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1/17/99 Pat has a husband who beat his previous wife. A town with a stream and a river. There are a lot of bridges across it. I am crossing with a girl and a little boy. We look at one bridge, very short. The next one is much longer. They say, "okay, but run." I do and float up in the air. I wave my arms like wings, then close my eyes, stuck like glue, asleep. The boy taps me and I'm almost at the end of the bridge.

1/18/99 My bottom right bicuspid falls out when I'm brushing my teeth -- no roots.

> 3/29/99 Driving down a lane -- have to drive on the left side because of
> barrels in the right lane. A religious ceremony -- voodoo looking. I
> turn across the lawn and a river. On the other side -- a castle.
> Margaret and Charles looking at Rolls Royces (2) full of other gifts,
> smaller ones, baskets, little towns. Food in the next room -- fish,
> horseradish, one french fry. Looks raw.
>
> 4/21/99 I'm moving some stuff -- from my room at Dad's to Mom's green
> pickup on the dashboard. The truck is parked very close to a concrete
> wall. I'm wearing just my underwear -- a black bra and white underpants.
> I walk past a woman in a building there -- three times and I'm still
> wearing them. I look around for a dress -- look at sizes. Voice, wanted
> to see if the fax machine worked on the beach.
>
> 4/28/99 Two men in suits looking through suits on hangers. One is
> sitting, not in good health. Food on some, they sell them as new. I say
> they could send them to the cleaners but they say the cleaners' owners
> know. Voice, fighting is a form of hysteria. White bat, very small,
> flying around. It swoops by my foot and I think it bit my toe.

> 1/1/99 I live on the corner at the gas station and have a Ryder
> truck. I'm hiding in the shower acting asleep on my feet with the water
> running. A man, bomber is at the gas station. He comes over and moves in
> with me, I think about turning him in before he gets my involved. He sits
> on the couch and I put on a narrow straight skirt with flowers and he says
> to go to some class. I go out to a field and he's there too. We define
> truth, it has three definitions that I say -- truth, justice and the
> American Way or life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Then I think
> of truth is beaty, beauty, truth. I say that beauty is symmetry and he
> says there is none on earth. There are round ends for weights on the
> ground and they look like frisbees so I throw them. One circles him like
> a B2 (plane), boomerange. I throw it again and it rolls across the field
> like an army vehicle and a plane lands near it. I cook soup, children
> walk through all these passages. There are a few books in the library and
> a computer. Help plays a song -- rock n roll. I have a cast on one leg,
> medicines automatically treat you if you are sick. A couple, man with
> yellow shirt unbuttoned, redhead, short curly hair, plump. they have two
> boys playing in the yard -- looks like the 10 of cups.
>
> 1/2/99 Moving, Pete Landini. The men tearing down the parking
> structure cut the concrete around the cars that didn't move and they have
> to remove the railings to drive home. The cars on little islands of
> concrete. A woman dressed in gold foil , like carnival, and her teenaged
> daughter -- can't eat because she became anorexic, walks down the street.
> Bedroom, a three day holiday, 18th - 20th that is some celebration of a
> virgin. A crime also occurred during those days-- something "fantastic"
> -- unbelieveable. A big fly lands by my mouth. A girl says someone sits
> on their knees on the bed everyday.
>
> 1/3/99 Huge changes, I'm thinking of moving, getting a different
> job. I'm in Iowa and the neighbor across the road from Gram H's farm has
> been bulldozed flat and Mexico is over there. The house is still there
> [Army Corp of Engineers built a dam on her farm -- eminent domain and she
> moved to Brownsville, Texas.] and young people are carrying things back
> in -- unloading her RV, back from Texas for the summer. People are
> complaining about Judy not doing her share, reading a book. Looks like a
> yard sale -- Gram's antique wardrobe and other bedroom furniture by the
> driveway, crafts, blue plastic snowflakes. I think about where I am and
> what I'm doing. Vast land, snowy mountains between Iowa and California.
> Voice that I drove into the driveway of a trailer. Gramp just quit his
> job in the dream and her kids are small and he's going to farm. Pull
> back, this is a bulldozed area in front of a hill covered with trees.
> Gifts sent on jetstreams -- repeated several times.
>
> 1/4/99 Eskimo cards -- Tarot. Mom voice, she had to get an 80
> mile tow to get this one. Cards have pages like books. Toothpick is a
> truth. Two eskimo cards. License plate -- STA4. dolls with mini-skirts
> under long coats.
>
>
> 1/6/99 A company that does complex audits. The employees live in
> an institution. They assemble little boxes, reminds me of setting type.
> Two young guys following me, they turn off and attack someone else.
>
> 1/7/99 The streets of a strange town. I have to go downtown to
> buy something. Voice, "is that where." One address is the Pier. Voice
> says I'll get wet also. A secretary says they talk about sex
> (prostitutes) and bother her -- she has to take notes. She tells me about
> a skirt with a lace ruffle on the bottom and a blouse or shirt with full
> sleeves. She also has a piece of paper with a lot of dots on it -- an
> outline of dots. Steve gets in an argument with a man at a yard sale that
> he's an ignorant Russian -- vase is $30. He shreds some rough upholstery
> cloth in his front teeth and says, "I'm alive, therefore I love." Acting
> crazy. I'm crazy too, but am shopping for something that costs $700, but
> the square foot. Connie McGowan, joking about some problem in payroll has
> to go up to level 69 and she just stays patient and does what she can.
> Secretary says she can go home when she's had enough (talk about sex) and
> she's had it as soon as she gets there.
>
> 1/8/99 I'm watching a riot -- other people steal, and I get
> arrested. The people in jail are corrupt. Bribery. I have to watch a
> movie when it's time to get out and answer questions designed to make you
> feel like partners with law enforcement. A luncheon at District -- a
> bunch of men, may be nude, sitting around tables. New deputy commander
> calls, says, "Hi" -- Ms Ross, I recognize her voice.
>
> 1/11/99 Stewert's farm. I say I'm going to a doctor. Voice says
> first he must put away Duke's herd. I watch from an elevated position.
> He calls to an old bison bull and he goes into a pen. I see the
> hindquarters, no hair, leathery butt, very big. Then, going out of the
> pen, a hairy back legs of a smaller black and white bull, again I see only
> the rear -- crossed with a bison. The doctor is going to the doctor.
> Something about insurance only paying part. Cutting under both arms isn't
> necessary, insurance doesn't cover him. At the doctor, he's on the other
> side of a table with instruments and jars on it. He does two tests --
> takes a scraping from ear, says, this will stick you, I feel a pain in the
> dream. Then he takes a nose hair, says, this is unusual. That doesn't
> hurt. He takes one out of a man (near the bottom of the right nostril) to
> my left and then me. (I can't cut the hair like most women do, gives me
> herpes sores in my nose.) Back in my room, I have to put my bras away,
> they are on the floor -- drawer is full of very high heels. Wicker
> spoons. Hispanic neighborhood -- second stories all burned, if one more
> burns, the city will bulldoze. A man keeps blasting caps over his couch
> and sits under them. Christmas presents organized on shelves. I run to
> car -- it is full of snow. Golden retriever.
>
> 1/13/99 I'm in an unfamiliar place. My sisters are there and have
> several Christmas trees. One is decorated with jewelry and they are
> talking about it. Then it's a mortuary and there's a dead man. Scene of
> the coffin. I have gotten a job there and my boss hands me a folder full
> of papers. I'm supposed to take them out and burn them. Voice, I didn't
> even notice you were gone.
>
> 1/14/99 A couple eloping, police cars. They cry under an
> underpass. Girl says, you like to fight. Boy, not really.
>
> 1/15/99 Dogs have chicken. I throw rocks. Woman with tulips.
> Man calls and asks how I'm doing, can't place the voice or remember what
> he says.
>
> 1/16/99 Someone throws a shoe and hits me in the back -- big men's
> boot. Woman with lots of make-up hands me a phone and says, "it's for
> you." Walking up a hill with a fence at the top, wood fence -- rib place
> -- Harity's -- four kinds, including prime. I don't have any shoes (don't
> want to eat inside) so I can't climb over the fence, which has become a
> wire fence. A group of teenaged boys with wire cutters, but a man shows
> them how to snip the wire after we get across. They chase us.

> 1/17/99 Pat has a husband who beat his previous wife. She has to be in
> San Diego 29-31st and San Francisco 30-31st, I get puzzled, overlapping
> dates. A woman tells me to drive there two days in a row, I don't know
> how I can do it -- too far. A town with a river through it and a lot of
> bridges. I'm crossing with a girl and a little boy. We look at one
> bridge, very short. The next one is much longer. They say, "okay, but
> run." I do and float up in the air and get stuck like a bee in honey --
> wave my arms like wings. Then I close my eyes and fall asleep. The boy
> taps my shoulder and I'm almost to the end of the bridge. The bank is
> steep on the other side, reddish soil. Livingston was the short bridge.
> Raining, a man carrying me on his shoulders in Manhattan Beach. Downtown
> where stores are closing on all four corners. It rains harder, so he
> carries me into a utility building. Washing clothes, underwear dyed blue,
> more and more clothes, a pan of water.
>
> 1/18/99 My bottom right bicuspid falls out when I'm brushing my teeth --
> no roots. I'm helping my two sisters, at the farm, yard is more level,
> new house has half-enclosed courtyard -- kids party inside. House is two
> story. Someone is sick, on retirement list, 2nd in command.
>
> 1/19/99 Salamand Street - the last street at the edge of town. I see a
> map and find it. Mom selling zucchinis in a ditch, $20, chop off ends
> with machete -- Booneville across the highway.
>
> 1/20/99 Steve's parents, someone holds me while I I yell at them.
> Steve's mom says, keep spending all your money on food and stay fat. The
> person holding me says, you are fat.
>
> 1/21/99 Faith has a TV and bed in the basement. She has to rent it in
> addition to her condo -- she says she doesn't own the basement. It's our
> old house in Lawndale, which didn't have a basement (none in California),
> she shows me around. I remember where things were -- the basement was the
> house when I was a kid, tools, furnace, things feel different, door moved.
> A wall isn't finished yet and Faith knocks it down, then starts throwing
> small 2X4s to make it look like kids did it. Tourists arrive, the bedroom
> has windows all the way around that are 3D pebbly stuff. Very unusual
> details. I look in the window and the carpet is green like grass with
> silvery tips. Very pretty. I wonder what furniture will look like. This
> house is much longer than the one in Lawndale.

1/23/99 I run after a big old black Impala convertible at my old grade
school. The man driving it tells me not to worry anymore. Trying to decide
what to eat; shrimp, fish of various kinds, I'm going through my clothes.

1/24/99 I'm in a restroom, can't get a stall. Announcement about
something; booth with info on juries. Castro talking about a reform he
made.

1/25/99 An auditorium, my clothes are dirty and I put on clean ones over
them--pull on pants and blouse. A man in the audience has just found out
his dad was a band teacher and he goes to see him and find out how fat he
is. He pulls a fat kids suspenders and everyone says he has a cigar up his
butt. I see Dad again in the audience; he doesn't say anything again in
this dream. Two men fight, one has a broken nose, taped. People get off a
bus, sitting around fries on the ground. Policy for doing something hanging
on the wall--office. This is new, just came out. Something I said to do,
two years ago; circumstances have finally come to pass. Room with filing
cabinets on a stage. A man says to a woman, your parents know nothing about
this (daughter). Computer run shows something weird. Blond guy, Howard;
some people block him and say "run" -- something Japanese.

1/26/99 A river road; some construction on a bluff, but not much. Lots of
open area and trees. Empty room where kids grew up and moved out--a girl's
brother. Blond girl, skateboard that is like a skate. Woman with teenaged
and little girl moving into apartment 20. A girl's room outside her mom's
room; lots of long rugs on bedroom floor; dress under construction--cloth on
vanity under mirror; tulips, dress hanging on mirror.

1/28/99 Looking for a bathroom, first the men's room, faces of teenaged
boys. They are distorted, close. Women's room with decals of Virgin Mary
medals--toilets are just holes in the snow. An oriental girl in gold
corduroy overalls, several women sitting and resting in the room. Woman
wants to switch some cards with Joe DiMaggio. I'll keep him out of
there--banner like medieval.

1/30/99 Suren calls, later I see Ted Kennedy and tell him and ask him to
cooperate. He gives me his wallet and I look for his passport.
Surprisingly, his wallet is full of pictures--many of the pictures are small
paperdolls of Jackie O's clothes. A red outfit, a white one. I'm in an
auditorium and he's trying to read something in the row behind me and I turn
on an overhead light--like in a plane. One man is in class--taking a test.
His score is 55 which is barely passing; looks like Yousef. I say that it's
a prejudice that engineers aren't athletic; Suren says he's won swim meets.
Voice says I can do something and I open my eyes and hold out my hands for
him to pull me. Needlework, the trees are rust color and the stitches are
raised up. A passenger transmits a message to the captain of a plane,
"you've got to think, will the tree have telepathy."

1/31/99 I have strict parents, have to go to a make-up class at school in
biology. One experiment you cut open a cute little fluffy chick. Plant 2
at work (has been torn down in real life). My little brother misses me when
I'm gone. I walk downstairs, didn't do much the first day of class, there
is one more day, test. Then a black woman is putting a tape around the
square yard from her hat. People get scared. A man looks in the cupboards
and there's little except some food, cheese. One class at picnic blankets
is quatrains. You get a line and finish it; or you get a bunch of words.
One round, a girl writes one. It says something about a baby being born and
something happening. I work on the next one. I think it's a list of words,
some of them animals, but it's a list of phrases; I'm arranging them and
decide to put the one about death last. Up on a roof to read them off the
edge (to the city). Then a man is looking for all the possessions and a
disaster is approaching. I wonder why you'd want a lot of possessions to
carry in a disaster. He was going to pile them in the middle of a room, big
guy. Four different solutions; a woman tells me I'm going to age one minute
instead of years. I'm trying to keep all this legal, for me. Other people
have different perceptions of their situations. Purchases--2 cars and a
fence.

2/1/99 I think I know the way thru a giant department store; the way gets
more strange. A hallway with a damp floor, brick walls. Finally a red door
going out; along the outside, a school room with one student--red furniture.
Men fighting--knives. They tell me to stand over there. I run back inside;
the school room is full of bulls laying down. One says, "here, take
this"--some hay. I remember walking thru muck now; the bulls have unusual
hair--longer on their heads like people. Inside finally, but now it's a
house. I'm looking for the bus station. It goes through people's houses.
Large urn on floor, ceramics on a table; voice says, "this is how you paint
them"--transparent dark colors. A tulip chair not fired yet. An office,
someone left; pictures of sunflowers in women's offices (Elaine)--thick
large ones over a door. Voice says, "it was good that you and Louis had a
baby."

2/2/99 A hand picking up a St Christopher medal. Voice, "why did you want
to disrupt things, April?" I questioned something. Jim Baber talking to
Bernie, not getting a bonus because he didn't go to staff meeting; I didn't
go either; Jesse doesn't mention it; I don't say anything. He has a baby
boy with him. Big machines in another room.

2/3/99 Crossing a street; pregnant woman runs when I do. John says there's
a house for sale at C4. Another woman thinks I'm a salesperson, puts her
arm around me and I can now run up the hill in Hermosa Beach where an
ancient sea creature is for sale. There are several killer whale dolls that
are mechanical, bite; one bites my foot. A character talks and then it's
me. I just walked into the room using a gait. The grocery store closed on
the pier. My foot matches a notch in a block on the floor ; I go into the
future. First it's Mom's/Grandma's stuff being sold at auction. The
apartment is very nice, modern open layout with wood. Mom is a redhead;
tells a story about an accident or car. There's a mirror behind a tree.
Auction starts with her diamonds; size 5 shoes on floor. Sandy is in the
bedroom with her infant son; Shirley comes in and has long narrow feet, not
size 5 like in real life. I thought she had grandma's feet. Men's socks
and shorts for sale; I'm selling my son's kid size stuff. Then a group of
people decide to travel; Marina parks a car several times in front of the
Larch house. A voice says it isn't that house, just looks like it. Out of
town, I get stuck at the bottom of a steep hill, boxes; voice, "go through
it, remember." Then in a town, walking between houses; kids inside say out
the windows, "you're bothering us"--we play with their toys. Then they join
us, two boys; at a store I look at stuff--a table with carved acorns. Woman
with huge breasts takes off her blouse in the store; crowded store. Then
I'm walking down a highway with trees on both sides like Puckerbrush. Some
names are called out for speeding and they have to put their hands on a flat
thing and say they're sorry--house or condo. One man says he's married,
other one should do it. I was walking in front of the crowd and don't know
the speed limit.

2/5/99 I'm washing clothes and go to a thrift shop [later I find some stuff
like in the dream at a thrift shop going out of business--small blue and
white cat and poodle figurines.] Mom says I've lost weight but I look
bigger. Someone who is now famous remembers me and I'm amazed. Yellow
volkswagon with black cloth top; blond girl, curly hair. One wheel of the
car goes off the pavement into deep mud while I'm driving. It's like
quicksand--firm soil nearby.

2/5/99-2 Huge pottery vases; old dishes, you could buy them to make a set
at a thrift shop. These are red with a transparent look--brick red. A man
says I weigh less but look bigger. One wheel of car goes off the pavement
into deep mud while I'm driving; it's like quicksand--firm soil nearby.

2/7/99 New computer program; makes people happy and things run smoothly.
Garage sale--two old men. They give me back a check; wrong name, different
address. The bill is 16... Say they'll mail it. I put my pants on
backwards. One man decides to drink fat-free chocolate milk. Snowy hill;
women at huge auditorium. I put my purse on a seat between two men and go
to look for bathroom. They are sheds on hill. Women inside are wrapped in
blankets; fill sheds like vertical coffins. Mine is bare inside--have to
pee in snow. One guy pees on money in someone's hand--no way to wash it
except snow. I'm changing clothes in this box.

2/8/99 A man living in Seattle and passing as a native is asked by a real
native woman about the snow (picture of heavy snow, blizzard) and he doesn't
use the right word--there are various words for snow. Then no one will talk
to him, all silent. I get up to go to the bathroom and someone knocks on
the door; it's a whole group of government investigators including DCAA. My
brother and sister are asleep on a double bed in the living room (under my
pink quilt) and they almost sit on them. My brother's T-shirt came off;
he's sweating and I help him put it back on. Buzzer (UPS) in real life
wakes me up and I go to the bathroom.

2/9/99 It was as if you sat there talking to me. Evidence of Love (book
where a woman kills a friend with an axe after catching her with her
husband, but chops her own toe a little bit). Dreaming about dates:
10,11,12,13. Cemetery where you can't get the car out. I get the key for
pedestrian gate. The food doesn't make me sick; I eat a cheese cracker.
Trouble telling when you're walking east and west. Think like cookie
cutter; new girl arrives looking for Don Imus; the main building has Spanish
architecture she says. I try to drive the car through the gate. A woman
treats my lumpy breasts in the bathroom. Death was following us, I guess;
because I was driving and the man picked some violets out the window (I
picked yellow flowers in the desert on the way to California). I try not to
fall asleep driving but tense up and go off the road in a cemetery. [then I
read that scene in The Kitchen God] I think, no problem except for the
headstones if they're not flat. It's really rough--rocks, dirt clods, steep
hills. I drive trying to get back on pavement, then the gate is locked by
the time I get to it. I get out the pedestrian door, then there are potted
plants blocking the other side of the car gate when I try to open it from
that side.

2/10/99 A man is catching purple bees in a box. There are more--he says
they're Oregon bees. Then there are Washington apples floating in water
around a building like a swamp. Then a woman dumps a basket of apples into
a container that is half apples.

2/11/99 Street corner, weapons for sword fight; someone helping me, I'm
tired. Talking about actor: cold--cold heart, cold mind, cold feet. I'm
waiting for a man. I put my hand on his head; I've eaten some foods.
We're moving, he sold some of our stuff; clothes folded up in front of the
customer.

2/12/99 Picnic at an ancient site. Various parts, Roman bath; one part has
surf called Smoking Surf-- a fog above water. A man takes pictures; finally
it starts to rain. Apartment managers are there; garbage on ground; she
asks if anyone fed the birds. She calls them scavengers--there're people
out there when I look out the window. I'm working at a factory making
zippers. Toilet out of order; parts laying on lid--I realize it's a dream
but don't wake up in the dream. Roman holiday dream--ruins on a plain, flat
area. Managers are moving somewhere or traveling; run into their apartment
when rain begins. Before that, babysitting a bunch of little kids; they go
to sleep and I keep finding toys dumped out on floor. One kid is asleep on
the living room floor in his cowboy boots.

4/19/99-2 In a clearing, the river water is very clear, running over rocks
and sand. A young looking man with a cane; as soon as I get well, I'll
bring a table. Elevator operator, doors close slowly, says most people
walk; the elevator is new. Says, I'll take you up. Redheaded guy. Crazy
goddess of slave laborers.

4/20/99 A voice, can you tell who has suffered most of our group? Who
inflicts suffering. Where does this basket go; what is it for? Who has
assigned you. Different personalities in an empty house; one is peace, one
is sick.

4/22/99 I haven't taken a shower for three weeks. Bathroom at work; I take
a little glass to a stall where Vivian has just stood up; she likes it and
will use it. I'll buy it, buy it every day; it's gone now. Expensive
gifts; a man in a leather jacket. 4 friends come over to play music; the
music starts--I put up a screen door and lean it. Only once been near the
ocean; considering the hard core. Chinese guy with mock orange bush by his
house; will live 20 years or more. 3 1/2' X 6' X 1/2' (coffin size).
Prudence plus pleasure; three different combinations or tasks. Annie drives
up with a man in her truck; puts down the sides and asks when Mars rises. I
was talking about different planets in Nostradomus quatrains. Everyone
dozes off; I was sitting along a street talking on a speaker phone then.
Faith paints over the dirt on some walls in an old house. She says the
motto is Wisk it once and you'll never have to again. Nails on the ground
at houses that are moving--yard sales. They're all by gas stations; garbage
cans by their driveways. I do a lot of housework for Mom; dish up chocolate
ice cream for everyone. Also apple pie in a separate bowl. This is at
work. Ken Wyse visits and Bridget and Veta talk to him. I'm talking about
a street---Sunstrand. Sitting in a circle at a table; Sandy and Raul are
there. They're talking about a new woman, Y who was added to a committee
but didn't work out--there were 6-7 attendees in all.

4/23/99 A man in a tux in a hotel room stretched out on the bed; bride in
wedding dress.

4/24/99 Clothes I'm trying on at my parents' houses; jeans, old ones.
Dogs. I grab a coat from the rack when it's time for school--parka. Marina
is waiting in the rain for the bus; news in the radio in my ear--war could
have been much more widespread, many more countries. Hilltop house, windows
on three sides, worn oak floors covered with rugs, old oak TV set on; kids
outside on bobsleds down the hill, snow deep. Old house, kids locked
out--running around house. They break in my window, I ask why mine. Very
deep snow outside work; I don't work anymore, old folks home. Door looks
like Dad's deck (where I saw the 2 bears and one grabbed my wrist)--steep
hill to street; deep wet snow with mud, slush underneath.

4/25/99 They add free lunch in cafeteria to my job. Julie's new husband
wants her to leave Monday; I climb up a ladder over a fence--El Porto; climb
up a steep hill, plant like hair. Three houses in a row with Christmas
lights on, music. Policewoman in lobby, oriental carpet; top soil on my
shoes rubs off. Mom buys me stuff to make cookies even though I can't eat
them; too many kids for house.

4/27/99 Jumping down through bare branches of trees in 4 directions.
Running, thick branches of trees, sharp. Getting dressed for a party; wake
up on the floor of a Japanese home. Two blanket covered lumps--their kids.
I borrow a dress from my sister that she wore in high school; very narrow in
the waist. Three skirts. Man carrying a basket with 2 of 4 parts of a
tree; dream interprets itself that it is fortunate. A girl sitting on a
chair; internal injuries, thin face, big dark eyes.

