or others have to be protected from another. A woman holding several kids at one end of a couch, another woman at the other end - a lot of space in between. People sleeping on the floor all over a big house. A woman murmurs about the water pressure. When she flushes the toilet, the water level in the coffee cups goes down. Man asking, do you shoot the small sharks first or the big ones.

11/7/00 Chinese duck soup. A time for passing. Put a hold on things from China.

11/8/00 What's the use if you can't remember. Bush victory meal. I think about what to make -- 20 pound bag of rice. People making plans to spend tax cut. Man calls customer service to complain about his death - pill hurt. They said it wouldn't; half brain blanked out. City in the air with long plastic tube hanging down. Rivers dammed up all over the Midwest.

11/9/00 I look through attics of old houses, hard to find door. Stuffed with furniture, pile of clothes of all the people that lived there. A voice tells me about a woman that got pregnant at 17 and hated her butt, wouldn't leave the hospital.

11/10/00 Working in archaeology. I think they have to put water in the deserts. There are mountains barely sticking out of the ocean also. Cold water. Very difficult sites to excavate. Deep water along coral reefs. Kids want to go to court to get their homework reduced (harmful.) Studying volcano maps, Pompei, others.

11/14/00 Chinese man in padded vest thinking about internet, downloading, dumping trash. Raining in Chicago.

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> > 12/13/99 My parents get old and bald and are remarried after their
> > respective spouses die, living at the old house again (my sister tore down
> > the old house so this is impossible; Dad and Mom do both have spouses
> > older than they are, but from longer lived families. Dad's wife is six
> > years older than him and Mom's husband is more than twenty older.) I make
> > a lot of money through extorting people at work to pay me to change their
> > passwords when they forget them ($1 first time, then $48 and then $92.)
> > The parents are me, I kiss myself on the head. Feel like I've been
> > doubled. Very old. Wonder how I'll get along - can't remember much. A
> > 1940's police car stops everyone, police roadblock for some sort of check.
> > Antennas too long, a woman officer has a measuring tape. Barbie
> > accessories in a vending machine -- for $3 you get the baby Barbie's high
> > chair and dishes. I'm riding a bike in deep mud. I walk all over
> > sightseeing and my toes get numb -- high heels. Elaine at work matronly
> > looking, tells me about a two day Halloween Party she went to. I'm
> > assigned to do computer work and have to work all alone in the basement.
> > A pin stick in my lower back, UFOs have cured me of something, who knows
> > what horrible thing. Story about a man in the woods on my computer, a
> > woman who can't learn her job and is crying, a gypsy and dog hair. My
> > eyes are blue. A voice says, father book - you have to send it back as
> > much as possible.
> >
> > 12/14/99 Driving towards the neighbor I had a crush on as a kid's house.
> > His car is ahead of me and they have deer or their pets on the hood. I
> > think the driver has a rifle or shotgun. Then another car is parked next
> > to it. It has pets on the hood too. Bedrooms, people sleeping, a roomful
> > of kids. Mike Byllesby from work is sleeping in the porch swing. He
> > stands up and exclaims - what's that? loudly when there's a noise. He
> > doesn't seem to have a blanket. Woman's voice, he got tired part way
> > through the second game - white bread with black oriental symbol on it.
> > Great camera for espionage. One brand sickly flavor. See if having fun
> > with you or really are serious. Your eyes should never have HUE or EUH.
> > Two babies on stools, I'm one.
> >
> > 12/16/99 Bathroom, no door on stall. Jesse (my boss) tells me a story
> > about a class he took last year and he was supposed to have silk shoes but
> > he didn't bother and then the instructor gave him $100 and told him to
> > prepare next year. Joke, can mess someone up by naming them a name that
> > ends with a period. Computer/internet will find them as an error in
> > syntax. Impression as clear as wit. Bleachers on a hillside where I'm
> > doing my work. A man comes up with a receipt for travel expenses while a
> > young girl is telling me something and after she walks away he says, you
> > have to send the young girls away (maybe fire all the students at work)
> > but I say someone has to teach them to work.
> >
> > 12/18/99 I won't send you out to get eaten by the sharks. A river scene.
> > Looks like a relief map but you can walk on it and it becomes real. This
> > one is covered with snow. I want to go to 111th street in Hermosa Beach.
> > I try to figure out where I am. A race track, a river, a university.
> > River looks like in Albuquerque, but might be too wide. The river is
> > tiny, then wide and muddy with flowers floating. Two girls ahead of me
> > say they could have figured it out. A naked man in a shooting gallery
> > buys a card and apologizes for not introducing me to his friends.
> >
> > 12/19/99 I swallow a silver necklace and the chain is hanging out of my
> > mouth. Price tag says, I fell. New clothes, new attitude. Glowing green
> > rocks in a plastic cup, dump them in water. Chocolate dipped potato
> > chips.
> >
> > 12/20/99 A long series of Christmas prep glasses, made of fractals or
> > kaleidoscope looking lens. I really can see better in the dream (usually
> > I am as blind in dreams as in real life.) Indonesia sky and water, green
> > and blue. I have two kids and have to leave somewhere in a hurry. I
> > don't want to alarm them and tell them calmly to get their things and try
> > to herd them to the car, across the street. The other Sheila is there in
> > a motel or mall lobby. Boy doesn't have pants, but I don't have time to
> > look for them. Car goes in ditch -- the ditch is full of water and the
> > car rolls in backwards and dives -- the water is very deep. I reach
> > across and roll down both windows because the other Sheila doesn't want to
> > try. Then she finally tries to open the door. I tell her it won't work
> > and swim out the window. Look in the back seat for the two kids.
> >
> > 12/25/99 Building with a lot of hallways. I hear Quality Assurance
> > people talking. The way out is through a huge room draped with velvet
> > like a church. The catering truck serves cornbread [traditional for New
> > Years.] Must not be worth the effort to lay down for. The first time I
> > saw fear in his eyes. Christmas wish -- Albanians. Water up past your
> > arms.
> >
> > 12/26/99 I am walking along the beach. My family and others are picking
> > and eating apples or sumac berries. The tree is very tall -- as tall as a
> > palm tree and the leaves are way up there. There's a long poem along the
> > trunk. My sister climbs up another twenty feet and says, oh no. A boy up
> > higher falls attached to a rope and lands in the ocean. He's dazed, blood
> > from mouth (I zoom in), then swims to shore. I follow him to shore and go
> > to a dorm where they all live. One woman has left a book she was studying
> > on the patio. There are dolls that look just like the people in another
> > room. Then I see the people finally and the woman looks like a horse -
> > very thin body, delicate face, multi-color threads clumped at feet. Man
> > looks like a bird - one foot raised up, claw feet, baggy brown pants,
> > black turtleneck, chain belt. Two jobs, protect sleepers and (entertain
> > them?)
> >
> > 12/27/99 I'm on a tour group to New York. I'm traveling with my boss
> > Bernie. He isn't wearing a shirt so I put a lot of blankets in my
> > luggage. He says he's leaving this year. I lose his place in his book,
> > which is just like mine. Two muggers at the beach on the walk street -
> > they'll get about $300 but I wanted to live about five more years. You
> > pick your own (relatives) proof of that. Letter from my brother -- life
> > treating you good? In general, no. In specifics, yes. Lost money.
> > Knicks lost. Went to marketing school. I throw my ring or clothes on the
> > bed.
> >
> > 12/28/99 Christmas dream, a lot of presents. I come to a fence and begin
> > to examine it - very tight wire, five strands of barbwire, concrete
> > posts... must be for some dangerous animal. A huge raging bull appears
> > in a dust cloud at the corner. I get up on one of the concrete posts
> > barely balanced and barely above him. A voice says to yell at him before
> > he gets there. He comes right up under the post that I'm on. I don't
> > know if he can see me or just sense me. An ocean where the river should
> > be, canoes in a race. I have a lawsuit for assault. Threes are with me in
> > sky since. I never get paid, a supervisor at work, John Byrne, says.
> > My sisters' kids buy land in Arizona and plan to hold it fifty years. Man
> > singing Irish folk song, all the other parts edited out. Voice says, why
> > don't you change the melody.
> >
> > 12/30/99 I dream I see a pool from above, a kid trying to crawl, then
> > lying in the pool face down, looks dead. Another kid sitting on the side.
> > [On the news that day, a gunman killed two co-workers and the one lying
> > face down looked like the one in the pool.] Then I'm walking down Prairie
> > from the (horse) race track wearing only a flesh colored (padded feeling)
> > bra. A couple passes me, tall middle aged black guy asks, why is she
> > dressed like that? Woman says, she's probably too cold/hot. I come to a
> > thrift shop and buy a red and black plaid sweater with aluminum foil [like
> > UFO stuff my parents found in the pasture when I was about seven and Dad
> > took to National Guard armory where he worked and they said it was a
> > weather balloon.] Three girls have owned it. Then I can't get it off,
> > too tight. A man tries to pull it off, says I'm not helping, I wriggle.
> > Two kids I've never held, boy is asleep, likes to sleep on his stomach,
> > doesn't like to be held. I put him back down. He smiles and touches me
> > with his foot. I take out my ear rings to fight. Indians traveled on
> > train [for Ghost Dance in early 1900's] to fight - Wyoming. Fight for
> > Redwoods.
> >
> > 12/31/99 I'll go find another life -- 15 minutes. Curls in front, yellow
> > pants, cough. Then I wrote about midnight -- next entry is 1/1/2000.
> > There are five activities after eating dessert. One is a flight from
> > Seattle and the pilot does stunts. Don Clay says there are 4G forces.
> > Strut could hit ground. [Alaska air did just that and crashed in the
> > ocean off shore in Los Angeles.]
> > The supervisors at work have little dolls that symbolize them -- Vivian,
> > vulture; Dr. Barman, T-Rex; Rick Coutu, something short like dragon. John
> > Barman medical checkup - has to wear old clothes and talk about the old
> > days with wife/daughter because of her condition. Dr. says he's replaced
> > smoking or coffee with alcohol and is only supposed to have a blood level
> > of ___ and it is six. Everyone is very easy going, including me. Vivian
> > works on the patio and her mouse cord goes over a tree. I drive to F18
> > down a huge paved valley. I remember to drive around the pot hole in the
> > driveway and it has become a huge sink hole like a dam overflow. A guy in
> > a red convertible is in the hole -- forgot about it or is a new guy. Then
> > I'm up on top of a huge metal girder, very high above the ground, maybe
> > two stories. I write a letter and say I have to get down to post it. I
> > don't know how to get down. It is just a dream, but I might not be able
> > to fly. A voice says, didn't your boss teach you that? [In the newspaper
> > was a story about President Wahid's New Years visit to the American owned
> > gold/copper mine in Irian Jaya, where the giant earthmovers are two
> > stories tall.]
> >
> >
> > 1/1/00 My grandmother's porch. It's mid-May. White flowers, white
> > kittens. A lot of blood; feeling of tranquility except for this. Tanned
> > girl, square jaw, hair stringy, talking on phone. Forbidden City.
> >
> > 1/2/00 I can hear the manager's daughter, Aisha, talking about going to
> > Yoshanoya. Perla (from work) asks where to buy a steak. My cubicle (in
> > the old building, now empty, Northrop is selling) is so full of furniture
> > I can't even get inside. One machine on the bookshelf is a court
> > reporting machine but has codes for military terms like "captain."
> > Planning my next life. I'll do something as a hobby that maybe I'll be
> > paid for in the life after that. Something up by ceiling. Police pay
> > problem. A family (oriental woman, man with beard, eight year old boy)
> > and I am in their backseat on freeway near downtown LA. A man riding
> > outside the car on the trunk in the snow holding on to the antenna. He
> > talks to me through the window, no snow here. The house has red dirt.
> > The little boy tells me inside the house, about his book, of Ezra Pound
> > and P_____ and their meeting would be the end of civilization. I say,
> > they never met? He also has a book, Occult, face is very white, blue
> > fuzzy bathrobe. They are torturing me. The woman breaks a fingernail up
> > my butt. I get the feeling this is the Black Dahlia. The woman feels
> > sorry for me.
> >
> > 1/3/00 Yellow cat, does he have anything wood for you? Five kids, ten
> > cats, seated in auditorium -- hover over seats. Looking out the window,
> > almost morning. A gray rabbit is sharpening its tooth on a tool on the
> > ground, eating bones, crunch. I try to slide the bathroom window shut but
> > a red chicken has its beak through the screen preventing it from closing.
> > Then a female red chicken too. Two ducks, two orange cats stuck together
> > like dogs. Two other birds, pigeons and doves; also bigger and bigger
> > birds, crows, hawks, owls land on roof ledge of the open courtyard. I am
> > putting away groceries, check to see how much pet food I bought. Two
> > packages of everything except ice cream -- I'm borderline diabetic. Ducks
> > roll off the roof with some furry animal. Big dark gray ducks. The
> > bedroom is open to the sky, the whole house. Very pretty starry sky.
> > Feels like I've been embracing feathers and beak against the window.
> > Pigeon noise. Hot weapon sizzles into fold of flesh, opened up, black
> > hole, red around. Looks like short sword. 135 years old, takes off
> > jacket.
> >
> > 1/4/00 Kids playing game on the floor, their grandmother says they
> > should be playing word games. Racks of clothes the girls bought just for
> > one game -- cheerleading. At beach, a group of activists -- "Z". I have
> > to drive up a steep hill, almost verticle.
> > Copy machine makes photos, something new. I look for a letter about how
> > to go on leave without pay for six months.
> >
> > 1/8/00 I'm in high school again reading on my bed. Rick Coutu comes in
> > wearing black leather pant [like Johnnie, my cousin-in-law was wearing
> > right before he died -- motorcycle pants] I go outside and listen under
> > the window. Mike Dafforn there too, wearing levis. They are the only
> > people at work that have been there longer than I have. Trailer, crowded
> > with kids, a play house in the yard as big as a real house. They must
> > have built it -- five year olds. Jesse driving everyone from work
> > somewhere. He passes a blue brick building in the desert twice to see its
> > characteristics. There is a tunnel right inside the door down into the
> > sand.
> >
> > 1/9/00 New desks in a school room that can face forward or to the side.
> > Colonel retired and is now the security guard at work. People have to
> > criticize themselves using a list. I pick number nine -- reason I was
> > late to work - ran over some garbage, some apple cores in the road. [Joke
> > about a fire at the Vandenberg Air Force Base drive in theater. At the
> > snack bar, and two kernals got burned.] I trade insults with the new
> > colonel -- she calls me a nut, two nuts, that was the other male colonels
> > that insulted me. Some men working on a report use big font -- everyone
> > at work wears bifocals. [I have two of everything, I'm a Gemini.]
> >
> > 1/11/00 I go to the third floor at work where the other Sheila works.
> > There is a riddle in the newspaper. Answer is Peter Underwire. Vivian
> > wants to quit because the Dept of Defense is not dignified for a woman.
> > Says to think about all the things I've done. She's lying out at the
> > beach by the storm drain in Manhattan Beach.
> >
> > 1/12/00 A boy has a painful infection on his neck. Wants me to use the
> > Rosicrucian method and try to heal him. I park at a Spanish family
> > reunion. Chicken wings and a lecture for entertainment. Tarot reading -
> > tattered remnant of a five; two face cards, kings; Edith Wharton and
> > Madonna. This one is more permanent - very scary - a doctor (new card.)
> > 1930's, a woman at a desk, books behind her.
> >
> > 1/14/00 How to collect bits of metal. An Eskimo with his whole dogsled
> > filled with vitamin pills and health food. I wish you could have been
> > here at 4:00. New apt building. Very friendly neighbors, open doors, two
> > refrigerators full of beer on the patio, everyone cooking outside, lots of
> > cars that don't run, working on them. American Indian area, called Rabbit
> > Lane. [Maybe this means that the American Indian numbers will increase in
> > the future.]
> >
> > 1/16/00 You ran a mile with him, now run another. Lito and Colonel
> > holding hands crossing the street. Christmas clearance at an auto parts
> > store, male shoppers crowding in. Lito's wife just had another baby, dip
> > them in river to cool them off. Aneurysm either on my jugular or anus --
> > big bubble. This is the second time - first time was an aneurysm as big
> > as an egg on my neck suddenly. Foreign planes in Washington DC to look
> > around, have to follow US plane to Utah. Two women afraid of the bull but
> > they're hanging around the cow lot -- one is Oprah. Voice, it doesn't
> > help to sue for money right away but it does to sue for damages in 6-7
> > weeks.
> >
> > 1/17/00 Very small poems, shrunk down. Basin a woman gave a pig a bath
> > in - museum piece. Walking along a trail, I see a spotted fawn on the
> > grassy bank and think jokingly that I could get a deer. The mother runs
> > up to it. Further along the trail Dad is eating at a picnic table. There
> > are a bunch of deer. I see the first buck's eyes - it's standing leaning
> > against a doorway. There are a couple more walking through the trees in
> > the park. I don't have a hunting license. Trip to Albuquerque, shown 3D
> > from the air -- Air Force Base, theme park, huge swimming pool on the
> > river. Looks like an ocean. Combing my hair in the mirror, my hairstyle
> > is straight at the roots and curly after a couple of inches. Darker at
> > the roots, blond streaks in curly part. A man's face appears on a hundred
> > dollar bill - no dainty way to say hungry. I wanted to go down in the
> > earth to look at something with a sports writer and he said, no not this
> > time. Is this the shoot for this? Women and kids in a commune with Pepsi
> > bottles on the wall. They say the guy downstairs will complain. He's a
> > Vietnamese guy with a blond girlfriend named Focacella. Spitting on the
> > ground at the restaurant. Paper plates. A woman at the airline counter
> > asks, where are we? A terrorist may run through the line and make it hard
> > to find the passengers' tickets. Kept body eleven days, it started to
> > rot.

7/30/00 Man looks like Bill Gates says the change from past to present tense grates on him. If this was fixed, I could sell stories and maybe quit my job. Long quotes, indented, instead of quotation marks. man says he puts everything in present tense. In your driveway, I control you. No one can understand my work so I have to do it.

10/8/00 I walk up to a heavy metal door. A man says he had to pull his shadow around in front of him, so I try it -- with my dress ties - like wrap dress or strait jacket. This will make enemies waiting see the shadow first and reveal themselves or think I'm going the other way. I'm on a stretcher going up the elevator, carried by some little girls.

> 10/13/00 [When that homeowner (oriental man in his 50's or 60's) died of
> a heart attack at a city council meeting while giving a speech about
> something he didn't like that they were planning. I had a lot of dreams
> during one night.] Either he had young dependents (sons or grandsons) who
> had to move out after he died, or he thought he was young again and was
> moving out. He had to sell his big screen TV, a lot of stuff, and he was
> getting in a van with a bedroll with another young kid. All they kept was
> some books and a Trekki watch. I wonder if he liked Star Trek. Then he
> was in an open air place with a lot of other people, red headed guy was
> there, and everyone was cooking over fires under a big awning.
>
> he said, if it's not stuff you need, you have to let them go. Today you
> saw an example of two -- affability and death. Black cloth, linen,
> taffeta, chiffon (sheer.) I'm moving to a farm - thinking about plowing,
> harvesting. Phone rings, third child, wouldn't you like to go shopping
> again? Anyway, playing cards at card table, ace and pair of 2's or 5's
> showing. Talent, resilency. Susceptible.
> At class, a young instructor asks about the ghost - I can't hear, am
> partly deaf and the students make rustling noises. I get dressd, moving,
> taking self, TV, home. Now you can see - a person points at me. When are
> we getting justice. I don't know, it's not part of politics (call your
> congressman.) Poster - real people prayers - prayers painted over in red
> (over black.) When you sit up there and shop up there, when you die you
> don't care what they do (rich neighborhood.) Kids are taking a bath and
> let the tub run over and fill up the floor, but when I open the door, the
> water doesn't run out. Dale Evans about to marry Roy Rogers. He's up in
> a tree, says, oh, boy (problem.) Hairy chin, drool from mouth. "Sob." I
> move my wicker hamper of chinese food. Perfect dialogue of a man at his
> peak. In twelve years lightning will strike and change things. On a bus
> - oriental woman says a boat from the harbor was thrown up on the shore
> and damaged. Tells me to go tell the person. I start across the valley,
> a man going the same way. The bridge ahead is under water, but not deep,
> but the water is fast running. He's afraid to wade in and so am I. I
> turn around and the bridge behind is under deep water - up to my waist. I
> wade and might have to swim. [Dale Evans died in March 2001.]

10/15/00 Raining, leaky roof. An elevator operator drops us off at the top, cap of the building, which is the first floor. Walk down stairs to the second floor. Bed where I have to keep a woman (Julia Roberts) away from the edge or boundary so that a man won't kiss her foot because she's not immortal. Bullets are flying. A little girl in a lace dress. A woman tells me to pick one of the queens or pages (Tarot) and go out in the other room where it will be even more difficult to protect the girl. the girl says, you forgot to watch me. Neighbors outside swimming in a muddy pond and water fall. Several girls look at Virgin Mary statues and I say she's the goddess of housewives, cleaning and grocery shopping.

10/19/00 We have to sacrifice, says 1000 things. you only learn about people in passing, must do more. It's a good thing you didn't try 100 times, you'd get a breach. Bull is sign of alcoholic woman. I decide to sell the car when I get out of it because it always disappears in dreams. Huge tree cut down. When I drop you, you don't live very long. We argue silently with actions. Don't burn, you can burn later. Burn down a helicopter.

> 11/10/00 Everything turned out to be nicely done; the table turned out to
> be nicely done. Rick Coutu looking blond -- says name is Joe Ricca.
> Indoor honeymoon rides, big mall, maybe Minnesota. I didn't know it was a
> problem. Small fish spilling from his tail, a bucket of them. I get a
> job working in archaeology at Northrop for the summer. I read a magazine
> on Egypt and Massachusetts/Appalachia. A naked redhead in another chair,
> also Shyami (apt manager) working there -- I'm surprised Shyami found a
> job she liked. I turn on computers, I can do simple programming --
> surprised, wonder where I learned it. The boss left a sandwich with meat
> and cheese and the password -- Billie. Blond baby boy sitting on a bed,
> people going by stop to look at him. I think they have to put water in
> the desert. There are mountains barely sticking out of the ocean also,
> cold water -- very difficult site to excavate underwater like that.
> Someone at work shoplifting (like me), Dad's house -- stole a plate.
> Street name starts with a "B" near freeway. Rick Coutu there, Pat was an
> astronaut too. Other things now, float to the top and die. I'm not going
> to get off easy, woman drinking. Harmful (homework) -- court ought to
> take that away from them. Studying volcano maps -- museum store --
> Pompeii, others. The gas station, you'll be happy. Key missing, someone
> sends it in a bucket with a blanket over it. My hair short, very thick,
> waves. Ms Ross and Col Mayer come up -- outhouse at school. She says she
> only regrets she didn't read her email sooner -- she got stuck testing a
> computer application -- didn't decline or get in with other offices to get
> out of it. She has long red hair, very pale face. Sandy Cano, very thin,
> looks Italian -- like Mary Jane. She's talking to a man at a round table.
> Magazines and keys to the door at work. [I see an ad for cheap computers
> with rebates that night and on impulse buy one 11/11/00.]
>
> 11/11/00 Belly, dolman. No more bird noises. A very small snake in the
> fish tank -- bit a kid. Assemblages of insect art, small trees in
> planters. Moving to a rich estate. Wild girl in a pink shirt, blond
> hair, rides her bike standing on the front wheel with her back forward.
> Another girl runs. They are making beautiful art pieces which they give
> to the guards or servants at the estate. One named Rose. Jesse (my boss)
> taking large plants -- they are closing the estate and they could be
> planted at a restaurant. Al Nakamura gets an extra battery for the lights
> on his truck. Woman making two men drinks in cokes. Girl making art
> looks like Jackie (coworker from 80's) Strange lock on the top part of
> a two story door -- I wonder how you could even reach up that high. I
> look out -- a wire box over the whole side of the house -- can't get out.
> I go out of my body, from there I see that it is supposed to keep others
> out -- young girls in the estate. Jesse's daughter is blond, teenager. I
> ask if he was going to discipline her, he said he thought he already did
> -- he stood at the door when she passed. Voice says, good answer. Tables
> in almost empty rooms as people pack, very low table in Shirley's (sister)
> room. I look at an ornate outer door for a platform to put a tree. One
> tree has pink blossoms, one is a large cactus. Jesse is taking over the
> estate and staying, apparently.
>
> 11/12/00 One more scab. I'm lying on a smooth base floor watching a
> movie. Other women doing the same thing when I look around. I move to a
> space with more room. Movie screen to the right across a fence -- blond,
> classic movie. When I leave I have a package of important papers.
> Talking to a man and group of young people.
>
> 11/13/00 Your emotional recording goes off. Two men in the house, plus a
> family, several brunette kids. One man looks young and blond but comes
> closer and has wrinkles. Later I see him and he's dressed as Buffalo Bob
> or Howdy Doody singing at a picnic table. I'm leaving through a different
> door -- had to go back to get a card to pay some bill -- had a gray card.
> [Vons has a gray card.]
>
> 11/14/00 Cheapest internet provider. Email address on edge of tank on
> stove, on computer, four sides of a box. Tomorrow long time interest.
> Jesse telling me his mother said to do something. Two sets of vegetables.
> I look at a watermelon to judge it's freshness, vine is spongy. Very
> green, looks like squash. One is cut, looks very red, sweet. [I found
> out to tell sweetness of melons, look for scrapes in the skin where
> insects ate off the green skin.]
>
> 11/15/00 A man drawing pens to him from a distance and emptying the ink
> from them into a bucket or painting the scenery. Dry blue Bic pen, wrung
> out. Plastic case in tatters. Man in shadows. Dialing, locked in a
> museum in Chicago -- sit on the bench in the middle of the room to rest.
> Standing in an aisle -- wearing quilted vest. Thinking about internet,
> voice is talking about downloads, dumping trash. Fish on filter that you
> push in -- clinging to it. So she'll have more -- a long aquarium. This
> is Chicago -- drop of rain on the glass -- maybe drizzle. At work -- I
> walk in an unfamiliar room carrying circuit cards, two, blue ones -- pass
> a group of F18 employees. [My nephew 3/01 went to Chicago for scholarship
> interview, Shyami bought a used long 60 gallon tank for her fish 1/01,
> Northrop bought Litton 4/01.]
>
> 11/16/00 Fish swimming along a metal typewriter backboard that plugs in
> at the ends to the rest of the world. Old house in Lawndale, kitchen is
> separate from the living room. Lito has to sit down, eat something. He's
> in my house, I'm surprised, tell him he can stay there while I'm at work,
> but he usually gets to work at 6 AM, me at 6:30. I show him some cookies
> on the counter, then he asks for a pen. I don't have any -- tell him to
> ask the homecare woman in Apt 1 who takes care of the blind person in that
> apt, but in the dream she's grouchy when she hasn't had her pills. In
> real life, she's very extroverted, has a one year old daughter. A man
> wants to have sex -- I have a penis also, not very hard, tuck it into my
> vagina. [LIto has gout.]
>
> 11/17/00 Fatgate. Refunds on internet, mailing them in a disorganized
> way. There are about nine rays of energy going out in the opposite
> direction. A girl moves into an empty office -- red carpet on the desk.
> I'm behind her getting out of a bunk bed.
>
> 11/18/00 Not going to work. Two girls fighting at nursing home -- police
> come, 710 is infraction -- carrying rabbit without a license. List of
> words -- machine, halibut, month, software, music. Which one doesn't
> belong -- fish -- all the rest are computers. Collins Wynn working again
> (retired) --moving stuff from one place to another. Denise at picnic
> table, getting allergy shots so she doesn't stay for a week in her
> downstairs room. They have to be killed sometimes, don't they. Steve
> gets short with Aisha about rabbit. [Rabbit got ear infection/wry neck,
> had to be put to sleep. Aisha got asthma from rabbits] Hardware,
> software, dreams, memories, rabbits. Close glove on free lotto because I
> didn't use. I write a few checks for Sandy -- put in "office" box. Gary
> says they've lived in four bedroom for four years -- have a very large
> battle scarred ocean fish. Skeletons of large animals on the floor in
> their long window cage -- llamas, chickens, seals, I'm not sure -- they've
> dehydrated with the flesh clinging to the bones and feathers. Bird flies
> to my hand and puts baby bird's poop -- sack. Gary in silk robe, two
> blond sons about five years old (their kids are 13 and 17.) Sandy makes
> fresh salsa. Man watching books on wall and TV -- has dates with three
> women. I get up to walk around, stay awake, have sex in a booth at a
> restaurant. I had key all night long, I had everything all night long.
> Very thin books, hardback. So then she's mine, violin or ocean, paper bag
> over my head. Fighting at 5 AM, have to be one place or other -- take
> woman's face in hands. I walk through an eroded valley -- bare dirt to
> door of apt, along the way I get a print out or ticket. Christian Jones
> (black woman's boss) lingering listlessness. John says not to worry about
> computers -- there's an age and weight limit. They'd have to get you
> dressed, it was terrible cheering. Elian Gonzalez already grown, losing
> front teeth. Jesse working overtime, goes to each printer. Someone
> visited Hughes, says the Colonel is pregnant. New security level there --
> they moved out the low security stuff. You use this to protect your
> center - -shield in front of methane crystals, crumpled paper. Girl says,
> messages of this type. Housing date length in computer. It was too
> tight.
>
> 11/19/00 Backs of three monkeys sitting in a row. Question about a
> student -- her expenses or teachers, needs more teachers. I decide I'm
> supposed to work in Palmdale. I was division secretary in El Segundo.
> You can walk there -- 7 AM when I get to Aviation. Very dark suddenly, I
> walk across a wide field, can't see where streets are, just highway in
> distance. Gram H. house to right, highway is white, glowing in dark,
> streets are unpaved, feels like dirt under my feet. Looks like Alaska.
> Nothing to do in Palmdale when I get there. Hispanic man asks where
> Marc's (my boss from early 90's) saltwater is -- he made lemonaide and ice
> tea with saltwater. Nothing else to do after I get it out of the frig,
> nothing to eat in cupboards. I decide to go back to El Segundo. Outside
> the building, young girls are walking along a ledge on the outside of the
> building and across a wire to where the workers work. Now it is daylight
> and I can see that I crossed a river to get here -- it looked like a
> highway, but was a river. I get up to the stream and there is no bridge,
> deep. wide water to left and marsh to right with the river broken up into
> small streams. Right in the middle where I am looks narrow with maybe
> stepping stones like Gram H creek. I decide to jump while it looks
> narrow, but it changes directions and I land right in the middle of it up
> to my waist in mud and water, drag myself out. I get back to Aviation and
> haven't been there for awhile, I was sick, so don't remember how to get
> there. It is night by the time I get into the building and everyone is
> leaving, my checkbook on the floor. You have to run the code right at 2
> AM -- not much to do in Palmdale/Alaska. Marc's voice saying I wasn't a
> very good division secretary. I was never secretary when he was the
> supervisor. So I got "kicked upstairs" instead of rising to the level of
> my incompetence.
>
> 11/20/00 You're sitting down. The Navy's in your kitchen. Work, a
> presentation. I'm in the door, then go in to stairs down by TV -- Col
> Crandall giving a speech. Al throws me a plastic bag from the door. Ida
> -- a man in reverse in a small shape/space. Here are some big fish to add
> to your little ones. All the Tarot cards laid out when I look --ends with
> a 4 or 9 -- means reading books a voice says. Blood backing up to brain
> causes memory loss.
>
> 11/21/00 A thousand years of computer experience in several years --
> men's computer experience, 100 years each. Following Louis (Army Major)
> down a road with a wood barrier along the edge. He jogs, I jog. At teh
> end, a man arrives several times -- has a sack with one green fish in one,
> covered with a rubber suit. Three sacks of fish right behind. Must be a
> time machine, moving sidewalk, says, my predator has not arrived. A man
> follows me down the stairs when I move on from this airport. I put a
> rocking chair to block him -- then I'm teetering by a railing on the
> stairs on a high spot. Something crashes -- marbles or I throw down the
> chair. Then I talk to him about it. Time machine is different possible
> futures. I also run up some rocks (or down) very narrow but I'm sure
> footed -- following other people, a row of them. Man tells me to turn
> around, anal sex. I'm afraid and run away.
>
> 11/22/00 Special edition, post off another post office. I get in a box,
> think -- you can't hide, but it seems to work. Smooth white metal box
> with no handles or maybe I stop and don't get in. I put in new water for
> the fish -- first drain it down to a little puddle in the bottom, forget
> the chemicals. Then they jump out and I find them on the floor, pick them
> up, they struggle a little. Add more water, in a glass, I add the
> chemicals. The bluegills are floating funny, then a tiny baby one is
> swimming, spreading fins.
>
> 11/23/00 Appointment soon, biafran, we went over that. I have to write a
> term paper -- need the internet. A split off part of the memory, won't
> all fit in one.
>
> 11/24/00 Two little girls, talking very close to me. I was still crazy
> about a week ago, train with sleeper cars. Snack bar where we go a lot in
> the dream, chili for lunch. The woman gives me my "usual" -- two ice
> cream bars, then asks what I want. I tell her parfait -- she sends her
> husband to buy the ingredients. I have to drive on the freeway, drive
> sideways with one hand. There are a lot of hazards on the freeway
> including dogs -- strolling across -- blond ones. Interstate 80 to Des
> Moines, someone put a dog there on purpose to cause a wreck. Lito's room
> when he was in college -- I look around, door is open. Large room. A bus
> to Palmdale, LJ gets off, so I do too, to go to bathroom. I think she's
> catching the next bus and I am going to too but she has an old boyfriend
> there who is visiting. Aunt Dorothy tried on a red jacket and thinks it's
> too small, it goes with a red dress. She wants to borrow it, my dress,
> but it'll be too small for her. I haven't ironed it yet. I've gained
> weight. Woman at the snack bar tells me something about the menu I can't
> hear -- is too expensive and men don't order it for lunch. They are
> celebrating my retirement with me. One ice cream bar is for me and one
> for a man with me, waiting in the booth. Blanket out about the motels but
> it doesn't matter.
>
> 11/25/00 You're not going to stand there and take this. Turkey breast
> medallions in sizzling gravy. Darrell Gray. Name Mariail.

