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2/11/01 A man looking at the rabbits, says that a few actually set an example - his sex record. Several men have to travel for the union and talk about green and blue germs in the hotel. The mother rabbit asks about some pellets in the rabbit cage - looks like poop. The baby rabbit moves them behind a wood post where she can't see them. one year old boy holding a newborn boy. A bigger kid handed him to him so that he could play baseball. I start to take the baby from the one year old telling him he's too young and has too short an attention span, but he says, no he doesn't in a man's voice. Then the newborn speaks also in a gruff old man's voice.

> 2/12/01 I play hooky from work and am meeting a man and am excited by
> this novel experience. Several people help me arrange for a place to
> meet. It looks like my Aunt Lucille's house. I look around and there is
> a strip mall across the street. A nice TV. A small cute dog walks by.
> The bedroom looks like a dorm in the dream, a lot of beds, and the kitchen
> has several stoves and he makes scrambled eggs. I keep changing clothes
> in the dream and then he gives me unusual shoes and says that he likes
> making funny shoes. They have "footsteps" attached to them like when you
> learn to dance. There are a lot of books in the house and I plan to read
> on this luxury of a day off. My Philip K. Dick books are there and then
> they disappear and I ask what happened to them. A voice says that he
> wrote murder mysteries. The books turn into stuffed cats with ugly matted
> fur that looks like porcupines. If this was the Israeli 16 year old who
> met the Palestinian girl from the chat room, clothes mean bodies. Maybe
> he kept getting in bodies of babies that were being aborted over and over
> or he couldn't decide where he wants to live next and was trying them on.
> In college, Cinda (Wormley) Kornblum had a dream about posts. They put
> different color posts in the post holes in archaeology to show where the
> ancient houses were and after hearing about these posts over and over in
> archaeology class she had a dream that all her friends had different color
> posts in their footsteps following them home. [Ofir Rahmal, 16, shot 1/17/01 by Palestinians, thought he was meeting an email "older woman, 25" for a day of hooky from school.

2/15/01 I'm taking the bus to where I used to work in 1981 in Inglewood. The bus driver is very kind and tells me lotto numbers - to pick the 30's not the 40's this week. I am getting special x-ray dark glasses. People in the strip mall talking aobut over zealous problem solving (union guy or a model in the boutique) and out at the vending machines where you pick up your glasses, teenagers are complaining that they aren't old enough to vote or buy cigarettes or beer but they are old enough to pay for glasses. Your last ten years you have to be cooperative (at work.) Better odds of survival or abortion if you wait until the seventh day.
2/16/01 At a lecture, Linda sits down beside me and says she saw my old boyfriend and he was really drunk. I ask her if he was developing pictures. She says he's the one I told her about, the football coach. I was sitting by myself on a wood bench with splinters trying to run six months of statistics in advance (baseball or work.) Bullet holes in wall in a classroom.

2/18/01 Running through sprinklers, a woman with a big butt in an orange bikini. A lot of info on defense or war. I'm walking through a city and get my bearings by going along the shore and then turn inland. A voice says, "good." Birds in a box, two owls, one is too small and gets smashed. A blue parakeet, dead, I try to eat the body but it's too tough, disgusting taste. Hematoma, calm before the storm - soldier sitting on a box in the dark by a fire. Aspirin will raise the level of something.

2/19/01 The end of the world is coming and people must dive into their websites, no more changes. No more new clothes. I go on a road trip and stop for lunch at an elaborate buffet with tables filling a whole room, breads on one table, salads, meat. One table has seafood and has caviar that is from puffer fish. I take a whole pound of it. My clothes are so old they start rotting off. Bill Clinton - the others are even bigger, lots of emails.

2/20/01 Whole night of opening the same picture over and over. Finally I protest. Black table in a white room. Some sort of judgement.

2/25/01 New office in a dead end hallway. I'm a bigshot in a beautiful building with a balcony. A guy in a tan overcoat looks over the balcony, young guy with a crush on me from another company. I fall asleep in the dream climbing up the balcony and wake up again, hanging by my knees from the railing.

2/27/01 I open a gate at the farm and chickens and sheep walk out. A rabbit bites a little girl's shoestrings.

3/1/01 A computer in the future for running the house. Has a button for showers, also moods or basic personality outlook. One for unborn children. A cornfield along the freeway. The farmer parks his tractor at the curb in a residential neighborhood. I look down at the valley -- arrangement of houses and open spaces.

3/3/01 Mom's old house, being torn down in the dream (I didn't remember in the dream it's already been torn down.) A lot of people - Mom says to paint the walls while waiting for a wedding/funeral. Someone sent the body to be embalmed and it'll be at least a month. A woman unzips a young guy's levis and takes out four penises and lays them on the floor. They crawl up to women and stroke their cheeks. One woman complains she wanted a white one. They are frilly on the edges like gills. One asks if it exited gracefully if the hole becomes dreadful. Donut shop in Hermosa. Sign on wall, Eve, ignore a different woman. You came from poolside (suicide) because you guys were too late.

3/11/01 Two geese in a hole up by the ceiling at Dad's old house. They drop down and a man picks the up by the feet then holds them in his arms.

3/18/01 Man made of sun. voice says, "I don't want to talk and confuse you." Stranded bullet. Catholic town, hotel rooms $135. Revolutionaries hide out on farms for a few days. Man comes all over me - sticky. I take a bath in a pond and a cat swims up to me and crawls on top of me. Red plants in water. US divides in half down the Mississippi River and the east half drifts over with Europe. Italy is deserted, reviled or disappears. Red headed women with doubles. One misses a day of work and the supervisor calls in a woman that looks just like her and gives her the raise.

3/19/01 Snakes are the cause of sterization. A man coming to kill me. I keep myself busy cleaning, clean the window so I can look out. Then spray windex on a round chrome thing with a high dome. Wet sheet hanging over the shower pole so I can't clean in there. Cows outside on the patio grazing, I tell a woman they're cute. Also hunting taxidermy pictures -- rabbit heads nailed to boards. When I was a kid I dreamed I passed a gate at the end of a driveway and there were dead bodies hanging on it. Their penises and breasts had been nailed on boards like animals head trophies. I had never seen an adult naked - was about eight year old.

3/20/01 I go on a tour of a soybean factory. Some kids show me their room with a computer for each one. I have a plan to take something and write different or destroy. All four phone lines are busy at work. I pick up the first line and a woman asks me what number I want to call. I pick up the second line and a man is calling a woman after work. President Walt Andrus. Signs of depression - enduring repression. Depression placebos for the holidays, like birth control pills in a circular holder.
[Phone calls always seem to mean plane crashes, often military ones. On 3/26/01, two F-15s disappeared over Scotland and two died in an Army helicopter crash the same day.]

3/21/01 Two trees of evil - covetousness and disbelief. I have to move my class out of the library, pack up. I see a map/calendar with a horizontal line for each day with the hours. It shows five chances for a heart attack or stroke for me that day and four chances the next day. There are four red balls and one orange, look like apples and oranges. I'm sleeping on my back with my left hand on my chest and suddenly my hand flies into the air like I've been punched through my back right through my heart.

3/22/01 Some things are locked up in a time area. Spindals like viruses. I'm riding a tricycle down the freeway, trying to build up speed to keep up with the cars I can see in my rearview mirror. My back wheel spins out so I get off the freeway where some people are working around a plank or small wooden bridge. A man tells a woman she's let herself go - she hasn't been managing her money. A voice says, "you're walking on water." (water is even thinner than ice) and then, "I had to stumble into a Christian one." A church with stained glass window has appeared and I ventured in curiously. I see several women I know and they've all lost weight.

3/23/01 Ionic and Corinthian columns. They are made of wood, are being remodeled. Picture of my Kindergarten boyfriend, Mike Koch, with his dad. He still looks the same -- five years old. His dad looks Italian. Then I'm at work and find some computer files I don't remember making and a guy is going to help me so I go to look for the note I put on my boss's desk asking if he understands them. There is a hot hard spot next to me. Then I feel a weird shove in my chest and I'm walking away from that spot.

3/24/01 Midnight - I'm leading a parade up the hill out of West Branch, Iowa (where I worked at the Herbert Hoover Presidential Library.) 4 AM - I dream about the other dream of the place where people get help -- I do work in dreams on other dreams -- it's a hole in the dream fabric, a tree, a brick area, a tunnel. It's all these things. The dreams are screen memories of other dreams. Someone changed the sheets while I was lost in the dream. A girl asks me if she can ask me a question. I say, "about what." She says, "your job - did Herbert Hoover throw their wedding clothes overboard on the ship to China?" (He and his wife, Lou had degrees in mining.) Voice asks me if I'd invest in Stephen King stock.

3/25/01 1 AM PST - reading Sean David Morton's March newsletter on the Year of the Snake and fell into a reverie and saw a picture of a dog (in the hog's territory) holding a boar's right back leg in its jaws. George W. Bush is a Dog. The two leaders of China are Tigers.... 4 AM - I wander into an Arab country with tents and sand floors. The cafeteria has an "R" posting on the wall. I'm summoned to see the leader (who I can't see) and my public defender or prosecutor, who escorted me in and carried my luggage stands behind me and throws my luggage as evidence to the leader. It has a tag on it with one of my coworker's name on it. I don't see why they care about an American woman, but maybe they still like fat women there. I keep thinking about the "R" on the cafeteria wall and think maybe the leader has indigestion and wants to be healed. I look at the prosecutor and it's an Iranian guy, Marty, from work wearing his black Italian Mafia looking shirt and he says he's going to strangle me with piano wire (and cut off my head) and I almost pee my pants. I edge towards the tent flap and wonder if it will get on my shoes - the sand is hard packed outside. The prosecutor says, "get back here, don't run away." There's a very thin girl with a red face sitting on the floor. I tell her I wish I could run away but another character says, "I'm happy to stand up for what I believe in." I think that my death will lead to the downfall of this tyrant in the long run. At the end of the dream, I almost go in again. There is a sign "Missile Music Man." I hide my three stuffed dogs from his kids, but in the dream they are stuffed elephants. 8 AM - I'm working with a group that have a secret room. I take in stuff to them through a time tunnel in a mall. You end up at right angles to where you started out. I bring in a round thing, maybe a clock, and they hang it. Then a man with an ax brushes past me through the secret door, chops a red velvet pillow and says when I look at him, "it's supposed to be indestructible, I'm testing it." It is unhurt by the chop. Then they put me to work collecting supplies for their daycare. [Week of 3/26/01 Palestinian suicide bombers blew themselves up in Israel.]

3/26/01 New moon. Water dreams. A little girl riding through a narrow canyon on a stream of clear sparkling water. I take the flashlight apart and there's water inside. House blows up when a guy lights a cigarette.

3/27/01 Dream of spring, maybe. It starts out, I repeatedly surface through algae and waterlilies, then I surface through a hillside, then the hide of a tan color/lion animal. The manager's daughter has the hide of the animal on her arm like a hand puppet. I grow by pushing through the atoms like an earthworm through soil. I see the insides of a amall machine like a chainsaw, sawdust on a snarl of cords. Earthmovers, sunny hill with planes lined up below, growing tree sap. Spring is here, movement, "welcome back." Sodden drone of classes still going on indoors. I'm sitting at a picnic table outside in a wet cold place with a lot of others, no blouses. I'm freezing in the wind and look around, there is a pumpkin color sweater on the ground I saw at the sidewalk sale but it might belong to someone. Jane Fonda gives me a black dress from the sale. I have to buy a map in a strange town. My code is azgarde. I tried to go to Loch Ness, too cold, got confused. High Priestess means unconscious, hidden influences, car repairs, and I wake up in the dream and can't read the rest as soon as I realize I'm dreaming about Tarot. Goes up, down, still save 1%. [Treesitter dream. Logging season begins May 1st. Also, the lost F-15's in Scotland, where Loch Ness has a mysterious influence similar to the Bermuda Triangle. Aleister Crowley owned a house on Loch Ness, and Led Zeppelin bought it in more recent years.]

3/28/01 I dream I receive a masters degree. Now I have two BA's and an MA.

3/29/01 A monster of Biblical proportions. Bill Gates trying to get some man to do something. I get a raise but end up with less money somehow

3/30/01 Sitting along a railroad track in a beach town with some kids playing at my feet. I'm sitting on a bench talking to a blond woman. The train has wood boxcars painted red and is a "love train." A list of words. One is "old powers = earth." I buried you then. Personal vehicles - you stand on a small platform just big enough for your feet and hold on to handles that come up like a "T." Looks hard to steer. Ted Berrigan had untreated diabetes, his son walks in, looks and sounds just like Ted.

3/31/01 Stewert's house. I've done something and people may make catcalls. I write down dreams on on envelopes. One each day. People at work lying on the floor, doing exercises before work. Lito says there's no room for Sheila. Bernie is in the row ahead of me under a table and there probably won't be room for situps without bumping our heads. A woman telling me how she ordered a mail order husband and other women are jealous of her but she says she could have just gotten a piece of rubber in the mail or drank like a fish. Voice, must take a big bite of a bubble, if you had succeeded in doing that all your problems would have gone away. At work I have a new job one day a week, shipping, and the Northrop employees are watching a movie about how the Russians are clamouring for better parts for their planes. Woman planning on having a baby in half the time. My boss climbs up on a shelf with a ladder and goes to sleep at lunch. A man tell me his shoulder hurts (just like mine) and when I squeeze it and say, "here?" he says, don't pinch grab it hard. His shoulders keep getting broader and I have to keep moving my hand. We dance bare chest to chest. Then he goes back to work and I walk home on the 91 Freeway, exit on Hawthorne Blvd and see the other Sheila with a patch of new sidewalk she put in and someone wrote on it. They carved the word "Judge" in fancy script like on a tombstone. She is writing a police report and writes the word exactly like they did in fancy carving script with all the shading.

4/1/01 As I was falling asleep around 1 AM I suddenly saw as I was really there, an ocean scene. I was floating nose deep in the sea weed filled water. [Chinese fighter pilot lost over South China Sea around 9 AM their time - he was probably dead accounting for approx. 24 hour time difference, he had been in the water about 3-4 hours by 1 AM our time. In the 2001 dreams I will eventually have a dream about South China Sea Islands erecting barrior to keep out "sea pirates" which I believe are the Red Chinese.]

4/2/01 Bump, bump, people dragging images with ropes, no horses like Indians before the White invaders. RR tracks. "Party" over and over in the dream all night long. Celebration parties near morning. [Maybe the 22 year old Hawthorne airport flying instructor and girlfriend of three months that crashed and died yesterday flying Hawthorne to Rialto were partying.] Near morning I am leaving Northrop through the back door -- blue one, not glass. Outside is a worker working on a rusty metal frame of what I at first take to be an airplane, but on closer look, see is a mastadon skeleton. The tusks are capped. The cheekbones are done. I wonder what suspends them in the air. [Northrop Plant 1 abuts the Hawthorne Airport.] Al tells me that I can't be trusted to set boundaries in policy meetings because I jump from subject to subject. I ask him who said that and he says, Marc (my old supervisor from the Max Factor Bldg.) My sister gets out of bed to check my accounting homework (to try to get a promotion) and I notice she's naked and I look and she is in bed with Dad.

4/8/01 I dream about a man standing in the corner, with shoulder length, stringy greasy hair, red silk robe with gold fasteners, boar teeth attached above his top lip. This is the living person, maybe, who posed for the statue of the guardian of the Chapel of the Wat Arun Rajvarum in Bangkok, Thailand. [Photo in Yesterday Has Much to Tell, Ralph M. Lewis, late Imperator of the Rosicrucian AMORC, San Jose, CA.] [I also in the past dreamed about a line of Indians standing for a photo in a fort. One I was told or intuitively knew was Crazy Horse. He was tallest in line, big chest, smiling. Everyone kidding around. When I woke up I looked for the picture in a book I thought I'd seen it in only to find that there are no pictures of Crazy Horse, but he fits the description I saw, kid name Curly or Blondie, tall man. Maybe a photo will one day be found somewhere or maybe the owners are not releasing it for public use.] Before I fell asleep at around midnight, I remote viewed a figure of a bull's face and front shoulders. It was a reddish brown bull and the face went from slender, cow face to thick bull face. Then I thought what about a bear and the face changed to a brown bear and then a black bear, but only the face, then only part of the fur on the face. Long silky fur. Also a person - looked male or short hair girl dressed all in white sitting on a small stool waiting - I was trying to remote view for a person who emailed me about her mother-in-law. See myself sitting in the middle of the street and I have to go around myself. [Fire, explosion this morning at Burger King and roadblock at Amsterdam Airport, Dutch aren't saying it, but it was caused by Indonesian youths. Gram Esther must really be Dutch, I thought Dad was kidding me!]

4/9/01 All night long I'm dreaming about emails. I'm an honorary board member of an Islamic museum and get six emails about it. First there is one and then the problem escalates to three and six emails - they are automatic responses. I wake up and go to the bathroom and think about the emails and how I wished I'd read them in the dream. I go back to sleep into the same dream and read all six. It takes all night until the alarm goes off.

4/17/01 Lawn chair by pool. Man holding gun in silverware dept. I look in my email for a message about a baby with big eyes, picture attached. There are several pictures. Voice says, someone is not all talk and no action. Earthquake [12:14 AM - not sure if it is a dream or real.] Saturday morning, I wake up in a motel in bed. Woman with two men and her anniversaries are the same with both, she has two dinners to attend. I cook two stuffed whole fish and eggplant with peppers. People cooking steaks and baked potatoes in fireplaces. Voice, they came in here and made this base for minor protection. Not quite ready, never quite right. You can wait in the corridor until then and then we eat and then you said... A cat eats and poops in a doggy bag of cat litter, waiter takes it away. Necklace like medieval armor with heavy chain, pendant is sqare of tin. Majorca. Itis nothing, you bacame sick. Bottle. No laugh with a roof.

4/18/01 Remote viewing. Two little girls standing in their cribs looking at each other, one with long blond hair and one with long brunette hair. Showing their toys.

4/21/01 Remote viewing before going to sleep -- geyser coming up in the ocean. I saw the same geyser in a fish tank at a wholesale fish store about 3 PM (4/20/01) during the day. The fish was very human looking -- face, parrot fish maybe. Knife stick in my leg, gets my attention. Something about an aerospace contractor. Supervisors in wheelchairs. They don't care because they're dying and do the work. I walk along a pleasant grassy area and come to an old Japanese woman's yard where she grows dry rice -- the foliage is short spikes with red rice grains in clumps. It looks like she's cutting it to sell. Inside her house, she has a lot of rooms, looks like Gram Wigton's house, English teacher, died young of a heart attack. I argue against something, old Japanese woman thinks she's going to die. I ask what I can do to help and she says she has some black truck farmers who do odd jobs. I tell her I'll finish harvesting the rice. Then a tall black man watches from the doorway as I flood the linoleum floor with hot water. The room is empty and the water goes up to the doorway and I run over there and make a dam with my foot to stop the water. I am going somewhere cold with a man and go to get my coat, wading through the water in the empty room. At the left side are two lockers with curved sides. He says his key will open my locker and opens it for me. My locker is also flooded with water almost to the top, in fact all except the top shelf. Middle East to become important. New refugees to the USA. Concentration takes more time, not less. [Friday April 20 6:38 AM ET 6 Dead in Plunge at Philippine Dam "...Lockwood would not comment on what caused the accident, pending an investigation. He said the workers were in a shaft that will contain water and form part of a tunnel system connected to the dam's turbines. The dam is being designed and built by New York-based Raytheon Engineers and Constructors Inc. and will be operated by San Roque Power, a consortium that includes Sithe Energies of the United States and Japan's Marubeni Corp. and Kansai Electric Corp. It is being funded in part by the Export-Import Bank of Japan. The dam is designed to generate 345 megawatts of electricity, control floods and irrigate 215,000 acres of farmland, said Lockwood. It will be the 12th highest rock-filled dam in the world, measuring 660 feet from the river bed to its crest.]

> 4/23/01 Voice saying, "Hermosa Beach. It's bad. Horse will rear up and
> strangle itself." "My friend Sam's frog broke." Kid has it outside a
> mall area with windows, in his pocket, pulls it out by the leg. "How much
> can you sit back and let teenagers go through adolescence." "Going to
> move down here to see me -- Florida. Going to move worms down here." "If
> you can't do the test you have to hide it." Have to use a table in front
> of the chair. "Man doing alchemy experiment? Someone not in bed, break
> off some extension." With a man at Costco, he has his own cart. Shirley,
> coworker from 80's, showing me the three of cups/hearts with other Tarot
> cards, -- "press here to make sure it stops, press here to be sure it's
> going." "All the things you did in college carried you." Grandmother
> takes three kids home, wants to share the market. Big tree in planter.

> > 4/24/01 I have nothing to eat so I go to a party. Little kid thinks he
> > sees a cat -- tail hanging out. Voice saying , "something changes when
> > you move something to another CD." Two messages I don't remember in my
> > sent folder -- about Muslims causing problems. Daycare. I get a part
> > time job -- few kids. A blond girl named Lori P. shows me where to brush
> > my teeth, hang my purse on some pegs near the floor under a counter, an
> > electric scooter. I ride the scooter up a hill -- it's a dark starry
> > night, stars, up a steep hill to a cliff and buildings across the valley a
> > voice says are QA. That was a break, I have to get back to the school.
> > Now there are a lot of kids. They are sitting in a big room in rows of
> > chairs. A woman arrives outside the door with a sack of birthday presents
> > for Brenda, her daughter. A voice says not to sit on the couch with the
> > kids, it is too familiar. A girl is making jewelry with green and
> > transparent clear glass beads -- look like ice. Father Malachi comes in
> > and someone makes one boy talk to him. He looks like Jim Jones. It is
> > already my second day working there and I seem to be full time. I wonder
> > what happened to the part time status and how I'm going to go to my other
> > job. [Father Malachi is dead, talked about demon possession on his last
> > interview with Art Bell on late night radio in 1996.]

4/26/01 Men pass away worth more than women pass away. The people at the square -- obedient people. Have an eye on travel by Thursday. She tells the truth, she tells it wrong. I'd rather she goes to the oil industry. I don't think it's important to memorize every step to raising daughter. Do you know how many hours that would take. Something I didn't notice on table. Folded, percentages going up. Cookie in my teeth. Others get drinks, I just get some water in a glass. Have you noticed when a doctor will diagnose a doctor. Can't talk about 15 years ago, really nothing there. Brother living in Louisiana and bitten by so many mosquitoes. Headline -- Father Lives to See Son Indicted.

4/27/01 Severe effort of will to wake up -- open eyes in dream. I am suddenly aware that I'm driving in the dream, am so tired my eyes close involuntarily and I've fallen asleep with my eyes open -- just like in real life when you're that tired. Feel like a zombie, the walking dead. To stay awake, not to sleep. To stay in my lane on the freeway. But it's a dream, so the driving aspect is not really a problem. It is really a severe effort of will to wake up in the dream that manifests as opening the eyes. I think I'm too tired to go to work, must call in sick. Then I'm awake more or less, on my feet. The freeway starts on one edge of the town and ends on the other edge. I get the feeling I'm in Oklahoma City -- sunny day, blue sky. That is the impression I get. The freeways are an X -- two freeways. Albuquerque and Des Moines freeways are laid out that way too. I go to an office where they are making plans for some sort of change, moving people around, maybe to the basement. The freeway only went to the edge of town -- [so McVeigh may be trapped in an "Oklahoma City" hell after he dies --trying to get out. He might have to walk and walk too, I've dreamed that. Then I get a kids tricycle to ride.] In this dream I pick up papers down a long hall. Posters, work documents at a federal office, not the one where I work. One end of the hall has long long tables with all kinds of cakes, donuts, very fluffy and large potions, strange looking. I don't eat anything. It is a "diabetic's hell" -- [like Althea, one apt manager a few years ago, complained to me -- she said it's criminal to display beautiful cakes or dessert trays -- very distraught.] [If they are made of rotting flesh like my Great Grandmothers showed me in that dream -- that might be another part of his "hell". They say you make your own hell, if you don't believe in it, you won't go there.] I go to a room with white floors and two men are waiting to see the doctor. One man comes up and says he has STD and the shot hurts and they can just give him a pill instead -- points to it on a list. I think that a tranquilizer will not cure a STD, don't understand. Some people start talking about laundry. I go down into the basement and there are some clothes hanging on clothes lines. There are purple men's shirts and a woman's flannel nightgown and a short white T-shirt dress with elastic waist that has been dragged through sand -- crawling on stomach -- and the stain did not come out. They are dripping wet. [The laundry was handwashed in the basement.]

I dream also about a bull again -- big horn type bull, but the horns are only about six inches long, they scrape a bubble and
burst it. The bull is walking with a crowd of people and a woman tour guide around a shrine that is divided the long way by a wall. I am inside the shrine with a wealthy family; the wife is intelligent, professor. Man is out of the picture. Girl and boy, young kids, not very responsible. Boy is just playing video games and has hurt his leg auto racing. They are going to give me a ride after spring break back to my university and are donating a tanker load of salt water to the surfing pool there. I think maybe it's a UFO, they scoop up ocean water.

A drought going on by fall.

4/28/01 A man lies on top of me with his clothes on. I stand up and start to take mine off but a voice says I don't have to. Later I go into the bedroom and the man and a woman are lying side by side in bed. I slap him and look at her and ask if she wants me to slap her too, she shakes her head, no. I start watching TV and feel guilty for slapping anyone.