4/30/99 I bite the bristles out of my toothbrush; go to car to get money--
5 cents for a newspaper. A little boy is brushing his teeth too, while he
walks. I look at them. A man going to a movie; doesn't have a quarter.
Prices are too low.

5/2/99 School bus; in the back, I'm sitting next to a young girl; a guy
gets off and waves. I was sitting beside her, then in front leaning my arm
on the guy behind me's crossed leg--on his foot. I get up and go to cook in
the 1st, 4th, 5th grade hall of the gradeschool. Some other women cut
through, I seem to be a teacher. Then I'm crossing a busy street on
rollerskates. I have tempura mushrooms/aubergine in one bowl and hot and
sour soup in a second. I'm outside work; there's a break and a young boy
(student) comes out and says everyone's signing up for classes. I go inside
and sign up and a stage is blocking the door and people getting their
pictures taken. Young girl drives out of compound in small

school bus. At
work; Northrop guys bring me 2 white file cabinets; they dump me out of my
chair out of their way, and I fall on the floor. There are 2 drawers of
videos and 2 of candles. I look for Bladerunner, but it's empty; first one
is Romeo and Juliet. A whole section of Beatles. A bunch of phone
messages; Trina asking IRS rules for writing off entertainment for
businesses. Says they're Canadian in Iowa. Roger's CPA ad in the phone
book has a coffee company instead. Paragraph about each person; one other
Rowland was a doctor and was kicked out of the house when he found out he
was adopted. A brochure dropped off by a guy who kept calling from Sunbeam;
it's an oil drilling company in S Africa. Margeaux gives me a pile of
messages; says she has too much going on in her life outside work. Woman
peeing on floor. Lito is sick. I quit my jobs in Iowa City and get a job
at a Swanson factory. Boss Hgu Ngu; I sit there-- then put pies in an
Indian beehive oven. I read my dream in the dream, on the phone--drawing in
three dimensions--poetry, party and ..... Old man lying on a bench; he
says he's dehydrated when I ask how he is. A woman comes up and repeatedly
sticks a catheter up his penis and tells him to lie still and shut up and
let her do her work. When it's in far enough she pumps water up there with
a hose until it shoots out again. The next time I see him he doesn't look
dehydrated--is walking.

5/3/99 I see the Earth as a ball--map. Different countries on different
balls--turned at different angles. Can see towns, roads; some are bright
red, blue. Drive to Hermosa Beach, the hill going down to the beach is
steep. I look down and the blue of the ocean and sky merge and I can't see
the road. Then I look up and the moon is right there, can see the details.
I drive down towards the water; two waves are at 90 degree angle to the
beach at El Segundo-- like Moses, the ocean is parted. There are 2 waves at
180 degree angle to the beach and parallel to each other, they are huge.
The ones parallel to the beach are huge also. I'm crossing the border; I
have a passport, drivers license, insurance. Then I look at the car and
it's a toy one--blue like jeep, no top, big wheel. The girl in the booth
says gently that I have to come back when I have the car because it has to
cross too. The other Sheila is in a brick room; she's naked, flat chested.
I didn't know she had falsies. The door turns into a narrow window high off
the floor; hard to climb up, she says she hurt her shoulder blades pushing
people up. I thought she was going out the window horizontally like I did
in the last dream like this one years ago when it happened to me.

5/4/99 Voice, you didn't do very well this week. Old black couple with
pigeon poop on them.

5/5/99 Dangerous territory; art projects along the sidewalks. Walk
streets. Posters of college stars, basketball.

5/6/99 A boy says I don't have to serve him; I'm bending over doing
something by a phone table. He hugs me.

5/7/99 A voice asks if Pam is a flirt, she wears all black. I say probably
not.

5/8/99 Small can of beets in my purse. I'm naked in the bathroom in a
bathrobe. A girl comes into the other room with her boyfriend; he's very
tall, almost to ceiling. Bernie, $250,000 damage to computers. Even if you
died it would take 7 hours to.... President Clinton at work; I'm taking
care of his Uncle Roy. He gives me a message from Connie; she can't take
her shoes off, she doesn't know how long she'll have to work. Old couple, I
say the days are so short. Woman says one of our days goes on forever for
them. Her husband says she cooks his favorite foods and she says she cooks
whatever she wants. A flower arrangement in the bath tub of flowers that
were growing in the yard, the landlord's wife made them for going
away--funeral wreath. Has wood, purple flowers, greenery is Wandering Jew
branches and a detour sign or arrow is stuck in it. A woman is there and
her son is buying ice cream and bread crisps at the grocery store and we
have to pick him up; she comments that she knows how little we'll
serve--tiny crumbs of bread, so she's in no hurry to eat. Roy is a big fat
man--underwear showing on fat butt; pants falling down. Clinton says,
don't forget Roy. I can't remember if I'm serving turkey dinner or cold
cuts; or if that's the next day. On Crenshaw where the 3 men were shot; a
man in a car says he fell in love at work a few times then realized the men
lasted only a weekend--kept changing women. They must have hired a new
woman a week, I think.

5/9/99 Something about Bill Gates and two other men in email attachments.
I am somewhere working on something. Birds. It's the only way out; it's
not so bad; it's going away. Airport, a woman asks if I'm okay. Winner.
Wanted for questioning. That's not funny; computer replacing a list of
names with a shorter one; click on square on screen. Woman's cult; young
guys leave--man talks to them. Woman tells her daughter she could work as a
miner for $5-6 per hour. When I go out to leave, there's a barrier across
the road. A police car gets through; two men guard it; two other men have
guns. A thin old woman grabs one gun to use--puts it under her chin, but
she dies before she can shoot (no shot). Then one officer is on the ground,
the other man has a gun at his head. He thought he was shot. Police car
that got out wants back in to get something. Drives in a circle around the
guard. Doesn't want to be trapped again inside, drives under the fence.
Outside, mountains. Let me tell you a story. If you get the work you do.
I'm not even a friend; they threw 4 people out.

5/13/99 Voice says, more Cannas. A box of purses and shoes, purses on
top--my old ones. Singing, "born and born and born." A girl looking in the
refrigerator at popsicles. A few are very old. Light coming in a window.
A light on a line of printing on the wall. Woman talking to me about some
guy and woman. She says he calls her; something about a timecard. A man
going swimming; the guy upstairs says it's too cold. It's North--colder
area. I'm surprised you can swim. Julie, in the kitchen--pregnant. You're
next, I'm desperate.

5/14/99 Two women check the clothes in my closet; white blouses with lace
on the fronts. Checking sizes, if they are my size. Consortium tomorrow.
Policeman says to a crowd, "people could come through here right now and
steal your identities." Waiting in line for Star Wars. A woman says it's a
12 hour swim in one direction that looks like a street to me. Or around the
Cape--survival skills necessary. Man says, they wouldn't like me there;
looks like El Segundo. A poinsettia in myself as a twin most moving. A man
silhouetted at a window seat. Expensive clothing store; the clerk says
they've just stopped selling the fall colors yesterday; you have to come
by.... I hear peoples' conversations on the loudspeaker; passing the
computer room.

5/15/99 The colonel finds out the worst criminal male in each building and
dates him. It's part of her gaudy personality. I'm in a new office on the
other side of the building. Looking at the world through a gun sight--very
sharp detail. Doesn't fit under the bed right now.

5/16/99 Riding a bike with passenger down the hill from Palos Verdes. I
see the company I'm supposed to go to--Sam's Auto--to the right (Ashton or
Alma Street) and go onto the sand shoulder and skid and slide on my butt,
but it doesn't hurt. Walk down the drive (back up the hill to the right
street) and the door has a hole and two big hoses going in--one is
disconnected. My passenger stuffs it in--catches up to me. I find a door
and go down a hallway to a dead-end at a blocked door to shop, go to right.
There's a big empty looking room, big muscular black guy, wheeler dealer
looking, but he says I want my transmission to fall on him when I tell him
what I want. He says to walk around--there's no furniture; a table appears.
You don't have a theory; that's how you don't have a theory--McDonalds meal
with apple pie. A blond secretary that looks like Tiffany, pregnant, says
she often puts her printer on exclusive as she is the only employee. Two
kids ask me for a particular page in their book--looks like a coloring book
on the cover. Then I'm on stage reading a book to myself in Spanish or
translation. I am supposed to read the poem about the wedding aloud. There
are only 5 people in the audience--all women and children, so no beer. I
ask a man in the back what page it was on and he doesn't know. I think 98,
then 355-6. I flip the book both ways and it starts over at 11 before the
300's--at about 256. Riding on a flatbed truck; dogs and kids.
Application, all I have to do is fill in my name--356; office work. I look
through Sam Goody's in the opposite direction. A cactus with flat growths
is blooming all over. Articles--new strand cam, new concept. High pressure
Mobil oil line down Prairie.

5/17/99 A huge used car lot; reaches all the way to the trees around a
bend. Voice asks if the car isn't too complicated--the locks. Irritating
Jewish guy, eyes blank, wasn't listening about... walking up some stairs at
the mall. Reta wearing a pink fabric long jacket that turns gold at a
certain angle. A car full of dishes and stuff--Trader Joes. Rare herbs
like asparagus; a tiny feather with a diamond on it in a piece of tissue--35
cents. A voice says now you have the dishes, you need something to put on
them (food). Talking to Shirley behind a counter; two women with hair cut
the same length. Two colors of blond; white and ash. Arranging 4 kids for
an advertising picture. Red dot like at the eye exams--Mom looks too far
away. One baby, dark hair, I put him in the middle; he was on the edge. A
week without looking; sounds of birds wings. New newspaper...... Examiner
next to the other boxes. Free at some. Supposed to be 50 cents, is 25
cents. A woman standing on a street corner giving a speech for quarters to
complete her art project. She has short red hair, ear length.

5/17/99-2 Everything to do with packing--putting stuff in car. Pile--many
people moving. Have to keep stuff straight. Watch is too tight on my
wrist; I can't read it, blurry. Heir bottomless. Men show me babies in
shoe boxes; pull out like drawers. A violent scene of a man being thrown
into a new building, very jerky and fast. She more than made the attachment
to us all. Throwing up. A man in his underwear in a hotel. Woman comes in
and takes off her blouse; Howard Johnson's mirror and bed. Tall stork
(bird)--like on bonsai. Very narrow. Dirty clothes piled up in
hamper--fall out top. Over anybody. Log of golf programs; numbers,
degrees, like diary. Man working with shadow projections of cats. New
names for drinks. Rugs tangled around my feet in bed. Teddy bear, tie
around neck. He is/was going to be a big part of this. Pulled from sack.
Woman wearing bathrobe. David Doyle; some other garment too flimsy.
Spanking; won't that make you sad when I bite him. All but an awakening. I
focus on the battle ahead. Emily Dickinson--because I could not stop for
death, he kindly stopped for me.

5/18/99 A voice--2:22. Sex in bathroom. Don't call anywhere. I filled
you up, alright. Hospital--place where people go to die. Mandatory, sit
and think. Nothing to do besides just sleep. Heartbeat like a tuba.
Stomach growls like a jet. Where are you. My cuts are healing. I'm not
free. Those big holes. Run to school. Closer to beach; wiser. This is
all I have. Penis. Background. Got all mixed up last weekend. Empty
room, view. High up side of hill. Don't go. Cricket very faint. You'll
never ever be able to do that. Medical calls all the time. Keep trying.
Uncle is better. Something feel comfortable at. Have children. Rich
people--Albuquerque. A lot of people. Headache. Your 4-star agreement.
Share your pain. Share your wealth. Share your health. Share a drink.
Donut. This is the one I want. Picked on the network test. No cure for
belly-dancing. Rankings, some 2 digit. Looking up insurance. 50,55
passenger. An air bag in the backseat. They only have to go thru Friday.
Full, believe me. Computer class. Mouse doesn't come with it. Curved
keyboard (sexy one). I'll just park next to you. Garage talk. She gave
away the baby. Damaged goods. Thank you. This one person. All the time.
A slip. Apartment 2B. Send a card stating strong points. The Last of the
Mohicans. You're always with him. I ask you. Who'd think they'd sell out.
The street faire. Don't use the car. The kids will come and sleep in it.
You know for a fact. Redhead. He doesn't have it anyway. Balloon store.
Use that. It'll come back to you. Sand grit in teeth. We go through hell.
Categorizing. Gochen. She just stood there. She wasn't going to come.
Pre-school. If I don't see it, it won't work. I never told about the
house, or for that matter huge mansion, huge sale. What to my wondering
eyes should appear. Bird flying. I work hard, I take care of those guys.
What can I say, you were in my mouth. I got caught and I looked and it was
you--driveway. Mother is dead. Taking a TV star oftorn awards.
Competition. When they're not good enough to go rowing. I give it to her
numbers. Congress here--that's the way it's supposed to work. $5 for a
week. At a benefit to buy a bicycle I buy corn chips, potato chips and a
high school annual -- Oregonian '47 for $1. I give it to a gypsy. He
doesn't want a magazine like one--might want the annual, I got it first.
Money laying around everywhere. Then I'm riding a bike, man passenger, in a
whole group of bikes. Are we going to cross the street here, honey.
Pedestrians play catch with a young girl's wallet. Someone throws a girl a
quarter for the parking meter; one girl tries a fancy pass or kicks it like
a football. Metal sculpture of a branch I'm putting in a vase--touches a
little boy's shaved head. I look and there's a leaf on a wire that runs to
his shoulder/neck. I leave it in a vase for the workers--make it pretty. I
see a letter telling her to go--gone. Two teenaged boys in jeans,
sweatshirts, light hair, olive skin, thin faces. Present for birthday.
Engine is warm. Pile of papers of people who retired at work; Shirley's is
there. Spellings of pie, pye, pious. I don't know guess what I sent you.
Blank form--someone saying, yipee, wait six months to use it. Kiss me. Is
the language the same. Men in fire station--stuff is taller (sink).
Indulge the best of you. Special meals. There are only so many things you
can buy. I never used to sit that long. Red shorts too small still. I'll
catch you. Bye.

5/22/99 Imbroglia. Costumes on hangers--Chinese. Different kinds of
sleeves--are they too tight when they're long? I catch a bus, cruise ship,
sorting through my cells. You don't know a lot of people. That's where we
are. Pain in left knee cap, fire station. By doing this later they have a
lot of things to rename, a garden continued, candlelight dinner. Erase two
words, put bacon grease right on both of them. A.... perjury. You go to a
lawyer and find out... And that's going to take care of itself. Voice with
depth of coloration and feeling. Sheila, I work until 11-11:30 and I write
until 8-8:30. You live in flexible times. Attacking me and my
daughter--look--new shoes. Are they getting muddy, wet? Fingers deep in my
back, straightening, semi-permanent. A woman pregnant from there. Nudge, a
box with a jigsaw puzzle; deep blue color, night. Do you need it to serve.
You're not going to do the right side right away, you're going to sneak in
and do the wrong side as much as you can. I'm just now picking up the
parts, breaking up, like cell phone, jerky. First dance, last chance.
Bedside restlessness. You see some of that. A party, I suggest you go.
Back chronic pain, doesn't bend. And now, Sheila lectrics--electricity.
Stamps the water. Moaning, no. All continuation, clipboard. Eats like an
alarm inside the family. Fewer shootings--drinking only when roommate is
present. 8.7% (17.8%) He's gonna get home early. True cod best in
chowder. Stuff turkey with $700. I'm walking down long hallways out of a
school. My brother wants to be pushed on a round red coffee table. The
landlady bought me some sliced cheese discount through the mail; says to pay
Vickie. In a window, two birds, flamingo or scarlet birds. Then they turn
into two clowns. A stage. I go through a barrier and merge with one
picture. Then there's another one-- a man, young. A young woman asks about
front end lifters. Old oriental woman selling at yard sale. Large vase for
sale. I'm doing something and remember that I and three other women are
depressed. I was being analyzed, my strengths. It's in Italy, so you drive
on the other side; very sunny. My thoughts are analyzed--on the steps of an
old-folks home. I have gotten ready since the 50's. I'm an actress. 10%
of the water and arsenic poison. I have a pet. Different parts of me have
been split off. It starts raining and I can't begin my journey. I'm
wounded. I forget everything very fast. There are people around. Someone
needs an ear. I feel like I've been shattered like glass--serious injury.
Falling in love is your animal brain. It is a trance. Old folks home,
birdland. There's nothing as bitter as seeing happiness through someone
else's eyes.--Cervantes. Because I'm so empty, I feel the people around me.
Something is holding me up. There are tree branches and cute young faces in
the sun. I've been hypnotized and can walk because I remember someone told
me to do it. I put on my glasses to see something. I see people sad and
then happy and it confuses me. The public mask drops maybe. I don't
understand the sunny landscape. In anxiety and fragmentation. It's
probably someone else's happiness. A marriage of the minds. There's
something I don't know anything about except that it exists. The sound of
birds is all I have to listen to. Dog shit in the yard. A baby snake
uncoils. Big trucks to be disposed of. Gee open it; four hours. The
strongest thing isn't helping. I'm starving, naked, all white, no hair.
Instant soup, Manhattan mall, big teeth, why don't we do that. Fountain
with dolphins; girls are 20 to 200. Hey, lady. $100,000 share in a house.
I don't have to share--all alone in living room, widow. Skinny woman, black
belted dress, bare feet. Rabbit in mailbox, nest; pooped and peed all over
house. Now what do you want--high rise, modern building. A shrub needs
trimmed; at a motel; she hasn't talked to you for about 2 years. Museum
painting #1199; polygram. Armful of rabbits, I'm skinning them. Reverse.
Sprouts inside an avocado or hollow ball. She'll be gone 3 days--same as
last time. Young man, capricious man. Zipcodes become nouns. Plea
bargain. The mailbox is on the door. Would you want to do it again, yes.
Woman doctor, hispanic. Baby girl out in the garage, I pick her up and take
her in. Doctor looking up my vagina says I wore it out. Albuquerque at
night, blues and purples. He's happy, he's got 39 years. Watching over
someone; half time. I know what's important to you; inappropriate
nightgown. Soaked all year round. One arm doubled behind my back. Blue
panels. You learn to spit out the best part. Spacer hats--they're there in
my youngsters somewhere. Other side of the family has that talent. I
strain mice out of the milk, babies. If nothing ever happens. The signs
are there on the wall. There's nowhere to put any periods. Whirls me
around; I contribute nothing to life; a B and a C side. Can't receive from
one degree of correspondence--can't open attachements. Top secret shake-up.
I keep a pile of papers for Yolanda while she talks, she's got to leave.
The narrow tie. Yard sale, box of all butter knives. Toys. Large beads
that snap together. Pentagon--it is gone. Fires in 55 gallon drums.
Summons--what's the date? She's pregnant--Eureka. Tall oriental angular
woman, white suit. .... Mental ward; jacket is gold and purple. People in
waiting room are boys from high school--in the dream, Don Stix, Harry
Gutshall, Bryan Jennings. Bryan asks what I think of Al Gore for VP. Three
little girls: first one has ice cream bar, second chocolate milk (bottle),
third a huge jar of pickles she says she helped can. Price on her
forehead--pickles $3.50. Men from work with supervisor, Rick Coutu.
Leaving, a woman asks me about Ramon, if he's retiring. A man offers me his
seat and it's on a shelf--my head is up by the ceiling. I escape from the
ward--down stairs; hear Victor (my neighbor's son). Bicycles in the room
where I get caught. A plain gold shirt on one door-- hanging on hook. I
hide the purple and gold reversible jacket under a blanket draped over the
bikes. Victor, the doctor told him, "just be sure you cut your damn tongue
out," that's what the man tells me. A woman says dill pickles have sugar in
them, the hospital people are canning them-say it took twice as much water
on the bill the day before. They laugh because the girl thought she'd
peeled all the cucumbers for the jar of pickles and they were hers. Price
like paper crown. I couldn't get that for my children; from a whisper to a
tear (song); dust accumulates in soft corners. It started with me falling
down in the street and Bridget runs past me and we both have to go to the
waiting room of the mental hospital. Right before I decided to try to
escape, a man asked me to stay there with him but I decided not to. Then I
go to a cafeteria at work and Margo is losing weight too. Hook, man with no
arm. Guy with a coat; investors. Singing group, young guy with a guitar at
a table along the wall of the cafeteria. Very loud popular song, Eagles (?)
or Bad Company. Sleeve pinned up--says he broke arm. I ask how, he laughs.
Doctor said... covered (?) My purse hanging on gate on wire fence, along
with blanket on ground. All my aunts and uncles have TB. Another endless
day (sky). I have done with, I have done. Oriental businessman--square
hollow box, black. A kid wants a jigsaw puzzle in a sack. Because, what
does he get to do; beer balls, dolls. Shut up your purse and wait. It's no
time. Played by; stuck in the cracks. Book of art; peace, weaving , mostly
black with fringe. Quit/quip. Covered dream, wall. What is the formula
for any remaining QA.

5/26/99 At Dad's house I go to another building where a visitor is. A
woman in a padded bra and pantsuit--pink panties drying at an open window.
She wanted a man to stay, she's a visitor. Little boy running around; he
needs a sugar tit or test. I pick out a finger chocolate donut. Crates of
candy, some free, some costs. In the other building I have a bikini or am
naked; I get my black Macy's satin shirt. Car is in teacher's lot. I'm
driving a girl somewhere for school; there are a lot of empty spaces.

5/27/99 Wind day, Sheila. You can get your arm all the way around it.
Miss Universe--blond, penetrating hair. I'll continue this discussion with
you after you sign that paper. I'm going to be making a whole bunch of
copies of these. Restless, not restful. There's an ocean and a 100% office
back there. Neither you nor I can tell you how to handle it. Salvation
Army, absolutely not, first things first. Bathroom scale reads 10:24. Paul
Reno; she loves. Charts--I want an exit driver.

5/28/99 The changing of the red; you have to check on the scene of things.
A menu of different people and foods--a grid or chart. They tried to get me
to fix my hair long before that one. I'm completely under water in a
swimming pool; my hair tie is wet and I take it off. Dr. Jing's area; no
one complaining really bad. A list of topics; I'm on one of them. Moving
people (or something that distresses me) and I begin to cry. It is a list
of five, not ten names as I expected. Another person on the list is Ken
Collie. There are flashes of color again; in some scenes; people less
depressed.

the local hero
tames the choices
you make in finding
something that fits
beside the ones
that none make

I can't decide what to wear for Shirley's wedding; I have several--blue
dress, red, look like coats. I wear blue, think red is better. A white
satin sleeveless dress I'm wearing. I came over a week early and lose
weight meantime. Dad sits down by me and I explain. He doesn't like the
blue one. I warm up in the car, get out, bumper looks like it's on the
ground; door doesn't lock. Something happened while I must have been
asleep. My clothes are changed. I put a condom on the gear shift of the
car and have sex with it. It's a sleeping man, my ex-husband; Jimi Hendrix
is playing. I dump out the rubber in a plastic bag with a diaper that soaks
it up. Can barely pull the rubber out of me--stuck. I eat a fancy carrot
in Italian dressing that is supposed to be for the reception. Outbreak;
ends terribly. Someone takes off my silver belt I'm wearing in the
dream--it's real silver. There is a yard sale next door; I try shirts on a
little boy that needs school clothes--all green, pale green with hood and
green plaid. One is too tight, has a saying on the front about Unions and
S.... Then Pat or a younger woman with a little blond girl asks me to take
care of her too and she starts running down the driveway. I wonder how I'll
manage both kids. She starts out small--in one hand. I herd her with my
leg; my hands are busy with the other kid. The day is very gay but there's
always some things wrong with it. This is the chorus of a song. At first
no fluid in the condom, dried up, it's been used before. It curds up like
yogurt. In the car I can't find my make-up. Before that is a son--blond.
I ask who the group is--Smashing Pumpkins? The Who is not coming out
because they're not accustomed to it. Song--like German heroic tune, do the
people in the boat have the same power? Faith talking about new secretary
from some other state that has problems with something. Her shoes have red
flags. They're tennis shoes. Dead baby polar bear; it was vegetarian part
of the time. How he puts his arm around Cyndi's waist when they walk.
Every damn boyhood remark came from him. Walking out the door. Sunny,
bright; wall of sunny bricks built; bird in cage. Truck turns onto street
past Trader Joes and hit from behind. Mr. Ed....has commissions from
library. More convenient this way. People standing around--leather vests;
don't want to make a move. He broke her heart after 14 years and she still
keeps track of him. Joye and I go to a house they are cleaning up to sell.
Have to scrape paint; in the window the kitchen is clean and she laughs. I
say that's the room that gets messed up each day. It's a moving sale. A
lot of records along one wall. There's something I'm very good at--walking,
I'm strong, losing weight, taking care of children and pets. They love me.
I change a little boy or girl's clothes. Steep streets; someone else
drives; near water--an ocean or river. A bunch of stuff donated to Indians.
There's so much they give some to other people too. Everyone takes what
they need. A woman at work is moving and I help her with her grocery cart.
It's piled with groceries, clothes. Faith talking about $4,000 worth of ice
cream; $1000 per gallon or 400 gallons; she's going to serve it at her
daughter's wedding. Rabbits--they'll look at this, and eat that, then back
into the cage. I she going to buy any more and put them in with her cat?
Clean computer's memory; package up phone calls--recorded for memories. 5
windows adds 5 years to your face. Radio not you. Lunch, Monday, at picnic
tables; students eating, a lot of them. We go shopping and go around and
around.

