Home

10/17/00 I have a big pill to swallow. Also some herb teas with big green leaves. A pile of garbage in the closet beside my bed. I tell a man to dig down in the garbage and there are butchered chickens, wet feathers, some partly cooked. Looks like the garbage dump outside Manila that collapsed in heavy rain. George Bush appears and says he's going to do the rest of his dirty Navy laundry and dumps out a duffle bag of very white T-shirts. I tell him to do my laundry too. After he leaves I gather up some books and put them in the duffle bag - two Bibles and an envelope of pictures - some with scenery and some of people.

10/19/00 Liz Taylor or Lisa Minnelli having a baby - in late pregnancy. Giant tree cut down.

10/20/00 I go inside a hollow tree. I'm dying and want to go there. I ask a man if he likes them and he says, no, they scare him. School kids taking a tour tell me there are stairs to the top of the tree on the inside. Milk cartons piled on the floors, dolls and doll dresses, a complete living room with couch, glass bookcases, sideboard and hutch. A committee is eating fudge and thinking about what will be a good investment as an antique of the future.

10/26/00 A new court system.

10/29/00 East coast making a boat. Live by themselves. Real wet in here after Thanksgiving. Holidays of hate crimes. No itinerants, no comedians. Floods do no damage.

11/5/00 Long time prisoners' shorts are wearing out. One is going to make a pair from two worn out pairs to go to court to stand up to some injustice. Looks through his clothes on hangers.

11/6/00 On the direction for developing pictures it says to tell if one bunch of kids or others have to be protected from another. A woman holding several kids at one end of a couch, another woman at the other end - a lot of space in between. People sleeping on the floor all over a big house. A woman murmurs about the water pressure. When she flushes the toilet, the water level in the coffee cups goes down. Man asking, do you shoot the small sharks first or the big ones.

11/7/00 Chinese duck soup. A time for passing. Put a hold on things from China.

11/8/00 What's the use if you can't remember. Bush victory meal. I think about what to make -- 20 pound bag of rice. People making plans to spend tax cut. Man calls customer service to complain about his death - pill hurt. They said it wouldn't; half brain blanked out. City in the air with long plastic tube hanging down. Rivers dammed up all over the Midwest.

11/9/00 I look through attics of old houses, hard to find door. Stuffed with furniture, pile of clothes of all the people that lived there. A voice tells me about a woman that got pregnant at 17 and hated her butt, wouldn't leave the hospital.

11/10/00 Working in archaeology. I think they have to put water in the deserts. There are mountains barely sticking out of the ocean also. Cold water. Very difficult sites to excavate. Deep water along coral reefs. Kids want to go to court to get their homework reduced (harmful.) Studying volcano maps, Pompei, others.

11/14/00 Chinese man in padded vest thinking about internet, downloading, dumping trash. Raining in Chicago.

************************4/2/01*************************
> > 12/13/99 My parents get old and bald and are remarried after their
> > respective spouses die, living at the old house again (my sister tore down
> > the old house so this is impossible; Dad and Mom do both have spouses
> > older than they are, but from longer lived families. Dad's wife is six
> > years older than him and Mom's husband is more than twenty older.) I make
> > a lot of money through extorting people at work to pay me to change their
> > passwords when they forget them ($1 first time, then $48 and then $92.)
> > The parents are me, I kiss myself on the head. Feel like I've been
> > doubled. Very old. Wonder how I'll get along - can't remember much. A
> > 1940's police car stops everyone, police roadblock for some sort of check.
> > Antennas too long, a woman officer has a measuring tape. Barbie
> > accessories in a vending machine -- for $3 you get the baby Barbie's high
> > chair and dishes. I'm riding a bike in deep mud. I walk all over
> > sightseeing and my toes get numb -- high heels. Elaine at work matronly
> > looking, tells me about a two day Halloween Party she went to. I'm
> > assigned to do computer work and have to work all alone in the basement.
> > A pin stick in my lower back, UFOs have cured me of something, who knows
> > what horrible thing. Story about a man in the woods on my computer, a
> > woman who can't learn her job and is crying, a gypsy and dog hair. My
> > eyes are blue. A voice says, father book - you have to send it back as
> > much as possible.
> >
> > 12/14/99 Driving towards the neighbor I had a crush on as a kid's house.
> > His car is ahead of me and they have deer or their pets on the hood. I
> > think the driver has a rifle or shotgun. Then another car is parked next
> > to it. It has pets on the hood too. Bedrooms, people sleeping, a roomful
> > of kids. Mike Byllesby from work is sleeping in the porch swing. He
> > stands up and exclaims - what's that? loudly when there's a noise. He
> > doesn't seem to have a blanket. Woman's voice, he got tired part way
> > through the second game - white bread with black oriental symbol on it.
> > Great camera for espionage. One brand sickly flavor. See if having fun
> > with you or really are serious. Your eyes should never have HUE or EUH.
> > Two babies on stools, I'm one.
> >
> > 12/16/99 Bathroom, no door on stall. Jesse (my boss) tells me a story
> > about a class he took last year and he was supposed to have silk shoes but
> > he didn't bother and then the instructor gave him $100 and told him to
> > prepare next year. Joke, can mess someone up by naming them a name that
> > ends with a period. Computer/internet will find them as an error in
> > syntax. Impression as clear as wit. Bleachers on a hillside where I'm
> > doing my work. A man comes up with a receipt for travel expenses while a
> > young girl is telling me something and after she walks away he says, you
> > have to send the young girls away (maybe fire all the students at work)
> > but I say someone has to teach them to work.
> >
> > 12/18/99 I won't send you out to get eaten by the sharks. A river scene.
> > Looks like a relief map but you can walk on it and it becomes real. This
> > one is covered with snow. I want to go to 111th street in Hermosa Beach.
> > I try to figure out where I am. A race track, a river, a university.
> > River looks like in Albuquerque, but might be too wide. The river is
> > tiny, then wide and muddy with flowers floating. Two girls ahead of me
> > say they could have figured it out. A naked man in a shooting gallery
> > buys a card and apologizes for not introducing me to his friends.
> >
> > 12/19/99 I swallow a silver necklace and the chain is hanging out of my
> > mouth. Price tag says, I fell. New clothes, new attitude. Glowing green
> > rocks in a plastic cup, dump them in water. Chocolate dipped potato
> > chips.
> >
> > 12/20/99 A long series of Christmas prep glasses, made of fractals or
> > kaleidoscope looking lens. I really can see better in the dream (usually
> > I am as blind in dreams as in real life.) Indonesia sky and water, green
> > and blue. I have two kids and have to leave somewhere in a hurry. I
> > don't want to alarm them and tell them calmly to get their things and try
> > to herd them to the car, across the street. The other Sheila is there in
> > a motel or mall lobby. Boy doesn't have pants, but I don't have time to
> > look for them. Car goes in ditch -- the ditch is full of water and the
> > car rolls in backwards and dives -- the water is very deep. I reach
> > across and roll down both windows because the other Sheila doesn't want to
> > try. Then she finally tries to open the door. I tell her it won't work
> > and swim out the window. Look in the back seat for the two kids.
> >
> > 12/25/99 Building with a lot of hallways. I hear Quality Assurance
> > people talking. The way out is through a huge room draped with velvet
> > like a church. The catering truck serves cornbread [traditional for New
> > Years.] Must not be worth the effort to lay down for. The first time I
> > saw fear in his eyes. Christmas wish -- Albanians. Water up past your
> > arms.
> >
> > 12/26/99 I am walking along the beach. My family and others are picking
> > and eating apples or sumac berries. The tree is very tall -- as tall as a
> > palm tree and the leaves are way up there. There's a long poem along the
> > trunk. My sister climbs up another twenty feet and says, oh no. A boy up
> > higher falls attached to a rope and lands in the ocean. He's dazed, blood
> > from mouth (I zoom in), then swims to shore. I follow him to shore and go
> > to a dorm where they all live. One woman has left a book she was studying
> > on the patio. There are dolls that look just like the people in another
> > room. Then I see the people finally and the woman looks like a horse -
> > very thin body, delicate face, multi-color threads clumped at feet. Man
> > looks like a bird - one foot raised up, claw feet, baggy brown pants,
> > black turtleneck, chain belt. Two jobs, protect sleepers and (entertain
> > them?)
> >
> > 12/27/99 I'm on a tour group to New York. I'm traveling with my boss
> > Bernie. He isn't wearing a shirt so I put a lot of blankets in my
> > luggage. He says he's leaving this year. I lose his place in his book,
> > which is just like mine. Two muggers at the beach on the walk street -
> > they'll get about $300 but I wanted to live about five more years. You
> > pick your own (relatives) proof of that. Letter from my brother -- life
> > treating you good? In general, no. In specifics, yes. Lost money.
> > Knicks lost. Went to marketing school. I throw my ring or clothes on the
> > bed.
> >
> > 12/28/99 Christmas dream, a lot of presents. I come to a fence and begin
> > to examine it - very tight wire, five strands of barbwire, concrete
> > posts... must be for some dangerous animal. A huge raging bull appears
> > in a dust cloud at the corner. I get up on one of the concrete posts
> > barely balanced and barely above him. A voice says to yell at him before
> > he gets there. He comes right up under the post that I'm on. I don't
> > know if he can see me or just sense me. An ocean where the river should
> > be, canoes in a race. I have a lawsuit for assault. Threes are with me in
> > sky since. I never get paid, a supervisor at work, John Byrne, says.
> > My sisters' kids buy land in Arizona and plan to hold it fifty years. Man
> > singing Irish folk song, all the other parts edited out. Voice says, why
> > don't you change the melody.
> >
> > 12/30/99 I dream I see a pool from above, a kid trying to crawl, then
> > lying in the pool face down, looks dead. Another kid sitting on the side.
> > [On the news that day, a gunman killed two co-workers and the one lying
> > face down looked like the one in the pool.] Then I'm walking down Prairie
> > from the (horse) race track wearing only a flesh colored (padded feeling)
> > bra. A couple passes me, tall middle aged black guy asks, why is she
> > dressed like that? Woman says, she's probably too cold/hot. I come to a
> > thrift shop and buy a red and black plaid sweater with aluminum foil [like
> > UFO stuff my parents found in the pasture when I was about seven and Dad
> > took to National Guard armory where he worked and they said it was a
> > weather balloon.] Three girls have owned it. Then I can't get it off,
> > too tight. A man tries to pull it off, says I'm not helping, I wriggle.
> > Two kids I've never held, boy is asleep, likes to sleep on his stomach,
> > doesn't like to be held. I put him back down. He smiles and touches me
> > with his foot. I take out my ear rings to fight. Indians traveled on
> > train [for Ghost Dance in early 1900's] to fight - Wyoming. Fight for
> > Redwoods.
> >
> > 12/31/99 I'll go find another life -- 15 minutes. Curls in front, yellow
> > pants, cough. Then I wrote about midnight -- next entry is 1/1/2000.
> > There are five activities after eating dessert. One is a flight from
> > Seattle and the pilot does stunts. Don Clay says there are 4G forces.
> > Strut could hit ground. [Alaska air did just that and crashed in the
> > ocean off shore in Los Angeles.]
> > The supervisors at work have little dolls that symbolize them -- Vivian,
> > vulture; Dr. Barman, T-Rex; Rick Coutu, something short like dragon. John
> > Barman medical checkup - has to wear old clothes and talk about the old
> > days with wife/daughter because of her condition. Dr. says he's replaced
> > smoking or coffee with alcohol and is only supposed to have a blood level
> > of ___ and it is six. Everyone is very easy going, including me. Vivian
> > works on the patio and her mouse cord goes over a tree. I drive to F18
> > down a huge paved valley. I remember to drive around the pot hole in the
> > driveway and it has become a huge sink hole like a dam overflow. A guy in
> > a red convertible is in the hole -- forgot about it or is a new guy. Then
> > I'm up on top of a huge metal girder, very high above the ground, maybe
> > two stories. I write a letter and say I have to get down to post it. I
> > don't know how to get down. It is just a dream, but I might not be able
> > to fly. A voice says, didn't your boss teach you that? [In the newspaper
> > was a story about President Wahid's New Years visit to the American owned
> > gold/copper mine in Irian Jaya, where the giant earthmovers are two
> > stories tall.]
> >
> >
> > 1/1/00 My grandmother's porch. It's mid-May. White flowers, white
> > kittens. A lot of blood; feeling of tranquility except for this. Tanned
> > girl, square jaw, hair stringy, talking on phone. Forbidden City.
> >
> > 1/2/00 I can hear the manager's daughter, Aisha, talking about going to
> > Yoshanoya. Perla (from work) asks where to buy a steak. My cubicle (in
> > the old building, now empty, Northrop is selling) is so full of furniture
> > I can't even get inside. One machine on the bookshelf is a court
> > reporting machine but has codes for military terms like "captain."
> > Planning my next life. I'll do something as a hobby that maybe I'll be
> > paid for in the life after that. Something up by ceiling. Police pay
> > problem. A family (oriental woman, man with beard, eight year old boy)
> > and I am in their backseat on freeway near downtown LA. A man riding
> > outside the car on the trunk in the snow holding on to the antenna. He
> > talks to me through the window, no snow here. The house has red dirt.
> > The little boy tells me inside the house, about his book, of Ezra Pound
> > and P_____ and their meeting would be the end of civilization. I say,
> > they never met? He also has a book, Occult, face is very white, blue
> > fuzzy bathrobe. They are torturing me. The woman breaks a fingernail up
> > my butt. I get the feeling this is the Black Dahlia. The woman feels
> > sorry for me.
> >
> > 1/3/00 Yellow cat, does he have anything wood for you? Five kids, ten
> > cats, seated in auditorium -- hover over seats. Looking out the window,
> > almost morning. A gray rabbit is sharpening its tooth on a tool on the
> > ground, eating bones, crunch. I try to slide the bathroom window shut but
> > a red chicken has its beak through the screen preventing it from closing.
> > Then a female red chicken too. Two ducks, two orange cats stuck together
> > like dogs. Two other birds, pigeons and doves; also bigger and bigger
> > birds, crows, hawks, owls land on roof ledge of the open courtyard. I am
> > putting away groceries, check to see how much pet food I bought. Two
> > packages of everything except ice cream -- I'm borderline diabetic. Ducks
> > roll off the roof with some furry animal. Big dark gray ducks. The
> > bedroom is open to the sky, the whole house. Very pretty starry sky.
> > Feels like I've been embracing feathers and beak against the window.
> > Pigeon noise. Hot weapon sizzles into fold of flesh, opened up, black
> > hole, red around. Looks like short sword. 135 years old, takes off
> > jacket.
> >
> > 1/4/00 Kids playing game on the floor, their grandmother says they
> > should be playing word games. Racks of clothes the girls bought just for
> > one game -- cheerleading. At beach, a group of activists -- "Z". I have
> > to drive up a steep hill, almost verticle.
> > Copy machine makes photos, something new. I look for a letter about how
> > to go on leave without pay for six months.
> >
> > 1/8/00 I'm in high school again reading on my bed. Rick Coutu comes in
> > wearing black leather pant [like Johnnie, my cousin-in-law was wearing
> > right before he died -- motorcycle pants] I go outside and listen under
> > the window. Mike Dafforn there too, wearing levis. They are the only
> > people at work that have been there longer than I have. Trailer, crowded
> > with kids, a play house in the yard as big as a real house. They must
> > have built it -- five year olds. Jesse driving everyone from work
> > somewhere. He passes a blue brick building in the desert twice to see its
> > characteristics. There is a tunnel right inside the door down into the
> > sand.
> >
> > 1/9/00 New desks in a school room that can face forward or to the side.
> > Colonel retired and is now the security guard at work. People have to
> > criticize themselves using a list. I pick number nine -- reason I was
> > late to work - ran over some garbage, some apple cores in the road. [Joke
> > about a fire at the Vandenberg Air Force Base drive in theater. At the
> > snack bar, and two kernals got burned.] I trade insults with the new
> > colonel -- she calls me a nut, two nuts, that was the other male colonels
> > that insulted me. Some men working on a report use big font -- everyone
> > at work wears bifocals. [I have two of everything, I'm a Gemini.]
> >
> > 1/11/00 I go to the third floor at work where the other Sheila works.
> > There is a riddle in the newspaper. Answer is Peter Underwire. Vivian
> > wants to quit because the Dept of Defense is not dignified for a woman.
> > Says to think about all the things I've done. She's lying out at the
> > beach by the storm drain in Manhattan Beach.
> >
> > 1/12/00 A boy has a painful infection on his neck. Wants me to use the
> > Rosicrucian method and try to heal him. I park at a Spanish family
> > reunion. Chicken wings and a lecture for entertainment. Tarot reading -
> > tattered remnant of a five; two face cards, kings; Edith Wharton and
> > Madonna. This one is more permanent - very scary - a doctor (new card.)
> > 1930's, a woman at a desk, books behind her.
> >
> > 1/14/00 How to collect bits of metal. An Eskimo with his whole dogsled
> > filled with vitamin pills and health food. I wish you could have been
> > here at 4:00. New apt building. Very friendly neighbors, open doors, two
> > refrigerators full of beer on the patio, everyone cooking outside, lots of
> > cars that don't run, working on them. American Indian area, called Rabbit
> > Lane. [Maybe this means that the American Indian numbers will increase in
> > the future.]
> >
> > 1/16/00 You ran a mile with him, now run another. Lito and Colonel
> > holding hands crossing the street. Christmas clearance at an auto parts
> > store, male shoppers crowding in. Lito's wife just had another baby, dip
> > them in river to cool them off. Aneurysm either on my jugular or anus --
> > big bubble. This is the second time - first time was an aneurysm as big
> > as an egg on my neck suddenly. Foreign planes in Washington DC to look
> > around, have to follow US plane to Utah. Two women afraid of the bull but
> > they're hanging around the cow lot -- one is Oprah. Voice, it doesn't
> > help to sue for money right away but it does to sue for damages in 6-7
> > weeks.
> >
> > 1/17/00 Very small poems, shrunk down. Basin a woman gave a pig a bath
> > in - museum piece. Walking along a trail, I see a spotted fawn on the
> > grassy bank and think jokingly that I could get a deer. The mother runs
> > up to it. Further along the trail Dad is eating at a picnic table. There
> > are a bunch of deer. I see the first buck's eyes - it's standing leaning
> > against a doorway. There are a couple more walking through the trees in
> > the park. I don't have a hunting license. Trip to Albuquerque, shown 3D
> > from the air -- Air Force Base, theme park, huge swimming pool on the
> > river. Looks like an ocean. Combing my hair in the mirror, my hairstyle
> > is straight at the roots and curly after a couple of inches. Darker at
> > the roots, blond streaks in curly part. A man's face appears on a hundred
> > dollar bill - no dainty way to say hungry. I wanted to go down in the
> > earth to look at something with a sports writer and he said, no not this
> > time. Is this the shoot for this? Women and kids in a commune with Pepsi
> > bottles on the wall. They say the guy downstairs will complain. He's a
> > Vietnamese guy with a blond girlfriend named Focacella. Spitting on the
> > ground at the restaurant. Paper plates. A woman at the airline counter
> > asks, where are we? A terrorist may run through the line and make it hard
> > to find the passengers' tickets. Kept body eleven days, it started to
> > rot.