I am walking a long distance, trying to get home to a farmhouse where I live. I can see it in the distance, an old 70's car in the driveway. I'm cutting through a field. There is a moving van along the road, men working in the field and a fence. I climb through and pass the workers whose supervisor is telling them they have to work overtime until they are done, and then they can move in the van. Crossing the field, I am crawling over walls of sand about three feet tall that look like sand castle, wet sand arranged in a maze shape or like an electrical circuit. Some walls are close together and I can slide across on my stomach to the next one but some are too far apart. One crumbles and I think the men will never get done if I mess up their work. Sand carries an electrical charge and can melt into glass or mess up the electrical circuit. At the bottom of the hill is a studio with four big cards with some story written on them. The door is unlocked and I go out and can't cross the highway -- too many cars. May not hit me with it in 2001- bonus, tax liability. Maria's gonna take you some high heels - to get lost in. Forest defenders get a pet dog -- $500 one.

4/29/01 Axe murderers need friends too (when I was in third grade I took cigarettes
> to school from Dad's National Guard C-rations /they are in five cigarette
> packs -- and everyone was disgusted with me, but one boy talked to me) death
> is not final, just a waste of whatever life you've put in so far and also
> women's work in producing babies -- if right now I am dreaming with Timothy
> McVeigh every night. It is not pleasant -- everyone keeps smiling at him
> but it seems like making fun of him -- everything is just "gottcha" or
>could be just constructive criticism -- to remember, like don't forget not
>to be a strawberrry blond or bald or a drug addict in your next life..
>I see friends from high school and college -- the ones that flirted with
>me, in my case Steve Davis and Allan Kornblum. And TV shows --
>Happy Days, Skippy with Ron Howard hiding behind him saying
>he can quit marajuana any time he wants. They move a new guy into
> the bed while I'm still in the bathroom. The guy in the next room, top halves
>of doors open, is manufacturing something and has black cloth around the
.>light bulbs and they'll start a fire, boxes all around him. Trying to sell
>salad spinners in a place that only sells fruit salads. Bill Gates does not
>have the courtesy of making a meeting. Truck drivers wallet
>on the picnic table bench, belongs to a Union organizer. I see Sandy Cortez
>with her eyes covered, migraine maybe and her two year old, no one
>year old daughter, says something funny about telling Tony Escobar
>to paint his walls of his office. Sandy sits up and says, send him a
>45 to paint by. She has a pile of 45 records. Voice singing, The Devil
Goes Down to Georgia -- picture of a finger sticking to cold six foot tall
metal box. Voice says, no, a fiery death [cremation]. [Timothy McVeigh
had an alternate plan to assassinate Attorney General Janet Reno.]
Payments to ex-wives. List of three on a suspense list. Mike Dafforn says
the money starts the first day after the wedding. Kick starts life.
Man riding on horse carrying three wands. It is supposed to be the five
of cups -- disappointment, (full house) but it looks like a combination of
oppression, man carrying 10 wands and the victory card, six wands, man
on horse -- could think five wands are pointed at him, but they are his army.

> 4/30/01 25 years ago when I was sitting here for you. Answers: down two
> tubes [Mars]. You can't do everything, the amount of heroism. The south
> end of the harvest moon. See a girl sitting on a giant brain, then back
> of a woman's skull off -- can see the brain. Good luck. Making a
> beautiful house, patio, where no one will ever visit. 35 degrees, much
> harder going -- little girl, dark hair, in snow -- fluffy, white, deep,
> white coat and hat -- or it's snowed on her head, arms, she's been
> standing there a long time. Why leave early, why does this thing hurt.
> Snowy outside, about a foot of snow. I'm in a big house, woman has two
> daughters that look like blood transfusion bags to me -- in bed in the
> living room where she moved them. I want to run away and a young girl
> tells me to go. Then I hide outside along the wall. The woman might look
> out the window and see me. I sense her coming and hide in a concrete
> bunker behind the house. The young girl comes again and urges me to
> leave. I grab a box of food and a pan -- a man and I will be camping. I
> leave on an elevator that looks like the lift in an auto shop for lifting
> cars. It's coffin shaped with a body covered with a sheet and I jump on
> top of the body and ride up to the snowy garage, start the car. Voice,
> Abigail Adams. I see a group of twenty year old girls and tell them I'm
> running away. A five year old girl blabs the whole story and gives a
> speech. I can talk, it is clear. It is clear, I can talk to you. You
> hear Dar talking about Texas, well how'd you feel if you send but not all
> the messages go through. Why, falling down through a hole -- giant
> earthworm, 16 inches, to trail below.

> 5/1/01 The babies are full I noticed. Answer to an email. Magazines
> about Austrian Christmas given to soldiers. I call someone -- can't
> remember the phone number. Queta selling glass ware on the ground at a
> swap meet or yard sale. Looks like an antique store -- consignment booth.
> Blue glass jar. Set of dishes with red and brown designs.

5/2/01 Just like a basket, but more useful things -- hotel guest basket or Easter. I'm in a big granite building -- maybe Grad College -- the room is different, a bathroom with the stool very high up, like a brown throne or an electric chair. I sit down, have to go to bathroom very bad. All my insides feel bad. Notice a window from the other, double door bathrooms have. A young guy looks in. I pull up my jeans -- notice they are nice levis. I seem to have lost weight. He's Air Force or Army and shows me orders he has. I have a copy also on the table in the bathroom. His boss, a big hairy sergaent appears in a bed with a young girl. He takes off his camophlage and is naked. Other people look in window and I've pulled down my pants again but really can't go now with all these people. I have to make him disappear or leave. Voice, I cut off old man's head for bothering women. I go out to investigate the other door and it is a hallway with two doors in different directions. Someone drives me somewhere and I relax for awhile. I feel like I'm in Miss Nude America contest -- walking around nude. Voice, the worst that could happen is that you could lose. I don't even want to win, too much trouble, travel to other countries... that would be fun. My butt seems skinnier -- trying harder. In another room a group of little kids working on art pieces. I work alone at the side on something like a huge wood sculpture of a horse and general. They are making what they say/looks like a mobile for babies. It looks like coat hangers unbent and snow or clouds mashed around it and Christmas balls (red and blue) embedded in it. The dream screen pans along the mobile, which is curved wire in a spiral.

5/3/01 Man cured of cancer. Person will be surprised, wonder where cancer went. Cut out. Has to take it out of is website. I'm going on a journey -- not packed, not prepared, something very different -- someone takes me. I think of the ground too much in those years -- the trees grow, suit splits/rots off. Black suit. Man who sticks to his lie, and breakfast, crossroads, students, young people. Bury horse, what man is still sitting in the hospital with that baby. Dream same thing again -- Even if I'm with baby in high chair; cancer disappears in college town; voice, log on and check it. Dog tears flesh off shoulder, aircraft landing, too much money 9 of 10. Timeline, someone talking, happy, content. Colin Powell says, very loud voice, "something they took care of a long time ago." White flash, explosion. Got you covered, are you tired. Parking along a street by the train, buy ice cream for my daughter. Pretty street with trees and lawns. Have to walk past my boss -- keeps changing from Mary Jane Turner to Pete Landini. Two jobs, working at Dumdum and Grad College both part time at the same time again. Pie in a deep crack, only the regulars at the bar get it. Male equivalent of me -- is Paul Reubens and Jimmy Stewert. Crack of bat 25. 35 becomes 70. You could really trade off on the land. View of rough seas, muddy color mixed with blue and white caps -- a storm near land. The older parts of the seas have names. I call at random, I don't know their names, huge waves, vacation trips. Home day care -- Mom and I both run one out of the same building. Hers is new and has for sale listings for houses and cars, mine is just a list of names. The walls recently painted maybe, I have to rehang the art. Art is manilla cardboard with line drawings of bloodshot eyeballs; bread and wine. Stocking, stalking gown. [Mom does home care, I used to work in daycare.George Harrison operated on for lung cancer][Woman librarian killed downtown LA in her burgundy van, hijacked bus hit her. Small daughter survived.]

5/4/01 Tired always trying to think in my head. Must take this lid off before can live my own life (noise of granite lid scraping as it slides aside, seems like sarcophagus, is this what Egyptian initiation in the Pyramid involved, must push lid aside?) I was losing hair, it is all in the back now (slipped off head). He might do it from roast beef every day.

Sitting in the bathtub with a man in front of me. Shyami standing there watching me. I get out, wrap in towel, tell her I'm writing something important, walk to computer. I was dreaming it all night, over and over. The first dream wasn't even that clear. I don't know what I'm working on. Long slender legs, stiff like Barbie doll mannequin. I find myself jogging down a sidewalk, surprises that I can walk in a dream, I am taking very small steps, carrying a heavy two gallon container of water, car radiator shape. I'm wearing jogging shorts, turn around to see if anyone is behind me, an Italian man is. I explain that I'm jogging and can't stop, I pass a donut store or bakery with wedding cake in window. I jog to a house with a lot of kids eating at a table, no adult watching them. They tell me their dad is Italian and he eats stuff but only puts two on his plate. I ask what if there are more than two things and they say he uses two plates (plates are small ones you use for diets). I don't eat anything, stand by table. Then I go out into yard. Very ancient looking, very large elm trees, muddy, slippery ground with some rotting leaves. The man is digging along the wall for a garden. It seem to be in deep shade, I wonder how they grew stuff there (previous owners) but he digs up large, then huge monstrous carrots and throws them at me. I look around the yard for a spot that has more sun between the trees, but there is also a wall around the yard. Then I'm out on a sandy hillside. There is a long strip bulldozed down to black dirt underneath that is well-drained and crumbly. I look, weeds, grass or rice already poking up through the dirt. There is a sign that says Toyota has cleared this, but I walk out on it anyway and start to walk to the end of the runway to see what is over the edge of the hill. Voice, it's a Japanese bank. I go back the other way. I work at an office at a table, no privacy from the other workers. I write the idea from the first part of the dream another time and put the manuscript under my chair and start reading a book, wondering if I'll get into trouble. A tall, thin, eighty year old man comes up (new boss maybe) and asks if I've done any work. I give him the manuscript and he starts at the beginning and says the first page is funny, the part I was working on is in about the middle of twenty pages. I wander away to a big tank where some little boys are playing underwater. They have boxes that make air so they don't have to come up to breathe. One is riding a motorcycle and the old man is now trying the tank too -- sitting on a marble square. The tank breaks and the water that comes out on me is very warm, almost hot. I get a picture of a swimming pool, blue painted sides, open to the air, not closed like that tank, though one kid did surface to breathe sometimes too when I thought about it. I say it was my idea, I had it built, planned it, and I never got to swim. The old man or voice says, bubbles were annoying going through you anyway. [When I wake up I can't remember anything about the idea I was working on all night off and on, but wrote down a little in the middle of the night.] "It is interesting because the crank that wrote this is surrounded by 2/3 or .666 water. The land mass is a gate thru which we march. Picture of a bulldozed looking square edges tunnel through a mountain or hill. Tempe, tempest." [Tempe is fermented soybeans.] A man was explaining something to me but that is all I can remember, just fragments.

5/5/01 Tarot cards -- white bear, Texas, auto racing cards -- I'm done with these, a relief, one thing done. Tim McVeigh telling me how he was an instant winner (contest inside a Cheerios/yellow box). Picture of a metal box attached to a woman -- about the same height she is and 129 souls or kids go through her. Man or Irish God sitting on a hillside says, I left a message -- too angry to go somewhere. Men coming to a place with a lot of beds. A little girl helps a boy hide -- white powder all over him like ancient Celts used, stiff in his hair. I'm too tired to hide, lie on bed. The little boy comes up to me. I am sitting on the floor now beside the bed, robe buttoned up. A man is swinging a little boy on his huge erection. Man starts to take off my robe, girl's voice, "I don't want to take off my robe." Voice, "maybe next year, looking at my stomach." More people come in, Dad. Voice asks, who would sleep with their dad, I see a lot of hands go up -- about three women. 1928. I decide to be the same as them, put up my hand. A girl showing me three newspaper announcements about her -- one is Feb 28. One is two dates. Her marriages. I'm very depressed. Everyone but me knows what is going on and is having a good time. Wake up, go back to sleep. In a waiting room, I look down and see a baby (girl) on her stomach on the floor, on a mat. She isn't wearing a diaper, seems to be very coordinated, bends at the waist to look up at me. On a bed beside her are a lot of babies -- they blend in with the background at first, then I see more and more of them. They seem to be newborn. Then there are a lot of three inch tall three year olds and older standing looking at me. The one at the end seems to be a doll, the rest are alive. The newborns on the bed have diapers. I sit in a chair, can't lie on the bed, might crush a baby. A baby boy comes in the door, about 12-18 months, and crawls up on my lap and puts his arms around my neck. I get off the chair so he can sit in it -- he says he's cold (naked) and I put my yellow sweater around his shoulders. He kisses me and I just woke up, so think I should drink something for morning breath. There is a bottle of beer with about 1/2 inch in it and I drink some and the baby drinks the rest. He kisses me on the mouth. I think maybe he still remembers his previous life and that's why he can talk or is a dead person that doesn't know it. I think about telling him he's dead, but walk away to do something. His fist is right in my face when I turn back around or he punched me in the face to wake me up -- didn't hurt. In another room are two garments my daughter has given me. One is a blue/green jacket that matches a dress I used to have that looks like the dresses in a painting of a row of blond mermaids in green dresses sitting on chairs outside their doors. The other vest has green, blue and burgundy sequins and laces up the gap in the front. I wonder what she is going to wear.
5/6/01 People being sucked into an assembly line. Voice, you should use your 46, helps one person escape. Parrots at house at beach, good, now I don't have to go out and buy any dirt. Working in a huge building, a class. I collect the blotters and pile them up, they all have a lot of doodling on them. Then I go on break, Faith, Elaine and Mike go too, everyone in the class is on break. I pass the cafeteria which has beautiful wood paneling and fixtures but no apparent food. I go back to the first room (looks like a school) where there is a cabinet with a bottle (looks like Tums) a man tells me holds tokens for carnival rides. The tokens look like small circles of green paper with writing on them the size that would be cut out by a hole puncher and they're in the bottle with some styrofoam larger circles or communion wafers. Voice, when your pathfinder dies. The man is busy and seems to be a pre-school teacher and says the token bottle is behind the Menthol gum. A man in green sweats walks past twice and he has metal clips fastening his shirt and pants firmly shut. A voice says to go eat -- and I mildly protest that there was no food in there. I try again and this time Elaine reaches up on the top of the cabinet and gets down coffee cups. I go to several coffee machines but one just has hot water, one is empty, one is broken, one is turned to the wall. I didn't want any coffee. A girl with a lot of stuff spread out is in front of the only clerk where I absently find myself waiting in line to ask something. "Ever since Gary left -- he named the man in me, firm up backbone. Makes a monkey out of me -- already watch gain with no pain or rather gain with no playing. Music playing -- Move on Through to the Other Side (Doors) but a voice says the words should be, "no it's your self." She'd come home on Interstate 80 (or Hwy 90) to Booneville -- no problems in her mind (I chuckle, there's Randy Farlow trying to go to Booneville again.)" Purse empty -- I can't find my 2 cents -- to go see the boy cashier. Needs friends, but no where to put the bodies -- too busy, bottle falling over in a basket of cleaning supplies. I put down a coin (my new writing style) on a pile of cloth going around a corner -- Indians always accused of shoplifting like I was as a kid, taken in back room by woman clerk at the dime store. She's pregnant, glad daddy finally talked to her. Go to lake, as soon as Marble Line, close it again. Ed James, you don't know what you're talking about. Loud voice, "Microsoft stacked up to the ceiling" (feeling it is very popular). Summer camp, have some? 1/3 frozen, 1/3 ground, 1/3 fresh -- cherry drink -- the ground is choke cherries (wild from Dad's farm). Park door unlocked, window down -- this is one of your towns. You want your child to be.

> 5/7/01 "As comfy as a worker can be now, Jesus pills" [I found out today
> that Indonesia had many churches bombed on Christmas Eve, 2000]. [Captain
> Jack (Modoc) in Oregon killed a general, on the insistence of a group he
> was hiding in the lava beds, that said they'd rather die than give
> themselves up (Americans wanted them turned over for killing settlers when
> the settlers were never punished for killing Indians) and then they turned
> themselves in, states evidence and Capt Jack was hanged! I think I was
> dreaming that he was talking to me] -- "if you're good they give you 35
> miles up and down the river. Thirty years in a cracker jack box. flies,
> maggots in a shoulder wound." A bus drops me off in a foreign country --
> has steep hills, no sidewalks -- there are several expatriots there, women
> mostly, who say there are no sidewalks and the ground is wet and slippery
> in Las Vegas, I see them climbing the sandy trails on hands and knees.
> Before the last one leaves, I ask her which way to my hotel, I think it's
> Columbia Street or Columbine Street -- I never go the right direction in
> dreams and she points 90 degrees from the direction I thought, but doesn't
> look sure herself. It starts to rain very hard -- everyone is wet and
> takes off their clothes, laughing, so she stays a little longer and I
> point out the circular street the bus took to get here and the wood porch
> we're standing on, very old looking. She shrugs about what I say, then
> tells me that she told her kids to prepare some food for her journey, for
> their last meal -- mac and cheese I think -- comfort food. Now I'm
> inside, through a doorway at the end of the promenade. Dad is there,
> nude, everyone is nude -- he has very muscular legs, young looking,
> wearing his Army hat. He goes into the other room where a younger guy, my
> boyfriend in the dream, is sick or studying. I hear a noise, book falling
> on floor, and "yes, I have 50 of them." I go to the door and look in and
> he's sitting on his bed with 50 books. I go over to him to talk quietly
> and he says Dad said he liked him. Then I watch him and he is putting a
> bottle away in a rack of other bottles he says are liqueur. He pours some
> in a glass and it goes up over the top -- I talk about the skin of surface
> resistance that makes it possible for the liquid to go above the top of
> the glass. He dips a paper towel in it and says, that should take away
> about one cup. Then he pours some into two glasses with crushed ice and I
> take two sips, laugh and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand -- sour.
> Liqueur is sweet -- I'm puzzled. There is a woman who is supposed to be
> retired, but she looks young and is filling out a job application for the
> Federal Govt. -- tells everyone she doesn't know what to do about her
> violation (drunk driving.) "Why should she get off, Smog Eagle -- I'm
> lonely." My twin dies on me while studying a foreign language all night
> -- picture of a deflated sack attached to a girl at the chest. Voice, you
> must account for this too -- picture of a naked, skinned bull. [brains
> are used to tan hides] Several repetitions of "three" -- man who owns
> house holds up a sign -- maybe Chinese joke about drinks being regular,
> supreme and unleaded. Myocardial infarction = death of the heart/soul. I
> clean crumbs off a round plastic transparent table -- voice says, "mea
> culpa." Man telling how his son was an acorn, fell near the tree. Three
> men, one is named Whipple Crane -- firing squad, bullet in the heart is
> also a heart attack -- in Utah they use a firing squad. (Chinese) play on
> three words, to accompany sheep and to travel. Budget arguments --
> President Millionaire. I am still tired. [I wake up a lot -- hot and
> cold -- and dreams. It was 4:45 this morning with 45 more minutes until
> the alarm and I fell back to sleep and had a bunch of dreams of which I
> probably remembered 1 out of 10.] The last two were Crazy Horse (?)
> riding his horse, it's head down, slowly down a hill to surrender and a
> sign that said Costco -- which a voice says, means the "cost of company."
>
>
> [Librarian degree is Master's level and above only. I just have a BA.
> The thought crossed my mind in college of majoring in library science
> because I spent my whole life reading from the time I could. The first
> adult book I checked out of the library was Riders of the Purple Sage by
> Louis L'Amore. It's a western and years later it became also the name of
> a rock n roll band. I was in third grade and all I could read was the
> title I found out when I got it home. Mom came up to my room and asked me
> if I could really read that book. I could only read "the", "and" and
> skipped the words I didn't know. So then she showed me how to sound out
> words. My mother didn't talk much -- even though she's 3/4 Irish and 1/4
> German/Dutch. Not to kids anyway, she talked on the phone sometimes. She
> spanked everyone about 10 times a day with a yardstick and when that
> broke, she got a stronger board to hit us with.
>
> I was reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee which is the Indian version of
> the plains war written by Dee Brown, whose Indian name was Brown Bear. I
> dreamed that I got the White Bear card in Tarot but didn't have to do that
> one anymore. So I'm not spending too much time on this. Interesting
> things I read in the Dee Brown book were -- there were a lot of surrenders
> in the wars of Indians and Americans, but many of the leaders would slip
> away to hunt when there was no food and the army would go after them and
> they'd surrender again, but once in awhile when a party would ride out
> with a white flag, the soldiers would shoot them, so it wasn't a sure
> thing to surrender. Also, a lot of the leaders died around the same time.
> One, Kicking Bird, had to pick 15 men to go to prison and he picked five
> leaders, some obscure warriors and some Mexican captives they'd raised.
> One man he picked cursed him even though he told him they would work for
> their release from jail (in Florida) and he died two days later drinking
> coffee. The man who cursed him died shortly after, the author said,
> ashamed for cursing his fellow leader. Several died from TB or were
> killed by the guards. Also, there was a picture of Cochise's son Naipha.
> I read the pages about Naipha from the index and fleeing into Mexico from
> the American Army, the men were fighting a brilliant rearguard action
> while the women and kids went ahead into Mexico and the Mexican Army
> stumbled across them and killed 3/4 of the women and kids. Cochise died
> of TB. That was the Comanche I believe, which is one of the nine parts of
> the Sioux. You hear about the Oglala the most these days. Also, on the
> chapter about the Ghost Dance -- the first one -- in Nevada -- people came
> from all tribes all over the place on the train, then 3 days ride and 2
> more days walk. At dusk, when you see ghosts, Jesus appeared and in the
> morning they looked to see if he had the scars the churches said he had,
> but he was an Indian (tribe?) and had scars on his wrist and face. He was
> wearing moccasins so they didn't see his feet. Return of the Bird Tribes,
> Ken Carey says that according to the Mayan calendar, 1987-2011 is the time
> of separation of fear and love.]

5/8/01 Toddler in flour sack shirt walking in long grass with plastic bread sacks in the grass. Islands, big trees on them, maybe floating islands. Roots anchor them. My face in mirror, combing hair, redder and thicker.

5/9/01 Test, if I correct it I'd get money, medical tests in folders. A man in a white shirt pacing. Carries a sign -- dan..atu. dragonatu.

> 5/10/01 I take the lid off a jar of tips. Strips of
> reddish brown paper -- must be blood money. Picture of Shawnteal, says
> full time employees are next, layoffs. Alaska oil stock, Eskimos, stock
> with "8" in them -- picture of man buying a whole stack of them in
> envelopes he's mailing. I'm living in a warehouse -- rough wood walls of
> plywood nailed up, shelves with stuff sitting on them, grass and foliage,
> reds and oranges, growing right in the room, need to be mowed by the end
> of the dream. I'm wearing green shorts and an orange sweater -- am going
> to the laundry room where I forgot to get my orange and gray dresses out
> of the washer. I don't have a gray dress. Girl next door is having a
> baby, doctor comes and is leaving with the father to go get breakfast as I
> go out my door. He says she's not having it yet. Out in the parking lot,
> Juanita and Cindy are backing out. Apollo reminds me to pick him up in
> the morning -- says he'll loan me his truck, don't go far. So I just
> drive around parking lot, out one exit and in the other. Sheldon comes
> into my room and I give him some Scotch or whiskey -- yellow. He says he
> needs only a sip to swallow a pill but chugs 1/3 of a water glass full and
> says, this is only a quart. He's drinking it like 8 glasses a day. Faith
> must be the "girl next door" -- she's in the next cube at work, but she's
> over 55, not likely to be having a baby. Wrap a man with a pistol in a
> quilt. Voice, I refuse to pay for Israel. A woman doing cards says,
> someone does love me. Ramon saying that it's not fair that your kidneys
> fill up so fast and you have to pee so much, first thing in morning. Tony
> sticks his hand in my purse, I'm afraid he'll cut himself on something,
> broken glass chips. Looking for my Delphi Associates newsletter he wants,
> says, they change the US Govt? Some girls come in, wearing shorts like
> me. I think the lock must not work right. The door just opened anyway
> like the house in Lawndale -- door would open when you were sitting there
> watching TV or would get up in the morning and it was standing open --
> ghost of the woman who died there, the neighbors said, maybe. Jesse
> agrees to an exam with the lights off in his office, I'm a doctor in the
> dream, but he asks if I'm a forklift operator -- but him up on a hydraulic
> lift and overhaul his engine. David Cortez sitting in his cube facing the
> door -- against the far wall. Has curly blond hair and glasses, wearing a
> sheepskin lined coat, ready to go to Germany with Sandy. Voice, she'll
> probably take you up on two. I go to a class at the beach, man at door
> says to come in. A young guy, straight brown hair, gray turtleneck
> sitting in the hallway in a chair -- several doors to choose from. A
> bison bull in tall grass -- far away, hard to identify for sure, looks
> sort of like a grizzly -- tall shoulders. Voice, come on baby. A book
> about trees with pictures. One has a damaged trunk, smooth, looks like a
> nude woman sort of, voice says, my relatives. All the pictures of trees
> are black and white or gray -- second one I look at looks like fog or
> grayed out. Young school shooter talking about long fingernails. Car
> runs out of gas at gas station, John Byrne says he has a credit card, says
> he's too old for that. Voice, twelve, sweetie; there's nothing right for
> the world. A word divided in the dream -- written on a white card --
> theri-man or ther-mani. Voice, by closing those doors. A ship, mucous
> and water on the floor from pregnant woman -- man in hard leather shoes
> walks up to it, snaps his fingers and turns around. Woman wrapped in
> towel, roomful of men -- I don't know if they even deserved it. Woman
> cooking says girl came in and started hitting her for no reason like a six
> year old. Three cards laid out -- loud voice -- seven (swords), ten
> thirty (wheel of fortune), death. Howard Drobness saying, camp, after the
> technical blurry. Surveys on applications, all say no to sleepwalking.
> [when I was a kid I would sleepwalk down the steep stairs in Mom's ancient
> house. she said she'd just tell me to go back up to sleep. She asked me
> what I was doing and I said I forgot to get out bread out of the freezer.
> I would dream that I could just jump down the whole flight and float
> down.]