> 11/26/00 In a very rich home, I work there, feel too full,
> cinnamon rolls, homemade on counter -- waiting for children to come home.
> Shyami and another woman, red hair -- Diana S___ -- go somewhere to look
> at houses maybe. Both dressed in black pants iwth blue lines. I'm alone
> in the house. Picture of me, my hands. I'm in the front of a bus. All
> the passengers are people I know -- picture. I have a big nose, curly
> hair, graceful hands, hair pulled back. The me standing up has a slightly
> different appearance. He didn't know it, he kept going -- hanging, by
> arms from other peoples' grasp. Difficulty how to place the ____ gun, I'm
> still struggling with it. Fish won't talk anymore, become autistic in
> tank, water too dirty. Shoes fell off, saw apple fall from tree -- shoes
> off under tree. Biography of a rich young woman, Shyami maybe, would you
> like to get busy on it. Book is a charnal house -- raw emotions and
> memories, very rough language, run on sentences. Difficult to find ends.
> Leather desk blotter, prosperous office. In morgue -- very cold --
> another body in the next drawer. We're both pulled out so I can see over
> to the other body, wrapped in white cloth. Mom's house, I'm watching TV.
> Shirley gets a call, name mispronounced, Sharilyn Care instead of Carr.
> It's a fertility clinic about her charge for the second kid. She says, he
> told you. But there wasn't any third kid. She has some red gunk in a
> plastic container -- says, there's the second one. I smell chocolate and
> nuts. Barry calls, says the timecards from the first payroll are still
> showing up missing on his daily report. Steve goes to a church meeting
> outdoors with Sandy and Gary. Jessica asks if I'm going, I wonder if she
> and Shirley and Bob are. They put arms around shoulders in circle out in
> parking lot. Very large fish, looks like a shrimp, two feet long -- comes
> out of tank and touches my paper, says, is that a good job? I tell it
> that it had better get back in the tank -- it does. Elephant fish has a
> large section of tank by itself.
> Shirley says she called about the bill the first couple of
> months and they said they couldn't find it or don't worry and then they
> sent a big one. Woman on phone asks my name, I won't tell her. Shirley
> says, trunctel. A black kid says he's 13, helps a little girl with her
> alphabet on a blanket. Japanese girl -- hair has never had a rubberband
> or anything in it. Shirley and my hair has hole puncher marks in the ends
> from kids playing with it. I take a man whose collecting to Dad's house.
> He was a terrorist or organizer. He finds the guest room himself, house
> remodeled, which is now a large bathroom. He was traveling and needed
> one. He's a large man, Italian, comes back, saw some writing on the wall
> in there. Jean is weaving on a machine that shifts back and forth, her
> wrist also wrapped (right one). Only two drawers used so far -- top two
> -- need a handle to pull them out. A woman holds up three pieces of paper
> with behavior traits of young, medium and old men, says to hang copies in
> your two bathrooms and keep the original in your den. High falutin canvas
> already. Things at standstill because colonel retires in April; no
> they're not. Horse wearing tennis shoes has man in strait jacket/canvan
> jacket down on ground pawing at him a little. Cookie press, flowered
> dress, nice shoes. Want him to know, going out shopping. Bodies were way
> too short -- thining about 12 month reading -- "gain" in December, New
> Year's baby in January. Someone asks why not delete some icons from
> computer.
>
> 11/27/00 Night, there is only one person that could have
> lasted that long, jungle birds. Burned my toe, hard to believe but I did
> something wrong, gray sweater with lines on it. Hong Kong towers, the
> capture, waiting for release, real and picture at night. Egging them on
> -- Weight Watchers eclairs. Shut your goddamed mouth. As soon as you
> are, as soon as possible. 14 in trouble, trouble 100. Computer has
> message on the screen, leave it on all night and lock it in the storage
> room. Apollo comes in and shows me the storage room. He has presents
> wrapped. Looks like a wine cellar -- all bottles/ boxes wrapped. Voice
> saying, no doctors. some boy came along and fooled her and she cried.
> Dad's house, Sandy's room. A captain remodeled her room, cleaned it up
> for her, she's a sloppy Taurus pig. They put a driftwood flower
> arrangement on a pedestal, blue fluffy feather thing in the middle. I am
> returning a dress. She now has closets on two sides of her room, they are
> stuffed so full you can't move them -- all the clothes she ever owned.
> Gold ruffly blouse Jean gave her and me in 1974. Too full to put it back
> after I take it out, so I keep it. I eat a cinnamon twist and it's loaded
> with butter, disgusting sour dream food taste. Statue woken up -- thinks
> it understands, remembers what it was like to be alive, is an exception.
>
> 11/28/00 Men and women in spacesuits land on a stadium,
> fighting their way to a hospital, man has an assault rifle. Recycling
> cards by cutting off the picture from ones people sent me -- $35 bill and
> $5 bill -- Mom and Sandy there. Fish eat turkey and mashed potatoes, red
> one spits out long feathers sideways. Moving or driving trucks. I
> organize stuff into shoe boxes that are open on the top like fish tanks.
>
> 11/29/00 Look in mirror on wall, my hair is very shiney
> from combing out tangles while wet. Someone lets a huge shrimp/lamprey
> out of the barrior to fight the fish across the wall. Then separates
> them, small fish goes back on the other side. Bass and redear trying to
> get through wall to fight, I hold the divider back and the fish pushing
> through the crack tears all the flesh off it's side like fileting it.
> John Giorno looking guy across the street with a redheaded man --asks if I
> want to see their beautiful new home. Upstairs is a mirror. [Shyami's
> white and orange Oscar male ate all the flesh off the female's sides until
> you could see the flesh and bones like it was fileted.]
>
> 11/30/00 Put egg whites on a piece of paper to make it
> strong, last. Do you take this seriously. Wasn't on the breeders cup.
> Women, weight gain. Trying to squeeze through a small space, I gained
> weight. Three kinds of words, bill, sexual. Ms Gilliam living with us
> for three weeks, says she has another apt in San Pedro. Queta has baby
> carriage and sack with paper plates, celery. Ways to image the dead,
> integrate them.
>
> 12/1/00 We go to a restaurant, Steve's mom is the
> waitress. Dead girl sitting at the table, I notice she's dead. Someone
> is going to kill me too and leave me at the table -- Surrendra after going
> with a dark haired girl along the beach. Suren tries to push me into a
> room up some stairs so his friends can kill me. I grab his balls.
> Country music, mustard on bread is what the waitress brings, crowded,
> popular place. A blond comes in named Gen or Sin, I hold her down -- she
> kills people, likes unwilling mothers and daughters. I step on a girl's
> chest, but don't kill her. She goes with me and gives me a book in a
> tunnel from the ground -- it's three or seven plays by sadists/masochists
> like Edward Gein. Faith draws with blue crayons, pencils, blends with
> water -- picture of ocean. I want to walk there and see it in the dream.
> Girl goes to free stuff at college, sits in the middle of the center rows
> becasue the ushers can only reach 8 1/2 feet from each end taking up
> collections. Woman psychic talking about a girl on the news who
> disappeared -- she knows she's dead because there's a 5 in her 5-6 digit
> number. It's the number she picked for her flight. Orgasm holding down
> girl. I decide not to kill the girl, run instead.
>
> 12/2/00 Doing hard work on the computer, then pictures of
> different things, baby fish. Little girl with red scarf, dark haired girl
> in a shiney blue satin dress.
>
> 12/3/00 Woman throwing hard ping pong balls at Farmers
> Market on church lawn. On the ground under a tree. A man talks about his
> work. A bull approaches. Man is Vietnamese and has a paper with a list
> of holidays, wants to know how many in January. I start to hide behind
> the tree, which is smooth, gray, low branches, so I climb up. The bull
> grabs my ankles -- I feel warm hands. He's tall, looks.like Tim Duncan,
> white shirt. January there's a movie with a woman he likes, Jayne
> Mansfield. Voice, order baseball player nuts. Traveling through a
> strange town -- all the malls, Christmas shopping, freeway, promenade --
> Santa Monica -- stop for ice cream several places. I also want blue
> sherbet, go back. Man has hairy arms.
>
> 12/4/00 Small deer in a cage across from the fire station
> in Manhattan Beach. Young man carrying his tux and champagne in a motel.
> If you meet a leprachaun -- 1. ask if everything is okay 2. tell if
> you're okay. Should I get up and complete a six pack.
>
> 12/5/00 Air to end the map. love yah, I don't want to be
> on here alone. You've been shown. The pest did well. I hate Georgian
> stuff. Equally adept at eloquence. Look up, someone waving from wall.
> Acknowlegment page -- showing to Jesse, a pleasant birth. Pouty, cheeky,
> must look at this as deep as you can. Doing this, can do different way, I
> found out, didn't I. Moving big boulder out of house back into yard --
> mom's living room. Two notebooks, my lovely.
>
> 12/6/00 If have a blue dot on their face have given up on
> love. Big orange fluffy cat swimming in fish tank. A house, different
> rooms. Aisha in one room. Jesse outside with his sons tearing a phone
> book in half. Long weekend.
>
> 12/7/00 It's going to run, the instructions. Sitting on
> egg -- mouse. Rows of computers. Four of wands -- don't volunteer. On
> the stairs of the student union with Pat, a crushing crowd. Dad goes by,
> Gary and Eileen, several relatives in a crowd. Mom with me complains
> because her ham isn't thawed for Thanksgiving. Pat complains that they'd
> complain that they just had sofa if she served that. My closet, a lot of
> dresses, few winter clothes. Dry leaves hanging from closet. Little boy
> sitting cross-legged, kicks himself in the penis -- sitting on shelf.
> John Byrne congratulates me on something.
>
> 12/8/00 A beach. I'm on an assignment -- go out on
> pier/land. Kids surfing and swimming. Waves small, news made them look
> large and dangerous from foaming bubbles. Waves suddenly change direction
> across my path. Kids are swept into a fence by the wave -- stops them.
> [High school sports star drowned Christmas while surfing -- soccor star
> (?).]
> An apt where someone's mother moved out -- only left big
> furniture, big Santa sleigh, glass horns on deer. Boy told me to go to
> that apt -- I was swept by water but could walk thru it like Carlos
> Casteneda. Waves in N California in the newspaper, a picture; voice, you
> can have tiny details and pour big stuff on top of it too. "turkey out in
> Lakewood." Blond guy comes up, takes my hand, touches my thigh by hem.
> Level where I'm watching a problem/commenting. Blond guy walks across
> field to his house -- unlocks door and I start to climb up the wall, say
> sheepishly, wrong way, door to right. He says, only lettuce and tomatoes
> up there. Looks like garage. Fuel oil, filter characteristics -- voice,
> that's why they're so poor. Small filter with small fish wriggling past
> it like a snake along bottom. Work, I know he's not working. Worry
> stones in Arabic or paisley designs, I hold all five in my hand. Blurry
> close up of clay color map. Don't erase crazy designs from art wall --
> next person might have different prescription. Shyami at work in a big
> hotel -- polished steep oak floors, like grand gallery of pyramid. I pass
> some families with old people going to die. Redheaded girl wants to work
> there too -- I go to ask for her -- her mother works there. Supervisor
> yells at someone. A family with a new baby comes up and says he looks
> Cuban, a boy, blue blanket. 11:00 - break time, maids playing cards at a
> table, have to fold towels a certain way. Lunch time, the whole day is
> going by while I try to get her attention. I go to get everyone, Steve,
> redheaded girl, her boyfriend and Aisha. Girl asks if she can have a
> sandwich -- cold cuts.
>
> 12/9/00 Death, 10 of cups before I go to sleep. I've
> finished a speech, Mom's house -- have to add a line, my conclusions to
> the data, something startling. If he really goes to work. Typewriter
> will type on wood at the side. Bernie reads speech, says to leave out
> reference to children being the future. I crumble up 2-3 pages. He grabs
> me around the waist, pulls me back. I cry. He says 30, 1 1/2 hour (130)
> because I don't have any kids. I hear a noise while ironing, man lying on
> floor in the next room, in front of window, rack of clothes, cabinet TV
> with screen saver. I ask if I can come in, a little blond baby boy puts
> his arm around my waist. With his mom. I tell the man about the speech,
> it's every three months.
>
> 12/10/00 6 of pentacles before I go to sleep. Some people
> cleaning a girl's yard -- big rectangle of cow manure, hogs. they clean
> half the first day. They move the rabbits into long cages along the wall
> on the ground. The rabbits can see each other and thump and fight like
> the fish. There are more rabbits in a cardboard box, dirty fur -- box is
> full to the top. Gray rabbit pushes down wire to escape, might rain in.
> People seeing a picture of Jesus on Chirstmas -- line up. Play music too
> loud, dark rug on floor, light one on ceiling -- can hear music a block
> away. Spy, humpbacked, passed over for promotions. Expensive crowded apt
> in Japan. Voice, it depends on what you consider chubby. Big weeds along
> lot. Good at Christmas. Jill Loganberry. Bag of rocks, she didn't know,
> she didn't realize it.
>
> 12/12/00 5 of wands before I go to sleep. Man fallen, hurt
> mouth, sitting on steps. A man in a row of men in dark suits. Needs his
> expertise, but the guy had him killed. How to page on websites -- this is
> much easier, so much money doing this.
>

> 12/13/00 Star. Staring after he was done with the image --
> a map or building -- small blue dots. Roman arch, aquaduct. Phone
> ringing. Parking structure. I go two streets over, garage, weeds in
> planter, woman flips car. She gets out -- with daughter. Man comes up
> asks for the skinny girl. Mother says, I'm skinny. Daughter says she's
> lost her voice and is working on her hearing -- she's been crying. I'm
> carrying a pink nylon uniform dress -- distributing laundry to houses, not
> sure which house it goes to. Queta orders some clothes on the internet --
> picks them up. She has a dinner or interview. Colonel angry about
> something -- Italian, she's like a raging cow. Faith going to a free meal
> at a restaurant across the street, a man eating alone over there, dark,
> young, very sad and crying. Something that might come as a loss to you.
> Sandy's son worked two hours. He has his watch but his phone doesn't ring
> and email is still corn. Old man with hearing aid retired to Japan --
> says he'll fight (General or Admiral people call him) if they attack again
> and the Boonevilles/Marines don't come. Mouse in a jewelry box on the
> ground by the ocean. Was sitting on the shelf watching the box.
>
> 12/14/00 3 of swords. If grill has been wild before.
> check for air leak. Northrop, fabric samples being printed out for 2050.
> All the girls wearing micro spandex swingy fabrics. I am naked. Tell
> people I'm naked at home and I forget and work naked at work too. I walk
> down hall to ask students about leave. Al tells me my breasts are
> sagging. That's okay, they're talking about clothes. Someone asks if
> someone looks in mirrors at necklines, voice says, no, been years since
> she looked in a mirror. Lito, I test this and it's got lots of urine.
> Queta and Colonel talking about problem, do nothing or earn your keep --
> male students. Something broken, great, wait for spring. Let me ask you
> something, Sheila, bad girls don't wear black, purse snaps. What'd you
> do, take me over your knee. All thinking already. Mr. Gudman or Gutman.
> The kind of attention you got when you were young. Someone sends collage
> of naked man standing at edge. Dictator challenged band leader -- all had
> their opposition. Raul supervisor, growling, employees talking about if
> he growled at them, now he's grabbing his crotch. Sent me to office,
> alcol measure. Disability open and if you drain it -- Margeaux at
> scanner. Stomach sticking out -- one woman wants some training on
> computer. Rain goes into the cracks of their precious dolls.
>
> 12/15/00 3 of swords. Two doctors leaving messages on a
> person's body "hole in chest" and another hole farther down with signs, or
> "hole in head." Then another doctor moves the hole and puts a funny sign
> "here's your hole" -- filled in with a bakery. Students making files --
> second set of files for dad's secret business. Wedding, shoes all too
> large. Another woman has white shoes, I have red shoes. I also try on
> white heels. The bride dresses in shimmery red -- name is Kimberly.
> Groom leaves immediately after ceremony and she has to run after him.
> Girl is spoiled, groom may be phat.

> 12/16/00 The top three on the Ravenscraft. Lucille's old house by
> the creek in Van Meter, Marla and Nathan have very expensive stuff --
> spend all their time shopping. People ask why no cookies in cookie jar, I
> say eat too many of some and none of others. John Barman in trouble. A
> house you draw around, neighbors meeting about ours and a man next door's.
> Realtor asks if I want her to draw around all of them -- where they're off
> assayed their property lines. A brand new house is way off drawing --
> line goes about two feet past. I write Bush's name on some pieces of foam
> on roof -- blue and orange scrubbers. Man says, maybe not, someone might
> see. I say spitefully that Bush will only last one term in office.
>
> 12/17/00 Tower. Infighting. Some software on the internet I try
> to reach, have to keep opening it to do it right. A wrong version there.
> Someone checking it for legality or correct format. I'm on my third
> version, have to keep updating my files. I just don't think justice was
> managed to learn from life. Marc Weiner like man checking on me -- IG
> audit. Too many books to put them all away, laughing. May be wrong
> location -- ice cream. Voice, I need help, I'm going two jobs. Last copy
> of mental disorder, pictures on web of this. Investigation of oriental
> man and woman done -- now you. Honey, it's a battered road you've taken.
> Have to have a son first. Cookie recipe -- trainload of grain. Throw out
> electric cord -- screaming in boxcar. I want to go over here -- elderly
> parents on other side of room.
>
> 12/18/00 10 of cups. Give everyone credit. The way she walks, the
> way she talks, orange balls. Wire head high across Rosecrans by parrots.
> Pam talking about how she knitted two hours a day last year, nothing to
> do. I leave at 10:21, think I'll take afternoon off or two hour lunch.
> Sandy visiting, she brings food, Dad's back porch, fan on, hot. I open
> more windows, my quilt from when I was a kid I'm sitting on and also
> hanging over windows for curtains. I open the door so Sandy can get in --
> she bumps on door, then cold, winter. At work I walk to a new part of the
> building, housekeeping or staff break room, very large with kitchen, door
> going out, looks like N-Building. Man waits for me on bench. A window
> inside the break room with science projects -- life drawing of cats,
> experiments. China gets very submissive population by killing off part of
> the babies (girl babies), same thing in Bible when they sacrificed the
> oldest kid to the gods -- including Jews -- story of Isaac. I think
> there's food in the window (I prepared lunch at 10:30) but it is science
> experiments, prepare slides -- hard to slice stuff very thin. Package --
> Joye -- either to or from. Man leaving work early -- a spy. Another man
> picks him up in a Volkswagon bug. He says to use a new Bug -- his work is
> as an executive and doesn't fit with their look. Seats recline. Reading
> business page -- on right side it says there are plenty of goods on hand,
> manufactured, TVs, other small stuff. Left side, big stuff -- cars maybe.
> Going through a security door -- has air trap, this throws me off. Zeus
> -- Godfather of children. Poop on floor in walls of building. Steve,
> present, very large worm -- Dune? Roller skating through work -- get
> done faster. I visit Hughes -- aerospace company -- man comes out to tree
> and bench, has beard. Gary may be thinking of a new job. Fish saying,
> "no other fish within miles" -- happy. Sonny Bono about his funeral --
> designer gave up on dress for Cher and Chastity (Charity) -- they just
> wore jackets to ceremony. Six kinds of something in Christmas present.
> Ching -- couple at home.
>
> 12/19/00 Sun. Houdini, whole milk. Twist your finger off so your
> cheese will never melt. Snack bar at high school sports.
>
> 12/20/00 7 of wands. Victory. Kitchen sink has event scheduler.
> I have a lot of pictures stored, want to download them. I often look,
> love her. Woman gives me choice of foods -- everyone at the table has to
> eat the same thing. I'm not sure. She sayd the vegetarians eat mainly
> kidney beans.
>
> 12/21/00 First day of winter. 7 of wands. Like a Christian. 100
> movies. Old house -- toilet is in the middle of the kitchen floor in a
> hole (probably the old man that died there did that, he peed out the
> bedroom window!) My skirt blows up in the back on the street (happened to
> me at the Pella IA tulip festival -- wind caught my skirt and blew it up
> over my head when I was about 12.) Man taking shower, shaving. Man
> saying my job is just clerical support -- standing at my cube door.
>
> 12/22/00 3 of wands. Comparisons of different files -- some stand
> alone. Voice, okay. Some groups -- very secure, like schools of fish. I
> walk to do something, forget what it is -- mail letter? Mail box? Steve
> stays home to wait for UPS, he stays upstairs, other people downstairs
> wait for UPS. Shyami takes a bath in a dress. A girl says he didn't like
> the books I bought him for Christmas. I try to think of what I bought.
> This is helpful -- telling me things. I am talking about books with a man
> -- seems like Edgar Cayce, Akashic Records. There's one about slaves that
> were owned by post office that built their houses. Had no choice whether
> or not to work. He says would just make them angry to know this. I say
> I've never read that in maybe 10,000, 100,000 books I've read. I've read
> 15 books by or about Cayce too. I show him how fast speed reading classes
> teach you to read and how fast you can do it by yourself -- can spot
> important paragraphs, general stuff, use the index or table of contents or
> just open by intuition.
>
> 12/23/00 Through the years in a series of dates. Young people
> click on automated site -- reminder dressed in black --about card in a
> jumper. I'm going by bus to somewhere I used to live, will see a
> different side. Eat pizza with sauce (I'm allergic to tomatoes so maybe I
> am someone else in the dream/it's someone else's dream I'm dreaming).
> It's Louisiana or Texas, right on the Gulf. A man doesn't like it --
> wants to be more than one flag from the coast (storm warnings.) A man
> uses long distance bus for short trip because that bus broke down, says he
> waited several days. Queta says not to use the computer right away.
> There's an announcement or danger. Walking home on Marine -- push
> car/truck with something in the back.
> Walking along a river. A redhead sitting in car talking to herself.
> Clint Eastwood comes along and reaches in window and yanks her out - says,
> "are you talking about me?" He wasn't dressed as a cop last night when
> they slept together. She was recording ideas, now she has to go to work
> and climbs a brick wall in a white, A-line suit. Can see her white
> tights. I walk through long grass, some swamp grass, a long lawn.
> Walking downstairs - a voice talks about walking styles, lumbering stride.
> A man married to a woman president, plans a divorce, she has a male
> assistant. Number of steps you take, 14-17 was right. Stealing toys in
> the night. Standing too close to the fence or wrestling rope -- arm in
> it.

> 12/24/00 Queen of wands. start on book of paired, three and four
> card combination meanings. People work long hours in the summer on their
> non-coms -- need good support chairs, no stools. Working at a daycare --
> Aisha's or a little boy. We go through a bunch of websites. Aisha says
> loudly that one is "cocks". I look around to see if anyone heard her, it
> isn't appropriate because parents are arriving to pick up their kids
> behind us -- her parents are always late and leave her there a long time.
> I'm surprised to see parents sitting at the low tables with the kids
> playing with the toys and books instead of leaving right away. One little
> boy is very funny -- he gets completely inside a kodak film bag and crawls
> --looks like a mouse. Then it's a paper airplane and he points it at his
> mom and asks if she wants her ankles cropped with a vector. These must be
> smart poor kids. They don't have much stuff in their school. When the
> others all leave, they put the table cloths over the tables, I wash them,
> blood on one. As one father leaves, he tells me to watch my diet because
> sometimes the blood sugar doesn't go back down. I hear girls laughing
> upstairs in the loft -- they must rent out the second floor. A gate
> across the stairs when I go to investigate. A teenaged boy comes in and
> takes bottle from counter. I think, beer. He says he got the check --
> money from parents -- $6,000 but can't deposit, can't withdraw. A woman
> helps me fold a blanket, motherly, shopper type with purse. She tells the
> boy he looks very young. [Peggy McMartin, daughter of owner of McMartin
> preschool died.]
>
> 12/25/00 Ms Ross asks for a ride to class. Bridget watches one
> movie, I'm watching another one. We are not learning the same thing. I
> look through a lot of frozen food for something to eat, one Boca Burger
> out of the package -- becomes a crispy edge pork chop. Ham in microwave.
> Tony Clark back at work, but he's gone on leave for 3-4 months, drove to
> Kansas. First Ms Ross has a plate, then a burrito wrappted in cellophane.
> A pretty building, office with grass in front. At corner of Hawthorne and
> Artesia, a bus, I'm with another woman and we're lying on the sidewalk
> resting. She gets up and picks some grass -- will stop at pet store to
> look at rabbits. A chunky redhead, young, short hair. Bus driver pulls
> up, the other woman leaves 10 cents beside the tray. Then she gives me
> $30 bill change. Mrs. Stallone passes -- farts. Voice, she has cancer in
> both breasts, mushy. Fronsting -- not interesting work to do, depresses.
>
> 12/26/00 8 of wands. mailing lists, 52 people, in black and white.
> I take a carload of people to the beach. Dad and Dick Schowengerdt (Union
> reps). Some young people, long hill, I take towels and old blue bathing
> suit. Go back to bathroom at the top of the steep hill, two people come
> out, has two holes, three, they apologize for ruining my day. Salvation
> Army with air mattresses for sale, very fancy building, looks like an art
> museum, very high ceilings, plastered walls. In a room that's closed,
> room six, they cost $110, very large, can use as a raft. Ed Cross drives
> past and yells out the window, says, get in. Car is rusty old 50's car.
> Ed says it coasts down hills, no steering in front end, maybe no engine.
> It begins to coast back up the hill, spotted fawn in the road, car has no
> steering, so the bumper goes over it and I jump out to see if it is okay.
> Limping. Voice, what about the baby, babysitter. It's 4:30 by the time I
> get back to the beach -- sun setting. Started at 1:30. Surfers line up
> in starting blocks in waves. Man acting like seal on shore. I am in El
> Porto in Manhattan Beach and the hill is very steep and very crowded with
> people going the same way. I find books on the ground, a book of old
> Greek plays or Rennaisance era writers. Four books, all open, maybe Mark
> Twain also. Then I'm in Hermosa Beach in front of the library, walking on
> curved concrete wall, someone ahead of me. Voice, get down. I pass an
> oriental girl who helps me walk easily without struggling. She says she
> was tired, makes a face - was going home. I finally make it down to the
> water and seem to be in Redondo Beach at a parking ramp. Man in suit
> making a business deal, woman's purse on ground. I walk along shore on
> wood sidewalk. The sidewalk ahead goes under water, a flood. A car is
> underwater in the parking ramp. I have to turn back -- too deep. Voice,
> doesn't like to spend this much dough.
>
> 12/27/00 Rosecrans and Blanche (daycare and national guard armory)
> -- horse posse gallops by to Sand Dune Park. A shocking sight, someone
> ground up in a fan. Rules in a store or workplace, more tickets given
> out. I'm at work, a meeting of bigshots, Oscar Wilde attends. A young
> guy comes in three times with a wagon full of supplies, crashes into door
> and they all fall off (reams of paper). He cuts the wrapper off one ream
> for the speaker (with scissors) and that ream falls on the floor, loud
> noise -- makes him jump. Pictures of beautiful women, my boss Marc behind
> a counter. My dress has disappeared and I button the polkadot one back
> up. Change made to admin files -- shocking one jumps out. Mom's house,
> carpenters are building a new three room house where the outhouse was. I
> never look up the hill in that direction from the outhouse, only towards
> the river. The river is much higher, closer to the house -- a lot of
> cabin cruisers, speedboats, small fishing boats.
>
> 12/28/00 Wheel of fortune. I don't want the expert of my female --
> chasing tail in circle. Knight of Swords, knife revenge. Germs can't
> live among other people's germs [Aisha tells her mom kids don't have
> germs.] One room box, spacious to be buried. Sci Fi, some people lost
> forever. I'm supposed to babysit for Pam at 8 PM, 7:45 already. I call.
> Her directions say to go to Colorado and call from box becasue it's
> complicated and you have to walk part way. Beach chair washing back and
> forth in the tide beside the call box. Starts out at work, I'm taking a
> shower and the curtain is a wet dress. Escalators broken, I dodge down
> there, find shower. Walking through daycare, school, kids are noisy --
> Montessori type school with a lot of stuff to do. Reading, place had to
> repair books five times already,pages slip up. Kid answers question from
> it -- geography or dinosaurs period. Map to Pam's house shows a road
> through a sunken trench north through Inglewood, road seems to be a
> channel, has water, lawn chair floating in it. She finally answers the
> phone, they took the kids to the party. Arab rug painting. Example of
> art a man likes, man, woman, child -- child on floor. Voice, if you look
> at painting two other figures will appear, it's a triangulation. I look
> at it and a whole crowd of people appear and walk towards me -- wedding
> party. The bride's family sweep through, back and forth. Mother mutters
> that she's marrying a man that she's twice his age. Woman dressed like
> Mary, mother of Jesus -- scarf on head, white dress, blue. Building with
> windows on two sides. Everytime I look out the window the sky is glowing
> strange colors. Orange and red on gray clouds. It looks like the world
> will be ending. Voice, then don't work Thursday and Friday. Butterfly is
> nearby in a trailor park.
>
> 12/29/00 Page of Cups. I have several jobs, now ones, old ones. I
> still work at Sierra Rubber. Mr. Gizzarelli remarks that I didn't come
> the week before, it's been more like 20 years! Two buffalo head nickels,
> foreign money. People dressed in 50's coats jump off a snowy hillside
> into the street. Fried rice. Hermosa Beach alley -- Manhattan Ave or
> Monterey. Construction workers on the other side of the alley, two babies
> on this side. Under car, looking at gas tank, I feel hands walking
> towards beach. Man tells me to give him a blowjob right there in the
> alley. Construction workers are right there, up high. Microsoft Access
> teacher looks under car with me for gas leak -- wood underneath, lots of
> room to crawl under.
>
> 12/30/00 Two of pentacles. I have a party. Pat Dooley comes (from
> 70's) and we chat all day. My apt is concrete. There is a very narrow
> room going the length of the wall where files are located. A toilet --
> Northrop employees arrive for second shift. I lie on the couch thinking
> and then ask if he got married. He says, June 2, June 30 or May 2. This
> depresses me and I cry as he talks about other things at the table. The
> guests have arrived and are in the other room chatting. They don't even
> talk to me and I tell them it's 9 PM and time to go, I have to get up for
> work early. Pat says something about two years in 1978, not speaking. I
> look down the cliff to see if his blond head is leaving. The guests are
> running down the mountain. They didn't even say good-bye, but they didn't
> say hello either. I say, thanks for coming. One man is still there and
> says he bought me a gift for graduation. Pat says the daughter doesn't
> look like the mother. Then the man is on my computer screen repeating
> that he bought me a gift. I ask what for -- occasion. He says for
> graduation, but he sent it Greyhound in baggage,so we have to go pick it
> up. He takes it out of the bag when I ignore it and it is a Butterball
> turkey with lines drawn on it where to carve. I say it probably rotted on
> Greyhound -- how many days trip. He says he sent it Greyhound because I
> went to stay with my mother and he didn't know when I'd be back and he had
> to maintain his contacts at the grocery store by buying something. The
> Northrop employees are directed to a picnic table -- one woman is in
> charge of the class of 21.
>
> 12/31/00 King of Cups. Pictures I'm uploading, tall black guy.
> Death came for me, gritty sand. Jessica walking around mall with her
> collages. A crowded place with banner that says, click here for c: or d:
> drives. My mother tells me to lose weight accidentally while helping me
> with manure piles. A hotel restaurant, I go to the bathroom and spit on
> the couch, sinks were moved. Man sitting there says that's the second
> time I've done that. There's a box of sand on the floor. I'm getting
> some kind of award. Two people riding bikes, Shirley or Nathan, running
> behind it -- must have a part from a Datsun to work -- some invention from
> 80's --differential. I ride up the stairs, voice says, no too strenuous.
> Push bike through antique store -- put gasoline on one of two students'
> desks, woman's voice says, ruined.

