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1/17/99 Pat has a husband who beat his previous wife. A town with a stream and a river. There are a lot of bridges across it. I am crossing with a girl and a little boy. We look at one bridge, very short. The next one is much longer. They say, "okay, but run." I do and float up in the air. I wave my arms like wings, then close my eyes, stuck like glue, asleep. The boy taps me and I'm almost at the end of the bridge.

1/18/99 My bottom right bicuspid falls out when I'm brushing my teeth -- no roots.

> 3/29/99 Driving down a lane -- have to drive on the left side because of
> barrels in the right lane. A religious ceremony -- voodoo looking. I
> turn across the lawn and a river. On the other side -- a castle.
> Margaret and Charles looking at Rolls Royces (2) full of other gifts,
> smaller ones, baskets, little towns. Food in the next room -- fish,
> horseradish, one french fry. Looks raw.
>
> 4/21/99 I'm moving some stuff -- from my room at Dad's to Mom's green
> pickup on the dashboard. The truck is parked very close to a concrete
> wall. I'm wearing just my underwear -- a black bra and white underpants.
> I walk past a woman in a building there -- three times and I'm still
> wearing them. I look around for a dress -- look at sizes. Voice, wanted
> to see if the fax machine worked on the beach.
>
> 4/28/99 Two men in suits looking through suits on hangers. One is
> sitting, not in good health. Food on some, they sell them as new. I say
> they could send them to the cleaners but they say the cleaners' owners
> know. Voice, fighting is a form of hysteria. White bat, very small,
> flying around. It swoops by my foot and I think it bit my toe.

> 1/1/99 I live on the corner at the gas station and have a Ryder
> truck. I'm hiding in the shower acting asleep on my feet with the water
> running. A man, bomber is at the gas station. He comes over and moves in
> with me, I think about turning him in before he gets my involved. He sits
> on the couch and I put on a narrow straight skirt with flowers and he says
> to go to some class. I go out to a field and he's there too. We define
> truth, it has three definitions that I say -- truth, justice and the
> American Way or life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Then I think
> of truth is beaty, beauty, truth. I say that beauty is symmetry and he
> says there is none on earth. There are round ends for weights on the
> ground and they look like frisbees so I throw them. One circles him like
> a B2 (plane), boomerange. I throw it again and it rolls across the field
> like an army vehicle and a plane lands near it. I cook soup, children
> walk through all these passages. There are a few books in the library and
> a computer. Help plays a song -- rock n roll. I have a cast on one leg,
> medicines automatically treat you if you are sick. A couple, man with
> yellow shirt unbuttoned, redhead, short curly hair, plump. they have two
> boys playing in the yard -- looks like the 10 of cups.
>
> 1/2/99 Moving, Pete Landini. The men tearing down the parking
> structure cut the concrete around the cars that didn't move and they have
> to remove the railings to drive home. The cars on little islands of
> concrete. A woman dressed in gold foil , like carnival, and her teenaged
> daughter -- can't eat because she became anorexic, walks down the street.
> Bedroom, a three day holiday, 18th - 20th that is some celebration of a
> virgin. A crime also occurred during those days-- something "fantastic"
> -- unbelieveable. A big fly lands by my mouth. A girl says someone sits
> on their knees on the bed everyday.
>
> 1/3/99 Huge changes, I'm thinking of moving, getting a different
> job. I'm in Iowa and the neighbor across the road from Gram H's farm has
> been bulldozed flat and Mexico is over there. The house is still there
> [Army Corp of Engineers built a dam on her farm -- eminent domain and she
> moved to Brownsville, Texas.] and young people are carrying things back
> in -- unloading her RV, back from Texas for the summer. People are
> complaining about Judy not doing her share, reading a book. Looks like a
> yard sale -- Gram's antique wardrobe and other bedroom furniture by the
> driveway, crafts, blue plastic snowflakes. I think about where I am and
> what I'm doing. Vast land, snowy mountains between Iowa and California.
> Voice that I drove into the driveway of a trailer. Gramp just quit his
> job in the dream and her kids are small and he's going to farm. Pull
> back, this is a bulldozed area in front of a hill covered with trees.
> Gifts sent on jetstreams -- repeated several times.
>
> 1/4/99 Eskimo cards -- Tarot. Mom voice, she had to get an 80
> mile tow to get this one. Cards have pages like books. Toothpick is a
> truth. Two eskimo cards. License plate -- STA4. dolls with mini-skirts
> under long coats.
>
>
> 1/6/99 A company that does complex audits. The employees live in
> an institution. They assemble little boxes, reminds me of setting type.
> Two young guys following me, they turn off and attack someone else.
>
> 1/7/99 The streets of a strange town. I have to go downtown to
> buy something. Voice, "is that where." One address is the Pier. Voice
> says I'll get wet also. A secretary says they talk about sex
> (prostitutes) and bother her -- she has to take notes. She tells me about
> a skirt with a lace ruffle on the bottom and a blouse or shirt with full
> sleeves. She also has a piece of paper with a lot of dots on it -- an
> outline of dots. Steve gets in an argument with a man at a yard sale that
> he's an ignorant Russian -- vase is $30. He shreds some rough upholstery
> cloth in his front teeth and says, "I'm alive, therefore I love." Acting
> crazy. I'm crazy too, but am shopping for something that costs $700, but
> the square foot. Connie McGowan, joking about some problem in payroll has
> to go up to level 69 and she just stays patient and does what she can.
> Secretary says she can go home when she's had enough (talk about sex) and
> she's had it as soon as she gets there.
>
> 1/8/99 I'm watching a riot -- other people steal, and I get
> arrested. The people in jail are corrupt. Bribery. I have to watch a
> movie when it's time to get out and answer questions designed to make you
> feel like partners with law enforcement. A luncheon at District -- a
> bunch of men, may be nude, sitting around tables. New deputy commander
> calls, says, "Hi" -- Ms Ross, I recognize her voice.
>
> 1/11/99 Stewert's farm. I say I'm going to a doctor. Voice says
> first he must put away Duke's herd. I watch from an elevated position.
> He calls to an old bison bull and he goes into a pen. I see the
> hindquarters, no hair, leathery butt, very big. Then, going out of the
> pen, a hairy back legs of a smaller black and white bull, again I see only
> the rear -- crossed with a bison. The doctor is going to the doctor.
> Something about insurance only paying part. Cutting under both arms isn't
> necessary, insurance doesn't cover him. At the doctor, he's on the other
> side of a table with instruments and jars on it. He does two tests --
> takes a scraping from ear, says, this will stick you, I feel a pain in the
> dream. Then he takes a nose hair, says, this is unusual. That doesn't
> hurt. He takes one out of a man (near the bottom of the right nostril) to
> my left and then me. (I can't cut the hair like most women do, gives me
> herpes sores in my nose.) Back in my room, I have to put my bras away,
> they are on the floor -- drawer is full of very high heels. Wicker
> spoons. Hispanic neighborhood -- second stories all burned, if one more
> burns, the city will bulldoze. A man keeps blasting caps over his couch
> and sits under them. Christmas presents organized on shelves. I run to
> car -- it is full of snow. Golden retriever.
>
> 1/13/99 I'm in an unfamiliar place. My sisters are there and have
> several Christmas trees. One is decorated with jewelry and they are
> talking about it. Then it's a mortuary and there's a dead man. Scene of
> the coffin. I have gotten a job there and my boss hands me a folder full
> of papers. I'm supposed to take them out and burn them. Voice, I didn't
> even notice you were gone.
>
> 1/14/99 A couple eloping, police cars. They cry under an
> underpass. Girl says, you like to fight. Boy, not really.
>
> 1/15/99 Dogs have chicken. I throw rocks. Woman with tulips.
> Man calls and asks how I'm doing, can't place the voice or remember what
> he says.
>
> 1/16/99 Someone throws a shoe and hits me in the back -- big men's
> boot. Woman with lots of make-up hands me a phone and says, "it's for
> you." Walking up a hill with a fence at the top, wood fence -- rib place
> -- Harity's -- four kinds, including prime. I don't have any shoes (don't
> want to eat inside) so I can't climb over the fence, which has become a
> wire fence. A group of teenaged boys with wire cutters, but a man shows
> them how to snip the wire after we get across. They chase us.

> 1/17/99 Pat has a husband who beat his previous wife. She has to be in
> San Diego 29-31st and San Francisco 30-31st, I get puzzled, overlapping
> dates. A woman tells me to drive there two days in a row, I don't know
> how I can do it -- too far. A town with a river through it and a lot of
> bridges. I'm crossing with a girl and a little boy. We look at one
> bridge, very short. The next one is much longer. They say, "okay, but
> run." I do and float up in the air and get stuck like a bee in honey --
> wave my arms like wings. Then I close my eyes and fall asleep. The boy
> taps my shoulder and I'm almost to the end of the bridge. The bank is
> steep on the other side, reddish soil. Livingston was the short bridge.
> Raining, a man carrying me on his shoulders in Manhattan Beach. Downtown
> where stores are closing on all four corners. It rains harder, so he
> carries me into a utility building. Washing clothes, underwear dyed blue,
> more and more clothes, a pan of water.
>
> 1/18/99 My bottom right bicuspid falls out when I'm brushing my teeth --
> no roots. I'm helping my two sisters, at the farm, yard is more level,
> new house has half-enclosed courtyard -- kids party inside. House is two
> story. Someone is sick, on retirement list, 2nd in command.
>
> 1/19/99 Salamand Street - the last street at the edge of town. I see a
> map and find it. Mom selling zucchinis in a ditch, $20, chop off ends
> with machete -- Booneville across the highway.
>
> 1/20/99 Steve's parents, someone holds me while I I yell at them.
> Steve's mom says, keep spending all your money on food and stay fat. The
> person holding me says, you are fat.
>
> 1/21/99 Faith has a TV and bed in the basement. She has to rent it in
> addition to her condo -- she says she doesn't own the basement. It's our
> old house in Lawndale, which didn't have a basement (none in California),
> she shows me around. I remember where things were -- the basement was the
> house when I was a kid, tools, furnace, things feel different, door moved.
> A wall isn't finished yet and Faith knocks it down, then starts throwing
> small 2X4s to make it look like kids did it. Tourists arrive, the bedroom
> has windows all the way around that are 3D pebbly stuff. Very unusual
> details. I look in the window and the carpet is green like grass with
> silvery tips. Very pretty. I wonder what furniture will look like. This
> house is much longer than the one in Lawndale.

1/23/99 I run after a big old black Impala convertible at my old grade
school. The man driving it tells me not to worry anymore. Trying to decide
what to eat; shrimp, fish of various kinds, I'm going through my clothes.

1/24/99 I'm in a restroom, can't get a stall. Announcement about
something; booth with info on juries. Castro talking about a reform he
made.

1/25/99 An auditorium, my clothes are dirty and I put on clean ones over
them--pull on pants and blouse. A man in the audience has just found out
his dad was a band teacher and he goes to see him and find out how fat he
is. He pulls a fat kids suspenders and everyone says he has a cigar up his
butt. I see Dad again in the audience; he doesn't say anything again in
this dream. Two men fight, one has a broken nose, taped. People get off a
bus, sitting around fries on the ground. Policy for doing something hanging
on the wall--office. This is new, just came out. Something I said to do,
two years ago; circumstances have finally come to pass. Room with filing
cabinets on a stage. A man says to a woman, your parents know nothing about
this (daughter). Computer run shows something weird. Blond guy, Howard;
some people block him and say "run" -- something Japanese.