7/30/00 Man looks like Bill Gates says the change from past to present tense grates on him. If this was fixed, I could sell stories and maybe quit my job. Long quotes, indented, instead of quotation marks. man says he puts everything in present tense. In your driveway, I control you. No one can understand my work so I have to do it.

10/8/00 I walk up to a heavy metal door. A man says he had to pull his shadow around in front of him, so I try it -- with my dress ties - like wrap dress or strait jacket. This will make enemies waiting see the shadow first and reveal themselves or think I'm going the other way. I'm on a stretcher going up the elevator, carried by some little girls.

> 10/13/00 [When that homeowner (oriental man in his 50's or 60's) died of
> a heart attack at a city council meeting while giving a speech about
> something he didn't like that they were planning. I had a lot of dreams
> during one night.] Either he had young dependents (sons or grandsons) who
> had to move out after he died, or he thought he was young again and was
> moving out. He had to sell his big screen TV, a lot of stuff, and he was
> getting in a van with a bedroll with another young kid. All they kept was
> some books and a Trekki watch. I wonder if he liked Star Trek. Then he
> was in an open air place with a lot of other people, red headed guy was
> there, and everyone was cooking over fires under a big awning.
>
> he said, if it's not stuff you need, you have to let them go. Today you
> saw an example of two -- affability and death. Black cloth, linen,
> taffeta, chiffon (sheer.) I'm moving to a farm - thinking about plowing,
> harvesting. Phone rings, third child, wouldn't you like to go shopping
> again? Anyway, playing cards at card table, ace and pair of 2's or 5's
> showing. Talent, resilency. Susceptible.
> At class, a young instructor asks about the ghost - I can't hear, am
> partly deaf and the students make rustling noises. I get dressd, moving,
> taking self, TV, home. Now you can see - a person points at me. When are
> we getting justice. I don't know, it's not part of politics (call your
> congressman.) Poster - real people prayers - prayers painted over in red
> (over black.) When you sit up there and shop up there, when you die you
> don't care what they do (rich neighborhood.) Kids are taking a bath and
> let the tub run over and fill up the floor, but when I open the door, the
> water doesn't run out. Dale Evans about to marry Roy Rogers. He's up in
> a tree, says, oh, boy (problem.) Hairy chin, drool from mouth. "Sob." I
> move my wicker hamper of chinese food. Perfect dialogue of a man at his
> peak. In twelve years lightning will strike and change things. On a bus
> - oriental woman says a boat from the harbor was thrown up on the shore
> and damaged. Tells me to go tell the person. I start across the valley,
> a man going the same way. The bridge ahead is under water, but not deep,
> but the water is fast running. He's afraid to wade in and so am I. I
> turn around and the bridge behind is under deep water - up to my waist. I
> wade and might have to swim. [Dale Evans died in March 2001.]