6/24/00 Book about hanta virus. A man working at a desk. A road -- cars
on one side, going in the same direction. Then cars on the other side
coming towards me. "You changed the subject just right." I have to drive
somewhere for work. It's too far to walk, the cars all have a thing added
to the engine.
6/25/00 Accepting articles for paid manuscripts only such as Kissinger,
Salenger -- website when someone died -- man says, "nooo, interested in the
fortune and torture." Archaeologist's cook (woman) digs next to the
garbage dump of the last cook or ancient civilization -- right by the wall
of a building. Finds relics -- map of US, railroad history through Iowa,
Missouri, then half way through Nebraska. Dad working on dig at 70. Last
extension of railroad is only two miles long, many parallel tracks like
streets. Yellow dress to school. Petrified wood while just standing there
waiting for bus. Young blond guy is now old brown hair guy. Someone not
following up on the dots to make more money, recognition. Research
necessary even if you have computer. Ineffective, to do writing. Turns on
pole lamp, won't be nervous right now. Can't write with a pen/vaccine on a
wall (stucco). Little blond girl in bed, says she's fat like me. I tell
her to get dressed. She plays on floor, I arrange lion and cattle shapes.
Bandaged ship at hour inlet. Have to edit dreams and say parts. With India
-- are winning the food and exercise but are losing the war of patience.
Gaining under the table. Tea is trouble. Linda shows me some biscuit dough
made with pureed pork, I taste it, then think, oh, no sickening dream food
again. She is packing for her new job. She says charms or beads are too
expensive.
6/26/00 Life is just what your pet dog is eating. A woman takes a
performer's place in the middle of the performance -- stands in front of her
in the same ballet position with her leg extended up behind her. Then she
falls into the audience and hurts her leg and the doctor says she must rest
three weeks. Man must rest too -- Joe McMoneagle. I sit down at a booth to
do homework; a baby crawls up to me, stands up, wants Indian food - oven
rice that's cooking. Pete Seeger's kid did some project. Fireplace in
living room -- little stream of gas runs down to middle, small yellow flame
-- blue flames on kleenex. Smoke fills apartment, clears out fast, raining
outside. I have a card that says, "Daughter refused," on cover, naked man
sits down and looks at it. Sheer white dress with dots for movie. Cats in
apartment, I have to poison them like rats or if they die. They melt out of
the freezer.
6/27/00 "In case of war, Northrop would be bombed." Summer hires climb
over the fence to cut through to get to work.
6/28/00 "The food gets loaded and then you put some guck in the middle." A
river bed, I hide by standing perfectly still. Diaphragm on floor, mail --
maybe more bills. "It sounds impersonal but it works." "Do you need help?"
"If you saw two meteors coming and could only get out of the way of one."
"We ended up at the end of the roof one day and the generic condition" (man
in bathtub squirming). "You can't do that, maybe soon" social worker, very
thin man under a blanket; he gets up to play with an airplane at school."Can
you contact the outside world?"
6/29/00 Some people buying new cars, a list of names.
6/30/00 I'm leaving, go past the guards. Woman at desk says, "oh, you work
only part time in the afternoon - you have cancer." I have a hospital
bracelet -- she checks number 177. Heavy books, 3 volume set -- museum
book, history of poetry, nude statues of men. An antique tablecloth and
shoes on a table by the door. Art hanging on wall from the book -- 3D
wafers in solid opaque colors, inscribed marks like cuneiform. "I wouldn't
listen, thank you for Friday." Man argues with wife, I ask him if he did
with first wife, he says, "no she was aloof." My clothes folded up on
floor, it's scary, roommates in an apartment.
7/1/00 A trip to New York, cross a line and it's a lot colder. In the
morning there's snow everywhere -- both sides of the line. Mom's kitchen, I
read a lot, don't talk. Rabbit shelter, I take carrots and celery. A lot
of rabbits on shelves, one black one has a slightly crooked neck. Big pile
of babies on the floor, one rabbit bites my sleeve. Running along the sand,
waves come in very far -- to sidewalk. Thin blond woman in front of the
shelter says, "you must have a pet." She asks me to sing a song and I sing
Happy Birthday. She says three things then goes, reputa, phew. Bicycle
race on every day. Working naked outside the door of the office - voice
says it's okay, will be in cube soon and no one can see me. Someone
throwing something at my eyes. Blood on surface, "no way to avoid it."
7/2/00 In the bathroom I start out spraying cleaner in the toilet, then see
the walls are dirty too. I have two grocery bags of my stuff packed --
leaving my job. Boss asks me to stay, says, the men out there will just
tell me I'm fat. I already know Government regulations. Missionary woman
cooking lobster, also something I say is ginger schnapps (German steak) and
potatoes. She has a list of dates written on the window.
7/3/00 Garden, clover in lawn. A red pheasant with no tail (chicken), I
walk thru lawn, pick up an eggplant and recipe from ground that hunter left
there -- I put it up on a shelf. A church rec room with leather and blue
cloth couches, fancy stereos, welding equipment, sewing machine from
2/21/28, fish trophies -- three short fish on one trophy, a velvety fish, a
huge whale. I eat a couple of bites of one big fish then wonder why. I go
out and come back quickly and the celler and attic are blocked off. A lot
of bedrooms in museum. Man in a red bathrobe called away by boss/customer
beckons from doorway. I forget what I was going to buy, go through the
whole museum quickly again. "Dave Thorn pleaded not guilty, baby." "We
never are dealing with the other woman." One size dress missing from rack,
blond woman pushes man and he falls against table of food. Man steps on red
glasses on dance floor. "Prepared for anything." "Squeaky clean." A woman
talking about places, one is Michigan. "Hamlet so hard, susceptibility."
7/4/00 A man who visited his pauper brother's grave. "This isn't the end
of it -- hospital room." Mountain climbing, leaving on a trip, "I didn't
have the guts to level with you." RV leaking in front where water hose is
connected. Two trains wreck head on -- supposed to be on little track. Toy
is on the big track. Lucy Ball is retired and just moved, but she's watched
it -- knows when it is. There's one at 5 PM. (another going up mountain,
another at 1 or 130 PM). I pull myself up a tree to see. Like other women
married five times. Saline drip for several hours. Man in a gray suit with
a moustache ascends high in the air with his hands on the heads of the
people ascending around him. Then he stretches out and flies away to the
open sky. Farm road, bare fields harrowed, barn made of plastic sheets
(Stewarts) - has two sheep that walk along with me -- male and female. Very
tame. Plastic sheets on the kids beds. A little boy stepping off the curb
at several corners, at one he's in diapers.
7/5/00 "The continual improvement of things." Helping kids at a park make
a picture, Italian men offer $30,000. They are Mr. Carpenter, Mr.
Caravello. I talk at a round table outdoors about this.
7/6/00 Babies in cribs with dangling things to play with while I'm busy.
Two men with beards and rough

watching a movie on TV about a boy. I
go to work. Car parked in the last spot, grass and tree branches. Rick
comes in my cube and is crying. Several women calling on the lobby phone,
the guy in Apt 4 tells me to get a job at the grocery store across the
street. A second man says we can't walk home. I push "9" and a male
operator comes on (sounds like Marc).
7/7/00 Crazy with the letter A. White mouse in ocean -- thinks it's an
island, is a floating trap. "Hadn't been killed in three years." "Flu in
Wales -- sent to psychiatrist for has-beens, also rans." "I was hurrying to
eat to set up a play, football." "Sad notes, legal." "That's all I see,
five computers so more people can fuck you up." "Dumpster divers, done with
all that." $560 thanks. "Nation keep calling you." "Outside run again."
"Even when I walk a long ways my human doesn't hurt." Xerox burns two
pages, one is a list of codes. Man, no pants, penis showing crawls up on
top shelf of the copier to get the jammed page. Going to rich wife's house,
she says, "honey, not that color." Man asks why I diet when I just get fat
again, someone behind me -- scale stays on zero until they leave. Buying a
couch but it looks exactly like the one I already have. "Proven I want to
leave. female. press it." "Will you mention that when you get to the other
side." Mother's cookies, this girl bought them. "Take one blue ticket,
I'll wear it after I see if other people are wearing it -- khaki." Diet
pill, that's good that you already know. Armbruster - show me again what
wrong. The Hawthorne police might not be able to save his grades. If you'd
practice in the slots. You can like a girl's feelings. First bunch of cats
ran away, second, third ate fish. Chocolate flush therapeutic through body.

7/8/00 Message about drinking one teaspoon of mineral oil or other oil for
constipation, from Tony. Blue gel (dark blue) for removing mildew. Dusting
the hall copier at work -- Colonel goes by and secretary asks her who's on
duty. Moreno let her in the private entrance. Teenaged girl only had time
to read one of her magazines, they're in the refrigerator -- fashion. A
letter from Mom -- it has all the things I complained I wanted -- pillow
cases for each day of the week. "The common rooms are painted yellow but
the libido is kept high by painting the other rooms pink and blue
respectively for men and women." Make sure everyone is moved (rabbits) not
"stay out of the way." Stallone, Gunsmoke remake. "Par broiled, may I
broil my heart the way I did my..." Dishwasher inspector.
7/9/00 box drawn around bicycle. Burned 200 children, two months ago. The
artist lowered to gently, move something. Don't take Shakespeare -- too
heavy (is too late to teach manners) to apply to things (books to carry).
Sick rabbit hops around peoples' feet. Whole list of things I've done.
Closing Northrop or some house, taking down pictures from wall. Indian
picture packed in wood chips, snakes standing upright with jewelry hanging
on them. Bus delivers women from a social event or to it -- escalators
going in two directions, don't have to walk. In newspaper that someone is
giving some kids back, adopted kids. Man writes his name on the bottom of a
picture/calendar to prove life after death. Name, Grubersatcel.
"Poppycock, the things on this side." Rain on a new black velvet dress, man
made of God's poop. Rabbit, I'll worry about that later, I'm just getting
my shoes dirty (in clean cage looking around). "Nothing sacred, nothing
ventured, nothing lost." Dead body in house, mice infested, have you a
door. Throwing people out the windows, can attached to them to make a noise
when they hit. "Roommate wanted, no trash, no punishment." Chow mein
matches my best friend's name. Drive car for $5. They're calling me and
stabbing me. Woman on bed, purse, canvas bag -- "it's bigger than I
thought." Woman in underwear drinking coffee, "oh, I have to go." Black
lid bucket of sand, go to his house, what're you going to do? "Before we go
out visiting every day." Injured fingers shut in door. Dead Monday, I
buried Wed (Tuesday). Tan purse on other side, garbage bags. It's gotten
lost, I think. Can't do anymore work about 11. I look like a pelican,
rabbit poop caught on fish hook. Cat sleeping on black sheets, "Oh please."
Cut tendon, must be closing office. Our two children that stay with us. A
line of electric cords at mailbox, I need to know which ones will activate.
"Religion for idea, trouble for reality." Young woman in white jeans
holding two babies in a crowd.
7/10/00 Without model -- two wives, get rid of one. Is that from her
teeth, no, splatter, I don't think so. Arachnids from fast food place -
moving on plate. One is fuzzy like cat fur. Trailer court, lots of young
kids, bus is dropping a young girl off. A young guy in class keeps talking
about activities for kids that are dangerous. Brownie cake from vending
machine, corn muffin mix in a girl's hands. Girl hiding in the bus
stairwell behind a blond, then she leans on her back and smokes a cigarette
while a man talks. Tells him he's very interesting, then gets off bus.
Woman at vending machine says, "venito." Venue of Mike. Rabbit poop trays
on beach, there all winter, guy slides down sand dune on it. It was used to
scoop up so much sand that it wore out and disappeared. Another chance in
the hospital (knock on wood). "Just wait, as of tomorrow's date." "I don't
think it started there (Chevron station) before there was trouble." Small
machine that raises temp two degrees, fits in hand. "Grand Tetons, I trust
her judgment completely." "Cause me not." "A busload of boys disappears; I
care what the parents think." "Younger day, there was only one way out."
She won't go dancing. "Some of these stories never seen before, must stay
calm and collected."
7/11/00 "drunk kitten, do you remember -- how many times have I said 3-4
times." "Couch, living room, clogged arteries." Two men working occult,
back to bartending.
7/12/00 "why did you make me go there?" Freezer with kids, emotionality,
nationality. A test at a doctor's office -- results, my cognition has gone
up 20 points from 50 to 72. I ask when was that test. Doctor shows me the
name on the envelope. Hinklehammer. Shoes I wore when I started working.
Walking to car, woman borrowed it during night and moved it. Tree with dead
branches, grassy cliff. Get rid of all the 1102s.
7/13/00 "Billy is not so bad, not really mean." Sandy saying, "they can't
find what's wrong. They look between..." Little girl staying in an empty
building, bathroom way down hall, she just sleeps on the floor in empty
wrappers -- workmen work around her. I think about getting a jar of instant
coffee. Earthquakes -- building swaying, a series of them. Little balls
come to me in a high field after little girl plays. "you had all the
directions over there." Snowing, raining, Faith wearing light blue parka.
"I have the boots and good fortune to reiterate." "It's supposed to be
fun." "Girls caught fire in a mysterious way."
7/14/00 "Can you tell me where it is?" "There are several hundred fish
beginning to stink (ocean and man sitting). Jesse, stiff shoulders and
arms. Bathroom door has zipper. "They want you to take care of things so
their child can act as an administrator."
7/15/00 A valley where a colony of people live. The women are planning to
move away and have secretly packed. The books are packed in rooms 4,5,6 or
7. Under the table is a several volume set history. I'm the only woman
there without kids and I'm going to disappear soon. Each person has written
a book also. One woman sneaks off with a man to pack and goes up to the
attic. Two lawsuits. One is a man with $1 Million and the other one is for
custody of a cat. They have $1 Billion waterfront property and have some of
their land with public access, so his cat can stay there without them
claiming it. Everyone in the world has a long hair Siamese cat.
7/16/00 "I'd tell him if it was lying." Toy boats -- woman with two
daughters, tells one girl to put it back so she won't get spanking. Snowy
rural area, birds land on fence because of meat. Beading the steps of the
cottage with quartz cylinder beads. A blond woman with a baby with long
black hair waiting in a green convertible. A room for visitors empty except
for new see through plastic radio. Says we shouldn't have driven the red
garbage truck. Apartments that look like part of the landscape -- rocks. A
noise on the fence -- birds covered with snow. Books and clothes for every
boyfriend, every day. "I love dresses." "Putty cat, do you have papers?"
"You should not have doubts that I'm listening" -- woman in black chiffon
talking in dressing room. Mike Love in Beach Boys going on tour. "Anxiety
is death -- is for three situations, one is college, MTV, MPV." "Should
tell Connie, she's cogent." "They have new homework mothers don't have to
learn." "Deserves to have her hair pulled and hit her on head." Antique
mirror with wood frame. Rocks and money on ground at Home Depot. Thurston
might retire, can't see. Taxes owed. Starch keeps clothes looking new. I
want to see the handprints on someone.
7/17/00 Going to a pre-school and drawing and painting. Called away and
their chair at the table empty. Marty using a fancy sepia print. I and
other women are naked at work, in shower.
7/18/00 I have only one day to live and take a letter to some apartment.
People sleeping there, I pull out Christmas presents and Easter eggs.
There's just one flash of color, bright yellow sunlight. All gray. I have
to decide what to wear my last day alive. I'm in an underground room with
bunkbeds. It's too late to lose weight. Faith is throwing out my windowbox
of plants. Cause the whole place to close up and then just answer yes or
no.
7/19/00 Meet an old woman and a little girl on a road, the girl gets five
dolls -- she dresses one. I see a basketball game from when I was in Junior
High. "Goes to get a Chinese boyfriend, he decorates a wood post with
paint." There are pairs of dolls and Teddy bears. A redheaded doll with a
daughter doll dressed in white. Another doll with something wrong with it.
"Anxiety cards in December. Australia has free rent, also Las Vegas."
7/20/00 Man at picnic, Chinese, hair parted in the middle. New stuff to
download -- one completely new, not upgrade. Kids on Dad's farm,
strawberries in freezer. Girl and boy, blond girl in grocery cart. Dark
haired girl. Mom pushing them. Message on my computer screen, clock says 2
AM -- from woman at work. Man cutting up meat on my desk by the bed.
Lights not working, clock blank. Message printing on TV screen -- J...
I....
Marriage night or weekend. "Just got here from Babylon" adopted girl. Mrs.
Leslie trip down the Mississippi River. Contract to fix two ironing boards.
I find out what company got the contract -- CA. I drive in driveway and
park truck where sand is eroding.
7/21/00 I'm in a window working along with students, then I'm in a separate
part without lights. Dark where I am, but light over desk. This part has
windows, ladder. Checking next year's activities. Some reg I already have.
A dress I already have. Tests of psychic experiments -- running
into/through a wall.
7/22/00 Risk assessment document in about 16 pages. Blond woman sleeping
in laundry room -- a bale of hay, plastic fishing tackle box. Fog out on
street, on my way out I see mice in the bedroom and bathroom. What you
write down.
7/23/00 I have to listen to a computer voice, very faint -- list of
computer users. Next name on list is Orly Orloy. "Worked all day Mother's
Day in Brazil in the dust." I look in on my neighbor's cats -- cloth
halfway over door. She's talking to a woman near her door. Buttons and
Tiger come into the room. They've just had baths and hair is wet. Buttons
says, "we can talk." A man found them motionless, dead. Couple with gun
called. Info about a man listed under his name. Coffee stains in
underwear, I make coffee. Drop a turkey in a hole in a computer to cook it,
also meals of meat like loaves. A swimming tank -- may be a pool, may be a
fenced off section of Lake Michigan with fresh water sharks. A woman who
can come up with top quality holiday (pagan) in November even. When I
started here ten years ago the wiring was cold turkey. Funeral, man
(corpse) brags that he only took ten hours to be buried, some kind of
record, voice -- "it happened." Swimming pool on a ship is just a box
around part of the ocean or great lake. Electricity went off and man was
taking too long with computer so I started doing it. I'm watching a pool
for sharks and a giant snake comes out of the water onto the deck. "Where
is the real world" woman taps pencil. "I had this screwy feeling I couldn't
tell you about it." Papa watch two kids from cruise ship deck. Koreans
making progress in one clearing. "this is the way it's got to be, you
wouldn't wobble." Grassy area at Toys R Us -- rings in my purse, very small
pink glitter one, one like blue light bulb. Pink Christmas light bulb.

7/24/00 Dentist office opens on the land around the hill from Mom's. New
office from a clinic -- $300K per month for one thing, $400K for rent or
franchise. Staff of women -- all pharmacy students, one music major gone.
Dentist looks at my teeth and says an eyetooth will break out and new harder
tooth come in. He snaps off both my eyeteeth at the same time, one with
each hand -- is ambidextrous. I take them and examine them and one seems to
have a cavity in it -- inside are dyed macaroni, flower designs on them....
36 people disconnected by an Alaska looking cowboy, phoned the wrong number
(523-). Dentist's girlfriend leaving says one week is free, other one he
works on Monday and two other days (Tue and Thur). My teeth are bigger than
normal. ... An earthquake or storm coming; a roomful of women prepare. I
put wine bottles in cases and push under a table. Women are put in sleeping
(padded) bags. Many in the bed. Room seems to move. Other women come in. A
couple are now riding bicycles because the cost of a car is so high. A
couple are children/daughters that need babysitters. The dentist is a Von
Erick wrestler (5 of 6 are dead) -- short hair, young. Several other
dentists, one short skinny Black guy, a frail middle aged white guy.
Dentist was supposed to be a social visit for me -- I thought my teeth were
perfect then he grabbed the two eyeteeth and snapped them off while I was
standing there saying hello. ...Not all colleges give PE degrees -- slap a
mouse on the counter -- cause broken bones or internal bleeding, it's a lab
mouse. "Dream interpretations -- 1. tell a woman every kind of fault she
has. 2. a few years left in life.

7/25/00 Woman singing while looking through hanging vines. Elephants
living in creek; I didn't tell anyone. They're almost out of food and also
a dam to hold the water -- I need to mix some concrete to make a dam. Also
horses mixed with them. Indian girls are riding two horse behind me. An
elephant runs beside me back to the fence. A story about how they dug up
the red sandstone -- they were hungry, covered with red dust. They are in
the cow lot at Dad's, behind the gate. They slide down a steep hill in cake
pans. Frilly toothpicks -- girls fix turkey and cheese cold cut sandwiches.
A man gives a speech from Dad's hoglot, next door to the cowlot, about
buying real estate -- he bought the room he's talking in, then his office,
then a lake area. He's going to flee -- debts; needs his gun (asks if
anyone has seen it). Elephant runs to the fence also, horses on the other
side -- some get in, I pet it, ride horse. "She told me an expert in 2 1/2
years." "I think when you have power you bluff; never noticed it before."
Shaman's dead -- elephants come back at the death of someone. Horses get
in lime deposit - hill to climb. Elephants get lime deposits in eyes
(blue). Must shake up horses; they're in water. Playing footsie. A house,
pig shed. Has three glass walls/windows and the fourth side is open for air
or plastic. ... An old house, moving out, all that's left is junk. The
house was very nice but is empty now. Planning next life, college part
only. A beautiful high rise on the ocean called Walden Towers -- very
crowded with successful but distant people coming out the entrance doors. I
don't even go inside. Turn around and go back to the empty house -- man
there -- he tells me his plans and leaves. I have a room in an old woman's
house, dorm rooms -- not the nice apartment I wanted. ... Gun with glass
barrel, tube running through it -- shoots blanks. Shoots on the third or
fourth click -- into the air.

7/26/00 A lion holding a rabbit in its paws.

7/27/00 In an elevator running away, past my boss down the greenbelt.
Elevator at the next exit is a wire pen with boxes you climb down somehow.
Pins to secure each level. A man gets in with me and says it'll fall fast
with both of us in there. Floor bends, I pull, hold it along the walls.
Two stories up. At the bottom, I run out. Sandy lying on the ground in a
movie of her life. She's been hit in the head -- make-up is still perfect.
I run so fast one shoe falls off and someone throws it to me. They hope it
isn't her allergies. I go to a shaman or ancient priest in a storefront.

7/28/00 Bede Sicking -- name on list. This component 181 days -- 1.1%.
Ladder to easy bed, sat on cab driver's car. Kettle of tomato soup. Last
time to see someone -- going to Papua New Guinea or Nunce France. Asking if
needed a doctor. I pick up a little dark haired girl. A house party with
old chiffon dresses -- I have a brown one, a blond has a lavender. I go to
the house -- fireplace in corner. Sitting on the floor watching videos at
work. Blond stirring vigorously into hot water. Supervisor shooting
employees with tranquilizer darts. 14. Bird in the house, edges of carpet
torn up to do something. Did you order some historic estimate? Hard candy
in jar. Pool of water for swimming I think, but it's holes where the water
comes up from the washer -- weeds and muddy water in the front yard. [Some
law where properties have to include area for rain water runoff to collect.]

7/29/00 Canned goods - 5 cents. Roman houses - 15 foot ceilings. Sand up
to roofs. Semi-gout -- holding up under hardship. Employees on benches, no
cubicles -- very crowded office. Lobby chair -- guards talking about little
known facts of diseases in 1800's. Very hard work. Move people to Palos
Verdes -- very crowded. Pants with lace cut-outs. Small lots means the
town grows very slowly and by the time it extends very far it's a big city.


7/30/00 Someone banned from hospital -- wasting resources. Ibuprofen.
Accompanying different sick people to the hospital. Man, looks like Bill
Gates, tells me the change of tense from past to present grates on him. It
this was fixed, I could sell stories and quit my job. Long quotes are also
indented instead of quotation marks. One quote was Confucius. Man says he
put everything in present tense.... In your driveway. I control you. ...
A storm, raining downtown very hard. Boys fighting, walking on a greenbelt.
I stop to buy something to eat, floating up RR Valley -- flood damage.
Sophie calls from Ohio -- Wright Patterson Air Force Base. Tom Hanks
writing a book and teaching classes -- has pink and blue condoms, different
sizes -- very large, very small. No one can understand my work so I have to
do it. Acid rain on ground --burns my hands. Getting off the bus -- I was
your bus driver for awhile. Allan right -- Becky Allen selling real estate.
"10:44" Cholos Mike. Week long business trip to San Francisco -- another
week on vacation. Resort town is that way -- Noble -- swinging way up in
the air -- chain might break or unhook. She tells you about yourself. Tom
Hanks is in the lobby. Sophia leaves a message about a railroad trip or a
car trip. A rain or snowstorm, trees down, flooding, lights out. Someone
says something about Tom and Sophia, that she'll be there soon. Tom Hanks
has short haircut -- reading on couch in lobby. A condom in the ocean,
swimmer fell off Titanic wearing condom. Tom Hanks. Says he's swimming in
condom, too big. Could be too tight. Condom firms up erection. Five
becomes seven. Shiny skillet like mirror. Nothing on my neck (chokes).
It isn't too early. Gasp of pain, pulling bandage. [In 1980 at Sierra
Rubber, Sophia had a heart attack and Chuck told me she died. Then I was
working on the checks and she walked in -- she was wearing a burgundy
polyester suit with red velvet collars that I'd bought at Good Will
Industries in Iowa City. I was trying to remember how big the suit was and
if it could really fit her that well. I talked to her loudly, started to
say that they said she was dead, then changed it to how glad I was to see
her -- Liz was reading something on her desk and didn't look up even when I
called to her to say hi to Sophie. Then she said she was going to go say hi
to Anne. Later, Victor came hurrying in and said, "they said you saw
Sophie." I still don't know if it was a joke they played on me. The sound
was different -- like a vacuum sort of when I tried to get Liz's attention.
I'm not sure Sophie opened the door to get out into the hall where Anne's
office was.]

> 7/31/00 32, 34 email. Mike Byllesby watching the Northrop pubs.
> Happened before too -- old computer. Before that -- black clothes.
> Birthday party, Sandy wants to buy stamps. Kids just flying kites -- no
> one ready to ride bikes or play baseball. No bikes to borrow on that
> street, maybe 2. Book of pictures, pies baked by several men -- one a
> tall cowboy, looks like Jack Palance. One the grizzled cook on the show.
> Tall cowboy won the dance contest at the resort (body one, man says).
> Picture of a men's prison -- heads sticking out windows into a hallway
> with umbrella tables and awnings. A couple with a pile of champagne
> glasses in the gazebo -- forgot to pay their mortgage. Guy on Bonnie and
> Clyde was involved with Sharon Tate. Northrop -- whistling or bird noises
> on cold side of ladies room means a gas leak. Building could blow up or
> overcome everyone with gas. Maps in a basket on escalator -- map to
> someone's office, man that works for Northrop. Someone started their own
> business -- lots of stationary on a rack and books.
>
> 8/1/00 Walking along a beach strand, corduroy jacket -- I have dark hair,
> thin lips -- see my reflection in a mirror. Other people dressed better
> than I am. With the enthusiasm that a family returns to the Mormon
> church. A big hole.
>
> 8/2/00 Deep well. Didn't fall in, didn't fall out. Ugly. Very tightly
> wound. I'm going in. In order to go. Stuffed animals on tables -- large
> and small. I select arrangements; four versions or stories -- act out
> stories. It's a play. He is such a little restaurant. If you want out
> you have to be sure you got there. Standing behind a glass wall.
> Northrop moving in November to Rosecrans. Kitchen people being hired --
> help wanted on wall. Address is 7897 Rosecrans. I drive to the end of
> Rosecrans. A man lives there on a farm (where the ocean really is) --
> mice harvest the grain, not cows. It grows on the sides of a steep hill
> or mountain. Mark on the top where the water flooded over. Man has a lot
> of office suppies in his desk drawer. The road goes through a ford in a
> river, shallow and narrow -- through a small town. The man is lounging --
> thought I came because of a note in the mailbox -- called out something as
> I drove through the river, "Sheila, there you are."
>
> 8/3/00 Sav On counter -- young girl in line. I print the parts of the
> Rosicrucian type monographs daily, weekly,monthly -- one has a lot of
> lineouts. Rooms in an old house, man living there, rumpled bed -- a woman
> outside a mini-blind door says, "she's seen you." Short Indian dressed in
> all white clothes. Tall grass with marble shaped objects.
>
> 8/4/00 I didn't eat, then eat leftover roast beef from the frig -- has
> tomatoes on it -- in slices of homemade bread -- MIke Dafforn and John
> Barman want some. I sit on the floor in the bathroom and pee and pee. A
> river behind me. A woman comes up and points out a drip onto a pipe,
> eating a hole under it and the floor -- another river. Another woman
> wearing a red dress and shoes shows it to me. The dress has slight
> wrinkles in the front. Two more women in red dresses and shoes across the
> street, sitting. Ms Gilliam finds a mouse in her freezer -- heart beating
> through the lump of ice. Tail twitches. Ice is melting fast -- the front
> feet are still frozen down and the back legs encased in ice. I get some
> Kleenexes to smother it but am afraid it will bite. I knock the mouse
> free and it starts to walk around. It gets smaller and pink when I hit it
> with a blue fork. Her brother is better -- he hugs her now when she
> leaves.
>
> 8/5/00 519 birthdays. The other Sheila asks a question I can answer --
> Sizzler. Association -- family, prettiness, pretty cold. I didn't wash
> them. I'm forced to wash them tonight. A large animal I think about
> eating.
>
> 8/6/00 Man tells his wife off -- he was working, she enjoyed her visit
> and she'll probably visit her family a lot after he dies. Another person
> says he's very attractive to women. The majority says, fatsos are cheap
> (to the tune, dirty deeds done dirt cheap). Someone smashes things. A
> lot of tomatoes or peaches are smashed in on one side. A lot of dresses
> -- also have hollow spots (mental blows). Dog might stay outside with
> rabbit (to keep it company) but it goes into the house. I still feel.
> No, the pantry is still independence in the future. Gore on a carnival
> ride through the funhouse or tunnel of love -- he looks dazed. I feel my
> throat -- feels like teddy bear fur. Stop laughing at that -- it's just a
> quiz to make you stop laughing. Relax here -- 00, 38,42 library 04-04
> books are overdue. A lot of green dresses in a closet -- some have
> jackets, very beautiful fabric, crinkly, thick.
>
> 8/7/00 I take off and am flying but people in small, square buildings say
> I flew the wrong direction and swooped past them. Changing rooms at the
> beach. It takes a long time to distinguish between hunters. I meet a man
> and know I'm asleep because I didn't go. He leaves quickly for another
> country. The hand gets larger and directs me. It's the only thing I can
> see. Two computers moved by five people in a truck. A wire horse --
> motors in feet don't work, horse is supposed to hop. Red and yellow
> taking books to a school. Going away party. One woman eating carrot
> cake, another has two needle-work pieces -- you don't fill in the last
> square at the end of the row. Practice a stitch over and over. She
> remembers where she was during the time she put in stitches. Solid
> stitches at some school; ornamental half stitches during a crisis,
> waiting. The other piece is framed and has amazing details. A blade of
> grass, a gladiola -- very flat stem, weeds -- a plantain (messed up, she
> yells). All this along the edge -- sand and water areas also. Trees
> above the small plants. Weeds along a bank. I see a game or snake trail.
> Spray gasoline on people to kill germs. Rabbits on shelves -- might be
> dead -- black and white ones. She didn't finish all her Thai fluorescent
> lessons. Denim dress -- very tight in the top, long embroidered sleeves,
> vest to knees. Men grumbling about moving two computers. A building with
> a lot of rooms, curtains like in a hospital. Some men from work come into
> one cube, so I have to leave. Four clowns that are standing outside on a
> table top. A man gave them to some kids -- one is Jim Baber. I go into
> another room down the hall. It's double wide -- a dorm room; I have a
> roommate. She comes in as I'm trying to set the radio/light. It feels
> too hot, is in the shape of a pig in white ceramic with orange candle wax.
> I say maybe I could just find a battery radio or a clock radio. I also
> have to find a light. There's not enough to read.
>
> 8/9/00 Shelf with cloth bundle stuffed in there.
>
> 8/10/00 A bunch of baskets -- have to dot the i. There are computer
> things in the trunk of a car -- round, square, many types. Grandma's
> living room, Ida there -- a little too cold. Messages on phone about
> supplies ordered -- a cardboard tax return. A handicapped man with a
> shakey voice who does tax returns (IRS employee) -- hopes for successful
> resolution of the problem. Picture of Allan Kornblum in color when he was

when he was
> working on his letter press -- newspaper article about him. I send it to
> Sheila Kelly, Julie Sundevil, Mom, someone in Japan -- think about who
> knew him the best. Other newspaper clippings also, no closure on the
> stiff deep cardboard envelope. Pictures a man drew of himself with a very
> large penis -- almost microscopic detail. A divider in the front of the
> penis like a deviated septum. I have to get out because everybody's
> bawling. I put aside a package of multicolor straws for Christmas
> celebration for kids. These are for blowing bubbles, the bubbles are
> rainbow color -- all colors in the four parts of the bubble. Lots of
> kids. A cat with very long legs -- white fur -- about two feet tall.
> Dark spot on couch cushions where a person sat a lot by the door. It used
> to be a hassle for people -- childbirth under sheets. Aisha chews her
> shoes, on toes -- it could be always. Drive in straight line, real fast
> down El Segundo. Sir, do you know what you're doing? Twice as much work
> as you're worth. The worst part is having to do her work for her -- woman
> Navy Lieutenant. Investigator -- he's just testing you, so you have to
> get over. Do anything about it, a woman tackles a blond. There is a
> half gallon wait. No nickels or pennies anymore -- I'll just give them
> the 6-7 dollars. List of names, delete some names. Summer hires don't
> know what they're doing.
>
> 8/11/00 Movement of the chess pieces -- book -- how society deals with.
> Daytime, no calls; nighttime a lot of calls. Sitting on brass tacks.
> I'll see you grade fire/fair -- that guy telling me what to do. He told
> me. The tax is more expensive than to dog the onion. Who has a job,
> Sheila. Eight months I think. Call Texas, they arrange flights. If
> you're not that woman; I don't think s'ya. Lack of picnic, got no place
> to go. Before she got on the 19th level (9 and 10) she had that problem
> (balancing on a beam) metal beam. Kifle, gas masks, hold head under water
> or in box or underground, ostrich looking for water. The fuss turned on
> fast enough; two fly away; past college. Horse died; birds dying. Man
> walking upstairs wrapped in a tube; it isn't busy work. A pink tube, arms
> pinned at sides. You can shake it twice and it doesn't shake (tree). Oh,
> my God, she changed (Janice). I couldn't have even brought that up about
> weak/week. Korea for a small town. This always happens to me; haul me
> back (from Waco). Right now I dig up holes in yard (pasta). Mouse, don't
> stay scared very long;must be coming out. Dr. DeMille, come right over.

*********** 7/26/01 posted
5/17/00 Unloading your ancestors. Please, please I can't stand anymore. Dance. Yogurt with bay leaves. That's an egg you can keep, so there they are in the middle of their lives. All cover gone, bare.

5/19/00 I didn't know where it was before you got there. Walking home along Prairie from the south. Three dogs following me -- large furry one and two very small. An orange one is very tough. Turns into orange and gray cats. Gray one has very long claws. They live in a bird nest in a hollow tree. In the driveway, an old limo for sale. Used 1964-1977. Cracks in body; inside looks like mattress, sheets. Tough coming up. Wouldn't think she could do it again, right after. Ralphs having summer faire. A tall Japanese blond boy pretending to be various baseball players -- Davey Lopes. Misses a catch and runs back to first/third base side. This is in the grocery store -- they have hay bales for the fall decorations. A girl dragged in a circle by an inflatable doll on a carnival ride. Yard sale, comic books and a very steep hill -- very slick linoleum. Girl going the other way with 50's hair-do. I try on a fur coat. Clothes on hangers. Inflatable crocodile. Game where you hit the players. Glacine envelope -- for corn pollination.

5/20/00 I see Gram Grace and mention she doesn't have a cat or dog. She says they're at Jimmy's house -- she can't take chewing the carpet at her age. A presentation at work -- in the auditorium. A man comes in his bathrobe. A dog very trained -- Spanish commands. Gram Esther's house -- an old man trying to get the walker or package carrier out -- touches one car while both try to park across from Gram Esther's house. then pushes another car off the road -- full of big blacks (get out of car, Samoans maybe) -- woman driving, teenaged girl and a couple lying on floor of van. A snake is usually very round, long and firm.

5/21/00 A new boss making orders for a trip to Texas. Another woman on the flight same birthday as me -- same descendent. She stays in the other room of two at the hotel. The bed is a swimming pool. I feel very sweaty and dirty. Boss's office is a hotel room -- bed for desk. Embarrassed to have a handrailing -- must be handicapped. Bathroom redesigned -- must fold down toilet, sink, tub. Wavey line crossing out location in first line. Juanita and Vickie help me carry a rotten tree trunk I find sticking out from under the (red) couch. I also trim the grass in front of the couch. In bathtub are strings from a mop. I'm going to die in the morning - can't relax, pacing. Boss writing speeches. Window is open -- more strings down there, a sewer. In pool, swimming naked; someone pushed me. Here lies your best friend -- a box; looks like a stereo. Fall into the water, must swim -- did you hang up? Horse called me, I called horse -- sore in leg -- Henry VIII. Only when you take a bath do you really feel secure. Same people that don't know a damned thing -- black dress, buttons down front. A deer, a plant -- five objects -- a man looking over my shoulder, doesn't hurt anything. Supposed to take a trip to China -- soybeans in pods -- 3-4 of two beans each. Reading about places -- California, Texas --several before that. Fur coat in Texas operated on before -- same as California. More baby rabbits -- white with bruised nose. Rabbit rescue woman brought more. Skullekers is King size bed. Two kittens where cat was, shorter fur. Rabbit wearing a sweater (black and blue) fur coat over his white fur. A guy giving a speech -- about Los Angeles -- walks around the room, then his voice comes out of the speaker up by the ceiling. Voices alternate --different speeches. Woman talking about UFOs; man talking about urban police violence.