1/26/99 A river road; some construction on a bluff, but not much. Lots of
open area and trees. Empty room where kids grew up and moved out--a girl's
brother. Blond girl, skateboard that is like a skate. Woman with teenaged
and little girl moving into apartment 20. A girl's room outside her mom's
room; lots of long rugs on bedroom floor; dress under construction--cloth on
vanity under mirror; tulips, dress hanging on mirror.

1/28/99 Looking for a bathroom, first the men's room, faces of teenaged
boys. They are distorted, close. Women's room with decals of Virgin Mary
medals--toilets are just holes in the snow. An oriental girl in gold
corduroy overalls, several women sitting and resting in the room. Woman
wants to switch some cards with Joe DiMaggio. I'll keep him out of
there--banner like medieval.

1/30/99 Suren calls, later I see Ted Kennedy and tell him and ask him to
cooperate. He gives me his wallet and I look for his passport.
Surprisingly, his wallet is full of pictures--many of the pictures are small
paperdolls of Jackie O's clothes. A red outfit, a white one. I'm in an
auditorium and he's trying to read something in the row behind me and I turn
on an overhead light--like in a plane. One man is in class--taking a test.
His score is 55 which is barely passing; looks like Yousef. I say that it's
a prejudice that engineers aren't athletic; Suren says he's won swim meets.
Voice says I can do something and I open my eyes and hold out my hands for
him to pull me. Needlework, the trees are rust color and the stitches are
raised up. A passenger transmits a message to the captain of a plane,
"you've got to think, will the tree have telepathy."

1/31/99 I have strict parents, have to go to a make-up class at school in
biology. One experiment you cut open a cute little fluffy chick. Plant 2
at work (has been torn down in real life). My little brother misses me when
I'm gone. I walk downstairs, didn't do much the first day of class, there
is one more day, test. Then a black woman is putting a tape around the
square yard from her hat. People get scared. A man looks in the cupboards
and there's little except some food, cheese. One class at picnic blankets
is quatrains. You get a line and finish it; or you get a bunch of words.
One round, a girl writes one. It says something about a baby being born and
something happening. I work on the next one. I think it's a list of words,
some of them animals, but it's a list of phrases; I'm arranging them and
decide to put the one about death last. Up on a roof to read them off the
edge (to the city). Then a man is looking for all the possessions and a
disaster is approaching. I wonder why you'd want a lot of possessions to
carry in a disaster. He was going to pile them in the middle of a room, big
guy. Four different solutions; a woman tells me I'm going to age one minute
instead of years. I'm trying to keep all this legal, for me. Other people
have different perceptions of their situations. Purchases--2 cars and a
fence.

2/1/99 I think I know the way thru a giant department store; the way gets
more strange. A hallway with a damp floor, brick walls. Finally a red door
going out; along the outside, a school room with one student--red furniture.
Men fighting--knives. They tell me to stand over there. I run back inside;
the school room is full of bulls laying down. One says, "here, take
this"--some hay. I remember walking thru muck now; the bulls have unusual
hair--longer on their heads like people. Inside finally, but now it's a
house. I'm looking for the bus station. It goes through people's houses.
Large urn on floor, ceramics on a table; voice says, "this is how you paint
them"--transparent dark colors. A tulip chair not fired yet. An office,
someone left; pictures of sunflowers in women's offices (Elaine)--thick
large ones over a door. Voice says, "it was good that you and Louis had a
baby."

2/2/99 A hand picking up a St Christopher medal. Voice, "why did you want
to disrupt things, April?" I questioned something. Jim Baber talking to
Bernie, not getting a bonus because he didn't go to staff meeting; I didn't
go either; Jesse doesn't mention it; I don't say anything. He has a baby
boy with him. Big machines in another room.

2/3/99 Crossing a street; pregnant woman runs when I do. John says there's
a house for sale at C4. Another woman thinks I'm a salesperson, puts her
arm around me and I can now run up the hill in Hermosa Beach where an
ancient sea creature is for sale. There are several killer whale dolls that
are mechanical, bite; one bites my foot. A character talks and then it's
me. I just walked into the room using a gait. The grocery store closed on
the pier. My foot matches a notch in a block on the floor ; I go into the
future. First it's Mom's/Grandma's stuff being sold at auction. The
apartment is very nice, modern open layout with wood. Mom is a redhead;
tells a story about an accident or car. There's a mirror behind a tree.
Auction starts with her diamonds; size 5 shoes on floor. Sandy is in the
bedroom with her infant son; Shirley comes in and has long narrow feet, not
size 5 like in real life. I thought she had grandma's feet. Men's socks
and shorts for sale; I'm selling my son's kid size stuff. Then a group of
people decide to travel; Marina parks a car several times in front of the
Larch house. A voice says it isn't that house, just looks like it. Out of
town, I get stuck at the bottom of a steep hill, boxes; voice, "go through
it, remember." Then in a town, walking between houses; kids inside say out
the windows, "you're bothering us"--we play with their toys. Then they join
us, two boys; at a store I look at stuff--a table with carved acorns. Woman
with huge breasts takes off her blouse in the store; crowded store. Then
I'm walking down a highway with trees on both sides like Puckerbrush. Some
names are called out for speeding and they have to put their hands on a flat
thing and say they're sorry--house or condo. One man says he's married,
other one should do it. I was walking in front of the crowd and don't know
the speed limit.

2/5/99 I'm washing clothes and go to a thrift shop [later I find some stuff
like in the dream at a thrift shop going out of business--small blue and
white cat and poodle figurines.] Mom says I've lost weight but I look
bigger. Someone who is now famous remembers me and I'm amazed. Yellow
volkswagon with black cloth top; blond girl, curly hair. One wheel of the
car goes off the pavement into deep mud while I'm driving. It's like
quicksand--firm soil nearby.

2/5/99-2 Huge pottery vases; old dishes, you could buy them to make a set
at a thrift shop. These are red with a transparent look--brick red. A man
says I weigh less but look bigger. One wheel of car goes off the pavement
into deep mud while I'm driving; it's like quicksand--firm soil nearby.

2/7/99 New computer program; makes people happy and things run smoothly.
Garage sale--two old men. They give me back a check; wrong name, different
address. The bill is 16... Say they'll mail it. I put my pants on
backwards. One man decides to drink fat-free chocolate milk. Snowy hill;
women at huge auditorium. I put my purse on a seat between two men and go
to look for bathroom. They are sheds on hill. Women inside are wrapped in
blankets; fill sheds like vertical coffins. Mine is bare inside--have to
pee in snow. One guy pees on money in someone's hand--no way to wash it
except snow. I'm changing clothes in this box.

2/8/99 A man living in Seattle and passing as a native is asked by a real
native woman about the snow (picture of heavy snow, blizzard) and he doesn't
use the right word--there are various words for snow. Then no one will talk
to him, all silent. I get up to go to the bathroom and someone knocks on
the door; it's a whole group of government investigators including DCAA. My
brother and sister are asleep on a double bed in the living room (under my
pink quilt) and they almost sit on them. My brother's T-shirt came off;
he's sweating and I help him put it back on. Buzzer (UPS) in real life
wakes me up and I go to the bathroom.

2/9/99 It was as if you sat there talking to me. Evidence of Love (book
where a woman kills a friend with an axe after catching her with her
husband, but chops her own toe a little bit). Dreaming about dates:
10,11,12,13. Cemetery where you can't get the car out. I get the key for
pedestrian gate. The food doesn't make me sick; I eat a cheese cracker.
Trouble telling when you're walking east and west. Think like cookie
cutter; new girl arrives looking for Don Imus; the main building has Spanish
architecture she says. I try to drive the car through the gate. A woman
treats my lumpy breasts in the bathroom. Death was following us, I guess;
because I was driving and the man picked some violets out the window (I
picked yellow flowers in the desert on the way to California). I try not to
fall asleep driving but tense up and go off the road in a cemetery. [then I
read that scene in The Kitchen God] I think, no problem except for the
headstones if they're not flat. It's really rough--rocks, dirt clods, steep
hills. I drive trying to get back on pavement, then the gate is locked by
the time I get to it. I get out the pedestrian door, then there are potted
plants blocking the other side of the car gate when I try to open it from
that side.

2/10/99 A man is catching purple bees in a box. There are more--he says
they're Oregon bees. Then there are Washington apples floating in water
around a building like a swamp. Then a woman dumps a basket of apples into
a container that is half apples.

2/11/99 Street corner, weapons for sword fight; someone helping me, I'm
tired. Talking about actor: cold--cold heart, cold mind, cold feet. I'm
waiting for a man. I put my hand on his head; I've eaten some foods.
We're moving, he sold some of our stuff; clothes folded up in front of the
customer.

2/12/99 Picnic at an ancient site. Various parts, Roman bath; one part has
surf called Smoking Surf-- a fog above water. A man takes pictures; finally
it starts to rain. Apartment managers are there; garbage on ground; she
asks if anyone fed the birds. She calls them scavengers--there're people
out there when I look out the window. I'm working at a factory making
zippers. Toilet out of order; parts laying on lid--I realize it's a dream
but don't wake up in the dream. Roman holiday dream--ruins on a plain, flat
area. Managers are moving somewhere or traveling; run into their apartment
when rain begins. Before that, babysitting a bunch of little kids; they go
to sleep and I keep finding toys dumped out on floor. One kid is asleep on
the living room floor in his cowboy boots.

4/19/99-2 In a clearing, the river water is very clear, running over rocks
and sand. A young looking man with a cane; as soon as I get well, I'll
bring a table. Elevator operator, doors close slowly, says most people
walk; the elevator is new. Says, I'll take you up. Redheaded guy. Crazy
goddess of slave laborers.

4/20/99 A voice, can you tell who has suffered most of our group? Who
inflicts suffering. Where does this basket go; what is it for? Who has
assigned you. Different personalities in an empty house; one is peace, one
is sick.

4/22/99 I haven't taken a shower for three weeks. Bathroom at work; I take
a little glass to a stall where Vivian has just stood up; she likes it and
will use it. I'll buy it, buy it every day; it's gone now. Expensive
gifts; a man in a leather jacket. 4 friends come over to play music; the
music starts--I put up a screen door and lean it. Only once been near the
ocean; considering the hard core. Chinese guy with mock orange bush by his
house; will live 20 years or more. 3 1/2' X 6' X 1/2' (coffin size).
Prudence plus pleasure; three different combinations or tasks. Annie drives
up with a man in her truck; puts down the sides and asks when Mars rises. I
was talking about different planets in Nostradomus quatrains. Everyone
dozes off; I was sitting along a street talking on a speaker phone then.
Faith paints over the dirt on some walls in an old house. She says the
motto is Wisk it once and you'll never have to again. Nails on the ground
at houses that are moving--yard sales. They're all by gas stations; garbage
cans by their driveways. I do a lot of housework for Mom; dish up chocolate
ice cream for everyone. Also apple pie in a separate bowl. This is at
work. Ken Wyse visits and Bridget and Veta talk to him. I'm talking about
a street---Sunstrand. Sitting in a circle at a table; Sandy and Raul are
there. They're talking about a new woman, Y who was added to a committee
but didn't work out--there were 6-7 attendees in all.

4/23/99 A man in a tux in a hotel room stretched out on the bed; bride in
wedding dress.