5/11/01 Twilight -- time to see ghosts, it's windy, something swirling wind. You're not getting two just because you're new (man in mask). Slap, cut lip, plane to Eastern Europe. A plane lands in a field, I am the only observer except the air traffic controllers in a building to my left. Voice says, Air Force Captain aboard. the plane is full of people -- I'm surprised a captain gets this kind of treatment and this number of flunkies. The plane is packed and the light is on inside. I walk away across white sand before they get off and I have to talk to them. A blond woman in a booth in the distance to my right -- I plod on, she calls to me, "who are you?" I don't answer, still grumbling. She asks if I"m the stenographer. I think and she can hear me, no, I don't know shorthand. She says, yes, she's sure I am -- there is the sign of the stenographer over my head and it's very fortuneate, a blessing. I go up to her and she says I'm not going to be laid off, no one is. I shake her hand. Her hair is bleached blond, I can only see the top of her head because it is bowed. She asks, now will he come? I tell her I'll try to remote view it -- she looks like Col Mayer. [I wonder if she likes Capt Tyson and wants him to be her new boss.] I shake her hand like she is leaving, maybe she is not getting laid off either. Voice, "you know what, four down years." [She has four years at Northrop.] She kisses me on the mouth when I leave and I am afraid she'll get my cold sore. Pat Magro walks up to where I'm crouched on the ground -- the light is behind her and I can see through her skirt and blouse, no slip --slender, clothes are loose. Men are following behind her (trying to look up the) long slit in her skirt. She's wearing heels, white skirt, red blouse. She's very nice to everyone. I go to a restaurant where a girl and her boss are (literally) sharing a meal. She has a drink she gives him a sip from -- he says, oh, ice. She gives me a ladle of the food -- soup, green stuff and pepper in it. I drink it from the ladle, again am afraid they will get my cold sore, but later I see the ladle laying on the table, they were done eating. Recycle, clean water. Recycling for middle aged housewives for empty nests. I go into a room with shelves. Man complains because it is so cold. You need a coat. I say I'm going without a coat -- barefoot in snow like Indian Wars. Man holding a little girl in a frilly dress's hand, could whirl her around. In all livelihood. Picture of camels in a field of orange sand, gray boulders in the foreground. Another picture of mountains, maybe Denver.

5/12/01 The Philosopher's Stone -- 15. I move it down past that. I live in the country son, in Vietnam. Tried to take 25 decibles, 25 level of McVeigh trial to reconstruct, assistant to colonel now. Why not sell scores to Brenda [Lil old Brenda/VA Hospital]. Instability, parts decision.
Young couple on a beach, steep bank, big rock or overpass behind them. Boy is wearing orange trunks with white under them, girl same. They are getting dressed. I think, how wonderful -- Romeo and Juliette. Voice, you are going to put these on and go back. Rifle shots, then cannon. I look at the couple to see if they're shot but a huge 30 foot wave is curling over them, then slams into them and when the wave goes back out they are gone. They were lying side by side on their stomachs on the wet sand. Then a scene of their bodies sliding down the wet beach towards the water when it replays. Pictures in a book of things in a museum. Kida on sidewalk at a beachfront, walking and walking. I stop to rest and sit down. One kid wants his shoe tied, with another, both about four. I say to the woman taking care of them, the first knot is already tied -- she says, yes they just untie them pulling the loops over the backs of their shoes. Mom's kitchen, I've wired a chandalier onto the bulb in the middle of the kitchen ceiling. Bernie comes in to check it -- I grab his arm, which might make it feel better. Lito is going out -- I am packing jalapena peppers sliced in a box and he comes back to look at them. Picture of a computer screen with "July 2001" and "December 2001" typed on it, voice saying "if contracts closed are reported by general." Interviewer asks, why are you giving this information out for? pay? Forest ranger, little fires, couldn't stop that. In the front of a book it says, "illegal to portray any gifts (from your husband) as royalty or perjorative." Picture of a man fallen down a well, voice, "rock formed around him, vitreous rock." I'm standing with Sandy and her older son, Danny in my cube in 1996 -- she says, this is the way it affected him, me, you. She was showing him my necklace with Peruvian pink and blue jingle bells that he lifted up from my chest to look at. Girl in headlock, boyfriend. Voice, "why don't you look and see what your child earns." secondary family, secondary income. Exercises and insights about getting pregnant -- calcified. When you change coats, the money gets messed up, doesn't transfer to new pocket. Woman talking about girl's new haircut (Jackie O) "looks like you've been living." Woman has ear length dark hair, black suit, white blouse -- she was sad and eating, face puffy. So many things to remember in hospital -- meal schedule, med person -- guests make you forget. Potato soup, put in some wine (vinegar). Sandy C in the next to last office along the wall -- "military poems." Voice, "I'm losing my mind, can't remember how to fix (old) cars."

5/13/01 Something I don't need -- woman. Her name is repeated many times, written down, one name is long -- maybe Jennifer, one might be Howe. Investment information, cover of book looks like Dee Brown's book, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee -- leather looking cover. Book -- three letters on cover made of overlapping letters. So hard to remember as soon as I wake up --maybe it starts as 000, then overlapping makes K's. OKs or KKK. Voice says, "thirty years of this." I am surprised I'm wearing my glasses in the dream and am curled up in bed reading. Voice asks students to fill in for seekers. My old room, combination of Dad's and Mom's -- Ramones sitting in chairs around the room, but I can only see one clearly -- the one with the stringy straight hair like mine. They say, "we're back", then "Joey is really dead." A country western singer says, "we came perilously close to losing the house in a high wind," there are holes between the boards like Northrop and building style in Norway that withstands hurricane force winds. [Joey has decided on his next life and arranged it with his new parents and is in the womb.] I start out in the kitchen, Mom has two 10 gallon aquariums just like I do, but she has a carp instead of a large mouth bass in one. Her fish jumps out and lays there a long time but she puts it back in and it is still alive. During the near death experience it has figured out how to get its head over the edge of its tank and jump into the other one to kill the redear and warmouth. It is watching the other fish like a cat. Voice says, "they'll be alright, you could always knock the tank over;" I get ready to cook the bass, then other people protest and I demonstrate its various sharp fins on its sides, tail, sharp teeth. when I show the teeth, they are very long and curve -- tiny cat's claws or rabbit's teeth. The fish turns into a rabbit, large white male that has wet matted fur and a bad limp from a stroke or wry neck (turns head and looks up) and I follow it as it hops quickly into the living room wondering if it is sick because of me not letting it out of the cage --if it is the ghost of my male rabbit I had as a kid. [Dad always said to put the females into the males cage or he would forget what to do if he got disoriented by a new place, so the male rabbit lived his whole life in a small wire cage next to the bull's pen except when Dad made a big wire pen to put them on the lawn in summer, but the dogs were staring at them over the top.] On the far side of the living room the rabbit has a choice of bedrooms to right or left, it looks in Mom's room, then straight ahead up the stairs. He hops through Sandy's room where she and Gary are in bed head to foot (he must have another cold and she doesn't want him breathing in her face) and she wakes up and says she thinks Nathan took over my room when I left. I go in anyway and there is a powerful fan blowing into the closet/inside wall instead of out the window. I can't turn it off -- it is some essential thing that must be kept on -- it apparently sucks a lot more people into the dream. My room turns into a yard sale and I see a lot of shoes --mine from back when my feet were tough and I could still wear shoes. There are sandals under the bed and worn out heels on a rack behind the bed. The other Sheila from work is washng library books on the bottom shelf and whispers the gossip that another one of the students was found dead in the corner, suicide from overwork -- Erik. [Thurston is their supervisor.] I look around to see what I have for sale, embroidery thread, socks and unfired sculptures of wood stoves with piles of pancakes and wire spirals to represent pistol bullet trajectories. An old man takes the sculpture out of my hand and I think he wanted the wood stove, but he says they all have little dream catchers attached to them -- are tourist souvenirs. I realize I don't have any money anyway and stand by the side adding up my purchase. It seems to be Dillards (the clerk says they have to check boxes by the door for bombs constantly) and they are going out of business -- 50% off. All I really need is socks and look at them -- they are see through socks, very unusual. Voice, "this guy would depress anyone." Me? Young girl's voice, "hi, Sheila." "Not likely we'll be buying any of that." I remember not to waste time shopping in dreams, rarely forget anymore. Italian gangster appears -- breaks peoples' necks by making them kiss themselves (chests). Gain back spiritual progress at 1 1/2 grains. That umbrella is a perfect place for us -- perfect for you, out of your way. I will visit you and ask my bride to do the same -- picture of wedding party. Music takes the calcium coat off me. Then I'm on a tile or linoleum floor sweeping. It looks like no one has swept for a long time -- big pile of dirt. It was Tony Clark's turn last week and he apparently didn't do it. People come in, call me Mary or Elizabeth. I sweep it all towards boxes by the door, then realize this is a daycare and I've swept up the whole sandbox. The last person in charge moved the sandbox to the other side of the room in the corner so the kids can't run out the door. I look for a bucket to carry the sand back to the proper corner and Raul's two sons that I've met in the dream pass me and say, "hi, Mary." They are talking fondly about the third son, who I've never seen. Girls are fighting over who gets to wear what dress and Mom comes in and I tell her my old boss, Col Crandall is retiring, there is a party. Raul's sons are wearing tuxes. I was looking at blue neoprene wetsuit dresses a few minutes before -- has something to do with twister game. Col Crandall walks by and I say the layer of dirt protects the shine/wax on the floor. He says, I hope so. Now Raul's third son comes in and he's wearing a golf T-shirt and white pants. I question no tux and he says he wears size 21 and has to have them specially made. I think he's talking about his shoes and say, and you're still growing aren't you. I see his thin arms as he walks away and he turns (cigar in mouth) and looks at me amused and says, no I isn't. Then Raul comes in -- sits down at his desk, very busy. He looks up and says, "hi, Elizabeth." I tell him everyone seems to have forgotten my name, his two sons and Queta (he says Queta called me Mary). He seems to be an architect. Sandy C. comes in to help him with something. I go back to the sandpile and a little blond girl has started playing in it and I don't know if I can leave her there alone and go get more buckets of sand or if she'll throw it. She asks if the sand is sterile. I decide it's dirty but won't hurt her -- all kids play in sand. As I wake up a kid with shaved head points a rifle and says he's putting an end to Col Klinke/Crandall ( I stop him.) [My last words to Col Crandall when his three years were up at Northrop were that if he didn't change his ways in treating employees during his last year at the Pentagon, from which he was expected to retire, that we would meet again, I would be seeing him in Hell (really, I've been in hell and there is hardly anyone there, just five auto mechanics and a couple of other people and they all left as soon as I came in). He was very mean to Raul at Northrop -- made him write a very boring book with no supervisory help... using Microsoft Word... (Japanese Balderidge management...). Then Col ended up not retiring, but getting transferred back to Los Angeles from the Pentagon for three more years at Boeing where Raul had meanwhile transferred, and he promoted Raul to supervisor. Used the sea gull style of management, swooped in and shit on the employees occasionally as opposed to previous boss; quote from Pete Landini's wanna be lieutenant assistant when he turned her down, "I know, you only hire ex-cons." (Pete had five ex-wives he found at work and promoted all of them to high paying jobs to avoid paying allimony.]

> 5/14/01 Driving with three people at work in the government car --
> I'm in the backseat, two in the front. I feel like falling asleep, but
> decide to keep an eye on the driver. Can't see who the third person in
> the passenger front is, but when I sit forward to see who is driving, it
> is Howard Drobness. I look at him and he's dead asleep, head lolling back
> on the headrest. I am very disappointed and scared. I grab the wheel and
> try to keep the car in it's lane on the freeway and reach down and keep
> pressing on the gas to keep up with traffic from the backseat and try to
> climb into the driver's seat. [Howard is sitting there sleeping in his
> car sometimes when I get to work.] Sending dreams to Lakewood -- you
> must have correlations as a dead man. We hooked things up, didn't we.
> Then have to try again. Bass is hungry, that is why it jumps up and
> splashes. Daughter die too, now I take the mother. Now wait until
> Easter.

> 5/15/01 Dreaming about timecards, lemon pepper in my stomach --
> feels like a whole spoonful, gritty, disgusting chemicals. I see someone
> from down hole, thought was dead, takes it well. Snowy mesa or bulldozed
> hilltop, looks like Gram H front yard where we used to play football on
> Thanksgiving. There's a trainer there or PE teacher, tells Justin Abril
> to run around the bases as fast as a track star. I go inside, hear
> someone behind me saying, I can't even run that fast -- arthritis in
> knees. Inside the house, the kitchen to left, Gram has moved out and the
> house is bare of furniture, but the window is open all day like someone
> lives there. My apartment to the right -- tree growing in a pot, big
> room, coffee table books. Then I'm walking down a street, cross railroad
> tracks or drawbridge and see a bunch of young people lined up to see how
> many they can squeeze in between a tree and a car in a field in Mexico. A
> man and kids come along and don't believe it, so I take him back there to
> show him and now there is just a handful of anarchists that scatter like
> birds and run into a field. Mourning doves grazing, they've turned into
> doves. Other birds fly ahead of me when I go towards the room again,
> carrying a little boy. Cars parked in rutted yards. It's Italy or
> France. Man says he's sent Dave's ashes to Paris, says it is popular with
> American writers, there's even a song about it, which he sings in French
> -- the ashes are laying in the train or subway station in bottles. Dave's
> are in a strawberry jam jar in a red gingham box (Catholic looking
> memorial similar to candles in a cathedral) -- they are right in front, he
> must have been a popular writer overseas. There is also an oatmeal scone
> with pink frosting that is named after Dave and seems to be very popular
> at the airport snack bar -- there are only three left on the plate and
> there are six each of other types of donuts. The man buys something and
> goes ahead with the other kids -- I'm still carrying the baby. By the
> time I get to the square, with brick pavement, they've eaten almost all of
> what turns out to be apple cinnamon rolls. I'm allergic to apples but eat
> a small piece anyway and it tastes like vomit. I eat leaning over the
> lawn, which is enclosed by a small wall, so I won't get crumbs on the
> sidewalk and a dingo on the lawn pokes it's head right in my face and
> makes me jump back. It seems harmless but dingoes are always being
> accused of killing babies. My levis get tighter as I eat in the dream.
> It feels like I'm wearing my size 14. I think to myself, I need a beer.
>
> 1/1/01 A wolf slips among people, faces of women change when he
> passes behind or through them -- cold feeling like death. A man can't
> jump from the frying pan into the fire without taking a running
> start/leap. Visiting Mom, I have a big TV, bed, pans -- all to drive back
> on a jeep to college. Jeep is wood inside, has a ledge on the back. My
> siblings also moved out and left a few dishes and other kitchen stuff. My
> hair very red, braided. Little girl buried under a rock in an animal's
> tunnel. People living there, some learn computers. My aunt Dorothy has
> dangerous curly hairs on her face. Dad wants to drive car to Long Beach--
> have to touch wire to the number on the gear shift to go faster in that
> gear. Advice about service, get rid of 79, your mother was right. Have
> not talked to anyone, not even one friend I used to say Hi when passed in
> six months (congratulations) your (character) was right on (about your
> selling your book). A film is forming over my book. I cut out 79. My
> character said I also would sell it. Really into this. Job a keg.
> Living together two quarters, must put on car insurance.
>
> 1/2/01 Ace of pentacles. A road, long, at one end I'm doing
> something some woman wants, her maid. I buy and put things there for
> movie someone is making, climb down stairs. I ask someone if they really
> need those things. Burlington Coat Factory. Woman gets talked into an
> operation by a religious group. I listen to the pitch -- go down a
> sidewalk from the Old Capital building. Pat Dooley is a friend of a rival
> group/doctor. I can't see, put on my glasses.
>
> 1/3/01 Two of wands. A woman lies down, spreads out and turns
> into a blue lake with waves. Everyone swimming to the left. Very
> crowded. Words and titles with dream pictures -- three parts to each
> picture.
>
> 1/4/01 Two of pentacles. Mary land. Loud music in the
> courtyard, 80's music. I get up and manager yells at workmen building
> something. Girl's hands look like mine. Ring on index finger -- gold
> wedding band. Plastic blue band on the other hand. She finds something
> in the computer, calls for me to come see. Hands a little rough, fingers
> a little swollen. I talk close, wonder about my breath. Car starts
> moving, new people at work pushing it. Two men, one woman (LaWanda).
> They push it up a steep hill, impossible. I get out, doors open in middle
> of street. They walk home, I'm stranded. It is some place with several
> rooms -- one has a rock band, two group counseling rooms. I have three
> purses. Two metal sculptures, one porcelain (Korean dog). I leave a sack
> and one purse and a man takes the Korean dog and says, that's a lesson for
> me. John Barman unravels a doiley my mom sent, they look like snowflakes.
> Yellow centers. Says he's bleeding from the yarn.
>
> 1/5/01 Carr groups bacon across mouth. Software for making
> website offline.
>
> 1/6/01 9 of swords. Booneville, I'm up Rosecrans at Sand Dune
> Park. Man is going to open a health food store where people can stand
> around and talk and he'll sell a lot. I tell a woman how there was a
> daycare or armory there before, across from the bank. Meeting rooms with
> classes. If you bring the wrong kid into the world. I told your father I
> didn't want to bother with. When a friend on a Greyhound bus. I figure
> out Christmas is for giving people interesting gadgets to try. Mixed up
> with a bunch of crooks. Hard to meet anyone -- Dangerous Places (Travel
> Guide). Put the Christmas tree into pajamas. Mother not working with us,
> she seemed to be okay. One more day of his liberation of history. I'm
> working in a store, pile of clothes on the floor I'm going to try on, gold
> dress, red dress, white with pictures of sailors. I have notebooks with
> computer, phone applications in them. The boss comes out. The other
> Sheila walks by and I tell him she tries on clothes and throws them on the
> floor and I was picking them up. It's not much work for eight hours.
>
> 1/7/01 Balcony -- a lot of women sitting on T-shirts in their
> family groups. Some men's kids go with them, such as Jesse's. Then I
> move to sand and read. Men come out to take a break -- Bernie, Jesse,
> others. I sit with a young guy who says Richard Choo wants to get rich
> from a business. His product will be himself. Faith classifieds.
>
> 1/8/01 Four of wands. Knock on door, is Johnnie (my neighbor),
> website not working or won't open fast. Sex in work site. The facts of
> life change. Bear makes raid of fish -- on land. Fish in mouth, in long
> grass.
>
> 1/9/01 Bodies in the bathroom, two men in tub. I wonder how I'm
> going to get rid of them. Four were games, boxes, maybe. Two in tub have
> white canvas covering them. I put kids to bed or wake them up with
> stories about blue high heeled shoes. Voice, mail the bodies somewhere as
> a gift to someone. It's a cabin. Then two preppy women are sitting
> beside the bodies. I get arrested, led off in cuffs. See mirror, I look
> like Susan Hayward being led to the electric chair. At least I've almost
> stopped itching. Brick polka dot floor. Three boys, Ted, Mike, ______.
> Wearing polka dots, black and white scene. Wooden swords, four of them or
> maybe nine. Can't see bottom.
>
> 1/10/01 Five of wands. Bald headed ivory white boy. Pieces of
> different puzzles, desk of man that quit Govt -- Tom Brooks. I look at
> the stuff he left behind on his desk -- pictures of fish, statues,
> pictures of cows and other animals. I try to put the puzzles together on
> the floor. Voice, aren't we having fun. Pat goes to the restroom and I
> go in also and ask her how many more years she can stand. She's wearing a
> pink dress and hair styled nice. I was wearing a pink bikini, then look
> for something else, white linen shorts itch. When I look in the mirror
> I'm a Japanese twenty year old male. Lisping teenaged girl in sheer green
> chiffon dress. Man at clothes rack tells her she's so sexy. She asks for
> a ride on his motorcycle to Upland. She runs and tells her dad. Trina
> crying in corner, blue address book. Annie comes back and says something
> was her fault, says Trina should be trained as QA inspector (promotion).
> Thurston very tired in corner, he rode a 10 speed bike to work (I wonder
> on freeway or side street). Man running down a grassy lane, I run too,
> against the wind, very hard to run. Easy other way, passes Mom's house.
> I touch and turn around to run back. Scrolling down pictures -- statue
> head, big nose; cake in a pink box; turns hard after a few days. Old man
> goes up on mountain to die -- face looks like red rock. Sharks beside
> Japan, three of them in school.
>
> 1/11/01 Tower. Who has a gun. I try to cut my hair myself and
> it's longer over the left ear. Right side is okay. Sandy says is thicker
> on the right too. Voice, you're going to beauty parlor, let them cut.
> Ask if bothers anyone -- David Cortez says it bothers him. The sink is
> full of a scientist's things (maybe died). He comes in, to yard sale of
> stuff, and picks up a nice glass watering pot and says that he watered his
> first computer with that. Someone else didn't like the mess in the sink.
> Two skinny old short women pee standing up in the sink (port a potty) at a
> gate or doorway going somewhere. Tours of the jail at Pelican
> Bay/Crescent City. TV Guide type of thing, around David's neck -- a light
> comedy. A group of people, we go to two cars parked along snowy street.
> Pat Casteel drives, another woman and I are in the back. A man swerves in
> front of us and goes in ditch. Driver/Queta tries to hide in a park.
> We're in Minneapolis and Cinda has fourteen kids. We go to the mall and
> Queta drives right inside the mall. I stop to look at a book about chicks
> -- the swim, etc. Also leather jackets. A man comes and says he's going
> to stab Cinda or me to see how it feels. I'm topless with jeans, I get a
> fortune out of a machine to tape over my boobs, then a blue jacket, short
> sleeves. Fortune is Rumi, faint printing, one sentence -- fortune cookie.
> Two men fight, guide says, not in store. The man with the knife gets a
> forturne from the machine too. I give Cinda the ATM card -- $1000 in
> checking. She has to get more money to sign up for internet -- she has a
> secretary who will do it. The fourteen kids walk by -- snowball fight on
> a snowy sidewalk path. One kid throws the snowball up and catches it like
> a popcorn ball in his mouth. Someone yells, girl says it's her teacher
> swimming. The river is steaming but has ice around the edges, wave
> machine, waterslides. I stopped hurrying and enjoyed the water park and
> Cinda's children. Waking up a man and little girl sleeping on the ground
> under a blanket of snow outside a big house with a balcony. Big yard,
> Gram H, Dorothy and I wear shoes, Shelley and Cinda also, can't believe
> the vines have climbed on the house like that. They are there for a
> speech. Going out of the mansion, so many tables and stoves it's like a
> furniture store. Room after room of them. Workers leaving carrying a
> stove set with skillets (iron) with lard in them for breakfast.
>
> 1/13/01 3 of pentacles. Waking up. Garbage burned, then put in
> the corner of a shed. Man sleeping in it. Workmen painting doors, puts
> two fish tanks and plants outside. Mr. Nelson building more apartments --
> big lawn with brick wall, I open a small window, can't get through -- just
> a grate. Whole row of apartments like this, cathedral ceilings. Outside,
> it's like the brewery/artist colony downtown - tore down garages to build
> more apartments. Cabins to right. Shed with building material,
> wallboard. Sculpture of man and woman face -- Christmas 2000. Spent
> together so could smile for picture. I hit him on the head with the
> butcher knife, then start walking up a street with astro turf and a high
> dirt wall. I have $70 including a roll of quarters. Need a newspaper to
> find another place. Shyami walks by and I think of throwing rocks at her.
> She has all her stuff neatly on shelves and dishes soaking in sink. Two
> people on bikes stop and talk admiringly about how we were talking about
> money in public, dimes fly up and stick on wall -- gambling, they're thin
> dimes. I go up a ramp and a voice says, up here. It's a club, bathroom
> is the only exit. Short plump talkative woman starts talking about Bush
> -- his many lawyers, fourth and fifth Republicans in control. Seems to be
> a New Age Coven type group. Women on bikes say not to go to Redondo or
> Torrance. Man says they took fish out because I was going to put them
> back in the lake. Bass is much larger, big enough to cook. A lot of gray
> fish gasping for air like carp in the other tank.
>
> 1/13/01 A freeway on-ramp, 42 freeway to Palmdale. Voice,
> everyone takes it. But it's really La Cienega parallel to the 405
> freeway. The cars exit the freeway onto an escalator at the Galleria. I
> have the wrong glasses, aren't mine. Sandy jumps down from the escalator
> right on the edge to give me mine. Traffic jam on escalator. Woman
> yells, "hey, Korea, where'd you get that green jacket?" Then on the
> swampy playground, someone yells, "hey, Korea" again. They are both
> Korean. Voice, I don't want to leave until later in the morning. Stab
> with raw egg. I vote for Shaq for player of the year, woman disagrees.
> Wrinkled woman at strip bar flexing muscles, looks young. They have
> handlers, there's only one young stripper. Woman's voice, "Angela, you've
> got a child, you're tied down, well give it to me and I'll take care of
> it." Free stuff in a bin in the door, something I wrote about people
> hanging up, free court cards. Aisha wanted a different one, but her mom
> gave her a thick pack of love cards. Books, small free ones --
> Christianity in Winter, some philosopher. A stream, poetry newspaper.
> Article about Ted Berrigan written on cigarette papers, called Sanctuary.
> Girl beside me says she's going to get angry if all bad things blamed on
> her. I asked her opinion. Tibetan things at stream, gather sticks and
> wash them, a bull closed up in a pen. I don't work so I have no money to
> run away. Big man angry, other man grabs a big butcher knife and runs at
> him. He's supposed to handle him, no father. I'm too wishy washy
> (stream) -- don't stand up for women's and other's rights trampled through
> history. I say that "cigarette" meant "santuary" in Tibetan. Ted
> Berrigan is talking teaching handicapped (either he was himself or the
> students were). Nellie says the water is dirty, don't eat food washed in
> it. Cheap son-of-a-bitch, sitting on stool in computer room, things come
> in waves and ideas pictures. Office politics -- bad stuff has to be
> blamed on someone. Get rid of that person, new boss.
>
> 1/14/01 Page of cups. electric shock -- you can learn that way.
> My new room at dorm, I have two, very small, cement block. Walls are blue
> and carpet is blue, same color of blue -- glitter and confetti and ribbons
> on window sills. I put a large picture on the floor, mattress, then very
> tall bed. Small wooden box of office supplies, has an area for tools with
> round bottoms, large hole, three smaller ones. Girl cleaning her room
> asks if she can be in charge of health instead. I tell her cleaning the
> chairs and tables will improve health -- where people touch. She has a
> lot of laundry. I'm in charge of love. I go to help a boy in a valley.
> A whole herd of cattle in the valley -- very small. I ask if they're
> elephants. General and his army. Don't write words, your mother answers
> -- send pictures. If you don't save it, you're not comfortable and you're
> not free. Green flannel skirt, full on dress. The girl is more settled.
> A disaster, fire. Everyone grabs the dogs to save them. I grab six
> kittens -- claws in my arms. A dark gray kitten standing outside beside
> the sidewalk watching the evacuation. Took fifteen minutes to get
> everyone out. [Animal shelter burned down.] You'll be happy to find out
> you can go back and I won't punish you with nothing. Pictures of vases.
>
> 1/15/01 Redear ate too much, poop, cloudy water. Overwork.
> Sitting on sofa, box, picture of fish -- in metal colors. Door open --
> 2000-2001. Metal balls falling, ice, hail or sleet. I go to visit an old
> teacher of mine, retired, with Rhonda Allen. She had to testify for
> conservation. Rhonda says to check my eye color on my application
> (Rosicrucian). Two keys on her door, but she comes to door. Rhonda goes
> in, I talk from outside, then she invites me in. An art work of rocks
> buried in sand. Two places with X's, have Chinese letters on bottoms of
> cakes. The woman says that next time she'll go home and commit suicide.
> I say, I'll visit. She asks her assistant (young boy) if they can hire me
> full time to feed ducks and keep books. Assistant says they already have
> someone to feed ducks. Rhonda crosses on don't walk, I wait, she comes
> back, police car goes by, she gives speech about how much he did for
> community - especially introducing dogs. Sam Kinison, you played it that
> way so you can't do any this way. Lotto, big win -- one side of road is
> Booneville. Bruce thinks it's funny -- crying funny. A full year,
> probably can buy a card. Mike Dafforn and I going back in barn (work)
> carrying lunches. Door has hook, I open two parts. Hay is low enough to
> climb up a path. I fall down and someone helps me up. A deep hole,
> clothes, puts me in a trance. Sandy/Mrs. Dodson living in a motel.
> Bathroom tub a mess. I find something of mine on the table, table is
> crowded. I have to poop. Man escorting two women opens stall door and
> asks if I'll be long. I say 30 minutes at least -- constipated. Door
> opens so everyone can see me. Oh no, you have signed up for the Govt (a
> life).
>
> 1/16/01 Mother and daughter in ancient Italy. Ring, woman
> criticizes daughter for selling out for it. Pat Magro and Mike Dafforn
> hiding papers along a fence -- free food at restaurant at the end of the
> day. Guard passes, they try to run. I saunter out with teenagers after
> music or cheerleader practice. Then through an enrichment educational
> center. Computers and pianos for each kid. Girl is playing Picasso on a
> piano. Another girl says she's bored. Mother asks how old she is, she's
> two. She can make a puppet dance on the keyboard, mother suggests.
>
>
> 1/17/01 I'll hit you, hit you hard.
>
> 1/18/01 Falling, I hear phones ringing. Uri Geller, Bob Feller.
> A bunch of TV stations, videos. Basement where two new young women start
> working where I do, square dancing. Pacific shoreline -- phone modem
> dials. Girl tells me to use the number 1 or 101 line. I'm supposed to
> call Mary Jane and ask the date a teacher -- Shirley Monteilh started at
> daycare/VA, to retire. She asked to retire. I'm next in age/line.
> What's this (Barry's voice.)
>
5/16/01 High Priestess. Redwoods, Butterfly. Rock reporter back there. Lacey. Do you want to go and come back? If you missed your point (bullet) spring break. He's waiting for someone to hurt him because he's allergic to love. Jason Full -- shit pants -- still three. Sitting on a full load.