5/31/99 Camping on a plain. I make rice, noodles, a beef dish and put it
in two bowls, sacks. One is mostly gone--just gravy. I eat some, give some
to Dad (scoop rice on top like ice cream), then see some blond girls. They
say they ate pancakes in another camp. I put some food for two of them on
plates. They sit at the picnic table, then take their plates to another
table. It will happen again if you sit here long enough; light changing at
intersection. The spring/silence between us; parents pay back on their
bill, not have to. St Christopher, life must go on in Italy. Pick up a
list--places to go. The patient would be crazy to do that. It's the broker
that finds the wives--can see and hear them. Take that. Arnold
Schwartzneger--I'm not married. The patient would be crazy to tell the
doctor that. Many times out of sight put your ass on the line. Diana kills
the mother; witch hazel bifurcates. I know where I'm going to move to--405.


6/1/99 I make boxes to sell with glass animals. Other Sheila goes on
vacation--I'm in charge.

Rummage sale, doctors and lawyers donate or toss
stuff but won't sell it. Refrigerator set too low to make ice in summer;
one guy wants a drink. Terrible hold on his fingers. New York guy will end
contract. Emails from my boss; three of them. Everyone else starts doing
this--latest thing. Ancient noises--rattling. Ancient ceremonies of birds;
hives of bees; voice, "can you take these somewhere and keep them?" No one
knows what you're thinking. Licensing an art design--Hermosa. I thought
this was going to be the last time. Raining.

6/2/99 Wind blowing through windows Pat looks out at. Storm. I come out
of work and am on a grassy hill-- very green. I don't know where I am, so I
follow some oriental women. They turn right and walk through a yard
sale--books on ground. I'm on the back of a truck--red one. Front end
keeps going off the ground. Some woman's voice says someone too fat is in
there--as fat as Sheila. I say she's a bigboned cow--Rhonda. I go to get
fish to eat--it's an oriental restaurant, but everything is closed. I get
out two doors, not locked. A man walking behind me--big white guy. One
family gives a demonstration of impressing the boss by cooking. They cook
whole chicken, fish on aluminum foil. That has never stopped me from making
the right decision. That's how this happened--a girl jumped to conclusions,
took off her clothes. Bonsai--I hope it doesn't kill it taking it from the
rock where it was for 1000 years. Sail looks low--washed to one side; I
have to take care of it. She must be in your family; I can't even find a
place for her. My job is watching empty apartments. You're a duck; too
cool, Julie. Two ways-Italian art and German (folic). Grew and
grew--unraveled ancient memories. Noise waiting for volcano or something to
happen. Taking old horse to new life--Sam; use it to ride to new situation.
A different part of Baker Street, in middle. Old oriental man asks me a
question. He wasted his whole book building this ride, red headed girl
(book). Government workers sedentary; two creative decisions--taking out
old, putting in new--shell, hermit crab. Remember when I was hired, 4 or 5
years ago at the end of a drought. A new 2-wheeler, why should I share? I
get home from swimming, drive up spiral into parking structure. Waiting for
elevator naked. Man finds shorts. I look for stairs, big crowd at
elevator. Little boy says he's first--he has diarrhea. 13 steps on each
landing, to top floor. Inside apartment, very airy, lots of windows. Man
says he waited for me. Little blond kid follows me from elevator. Punch
and Judy show; rubber boots--old house with wooden porch in Manhattan Beach.
Autobiotic. What were you protecting from; some flies in garbage dumpster.
Wool skirts, German. I think I should iron them; people shake heads, "no."
Kifle calls and wants a place to stay (Al's cubicle); I tell him to stay
there, there's an empty apartment where he can stay with his wife and kidsl
He has some simple mystical stuff--Queen of Sheba. I have to turn around
and go down a driveway to go around. It has a drop off--cliff on one side.
Only wide enough for one car. Then have to cross a stream. It's red, blue
water, bubbles--Looks like a sewer. I slide down the first hill, wade across a narrow stream and the plain is also a swamp. Along the
hill under a tree is more. The tree even looks like from a sewer, the branches. A blond girl is with me. She cries, then
starts screaming. I have to carry her back. She turns into a one-year old and I put her on a bed. I’m still taking her in
the car back up the hill. I look in TV Guide for shows. Someone throws a man’s stuff out of the car and a suitcase
rolls down the hill, all the way to another car backing up. Man sits along the road and asks a policemen about an
envelope he has. Milk in grandma’s refrigerator dried up. A train, boy, I’m not one for drawn shades, but shades are
drawn. Cold seats in car. Bright colored stationary in Vietnam. Doctor’s waiting room, June 2nd, rain on roof. You
need so many ounces a day and a year of sun screen. Knife—September 8th. Baby rabbits—hold them long enough
to be adorable little dolls. Herondo apartments, one year leases. Baskin Robbins. Battle dress; dates are getting
closer together. What’s the extra number in your temperature. Anemia; pigtails, two eggs. Poligrip. He drove off the
road into the swamp. I’m taking myself out—sick. Jesse sick two days.

6/3/99 Christmas. Song lyrics—taught me everything I know. 45 is the turning point.

6/4/99 Tarot cards on ground so you walk on them like hopscotch. Some of the cards are gone and the reading is
more narrow. Young couple, guy crew-cut blond, girl pregnant. Announcement about Waite deck—error. Can see
cards on your shiny shoes too. Tina made it to Major select. Warehouse has a bedroom with carpeting, no furniture.
Underneath, basement—the pipes and machinery. A shoe at the door you must leave to find your way
back—pinned to floor. Vivian says in the last three days all she’s had in three bottles of wine, a bottle of vodka and
three bottles of diuretic pills. People talking through a wire fence—very fine, their words are like a clay ball that
forms on the other side of the wire.

6/5/99 Mom’s house, a dead tree in a tall white pot in the garden leaning towards the hackberry wehre the swing
was. Other pots, like ancient ruins. I’m going out to the outhouse. There are dead trees in the way. Pass Mom’s
room and the window is open on the top like a counter. She’s looking in a chamber pot saying something about
raisins. Mercury (green) at Prairie and Artesia runs red light. Start with a double A, then triple AAA or vice versa.
Talking about starting the day—boss. What to do with someone—more work. A woman asks me what I think of
some movie star and I say I couldn’t see him—no glasses. In the refrigerator are olives. Tug of war—all cats on one
side—they’re stronger. Drinkers in cave I must protect from startling or spilling it. Break fingers—fourth in row of
people. Monday and Tuesday 10-15 minutes, then Friday. Change a bush from Jackie Johnson to something else,
bush has grown. Shrimp place—two kinds are couldn’t fit—eat that for breakfast and cook it right—fish patties.
Taking care of two girls; older one won’t answer. I pin her down on the ground. She wants her dad to pick her up,
not ride “commute” with her mom. Rollerskating down stairs. Mother doesn’t answer, so then she won’t answer,
acts deaf. Monday, man hitchhikes somewhere up North—Minnesota. I tell him I’ll pick him up Friday night after
work if he decides he doesn’t want to stay. It’s cold and snowy. He says he can hitch back too. Two women at work
say, we’re taking your purse, okay? They are driving my car too. Younger girl comes up to me—I have two
chocolate chips and I give her one. She has short curly dark hair. She runs around. The older girl eats slowly from a
pan of food. The young one comes back and picks up handfuls of dates and throws them, so I move her and tell her
she’s done eating. She must be full. Patriotic points. Table built into wall in living room, by door. Has rocks for base,
plants sitting in it, like greenhouse. Tarot reading; the cards are determined for the next seven years—you just have
to lay them out. I can see them in the dream—lots of them, I’m confused where they are. Card of bridges. I’m in one
card and climb over a fence. More fences; looks like Ireland. The more you study, the more you spiral and
turn/twist. Or the more you twist, the more you spiral. Plaid wallpaper—the way it’s going, they’ll all be in
there—one half the room—everyone on one side of the room. It’s like hamburger, there’s only so many ways you
can serve it. It was hard to please. I want to talk to the person that teaches PhD math. I was born in the streets
where I was desired by children in the neighborhood. I hide to do something at the side of the dream landscape.
Tunnel to a side garden; smooth skin with peroxide. Sandy Cano at work. She makes an elaborate craft gift full of
cookbooks. She gets one—little frame for picture that is almost identical to one side she made, but more basic. I
have a list she wants to see. In jail trying to find a way to make it shorter. Dreamworks has about two minutes in it.
At a bus-stop, store, sells music. I go to find a bathroom, fire alarm goes off. Black girl says to cut a piece of cake.
Blood, I’m afraid of AIDS, a man says, “you’re dead.” I didn’t go out—fire alarm. Bus has left. I run after one. A girl
helps me. Another bus pulls up to the curb. I’m separated from my “vacation”. This one is very organized. People
are jammed in there with stuff for their professions. Whole row of four identical men. A man who can fix something
for one of my art pieces. He may be Bob Dylan. He has a daughter who wants to sit on his lap, but he’s on the
couch with his wife. I tell her it’s Christmas and ask which gift she wants. There’s a row of kittens. I show her 2-3
and a man says one is cute. Its legs seem uncoordinated to me. The people in the dream are eating ice cream and
cake—dip cones, chocolate cake. I tell them I can’t eat that, I’m diabetic. Then I say I could eat it, but don’t.

6/8/99 Trying flavors of ice walking along the sky along the beach. Trying different clothes, things in different
places along route. Coming by just to talk. Dress with diamond buttons—brown pleated front, diamonds in balls.
Lifting weights—one arm, too heavy. I think, good, wouldn’t want last woman on earth to be strong. Yah ma nita.
Change in the middle looks like failure. RHV years and whew years. Big crystals in a ball of amathyst. I’ll give this
back when I’m successful. Violent temper, green T-shirt, that’s why they like him. I slept close to you. I don’t want
to be a prisoner of my own device—Max Factor building. Man in suit in kitchen of house being built—new.
Disappears, fades, or blinks out. Didn’t get a chance; one page of tapping her feet. Drivers Ed in English. Car isn’t
locked, reasonable time—I’m going opposite way of crowd down corridor—people all passing me.

6/9/99 Veterinarian—gun pointed right at my head—to shoot injured animals. Oct 5th, going back to work; I keep
track of classes, cars, etc. When the rabbits die, don’t replace them. A man returns from a space travel—his foot hits
the step on “one” at the end of the 5,4,3,2,1—and he says, this is what keeps me coming back. A woman gets angry
and her forehead turns white. So she gets a part in one of the Star Treks; they use that in her character. I try on
dresses—slips. One you can see thru, my flowered bra. I put a solid white slip over it and a voice says, that looks
very good. I had a dress with a gathered bustle—like my lavender bikini. But a man doesn’t remember it. Grabbing
money from slots. I believe I make TV fulfill an experience of total commitment to the principles of . I had that when
our baby was born. No I mean it. Reunion. R Rally resistor. Run reports. I go back into a dangerous building that
could blow up to do something down a hallway. Some men are working on it. Run report. Wake up, Bob. (joke title in
my email) kicking something—a rotten squash. Sophia Loren picture. Two weathermen talking. Sunny, don’t you
love this place. Cartoon—woman, hands on hips, looking at mess—says only 65% of men grow up from mess they
made as kids. I’m not going to make no money. I’m sitting on all these contrasts or contracts. If they knew I was
showing everything that goes wrong—pull the switch. Another letter. Everywhere you start out with peanuts;
chicken dinner with mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables. She’s in the car I’m driving—political opening. I don’t
see how you can be better than me. None had the fear that additional services are necessary. Olive branch; the
people that keep in touch. Lasted 30 minutes, oh, no my hair. I’ve got to lose 19 pounds to wear the wafer. No mas.
6/12/99 I’m at a job, there are no Christmas decorations or lights, so a voice tells me to put up old Christmas cards. I
put some in the kitchen, then living room. A couple of women have fancy boxes they get out of their stuff. Then I’m
stripping dead bodies. I put the bedding in one pile, pants, shirts, etc. Only their drivers licenses, money are
returned to their relatives. I have a row of these. One man is an exception—he’s not an employee—so I put
everything from his pockets—fake fingers, souvenirs from ports he was at. Bernie talks about how he ended up her
by accident—a plane crash or ship wreck. The mattresses are on the floor, many of them. I’m on a boat or island just
floating on the water. You are supposed to check the depth, fish swim at 30 feet. Some at 15 feet. I look and there are
fish swimming but I can touch the bottom—it’s 4-5 inches deep. I have to take off the cover to check the depth. A
new girl asks if she can ask something about her boyfriend. Skeleton of a girl; the floor is a bunch of blue spars
crisscrossed. Someone dropped off a box of dirty diapers. I’ve thrown away all my underpants. Togo, toga—twice
wasn’t it? Tug on your pants. It’s seven, we have to go. Drive over for her services. Prune ass. Define that jsip.
Whore. Pimp. Market Basket Boys. Harakiri. Lasar. Spill the stuff into the ground, pool so we can start working on it.
Cypress knees (Everglades?) Three abortions first. Come across something good. Ten blocks, ten blouses.
Sometimes. Hard, hot. Summer. Broken up, hope, aroma of coffee. Walk in ocean. Ice age, no one read that out loud.
Eating now. You told me three times, be loved, bikini top, disagree, kick box, museum, matched set, typing, it keeps
me awake, fox, underlies the human situation. The gay Charlie’s Angel. Overtime, shared drive keeps moving,
chatroom. Take back the gifts. New home. Lincoln Continental. 7 supercomputers, solvane, apple valley, diamond, 7
chakras, voice, “one is downtown Los Angeles, Olvera St gazebo. Guy lowered in well, rope too short, yells to pull
him up (diamond?) Moth test—takes 2,3,4 hours, very discouraging, break it up.

6/13/99 I’m supposed to do something in a neighbor’s house. Her husband and several kids are asleep. Wrapped
before that, I was asleep in bed, now with an orange blanket. Mom rents a moving van and loads everything (big
gourd to load) while I’m looking around at the boxes. There’s some laundry by the back door and some stuff in the
front and the middle is like a living room with big picture window someone says a stove could fly through. Then it’s
an open truck bed and the guy next to me on a couch looks at a baby blanket covering us up and says there are
rough roads ahead. Food spilled by baby, 10 minutes. Back roads through forested area—all you can see of Iowa
City are the old Capital dome and a church spire and a couple of other tall buildings, it’s a hill. When we get there,
it’s a giant old house with a lot of bedrooms. I pick the next available one walking thru. Ask another woman how she
picked hers and she says it had a lightbulb. All the rooms are already furnished—they left the furniture. My room is
long and very narrow. The end with the bed has big windows overlooking the roofs of a town. The other end has a
round dining table. Vivian Basque is sitting there and tells me she got in her car and looked down and there was
blood or Chianti or ink all over her yellow suit and no one told her/or she had to do a TV interview to accept an
award. I ask her what she wrote—I thought it was a comedy but she said it was a soap opera (?) She was a
consultant on character detail development—like a little boy with freckles dressed as a cowboy. I look for light
bulbs and start doing inventory. There are 1000’s of Christmas light bulbs (clear) and some for jogging, security,
lots of envelopes (in overhead bins that extend above the staircase and get very high up.) A man comes up and
asks the rules of the house—seems to be a boarding house Mom has started. People everywhere. In one room she’s
having a meeting of the residents. I go to the next floor to look for a room for Vivian because I think she was crying
when I took mine. Up there is a Jacuzzi with a redhead and some men and one asks if she wants to sit up now. Looks
like birthing pool. Fancy rooms with spiral staircase down deep with books, smoking—these have been there a long
time. They say, “this one is already taken.” I say, “why don’t you put up a sign, then.” A train in a box canyon,
must leave, somewhere to go. River in a canyon too, must cross. Laughing, the fetus if still alive. Mom is telling me
she went out to use the outhouse and Shirley locked the door and all the guests had left. Laughing hurts the baby.
Remember in naked truth. Die laughing. Stripped down in laughter. Persons become thin, don’t eat.

6/14/99 Mall, the tragedy, she started walking towards it. Woman up on a railing shows me a rock that looks like a
fish, but it has legs like a Vietnamese pig. She washed stuff from a pile I was to do. Pig may belong to Vivian, my
boss in the dream. I get up there and it’s as big as a chest, made of rock. The top comes off, I say it could be the
coffee table. A man takes the top off, throws violently some wooden trays (looks Japanese on floor like that) and
hands wood to me and says, put it back. It looks like a sarcophagus, like wastebasket—I fall over it. List of
statements on a piece of paper; sounds like Yolanda’s writing. Need farm for space for something, a construction (?)
Raining outside already, I didn’t want kids normal. Cyrus, gone, young guy always patting my back. Five identical
women go out an automatic door following a man; they move like time lapse. Dark hair, blue and white stripe
T-shirts over jeans. They are in a line. The doors opens when you push a button. Have to learn something in
squares. He’d already put in his six months, 18 months. A frightened girl, can’t pay bills. Dad and other relatives call
me over to where they’re doing something. I help make lunches and put stuff in sacks. Then they pick them up.
Some oriental women are figuring out the math formulas for things and go along a railroad track to a good
university. The formula for something is at a well/pump where I think there are red pepper bits on the ground. She
decides to take a baby. There are several American Indian babies lured closer by something. People grab two, then
give them things to do (fun). I have a girl I’m holding, looks oriental and already together we weigh 173. After
packing the lunches I had to go to a store that has rows of corn for aisles and look for Bon Homme. The place where
it’s supposed to be is a clearing where the oriental girls are. Indention of 5 is supposed to show intelligence in the
children so you get a good one. At a resort, mud. I want to swim. Ellen Degeneres starts giving advice about
moving to San Diego. Kidnapping. A car cuts through the parking lot, I have a new white car. We go in an open
truck to the resort area—parking. Pass people in an inflated boat, running it on the smooth ground. A woman tells
the young girls to throw away their bird book before next year’s season of birdwatching. My two sisters go ahead
and get a coating of mud on their legs. Lots of men swimming. The water goes right through the building. A lot of
hippies have come to see a religious happening (live there) and their pets have given birth. There’s a sign on the
door about tending your pets and there are several female cats; I dump in a bunch of babies for them to eat. Some
have two heads, eyes on the tops of their heads. The adults act like they’re going to attack and scratch my legs.
Balloon ball, I doubt you could even classify that, you ran away, markers on the four corners, they took the last one,
because I leave early, not enough, someone else took it, fell off the boat. Driving, wreck at a church, spin out on
grass. Two men fall on stairs, bloody mouth, free video. I walk towards Santa Monica and then towards downtown.
Yard sale, antique sale. Kids walking, chemicals in sand on one side, sand or snow on the other. Two girls walking,
say I’m fat. I have to change clothes on the street; short woman pregnant, says she wants a lip plug, blouse
buttoned right up neck. Mirror on ground, I see my face—curly hair. Hermosa Beach staircase at Marie Callendars
and Penguins; closing up yard sales 1-4; number 5 is a black guy selling a bunch of tools. Place to see/be. A woman
shakes hands with me and says, “Sheila, I’m leaving, before I go down there.” She’s wearing white, can’t see face.
Dirty tails on dress, by side slits. Some sentence erased on white background; people running carrying suitcases.
Box with a 3 on it. I throw away a roll of pennies in blue and white check wrapper. Concrete edge of reflecting pool.
Big statues (like Buddha, Tarot Emperor, Pope or FDR) stored in various places on a tree of life or pattern. Voice,
“I’m the father long term.” The Jews think it will all collapse, but when.” Little girl crying, might be Buddhist. Not
until 40’s did he abandon his FDR image. The library can accept the, if he comes in. Sound of glass door closing,
fright, help. The investigation, could be costly, we need a loan, neutral, skeptical, court of Los Angeles, serves,
peacocks, the basis is many years old-wood, that’s for Saturday night, invented out of whole cloth, sooner or later,
calm voice, Joe. Certain time to put stuff on, go lions share, all the A’s will be left when the B’s are gone,
elephants—guns in case they go berserk, lifetime of starvation, Scott Sands saying something, 153 headache and
cold listed for years, this happened to me, a morning girlfriend, I had to have two kids, island like what, Japanese
women, I need…., lets see how long we can do it, four years ago, Buchenwald crematorium, still sort of there,
half-awake, $5,000 bail, popping sound, cellophane, how available to you, his favorite songs went right into mall,
liberals, get involved with it, April, completely alter/alternate today, richter sets in around mouth, anxiety, how long
to bring up steak house, pilot, file it, I’ll flip.

6/18/99 Maybe the best part is to be pleased. I waive my right to an advisor. A harder book, it’s time to get dressed,
isn’t it? How long have you been married, Bobbi. Black guy, San Diego, builds communities underwater. Software
sorting data, at work, I get real down. A magnet on refrigerator with a little device, radio on KNX, has batteries,
comes on automatically when you turn a switch. Help them find car, bumper, car seat. Thin blond women sits next to
me on lawn chairs and gets white powder all over her clothes. A series of executives supervises the unloading of
their employees from a vehicle—plane? They come in from the other side, put down their briefcases and then their
4-5 employees go through; then next one—very efficient. The blond goes up there after Bernie and got white
powder on her butt/skirt from the chair. I try to brush it off with a damp towel, like soap powder. Then she’s wearing
pants, expensive herringbone and there’s rust all over them. Must be from belt, got wet, I think. He’s going there
Jan 18th, plants grew too much, cut back what you did, though (my voice) looked on internet, miracle grow, too
much. To hurt her, F-18 by bathroom, black guy, assembly line, planes cracking and deteriorating. They won’t
choose anyone—Linda’s job in Palmdale. Los Angeles. Perfume, help her, next time he calls he’s going to go off, I
know. Devil’s postpile. Supposed to be outside replacement. Red light comes on if someone says something
important, speakers in auditorium, it’s in his desk. Toilet gurgling, it wouldn’t be bad if I was really hungry,
something in quotes—“prognostication.” I’ll bet she wants more money, thanks—laugh, body still sitting there in
chair (guy died)—work humor. I took off dress, don’t need to go up those stairs anymore, learn something new
every day. Outside joke—Queen of ….. I pass Dick Schowengerdt in the hall, their place almost dropped in the
earthquake. Completely blank mind, stepped in some girl’s mail, then some guy’s mind, and not enjoy this, four of
swords. Insanity, I know what room you’re talking about (small) Gail’s.