10/15/00 Raining, leaky roof. An elevator operator drops us off at the top, cap of the building, which is the first floor. Walk down stairs to the second floor. Bed where I have to keep a woman (Julia Roberts) away from the edge or boundary so that a man won't kiss her foot because she's not immortal. Bullets are flying. A little girl in a lace dress. A woman tells me to pick one of the queens or pages (Tarot) and go out in the other room where it will be even more difficult to protect the girl. the girl says, you forgot to watch me. Neighbors outside swimming in a muddy pond and water fall. Several girls look at Virgin Mary statues and I say she's the goddess of housewives, cleaning and grocery shopping.

10/19/00 We have to sacrifice, says 1000 things. you only learn about people in passing, must do more. It's a good thing you didn't try 100 times, you'd get a breach. Bull is sign of alcoholic woman. I decide to sell the car when I get out of it because it always disappears in dreams. Huge tree cut down. When I drop you, you don't live very long. We argue silently with actions. Don't burn, you can burn later. Burn down a helicopter.

> 11/10/00 Everything turned out to be nicely done; the table turned out to
> be nicely done. Rick Coutu looking blond -- says name is Joe Ricca.
> Indoor honeymoon rides, big mall, maybe Minnesota. I didn't know it was a
> problem. Small fish spilling from his tail, a bucket of them. I get a
> job working in archaeology at Northrop for the summer. I read a magazine
> on Egypt and Massachusetts/Appalachia. A naked redhead in another chair,
> also Shyami (apt manager) working there -- I'm surprised Shyami found a
> job she liked. I turn on computers, I can do simple programming --
> surprised, wonder where I learned it. The boss left a sandwich with meat
> and cheese and the password -- Billie. Blond baby boy sitting on a bed,
> people going by stop to look at him. I think they have to put water in
> the desert. There are mountains barely sticking out of the ocean also,
> cold water -- very difficult site to excavate underwater like that.
> Someone at work shoplifting (like me), Dad's house -- stole a plate.
> Street name starts with a "B" near freeway. Rick Coutu there, Pat was an
> astronaut too. Other things now, float to the top and die. I'm not going
> to get off easy, woman drinking. Harmful (homework) -- court ought to
> take that away from them. Studying volcano maps -- museum store --
> Pompeii, others. The gas station, you'll be happy. Key missing, someone
> sends it in a bucket with a blanket over it. My hair short, very thick,
> waves. Ms Ross and Col Mayer come up -- outhouse at school. She says she
> only regrets she didn't read her email sooner -- she got stuck testing a
> computer application -- didn't decline or get in with other offices to get
> out of it. She has long red hair, very pale face. Sandy Cano, very thin,
> looks Italian -- like Mary Jane. She's talking to a man at a round table.
> Magazines and keys to the door at work. [I see an ad for cheap computers
> with rebates that night and on impulse buy one 11/11/00.]
>
> 11/11/00 Belly, dolman. No more bird noises. A very small snake in the
> fish tank -- bit a kid. Assemblages of insect art, small trees in
> planters. Moving to a rich estate. Wild girl in a pink shirt, blond
> hair, rides her bike standing on the front wheel with her back forward.
> Another girl runs. They are making beautiful art pieces which they give
> to the guards or servants at the estate. One named Rose. Jesse (my boss)
> taking large plants -- they are closing the estate and they could be
> planted at a restaurant. Al Nakamura gets an extra battery for the lights
> on his truck. Woman making two men drinks in cokes. Girl making art
> looks like Jackie (coworker from 80's) Strange lock on the top part of
> a two story door -- I wonder how you could even reach up that high. I
> look out -- a wire box over the whole side of the house -- can't get out.
> I go out of my body, from there I see that it is supposed to keep others
> out -- young girls in the estate. Jesse's daughter is blond, teenager. I
> ask if he was going to discipline her, he said he thought he already did
> -- he stood at the door when she passed. Voice says, good answer. Tables
> in almost empty rooms as people pack, very low table in Shirley's (sister)
> room. I look at an ornate outer door for a platform to put a tree. One
> tree has pink blossoms, one is a large cactus. Jesse is taking over the
> estate and staying, apparently.
>
> 11/12/00 One more scab. I'm lying on a smooth base floor watching a
> movie. Other women doing the same thing when I look around. I move to a
> space with more room. Movie screen to the right across a fence -- blond,
> classic movie. When I leave I have a package of important papers.
> Talking to a man and group of young people.
>
> 11/13/00 Your emotional recording goes off. Two men in the house, plus a
> family, several brunette kids. One man looks young and blond but comes
> closer and has wrinkles. Later I see him and he's dressed as Buffalo Bob
> or Howdy Doody singing at a picnic table. I'm leaving through a different
> door -- had to go back to get a card to pay some bill -- had a gray card.
> [Vons has a gray card.]
>
> 11/14/00 Cheapest internet provider. Email address on edge of tank on
> stove, on computer, four sides of a box. Tomorrow long time interest.
> Jesse telling me his mother said to do something. Two sets of vegetables.
> I look at a watermelon to judge it's freshness, vine is spongy. Very
> green, looks like squash. One is cut, looks very red, sweet. [I found
> out to tell sweetness of melons, look for scrapes in the skin where
> insects ate off the green skin.]
>
> 11/15/00 A man drawing pens to him from a distance and emptying the ink
> from them into a bucket or painting the scenery. Dry blue Bic pen, wrung
> out. Plastic case in tatters. Man in shadows. Dialing, locked in a
> museum in Chicago -- sit on the bench in the middle of the room to rest.
> Standing in an aisle -- wearing quilted vest. Thinking about internet,
> voice is talking about downloads, dumping trash. Fish on filter that you
> push in -- clinging to it. So she'll have more -- a long aquarium. This
> is Chicago -- drop of rain on the glass -- maybe drizzle. At work -- I
> walk in an unfamiliar room carrying circuit cards, two, blue ones -- pass
> a group of F18 employees. [My nephew 3/01 went to Chicago for scholarship
> interview, Shyami bought a used long 60 gallon tank for her fish 1/01,
> Northrop bought Litton 4/01.]
>
> 11/16/00 Fish swimming along a metal typewriter backboard that plugs in
> at the ends to the rest of the world. Old house in Lawndale, kitchen is
> separate from the living room. Lito has to sit down, eat something. He's
> in my house, I'm surprised, tell him he can stay there while I'm at work,
> but he usually gets to work at 6 AM, me at 6:30. I show him some cookies
> on the counter, then he asks for a pen. I don't have any -- tell him to
> ask the homecare woman in Apt 1 who takes care of the blind person in that
> apt, but in the dream she's grouchy when she hasn't had her pills. In
> real life, she's very extroverted, has a one year old daughter. A man
> wants to have sex -- I have a penis also, not very hard, tuck it into my
> vagina. [LIto has gout.]
>
> 11/17/00 Fatgate. Refunds on internet, mailing them in a disorganized
> way. There are about nine rays of energy going out in the opposite
> direction. A girl moves into an empty office -- red carpet on the desk.
> I'm behind her getting out of a bunk bed.
>
> 11/18/00 Not going to work. Two girls fighting at nursing home -- police
> come, 710 is infraction -- carrying rabbit without a license. List of
> words -- machine, halibut, month, software, music. Which one doesn't
> belong -- fish -- all the rest are computers. Collins Wynn working again
> (retired) --moving stuff from one place to another. Denise at picnic
> table, getting allergy shots so she doesn't stay for a week in her
> downstairs room. They have to be killed sometimes, don't they. Steve
> gets short with Aisha about rabbit. [Rabbit got ear infection/wry neck,
> had to be put to sleep. Aisha got asthma from rabbits] Hardware,
> software, dreams, memories, rabbits. Close glove on free lotto because I
> didn't use. I write a few checks for Sandy -- put in "office" box. Gary
> says they've lived in four bedroom for four years -- have a very large
> battle scarred ocean fish. Skeletons of large animals on the floor in
> their long window cage -- llamas, chickens, seals, I'm not sure -- they've
> dehydrated with the flesh clinging to the bones and feathers. Bird flies
> to my hand and puts baby bird's poop -- sack. Gary in silk robe, two
> blond sons about five years old (their kids are 13 and 17.) Sandy makes
> fresh salsa. Man watching books on wall and TV -- has dates with three
> women. I get up to walk around, stay awake, have sex in a booth at a
> restaurant. I had key all night long, I had everything all night long.
> Very thin books, hardback. So then she's mine, violin or ocean, paper bag
> over my head. Fighting at 5 AM, have to be one place or other -- take
> woman's face in hands. I walk through an eroded valley -- bare dirt to
> door of apt, along the way I get a print out or ticket. Christian Jones
> (black woman's boss) lingering listlessness. John says not to worry about
> computers -- there's an age and weight limit. They'd have to get you
> dressed, it was terrible cheering. Elian Gonzalez already grown, losing
> front teeth. Jesse working overtime, goes to each printer. Someone
> visited Hughes, says the Colonel is pregnant. New security level there --
> they moved out the low security stuff. You use this to protect your
> center - -shield in front of methane crystals, crumpled paper. Girl says,
> messages of this type. Housing date length in computer. It was too
> tight.
>
> 11/19/00 Backs of three monkeys sitting in a row. Question about a
> student -- her expenses or teachers, needs more teachers. I decide I'm
> supposed to work in Palmdale. I was division secretary in El Segundo.
> You can walk there -- 7 AM when I get to Aviation. Very dark suddenly, I
> walk across a wide field, can't see where streets are, just highway in
> distance. Gram H. house to right, highway is white, glowing in dark,
> streets are unpaved, feels like dirt under my feet. Looks like Alaska.
> Nothing to do in Palmdale when I get there. Hispanic man asks where
> Marc's (my boss from early 90's) saltwater is -- he made lemonaide and ice
> tea with saltwater. Nothing else to do after I get it out of the frig,
> nothing to eat in cupboards. I decide to go back to El Segundo. Outside
> the building, young girls are walking along a ledge on the outside of the
> building and across a wire to where the workers work. Now it is daylight
> and I can see that I crossed a river to get here -- it looked like a
> highway, but was a river. I get up to the stream and there is no bridge,
> deep. wide water to left and marsh to right with the river broken up into
> small streams. Right in the middle where I am looks narrow with maybe
> stepping stones like Gram H creek. I decide to jump while it looks
> narrow, but it changes directions and I land right in the middle of it up
> to my waist in mud and water, drag myself out. I get back to Aviation and
> haven't been there for awhile, I was sick, so don't remember how to get
> there. It is night by the time I get into the building and everyone is
> leaving, my checkbook on the floor. You have to run the code right at 2
> AM -- not much to do in Palmdale/Alaska. Marc's voice saying I wasn't a
> very good division secretary. I was never secretary when he was the
> supervisor. So I got "kicked upstairs" instead of rising to the level of
> my incompetence.
>
> 11/20/00 You're sitting down. The Navy's in your kitchen. Work, a
> presentation. I'm in the door, then go in to stairs down by TV -- Col
> Crandall giving a speech. Al throws me a plastic bag from the door. Ida
> -- a man in reverse in a small shape/space. Here are some big fish to add
> to your little ones. All the Tarot cards laid out when I look --ends with
> a 4 or 9 -- means reading books a voice says. Blood backing up to brain
> causes memory loss.
>
> 11/21/00 A thousand years of computer experience in several years --
> men's computer experience, 100 years each. Following Louis (Army Major)
> down a road with a wood barrier along the edge. He jogs, I jog. At teh
> end, a man arrives several times -- has a sack with one green fish in one,
> covered with a rubber suit. Three sacks of fish right behind. Must be a
> time machine, moving sidewalk, says, my predator has not arrived. A man
> follows me down the stairs when I move on from this airport. I put a
> rocking chair to block him -- then I'm teetering by a railing on the
> stairs on a high spot. Something crashes -- marbles or I throw down the
> chair. Then I talk to him about it. Time machine is different possible
> futures. I also run up some rocks (or down) very narrow but I'm sure
> footed -- following other people, a row of them. Man tells me to turn
> around, anal sex. I'm afraid and run away.
>
> 11/22/00 Special edition, post off another post office. I get in a box,
> think -- you can't hide, but it seems to work. Smooth white metal box
> with no handles or maybe I stop and don't get in. I put in new water for
> the fish -- first drain it down to a little puddle in the bottom, forget
> the chemicals. Then they jump out and I find them on the floor, pick them
> up, they struggle a little. Add more water, in a glass, I add the
> chemicals. The bluegills are floating funny, then a tiny baby one is
> swimming, spreading fins.
>
> 11/23/00 Appointment soon, biafran, we went over that. I have to write a
> term paper -- need the internet. A split off part of the memory, won't
> all fit in one.
>
> 11/24/00 Two little girls, talking very close to me. I was still crazy
> about a week ago, train with sleeper cars. Snack bar where we go a lot in
> the dream, chili for lunch. The woman gives me my "usual" -- two ice
> cream bars, then asks what I want. I tell her parfait -- she sends her
> husband to buy the ingredients. I have to drive on the freeway, drive
> sideways with one hand. There are a lot of hazards on the freeway
> including dogs -- strolling across -- blond ones. Interstate 80 to Des
> Moines, someone put a dog there on purpose to cause a wreck. Lito's room
> when he was in college -- I look around, door is open. Large room. A bus
> to Palmdale, LJ gets off, so I do too, to go to bathroom. I think she's
> catching the next bus and I am going to too but she has an old boyfriend
> there who is visiting. Aunt Dorothy tried on a red jacket and thinks it's
> too small, it goes with a red dress. She wants to borrow it, my dress,
> but it'll be too small for her. I haven't ironed it yet. I've gained
> weight. Woman at the snack bar tells me something about the menu I can't
> hear -- is too expensive and men don't order it for lunch. They are
> celebrating my retirement with me. One ice cream bar is for me and one
> for a man with me, waiting in the booth. Blanket out about the motels but
> it doesn't matter.
>
> 11/25/00 You're not going to stand there and take this. Turkey breast
> medallions in sizzling gravy. Darrell Gray. Name Mariail.