5/22/00 Tarot readings about rabbits -- paragraphs of explanantions of cards in pairs. Book or essay about it also by "Carol W" -- Pope's real name.

5/23/00 Getting a cake decorated; frosting white with blue sprinkles. A girl shows me her sandals -- have metal plates for inserts -- broken on toe on one and whole foot on the other one -- has paste layer fixing it. My boots -- old shoe strings -- broken and tied together. Mike doing exams -- a doctor.

5/24/00 Pregnant woman. Spanish. On a highway lined with trees, in front of police station and fire station. Pain in her back. Customs takes champagne. Sand on stairs, dead mouse. Bill is $11 for two hamburger meals. Talking religion, woman following after man. Little boys at a Christmas party -- retarded one putting turtle food in a cup. Boys messed everything up -- all the toys on the floor. Stuff in a bag through customs -- two Christmas trees -- one real. Bike with flat tire, I throw it where two boys are playing. Leave car in alley -- van blocks it, then goes the other way.

5/25/00 A small Chinese crock pot. This is growth -- stimulated and unstimulated. And headbands. One is old and rare. Success and failure.

5/26/00 Tires hot on trailer. A big room, someone wants me to do something -- carry something. I tire of telling the police. I take off -- I need to help my grandkids. I'm naked. A naked black man. Opportunities - three pictures -- line drawings of shoes and feet. They kind of mess it up. Magazine -- getting meaner with dog; marshal that lives in St Louis (relative).

5/27/00 Scots and Wales have been ignoring each other for years because they can barely understand each other/Latin. Email where you click and sign up for dates with some dominant groups. One night stand with each one. I get diarrhea twice at work. Walking along railroad tracks.

5/28/00 People sleeping on tractors. Before that I was in a children's area -- warmer behind wall. I have a coat -- doesn't feel warm. Other people in outposts too. Kids having sex. Twin boys, very short hair. Nice shape heads. They were born again here after dying. Kid lying on Mom's stomach on slide. Throw them on the ground. Walk through a maze of stuffed animals. I step on their heads. Another route you can walk between; Jesse goes that way. White dress with black design. Different when I went to Miss somebody. Phone call; move to Simi Valley - whole place goes up in flames. They have to judge everyone. Four sweaters, designer names. Mental thoughts of greater heroes. Mashed potatoes 10.04 each serving. A speech by a great thinker on something. Remodeled dining room at a castle. Maid making a bed, candy on pillow. A woman sitting in her car -- belly button ring on windshield; I make some art project. Born near me -- 16th. Lost the ring from my diaphram - three months.

5/29/00 A woman needs a new partner for her restaurant business. It's a pizza place, needs $25,000. Website has agate with white quartz centers. Her daughter's description has changed -- used to be a geode. Other descriptions of education. A girl sitting on a doorstep talking. A baby sleeping. I turn off one light and it wakes up. I carry it to a different spot up higher than my chair.

5/30/00 Railroad tracks -- man brushing it with paint brush; crouched. Desultory. Sojourney. First grade, trick or treating outside the classroom door. A tall woman has "expecting" on her license (receptionist) -- wearing black drawstring pants and white blouse. Blond. She's dating an engineer with gray hair and a moustache in the next office. She looks through the window and he's got a piece of cake and something on a plate. He works on some machine. She was abandoned by her first husband. I'm getting in the car to go to work. My two sisters walk up with the vacuum cleaner (upright) they brought from their work. Woman playing a gambling game with a dime -- I put my quarter in a Pepsi machine. A family is buying a sandwich from another machine and there's a line all around. They both got our money. The swamp makes her cough. 15 minutes twisting. 4 or 5. Expectency, expectant, expectioncy, efficiency. 1:29 AM - work done progressively. Woman cut in half across waist. No legs. Good until July.

5/31/00 Water or wax on wood floors. I wish I had a dog for every time he did that, I'd have a kennel. Indian news show. Sports man is gone -- another fills in from another news (vacation). Against myself now, eerie -- do you want to know what I said, Sheila? (Faith) Scubie, block Jim. Two rooms, one with Indians. People on vacation. Some handicap useful for future. Dog pet (or cat).

3/16/00 Sitting in a room looking at gold writing on marble. I check a
grocery cart of stuff. A woman on the bus binding her six-year-old
daughter's feet. Different woes -- 006. Trim: 1,2,3.

3/17/00 Hibiscus fence. Long dark hallways. Sand can get in your gears.
Working on something; women getting pregnant. Diet -- five squares of
graham crackers. Inter-dimensionality. Washcloth on floor -- Howard spits
tobacco on it. A garbage pail -- dump cookie tray of water in it from some
person -- clothes in there; my denim dress from Sierra Rubber, yellow dress,
black satin blouse.

3/19/00 Laundry in car; I can't find much but the back of the car is full.
Cookie tray, empty picture frame -- loaded like groceries; I'm more mature.
I tell a woman she can or whoever it is can call me for help. Then a man
comes up -- looks like co-worker from early 80's, Bill Alzado -- and says if
I don't make it in my move I can go back to school and he'll pay for a
decade. I am very touched. Maybe I can hire people -- they're young,
teenagers. People start to gather around me -- when I'm giving a woman
advice. I'm surrounded, so I start to talk about visualization. A red-head
(straight hair) in the audience says, "oh, I thought that was the
prism/principle I." I don't know what that means, so I tell her to move
somewhere else in the big room. Then I tell the audience that the ones that
want to hear her speak should go there too. About half get up and leave. I
wait, people close by get up too and I'm all alone. Then I'm in a nice
house with antique furniture -- a wood sideboard. A woman comes again for
advice, and she says, "maybe I'm just meant to stay here and raise my
daughter." She buttons up a green sweater, down the front. I think about a
lesson of the Rosicrucian type where you visualize something until you can
see it. I decide to do that with a recipe - remember the recipe and read
all the ingredients and picture myself cooking each step. Then I visualize
myself eating whatever I cooked. It still tastes terrible -- dream food.
Button you click for Hermosa Beach -- there are others already clicked --
charm bracelet and some other one.

3/20/00 Acting lessons as a baby. Baby walking down steps made of white
stone slabs. In a big building -- looking for bedrooms to put stuff away --
baby sock and two adult ones. At manager's for supper, leave out window and
a man shoves in a cast iron skillet with grease from frying. I go around
and around. One place -- new people moved. Popular secretary. Japanese
bar with panoramic TV -- made of a bank of TVs. Daycare with dogs -- one
grouchy rat I bat away. Police pat me down too -- army jacket. Young guy
asks if my ring is real -- two large diamonds. Horses going around a
circle. Girls talking about having to wear comfortable clothes -- knits and
crawl through tight spots and small holes. A lot of snakes run through the
room around nine PM. You can shoot it -- where, in the morning? Walking
through bar -- view of ocean out window. Woman says my clothes are
attractive. Another says my blouse feels like wool. Cashier is Jewish.
Some rich young men. A redheaded comedienne just getting off work. She's
lost her edge. Did an Angie flat. Another woman tells her to get rest.
Full partners. 1 = 4+2 (confirmation number). Duty on tobacco products --
to another state. Bait at God's house. A guy reads off numbers on
checklists -- fill in dots. Most are high numbers 45. One has two numbers
20, 45 -- they're on second page. Beach Boys are making a remake of a
BeeGees or Rolling Stone CD -- double one. Brian Wilson looks like Carl --
later Carpenter. Karen Carpenter is there too -- walks past to barn and
animals. Email, Marla -- if you're there -- please connect, because I'd go
to bed. Sitting on lawn along the road. Re-recording an old CD on a
machine that changes it a little. Man talks through microphone -- like for
computer. Says no one will buy it. Island in the middle of the street --
put your arm up and hold the dress up. Ask for another job, another pet --
trouble outside the body, water on the ground. (Different job, different
pet.) Garbanzos with dirt -- eat from plate like animal. Lotion. Braid to
ground -- step on end, breaks off and hops like frog -- blue ribbon on neck
(like hair). On cloud 13 last week, is keeping someone alive stupid.
Remember how you ran, fountains in the park. Elephant at Second Hand Rose
-- pushed out shop door, two other segments also. [One day at work around
1995, I saw something that looked like a dead tree leaf (size of maple leaf)
on the floor by my cubicle and when I bent down to see it closer it hopped
very awkwardly. I followed it but it kept hopping and disappeared under a
table in an office nearby - before anyone else could get there to see it.]

3/21/00 A report that tells what's wrong but doesn't fix it. I run several
reports; there are two or more to use. Has button like camera. A baby,
clothes twisted and I pull on the little shorts and shirt. The baby says,
"don't pull on my clothes." A man in pants and boxer shorts.

3/22/00 La Crescenta. Whorehouses. Gentle reader. A lot of hair in the
brush -- plastic feel, very blond. Lito sitting doing something -- I show
him -- brush hair again. A piece of hair under his eye -- bottom lid. Gas
station, blond guy, not open yet. Woman with several kids.

3/23/00 Buying fresh fish at a market. A man puts his arm across my bare
chest.

3/24/00 People talking about what they can't eat.

3/25/00 An email about change in job. Sewing at home, piece work.

3/26/00 It's 1985 -- I'm going somewhere with Vernita and Jackie -- in a
car. Jackie was in charge and decided not to go -- wood slats door closed.
Raining -- floodwater goes past the door. After rain stops, I go alone on
my old bike. This is to deliver a message to the communists. A man sells
me the communist candy for 29 cents -- tube of sugar and something for 65
cents. Miss Hazel. At Dad's house -- pear tree blooming. A man in an
accident -- he's the lucky one -- voice says he was torn apart. Fish in
tank -- couple of inches like creek, suddenly dry. Voice says they drink
the water -- because they're afraid they won't get more. One well dry.
Figurines in a tank of water with fish poop -- three of them. One is a
pyramid. Two houses. On the front of the foundation talk -- pressing on
nose. I wander through the house after going to the well several times and
getting gallons of water for the fish tank. I don't think they can drink
all the water and hibernate under the sand at the bottom of the tank. I
wander around the kitchen. One faucet has gone dry -- have to go to the
outhouse faucet. Some other people are upstairs and thump. I find a door
like a lid and go up some blinding white steps. There's a window
overlooking the ground/courtyard where a lot of other people are looking up
or doing things. Look small from up here. I open another door to a bedroom
or attic and there's a person in there on the bed -- looks asleep. Wrapped
like a mummy or blanket over face/head; very stiff person on the bed. I try
to unwrap the blanket from over the head and he wakes up and turns over -
dressed in black.

3/27/00 Trevarina. I don't know what happened and where you are. Happy,
they knew we'd come to liberate them. Rabbits time on clock -- a Korean
woman gives away a tract on them. Some other group does something else.
Manhattan Beach veterans monument. I hide a hat in my mouth -- gray
pillbox. A woman complains that she wanted it, but it's too big. She
follows me to another store and asks if I know where it is. I put it in a
shop with men's hats. Pamphlet -- From the Cold War Series. 3:16. Old
couple with 50-year-old son -- man at door gets them to open by reading a
purchase order -- mumbling 3/4 or 1 ounce. A girl reads a tourist sounding
message about a field at the bottom of a hill. Woman puts on her jacket to
go look at it. she's wearing a housedress. Maria prints -- wrinkled on
bottom. Nebraska left out in middle.

3/28/00 Dead Bear. I go up some stairs. My neighbor, Gloria's daughter,
Daisy (9) acting out a hula below. Oranges, maybe, that something is good,
but she's so young, I'm skeptical. A blond guy sits with the bear on his
lap lifting its front paws. It is stiff and looks small on his lap. I
think he'll eat it. [Neanderthals ate bears at Christmas.] I'm picking
some clothes -- going up the stairs or across a bridge. Nostalgia for
something. Powerful movement of land. Almost eloped -- open a book at a
certain tab thinking it's a mistake, but it is okay. clothes. Little girl
-- long blond hair, sticks, denim clothes with two other kids dressed the
same. I say, "you did come back!" In greenbelt park. I'm not sure it's
better. Faith says, "we've waited somewhere on the planet three years."

3/29/00 computer -- has questions about rabbits or garden style that
appears. Setting out on a journey/vacation. I don't leave with another
bunch. Now I'm in with a two-week vacation group. It's in a primitive
area. The other Sheila's box has several choices for some trip.
Mine/another one has only one. Sitting on a plain -- windy and bare like
Palmdale. Dressing, combing blond hair. Taking back coffee cup to
restaurant -- line at door. Blond hair, thin nose. A military guy keeps
calling numbers for directions but the two choices are, press 1 for fuck and
press 2 to order. He says, "fuck or order, after he hangs up." It's in a
hotel dining room - chrome pay phones.

3/30/00 The cow is in the field. The cow is in a lot of fields. C'est of
love (on truck). A pile of grains on the ground, the way man began. Corn
with wheat grains. Flash of lightning -- metal curlers in hair. A bunch of
baby dogs and cats -- look like the box of rabbits. Also a tiny puppy and a
bigger dog someone just brought in. I'm taking care of all of them and
holding a baby. Petting all the dogs. A man hands me a naked blond little
baby. It's a girl and she pees on some newspapers -- grandma Esther's
living room. I take her in to bathe her in kitchen in the dishwater; and
she's afraid -- now a boy. I let out that water and get clean water, too
hot.

3/31/00 He can't fix nothing. A man sends me a long email/ book saying
he's tracked me down and researched my background at my jobs and University
of Iowa. He was looking for some Sheila he knew -- she has short dark curly
hair. I'm in a room playing some game -- basketball hoop. There are things
to keep your hair up but there's blood on one from a plastic bag liner.
Beauty contest - must wear a blue or green necklace or a combination --
swirl. One woman has a beige sweater with a ruffled collar -- all the
contestants dress the same. Your ass in a heartburn program. Grandma
Esther's house -- the outside bathroom window. 1 1/13 instead of something
else.

4/2/00 I'll chance the rejection before nothing. Chinese programs. Why
would I listen to that, hell's bells -- unless it's better. Envelopes with
money; glacine bags like we used at Pioneer corn to cross-pollinate in
'67-'68 -- on the backs of stuff I'm buying -- $50 in one, 13, 34. I try on
a gray dress with fringe on the bottom like I wore today. Who knows what he
knows that I said. I'm in an airplane, hanging onto metal pole stairs.
Semi loaded in last. Not many passengers. Mostly grade-school aged girls.
They talk about their puppies and one takes the clip out of my hair and says
to the others to look at the colors. The truck driver is asleep on the
floor. In a room with other girls; I leave it a mess. Some stuff under the
bed, bed not made. I don't like the sound of a voice. Old leathery brown
face, smooth cheeks. Indian girl - new song. Stenno Japan. Medicinal.

4/3/00 3 o'clearance. Showing shells. A hell of a way to end. How could
I be afraid of a car? Could you stop me, sir? I'm not asking you to go get
it - under the bridge so you'll remember it. They all want the same body -
turquoise. Makes them ready for my body - hip and thyroid hurt. Wrapped in
paper towels, before you go home, bear. The worst naked guy, skidding
across the floor. Punch, too much to work on. Quicksand, outline the
house. Chop pimple on arm with ax. Take cement home to Daddy. Dis say lie
samaro. Mama sugar, daddy sugar. I don't know the hole, she had to run.
Blue necklace baked in cake, you won't see it for a long time - under soap.
Fly Tiffany down. Open door - house with white carpet. Romeo. Very thin
man - face in cloud or smoke - ground level tyred/tared. Red lipstick,
short brown hair, black and white plaid jacket. Too many of you will see it
- mound of earth - woman goes in. Easter basket pulled from water with
woman hanging from it. David wasted rabbit and kissed standing up, thank
you. Lactaid, not sulphaid. Shea Rusk. Hotel room - plate of mushrooms.
Death was supposed to be 50/50. Woman in baggy silver dress, veil over
hair. We'll all be the same. Not much time, Sleeping Beauty.

4/4/00 Our parents - Mom in yellow sundress with white flowers. She's been
to a restaurant with Steve's parents, several of them, and found some grain
they eat (vegetarian health food restaurants). Steve was awake from 9 PM
waiting for them. I have blue and white stripe cookies, blueberry. Two
chairs in road - wheels. At work, flooded ancient hallway. Shirley's
bedroom, lights not on. 65. Sympathy for life. Bondage, how terrifying do
you get? Rabbits - pink house at beach - name is still - Mom doesn't see
them - at Dad's. Never have to look for Mom again - same price. Rabbits in
pack on back. Man offers me a contract. New office, no desk; desk is
under some boxes. When you saw that day you knew could be anyone you saw at
court. Chapel, what are you thinking about? St Patrick's day - they came
too early. Man walking dogs; who won't throw away in garbage.

4/5/00 Picture of a man in a suit in the middle of switches on a wall.
Voice, "the switches increased their attraction in unexpected ways."
Traffic signs, second one for download from computer. I turn the page and
there are backs too - circles filled in, in different ways - looks like bird
poop. White gloves, gray uniform, whistle - traffic cop. Radio sound with
one picture. It isn't as bad as this feeling.

4/6/00 Reading a book. Indian. A woman dies or leaves and I take two
files to do something with them. I rollerskate down the hill. Woman at
doctor, I come out at 8:30; cool? Too small for the yahudi. I fly to Iowa
for a vacation; my old room has a closet door now. California poppies and
another flower, roll-top desk. Shopping at a hardware store on a highway (6
through Iowa City), looking in window at antiques - out on the sidewalk
looking in the window, a gray dog covers up my eyes with its paw, then
kisses my mouth and chest. He has a faucet turned on. We didn't do the
appropriate thing. [In the anti-war riots in Iowa City in 1970-71, the
demonstrators closed Highway 6 and built a fire in the middle of Interstate
80. The police/troops threw tear gass canisters into University Library. I
read recently a theory that libraries are always attacked - Sumerian
cuniform books found buried in some ruins; library at Alexandria.]

4/8/00 I'm flying through the air - voice says, watch something. I watch
some scene in the sky and realize I'm dreaming. I stay awake in the dream
and walk to my real house - keys appear in pocket. Grandma Esther's side
door - butler at one door - escorts me out and takes my jacket and some
other clothes - dress also. I'm wearing a red skirt, naked to the waist. A
woman remarks on it and I put on a matching sweater and shell set. There's
another door. Outside a young guy on his way to work says he walks in the
grass because of the dogshit on the sidewalk. I put on green leather lacy
shoes. There are two floors I pass going up barn ladder. One has two women
sitting idle. It's a union shop but they have nothing to sew, have to sew
fast. Another floor is men sleeping in a dormitory room. In another layer
is a hospital. Some old people have kids sleeping on the ends of their beds
like cats. Voice, bets there aren't any Vikings with over $25,000 in a pile
of names. John Byrne tells me I'm going to be on a new team with only three
members. The other two are Rick Coutu and John Gamble (Major).

4/9/00 Hard nosed. No space. I dream with you. Along the river at Mom's
house, someone works on car - checks a line before it goes on freeway to San
Diego, full length of car. I'm in backseat - very back - door is not closed
completely. Queta uses credit hours on Tuesday-Thursday mornings. I'm
playing music. Sandy Cortez says her boyfriend told her something - her
boss. All along the highway from Des Moines are houses and businesses -
driveways. Things people are selling - farm produce, clothes, shoes. I
have new shoes, lucky to have feet. List of reports - last gambled.
Manager's voice - are you going to help us eat more of this food? Checking
another fluid on car - must be transmission fluid. Hydraulics, or maybe a
plane. A puppy or cat to analyze. Cat is pillow under my head or fur
collar. Bones of skeleton clanking.

4/10/00 The hat - Indians. Identify. Shirley Golightly wants to
discontinue her work as of October 11th. Filing cabinet full of work that
Pat used to do (then Mike). Only a handful left. Another woman
(supervisor) puts it in her filing cabinet wrapped in white clothes/diapers.
Oh, God, don't tell me you're closed too. Tall buildings on Sepulveda, one
block. Buildings on Aviation. Clinton's birthday. Take off. The river
road - Bob Rosenthan driving the Rambler - turns around at the spot before
the last little hill. I drive, almost go off pavement, narrow spot -
motorcycle goes through. Woman crossing road with little white puppy -
Carmen/Carminita. Looks like a baby rabbit. She says doctor appointments
are so tiring. After three per day she doesn't feel like doing much and
wasn't it terrible how they treated Shirley in Long Beach. I write two
letters. One to Carmen. One to man on leather like purplish brown plastic

book covers are made of. It has four pages with two slivers. Pictures of
stars and sky - sparkly stuff. Bicycle - motorcycle goes first, towards Van
Meter. Bob - throw a leather ball; small basketball, partly deflated.
Letter is tied in a knot - clear plastic with blue boder/border. Car is off
the road in a field. Car goes wrong way; Bob doesn't know the way. I move
up into drivers seat.

4/11/00 Voice, "they don't take the genes of mixed blood children."
Picture of genes moving from one layer to the next. I see three girls from
high school in a convertible. I'm naked sitting on the street - very white,
put on a powder blue T-shirt. A man drives - terrace to get down to
Hawthorne Blvd. Gail asks about my dream books.

4/12/00 Linda telling me how to do something. Yardsale. Oriental dresses
- rough jute tops with cylinder buttons. A size zero dress. Some
thermometers - limit three. Scenes from different seasons, various years.
Some old plastic ones from old days. New ones - acrylic. Boots, size 6 ½.
One on ground, one in plastic bag. Driving down short road to town;
seaside. Worse drive in winter, Redondo Pier area.

4/13/00 A man with $100 change at a bar. Also a check for $10,000 on the
first line and $4055.54 on the second line. Aunt Judy is the
bartender/casier. Guy wearing white pants goes to call someone.

4/15/00 Because you're wary of conversations, sound tracks. Sheila, we
have to go on the 19th with something else. Young couple swimming up a
stream - eating food floating in the water. Drinking water from the stream
as they swim. Sit on blanket by pond - say worth $50. Girl says, you
arranged this. Guy wants sex morning and noon. White guy and black guy
with shaved heads, blond girl. Linda, man says, look - spits. Their
spiders that look like spots. She grabs her blouse off. Before that - I
take my little brother and Mom's clothes out of closet and pile them
outside. A tall pile - wood and ashtrays at bottom. Supposed to rain
tomorrow. Go somewhere with woman secretaries - watch for reports I can get
there. I predict some small thing that will happen. Girl in trouble, she
has an ax and chops someone's porch and scrapes with it under the front
door. Roz - too much work piled up. New Major leaves out the front door.
Fucking morning and noon. My brother missing a couple of classes for
certification in another state. French bread, that's what really mattered.
Buying groceries - decide on bread. Angry girl cuts off penises of men in
meeting. Jumps on them and snips off with scissors. Own apartment -70% of
employees do something. Children endangered by dust or asbestos. Club in
Japan - vacuum cleaner comes along. We're gaining enough little things. I
could just write them down. Drive nice car - Cadillac. Girl has to go to
emergency room - first aid kit not enough. Powerful politician in the past
illuminated all plants. Man says his were 49 inches and 46 inches (photos)
waist and chest. Chatsworth to go knit; dimes fall out of my purse. Tony
Escobar. Miss this recently. Voice says, "give her a bath." Aisha - I
say she had one last night. Window - bed, several people on it. Three baby
rabbits in a triangle. Always put them out on Monday. That little fat lady
can sing.

4/16/00 You push that button. Six new plants on Mom's long white table in
the porch. Some orchids. I keep eating rabbit pellets - some have beef -
spilled on floor. A box of candy, nothing to eat. 70 - some woman's plant
looks like a sword. I iron a pile of dampened clothes. One iron is a
"silver spoon". A mess in room, then all cleaned up and put away - cleaning
and shopping. Not my house. Woman from box of candy, sorry for work
problem. Small couch in a room full of furniture. New - slides under the
other couch - floor must be slanted. A girl has the other stool up in her
room. Other rooms in the building have costumes for actors, woman packing,
cartons of sink scrubber and Epsom salts and vitamins. Baby bed in another
room - two kids about 3 and 5. Path along cliff, beside another cliff.
Houses up there. Drive past the old house - moved. 800 + 800 = 1600.
Fighting, losing eyes. Many people. Computer run. Dad's house, hamburger
pizza, garbage by stove. Danny Lovett comes to pick up winter coats - a lot
of cloth ones and one fur coat. Shed behind three bushes. Burn trash five
times - try to burn metal stuff and shoes. A baby that likes to go around
peeing on women's dresses - making them go, "ooh." Shirley tells me thanks
for helping her clean the bathroom. I'm staying at Dad's when she's a
teenager. Cuban courtesy tour more scary than war.

4/7/00 Curtains on ground, favorite clothes in laundry, man's clothes I
wore - must wash - T-shirt and cowboy boots size 8 ½. Dry with hair dryer.
I climb up a ladder - stop onto steps. Man steadies me from behind, pushes
butt. I set up a machine for reading a long piece of tape - holes along
both sides. This is the second time - I know which way it goes and which
buttons to push. Man throws Easy Reader on my feet and says it doesn't make
sense. I have to read and explain whole article. Dictionary full of words
- red one. Help desk called. Woman gets $10,000 from the doctor. Woman
shook out of truck. George or some man working on graphics for price tag,
summary bill. Also different room plans. One built shelves over a row of
wheelchairs. Artist is nude - I touch ball, he falls off chair.
Combination on door is 406. has idea how room looks best. I read the
newspaper in a waiting room. I eat soup while walking up stairs. Woman
steadies me. Gold ring with blue rubber band inside. A little dog - white
with a pink stripe on a blanket like that. I pick up blanket and all to
carry him. Another woman comes up. Nude.

4/18/00 Pat dies and her husband sends an email describing where he buried
her. I have a newborn, naked baby in my arms and go out the front door. It
isn't there by that bush, or by the front sidewalk on the little hill. It's
by the garage - under the sidewalk on the property line. Decorated with a
fuzzy deep blue throw with white stars on it, gauzy cloth. A voice says her
head is buried under a glove compartment. Looking for a dry spot on lawn it
sit - sprinklers are on. Bunkbeds. A girl dropped off - vie de loca song
on radio. Flesh color lace underpants. I go to doctor - shower room -
bleeding just started. A lot of baby animals, rabbits on the ground.
Chicks that can't hold their heads up in an incubator. Two squirrels among
the rabbits. One picks up a pepper from the ground. Voice says, he's not
hungry, just always looking. Socks and underwear rolled up into balls in
refrigerator like lunches. They turn into Easter ornaments that hang by
their paws on glasses. I'm reading them still.

4/19/00 I'm going to drink and I'll get drunk and I'll write - I'm
flattered. So I came back and I paid 6. 50, long crabgrass.

4/20/00 My cubicle. A list of computer stuff. The first is "make
backgrounds" like big-name painters had. This runs things like coupons,
news events. Big game background is Seattle or rain-forest. Pam coughing.
Junior - wife is (Lito's voice). In $5. make background for the dinosaur
show. Make background, daily increments, people coming by - like Tony, very
social. Red dot - folded down, on my computer monitor. Four people per day
usually lose something in computer.

4/21/00 Party - Maj Lane Smail takes off - Thurston goes after him with me.
W Pico Blve - road through green valley - then up a steep gravel road. My
siblings take turns visiting each other. A pile of bones on the ground,
voice says, that's how far I got. My brother is a baby hanging in a cradle
board on a bottom rib. Picnic. Pile of manure along edge in some weeds. I
make some chicken slices on a woven bag, but it had manure in it. People
said it looked like Adams house but she thought French or Medieval. Bread
with pins in it - fish bones. Negliges like my slips, also 12. Can of
coins. Queta working at chiropractor; I forget it. Put forward on phone -
line is cut, propellers over the receiver. Packages to mailin a flat box.
First two to San Francisco and New York. Answer in one day maybe. Reading
numbers - P1 number on a newspaper in a computer. Line-up of men in it -
businessmen, have badges with numbers. Daycare or school; one kid crawls
like a nerf slinky - soft plastic.

4/22/00 It doesn't get any better through the crowd. Skinned knee
(wounded) need bandage/bandaide. Man asleep on couch in a woman's office
while I talk to her - she's my boss. It's 4 - it's not a matter of taste.
Good bicycle most of the time. Small volcano - not like the ones on TV.
Waxing moral - ground slippery - Tibet. "6" on a little sticker; I was
helping him get well. Manager does trick with TV - look in circles and
picture seems to move. Door is open, Janet Kastor comes in and wants her
potato peeler. Mom's ex-husband is also hers. There are canned goods on a
high shelf. I walk back with her - wearing a khaki shirt and underpants.
Then I take a green shirt from another woman. I'm getting ready to leave -
look through a book or scrapbook. Mom is locked in her house; glass door I
knock on. Man and I go around to back door. Woman knows the combination to
get in - in letters, words to remember it. In the mailbox are a whole pile
of King's brochures. There are several mailboxes for sorting the mail.
Woman says she'll get married several more times (Mom) before she retires
and settles down with Mr. Right. Customize, two weeks later. Go, this
might really press into the station. I tried on dress that day after I was
sick; long dark dress; I'll never forget. Make fun - has money but not on
the bed. Bald headed kid under the cover - skinhead. Mom's house, maybe
young Dad. Eyes cloning, but how could you (keep principals). I'm walking
along a highway to school in Los Angeles. I decide to cut through, cross a
cornfield, then dirt in terraces with plants far apart. Top is steep - a
shed up there with bed, glasses beside one on a table - someone was reading
in bed. Man outside says someone has died so he can't borrow the book,
Black Beauty. He'll have to rely on my reading of the classics. I don't
see the city down below, except for some traffic in a hole. That's Diamond
Bar beyond that, the direction I need to go is along the ridge (I guess).
Voice says I'm right - to school. There are kids on their way to school
(some Polish) - Patty McDonald. Woman cut up on the bed - some kids say.
Make-over; firm butt and boobs. Movie, lawyer who had no flaws in his legal
defenses talks about flaws in his language. It takes 2 ½ hours and we only
have 30 minutes. Wall only good for newcomers; tear it down.

4/23/00 I have to do something to see if it works; a man helps me - he'll
try it first. Cooking at Dad's house. No bread for sandwiches so I cook
noodles. They're in balls like birds nests. Too much vegetables and blue
rocks, can't even stir it. Ed Cross comes up and asks me questions about
cooking. Dad is already eating. Queta puts dishes in water and says, "It's
a job washing dishes in a dog shelter." [Dad had a delusion that he was
ugly and told me he didn't like going in public with his family because he
was afraid someone would remark on his ugliness and we'd hear them.] then
someone is driving the car - past Bruce
s - asks if he's happy - from the Eisenhower era. He's on the phone, says,
just a minute, then comes into sight. Backs on and on, past mailboxes, to
an over-view of a dam being built or drained. Roger involved as accountant.
Town on the other side with a spotlight or setting sun on it. Gary grabs
the camera and takes it - says he knows how now - finger over the lens, I
move his finger. 17 pictures, then zero. It's on a muddy hillside down to
a river below. Walking back up hill to car, Mom and Sandy ahead of me. I'm
walking near a woman who wants to carry the camera. She's wearing a rough
burlap green dress; short and broad. She has the camera in some papers in
her purse. I ask if she's going to pay to develop them. She says, "yes."
I say I will. She has a knife in her purse and says it reminds her not to
eat bologna. Woman's voice, when get money, interest in your friend.

4/24/00 Girl with one leg and arm. Mom has breast cancer. Time to use the
inhaler - someone pregnant at work - older woman. 6 foot 6 inches.

4/25/00 Ship battle. I knock the weapon out of a Major's hands. It's
Caribbean, maybe. I step off of a broken board and it gives straight up and
sinks. A voice says, are you pregnant? Ship on limestone outcropping in
the ocean. Long bicycle ride - pile of change, stamps. Cards of cut-out
animals and girl/kid shape.

4/26/00 He must have survived his hour in bed. Sewing contest. Walking
down a grassy trail - jogging - bicycle tire wide. Passes a big arena. I
was at a class or exhibition. Sun still up. Kids singing about danger. I
have a purse, long handles. Sweater - I made a pink, thick sweater with big
metal buttons. Embroidery on top of the knitting. Very tight across
stomach. Two women made T-shirts alike, aplice scenes of tan on blue,
embroidery. This is in a nice neighborhood, like Beverly Hills. I float,
hard to walk. Man drives me home. Necklaces, porch/kitchen, new modern
house. Stove is new. Young blond cooks. Porch goes along sidewalk to the
end of the block - could walk inside to there. Paying Oriental woman -
$12.50 bill, $5 - several $1. $5 very worn or washed. I can pay for
several years. I would be 80 at a certain point if I lived that long. 5
years. Oriental woman overlooking ocean - big windows. Art arrangements,
boats.

4/27/00 Starting place - some charts for something that got deleted. They
were about healing or dogs. I'm anxious. Eight is deleted also. Numbers -
six of them. One is two digit. People take their place - a row of people.
They won't make any exceptions. A project where you have to recreate a
photo. Things in photo - saddles on ground, office supplies, stuffed otter
and sheep (curly). One woman dressed in layers of black. A trailer and
farmhouse. Boys say they didn't like trailer - has a ghost in the front
window. [I did see a blond guy with disheveled hair running up the hill to
the trailer when I went out of my body while attempting hypnotism. First my
hand felt like it was floating, then the next thing I knew, I was standing
outside the trailer out of my body on the front wood step and the man was
running very fast towards me with his body elongated in long steps to my
left, up the hillside through the trees.] man, skinny tall blond, gets in -
I have to stand on the seat to see out the windshield. He backs down a
narrow, rocky road. I'm by rear-view on passenger side - he'll have them
widen the road 8-15 inches. Orange county, Thursday addresses for
paychecks. My address is wrong on one return part - doesn't say Lawndale.
Starts out with redhead at crossroads telling me which way to go.
Fearfulquence - fearful incident or consequence or incidence. Some of the
Indians lose 5 pounds. Two piles of clothes, grow together like insides
after operation. Operation could have taken but now gone. Woman says same
thing as man - global warming, more diseases and insects.