> 5/17/01 6 of wands. Small bull on a hillside,
> trying to roll over uphill. Sheep can't roll uphill, will die without a
> shepherd. Bison walking through deep prairie grasses. I wanna get down.
> You should be shamed. For what you have. Profit, prophet. Grab back
> what. Beautiful new church, beautiful new house. A lecture, acquisition
> reform maybe. A man shows me a book of illustrations, very thick paper,
> pages. The text is hard to do, push something and it reads aloud to you.
> Rice with coconut milk. Filing out of the lecture, wooden stairs with a
> hand railing, cookies with M&Ms on them I want to look at the recipe for,
> go back but they're all gone. A crowd of black teenaged boys, I'm wearing
> a thick, heavy gold chain under my blouse collar -- dog chain, or Mr. T.
> Can tell it's gold by the feel. I push my way through the crowd. They
> might think a white woman shouldn't be wearing a heavy gold chain, hope it
> doesn't show. A man has a dog on roller blades or casters, feet wear out,
> skates through door. I go out a different door, white middle-aged
> brunette woman says I should have said "sorry." I heard myself say
> something, thought I did. She says I said, "hum." Door hitting her in
> the butt on the way out, but it slammed in her face.
> Outside is very nice -- lake in the distance at the
> bottom of a big hill. Looks like a city park, ground sort of worn out and
> dusty. Voice, go see their parents, they'll give you all kinds of
> protests. Group of children playing with a baby -- throwing it back and
> forth. The kids are only four and the baby is big -- they might drop it.
> The baby sits on the ground and is all sweaty from playing even though it
> just gets tossed back and forth -- wipes sweat out of his armpits.
> Boutique where cat Sally was killed when a woman walked her dogs past,
> only one wearing muzzle -- voice, does she have a closing store. Why (do
> they hang around in the hallway.)

> 01/19/01 7 of cups. Hours, 40 and 80 for work
> activity log and another activity -- golf. Apollo is in a new town. We
> have to look at the trees in the park. I pick up a green stick but it is
> a fishing pole, no string. I catch a very large fish anyway. Several
> people help get it off the hook. Tony Escobar puts it in a boat/shopping
> cart and it looks like a big bird. On the hook it looks like a fiber
> glass speedboat. Maria likes it. Young people working at a church --
> union guy comes around to inspect. Strawberry ice cream in toilet, pine
> needles on the counter that I'm sweeping up. I look around -- lots of
> garbage, three pillows, boy and girl students behind the counter, both
> very clever -- thiy pick pine needles out of a lemon meringue pie. They
> are sitting there holding their purses, etc, at 5 till, but I'm not done
> throwing trash -- a lot in the middle of the room, now there're big pieces
> of wood or boat parts. Real estate agents looking around. Ellen asks
> about something, must swim from somewhere. From a jack to a king.
> Turtle, don't know him until you crack him, take him and use him, untie
> meat. I'll stay home to welcome in 2001, whatever's left I'll take along.
> There might have been something broken (Nathan's job). Nathan is now the
> custodian -- wants an easier job. 25 grips on Australia. Can't remember
> if I met a man recently. If it bothers you, it hurts, if it doesn't
> bother you. I can't see ring under bright light, sort of live. It's a
> good thing I remember that year. Woman in leather air force jacket.
>
> 1/20/01 Email closed when I try it in the dream.
> Update of a list of news items. A clock that tells "no" when there's no
> time. Creek very shallow over grass, this was a river, can see line.
> Dirt is soft and dry and I sink in. Little girl about four walks across
> river. then she gets swept away by rapids, hits head on large flat rock
> on the edge of the stream. River drys up before it goes over a falls. I
> run after her. She's okay, miracle. We look at boulders and some sharp
> rocks in the river bed. A piece of fruit is cut up and reassembled like a
> puzzle -- looks like an orange rock. A second one, creek gets deeper and
> branches. Also the pieces of a dress cut out from a pattern, pins on
> floor that I pick up -- I'm a teenaged mom in kitchen. I break off two
> replies, float downstream -- then I don't have to float down a third one.
> Voice, maybe they can go to the bottom and tell me what they see (woman
> leaving parking ramp door), not the way it is now where everyone has to go
> in there and get it once (mail), crying, a retirement village near a
> river, man explaining -- they come right out the back, cover eyes with a
> blindfold, pats another man's cheek -- firing squad, Utah. Berkeley, our
> big winner on traffic alert.
>
> 1/21/01 A young Japanese couple on the back of the
> car, raining out. Girl says there's a noise, umbrella shut in door, I
> must have slammed it. I ask if they want to get inside the car, not ride
> outside on the trunk. I'll give them a ride, the boy says it's a long
> ways. He gets in driver's seat, drives to hospital, girl's mother there.
> Their clothes are wet, little boy points out wet sleeve on Japanese guy.
> Girl has Power Puff girls on her white tights inside a hard exterior. Boy
> said I was driving in second gear, but I thought I was in park. I go from
> floor to floor in the hospital. Shirley Golightly is there, I'm traveling
> with her, and she wants to go back to the bar, she disappears. Vickie
> approaches calling her name, but calling her Suzie. I try different
> floors, look at the directory of names. 12th floor is fertility, doctor
> says to come in for a shot of intravenous Tylenol. Women sitting around
> talking say the doctors say if the person's temp is below a certain amount
> they have aggressive/combative episodes -- inevitable. My normal temp is
> 97.2, I wonder what I will do. The bar is on the 2nd floor or 2nd street
> from the freeway. I take the freeway and get off at Lake Michigan --
> picnic table is on a peninsula and water is on three sides when I look
> around. People at the tables are eating salad with salamanders in it,
> brown with yellow spots -- looks like octopus. One side looks like river,
> swampy. Woman at the table says in the 1800s it was not polluted. Man
> says, oh, I thought they just put it there -- lake from dam. Eating bean
> sprouts, voice says this time it's 394. I get a prize, lotto goes to
> someone. I reach in and get a small condom shaped like a penis and a
> piece of candy. Voice, at least it's a condom. Most of the time a factor
> got away, on jet ski -- part missing. Mike Byllesby in hospital, won't
> tell his name, says they should know it.
>
> 1/22/01 I click on picture -- male war hero at
> Sand Dune Park talking about his website. Flashlight batteries almost
> dead -- yellow one. Also a green one.
>
> 1/23/01 Water flowing down a bare dirt valley,
> then turns and goes to the right down a hill. Rippling stream of clean
> water over brown dirt. 178.19.1 units. I am doing something difficult on
> the computer, but it works. Several other women and I get drafted to pick
> new uniforms for employees -- a stripe in lemon-lime green suit, solid
> green. After program works, I get the mod on it -- they are different
> clothes, black and white. Sand Dune park -- I'm chosen for something.
> Cigar shaped silver tube -- it flies, hunting I think. Hanging
> horizontally on hangers -- wet suit, other clothes. Snake hills. They
> were half price -- baseball uniforms. Hell's Kitchen book. Re-marry slip
> refund.
>
> 1/24/01 9 of pentacles. website about building
> site has one of bugs made of metal, look like tanks or lady bugs. Changes
> to scene of metal setup screens. Polished jade, round, oval and carved
> pieces. this picture appears in a frame.
>
> 1/25/01 I check email -- tells me my schedule
> change and a lot of messages. Voice, "then" -- running down the front
> steps of a building.
>
> 1/26/01 Dad's yard -- I look up at the moon while
> Dad, Lito, Sandy and Bernie try to get wet towels down from a tree. They
> throw up something and long sticks. Lito gets down a half dozen wet
> washcloths and gives them to me. I look off across the valley and the
> full moon or sun has spirals around it and there are two. Then it looks
> like a UFO and it is, it lands beside the chicken shed/coop. I start to
> run away, then they come down the ramp and look like rugged cowboys and
> say, "don't you have anythin
>

anything to do?" I'm by a picnic table and look down
> but stay where I am, I don't have anything to do. We were going somewhere
> but I wasn't dressed, helping others. Other people don't see it before it
> came back and landed, and I desultorily tell them that they won't believe
> it -- it circles around again and lands. The cowboys walk towards the
> house mentioning that there used to be a town here named Hometown. They
> mention a man's name and say, "oh, he must have been Douglas McArthur back
> then." He was in two performances in musicals. I ask if in college, they
> laugh, must have been high school. I wonder which ones -- South Pacific,
> Oklahoma, what year were they? Four young people, competitive, tell one
> to jump because he was the winner last time, float on air to the west side
> of the house to prove they really are from outer space, clingy clothes,
> gowns, they lie on an invisible bed and do gymnastics -- say, take Christ
> out of it. Inside, the talk to each other -- I pay attention so I can
> remember when I wake up. They can't take any plants aboard. So I don't
> know what supplies to give them -- I'm in the kitchen frying some
> poinsettias. Out by the shed, two women help me pull the heads and legs
> off stuffed rabbits, I say jokingly that they can't take them either, they
> have plants in the stomachs. We put the small parts in a box. Pliars,
> you came through a galaxy where you lost it. Oh shit, it should be
> interesting for you. UFO had waffle grid on bottom when it tipped up so I
> could see it, Saturn domed top. I'm not going to send you a week of
> courses with your mind. If they want tools, they can go to Pepboys. They
> erase many things. Put salt on the stuffed rabbits. Put a gun to his
> head -- but really but a bigger barrel like a cannon to his balls. Life
> is unsympathetic. Talking about Dad quitting his job at Pittsburgh Des
> Moines Steel. Apollo talking about X-rated videos with Pat and Faith. I
> wake up in a house with several bedrooms, sit behind a curtain edge where
> it's pulled.

5/18/01 Magician. Cart in the road. Click here for download of two CIS students explanations. Hermie's voice -- "filing, she didn't have to." Woman says, "you have to read the directions, have to use a password -- one of several." Everything had 12, John will fix. 1000 years ago. The same point past Las Vegas. You mustn't kick/pick fences up. He was just to the point where he was going to relinquish control. Damn there's too many people here. Answers to my questions: You change over there -- everything changes (Afghanistan/Africa); China -- she's done fighting with people and now she's going to fight with production; one of two, India or China; a lot of hook, didn't expect it, a lot of pressure walking down street with white cows; HOBBY. Dig up experts just as deep as you buried them; you can't read people the discourses, but you can lock them up. Of course if he's not too rigid. What happened then did not happen now -- can say goodbye to better days. Rich, rich, rich (voice, further away each time it was repeated). There's only the six card (Lovers), they are better if they wash the eleven (Justice). Put some heart click. Kissengers selling house, spill a can of blue paint and dog runs through it, I joke, "slipped and slid butt through it." I come on kids with a big knife. Looking for a good climate -- do that but farther north. I'm running across a street, think I will throw a letter in a mailbox as I glide by, but it is a garbage dumpster, then changes to a bomb shelter. I look up at people on a balcony and when I look back down the ground has become a mountain with grassy hillsides and faint game trails or cow paths. I look down the trail to see if I can get to a mailbox that way and a man is sitting by the trail. I look in that direction and it is a deep ravine with deep red color earth that is very steep, slippery path leading up. Queta's voice -- make sure there's two stoppers, on a list of names. Ms Ross questioning someone, "Bob this, Bob that. What is this homestead, invite everyone in the state." Touch a young guy to wake him up -- slaps hand away. Employees list underground -- gone and buried, don't want to bury them. Tanks driving down a city street -- about five tanks -- foggy morning. Women working in an outdoor swampy area, figuring things out. Cars drive past on the highway beside the area, foggy. A man shows me a book of dog stuff, very large meaty bone. I go out a door and catch the end of a blond's conversation (Jeanne Hood, white bikini, hair shorter and blonder) that if some guy kisses her she'll vitalize his life. Man shows me a huge mouse trap about four feet tall that he had in a roll of carpet. Later I hear him telling people he drove 198 MPH. [Nap on the couch], I am standing by the table a few feet away and have two birds in a cage by the kitchen window (really a macrame plant hanger) . The birds keep hopping to the "top" of their cage which somehow means that they go through the top and are sitting on top of the cage. At first they go back inside, then wild birds come outside the window. The two birds are a green parrot and a peacock blue crow. While I'm trying to identify them, they fly away. I am very sad, it is cold and foggy out and they'll probably die now -- [would get a cold like Mom said -- once a green parakeet landed on my head when I was four years old out in the yard in Iowa, early spring, snow still on ground a little -- it was way out in the country and I wondered where the parakeet escaped from. My aunt Dorothy caught it from my head (I started crying, felt ridiculous with bird on my head) and took it home but it did die.] I bend the screen frame so that if they come back they can get back in, there are two windows and when I'm concentrating on bending the second one, the parrot comes back and flies in and sits on top of the cage again. He has a wild bird with him that looks at first like a mourning dove then a guinea hen (voice says, partridge) or maybe quail. Voice says it 's a dirty old thing, don't let it in (Mom said wild birds have germs and mites). Then it turns into a chicken and I put it in the kitchen to lay eggs and start making plans for how to use them. Picture of Tim McVeigh in a shoot-out all by himself against a lot of people. A lot of bullets flying.

5/19/01 King of Pentacles. Arab countries, no fun, not even ice cream. [Japanese made Muslims pray towards Tokyo in Indonesia in WW II.] A bowl of polished rocks, one is glitter in acrylic, whetstone for sharpening knives. I come across a bed in a parking lot and find out it's mine, so I start making it. It has a thin red silk bedspread and a thick gold comforter. Under the pillows are towels and my blue T-shirt I sleep in. It's in a gravel parking lot overlooking a valley. I am surprised but take it in stride. Inside the house there are a lot of rooms, a huge house. I've been assigned another room in here -- the next empty one, which is the extreme front of the house. I hear murmuring that they will have to add on. It seems to be a porch with several windows. I try one and it slides up and there is dead grass outside -- the window sill is right at ground level -- easy to sneak out. That window isn't locked and I check the rest and they are jerry-rigged with wire loops and wood stakes. I'm sneaking out, but look around first. The master bedroom has the bed on a split level or pedestal, real wood wardrobe and dresser drawers with a single mattress stored under it -- they must not have garbage service, must not be in a city. Sandy or Shirley's room is on the other side of this one through a door and has a small bed and a closet with three frilly negliges in pink, blue and yellow. All the rooms are very bare. I am confused -- does everyone in the house have two bedrooms like I do? No wonder it is such a large house. They don't seem to sleep in these rooms, must have other ones somewhere else in the house. I'm in a hurry to leave before they come in and go through a French door and Rick Prehoda is living in the garage -- so the tools had to be moved outside in the driveway. The neighbors start selling the tools and say they're moving. A withered woman says she'll negotiate my termination costs and Linda says, "and bring her back her share, right?" Voice, "let someone you know bring you dream wisdom." Weakness, no. Look behind a red curtain. People are arranging furniture in a cubicle -- there is a shelf they could hit their heads on. Margeaux's voice, "oh, yeah, you're smarter than me. Moves her desk." Pam on her knees on the floor, showing her a piece of paper, "here's last year." They must be working Saturday morning -- moving. [Meditating in evening.] Teacher with book in his hands, glasses, straight brown hair, blue shirt -- walking behind a man who is talking and can't see or hear him -- "thousands of miles, I thought that made me." He needs a fan in the bedroom. A man sitting, everything on hold.

5/20/01 8 of Cups. Large white rectangular building from an aerial view. Looks like a shoe box. Man with a cane hiking on a path that runs along one side of it. Building appeared in his path. Connection had to be cut because of a consortium of flesh. I am down on the floor behind the couch tracing the line to plug it back in. Sepia color picture. Colonel seizes records, I make a statement to the press. The amount of the lawsuit will tip off authorities and someone could go to jail. Lawsuit filed by young underage college students (boys and girls) against the military. Young redheaded woman seduced by black guy for movie. He embraces her with buldge in his jeans -- she seems to be hypnotized, talks about what he's doing to her in a dispassionate, objective tone of voice. She is afraid of something, being alone. He lies down with her full length on top of him. Then she says, "oh, I boobed you too." She doesn't know it is being filmed, or forgets very fast. After, they all head for their cars. Two girls leaving out a door in the landscape -- garage maybe. I am left in a huge, maybe 50 yard long rectangular room -- seems to have stuff my my apartment -- bathroom and fish tanks. Man winks at everyone and puts an small Christmas tree in my bathtub or on the toilet tank. Liz Hawthorne from Sierra Rubber/Tacoma has a framed picture for me and I give her a five gallon fish tank with artificial fish in a polished oak maze. The picture she gives me is about 15 X 18 inches, 3D wood, maybe a scene of a white building on a dead lawn -- brown grass on a hillside. Or maybe a bare yellow dirt section of Europe such as Spain or Italy. I show her how to care for fish just in case (even though she doesn't seem likely to take the aquarium, questions me on how much it cost.) I tell her she doesn't have to give me the picture. My two aquariums are on a table at the end of the room, the water seems to be a few inches low. Then I look again and it's half gone. She thinks you can just dump in tap water, so I teach her the dechlorination chemical, salt and beneficial enzymes, but I also add a chunk of red rock that powders up, puzzling. Then I start to add dry sand from a box and when I get to the bottom of the box it is lined with lobsters and other red tinged sea creatures. I look back at the tank and it is now heaped up over the top with dry sand -- I scoop it out very fast to make sure the fish are okay under there. They have only two inches of water now and when I lean over it and look in there are bullheads I don't really have lying on their backs with their big mouths (teeth) out of the water. (they can survive in mud) I have mixed the chemicals in a small rectangular plastic tray and can't dump them in the tank without putting them into the 5 gallon bucket of water first, so I try to fill it but the faucet, which is hanging from the ceiling, only gives out water in spurts like a penis. It has to rest between. This will take a long time to fill the bucket, but when I look again, it is full. I start to dip it out with a cool whip container into the aquariium and the bass is caught in a wire fence along the wall, I think he likes it there and is watching me, but as I watch he goes limp and head and tail droop and he's dead. Voice, good, now more room for the other fish, and he begins dividing the tank into two instead of three parts with the divider walls to keep them from fighting and killing each other. Voice, "woman without friends." Bell tolls three times, new Lutheran church (but it's 9 AM). I get a letter from Dad -- with three blouses with no collars, necklaces encased in cloth along the tops of them (I am allergic to metal) so they can't touch me, but they are sticking out from the metal a little. One is a simple metal string, the next double necklace and the third is an elaborate arrangement of copper beads that cover the front of the blouse. My two sisters receive clothes too, in three piles like on Christmas morning. Story in magazine, History's Mysteries -- someone made dark love to me, gave me a gift. Fan cakes, USA. Jesse comes in and touches my knee and asks if I've read my email -- I don't have to tell people when servers are down anymore -- Roz and Margeaux have to do it. I bowl at the mall in a skirt slit almost to the waist, high heels. There is someone bowling in the next lane and it is "two stories." I walk across the mall again and glide like I'm on roller skates, wonder how I can do it. Will never happen, Mike D as computer expert, bloody nose. Going to the grave, three questions: "what is a man, what is life, what is a hug." Cat described as a curb crucifier. Voice asks when I'm going to clear his throat -- means CPR. Wave to the waves if you can't meet demands. Arabs in a jeep --one says he's the future. Other says, what's that to you, Hamal (he's dead). Voice, "in a time frame system -- watching Muslims dancing around a fire." Gilda, "she was with shooting occurred" -- picture of her sliding down a gold mine trough -- like water slide, but clay color mud.