> 11/26/00 In a very rich home, I work there, feel too full,
> cinnamon rolls, homemade on counter -- waiting for children to come home.
> Shyami and another woman, red hair -- Diana S___ -- go somewhere to look
> at houses maybe. Both dressed in black pants iwth blue lines. I'm alone
> in the house. Picture of me, my hands. I'm in the front of a bus. All
> the passengers are people I know -- picture. I have a big nose, curly
> hair, graceful hands, hair pulled back. The me standing up has a slightly
> different appearance. He didn't know it, he kept going -- hanging, by
> arms from other peoples' grasp. Difficulty how to place the ____ gun, I'm
> still struggling with it. Fish won't talk anymore, become autistic in
> tank, water too dirty. Shoes fell off, saw apple fall from tree -- shoes
> off under tree. Biography of a rich young woman, Shyami maybe, would you
> like to get busy on it. Book is a charnal house -- raw emotions and
> memories, very rough language, run on sentences. Difficult to find ends.
> Leather desk blotter, prosperous office. In morgue -- very cold --
> another body in the next drawer. We're both pulled out so I can see over
> to the other body, wrapped in white cloth. Mom's house, I'm watching TV.
> Shirley gets a call, name mispronounced, Sharilyn Care instead of Carr.
> It's a fertility clinic about her charge for the second kid. She says, he
> told you. But there wasn't any third kid. She has some red gunk in a
> plastic container -- says, there's the second one. I smell chocolate and
> nuts. Barry calls, says the timecards from the first payroll are still
> showing up missing on his daily report. Steve goes to a church meeting
> outdoors with Sandy and Gary. Jessica asks if I'm going, I wonder if she
> and Shirley and Bob are. They put arms around shoulders in circle out in
> parking lot. Very large fish, looks like a shrimp, two feet long -- comes
> out of tank and touches my paper, says, is that a good job? I tell it
> that it had better get back in the tank -- it does. Elephant fish has a
> large section of tank by itself.
> Shirley says she called about the bill the first couple of
> months and they said they couldn't find it or don't worry and then they
> sent a big one. Woman on phone asks my name, I won't tell her. Shirley
> says, trunctel. A black kid says he's 13, helps a little girl with her
> alphabet on a blanket. Japanese girl -- hair has never had a rubberband
> or anything in it. Shirley and my hair has hole puncher marks in the ends
> from kids playing with it. I take a man whose collecting to Dad's house.
> He was a terrorist or organizer. He finds the guest room himself, house
> remodeled, which is now a large bathroom. He was traveling and needed
> one. He's a large man, Italian, comes back, saw some writing on the wall
> in there. Jean is weaving on a machine that shifts back and forth, her
> wrist also wrapped (right one). Only two drawers used so far -- top two
> -- need a handle to pull them out. A woman holds up three pieces of paper
> with behavior traits of young, medium and old men, says to hang copies in
> your two bathrooms and keep the original in your den. High falutin canvas
> already. Things at standstill because colonel retires in April; no
> they're not. Horse wearing tennis shoes has man in strait jacket/canvan
> jacket down on ground pawing at him a little. Cookie press, flowered
> dress, nice shoes. Want him to know, going out shopping. Bodies were way
> too short -- thining about 12 month reading -- "gain" in December, New
> Year's baby in January. Someone asks why not delete some icons from
> computer.
>
> 11/27/00 Night, there is only one person that could have
> lasted that long, jungle birds. Burned my toe, hard to believe but I did
> something wrong, gray sweater with lines on it. Hong Kong towers, the
> capture, waiting for release, real and picture at night. Egging them on
> -- Weight Watchers eclairs. Shut your goddamed mouth. As soon as you
> are, as soon as possible. 14 in trouble, trouble 100. Computer has
> message on the screen, leave it on all night and lock it in the storage
> room. Apollo comes in and shows me the storage room. He has presents
> wrapped. Looks like a wine cellar -- all bottles/ boxes wrapped. Voice
> saying, no doctors. some boy came along and fooled her and she cried.
> Dad's house, Sandy's room. A captain remodeled her room, cleaned it up
> for her, she's a sloppy Taurus pig. They put a driftwood flower
> arrangement on a pedestal, blue fluffy feather thing in the middle. I am
> returning a dress. She now has closets on two sides of her room, they are
> stuffed so full you can't move them -- all the clothes she ever owned.
> Gold ruffly blouse Jean gave her and me in 1974. Too full to put it back
> after I take it out, so I keep it. I eat a cinnamon twist and it's loaded
> with butter, disgusting sour dream food taste. Statue woken up -- thinks
> it understands, remembers what it was like to be alive, is an exception.
>
> 11/28/00 Men and women in spacesuits land on a stadium,
> fighting their way to a hospital, man has an assault rifle. Recycling
> cards by cutting off the picture from ones people sent me -- $35 bill and
> $5 bill -- Mom and Sandy there. Fish eat turkey and mashed potatoes, red
> one spits out long feathers sideways. Moving or driving trucks. I
> organize stuff into shoe boxes that are open on the top like fish tanks.
>
> 11/29/00 Look in mirror on wall, my hair is very shiney
> from combing out tangles while wet. Someone lets a huge shrimp/lamprey
> out of the barrior to fight the fish across the wall. Then separates
> them, small fish goes back on the other side. Bass and redear trying to
> get through wall to fight, I hold the divider back and the fish pushing
> through the crack tears all the flesh off it's side like fileting it.
> John Giorno looking guy across the street with a redheaded man --asks if I
> want to see their beautiful new home. Upstairs is a mirror. [Shyami's
> white and orange Oscar male ate all the flesh off the female's sides until
> you could see the flesh and bones like it was fileted.]
>
> 11/30/00 Put egg whites on a piece of paper to make it
> strong, last. Do you take this seriously. Wasn't on the breeders cup.
> Women, weight gain. Trying to squeeze through a small space, I gained
> weight. Three kinds of words, bill, sexual. Ms Gilliam living with us
> for three weeks, says she has another apt in San Pedro. Queta has baby
> carriage and sack with paper plates, celery. Ways to image the dead,
> integrate them.
>
> 12/1/00 We go to a restaurant, Steve's mom is the
> waitress. Dead girl sitting at the table, I notice she's dead. Someone
> is going to kill me too and leave me at the table -- Surrendra after going
> with a dark haired girl along the beach. Suren tries to push me into a
> room up some stairs so his friends can kill me. I grab his balls.
> Country music, mustard on bread is what the waitress brings, crowded,
> popular place. A blond comes in named Gen or Sin, I hold her down -- she
> kills people, likes unwilling mothers and daughters. I step on a girl's
> chest, but don't kill her. She goes with me and gives me a book in a
> tunnel from the ground -- it's three or seven plays by sadists/masochists
> like Edward Gein. Faith draws with blue crayons, pencils, blends with
> water -- picture of ocean. I want to walk there and see it in the dream.
> Girl goes to free stuff at college, sits in the middle of the center rows
> becasue the ushers can only reach 8 1/2 feet from each end taking up
> collections. Woman psychic talking about a girl on the news who
> disappeared -- she knows she's dead because there's a 5 in her 5-6 digit
> number. It's the number she picked for her flight. Orgasm holding down
> girl. I decide not to kill the girl, run instead.
>
> 12/2/00 Doing hard work on the computer, then pictures of
> different things, baby fish. Little girl with red scarf, dark haired girl
> in a shiney blue satin dress.
>
> 12/3/00 Woman throwing hard ping pong balls at Farmers
> Market on church lawn. On the ground under a tree. A man talks about his
> work. A bull approaches. Man is Vietnamese and has a paper with a list
> of holidays, wants to know how many in January. I start to hide behind
> the tree, which is smooth, gray, low branches, so I climb up. The bull
> grabs my ankles -- I feel warm hands. He's tall, looks.like Tim Duncan,
> white shirt. January there's a movie with a woman he likes, Jayne
> Mansfield. Voice, order baseball player nuts. Traveling through a
> strange town -- all the malls, Christmas shopping, freeway, promenade --
> Santa Monica -- stop for ice cream several places. I also want blue
> sherbet, go back. Man has hairy arms.
>
> 12/4/00 Small deer in a cage across from the fire station
> in Manhattan Beach. Young man carrying his tux and champagne in a motel.
> If you meet a leprachaun -- 1. ask if everything is okay 2. tell if
> you're okay. Should I get up and complete a six pack.
>
> 12/5/00 Air to end the map. love yah, I don't want to be
> on here alone. You've been shown. The pest did well. I hate Georgian
> stuff. Equally adept at eloquence. Look up, someone waving from wall.
> Acknowlegment page -- showing to Jesse, a pleasant birth. Pouty, cheeky,
> must look at this as deep as you can. Doing this, can do different way, I
> found out, didn't I. Moving big boulder out of house back into yard --
> mom's living room. Two notebooks, my lovely.
>
> 12/6/00 If have a blue dot on their face have given up on
> love. Big orange fluffy cat swimming in fish tank. A house, different
> rooms. Aisha in one room. Jesse outside with his sons tearing a phone
> book in half. Long weekend.
>
> 12/7/00 It's going to run, the instructions. Sitting on
> egg -- mouse. Rows of computers. Four of wands -- don't volunteer. On
> the stairs of the student union with Pat, a crushing crowd. Dad goes by,
> Gary and Eileen, several relatives in a crowd. Mom with me complains
> because her ham isn't thawed for Thanksgiving. Pat complains that they'd
> complain that they just had sofa if she served that. My closet, a lot of
> dresses, few winter clothes. Dry leaves hanging from closet. Little boy
> sitting cross-legged, kicks himself in the penis -- sitting on shelf.
> John Byrne congratulates me on something.
>
> 12/8/00 A beach. I'm on an assignment -- go out on
> pier/land. Kids surfing and swimming. Waves small, news made them look
> large and dangerous from foaming bubbles. Waves suddenly change direction
> across my path. Kids are swept into a fence by the wave -- stops them.
> [High school sports star drowned Christmas while surfing -- soccor star
> (?).]
> An apt where someone's mother moved out -- only left big
> furniture, big Santa sleigh, glass horns on deer. Boy told me to go to
> that apt -- I was swept by water but could walk thru it like Carlos
> Casteneda. Waves in N California in the newspaper, a picture; voice, you
> can have tiny details and pour big stuff on top of it too. "turkey out in
> Lakewood." Blond guy comes up, takes my hand, touches my thigh by hem.
> Level where I'm watching a problem/commenting. Blond guy walks across
> field to his house -- unlocks door and I start to climb up the wall, say
> sheepishly, wrong way, door to right. He says, only lettuce and tomatoes
> up there. Looks like garage. Fuel oil, filter characteristics -- voice,
> that's why they're so poor. Small filter with small fish wriggling past
> it like a snake along bottom. Work, I know he's not working. Worry
> stones in Arabic or paisley designs, I hold all five in my hand. Blurry
> close up of clay color map. Don't erase crazy designs from art wall --
> next person might have different prescription. Shyami at work in a big
> hotel -- polished steep oak floors, like grand gallery of pyramid. I pass
> some families with old people going to die. Redheaded girl wants to work
> there too -- I go to ask for her -- her mother works there. Supervisor
> yells at someone. A family with a new baby comes up and says he looks
> Cuban, a boy, blue blanket. 11:00 - break time, maids playing cards at a
> table, have to fold towels a certain way. Lunch time, the whole day is
> going by while I try to get her attention. I go to get everyone, Steve,
> redheaded girl, her boyfriend and Aisha. Girl asks if she can have a
> sandwich -- cold cuts.
>
> 12/9/00 Death, 10 of cups before I go to sleep. I've
> finished a speech, Mom's house -- have to add a line, my conclusions to
> the data, something startling. If he really goes to work. Typewriter
> will type on wood at the side. Bernie reads speech, says to leave out
> reference to children being the future. I crumble up 2-3 pages. He grabs
> me around the waist, pulls me back. I cry. He says 30, 1 1/2 hour (130)
> because I don't have any kids. I hear a noise while ironing, man lying on
> floor in the next room, in front of window, rack of clothes, cabinet TV
> with screen saver. I ask if I can come in, a little blond baby boy puts
> his arm around my waist. With his mom. I tell the man about the speech,
> it's every three months.
>
> 12/10/00 6 of pentacles before I go to sleep. Some people
> cleaning a girl's yard -- big rectangle of cow manure, hogs. they clean
> half the first day. They move the rabbits into long cages along the wall
> on the ground. The rabbits can see each other and thump and fight like
> the fish. There are more rabbits in a cardboard box, dirty fur -- box is
> full to the top. Gray rabbit pushes down wire to escape, might rain in.
> People seeing a picture of Jesus on Chirstmas -- line up. Play music too
> loud, dark rug on floor, light one on ceiling -- can hear music a block
> away. Spy, humpbacked, passed over for promotions. Expensive crowded apt
> in Japan. Voice, it depends on what you consider chubby. Big weeds along
> lot. Good at Christmas. Jill Loganberry. Bag of rocks, she didn't know,
> she didn't realize it.
>
> 12/12/00 5 of wands before I go to sleep. Man fallen, hurt
> mouth, sitting on steps. A man in a row of men in dark suits. Needs his
> expertise, but the guy had him killed. How to page on websites -- this is
> much easier, so much money doing this.
>