4/24/99 Clothes I'm trying on at my parents' houses; jeans, old ones.
Dogs. I grab a coat from the rack when it's time for school--parka. Marina
is waiting in the rain for the bus; news in the radio in my ear--war could
have been much more widespread, many more countries. Hilltop house, windows
on three sides, worn oak floors covered with rugs, old oak TV set on; kids
outside on bobsleds down the hill, snow deep. Old house, kids locked
out--running around house. They break in my window, I ask why mine. Very
deep snow outside work; I don't work anymore, old folks home. Door looks
like Dad's deck (where I saw the 2 bears and one grabbed my wrist)--steep
hill to street; deep wet snow with mud, slush underneath.

4/25/99 They add free lunch in cafeteria to my job. Julie's new husband
wants her to leave Monday; I climb up a ladder over a fence--El Porto; climb
up a steep hill, plant like hair. Three houses in a row with Christmas
lights on, music. Policewoman in lobby, oriental carpet; top soil on my
shoes rubs off. Mom buys me stuff to make cookies even though I can't eat
them; too many kids for house.

4/27/99 Jumping down through bare branches of trees in 4 directions.
Running, thick branches of trees, sharp. Getting dressed for a party; wake
up on the floor of a Japanese home. Two blanket covered lumps--their kids.
I borrow a dress from my sister that she wore in high school; very narrow in
the waist. Three skirts. Man carrying a basket with 2 of 4 parts of a
tree; dream interprets itself that it is fortunate. A girl sitting on a
chair; internal injuries, thin face, big dark eyes.

4/30/99 I bite the bristles out of my toothbrush; go to car to get money--
5 cents for a newspaper. A little boy is brushing his teeth too, while he
walks. I look at them. A man going to a movie; doesn't have a quarter.
Prices are too low.

5/2/99 School bus; in the back, I'm sitting next to a young girl; a guy
gets off and waves. I was sitting beside her, then in front leaning my arm
on the guy behind me's crossed leg--on his foot. I get up and go to cook in
the 1st, 4th, 5th grade hall of the gradeschool. Some other women cut
through, I seem to be a teacher. Then I'm crossing a busy street on
rollerskates. I have tempura mushrooms/aubergine in one bowl and hot and
sour soup in a second. I'm outside work; there's a break and a young boy
(student) comes out and says everyone's signing up for classes. I go inside
and sign up and a stage is blocking the door and people getting their
pictures taken. Young girl drives out of compound in small

school bus. At
work; Northrop guys bring me 2 white file cabinets; they dump me out of my
chair out of their way, and I fall on the floor. There are 2 drawers of
videos and 2 of candles. I look for Bladerunner, but it's empty; first one
is Romeo and Juliet. A whole section of Beatles. A bunch of phone
messages; Trina asking IRS rules for writing off entertainment for
businesses. Says they're Canadian in Iowa. Roger's CPA ad in the phone
book has a coffee company instead. Paragraph about each person; one other
Rowland was a doctor and was kicked out of the house when he found out he
was adopted. A brochure dropped off by a guy who kept calling from Sunbeam;
it's an oil drilling company in S Africa. Margeaux gives me a pile of
messages; says she has too much going on in her life outside work. Woman
peeing on floor. Lito is sick. I quit my jobs in Iowa City and get a job
at a Swanson factory. Boss Hgu Ngu; I sit there-- then put pies in an
Indian beehive oven. I read my dream in the dream, on the phone--drawing in
three dimensions--poetry, party and ..... Old man lying on a bench; he
says he's dehydrated when I ask how he is. A woman comes up and repeatedly
sticks a catheter up his penis and tells him to lie still and shut up and
let her do her work. When it's in far enough she pumps water up there with
a hose until it shoots out again. The next time I see him he doesn't look
dehydrated--is walking.

5/3/99 I see the Earth as a ball--map. Different countries on different
balls--turned at different angles. Can see towns, roads; some are bright
red, blue. Drive to Hermosa Beach, the hill going down to the beach is
steep. I look down and the blue of the ocean and sky merge and I can't see
the road. Then I look up and the moon is right there, can see the details.
I drive down towards the water; two waves are at 90 degree angle to the
beach at El Segundo-- like Moses, the ocean is parted. There are 2 waves at
180 degree angle to the beach and parallel to each other, they are huge.
The ones parallel to the beach are huge also. I'm crossing the border; I
have a passport, drivers license, insurance. Then I look at the car and
it's a toy one--blue like jeep, no top, big wheel. The girl in the booth
says gently that I have to come back when I have the car because it has to
cross too. The other Sheila is in a brick room; she's naked, flat chested.
I didn't know she had falsies. The door turns into a narrow window high off
the floor; hard to climb up, she says she hurt her shoulder blades pushing
people up. I thought she was going out the window horizontally like I did
in the last dream like this one years ago when it happened to me.

5/4/99 Voice, you didn't do very well this week. Old black couple with
pigeon poop on them.

5/5/99 Dangerous territory; art projects along the sidewalks. Walk
streets. Posters of college stars, basketball.

5/6/99 A boy says I don't have to serve him; I'm bending over doing
something by a phone table. He hugs me.

5/7/99 A voice asks if Pam is a flirt, she wears all black. I say probably
not.

5/8/99 Small can of beets in my purse. I'm naked in the bathroom in a
bathrobe. A girl comes into the other room with her boyfriend; he's very
tall, almost to ceiling. Bernie, $250,000 damage to computers. Even if you
died it would take 7 hours to.... President Clinton at work; I'm taking
care of his Uncle Roy. He gives me a message from Connie; she can't take
her shoes off, she doesn't know how long she'll have to work. Old couple, I
say the days are so short. Woman says one of our days goes on forever for
them. Her husband says she cooks his favorite foods and she says she cooks
whatever she wants. A flower arrangement in the bath tub of flowers that
were growing in the yard, the landlord's wife made them for going
away--funeral wreath. Has wood, purple flowers, greenery is Wandering Jew
branches and a detour sign or arrow is stuck in it. A woman is there and
her son is buying ice cream and bread crisps at the grocery store and we
have to pick him up; she comments that she knows how little we'll
serve--tiny crumbs of bread, so she's in no hurry to eat. Roy is a big fat
man--underwear showing on fat butt; pants falling down. Clinton says,
don't forget Roy. I can't remember if I'm serving turkey dinner or cold
cuts; or if that's the next day. On Crenshaw where the 3 men were shot; a
man in a car says he fell in love at work a few times then realized the men
lasted only a weekend--kept changing women. They must have hired a new
woman a week, I think.

5/9/99 Something about Bill Gates and two other men in email attachments.
I am somewhere working on something. Birds. It's the only way out; it's
not so bad; it's going away. Airport, a woman asks if I'm okay. Winner.
Wanted for questioning. That's not funny; computer replacing a list of
names with a shorter one; click on square on screen. Woman's cult; young
guys leave--man talks to them. Woman tells her daughter she could work as a
miner for $5-6 per hour. When I go out to leave, there's a barrier across
the road. A police car gets through; two men guard it; two other men have
guns. A thin old woman grabs one gun to use--puts it under her chin, but
she dies before she can shoot (no shot). Then one officer is on the ground,
the other man has a gun at his head. He thought he was shot. Police car
that got out wants back in to get something. Drives in a circle around the
guard. Doesn't want to be trapped again inside, drives under the fence.
Outside, mountains. Let me tell you a story. If you get the work you do.
I'm not even a friend; they threw 4 people out.

5/13/99 Voice says, more Cannas. A box of purses and shoes, purses on
top--my old ones. Singing, "born and born and born." A girl looking in the
refrigerator at popsicles. A few are very old. Light coming in a window.
A light on a line of printing on the wall. Woman talking to me about some
guy and woman. She says he calls her; something about a timecard. A man
going swimming; the guy upstairs says it's too cold. It's North--colder
area. I'm surprised you can swim. Julie, in the kitchen--pregnant. You're
next, I'm desperate.

5/14/99 Two women check the clothes in my closet; white blouses with lace
on the fronts. Checking sizes, if they are my size. Consortium tomorrow.
Policeman says to a crowd, "people could come through here right now and
steal your identities." Waiting in line for Star Wars. A woman says it's a
12 hour swim in one direction that looks like a street to me. Or around the
Cape--survival skills necessary. Man says, they wouldn't like me there;
looks like El Segundo. A poinsettia in myself as a twin most moving. A man
silhouetted at a window seat. Expensive clothing store; the clerk says
they've just stopped selling the fall colors yesterday; you have to come
by.... I hear peoples' conversations on the loudspeaker; passing the
computer room.

5/15/99 The colonel finds out the worst criminal male in each building and
dates him. It's part of her gaudy personality. I'm in a new office on the
other side of the building. Looking at the world through a gun sight--very
sharp detail. Doesn't fit under the bed right now.

5/16/99 Riding a bike with passenger down the hill from Palos Verdes. I
see the company I'm supposed to go to--Sam's Auto--to the right (Ashton or
Alma Street) and go onto the sand shoulder and skid and slide on my butt,
but it doesn't hurt. Walk down the drive (back up the hill to the right
street) and the door has a hole and two big hoses going in--one is
disconnected. My passenger stuffs it in--catches up to me. I find a door
and go down a hallway to a dead-end at a blocked door to shop, go to right.
There's a big empty looking room, big muscular black guy, wheeler dealer
looking, but he says I want my transmission to fall on him when I tell him
what I want. He says to walk around--there's no furniture; a table appears.
You don't have a theory; that's how you don't have a theory--McDonalds meal
with apple pie. A blond secretary that looks like Tiffany, pregnant, says
she often puts her printer on exclusive as she is the only employee. Two
kids ask me for a particular page in their book--looks like a coloring book
on the cover. Then I'm on stage reading a book to myself in Spanish or
translation. I am supposed to read the poem about the wedding aloud. There
are only 5 people in the audience--all women and children, so no beer. I
ask a man in the back what page it was on and he doesn't know. I think 98,
then 355-6. I flip the book both ways and it starts over at 11 before the
300's--at about 256. Riding on a flatbed truck; dogs and kids.
Application, all I have to do is fill in my name--356; office work. I look
through Sam Goody's in the opposite direction. A cactus with flat growths
is blooming all over. Articles--new strand cam, new concept. High pressure
Mobil oil line down Prairie.

5/17/99 A huge used car lot; reaches all the way to the trees around a
bend. Voice asks if the car isn't too complicated--the locks. Irritating
Jewish guy, eyes blank, wasn't listening about... walking up some stairs at
the mall. Reta wearing a pink fabric long jacket that turns gold at a
certain angle. A car full of dishes and stuff--Trader Joes. Rare herbs
like asparagus; a tiny feather with a diamond on it in a piece of tissue--35
cents. A voice says now you have the dishes, you need something to put on
them (food). Talking to Shirley behind a counter; two women with hair cut
the same length. Two colors of blond; white and ash. Arranging 4 kids for
an advertising picture. Red dot like at the eye exams--Mom looks too far
away. One baby, dark hair, I put him in the middle; he was on the edge. A
week without looking; sounds of birds wings. New newspaper...... Examiner
next to the other boxes. Free at some. Supposed to be 50 cents, is 25
cents. A woman standing on a street corner giving a speech for quarters to
complete her art project. She has short red hair, ear length.