6/19/99 Demolished house—dream house—had ants, bulldozed. Between two others, this was last year in Las
Vegas. 2 by 2. 9—take a hike. After school care, sometimes kids are left, 30 minutes late, microns, dead tiger lolling
out of truck, the mall opens at 10, Sheila used to use both of them, hair cut to 6.5 by robot/computer, bra longa,
turned into reptiles, took care, pick it apart, nothing is being done to help me, everyone wants to be the same, can’t
eat, can’t sleep, can’t get out of bed, can’t stop pacing, someone else would come and get around me but at least
now I can see them, learn the ropes, what do you say when you’re insulted, when you lie, when you take off your
glasses. Headlines in your personal computer, old people sleep less, think in pictures, take advantage of naturally
occurring bumps, eat your words, remember your childhood sweetheart, used to have to do it every day, you go for
a walk now. Check list, leave us, don’t hang up, wet winter, they’re crazy, they fuck with you and then they leave
you alone, threats, no business done, a blank page, is there a promotion in this, more money, renting rental
property, can’t give it away, real estate B13, B29. I was already there, I pulled you up, I didn’t tell anyone,
everything will still be active, a crash of pigeons, who, who is right, it wasn’t like this until Oct—very cold, snow,
rain in the chimney, one of us must know. We missed you, when I’m going to hurt someone with fire, can’t stop
talking, can’t remember if you don’t write it down, my early years, an urgent short term memory. Room, meeting of
men on couch, down some stairs, male love song on radio, men behind me say women meet in another room, Joy on
door. They are the 74 that keep the company profitable. Ask if I’m joining. No one looks old enough to retire. Boss
walks up-Jerry from VA hospital (German or Irish). Freezer thawing , ice buildup, small package of refried beans with
avocado, a dress, a man coming to kill me, police are busy, once you start writing that’s it, our apartment has a door
I never noticed behind the chairs that’s a vault door of a bank, someone looks out and then closes it. Northrop
clean bill of health a few months before, being checked again already. Passion, Japanese contest of art, I don’t know
if anything in it is alive, or all statues. Tori had told her it was over with. A man goes by on a motorcycle and says
he gave me those boots I’m wearing; I think they’re cowboy boots, but they’re hush puppies (with shoe strings)
–he’s some singer.

6/20/99 FBI—tests. Tie lie to fax (Northrop) I’m not supposed to use. Someone coming for lunch—doesn’t show
up—peas are “4”, carrots are “2”. In a motel room, salesman comes in, then a couple—they were going to Germany
checking on something, but went to Missouri. Eyes looked tired. Salesman falls in love with my sister Sandy sight
unseen—from phone conversations. Says her husband’s name is Jimmy. Coffee table and another machine are
wrapped in white paper for germ control—maids have a tough time cleaning (is a motel). I’m cooking, a voice says
to add a sprig of holly to a TV dinner or some covered dish. I’m working topless at work, I suddenly notice and put
on a gold T-shirt from yard sale. I don’t really look naked—gauzy when I look down. Ms Ross interviews
me—security. She’s wearing a slip, no blouse. Men comment on it—Henry Rozdal. Also cheek bones, not looking
young anymore. Comment about women being jealous of cheek bones; that’s when she takes off her blouse; then
she says, “you can go.” She said one conservative organization woman said I belonged to several subversive
organizations; she says conservatives are subversive. Sandy Cortez tells me I’ve done a pile of work with Pat
Magro (at table) and inspectors think Northrop is really busy because I don’t have a desk. I did 20 items. A lot of
traffic on Inglewood Ave, hard to get on. Glad to retire from the Federal Government and the Federal Prison. Most
beautiful thongs today. Doctor exam table, covered with paper, I told you 200 times, nothing wrong. I went to work,
slept; Ms Ross again—talking. I wake up, it’s 7:40, man talking about the 70s—we were fat, went into the kitchen,
ate something rich with a lot of calories and had a lot of sex. Now we’re thin, we go in the kitchen and eat something
low in calories. I look up at Viagra and say, “take pills to have sex.” Take lots of pills, man puts white powder on his
feet and lower legs.

6/21/99 Christian Science, Dumas, glasses, when she got better. I finally busted out crying. Hopped into a wall of
rabbits. T T-bone. Five words—“do die ko mo.” Driving through fog, voice says, “is this a bright sunny day?”

6/22/99 Horse on balcony, half the story (sky), advantage of acting, plebicites. A man is saying that each branch of
a tree/plant is territory (for bird, small one). I go back and forth to a bookstore—recipe for chowder—red or white. In
a records center, some men are going thru files throwing out old records. They say they’ll need a lot less people as
soon as they’re done. The records to be thrown away go up a conveyor belt. I finish a job much more quickly than
they were doing it.

Man complaining that his parents are rich but they never buy him any boots and other things. A beautiful new red
dress they’re getting for me—ruffle on the top. Guns changed. A strawberry farm, not me personally, level of
vicious dog—back of fist. A man chooses, disapproval, that’s certainly not the case here. Like fat guy in chair—not
comfortable. New style of lines, indent first line. I have too (woman’s voice), if you’re there, you stay overnight, if
you’re not, knockin. What bucket; genes for type of personality. Tell me what, to take anything back, leaving her
behind/kind, you have a nice weekend. Can you imagine being washed up at 25. A blue workshirt covered in blood,
also a blouse. Washer going, sink, getting ready for something, a lot of tasks. 1548061. Some men from work
following me, I go through a boutique on sidewalk; one says, look, yardsale. Then cut through a bridge—wind,
causes vertigo. Thurston not wearing shirt; Federal Building in distance—you can see a clock on it. Thurston
crosses the bridge. Also Sandy Cortez.

6/23/99 Can Freud. Can sick. I don’t care about glasses. Software for letters, can indent on one side or both. Paper
stays stacked. Woman says the desk is on an incline. Follow the old ball to the old ballpark. Incentive career,
another sign of mental problems. 409 battle—has chocolate flavor Gas-X, everythings okay for another day, five
sets of some clothes—useless. They’ll let me out, Mr. Brown.

6/24/99 In a building looking out over …. I pick things and try them to see what the results are. In one I’m a fat
motherly type fussily… Two rows of buttons up the chest of one blouse, my dad in there in one, he’s calm. Noisy
office, mine, man, Jesse—new rooms. Man’s books look like triangles but door is open. Behind that, love seat,
hydraulic panel for TV, stereo, lock windows. I buy loose CDs –put in case. Driving, hit deep sand the city workers
just dumped out. Car skids around. Person (woman does charges) says there’s probably a lot of damage. Prices just
changed—must be 1st or like new TV Guide—Saturday. Man looks in wallet and still has lots of money. Desolated
because of that, calendar on a day near bottom it says, “cook chicken for supper.” I’ll rise to it. Going after my
head—my head.

6/25/99 Group of people deciding where to eat—Chinese food, $1 a plate. Clothes for laundry—red blouse. Waiting
outside a shoestore, door propped open by shoes, wind blowing through. Kifle Bekele and Rick Coutu sitting
outside on the ground. Shop next door has less wind, they say the Government owns Limos. Snow on ground,
Yolanda shows up, says she needs a calendar, can’t support or confirm me, yard sale. I called Wilson, last time me
had… hangover, lying on floor, no shirt (Mike sick), then he has a bald head. Someone passes out sugar free candy
and raspberry yogurt; I get a half empty jar of baby food, look around for baby, ask if I should finish that. My brain
brain fragmented and fell apart; that’s the first time you mentioned. At work, a list of thing, I pick one and a voice
says, “that could mean something else.” Almost everything has two meanings. My sister beats a man up when she
runs into him on her rollerskates, then complains because men don’t come up to her; she ran into him
accidentally—knocked him into next…. She’s only 35 and she’s a nurse. I was memorizing a list of names or codes.
There was a logic that I thought would make it easy until I could get somewhere and write it down. In the colonel’s
office, vacancies at different offices—one was a 14 at Karson/Carson. Someone has majority 51%, I find out, can
determine policy. Building shakes every now and then at work, from machines, could be chemical danger. Then we
came out there and started doing the same thing other places—analyzing people’s situations.
Deviation—daughter’s ovarian problem; dependence on Tarot cards is measured, other things. Even he has tasks
to do, assigned like take out garbage. Some oriental woman’s way of turning all women into visions of loveliness;
sooner or later I can do everything. Abraxing or frebraxing—example right now if I wanted to put Marvin Bell under.
The boy that used to be able to do so much—now I sing with him. This is new to me, rise again, distress signal.
Person sounds like pigeon crowing. Do you feel like going to get a cup of coffee, all over when star-crossed , lovers
shriek in happy way. Surface, car sitting crooked like crazy night. Children get too personalized a sense. Deaf girl in
Air Force uniform. She smells like grass, has rabbit grass on her back. She’s never fight the fight, never got the pal,
hightower, I’ll help you get a cigar. There’s another ultimatum from Don Tokeshi. Even you can’t tell what hurt you
before and now, different picture—math teacher. I go to a place—big house, auto parts. Inside I buy several items,
ask price, guy says they’re on them—can of mushrooms flattens out, spark plugs. Old coins: copper buffalo nickel,
some of the coins are made of shells, some jade spoons, some just jade colored. I tell man he could be replaced by a
sensor that tells if people pay by themselves. He’s nice. Elaine is there—car broke down, radiator leaking. Then I’m
afraid they won’t let me leave, man likes me. I collect my stuff as I walk to the door; purse was behind me. Man
behind me says you have to trust; woman says you have to keep an eye on your purse. I get out, snowy field—car
way on the other side. When I get there a bull is hugging it—black one that looks like a black bear. I tell some men
to get it off; they say, “no!” Lou Gizzarelli walks by, I open door and get in. Now bear’s butt is in windshield and I
can’t see; put it to side. I yell for Elaine but my sisters run up; I thought they’d want to stay there—I unlock the
doors and they get in. Dad’s house, Shirley is in a corner typing, a mouse runs by. I talk about the housing for
students (confuse Hawthorne with Iowa City)—large house with one room each, wood is rotting from water, can
crumble it off. I gradually become my other self—King/Queen of spades and Knight (least important).

6/27/99 The cards talk, old lady saying she’d do anything she can for someone. Young woman saying the rich do
anything they can. The other Sheila peeks out. “I can die. I didn’t love you.” Cloth on knee, and I did…. Pregnant
woman’s husband—baby’s head is struck; says it’s time to fight/go. Twice a week—no, twice a day. West road,
Westphal. Collection, hold it and a man goes around to see what you gave. Without you I’m a jack of all trades,
master of none; a panel of people, only one woman answers. Two queens—goal of left one to remarry, right one to
divorce. Little girl too dangerous to attend with her for good. Lobby full of pregnant women, even they were all
gone. Only 2% of men return to withdraw from sperm bank. Teenaged girls, if you just look at them they cross it off.
Never a single compliment, repair, not attack; Boosler doesn’t have time, sit and look escalator at airport, eating fish.
Now I know why we keep lights, dark depression, sister is dead, the cards take turns talking to you. Nurses talking,
“we’ll probably have to write her up as dead.” “They bite”, at Galleria. Unmarked envelope, 2G on back. Picture of
female anatomy inside, can’t drive. Jan 1 to Jan 70, 1997. Ridiculous—could make mad (sound of thighs rubbing).
Window on ocean—don’t have to work until you want to. Water skiers get filthy on the 7th due plate. Keep starting
over; pigs killed a tree and ate it. Man climbing tree—platform, then go up even higher, sacrificed. Best,
bed—waterbed according to man. $100,000 for baby, charge only for reflexes.

6/28/99 FRAP—what is it? College overbooked. Kids in carseats. I’m working, it’s June 27 or 28 in dream; the date is
in a bucket; I’ve almost finished something or am good at it from practice. Someone guides me around. There are
two elephants in a cage; one says it was supposed to teach the other one, which was angry. I think the teacher may
have learned anger from the student. It’s far away so I run for the fence, horse. It’s a hairy elephant. It’s smart, will
be able to get inside house when someone opens the door—will run through. I can’t take my job anymore and quit,
then have to go back because I have 2 more years. The regulations to fill are famous women of the Air Force. I have
very fancy high heel thongs and other pretty shoes. My skirt has a slit. Outdoors it looks like Van Meter High
School; a koala is out there—women are playing with it. I walk over where I can see around the building to
playground. Something about a receipt Bernie asks if I have. I’m looking at some things to buy but they’re all sold.
They need you/he didn’t hear/he had indeed heard you/ the library. Date decorates and shows off the clothes; Dixie
and Nancy Gibson. A bare tree, a woman like a lion—front two paws like shell game covering something; letter from
insurance company—Tarzanville. Daniel Freeman Hospital—marble floor, dancing—filthy, fraud and focus. Up on
roof; milk in a water ball. Sharp sticks, can’t chase people with clubs; why not?

6/30/99 My sister asks why I didn’t pay for a book she sent; I take her to the library—it’s a phone book she ordered.
The library has pictures of me someone donated and have already stored them. Surrendra Sahgal has loss of feeling
in his hands. Tony Clark introduces me to his son (the one shot at McDonalds?) He gave his mother $65, sitting in
the kitchen, loose plaid sundress is too big. Could you send it back to me. I’ll send it back.

7/1/99 Guy behind me in line at a store says, you must work in an office with a lot of white people. I say how did you
know? He says, white line around your mouth—it spells out God…. I think he’s a nut. I buy a handful of potato
chips, run away and end up in a retirement town which is in a dead-end canyon. Wearing my nightgown walking
down the street; then in my room at Dad’s and it’s raining. Red, white and blue at a retirement place—tunnel like
Pasadena, pedestrians. Kids with turkey leaving town pushing carts of food.

7/2/99 “Good.” All RV (recreational vehicle) learn by projecting their assumed identity on PI or onto other entities. It
does no good to contemplate suicide. Only 6 of 10. Little brown rabbit, some gray ones in a hallway; I’m
packing—books and clothes, very tired. People keep pushing past me.

7/3/99 Soccer game, players take off in all directions. Booming voice, “no, it’s not.” Woman’s face changes, man
says, “I’ll never mention this again.” Logrithmic—long rhythmic. Jerry Quarry, the boxer. Cancoer. Dear John we
have gone. Straight across from where Al sits. You can plant it anytime you want. Lose it—stomach big wreck. A
woman shows me her chin lift says she looks younger. Pat with pink make-up.

7/4/99 Dolly, I know when I’m correct and there’s no way around it. Yrbmmm Wales thy callled work. Maybe exist when you come back, won't. Man in bathroom--pants, sorting out stuff from garbage--awards. What would make you happy--celery--keep smiling at our dead one. It's who's deciding the inside stuff. In a place with no air--I think about going to sleep when I'll die, when the air runs out (so I won't have to struggle to breathe). I leave a flute for Frank Grisham, paint green stripes between the holes he might not like, but I'll be dead. Before that other people had died of something else. I'm sealed in--the car, can't get the doors open. A man standing outside the drivers window has a metal bar/ the club but you have to make an appointment even to talk to him. Then I try to grab it and break the window; before than in Africa. I was thinking before I fell asleep about drifting out of my body down through the floor and woke up in the dream down under the building locked in the car. For every fish sandwich you have some ice cream. Who's going to run the big plantation. Queen of Pentacles--children look at my lessons. Queen of Cups--a toothy barrior could be gone. Queen of Wands--teacher. Queen of Swords--bad girl. 10 of Swords--paragraphs, I'm not Shirley; how about a trip to England. 4 of Swords--funeral. WOW--beach mommies. Muddy river from air view--dam broke. A cat with four mechanical mice. Neck with holes for several stoma/stomata. Virginia Wolf, keep her out, she always forgets. Earth from air view--turning below, clouds, land masses in ocean.

7/5/99 Fish grinding into table like cigarette, it looks like we might not get your (circle) done. Chinese woman talking--son, no need to tolerate his early successes; daughter--no need to tolerate her successes; old man--slips beneath waves. Try it--maybe you'll be the first to like it, scarey. Work easily like that old man (said) who scream at you. We can't finish this. BAV--remember this little configuration, first child when you get there. Up the stairs in apartment building. We didn't go anywhere--just 2-3 places. Angie, plant she pleaded with you to take to start over again--new growth on plant on table. We're directors and we're not permitted detecting. He thought he wasn't a good father because they didn't test my lungs. First blackout, 3000, vote. Rage and grief--someone comes. Big teeth or muscle bound--must watch out, even before the world were the gods, you stay here--watching TV. I let you go, Sheila, I've been too far, sex, pain and suffering, cars and combinations. The Old Man's Alien Cat World TV Show.

7/6/99 I'm talking about something, a voice says, Sheila! I didn't realize I was talking. Whoever lights the oven should be careful about flipping it off. No one was sitting there, were they? Her grades have fallen since she discovered boys. You could make a nest for awhile and then get smokey (kill mites). Fill it up like some of these younger they don't care what..... fireworks. It doesn't take long to get ready, give it to me (vest). Message? I didn't want to reach 39 or 29. Ringside. Jimny--oh, oh. Pee on rabbit food (lettuce crisper)--I'll bury the treasure by the sidewalk each morning so it'll be easier for you to find--in the sand. For discharge! For acquaintance.... times a month. Aisha, when she took the table off either. Folding up table cloth to fit, wind. $64,000 question, water in street. Avalon, want someone to see them for baby--looking at wall, people with heads chopped off on wood table--should we clean it up before we go somewhere. Hatchet daughter, learn how to learn.

7/6/99 A tree, branches green, white flowers, then burst into flame and burn up, bare burnt branches. People in courtyard, sun on their faces. Then a bare dark piece of earth. You'll see the mist--Republicans '92. Meatloaf I've never ...in my life.

7/8/99 Overlooking Palos Verdes from a window, lights on--view of city, maybe lovers lane. Plate of nachos. Brakes go out on car--steep hillside, El Segundo.

7/9/99 Kids drop 70 cents allowance on floor and Dad picks it up and asks if I want to give it to them. Nine years, then he started taking two girls to the carwash and acting funny. The boys want to slow down the sound, lights in distance on horizon, glasses laying on notebook, man throwing a small ball--says, either way, your heart muscle. Often says the right thing. Knock off that string or will steal the whole car. They sent the scrap report. Are you a Joe doll? or what? I'm in an old farmhouse at a party. The people have separated themselves into various rooms eating different foods; a couple in a bathtub. I'm packing a suitcase, one already in trunk; Thurston packing. Other one very thin like briefcase. I look from one doorway thru another one. I have to have or give a blood transfusion. A man taps on the glass window and I let him in. He's going to kill some guy but says he'll say he paged him if he gets caught. He says a name--Hewett? My T-shirt is covered with blood because of a badly infected ear. A truck goes by--I can see thru the cover--lion on top layer, several buffalo underneath it, a lion kills and eats something--swallows whole thing.

7/12/99 Two cock rings--one bigger, on someone's hand, along with other stuff, like pretzels. Dog died. Two scores, two blocks. I get an email--a day in the life. It has soldiers at war, explosions, palm tree, tank--there are three parts. This is their actual death. I ask someone to help me hypnotise myself. A volunteer is needed--I'm drawn to extremity. Children sleeping on the floor. The video comes alive around me. Poem, one line-- "49 still remain." Woman talking--next time she moves she has to pay to move the bed. Sitting, standing, lying, pacing. Have you got something for me--I won't turn it down, wicker shoes, picnic basket.

7/14/99 A new house under construction, neighbors complain about noise. Apartments are paired so that mirrors steam up when the other apt uses their sink. Page 85 in a book, good,come closer. Cohen, but the rest of the time. Going down ancient wood stairs, kid says to guess name someone said--Einstein. Sand on stairs. Air, water, magnet baffles for radioactivity in a machine. Court TV, feces in home care or day care. Revenge movie, create, gym suit,move over to next cubicle. They don't believe she has arthritis, they want to believe she has cancer. Tear down a wall. Books like pennies in a sack, teaching him to use a camera.

7/15/99 Harder to collect, you're not collecting animal, anima. Connie code works, if you don't market...good. The gray one or the conquest.

7/16/99 In a building--linoleum--old looking house. People getting ready for something. Different ideas on how to do it. Little kids in beds divided up different ways. I carry a little girl on my shoulder around a fancy house to look at the furniture. The dad has 3-4 kids--all 3 to 5 years old and says to take this other kid--blond, boy because he's more trouble for him. So I put him on my shoulder, looking at some art, dimes on shelf. Envelopes--addresses all mixed up. One, poems to Sandy--says, Carr and two other people.

7/17/99 Maps of cities and distances between them, in the mailbox. A shooting gallery; my gun shoots low off the target a few times--you get 50 chances to hit 30. I give her ice cube--she mad. A couple are driving to a town.... I'm in the backseat. They stop and pick up her two neices and have a blond baby. The back seat is full, so I sit on a big purse, ask if I'll crush anything. Then I have to drive, they ask if I would. It's raining hard, I say no. Then look, sun is shining. I can't see anything--mist. Then put on dark glasses even though it's night. Can see I'm on the wrong side of the road and stop by a railing. I make a U-turn and there's a cow in the middle of the road, I'm driving a tractor. The other side of the road has a cow that just gave birth--red calf. A black bull charges and pushes the tractor or convertible with his head--runs with it like I'm on his back--to a town. I have a bridle. I jump off in the town and run into a house--two kids watching TV, I ask if they know about the bull. Crocodiles will eat it. The world will drastically change. I think I should have read my Tarot cards. Now I'm in a strange town, it is cold, almost snowy. I start down the road trying to get my bearings. One road looks like I passed it before--may go to beach. Something about a big lay-off at work and who'll be out in the cold. New clothes, bull at crossroads. I get my feet out of the way just in time before the bull's head hits the car--would mash my feet. [When I was five, the first horse I rode, Spook, scraped past a pole and I lifted my feet out of the way or they would have been crushed.]

7/18/99 Live anywhere but upstairs, blond man, beard. Email, I meet a veteran--he wants $1500 and seed drink. I start with the drink. He's worse off than you because he still wants to get back to his parents. Hillside-I work on various children's needs, made himself scarce, stiff lace wedding dress. No info on my parents, they were both off fighting in the war. Film making couple always eat at the 5 and 10, sales were up. They always seemed like a happy couple until ABC or CBS dropped them. Jesse complains about something, I accidentally kick a little girl's head. She has an aneurysm on her temple. Ads in lobby of Northrop for teeagers, corporations. One display is the life cycle of manure. Jesse is going to stay late, he has 87 sunflower seeds to eat. Mattress on floor for little girl to sleep on. I wake up--5:20PM--I'm late going home from work. Queta talking about Buena Vista or Mountain View.

7/19/99 A short, fat man runs into the space next door to where they're fixing cars. They give him a job. A man shoots an arrow at Jim Carey and kills him (from a box). Van with hole in wall for pushing in cans of beer (or pitchers) that a man is going to live in.

7/21/99 The wound I never knew I had, they've got a red meat supply out there. Three paintings-- revolutionary period or stability; under hard conditions; comfort; good cheer (George Magazine). What you're doing to Kevin's family is not fair. A bed of rice--dry food on it. Veta Simpson's mom, pizza. A friend of Maria. Poop in the whilte boxes he dropped Kevin. How're you feeling on your sensitive foot. A young psychotic full of manic energy--descriptions of people. Branson's hired track--split up into compartments, wood shelves, talking, Pat sitting there. Since she was never impressed before--illnesses and pills. Rabbits have 24 babies, wash tits and comb chest hair. Pant baggy, jockeys up crack. We're reaching out and touching, merit. She keeps following me because I was trying to say something funny. Sandy, Pam and I crying in living room (East Coast) to find a time zone where danger is unnecessary. If something gets you out of one place, it should get you out of that place. In kitchen--dirty dishes, overcrowding of game birds--some moved to North. June of 69, overcrowding, old building--new people hired. I go to a new area in a field--a new supervisor--tall black guy--looks like Marilyn Manson has a poem he says everyone can read--gives it to me first--70 pages. Signe makes a comment.