4/28/00 A pair of pants sucked into the car engine. Wrangler, second pair.
Floor - metal grid that vibrates and sings a song when you step on it with
hard shoes. Faith wants for March of Dimes and gets tiny blister. Dance
class, choreographed by itself. Teacher says you shouldn't get very far
from your spot. One student looks at her. I have a set of encyclopedias at
work. One woman works in a cornfield. She says they are too ironic and
don't have enough character development. There was a dead small animal
(possum) in the driveway. A clump of grass in the lawn there now. I tell
you but now she doesn't; girls, it wasn't so bad - maracas sound. Can't
dance and sing/talk at the same time. Probably not prosecuted, but. I
might buy big vices. Fish in the river (Carlos Casteneda). An artist, I
felt like I felt, on riso. Copy room, stayed in the same place. Even road
trip. Rabbits watching the kids disappear; small brown rabbit eaten by cat.
Big barbeque tomorrow, can't go. Toolbox, blond - very straight white blond
hair - in play area talking to man. One fell swoop; candy bar behind paper
cutter. Mustn't go into prison camp at 5 or 6 - fur rancher. You've read
more and more over the years (contract law) - short curly blond. It's all
taken care of, especially change name. Then you'll have to keep it, number
one. I don't have any clothes to wear either, either clothes or food. How
many know their character (previous lives) or think they know. What gets
said, you get conflicts of interest. Won't mess with this world that type -
on ship means nothing. Remodeling house, remodeling shopping center.

4/29/00 A special software or cage where the baby rabbits can get wedged in
the crack for sale - pile of it at Robinson-May in white boxes - flat ones.
Tsunami in Los Angeles, people running along beach. No one listens to me at
first, then everyone does. My friend sits with someone else on the bus -
seat ahead. Other girls wear silvery dresses. My dress has a wet panel in
the front. Then other girls copy me - wear old clothes. Blue on one women,
baggy. White on another. Another man takes my side - a Jewish/Indian
looking man. He waits for me at the top of the hill; when I get there, he's
holding a little girl who has a problem. I check my computer in my old
room. Window open. Movie on big screen of tsunami. Two little girls in
yard talking - their dad is going to buy a house. Statue in window. Your
Dad had the airplane ticket. I'm sitting alone on the bus, too fat. Two
ears of corn on the ground at the corner at Artesia and Aviaton. Man slaps
my hand, says don't you be calling that a marshmallow. She's got to have
help, she doesn't know how to climb. Pneumonia; tiny dresses, short. No
one else noticed. The ones we thought would, clearing the table. Proof of
everything; you've got to be kidding (receipts). What happens to the next
social/socialist committee. Woman tired - 6:30; I got some boxes.

4/30/00 The rain - come back without the children - bar tender, tough
women. The young thighs will not take my. Women in dressing rooms - my
pile of clothes, white. Three colors of shirts. Revision (is that for).
You never told me what you're going to do, right? On the bottom of the doll
a problem we have to face up to. A different place - at least four times.
Can't keep his cat under control bejibes. Picture of girl turns into a cat.
Tempted to throw everything at ya - rugs dirty. Color, he's nothing.
Looking for new furniture or new pole lamps; hanging them - fluorescent
light bulbs.

5/1/00 George W. Carver. He protected the people by discovering a plant
strain. Logic. Strand - Mike Dafforn jumps in water in his suit. I have a
towel. Walk back to luggage. My towel turns orange. Set of perfume
salesmen samples in drawers. I have a test or lesson to read. It was how
to step from one spot to another moving. Someone becomes an expert in ID,
Rosetti and his subjects. Something left - eye of rabbit open when he died.
Screen may come between remarks of present or past. Male rabbit has new
cage - window is out - wire gone - wild one; has females, two babies - one
dark brown and one light brown. Only the Genose showed its cold outward
regard for dying. I rollerskate through gas station to apartment - back to
grocery store where I work. Computer games, pink dress with waist and lace
eyelet holes - people in wheelchairs in aisles of grocery store. Fireman
comes in and kisses me - I'm working on computer. Snow on a cucumber plant.
Rabbits will die, in her pocket? She drinks like a fish (lion). She says
God doesn't want her dead, block of wood. Just seemed like a little town to
me - don't mess with it. Lobby of doctor's office (Axminsters Group) with
woman reading in burgundy dress - short dark hair. A lot of rabbits in a
manger like cows - clean up manure in morning. Birthmark on stomach - wine
color. Freshwater pearl necklace has about 50 fake ones. You can't control
it from over there with the kids.

5/2/00 The lines give the bloodlines a distinct advantage. Little girl
tells me lotions from New York will be popular this year. A bus -
cinnamon flavored bread on the ledge next to the driver ( I saved for
breakfast) sour taste - very tough; makes me nauseous. A man gets on the
bus and stumbles; asks me if a certain contract is done at the bottom of the
hill. I saw a sign that said F-5, but don't know. He says quietly that all
the contract(s) will be gone soon.

5/3/00 Submunitions. I'm in a burrow in the ground. My friend, Gilliam.
AOIURL. Bill Schabilian says I'm three strikes. Plants yellow, dying in
pots - sprouts everywhere on stairs - growing out of wood, metal lock -
can't tell what plant, large leaves, maybe sunflowers.

5/4/00 Costs a little more. He tries to bury his wife into submission. 29
cents, that's how much it costs to die in the hospital. Held hostage -
phone has push buttons, oldest standing beef cow in charge.

5/5/00 Rabbit is so long he makes three packages of meat. Stays trapped
three hours before found. Traveling through long building. Guard gives man
and I passes. Computer or rabbit goes too. Work assigned - to union
meeting room. That's why people are afraid to buy a baby. Will come
whenever you're ready. One woman caught three years in man robot's body.
Blue short sleeved sweater. Takeover robbery; casino or clerk - men
organize group - sit people in bleachers.

5/6/00 Hit on kidney - punch (right).

5/7/00 Retro-active dating of experience to current series. Mike is
supervisor ever since 1962. When pigs can't fly anymore. Player juggles
chicken and egg. My brother has some clams (baby clam is hero) he caught
and put on soft dirt by the tree at the old house. They were on top of the
ground by the creek. I look for water for them. There's a faucet with key
in driveway, water standing in ditch, rusting file cabinets, man looking in.
Ice in driveway with water beneath it. Dad's house - one blue bedroom just
has bed, cases by wall, lamp - very bare and neat. Mirror on dressing table
is cloudy, can't see. I put something on the bench and spray it with water.
Several beds - two in my room, one is bunk bed. Black Vaseline, I can
masturbate - feel size of vagina and ass (baby comes out). Someone says
their relative was a dwarf. Voice asks if it was kingly (under throne).
Was a heroic clam, with parents together.

5/8/00 The rabbits are too big; they're going to die. Rabbit flying
through air, is a model like Titanic with decks and staterooms or a wood
puzzle with slots with space between them. Voice telling how thick the wood
is on the rabbit ship - six feet. Shed, I can't get off the Tommy T-shirt.
Black guy, big cock, falls asleep. Another man hands me a camera as I pass
him - looks like Mission Impossible guy; I have on his jeans, too tight.
Camera, he explains, is 3D - can load two rolls of film; psychotic dwarves.
A man tries to get my camera. I film psychotic dwarves in a trench. Girl
in pink matching baby clothes, I back off camera - can't find off switch.
Go back upstairs, people saving license plates and magazines. Two girls
think only Michael J. Fox is good looking but has sleepy eyes. Up to attic,
guy cooking in first room, mother yells - very crowded city -- a lot of
people living in attic. Smoke through door (trapdoor) - man says this is
the second fire this week - will wipe them out. I walk through telling
people to run - fire - tiny Oriental girl like a ball. Girl playing with
dolls; I carry them out. No fire - everyone goes back in. house needs
furniture - going to have a lot of wine in there too. Why picking on me -
unique powerful diamonds. The difference between the Arctic and Antarctic
can't be left alone. Antarctic no people, trip cancelled. My wife whom I
avoid. Million dollar winnings, can pay doctor bill. Lunch box - take sex
out and materialize it, can't afford this. Hot.

5/9/00 June and Johnnie Cash under a tree covered with an ice storm. Young
guys, I roller skate up a hill at Dad's - over grassy lawn. Someone
invented minimalism or nilhism - came back from somewhere, had only a tiny
lizard on her finger. Threw away a piece of paper and it was art. Rabbits
- one female's ear amputated, other one covered in red (blood) has broken
leg or injured leg. Whole sack of babies I've been castrating and setting
free or throwing to predators. Sorted by colors, then I pick them up and
put them back in cage. Squirrels come into room following a trail of string
on the floor. Breakfast cereal with thongs - large men's sizes too. Sonny
Bono, Greg Allman, Augustine - Pre-Cretan.

5/10/00 Cleaning up files at work.

5/11/00 Christmas tree - lights don't light up anymore - special ones with
an extra fuse that lights up Barbie's feet. I turn the switch and turn it
on. Rain when pull the fuses out at the base. Steve goes with Aisha to the
dentist, big white dog - dentist says name is Jaws. Shopping list for
office - list of supplies Pat ordered last week. One is new rug or
sheepskin for dog. Pan lid clicks. Need new place to live, blow up one
tenant.

5/12/00 A room with boards on the front wall. A man is operating and
preparing another man at the same time. At certain minutes he pulls another
layer of board with the next instruction. A woman says she'll tell me what
people's insides look like. I tell her I've already operated on all of them
(stomachs) and know what was in their stomachs. She protests; I say Bernie
is a doctor and he was there. I'm waiting in line to pay a bill at a
hospital, there are two - one is for a baby's birth. I've already had a
vacation. People are leaving on theirs. A sink in a bathroom, I wash face.
People hear helicopters and want to kick everyone out. I'm very pretty, I
have a scarf and wash my face - very dark make-up on eyes. One patient left
- Linda. In Africa - name is Letcher or Ledger (a bill) or leader or
leaver. Cat always trying to hang around car engine. Some operation, an
old man is uncomfortable with it. Licensed for use and personal or
personnel grief counselors. Joye on diet, new clothes. In the operating
room we're all doctors. Blond girl from high school visits, eats cereal,
ice - ice cube chunks of meatloaf; I'm wearing my bikini and a white shirt.
More visitors - to do a play. One arrested for shoplifting in New Mexico.
Girl has blue (pale blue letter jacket) confiscated by man in truck - semi
of down jackets, etc. Pony I'm riding out of a building and down some
groundcover to catch up with a man and a girl. Nose stopped up - put ice
cubes on it. Pony goes under the wall on the balcony, could fly down the
high railing side. Raining - hard to stay on bareback - I grip with thighs.
As long as you tell them it's not personal - fly run off the wall doesn't
want to take her away from me. Movie connections to past; dark-haired girl
is shy. Dumpster out on porch - I pull out a plant and dump dirt.

5/13/00 Use to work at Maytag; Japanese furniture making - learn it. Miss
Texas, born in Minnesota. Rabbits so full the gray male pushes off the lid
and almost escapes. At work, pile of small printing quality assurance
defects; I'm trying to decide what to do. I work on a beeper with messages
on the screen for different computers to connect - I set them up for
someone. Retired man in easy chair, then bed. Woman in red dress - had
accident. Drives to school, with damaged vans - changes to white shorts,
school. Woman on TV tells about how to dress - dressed in pink. Little boy
playing at dark beach under a tree on the sand says, "here I am."

5/14/00 No momentary brush/on the tires/led to a delay/on tea lane. My
brush falls on the ground and a cat runs by. I chase the cat into a vacant
lot. Jesse is getting a woman's high heel out of the mud. His white
jacket is all muddy. Pig manure. He throws the high heel. Churchill has
taught us patience to wait a long time. Synchronicity. Those lines should
have gone right together - $16 to Schindlers List - money off Sandy's
painting (barter system). Teach kids to weed the garden, find out what it
is and keep it. Jesse 32:1. I fix three dummies hair and make cinnamon
toast. A card, list of paragraphs. Good, driving Toots and me crazy.
Stuffed animals cleaned and returned. One was a big frog - pick among
three. Sandy picked it. I finish a revolutionary tract, address care of
some other group. Orange County line, in pencil - I can erase - spelled
Orange Cunty or Couty. I come back to the living room and the kids have
rearranged the furniture, less crowded. War toys on the shelf - toy
soldiers, very large, plastic in bright colors (blue, pink, yellow green).
Glass animals/depression glass chicks and ducks. Beads on shelf.

5/15/00 Some salaries paid by China or Japan (red and yellow). Faith
checks these. White California rabbit is hopping funny, it hops into the
river, then a fish tank beside

the river on the road. Toilet, no hole in
lid - someone peed on lid - small hole at back. Walking in a meadow after
checking why Jim has only 400 hours and he says he has 450. he picks some
yellow alfalfa to set a bug free and it flies into the air carrying the
sprig. Another flying creature is in the air; the bug lands on something in
mid-air, then flies back down. Demonstration against government - some tall
men throw boxes of things deformed by pollution - watermelons, bananas (too
short), strawberries at me - don't hit my feet. Then plums that look fine.
They begin throwing them like baseballs to little Japanese boys and other
far out in field. Some people out at sea have to swim from missile, blows
up, huge explosion. Blond girl eating custard, two types I say, but it's
rice in one compartment of TV dinners. I add two hotdogs; there's Spanish
rice on my spoon; meatloaf with tomato sauce. Mashed potatoes turn to rice;
turkey slices. The girl doesn't like vegetable hotdogs. The custard turns
to very tender soufflé. They outswam the missile and jumped up in the boat
or back of a pick-up. She points behind her and says it was "right there."
Rescued people getting off boat - woman says her husband told her she was
different/deficient. Tall blondish man says he's Spanish and he loves a
"married" woman from the refugees; she's Spanish and short. Some dirty
tramps and I try to sneak in to work.

5/16/00 Have to list two bills, landlord and I take a blood test. Big
razor blade like at Free Clinic to take the blood - woman goes first. Owner
is nurse, says, lets see your nursing skills - have to do it yourself. It
is a big house with a lot of people sitting around. Man is using a knife
instead (two blade pocket knife) I print out formulas from a computer, some
paper is printed with camophlage - military report. Man says another list is
the one usually used. Woman doesn't like him. Volunteering at a pet
shelter - the pets are very expensive. Yellow linen dress; I'm naked but no
one notices. Maid playing/chasing a little girl - ruffled collar. Two long
wires hooked to a metal post - piles of clothes - are you still against
nature. White blouse see through with light - black throws shadows (breasts
do).

6/1/00 Bernie says something to Willie Robles... voice, "are you still
trying to fuck him?" Woman says she did. Chicago group tells me a man
likes pain - inflicting pain or seeing people in pain. Playroom, I kick
balloons with my knees in doorway. Janitors or computer repairmen have to
bleach some drawers, takes more than 10 minutes. Wed or Thurs, the best
days to fix up dog bites.

6/2/00 A party, a cake with flowers - some are pale yellow, some darker
dandelion flowers. Lilies in a flat basket. A hotel, no water in toilet.
Maid uses another room - tall redhead, blue uniform with white apron.
Bathroom is full, I wait. Tourists come in - several men and a woman -
pictures on wall. Map to oriental - legend 10 on bamboo. Fighting (going
with flow) green dress. Woman's jewelry collection. I clean apartment and
throw out some large troughs of oranges and squash. There are small carved
stones in there - hypnotism circle - a Buddhist statue, a green fairy, a
rabbit, a button like a polished rock, a polished rock, an orange owl.
Voice says to only keep two - polished button and ..... a carved horse,
can't stand up - bones wrong. I go upstairs looking for a woman who helps
me with my work. She says they have trouble writing the endings now. The
president is a problem; it's a college. She (black woman with a narrow
face, casual cotton dress) has jewelry; a large paper mache thing - a shark
with a green, strange, bony face - a spiral bone. Fish thawing - trout or
whiting. Terri on a motorcycle.

6/3/00 Bernie shows me four gardens at work. They have hedges trimmed like
a lawn chairs and metal folding chairs beside them. The manager says her
lawn chair plant is not doing very well - not full. The plant is in my
picture box also. Gram Esther's house - blankets in yard to lay out. Blond
and redheaded girls on bikes - then they play basketball and the blond flies
through the air instead of the ball. A mother in England gets off a bus -
bus driver tells her about breast cancer. Then social worker comes out to
lobby where two male relatives are sitting and says to fill out their
problem - especially homelessness and excessive daytime sleepiness. They
are supervisors at their jobs and are reading (and the social worker doesn't
know) in the waiting room. Making coffee with cocoa and milk. Coffee is
instant and dried up in the container; pregnant, shouldn't drink it.

6/4/00 store going out of business - Kaybee Toys. Empty shelves near
front. Green triangles in dreams for 34 dream versions. There are 34
brides. There is another dream code also - on dream walkers or dream weeks.
I'm at work on the computer until 10:30 PM. Open sewer grating at work that
I fall in - grab grating. Northrop suggestion, put a bench down there.
Pat's work kept Northrop guy (Jerry) from getting a raise; she has make-up
and new clothes. People moving around at work - DCAA employees. Why so
many women get pregnant at Northrop. I'm trying to pee in a pot up on top
of my desk. Vietnamese man tells me to get down. Wine bottle - Bernie's -
I drink some other drink. Man trips and falls, needs operation in lower
abdomen - someone says to leave the balls or he can't have children.
Manager has another baby - a boy. By the time I see her, she's had it
already a couple of days before. Jesse with pacifier; says I'll have to
move file and delete (printing jobs) after Pat leaves. He was shocked when
I did go to file accidentally once. Working, I am at a different computer
and it's 7:30 when I notice the time. Different people working then.

6/5/00 people dipping their fingernails into real gold dust to decorate
them. I am driving - this is since May 1st. Lie next to each other; stop
at that. I wanted you to take it up, hem of dress, take it in. Three men,
policeman - very thin - has needle. I run through woods, gold watch. Red
car breaks down, recreation area with games. A farm, goats; gun shoots, but
not man. Restraints on hands and feet; sedation; red, green, white shots.
Road with "E" on sand.

6/6/00 the dog used to be a smoke dog. Rain, shoes, paper, fruit.

6/7/00 if you attack a roll of coins - a week later. One by one they're
going out for the weekend. Movie Legend of Antilles - no tickets left. 1-3
days pick up making a tape of some couples and their children. Two kids
named Carl, Jr (Gary) and a fighting couple.

6/8/00 tall woman dressed in red sweater - boyfriend proposed. Books I
left behind - children's book; girl lied so she didn't have to give it back
(new books). List of books on a paper for classes. Old woman - two guns
(political cause). Old man's Jack Daniels bottle. Walking under railroad
tracks above street. Arranging books in a house to make room for something
else. A Bible. There's going to be a lie detector test. I think about
lying anyway - what does it matter. Nothing is very important. Some games
other people are playing. Pop war; writing bills. Reinforce IQ; half the
numbers are hell. School - girl with face and clothes painted blue sitting
in doorway. Door firmly shut. I was working on art project. She says to
look at the pictures on each door. One is lion, sink, mild soap, law books
with Ottica and a child molester. California code - two girls sitting here
doing report, trucks. Teacher helped me before. I feel 50, remember when I
was 30. Bernie helps me look in refrigerator for my water; there's a pizza
cheese sprinkled bread. A baby's head sitting on counter where dish drainer
would be. I say it's possible to put it back on before the mother gets home
and sees it. A baby talking on the telephone - I mean Yo Ho idiot.
Timecards have to be handed in at the end of each week. Ms Ross. Man
leaves on Thursday; so do I. My timecard is flesh color with a flesh color
report following it. Man across table; timecards revert to old ones. I
work on numbers; other people have hard, dangerous jobs. I talk to someone
and then I'm afraid they'll leave - rainbow never. Guy has to wash all of a
double driveway. Robinsons-May, by that name dominate card. Blue and white
covered bowl. Rabbits ears stand up, licks lips - gray, wild looking, will
be eaten up sharply - means waste. CDs on stock car race track. Great
height - next paper.

6/11/00 at a resort or park. I dress in stiff gold fabric - long dress,
full skirt. Shoes. A whole closet full of coats - I wear a blond, fuzzy
sweater. A lot of hair falls out - very curly. Can't find purse or
deodorant; see myself outside body. Two children playing, girl and boy.
Boy was away; I tell him I was treating the girl as an only child several
days; can't find purse. Some kind of warning on platonic behaviors; dream
chapter - one page. Salary is $25,000. park has talks on geography by
rangers. Little blond girl sings with me - I'm trying to remember the words
to By the Time I Get to Phoenix. I think they're - By the Time I Get to
Phoenix I'll be Tired. $5,000 raise for someone, from $21,068 to $26,068.
Beach at San Pedro or Hyperion. Go around, water is blue again. Walk in
right direction. Very sick thin black puppy. White or peach dress, knit
top. Oriental woman over stressed. Furnace broken - this is hardly a blow
over all - now I have a house.

6/12/00 don't eat that honey. I asked him about the coconut and he said
he'd have to sit there in church. Something wrong - called mycelin 12.
that is the medicine for - on my head or... A couple of months. Poem, the
bell weather is changing mycelin 12 to something else - we must change with
the times. A new house; has a room, second floor, with no roof. I have 6-7
bamboos. A grate where I can hear an old man down below. Doors and windows
going into other parts of the house. A woman asks if it's good that I can
see into the other rooms. Little girls tell me you must ask before you come
in. Window seat with American Indian art. I write something long - a book.


6/13/00 boss - trip across the west from east. Doesn't tell anyone past
Nebraska he's there. Passes Ohio, tells Iowa. Then Iowa, press releases in
Nebraska. Driving - cook-out ahead, have to wait. Two girls fixing the
outside of a house, let themselves down on ropes. Then one bashes the other
one against the wall. Many windows on one side, no order to the numbering
system. I think about how I'd look in a new car.

6/14/00 butt dragging. Uprising in Africa (maybe against farmers). Family
flees to airport - man and kids want to take a lot of stuff, woman gets on
plane as soon as it lands and others get off. Kids from uprising follow to
plane. Then car, blue station wagon parked behind another car. Bus, have
to run - a passing bicycle pulls me. On the bus, kids are again there. I
sit down and they surround me. We go to the hometown. They go in their
trailer court; walk all the way around Australia. Out the entrance along a
grassy embankment. I stoop and run behind to entrance of wood wall. Grape
vines growing on wall - turning to raisins. Something else to left down
that enclosed walkway.

6/15/00 emergency. Everyone in one area at work - portable computer.
Password is Bronco.

6/16/00 red dot landscape. Living in hotel apartment in Albuquerque. Lots
of large fish in river - some black and white pigs eating underwater.
People helping dismantle an antique store - taking off wall panels, glass
bowls. I work on segments 13-33. Shirley on segment 14 talks about Jewish.
I carry a puppy on its back, it stiffens up. Wakes up around the world
time. Little boy playing in my room, I'm packing to go to college. Bed is
pushed to one side of the room. Young guy talks to me - hold-on - angry.
Alcohol - just using you for a little while then kill you - alcohol same as
caffeine. My mother looking for new farm to buy - for cows and chickens -
is moving.

6/17/00 Roman cities in N Africa. At work - clock moves fast. I think
it's almost 9 PM but then it's 4 PM. Two men tell me their work is done -
one does subliminals. Linda still there and stops to talk to me, says a lot
of peoples work is done and they'll be leaving. Wash green jacket; it fades
yellow, orange and pink on other clothes - but it comes off with a brush.
Clothes pinned to a line (gets on another jacket.) a rock dug out of
driveway - big red one.

6/17/00 continued Putting away groceries on a counter. Might make frozen
meat pies for lunch. Canned peaches in old fashioned canning jar. Too many
dishes in cupboard -- small glass bowls -- small pan for melting butter.
I'm talking about a doctor who is a general practitioner but he does
open-heart surgery. He didn't have time to do something, has three small
kids under seven - youngest is 1-2. I say that he also has UFO interests.
I look up and 1950s cars are in the sky driving from West to East (?)
They're Fords or Chevys. Storm clouds around them. The traffic gets them
in gridlock in the shape of trucks -- like legos. Behind a blue curtain
around a desk. I'm cleaning out my stuff. Bridget or Lynn (from visiting
team) is moving into my desk. They are both GS-13. I say they can keep the
aquarium; it goes best by the window. On my new desk is a jar of water,
with rocks, plant and a big rock. I moved nearby. When I'm behind the blue
curtain there's secret stuff on the desk. Lower and lower plastic bags
something goes in (water) -- one says San Antonio. Then next one ask for
....

6/18/00 At work -- selling pizza with mushroom soup sauce -- no tomatoes,
so I can eat it. New part to office with carnival booth -- Northrop part.
Mike Dafforn tells me about a Boys School with a small hard platform on a
soft mattress. My cousin who died in heart surgery at age 33 (and I dreamed
at that time that I was standing in the hospital with him and then noticed
that the clock didn't move even after we got tired of waiting for quitting
time and went for a break - so I knew someone was dead) is in a cemetery in
Van Meter where they put the body in a press and you can talk to it for $20.
Rent you box. My brother drives there at 80 miles per hour. At Tony
England's (Justice of the Peace) store (son committed suicide in the garage
after high school graduation). Blond tells me it's a vacation week. My
clothes too tight. Blue polka dot in box. $700 to dispose of bodies --
dispose in this way. Now is a good time to buy a Catholic. Can't get new
bodies for the machines. Have to keep the old ones -- on vacation. Girl
playing -- tips off backwards -- hard to catch. One Christmas
plant/poinsettia still alive -- in water, not dirt. Long room, bed up a
step. Beds and couches along edge, built in (black women in there with
George Burns). Cat all torn up by fighting, lightning. Only one chair, I
stand -- circular thing for controlling all appliances. Jesse dressed in
Star Trek clothes, green with stripes along edge. When I'm ready to go,
magazines by door, one says IOWA. Little girl wants me to stay - sits on my
lap. Teachers (2) come to get her -- man and woman. She tells me about kid
buried right where we're standing; he was in the road and the guy who hit
him said, "oh, shit. or oh, God." I pile up books along the wall and make
some potato salad with scrambled eggs instead of boiled.

6/19/00 A series of mistakes -- cook bananas in their skins that were in a
pan with macaroni. Pictures of stars (like baseball cards) filed with
records and magazines (pictures). Picture of wading in a river north of
here. Picture of a lake in Los Angeles (small) near here. Anniversary 1950
to end. Sore on lip from sour peach. Shave series of pictures 'then and
now' of rivers. One with a mill -- has electricity in 1800's and now same
amount of business grinding grain. Los Angeles river wider - thin trickle
then. Drought (creek dry) already in Midwest. Lake, same thing - aerial
view of a round lake, bigger and smaller. Kiss, lips stuck. Man gets up
from desk to go to bathroom -- I assume going out. Cards with pictures of
sky, then moving stars (streaks). Old record albums from the 60-70's.
Interview of old-time singing group stars. They tell their influences. One
says his Mom bought him a Jewish record. Other guy's influence might have
been the Beatles. A pot boiling too fast with rice and spinach mixed
together. Noodles cooked but some are floating still dry in a huge
industrial pot -- a bunch of bananas also floating -- all but one down in
hot water, split open -- others hanging on edge.

6/20/00 My grown daughter -- a wall painted with brush strokes -- curved
concrete wall -- ornamental, doesn't connect to anything, like a curtain. I
didn't know it was painted, start doing it over. Bamboo designs, also some
shoes on highway to Booneville. A construction -- frame of a house, just
poles like a tent. Street -- water on ground looks like river -- man gone
following parade. Laundry, towels on top, underneath, new white clothes.

6/21/00 Someone leaving -- Maria. On her letter it lists her
accomplishments. She can write. She can talk meanly to men. She can do
something outside the Arctic. Talk, especially, mostly to men. Kids canvas
car. Checks and stationary -- checks are Japanese, stationary has fancy
stiff paper folded like accordion. Car dragged on ground; baby gets out. A
couple of things I won't be able to talk about next month. Care, car called
Gloria, Sparky. Plane crash -- get underneath. Something you can do.

6/22/00 Ran out of luck. Collided with Norway 1811. Always arguing --
arguments and ....

6/23/00 Dancing; I relax -- a mirror, a museum, statue of a rabbit turns
into a rabbit with head on one side -- in tunnels, in sand, herds. Looking
at art or map on the wall. Almost heard the answer to something. Bird
lands on my head - there was an eagle, this is a smaller falcon. It gets on
my finger, then in a plastic bag. Rabbits have many tunnels under the
surface of the sand in the opening of their burrow. Vet's office at side --
they stampede there. Metal box cage. Smart kid from school -- talking
about remembering when he was a man. Tall girl with straight or curly dark
hair steps off curb as I accelerate. My hair is curled again - tight curls.
A movie - try not to fall on the men. A lot of very skinny girls -- bony.
Very tall military in various uniforms. [Parakeet landed on my head when I
was 4 and my aunt was visiting. I started crying because it made me feel
ridiculous looking.]

> 8/12/00 That's the way it's going to come out. Cut arms, legs, penis
> off. A man with a knife is chasing me again; I remember to stop and face
> him. First I'm in a country setting or at least lawns. Then a building
> with several floors -- staircase keeps turning -- I'm running down it,
> turning on the landings, jumping down full flights. Chasing me.
>
> 8/13/00 Washing the outsides of the windows in a townhouse with all glass
> -- windows all the way from ground to roof. It starts to rain. So I
> start dusting the inside walls and glass -- have a ladder. Rabbit hair.
> Also watching the kids. Each day a; different person tells a story or has
> a class on something. It's still Santa Monica though. My friends will
> call me, don't you think. I try on some dresses, think about walking
> around work naked to do this. Pink dress. Dad gets home and parks a
> cream color truck and knocks into my ladder. A diamond ring with a small
> flake diamond in the middle and a spiral of larger and larger ones.
> Margeaux uses coupons and buys a ring for $900 also. Another woman with
> very slim fingers says mine are the ugliest she has ever seen -- but hers
> look the same as mine to me. Another ring is an opal surrounded by
> diamonds. Opals are easily damaged.
>
> 8/14/00 After he passes away, he call you. One lousy book -- how to ...
> Man on sand dune -- don't die. Every night - eating in restaurant and
> reading the paper. Should have seen gram list -- very high cross. Did
> you make it? No. Cleaning fish. Based on false teeth. Stop signs - put
> where not needed and where you don't even see them. This is a fourth
> panel -- Tarot cards. Another man chasing me -- I ask, "what do you
> want?" No answer (?) Through gates in a strange city -- leaving hotel.
> I'm lost in a strange city. I ask two men for directions and they just
> laugh. I got onto the wrong freeway; think I heard someone say "Ventura."
> I retrace my steps past different houses from the hospital/mall/food
> court/hotel/dorm where I'd ended up -- there are alot of steps to retrace
> -- wonder I can remember. The rooms are very fancy -- big with fireplaces
> -- ballrooms. I go as far as the freeway again -- through someone's
> fence. Man says to come to his office; it's the suburbs at a park and
> ride for the train and my key opens the trunks on three yellow Datsun
> wagons. It must be the early 70's and everyone is driving them. One guy
> has a suitcase with a jogging suit in his trunk. It is 1 AM by this time.
> I realize that (a very suave Howard type says) that they've been driven
> off at random -- the cars. Fish dream -- surrounded by fish, cleaning
> fish, fish market at the ocean.
>
> 8/15/00 A multitude of sins. A pile of sand to rest my back against on
> the ground -- I have a blanket, curl up, outdoors or underwater. I fall
> down from above and land on some guy's stomach and get off gingerly. Hope
> I didn't hurt him. We walk to where a man butchering a wild boar -- the
> belly looks like green bananas where it's peeled back on each side -- are
> ribs pulled back. It squeals, still alive. Loud screams, high pitched,
> hurt your ears -- there are men standing on both sides of him and I
> squeeze in at his feet. The man I landed on says in my ear that it
> doesn't hurt him. Maybe a bear -- up on a platform -- looks like a man in
> dark pants. Some small animal drained of blood -- got a cut while alive
> -- a bird. A flock of birds I herd along. A man with strong perfume
> walks by -- Hispanic man lying along the wall and I'm sitting along the
> wall. He's covered with newspapers or a blanket. [Kursk dream.]

8/16/00 Out on the road/invisible to me/a decade earlier/you threw rocks at them. C Total Inventory. I park the car to take the bus to work, driver doesn't come so I start to drive the bus (869 maybe). I discuss with another passenger; wants to go to Pico and Arlington. I don't have the schedule and ask her if she knows the route. There are schedules in the front -- I see 861. There will be engineers on the bus later. The other woman goes out the back door as I start out, so I decide to just drive to my job. There's a woman with a lot of small kids sitting by the back door -- C total inventory. Bus turns to bicycle. I still have one passenger -- a man. I get off by dropping the bike -- very high in the air, to go down a steep sandy hill. A hill becomes a stairs with very narrow steps -- about an inch wide, like cliff climbing -- down in a split in the earth. This steep decline is to the east also, but there it's also desert. Other brochures on the bus of nature trips -- describes rocks and animals. A girl follows me down in the split in the earth -- this is a trip to the dentist. She reads aloud -- it's telling her mom what to do, about them. The hole gets filled in while trying to slide down the side of it -- feet of passengers push dirt in. The girl starts driving the bus -- she charges the kids 1 cent and doesn't know how much to charge the moms -- maybe 4 cents. ... How can I save myself after hanging around all day doing this?... Rabbits come and go as they want. Two rabbits side by side under gray tarps. Woman says, look at this one. She's gone. Empty cage. I thought she'd had babies. Put beer in frig for visitors. "Bottle smack it health problems" -- Jim Baber in his office. ... Stuff stored in room, TV or stand, nobody wants her anymore. ... If you don't have anything on legs you get slapped harder (rubber bullets). ... Salabanos -- Mike Dafforn.

8/17/00 Talk to kids, animals. A mirror with a narrow black frame inside a wide white one -- a nice one you gave me. Without a crash, stop a motorcycle. ... Washing dishes, stack dry ones. Meatloaf is buying his own album or appears when a woman is buying it. Cowboy hat, beard, white leather vest and levis. She talks about how they put in a light so you can get out of that. ... Tony's wife sent him a hotdog for lunch; plays baseball. Two men catch ball and tag home -- tag runner out.

8/18/00 I had the ruggy on the freeway listening to music. My sister has no money so she has stuff stuck on the brick wall by the horse racing place to do hair -- says she makes the most doing fills. She's only made enough to buy two beers that day. The she goes and buys Gary a pair of pants with a credit and leaves $3 credit. ... I'm at work, talk to a supervisor about another job -- there's a whole list of them. He won't let me leave - has the key to my car door. Window rolls down, emergency plan in the newspaper. ... Three generals kidnapped in SE Chile. Max Bennett cook. ... A room made of sandstone color stucco or rock. A bench covered with carvings of figures. Guard standing there -- I whisper in his ear -- some rebellion -- The Rock. Looks like mausoleum for Juliette in Romeo and Juliette. My aunt and uncle there -- hallway goes into the house from this outer mausoleum type room with the sarcophagus. Dresses in a clearance room, I try to pick one. A girl asks what weather I predict -- rain. Tent outside house -- she loves the attention -- mother-in-law.