5/17/99-2 Everything to do with packing--putting stuff in car. Pile--many
people moving. Have to keep stuff straight. Watch is too tight on my
wrist; I can't read it, blurry. Heir bottomless. Men show me babies in
shoe boxes; pull out like drawers. A violent scene of a man being thrown
into a new building, very jerky and fast. She more than made the attachment
to us all. Throwing up. A man in his underwear in a hotel. Woman comes in
and takes off her blouse; Howard Johnson's mirror and bed. Tall stork
(bird)--like on bonsai. Very narrow. Dirty clothes piled up in
hamper--fall out top. Over anybody. Log of golf programs; numbers,
degrees, like diary. Man working with shadow projections of cats. New
names for drinks. Rugs tangled around my feet in bed. Teddy bear, tie
around neck. He is/was going to be a big part of this. Pulled from sack.
Woman wearing bathrobe. David Doyle; some other garment too flimsy.
Spanking; won't that make you sad when I bite him. All but an awakening. I
focus on the battle ahead. Emily Dickinson--because I could not stop for
death, he kindly stopped for me.

5/18/99 A voice--2:22. Sex in bathroom. Don't call anywhere. I filled
you up, alright. Hospital--place where people go to die. Mandatory, sit
and think. Nothing to do besides just sleep. Heartbeat like a tuba.
Stomach growls like a jet. Where are you. My cuts are healing. I'm not
free. Those big holes. Run to school. Closer to beach; wiser. This is
all I have. Penis. Background. Got all mixed up last weekend. Empty
room, view. High up side of hill. Don't go. Cricket very faint. You'll
never ever be able to do that. Medical calls all the time. Keep trying.
Uncle is better. Something feel comfortable at. Have children. Rich
people--Albuquerque. A lot of people. Headache. Your 4-star agreement.
Share your pain. Share your wealth. Share your health. Share a drink.
Donut. This is the one I want. Picked on the network test. No cure for
belly-dancing. Rankings, some 2 digit. Looking up insurance. 50,55
passenger. An air bag in the backseat. They only have to go thru Friday.
Full, believe me. Computer class. Mouse doesn't come with it. Curved
keyboard (sexy one). I'll just park next to you. Garage talk. She gave
away the baby. Damaged goods. Thank you. This one person. All the time.
A slip. Apartment 2B. Send a card stating strong points. The Last of the
Mohicans. You're always with him. I ask you. Who'd think they'd sell out.
The street faire. Don't use the car. The kids will come and sleep in it.
You know for a fact. Redhead. He doesn't have it anyway. Balloon store.
Use that. It'll come back to you. Sand grit in teeth. We go through hell.
Categorizing. Gochen. She just stood there. She wasn't going to come.
Pre-school. If I don't see it, it won't work. I never told about the
house, or for that matter huge mansion, huge sale. What to my wondering
eyes should appear. Bird flying. I work hard, I take care of those guys.
What can I say, you were in my mouth. I got caught and I looked and it was
you--driveway. Mother is dead. Taking a TV star oftorn awards.
Competition. When they're not good enough to go rowing. I give it to her
numbers. Congress here--that's the way it's supposed to work. $5 for a
week. At a benefit to buy a bicycle I buy corn chips, potato chips and a
high school annual -- Oregonian '47 for $1. I give it to a gypsy. He
doesn't want a magazine like one--might want the annual, I got it first.
Money laying around everywhere. Then I'm riding a bike, man passenger, in a
whole group of bikes. Are we going to cross the street here, honey.
Pedestrians play catch with a young girl's wallet. Someone throws a girl a
quarter for the parking meter; one girl tries a fancy pass or kicks it like
a football. Metal sculpture of a branch I'm putting in a vase--touches a
little boy's shaved head. I look and there's a leaf on a wire that runs to
his shoulder/neck. I leave it in a vase for the workers--make it pretty. I
see a letter telling her to go--gone. Two teenaged boys in jeans,
sweatshirts, light hair, olive skin, thin faces. Present for birthday.
Engine is warm. Pile of papers of people who retired at work; Shirley's is
there. Spellings of pie, pye, pious. I don't know guess what I sent you.
Blank form--someone saying, yipee, wait six months to use it. Kiss me. Is
the language the same. Men in fire station--stuff is taller (sink).
Indulge the best of you. Special meals. There are only so many things you
can buy. I never used to sit that long. Red shorts too small still. I'll
catch you. Bye.

5/22/99 Imbroglia. Costumes on hangers--Chinese. Different kinds of
sleeves--are they too tight when they're long? I catch a bus, cruise ship,
sorting through my cells. You don't know a lot of people. That's where we
are. Pain in left knee cap, fire station. By doing this later they have a
lot of things to rename, a garden continued, candlelight dinner. Erase two
words, put bacon grease right on both of them. A.... perjury. You go to a
lawyer and find out... And that's going to take care of itself. Voice with
depth of coloration and feeling. Sheila, I work until 11-11:30 and I write
until 8-8:30. You live in flexible times. Attacking me and my
daughter--look--new shoes. Are they getting muddy, wet? Fingers deep in my
back, straightening, semi-permanent. A woman pregnant from there. Nudge, a
box with a jigsaw puzzle; deep blue color, night. Do you need it to serve.
You're not going to do the right side right away, you're going to sneak in
and do the wrong side as much as you can. I'm just now picking up the
parts, breaking up, like cell phone, jerky. First dance, last chance.
Bedside restlessness. You see some of that. A party, I suggest you go.
Back chronic pain, doesn't bend. And now, Sheila lectrics--electricity.
Stamps the water. Moaning, no. All continuation, clipboard. Eats like an
alarm inside the family. Fewer shootings--drinking only when roommate is
present. 8.7% (17.8%) He's gonna get home early. True cod best in
chowder. Stuff turkey with $700. I'm walking down long hallways out of a
school. My brother wants to be pushed on a round red coffee table. The
landlady bought me some sliced cheese discount through the mail; says to pay
Vickie. In a window, two birds, flamingo or scarlet birds. Then they turn
into two clowns. A stage. I go through a barrier and merge with one
picture. Then there's another one-- a man, young. A young woman asks about
front end lifters. Old oriental woman selling at yard sale. Large vase for
sale. I'm doing something and remember that I and three other women are
depressed. I was being analyzed, my strengths. It's in Italy, so you drive
on the other side; very sunny. My thoughts are analyzed--on the steps of an
old-folks home. I have gotten ready since the 50's. I'm an actress. 10%
of the water and arsenic poison. I have a pet. Different parts of me have
been split off. It starts raining and I can't begin my journey. I'm
wounded. I forget everything very fast. There are people around. Someone
needs an ear. I feel like I've been shattered like glass--serious injury.
Falling in love is your animal brain. It is a trance. Old folks home,
birdland. There's nothing as bitter as seeing happiness through someone
else's eyes.--Cervantes. Because I'm so empty, I feel the people around me.
Something is holding me up. There are tree branches and cute young faces in
the sun. I've been hypnotized and can walk because I remember someone told
me to do it. I put on my glasses to see something. I see people sad and
then happy and it confuses me. The public mask drops maybe. I don't
understand the sunny landscape. In anxiety and fragmentation. It's
probably someone else's happiness. A marriage of the minds. There's
something I don't know anything about except that it exists. The sound of
birds is all I have to listen to. Dog shit in the yard. A baby snake
uncoils. Big trucks to be disposed of. Gee open it; four hours. The
strongest thing isn't helping. I'm starving, naked, all white, no hair.
Instant soup, Manhattan mall, big teeth, why don't we do that. Fountain
with dolphins; girls are 20 to 200. Hey, lady. $100,000 share in a house.
I don't have to share--all alone in living room, widow. Skinny woman, black
belted dress, bare feet. Rabbit in mailbox, nest; pooped and peed all over
house. Now what do you want--high rise, modern building. A shrub needs
trimmed; at a motel; she hasn't talked to you for about 2 years. Museum
painting #1199; polygram. Armful of rabbits, I'm skinning them. Reverse.
Sprouts inside an avocado or hollow ball. She'll be gone 3 days--same as
last time. Young man, capricious man. Zipcodes become nouns. Plea
bargain. The mailbox is on the door. Would you want to do it again, yes.
Woman doctor, hispanic. Baby girl out in the garage, I pick her up and take
her in. Doctor looking up my vagina says I wore it out. Albuquerque at
night, blues and purples. He's happy, he's got 39 years. Watching over
someone; half time. I know what's important to you; inappropriate
nightgown. Soaked all year round. One arm doubled behind my back. Blue
panels. You learn to spit out the best part. Spacer hats--they're there in
my youngsters somewhere. Other side of the family has that talent. I
strain mice out of the milk, babies. If nothing ever happens. The signs
are there on the wall. There's nowhere to put any periods. Whirls me
around; I contribute nothing to life; a B and a C side. Can't receive from
one degree of correspondence--can't open attachements. Top secret shake-up.
I keep a pile of papers for Yolanda while she talks, she's got to leave.
The narrow tie. Yard sale, box of all butter knives. Toys. Large beads
that snap together. Pentagon--it is gone. Fires in 55 gallon drums.
Summons--what's the date? She's pregnant--Eureka. Tall oriental angular
woman, white suit. .... Mental ward; jacket is gold and purple. People in
waiting room are boys from high school--in the dream, Don Stix, Harry
Gutshall, Bryan Jennings. Bryan asks what I think of Al Gore for VP. Three
little girls: first one has ice cream bar, second chocolate milk (bottle),
third a huge jar of pickles she says she helped can. Price on her
forehead--pickles $3.50. Men from work with supervisor, Rick Coutu.
Leaving, a woman asks me about Ramon, if he's retiring. A man offers me his
seat and it's on a shelf--my head is up by the ceiling. I escape from the
ward--down stairs; hear Victor (my neighbor's son). Bicycles in the room
where I get caught. A plain gold shirt on one door-- hanging on hook. I
hide the purple and gold reversible jacket under a blanket draped over the
bikes. Victor, the doctor told him, "just be sure you cut your damn tongue
out," that's what the man tells me. A woman says dill pickles have sugar in
them, the hospital people are canning them-say it took twice as much water
on the bill the day before. They laugh because the girl thought she'd
peeled all the cucumbers for the jar of pickles and they were hers. Price
like paper crown. I couldn't get that for my children; from a whisper to a
tear (song); dust accumulates in soft corners. It started with me falling
down in the street and Bridget runs past me and we both have to go to the
waiting room of the mental hospital. Right before I decided to try to
escape, a man asked me to stay there with him but I decided not to. Then I
go to a cafeteria at work and Margo is losing weight too. Hook, man with no
arm. Guy with a coat; investors. Singing group, young guy with a guitar at
a table along the wall of the cafeteria. Very loud popular song, Eagles (?)
or Bad Company. Sleeve pinned up--says he broke arm. I ask how, he laughs.
Doctor said... covered (?) My purse hanging on gate on wire fence, along
with blanket on ground. All my aunts and uncles have TB. Another endless
day (sky). I have done with, I have done. Oriental businessman--square
hollow box, black. A kid wants a jigsaw puzzle in a sack. Because, what
does he get to do; beer balls, dolls. Shut up your purse and wait. It's no
time. Played by; stuck in the cracks. Book of art; peace, weaving , mostly
black with fringe. Quit/quip. Covered dream, wall. What is the formula
for any remaining QA.

5/26/99 At Dad's house I go to another building where a visitor is. A
woman in a padded bra and pantsuit--pink panties drying at an open window.
She wanted a man to stay, she's a visitor. Little boy running around; he
needs a sugar tit or test. I pick out a finger chocolate donut. Crates of
candy, some free, some costs. In the other building I have a bikini or am
naked; I get my black Macy's satin shirt. Car is in teacher's lot. I'm
driving a girl somewhere for school; there are a lot of empty spaces.