> 5/21/01 Magician. Man sits behind you. Something developed over
> long time, broken up, sudden downpour, can't reconstruct it. Man makes a
> noise at the boundary line (drum) -- woman far below at the bottom of the
> hill, he can't see her. Young guy, striped robe, orange and brown stripes
> with white cloth on his head driving truck through sunny bare dirt
> countryside. Boy picking out a ring, says he'll soon be satisfied. Your
> last synopsis was great/terrible. It comes back after several days,
> chewed up, doesn't even look like a rabbit. Remember, I was sorry -- five
> weeks, third week deep depression. Woman and man on yacht off Greece or
> Italy. Woman dressed in black at a man in suit's feet, took up a
> collection to build some ship for a couple, something missing they had to
> re-do -- didn't know, white woman forgot wolves in picture. A computer
> analyzing data, three data runs of a woman's payment records, then a
> fourth shows something different -- Voice, "what are you going to do?"
> Meeting for new roommates, everyone at work talking about rating they got
> for their jobs and recommendations for new ones in paycheck stubs.
> I get the pay stub for a student by mistake, name E___ S___. Also
> mine, but it has no rating. Queta shows me hers and it is a tiny toy
> purse with a 10.5 inside it. Linda helps me look for mine -- a bunch of
> photos fell in the trash with red backgrounds -- different dogs, I think,
> three, two or one of each dog -- one is a shaggy dog with one picture.
> Kids are lined up to get their picture taken for memories, their names are
> written under their feet. One kid is in a toy wagon. Naptime, kids are
> asleep, a major wants to have sex with me -- the bed has a trundle bed
> under it (like in the birthplace cabin at Herbert Hoover Library job when
> I was a student) and he says the high chair also fits under the bed in an
> upright position. My roommate I don't remember having says she really
> loved me but I wouldn't eat what she bought so she is moving out -- the
> food in her hand has tomatoes. I stand by the road and more roommates
> drive by -- voice, "touch one finger together to see if sparks. Ceres,
> mental illness card (Ceres is the Empress/pregnant woman -- I am
> surprised) choices, choices -- put that one on hold." I see a lot of
> wicker jar lids or Frisbees in an alley. Voice, "close encounters, third
> kind" -- picture of UFO ramp, light on inside it. "Getting bulls out of
> the room, it is possible. Choice can take only 15 minutes, same as a
> coffee break." "UFO is low budget film that corresponds to Dick Van
> Dyke." Picture of Ireland, stew pot over a fire -- looks like potatoes
> and mutton. Nathan and I live there and are celibate monks. "Copyright
> story is called 'the bronze'." Teenaged girl hits the wall in an
> underpass so she can have a new car, she looks like Princess Di wiping the
> dust off herself, never able to have lovers. Announcement over
> loudspeaker, "those requesting job analysis" -- picture of a ball of yarn
> or a maze. Cat sinks its claws into your back while you're sleeping.
> Freeways completely empty, tunnels lined with white ceramic, vacuum family
> cleaning them. "Stop destructive competition." Raul on first or third,
> throws ball to second -- to his twin, he's doubled, on first and third.
> Bridget going to new "valley" -- East LA or North US, Minneapolis --
> she'll be a follower there, not a supervisor.

> 5/22/01 9 of pentacles reversed. Waste of time. Long scene,
> Terri Rinard or Ramona Douglas takes up where it left off in another
> dream. Names are significant. Blame whoever holds up the surgery.
> Written along the side of a page, written several places -- Mary ends time
> or Mary stops time. Or Mary Twain again. Two worth or not at all.
> Picture of the pope from the top, slightly behind him and to the side (he
> is dressed in black, short, stocky, dark hair cut very short, round
> looking head because his hair doesn't stick out, no jowls -- looks young,
> looks sort of Italian) speaking at an outdoor site -- storm clouds behind
> him, flood damage on the ground. Then I'm sitting in some waiting room
> chairs at the back of a big room, man walks to the front and starts
> talking, was on a break -- must be a preacher, this is a church, huge
> window behind him is plain glass, not stained glass. I can't hear him or
> don't listen, I look down and I'm wearing my pajamas and covered with a
> blanket just like I am really. When I look up, the preacher has come to
> talk to the woman two chairs over and is telling her to be reborn or
> something. She is not happy, but not in pain or anything; I just watch,
> but a man sitting in the row behind says, "I can't stand anymore of this"
> and grabs her hands and head and pulls her out (of the womb). Then Steve
> and I are working for a short dark man, looks like Paul Ingram -- doing
> some type of assembly line publishing or writing movies. I don't know if
> he can afford to pay me, if I still need my Dept of Defense job. Steve
> says, lets go to our apartment and we stay there until 9 AM, stereo on in
> the bedroom when we're leaving to go back to work, green soup in the
> refrigerator with cottage cheese in it, I plan to bring the boss back here
> to eat lunch to save him money. Steve spills dishwater on the floor and I
> scrub the floor while I'm wiping it up -- at least I scrubbed it a little.
> Then I'm sitting on a beach towel naked on the floor. Girl comes up and
> says she has some gifts that Michael kissed and she doesn't want to keep
> them, her mother comes in -- dark curly hair like girl and some other
> relatives are in the other room watching a movie and eating that leftover
> green soup -- they say it looks terrible but tastes good. I get dressed
> and my clothes are the ones I wore in high school and college. I'm
> thinner. The girl reminds me of the gifts on the counter and they are a
> black leather jacket with sergeant stripes on the sleeves -- three
> stripes, master sergeant maybe. And in a black plastic bag is an apple
> pie with graham cracker crumb crust. There was also a rectangular box,
> See's maybe. Her phone rings and she says goodbye and time to go (alarm
> rings). [Tad Szulc died today -- Pope John Paul II's biographer and also
> wrote a novel, To Kill the Pope in 2000.]


> 1/27/01 Yellow 80s car in parking lot, dented -- man sitting in
> it, others playing cards beside it. I throw a ball onto a field, goes
> into weeds. When I look for it, there's a hole going down into the ground
> -- a restaurant down there, can't sit and eat for 1 1/2 - 2 hours. They
> are selling antique metal parts, very expensive, very narrow exit. Little
> redheaded girl about four follows me, says she's hot. Her cheeks are red.
> She stops at a store for some water, owner says he couldn't use her
> writing, ouija board stuff, because it didn't have Christmas lights around
> the letters -- print them and draw the lights on later, I tell her. She
> ties herself to me with a leash and then pulls me over. I teach her how
> to hold her breath under water. Some women with various plots to steal
> something valuable. One comes up through a hole in the ground, tunnel,
> and a man kicks her in the chest and pushes the dirt in the hole. She
> also crawled through a very small tunnel in a building to do a spy
> operation. FBI background investigation on me -- says Steve is married,
> just one line. Will myself to maximize it everyday, mattress firm at
> Costco, need to be strong to carry it. One baseball field is plowed and
> raked, very neat and level -- has 30 balls.
>
> 1/28/01 Page of Swords. Trying to get a diplomat, trying to get a
> farmer. A wedding, secret one. My mother and other family members come
> in unexpectedly. I take off all my clothes and walk down a long aisle
> naked and tell the bridesmaids to do the same. The groom tells me to
> invite one young cousin, but I forget in the details of the wedding, which
> is at short notice. She comes anyway and I see them talking at the
> doctor's office where they do the blood tests. After the ceremony, my
> daughter lies down between us in bed. He tells her to wear camophlage,
> short dress. Later I see them and her head is covered with pearls and
> some crystal beads stuck on his face. She complains that it isn't morning
> and he crows. He asks how many times he came. She calls him "your
> majesty" and he says, shouldn't we call each other ___ for our two sons.
> I hear Jesse talking about how he's seen the king downstairs with the boys
> and girls -- he's most prolific. This is at a school for children, talk
> about what will help one kid who is slow in school, or an interest of a
> little girl. Fish get into opposite aquariums, the largemouth bass and
> redear begin to fight -- bass rolls on floor of tank and under the plant.
> MPM -- Mrs. Toth, I'm sorry our little experiment has timed out. Washing
> new dishes out of the box. Not enough food, two of us have to eat cheese
> lasagna (no tomatoes, good for me), not enough salad, will be soup.
> Walking down a road, burden of pain of all the hearts you've broken.
> Walking past men to see if any are interested. One man does ask me
> something and invites me to lunch. He's taking a couple of hours to learn
> Italian to read something or speak he says. He keeps finding another new
> word the author used for dying. WW III collection, that's not a big deal.
> A girl's voice, "Tiger disappeared and in her place sat a dog, stuffed" --
> frozen tableau of a tiger lying down resting, spots disappeared. I get in
> a box at Costco to be sold by the pound. I was going to buy more than
> that.
>
> 1/29/01 A restroom. A motel room with a TV for each person. My
> rocking chairs from high school are on their sides. Drop my checkbook on
> the ground -- catch up with Pat at the meat counter. She says she hopes
> her next child will be a strong one. History log of a bunch of tasks --
> each one has a file.
>
> 1/30/01 Woman talking about jury duty and an autopsy. She has
> some things in a bucket -- not accepted there, Europe. Man working, asks
> me something, woman comes up with autopsy bucket -- length of time for jet
> lag. Millie bakes cake, she called and asks to wash something, has no
> water, then cooks corn. She asks for "even a male fly." Car rearended --
> vacation short by two days. New Years next day, Steve and I get dressed
> the night before trying on clothes. Time to wrap it up -- two safes. I go
> down fire escape stairs and around and up the stoop.
>
> 1/31/01 Standing by a metal railing fence in a yard with a group.
> Dad starts to walk past me, but I say Hi, then he tells me that Kelly's
> girlfriend quit her job and then she left him. I say that Kelly had
> management potential (since his dad owned the company). A bull comes
> between another woman and me -- I step aside like a matador unconcerned
> and he charges between us and hits the fence we were leaning on. Then I
> get concerned that he'll come back and hide in a porch -- one end is open
> and he goes back and forth lookig for a way in to get me and finally goes
> around to the end. It is the closed end, but it only a matter time until
> he checks the open end. Then I hide underneath the porch in garbage in
> the crawlspace with a woman and her teenaged son. Then I'm in a different
> room, long and narrow, but has walls, not just screen wire. There's a
> man, girl, boy, some other kids helping me. The bull gets his horn caught
> in the window trying to stick it through and then he turns into a man and
> takes the window out of the frame to get through while asking the other
> guy if he wants to go out for a beer. We all go together. We're in
> another house, long and narrow and I'm hiding behind the couch. He asks a
> question -- it's a Tarot lesson. I see a big butcher knife and a butter
> knife and hide them under the couch while trying to do the lesson -- my
> card is the seven of swords. I hear the others' cards shuffling and they
> answer how their card applies to the question. He asks me about a battery
> -- if it lasts. I say it's a big battery. The next card I get is the
> hanged man, but is a woman sitting in a coffin leaning forward in
> supplication. I had that card back in the deck, then start looking for it
> again -- that didn't look like a Rider-Waite card exactly (more like
> Judgement). The man dials 911 after I think about trying to grab the
> phone. He takes out a picture and keeps looking from it to me, and I pull
> my blouse neckline different and concentrate on not making my usual
> gestures, sit on my hands. Then I'm naked from the waist up again
> somehow. I thank the girl and her son profusely and hug them, then I run
> out -- he can read my mind (911) -- and run towards the ocean and slide
> down a steep dirt path. I look back and he's sliding right behind me.
> Other men jogging by don't stop. I twist his toe and he spins away out of
> control and puts a girl in a 55 gallon drum.
>
> 2/1/01 A washed out road -- stream running through. Bird poop on
> the floor between apartments 16 and 17, boy says, "oh, mom." Messages --
> car with windows open, sleeping in car. House with books in fireplace and
> one other thing -- specialized in books and movies. Cake is a whole bunch
> of nose blowings. Woman asks predictions of her son -- open door on
> boxcar. Two of spades or two of hearts -- it's up to you. Affluent, room
> with dancing (small, sealed). Green, the urge to grow, 100, she did too,
> race track, coke date. I only promised to say nice things -- long way to
> 19 (at top).
>
> 2/2/01 Dave 21, long computer files, gate opener on ground, birds
> eating on ground under tree. List: Shelia, C, gambling, deported. Since
> when do you give the carrot credit for speeding -- the craziest. Bass
> jumps in the air and splashes back in water, splashes it all out, lying on
> bare rocks at the bottom. Thinking about an amphibian. Men walking,
> looking on ground, arms out like airplanes. Voice, you have. Trailer
> park -- two managers moving out, I leave the car and walk through the yard
> of a fast food place that is carpeted with candy, gumdrops, etc. Have to
> go back and get car to get gas. I'm carrying an armload of clothes and
> thongs (lost them, barefoot) -- sign, "there is no manager in charge at
> this time." At the bottom of the hill, I break into the power company to
> leave the bill -- $10. Bernie walks by in sheer white pants, can see the
> seams. I open the safe, some locks removed for remodeling. Three
> holidays in Jan-Feb, Arabs or some group, Our Lady holidays. Now Jesus is
> younger than Mary, keep all packages.
>
> 2/3/01 Getting dressed up for a graduation --guy tells people he
> is and where he'll be in business. I have a short black wrap dress.
> Phone is transferred from work, guy calls about some award or medal he has
> for Rick Coutu -- he's working late. His hands are very soft on palms.
> Small empty white box in garbage. A lot of dishes to wash, I have to be
> in class at 9,

>

> get there at 9:15. I talk to Col Mayer about Thurston, he
> doesn't come in because she'll ask him if he wants any time off and he
> just had a three week vacation. I ask if her mother died, she did at ten
> years old. Mother-in-law is in a nursing home. She'll get her out for
> the visit. Woman's voice, "will never win a prize for city gardening."
> Complete silence, emails. Worth $100,000, not $10 or $100. Every three
> or four minutes cuts to action like in India. Red cows in water below
> from air. They're standing in a watery field. Intelligent baby, blond
> one. Pest, pecadillo, Winthrop, gnat. Words all in message. Turn off
> refrigerator at night to save electricity. Use my pictures for book
> covers -- the red landscape one (moon). Lito waiting for John to retire
> -- promotion, move across street. Usher in urn in desert. Pictures of
> leaders -- match up statue to photo, they need very expensive cars --
> bulletproof --even the pope.
>
> 2/4/01 Mature, if the article isn't unique it doesn't even have
> to be there. I'm sorry, Connie, I've been coming in every hour, it's time
> for me to change. English pub. Go to server, then to website -- go off
> on own trend, not on website. Blue background, square, must be the new
> search. Man climbing the outside of a building -- white brick, it leans.
> He does it everyday, I push on it to hold it up, dampness is making the
> facade peel off. Garage sale of firemen -- blue and yellow pants for sale
> in a tent. Boom town with clothing stores in tents or makeshift
> buildings. Building with leaking water from a pipe on the stairs, stairs
> sag out one foot. Man with sponge. A list of Northrop contracts and
> jobs. One contract finished but takes a long time to make payments. A 17
> year old intern for security job. Children sunk in boat last night, must
> get to headquarters. Break a plate (Oneida one). Sheep having babies.
> Woman tells me not to be so sad, man says Palmdale is a better place to
> get dressed.
>
> 2/5/01 Pig drowned in sewer -- hiding the body (dispose) there.
> The real boss is in the attic of a building up an alley. 100 degrees
> below zero there. I drive across a wide street to the parking lot, walk
> up driveway. It's so steep you feel like you're walking on the ceiling.
> I had a form to sign. Didn't think she'd be there (Wednesday is hair
> appointment). Veterans models of 1-2 helmets in foxhole (toys). Even the
> attic has not been entered in a long time. Several people go there, a
> note on the door. Car running across the street. Screen door, two locks,
> chairs, a flower on teh floor inside. A lot of people work on the mystery
> of the leap to the mind. He's doing a lot of the same things still -- the
> bounce. Back out again across the roof. Voice, "very cold out/inside."
> Garden is layer of dirt in sky, above the ground is blue sky.
>
> 2/7/01 What a lovely person. National Guard has websites, I click
> and they don't open.
>
> 2/8/01 Validity and trust, but it's really about leave. Women
> sliding down a wide slide over and over. Women at the top pushing the
> ones that get stuck in a groove by the backs of their heads where they jut
> out. Rich people don't do neighborhood watch -- say, that's why they live
> in an expensive area. Car making noise, breaks down. People must run.
> Many women with small kids. At one point along the highway people are
> photographing a scene of a large brushfire, large backdrop fire.
> Photographer is trying to take the inside of the house through a big bay
> window. There are dots of color in the glass, in the way in my opinion.
> A woman says to stand at the side where she stood for 21 seconds. The
> fire group says it takes nine hours to get going. The people running are
> going to pass this point, they are running with a storm behind them.
> People, mostly baby boomer couples, pass me sitting on the ground at the
> gate. They are running into the gated community. They are all dressed
> casually, white people with a lot of Hispanic in white cowboy hats. Man
> holding woman's hand.
>
> 2/9/01 At first I could not fathom what they would be -- other
> thoughts, religions, pages in web. A big old wooden house. I take a
> little tourist train around the yard. Hide inside -- I'm supposed to be
> guarding it. Man asks how to get a pass to the kitchen. I go to my room
> (hotel) -- I was going to "hide" from someone coming soon -- some boss.
> Woman delivers a college "welcome" pack -- two applications, a hamburger
> and fries. Possible futures in pairs: ballet and religions, different
> WICCA groups. At the mall, girl in candy store offers me a job. I think
> about it -- I could work two jobs. Outside in the parking lot, an old
> couple have changed shoes behind their red car and cowboy boots are
> sitting there. Family of thin women, 90 year old -- cut open. Some Tarot
> cards are just markers of bodily functions. Card of Dolls -- Allan and
> Rhonda collecting them. Fight with colonel, go outside to cool down.
>
> 2/10/01 A series of scenes. $100 collection of cigarette money
> for post office worker -- Ken once upon a time. An empty room with a wood
> floor -- ballet, a grassy field. I was told I needed insurance -- tall
> slender redhead in glasses. I seldom see anyone in person -- if psychic,
> in profile. Mailing something to someone's supervisor -- I crumple it and
> throw it on the floor. People pick it up. Employee should buy a stamp.
> Sleep until 5 or 5:30 PM. No words but horror of love came from. They
> tried to send Cyndi to Europe and she didn't go, no more promotions since
> then. Timecard, I found that blouse and I bared it completely. Maybe
> it's dessert. Plane in swamp. A pop goes off, I listen. Free lunch pass
> with interview, bowl of soapy water -- throw on carpet in front of a room
> -- office. I only want one wish. Go thru step by step, all the military
> guests. He's just a copy machine, he doesn't have a body. I don't care
> -- respect for me. Picture of town on one side, close-up on the other.
> $100 to keep Bush in place. Deeper than a scar like Chinese history (or
> Egyptian). On the phone usually can tell when people are lying. 50
> pounds in 30 minutes. Go to another level and save there. Man supervisor
> says workers doing important things. I was worrying about air
> conditioner. Something there in hall -- a bubble. Now it's gone,
> envelopes you. Negative/vegetative energy. Water shortate, take some
> from each of two tanks. April 16th, plane crash. You've been sweeping
> the cave and holding the door open. 100 girl giggling. IMP OR TAN T,
> IMPORT ANT. another group of people in there. Several rooms, one with
> meeting, sergeant -- doesn't know what about. [Military plane crash, 16
> people died. Sergeant to decide if dog should be put to death -- Hera]

> 5/23/01 [Card for study, 2 of wands -- must stand up to someone
> at work; sexual orientation autoerotic and pornographic] Colors, tiger
> stripes, blurry wake me up at midnight. Man sticks his head in and asks
> how it's going. I tell someone they have to ask. People bring someone
> work, hands look like hearts. 3:30 AM -- I'm in a bed in a big room,
> after a Japanese party, I read a book about the party and I'm there.
> Pictures of the dining room, which has big windows with lace curtains and
> a voice says that in Japan they get many people into a dining room where
> Americans put 20, there are 16 alone in a small corner of the dining room,
> two tables instead of one. Then I'm in a hospital bed in a ward, not
> private, but the other beds are empty, there are three. Mike Dafforn
> comes in and stands by the bed and says he feels better in this room. I
> struggle to my feet to go take a shower. There are three stalls and Faith
> says the first two smell, so I go in the third one -- which is very nice
> with a big window and view of the veranda and lawn. Capt Bennett comes in
> also, and I think I'm naked, but look down and I'm wearing my blue tank
> top I wore to bed. A girl comes to the door of the shower stall and says
> loudly, "let me in." I ask her, "why" and she doesn't answer so I let her
> in and it turns out she has a sinus and ear problem and has to go to the
> doctor and leaves. I've been on a plane. Mike Dafforn says you show your
> invitation and get something on the news. Voice, "man gets bigger just
> from being around you." Sandy Cortez comes in and her eyes are red from
> crying. Shorts I don't really have are laying on the threshold -- two
> pairs, orange and purple, and one pair is wider because I've gained
> weight. I tell her she's homesick already (for the US). Her kids are
> with her. Puzzling, a lot of bird droppings in the big fancy house. A
> list by my computer, all but three names crossed off -- looks like Lito's
> near the top and Mike's and mine near the bottom. Song in my head, Witchy
> Woman, oh how I can fly. Sandy -- bullet with her name on it, gets two of
> them out of her office, "in life" she says. Voice (Phil Ward) -- part way
> in, part way out. Sometimes voices lie (or don't hear them). Crying,
> it's a point I'm making, I have to make a point. They get amnesia --
> Japanese and Americans. You remember the way it used to be -- beautiful
> scenery. Voice, what do you mean, I have things I can't find. He's
> talking about a miracle, closed eyes. Numbers, two, no three. You just
> lie there, it's like listening to sunburn, Sheila. A thin taps. I didn't
> press Nestles disease. Clean mind. I swear to God. Col Mayer puts
> chamber pots in the cubicles so employees won't go the restroom so much.
> Have you ever tried a hearing aide? Louder voice, bandaide -- foreign
> correspondent in Lawndale. Won't work, procedure -- I'll rub you. Shut
> off rooms in houses to save on utilities. Must go down there again
> (picture of a pond on a golf course), stay the course. Deposit, reckless
> tip -- what to order from menu. Closer and closer to see, restaurant
> burning, there's a lot that mistreat Davenport for this reason. Two slugs
> in my personalized body, swipe the difference -- picking everybody off or
> blowing them up. Door ajar, sometimes I bring doctor. You're not
> supposed to dump them in October -- little green lights, glowing in air.
> I don't know where she's at, I don't know where she's from (lily pads
> floating on pond). I need to know/go. Unable to evacuate themselves. I
> hate it/ate it. See how much I try/cry.

> 5/24/01 Ace of cups reversed [love, children, group efforts if right
> side up] A mass of crystals or beautiful jewels with light shining on
> them, deep blues and light shining off them. Voice, he has no sense of
> humor. There's nothing wrong with it, they're already gone. Public Enemy
> #1. Mike Dafforn asks a question about 30 minutes that are blacked out.
> I say something about the next time they send something, maybe 45. A
> spider, bent leg type -- wolf spider, but very skinny carrying an egg
> sack. Some question about where my kid is going to school. Pain
> thresholds. A lot of people standing around a big room. I see a pile of
> clothes and the skirt is very tight, then I remember, no clothes, it's a
> dream -- wastes time. I come back from the dressing room but can't
> remember -- too tired.

5/25/01 A woman downloading some religious files, she says .tmp files. I take the phone. It's Marina's voice, she says, "this is the worst line." I ask, "connection or number of calls" and she says "both". She says her spirits are telling her a dark cloud with a hole in it -- depression. Then I have to do a letter for Shirley Golightly and she tells me the subject should be the addressee. I think it is an appointment letter and look for one my old boss did in another room where he used to work that is still vacant. I follow a family down the hall, they're going home, man, woman, daughter, the woman is on a roller skate because she just got out of the hospital and can't walk on her foot. I look in the first box, but Marina has cleaned the office and only personal things are left. There is a letter from Dad and an open envelope with some pictures in it, but they're gone. Under that is another box with a motel bed and a letter to be mailed. A girl appears --working by the door with country music playing -- slender, dark hair. And my old boss, working at a desk by the motel bed thing -- but he looks like a compilation of a lot of old bosses -- wearing white shirt. He asks if I've ever seen a letter of supoena or some legal letter. I haven't. I am crying as I dig through the old boxes because Marina told me I was going to be depressed again and I hope the girl by the door won't see my eyes all red. I think about buying some new clothes as a cure for depression, but the bills are taking my whole check for the next few months. I didn't have a Tarot card to concentrate on because I fell asleep on the couch last night, so I ask my inner self what card the dreams were about. I get a picture of a man holding a beautiful globe. The two of wands looks like that. The Tarot cards have lights on them that light up like a city at night. The man is on a mountain looking over the sea. "Get busy. A truck is a truck. A divorce." [two of wands can mean that, also clairvoyance.] John Byrne standing with one eye covered in David Cortez's office -- says something blamed on him. Hang around all day because they haven't gotten it fixed -- man covering one ear. You take the holiday, I'll take this day, two women talking. Woman's voice, "men lie about their business and their own grammar school (even in?)" Aisha drawing picture of a hay field, buildings -- very good for 6 year old. Hose off their backs, and the last one close it off. What is the day, it is so hard. Man on couch, woman dressed in ice crystals -- voice, "barnacles are going." Very old man, pope maybe, with a beautiful diamond crown -- twelve diamonds. His glasses have a half lens on the right eye and full lens on left eye. Maimco -- your author.