8/19/00 Reading in bed with glasses on -- a science book I bought at the library - pages cut very irregularly. I'm in a sandy resort, grandma's house. The paragraph I read says that other people want to join my lawsuit including organizations, religions, unions, businessmen like Herbalife, Jehovah's Witnesses.

8/20/00 1994 -- move to new place -- fish store moves. Move my clothes. Girl sleeps beside me with hand over head. Ed Guirado at noon -- sees woman dressing, says Macgregor. 13 files and an errant one here and there. Call from New York -- Aliah. Help sense of smell -- helps taste and hearing. I have 50 something between my soul and .... I look in mirror, have ear length blond hair, roommates, mirror in bathroom or closet. Are you going to be our master. I wash this side with hose -- single girlfriend. Ask aquarium people -- already cooked until yesterday.

8/21/00 When she saw the fish she tried to kill it -- cut it in half and put it in a bucket. She wanted to make a Y turn and come back to the fish store. Take me with you. It's all in your head -- go out the side door. Sheila, they say bludgeoned.... I walk over the floor of the people below. Some people are rich and you can't see them down there. The next room is poorer people and I'm walking right over them -- floor is inches above their heads. I go into the room of a family. Three teenagers sleeping on one couch. Some young girls want me to stay with them. Two men in top bunk -- one says, "did you have a good trip?" Woman in bottom bunk. I go to closet to get something to wear; little girl helps me -- she's blond. I try the denim and black corduroy dresses -- black one is partly fitted with white stripe across chest. I walk through an apartment. It's split into layers. One layer has trees and the prices on everything -- biggest discount of $10. Give from outer resources first before you give from inner. We have to take a break and sit on bench at Alondra Park. Sleeping outdoors, starts to rain at 3 AM. I have to wake up at 4 AM. Jesse writes in the guest book and scans it in -- "think small/big." Living in a walk street outside a building in the stairwells. A woman cooks my lunch in the microwave. The cookies got rainwater in them.

8/22/00 Another war very close with Libya. People have to work on Fridays, overtime. Version E could be ready to fly in case of war. All other newest models will fly. Little kid knows batting average/pitching (2.6666) for player not even in the book. ... I talk to a woman on the phone about how they fired the truck driver at Sierra Rubber.... Garbage in the house, woman borrowed my shoes. New people move into our house -- gypsies. They put my green sweater I don't really

have into the dryer and ruin it. They want two closets for their clothing business; woman's kids clean up garbage. Man buys music -- Lyle Lovett or James Taylor. Books of CDs by women singers -- Barbra Streisand or two different Andersons (Pamela Anderson or George Anderson).

8/23/00 Stage of my highschool -- [big wreck/car racing and men on the moon]. Lots of cat pee. Bird cage around part of a jungle scene. Moslem man standing beside it. Marshmallows, peace lovers.

8/24/00 Watch out, keep your head down. A young guy with a surf board, black hair, on a bike wants a tour of the beach. There are so many people swimming that the life guards are moving the wire fences. They yell at a Mike swimming outside the fence. I wake up in the dream and walk quite a ways looking at the scenery. It's underwater. A lot of other people there, I have to concentrate on staying awake, tell someone about it.

8/25/00 4X4 post--used for cat scratching and also TV reception. Someone
fined or cost a lot for house fixed up; John Byrne complaining. A box for
homeless, thermal tan blanket, parking place on a grassy field. Garage
freezes in winter and kills the large trees in pots. Japanese girl taking
over store. Two grapefruit trees losing some leaves, some bare branches.
They're in plant heaven now. A fountain with kids playing in it, or fish.
Airplane plant on top, after another plant was there.... Fish, fish, fish --
I stick my head thru into another world. A mermaid, looks like a woman in a
mermaid suit--standing on a pier.

8/26/00 You can hide a different key; die and free (I think, die and not
free). Fishing in Inglewood ad. No violence. Vote Vivian out at work.
Red bananas on sale next week 3 cents a bunch. Promotions list written on a
card; clerk calls when something on your list goes on sale. Talking about a
man's transfer, he can't leave now. Management transportation business.
Employee meeting, flames 20 feet high in a wall. Several nomadic
women--pick things up off the ground and put them in their packs, stickers.
Two sets of keys held on wall by magnets. I can't go anywhere, cut open,
chest cavity. Underpass last place I saw him. Fishhook warehouse, big hole
in floor in aisles.

8/28/00 The worst thing happened. Nodding off while lying on stomach
looking into a pool of water, head dips into water. Boeing plane lands
close by--highway closed. Two men sneaked out early, Danny, Jeff. I could
get up on a building to see back down the highway down which I came. Nice
cabin, I polish the glass door, girl with boyfriend visits parents. They
have two new girls -- one 17 months appears before my eyes. Now there are
three. One girl is 17, very blond. One has a rock collection with raw jade
necklace beads, interlock in pattern. I put them in aquarium or box for
telescope. Parents say kids can't go to New York, kids can get away by
going to their rooms. Corn frozen in case anyone wants to know the truth
some day, it's something else. Mother says it's snowing out, green lawn
with large white animals, it's really raining. Girl with boyfriend makes
tea, dad stirs in honey, boyfriend comes in from car with their baby -- has
his back to the boyfriend. Dead Indian baby wrapped in wool in a shell.
Empty desk of a man that left, man on phone about problems with his work.
Woman supposed to do something in the fall, blames Alzheimer's. Plantation
owner, daughter playing piano out on the lawn under the trees. Hours that
are wined, dined and whined you might as well spend at home. Do you count
the hours from the north? Research and Development (RD) and Finnegan's
Wake. Change all at once, breaks the routine. I hear myself giving a
speech; pause in the middle/ long pauses.

8/29/00 Pam and I both typing letters, I rewrite the first paragraph -- the
second sentence says to reread this in a year.

8/30/00 The face of the valve. Someone questioning a person in a helmet --
HGO.

8/31/00 Fish tank, choice of things, one is a metallic hair clip. Go to
the doctor to find out what this stream is.

9/1/00 Car hood propped open slightly. Truck parked in Sandy's driveway;
path goes around trees by edge; barbeque on patio. Two men with a dog that
eats my wild grapes--bird poop on them. I picked them; I have a Queens NY
or Queen T-shirt. I sit down, eat macaroni. Two teenaged girls and a
middle aged couple come in--one girl tells what a man said to her (blond
with a big nose). They go into another part of the house which is rich, man
says there may be money hidden there. There is a wobbly wood ladder going
up. Maids in uniforms go up the ladder. Green picnic table, patio above
also. I'm on the ground, truck almost runs me over. At the top there's a
hole in the floor, one woman is talking about a 10-key--it's a nursery or
dorm. There are a lot of rooms around the edge, no way out. A motion
detector. Fur coat tossed on the floor, large round fish bowl. I look at
the fish, but it's a rabbit. A lot of candy for sale, a movie set. Dad's
house, V8 juice, fish for sale in the mini-mart in small
containers--Christmas presents. Dad's lawn has a tunnel for some animal
lined with straw, more than one exit tunnel. The fish dies on it's side in
agony, drawing its legs up.

9/2/00 I return to a dream about two fish, catch them and use them for a
promotion. Low place along a river, tents and piles of belongings of a lot
of people. It rains unexpectedly. One tent blue or green nylon and large.
Part of a thigh called "forward leading". Blond says there's an electrical
plug-in and I could make $1000 a day on Xerox copies alone. I should buy
some letters and put a company name on the tent. I can think of only one
name--Comprex. Already used. Sheila, you can make money. Glad to relieve
myself, I'll give you mine. Small pieces of carpet stored in tents, some
piled like haystacks in the open, torn open like storm. Phoenix or
Albuquerque like LA, big hub, many freeways. I'm going somewhere, Tony
Escobar points out my suitcase was sitting there all night, I'm going into
the bathroom and a man drives up and takes the toothbrushes and paste for
charity. Asked why some still in cellophane. I was going to put some stuff
from my suitcase to my purse--I was going on a long journey. Last night was
this light. Car backfires at freeway, kids find vegetable oil and fish food
in garbage. Denise going on an overseas trip about computers, bag is heavy,
can barely lift it. Very wide notebook with dreams and list of
gods--Bes,Bast Egyptian.

9/3/00 Fish tank, trying to separate out the baby fish. Major changes in
fish tank, directions come from somewhere, new fish. River end, sand up
their butt. Something with daddy and fish. Dan puts a lot of typing on my
desk while others go to a party. It has a note on the top that he started a
rumor that it had to be done. I look through the pile and it's all resumes.
I go to the top of a hill and a little blond girl asks for help, then
whispers, "science" -- 6 of swords maybe. I repeat it too loud and hurt her
ears, mine hurt also, I'm lying down. She has a pretty brocade long blouse
over pink (silk). She's coloring and gluing Ritz crackers on a piece of
paper--connecting designs like ocean, rub with chalk. Voice says, "don't
waste your time." Then, "part would cost $10-15." I run down the hill
(music building at school) and a woman says something I told her about a
relative dying was true. Nellie is sewing a pink cotton loose weave outfit
with short shorts. Look at floor plans has to be fixed, cubicle across from
mine. Pretty blond girl about 7 with almond eyes sits on my lap. Mothers
of autistic children. Nine of pentacles. Satisfaction with your situation.
Ignore your problems, they'll go away on their own. Linen, dishes out in
Dad's yard. Woman talking loud, "they're both cut out." Chronic complainer,
you don't solve problems, you work on them a little each day. Hit the rim.
Chocolate bread with peanuts on top. Japanese tears falling. Bottomless
body, duplex. Brush with death, roughly an hour ago. One hot dog left in a
bag, reach down in a stomach. I see inside, I see clearly. Two school
weeks; a box with layers of different size mice -- blue lid.

9/4/00 Man with high counters behind him, says, I'll pay you on Monday,
that doesn't mean I owe. 34 dots at top, 9 dots; picnic with rented pans.
Never did dry. Sister-in-law ate about $40 food. You saw the cat poop on
the kitchen floor. A crack--sand, dirt, water come in; sand is so
reasonable, 10. Vine growing in a round wood pot. Your face is real good
at shrinking garden; doesn't pick vegetables to sell. You never know what
the next night might bring. Walking from Van Meter, at Stewarts are three
piles of stuff--two watching a game. Woman with two small boxes; tall
policeman says it was a letter bomb. This is a game also, Al has a chair.
Faith has two announcements printed in Basque. Her machine has a drop-down
list only for channel 2, a black man and an ivory lever appear up in
rafters; he pulls it; he pulls it--picture of management support group,
comparing data; can tell everyone but a few women. Man gives
speech--enunciating the characters are plastic figurines. When fixed,
broken it. I don't really remember much. Outline of head against window,
sitting up on couch. Four bodyguard and three other in new files. Virtue
(3 of wands) signifies a stranger. Mary didn't choose. Voice tells two
girls to compare the kind of rubber a man is going to order. I'll say I/you
lost it.

9/5/00 Cross a fence--wood, following a little blond kid. Will it give me
any problems in any other lives I have to live? Letters are even fewer
during the war. Tired of breasts and unhired. Catalysmic--go to Catalina.
Write a thesis or a trivia question. At work on holiday to do payroll, I
also have to make a copy only for the administrative team. One piece of
paper sounds like a buzz saw, it has a gray velvet picture of a baby. A
blouse has beads along the bottom. I try to make a phone call, light off --
student on a ladder, Justin. Jesse leaving--by door; windows of the nursing
home. His wife is there to pick him up--fat blond, long hair; daughter has
red hair, looks like mother. Eagle babies, very fluffy, coming in a crack
in the window, also some other kind of bird. I throw them down to the
ground. There's a nest down there in a firepit (circle of rocks). I check
locks of doors and windows; another new man working with John Byrne, quiet
guy.

9/6/00 Working on something, I have to figure out things about people. An
ocean in Van Meter--waves coming up right around my feet from creek. Rooms,
glass, a row of them with women in them. They each have gifts; the woman in
the last one has white hair, is alone, has head turned and doesn't see the
other women behind her. Has garbage washing around in the surf, across the
concrete slab of her yard. The water is very beneficial, but cold for
swimming. I'm deciding something, walking to my room, have my back to
someone. Ideas that are soft. Pinch girl's waist, she rides on hood.
Choices of women, hives. I sacrifice myself, far away, no clothes; I have
to work my way back. Being adult, eat whatever you want to--looks like Mom,
square jaw, glasses. Bathroom, I take some problem in there. Something in
my folder should do later.

9/7/00 I'm at B-2--badge with fringe, lunch time. Young black guy is the
guard. Dirt washed away, a big box of stuff, a TV. Pick up stuff from box,
compare lunches. Abilities a little different, small animal. Lunch in a
machine. Couple of things, little boy, stork, special guest; she no longer
can be tamed. Cleaning lady wants to mow the bathroom; hits you over the
head.

9/8/00 Most of the tubby tomboys, if he was going to call her. She got
three men for that price; woman complaining about a sale tray of meat.
Other daughter would have to do it. Probably tastes good, good together;
let someone else do the walking and talking. Ocean, beachcombers bar right
on water; wharf, people run down it, down steps to water and run into the
surf. Family comes in behind me, white pants, pink shirt. Girls going out,
dark hair. I see my face in the mirror, carrying a purse and stuffed lion.
Walk through water, out on foot... Walking through Northrop, by cafeteria.
Joan Rivers asleep, I grab her pink scarf by mistake, on both sides.
Outside in the parking lot is the ocean, a lot of men on the sidewalk, many
on the sand. Woman visiting for two weeks. I walk back through the
building and see a map on the wall with numbers 26-32, voice calling tells
me the attic belongs to us. Meeting room, man introduces a newhire from
Louisiana. Fuzzy throw and tall leather boots on sale in a pile like a yard
sale. Man sweating like a shot glass. Later this evening also, you might
want to know. [a couple of numbers from the floor map came up on the lotto
that night.]

9/9/00 Dan drunk, says he can't take anymore of something and is retiring.
I find evidence of something in doctor's driveway,now he has to drive. I
finish a long book, collecting sharp grass for the rabbits, swampy area.
The book has chapters about the lives of different people. Working for food
in the face of mockery. All I do is read and shoot positive across the
computer, glasses and reading light. Done checking the fish, lets get you
back in your hazastat. A book about ghosts turned rotten, have to get back
to reading. Unmistakable mounted lever match up, page blank finally. My
job is to project hope in a world of problems.

9/10/00 I'm going fishing, going to a lake. A beauty queen clears off the
last one foot of snow on the path to open the festival. I skate down the
ice path, then the snow path to a lake. The lake is not frozen in the
middle--open water, frozen along edge. Another smaller lake and an even
smaller one are completely thawed. It begins to rain as I climb down a
tunnel to the first lake--cover of wood over tunnel. Two girls, one blond,
one dark--are going to spread worms on the water to attract the fish. The
dark girl is wearing a flimsy white T-shirt and white shorts, says remember
what we said when we found out we loved each other. A big room, as I enter,
a woman hands me a little viewer and I can see 360 degrees of a card shop
where the cards are arranged by colors. There's a poster with a "6" or "8"
I can't see clearly. [one of those numbers was on the lotto.] An
apartment, three doors to the outside yard or veranda. Copper scrub on one
of three sinks, Andersons and daughter in bedroom. Straighten tails
(supposed to come out here in five minutes). My hair very curly. Next year
I'm not coming back home if I have to pay (everyone has keys to my apartment
to drop off time cards). Mini scary.

9/11/00 Things go backwards; I see the same lotto numbers from the other
dream (written on the wall). A boy does something. Several people
traveling--working on orders. A carful of black radicals. I get in their
car by mistake. My father is a politician; my name is Diana. Later, a
white guy lives on the same street, Gram Esther's yard. I want spaghetti
and make some. A black guy leaves and I'm going to hide in the trees, but
another guy comes in; didn't get the money for the plane tickets--Bruce. A
woman going to France. A wilderness area I can walk to; baby coughing. You
can sell the success story.

9/12/00 Many small balls in the room; voice asks if I want to play with
them. Yellow, white--look like opaque dots. She wouldn't let you have the
instrument. Leave, when you wanted to take it. It takes awhile before they
(play with dolls/big kids). I remember before she passed away, she got
terrible headaches--porch with swing. Didn't tell you anything--just moved
out of the house next door. CDs, one is Ken and thy in a bucket; own cake,
okay. No car, no money, no feelings, no poster. Young people, it pays to
show off what they want to. Pathetic Indian candy; I'd like to go through
some of these right now, bucket. That's what I'm sending to explain to you,
wallet on floor, ripped. Has a 30 year warranty; you've got bravery, that's
all I can say.

9/13/00 Cover on stove top for work surface. Dogs having sex. Scene
behind the stove top and sink--girls transplanting and pulling weeds; they
talk about their tasks, I fall in a deep hole--six feet deep, with water.
Lunch at a table, four nickels and a piece of paper on the floor.
Widespread but largely unreported. Cree descend.

9/14/00 Steve's parents visit Iowa City--in snow. Library is closed for a
meeting of officers. Another one on the Pentacrest is open, has a lounge to
sit (could be Veterans Park in Redondo). Man says we could re-write all
those books if we went there. I wait in the garage; my uncle is there and
is very slender, muscular blond with a bun (very curly hair). He says he'll
probably never have a job with regular income or friends like my
mother-in-law said he could get--curtain is black lace. He asks, "didn't we
go to school at the same time?" Hair looks like Carolyn Bisset. He always
asks women about their support, he says. I'm in a private office--can see
3-4 other offices--people are all sleeping. One is Lee McNair from junior
high, from Chicago. My office is a mess, has an unmade bed, looks like a
hotel room; I plan to read, talk to a woman on the phone instead.

9/15/00 Mozzarella cheese. Electronic game. Lose weight when teenager.
Acid and carbon. Penthouse apartment or office, has windows on two
sides--can look out through two and it looks like you're outdoors. Suren
there, talks about a long turd--looks like it's on his head (page of
pentacles). Garage door going up and down too fast, hits him on the
head--very short hair. Voice tells me what to cook, a roast. Walking down
a trail, something on the ground--an accident and someone hurt. Always the
first time I tried. Rent survey--everyone not paying the same. Kill our
illness rather than study it. A huge map or window, petting horses in a
fence.

9/16/00 F18 moving to where I am--energy costs high. They want money for
something else also. Colonel wants a fancy coffee pot that turns itself on
and off automatically; also solid silver flatware. I have it also--wants
real museum workers. I want a candy bar too--she wants rich high school
kids for student workers. Disaster is expensive, slipped it through here,
put it under the edge. I'm dirty clothes. Intersection, a car hits me from
the left; I keep going--the guy is looking at me. I talk to a driver beside
me going the same direction about how that could have possibly happened.
Something fell off the guy's car, maybe. He ran the light. I call someone
a fat pig. I have sex with a pig in a pigpen.

9/17/00 On a bus broken down in the woods, I look out the window and there
are fish--we're under water. Brutal hospital giving abortions; women don't
make any noise or gesture. Blond woman, nurse in hall--one of the patients
jams a needle or drill through her hand. I jump out of the bus, run across
the lawn and avoid the road, grab money-- soldiers give me hiding place
along corridor in a cupboard, then I feel like I have to keep going.
Officer comes and I hit him in the neck with an ear of corn; run, going up.
A soldier making bombs is sitting in the middle of the floor and I throw
one. I find the roof, close to ground and I jump down and start down the
road, then go back inside to blow up a lot of officers with another
device--set up by door. German officer on the other side of a barrier. Job
series is 1158 in Ohio--five categories of jobs. In corridor, working on
paperwork, some bomb--overlooks city; five types of trees, only one grows
well; some insect hatching, maybe butterfly. Make the newlyweds... Bus
looking for some apartment--no driver, stops in jungle; large carp swim by
window. No one talks on bus, I ask if anyone thinks we're dead. A lot of
flags--have to go through in one month. It's not just that that plans you
out. God-damn muscles have to spend some money. Bears eat baby food,
napkins; doesn't matter what you're doing, come around. Different welcome
mat every apartment--from tenant before, never paid for; four cats pooping
in area. North--LA Basin. In my cubicle--ready to take a shower, red and
orange towels. Colonel calls, says Sandy was going to curl my hair for a
picture for my award. Rick C. comes by and says he might be retiring; also
Mike--Mike wastes a lot of time; his restaurant makes a lot of money in
Alhambra, or maybe won lotto. Another bill I forgot about--electric. Mom's
house, she was going to cook a special breakfast, wedding for Shirley. In a
community, rented oven is a fish and eggs or cheese dish and two pasta or
vegetable dishes. If you wanted to flatter me, why would you go at it with
another council meeting. Fine him $257 for the rest of his life--$57 a day.
Southern Egypt; Toney asks for Ops day for legal problems she asked about.
Advice direct afternoon, your caca is here. Move to a separate space--1%.
If the parts aren't bad, they're good; keeps my head up. Giant egg broken
on lawn; inside are miniature eggs; eggs in cupboard.

9/18/00 I go several times to check out front. Carrying wet clothes on
hangers, I tell a woman wearing tight knit to put them down on a bed. I'm
waiting for the lotto numbers. A little boy has a water bottle, has a cold.
Kids say no work for them, no carrying. A jar of green gumballs. I work
for some group doing an investigation; someone lets air out of my tire. On
a round disk; I have no clothes packed. Flimsy purple shirt I can wash at
night and rewear. I drove 3000 miles already just to get here. Going
through a house looking for an empty room to hide. A room with one man
says, "here." Another man and I lie down beside him and pretend to be
asleep, make snoring noises an sniffing. The man watching stands at the
door for some time; then he takes some away. After some of the passengers
take the tire to fix, I go back to house. Look in window, a couple in
there. I ask to go in, the door is a board across a small hole at the
bottom of the wall. It's a dream so I don't go in--realize it because the
door is such a tiny hole.
9/19/00 Sorting laundry, becomes old newspapers. Coughing, choking, nausea.
I don't fold laundry, just throw it in bins. New apartment on a baseball
diamond and a riverbank. Dust storm or fog over work they're doing on
baseball diamonds/playing fields. White car stopped in street and women
surround it praying on knees and dancing saying, "Buddha." Cell phone
rings--security calling asking if they should fire the poet with the
cellphone--a black girl. I read her poem. Boxes stacked in corner, two
naked young people hide from UPS guy--he picks up a lot of containers. They
are in two; alcove with loveseat and chair; meeting in the bigger room.
Thank you card with gray ink pictures; sex in bathroom--picture on a card of
a couple standing or seated having sex.
9/20/00 Work, I put some email somewhere and Jesse looks for it. Bad cramp
in my foot; I stand crying--a naked tall man comforts me until a neighbor
sees him--goes inside. A break outdoors, I put on a coat. I see a museum
display that revolves, people don't get a good look. The last of the four
segments is aluminum in Japan--they are copper looking balls, in sand. I
talk about four seasons. My hair in mirror is very wild--long bangs across
my eyes.
9/21/00 Pillows are outside along the fence of the apartment building. I
ask why? Someone out there feeding rabbits. Those eggs are a shorter time
of life for you. Personalization room; anticipation, team also. Men living
in vans, have picnic tables under awnings. A strike organized in my
sister's room--a pile of clothes to wear for day piled up to the ceiling.
Reporters, no strike on food--didn't go back far enough. Shove you and sway
you.
9/22/00 High risk investment with rich clients to try to get them to invest
more; low risk with... Three women digging up their own graves to cover up
their murder/suicide. Two are done; the third one is right beside the road.
They get sidetracked and go to look at the foundation of a house that used
to be there. One woman says, "that's where Scott died"--on the front steps
or driveway. The bodies they pull up from the graves when they finally find
them are skeletons, but still held together with tendons. I get distracted
by a QA guy (electronics stuff) to remind her/me when something has to be
done--she's got other work to do and was molested so she doesn't remember.
A man has a camera hidden and tries to get a nude picture of his wife--or
any picture; she's wearing a red dress. I'm looking at my twin, I think she
should have a thinner face; she remarks on my appearance to someone--that I
look good in a $2000 full-length thin cloak that I'm wearing (I'm one of the
three women digging ourselves up--we're taking a break). I think about a
woman that can read my mind. I walk through a park--plums growing on a
small shrub; I pick several and give them to the women digging the graves.
Then there's a sign that says, "Daisies." [pushing up daisies] and I stop
digging (it is daylight now anyway and everyone can see us) and look over a
cliff at the wooded, rocky landscape below. One woman says, "where did we
bury you?" There are people arriving for breakfast at the restaurant that
was built on the site. One woman finds some toys in the edge of the carpet
(that prove she was there--some question about how they materialized in the
new construction). You wrap it up and throw it in the water--tie belt
around waist. People say twice to give back a pillow that belonged to a
dead person--put it by the door. Pillow has a pretty picture on it--small
one, square, shiny gold brocade fabric.
9/23/00 FBI agent says, "from the neck up." I have to watch a training
film out on the floor at work, Margeaux walks with me--a Northrop woman in
the parking lot asks me how I did on the accounting test. Long noodles with
sugar dusting. I sit on the floor, have to call payroll about some missing
time; Jenoice asks about it--I knock a turquoise pot off. Woman says, I can
hardly eat that slop--wants junk food, pretzels. Says, reach for a cookie
bomb and cracks up. I plant plastic aquarium plants around a field. [Mom
plants silk flowers in her yard.]
9/24/00 An old rickety porch with computers on it and a letter I wrote
about Bernie; cars, I have to cross the road. Library, I look at books
about Hindu marriage--statues of elephant god. Little girl is upset because
she sees three pigeon feathers and she ends up falling in a pool of water
with a thin layer of dust on top that makes it look like solid land. A man
on the shore goes in and lifts her out; I get a blanket--she's dressed in
yellow. There are two of each of them and they are hugging, wet across the
lake. An old book with paragraphs added to explain how it was
bought/preserved--large white book with gold edge. I'm on a bus driven by a
black woman; she speeds past the stops down a highway in mountains, maybe
Denver. I ask if it's possible to get away; she's concentrating on some
men, distinguished old men. I run through trees towards the highway several
miles away; a boy catches up with me and will go back to tell where I am; I
ask if I have to kill him too. I go right and there's a cliff to jump
down-- pillows and blankets to break your fall; a woman works and lives down
there. Out from there is a town of the future--I end up at the library.
The town looks like a mall. "By different styles in cooking you can tell
what era it is." Jews took over Germany after WW I -- problem because of a
woman--shoot in head. Little girl says, "oh, Sheila" because of the three
pigeon feathers--I tell her that's not an American superstition. There are
a lot of feathers covering a long wet spot with standing water--rectangular
like a grave. In a class, Tina (captain) sitting next to me. Driver wants
off bus too, must find some records. I only give you credit for the time
you give/get it--eating, cooking--pants will be too small (stretch); walking
down a hall at a mall. Last time was on Sunday. Outside building at work,
tall boy looks in trash barrel for something of mine for a souvenir. Girl
says she's 20 and he's a teenager. Petrogeists (poltergeists/petroglyphs)
are not just rich/poor--water is too low. Remains of bodies in Alondra Park
lake--bodies of women dumped there.
9/25/00 Small plane, first one this year; hit broadside-- it's
embarrassing. Rooms after work, cold. My window open, cat outside. I take
in the other stuff, ask the cat if it's coming in. Man had said something
was open. Job loading luggage, each set is a duffle bag and a suitcase.
Pat hands to Col Crandall. I wouldn't have trusted you but there's gonna be
a buck. Pilaca.
9/26/00 Water; Jesse talking about the list of codes--mine very complete.
9/27/00 Very tiny, very round green apples--longer ones also in

won't go in filter. Yard sale with tiny silk weeds--plantain, purple
edge; sword plant made of glass from S America. Black leather and blue
glass beads, leather knots; oil painting of snow on ice-- small drifts.
Another yard sale; woman leans on man--another woman grasps her arm; looks
like Di. All say good-bye to each other--one's name is Cheyenne or Dusty
(?) A woman reading cards (I see the Magician and a two -- for a
crossroads; also money). She has dark hair, piercing eyes, red blouse,
thin. I get dressed at a library; very tight pulling pants up as I go in
the door from the parking ramp.
9/28/00 That is not even a whole kind of car. This is for the dog; music
combined from different sources; operas, TB report. From Will Portent to
jazz. Letter, Colonel goes somewhere--testosterone when young (Col
Crandall)-- his farewell speech. Coke, water, telephone, beer. Cupboard
full of Kleenexes at work-- they fall out when I open the sliding door--40
boxes. Bottles of water also. Meeting going on, I sit on a stool in the
doorway. Two days. Curtis, Mike.

9/29/00 Walking through a city, on a walk street. I'm following Marina but
she gets ahead of me because I can't decide what to wear -- no jacket. She
stops to buy cheese. Lito leaves me in charge for 6 days -- of the
apartment building. House is very small, looks like a car, but made of
wood, straw on roof, sofa behind car. Storage rack made of glass on top;
Marty wrote ad -- says, "Separate storage area." Pindalahs. Watching a TV
show about calling. Arabic party, buffer for removing hair; I park on
Hawthorne. People arrive, one man complains about a woman who doesn't take
much care of her kids--always sick. Big teenaged kids; man says the first
thing he bought in this country was a rag with kerosene.

9/30/00 Two sides of a package in a hand. Northrop puts curtains around my
cubicle and I notice I had rabbits I didn't know about; I give them water in
a pan lid and pellets (green and yellow). They had raw hamburger, steak,
meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans. Grey and black go outside-- a lot
of cats; black loses all hair on body, only has it on head. Voice says I'm
banned from playing certain lottos (free ones). Slow down if you take
buses; a year, you can't sleep too much. Crash straight ahead, it's really
going blind. Don't mess with it, beat it; hydraulic medical procedure.
Your whole body floats to the top. It got into your system, baby; it's all
over now. Heavy duty, the knife is paper. Getting right along to you.
Circus, how much do you have; I don't want to hold it.

10/1/00 This kind--square around flowers. Female on the road. Four men at
a table, one says, Hey, son. 15 miles to boat ramp. Fish won't eat, food
getting water dirty. 1,4,15,22. Manager calls, nervous about cars. It was
so much bigger here. Kid puts clamp on head from one toy--makes another
one. Checking something at work--retirement training. Juanita in short
see-thru dress. Buying doll house, floor plan in box on piece of paper with
furniture. Talking rabbit, dogs, skunks--all talk. Gabsville, outboard
motor, Cagney in movie. Couple in car, man says he's from Puritan, S
Dakota. Drawing lines on my breasts, neckline square. Visual impairment,
Shirley buying pastry, homemade pie crust. Matter that's not even
prosecuted. Running for wind, have to stop smoking. Cleaning up, cardboard
under bed; I think it's a dream so stop working. Christmas lights, break
two--dropping them. Try to throw cardboard out the window but screen won't
fall out.

10/2/00 Egyptian book is the best one. Go all over the world before
engagement rings. Box, sky above. Supposed to make everyone connected,
everything tidy. Website for Virgin Mary, video. Blue flap, because you
feel a pain built up, a void. I sit outside and read all morning at work,
then have a voice mail from Johnnie Lee-a recording of him talking to
someone else. Parking places, a church parking lot, a bakery. Walking at
dark from F18, birds singing. A house lighted, church, town. A man helps
me--throws dynamite at a brick building. Cyndi has a heart attack and dies.
Ininhibited, inhibited, no brains.

10/3/00 Margeaux singing Christmas songs in office on the other side of the
room. People, 40's, changing. A woman standing with a man, tall and thin.
He says she put a cat in the refrigerator and killed it. She says she took
off its fur, gutted, cooked and served under wild dog. An old man's
apartment or house, food on the table. I hold the door and a lot of people
go in; I ask if some aren't coming in for the second time. Cute kittens on
the table, gray and white and orange and white. Very angry, bite. Kittens
in the bowl of potato chips, other bowls. Little girl kicks a cake in a box
on the floor; her mom comes and she eats the damaged part--checkerboard
pattern. Police, military come in and rub one man's leg very hard. Book,
list of authors-- Anna Maria, Otto--seem to be Freud's daughter. Cats, they
don't kill you at first; they wait until they're three and then grab you
several places. The closer her fiancé came, the game... . Apt manager
wants a lake, also spends big bucks. Ralphs, free steak and lobster, also
strawberry and blueberry pasta. Girls loose in high school. I try on a
silver blouse and it makes silver streaks appear in my hair--ends are
silver, hair much thicker. Two groups of poets, one always making fun;
retired people have Christmas decorations and mail out invitations.

10/4/00 Something good up there; comfort of a divine life. Mary Queen of
Scots sealed a door for bicycles.

10/5/00 Bright light on ground (point of light) under Japanese tree.
Parking the elephant, back it in. Continually looking down the fence. Iron
balls, cannon balls. Same pattern every time you go through that door.
Teenaged girl goes to Dodger game, I tell her beach the next day; too cold
to swim.

10/6/00 A lot of men/people come in door. Voice, "we could have a seance
or go home." 12, don't attract attention in either, very small bombs. Dead
bodies on the ground, naked. Usually we have to jump back--so many people.
Glass box--lower people in underground. Don't second guess. You might be
split off like a lot of other people did. When you get time pay attention
to the box by Marty.

10/7/00 Kids at school throw out things that don't exist--pumpkins. Old
posters with clever sayings, one of a man dressed in red stripes; man under
bridge might want blowjob; old woman stuffs a rock in a man's mouth and
butt, ties his butt in a sling because some posters of statistical charts
aren't done. I try to figure out how to get out a window. Door is closed
because of being painted; windows have blinds or louvers--very narrow gaps
to get out--keep closing. First he killed me and my son. I travel around
doing different things--art, music, museums. Highway 90 from Des Moines to
Booneville--Indians selling big bottles of whiskey in diner windows. I
figure out how to get off highway--a set of stairs with three parts.
Running for office or traveling to sell something. I go through a lot of
expensive clothes, hang them up; one set belongs to Dale Evans--a gray
sweater. I am handing out forms to figure a new tax or retirement check
(will be explained in staff meeting), also a poem or story. Printer runs
at night, might jam. Binnie Campsmith is back (really retired). I am
having a nervous breakdown, on my way to Seattle and it is only Saturday--I
have to go back to work Monday or keep traveling to Seattle. Or I can buy
some whiskey at the diner. Voice asks why I'm walking (30 miles from Des
Moines -- which I enter very quickly from the meadow and copier at the
office). In the distance a lot of teenaged boys are dying--shot in row
along wall, firing squad. I plan to stay in here until death, then remember
my responsibilities. A lot of beautiful clothes--silk, feathers, spandex,
red. I try to remember my purpose for going on this journey. I decide to
walk all the way to Dad's house--I have plenty of time (all weekend).
Sitting on escalator steps, distinguished men pass me to get off. [Dale
Evans died around then.]