> 12/13/00 Star. Staring after he was done with the image --
> a map or building -- small blue dots. Roman arch, aquaduct. Phone
> ringing. Parking structure. I go two streets over, garage, weeds in
> planter, woman flips car. She gets out -- with daughter. Man comes up
> asks for the skinny girl. Mother says, I'm skinny. Daughter says she's
> lost her voice and is working on her hearing -- she's been crying. I'm
> carrying a pink nylon uniform dress -- distributing laundry to houses, not
> sure which house it goes to. Queta orders some clothes on the internet --
> picks them up. She has a dinner or interview. Colonel angry about
> something -- Italian, she's like a raging cow. Faith going to a free meal
> at a restaurant across the street, a man eating alone over there, dark,
> young, very sad and crying. Something that might come as a loss to you.
> Sandy's son worked two hours. He has his watch but his phone doesn't ring
> and email is still corn. Old man with hearing aid retired to Japan --
> says he'll fight (General or Admiral people call him) if they attack again
> and the Boonevilles/Marines don't come. Mouse in a jewelry box on the
> ground by the ocean. Was sitting on the shelf watching the box.
>
> 12/14/00 3 of swords. If grill has been wild before.
> check for air leak. Northrop, fabric samples being printed out for 2050.
> All the girls wearing micro spandex swingy fabrics. I am naked. Tell
> people I'm naked at home and I forget and work naked at work too. I walk
> down hall to ask students about leave. Al tells me my breasts are
> sagging. That's okay, they're talking about clothes. Someone asks if
> someone looks in mirrors at necklines, voice says, no, been years since
> she looked in a mirror. Lito, I test this and it's got lots of urine.
> Queta and Colonel talking about problem, do nothing or earn your keep --
> male students. Something broken, great, wait for spring. Let me ask you
> something, Sheila, bad girls don't wear black, purse snaps. What'd you
> do, take me over your knee. All thinking already. Mr. Gudman or Gutman.
> The kind of attention you got when you were young. Someone sends collage
> of naked man standing at edge. Dictator challenged band leader -- all had
> their opposition. Raul supervisor, growling, employees talking about if
> he growled at them, now he's grabbing his crotch. Sent me to office,
> alcol measure. Disability open and if you drain it -- Margeaux at
> scanner. Stomach sticking out -- one woman wants some training on
> computer. Rain goes into the cracks of their precious dolls.
>
> 12/15/00 3 of swords. Two doctors leaving messages on a
> person's body "hole in chest" and another hole farther down with signs, or
> "hole in head." Then another doctor moves the hole and puts a funny sign
> "here's your hole" -- filled in with a bakery. Students making files --
> second set of files for dad's secret business. Wedding, shoes all too
> large. Another woman has white shoes, I have red shoes. I also try on
> white heels. The bride dresses in shimmery red -- name is Kimberly.
> Groom leaves immediately after ceremony and she has to run after him.
> Girl is spoiled, groom may be phat.