5/27/99 Wind day, Sheila. You can get your arm all the way around it.
Miss Universe--blond, penetrating hair. I'll continue this discussion with
you after you sign that paper. I'm going to be making a whole bunch of
copies of these. Restless, not restful. There's an ocean and a 100% office
back there. Neither you nor I can tell you how to handle it. Salvation
Army, absolutely not, first things first. Bathroom scale reads 10:24. Paul
Reno; she loves. Charts--I want an exit driver.

5/28/99 The changing of the red; you have to check on the scene of things.
A menu of different people and foods--a grid or chart. They tried to get me
to fix my hair long before that one. I'm completely under water in a
swimming pool; my hair tie is wet and I take it off. Dr. Jing's area; no
one complaining really bad. A list of topics; I'm on one of them. Moving
people (or something that distresses me) and I begin to cry. It is a list
of five, not ten names as I expected. Another person on the list is Ken
Collie. There are flashes of color again; in some scenes; people less
depressed.

the local hero
tames the choices
you make in finding
something that fits
beside the ones
that none make

I can't decide what to wear for Shirley's wedding; I have several--blue
dress, red, look like coats. I wear blue, think red is better. A white
satin sleeveless dress I'm wearing. I came over a week early and lose
weight meantime. Dad sits down by me and I explain. He doesn't like the
blue one. I warm up in the car, get out, bumper looks like it's on the
ground; door doesn't lock. Something happened while I must have been
asleep. My clothes are changed. I put a condom on the gear shift of the
car and have sex with it. It's a sleeping man, my ex-husband; Jimi Hendrix
is playing. I dump out the rubber in a plastic bag with a diaper that soaks
it up. Can barely pull the rubber out of me--stuck. I eat a fancy carrot
in Italian dressing that is supposed to be for the reception. Outbreak;
ends terribly. Someone takes off my silver belt I'm wearing in the
dream--it's real silver. There is a yard sale next door; I try shirts on a
little boy that needs school clothes--all green, pale green with hood and
green plaid. One is too tight, has a saying on the front about Unions and
S.... Then Pat or a younger woman with a little blond girl asks me to take
care of her too and she starts running down the driveway. I wonder how I'll
manage both kids. She starts out small--in one hand. I herd her with my
leg; my hands are busy with the other kid. The day is very gay but there's
always some things wrong with it. This is the chorus of a song. At first
no fluid in the condom, dried up, it's been used before. It curds up like
yogurt. In the car I can't find my make-up. Before that is a son--blond.
I ask who the group is--Smashing Pumpkins? The Who is not coming out
because they're not accustomed to it. Song--like German heroic tune, do the
people in the boat have the same power? Faith talking about new secretary
from some other state that has problems with something. Her shoes have red
flags. They're tennis shoes. Dead baby polar bear; it was vegetarian part
of the time. How he puts his arm around Cyndi's waist when they walk.
Every damn boyhood remark came from him. Walking out the door. Sunny,
bright; wall of sunny bricks built; bird in cage. Truck turns onto street
past Trader Joes and hit from behind. Mr. Ed....has commissions from
library. More convenient this way. People standing around--leather vests;
don't want to make a move. He broke her heart after 14 years and she still
keeps track of him. Joye and I go to a house they are cleaning up to sell.
Have to scrape paint; in the window the kitchen is clean and she laughs. I
say that's the room that gets messed up each day. It's a moving sale. A
lot of records along one wall. There's something I'm very good at--walking,
I'm strong, losing weight, taking care of children and pets. They love me.
I change a little boy or girl's clothes. Steep streets; someone else
drives; near water--an ocean or river. A bunch of stuff donated to Indians.
There's so much they give some to other people too. Everyone takes what
they need. A woman at work is moving and I help her with her grocery cart.
It's piled with groceries, clothes. Faith talking about $4,000 worth of ice
cream; $1000 per gallon or 400 gallons; she's going to serve it at her
daughter's wedding. Rabbits--they'll look at this, and eat that, then back
into the cage. I she going to buy any more and put them in with her cat?
Clean computer's memory; package up phone calls--recorded for memories. 5
windows adds 5 years to your face. Radio not you. Lunch, Monday, at picnic
tables; students eating, a lot of them. We go shopping and go around and
around.

5/31/99 Camping on a plain. I make rice, noodles, a beef dish and put it
in two bowls, sacks. One is mostly gone--just gravy. I eat some, give some
to Dad (scoop rice on top like ice cream), then see some blond girls. They
say they ate pancakes in another camp. I put some food for two of them on
plates. They sit at the picnic table, then take their plates to another
table. It will happen again if you sit here long enough; light changing at
intersection. The spring/silence between us; parents pay back on their
bill, not have to. St Christopher, life must go on in Italy. Pick up a
list--places to go. The patient would be crazy to do that. It's the broker
that finds the wives--can see and hear them. Take that. Arnold
Schwartzneger--I'm not married. The patient would be crazy to tell the
doctor that. Many times out of sight put your ass on the line. Diana kills
the mother; witch hazel bifurcates. I know where I'm going to move to--405.


6/1/99 I make boxes to sell with glass animals. Other Sheila goes on
vacation--I'm in charge.

Rummage sale, doctors and lawyers donate or toss
stuff but won't sell it. Refrigerator set too low to make ice in summer;
one guy wants a drink. Terrible hold on his fingers. New York guy will end
contract. Emails from my boss; three of them. Everyone else starts doing
this--latest thing. Ancient noises--rattling. Ancient ceremonies of birds;
hives of bees; voice, "can you take these somewhere and keep them?" No one
knows what you're thinking. Licensing an art design--Hermosa. I thought
this was going to be the last time. Raining.

6/2/99 Wind blowing through windows Pat looks out at. Storm. I come out
of work and am on a grassy hill-- very green. I don't know where I am, so I
follow some oriental women. They turn right and walk through a yard
sale--books on ground. I'm on the back of a truck--red one. Front end
keeps going off the ground. Some woman's voice says someone too fat is in
there--as fat as Sheila. I say she's a bigboned cow--Rhonda. I go to get
fish to eat--it's an oriental restaurant, but everything is closed. I get
out two doors, not locked. A man walking behind me--big white guy. One
family gives a demonstration of impressing the boss by cooking. They cook
whole chicken, fish on aluminum foil. That has never stopped me from making
the right decision. That's how this happened--a girl jumped to conclusions,
took off her clothes. Bonsai--I hope it doesn't kill it taking it from the
rock where it was for 1000 years. Sail looks low--washed to one side; I
have to take care of it. She must be in your family; I can't even find a
place for her. My job is watching empty apartments. You're a duck; too
cool, Julie. Two ways-Italian art and German (folic). Grew and
grew--unraveled ancient memories. Noise waiting for volcano or something to
happen. Taking old horse to new life--Sam; use it to ride to new situation.
A different part of Baker Street, in middle. Old oriental man asks me a
question. He wasted his whole book building this ride, red headed girl
(book). Government workers sedentary; two creative decisions--taking out
old, putting in new--shell, hermit crab. Remember when I was hired, 4 or 5
years ago at the end of a drought. A new 2-wheeler, why should I share? I
get home from swimming, drive up spiral into parking structure. Waiting for
elevator naked. Man finds shorts. I look for stairs, big crowd at
elevator. Little boy says he's first--he has diarrhea. 13 steps on each
landing, to top floor. Inside apartment, very airy, lots of windows. Man
says he waited for me. Little blond kid follows me from elevator. Punch
and Judy show; rubber boots--old house with wooden porch in Manhattan Beach.
Autobiotic. What were you protecting from; some flies in garbage dumpster.
Wool skirts, German. I think I should iron them; people shake heads, "no."
Kifle calls and wants a place to stay (Al's cubicle); I tell him to stay
there, there's an empty apartment where he can stay with his wife and kidsl
He has some simple mystical stuff--Queen of Sheba. I have to turn around
and go down a driveway to go around. It has a drop off--cliff on one side.
Only wide enough for one car. Then have to cross a stream. It's red, blue
water, bubbles--Looks like a sewer. I slide down the first hill, wade across a narrow stream and the plain is also a swamp. Along the
hill under a tree is more. The tree even looks like from a sewer, the branches. A blond girl is with me. She cries, then
starts screaming. I have to carry her back. She turns into a one-year old and I put her on a bed. I’m still taking her in
the car back up the hill. I look in TV Guide for shows. Someone throws a man’s stuff out of the car and a suitcase
rolls down the hill, all the way to another car backing up. Man sits along the road and asks a policemen about an
envelope he has. Milk in grandma’s refrigerator dried up. A train, boy, I’m not one for drawn shades, but shades are
drawn. Cold seats in car. Bright colored stationary in Vietnam. Doctor’s waiting room, June 2nd, rain on roof. You
need so many ounces a day and a year of sun screen. Knife—September 8th. Baby rabbits—hold them long enough
to be adorable little dolls. Herondo apartments, one year leases. Baskin Robbins. Battle dress; dates are getting
closer together. What’s the extra number in your temperature. Anemia; pigtails, two eggs. Poligrip. He drove off the
road into the swamp. I’m taking myself out—sick. Jesse sick two days.

6/3/99 Christmas. Song lyrics—taught me everything I know. 45 is the turning point.

6/4/99 Tarot cards on ground so you walk on them like hopscotch. Some of the cards are gone and the reading is
more narrow. Young couple, guy crew-cut blond, girl pregnant. Announcement about Waite deck—error. Can see
cards on your shiny shoes too. Tina made it to Major select. Warehouse has a bedroom with carpeting, no furniture.
Underneath, basement—the pipes and machinery. A shoe at the door you must leave to find your way
back—pinned to floor. Vivian says in the last three days all she’s had in three bottles of wine, a bottle of vodka and
three bottles of diuretic pills. People talking through a wire fence—very fine, their words are like a clay ball that
forms on the other side of the wire.

6/5/99 Mom’s house, a dead tree in a tall white pot in the garden leaning towards the hackberry wehre the swing
was. Other pots, like ancient ruins. I’m going out to the outhouse. There are dead trees in the way. Pass Mom’s
room and the window is open on the top like a counter. She’s looking in a chamber pot saying something about
raisins. Mercury (green) at Prairie and Artesia runs red light. Start with a double A, then triple AAA or vice versa.
Talking about starting the day—boss. What to do with someone—more work. A woman asks me what I think of
some movie star and I say I couldn’t see him—no glasses. In the refrigerator are olives. Tug of war—all cats on one
side—they’re stronger. Drinkers in cave I must protect from startling or spilling it. Break fingers—fourth in row of
people. Monday and Tuesday 10-15 minutes, then Friday. Change a bush from Jackie Johnson to something else,
bush has grown. Shrimp place—two kinds are couldn’t fit—eat that for breakfast and cook it right—fish patties.
Taking care of two girls; older one won’t answer. I pin her down on the ground. She wants her dad to pick her up,
not ride “commute” with her mom. Rollerskating down stairs. Mother doesn’t answer, so then she won’t answer,
acts deaf. Monday, man hitchhikes somewhere up North—Minnesota. I tell him I’ll pick him up Friday night after
work if he decides he doesn’t want to stay. It’s cold and snowy. He says he can hitch back too. Two women at work
say, we’re taking your purse, okay? They are driving my car too. Younger girl comes up to me—I have two
chocolate chips and I give her one. She has short curly dark hair. She runs around. The older girl eats slowly from a
pan of food. The young one comes back and picks up handfuls of dates and throws them, so I move her and tell her
she’s done eating. She must be full. Patriotic points. Table built into wall in living room, by door. Has rocks for base,
plants sitting in it, like greenhouse. Tarot reading; the cards are determined for the next seven years—you just have
to lay them out. I can see them in the dream—lots of them, I’m confused where they are. Card of bridges. I’m in one
card and climb over a fence. More fences; looks like Ireland. The more you study, the more you spiral and
turn/twist. Or the more you twist, the more you spiral. Plaid wallpaper—the way it’s going, they’ll all be in
there—one half the room—everyone on one side of the room. It’s like hamburger, there’s only so many ways you
can serve it. It was hard to please. I want to talk to the person that teaches PhD math. I was born in the streets
where I was desired by children in the neighborhood. I hide to do something at the side of the dream landscape.
Tunnel to a side garden; smooth skin with peroxide. Sandy Cano at work. She makes an elaborate craft gift full of
cookbooks. She gets one—little frame for picture that is almost identical to one side she made, but more basic. I
have a list she wants to see. In jail trying to find a way to make it shorter. Dreamworks has about two minutes in it.
At a bus-stop, store, sells music. I go to find a bathroom, fire alarm goes off. Black girl says to cut a piece of cake.
Blood, I’m afraid of AIDS, a man says, “you’re dead.” I didn’t go out—fire alarm. Bus has left. I run after one. A girl
helps me. Another bus pulls up to the curb. I’m separated from my “vacation”. This one is very organized. People
are jammed in there with stuff for their professions. Whole row of four identical men. A man who can fix something
for one of my art pieces. He may be Bob Dylan. He has a daughter who wants to sit on his lap, but he’s on the
couch with his wife. I tell her it’s Christmas and ask which gift she wants. There’s a row of kittens. I show her 2-3
and a man says one is cute. Its legs seem uncoordinated to me. The people in the dream are eating ice cream and
cake—dip cones, chocolate cake. I tell them I can’t eat that, I’m diabetic. Then I say I could eat it, but don’t.