5/26/01 Justice reversed. Who's going to stay here? Woman takes off her coat and goes into a courtroom or hearing room. Cat in the small amount of material found in the bottom of the bird cage. Voice, "go ahead with plans." I go to where I left off in another dream. Who's in charge in family after Dad left -- Nathan or me? Voice, "better to build your (shows me picture of a white marble bust of Virgin Mary, head bowed) than to help a thousand kids." I walk down a long corridor, man walking the same direction saying goodbye to a girl. A short flight of stairs down is a Wild West place with saloons,no swinging doors, free drinks, cheap rooms -- it's the door to skidrow. Men's room is closed, voice says it's coed here, and there is a long line in front of the women's room, but I get to the front very quickly. In the stall is a wood seat like an outhouse on a mountainside. A man comes in -- he was first in line of the men -- and I tell him to just pee off the mountain. Another man asks him if it's really that small and I look at him -- muscular legs in shiny black fabric, tight pants. I am supposed to pee into a rectangular plastic container and my pee is amber like whiskey.. The vial fills up before I am done and I'm now waist deep in warm water and the pee all spills out bringing it up through the water. The water is cloudy with white silt. A man comes up and wants sex and I point at another girl across the room in a white dress. He says she might be tired and asks if I'm passionate and I say, no, frigid. Looking for carseat and my Gram A appears and says, "oh, you have to enjoy it." I swim around and around in a small round tank like washing machine. I ask the man if a 5-6 year old TV should break down. He kicks mud on a woman's back, walking slightly behind her and voice says, "now crazy." I wonder which one is now crazy. Woman, Kathy Lee, lots of make-up, plucked brows says she's getting a divorce and the kids will forget her as soon as she walks out the door, they did when he was traveling. Then I'm at work, it's 10:30 and I decide to leave for lunch early and not come back - sleep all aftternoon; I drive to the end of the driveway and then realize someone will notice I'm not there and I try to turn my truck around and go back. Pam is telling someone how to do payroll and how to cuss out the employees nicely. When I get back, my boss Jesse is gone and a new man is in his place -- looks familiar but I can't place him -- sits like Ken Wyse and sleeves rolled up like Rick Coutu (both had Jesse's job before him and might have sued to get it back) -- pasty white hairless smooth skin, like a dream or redhead, might be Tom Brooks. A beautiful Filipino woman with long dark hair gives me a the secret Rosicrucian handshake and leans against my leg like a five year old and tells me that Bernie is also gone -- got demoted and thought he was being transferred to a city that is in more than one place like St Augustine (Florida and Australia). I think about my workload with the new supervisor, Jesse probably deleted every thing he did, but I did his work for him the first year when he ignored it and still have it. The new guy probably can't write and won't ever start doing his own work -- big dumb guy who can beat up the employees if necessary. Then I work on my dream notebook again and it is almost full -- it's about 80% full, next a few blank pages, and the last 20 pages have an outline in them that I didn't do. First is a timeline of the submarine dreams showing the first dream when a voice told me something about a submarine sinking, then down through a lot of follow up dreams. I say, then I'll never go to Alaska then, and when I look again there are a lot of black squares over the printing like it's been classified for freedom of information release. I study it and one section is dreams about other people and the headings are still there, but stuff under that blacked out and the last part is about me and it is completely blacked out. Voice says, Ken Wyse is an example of classified material. I study it from back to front so I can read quickly and retain it easily. The extroverted Filipino woman tells me to sit at the table with the rest of them and take off my coat, which is a full length tan winter coat. Picture of a park where a man volunteers on weekends. Each week he finds some of the bedding plants have croaked and has to pull them out. Crying voice, "they die alone" (because he can only come on weekends to tend them.) They're a jungle plant that was bred as a bedding plant, pink flowers. Asparagus dildo. Her husband died.

5/27/01 I'm in a basement room, down a ladder or very steep stairs [I had to drink caffeine yesterday -- wheezing severely from petting dogs at the shelter at the Mall and fire retardant chemicals on a futon cover and caffeine is supposed to cure asthma -- I found another site with underground dreams/tunneling; Australian site -- search on Dumb Queer Dream Journal in Netscape, dream Dec 22; 2000, dream Nov 16, 2000 has dream food as disgusting white rotting flesh, if there were more of these journals, a new dream symbols or theory could develop] I'm about 20 feet under ground level and Shaq and some other men come in and are playing some kids type game running through the house. They use a pillar to get away from each other and keep changing direction running around this wide pillar. Shaq is wearing a dark blue or gray striped shirt like a Georgetown one I have. He grabs me in his arms but I get away twice. Then I'm at the bottom of the escalator out of this place and a five year old redheaded kid gets his toe of his shoe caught in the escalator grids, then touches it with his finger and the esclator starts skipping. Two girls separated into different classrooms to keep them apart. Outside in the yard, a whole family of women, aunts are transplanting bedding plants into a huge basket as big as a shed. Each one plants a different row of the plant of her choice. I have an armful of bare branches that curl around my arms like snakes. I run up some stairs to get away from a woman who makes me sleep with her and open the door at the top with a skeleton key, go outside and look around. Then I go back inside and lock the door again with the skeleton key on the inside. I guess I'm waiting until later to use the key. Other things you had taken out of consideration. Driveby shooting on freeway onramp to Long Beach -- four shots. [Interview of Charles Barkley right now on TV -- they are making some change to the zone defense rules for next year.] [Shaq was wearing a yellow striped suit today on the pre-game show. He met the host of Weakest Link and they are having a game at half-time. He sprained his ankle yesterday.] [From yesterday's dream -- white clay in water is gold mining method that uses mercury to capture the gold and the mercury attacks the kidneys and nervous system primarity -- thus the amber pee, probably, on a mountain in the Philippine Islands (travel channel) and....]

5/28/01 Emperor reversed. 5 AM I decide to check a website that was a routine one in the dream. It is owned by a shadow man (in a suit) that I can't see clearly. He seems to have a stubble beard. He tells me what to do, these are his instructions. I open it and there is a new paragraph, which is shadowed like him. There are Tarot cards. There is a bulge in his forehead. There was a war on two levels of the building, and one prepares tanks to shoot. The other side prepares but we move everything around. Everyone humors him, it seems to be a war for show only. He favors me and protects me, so I can be innovative. I have helped move all the women and children to a higher level. The dream guy is Spanish -- the dream paragraph is anagrams like the Bible. They cut off half at a time and then the rest anyway. I don't have to do anything -- they do it and I just read the results. Breakfast in a cafeteria or dorm. Woman in bright green shorts. They call him "the cowboy." He's from Spanish colonial time. I feel inferior to the woman in the shorts, tanned legs, so I don't eat. She's carrying a tray and berates me. She hasn't moved to safety yet. There's a silver lining -- picture of a thermos lining. My old boss, Marc starts bossing everyone around, so I just rest. I have vague chest pains from too much work when I'm awake. Voice, yes, it's not how many people you service in Lawndale. I have some specific work I have to do after everyone is moved to the new level. I go for coffee and the women are winking behind Marc's back (Marc would tell me to drink coffee and wake up -- I'm always tired.) He wants me to do something. Men want to look brave for wives AND girlfriends. There is some color now in the scene -- between the shadow man and the blond girl in green shorts. But there is fighting. There are 1st, 2nd and 3rd and people are supposed to beat them. Your next move could be disastrous because you forgot the farm. I look at a bolt of cloth, get a feeling like a knife in my right breast/chest. I am a werewolf there -- wood doors. Maybe it is Israel/Armageddon. Maybe I'm moving stuff back up from the caffeine wearing off. I look over the balcony -- a slide down to that lower level. Voice, I have chairs. Man joins the army, stormy. 8 AM Man trying to break glass in MY dream (Stephen LaBerge test for a lucid dream -- try to break a glass) -- is there someone lucid in my dream? A tampax in his other hand. 10 AM Powerful woman, she has a boy and becomes bored becaue she can't show it. New Age catalog. Voice, too bad it doesn't come off. Time for a physical interface. To be everywhere but two wells. [Autobiography of Malcom X, page 186, there is one paragraph about a man (in a suit) of indeterminate race, but Asiatic looking, greasy hair sitting in the chair beside his bed in prison who disappears without saying anything --either of them.]

> 5/29/01 10 of cups. 10:30 PM "Waite book shows every card. Golden
> Dawn." You changed your mind. 1789. Always there were stars. I got
> fired. Flooding, streets in Manhattan Beach -- streets full of water from
> a downpour. Malibu (wedding). 3 AM I go to a party at Linda and her
> retired Navy husband's house with my dream spouse. He looks like Tim
> Hildebrand and wears a hat like Christopher Walken in the Communion movie.
> He's got his pant legs tied down at the thigh level on both legs or maybe
> chaps. Linda and I talk at dinner but the men just sit there except to
> say, "I feel quite sick" -- maybe not having long to live. I follow him
> back to the office, where we both work and he walks through the
> secretarial pool greeting two women who look up at him. They sit directly
> behind each other. The combination on the door is 754. It's raining.
> Then we're leaving, the trunk of the Jag is packed and some men kidnap the
> occupants and let the Jag drive off by itself and crash. I follow it and
> it drives into dense forest and crashes into a huge fallen tree or rock.
> The trunk opens and a wheelchair falls out. Voice, "she was looking
> frantically for one of them." Then a six pack of Slim Fast starts to fall
> off a stack of six packs. It is "walking" to the edge and falls off and
> says, "oh, great, I wonder how long someone's going to leave me hear
> sitting on my butt." I can't picture where a six pack's butt would be
> located -- probably the bottoms of the cans, but am still amazed that it
> talked. Voice, "here comes someone." Some men ride up on horses and set
> up a grill and wood and charcoal from the Jag's trunk to cook their two
> trout they just caught in the lake beyond the rock. By nightfall they're
> singing about red wine -- good quality, in the other six packs under the
> Slim Fast. I wonder if they are even going to report the wreck to
> authorities. I go back to civilization and walk through the long building
> after dressing in jeans with the other women. I can still wear my size 8
> expensive jeans and think they must have a lot of give. I wore them 20
> pounds ago, but they were getting very loose the more I lost on my
> anorexic half a TV dinner or half a can of chicken noodle soup per day
> diet. I go into the bedroom where the spouse from the beginning of the
> dream is lying on a bed with a wood frame (must be waterbed). The sheets
> look very clean, so I get undressed already even though I just got
> dressed, to crawl in. He wakes up and begins telling me about all the
> lobster and shrimp at the dining room. Looks like a luxury cruise ship.
> More dreams from 3:30-5:30 AM -- This man acts like a seven year old. I
> feel ancient at first, then I start acting like a seven year old too. So
> I figured it out. I'll be here for a day or two. [Ancient dream books
> say a dream interpreted in a dream are accurate.] He'll live in a luxury
> jail. Forget it and pack it up and come home. Swimming in a foggy lake,
> night. Man in trousers smoking on shore. An old notebook. Voice, "it's
> October 19th and they're doing what I want. Too cold." (I got up and
> shut the window.) Tarot cards laid out. I see the Nixon card with words
> on the bottom of it "master of none." Thinking about how many times I
> wake up per night. Picture and voice, "last year the pope drank poison
> soda. Some other man sat and did nothing all year." Linda again, we're
> talking about where Northrop will put the equipment they're moving. The
> humid season coming up. Sopranos to be executed (firing squad). Drop
> cans from the cupboard onto the dirty dishes and break them. May not be
> getting enough sleep. Jim Ulke -- the ultimate week. Better, some things
> are killing me. [Malcolm X was executed by three men in the front row
> that stood up together and fired rifles and shotguns and pistols -- looked
> like a firing squad a reporter said. He was looking at a disturbance a
> few rows back where a man yelled, get your hand out of my pocket, and
> might not have known what hit him. He was preparing to give a speech with
> an apology to the Nation of Islam, that the things that had happened to
> him were too big and couldn't have been done by them.]

> 5/30/01 3 of cups. 10 PM. Be quiet. Hands patting around to
> feel where I am. I'm in a square box. Promise me McVeigh/today. A picture of
> a gold coin dropping into water, splash, hiring. Greenhouse effect. 2
> AM dreaming about something, but then it turns to work at work. $750
> damage from high winds. 4:30 AM Couple leaving organization -- they
> divide what they have by what they know. Must be getting older, they've
> taken away his socks and shoes too. Map of US Amerindian tribes displaced
> -- waiting like Jews in Babylon. I'm sitting in front of a TV screen,
> hand comes over my shoulder and shuts it off. Exit out, plug in. Louder
> voice in my head, echoes like inside a jar -- "what's up, do we put the
> account away?"

> 5/31/01 4 of pentacles. 10 PM A big toe with a crust of
> gold breaking up -- crazed pattern, chipping off. If you don't use it.
> 4AM I dream I buy $87.5 or 87.5 or 78.5 pounds worth of changes to a
> Japanese dress. I inspect the hem -- which is a strip of rough cloth, red
> linen or burlap. It has gold sewed into the seams, or maybe lead to hold
> it down in the wind. Another buy, lower price. Steve Jobs changes. I
> think they're all going to be done thru Friday. Radio doctor -- man wants
> TV show, woman wants more realism. Not a doctor like he is, so she has to
> do alternative medicine. Government agent (McVeigh?)

6/1/01 Page of pentacles. 8 AM Two jobs with a lot of party noise or joking around. I go back to Sierra Rubber (torn down) to see how the petty cash is posted in the ledger. Anne's voice, "Sheila what are you doing here?" She sounds happy to hear me. I can't see her. Cindy has written Berkmanship in blue. Must be a new guy. Then I'm at a car dealership and see his back. "There was a soprano named Tony." (Tony adopted a kid and then his wife had one.) I'm sitting on the sidewalk, hunched over at the beginning of the dream and I stand up and go in -- think it will be locked up. "Did he strangle the bird?" (there was a dead sparrow hanging by its neck in the fence when I worked there.) "No, I guess he was in too bad of a mood." My present job, a movie being shown in the Hornet theater I've already seen. I'm out in the hall with a big picture in a box -- 2X3 feet in size. I hide it behind something -- (guests at Howard Johnson's hid their porno magazines behind the pop machine, another maid told me) I have to ask a young guy something, I'm surprised there is a young guy where I work. (frabulie) Pain is past. Man drives to an intersecting street, but ends up way past the building. Worried male handwriting -- about a truck. We attaching the bubble, identity fix. My poor baby, picture of a girl in a white nightgown, caught in the front of her dress with a fish hook and a fishing line, pulling on her dress. Loud laughing at work, I thought it was Saturday, but it's Friday. We don't care. You paid your status reports/dues at the bank.

6/2/01 Justice [Sword and scales] I'm looking at a Japanese site. Chinese history, announcement -- deletes the Japanese site and rewrites it. Short, dark haired, wiry man standing there watching me expectantly. [In one Buddhism class, religion dept, U of Iowa, the (Chinese) instructor told us that Chinese culture is superior to Japanese, illustrated by the saying that exceptional men are not used for soldiers as fine steel is not used for nails. Several of the other students in the class were desperately studying their Japanese grammar books on the breaks of his class -- very difficult language.] Man in plaid shorts, white T-shirt, "this takes the onus off K-Mart." Man has his head screwed on right/ picture of a man getting his head screwed on (Japanese soldier in Ghost Warriors, published June 2001, hacked down with a sword on an American's head all the way down to his mid-neck -- prisoners of war, remaining survivors of Bataan in 1944). I wake up in my real bed in the dream, still very tired, think about calling in sick, I'll be late in any case -- clock says 6:15 -- already the time I should be there. There is a glass patio door where the (long) bedroom window is, but ground level apparently. I sense/see other doors all along that wall going into other places, some are wood. A short dumpy dark haired woman, looks foreign, maybe dot on forehead comes in with several kids, cutting through my apartment like I do in dreams sometimes. I'm amazed that other people do this. This must be how you "visit" people in dreams -- go in "their door." A man pointed out someone's door to me a couple of days ago in another dream. I remember now. More and more kids come through at intervals, all pretty young, blonder ones near the rear. Voice, "they are on their way to get a divorce for good." Man's voice, "you know you're supposed to leave enough time between taking her to her school." They are catching a bus on the other side of my apartment and I wonder if they're waiting for the straggler kids. I tell my kid I have in the dream to lock that patio door, but he/she doesn't know how and I have to do that too, but someone else helps. Then two more girls come up outside and knock but a voice tells them to go around here, from the front. [Crown Prince (now crowned King, but in a coma after shooting himself) killed King, Queen and four siblings and father's younger brother yesterday in Nepal, "Queen Aiswarya is believed to have disapproved of Dipendra's choice of bride...and called a family meeting for Friday.] A lot of relatives have showed up. I hear one skinny blond girl's companion talking on the phone, "transfer L43 to London" It looks like a wireless phone, [must be in the future, the AT&T preview Erickson ones were just unveiled today - wireless has been delayed to late summer or fall]. I ask him if he's using my phone bill and he says yes. Girl says, "give her a quarter." I count the coins he gives me -- JFK on it, must be $1 coin. There are 12 and they are two inches, square and have pictures painted on them -- one looks like a white cloud, explosion, maybe like Challenger. I realize that when I woke up earlier in the dream and pushed my mattress back (no bed, just mattress on floor) there was just one mattress, not two piled up -- which looks like the house on Larch the year it rained so much -- 1978. I look out the patio door but a voice says it's only cloudy in Hawthorne over me, raining. I think about trying to affect the weather so that it's cloudy all summer and no rolling blackouts. "Shot in the sock. Where's the pitbull biting my foot." [Japanese guards also set prisoners feet on fire with jet fuel.] [Amerindians/worldwide shamans did weather control, rain dances, etc. Art Bell mentioned that he was afraid to try to (organize group to) deflect a hurricane because it might just pick up more power stalled off shore.] [during 1978, I worked a temp job on Main Street in El Segundo, guy inherited from his dad(wife was a German stewardess) a company that bid on state tunneling jobs, and one day waiting for a bus home I looked up and there was a blue hole in the clouds only over me, like a donut hole. A boy nearby came up and said, "I see it too."
6/3/01 6 of cups. Midnight "synodic" (successive meetings or conjunctions of celestial bodies) synod (religious policy meeting), snood (worn on hair). Too expensive -- space ship. Standing on sidewalk outside Northrop -- I'm just out there with bites. 4:30 AM I have a document to print -- very faint, ask Roz for a new ribbon, she has a lot of supplies in her cube. I'm working at a school, the next class after Kindergarten so I can see how the preschool kids learned the next step. The kids climb a Christmas tree, up one side and down another. A very small boy climbs up on a marble block to get up to a branch. A man on my left is catching them as they jump down. A big kid, six year old, jumps down alone, he doesn't notice that one -- man is Bernie or Jesse. Col Mayer showing an amount on a screen $1B or $2.5B -- contracts dropping [means a golden handshake, maybe, to retire, or more money to Defense.] Man tells me happy birthday. I start fighting about my birthday was last month/week and Jesse intervenes. In a tent -- a lot of rain. Slow down or I'll peck you on the peckers (pectorals). 5:30 AM Internet can drain your battery. 8 AM airport with lounges, free computers on the far end. Pat Dooley gives a free one-man play at the other end, airlines ticket counters between. His backdrop is a white tile floor and a pastel green couch and he sweeps the floor while he's talking. Everyone will copy this. I suggest brighter or darker colors with his pasty white Irish skin and blond hair. The set either matches him or makes him look washed out. [colors of dress Gloria Arroyo was wearing yesterday.] At the other end he's sitting at the computers and when I walk up says that the security guards were watching over his shoulder and he was just sending a message to his mother. They ask what language, Indonesian? Swahili (South African)? They are writing it down on big flip charts. The woman meanwhile is opening a package she ordered and complaining that it was made by the Navy -- she points to evidence that it was to the guards --metal tags in it and a stand to hang it on comes with the navy blue suits. I am wearing a suit like that when I look in the mirror, straight navy blue skirt, navy jacket, and blue print blouse (Air Force colors). Then I'm taking a shower to go somewhere with some other women and their kids. I'm naked and there are damp towels spread side by side all over soft sand. I walk across them looking for mine, which is two dry rose handtowels. I hold the towels up trying to figure out how I can wear them -- too small. If I take someone's -- the others are long beach towels and bath towels -- they will just want them back anyway. So I put my navy print dress back on. My baby, a dark haired girl, crawling, is wearing a white dress that looks like it was made from a diaper but which is cute, draped. She'll have to go dirty too -- she has nothing to wear either. She crawls closer and is playing with a scrap of fur which she throws with unbelievable accuracy on little mice running past -- looks like a cat pouncing on them. It's a handpuppet from earlier in the dream which I can only vaguely remember -- but she throws it quite a distance from her. Some little boys five and eight come by and she pounces her cat puppet on another mouse. They say it's just a toy mouse -- I see the fabric when they turn it over. My boss, Jesse, is getting an operation back at the free computer section, where he gets a smaller brain. They are inserting it in his skull. I anxiously wait to see if his personality will change much. The doctors asssure me it won't kill him and demonstrate the metal Egyptian looking shunt they use through the base of the brain or nose. So he won't need plastic surgery or have scars either. His woman boss has driven him to this with constant complaints that they are feeding her slop in the reports -- picture of white liquid being poured into a round donut shaped pan.

> 6/4/01 4 of swords. "You must use the sword
> sometime" (sword under the bed). Picture and voice, "he Christian church
> is split down the middle." "Astrology of people for half the year" --
> picture of doctors and pigs. Looks like a valley -- either Nile or Los
> Angeles, very dry, desert. Astrology repeated all night, woke me up over
> and over -- [maybe I need to read the new Edgar Cayce Astrology book --
> maybe look for meaning of Saturn and Jupiter conjoined in Taurus]. Maybe
> someone wants to work on Astrology in my dreams. [yesterday the clouds
> were INLAND, sunny at the beach -- weather control working? inland
> valleys are over 100 degrees without clouds.] 3:30 AM picture of dried
> cowshit along the Nile. 3:55 picture of pee several inches deep, standing
> everywhere outside the door at the mall where the new pet shelter is
> located in a vacant store. "Feel guilty about ghosts -- selling rotten
> crotches in newspaper." 4AM picture of a drop of water going through my
> hand, tears, "Daimler Chrysler." Squeezing my hand, crushing fingers,
> good thing no ring. "New Orleans, very clear 1784 on." 4:05 AM "You put
> them in hypothermic once a week." Cold in N California -- walking inland,
> picture of the cracks you have to cross, fault lines. 4:10 AM Poplar
> trees, "kill all the rest of them, keep one" [that's what Luther Burbank
> did, Earth Liberation Front ELF on May 21st burned two facilities
> developing poplar hybrids, why? -- Poplars grow very fast and die at age
> 10 years.] [Thinking about the spineless cactus Burbank also developed,
> he said by telling the cactus it didn't need thorns because he loved it
> and would protect it -- to be fed to cattle and humans] picture of a
> cactus so fat with water it's round like a ball -- cattle might not be
> able to bite it, like bobbing for apples. 4:15 AM "water standing in
> buckets at Security Marilyn." Man on wagon train -- cold hands, wants to
> warm them on my feet. Song playing in my head, "...in a Tijuana jail."
> 4:20 soldier in olive drab wedged in a doorway, fainted at sight of blood
> at the doctor. "Army took faint view of him" -- propped upright. 4:20
> "confirmations for lunch at Polliwog Park -- busy week. Put tires in
> freezer." 4:30 AM "psychological dangers of being a prisoner too long."
> 4:40 AM picture of an error message on the screen "you can't forget to
> promise." [Edgar Cayce's Secrets of Astrology, Kirk Nelson, page 71 -- a
> negatively aspected Saturn can create difficulties in the 29th or 58th
> year -- returns every 29 years to where it started at your birth -- which
> for Bush starts July 6, 2004.]

> > 6/4/01 4 of swords. "You must use the sword
> > sometime" (sword under the bed). Picture and voice, "he Christian church
> > is split down the middle." "Astrology of people for half the year" --
> > picture of doctors and pigs. Looks like a valley -- either Nile or Los
> > Angeles, very dry, desert. Astrology repeated all night, woke me up over
> > and over -- [maybe I need to read the new Edgar Cayce Astrology book --
> > maybe look for meaning of Saturn and Jupiter conjoined in Taurus]. Maybe
> > someone wants to work on Astrology in my dreams. [yesterday the clouds
> > were INLAND, sunny at the beach -- weather control working? inland
> > valleys are over 100 degrees without clouds.] 3:30 AM picture of dried
> > cowshit along the Nile. 3:55 picture of pee several inches deep, standing
> > everywhere outside the door at the mall where the new pet shelter is
> > located in a vacant store. "Feel guilty about ghosts -- selling rotten
> > crotches in newspaper." 4AM picture of a drop of water going through my
> > hand, tears, "Daimler Chrysler." Squeezing my hand, crushing fingers,
> > good thing no ring. "New Orleans, very clear 1784 on." 4:05 AM "You put
> > them in hypothermic once a week." Cold in N California -- walking inland,
> > picture of the cracks you have to cross, fault lines. 4:10 AM Poplar
> > trees, "kill all the rest of them, keep one" [that's what Luther Burbank
> > did, Earth Liberation Front ELF on May 21st burned two facilities
> > developing poplar hybrids, why? -- Poplars grow very fast and die at age
> > 10 years.] [Thinking about the spineless cactus Burbank also developed,
> > he said by telling the cactus it didn't need thorns because he loved it
> > and would protect it -- to be fed to cattle and humans] picture of a
> > cactus so fat with water it's round like a ball -- cattle might not be
> > able to bite it, like bobbing for apples. 4:15 AM "water standing in
> > buckets at Security Marilyn." Man on wagon train -- cold hands, wants to
> > warm them on my feet. Song playing in my head, "...in a Tijuana jail."
> > 4:20 soldier in olive drab wedged in a doorway, fainted at sight of blood
> > at the doctor. "Army took faint view of him" -- propped upright. 4:20
> > "confirmations for lunch at Polliwog Park -- busy week. Put tires in
> > freezer." 4:30 AM "psychological dangers of being a prisoner too long."
> > 4:40 AM picture of an error message on the screen "you can't forget to
> > promise." [Edgar Cayce's Secrets of Astrology, Kirk Nelson, page 71 -- a
> > negatively aspected Saturn can create difficulties in the 29th or 58th
> > year -- returns every 29 years to where it started at your birth -- which
> > for Bush starts July 6, 2004. -- midlife crisis, can be good or bad]

> 6/5/01 3 of wands (tall dark handsome man) and
> Sun (child archetype) "60th -- she deserves the money" Cats talking,
> "click on when she's not home." 12:30 AM memory is a way to visit the
> path/past. Voice, "cleaning." 1:30 AM past -- I see my memory, it's 10
> years ago, a line in the computer is the Akashic Record maybe. I start to
> delete it. Tony Escobar voice, "see I already start to affect it." 4:45
> AM a luncheon. I walk up to Apollo sitting at a booth. It's lunch time
> and everyone is leaving, I want to go for a walk. Apollo says I never
> come, in explanation I say that it's only five minutes or I usually get
> delayed five minutes and there isn't time. We start off, I take his arm.
> Another woman is walking with us and a little four year old. We start to
> cross a metal suspension bridge and Apollo falls down on the ground in wet
> sand and gets all dirty. The little girl also gets all covered with wet
> sand on her hands and clothes. We reach a door, patio or park with plants
> and the girl goes through that door, which is to my left. She seems
> younger now -- only two and can barely open the door. There is another
> woman and her kid in there. Her kid is a boy and he is walking by himself
> at about 8 months. I take his hand to help him walk to his mother. He
> turns and his mouth is a sucker like a lampry -- still breast feeding.
> There is a cafeteria in a hallway and you stand there and look at all the
> food choices for eight minutes and then you grab something. I get
> distracted by meat pies with whole wheat crusts baking in wire holders,
> dough rises. I say I want a pork chop, but it's only been five minutes,
> not eight. I don't grab it, I ask the employee. There are also steaks.
> A transfer at work -- to Santa Ana -- Pete transferring people with him.