7/25/99 I'm at the top of a hill but it's supposed to be at work. I have a lot of trouble moving people in the computer. A man leaves and I think I have to do the work, then another one takes it over from High School--Steve Davis. The work is "page". A girl wanted to go to the top of the hill to get an overview of the situation. Shirley is small, wearing boots from the National Guard--up to her butt. The job is being "depressed". I learn something about judging people. Then the next chapter is about anxiety and a voice says not to do anything and it goes away. The job is to be the bride or mother. You need clothes and "deliveries". People have to deliver to you. You have to control the situation. A woman comes out and asks me about the details and we go to a building like the Wild West--wood decorations on it. I was watching over thing like a ski jump. Red, green and gray turtle neck. People that leave retire or find other places--this is "work". Wednesday Thousand Oaks was number one. Page 92 is halfway through book-Stupid Things People Said--put it in the friggin sack to sell. It was already past 6AM--work begins, I need dress to wear. Lito has to do something to help me and shouts at me, then he has to ask me to do some thing for him. Something in all CAPS--I can give you the list (of those) going in two weeks if you want me to. I am stepped on and mashed down, old guy looks for people that are messed up. Counseling make-overs, I want to eat the crumbs, I want to be thrown the crumbs, I want it hot, not cleaners. Started 1940. Ken says I'm the quiet one, not the man. They test teh quiet one for something--if it works, some pill--the doctor blamed both Marina and me.

7/26/99 I retire--five minutes and I've signed the papers and left. Then I can't believe it. I go into the next room and Dad is there--it's a library in a fancy house. He has two clients, I interrupt. They continue talking business, Dad is Italian or Black, expensive suit. In the dream I tell him I retired because he retired from the Government too,then I realize he got another job and was very successful. He makes some coment to the men about how successful I am an that I'm going to .... buy a nice house? Car, keys in it--doors unlocked, I start to walk away, a big fire--some building completely burned--square one. A person walks along the edge of a drop-off. Drops off--walks down there. Falls into gorge, river, drowns, 7-year locust, the mother. Trained of a few items. Made good on his threat to stomp on you and trample you underfoot. Must be punished--forms middle--aunt meditates all summer--snows--something flies away. chicken dinners--first one--boy is dying of radiation sickness--about 8-9 years old. A man in a white hood, red stripe thinks he's got it too--kid grabbed his shirt and put it in neck. I already ate--high class political women like presidents wives are handing out food. I get water from a cooler; man shines a flashlight on some animals in cage--turning white from radiation--they look like weasels. Scientists there, stay awake doing math formulas. Then another dinner--go in canoe through swamp. Get whole chicken; it's small like a pigeon. Also a side-dish, we have to run and then eat. She serves from garbage cans and I haven't even started cooking. I have to cook myself since '78. A girl also has radiation sickness and wants to sleep on the floor by my leg. I slap her if she touches my leg--move to other end of couch. Tell man my hair is white in front, like weasels tails. There's no heat to cook. The swords--going through various from previous dream with chickens/rabbit dinners. 4 and 10. Then the 4 has a jungle gym of swords under it--there are all swords in various combinations--in box shapes, like I Ching or hopscotch. Dad has to work with the cows to make them nurse their babies. On a bus--man tells me I could be a PI--memorize names. Several men win something--get on bus--say, "oh, no." Sister sits by driver--bus cheap. Driver reads map or brochure while she drives. Space in back of bus to stretch out. No toys for kids. Plants okay. A woman wants vinegar she puts on her salmon she serves her boyfriend. There's fish on the top of the soil on the plants cooking under the lights.

7/29/99 Halfway up the hill from the ocean I look back. The waves are very agitated like someone shaking a pan of water. A girl wants new nurses uniforms; I think about new clothes from Macys. Starts--I have to get around a barrier. It's a bookcase and crawling underneath--very small space. Other people have to jump off a cliff of hay bales. I have a "flip" leaflet--red. It turns from ... to .... to .... communism, to activism, to apathy (?) Conservatism, to awareness.

7/30/99 Naked man at a computer. My bare butt. House on fire--an Italian guy's--set by Mafia or to cover his past. Nuclear plant across the street catches also. End of civilization. I think about camping in the woods. Get captured by some men, stripped and raped. They think I might enjoy it. A talk about a pair of red jeans, then the other Sheila is wearing them. Try to flee--if I/you see a UFO/lots of people and aren't emotionally stable, you'll revert to your breakdown.

Rape dreams. I am in the back of a large station wagon with several other people. I see a man who looks like John Travolta near the back door--his face is very white and hairless. Suddenly he grabs my head and I start crying. Then I see him in a white robe smoking and he says he's sorry but that was the only way I'd believe he wasn't going to leave me..... I'm crouched by a brick wall naked, crying, white and hairless. Tom Imoto is retiring and is standing over me....Since 1980 at Sierra Rubber, before I am going to get a bonus or promotion I have dreams that I have to have sex with a supervisor. In one, Dan Aguon brutally bends me over a white table with grid design on it in his office foyer. Then he gets a phone call and I dazed get up and leave.

I'm in a strange city, walk past a bank--looks Japanese. It's a college, I think about taking a business course and trying to get ahead in this new country (the Japanese have taken over). The man in a group walking nearby says, "cleaning woman" --I'm surprised he speaks English, looks Italian. We both say, "no comprende" at the same time...I think I should learn the word for sex in new languages. He says, "I make you happy every three years" and goes through a hole. I go through too and see a city to the left down a peninsula. Small village to the front..looks like an Indian pueblo,open country to the right, with a mountain...I wonder if I could fly instead. Turn around and go back in the building..clothes for sale in a hallway...pale green linen dress for $19 or $3...another woman looks at it and says she has $19 hips. A dress with a clear bottom like a shower curtain. Back in the building I look for my desk...find a dorm with bunk beds. A man comes in and says he had to go to Cedar Rapids (Cedar Rabbit) but it wasn't expensive, he only had $3. I ask about two blonds since he brought it up and he says, "but they don't give me... or an heir." I say i dont give him an heir either. On the stairs is a note--"she cooked me a decent meal, Deej."

I hear cars--sports cars spinning out in the mud.

8/3/99 Packing, I want only the important boxes--there is a wreath or Indian "shield" woven of lawn chair material--I throw it in and it sinks like in a toilet, has streamers. I get stuff out of the toilet. I'm in the "waiting room" between Linda and Lito's offices. Important based on what? Toothbrush or that I'll live longer than you? You don't care about throwing things away do you? As long as.... Colonel's office, talking about Ed Leisy--been there since 1961. Raining on Manhattan Ave, Diane's bikini shop--still the problem of the job. A man carrying me on his shoulders and we look at all 4 corners. [Buildings on 3 of those corners torn down during the coming summer.] Six, a long time will go by after you wait or shoo the birds away. A woman comes up to me by the copier and mumbles, "there's a smell, but it's not as bad."--by your desk. Incoming. I'm still trying to find a chair...health...how do I...have you seen this get...automate the outgoing...you're worth more...should have done this...there, I'll write it down...dinner rights...opening intro...too many people.

8/6/99 A crowded house, various beat up wood tables...all empty, being dusted. An oriental woman with short hair, big daughter, putting frosting on a wedding cake but it won't stick. Guy who looks like Gary running a fork lift. I say, Gary? and follow him, but his legs look too skinny to be Gary, too young, gray uniform, then white pants.

8/7/99 "70" is password for Japanese part of the computer. Act as if... 2nd degree murder, going home, kick myself, both cash, empty office--pink chairs between me and the door. Rights of HS students--search them, to remain silent. Huge spider, a foot across in a hole near the ceiling, I'm dusting with a broom. Don't listen, especially parents. Who will it be...

8/8/99 A fire, I have to get dressed before they get there, man has died suddenly from stress of the fire maybe. It's the apartment behind ours, everything brittle. At the same time I'm working on a list of emergency numbers like the nurse at work. Take possession Aug 21st.

8/9/99 Escaping from a department store--men's dept all sold on the 2nd floor, two men get captured. I squirt soap in two guards eyes, one goes with me. Hard to run--wind tunnel. Other people join me for awhile--a 12 year old girl, naked, then dressed says people say she's very beautiful. A guy with a yard sale--shoes boxes of stuff. Also has kittens with mother--one fat kitten, get on my feet, climb into lap. Light on in the basement and porch, a guy comes up from the basement I thought he was gone. Dentist, TV dinners with meat $52, steak in garbage. Woman driving through hilly area, has to fly to brother, says to younger girl to go to fashion show and hang around restroom and see what brand jeans the models are wearing. Cat on a Hot Thin Roof. Computer password is limit 7,8 or 40.

8/10/99 I'm involved in a murder mystery, Dad's house, kitten on stairs, I try to get away in truck, man climbs a rope I'm holding--middle class looking--something horrible in basement. Finally I ask another character if he knows how this movie ends and I hand a clue--a childrens book with a magnifying glass out the porch window to police. I spray everyone down below with a hose and they get up from sleeping bags and run, it's like dinner theater where you're part of the action. I have to wait and see if my character gets murdered, sound of breaking glass from picture frames behind me. Wind, I'm captured, my punishment is to be tied up in the basement or sit outside all night on the door to the basement tied up, no food, no books, no coat. dog has silver bone. Japanese guy, reunion, now passes money without picking it up. I nearly choke myself to death eating the dish instead of the food. A letter, truck has something written on it, delivery van or taking things away. White with blue lettering on van side, this is for you. I sit on ground--insects, must wash, hose appears, washes away kittens from stairs,mother hid them up there. I ask who characters are, are the police corrupt--their cars won't start, they have to share the two trucks. Also missionary climbs rope to give me something. Pregnancy in circle/hole share. Take soap to countryside so you can improve it. Feed body to fish. Lets see you do it, or you do it. Sending a picture of a soldier to a bunch of people. The word had only mastered it significance--coincidence. Roll with the punches. Old dress--which characters does that bother, some women, some men, subway to Hawaii. Julia Childs voice "we did better today." I always had my kids in May, not pregnant over summer. Eggplant hire just the same, eggplant bull and melon horse for funerals. Wore the dress on the other side too, reversible. I am with everyone in a room, kitten dead, speech--I hope it's not that loud. Heirophant, I have a horror of all the cards. The boy has never owned the things falling from the hands of the callous king (king of wands) and bedoins. A horror of words, send them to me. Tired of wearing lucky blouse. Towering over the incumbents in the zoo. Italians extort the arms and legs of Venus do Milo (Italians). Let me convert you.

8/13/99 Young people walking arm in arm, lie on blanket. Man in red shirt running, knocks two blond boys unconscious. A woman shoots at a big statue of a bird--paint balls. House full of stuffed animals, no room for kids. Some women live there, go in window, two cards with notes. Woman has a ring with a cluster of pearls and breaks one off. Man and kids run ahead of me--have to cross a street or fence. Long sidewalk ahead of me with some people. See young people walking arm in arm, girl in white pants. Things disappear like my degree and I have to go back to school, I have to study, christmas tree in corner behind panel. Two puppies/rabbits clinging to my feet, white and black, white one humps my hand. Women in house say they're mediums. A young black guy at the door says he's doing an inspection of electrical cords and then moves in--says I'm segregated. It is an unusual house with open windows and doors on a bare plain--house when I was born was torn down but is now back, a ghost house. I can't hear and he talks in my ear, a woman is dead--I'm shocked, she's young, in the dream I know her.

8/14/99 I try on wedding dresses--too tight, can't get it off. One is black and red (at Goodwill Industries) with beads all over it. Drive tractor to Eureka teaching a guy to use the split brakes, Ford tractor--he wants a big Farm-All. river bridge, no railings, can't find town. Little kids I lead to house; I'm babysitting. Little blond girl has wet diaper. I ask which way Eureka--I tried one direction and it was a row of warehouses, garment manufacturing. A girl says, there's a group of environmentalists from Oregon. I think, they're too far from Oregon. A horse rearing, covered bridge. Planes in air over ocean at the bottom of a hill, highway 90 hear Booneville. First a 747 changes into a rocket going straight up. Then a formation of 4 planes, various. Voice says, "don't look at them." They are on maneuvers--war games. Explosions, bright flashes of light in the air. I was going to take a bath in the ocean, have to wait. Might disrupt things, Sandy in the water already. A man with a clipboard says there's someone in the jacuzzi. Slip and slide, some are like.... Reach down into fluffy mass to make something solid, bring piece of wood, doesn't make sense, don't you understand.

8/1/99 I'm working on something difficult at work--putting together some ideas. Bernie helps me, first I have to throw out some old calendars from 96 and 97 that were never used. I'm cold and a man lends me/I take his coat. Too warm. It's a shirt, fuzzy chenile. I'm down in a valley, black guys come to take the garbage--the calendars. I was saving some good thing from them--had to rip open packages. I go over to a different area to get the timecards at a private company like Sierra Rubber. I'm talking about what I'm doing so I'll remember it, I say I'm out of money and the rent is due. Another dream about $1,000, checks. A tall woman with pink lipstick, shorter man kisses her. Spontaneous choice among four. Man trying to move a half-full waterbed. Foam door, plastic coating peeling off, removing 50,000 spotlights, off me lately. If it has to go through that metal, 5000 feet down through solid metal...maybe pyramid shape like drilling through a mountain. A boat going through a canal, takes two, some people raise their hands. A page of pimentos or red garbage ties, to tear off, did you talk? Itch on ankles, beads on my ankles, black and clear. Slalom ski trail, mini skirt, silk robe, vit e pill on tofu ham, don't have to worry about a job, purple rabbit with black ears, pee here sweetie. Chewing gum in my sleep,sticks to the roof of my mouth and I almost suffocate in my sleep. One kitten will understand.

8/17/99 A lot of things to do, I can't fall asleep. They look like sausages. I'm in a cove where waves wash over the rocks. Little babies/small kids in snowsuits crawl over the ice and are washed over by waves. It (water) eats into rocks and ice. A temporary play can result in labor lost, thick feeling, crawl into baby body.

8/20/99 Walking through a parking ramp, creek empties into a river. A dam where you aren't supposed to walk--I walk up the spillway (very shallow water, about one inch deep over concrete). I have to fill out a questionnaire--everyone I've ever known. The first one didn't speak English, I ask if I have to list everyone. He was in Washington dedicated to that great task of algebra, geometry. Going backwards, a parade of little kids, they have to go single file. A man is strapped to a stretcher wrapped in blue (familiar man). Black woman in a room, I go in and kiss a blond woman in an Irish sweater. Pciture of a snowy field on a wall--pink and purple shadows means late. I was in the parade going one way, but at night. Rose petals in his beard, no shepherd case from Iowa. Map of islands on a T-shirt. A long swim in the ocean. these words--parades trample and disrupt--several people wide. Policeman/Navy (khaki) opens door to where doctors drive through Mom's land. Pee all over toilets. Badger Creek. Man changes uniform and leaves it--says he'll hang it up. Maybe wet the bed. Girl says someone vomited on toilet too.

8/21/99 Someone gives me water to drink and my boss sits me up--I'm lying down. He says, "Sheila!"

8/22/99 I'm at the class, very boring, time goes slow. A supervisor is there instead of the worker--tries to figure out chart. then I start walking back to work, jog but only my right foot touches the ground. Someone is following me, a small dog. Gets closer and is bigger. There's a robot dog laying on its side. then I have to cut through a lecture and a black middle aged woman is saying that all friendships must come to an end. People start to walk out and she makes them sit down--balcony and first floor. then I cross a parking lot of a store--man selling bedroom furniture. Looks like Costco or Walmart. A diagram of a kid's birthday party on the wall where the hall turns. Then I'm on railroad tracks with white rocks. An industrial area, a man is following me. I point my finger like a gun and he says, "do you want to kill me, go ahead and see what happens."

8/24/99 this is the most complex organism they've seen. Each year more and more... to deal with. 2000 year old shoes. Mowing weeds in the ditch at Dad's house. I will allow you to take this somewhere and study it, flac jacket, ring, flowers. To be friendly with someone when first come into room. Pet collar to keep from licking wounds. Boston.

8/26/99 Buy dresses in Columbia and India. Ice hitting window, has extensions like stickers or burrs. One broken pane. Towel--wet clothes.

8/30/99 Poor against rich--young guys. One says, "I'm taking your things." I run away around building, up a ditch with river, all I have is a sharp stick. A man above on the bank has an ivory spear or dead weed sticks.

9/1/99 Seaside town--I get off highway for gas. Water to right. Houses on stilts. Road on stilts. Bridge wet--water was up. Park to left. Whole town picnic. Museum with stuff for sale, an oriental girl in a short copper skirt, no blouse walks through, sound of some game with clicking noise.

9/3/99 A meeting, lots of women. A man with kids, wife, mother-in-law says, "do you know what they say about me?" Woman sitting next to me says, "he's hurt you enough."

9/5/99 Dream about clothes; wrong ones for work, I have to answer phone too. All disease has been erradicated. Cow manure in barn. I fall asleep at work,lights off when I wake up. John Barman wakes me up when he walks past. It's 4-5 PM, dark outside, I'm the only one there. Layers--if layers appear--this is life on Mars (bacteria) from British science magazine. Desert travel of the eye. Pink dress shrunk, blue on front. Oatmeal. You'll have to do that when you come back from beach--poetry. This is how (real) personalities are forced. Production cuts at work. F18, F5, B2. Rick says Mike leaking snow. Freezer will bread. Box of christmas presents to take home, box of stationary split into months, paper is creme and gray, December one has just decorations--Santa, voice says Nativity, that's good. Halloween one has very flimsy paper. Little chicks, black, orange. Trying to turn on light, won't turn on, funny noise.

9/7/99 Something is empty. Salesman. Fleeing after seeing your face in mirror. Bad day. 2 chances, October and ..... Top view of someone's head, a bleached blond. All the dogs had departed the camp.

9/9/99 Game like Monopoly but the squares are disease and death on the 4th side--round stepping stones. It's in a hospital, some people have been waiting months or years. Room with the collected books of famous psychologists, dumped on the floor. I'm looking for one starts with "P"--perseverence, procrastination, preservation. Women pick up the books on the floor. Oak, voluntarily. Go back in time to the ant. A mushroom growing on me at the braline. I look for dermatologist/Dr Nylund number. Mushroom has stamins. Phone book isn't in alphabetical order--some are scribbled in, some say "name left off" or "paper not returned". This is outdoors, a pile of phone books, plastic bags, water balloons, alligator shaped plastic bag, silver ear-rings, beads, Man says, you really need this--one red bead. All you do is spend money.

9/10/99 A luncheon with 4 Japanese salads, meat on turning barbeque. I set a lot of places at a long table. Mental deranged killer.

9/11/99 Splat on windshield, bug guts running down. Rick Coutu and women working in some fields. Squirrel nest, new in one tree--fills whole tree. A man asks about it. Behind a dirt barrier. I read a contract, sign bottom. man on horse--tall, thin, is new, rides horse to warn next town--Union meeting 1130PM. Boy on pony follows (no legs, veteran). Man is one of new Union people they had to send--woman too. Goes wrong road down mountain--horse jumps off the cliff. Very rough road--boy says, "feel it?" he knows the way down. This is to get off early on a traditional day. Man says to meet there at the field and be quiet so he won't get caught. Boy tries to go right way but man's horse goes over cliff and pony follows.

9/12/99 Data analysis at work, one woman talks about collecting cash. Someone tells me to park in management parking lot-get hay on supervisor's car (Jesse) driving Mom's old green Chevy truck. The most self-sufficient people thinking about recipes during some speech. Huntsman goes away-horn in woods. Music is three times sweeter, phobia because of her purse-wants to go to jail.

9/13/99 My old boss, Tony Brandon-selling, not trading stuff off the cliff at Dad's. Freezer, silver in color, wrapped in tape. These are the tools of his trade. Goes into room where co-workers are and they say "salesman." Starting over-they pat on back. After awhile I don't use it-list of people from past. Freezer makes something, rabbits also. Tied up in water, buried in ground, lifted in art, burned but not hurt. I'm on street corner in Manhattan Beach. I take friends (like credit card)-don't want to give up, don't need to. I won't feel the pain (Southern accent). Snake family-meat eater doesn't drink coffee and become prussic. Stockpile, I eat family. Red brake lights ahead, the week-end ends, don't count it like that. He watches me, I watch them. It was kinda funny, flush with it yesterday, should be able to see tonsils if infected. Drunk ever since. You don't have to watch it if there's something better on. I don't want to give the babies up. Nine went up the wall, nine came down. Follow around-don't need it, things are bad, then the double appears. He bought a new place in the woods/trees he can't afford with crickets and snakes. Punished, squashed, 65 pounds. You get through with a few minor bumps and scrapes. Son-in-law, stomach cold, go to town. Mom had a hydrangia. The phone is back (connection), I added four jacks. If they think about the adults-no, that's better. The goat. In that one area, crowded-I don't think so. Man in green uniform. Window cleaning guy-screen cleaning.

9/14/99 A workers' hell. Lots of people in orange jackets; sports workers. A man with pay envelopes-says, "no argument, 75%" I don't know what that means. He has new furniture-blue and red curtains. He's a tall white guy. A restroom-teenaged girls off for the summer are working here in hell. I'm with my in-laws and sit down on the ground and refuse to leave and they leave. The workers throw off their orange vests into a pile near me. They are revolting. I start to question the man with the pay envelopes. They might just be leaving after they throw off the vests.

9/14/99 Wear the pants in the family, if you want to have a blond doll's head. A page of stamps, stick. Cowboy looking kid rides a stick horse. Two papers. Not in music, how much is first one, cigarette butts, two ashtrays, sawdust. It's going to cost a fortune to keep it (Hermosa). You could have cleared me. If I say you can take that game, they take it over and over. The next step where people are seasoned. Yikes we've got 2 minutes. Look at that hand, it's driving me nuts, it's dropping.

9/15/99 My paper intelligence. Better send it. Living expenses from the federal govt. Hour and a half, 30 minutes. District personnel moving again in April.

9/17/99 I'm at work, four new women are picked up by a van. They must live at a "home." They're all pretty heavy but normal acting. First they talk about lawns. They have a big one-say regular houses have a big strip of grass. Then there's a picture of a frog's face painted on one woman's bed, but she says it looks like a crow-some of the pictures are pretty scary. I think about redoing the art-which is bas-relief concrete sculptured walls. Faith returns from the doctor and I was using her desk. She says the doctor said.... I wash some Christmas plates, talk about where you're from. Bus trip through West Des Moines, I look for better art for the women in an art fair. Also see it along the street from the bus window. Think that virtual art may replace physical art-can just have a picture projected. Goes past disordered, crowded area-then municipal pool-looks Olympic. On bus, boy sitting on my lap-baggy jeans and man on my left in denim. A row of pictures of shirts. Then an area where men use their own cars/vans/utility vehicles to move gravel. Must be building a road. A man lying on the ground says they only make $45,000 and that's low. That's more than I make ( I have to think and it partly wakes me up). A girl on a cell phone says she's waiting there, then she makes another call about a legal case. I say the rest of the trip through this area is an industrial park with rough roads and you might break down and a voice says you have to see it all-it's all interesting. Pine Street, Long Beach-looks like Chicago, goes on and on. The people are all inside. Mardi Gras or Louisiana maybe too. You understand what bad television was. Books down in basement at Acres of Books-is smaller. If you get nervous when you're nervous it cancels out like taking Ritalin for hyperactivity. People eating at Golden Sails lobby at table, a voice says it would take time to gun them all down. Anger in a blue tube-eating at a student desk. Advancement-a woman's voice saying you can do it. Car swiped from Bristol Farms-they brought it back when I came back.