6/8/99 Trying flavors of ice walking along the sky along the beach. Trying different clothes, things in different
places along route. Coming by just to talk. Dress with diamond buttons—brown pleated front, diamonds in balls.
Lifting weights—one arm, too heavy. I think, good, wouldn’t want last woman on earth to be strong. Yah ma nita.
Change in the middle looks like failure. RHV years and whew years. Big crystals in a ball of amathyst. I’ll give this
back when I’m successful. Violent temper, green T-shirt, that’s why they like him. I slept close to you. I don’t want
to be a prisoner of my own device—Max Factor building. Man in suit in kitchen of house being built—new.
Disappears, fades, or blinks out. Didn’t get a chance; one page of tapping her feet. Drivers Ed in English. Car isn’t
locked, reasonable time—I’m going opposite way of crowd down corridor—people all passing me.

6/9/99 Veterinarian—gun pointed right at my head—to shoot injured animals. Oct 5th, going back to work; I keep
track of classes, cars, etc. When the rabbits die, don’t replace them. A man returns from a space travel—his foot hits
the step on “one” at the end of the 5,4,3,2,1—and he says, this is what keeps me coming back. A woman gets angry
and her forehead turns white. So she gets a part in one of the Star Treks; they use that in her character. I try on
dresses—slips. One you can see thru, my flowered bra. I put a solid white slip over it and a voice says, that looks
very good. I had a dress with a gathered bustle—like my lavender bikini. But a man doesn’t remember it. Grabbing
money from slots. I believe I make TV fulfill an experience of total commitment to the principles of . I had that when
our baby was born. No I mean it. Reunion. R Rally resistor. Run reports. I go back into a dangerous building that
could blow up to do something down a hallway. Some men are working on it. Run report. Wake up, Bob. (joke title in
my email) kicking something—a rotten squash. Sophia Loren picture. Two weathermen talking. Sunny, don’t you
love this place. Cartoon—woman, hands on hips, looking at mess—says only 65% of men grow up from mess they
made as kids. I’m not going to make no money. I’m sitting on all these contrasts or contracts. If they knew I was
showing everything that goes wrong—pull the switch. Another letter. Everywhere you start out with peanuts;
chicken dinner with mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables. She’s in the car I’m driving—political opening. I don’t
see how you can be better than me. None had the fear that additional services are necessary. Olive branch; the
people that keep in touch. Lasted 30 minutes, oh, no my hair. I’ve got to lose 19 pounds to wear the wafer. No mas.
6/12/99 I’m at a job, there are no Christmas decorations or lights, so a voice tells me to put up old Christmas cards. I
put some in the kitchen, then living room. A couple of women have fancy boxes they get out of their stuff. Then I’m
stripping dead bodies. I put the bedding in one pile, pants, shirts, etc. Only their drivers licenses, money are
returned to their relatives. I have a row of these. One man is an exception—he’s not an employee—so I put
everything from his pockets—fake fingers, souvenirs from ports he was at. Bernie talks about how he ended up her
by accident—a plane crash or ship wreck. The mattresses are on the floor, many of them. I’m on a boat or island just
floating on the water. You are supposed to check the depth, fish swim at 30 feet. Some at 15 feet. I look and there are
fish swimming but I can touch the bottom—it’s 4-5 inches deep. I have to take off the cover to check the depth. A
new girl asks if she can ask something about her boyfriend. Skeleton of a girl; the floor is a bunch of blue spars
crisscrossed. Someone dropped off a box of dirty diapers. I’ve thrown away all my underpants. Togo, toga—twice
wasn’t it? Tug on your pants. It’s seven, we have to go. Drive over for her services. Prune ass. Define that jsip.
Whore. Pimp. Market Basket Boys. Harakiri. Lasar. Spill the stuff into the ground, pool so we can start working on it.
Cypress knees (Everglades?) Three abortions first. Come across something good. Ten blocks, ten blouses.
Sometimes. Hard, hot. Summer. Broken up, hope, aroma of coffee. Walk in ocean. Ice age, no one read that out loud.
Eating now. You told me three times, be loved, bikini top, disagree, kick box, museum, matched set, typing, it keeps
me awake, fox, underlies the human situation. The gay Charlie’s Angel. Overtime, shared drive keeps moving,
chatroom. Take back the gifts. New home. Lincoln Continental. 7 supercomputers, solvane, apple valley, diamond, 7
chakras, voice, “one is downtown Los Angeles, Olvera St gazebo. Guy lowered in well, rope too short, yells to pull
him up (diamond?) Moth test—takes 2,3,4 hours, very discouraging, break it up.

6/13/99 I’m supposed to do something in a neighbor’s house. Her husband and several kids are asleep. Wrapped
before that, I was asleep in bed, now with an orange blanket. Mom rents a moving van and loads everything (big
gourd to load) while I’m looking around at the boxes. There’s some laundry by the back door and some stuff in the
front and the middle is like a living room with big picture window someone says a stove could fly through. Then it’s
an open truck bed and the guy next to me on a couch looks at a baby blanket covering us up and says there are
rough roads ahead. Food spilled by baby, 10 minutes. Back roads through forested area—all you can see of Iowa
City are the old Capital dome and a church spire and a couple of other tall buildings, it’s a hill. When we get there,
it’s a giant old house with a lot of bedrooms. I pick the next available one walking thru. Ask another woman how she
picked hers and she says it had a lightbulb. All the rooms are already furnished—they left the furniture. My room is
long and very narrow. The end with the bed has big windows overlooking the roofs of a town. The other end has a
round dining table. Vivian Basque is sitting there and tells me she got in her car and looked down and there was
blood or Chianti or ink all over her yellow suit and no one told her/or she had to do a TV interview to accept an
award. I ask her what she wrote—I thought it was a comedy but she said it was a soap opera (?) She was a
consultant on character detail development—like a little boy with freckles dressed as a cowboy. I look for light
bulbs and start doing inventory. There are 1000’s of Christmas light bulbs (clear) and some for jogging, security,
lots of envelopes (in overhead bins that extend above the staircase and get very high up.) A man comes up and
asks the rules of the house—seems to be a boarding house Mom has started. People everywhere. In one room she’s
having a meeting of the residents. I go to the next floor to look for a room for Vivian because I think she was crying
when I took mine. Up there is a Jacuzzi with a redhead and some men and one asks if she wants to sit up now. Looks
like birthing pool. Fancy rooms with spiral staircase down deep with books, smoking—these have been there a long
time. They say, “this one is already taken.” I say, “why don’t you put up a sign, then.” A train in a box canyon,
must leave, somewhere to go. River in a canyon too, must cross. Laughing, the fetus if still alive. Mom is telling me
she went out to use the outhouse and Shirley locked the door and all the guests had left. Laughing hurts the baby.
Remember in naked truth. Die laughing. Stripped down in laughter. Persons become thin, don’t eat.

6/14/99 Mall, the tragedy, she started walking towards it. Woman up on a railing shows me a rock that looks like a
fish, but it has legs like a Vietnamese pig. She washed stuff from a pile I was to do. Pig may belong to Vivian, my
boss in the dream. I get up there and it’s as big as a chest, made of rock. The top comes off, I say it could be the
coffee table. A man takes the top off, throws violently some wooden trays (looks Japanese on floor like that) and
hands wood to me and says, put it back. It looks like a sarcophagus, like wastebasket—I fall over it. List of
statements on a piece of paper; sounds like Yolanda’s writing. Need farm for space for something, a construction (?)
Raining outside already, I didn’t want kids normal. Cyrus, gone, young guy always patting my back. Five identical
women go out an automatic door following a man; they move like time lapse. Dark hair, blue and white stripe
T-shirts over jeans. They are in a line. The doors opens when you push a button. Have to learn something in
squares. He’d already put in his six months, 18 months. A frightened girl, can’t pay bills. Dad and other relatives call
me over to where they’re doing something. I help make lunches and put stuff in sacks. Then they pick them up.
Some oriental women are figuring out the math formulas for things and go along a railroad track to a good
university. The formula for something is at a well/pump where I think there are red pepper bits on the ground. She
decides to take a baby. There are several American Indian babies lured closer by something. People grab two, then
give them things to do (fun). I have a girl I’m holding, looks oriental and already together we weigh 173. After
packing the lunches I had to go to a store that has rows of corn for aisles and look for Bon Homme. The place where
it’s supposed to be is a clearing where the oriental girls are. Indention of 5 is supposed to show intelligence in the
children so you get a good one. At a resort, mud. I want to swim. Ellen Degeneres starts giving advice about
moving to San Diego. Kidnapping. A car cuts through the parking lot, I have a new white car. We go in an open
truck to the resort area—parking. Pass people in an inflated boat, running it on the smooth ground. A woman tells
the young girls to throw away their bird book before next year’s season of birdwatching. My two sisters go ahead
and get a coating of mud on their legs. Lots of men swimming. The water goes right through the building. A lot of
hippies have come to see a religious happening (live there) and their pets have given birth. There’s a sign on the
door about tending your pets and there are several female cats; I dump in a bunch of babies for them to eat. Some
have two heads, eyes on the tops of their heads. The adults act like they’re going to attack and scratch my legs.
Balloon ball, I doubt you could even classify that, you ran away, markers on the four corners, they took the last one,
because I leave early, not enough, someone else took it, fell off the boat. Driving, wreck at a church, spin out on
grass. Two men fall on stairs, bloody mouth, free video. I walk towards Santa Monica and then towards downtown.
Yard sale, antique sale. Kids walking, chemicals in sand on one side, sand or snow on the other. Two girls walking,
say I’m fat. I have to change clothes on the street; short woman pregnant, says she wants a lip plug, blouse
buttoned right up neck. Mirror on ground, I see my face—curly hair. Hermosa Beach staircase at Marie Callendars
and Penguins; closing up yard sales 1-4; number 5 is a black guy selling a bunch of tools. Place to see/be. A woman
shakes hands with me and says, “Sheila, I’m leaving, before I go down there.” She’s wearing white, can’t see face.
Dirty tails on dress, by side slits. Some sentence erased on white background; people running carrying suitcases.
Box with a 3 on it. I throw away a roll of pennies in blue and white check wrapper. Concrete edge of reflecting pool.
Big statues (like Buddha, Tarot Emperor, Pope or FDR) stored in various places on a tree of life or pattern. Voice,
“I’m the father long term.” The Jews think it will all collapse, but when.” Little girl crying, might be Buddhist. Not
until 40’s did he abandon his FDR image. The library can accept the, if he comes in. Sound of glass door closing,
fright, help. The investigation, could be costly, we need a loan, neutral, skeptical, court of Los Angeles, serves,
peacocks, the basis is many years old-wood, that’s for Saturday night, invented out of whole cloth, sooner or later,
calm voice, Joe. Certain time to put stuff on, go lions share, all the A’s will be left when the B’s are gone,
elephants—guns in case they go berserk, lifetime of starvation, Scott Sands saying something, 153 headache and
cold listed for years, this happened to me, a morning girlfriend, I had to have two kids, island like what, Japanese
women, I need…., lets see how long we can do it, four years ago, Buchenwald crematorium, still sort of there,
half-awake, $5,000 bail, popping sound, cellophane, how available to you, his favorite songs went right into mall,
liberals, get involved with it, April, completely alter/alternate today, richter sets in around mouth, anxiety, how long
to bring up steak house, pilot, file it, I’ll flip.