> 6/6/01 Full moon today. 2 of pentacles (choice), Hermit, 6 of
> swords (science)
>
> 2 AM picture of a greeting card being sent by a man with a long
> white beard in a gray robe. Card says, "love" and is about five degrees
> of separation. That means, "love your enemies -- you're related to them."
> This is an army. 5 AM a huge marble public building, on the second
> floor is a shop that has different types of rocks among other crafts and
> clothes and other stuff. My family goes to another shop, but I go back to
> the one with the rocks to look up the hardness of one of them. It's an
> Arab shop and I'm surprised to see the summer fashions. They are suit
> jackets with blue or pink and white inserts in the lapels that look like
> spider webs and leave the breasts bare and sweaters that are the same.
> I'm surprised that Arab women are allowed to wear fashions like these.
> Two other women customers come up to look at them and say that's because
> they're all lesbians (looks like the woman in Evidence of Love whose
> husband's girlfriend killed her with an axe and nicked her own toe and
> could barely get her shoe back on). I have to hurry back to the other
> store with Mom, Ted and my siblings. They are going down the huge marble
> staircase already, I notice them because Ted is saying some characteristic
> saying he has in the dream of exclaiming loudly, on the order of
> "righty-O". I push my way through and climb over the balcony and railing
> (a shortcut) and some Arab guys look up my dress -- I wonder if they are
> checking out if my pubic coloring matches my hair. At the bottom, they're
> standing by a luggage carousel -- now it looks like an airport. Must be
> Israeli shopping center with a lot of Palestinians shopping there. [Maybe
> Great-Grandma Blanche visiting me in the dream. Grandma Esther told me
> about her one day when my three aunts were at school and Grandma and I
> were listening to General Hospital on the radio on top of the refrigerator
> out of my reach -- but I showed her how I could climb on a chair (I was 4)
> -- Blanche was a big fat slut from Des Moines with a young boyfriend and
> she'd married a man (cousin) with the same name -- Ball, and screwed up
> her numerous kids. When Jane got home from school and I told her, she was
> indignant because I didn't get a beating like she did for asking about
> Gram and Gramp's parents. They also had a boogy man that would get you if
> you didn't go to sleep (piece of wood) that was kept on their bookcase.
> They had a lot of books, like April Kane and the Dragon Lady (April Kane
> could push her wrist and become invisible) and a book about a loose Irish
> maid named Rose. I stayed with them a lot of the time until I was five
> and my parents moved to Mom's farm from Grandma's little extra house.]

6/7/01 6 of swords, Strength, Knight of swords sick, cold or allergy to moldy 1977 notebooks 11:30 PM by the skin of my skirt.

7 AM Starts out, I find myself pulling in to the driveway at work -- wearing my T-shirt I sleep in, barefoot, hair not combed -- out of bed. Marina is cleaning up the parking lot, boxes, with Linda, but they go inside. I don't know why I did that, I'm calling in sick, turn around. I'm even in the old building Northrop sold. Someone with me in the car. Then I'm inside the building and they are having breakfast or coffee break with pastries, cash register. I go to my office and it has been divided in half diagonally with a metal pole and has four or five turnstyles for various exits from my cube that I never noticed. You can get in by crawling/lying flat and sliding also, through a small hole down by the floor. I wonder if someone is moving into the other half. I walk into a windowless room with huge verticle fish tanks -- the one Apollo gave Shyami -- the black goldfish with the white belly is fighting. There is huge goldfish waving its fins in swimming motions on the white tile floor. Aisha picks it up, can't reach the tank to put it back in. It is warm in my hands, fish are cold blooded. Aisha finds a small goldfish on the floor and throws it back in the tank, banks it off the wall. Behind that tank is a new one, built from what used to be cabinets, with two huge fish with peacock tails. There is another tank with more dinner plate size flat black fish with orange leaves all around their edges. They turn on their sides so they disappear, there are three or five of them. There are beads on the floor and sewing pins, when I pick them up, they get mixed in with the rice for breakfast. A woman comes up and tells Aisha there's a sale on Hommas or Homes brand. I decide to go to Robinson street school for a class or lecture. Voice, "where did Pat go?" She went somewhere else. When I get to where I thought it was, on a main street (really off Longfellow) the parents are working in a hole in the ground, metal girders. It's a long ways down, to cut across, this can't be the right place -- at the left end some boys are crawling under a girder. I pass a diner where great books are read, readers welcome -- TV maybe (aloud). I see a school off in the distance across a fence and a cliff. I ask a man if he knows where Robinson school is -- it is probably too late now. I says, "right through there", and something else I forget but I try anyway. Then I'm inside a red brick courtyard, it says "Mission" on the exit. I see a man reading in his room, there are a lot of rooms. There is a little hole near the floor to slide out, but a regular door appears. A short (four feet tall maybe) thin blond guy in an orange shirt and white pants gets my attention. He has a red bird that looks like a sparrow or canary that is red attached to a ribbon -- short stubby beak with a long red ribbon tied around the beak. I take the ribbon to play with it but it crawls away. The ribbon is snarled in a notch in it's foot and I fix it and the bird flies in the other direction with me following holding the end of the ribbon. It begins to look like a toy bird, then it turns into a clear transparent -- real, then toy fish with blue and pink particles embedded in it. The fish/plastic has the consistency of jelly. It is a jelly fish. I perch it on my finger -- flat like manta ray or snail. The thin blond (crewcut) guy hunkers down on the ground and his legs are bare now and are very tan (orange makes you look tan). He tells me he doesn't have long to live. I think he is too weak to walk like I am in dreams and I offer to take his arm and make it easier like other people do in my dreams. I take both arms at the biceps to give him courage and he is rubbery feeling -- depressed or something, no energy. If he walks me home, I'll have to drive him back. As I turn to leave, a tall man I have to look up at, with curly dark hair comes up and gives me advice. He tells me to put on my boots -- I have knee high rubber ones with soft sheepskin lining. I was barefoot. He also tells me other things but I can't hear him -- he's so much taller I can't see his mouth from the right angle and I forget what I did hear when I have to talk to tell him I can't hear. He says, too loud. [Dannion Brinkley is blond, works with the dying, said on Art Bell he doesn't have long to live.]

Thursday, June 7, 2001

FBI Investigates Boeing Wires

SEATTLE (AP) - The FBI is looking into suspicious wire damage
to as many as 10 737 jetliners at Boeing Co.'s final assembly
building, FBI spokesman Ray Lauer confirmed Thursday.

Boeing spokeswoman Sandy Angers said the company
discovered seven incidents of wire damage that are ``not
common in the normal course of manufacturing.'' That prompted
the company to look back at several earlier incidents, which have
now also been deemed suspicious.

6/7/01 4 PM I find myself driving with someone, I am very depressed -- have trouble not hitting concrete barriors or bridges. Seems like a runway I'm driving on, impression of winding road where I was born. I suddenly reach the end of the road apparently, because I go past turns to left and right and end up in the ocean. The ocean and sky are both milky white. Voice, "you went right in the water," as I go in. Sit on the window frame, look to see if the other person is going to try to get out. Voice, "it's not too deep, you can stand." I get out and walk ashore. There's a defense contractor right there, so I go into an office to call. Name on the desk says, "Joe 12 or 25 or just a symbol, no number." I start to dial auto club, but a middle aged black man's voice says, "let the operator call." I wait, but he doesn't come back, so I press "0" and then he answers, "yes, hello, idiot or dorkess." A thin blond, Elaine Allen comes in as I'm looking out the window trying to see the gate number and I ask her what it is -- gate is an archway with Boeing on it, it looks like and 2345 maybe. She tells me to concentrate, I can see it. I snarl that my glasses are in the car in my purse at the bottom of the ocean. But I get a little closer and the number looks like 635 maybe or 625. Outside, the car is now out of the water and a skinny young guy in a black suit, talks like Johnnie Lee, says I could have probably just put it in reverse like the others. Asks if I need anything more, he saved the book. I look towards the ocean and cars are driving out of the water and leaping up on ramps -- several abreast. They are getting off ferries or maybe boats from Japan. I don't look for the boat.
Dad calls and I talk to him for a few minutes, he's very quiet, not much going on. I guess it's Seattle from the fog and the ferry -- skinny guy in suit and fog also impression of JFK Jr -- depression causes accident. [Tim McVeigh decided not to appeal to Supreme Court to delay execution. Maybe he has AIDS.]

[Dad always named all the (succession of) bulls Joe and the German Shepards were all "Lady". You can only keep the same bull to breed three years/generations max, then you have to get a new bull. One Lady got shot by the neighbor for killing sheep, grandpa cut off three of one's feet when she got in front of the mower catching mice in the hayfield. I remember grandpa also carrying another Lady that was poisoned down to the creek where I was telling him to put her where it was cool -- she was on a washing machine lid.]

6/8/01 6 of swords - science. 7 AM I spend all day working on some defrosted dinners, frozen a long time, perhaps. The quality assurance (QA) one is okay, it is a traditional buritto, but the other one is a newer wrap, major revision, and may have a damaged filling -- wrapped too loose. Queta tells me that my (engineer) boss has been out taking a rollerskating break three times already today (it is afternoon). I hear Queta (she's in a cubicle and I have a private office and I can hear her talking on the phone from my office) telling someone that she heard the skinny one tell the fat one to do something the wrong way, delete too many things at once. I go out to tell my boss, he's with one of Pete's old secretaries this time, dark hair, they are both wearing yellow tank tops and shorts, and the old secretary seems to have gained weight and needs exercise. They are skating slow and my boss looks tired, I put his arm across my shoulders. He doesn't say anything about what Queta said about him -- he's probably the skinny guy, so I go back in. There is a new clerk and I am helping her check the deleted stuff - which is paperwork from a combination of my last three jobs (invoices, print orders and QA delegations). Girl is curly blond, 60s hairstyle, looks about 25. She asks if I'm the same age as her, I say only if she's 50. She says I look like I've had a major illness. I think to myself, I wonder if caused by Air Force Majors, but say, it's probably from my diet, older women get skinny faces from dieting. When I go to box up the paperwork, it looks like a thesis box for about 200 pages -- four pages is an ounce when mailing. then next box has three unusual wax lightbulbs. Two wiggle, seem to be clusters of lights in the shape of incandescent bulbs. One is hard. They are pretty, like frosted grapes in a romance novel. I tell her they're pretty, she'll like them when she gets them home and she says, "you will."

6/9/01 Death, Hermit. Picture, bomb shelter or concrete bunker in the middle of a field. 3AM Paragraph from a former little girl, a message on the screen I'm typing -- think I'm writing down the dream, but I have to wake up. Dream interpretation split into camps, by different leaders. Water bed is a big blob sitting on my dream notebook. A man's sunny camp in the desert. Beatings, side view of man's white beard. Little girl walking down grassy lane, hedges on both sides. Voice, "who's this?" She walks further on, see's picture, stops -- person with hands in jeans pockets feeling for where ovary is gone, no more pain. [Man's dream -- kissed or bitten on mouth by snake, boy trapped by garage door on chest, mohter comes out and finds him, he says the birds told her.] 9AM Comparing different versions of things, Disneyland. No sense of despair in comparisons of two lists. I seem to practice keeping track of the car in a dream, parking it and staying with it, see my neighbor drive by. Doing something simultaneously at different locations. Half the employees go to training, I'm putting yellow aquarium sand on each person's desk in a bowl of blue sand. Jere says she doesn't use it anymore. Outside, my mind is bouncing all over the place. I visit the old house on Larch -- a woman with young kids living there now. I say I was happy there and want to look around. Rooms seem larger, several couches, second room that doesn't exist. Man working outside with a big board -- hits another man or goes right through him, a ghost. [Real life, a couple of weeks we drove past the house on Larch, there was a moving van with men carrying stuff out, is vacant again. Someone filled in the front floor to ceiling picture window and it is now a small regular window. Pine tree grown up there we didn't have.]

6/10/01 2 of pentacles (change), Judgement 1230 AM they give you gloves, you're going to use them [coworker whose boyfriend was a detective and moonlighted as a security guard at the Forum said one cop put on gloves and beat drunks and stragglers.] 8 AM bearded man (dark). I click on a window to write things down in a dream and two more windows appear, wakes me up -- know it's a dream, must really write, won't remember long. Something about someone copying an untitled work. Moving from office to office. Trying to use a Japanese Army skill - siphoning gas. "She is fine, host invites you to visit." In my cubicle I set up bars of lighting for each man -- four of them. I want a copy of my work. "Favorite line, let's get out of here Joe or Johnny. Our kids don't like it, try to prevent. How much do you know about each other." Physical therapy, bending and twisting. "Guerilla and rearguard duty." Two prisoners/POWs I'm helping. Fix their lighting over their newspapers. I do it while they're out. "I have nothing, you have your pay." Investigating someone in my life. Shrink the refrigerator except for the salad. Pull out all the grasses. [Chinese pull everything, to leave bare dirt -- no mosquitoes. Julie Nixon, her book, Special People -- about a visit to Chairman Mao on (western) New Years Eve, 1975, "alone with the masses" and "trample the beds of rich men's daughters" -- I met Julie Nixon at the Herbert Hoover Presidential Library in Summer 1973, (I'd taken the Summer Civil Service test Dad told me about, just finished my junior year at the U of Iowa) the curator's assistant, enthusing about the tall Secret Service agents, told me she was in the museum and I didn't believe it and laughing, opened the door and ran right into her in a group of Secret Service agents. She has very smooth skin. I am normally shy, and a Democrat, so I felt out of place, but told her I was surprised that she was acting as president so young, reminded her that we were the same age and all the men of our generation would soon be dead in Vietnam ( I asked her if the war was still going on, I rarely watched the news) and asked her seriously, if she could ask her father if it was possible soon to end the war -- it had been going on since I was in Junior High! She told me she wanted a redheaded child like her mother. In her book she also described a visit to the Lincoln bedroom by Prince Charles/Princess Anne.] Voice, "you can move your lips and follow along in Sanskrit or Farsi or you can go on as before." "They were going to deal Fluffy the longest day of his life." Picture of hen sitting on a fence; she jumps down and "starts two legions of chicks."
11AM I get in a fight with my spouse in the dream. I am on my green bike at a coworker from the VA's apartment -- Marc. He's in bed and I cry on his shoulder until he complains, kicks me out. I sit on the floor still crying and he pats my naked back sympathetically. Voice, "stand up and start walking" so I tell him I'm sorry and start walking home. Some men on bikes ride past as I try to lock his front door with my key -- no doorknob --and another coworker from my present job's voice says "look at her there and her boyfriend just left." I have trouble walking, legs rubbery. A neighbor from the building I just left comes after me and says the coworker asked him to ask me if I left some drugs in his living room. I say no, the only drug I'm taking right now is an antibiotic (reminds me I forgot to take it for days) -- I see a syringe in his pocket as he walks away (red plaid shirt, white pants). He says he'll find somewhere, to throw it. Get home, spouse is back, says I was gone 85 minutes. I realize I forgot the bike and ask him if he wants to go with me to look for it -- I can't remember getting off it. We were just there a few days before for a party. I lie on the couch in the rec room and put my hand under the pillow and find a pen and a vial of pills -- I did leave my pills there. I have three boxes (for Christmas) and they are all ripped so I start taping them and get in another fight with my spouse when he doesn't hold the paper for me, "you lazy, no account." But I have to agree he helped me recently. A little girl gives me a nylon net hair ornament that I thought belonged in the box, but the coworker's wife says to keep it. It now looks like a crepe bunwarmer with a string of pearls like the women in troubador times wore over their hair. The co-worker comes in the exit door, not from his bedroom and says he'll look for the bike after he takes out the trash -- garbage truck is there. Girl singing, "don't you hear me say, all this is you." See the impact; picture of someone gluing the missing piece over a Roman tomb in Egypt that was broken out by tomb robbers -- picture of Persephone being taken to hell. "God-damn it I want you to help me." Box of crayons, litle boy picks them all up and puts them in the box "four are in half and one is missing." I try to guess which ones. Magazine of houses and travel. Rock and roll star with a family. Geletle fish, "you'll never get tired of it and if you do I've got some other people." Talking about coworker, "Mary, drowned. She was going to take that little cruise"; picture of her at the bottom of the ocean looking at archeological stuff, ruins."

> 6/11/01 Queen of cups. 1030 PM question is who
> their parents are (picture of blond kids -- looks like 10 of cups). 2 AM
> gruff voice, "a man's vivid dream (one of two men) experience is a result
> of experience and pain." repeated: "storms and loosening teeth" --
> another man talking about how his vivid dream began about age 45. Walking
> with a slop bucket -- night soil (dreams). Pig eats through wood wall --
> "see you're inside the dream immediately." "not the only life he has,
> reflect in his rays (raise)." "I think I'll go outside and enjoy my
> blessing." Touch cakes with finger -- "see how it goes with burial", skin
> peeling off from being frozen. Two color monitors, TV. Dream starts
> again, woman has to go back to the beginning, to an island and wade
> ashore, one story night a meeting. Nothing, no bucket. Two voices
> speaking at the same time or series like a round of singing. So if you
> don't catch the dream, it repeats a fraction later. Like thinking and
> saying the same thing, plus a picture. Dark night, storm wind whipping a
> skirt against legs. 3 AM phone call to man to watch something from the
> other side [may mean military plane crash at La Guardia or other east
> coast]. Barbie. Even with a heart of gold. 15. Another 40 minutes
> inside. Home. Video. As soon as they get there -- movie. The ocean is a
> tomb, that's why (picture of swelling waves, surfers). 3:45 dream the
> notebook full and I have to get up to get another one, see a big hole in
> the wall by the door of my real apartment -- you can see people's feet.
> Man goes out to restroom, Mom sick -- both using baking soda in their
> mouths. Jumpsuit and shawl for a nice outfit without any work. Voice, "I
> say, you have clothes you only wear when you as sail ant." In your hour
> of need, Bible. A couple outside my door, I see their feet, they come in.
> The man has cancer. They say they thought my light was on but it isn't,
> saving electricity, plus it's a dream, I'm really asleep in the middle of
> the night. Man behind me I can't see tells them the procedure for cancer,
> a lot of steps to follow. They are surprisingly cheerful. I lie on
> floor, look out hole -- can see a reflection of my car right below in the
> courtyard - I wonder if everyone's car is right outside their apartments
> now. I see three stuffed toys I don't really have on the dashboard, a
> very large moose right in front of the driver, would have to look over the
> antlers. Other shadowy stuffed toys up in the air on a shelf -- where is
> that reflecting from? A man loading a truck with boxes on overtime -- he
> had .5 hour already -- outside apartment 4 (rich guy from Nigeria lives
> there). Voice, "no amount of work will develop writing. symmetry." Ask
> many. Only one responds. Letter to me, "Isabella." "style, Sheila's
> car."

> [Disch is interviewed/on the cover of Locus, the Sci Fi magazine, June
> 2001. He was born in Des Moines in 1940 and grew up in Minnesota. He was
> in a prison/mental hospital after going AWOL from the Army at age 18. He
> has some classic dream stuff in his stories like, being outside his body
> waiting outside the door; being on an escalator that keeps going down,
> down for a couple of days; some guy who moves through dirt, not tunneling
> exactly, but his atoms going through it. He said nice things about Star
> Trek -- "it provides a role model for happy office life. It shows how a
> work environment can be non-racist and non-sexist, everybody wearing the
> same pajamas and working happily together... you probably couldn't do that
> in a realistic way, showing this world, without a huge bullshit factor."
> "A recent panel at the ICFA focused not only on things getting littler,
> but our civilization fissioning into consciousness monads, in which
> there's less and less communal agreement as to what's important, what's
> worth looking at. The notion of a civilization that has dissolved into
> component atoms of consciousness who don't do things together (or when
> they do, they do them on the Internet) -- that world has come much faster
> than anybody expected."
>
> Unusual event: Last week, leaving the apartment building outer security
> door, the door bumped what felt like a cat and I could see a shadowy cat.
> In 1978 I walked up to the Federal Building about a mile away from the
> house and I would see a shadow ahead of me that looked sort of like a
> crow, some sort of hopping animal. But it seemed to have intelligence
> like a dog, but no tail, and would look back over it's shoulder
> questioningly when we came to a curb to step into the street, but I turned
> and sat down on the bus bench. I sat there and watched it hop into the
> street and then come back to the curb. I could see it better if I
> squinted, but it looked more like a shadow than a crow because it was
> "flattened" or indistinct especially as you got more towards the head. I
> thought it was just imagination or floaters in my eyes.]
> 6/12/01 Ace of wands. 1030 PM Fast, panicked voice, "See road
> gone." Almost screaming. Woman in fancy dress, stiff black skirt,
> bronze top -- sitting, smoking cigarettes. Male statue, head only, about
> four feet tall, white marble -- very thick vines as big as garden hoses,
> growing over the stone almost covering it, inside it. Beautifully
> entwined. "You're making me work, inside it." Statue has round looking
> head. 1230 AM Voice of woman, sounds like Julie Nixon, "book was
> changed, about leaders and unions, something about reality." I turn over
> an elephant foot umbrella stand, it has no bottom. Picture of bison
> galloping across prairie, dust flying. Moving very fast, medium sized,
> gallops into the ground or falls into a hole. Man wearing khaki standing
> there watching it -- obsolete, zipped in plastic bag. 2 AM My neighbor
> and her six year old push the door open, I'm afraid I'm not dressed, hold
> it shut, but they slam it against the wall, dent it. They are very
> excited and happy, heard a TV show is going a mile for every foot -- to
> Italy and Israel. I wonder if they're using authentic costumes. Aisha
> gets out her ruler to measure on the map how many inches. I'm still
> trying to write down the bison dream, think I'm awake and keep starting
> over and over. I was also in the bathroom looking at my bleeding sores
> from scratching. For every inch, they send you a mile, free trip, maybe.
> Or that's how far you go in dreams, think you're going an inch and it's a
> mile. That's why I have to stay in dream buildings or get lost and have
> to walk and walk. Just before they came in, I was at a construction site
> of two roads -- one for men and one for women. The men's road had
> constructions workers. The women's had a dangerous loose sand area ready
> to cave/slide maybe so I climb up on it to pack it down. Part sticking
> out that looks like it might crumble looks like a shoulder -- maybe Mother
> Earth, or a statue of a woman like Mt Rushmore or Crazy Horse statues on a
> hillside. I walk on across the hill and look over the edge, it is very
> far down, smooth carved sandstone looking -- some sort of statue such as
> Sphinx or Standing Buddha. I am stuck up there, think about sliding, but
> it's vertical drop. Someone gets me down, Living God. My lunch is down
> there and I'm really trying to get down. 530 AM Last dream, man shows me
> his travel orders, he is the most traveled. I try to read them, Subic Bay
> maybe, a national monument. Before that, I'm in an empty mall or building
> being emptied out -- one woman tells me her cubicle is the only one left
> occupied and she has to stay there during lunch or they'll clean out her
> cube too. A bunch of Japanese school kids walk up in rows, navy blue
> uniforms. Everyone seems to be walking around a big circle. On one side
> are a group that are telling each other they'll stay together even though
> one girl has less savings that days in the year. A boy tells a girl that
> when her family move there they can plug in the extension cord or water to
> the landlord's. I have to keep moving, wearing tank top I wear to bed --
> pull it down to make it longer like dress -- sit in area where new people
> arrive -- I'm wearing a white sports bra or tan lines and I'm nude. [Dave
> Morice quote about Steve -- "give a mile and he'll take an inch."