10/8/00 I walk up to a heavy metal door and a man says he had to pull his
shadow around in front of him; so I try it--with my dress ties. This will
make enemies waiting see the shadow first and reveal themselves or think I'm
going the other way. A little blond girl is hiding outside the door, I
think she's going to say, "boo." She points at a group in the distance--our
family. I'm covered with gingham cloth (green, white and another color
checks); I'm cold, I'm on a stretcher going up on an elevator. Click of
false teeth, the host. Someone forces me to sell something for 1 dollar or
cent. Small shoes, turquoise green, Chinese. How come you have a box of
your kleenexes in there? Woman with daughter screams in pain, doctor says
her other parts are diseased around a large area. Woman says she can get
disability then, she likes to shop with this youngest daughter, two older
ones. Then flying over veterans, they catapault themselves over a
library--Korean War. A pagan god/Pan at a Christmas tree. I run away
through holes in fences. Rabbit at library across the street in a store
window; big one, shows its stomach. Repotting a cactus; I do it every year
or often. The sand is very fine; I have some containers of sand for other
people too. Sticks in my jar--elm branches, some very dead branches, desert
plants. Also a concrete planter with a very nice cactus with a bud on it.
Also a man with a baby budding out of him (like yeast). Also a rectangular
shaped container, very ancient, made of carved rock. Blond says it's
Jewish, peels the rock off the outside--it's a delivery of pioneer service
such as Pony Express. Underneath is a pillow made of ribbons (like was a
fad in Workbasket magazine, all my grandmothers made them), inside is
hospital supplies. I go to another door; there's a book about singing
groups. A popular women group had all had nose surgery at a young age.
Voice asks if you ever have a nose made bigger? Pony tail, body
temperature, we can't freeze the boys. Rolling Stones album, floating in
the clouds, when I was with Jimi. Very rarely go for it, guess I'm not
getting out; stub the toe on the concrete planter, frog, wearing tight levis
and tank top, pony tail. Rebellion on birthday, March 28th. 200Y6 train.
Y14 manual, history.

10/9/00 The invisible places; a bar. The raptor swooped down/the box
camouphlaged as stars/little bits of nothing/in the night sky. Planes
flying in an area of glass panes.

10/10/00 Days are longer in real time. 55/52/33 Walking through a
building; cornfield to coffee house, bathroom. A room full of water--I
swim, cold at first. A party starts, other people want to see the pool.
One guy yells down to the guests, eat the tuna, get sick. He describes a
Spanish dish. It's coleseum seating, benches around the pool. Two men, one
has a job interview; little boy comes in and he gives him bags of color
glass gravel. Frog in another aquarium, girl says it drinks water in
Spanish--agua, acua. It's a glass frog with a piece of paper it's
holding--words are also green, hard to read. A girl at the party starts
doing work at one side--she has a pile of books, 8-10 with titles of women
writers. A little girl comes up with a piece of paper and says someone else
is a writer too. We lost badly to the pirates and now we have to start over
again. A woman tries to brush my hair but it's too tangled. [Shirley
always starts brushing your hair if you sit down. She cut all the dolls'
hair as a kid and now she's a beautician.]

10/11/00 72 more; captives do not wear masks; friends, that's his way out.
The son dreams he has hollow steps, it's scary. Eating with a table full of
women who are using Kleenex, so I go get napkins (package). Pass Salvation
Army--dress like my shirt is on the ground, so I must be naked. I bring
them back and a blond says her daughter couldn't tear one in half and hurt
her nose. Another woman complains that the grass has grown--some is three
feet long crabgrass. I feed the rabbits carrots, tops and an apple before
that, bury the babies, can't even see them in the box. Someone mowed the
pasture part way across; rabbits in the middle under a tree; poison on plant
next to dandelion.

10/13/00 If it's not stuff you need, you have to let them go. Today you
saw an example of two--affability and love/death. Various black
cloth--linen, taffeta, chiffon or cotton--also one piece of pink cloth in
Shirley's room. Green T-shirts of mine drying in the bathroom. I'm moving
to a farm--thinking about farming, plowing, picking corn. Phone rings,
third child; wouldn't you like to go shopping again. Braving, blaring,
susceptible. Talent, resiliency. Poker hand, Ace and pair of 2s or 5s
showing. Driving, Hawthorne Blvd, then Longfellow Blvd--two Chinese boys
and a couple of shaved head men in their van; they're moving and someone
buys their big-screen TVs with pullout stools and all they have is books,
Trekki bracelets. They have a foldout bed not loaded yet. Around the
corner is a party, I tell a redhead about it--black dress; an older woman
has unbuttoned her dress. I go to class, math; the young instructor asks me
about the ghost. I can't hear very well, my hearing seems worse and the
students are rustling. I'm naked, put on my polka-dot dress and then it's
white and buttons down the front. Woman helps me button it; moving taking
self, TV, home. Now you can see--a person points at me. When are we
getting... I don't know, it's not part of politics (call your congressman).
Poster, real people prayers--prayers painted over in red (over black). When
you sit up there and shop up there, when you die you don't care what they do
(rich neighborhood). I wake up in the dream in the real apartment; the
neighbor kids are taking a bath and have a foot of water on the floor but it
doesn't run out when I open the door. Dale Evans is about to marry Roy
Rogers; he says, "oh, boy" (a problem). Hairy chin, drool from mouth. In
paint letters, "sob." (Devon). I move my wicker hamper of books, men
cooking over small fires under an awning; perfect dialogue of a man at his
peak. In 12 years, lightning will strike and change things. On a
bus--oriental woman says a boat from the harbor was thrown up on the shore
and damaged the door of an apartment on the first floor; she tells me to go
tell the person--I start across a valley; a man is going the same way. The
bridge ahead is under water, not deep, but the water is running fast; he's
afraid to wade in and so am I. I turn around and the bridge behind is under
deep water--up to my waist. I wade and might have to swim--might lose the
bridge from under my feet. [Oriental man in Redondo Beach died of a heart
attack while making a speech at a city council meeting.]

10/14/00 Someone restores the Datsun; a blond middle aged guy. I park
across the street from my job in the dream--the hospital. Then I look for
street cleaning signs and see it says, no parking any time--lot C is
complete. Back seat is white fuzzy fabric. Other signs all over poles; one
says job at library. I go in, another woman has come for an interview and
asks if I have a beautifully arranged resume. The hall gets very narrow and
jogs; I can't squeeze through. Woman sitting at a table; one woman asks a
lot of questions--Mona. Another woman trains me or gives me pointers on
writing a book; I'm reading a book for pointers on starting sentences so
it's more interesting. I think about the sex parts--am on the toilet trying
to shit and a man comes in and I knock poop off with my hand.

10/15/00 Richard Gere marrying Julia Roberts at nursing home--door. I'm
going out and so are they; I think this is just a movie they were married
in, wake up, then it starts over. Pee smell. Digging out through a tunnel
in a dirt bank; this is wanting food. Raining, leaky roof. An elevator
operator drops us off on the first floor of an old building after an old man
(owner) says he'll recommend a room. The first floor is the top floor; I go
down one flight of stairs to the second floor. This is a restaurant of
black women and a fishing town. I'm on a bed where I have to keep a woman
(Julia Roberts) away from the edge so a man can't kiss her foot because
she's not immortal. Bullets are flying, there's a little girl, lace, white
dress. An woman tells me to pick one of the four queens or pages and go out
into another room where it'll be more difficult to protect the little girl.
The old man you must ask says he's got a melting and is too busy. Another
man at a sideboard says he'll direct me. He introduces the others in the
room, Brad, Brad's wife and Gus. I don't think about the bullets much, just
watching the girl. Letter from Shelley, just one line--it's raining so much
here this year, when will it stop. Dream starts out saying the old
buildings at factories are now very less crowded because of lay-offs--less
people, tour guide. [A bankrupt king of some country got a job as a tour
guide.] Quiet and peaceful and warm; the train is sitting in a muddy field;
snow is gone; raining, very nice. The girl says, "you forgot to watch me."
The neighbors are outside swimming in a lake that is losing water and
getting muddy; has a waterfall. The door is open and they come in and ask
if I want some Halloween decorations for the car. Several girls look at
some Virgin Mary statues on a table and I say she's a housewife goddess of
cleaning and grocery shopping. A colonel from TRW is giving a speech; a
quilt too close to the furnace catches on fire in two places. Mr. Potato
Head comes in drunk and sits down in a chair.

10/16/00 A mean woman drives people from her house; she kicks out a
helpless old man. I have no room of my own and put my stuff on another
woman's table. Bernie has a new computer he says does the
minimum--newspaper clippings.

10/17/00 Tourist money to teach nursing classes; walking along railroad
tracks. A head or bust under water; proceeding along a track; some mistakes
made; raining a little; dirt. People haul a huge bust have some wrong idea.
Already gone, dear. I open a huge white pill and it turns into green stiff
leaves--looks like spinach. Medical waste on the floor beside the bed (I
wake up in the dream and am looking off the edge of the bed into the
closet). A man digs down into the carpet and the garbage and there's a dead
chicken under there--wet feathers, then several other chickens--some
completely cooked and some half raw. Grandma talks about something in the
kitchen; George Bush comes in and says he's going to do the rest of his
dirty Navy laundry from his duffle bag and he dumps it out on the garbage
beside the bed. It is very white T-shirts; he says he'll do my laundry too
and puts it in my basket. I get up and put the dead chickens in a garbage
bag but it turns into the olive duffle bag. There are a lot of books to
throw away or take to a counter--two old Bibles, they might think they're
for sale. An envelope of pictures, some people, some scenery.

10/18/00 A woman yelling at a little girl in a deep voice; girl whining. I
go to Sierra Rubber--picnic under a tree with big roots in the bare dirt.

10/19/00 We have to sacrifice; says 1000 things. You only learn about
people in passing; you must do more. Forget chemicals. It's a good thing
you didn't try 100 times--you'd get a breach. Newborn, stuff sticking to
him. Mom's kitchen, I remodeled the house, took out walls. When I'm done,
kitchen has wood floor, white walls, no curtains, very beautiful. Then the
sun sets and it's very hot, sun in eyes. I put up black sheer and white
curtains and then dance around kitchen, no furniture. A dog in the yard,
big German Shepard and a very old bowlegged curly dog people yell at.
Re-writing dreams so they're like before when I was young. Bull is the sign
of the alcoholic woman, blond says. Can't take out certain walls or you
embroil the whole house. Many places, I'll fold it and put it in there. No
one wants to dance with me; I'm sitting in a third chair next to a couple.
Fat Jewish woman dressed in red, black net over naked torso, then fur coat
comes into room, big boobs--she's in late pregnancy--Liz Taylor or Liza
Minnelli. A huge tree cut down; I decide to sell the car when I get out of
it because it disappears in dreams anyway. When I drop you, you don't live
very long. We argue silently, with actions. Don't burn, you can burn
later; burn down a helicopter. 117, I'm tired of this. You've given up
your rugs. It goes up, I don't know how far, to a blank page. 1st choice
up in the morning; 2nd choice computer--I'm trying, I'm trying. Just hang
up and say, whoo, that's the lesson for me. If anybody would; why did you
stop me. That's 40,45; picture of Barbie with paragraph underneath.
Something different, grabbed my hand, said she was going to hide the stuff
in her drawer (little girl). A hallway, under single 2, under 12. Deciding
people's pay under that much of a bother.

10/20/00 A little bit of faith or an eyesore. Some woman shows me things
while I'm out; I see things more clearly. Young couple getting married;
gold car; doesn't seem to run very well; make it across the desert. Boy not
happy with job; hours were forced on him and... Working--Shyami tells me
the new supervisor at Palmdale's name is Albino and his middle name is Dead
End; I call and Linda answers and says his name is Stone Henge. I go inside
a hollow tree; I'm dying and want to go there. I ask Lito if he likes them
and he says, no they scare him. I ask Daisy and she says there are stairs
to the top of the tree and you can look out on each limb; her class at
school is going there--a blond teacher and I go first. I was running with a
man who could run fast (muscular) but after 3-4 steps my left leg freezes
up. I rest a second, then can run 3-4 more steps; I'm out of shape, might
need to run blocks (I have never liked running in real life, plus my shoes
fall off). The middle of the tree is antiques. Inside the tree is
antiques; there're dolls and dresses from the 20s; a cuckoo clock from 2000
(baby grandfather with weights). A nice living room with couch, glass
bookcases, sideboard and hutch; no one in there. Everyone has gone to a
long room where antiques are sold--paper milk cartons piled on the floor,
empty cases. It's a committee to decide what to save; woman hands out fudge
she calls lapper. Man also has potato salad, can't touch it; some people
touch with noses; doll dresses. A couple with a of guests has a free
weekend where no one is visiting them; they invite us. They drive their RV
(woman servant does) across a rutted field for several miles. This goes to
a park; fishing and swimming for dogs and kids; muddy, a river flooding.

10/21/00 How, when, where and why they think. Bass sick, throwing up
goldfish (it did, ate two goldfish then spit out some). Gets more informal
at work. Playing in snow, pumpkin layer underneath the snow. Kids (2
sisters) bury each other in the top layer of 5 inches of snow. I go to
grocery store to get some fruit; popcorn smell, movie posters outside. I'm
in a toy car or wagon, it goes down a steep hill on a hotwheels track and
ends up at the Hornet Theater lobby at Northrop. People getting cars fixed
over and over; become very informal with mechanics; need all new tires to
drive somewhere. One tired shredded; I say, then all four must be replaced,
or maybe only two--in pairs. $5 wrapped around a rock, $5 hidden in hand,
folded up (when you shake hands). Still trying to test the packets and see
what they're talking about. It's not a glamorous job--walking on the edge
of a building. Hands fall off in parakeet cage, but they don't eat them;
all that's left is a foot. Thrown out of jail. That would come back in 6
weeks, 3 weeks and 3 weeks. I'm working, a woman comes in; I tell her off
that I'm never speaking to her again; then say I'm sorry. She runs to tell
on me; says, remember what day it is. A guy comes in from the other room,
Mike, from high school and licks my bare thigh/butt and makes me jump. She
says my problem is smog in LA (very little smog). Question if he died of
murder or suicide; says it matters to him--if he drowned in a 72 gallon
tank.

10/22/00 New movie soon; movie about jungle travel. Man says I don't need
a booster flu shot; elevator on 6th floor, I can feel it tipping. A man
says if I masturbate I'll get free playing cards. Some little boys and man
in a plowed fall field; there was a garden planted but someone harrowed it
and there are lines and all the garden plots are in one again. One boy
tells me his chest hurts. I try to show him accupressure on his ear for
that but his dad says he's already had antibiotics (white powder in ears);
his mother had an ear infection too. Doctor said he had to have some
operation to have some of ears removed. Man pulling out in black limo as I
walk up to the house. I need the flu shot for work--Las Vegas--union
conventions every year. An old black Bible on the ground in the field.
This was a walk from Los Angeles, 6th floor, to Iowa City, 6th floor, to
Dad's patio overlooking his garden. A woman comes out of the house--dark
hair, young, some kids; he says he's not going with me to the doctor--I
don't need a booster shot. Just costs $15 and takes 5 minutes. I
masturbate with a straw and a man comes up and takes it away from me.
Finding my way through a tall building; there are long and short stairs; the
short stairs dead end in motel rooms; no more stairs under the beds going
down to the next room. I look at a display of penises on a table, am amazed
they stay hard. Any time you lift up the filter--pump it up. Question
before I went to sleep-about teaching or school in sleep.

10/23/00 Movies, one lucky; One Luck. Another one about... loud voice
says, no, it's my fault. The body had laid there for 4 days in the swamp.
Tarot reading, a man underwater. I do Mom's cards next, they are 5 and 9.
Underwater still; 9 of wands, strength. An old couple, movie stars died
when going off the freeway, buying bread on their way home from work; lived
all their lives in their beloved Molina Valley. I pull up to Mom's old
house from shopping all night; a lot of people in the car, back and front
seats. Driving at a museum; I figure out the way up a cliff. A lot of
secretaries from work, several cars. I walk through an old garden with rock
walls and crawl up them to get to the office; people sitting on the wall
eating. There are roadblocks or detours.

10/24/00 Video series of dangerous places travel book. Donkey gets skinny
and ragged looking; screwing ground. Slept her/here last week. Hell hole;
after three meals you won't have to talk to doctors about it.

10/25/00 Dog poop and white dog in the parking area, a door you can close
across the door; Spanish dog. Man throwing albums, white wall; tire out. I
get a job typing up a man's trip notes on contract numbers with zeros and
O's. Judy and Roger's house. Judy is pregnant, walking up wood steps
(she's 65); kids playing with crayons and backgammon. I do a job interview
against my will with Roger. He says Northrop is bankrupt (and I'll have to
come back) but someone else will tell me. Says I'm tied with someone for
first, but have low marks on book cut in half about the Philippines. I look
for the book in a lot of used books; I sold it by mistake. Mango seeds
dried up, some others. A woman tells me not to plant them, they are really
four-o'clocks seeds.

10/26/00 Someone dumps a pitcher of water on a table set with nice china.
Blond man with book talking, says, keep reading. Hiding two dead bodies,
wrapping one woman in gauze on a board--looks like mummy. Body still warm.
Tea Tin Burner, Urban Legend. I'm at an aquarium, canvas backpack.
Decisions too hard for me. Looking everywhere in a huge building for a
bathroom; at a mall, a row of restaurants and booths, then
bathrooms--private bathroom for dressing at one place, plus public room. I
see myself arriving at one place. Pass a black woman with a damp dress.
Need to poop. The...that teens use. Aly McGraw got a divorce. As long as
she finds the bad language; turn around, look and see. I want to do it;
you're on the phone. A new court system--acquort. Doesn't seem to be my
forte; plan to hang around, kill someone and leave by 2 PM. You won't say
the same thing every time. They gave me everything they said; he's going to
miss that when he goes to work. High blood sugar and still brothers. Dolls
buried under rocks in the store. It is our policy to help those permeating
537.

10/27/00 Workers must bring in saltwater to cool the tools. Every instance
is read and calculated (both sides of problem typed in computer). Eat and
get exercise; stress

and get your name on it.

10/28/00 I'm parking; another car always parks along the curb. A man lying
there, looks like a long time--covered with dirt, foot missing, holding
something--Bible, flowers, long white ribbons. A girl looking in the mirror
wearing a negligee--tries holding her arms different ways. I'm having sex.
Lito sitting by my head shouts, come. One way she holds her arms is like a
ballet dancer curtseying.

10/29/00 I'm riding with a African American businessman who drops his son
and daughter off at work, at a hospital. Came right out of it. Hospital
looks like new construction; big white slabs of concrete, everything dark.
Are you sure, you see because she asked me. In your mind it's equal. You
know what a coffee club is, don't you. You get used to it before they're
born. Bottle it, we know now; the source, there's nothing important in
alleys. She was just having fun; one step maybe at a time; folding a card.
They brought one down for me; girl puts bread cubes in my hand; dressed in
nylon jogging suit. Bank, you want a nice friendship to develop into a
whore. Stealing movies, stealing from himself. It's 5:00, narrow, see you
at the hospital. Out in the cold because I didn't go two more years.
Triplets; no itinerants, no comedians. East coast making a boat; live by
themselves. Movies, run/Ronin, pickup, coupons; growing old together,
you're supposed to do that too. Heaven, I don't think I'm going to work.
Real wet in here the day after Thanksgiving. Christmas, she's my friend.
There's no damage to Kingdom Come, flooded. Haven't listened, a call for
help. Use it before 2 weeks (movie); that'll cost you $400. Slap the guy
for the 2 weeks.

10/30/00 After work I help some people packing a man's office; they bought
cookies in Trick or Treat bags from Trader Joes for the first day on the new
job. I read the newspaper at a Northrop supply desk I never knew about
while he gets the supplies for the new job. Then I look through my stuff, I
have rotten vegetables--ears of corn, in a filing cabinet. I'm wearing a
black silvery tube top and short skirt when I look in the mirror; I feel
like I'm working at a dairy dream again. I look pale; look at the clock and
it's 9 PM. I'm so late I'm afraid to go home, don't realize it's a dream.
The others continue packing, say, I don't know. Someone asks me about house
prices from the newspaper; I don't remember. Talk to me about retiring in
2092. Tickets with numbers on them, scenery, Pasadena. Man in dream says,
you're beginning to look like the best one; I have saggy boobs in the tube
top when I look in the mirror; I'm passing scenery--Griffith Park Zoo,
behind the cages. My idol--I'll be in my catalog as well as king. Teacher
complaining about a boy at school bothering girls, uncle did something.

10/31/00 I see George Bush in a speedo bathing trunks and a cape (and crown
or hair) like Miss America contest winner. He's in the middle and there are
two shadowy contestants/losers to his sides. An enemy so fearsome he's
unfaceable. 21, warrior in a box. Crocheting. I'm in an office and a
blondish man comes in, the boss maybe. His office, I was there first. He
has some macaroni and cheese in a pan too big for the microwave. He says
things I can't hear, ask him to repeat. I complain about Linda's computer
inventory. Other people come in; I go to my desk and someone dusted under
the keyboard; it's the table where Grandma put the pies at family dinners.
Someone asks if something is wrong; I can't hear again. I go to the
bathroom, stall very narrow, light off; a bald man puts his head under the
stall door; I thought he would do that.

11/1/00 Theme, what is important? Winds of change blow 35 miles per hour.
Go to tower first. Lito needs something about cars or traffic laws.

11/2/00 Computer you talk to; a man shows me how to modify a text box. I
also remove a line and solid yellow color background by touching it; can't
remember what he tells it to type. Animated Christmas card, has some rats,
little girl, blue sky. Personal problem; I have two jobs and must
decide--GPO or DOD. I think I'm unemployed; maybe fired, too sick. Trina
helps me with something. Manager says computer is for Joyce, apartment 1.
26,29,4--it's on a map, number of towns, something, rivers, bridges. Woman
hunched over like featherless bird--naked, lost clothes. Says, good, I
don't do nothin for you, you don't do nothin for me. The pop, the glow, the
knife; more likely to be happy.

11/3/00 Girl sitting like the Wish Card, says, "I'll not go to Jerusalem
and will eat the chocolate bananas later. No mylee in marketplace.

11/4/00 More percentage in Tarot, cards from another system added -- up to
90% on move to a new place. Up from 75%. White light leads us (to you).

11/5/00 A prison, 12 prisoners that live there full-time have worn out
their shorts. One is going to make a pair from two pairs for the wedding.
One woman has gotten into a school of design or a job as a comedienne.
Someone gets trouble for standing up to some injustice, has to get ready. I
look at clothes on some hangers. One inmate is so sick he must be
hypnotized to ask him any questions. Two leaders with no underwear (Choo
and Sheldon or Howard) - girl walks by. I'm in shit up to my underarms in
gate, small layer on ground. Gate is to picked cornfield. Quiz on top
shelf at store, like DMV test, says, do you want to get rid of...kids
juvenile delinquents, sub-teens, subnormals, prisoners, deviants. Do you
read? lawbreakers, jews, subhumans. I say I have an Ambassador; person
says, we haven't made those for years. He didn't think like this till a
bomb fell near him (hearing). Very skinny, dark-haired pregnant girl rolls
out carpet to look at things. Frog in throat, voice says I have a
mysterious illness not a transcendental worker. Scientist--if you ask a
question, you have to listen to whole speech. Jihad, yahoo. You argue with
my clothes, everything I'm going through. You're like the stork. Plug
computer printer into your butt. Most people can't take the latent real,
latent erotic. 50206. Man in hotel room door with crewcut and dish/dust
cloth. Beneitiz--sell books for $50 each, rare books. Woman fills out
timecard, says, no one was here but you. Youth, you eat Life cereal, go to
schools. White flag, red stripes with white writing on them; man on
horseback. Some little thing that can't be done--supervisor must press a
button; if it keeps up, it's going to be raining cats and dogs. Riding a
horse topless, realize there's no bridle, just a saddle. Maybe if she gets
violent, we can put the gates; little girl sleeping on couch by door.

11/6/00 Internet connections change; some people don't have time, some
automatic. Eating ice cream, drop off pictures to be developed. Air
traffic controllers voices talking. I slide down a black plastic covered
hillside to a freeway going to see Pat--other side of the building. Hair in
store as I walk through; wearing my glasses in dream. Two men sleeping on
the floor in bathroom; potato chips in his coffee cup on his blanket with
him. Kids in
living room, I give one girl an apple on a blue piece of paper on the table.
On directions for developing the pictures it says to tell if one bunch of
kids has to be protected from another; a woman holding several kids at one
end of a couch, another woman at the other end--a lot of space between them.
Women in the kitchen--there's another bathroom and a blond is using it. I
was ready to walk to work from her house (girl next door); she murmurs
something about the water pressure. When she flushes the toilet, the water
level in her coffee cup goes down--napkin floating in it. Girl is going to
stay with a younger blond guy next door; he comes in kitchen door and she
asks about... Women get Christmas candles out of the desk drawer to
decorate. Man says, question, do you shoot the small sharks first or the
big ones.

11/7/00 The fire that burns from within. The Suharto way of (squinting)
everywhere he goes. Al says I "jump from subject to subject, jump to
conclusions and put words in other people's mouths." Jesse doing revised
charts says, how do I paste part 9? He put them back, every one of
them--beauty pageants. Chinese duck soup; a time for passing; put a hold on
things from China. Girls working on their problems or projects; can't
finish; put on hold, Jesse says; gathers a pile of papers from me--water.
Walking home from Pacific Coast Highway, I wear moccasins and run to
Polliwog Park; levis big in waist. Home to Larch St. I can hear Mom and my
sisters arguing a block away, from out in the street about clothes. It's
Shirley, two years old. I get to the door and the girl next door has her
door open and tells me they took the old lady next door (to her) away. I
say it's for the best if she can't care for herself. A man nods, yes; the
woman's name is Jane. I am really preoccupied trying to figure out where
she lives, next door to whom and don't really think she should have been
taken away, but now everyone is agreeing with me. Shirley is sitting on the
bed--two years old. She looks like a little angel, so cute--she says she's
going to finish some project.

11/8/00 What's the use if you can't remember; Bush victory meal; I think
about what to make--20 pound bag of rice. Clean bathtub, water dry.
Easiest way to help him get what he wants, spit out the dirt. People making
plans, to spend tax cut. Washing silk blouses, threw away full dream
notebook (loose) in some poppies; get them out of trash. I wash sweaters,
pink, blue, gold in a pan of water; Judy fixes a rip in my underwear with
her sewing machine, computerized--sewer is separate from motor. Asks if I
want a T seal on it; it looks like a dart. Room with 4 doors, one on each
corner; I lock three. The fourth doesn't close completely. Wiping girl's
face; two minutes, I'll take you all night. Two scientists walking in front
of the archaeology building on the Pentacrest; Van Allan and another; I'll
take you. Guy calls customer service to complain about death--pill hurt.
They said it wouldn't; half brain blanked out. I remember everything you
said about hot water heater; you figure it out. Woman forgot to reset her
watch. Housekeepers at work throw out my 5-gallon bucket, new colonel's
secretary, new door in hall, I'm in colonel's office now, door closed to
other part. Al Nakamura's T-square, new bucket with sand in bottom. I type
a long thing perfectly--no typos. The word BEFORE vertically on a yellow
legal pad; two stories; ends with "the field." Mike Byllesby or Bill
Charfauros out sick (change to 6-hour day). Not going to hold it against
you, other wife or other life. Remove grass on lawn, dirt. Four framed
commendations on wall, the fourth is bigger. Man in bathroom talking to
himself "shit, shit", wants to lift weights and build up arms; putting on
sweater, very damp, water drops. I had to go, sick boy looking out window
in bed. City from air with long plastic tube hanging down. White stucco or
limestone buildings. Menu, person decides which memories and exercises to
do for them. In bed/dressing/restroom; girl dumps her expensive lingerie in
a fancy jewelry box (tall). I'm carrying an armload of clothes, put them
down on toilet, when I feel the urge to pee, pick up clothes-- toilet
disappears. People doing readings for each other; man and two women--I
might need more practice. Apollo built a playhouse for a little blond girl;
the river is dry--has been dammed up and a lake is forming
. I ask the girl what she needs and she says shoes and soda; there are
sodas in the living room and beers on ice in the bedroom. They haven't
moved out yet; Apollo says the woman is moving after work. In a museum
looking at art on the walls; a committee--selling art by a bunch of very
smart kids--looks like cookies. Very rare stuff from towns with one silo
for the grain, rare vintages, free dried tiny blue gills only 1/2 inch long;
they still swim. A boy lets me carry him on my back--very blond, David. I
tell Vivian to go look at them and she vomits on the floor. There's a dance
in the other room with women in boutique type clothes, one girl almost gets
stepped on. Then they complain about the vomit and I go to clean it up but
someone has mopped the whole floor.

11/9/00 Pages are new start; unformed matter. Two tapes about significant
others; one is about Boston Atay.Palm. The other one is about New York
Atar. Question: doesn't it all. Answer: No. I find a picture of my
grandmother's three story house in the dream; it has huge windows with
venetian blinds on the third floor. My mother and Aunt Lois are standing in
front on the tree stumps dressed as homecoming queen and attendant. It's
Altoona, southern Iowa, date on the picture 1954. I was three, but I think
I was four. I ask another woman where she was living when she was four--she
cries and says Italy--a beautiful house. Have to answer quickly. I look
through the attics of old house, hard to find door, stuffed with furniture,
piles of clothes of all the people that lived there. Voice says my aunt and
mom were fat butts. I look closer and they're wearing flowing gowns, not
hoop skirts. Lois has her leg bent; voice says she was pregnant at 17 and
hated her butt, wouldn't leave hospital. Trying to clock out at a
class--paper too wide; I have to wait 30 minutes and sit at a table to read.
Horrible life; writing horror, why don't you. Worth less, worthless rock.
Horror as displaced oppression; oppression of long numbers; she wasn't
asleep. 45 minutes late to class; you were right by the sacrifice. Mask
(metal) that is the teacher melted down. Group trying to do something
Rosicrucians taught exercise for.

1/18/00 At doctor, building is in ruins; pile of rugs. Pink one goes to
that level. Then I have to climb up an outer stair, then a metal rod. It's
a church, people go in, others eat. One woman wants meatloaf and potatoes.
I have to get dressed, put on a Harley T-shirt. Motel room, two decks of
Tarot cards in boxes, but the previous guest is still there. She says she
may have hurt her leg or back; I pass another woman in the hall who's the
supervisor. Sit down, all glass furniture. Three naked butt; 200 times.
The question you ask isn't hard, how to feed the crowd at a guru's church.
Christy stops her work, her "isms", her meals. The door comes off (shut
door). You saw the chain saw? Long tan coat over clothes if you leave.
Enjoy yourself, he hasn't mushed yet; I cave. Die and rise, but never quite
the right time to have kids. At the foot of a body of a woman dressed in
white, on floor, suspended in air, Ching Shelton. The intensity and hue of
the furniture around the rooms is right. Two week fishing trip. She agreed
with me; however, I'd died.

1/19/00 It hurts; those sockets, a ditty. Living in the street, performer.
Take over woven small buildings like baskets in Hermosa Beach in the median
where the taxis are. Padded, quilted pants; a small black poodle. Clarence
pets chest for an hour. My dress very tight over boobs. I'll be walking,
picking out rocks and wood, living outdoors. Several people living in some
huts, one in others. A shop run by some old men--lots of knick-knacks.
They sell me a piece of hard mint candy--microwave, takes 11 minutes. An
old woman dies at work, have to clean out all her pills; collection of
jewelry in a box for someone whose leaving a Northrop job; I hang them on
hooks, someone arranges them in flat trays. Body stiff and cold. Purchase
orders, shipping buttons with Northrop addresses on them. Front of a glass
case, huge gap you can't seal. Thinks of someone likes them, they're no
good. Parents. BYU (Brigham Young University?) peanuts.

1/21/00 Carrying a Christmas tree--unfolds like an umbrella. Each person
has one. Mine has popcorn and candy and will have mice running through the
branches. I have a picture I'm putting in a frame--frame is triangular or
square, 3D legs. I try to plug in the lights and something rolls around on
the tree. Jimmy Allen.

1/22/00 Crossing a wide river like the Mississippi--very long bridge. The
water is clear, ocean water. John Devereux says to walk across. The water
is shallow at first but gets very deep--when I look across the bridge, it is
completely under water a little ways ahead. I pull up my skirt and get in
up to my butt, but am afraid to go any farther and he says to let him go
first. He's wearing a suit and is soon out of sight. My dress gets wet on
the bottom (yellow dress). Voice asks what makes yogurt yellow. There's
fruit floating in the water beside the railing. I put my hand in to catch
something to eat--meat or fish. I demonstrate how to yell across the river.
Before that I'm telling the secretaries how a big wind came and blew the
papers out of the room. It was something long I was working on, book
length. A lease; I'm collecting the pages and am out in the ocean all at
once on this bridge. Something about what to wear, leather or silver belt
on my dress. Back on land, everyone discusses the river, very mysterious.
Have pallets to paint it or write about it. My sister, Shirley has a brain
aneurysm, in the hospital; will be there a long time, until February. I
don't know why she was having people come down that way, but she was. More
people at Palmdale than at the Treasury Dept. Motorcycle, she broke the
arm, secondary. Three sizes of motorcycles on a flatbed truck; I sit on the
biggest one. Crossing the river, I get weak, pain in chest, can't breathe.
There are leaves on a tree to cure this; small green ones. Insane now. In
a family, always be willing to do work, willing to try. Oriental woman's
voice, "one of the transfers." Take this belt. The point at which the
water went in my lungs. Try to figure it out. A body in the water ahead of
me--in a casket, can't see it. Rectangular box or wrapped in plastic. A
dream by committee; many people crossing the bridge, follow the railing
until it's too far under water. A woman talking about dying, big baby;
can't even go in the water, get wet. Can't find any women, comes home.
Forget lapper and hubby; the only one I want is (bowl dog). Rumors of
diets, no oils. New black dress--oven child, look. Three things wrong with
legs, can't walk. Dad's workshop, I was 21 too. Looking for tool. Too
attack, heavy people.