9/18/99 Don Peterson from Chicago/work statistics class reads a poem, then says all he was feeling when he wrote it-which was late at night-needed new clothes, horny, had to pee, shit badly. Asks girl/class for interpretation. She says it's a porno album. Album as in photo album or music album because it's spoken like music. Women sing a Whitney Houston song. Highway in valley-very green and lush. Blond girl on spotted pony walks alongside car. The girl is pregnant, so she shouldn't be riding a horse. Her hair is pulled back in a bun, looks thin. They've changed her medication three times in the past few years and said it's because of her pregnancy. A man in a row of seats (red) ahead of me holds up a boy that looks identical to him-forehead, back of head the same-same bumps. Younger son sitting to right, wife to left. Photos and dream logs-one of my dreams for 1995 says I got nine emails in a minute. The pictures of the last page of the photo album are of a day at work when I wasn't there. Picture of Sandy standing by a sign that says, First Friend-dressed in pink (or Mom). A gold statue of Abraham Lincoln; a girl standing next to a big missile-blond girl dressed in white pants and T-shirt. A quiz about TV shows-at a class. I'm at a complete loss-long list of about 20.

9/19/99 A man suddenly says that it's time for my test. One must be pushed. You have to know what the test is about-like Rosicrucians. I ask if he's going to help me with the test and push me out of my body and through a brick wall. He says it's allowed to have your dogs/strange dogs in the room during the test. The barking relaxes you, I surmise. I mentally run and dive through the wall, dry run, but don't. It looks like the house on Larch. Then I get pictures back. Another woman is getting hers; I keep asking if she got nine complete sets. Then I show someone my pictures. The top one is England countryside and (London) train station. The farm has a low brick wall with waves beyond. They can easily go over the wall and flood. They are high, like Holland. Everything will be washed away in a storm. At the station is a blond middle-aged woman who works there. She says she lives at Carmel on the Sea and just works there. To avoid pollution, they keep the country low-tech with trains. I explain that I was supposed to meet a man somewhere, then he went to England, so sent me tickets for there instead, and I flew.

9/20/99 Baseball game, batter hits, but doesn't run because he's old. Waits to be "out" climbing a pole by home. He tells second baseman to come put him out, but he says he'll stay in his position to guard second. Batter finally lies on the ground in a sliding position and gets mad when the other player tags him hard. A trunk full of various packages of food-like from Farmers Market. At first you'd let the phone ring and feel relaxed from pressure (at home) but then the problems would creep back in. Everything one color at a time. All yellow. A green Japanese/Chinese character, very large. You could sit on the crossbars of it. I yell at kids to get out of the apartment, man says something about my mood. This is a trailer, I turn out the lights in grocery store. Clothes rack tipping-going to be more Gulf War. We don't see them for weeks no matter how little they've consumed the week before. Congealed. Did I ever bend my pants, yellow pie in my face. Pots on each side of picture, dagger not cause, girl's voice, "coming." T-shirt-new, black, small words-a sign of the times. Room for meditation, red-headed woman in Japanese long jacket says I try to give myself room. There are a few visitors, men. Purses in drawer, they aren't going to give you the whole purse another day. Ricky Nelson is that whole family twice. He didn't keep his looks, he kept his sons. Four girls bump forearms and a year later their skeletons are found. Now when we open our eyes we know this 24 hours isn't going to last (fat blond in penthouse overlooking city). Temp dropped 8000 feet. Read about TB.

9/21/99 Data analysis at work, one woman talks about collecting cash. Someone tells me to park in management parking lot-get hay on supervisor's car (Jesse) driving Mom's old green Chevy truck. The most self-sufficient people thinking about recipes during some speech. Huntsman goes away-horn in woods. Music is three times sweeter, phobia because of her purse-wants to go to jail.

9/13/99 My old boss, Tony Brandon-selling, not trading stuff off the cliff at Dad's. Freezer, silver in color, wrapped in tape. These are the tools of his trade. Goes into room where co-workers are and they say "salesman." Starting over-they pat on back. After awhile I don't use it-list of people from past. Freezer makes something, rabbits also. Tied up in water, buried in ground, lifted in art, burned but not hurt. I'm on street corner in Manhattan Beach. I take friends (like credit card)-don't want to give up, don't need to. I won't feel the pain (Southern accent). Snake family-meat eater doesn't drink coffee and become prussic. Stockpile, I eat family. Red brake lights ahead, the week-end ends, don't count it like that. He watches me, I watch them. It was kinda funny, flush with it yesterday, should be able to see tonsils if infected. Drunk ever since. You don't have to watch it if there's something better on. I don't want to give the babies up. Nine went up the wall, nine came down. Follow around-don't need it, things are bad, then the double appears. He bought a new place in the woods/trees he can't afford with crickets and snakes. Punished, squashed, 65 pounds. You get through with a few minor bumps and scrapes. Son-in-law, stomach cold, go to town. Mom had a hydrangia. The phone is back (connection), I added four jacks. If they think about the adults-no, that's better. The goat. In that one area, crowded-I don't think so. Man in green uniform. Window cleaning guy-screen cleaning.

9/14/99 A workers' hell. Lots of people in orange jackets; sports workers. A man with pay envelopes-says, "no argument, 75%" I don't know what that means. He has new furniture-blue and red curtains. He's a tall white guy. A restroom-teenaged girls off for the summer are working here in hell. I'm with my in-laws and sit down on the ground and refuse to leave and they leave. The workers throw off their orange vests into a pile near me. They are revolting. I start to question the man with the pay envelopes. They might just be leaving after they throw off the vests.

9/14/99 Wear the pants in the family, if you want to have a blond doll's head. A page of stamps, stick. Cowboy looking kid rides a stick horse. Two papers. Not in music, how much is first one, cigarette butts, two ashtrays, sawdust. It's going to cost a fortune to keep it (Hermosa). You could have cleared me. If I say you can take that game, they take it over and over. The next step where people are seasoned. Yikes we've got 2 minutes. Look at that hand, it's driving me nuts, it's dropping.

9/15/99 My paper intelligence. Better send it. Living expenses from the federal govt. Hour and a half, 30 minutes. District personnel moving again in April.

9/17/99 I'm at work, four new women are picked up by a van. They must live at a "home." They're all pretty heavy but normal acting. First they talk about lawns. They have a big one-say regular houses have a big strip of grass. Then there's a picture of a frog's face painted on one woman's bed, but she says it looks like a crow-some of the pictures are pretty scary. I think about redoing the art-which is bas-relief concrete sculptured walls. Faith returns from the doctor and I was using her desk. She says the doctor said.... I wash some Christmas plates, talk about where you're from. Bus trip through West Des Moines, I look for better art for the women in an art fair. Also see it along the street from the bus window. Think that virtual art may replace physical art-can just have a picture projected. Goes past disordered, crowded area-then municipal pool-looks Olympic. On bus, boy sitting on my lap-baggy jeans and man on my left in denim. A row of pictures of shirts. Then an area where men use their own cars/vans/utility vehicles to move gravel. Must be building a road. A man lying on the ground says they only make $45,000 and that's low. That's more than I make ( I have to think and it partly wakes me up). A girl on a cell phone says she's waiting there, then she makes another call about a legal case. I say the rest of the trip through this area is an industrial park with rough roads and you might break down and a voice says you have to see it all-it's all interesting. Pine Street, Long Beach-looks like Chicago, goes on and on. The people are all inside. Mardi

Gras or Louisiana maybe too. You understand what bad television was. Books down in basement at Acres of Books-is smaller. If you get nervous when you're nervous it cancels out like taking Ritalin for hyperactivity. People eating at Golden Sails lobby at table, a voice says it would take time to gun them all down. Anger in a blue tube-eating at a student desk. Advancement-a woman's voice saying you can do it. Car swiped from Bristol Farms-they brought it back when I came back.

9/18/99 Don Peterson from Chicago/work statistics class reads a poem, then says all he was feeling when he wrote it-which was late at night-needed new clothes, horny, had to pee, shit badly. Asks girl/class for interpretation. She says it's a porno album. Album as in photo album or music album because it's spoken like music. Women sing a Whitney Houston song. Highway in valley-very green and lush. Blond girl on spotted pony walks alongside car. The girl is pregnant, so she shouldn't be riding a horse. Her hair is pulled back in a bun, looks thin. They've changed her medication three times in the past few years and said it's because of her pregnancy. A man in a row of seats (red) ahead of me holds up a boy that looks identical to him-forehead, back of head the same-same bumps. Younger son sitting to right, wife to left. Photos and dream logs-one of my dreams for 1995 says I got nine emails in a minute. The pictures of the last page of the photo album are of a day at work when I wasn't there. Picture of Sandy standing by a sign that says, First Friend-dressed in pink (or Mom). A gold statue of Abraham Lincoln; a girl standing next to a big missile-blond girl dressed in white pants and T-shirt. A quiz about TV shows-at a class. I'm at a complete loss-long list of about 20.

9/19/99 A man suddenly says that it's time for my test. One must be pushed. You have to know what the test is about-like Rosicrucians. I ask if he's going to help me with the test and push me out of my body and through a brick wall. He says it's allowed to have your dogs/strange dogs in the room during the test. The barking relaxes you, I surmise. I mentally run and dive through the wall, dry run, but don't. It looks like the house on Larch. Then I get pictures back. Another woman is getting hers; I keep asking if she got nine complete sets. Then I show someone my pictures. The top one is England countryside and (London) train station. The farm has a low brick wall with waves beyond. They can easily go over the wall and flood. They are high, like Holland. Everything will be washed away in a storm. At the station is a blond middle-aged woman who works there. She says she lives at Carmel on the Sea and just works there. To avoid pollution, they keep the country low-tech with trains. I explain that I was supposed to meet a man somewhere, then he went to England, so sent me tickets for there instead, and I flew.

9/20/99 Baseball game, batter hits, but doesn't run because he's old. Waits to be "out" climbing a pole by home. He tells second baseman to come put him out, but he says he'll stay in his position to guard second. Batter finally lies on the ground in a sliding position and gets mad when the other player tags him hard. A trunk full of various packages of food-like from Farmers Market. At first you'd let the phone ring and feel relaxed from pressure (at home) but then the problems would creep back in. Everything one color at a time. All yellow. A green Japanese/Chinese character, very large. You could sit on the crossbars of it. I yell at kids to get out of the apartment, man says something about my mood. This is a trailer, I turn out the lights in grocery store. Clothes rack tipping-going to be more Gulf War. We don't see them for weeks no matter how little they've consumed the week before. Congealed. Did I ever bend my pants, yellow pie in my face. Pots on each side of picture, dagger not cause, girl's voice, "coming." T-shirt-new, black, small words-a sign of the times. Room for meditation, red-headed woman in Japanese long jacket says I try to give myself room. There are a few visitors, men. Purses in drawer, they aren't going to give you the whole purse another day. Ricky Nelson is that whole family twice. He didn't keep his looks, he kept his sons. Four girls bump forearms and a year later their skeletons are found. Now when we open our eyes we know this 24 hours isn't going to last (fat blond in penthouse overlooking city). Temp dropped 8000 feet. Read about TB.

9/21/99 The rabbits stand up only when they wake up. No pain. Rifleman, in car, again. Best possible, inopportune. Pictures that don't get old, tool bin at F18, familiar, what I can't do. Very dark, fence with gates, niche of opportunity. Soapbox, one for every system, lose your commitment. Drop rabbit pellets in their yard from helicopter so now they can shoot everybody all full of holes, innocence. Beer, bear. Strike weakness, number six, I couldn't.

9/23/99 Disaster relief, Fin Acq or Dis.

9/24/99 Study hall, factory wall. Three diamond rings taped hanging on paper on the wall. Directions for some task. Five tick marks behind one name. Becky.....

9/25/99 Collapsed, fragmentary building. Shards of glass sticking up. Woman in hospital, voice, "the cold hands will go away, the baby will stay hidden (in stomach)." Consuetta Cosima's time. Torn up, posters. List-you can't get out alive, life is terminal. Treatis on emeralds. In books, represents childhood; in life-mature child, beginning of adult cycle. Grown in coastal waters of Africa must be refined 50 times to get beautiful color. All get spots and may return to metal coins at any time. Grandma's front yard-kids playing, put up political signs-photographers there. Signs all across lawn. I tell some tall people they say, Hunckle-go back to Canada. Hinckley-go back to Puerto Rico. Rabbits, bathe them constantly-bend them down. Move copier to Colonel's office, have to climb on chest of drawers to get up into my office-a mattress very shaky. You have to finish this and fall apart (ironing). The wife nephew has something. Aunt Joan. Writing on ground-some in French says, "this is like living in a tenement building."

9/26/99 I drive to the freeway but get in the wrong lane-405 freeway-because a man tells me I don't need glasses. This is a grass covered lane-one lane is "dug in" more-and it goes to a retirement community. The old people have a health clinic-but they drive there, have a couple of drinks, dance a couple of numbers and go on to other activities. A woman talks to me at the corner of Manhattan Beach Blvd about my job and I tell her if she had my life she couldn't take the stress five minutes. The freeway goes past Mom's old house-everyone is crawling on hands and knees on the ground in their lanes. I'm new at this and must push two thin ones along in front of me. A woman crawls past very fast then collapses. A Japanese woman pulls a muscle (walking jerky) and a man helps her off to one side. A man crawling faster than I am tells himself the directions as he passes me. That's where I'm going too-Japanese blond guy. I'm approaching the place from the opposite side (Des Moines?). The directions are Sepulveda to ..., turn right, to.... Turn right again... (Va Hospital?) Interstate 35 in Des Moines. At work I have 4 quarters and some pennies on the table. Sugar free candy makes me sick; how much did you lose? Man at doctor sitting on table, back to me. I make the fakes (blanks). Telemarketing is too closed for you. Change for rabbits, a voice, why don't you get some water and some dirt. You don't need it (any mouth or mouse), 4 T-shirts on bed, mine sticks to me. When you're fighting for justice you can't go on and on. Dirty product, plant something in apartment 5, big plant. Like green onions if you're gonna eat them. ... Man gives me his soda, I give it back-grab around shoulders, distraught. Must come to me, show me, stays at age you first use it. Disgrace to govt (fat blond girl). Sterile. 24-hour period they can stay in bed (eat turnip greens). Hospital in dream you can stay as long as you want. Magnets-1,2,3 (numbers on T-shirts of birds, then bears). Girl with 3 bears in baby carriage and carrying. Sticky honey cake, housewife. Peel yourself (knees) like potatoes (vegetable). I've got to eat something good today. Glass of oil in bed. Anyone who read my commentary (could be anyone). Black silk shirt wth flared sleeves-spy that shagged me. Austin Powers. Can't be getting enough after 4-5 years. The road out-singing one by one, we've done it. Fence-bleached white, can't keep going over it. Do..., will you (look out). Plate of Chinese food (poison?) under car on passenger side after I cook. Seeds like grapes on vine (passion plant). All dried up, ready for harvest. Advice on dress-first things first (F18). Bed didn't know it was old and beat-up and was supposed to be new (replaced). Name on ground-Anna. Avoid leisurely buffets-cookbook picture of food "doesn't say that much because you can have it." Singing-black group, rough voice-Otis Redding maybe. "Next door knob please"-electronic voice, but very deep. Backseat drivers, reward-stop eating. Confess, I'm not going on (with rabbits).



9/26/99 The pockets will never go empty. We brought one hypocrit-class. Trac lighting on wood. C. Marshal. Choose Evangelism or a Rocky Crag; I try to name a Neil Diamond song--Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show. sitting on a hillside of concert--computer terminal in grocery cart. Baby carriage, some complaint about merchandise. Dog helps out yesterday, catches birds in a room, chickens or doves. looking for trouble. A man with no shirt tells me to sit down--I'm wearing a one-piece swimsuit with pale blue shorts. He picks up the guy in the next row and moves him over becasue there aren't two seats together; says, "you don't mind."

9/29/99 Life is Orrin and Art. If it's... you've got to do it with a bike even if it's not....

10/1/99 By noon. Gray and white painted clay beads. flat on blue leather string. Pick 1 and 3 and make a sentence. Flat tire, was changed, What's the plan, Dan? LA, a person, you can only have doubts about things we're sure about.

10/2/99 Woman questioning me--picture of my husband they say is my sister; name on blanket is Anna Beam--ask if I'm Irish. A popular movie star's wife is having a baby--note--look at one of two hospitals, bring his security. Singer. Taped on chair and somewhere else--on Arthur Street, don't turn on siren until after fence to not bother anyone. Small room, 2 stained glass windows, different shapes--round. May room is long and narrow--bed lengthways. Uphill from Hermosa. Workbench, note says to bring 3 tubes of paint to the hospital (colors). One is blue, a specific shade, an intensity, like free--progressively more shades of the same color. One hospital is a Catholic one. I'm packing to run away, man walking by the window says, "there you are"--door doesn't lock. I have unloaded pistol, someone pulls trigger. I feel it and pull it several more times. Expensive gun--padded trigger. He says my husband--who ran on another street shirtless to lure man chasing me away. Meet later. Says he hit him on the head with a brick. Says.... pieces of a jigsaw; fitting together traumatic for everyone involved. Someone's life story--hard to connect the details from different days' installments. History class, everyone resting--lounging around. In vain, I told you not to put too much in--soy sauce on the hand towel. Discord opening up at Rocketdyne. Noise of rabbit sneeze like paper cutter--cry like asthma wheeze baby. Mama Cass--worn out phrases and broken faces (?) Chasing robin readings. Crack at it, holding a dawn only this far on map (12 miles). 6:18-6:44, getting light. Figuring how to return it 2 you. I'm not trying to kill you, just put some strength in you. So you can come back out (knock). Knock on the top of a babies heads. Immune difference. A girl and they wouldn't tell me. Cold in here, big, big, but your wife is not allowed to.... If the true value of Emelio... was revealed, pigs would.... Things cleared off ten days before summer clearance sale. Or X-ray showing things missing. Blond on a blond horse. Wearing swimsuit and blue running shorts. Jesse's office smells like no one has been there for awhile--like an attic. Take something off shelf and something else falls, don't understand. Somewhere where you've never been before. You realize you opened it first? Huh? Monkey, eggplant. Phrenology--bumps on head--Bob Rosenthal looking in mirror. I think he's reaching up behind to touch his long hair--below waist. Headache at base of skull. Almost nothing can enhance a marriage beyond its original capabilities. Drop hands from steering wheel--see if pulls to one side. Rick Coutu, question. I put in some hours for him Christmas 97. Still life with books, it's you I want.

10/3/99 Don't you ever sleep? Solving some problem--Japanese person walking by wall. Smell if something is in at drugstore from distance/home. At the mall, a woman sees her ex-husband in a wheelchair at Robinsons-May. A girl--good, don't have to go back for clothes. Nellie reading magazines--got rid of job, I have to do it. Performance--black lop ear rabbit in back of car. Bitten in the tail by a rattlesnake--long tail like rat. Coat too small. What about tomorrow's Indian school belt made of cloth, silver. Reduce options to those giving credit loan forms outside car driver's side. People talking about cars all day. Garage politics, doesn't think of himself in any way. Lean--book not for dummies. Kiss and make-up/tell. Don't want baseball team. Contract mod for 1961--only work whole year to write in log. Then is January--long changes. Persian Gulf--I'm talking to you. Send out police, Lito right away. Delivering some obscure message--tight T-shirt. Lab work, bacteria--warmth in towns. Two girls, one holding some pet dressed in sleeveless green with blue trim cheerleader outfits. I say they've done an investigation on one. Rabbit poop, from where he took her twice. Arrested, not staying the night. This year, strong, 2 even coming from Palmdale. Card--Tower and 9 of swords (woman weeping) in center. Amazing Grace--how sweet the.... OA--Out on Assignment. Partner doesn't live here--belt tightening. Bleach on foot, white around toes on sole, injury. One red Christmas ball on an elm tree. I'm eating at grandma's house. A man comes in and wants me to leave with him, another man says, Okay, I like to watch. Substitute teacher, regular one comes back, oven full of sand, space ship or small space--a lot of people going free, the program or script, you know how railroads are. Apple, Danny Boy wants killed, car veterans, run on 2nd bedroom threshold, I don't know. It's certainly been noisy. Grandma/Mom, one picture in her hutch--for the love of Mike, please go on. Ironing dress,stupid to take a fatal attraction to.... Empty airport runway, night, rain on ground/concrete. A long ways to go and don't feel so good, hair on front of shirt.

10/5/99 Living room, I'm asleep on the floor, alarm goes off at 6AM, Elvis music playing or his life on TV. Was on all night, I couldn't sleep very well. Then getting dressed, by room is full of trash, old rags, no furniture. My clothes are white with gray stripes, cinnamon rolls in refrigerator. I think I have to get ready and walk to school--missed bus. Lock first door at end, middle door probably won't lock, a lot of Junior High age boys. Outside, Shirley has a red convertible, Sandy on balcony (new) on the back of the house where she's hemming T-shirts. A very skinny woman with a new baby lying on floor. Last page of book--fish hook in neck, cut it out, read classics. A man standing in line, oatmeal to Peru. A girl going into restroom, blue jeans, looks in men's room. How do you like them apples?

10/6/99 Plant losing leaves like fall. Another tree-elm? with very small leaves--my height, by clock or vacuum cleaner. Man puts his arms around me.

10/7/99 I have to match up individual pictures of men to a yearbook group photo. Then the names are under them. One says, "American Indian, 1898." He has a dog or wolf on a leash that looks like fractals or mirrors on the fur. Looking at something across a river. A woman in an apartment, the singles and small apartment have to go pick up their own new toilet fixtures. The manager bought silk curtains, then ran them with her long nails. A teacher comment, I'm glad you studied for this. You can also do what you live--121. Differently, fall into harm's way, sound carries, on bed. A long piece of computer paper like a road. Doesn't go thru one office, I have to take dictation and type the next part of the story. One matter, young guy with crew cut gets out of jail. Doesn't have to worry about him. Guess what, you'd better slow down. No work at all--11 puzzling people. Tri-tip, firm, flat piece of meat. Poem title--Here Where. She was an American girl built on promises; this boy is down to square one. Two versions, two virgins, two Virgos.

10/8/99 A list with a few items with pink dots in front of them, this is my dream notebook, which someone found out on the ground, in the street. It's a piece that was missing. He's Allah's child. An angel in a box-- little dashboard statues, feet break off one--zing. People from work walk up, a museum store, replicas of Chinese pottery, full size. This is a private collection or library of a museum. Several women and a man, one couple under the table. A woman says, "did you know if they don't want lions, they release them?" I ask, "where, on plains?" Other rooms in museum--a guy says he makes the eyes for owl statues out of nuts(the kind for bolts) and he wants to sell some. An old woman has one bag--the guide says not to go out there to get it--waves, tide coming in--it is out in the ocean. People are coming up that way. She wants to sell her contents--are fishing rods. The concessionaire says they can't sell them for 3 years or after 3 years. they can sell something else, like food (?) I buy a T-shirt with birds--one chases the other birds. Diner, have to sit on the counter. This is like a World's Fair; two old women need a place to stay. I go into another place where a blond woman says she's gained 50 pounds--looks like Michelle Pfiefer. Little girl with acne, I wash her face--she says, No and moves away. Woman remarks that her mother was like that and she's heard her a couple of times, certain noise she made--woman is sitting at a vanity mirror on a linoleum floor. I ask about cold spots--no, they were smells--spaghetti, which she made a horrible one every day.

10/9/99 Sit pretty at home and collect; schools send out. Rabbit and 2 babies hop up to my feet--have something wrong with them. A new colonel--I say something to him and he takes my hand and says he used to live in Luxembourg or Holland.