> 12/16/00 The top three on the Ravenscraft. Lucille's old house by
> the creek in Van Meter, Marla and Nathan have very expensive stuff --
> spend all their time shopping. People ask why no cookies in cookie jar, I
> say eat too many of some and none of others. John Barman in trouble. A
> house you draw around, neighbors meeting about ours and a man next door's.
> Realtor asks if I want her to draw around all of them -- where they're off
> assayed their property lines. A brand new house is way off drawing --
> line goes about two feet past. I write Bush's name on some pieces of foam
> on roof -- blue and orange scrubbers. Man says, maybe not, someone might
> see. I say spitefully that Bush will only last one term in office.
>
> 12/17/00 Tower. Infighting. Some software on the internet I try
> to reach, have to keep opening it to do it right. A wrong version there.
> Someone checking it for legality or correct format. I'm on my third
> version, have to keep updating my files. I just don't think justice was
> managed to learn from life. Marc Weiner like man checking on me -- IG
> audit. Too many books to put them all away, laughing. May be wrong
> location -- ice cream. Voice, I need help, I'm going two jobs. Last copy
> of mental disorder, pictures on web of this. Investigation of oriental
> man and woman done -- now you. Honey, it's a battered road you've taken.
> Have to have a son first. Cookie recipe -- trainload of grain. Throw out
> electric cord -- screaming in boxcar. I want to go over here -- elderly
> parents on other side of room.
>
> 12/18/00 10 of cups. Give everyone credit. The way she walks, the
> way she talks, orange balls. Wire head high across Rosecrans by parrots.
> Pam talking about how she knitted two hours a day last year, nothing to
> do. I leave at 10:21, think I'll take afternoon off or two hour lunch.
> Sandy visiting, she brings food, Dad's back porch, fan on, hot. I open
> more windows, my quilt from when I was a kid I'm sitting on and also
> hanging over windows for curtains. I open the door so Sandy can get in --
> she bumps on door, then cold, winter. At work I walk to a new part of the
> building, housekeeping or staff break room, very large with kitchen, door
> going out, looks like N-Building. Man waits for me on bench. A window
> inside the break room with science projects -- life drawing of cats,
> experiments. China gets very submissive population by killing off part of
> the babies (girl babies), same thing in Bible when they sacrificed the
> oldest kid to the gods -- including Jews -- story of Isaac. I think
> there's food in the window (I prepared lunch at 10:30) but it is science
> experiments, prepare slides -- hard to slice stuff very thin. Package --
> Joye -- either to or from. Man leaving work early -- a spy. Another man
> picks him up in a Volkswagon bug. He says to use a new Bug -- his work is
> as an executive and doesn't fit with their look. Seats recline. Reading
> business page -- on right side it says there are plenty of goods on hand,
> manufactured, TVs, other small stuff. Left side, big stuff -- cars maybe.
> Going through a security door -- has air trap, this throws me off. Zeus
> -- Godfather of children. Poop on floor in walls of building. Steve,
> present, very large worm -- Dune? Roller skating through work -- get
> done faster. I visit Hughes -- aerospace company -- man comes out to tree
> and bench, has beard. Gary may be thinking of a new job. Fish saying,
> "no other fish within miles" -- happy. Sonny Bono about his funeral --
> designer gave up on dress for Cher and Chastity (Charity) -- they just
> wore jackets to ceremony. Six kinds of something in Christmas present.
> Ching -- couple at home.
>
> 12/19/00 Sun. Houdini, whole milk. Twist your finger off so your
> cheese will never melt. Snack bar at high school sports.
>
> 12/20/00 7 of wands. Victory. Kitchen sink has event scheduler.
> I have a lot of pictures stored, want to download them. I often look,
> love her. Woman gives me choice of foods -- everyone at the table has to
> eat the same thing. I'm not sure. She sayd the vegetarians eat mainly
> kidney beans.
>
> 12/21/00 First day of winter. 7 of wands. Like a Christian. 100
> movies. Old house -- toilet is in the middle of the kitchen floor in a
> hole (probably the old man that died there did that, he peed out the
> bedroom window!) My skirt blows up in the back on the street (happened to
> me at the Pella IA tulip festival -- wind caught my skirt and blew it up
> over my head when I was about 12.) Man taking shower, shaving. Man
> saying my job is just clerical support -- standing at my cube door.
>
> 12/22/00 3 of wands. Comparisons of different files -- some stand
> alone. Voice, okay. Some groups -- very secure, like schools of fish. I
> walk to do something, forget what it is -- mail letter? Mail box? Steve
> stays home to wait for UPS, he stays upstairs, other people downstairs
> wait for UPS. Shyami takes a bath in a dress. A girl says he didn't like
> the books I bought him for Christmas. I try to think of what I bought.
> This is helpful -- telling me things. I am talking about books with a man
> -- seems like Edgar Cayce, Akashic Records. There's one about slaves that
> were owned by post office that built their houses. Had no choice whether
> or not to work. He says would just make them angry to know this. I say
> I've never read that in maybe 10,000, 100,000 books I've read. I've read
> 15 books by or about Cayce too. I show him how fast speed reading classes
> teach you to read and how fast you can do it by yourself -- can spot
> important paragraphs, general stuff, use the index or table of contents or
> just open by intuition.
>
> 12/23/00 Through the years in a series of dates. Young people
> click on automated site -- reminder dressed in black --about card in a
> jumper. I'm going by bus to somewhere I used to live, will see a
> different side. Eat pizza with sauce (I'm allergic to tomatoes so maybe I
> am someone else in the dream/it's someone else's dream I'm dreaming).
> It's Louisiana or Texas, right on the Gulf. A man doesn't like it --
> wants to be more than one flag from the coast (storm warnings.) A man
> uses long distance bus for short trip because that bus broke down, says he
> waited several days. Queta says not to use the computer right away.
> There's an announcement or danger. Walking home on Marine -- push
> car/truck with something in the back.
> Walking along a river. A redhead sitting in car talking to herself.
> Clint Eastwood comes along and reaches in window and yanks her out - says,
> "are you talking about me?" He wasn't dressed as a cop last night when
> they slept together. She was recording ideas, now she has to go to work
> and climbs a brick wall in a white, A-line suit. Can see her white
> tights. I walk through long grass, some swamp grass, a long lawn.
> Walking downstairs - a voice talks about walking styles, lumbering stride.
> A man married to a woman president, plans a divorce, she has a male
> assistant. Number of steps you take, 14-17 was right. Stealing toys in
> the night. Standing too close to the fence or wrestling rope -- arm in
> it.

> 12/24/00 Queen of wands. start on book of paired, three and four
> card combination meanings. People work long hours in the summer on their
> non-coms -- need good support chairs, no stools. Working at a daycare --
> Aisha's or a little boy. We go through a bunch of websites. Aisha says
> loudly that one is "cocks". I look around to see if anyone heard her, it
> isn't appropriate because parents are arriving to pick up their kids
> behind us -- her parents are always late and leave her there a long time.
> I'm surprised to see parents sitting at the low tables with the kids
> playing with the toys and books instead of leaving right away. One little
> boy is very funny -- he gets completely inside a kodak film bag and crawls
> --looks like a mouse. Then it's a paper airplane and he points it at his
> mom and asks if she wants her ankles cropped with a vector. These must be
> smart poor kids. They don't have much stuff in their school. When the
> others all leave, they put the table cloths over the tables, I wash them,
> blood on one. As one father leaves, he tells me to watch my diet because
> sometimes the blood sugar doesn't go back down. I hear girls laughing
> upstairs in the loft -- they must rent out the second floor. A gate
> across the stairs when I go to investigate. A teenaged boy comes in and
> takes bottle from counter. I think, beer. He says he got the check --
> money from parents -- $6,000 but can't deposit, can't withdraw. A woman
> helps me fold a blanket, motherly, shopper type with purse. She tells the
> boy he looks very young. [Peggy McMartin, daughter of owner of McMartin
> preschool died.]
>
> 12/25/00 Ms Ross asks for a ride to class. Bridget watches one
> movie, I'm watching another one. We are not learning the same thing. I
> look through a lot of frozen food for something to eat, one Boca Burger
> out of the package -- becomes a crispy edge pork chop. Ham in microwave.
> Tony Clark back at work, but he's gone on leave for 3-4 months, drove to
> Kansas. First Ms Ross has a plate, then a burrito wrappted in cellophane.
> A pretty building, office with grass in front. At corner of Hawthorne and
> Artesia, a bus, I'm with another woman and we're lying on the sidewalk
> resting. She gets up and picks some grass -- will stop at pet store to
> look at rabbits. A chunky redhead, young, short hair. Bus driver pulls
> up, the other woman leaves 10 cents beside the tray. Then she gives me
> $30 bill change. Mrs. Stallone passes -- farts. Voice, she has cancer in
> both breasts, mushy. Fronsting -- not interesting work to do, depresses.
>
> 12/26/00 8 of wands. mailing lists, 52 people, in black and white.
> I take a carload of people to the beach. Dad and Dick Schowengerdt (Union
> reps). Some young people, long hill, I take towels and old blue bathing
> suit. Go back to bathroom at the top of the steep hill, two people come
> out, has two holes, three, they apologize for ruining my day. Salvation
> Army with air mattresses for sale, very fancy building, looks like an art
> museum, very high ceilings, plastered walls. In a room that's closed,
> room six, they cost $110, very large, can use as a raft. Ed Cross drives
> past and yells out the window, says, get in. Car is rusty old 50's car.
> Ed says it coasts down hills, no steering in front end, maybe no engine.
> It begins to coast back up the hill, spotted fawn in the road, car has no
> steering, so the bumper goes over it and I jump out to see if it is okay.
> Limping. Voice, what about the baby, babysitter. It's 4:30 by the time I
> get back to the beach -- sun setting. Started at 1:30. Surfers line up
> in starting blocks in waves. Man acting like seal on shore. I am in El
> Porto in Manhattan Beach and the hill is very steep and very crowded with
> people going the same way. I find books on the ground, a book of old
> Greek plays or Rennaisance era writers. Four books, all open, maybe Mark
> Twain also. Then I'm in Hermosa Beach in front of the library, walking on
> curved concrete wall, someone ahead of me. Voice, get down. I pass an
> oriental girl who helps me walk easily without struggling. She says she
> was tired, makes a face - was going home. I finally make it down to the
> water and seem to be in Redondo Beach at a parking ramp. Man in suit
> making a business deal, woman's purse on ground. I walk along shore on
> wood sidewalk. The sidewalk ahead goes under water, a flood. A car is
> underwater in the parking ramp. I have to turn back -- too deep. Voice,
> doesn't like to spend this much dough.
>
> 12/27/00 Rosecrans and Blanche (daycare and national guard armory)
> -- horse posse gallops by to Sand Dune Park. A shocking sight, someone
> ground up in a fan. Rules in a store or workplace, more tickets given
> out. I'm at work, a meeting of bigshots, Oscar Wilde attends. A young
> guy comes in three times with a wagon full of supplies, crashes into door
> and they all fall off (reams of paper). He cuts the wrapper off one ream
> for the speaker (with scissors) and that ream falls on the floor, loud
> noise -- makes him jump. Pictures of beautiful women, my boss Marc behind
> a counter. My dress has disappeared and I button the polkadot one back
> up. Change made to admin files -- shocking one jumps out. Mom's house,
> carpenters are building a new three room house where the outhouse was. I
> never look up the hill in that direction from the outhouse, only towards
> the river. The river is much higher, closer to the house -- a lot of
> cabin cruisers, speedboats, small fishing boats.
>
> 12/28/00 Wheel of fortune. I don't want the expert of my female --
> chasing tail in circle. Knight of Swords, knife revenge. Germs can't
> live among other people's germs [Aisha tells her mom kids don't have
> germs.] One room box, spacious to be buried. Sci Fi, some people lost
> forever. I'm supposed to babysit for Pam at 8 PM, 7:45 already. I call.
> Her directions say to go to Colorado and call from box becasue it's
> complicated and you have to walk part way. Beach chair washing back and
> forth in the tide beside the call box. Starts out at work, I'm taking a
> shower and the curtain is a wet dress. Escalators broken, I dodge down
> there, find shower. Walking through daycare, school, kids are noisy --
> Montessori type school with a lot of stuff to do. Reading, place had to
> repair books five times already,pages slip up. Kid answers question from
> it -- geography or dinosaurs period. Map to Pam's house shows a road
> through a sunken trench north through Inglewood, road seems to be a
> channel, has water, lawn chair floating in it. She finally answers the
> phone, they took the kids to the party. Arab rug painting. Example of
> art a man likes, man, woman, child -- child on floor. Voice, if you look
> at painting two other figures will appear, it's a triangulation. I look
> at it and a whole crowd of people appear and walk towards me -- wedding
> party. The bride's family sweep through, back and forth. Mother mutters
> that she's marrying a man that she's twice his age. Woman dressed like
> Mary, mother of Jesus -- scarf on head, white dress, blue. Building with
> windows on two sides. Everytime I look out the window the sky is glowing
> strange colors. Orange and red on gray clouds. It looks like the world
> will be ending. Voice, then don't work Thursday and Friday. Butterfly is
> nearby in a trailor park.
>
> 12/29/00 Page of Cups. I have several jobs, now ones, old ones. I
> still work at Sierra Rubber. Mr. Gizzarelli remarks that I didn't come
> the week before, it's been more like 20 years! Two buffalo head nickels,
> foreign money. People dressed in 50's coats jump off a snowy hillside
> into the street. Fried rice. Hermosa Beach alley -- Manhattan Ave or
> Monterey. Construction workers on the other side of the alley, two babies
> on this side. Under car, looking at gas tank, I feel hands walking
> towards beach. Man tells me to give him a blowjob right there in the
> alley. Construction workers are right there, up high. Microsoft Access
> teacher looks under car with me for gas leak -- wood underneath, lots of
> room to crawl under.
>
> 12/30/00 Two of pentacles. I have a party. Pat Dooley comes (from
> 70's) and we chat all day. My apt is concrete. There is a very narrow
> room going the length of the wall where files are located. A toilet --
> Northrop employees arrive for second shift. I lie on the couch thinking
> and then ask if he got married. He says, June 2, June 30 or May 2. This
> depresses me and I cry as he talks about other things at the table. The
> guests have arrived and are in the other room chatting. They don't even
> talk to me and I tell them it's 9 PM and time to go, I have to get up for
> work early. Pat says something about two years in 1978, not speaking. I
> look down the cliff to see if his blond head is leaving. The guests are
> running down the mountain. They didn't even say good-bye, but they didn't
> say hello either. I say, thanks for coming. One man is still there and
> says he bought me a gift for graduation. Pat says the daughter doesn't
> look like the mother. Then the man is on my computer screen repeating
> that he bought me a gift. I ask what for -- occasion. He says for
> graduation, but he sent it Greyhound in baggage,so we have to go pick it
> up. He takes it out of the bag when I ignore it and it is a Butterball
> turkey with lines drawn on it where to carve. I say it probably rotted on
> Greyhound -- how many days trip. He says he sent it Greyhound because I
> went to stay with my mother and he didn't know when I'd be back and he had
> to maintain his contacts at the grocery store by buying something. The
> Northrop employees are directed to a picnic table -- one woman is in
> charge of the class of 21.
>
> 12/31/00 King of Cups. Pictures I'm uploading, tall black guy.
> Death came for me, gritty sand. Jessica walking around mall with her
> collages. A crowded place with banner that says, click here for c: or d:
> drives. My mother tells me to lose weight accidentally while helping me
> with manure piles. A hotel restaurant, I go to the bathroom and spit on
> the couch, sinks were moved. Man sitting there says that's the second
> time I've done that. There's a box of sand on the floor. I'm getting
> some kind of award. Two people riding bikes, Shirley or Nathan, running
> behind it -- must have a part from a Datsun to work -- some invention from
> 80's --differential. I ride up the stairs, voice says, no too strenuous.
> Push bike through antique store -- put gasoline on one of two students'
> desks, woman's voice says, ruined.