6/18/99 Maybe the best part is to be pleased. I waive my right to an advisor. A harder book, it’s time to get dressed,
isn’t it? How long have you been married, Bobbi. Black guy, San Diego, builds communities underwater. Software
sorting data, at work, I get real down. A magnet on refrigerator with a little device, radio on KNX, has batteries,
comes on automatically when you turn a switch. Help them find car, bumper, car seat. Thin blond women sits next to
me on lawn chairs and gets white powder all over her clothes. A series of executives supervises the unloading of
their employees from a vehicle—plane? They come in from the other side, put down their briefcases and then their
4-5 employees go through; then next one—very efficient. The blond goes up there after Bernie and got white
powder on her butt/skirt from the chair. I try to brush it off with a damp towel, like soap powder. Then she’s wearing
pants, expensive herringbone and there’s rust all over them. Must be from belt, got wet, I think. He’s going there
Jan 18th, plants grew too much, cut back what you did, though (my voice) looked on internet, miracle grow, too
much. To hurt her, F-18 by bathroom, black guy, assembly line, planes cracking and deteriorating. They won’t
choose anyone—Linda’s job in Palmdale. Los Angeles. Perfume, help her, next time he calls he’s going to go off, I
know. Devil’s postpile. Supposed to be outside replacement. Red light comes on if someone says something
important, speakers in auditorium, it’s in his desk. Toilet gurgling, it wouldn’t be bad if I was really hungry,
something in quotes—“prognostication.” I’ll bet she wants more money, thanks—laugh, body still sitting there in
chair (guy died)—work humor. I took off dress, don’t need to go up those stairs anymore, learn something new
every day. Outside joke—Queen of ….. I pass Dick Schowengerdt in the hall, their place almost dropped in the
earthquake. Completely blank mind, stepped in some girl’s mail, then some guy’s mind, and not enjoy this, four of
swords. Insanity, I know what room you’re talking about (small) Gail’s.

6/19/99 Demolished house—dream house—had ants, bulldozed. Between two others, this was last year in Las
Vegas. 2 by 2. 9—take a hike. After school care, sometimes kids are left, 30 minutes late, microns, dead tiger lolling
out of truck, the mall opens at 10, Sheila used to use both of them, hair cut to 6.5 by robot/computer, bra longa,
turned into reptiles, took care, pick it apart, nothing is being done to help me, everyone wants to be the same, can’t
eat, can’t sleep, can’t get out of bed, can’t stop pacing, someone else would come and get around me but at least
now I can see them, learn the ropes, what do you say when you’re insulted, when you lie, when you take off your
glasses. Headlines in your personal computer, old people sleep less, think in pictures, take advantage of naturally
occurring bumps, eat your words, remember your childhood sweetheart, used to have to do it every day, you go for
a walk now. Check list, leave us, don’t hang up, wet winter, they’re crazy, they fuck with you and then they leave
you alone, threats, no business done, a blank page, is there a promotion in this, more money, renting rental
property, can’t give it away, real estate B13, B29. I was already there, I pulled you up, I didn’t tell anyone,
everything will still be active, a crash of pigeons, who, who is right, it wasn’t like this until Oct—very cold, snow,
rain in the chimney, one of us must know. We missed you, when I’m going to hurt someone with fire, can’t stop
talking, can’t remember if you don’t write it down, my early years, an urgent short term memory. Room, meeting of
men on couch, down some stairs, male love song on radio, men behind me say women meet in another room, Joy on
door. They are the 74 that keep the company profitable. Ask if I’m joining. No one looks old enough to retire. Boss
walks up-Jerry from VA hospital (German or Irish). Freezer thawing , ice buildup, small package of refried beans with
avocado, a dress, a man coming to kill me, police are busy, once you start writing that’s it, our apartment has a door
I never noticed behind the chairs that’s a vault door of a bank, someone looks out and then closes it. Northrop
clean bill of health a few months before, being checked again already. Passion, Japanese contest of art, I don’t know
if anything in it is alive, or all statues. Tori had told her it was over with. A man goes by on a motorcycle and says
he gave me those boots I’m wearing; I think they’re cowboy boots, but they’re hush puppies (with shoe strings)
–he’s some singer.

6/20/99 FBI—tests. Tie lie to fax (Northrop) I’m not supposed to use. Someone coming for lunch—doesn’t show
up—peas are “4”, carrots are “2”. In a motel room, salesman comes in, then a couple—they were going to Germany
checking on something, but went to Missouri. Eyes looked tired. Salesman falls in love with my sister Sandy sight
unseen—from phone conversations. Says her husband’s name is Jimmy. Coffee table and another machine are
wrapped in white paper for germ control—maids have a tough time cleaning (is a motel). I’m cooking, a voice says
to add a sprig of holly to a TV dinner or some covered dish. I’m working topless at work, I suddenly notice and put
on a gold T-shirt from yard sale. I don’t really look naked—gauzy when I look down. Ms Ross interviews
me—security. She’s wearing a slip, no blouse. Men comment on it—Henry Rozdal. Also cheek bones, not looking
young anymore. Comment about women being jealous of cheek bones; that’s when she takes off her blouse; then
she says, “you can go.” She said one conservative organization woman said I belonged to several subversive
organizations; she says conservatives are subversive. Sandy Cortez tells me I’ve done a pile of work with Pat
Magro (at table) and inspectors think Northrop is really busy because I don’t have a desk. I did 20 items. A lot of
traffic on Inglewood Ave, hard to get on. Glad to retire from the Federal Government and the Federal Prison. Most
beautiful thongs today. Doctor exam table, covered with paper, I told you 200 times, nothing wrong. I went to work,
slept; Ms Ross again—talking. I wake up, it’s 7:40, man talking about the 70s—we were fat, went into the kitchen,
ate something rich with a lot of calories and had a lot of sex. Now we’re thin, we go in the kitchen and eat something
low in calories. I look up at Viagra and say, “take pills to have sex.” Take lots of pills, man puts white powder on his
feet and lower legs.

6/21/99 Christian Science, Dumas, glasses, when she got better. I finally busted out crying. Hopped into a wall of
rabbits. T T-bone. Five words—“do die ko mo.” Driving through fog, voice says, “is this a bright sunny day?”

6/22/99 Horse on balcony, half the story (sky), advantage of acting, plebicites. A man is saying that each branch of
a tree/plant is territory (for bird, small one). I go back and forth to a bookstore—recipe for chowder—red or white. In
a records center, some men are going thru files throwing out old records. They say they’ll need a lot less people as
soon as they’re done. The records to be thrown away go up a conveyor belt. I finish a job much more quickly than
they were doing it.

Man complaining that his parents are rich but they never buy him any boots and other things. A beautiful new red
dress they’re getting for me—ruffle on the top. Guns changed. A strawberry farm, not me personally, level of
vicious dog—back of fist. A man chooses, disapproval, that’s certainly not the case here. Like fat guy in chair—not
comfortable. New style of lines, indent first line. I have too (woman’s voice), if you’re there, you stay overnight, if
you’re not, knockin. What bucket; genes for type of personality. Tell me what, to take anything back, leaving her
behind/kind, you have a nice weekend. Can you imagine being washed up at 25. A blue workshirt covered in blood,
also a blouse. Washer going, sink, getting ready for something, a lot of tasks. 1548061. Some men from work
following me, I go through a boutique on sidewalk; one says, look, yardsale. Then cut through a bridge—wind,
causes vertigo. Thurston not wearing shirt; Federal Building in distance—you can see a clock on it. Thurston
crosses the bridge. Also Sandy Cortez.

6/23/99 Can Freud. Can sick. I don’t care about glasses. Software for letters, can indent on one side or both. Paper
stays stacked. Woman says the desk is on an incline. Follow the old ball to the old ballpark. Incentive career,
another sign of mental problems. 409 battle—has chocolate flavor Gas-X, everythings okay for another day, five
sets of some clothes—useless. They’ll let me out, Mr. Brown.

6/24/99 In a building looking out over …. I pick things and try them to see what the results are. In one I’m a fat
motherly type fussily… Two rows of buttons up the chest of one blouse, my dad in there in one, he’s calm. Noisy
office, mine, man, Jesse—new rooms. Man’s books look like triangles but door is open. Behind that, love seat,
hydraulic panel for TV, stereo, lock windows. I buy loose CDs –put in case. Driving, hit deep sand the city workers
just dumped out. Car skids around. Person (woman does charges) says there’s probably a lot of damage. Prices just
changed—must be 1st or like new TV Guide—Saturday. Man looks in wallet and still has lots of money. Desolated
because of that, calendar on a day near bottom it says, “cook chicken for supper.” I’ll rise to it. Going after my
head—my head.