10/10/99 Meeting in apartment manager's apartment (6)--tearing down building in five years--all going out. Mrs. Manager looks in my direction and says, "do you know you can retire now?" The apartment has a white carpet over a green, one room, pool table folds up into fireplace looking thing. Pool room--view of pool like a caretakers cottage, invitation for Valentine's Day. Man behind me doesn't speak English--Chris Alporque--other man, square face,curly hair, explains to him. they are brothers and can both retire, Chris and Ralph. I am not sure if they can retire or if I can-who she was talking to. I turned around to see if she was talking to someone behind me. Every one goes to the dentist before moving--cap comes off, holes worn in it. Metal looks like tin. Patient before me--the woman dentist prays to "Fred",her control who told her how much pain med to give. Then it starts working--blond in curlers. Wood doors, natural pine paneling, very narrow hallways, down a side hallway. Body, mind, soul--all body important. Electrical shock on new white rug, two steps, then explosion. I see it--big spark. There's a duck on the rug. Lots of empty space in room--pool table out of the way and also couch or bed. Story of how a woman was married to a man and then a different woman. Both women ran things. The second one was a caretaker, made changes...cleaned things up and simplified. Explanation of power structure, living arrangements, duties, purchases. Wallet--$10, something clear, acrylic cube. Follow-up film. Won't be following up, unfortuneately. Book about 3 women--magnetic, anti-mag and ordinary. Manager--I have the perfect rabbit for you. Comparison of Diana Ross and another singer--first name starts with "C". Woman lecturer is Ms Ross. She says she's a better singer even at her age.

10/11/99 A bride with glasses reading a book. I decide to close my eyes to aging, but I'd have to anyway. Rocky shore, in the nick of time you did this of your own free will. Birds out on the lawn look at you in snow (Easter storm, cold snap), put the knife in your back. Valley of work, loading dock of warehouse at Camp Dodge. Squeaky Fromme--a lot missing from the June trip--she sends emails. I hear some investigators talking about how a woman is target 12 or 15. She could skip to 6. Is afraid she'll get kicked out of her job if she doesn't go to a conference. She tells Linda about a cold sweaty chest and big cazu, has gained weight in legs. I'm working at Salvation Army--transferring contract numbers on dresses to be sold. Khaki dress, long, like I used to own in the dream--not real life--blue denim, buttoned down front. Dirt on floor to "basement", I go through construction area. Washing with spray and sweeping. In yard, woman says to take the plants, but be careful not to pull the wrong ones--some are rare flowers. They are growing among grass. voice, aren't you glad you don't care anymore? (moving, stopped tending yard--man and kids don't mow anymore. I call and a recording says, Daily Breeze--newspaper. Everyone who goes to the store doesn't go all the way home. Fire storm, velvet dress burned. Beating on the walls with a fist. Shallow pool by ocean gets deeper--making pool for sharks. Shallow muffins--rise high tops. Girl guarding door goes down aisle--microwave sitting there. Go on a long trip, without the inconvenience of waking up--an alarm clock in your heel of your shoe. Heard everything--casualty, war, indifferent, it's just the pony, not me.

10/12/99 Far away, comfortable, something jerks me back. My dreams are spreading to Syria (Serea, Cerea, Serious) Repeated, I tell various other dream characters about it. A pool for fish, dry along edge, a place I'm going, found on map ESME (?) One word is Esquivel. Something I have to buy, gravel road out somewhere, I have the right amount of money. How to get the credit card or check, might be more stuff that I need--appliances maybe. A guy is selling electronic stuff.

10/13/99 A new house, copper light fixtures all across porch with windows all around. counter down middle of room. Old cat, long fur--gets too close to electric cords--like saw--side all bloody. Boy was plugging something in--heater or cooler. Thick carpet. Kids playing a game where you hide a ball of yarn--2 boys and a girl--hides it on them. Dresses, strapless, puffed chiffon skirts--party dresses on a rack I look at while I'm babysitting in a mall. Roz--old cube in N-Bldg, she says I have to do travel order over--3 planes in one day on one. Crossroads Holiday Inn--bad neighborhood in Albuquerque. I misspelled momentary or monetary--last word is in bold. There is a war in the yard of a big building--I can't believe my eyes. I take cover behind a wall, then closer behind some metal tanks/cylinders trying to help fight the war. Other women are behind the wall--4, then 7. Old couples are going up to the 2nd floor-one man has a bandage around his head. I find in an in-between floor a window to the sidewalk. A little girl sees me and follows me. I divert her with clothes to try on--yellow negligee--she wears blue with a red flower over the solar plexus. I look out the window and the war seems to be over, white haired lady on sidewalk, war ends, then starts again. I can't hear the shots fired.

10/14/99 I'm at a rich couple's house or a school (art college). My project is a one hour recording made accidentally by the answering machine. About 100 people come in to listen. It's music at first, blond guy says it says he'll hurt someone. Must be in Part 4. He puts his arm around me, moves over a seat and touches my swollen breast (presses it down). School yard--kids from babies to kids playing by themselves--baseball (can't see with glasses), other sports. I have a plastic bag with candy and 1 package of pills--Immodium? I hang it up, housewife there in rich house, she cooks a meal of some pale meat wrapped in a skin, then spices. Remembering something is like Alzheimer jumping off cliff. Old woman might wander away. Guy is chasing me--I can read 3X5 cards in another language. Narrator-- the hero has had a much safer duck of the wave--scene of a hand pulling a gun out of a can of reddish transparent stuff--all over it. I'm naked--a man tries to convince me my clothes have been repossessed. Woman opens door and asks for 22 inch elastic.... ball? belt I think. When I hang up sack of candy--people are talking about rich woman--laughing. Her problems--dumb. Nasty spill on snake bed--roller skating in dry river channel. Stuck at what sweater to wear--girl wants to borrow something or pick it out for me. Usually I keep things in my mind, but today nothing. Shopping, sitting in car. Nellie comes by--buys a mattress pad for $200, then borrows $75 from me. Pretty peach color nightgown--nautical skirt, 3 pieces horizontally, double skirt. I write a check for $75 for the mattress cover. Shower curtains, one in two parts, long. Has pastel lines on it-stuff on ground, kids toys. One of you's gotta go. A perennial catch.

10/15/99 Full page newspaper ad for soldiers, click there to jump to something--rabbits. Screened porch--long. Where work is done, flowers. Picks her up at bank at mall, an accident in car and dad won't help. I argue with a man about a girl--he says were roommates. She looks pregnant, veil over face. He presses button he says blows up--looks like elevator button. Elevator has army uniforms. Back at another big house with a lot of bedrooms, after I tell him, he looks just like his dad, white hair and age spot on cheek. I tell him his bastard children will meet him in hell. He says I stole something in Long Beach. I don't remember, maybe a necklace at a yard sale. He says a purse around my neck/lump on my chest and I was just lucky because the house burned down and burned it up. He says this isn't Long Beach and he doesn't care if I cry. So I repeat about his kids. He says there are a lot of empty rooms in the house and now there's no dog by the back door. I guess it must have burned down too. He woke up when there where 2 shots and jumped into a hole--a hole in the floor with water in it at the bottom and things floating up. Shots didn't wake me up. He says he gave them hand gestures--hunters, to shoot over the hill the other way. Hand gestures he makes look like running across the top of the hill instead of walking down it--shooting over the hill. Moments of lucidity between waves of anger and fear.

10/15/99 animal, suffer in silence. Woman dressed in white in green field with no head, bare forearms. White apron, long dress to ground, frilly edges. Accompanied. Kansas--can go within about an hour of the city on a road. some days 6 hours, some 8.

10/16/99 A girl with Chinese stuff--she cant' translate--doesn't know language. 3AM earthquake. I'm wearing/visitors to pre-school where I'm working--wear the pale blue nylon blouse with pleated tie at neckline. UFW--Chavez kids documentary analysis dream of above--expanded "visited" or "left". A drink, a drunk, handcuffs behind back going out wood yard gate. Children eat candy instead of vegetables. Might ruin teeth, jars of candy in store. Yellow ones. Carrot cake, manager, muskrat--I fed one, caught one, holding up by tail. Men sitting in student chairs with desk thing on arm--over coats and scarves. Elmers glue--screwed up. Magazine with old cover--open--picture in black/white of 20's couple. He has tricks, teeth, big fan to pull in hair, don't try anything here. On ground, girls diary, what she would have done/did. Crashes in best way he knows--gate, couple in blue wedding, party outside house or church. The bloody news. Art Deco magazines--20s. Picture of progressive group. Man in suit, briefcase going in glass door,woman passes, he has a gauze blouse hanging on his thumb. Tall thin woman, black pants, leather jacket. Hill out of town from Hoover Library, women in depression looking clothes mouths, "bitch". Guy elected that never show up for legislature. Raisins or figs stick together. Bump notebook--hits girl in fingers. Die. Black T-shirt,long, faded, no picture on front. People spread throughout to cover up different parts of something. Crunch, a black lump in a cake. Is that her name--all but one person leave to go see.

10/17/99 Big house fire, porch. It's not working, you hit on the nose. Put more of something aboard the ship. Barfly fire, order a

pizza with weird stuff no one will like. The quiet problem follows the noisy problem. Anatomy of a problem. Subtle problem or malevalent (gross)--gluttony, spite. Today's Army is quitting. You lighten up my load. At work/class; I sit down near the middle and go outside and see green, very green grass. When I come back class has already resumed (Don Peterson or Don Tokeshi); someone else is talking to Jesse--room is in three sections. Nov. 6th. Pam comes in to talk to Ms Ross and she says I can wait in the next room--a library. People show me things they brought for their desks--a "snack bar" with beer instead of coffee; a toy advertised on the radio--spins and is supposed to make noises; a man doesn't understand and a woman speaks an African language to him--people do a rollcall of hang man. Atlanta. Agression like a play, following your lines, wait until the person is looking so they'll duck. Shower room where the water is always on--cold, about 60 degrees I estimate; a woman is there and asks about it. It's a college dorm. I wash my hair with bar soap--choose Dove or Ivory. The water is like a waterfall, I say. The soap is just a carving of a date or the price--1770. Subtle touches. A dying man grasps at straws. As many as it takes to keep you from getting bored. As many as you have the time for. Pretty days and lovely nights. Let me tell you about that row, 18 months of depression. I'm not going to forget the series but I'm going to forget the bucket. Uprising in old folks home, need someone to take care of them. Pater noster. I've been thinking about going to that church. What you don't know no one will explain. The ghastly things she did to those dolls. You decide your point of equilibrium between what other people do to you. 15 or 30 minutes will be dead--heard the warnings. Someone not there--the doctor, can't see that night. Tossed at your feet. The first day of a man's stroke, one of each thing in a health food store. Travel to a door, off my coffee break, paralyzed, get away from my door.

10/18/99 A title--"But Time". One line may be about control--but time takes all control. Very hopeless, very hard to put on. Certain things in the old Edison plant have to move to make room for a miner to dig. Pill skids across the floor, so your vision in Paris isn't blocked, toy on ground by back door--cow. I like "sch". Slept my mind. Cards in diabetic kit. I tried being nice to all those kinds of lettuce. Laugh, this is really a funny movie. Take this cat away from me--closet shoot the baby. Coven of Justice. Son of a gun/sun of a guru. Something in my side--medicine. Take your things--poof, gone. Wrapped in rug in bedroom. I don't believe in you, interrupt your fate--a box, white walls. What does that mean, making a drink with purple base--funnel for clear stuff for Sunday--edit it out. Some points for neatness, basket made of flat grass, verticle. Two uncles, a changing room at the beach, too much Seinfeld. Doyou mind, sir, if I go to my seat? Girl runs in--tan clothes, short reddish hair. Sunny day, dictator being wrong thing today. flower man. Man says I had gun. Crisps for salad, head of man asleep, can't wake up. TJ Nights--Levis/ USA store in Manhattan Beach. For revenge--man takes box--short pants. Going down and luck. One year, begging, McDonalds, 23 eggs. A knife in my back, shoulder blade level on left--doesn't hurt much. Native woman, rich boyfriend in your district. I fall asleep in the chair and a little blond girl in a white ruffled apron comes in carrying a poster board. My sleeping causes a fight with dream animals. Other people will not be able to sleep anymore because of the fights they'd have. Animal words very similar: cow, hog, dog, sow, pig, hen, cat. Professionally and personally as a metal, a big flaw.

10/19/99 Newspaper articles about various people, plus typed pages. One man found out his ancestor was a third rate mail clerk (Edward Cavel III) and found the house--first floor right on ground and little kid said he was so disgusted he was going to jump. John talking about employees--says he enrolled three in contracts training (applied, they never have enough) because of trouble getting the work done on Mondays and Fridays. He bought celery or Linda Bell did, 10 for $1--mauve or brittle--she shows something. Sitting at a table with man talking about coding their day's activities. Supervisor said 40 minutes for lunch. One man spends 20 minutes travel and 6 minutes with wife. Linda went to small market for celery near freeway, which was backed up, says, "so, should I go there with cash at closing time?" I tell her too dangereous, make a different recipe.

10/20/99 Then you can go to the Impol or Empol. Two lines, one is new to check-out counter. A performance of a heroin addict, I'm wearing a bikini. Journey, sign on one side of building is name--Steel (?) and on front--don't forget Passport (symbol). I have $21, an older woman has $11 and finds more, Vietnamese money, a very large bill, need something to eat. Nilo in charge of handicapped employees who were all getting refunds but didn't think they got the right amount. Clerk, Wiliams, Aurelia, at payroll. One man has so much overtime his check is $43,000 before taxes, $11,000 after taxes. Another check is even more, some, ow, are in red. About 8 groups of 3 numbers--4-5 are grouped together in red. A group, I have to do a comedy routine, I say something a couple of times..... But other people start talking and their routines are longer. I wait. Look down at my clothes and I'm wearing a bikini--not my pink one, a black one or print. Other women wear them too--made from one-piece by cutting out parts. I sit on a table and a camera is watching me. the cameraman looks approving when I sit back and relax.

10/22/99 Green coat, hood, very full skirt, hood goes down to bottom of skirt, drapes. I'm talking but saying something completely different. A man eats oatmeal cupcakes very hungrily. LIttle blond girls fighting over them. Little Japanese teenagers have jewelry hidden under the carpet, but above the pad. I have rocks--a piece of crystal that falls apart. I also have a key to the room or a safe--the vault. I won't follow you unless you follow me. They don't sell well--they talk about it a little bit. Get Tony's new glasses on. I block out the program, and this is the government. There is time to think about this too. Come on Valentine. Leg, it had better be something else wrong. I wouldn't force her to work here overtime. Watermelon grew a handle to pick it up--very big. This is how I felt, this much disbelief--Rosecrans is better than none, plus it makes money. Boss me, did you ever see me. Drum top or tamborine, have a desire. I don't mind doing it, but maybe you should learn. I'm standing on Inglewood and Rosecrans where someone threw down the chapter ripped out of an Edward Gein book (Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Psycho)--I act it out, pointing a gun towards Hawthorne High School. In the dream I have pistol bullets and rifle bullets, shoots shorts and longs just like in the book!

10/25/99(sic) A long lawn, Pam Parker hooks her hose up to a house's hose because the faucet is broken--it's along a highway, nice lawns. Pulls hose, Danny Chan's hose broke off. Hose head flies through Juanita Mesina's attic (of her car) and she has to travel (TDY). I look at skirts, double woven fabrics, top on one connects to skirt. I have money in my purse for something. My hose is hooked up too, I get a stain off a rock and wood or stucco wall. Pressure drops, water stops. Kid wants to buy (ham?) for his mom, she wants it. She asked very late, stores mostly closed. I know the drugstore has canned hams, or slices for $3 at the grocery store.

10/24/99 Dream--another world from which return isn't automatic or assumed. Class, get up at 4-430. Have to go get my clothes. Two men sleeping in the yard--Jim Baber and Charles Brockett. They could have climbed in the window--one man inside, very dry, dead yard. They say, "wait, think about this." Only allowed six months. I have an important interview for another job up north. It's at Noon or 1PM--written in my schedule when I found out. Interview for clearance, Manhattan Police. New course and new proceeds. It goes without saying, white cookies, leather boots.

10/25/99 Hell on Earth, a grave. At work, man sewing a calculator cover--red or blue quilted cloth. Also a dress, blue. Seems very straight--I look at it, too wide to fit between the lines.

10/26/99 A man carries me on his back, my arms over his shoulders and he holds them in front of his chest. Looks like Dan Reinhold--engineer. A lot of people going out of a building to a grassy field. My purse on the ground--has a lot of weeds in it. I take out a wilted head of butter lettuce. I'm sitting on a wall. Walking on a sidewalk where there was none before. Keep getting off on the grass. A supervisor (man) says, "I think it's over here." Then a dirt road, two tracks. A girl with a boy says the holidays are coming up and they are going to..... Boy asks what that means. Girl says he's stupid and she's fat. Grandma's barn, a man talking about spending the holidays with someone, not at home.

10/30/99 At work, I walk up a grassy hill for exercise. Hill from Grandma's house. A girl half-way up has a room with a combination lock. She says she had the guy from the TV station check her TV personally, so hers works good. It doesn't open, so I have to go back down to reset her password. Back at the bottom, there's a ravine where the creek was along the road. Very dry here, though, must irrigate. A fence to the left where a couple from the city are picnicing. They have a radio, but the guy says it's a scanner. There's a bull out of sight over the hill top--very short hair like baby hairless rabbits. Huge bull--also like mini-beanie baby elephant, but tan instead of gray. Like big dog--pitbull. The man and woman's picnic is over. they were in with the bull. Then the man says he'll make the bull come by pressing the button on the scanner. The girl that needed the password reset is there too--looks like Terri Rinard, the girl next door. I tell her she'd better shut the door so the bull won't see her and charge. The door is flimsy--big gap and dead bolt lock barely reaches the hole. I have a gun but don't want to fire it. the bull runs up to the door in a swirl of dust. I look for more places to run--out the back door. Or hide--ladies room. I open the door and it's a closet with meat and corn already cooked. The corn sparkles--very white kernals (on the cob). The meat is big slabs of turkey. It is under the hide again, looks like buffalo, cooked then covered with the hide. See you Monday, goodbye son, stay out of the hall. A man floating in the creek--looks Japanese--face out of the water. Dust on books, sit down, it's not important.

10/31/99 Some problems, a guy doesn't trust a system because his brother works there. Suddenly underwater at work, I have to dive to the bottom and get something. My sister and I both think birth control is just vinegar, but there is a cap. Also wood sticks you stick up there. Someone has 8 kids, in the old days every woman did, or none.

11/1/99 I'm going on a journey to a movie. My sister leaves first and drives a nice red car. I make a lunch--but no one will eat it--egg salad sandwiches and cookies. I can't find anything to wear--just wearing socks. Also moving--keep valuables in a random box so movers won't find them. Everyone hates hiking boots. Don't lose 4 nails.

11/5/99 Walking down a lane on a grassy hill. Sign at bottom "SAX". Small round sign. I turn a corner. Another sign "POM" I'm dragging a man between my feet-- no hands. I see two girls ahead on a buoy. He says, "one is waving at you." One girl is blond, buoy is like an island.

11/6/99 A house I walk to at a relaxed pace. Observing. Go through basement--white dress with tight top and draped straight skirt. Several other damp dresses on hangers. I'm an employee. Women on the first floor are trying on dresses for a wedding. First room-- five dresses hanging in a row like a Barbie carrying case. All green frilly skirts of chiffon or net. I figure those are bridesmaids dresses. Next room, women are trying them on--short very slender woman in white mini-skirt with straps crossed across her chest like an "X". Another woman says she's too tall for that dress. I look out the window and Mom is there and I remark that this is like a dream in Des Moines, house looks similar--Cape Cod wood houses. Curtain falls down and I put it back. Hooks snap over. All but one hook falls down and the curtain falls on the floor. Woman remarks that I'm good at that. I got good manual dexterity from Mom. [another dream I had the curtain pulled back on a hearse looking out the window and the driver said it was forbidden--in that one the voice says Mike is dead]. House is on a bluff--sandbags at bottom. Park across the road with rides. Not much furniture--other people moved out, linoleum floors. This is behind the house with the wedding stuff. Tournament, she died, not thinking about that. This one has second thoughts, sits down. Don't argue, just tell me what to do.

11/7/99 Nothing before and nothing after. Shoji in a dream. Terri Rinard. She sees how hopeless the situation is this--too this time. Jesus is dying. So Mary is childbirth. Two redheaded girls (8-10) shooting arrows so they can run and find a GPS position to get me free. Handicapped must have a position. They shoot away from me and a voice says, they really are talented at archery. Then they come back the other way towards me. I'm at the pig shed. Rats by fence. Taking up rugs--new carpet. Or cleaning carpet beneath rugs. Tools, thieves don't take tools. Bombshell--rust is holding muffler together. Box, put your name on it. It works. $100 christmas presents. Where were you with the tow truck. 6,5,4,3,2,1 and hope. Racing magazine, any atmosphere, begging me to back you up. Seattle Seahawk. Didn't play as good, how come? How many days off did she have--Holton, Molton. Illusion of fear. My soul trembles but has nowhere to go. If you don't have anyone else to screw you can screw me. It makes it happier/happen. I unlocked the door for you. I didn't say for 1-2 times. Maybe someday someone will be waiting there for me. Throw everything away and start over, do you want to be ugly or beautiful. Do you want shots to breathe. Do you want to talk about it to someone besides yourself. Can you hear footsteps. Can you feel the tires losing air. Here's something cheap to throw away, no one cares, not even you. You're just afraid death is even worse but there's no before or after. HUG, GTF, IVH, DUG. Comes and goes, Doug, I'm not going to lunch with you. To treat one person as they treat you, to hold out for something good or something better, to catalog the neighbors comings and goings. You got through the working years. Lie about age and the age of your children until she's older. Stick pins in yourself--head and kidneys. Kind yes, kind eyes. Did you even notice that you stepped on me going your own way. Something to die for,might as well live, would you read that book. What shall we do, what shall we wear. where shall we go, where are we now. who picks, who is picked. why should you care. this is your personality, that is your life's work. Save the good stuff, don't waste it on me. Car is parked halfway off a bridge--front wheels. Truck. Is this an emergency? I don't know whether to call. Program the phone where all you have to do is pick it up--it says "hello" by itself, but this runs down the system--leaving it off the hook. I'm playing computer games at work, hide them when someone walks by. You can't let other people poison your life and ruin everything you stand for.

11/8/99 Psyche Hospital in Leyton (dream town) closes. all employees transferred. Tallk about wondering if their seniority continues if they are transferred back later (this is a layoff) after the others leave. Blood in bed--on sheet. 2 phone messages in my room. I have a phone in my bedroom (teenager) at one house. If horse is in parade Wednesday and is always.... and then can't get up on Thursday. This is significant.

11/9/99 A place with a lot of middle class workers. A finicky boy. I am firm--banner is offensive. Birthday. A girl with blond hair, young and strong. I walk along a parapet--brick wall. I run, feet are floating when I look down. I put my hand on the railing along the wall to pull myself along a little. right foot hits the ground more firmly. Have to exercise left, or the doctor was right when I was a little kid, one leg is shorter, that's why I was limping. (after getting bucked off horse?). I'm wearing a blue denim long skirt or jeans. To get out of here, have to go through bars on the doors/windows. Man takes off a bar to get through. Salary $265,000/house price in Hawthorne. I don't have to do much in the dream--very restful. I wait--other man character takes down a bar to get out on the balcony. I'm not supposed to walk too far--get some exercise. I get lost in dreams and they have to find me. I'm very thin. Legs. Maybe anorexic.