1/23/00 The law of eternal return and supply and demand. Smelling salts.
Dictionary of terms. Sweet... We are as far apart, city employee.
Estuaries. A man steals a pair of Michael Jordan's shoes and holds a whole
roomful of people hostage. Then he writes his letter in his laptop and
scans in his return address. He's getting $25K for everyone in the room
plus for everyone in the first lottery (pay $2.50). The leader takes more
risk, lets everyone go; he'll only get $25K too. Apollo says he's sick from
worrying too much. I wake up and he's beside my bed; he seems a lot more
relaxed, crawls into bed with me. [Apollo had to get a bypass in summer
2000.] I'm cold and stiff, can't turn head to the left; can't remember or
write down dreams to the right side. A man taking good pictures. A bunch
of pages of my writing, some down the middle of the page. The last bird at
Redondo Beach decides not to make a nest; doesn't like people taking its
picture. No kids in pool at Pat's house. I wake up several times in night,
too sleepy to write anything down. Donna Karan, sailboat race--I've seen
the week's dirty Jefferson, hyper at first, then relax and sail around.
Michael Jordan hanging a hanger with black dress. Genesis is genocide. I
know several of those that are going to be trained/brained.

1/24/00 No feeling in legs (woman at Galleria). Wept and swept away. Who
knows, she keeps .... now. Historical, no stabbing. A boat in the harbor,
energy boat. A voice says, what are you going to do--sight bow at enemy
ship. Pre-shrunk fabric; dark purple--hanging over curtains in kids
bedroom. A big house, I can't look in bedroom. Voice, ship dream is now
married. Faucet, water running in a long stream. That's what Philip (King)
said--good luck to you. Family picture, starts out with a few people, then
more and more people in a hole on a hillside, the Harveys, Mr. Buck (science
teacher), a Spanish family, Jean's kids (in dream). My dresses in pile,
watch TV show on big screen, then I have to get ready for work. Rabbits
running loose, but gray cat like mountain lion comes and has sex with one.

1/26/00 Woman supervisor says to let King George help the other
supervisors. I know how to be really happy for eight weeks. Indian
cooking--zuchinis cooked whole around a pile of rice. Montessori
pre-school, man says, you've changed my life (activities on rugs on floor).

1/27/00 Automatic door at a store opens--for invisible people. M&Ms on
floor. I go all the way to Pico, forget my badge. Guard records a movie of
massaging someone's fingertips. Then says if my fingerprints were on a
black box the reg says he'd have to shoot me (wing me). He says he could
shove his flashlight up my butt.

1/28/00 A room with screens all along the edge--soldiers behind there. I
close windows half way, ask if they're cold. One man says, no, don't close
it; he's watching over the valley. In the third one, a bunch of babies,
maybe five of them. Two roll out and they crawl back up or I help them; the
mattress is uneven. Voice says, two mothers. The dad is twelve. Valley,
we go through a swampy field. It's supposed to be a store. I'm walking
with two girls, my sisters. We're all wearing tight silvery gowns of
different colors--mine is coppery color, shimmers. I pull off the road and
end up in a swampy area. I drive a small car, park in a ramp beside a toy
car. Later a man chases me and I have to unlock the door--two keys and I
throw water on him. I'm in a fancy clothing store, maybe Macy's or a
boutique, maybe Cotton Cargo but much bigger with several rooms, and go into
a dark room of sweaters by mistake and a woman hiding in the corner comes up
behind me out of nowhere and tells me not to come there anymore. I leave a
50 cent tip; other customers hide $100 bills behind the tags. She says
Faith works there (asks if I want to work there) but doesn't do much work
moving the merchandise. We bought it to play old Santanas and we didn't
reverse that. Car drives away, woman has to remember. 1:30--owls in
courtyard. A mountain, one type of work ending--another beginning. Rocks,
rusty mines. They have voices--identical twins. No more rabbit groups,
human groups. Lower level, educational. It doesn't cost anyone anything,
pretend a tent.

1/29/00 Guy in a long satin dress, looks tall and slim from the front but
from the back--big legs, just thighs. Color of the dress keeps
changing--purple, black, brown, white. No one else likes it--little shop on
Crenshaw. Goes in and changes into a gray sweater; takes off his wig
(bald). I'm sitting on a wall; this is at work. Woman has kids in
apartment when boss calls--does homework for an hour with one kid. Little
blond girl, big blond boy. 4-5 kids in a booth eating at a diner; two
women, sisters have their kids there. Queta's office, no computer-- didn't
want Coutu to have 5 hours of leave one day. I say he'll have to be on AWOL
then. Frog gone from Queta's desk. For a Korean frog, very domesticated.
Manager says she's kicking out the gray male rabbit, too big--dominant male
before he was fixed. Little girl runs up with a black sweater, asks, don't
you wear it? Guy in dress says I look tired or grouchy. I stay home from
work 1 day in bed and make a whole quilt with 2 big butterflies on the left
top, 10 small ones up center, gathers on inside. You're over $30,000 in
less than a month. Childrens books.

1/30/00 In a Spanish neighborhood, a market, swapmeet. Charge $5 to get
in; music competition. Victor's car has spark plugs too hot--glowing
orange. Bought downtown in American section of town. CDs all over room,
kids at party were babies. Women from where I work have things to sell and
raise money; table cloth, Linda; glassware in a yard sale or swap meet,
Queta. I look at a beaded necklace--turn into beaded bib front like Indians
wear, then boy's shirt; little Oriental boy tries it on, hood too tight.
Full-length burgundy lace sweater over burgundy dress. Break me or break my
replacement in? Lecture, man in front row, light reflects off his glasses.
Man with some gray in hair. I'm at the other side--bags of candy some
people have. Corruption at a swap meet. A pilgrimage, two groups of
Spanish people. One group has CDs for sale at a swap meet; Victor is
there--needs spark plugs for car; bar that you press and it pulls all of
them open at once--tells me to help at the bottom of a long lever. I'm
naked, put on a dress and shawl from the clothes I was carrying to sell; I'm
by a wall and a man kisses me. The other group are to the right; bandits or
hunter-gatherers. I cross a farm, huge brick buildings. Fence where two
men also are crossing. Then a hill, Christ drags his cross; a girl gave a
red shirt to a priest; his wife is from Florida and wants blue. Life story
of an Indian boy; he got a job in town, got a Russian girl pregnant; her mom
dropped/kicked her and the daughter out in his village. Then the two
grand-mothers grab the little girl (about 12) and carry her off until the
couple are married; then they can have her back. Cat-deep cold bowl. Ok,
I'm going to 44.

1/31/00 St Louis disappeared after the message. Three workplans for heart
attack victims. Someone says to change them. Running next to a train.
Three very unusual helicopters flying very low and landing at Mom's farm.
Fence gone, creek running along the yard. Sand on trail to pump/well so it
isn't too muddy--sidewalk gone. Soldiers land from helicopters behind the
house. All females, have blond or red hair and freckles on noses. All are
young except for two women--one very thin, one has pimples you can see up
close. I look behind me and they are sitting on bleachers watching me.

2/1/00 I have to finish my degree with some kind of "art"-- so I pick
dance. Juanita walks around the room with one foot up on a stilt and one in
a boot. She tries to climb the coffee table at work. I have to stand up on
an oatmeal container or drum which is up on top of a tall stool-- can't look
down. Older man teacher and woman. Woman says there are jobs in a
newspaper in Seattle or St Louis (?). LIttle kids get hungry and tired; one
fries onions on a grill. People talking, a carpool to Palmdale. Faith, we
can work something out. Iranians. The Lord passed away--doesn't appreciate
all this. Women talking, some don't speak language. Short red hair, says
something irrelevant about her food. Another woman next to her says she can
translate. Other Sheila there. Instructor (Martha Stewart) asks if she's
from Iowa. Child's class, they are studying around spool tables.

2/2/00 Face, red-headed man. Duck hunting. Seattle (?) shotgun. Walking
trips, middle aged black woman is going to sign up, says the day she does
she'll fan probably. Clothes, I'm going to wear a jumper, short gold and
black one; satin and knit. Work bench with a metal box with polished
turquoise and other stones, they're wrapped in a cloth and between layers of
styrofoam, inside two metal boxes. Art also, paintings. A man wants me to
hurry. A dog, a trip to town, down cliffs, mud. Santa is from San Diego;
bad boys despair; concert--sections 16,23 for tickets. this is on stage,
too loud. White rabbit standing up in my purse. Kid fights it--had to buy
12 tickets. Call James Palmore, but Elaine answers . who signs Thurston's
workplan? Cry at sewing machine, man screws door shut. It's not what we
do, it's his problem. Everett on phone, says Rockettes at the party will
sign the overtime then. Christmas is over, take down the decorations; a
grumpy red dwarf, my favorite. Girls/women are putting up gold tinsel on
white walls in more than one room.

2/3/00 Farm yard, animals walking around all in one pen. A riverside. It
will take the ... out of your. Men standing around talking about what date
they could retire--one man says usually Fall. Union meeting, new landlord
asks who the union leaders are and how they came to be elected; names on
board--two letters, initials. Woman from 150 Nelson has to come all the way
to here to get her mail--mailman makes a mistake. I park in driveway to

unload groceries. She always stops at Baskin-Robbins. In hot weather, Taco
Bell. Sand lot; hole with sand in it. I start to clean it out, a voice
says, maybe AIDS. I sort a lot of stuff on shelves in a shed or garage.
Women's make-up and men's different oils for repairs in small bottles.
Linda says I was right about something--these aren't mimes. One man gets
new parts for bell.

2/4/00 Game show of characters fighting, Anwar Sadat. John Barman gets
ride with several other employees; wants to leave at 6AM, but go to H...,
which is an additional 20 minutes drive. I've learned to speak formally
about computer problems, do phone in problem desk. Two computers on a round
table with 2-3 chairs. Sandy Cano learning something or reading me numbers.
Teletubbies again. Sheila, who's that for, Long Beach? Putting hair up.
It's supposed to be good for leaving messages. Three ugly dogs attacked.
Lito with Fu Manchu moustache. Baggy white pants, fixed something; quirky.
Naked woman doing chin-ups, hangs there. Long workplan, last page--can't
go. Lito and Linda fixing something under the kitchen sink. I change my
pink T-shirt for a blue one. Sex behind the couch. Pull my dress up to
show my hives/shingles. 5-year old almost pulls a long cabinet over; knocks
stuff off the top. I pick him up by the scruff of the neck like a
cat--Shirley says he belongs to some aunt or sister in the dining room. I
end up telling her some women shouldn't have kids. I want to drive to San
Francisco, am in some strange city, Midwest (?) so I have to go to their
bank. Print-out of a list of banks they'll accept. Elaine is there and you
have to fill out a long yellow form with all your hobbies, then you get a
card. Other shorter forms too. A woman is wearing a dress that is buttoned
right onto her body along the edges. 6:15, woman clerk is going to arrange
some payroll changes, take some things out. Letter from nursing supervisor
that she is buying her everything for two weeks. Chinese New Years--trip
with two suitcases, all new things. 130PM TV, something that was a book or
radio show. It's got a fantastic creature (voice says, what's that?); looks
like a Roman god, Titans movie. I talk to a man waiting at the VA hospital
for 4-5 days for an appendectomy. He says his game was used for the movie
The Hobbit. I get out pills--5 or 6 and they roll across the floor.

2/6/00 Three girls in partitions wearing prom dresses--nylon net, frilly.
Entering info in computer about them, phone numbers. A diner, don't go to
Long Beach after these times--a lot of police, Spanish. 1PM Like matinee
times of movies, line drawn across. Ends at 2-3 PM; line before 5 PM on
some. Police slap people on back, talk friendly, so do I. Johnnie Lee, I
change my dress, my back is sweaty--long green dress with black designs,
tight, fitted in waist. Farmers Market--some stuff goes to free lunches.
Two girls in the same dress, they sell them--sundresses with chiffon blouses
over them. When I leave, I take a red cape instead of my blue jacket; the
girl at the table where you pay is getting a degree. I'm cleaning my side
of a fence. The men on the other side sweep dirt under the wall. I carry
it in a bucket to a cliff over a beach. Paper must be picked out. I sweep
some dirt back to their side--raked mark in the dirt like a Zen garden.
Someone will check it. I take my magazines to throw them away in a restroom
at a diner. I push the car; there is no parking at the beach because of
reserved parking for a music program. They try to hire the Catholic
services (Buddhists do). A man stuffs his jacket in my mouth; he's wearing
a Banana Republic T-shirt. Look, St Johnnie killed/cuffed a rabbit.
Napkin, jot down something. Petting a dog with 16 babies; we could have it
fixed, they all died. I have $1 and a man tells me to buy breakfast.
Itching from vitamin deficiency. Left turn lanes. My desk in a kitchen at
work, Faith gives me 4 glasses of milk; 2 sour overnight. Then my
refrigerator is moved to a cornfield; freezer door left open. I can't drive
this far anymore. Mike and Lito give me the barcode for the 10 cent store
for tools. McDonalds--double hamburger is 29 cents. Bill is $30.47.
Pickles stick together; computer has an analysis from Marla that pops on the
screen, is sideways. Outside, Mike Dafforn and Art Regalado. Analysis is
about an African-American man also working at McDonalds. A herd of cows--I
open the gate and they get out by themselves. Voice, "what's that?" It
looks like three calves (black) over to the right behind a block wall in the
parking structure behind the security gate. They won't be able to find the
herd now. One comes up to me--very fuzzy and warm--it's a black dog with a
few gray hairs. The mom has two puppies; have to sell them too (with the
cattle).

2/7/00 Form due--no major changes--this report says there's nothing of
something. An old Russian woman has to make the report too, official
looking form--takes a lot of computer memory to do them for a lot of people.
Hill at the school, the corner at the edge of the school grounds--a boy up
there, girl with baby carriage says she talks to herself since she had the
baby. My purse is a clear plastic make-up one; empty, fell in water in the
fountain. My password is twotooto. Two litters of puppies, different
sizes. Smaller dog has 4 puppies; bigger dog 2 or 4; looks like a mop or
miniature Afghan; about 6 inches tall. John and Lito, I tell them they'll
have to get someone to pass the physical for them if they are recalled for
Army duty (they think), but I say they lift computers all day and work out.
In a large building, going up to my office; there are large animals in one
hallway--elephants and I'm afraid to pass them. I go down a different
hallway and there are more at another intersection of halls. So I go up to
the 2nd floor and look over a railing to scout the situation out. The ones
on the 1st floor can even climb up on the furniture and beams and reach up
to the ceiling and up where I am. They're in piles like sleeping baby mice,
shadowy--very shiny black in some places, have trunks maybe. A woman has a
plan to flood her office in May. There are clothes in the alcove with the
railing; I'm not dressed yet either or lost my clothes in fear. I peer
down at them and try to work up my nerve to walk through the maze of
hallways past them.

2/8/00 N-Building, man walking by crack, stops and teeters. Consulting.

2/9/00 Books, one about each person, small loose books, floppy. Phrases
underlined. Winter, mechanics legs. Mike Byllesby playing jokes--left a
message with the secretary that the contractor did something to him.
Blankets in laundry, 2 are dry-clean. I sign up for classes; man complains
that I cancelled and have nothing to do. Long journey on a freeway to a
class. I tried to get silver plate. I keep using a slide string to stop,
10 years.

2/11/00 7,3,8,0. Mailbox, large wooden orange crate box. Snakes quickly
slither up and get in the box. A cobra, a rattlesnake, a coral snake.
Small snake gets out and presses up against a boy and then me. Snakes are a
cure for a hot cunt (hot from herpes, snakes are cold). Book, some pages
fall out when I drop it; Bible--list of drugs, a leafy bush with tiny
leaves and magenta flowers. Page 37, pages 2-180 missing. Bathroom, I have
to pay; take three books with me; man comes in stall.

2/12/00 I'm retrieving a lifetime and click on the segment in India to look
at how I get away from the rest of my family--I'm the only one there. It
opens fuzzy gray. It's an Indian life segment where the person is in a long
depression by himself. I think of moving to another segment just in case
this is just one day. The character in India is a boy, short hair, big
nose, about 15; but in a dress with skinny knees. Some family--cat; Diegas
died of old age and a woman very mad.

2/13/00 Bees all over me; have to pick them off, they don't sting. Up in
an attic, man drags me away from work. Soba or Japanese noodles. Art Bell,
I'm working, people call in, you can if... Use old ironing board as bed.
Where going to find repeat customers for rabbits. Pale blue thing, green
pots; the little share (cropper) underwrites the DOW gains. Thick towel
jacket and skirt at Sportmart; last time working for city. I'm stuck in...;
if not a part of my life, revitalize by ... Bottom ripped out of ship on
sandbar. Willie may be going away very soon too. Hermosa Beach; I take off
my jeans and put them on the ground; 2 middle aged men pick them up and my
Levi jacket and put them in the dumpster; they talk about selling them and
a fine for being underdressed. I walk a ways then try to go back and get
them out of the trash but the men turn around and see me. I'm wearing a
jacket and underpants; at Clark Stadium. A bottle of vanilla in a box is
almost empty; no smell, I taste it. I'm an artist; argue about views. She
wants to be in the middle, well she's not sure. Drop the fat off up here;
rich people call doctor; getting tired.

2/14/00 He wants you to type over the hard things and the easy things;
water gets on the runway. Packing, harmonica--have to learn a song. I blow
across it, have to pluck it--it hurts my broken tooth, the vibrating--also
sore in the corner of my mouth. Adult dog and puppy stuffed in a box; old
woman getting a divorce and looking for a new man at her age. A book of
songs for various ages. Before that, a field--everyone watching for...;
maybe plane crashes. People making CDs of their little songs. Long name,
really spelled Cherimore; could change it. They could sleep in the tub on
the rotunda. Pawn dawn. Man holds me upright, does my work picking
something from a puzzle shaped closet. A controversy concerning no one.
For awhile it seems to be the collectors who have the advantage. Ready or
not, here it comes. These hunches are well written--scene of Arab ceremony
surrounded by a frame of red, white and blue beads. She burst out laughing,
she told no she was... Holding up a picture, someone says, "the sweet stink
of pink" -- a grand-daughter. Compatibility-you will be...for tonight,
waiter talking. 3000 pounds for the next few months. Something wouldn't
stay on screen.

2/15/00 These showers were a bunch of exhales too.

2/16/00 I'm not wearing a blouse but have a nylon jacket with a
lining--ready to go somewhere. I have to pick up something in the office
that costs $2 $4. Then I'm with a family of daughter(s) and again have to
pick something up. I pass a cardstore where the cards have pictures of
hats. Woman dressed in green jacket and white skirt passes, very thin.
Then one with a gray or silver make-up like a robot, and maybe silvery or
white chiffon dress. Voice, "that looks very nice." Then I look around a
museum store; UFO statues but with heads sticking out the top of the uniform
capture smaller UFO beings as they fly past. Another room where Nixon has
come in behind me; I look for his shoes on the floor--voice says if they
were there they would have hit him in the head. They are thongs. In this
room a little kid is playing with a giant pencil and wants one for
Christmas. She rolls on the floor with it. The mom had picked out a
fancier one.

2/17/00 A ticket for U-turn in Torrance or running a red light. A man is
driving. Actor/professor with blond long hair parted in the middle; blue
velvet shirt and white pants. He talks about a small part he had in a
movie; says anyone can leave him messages in a book on the ground--he has a
lot of old students. I have cake in my wallet instead of a drivers license
to use for the cop. I cut through a woman's/group's house. A girl is
ironing in the last room--very unusual clothes, punk hair. Man spent all
his money as he got it. Older woman stops him; he says she's in class on
Wednesday; I say the floor is big--he kicks the fence. Mom comes out.
Ear-ring, looks like ring--open heart with diamonds along one side, the
inside of the heart. Online and offline coaching days are over (number 6
fortune).

2/18/00 House on a lake--old couple living there. Not bright, gloomy. Al
Nakamura jogs by, staggering. I give him a cookie and something to drink.
List of body parts, can only pick one new one. The house on Larch, a couple
walking; it's still dark and a lot of people are exercising. Mom is out
shopping on Hawthorne Blvd. 3 cactus plants--all red on edges, dirt very
soft, weeds growing in them; tiny ones at the bottom also red. A house with
a lot of plants, ornamental grasses along sidewalk; the sidewalk goes up and
you can see over the edge into a valley--looks like Lily of the Valley but
very tall and have branches. The weeds along the sidewalk kept decreasing
until they were one stalk wide planted along the sidewalk. Then I come to a
yardsale--skirt of mine there (LV (Las Vegas) old-time basketball uniform
with a note on the front that they were sold at auction. Size 4. Also
soccer shorts, size 12 from modern times, same auction.)

2/19/00 There are more than one (2) of every animal except God. Rich
couple have tour of their house. In the 1st room kids are eating and going
to sleep. Have to take off your clothes to go in. Bedrooms, storage rooms
and closets. Then a huge room full of books with a slanted walk on both
sides--some maintenance area behind the facade at a mall. Slices of bread
at the top to attract mice--Star Wars characters have guns they can shoot at
them, one shoots bread slices (libraries smell like mice). Some separate
rooms for special collections. An alcove of Shelley, Gary--The Cross,
the... and the... Each in separate books. A lot of people looking at
these. Also a bookcase of an author I didn't recognize--Bidon maybe. There
was a race to get to this house. Very long race, when you got to Stewarts
you had to run for the last mile or so. The other Sheila is carrying me on
her back. Going along an icy part, she pushes herself away from the edge
(railing). Then there's a hill and I get off and she slides way up a hill
and says I helped push her up. The dirt is soft on one part of the path,
has a metal railing, can pull yourself along. I am wearing heavy rubber
boots but when I think of taking them off, it becomes icy. One book in Sci
Fi is about an invasion fought off by 10 men, has 10 in the title. Go
beyond the books, go beyond the rail. I don't want history restored, make a
phone call. Things to recover, little boys passing me in the race; some
girls going the wrong way or starting in the middle (I kid them). Chapter 2
is just like chapter 1. Father and son at doctor, test both to see which
one is sick. Man wants to talk about ... war; I'm looking something up, he
says, "oh, good, I wanted to talk to you." Gold silk blouse; as soon as...
I'll take your books. Marty hates everyone; me too. We're out here,
training period; 3 days, 3 nights. In some war you slapped this down, in
Korean war... Vivian got a transfer and packed all my desk procedures; I
beat her up after looking for them. I stomp on the box she was carrying. I
look on the roof across, there are desks there. There's snow on the roof;
an old car drives right towards me, then veers off, like a horse in a barrel
race. Stan, several men are in there. An authority figure gives me poison
food to serve for dinner; no one eats dinner on this job, not like VA
hospital. Another woman spills the stew (with the poison). There's also
sugar free candy and soda.

2/20/00 I go to the bathroom in my brother's room, squat so I don't get it
dirty. I go to look in every room in the house--dogs. Weeds or very thick
sunflowers. At work, nothing to do half the day, read magazines. I go to
the restroom to wash my face--a bus going to a play. People come by--Mom's
aunt that worked at the cleaners, Sylvia. I'm looking at a series of photos
at a sidewalk sale. She goes in, says love was the hardest part of life to
figure out (she has been dead many years). I think at first she's a
secretary, says she is too busy to read magazines. Then she looks like
Nellie, a retired secretary. ... I go to the dentist, he operates by
remote control--nurse goes into that room. The teeth have a problem beside
them, a spot of infection in the gum. I look in a man's mouth-- maybe
cancer beside a tooth. Jesse sleeping under an ironing board, looks like a
bunkbed. The iron looks like a vulture looking down at him. I show him how
someone could bump it and the iron would fall on him. There's also a very
fine loose wire coming out of the iron. It is around me, I'm wearing a
padded ski jacket so it can't cut in. John Barman comes in and asks about
my computer.

2/21/00 Using charge cards is the favorite passtime of the USA. Also
writing checks as gifts. Red volkswagon going the wrong way, wrong side of
the road. Man standing beside a truck looking up at an apartment
building--rifle or shotgun sticking out his window. He's been there three
weeks. A list of employees; all the GS-13s have left. I am voted the most
popular employee by 70% of votes. Pat gets 67.7%. I wonder in the dream if
that will be our respective ages by the time we get to retire. We have
ornaments of us--Barbie dolls that look like us. Bending hand back helps us
keep it. Ravine, recreation area--girl says I should have two jobs.

2/22/00 Scene like a movie of a double. A man has one double in a chair
threatening/asking him. Then he turns around suddenly and strikes the other
double in the face--and across the chest, saying, "you daguerreotype."
Another new holiday--on Tuesday. New half circle of graves with flowers or
flags in front of them and a woman planning fireworks. They'll cost a half
million dollars and maybe bring in $3-4M, she says. May bring in $7M less,
Vivian says. Thurston leaves biscuits and egg McMuffins in a sack for my
roommate, Bec, who'll arrive in the morning. I'm leaving food too, and a
fancy jar and some glass figuerines. This is located on the bridge over the
river to Van Meter.

2/24/00 A card about a rabbit in a package of playing cards. Hose washes
floor under rabbit, sweeps under feet. Other cards for military; big balls
for sale.

2/25/00 Babies breath plant wilting. Girl with tiny puppy, brown dog,
takes him out.

2/26/00 We know at 1 o'clock we catch the plane, that's not a surprise,
that's not going to happen. What you can do is take an odd disease and
plant it. Bouncing back and forth, different versions of things. At
workplace, a wave is going to sweep over it. The supervisors are working to
screw the boards over the windows. The man directing them tells them to
bring all their nails--even if bent. I go to a meeting at a round table
and tell people they aren't trying and that is why they aren't making any
progress resolving their differences; the meeting is very short. Then I
decide to walk home down El Segundo (from Space Division where I work in the
dream or the meeting is located); there won't be any TV during the disaster
and people will be forced to read. They also need warm blankets, dry
clothes. I have a sunburned spot where I can write messages (skin turns
white when you press on it)-- vacate, locate...
At Hawthorne Blvd (horse racing place) I have a mailbox with 8 keys. It is
full of papers and quality assurance stuff and a small padlock. A homeless
woman reading her mail below my box moves; I have a tall plastic bag full of
stuff. Four cheerleaders, redhead thinks first or spaces out after command
to do a cheer and it isn't synchronized. Strip of paper says the mail box
collector is waiting all day for me; strip of paper says NGES. Homeless
woman tells a homeless man that a young, wet couple is already there on the
park bench where they are going to sleep.

2/27/00 Invite everyone in town to a party; oriental wives/queens sitting
in a group, three or more women. Dresses, which ones look nice; the ones
you were told in computer. School room, I go late after a bomb threat.
Substitute teacher. Long stories, two to a document, I typed into computer
in spare time; classic novels. Different chair, looks like baby chair--have
to put legs in holes. Can reverse tweed cushions. A banquet, people have
their pets there; Johnnie has a puppy on a leash. It finds a mother dog but
she is in a sack, looks like a wild animal on the leash--porcupine. One pet
is very strange, dismembered. I sit and eat, finger food, go to kitchen to
get more water (restroom). It's being cleaned; one guy is meeting someone,
an older woman. I walk up a grassy hill. He's blond in a blue velvet
jacket; Mom carries in a kid who pooped his pants for the 3rd time that day.
I start disrobing him on a towel; he smears poop on my sleeve, white terry
cloth. Faith has a slinky accordion that records--reminder to call her mom.
Other Sheila has another job too, she just does the same thing she did in S
Africa in some other country or Los Angeles. Beds in living room; Mom is
living alone and dating. Double curtains. Men are moving groceries to a
lower floor that you can see over the railing. Woman's boyfriend gives her
pink tennis shoes. Making a label that looks like bricks.

2/28/00 Some (3) siblings know their parent killed someone, body in
freezer. The father is going west to make a new life. Boy becomes enraged
because of tough pork--I say maybe my plate has a tender piece; it does and
he takes it and gives me a bite. There's a noisy machine in the road, I'm
confused, blurry-- a motorcycle approaching and might hit it, so I go out
in the road to move it. I try to turn it down and turn it up and then off.
The daughter says she's leaving (or mother) for a new life. I tell her she
can go for a visit or a year but must come back. Blue leather. She has a
terrible temper and looks down my blouse and says I'm fat and burns me with
a match head. People living a long time are very strong, no disease.
She'll live forever, is a boss. I push her off a balcony and ask a man if
she hit her head on blue floor like a pool of water. She's still alive but
he says her brain is crawling back into the primordial ooze. Driving
through fog, can't see at all sometimes, very little others. The dumbest I
ever let you in for is there something they expected to be doing the same
time as you. Long hair is so different, they made a cross. Potato chip,
try to call you up. A lot of glass bottles in cupboard; hand/sleeve knocks
some over. Band across face or chest; those have been off since October.
$15M because of some motto.

2/29/00 Someone driving around in circles; running over some animal--as big
as a sheep. On a hillside, gates, black and white fences. The fence had
been knocked down by someone, now it's back up. Gathering things for a
journey, or a walk. Toothbrushes, a man says. There are several, in the
purse, cooler--zip top. On cloth on ground under a dead tree, dead
branches, dog herds something, but it isn't mine.

3/1/00 Diamond salesman, wife and daughter moved from Oregon to a museum.
Girl tells me she doesn't like coffins in the museum. They are dead
buffalos. The rings are replicas of museum pieces--$5500. I'd seen them at
the museum in Long Beach, they were Franklin Mint collection of diamonds,
also another set of emeralds, sapphires. One ring is in a crack on the
floor, just fits--has a big diamond and some small ones. One has a big
cloudy stone and another one has a lot of stones. There are also polished
stone animals that fit into a puzzle. There is also a movie--Sri Lankan.
It's about a man but I'm doing a 9-page report and miss it. A guest is
sleeping in his chair during the movie. Then I go out in a truck, go the
wrong way in some cones, wrong lane, hit a curb. The back wheel feels like
it's wobbling; has a bare spot and cactus thorns stuck in the treads. Some
men call to me to help me--back up into a warehouse on a track. I back
right into the ocean; the trash empties into the ocean and the truck starts
to slip off the edge, but I put it in a forward gear and get out. Then a
girl starts compacting trash in the other truck; a lot of clothes, dresses.
Ducks living in a chimney, look plush--yellow with white round things on
chest. On a blanket, bucket of yellow chemicals; very pretty woven blouse,
truckload of boys--4 kinds of shirts.

3/2/00 Supposed to take care of an old lady in her house or go to San
Francisco. A young girl, packing clothes. Several other young girls, one
rich. Striped jacket--wide blue and white stripes. Two houses next door to
each other. Life in the anything; sewer side in mind. Girl predicted
someone would be sleeping on their couch. In the back of the car is a
mirror covered with a blanket. Can you let us go; come and claim that car.

3/3/00 What are ownership rules--if some property is between yours, you can
claim it. A lot of people between 3-5. Smoking at mall--at Robinsons-May;
keep your reputation clear. Hard-boiled egg--yolk at top; better line now,
better boy now. 3 items not yet discontinued; hologram colored dress.
Lying in a yard with someone. There are dead spots all through the
grass--long ones and round ones. I watch the grass to see if it likes to be
walked on; it waves and dances. Then a giant red and white bull walks into
the yard. I ignore it at first; a brown cow behind me. We walk slowly to a
fence on a steep hill--I say his (bull's) feet are too big to come up here.
There's a shadowy pig up there behind a concrete barrier. I walk to a wire
fence and inspect how hard to climb, will it damage it--some dogs and cute
puppies walk up. Clothes are hanging on the fence. Oil spill in one corner
of the pasture. Kids, a blond boy with a hook nose, playing on sidewalk at
the N-Building. The apartment manager is there selling something out of the
back of her car or a tent. Her daughter has a small tent with cute kids
rugs and toys. Also an office, woman asks if software is better than typing
it. Wipe the edges weekly. Refrigerator you can put your arms around and
everything there like a puzzle. Philip Morris warning-- this country will
never again... Blond girl with dark tan does a revolutionary act; another
blond girl works with Navahos. Makes them rich.

3/5/00 Greg Maddux injured--replacement did extremely well-- very good
earned run average; injured for playoffs. Old woman working a job, falls on
stairs. She isn't covered by workman's comp because she's retired. She had
a rough day--had to take something out of Marilyn Monroe and a man, maybe
Walter Matheau. Son bought her six red roses; she bought a bouquet of all
greenery with babies breath; says she'll look at it later. Woman wants to
drive car to New Orleans or the South. Complicated highways--might ride
bike on freeway. Man drives, says 2nd gear feels different; transmission or
clutch was fixed. Another woman picks up her son; her boyfriend is
shifty--he has 14 books. She's driving a white convertible and wants him to
sign paperwork for her new car.

3/6/00 Two days back to back in the dream; I get dressed twice. Gauze
dress with a slip. Under that is a white nylon dress--also a slip; there
aren't many clothes left in the closet. I deliver some food to a military
family's house--put it in the window on a ledge; it's potato chips probably.
Because of this, Loki became the lesson. Maybe I'll see it tomorrow or the
desire will fade. What did you put on that guy yesterday. Picture of girl
dancing, belly dance-- face blanked out. Understand everything--lessons
from Rosicrucians taken out as necessary. Running down a road with my
siblings, kids again, naked. Gone about 45 minutes, serpent for a penis on
a naked man or statue. Sitting at a table studying; an elevator. Man are
more outside coached as well as inner coached. This is a weekend; hers is
only 6. Comes up once a week to eat--zucchini. Quartzite, drug and
initiation lesson. To the facts, Alice in Wonderland. Young man. Sea gull
poop on car windshield. One rabbit much tamer. Teaching or learning
something. Grocery store, I park along the street to do some work on
car--must bake cookies in car. I buy the ingredients, as well as some
lettuce. The first bag is less than a dollar. The clerk is a young girl.
She says her husband was laid off or fired. They've been married a year. I
left this here a week and now... seems worried to see the coincidence. The
guard leaves the 2 doors of the Federal Building open--can see ahead if
there's trouble, inside or outside. No one put that there for you to see;
you're losing money/weight. Porter or poorer.

3/7/00 I eat lunch along a street--put rice into an empty line/space in my
bowl. Rice or pudding. A man with a scarf around his head eats later--some
girl's boyfriend may recognize him, someone driving past. He eats slowly.
A machine that tests art. I pour some from a white bag--looks like Mom's
"Hungarian Goulash". A man says another one should have told me the
computer is biased for a certain period--Iron Age. A picture shows a river
and troops wading, WWII I guess, or another war. There's another war
downstream. A woman artist is working in another room--young. Take a box a
long distance; another door. Trying not to go through that again. Those
things are a thin handshake; pocket psychiatrist.

3/8/00 A woman with big boobs says to hang your head over the edge of the
bed. Another woman in latex. A little boy in a rich house; I shut one door
before he can get into something. Then he's a teenager with a girl.
Smother woman with pillow, like dead mouse. A man takes 3 relatives home;
they have something wrong with them. This is from a courtroom--ran out of
money gambling on some action--written on a label. Could have gone in
order, took longer (holding them). I take two baths. I'm wearing a girdle
and white tights. A woman with a very small waist gets twins (2 ages) out
of a cubby hole; the babies teach each other while they're sleeping. She
made me hold her.

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