6/24/00 Book about hanta virus. A man working at a desk. A road -- cars
on one side, going in the same direction. Then cars on the other side
coming towards me. "You changed the subject just right." I have to drive
somewhere for work. It's too far to walk, the cars all have a thing added
to the engine.
6/25/00 Accepting articles for paid manuscripts only such as Kissinger,
Salenger -- website when someone died -- man says, "nooo, interested in the
fortune and torture." Archaeologist's cook (woman) digs next to the
garbage dump of the last cook or ancient civilization -- right by the wall
of a building. Finds relics -- map of US, railroad history through Iowa,
Missouri, then half way through Nebraska. Dad working on dig at 70. Last
extension of railroad is only two miles long, many parallel tracks like
streets. Yellow dress to school. Petrified wood while just standing there
waiting for bus. Young blond guy is now old brown hair guy. Someone not
following up on the dots to make more money, recognition. Research
necessary even if you have computer. Ineffective, to do writing. Turns on
pole lamp, won't be nervous right now. Can't write with a pen/vaccine on a
wall (stucco). Little blond girl in bed, says she's fat like me. I tell
her to get dressed. She plays on floor, I arrange lion and cattle shapes.
Bandaged ship at hour inlet. Have to edit dreams and say parts. With India
-- are winning the food and exercise but are losing the war of patience.
Gaining under the table. Tea is trouble. Linda shows me some biscuit dough
made with pureed pork, I taste it, then think, oh, no sickening dream food
again. She is packing for her new job. She says charms or beads are too
expensive.
6/26/00 Life is just what your pet dog is eating. A woman takes a
performer's place in the middle of the performance -- stands in front of her
in the same ballet position with her leg extended up behind her. Then she
falls into the audience and hurts her leg and the doctor says she must rest
three weeks. Man must rest too -- Joe McMoneagle. I sit down at a booth to
do homework; a baby crawls up to me, stands up, wants Indian food - oven
rice that's cooking. Pete Seeger's kid did some project. Fireplace in
living room -- little stream of gas runs down to middle, small yellow flame
-- blue flames on kleenex. Smoke fills apartment, clears out fast, raining
outside. I have a card that says, "Daughter refused," on cover, naked man
sits down and looks at it. Sheer white dress with dots for movie. Cats in
apartment, I have to poison them like rats or if they die. They melt out of
the freezer.
6/27/00 "In case of war, Northrop would be bombed." Summer hires climb
over the fence to cut through to get to work.
6/28/00 "The food gets loaded and then you put some guck in the middle." A
river bed, I hide by standing perfectly still. Diaphragm on floor, mail --
maybe more bills. "It sounds impersonal but it works." "Do you need help?"
"If you saw two meteors coming and could only get out of the way of one."
"We ended up at the end of the roof one day and the generic condition" (man
in bathtub squirming). "You can't do that, maybe soon" social worker, very
thin man under a blanket; he gets up to play with an airplane at school."Can
you contact the outside world?"
6/29/00 Some people buying new cars, a list of names.
6/30/00 I'm leaving, go past the guards. Woman at desk says, "oh, you work
only part time in the afternoon - you have cancer." I have a hospital
bracelet -- she checks number 177. Heavy books, 3 volume set -- museum
book, history of poetry, nude statues of men. An antique tablecloth and
shoes on a table by the door. Art hanging on wall from the book -- 3D
wafers in solid opaque colors, inscribed marks like cuneiform. "I wouldn't
listen, thank you for Friday." Man argues with wife, I ask him if he did
with first wife, he says, "no she was aloof." My clothes folded up on
floor, it's scary, roommates in an apartment.
7/1/00 A trip to New York, cross a line and it's a lot colder. In the
morning there's snow everywhere -- both sides of the line. Mom's kitchen, I
read a lot, don't talk. Rabbit shelter, I take carrots and celery. A lot
of rabbits on shelves, one black one has a slightly crooked neck. Big pile
of babies on the floor, one rabbit bites my sleeve. Running along the sand,
waves come in very far -- to sidewalk. Thin blond woman in front of the
shelter says, "you must have a pet." She asks me to sing a song and I sing
Happy Birthday. She says three things then goes, reputa, phew. Bicycle
race on every day. Working naked outside the door of the office - voice
says it's okay, will be in cube soon and no one can see me. Someone
throwing something at my eyes. Blood on surface, "no way to avoid it."
7/2/00 In the bathroom I start out spraying cleaner in the toilet, then see
the walls are dirty too. I have two grocery bags of my stuff packed --
leaving my job. Boss asks me to stay, says, the men out there will just
tell me I'm fat. I already know Government regulations. Missionary woman
cooking lobster, also something I say is ginger schnapps (German steak) and
potatoes. She has a list of dates written on the window.
7/3/00 Garden, clover in lawn. A red pheasant with no tail (chicken), I
walk thru lawn, pick up an eggplant and recipe from ground that hunter left
there -- I put it up on a shelf. A church rec room with leather and blue
cloth couches, fancy stereos, welding equipment, sewing machine from
2/21/28, fish trophies -- three short fish on one trophy, a velvety fish, a
huge whale. I eat a couple of bites of one big fish then wonder why. I go
out and come back quickly and the celler and attic are blocked off. A lot
of bedrooms in museum. Man in a red bathrobe called away by boss/customer
beckons from doorway. I forget what I was going to buy, go through the
whole museum quickly again. "Dave Thorn pleaded not guilty, baby." "We
never are dealing with the other woman." One size dress missing from rack,
blond woman pushes man and he falls against table of food. Man steps on red
glasses on dance floor. "Prepared for anything." "Squeaky clean." A woman
talking about places, one is Michigan. "Hamlet so hard, susceptibility."
7/4/00 A man who visited his pauper brother's grave. "This isn't the end
of it -- hospital room." Mountain climbing, leaving on a trip, "I didn't
have the guts to level with you." RV leaking in front where water hose is
connected. Two trains wreck head on -- supposed to be on little track. Toy
is on the big track. Lucy Ball is retired and just moved, but she's watched
it -- knows when it is. There's one at 5 PM. (another going up mountain,
another at 1 or 130 PM). I pull myself up a tree to see. Like other women
married five times. Saline drip for several hours. Man in a gray suit with
a moustache ascends high in the air with his hands on the heads of the
people ascending around him. Then he stretches out and flies away to the
open sky. Farm road, bare fields harrowed, barn made of plastic sheets
(Stewarts) - has two sheep that walk along with me -- male and female. Very
tame. Plastic sheets on the kids beds. A little boy stepping off the curb
at several corners, at one he's in diapers.
7/5/00 "The continual improvement of things." Helping kids at a park make
a picture, Italian men offer $30,000. They are Mr. Carpenter, Mr.
Caravello. I talk at a round table outdoors about this.
7/6/00 Babies in cribs with dangling things to play with while I'm busy.
Two men with beards and rough

watching a movie on TV about a boy. I
go to work. Car parked in the last spot, grass and tree branches. Rick
comes in my cube and is crying. Several women calling on the lobby phone,
the guy in Apt 4 tells me to get a job at the grocery store across the
street. A second man says we can't walk home. I push "9" and a male
operator comes on (sounds like Marc).
7/7/00 Crazy with the letter A. White mouse in ocean -- thinks it's an
island, is a floating trap. "Hadn't been killed in three years." "Flu in
Wales -- sent to psychiatrist for has-beens, also rans." "I was hurrying to
eat to set up a play, football." "Sad notes, legal." "That's all I see,
five computers so more people can fuck you up." "Dumpster divers, done with
all that." $560 thanks. "Nation keep calling you." "Outside run again."
"Even when I walk a long ways my human doesn't hurt." Xerox burns two
pages, one is a list of codes. Man, no pants, penis showing crawls up on
top shelf of the copier to get the jammed page. Going to rich wife's house,
she says, "honey, not that color." Man asks why I diet when I just get fat
again, someone behind me -- scale stays on zero until they leave. Buying a
couch but it looks exactly like the one I already have. "Proven I want to
leave. female. press it." "Will you mention that when you get to the other
side." Mother's cookies, this girl bought them. "Take one blue ticket,
I'll wear it after I see if other people are wearing it -- khaki." Diet
pill, that's good that you already know. Armbruster - show me again what
wrong. The Hawthorne police might not be able to save his grades. If you'd
practice in the slots. You can like a girl's feelings. First bunch of cats
ran away, second, third ate fish. Chocolate flush therapeutic through body.