11/10/99 A binder of California maps from newspaper. I have some bamboo I picked. I go into the City Library--there are several lines--an "in" and an "out". Line 243 is very long. A man cuts off my bamboo with a knife. A deaf and blind woman across from the librarian tells a joke by bumping into another woman who just walked in. It's a football joke maybe (can't remember joke). This is at the nursing home. Maria kissing man. Mom says, "that's real fast." Pink jacket.

11/11/99 Mike moves to Torrance/Palos Verdes. Big apartment, keeps people busy inside remodeling. One apartment very cluttered, at Sportmart. Green curtains I'm putting up--can see me in shower. Cheering section. Looks like he might have gone out and bought.... We're supposed to be mutually exclusive, give me examples. Planning funeral--length of plot, have to decide how many square feet to buy. What do I say. Do I have to take it. Funeral procession, how many cars, how many motorcycle police. There's no way out because you're pessamistic--put down phone. Outside in courtyard, grass and water lilies--weeds are long. Guy tells me he's a producer next door and I should get a mike in the bathroom. Something on ground. Little girl crawling with curlers in her hair in front of apartment 19--Johnnie.

11/12/99 Marty comes in to where I'm sitting and says, "lets go." Then he has to go to the bathroom first. I don't. I go on through a door (glass) and turn on the light and stand there in sight. There is another glass door with the light off I'm watching. Two couples come through the lighted door and complain about being under-dressed. Then I'm trying to dry out a wet book on a pole like a broom handle. It's in a plastic bag. Hole at top. It belongs to Marty too--got wet in bathtub. I'm at work naked. I put on clothes gradually as I work. Burgundy underwear--bra and long underpants, with lace inserts. Pink sweater over it--I feel cotton--long, halfway down thighs. Music--various songs. Keep skipping them. Then a 45, warped. Another one--the needle spins like a top across it--not connected to the armateur. Everyone leaves--I keep working on my project/problem. Yellow blood when I go to the bathroom, I think it's a dream and don't want to pee.

11/13/99 At work, an auditorium. It's a class or jury duty, everyone has to go. Bill Clinton comes in and sits down in front of me and asks me questions about my job--3-4 questions, then asks if I go to the bathroom everyday. Then he touches me somewhere. I tell him to stay away from me but he continues in this line getting more graphic--do I have to go urgently, all at once, explosively. Another woman from work, Elaine, is out of sight and then comes down the stairs, to the coliseum type theater seats. She changed into white pants from black and walks down the stairs--which are like a mountainside with a stream, like Yosemite. Then Clinton says look at this, and has a hard-on. I tell him to put it away. Later he says, "oops" and it's out again. Keeps slipping out while he's talking. Bill Clinton is very blond--younger than he is and thinner, more muscular--better shape. I have a choice of something or going to pee and sit on pot trying to be sure it's not a dream. Clinton gropes Elaine while talking to her a few seats away. Howard Drobness is the next one who has to go talk to Clinton, which is a kind of jury duty.

11/14/99 A hillside. Pat Magro is happy, smiling, a man mentions. Her teeth are adjusted again. A Home-Ec team come to study me. I put on my glasses and saw dust on the wall--clean it with a paper towel sock on a broom, asks if I'm in my 20's. A man buys chocolate chip cookies with an AK47. The clerk is a middle -aged man. The dental college or medical school has moved into a store front nearby as well as the church--remodeling I guess. A man and kids each with guns. It's raining. I forget my skirt and T-shirt--only wearig a vest and it doesn't cover my butt. Clerk at Ralphs looks like Raul--he runs out in the rain where the carts are to get one plastic bag at a time. He's collecting carts. He knows me and will see my naked butt (as I walk past him into the store). On a walk street--my old coach--Ron King on second floor. Just moved in. Other people from Iowa on that walk street. You can cross the street that I custard (sic). Coat cost $7.50. Jim. 1-2 more poems. Watch movie--which is favorite--well stop then. Dog with broken leg--twist it back. Rabbits all get out--kids from school playing with them all over the hillside/school. I wake up. Men are all there from F18. I show them where the light switch is (basement divided into small rooms). The water faucet to make a cup of tea--Justin Abril and Kifle Bekele. Men who don't work there anymore. One man sits on the floor. Sparrow that is 1/2 blue bird. Very large homemade cards. Bob and Shelley Rosenthal/kraut. Bob's card is sung to Row Your Boat.

11/15/99 Tis if. Mixed bouquet of flowers. Beat up coffee table.

11/16/99 Horrible images. Rabbits in bathroom window, deer in river where a car dove in, out. Pain in left wrist, left side of head. Squares of dirt. That's what you said. Keep going. An old donkey hiding in the edge of a wood behind a fence. I shine a light. It's an old woman but there's no one to help--reorganized. Colonel's secretary woke up dancing in the night, a party. Gray pleated skirt. Old woman on mule has a rear-view thing. I walk along fence--wood is very dense trees and brush. My sister is leaving work. I ask her where we live--she says Huntington Beach. There is ink on my clothes, a blue suit. Dog we got when we got married--a cocker spaniel. Jewelry--$80-90,000 in tray. Friends.

11/17/99 Tourist. Relocating people to another country. All they have is a suitcase. Clear out poor area for them. Pink humps is old road to Statten Island Ferry. Bathroom has people waiting and talking about God on 1/1/2000--they say God did something (it is New Years Day in the dream) and another woman says she didn't notice it happen. (God prevented Y2K problems.)

11/18/99 My sister Shirley has four kids. Dry creek bed. Iowa City. Our river has water. Driving in.

11/20/99 Use Christmas tree for centerpiece on table. Long building. Pat Magro runs by on balcony. I think it's a mansion but there's a grade school class in one end and Christmas trees in the hall. More around the corner. A room with tools for sale--hammers up on the wall--very high. Very narrow room. Use hammer to smash something (rocks). I'm hiding from someone in this shop. The owner talks about staying afloat or bankruptcy. Two other blond women with Pat; she runs the fastest. I'm talking about videos--little kid in diaper singing an adult rock n roll--whole thing. A Japanese guy (tall) says there's another one he's watching. Very small-- I need my glasses. Aviator glasses steamed over.

11/21/99 A woman in the restroom--I'm washing my hands. She says she's going to tell me how to talk to my supervisor so he doesn't change the subject on me (tomorrow--important talk). Northrop moved to Palmdale--now she'll have to drive a long ways like the employees. The woman in the restroom also says--it will end in abortion. She has lunch free in her car to talk to me the next day. Some hours she doesn't like 1,2,3, 1:30. My purple dress I wore after my operation--voice says, "you haven't worn that in a long time." I wore the blouse. Blouse (tan) to new linen suit has ink marks all along bottom in back--long like dress. A man gives me a gift--can't remember what. Rick Coutu repeats something I said then goes in with the supervisors. John Byrne comes in and falls on floor--must be drunk--I help him up. I practice a speech. I am quite good--articulate and loud.

11/22/99 Long journey up and down carpeted stairs in a big houselike building. Women on stairs talk about their make-up. Rich. I get past them. Then I'm a man--vampire. Don't want to eat. Knock tray out of waiter's hand. Throw steaks and shot glasses and moonshine jars. Then I sit down (with a moonshine jar) next door--rough wood, hair not sticking out crack and my friend--another guy eats. Then some man walking by notices me cutting out pictures (I'm an artist of sorts) and I have to run. I jump down flights of carpeted stairs and end up at the beach. May have to go to sea, but will be chaotic with a ship of vampires (with me). I walk. Catholic or church school girls cross my path--Navy blue uniforms. Friends of the Sea sign. I have very little money left, but more than $5 in real life--I have $13. Linda Bell is doing laundry, says thats the most they'll pay--that she has to get me more money. Community is strong like sandstone or composite wood.

11/23/99 I dream the rabbits have a new bag of sunflower seeds but they tell me they don't know what they are eating for Thanksgiving so I think they don't have any feeling (in their feet or bodies). They have a shiney new tray (for catching poop of the top cage) over their heads. Ms Ross talking about adding on years to retire (to age). Talking to Northrop management woman--talking about doing laundry in the morning. Sandy Cano gives me the new combination to the door 24250. It looks longer A-D, I221.... Garbage dumpster, I have a lot of squashes and cucumber. Faith says Hi twice--different clothes--loose sweater dress once. Man already ate breakfast--cereal with milk-- looks like wrestler. Wall to wall stuff--like Bruce Houston's assemblage stuff. New windows at Sandy's.

11/24/99 Exit from freeway to supervisor location. Drivers there with them. The first time you called the hochi country.

11/25/99 A big piece of coal. Dormitory, first I find a parking lot. One space by itself is reserved. I park my (red) chair. There is a mall--street mall. One place selling crocheted hats in black and brown. The stairs go up two flights--I am on third floor--then the next one has a red carpet and is longer and there are handymen up there taking a break--lying on the floor on some boards and sawdust. They are very high paid--the two men I see are black or hawaiian.

11/26/99 Long religious tract. Man's name is in bold font (ALLOM). I have sex with someone, don't feel it. Work--not much paper left.

11/27/99 Joye needs a ride to a new job. She drops someone off on one road. Then at a crossroads leaves her tennis shoes--men's black basketball shoes. Very big gravel. There are three people on a skateboard--towards Madison County. I see mountains in the distance and a giant dam. She asks if it's too late to turn around. I make a U-turn in the intersection. A big map. She admits she was going to NW Iowa instead of SE Iowa where the job really is. Clothes in the washer. An oriental woman behind me on the stairs pinches my upper arm and says she has no fat, she works out. Her daughter is in the laundry basket on the washer. She's in the hot water heater. It tips like a laundry basket and a man catches it. The daughter catches the clothes she throws. Three sympathy dogs in different places. The third time you'd blame on the Devil. Mike Dafforn talking to Janet (?) I was afraid you were interpreting the dirt sliding down the hill as dirt in the grave and then you'd die. Barbeque. People next door don't like it. Don't like work near their boundary--their General. They're Japanese--young guys. Steaks seared black on one side. Cooked enough all the way through. I put the food on the table. Everyone eats it--I might not get any. Faith mixes the seafood with noodles. I go back to the grill. I had to find more charcoal--it went out. Some fell on the food and cooked it--some small boys there. Big rock hits me in the back. A young girl picks up a lot of mail from box at Hawthorne Post Office. Maybe donations to organization--the sound of colors.

11/28/99 Killed 250 of them. Sweaters in aisles on train--91 freeway--to Disneyland. this is the second dream about this. This time there is a number killed--250. Favorite commercial--volcanoes or disasters. A little Christmas party planned for you--$2.00 or 200 guests (2000). I take a tour of

of work. The cubicles are along a river. The hillside is washing away under some of the people. Property--they've sold every thing off. Bill Pena getting married in Mexico. Each group of religions is fighting for their lives. Some lifetimes are almost over. The $8000. I hate to lose it now that I've already talked myself into it. I vacuum the lawn--it's too dirty. Jesse dressed all in white walking up white hall tiles to office. Looks like Billy Schabilian when he turns around. He says, "Dec 1st or 9th." Girl says that's her first choice-- to sleep. Very dehydrated crabgrass growing behind couch. short flowers in lawn. Hallway torn up with construction. girl buffing it. Provisions for buying houses for girlfriends. Loans on retirement accounts. A big plastic bag with someone standing in it. Woman--no clothes--covers herself. You said you're going. God damed punishment. Book, chapter 2 or 3 on Don Juan. Get out of here. Students--big carved oriental chest. I'm doing something wrong here. She seemed to be healed--they've been coming here a year--back of playground at school behind music shed where no one went. When she has too much time to waste she knows what she likes to watch--red silk robe. 8000. Descend to the depths to get married. Because he's John Wayne, of course he's ugly. Ron King--says it isn't going to rain--gives his jacket to his supervisor. Has to go to the doctor in afternoon. A girl sends me a song she wrote but she heard part of on the radio. She's going to read me her predictions from her notebook while I iron. There are toys on the end of the ironing board. she put them there. A stadium. A pile of white animals--pigs and sheep. Dogs. All organized into four groups. Ewe, ram--more 3-letter animals.

11/29/99 I'm at the beach. Wearing a long black silky dress the wind blows up to my knees in the front and over my butt in the back -- wind swirls. This in Torrance at the bottom of the cliff on the strand at the beach. A woman calls down about my wedding. I can't stay long. I'm at about Torrance, must walk to Manhattan Beach. I'm still working on hiding contracts from previous dream. George Anderson (We Don't Die) one is open--very long one. About where shark was on beach in Redondo. Voice says that sometimes they are shipped/shifted to another contractor (employees with contract?) Black guy says--some odd person told you. Hair in braids. Early days, before airplane. Walking down tunnel was very windy--to strand from top of hill. Very critical man talking while I'm hiding the contract, which is very simple and easy. Curtains open. A man in silk suit in a booth eating. Waiting for someone. Man comes in, kicks everyone/dogs around. You're pregnant. Peculiar feeling--because your flight is over. Constant wars--Washington DC and other places in world. Men may like wars--go off to them. Blond girl, mirror splits in two down the middle. On plane--food. Grab big armful of clothes in aisle. Silky. Approaching life. I will solve you approaching women. Big legs, big eggs. Didn't you say a word to anybody? Here are my little girls--shoe boxes, five of them. Check something. Half there. A lot of work. Rubbery. As long as you don't touch anyone. Clothes disappear/gone. Get smart. rubbery cheek, cold, walking along beach. Marc Weiner talking about holidays--he's sick and restless, so would rather be alone. Funniest guy in the whole world. Girl with red hair, short, curly, in black karate suit comes to door (jacket died). One eye, you're not the only one to apply. Tied belt--yellow dress--hand on tie. Desk is shelves in small office like closet. Work is standing up.

11/30/99 Science class. The problem is waves on one side, bubbles on the other. the bubble side doesn't struggle anymore (6 of swords). I'm several chapters behind--someone dropped out and left their book on the copy machine--torn into three parts down the spine and then through length--so the lines are very short. Looks like recipes of different countries in last couple of chapters. The owner made 3 beds for me to choose from. A class of diplomats also stayed there--Stewarts. Some new role--burned at the stake first. One woman in the class's dog comes in. He's got 2 hearts or 2 heads. If he wasn't a virgin he would be too much trouble. Name is Jack. I pet his head. I think she said he was vicious. He goes to his doghouse--gets up on shelf, then comes back with a scrap of fur and talks, gravelly voice-- that he wants exercise. She says he can't run far and throws the fur right at his feet. She has short black hair. Another girl points out an earlier problem in the book--the lessons are cumulative. I have to read 4-5 short chapters. A blond man kisses me--everyone laughs. He moves his chair a ways away and says I can come and get it. The sheets are red, transparent. Woman says they're cleaned by electo...so you can't get them dirty. Edgar Cayce gets a transfer to Virginia Beach. Decides to live out these fantasies. It did leave at 15 after and I did have to....

12/1/99 Sleeping on my back or something and wake up poking myself in the eye with my thumb--almost poke my eye out with my thumbnail. Must get ahold of myself.

12/2/99 At high school, very crowded. Three flats (tires) on tractor, my Aunt Judy says to call a better class of mechanic and have it...because it's an expensive piece of machinery. I help a little boy call first--New Jersey. I hand phone to a woman, then a little girl who says, "This is Burgess Meredith/Meredith McRae, you can hang up but your son wants to talk to you." Principal's secretary, Grace Merical is getting ready to leave for the night. Computer group is still working. I put in 20 cents and there are spider webs in the phone money slot. Recording says to push the correct garage number. Then a kid's voice, "are you coming home early?" I walk down to the grade school (first floor) and Lito is on a cell phone in the hall--teacher maybe with 7-8 year old girls in front of study hall. He's working late, has a stamp that lights up when you stamp. "Demonstrations are blessings for the adventurous." Dead white rabbit in my purse, big one--folded in half. She wants attention and when I get there she sits and ... (hike) at me. The door of the girls locker room flies down the hall--came off the hinges when I flung it open--towards Lito. I run away before someone finds out I injured him, if I did.

12/3/99 A nice middle-class house. Kids sleeping on floor on pallets, I'm reading. Dream starts at library. I check out a pile of books--librarian is fat, middle-aged--says it is a record number. Then she has a heart attack and they put her in the back of a car (maybe because I made her work too much). I'm in another car. She printed the bar codes for my books, so I'll probably get over-due notices on all of them. I can't worry about it. At nice house--it's Dad's house after remodeled--Dad gets home from work. Door is already open from kids getting home--unlocked. He comes in living room. All the lights went out. Chandalier with fancy bulb that screws in and has a plug also. They just went thru it and it was a shame or shame. A big sand box for cats with 2 tiny babies--but they can walk. One is red, one black and they have designs all over them. Dad parks in the living room and almost hits the ladder-- I'm washing the 10 foot ceiling room of all glass walls. Then I just ignore the dirt on the glass. Close curtains, then open them. It starts raining.

12/4/99 Computer--goes to different cities--raisins in every town. Some word is highlighted. Some kind of berry or chocolate chip--haven't used for 10 years, different in mouth. Sitting in a room serenely--some class. I have recipes for flavored bread. Another woman talks while she spoons mac and cheese out of her jar into her bowl and begins to eat. I feel like I don't understand. An Alcove, dream characters should talk, I listen. A metal implant that hurts or someone thinks it might. Man was going to talk to me about nothing yesterday but I said, stick to the subject. An island with a glass door you can shut against big waves--curling over--out in the middle of the ocean in this part of the world. I've never seen waves break out in mid-ocean. I'm inside a reef, then on land, a narrow wall. There are men working there, sailors. Barbarian "pirates" come up to the glass door and want in. There are more and more and they have battering rams made of carved wood--like the rudders of ships, etc. No masts that I see. These rudders are smooth like drift wood, but much larger. One sailor opens the glass door and goes out--puts his hand flat to back them up (pirates, more and more of them). Guy "buys back" time he spent with me and future time, puts these together. News --KNX-- the type of leather on your outfit.... One girl lung tumor--very smart with computer. Someone not going to treat insurance agents as bad as they did last May. Kitchen at Mom's house--very fancy--counters ripped out and on the opposite wall--dark brown fixtures. A lot of switches to control everything. Window seat--it has windows all the way around--frosted glass in some. I look down from window seat and there are 2 balconies below with fancy sofas. Poop and hay on the floor in the dining room. Bird cage there, but no bottom, no furniture except someone (she) sleeping on floor under blankets. I'm sweeping. More hay by a box (refrigerator box) that might have sheep. Kids under a platform in the living room. LIttle boy with straight black hair. Jesse is there, must have gone to visit my family and then I walked in. Johnnie lets 2 white couples in to take a picture of her Virgin Mary grotto she's set up in her apartment. They break into our apartment--I'm in the bathroom and the guy says, "is there anyone here." They say there's 57 packages of.... I throw one guy over the railing and later hear Johnnie's voice--I see him down there, just found the body.

12/5/99 I run thru a field--hay--to a girl in a delimna. She's with her dad and they have a dog or cat--big house with porch. He wears uniform. Something about meat and bones, bones are white. Stand out. Scene from hill across valley--town on other side. Town is a series of mothers and kids, their daycare, laundry. A long train/trailer where the women take care of their own kids. Kids are doing laundry, blond curly Mom overslept, yells for Andy Warhol. I could play all the songs with white in them--collected on "program"--bones. Move back into house on Larch--other people live there too. Black kid says to put 200W bulbs thru house. Living room is burned out--kitchen extended 5 feet and a garage built beyond that where the carport was. People living outdoors--art majors. Several in each vacant lot--man with nice suits. African tribe 10 years ago wanted penises of Iowan bodies--corpses. Transparent glass frog, rabbit, bulldog--keeps changing. Bicycle flies off cliff--pushed or pulled. Man pulls off delicate diamond strap of pump. Brown. Says he might strip clutch--drives wild in car. Redheaded woman ask if she can use car--goes to get it where we used to live, borrowed from Italians.

12/6/99 I dream I have to wake up because the next dream will be about what happens to rabbits at Easter. The Easter Bunny Dream. I'm flushing my glasses down the toilet, getting new ones. Also my purse. Vivian quitting her job.

12/7/99 Thank God there was no older woman there. (Stone) rabbit climbs up on a stone vase on it's side and has violent sex with it. A long package on my typing stand, long and narrow like wedding silverware--maroon velvet and shiny black. A book about raising hampsters that says to feed them a hambone on page one, so I stop reading. My aunt gave mom her kids hampster Hambone because they wouldn't feed it. Another book on....

12/8/99 Maj Brodkin and emails. Sandy Cortez weighs me--200 is in the middle of a cross and I weigh 165. She said, I hope you weigh 118. Long building at work is empty--used only for exercise. Used to be training area. Gymnasium with painted floor. Couches or gymnastic horses. A bird flies out of a pink thing hanging on the wall--a toilet seat-- bird explodes out and is a white dove. Sounds like a mourning dove. I set down by a door, on a waist high wall. I put it all together--am very slim, tall , high heels, no teeth, spit marble at target and hit bulls-eye or goes through hole (cinnamon roll). Car, brown boys, she puts the cow in it, take off blouse, all clothes, off to Ames, new clothes. I see a farmers last day in the fields-- he is still planting. Very dry, doesn't come up yet. Ponds are very small--scummy--looks like oil, rainbow on it. One field very alkaline looking. Trees maybe in one area or corn will grow tall. This is a park like wilderness in city. Mom and Ted own 900 apartments. I'm going to the 6th floor but end up at the top--another woman is running elevator. A rich woman's estate--has manikins in all her windows of her various mansions. Marble bricks in buildings. Maid has a white sweater she used a new process--bleach. Mom in lobby of a big office building. I need to go to a bookstore with a computer to look up some new books that might not be out yet. The kids all want horsey suits--they put them on over their faces too and they have 4 legs that the hooves click on the floor as they gallop around. They must have stilts--can't figure it out. Also caterpillar suits. the faces on the yellow horsey suits are baby birds. One is pink-- noisier baby bird. The one I'm holding is a baby's face and it talks and says, "do you like this one?"

11/9/99(sic) Al--Bierkins shovel shaped cell. Chart. Turtle 6.

12/10/99 I missed it just walking down stairs. I skipped. I try to do a reading for Ron Davis and think he's got a job interview. This is after one other thing I've told him. Because I have a headache on the left side of my head. There are several women--a stove. I'm cooking something. Janet Kastor says there's less work and some people/women have to leave. She and Marina did in real life. Someone did more work. Door springs off. Walking makes you thinner. John Barman. I'm going somewhere cross grassy area. Dismantle some machine women are in to see how it works. Stairs, I skip and trip. Say my sister did.... I lost. Flat bed cemeteries. Cooking pizza? Green beans? Stove has a lot of splatters. At work--a QA guy with Veta. I don't have a blouse on--Pat told me to take off my jacket and blouse. Too hot? Then I forget and walk down hall. Man takes off his glasses--it feels like I don't have any skirt either--bare butt. I "skate" down the slippery hall tiles to my office. QA guys working across from Tiffany. I'm working with Pat, she has a new sweater with bumps in the texture. She says she forgives me for talking about her. She hides under her desk in a fetal position when a man comes in. Counter for breakfast--my sisters on two stools. Have magazines to read. I put out dishes and clean up. Then Mike Dafforn comes up and I tell him he can eat some of my Cheez-its if he's hungry. I have the same ones as Pat--also Air Crisps.

12/12/99 Bill Gates. Lito talks about computer but I think Y2K-- will just be a hobby for roller skaters. Several families get them. Spot itches at base of spine--a man's voice. Family groups--black, oriental--refuse to be split up (school?) in dorm. Rollerskate 50 miles per hour and keep up with car, along beach to fence. A man--bare chest, big nose looking at a video camera. A stapled bunch of papers--other things to buy highlighted--baby or children's toys-- big ones. I try to jog. West Des Moines. Julie lost all her weight, very thin, John in red convertible driving--she wants to go back to work. John says size 10 sound big--I say, like size 34?

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