6/25/99 Group of people deciding where to eat—Chinese food, $1 a plate. Clothes for laundry—red blouse. Waiting
outside a shoestore, door propped open by shoes, wind blowing through. Kifle Bekele and Rick Coutu sitting
outside on the ground. Shop next door has less wind, they say the Government owns Limos. Snow on ground,
Yolanda shows up, says she needs a calendar, can’t support or confirm me, yard sale. I called Wilson, last time me
had… hangover, lying on floor, no shirt (Mike sick), then he has a bald head. Someone passes out sugar free candy
and raspberry yogurt; I get a half empty jar of baby food, look around for baby, ask if I should finish that. My brain
brain fragmented and fell apart; that’s the first time you mentioned. At work, a list of thing, I pick one and a voice
says, “that could mean something else.” Almost everything has two meanings. My sister beats a man up when she
runs into him on her rollerskates, then complains because men don’t come up to her; she ran into him
accidentally—knocked him into next…. She’s only 35 and she’s a nurse. I was memorizing a list of names or codes.
There was a logic that I thought would make it easy until I could get somewhere and write it down. In the colonel’s
office, vacancies at different offices—one was a 14 at Karson/Carson. Someone has majority 51%, I find out, can
determine policy. Building shakes every now and then at work, from machines, could be chemical danger. Then we
came out there and started doing the same thing other places—analyzing people’s situations.
Deviation—daughter’s ovarian problem; dependence on Tarot cards is measured, other things. Even he has tasks
to do, assigned like take out garbage. Some oriental woman’s way of turning all women into visions of loveliness;
sooner or later I can do everything. Abraxing or frebraxing—example right now if I wanted to put Marvin Bell under.
The boy that used to be able to do so much—now I sing with him. This is new to me, rise again, distress signal.
Person sounds like pigeon crowing. Do you feel like going to get a cup of coffee, all over when star-crossed , lovers
shriek in happy way. Surface, car sitting crooked like crazy night. Children get too personalized a sense. Deaf girl in
Air Force uniform. She smells like grass, has rabbit grass on her back. She’s never fight the fight, never got the pal,
hightower, I’ll help you get a cigar. There’s another ultimatum from Don Tokeshi. Even you can’t tell what hurt you
before and now, different picture—math teacher. I go to a place—big house, auto parts. Inside I buy several items,
ask price, guy says they’re on them—can of mushrooms flattens out, spark plugs. Old coins: copper buffalo nickel,
some of the coins are made of shells, some jade spoons, some just jade colored. I tell man he could be replaced by a
sensor that tells if people pay by themselves. He’s nice. Elaine is there—car broke down, radiator leaking. Then I’m
afraid they won’t let me leave, man likes me. I collect my stuff as I walk to the door; purse was behind me. Man
behind me says you have to trust; woman says you have to keep an eye on your purse. I get out, snowy field—car
way on the other side. When I get there a bull is hugging it—black one that looks like a black bear. I tell some men
to get it off; they say, “no!” Lou Gizzarelli walks by, I open door and get in. Now bear’s butt is in windshield and I
can’t see; put it to side. I yell for Elaine but my sisters run up; I thought they’d want to stay there—I unlock the
doors and they get in. Dad’s house, Shirley is in a corner typing, a mouse runs by. I talk about the housing for
students (confuse Hawthorne with Iowa City)—large house with one room each, wood is rotting from water, can
crumble it off. I gradually become my other self—King/Queen of spades and Knight (least important).

6/27/99 The cards talk, old lady saying she’d do anything she can for someone. Young woman saying the rich do
anything they can. The other Sheila peeks out. “I can die. I didn’t love you.” Cloth on knee, and I did…. Pregnant
woman’s husband—baby’s head is struck; says it’s time to fight/go. Twice a week—no, twice a day. West road,
Westphal. Collection, hold it and a man goes around to see what you gave. Without you I’m a jack of all trades,
master of none; a panel of people, only one woman answers. Two queens—goal of left one to remarry, right one to
divorce. Little girl too dangerous to attend with her for good. Lobby full of pregnant women, even they were all
gone. Only 2% of men return to withdraw from sperm bank. Teenaged girls, if you just look at them they cross it off.
Never a single compliment, repair, not attack; Boosler doesn’t have time, sit and look escalator at airport, eating fish.
Now I know why we keep lights, dark depression, sister is dead, the cards take turns talking to you. Nurses talking,
“we’ll probably have to write her up as dead.” “They bite”, at Galleria. Unmarked envelope, 2G on back. Picture of
female anatomy inside, can’t drive. Jan 1 to Jan 70, 1997. Ridiculous—could make mad (sound of thighs rubbing).
Window on ocean—don’t have to work until you want to. Water skiers get filthy on the 7th due plate. Keep starting
over; pigs killed a tree and ate it. Man climbing tree—platform, then go up even higher, sacrificed. Best,
bed—waterbed according to man. $100,000 for baby, charge only for reflexes.

6/28/99 FRAP—what is it? College overbooked. Kids in carseats. I’m working, it’s June 27 or 28 in dream; the date is
in a bucket; I’ve almost finished something or am good at it from practice. Someone guides me around. There are
two elephants in a cage; one says it was supposed to teach the other one, which was angry. I think the teacher may
have learned anger from the student. It’s far away so I run for the fence, horse. It’s a hairy elephant. It’s smart, will
be able to get inside house when someone opens the door—will run through. I can’t take my job anymore and quit,
then have to go back because I have 2 more years. The regulations to fill are famous women of the Air Force. I have
very fancy high heel thongs and other pretty shoes. My skirt has a slit. Outdoors it looks like Van Meter High
School; a koala is out there—women are playing with it. I walk over where I can see around the building to
playground. Something about a receipt Bernie asks if I have. I’m looking at some things to buy but they’re all sold.
They need you/he didn’t hear/he had indeed heard you/ the library. Date decorates and shows off the clothes; Dixie
and Nancy Gibson. A bare tree, a woman like a lion—front two paws like shell game covering something; letter from
insurance company—Tarzanville. Daniel Freeman Hospital—marble floor, dancing—filthy, fraud and focus. Up on
roof; milk in a water ball. Sharp sticks, can’t chase people with clubs; why not?

6/30/99 My sister asks why I didn’t pay for a book she sent; I take her to the library—it’s a phone book she ordered.
The library has pictures of me someone donated and have already stored them. Surrendra Sahgal has loss of feeling
in his hands. Tony Clark introduces me to his son (the one shot at McDonalds?) He gave his mother $65, sitting in
the kitchen, loose plaid sundress is too big. Could you send it back to me. I’ll send it back.

7/1/99 Guy behind me in line at a store says, you must work in an office with a lot of white people. I say how did you
know? He says, white line around your mouth—it spells out God…. I think he’s a nut. I buy a handful of potato
chips, run away and end up in a retirement town which is in a dead-end canyon. Wearing my nightgown walking
down the street; then in my room at Dad’s and it’s raining. Red, white and blue at a retirement place—tunnel like
Pasadena, pedestrians. Kids with turkey leaving town pushing carts of food.

7/2/99 “Good.” All RV (recreational vehicle) learn by projecting their assumed identity on PI or onto other entities. It
does no good to contemplate suicide. Only 6 of 10. Little brown rabbit, some gray ones in a hallway; I’m
packing—books and clothes, very tired. People keep pushing past me.

7/3/99 Soccer game, players take off in all directions. Booming voice, “no, it’s not.” Woman’s face changes, man
says, “I’ll never mention this again.” Logrithmic—long rhythmic. Jerry Quarry, the boxer. Cancoer. Dear John we
have gone. Straight across from where Al sits. You can plant it anytime you want. Lose it—stomach big wreck. A
woman shows me her chin lift says she looks younger. Pat with pink make-up.

7/4/99 Dolly, I know when I’m correct and there’s no way around it. Yrbmmm Wales thy callled work. Maybe exist when you come back, won't. Man in bathroom--pants, sorting out stuff from garbage--awards. What would make you happy--celery--keep smiling at our dead one. It's who's deciding the inside stuff. In a place with no air--I think about going to sleep when I'll die, when the air runs out (so I won't have to struggle to breathe). I leave a flute for Frank Grisham, paint green stripes between the holes he might not like, but I'll be dead. Before that other people had died of something else. I'm sealed in--the car, can't get the doors open. A man standing outside the drivers window has a metal bar/ the club but you have to make an appointment even to talk to him. Then I try to grab it and break the window; before than in Africa. I was thinking before I fell asleep about drifting out of my body down through the floor and woke up in the dream down under the building locked in the car. For every fish sandwich you have some ice cream. Who's going to run the big plantation. Queen of Pentacles--children look at my lessons. Queen of Cups--a toothy barrior could be gone. Queen of Wands--teacher. Queen of Swords--bad girl. 10 of Swords--paragraphs, I'm not Shirley; how about a trip to England. 4 of Swords--funeral. WOW--beach mommies. Muddy river from air view--dam broke. A cat with four mechanical mice. Neck with holes for several stoma/stomata. Virginia Wolf, keep her out, she always forgets. Earth from air view--turning below, clouds, land masses in ocean.

7/5/99 Fish grinding into table like cigarette, it looks like we might not get your (circle) done. Chinese woman talking--son, no need to tolerate his early successes; daughter--no need to tolerate her successes; old man--slips beneath waves. Try it--maybe you'll be the first to like it, scarey. Work easily like that old man (said) who scream at you. We can't finish this. BAV--remember this little configuration, first child when you get there. Up the stairs in apartment building. We didn't go anywhere--just 2-3 places. Angie, plant she pleaded with you to take to start over again--new growth on plant on table. We're directors and we're not permitted detecting. He thought he wasn't a good father because they didn't test my lungs. First blackout, 3000, vote. Rage and grief--someone comes. Big teeth or muscle bound--must watch out, even before the world were the gods, you stay here--watching TV. I let you go, Sheila, I've been too far, sex, pain and suffering, cars and combinations. The Old Man's Alien Cat World TV Show.

7/6/99 I'm talking about something, a voice says, Sheila! I didn't realize I was talking. Whoever lights the oven should be careful about flipping it off. No one was sitting there, were they? Her grades have fallen since she discovered boys. You could make a nest for awhile and then get smokey (kill mites). Fill it up like some of these younger they don't care what..... fireworks. It doesn't take long to get ready, give it to me (vest). Message? I didn't want to reach 39 or 29. Ringside. Jimny--oh, oh. Pee on rabbit food (lettuce crisper)--I'll bury the treasure by the sidewalk each morning so it'll be easier for you to find--in the sand. For discharge! For acquaintance.... times a month. Aisha, when she took the table off either. Folding up table cloth to fit, wind. $64,000 question, water in street. Avalon, want someone to see them for baby--looking at wall, people with heads chopped off on wood table--should we clean it up before we go somewhere. Hatchet daughter, learn how to learn.

7/6/99 A tree, branches green, white flowers, then burst into flame and burn up, bare burnt branches. People in courtyard, sun on their faces. Then a bare dark piece of earth. You'll see the mist--Republicans '92. Meatloaf I've never ...in my life.

7/8/99 Overlooking Palos Verdes from a window, lights on--view of city, maybe lovers lane. Plate of nachos. Brakes go out on car--steep hillside, El Segundo.

7/9/99 Kids drop 70 cents allowance on floor and Dad picks it up and asks if I want to give it to them. Nine years, then he started taking two girls to the carwash and acting funny. The boys want to slow down the sound, lights in distance on horizon, glasses laying on notebook, man throwing a small ball--says, either way, your heart muscle. Often says the right thing. Knock off that string or will steal the whole car. They sent the scrap report. Are you a Joe doll? or what? I'm in an old farmhouse at a party. The people have separated themselves into various rooms eating different foods; a couple in a bathtub. I'm packing a suitcase, one already in trunk; Thurston packing. Other one very thin like briefcase. I look from one doorway thru another one. I have to have or give a blood transfusion. A man taps on the glass window and I let him in. He's going to kill some guy but says he'll say he paged him if he gets caught. He says a name--Hewett? My T-shirt is covered with blood because of a badly infected ear. A truck goes by--I can see thru the cover--lion on top layer, several buffalo underneath it, a lion kills and eats something--swallows whole thing.

7/12/99 Two cock rings--one bigger, on someone's hand, along with other stuff, like pretzels. Dog died. Two scores, two blocks. I get an email--a day in the life. It has soldiers at war, explosions, palm tree, tank--there are three parts. This is their actual death. I ask someone to help me hypnotise myself. A volunteer is needed--I'm drawn to extremity. Children sleeping on the floor. The video comes alive around me. Poem, one line-- "49 still remain." Woman talking--next time she moves she has to pay to move the bed. Sitting, standing, lying, pacing. Have you got something for me--I won't turn it down, wicker shoes, picnic basket.

7/14/99 A new house und