7/8/00 Message about drinking one teaspoon of mineral oil or other oil for
constipation, from Tony. Blue gel (dark blue) for removing mildew. Dusting
the hall copier at work -- Colonel goes by and secretary asks her who's on
duty. Moreno let her in the private entrance. Teenaged girl only had time
to read one of her magazines, they're in the refrigerator -- fashion. A
letter from Mom -- it has all the things I complained I wanted -- pillow
cases for each day of the week. "The common rooms are painted yellow but
the libido is kept high by painting the other rooms pink and blue
respectively for men and women." Make sure everyone is moved (rabbits) not
"stay out of the way." Stallone, Gunsmoke remake. "Par broiled, may I
broil my heart the way I did my..." Dishwasher inspector.
7/9/00 box drawn around bicycle. Burned 200 children, two months ago. The
artist lowered to gently, move something. Don't take Shakespeare -- too
heavy (is too late to teach manners) to apply to things (books to carry).
Sick rabbit hops around peoples' feet. Whole list of things I've done.
Closing Northrop or some house, taking down pictures from wall. Indian
picture packed in wood chips, snakes standing upright with jewelry hanging
on them. Bus delivers women from a social event or to it -- escalators
going in two directions, don't have to walk. In newspaper that someone is
giving some kids back, adopted kids. Man writes his name on the bottom of a
picture/calendar to prove life after death. Name, Grubersatcel.
"Poppycock, the things on this side." Rain on a new black velvet dress, man
made of God's poop. Rabbit, I'll worry about that later, I'm just getting
my shoes dirty (in clean cage looking around). "Nothing sacred, nothing
ventured, nothing lost." Dead body in house, mice infested, have you a
door. Throwing people out the windows, can attached to them to make a noise
when they hit. "Roommate wanted, no trash, no punishment." Chow mein
matches my best friend's name. Drive car for $5. They're calling me and
stabbing me. Woman on bed, purse, canvas bag -- "it's bigger than I
thought." Woman in underwear drinking coffee, "oh, I have to go." Black
lid bucket of sand, go to his house, what're you going to do? "Before we go
out visiting every day." Injured fingers shut in door. Dead Monday, I
buried Wed (Tuesday). Tan purse on other side, garbage bags. It's gotten
lost, I think. Can't do anymore work about 11. I look like a pelican,
rabbit poop caught on fish hook. Cat sleeping on black sheets, "Oh please."
Cut tendon, must be closing office. Our two children that stay with us. A
line of electric cords at mailbox, I need to know which ones will activate.
"Religion for idea, trouble for reality." Young woman in white jeans
holding two babies in a crowd.
7/10/00 Without model -- two wives, get rid of one. Is that from her
teeth, no, splatter, I don't think so. Arachnids from fast food place -
moving on plate. One is fuzzy like cat fur. Trailer court, lots of young
kids, bus is dropping a young girl off. A young guy in class keeps talking
about activities for kids that are dangerous. Brownie cake from vending
machine, corn muffin mix in a girl's hands. Girl hiding in the bus
stairwell behind a blond, then she leans on her back and smokes a cigarette
while a man talks. Tells him he's very interesting, then gets off bus.
Woman at vending machine says, "venito." Venue of Mike. Rabbit poop trays
on beach, there all winter, guy slides down sand dune on it. It was used to
scoop up so much sand that it wore out and disappeared. Another chance in
the hospital (knock on wood). "Just wait, as of tomorrow's date." "I don't
think it started there (Chevron station) before there was trouble." Small
machine that raises temp two degrees, fits in hand. "Grand Tetons, I trust
her judgment completely." "Cause me not." "A busload of boys disappears; I
care what the parents think." "Younger day, there was only one way out."
She won't go dancing. "Some of these stories never seen before, must stay
calm and collected."
7/11/00 "drunk kitten, do you remember -- how many times have I said 3-4
times." "Couch, living room, clogged arteries." Two men working occult,
back to bartending.
7/12/00 "why did you make me go there?" Freezer with kids, emotionality,
nationality. A test at a doctor's office -- results, my cognition has gone
up 20 points from 50 to 72. I ask when was that test. Doctor shows me the
name on the envelope. Hinklehammer. Shoes I wore when I started working.
Walking to car, woman borrowed it during night and moved it. Tree with dead
branches, grassy cliff. Get rid of all the 1102s.
7/13/00 "Billy is not so bad, not really mean." Sandy saying, "they can't
find what's wrong. They look between..." Little girl staying in an empty
building, bathroom way down hall, she just sleeps on the floor in empty
wrappers -- workmen work around her. I think about getting a jar of instant
coffee. Earthquakes -- building swaying, a series of them. Little balls
come to me in a high field after little girl plays. "you had all the
directions over there." Snowing, raining, Faith wearing light blue parka.
"I have the boots and good fortune to reiterate." "It's supposed to be
fun." "Girls caught fire in a mysterious way."
7/14/00 "Can you tell me where it is?" "There are several hundred fish
beginning to stink (ocean and man sitting). Jesse, stiff shoulders and
arms. Bathroom door has zipper. "They want you to take care of things so
their child can act as an administrator."
7/15/00 A valley where a colony of people live. The women are planning to
move away and have secretly packed. The books are packed in rooms 4,5,6 or
7. Under the table is a several volume set history. I'm the only woman
there without kids and I'm going to disappear soon. Each person has written
a book also. One woman sneaks off with a man to pack and goes up to the
attic. Two lawsuits. One is a man with $1 Million and the other one is for
custody of a cat. They have $1 Billion waterfront property and have some of
their land with public access, so his cat can stay there without them
claiming it. Everyone in the world has a long hair Siamese cat.
7/16/00 "I'd tell him if it was lying." Toy boats -- woman with two
daughters, tells one girl to put it back so she won't get spanking. Snowy
rural area, birds land on fence because of meat. Beading the steps of the
cottage with quartz cylinder beads. A blond woman with a baby with long
black hair waiting in a green convertible. A room for visitors empty except
for new see through plastic radio. Says we shouldn't have driven the red
garbage truck. Apartments that look like part of the landscape -- rocks. A
noise on the fence -- birds covered with snow. Books and clothes for every
boyfriend, every day. "I love dresses." "Putty cat, do you have papers?"
"You should not have doubts that I'm listening" -- woman in black chiffon
talking in dressing room. Mike Love in Beach Boys going on tour. "Anxiety
is death -- is for three situations, one is college, MTV, MPV." "Should
tell Connie, she's cogent." "They have new homework mothers don't have to
learn." "Deserves to have her hair pulled and hit her on head." Antique
mirror with wood frame. Rocks and money on ground at Home Depot. Thurston
might retire, can't see. Taxes owed. Starch keeps clothes looking new. I
want to see the handprints on someone.
7/17/00 Going to a pre-school and drawing and painting. Called away and
their chair at the table empty. Marty using a fancy sepia print. I and
other women are naked at work, in shower.
7/18/00 I have only one day to live and take a letter to some apartment.
People sleeping there, I pull out Christmas presents and Easter eggs.
There's just one flash of color, bright yellow sunlight. All gray. I have
to decide what to wear my last day alive. I'm in an underground room with
bunkbeds. It's too late to lose weight. Faith is throwing out my windowbox
of plants. Cause the whole place to close up and then just answer yes or
no.
7/19/00 Meet an old woman and a little girl on a road, the girl gets five
dolls -- she dresses one. I see a basketball game from when I was in Junior
High. "Goes to get a Chinese boyfriend, he decorates a wood post with
paint." There are pairs of dolls and Teddy bears. A redheaded doll with a
daughter doll dressed in white. Another doll with something wrong with it.
"Anxiety cards in December. Australia has free rent, also Las Vegas."
7/20/00 Man at picnic, Chinese, hair parted in the middle. New stuff to
download -- one completely new, not upgrade. Kids on Dad's farm,
strawberries in freezer. Girl and boy, blond girl in grocery cart. Dark
haired girl. Mom pushing them. Message on my computer screen, clock says 2
AM -- from woman at work. Man cutting up meat on my desk by the bed.
Lights not working, clock blank. Message printing on TV screen -- J...
I....
Marriage night or weekend. "Just got here from Babylon" adopted girl. Mrs.
Leslie trip down the Mississippi River. Contract to fix two ironing boards.
I find out what company got the contract -- CA. I drive in driveway and
park truck where sand is eroding.
7/21/00 I'm in a window working along with students, then I'm in a separate
part without lights. Dark where I am, but light over desk. This part has
windows, ladder. Checking next year's activities. Some reg I already have.
A dress I already have. Tests of psychic experiments -- running
into/through a wall.
7/22/00 Risk assessment document in about 16 pages. Blond woman sleeping
in laundry room -- a bale of hay, plastic fishing tackle box. Fog out on
street, on my way out I see mice in the bedroom and bathroom. What you
write down.
7/23/00 I have to listen to a computer voice, very faint -- list of
computer users. Next name on list is Orly Orloy. "Worked all day Mother's
Day in Brazil in the dust." I look in on my neighbor's cats -- cloth
halfway over door. She's talking to a woman near her door. Buttons and
Tiger come into the room. They've just had baths and hair is wet. Buttons
says, "we can talk." A man found them motionless, dead. Couple with gun
called. Info about a man listed under his name. Coffee stains in
underwear, I make coffee. Drop a turkey in a hole in a computer to cook it,
also meals of meat like loaves. A swimming tank -- may be a pool, may be a
fenced off section of Lake Michigan with fresh water sharks. A woman who
can come up with top quality holiday (pagan) in November even. When I
started here ten years ago the wiring was cold turkey. Funeral, man
(corpse) brags that he only took ten hours to be buried, some kind of
record, voice -- "it happened." Swimming pool on a ship is just a box
around part of the ocean or great lake. Electricity went off and man was
taking too long with computer so I started doing it. I'm watching a pool
for sharks and a giant snake comes out of the water onto the deck. "Where
is the real world" woman taps pencil. "I had this screwy feeling I couldn't
tell you about it." Papa watch two kids from cruise ship deck. Koreans
making progress in one clearing. "this is the way it's got to be, you
wouldn't wobble." Grassy area at Toys R Us -- rings in my purse, very small
pink glitter one, one like blue light bulb. Pink Christmas light bulb.

7/24/00 Dentist office opens on the land around the hill from Mom's. New
office from a clinic -- $300K per month for one thing, $400K for rent or
franchise. Staff of women -- all pharmacy students, one music major gone.
Dentist looks at my teeth and says an eyetooth will break out and new harder
tooth come in. He snaps off both my eyeteeth at the same time, one with
each hand -- is ambidextrous. I take them and examine them and one seems to
have a cavity in it -- inside are dyed macaroni, flower designs on them....
36 people disconnected by an Alaska looking cowboy, phoned the wrong number
(523-). Dentist's girlfriend leaving says one week is free, other one he
works on Monday and two other days (Tue and Thur). My teeth are bigger than
normal. ... An earthquake or storm coming; a roomful of women prepare. I
put wine bottles in cases and push under a table. Women are put in sleeping
(padded) bags. Many in the bed. Room seems to move. Other women come in. A
couple are now riding bicycles because the cost of a car is so high. A
couple are children/daughters that need babysitters. The dentist is a Von
Erick wrestler (5 of 6 are dead) -- short hair, young. Several other
dentists, one short skinny Black guy, a frail middle aged white guy.
Dentist was supposed to be a social visit for me -- I thought my teeth were
perfect then he grabbed the two eyeteeth and snapped them off while I was
standing there saying hello. ...Not all colleges give PE degrees -- slap a
mouse on the counter -- cause broken bones or internal bleeding, it's a lab
mouse. "Dream interpretations -- 1. tell a woman every kind of fault she
has. 2. a few years left in life.

7/25/00 Woman singing while looking through hanging vines. Elephants
living in creek; I didn't tell anyone. They're almost out of food and also
a dam to hold the water -- I need to mix some concrete to make a dam. Also
horses mixed with them. Indian girls are riding two horse behind me. An
elephant runs beside me back to th