> 6/13/01 Queen of swords. 1015PM "lets not be
> attracted to the story (or history)." Picture of man sitting on a red
> velvet chair, sort of like throne, in his boxer shorts, smoking a cigar.
> Holding a fuzzy gold scepter. You didn't know Harris got slandered. My
> heavy limbs. Do you really want to help me? Offering back up. Amputate,
> I hate to take the skin off of him. A Chinese man in a black robe and
> small round black hat slaps my face with a big sweep of his arm saying,
> "you can say it. I was going to lose a few pounds, I was going to make
> you happy. I was." [I slapped a man in an argument in the previous
> dream, felt guilty. Chinese man looked like a plaster bookend that was
> popular in the 60's that my Grandma gave me when I was a kid that you were
> supposed to paint. I saw one recently exactly like it in an exclusive
> clothing store in downtown Manhattan Beach.] Copenhagen. Picture of man
> holding lead pipe -- she can only look for diamonds. By the time he got
> himself calmed down he didn't know what he wanted. 1215 AM Japanese
> retreating back the way they came. [Almost done reading Ghost Soldiers,
> Hampton Sides, June 2001 -- about Japanese occupation of Philippine
> Islands and POW camp at Cabanatuan. Japanese tried to promote an idea of
> Asian solidarity against colonial powers, but they'd come into Indonesia
> or Malaya to give a speech and end up right away slapping someone. The
> bushido military culture involved a lot of slapping of subordinates. An
> American woman ran an exclusive bar for Japanese officers in order to spy
> and to raise money for food and medicine to smuggle into the POW camp
> where starvation and vitamin deficiency was bad -- she posed as a
> Filipina-Italian and wore a white dress slit up the thigh.]

> 6/14/01 2 of swords. Peace. 1030 PM "18 years old, it has to be
> legal." District Attorney. That's not good for him, no secrets. 515 AM
> dispensation. coloration 117 or 118. Quick hand. Picture of path
> through head high grass. Whole roasted chicken in aluminum foil.

6/15/01 Queen of Swords, Queen of Cups reversed, Sun "the witches block the house on Ararat Hill." Huge room the size of a ballroom, only one desk left -- secretary's desk -- with a light over it, the rest of the room in shadows. I go there to go to the bathroom, the stall has no lock. Girl tries to push the door open but I'm ready because I was just thinking that would happen. I'm standing up because I have to get completely re-dressed after peeing. Then I notice there's another door to my right and a man in his office can see me; I think maybe this is his private bathroom but there are two doors to the stall. His secretary sitting along the wall compares her clothes to mine. He's arguing with someone on the phone -- his family it sounds like. The office when I go back out looks about the size of the huge room I work in at Northrop, but everyone is gone but one desk -- where I see a woman with a row of shoes lined up under a spotlight, and hear her talking about scuffs. My neighbor is applying for a job and her daughter comes and sits down along the wall with me to read the books I'm carrying. Two boys sit down and snuggle up to my right and I ask them to read to Aisha so I can read my own book. I tell them she's only six even though she looks older and she can't read. They grumble. New boss, thinks he's getting a new secretary, but he isn't. Before that, I look for the broom, which in the dream, I keep in my middle drawer in my desk. Get it out and sweep along the edge of the ceiling. There are damp spots in the wood and spiders and some other insect. In a hole in the ceiling is a mud type bird nest stuck on the eaves. I ruthlessly knock it off and hope the baby birds can live on the ground beside the garage where they fell. Voice, "she did that good." "Everything is sacred. It's like a slow 1969 (2001 is)." Man walks by as before, can barely walk. Tosses me a note, crumpled up. Is a starved POW. "It mother/bothers you." Thirty more balances next year -- woman goes out door with backpack. Back hurts one vertabra at a time, pain moves up. There's a way to get a trainer in there. I ask a woman if she'd gotten allergic to anything as she got older and she says, "yes, my son." Lucent or Lou sent out. Don't talk to you because don't want you. We went up there this week and now she's at 1500. A boulder in the road, a fax machine with a pile of paper on it several feet tall. Try to set up shop -- wheel barrow and machine gun. You have to decide on one -- young contest 22. British revolutionaries on talk show -- they say they've been bitten by thousands but they aren't quitting. Man sitting -- made a vow not to come back until the baby died -- obituaries, four months. My boss carrying a naked blond baby boy on his shoulders while he works at his computer --mutters that he's going to push his face into the computer screen. He puts the toddler down on the floor, and from a distance, the baby looks one year old, but starts talking and I can make out "I do make sense. A lot of 15's again. You don't want to tell them Marvin, you don't know." Little boy comes up to me after Bernie leaves. He tells several other people something over his shoulder and doesn't cry and I ask him how old he is, two? Then try to remember when they start to talk that much -- say, two and a half? The boy says, "yes, there's quite a difference." That didn't sound like a toddler -- wonder if he's an example of a kid that is not autistic, smart engineer's kid. I take him with me and leave. I get in the left turn lane, but when the arrow turns green, it points right. I turn but the car will barely go like the engine has gone out again. Voice says, "stop then." I try to pull over and it's a freeway on ramp, but there is a black sports car going the other way -- off ramp. The guy gets out of his car and he's a thirtyish Italian guy with curly dark hair and short sleeved white golf shirt. Everyone calls him "Judge." He talks about his plans for the city. I have to float down a river now and can't carry a large pillow and a small one as well as the baby. I twist the pillow up to make it fit in the mailbox. Woman pushing buttons to see if the power/phone lines that were cut are reconnected yet. Back in my bedroom, in closet. It is stuffy and I am opening windows and there is one I never noticed in the closet. I examine it and it has double panes of glass, one is small pieces of glass leaded like a church window but all clear glass. there is also a sliding lock and a little windshield wiper so you can see out to see if it's raining. The window is very old and fragile so I don't open it. A man comes in behind me and I show him the leaded glass and it now has a stained glass picture on it -- a woman with a huge flag that drapes over her left shoulder. [Looks like Sun card, except that has a naked baby riding a horse with a huge flag.] I went into the closet to find a dress to attach three tiny copper triangles with peel off sticky backing that I found along with a bunch of shrink wrapped rings, two of which I unwrapped and tried on -- one with braided texture and my class ring (Class of 1969) which I had sold in real life.

6/16/01 Queen of wands, 9 of cups reversed (wish card) [In 1874 Helena P Blavatsky met Col Henry Steel Olcott (promoter)...he had gained her attention when he wrote an article about haunted farmhouse in Vermont. She went to check this out for herself. Strangely while she was there Russian ghosts suddenly appeared. Impressed, she and Olcott became friends. Within a year of meeting, they had teamed up with William Q Judge, a 24 year old Irish born attorney whom James Joyce (author of Ulysses) later called the "noblest Roman of them all." Putting the pedal to the metal, they quickly formed the Theosophical Society. -- Atlantis Rising Magazine, Number 22.] 230 AM -- I print a payment between Russia and China for damages. $1M of $24M or in addition to $24M plus training must be provided. Kissing all over my face. 4 AM -- a woman wearing a mask of another woman'f face, disguised as her. A man tells her she has to go with him or die. She takes off the mask and throws it to the man before getting on the train and says, "here then, she can go to King Tut." Merger talks -- a whole list of quotes of what some woman said. I walk in with some important men from my office - I walked 35 miles to get here without my badge. Man says flood is coming and I'll drown. Later woman is supposed to start some new job. The first mask was a wicker basket with white cloth wound around the edges. Voice says, "clear plastic" -- a different mask. "you can see through here." Too late to look through, I woke up. Dead tree, all bark peeled off -- smooth gray/white underneath wood. Someone has to marry the king and have his son. Play station four. 5 AM -- woman says I'm to have something in a basket. Three dresses of different lengths hanging on the shower rod beside me. I glance at them to see who she is talking to/thinks she is talking to/who I am right now. Seafood -- octopi, small smelts -- passing between workers on a conveyor belt. 5 AM Author lives on an island where she plays a dulcet, relaxes, makes pottery or writes. 9 AM Man and woman jump off bridge together. "for an additional 25 cents." This is San Francisco -- music playing. Hill from photo of earthquake in 1906. African man standing at the bottom of a tall building when a woman jumps. At the top she's wearing 1000 garments and by the time she gets to the bottom she's only wearing one. A young thin woman picks her type of man for her friend or another woman. Sitting on couch, small robot standing in front of me on the floor and I'm holding the control that leads to him (wire) -- a man comes and takes my place where I was sitting on the couch and takes over the controls. [Young boy on bicycle struck by car and killed last night right in front of the apartment building during the Lakers game. I was asleep and the sound woke me up out of a dead sleep -- metal sound like two cars hitting first, then the sound of the brakes squealing. Just like when the motorcycle took the corner at whining speed and the guy's helmeted head hit the curb and he died, you could tell by the sound of the accident that someone was dead and people poured out of the apartment buildings to see.]

6/17/01 3 of cups, Queen of pentacles 130 AM walking in tall rubber boots through mud. Huge waterfall ahead, I'm at the base of it walking through the river. 5 AM I have sex

>

with a powerful man who carries me away in his arms. Then I have to put it on my website which is a psychic, Russian, political, conservation site with 4-5 pages. It belongs to someone else and I take it over and no one notices the difference. I seem to know exactly what to do. I wonder who she was. 730 AM new location for my job -- on a dry bare hillside. I clean up a party and find paperwork -- work permits, pay slips, tax records. I see Jesse outside in a barbeque pit for a recreational fire and give them to him. There is an automated talking office on a cardboard card which is talking -- male voice. The women inside tell me there are small foreign appliances specialized for cooking each food item. Glass microwave dishes are obsolete -- they break. I forgot something and have to go back from the park with the fire. In retracing my steps I find the location of the office from the exterior point of view. It's in a large concrete building and the door is unmarked and looks like a utility door, painted blue wood or metal with a round doorknob. The road there was very wide because it is just a dirt road across the barren hillside with a little dried up brown grass. Three cars are approaching from a distance and then one of them turns into a white and black bull. There's no where to run so I just sit on the ground and wait to see what he will do and remember it's just a dream. He runs at me full speed and then jumps over me. I look up and see his four foot broad stomach and stubby legs with big hooves. I turn around to see where he went and he has turned into a big bowlegged man with a white rag around his waist (white skin, dark hair in crewcut) and he steps over me also, shimmering or jiggling. Seems like an initiation or rebirthing ceremony. He has a blue rubber band which he stretches and snaps at me until I tell him he can't torture me. Then he starts pulling on his penis and saying that he'll put it on his penis then near the end/head. That doesn't sound like the right spot, but I can't think clearly -- it starts to wake me up. I think about walking, but the bull will be walking on my heels probably. Voice, "I've been there for two hours, been talking for two minutes." [wake up and think about how in Egyptian initiation a snake slithers up to you, stand upright and sticks its tongue in your mouth.] Voice, "ranking importance of things, if you think gong and noise is important -- it is the barn." Picture of small metal door like on car gas tank opens and a man thrusts a knife in there. Says, "you bruise my country." Mom goes to get a bandage, says, "if you want to work you have to have some paper." Green velvet dress with jacket looks good on me. They did that mission so much that now I'm swamped. Woman carried on a guy's shoulders to where soldiers are -- say the women don't need to be taught sex -- they all have style. Man has to go to many close by meetings, then one up the coast where it's raining -- Seattle. Man says the answer from a list he's holding -- the highlighted choice is "rams and jobs" - he jams the list through a door. Mom talking about a town in Florida - Augustine. Jobs in metals. 12 Noon a man comes to visit me, sits in the next chair. I notice him after seeing a baby in a high chair kissing his mother on the mouth repeatedly. A blond woman asks if there are seat belts in the back seats of old cars like mine. The man to my right says I know about the seatbelts in his car. I remember that his car is emerald green and he nods yes. Then we are necking in the backseat, he says to go to someone else's bed. People come in so we go to Dad's and he uses one of the three bedrooms upstairs and is writing something and eating ravioli. Then he's leaving and I ask him if he wants to see my room -- I've just been in there and am holding a statue of Buddha. I have a Virgin Mary in a wedding dress beside a Buddha in a faded orange robe, the couple from the top of a wedding cake where the groom is reading a green book during the ceremony, and the severed heads of a bride and groom. I also have a fountain but it is turned off -- batteries dead -- and when I look at it a lot of algae has grown in it. I got rid of all the fish, but there is a fish in there again. Maybe a guppy from my neighbor. A large fancy yellow fish with huge square fins near the rear swims up and he says it's a sting ray, almost wakes me up again. It looks more like the car. Elaine is washing dishes and the water gets yellow greasy slicks and a yellow fish dies on a lily pad. There are a lot of fish appearing in the tank which is now the size of a swimming pool. I see a large goldfish,nose not downturned like a koi. I feed the fish cheesecake crust, then the filling too. A kiwi bird with a curved bill appears - fat like a partridge. A blue guarami/black crappie gets out of the tank and flies around the room, around the man. He has a CD about coaching he is working on now on a shelf in front of him. Voice, "different people like different things, the ducks like the scaberous."

> 6/18/01 Queen of wands, Sun, Knight of swords
> 1030 PM what are they doing out there (police)? Stacks of big cookies to
> mail to soldiers - woman says phone lines may be slow going through -
> word, won't try to run away. Woman gets piece of paper out of her purse,
> tells boy, "I heard your plans last night." He quickly shuts door, fuzzy
> white stuff growing on ears - they don't think so; woman says to look
> closely. Looks like leprosy maybe -- a fungus. 1230 AM Jews were
> immigrants to Egypt. Cats jump up on fence, water sprays them, from hose.
> Big black shadow. I scan quickly down a list of things, one is lit up. A
> large number of illegal Jews working in Egypt. A man pulls a list of
> demands out of his pocket. Pay them gradually. How much it costs; how
> much it means to you. Male dragged in, between two men -- hanging by his
> arms, dragging feet. "Carry him like a pig." Sound of bedroom door
> closing loudly. Boots dropping on floor. Cutting off big hunks of meat,
> putting head in a burlap sack. Loud sound I finally maybe identify (wakes
> me up) -- of building a fence --pounding nails and whining noise of
> pulling nails. Shadow man runs his fingers through his hair. Babies
> create more babies, a lot of people sleeping on stacked bunk beds. 16.
> Instrumental playing -- I try to identify it. Maybe Herb Alpert. Plays
> over and over in my head. Man acts out suspicious terrorism -- by the
> fence. 2 AM woman saying that now there was only one site for the
> Government -- that the other one had been closed down. I was crossing a
> fence made of wood or boards and heard her say that. Newspaper article
> shown to me after a voice says "banker Mr. Moody was in an accident."
> [Moody Bible?] [Gale Storm?] Ambulance drivers slid off road (icy or
> slick). Art Carney and a woman co-star (picture of Art sitting in a lawn
> chair in the yard of a ranch style house in a valley, woman standing
> behind him) - they are there when Mr. Moody is delivered on a stretcher
> from his successful heart attack. Woman talks, she swears all the time,
> but is funny -- looks and sounds like the comedienne/star of Grace Under
> Fire. I read the clipping and it says the ambulance drivers were in their
> 20s, slid off the road. During the time they were driving in Mr. Moody's
> yard, their vehicle was caught by his fence and couldn't slide off the
> road. Someone calls from a phone booth at the airport and tells me
> something. Picture of Moody and wife both being carried into or out of
> their house on stretchers. 230 AM Note about running alongside -- God
> bless you. Signed, Father. 330 AM working on someone named Toby or
> Tobie. Good luck to be sitting on a seismic cesspool. 4 AM picture of a
> big butt woman -- "sort on addition." 500 AM I'm sitting in Mom's living
> room with the man from the previous day's dream beside me. A Major from
> work walks up and tells me something, standing in front of me. The man
> kisses my neck, takes my hand. The whole family is there, sitting, the
> room is full of chairs. Then we're all sitting in the kitchen. My hair
> is wet and I'm brushing it as it dries very fast. No one says anything,
> so I volunteer to make breakfast. Every pan in the house is dirty and I
> look in the refrigerator for eggs. There are a few broken ones, a carton
> of whole chicken eggs, and a bowl of a lot of very tiny eggs about a
> quarter inch across with twisted looking shells, look like they're in
> diapers. Every pan I look at is wrong -- a pancake grill as small as a
> spatula, an electric indoor grill the eggs would fall through. I can't
> find the dish detergent, it's with the shampoo and curlers, and think I
> should have done the dishes as soon as I got there to visit Mom. My
> sister with one daughter comes in and I ask her to help me -- make the
> toast. There is a toaster among the dirty pans all over the stove and
> counter. Voice, "why is the air conditioner on?" She can't find the off
> switch and asks if I want her to pull the plug -- sounds skeptical that it
> is a good idea. Then she lights a long fireplace match and opens a metal
> lid like on a wood stove and drops it down there saying, "I need the
> money." You can hear people screaming down there in that hole. I look
> even for a sauce pan to scramble the eggs or a muffin tin. I had plenty
> of time, 445 when I started and now it's 730 and I was supposed to be at
> work at 630. My other sister, with the two sons, comes in talking to the
> man about a puppy. She says it's small and fuzzy now. It is outside the
> kitchen door on the lawn. [It is Mr. Mooney/Gale Gordon -- correct
> names. Brett Butler is Grace Under Fire. Art Carney played Ed Norton.]

> 6/19/01 Page of swords 1030 PM Community
> service. For someone that can't afford that kind of war -- goes out.
> What are you afraid of --you'll get kicked out? Peculiar noise again from
> last night -- maybe whet stone for sharpening knives. A squeaking stone
> noise but more mechanical than hand rubbing on a whetstone. 3AM photo of
> little boy with curly blond hair. Reports of a rebellious kid tied to his
> chair. I am merged with him, feel tied to my chair -- reports kid died.
> "Gallop and sprint of February 23rd." A man in a chair being questioned.
> A lot of cocky, cheeky kids. Jewish -- a man had stupidly shot through a
> whole pile of them (records). 5 AM standing along a wall. Questioning a
> woman. Man gets angry and tugs on his crotch. Woman is angry too --
> shouting. Shooting sporadic. Quitting and leaving -- can't convert
> anyone. Leaving, retiring.

PhilStar 6/19/01
"We have strong reason to
believe the statements of Mr. Ganzon that
Sobero is dead. He appeared
to have been killed sometime on the
night of June 11 after
being hog-tied and separated from the rest of
the hostages," Adan told
reporters.

6/20/01 Fool, King of swords 10PM "by yourself"
"view the body" 2-3 AM I meet a man sitting in a tall chair outdoors, not
wearing many clothes. We discuss things he doesn't need. Only one thing is
left -- his life. He tells someone to put it back. A pregnant woman,
thinking about how the baby could kick her in the heart by kicking up. 330
AM A man with a car with running boards. He stops and gets out by the side
of a muddy road looking over green growing fields, stands by the driver's
door, says he needs to stop. Someone says, "that's okay" - happy voice.
Then they point pistols at his head -- men along the road holding pistols
with both hands. "foggy idea" "contagious concern don't you think" "with
both men, you get into 60's and don't want to waste any more time" (painting
a corridor). "Ariano careless." "if I have a normal life, cook something
like that" (eggs and bacon and toast) "close the door, first time I thought
about it, I'm free" -- picture of man standing by a door that is ajar,
standing in the doorway, impression that it is a one story school room;
flashes of light through the windows guns or lightning outside the window.
I sit for hours, sewing or something -- a woman. "he's always done that
even when he was here" (scratchy abrupt voice) 4 AM picture of a dome,
bluegray shale rocky outcropping. hiding place. "garbage" 5 AM I'm on a
forced march or spiritual retreat. Twice an invisible person touches me --
a stick like a fingernail in my small pox scar on my right shoulder. I'm
walking down a dark road, jeep going the other way, no lights, a little boy
in the middle of the road with his family. The other time, hands lift me up
and carry me high up in the sky until I say "too high" then they skim me
along a couple of inches above the ground but I think that is "too fast".
Then I'm standing in a field where the crops are about a foot tall -- I pick
a handful of hay "for the cows" -- I was watching the "goal" and moving
easily, a group of shadowy men pass me going the other way that are
dangerous and I shouldn't see them, will get angry and I follow them and end
up in someone's house with a dark gray smooth dog that growls at me. I put
my fist in it's face the way you're supposed to and it growls more and shows
it's bottom teeth, so I jam my fist under it's chin. A somber man says to
throw it some guts or bloody rag. I go through the house or gas station and
their little boy runs ahead of me wearing his coat. I say, "I don't think
you are going with me." He mutters, "he's not wasting too much time", (so
he can have pizza this time). [boy attacked by pitbulls on KNX news this
morning] His family comes too, mother asks me about her drill of putting 4
quarters in a machine every day. They go into the pizza place and I go
around the edge of the building to find the machine. She wants 6 salads.
There is a spot where the soda machine was removed. There is a giant weed
that you can eat as salad (lambs quarters, but it is blooming already)
growing in the other machine which looks ancient and faded -- the weed looks
about big enough to make six salads. As I'm looking it over and looking on
the shelf for cartons of salad, a weathered couple walk up and I move back
out of their way. The man says, "you can get salads just like that in
Spain." I move back a little more and can make out a faded map of the world
on the weathered barn boards of the building. Woman says, "have you noticed
how people all over the world look the same?" I say, "yes! I was just
thinking that (but I wasn't thinking about that I realized when I woke up)
-- Rumanians look like Jews," I say. The map zooms in on the Middle East.
Then she says, "the Dooleys look like the Johanas like the ...." And the
map zooms in on Spain and then Africa. The map has the countries in
different colors -- pink, yellow, green. I say, "the same shape faces."
Then I move on and am walking through the dark in soft black dirt, a
mountain, with a group behind me, but they catch up. I hear one of the men
say, "I can't believe I'm doing this." The mountain is very steep and we
are running. The first ones to reach the peak say, "we made it." I get to
the peak and start over without looking first and I'm teetering right on the
edge of a sheer cliff of red rocks.

6/21/01 Knight of pentacles. 4 of cups. 1030 PM "I'm never
going to record again." distraught blond woman. "Can't tell him you don't
really like how the studio is arranged." 12 Midnight woman sitting in a
chair telling me something, by the time I woke up I couldn't remember. 5 AM
Feel like I'm walking around in a circle. I pass some women and they give
me some advice -- legal advice about John -- to sue him (for saying I was
ugly or a lesbian because I don't wear lipstick). They have some sort of
jingle but I can't make out what they're saying. I tell them he is raising
money by playing tennis but he doesn't pay up when he loses. They say,
"he's a welcher too." I walk up a hill. Finally the scene changes. There
are three teenagers walking on ice on a pond -- it's Hermosa Beach, the
skateboard park and the pond is muddy water. Voice, "that's different." I
see the kids out on the ice and think, "oh, great, now they're going to be
on the news for falling through the ice." I think in the dream that it's
early fall and the ice is not thick enough to walk on yet -- the pond is
frozen only around the edge about half way in, and the middle is open water.
Then I realize it's California and say, it doesn't matter if they fall in,
the water is warm here. One bigger, very muscular kid, looks Amerindian
with white T-shirt and red shorts slides on his stomach like on a surfboard
into the water -- there is some confusion in my mind how he gets into the
water -- walks off the edge of the ice, ice breaks -- but I don't see him
standing up. Voice, "now try to climb up." I watch to see if the ice
crumbles off on the edge when he tries to climb out. I am merged with the
kid momentarily and I am scrabbling with my fingernails on the ice trying to
pull myself out. I do. Then I'm in bed with a man and he asks if I can
look in the refrigerator for a different kind of fruit than he's been eating
every day -- strawberries I think. I say "maybe canned peaches" -- but mean
frozen or maybe fresh. I still think it's fall and the plums and peaches
are out of season and probably sour. I wonder about berries, but they're
like strawberries -- too mushy. I get up and open the refrigerator and
freezer and the ice cubes are also half melted like the pond -- everything
in the refrigerator is thawed and water all over -- very messy and almost
empty like kids have been in there. [After I woke up I was thinking about
how 80% of makeup allergies are caused by lipstick -- so I could wear
lipstick and sue him for killing me or not wear it and sue for saying I'm
ugly. It seemed like a riddle -- maybe Darrell Gray (when I type "wainting"
for "waiting" I feel like Darrell has taken control of my typing -- he used
to pronounce it like that. There is someone who types "rally" for "really"
too. Darrell was going to sue some company for green breath mints he used
to cover up the alcohol on his breath when substitute teaching in the
Tenderloin in San Francisco, because the kids said, "no, Mr. Green" when he
said his name was Mr. Gray.] 730PM Picture of man diving off a small planet. People in African dress standing along a dirt road, man shot, screaming voice, "you killed his sister." The wrestling tiger/manhunt. 10PM I hope we're not too late.

6/22/01 Page of wands, 5 of pentacles (for me wand, page would mean kid from a previous life, five of pentacles is poverty) Midnight - "Monday 8 AM." "I didn't save it right." "Telepathy is correct method." 7 AM - At a job, I ask where the new soap it, some better kind. It's cake instead. Another redheaded woman with short hair has a new job there, cutting a round cake into triangular slices. They have peach frosting and she eats it off two slices and ruins them. A supervisor comes out and says I probably don't remember it, I'm too young, but the pink cake tastes like tea cake. I'm the same age he is, feel confused -- he dips the cake in coconut which I like and hands it to me. The frosting slips down the sides of the cake and takes some coordination to hold. Seems like it's jiggling on the cake or swirling around. Voice, "right." I cross a field, a stream, a gate. I'm pushing a baby in a stroller through mud. It's Dad's farm and we pass the corral where the previous owner kept his Brahma/rodeo bulls and Dad kept the horses in summer and hay feeder for cows in winter and the baby looks over there -- it's a big white pig and he says, "it's Senor Pig." I wait in a line that goes around a corner -- lotto maybe, or promotions at work. I'm right behind a coworker who wants a promotion, I hadn't seen for a long time, and I kiss him hello. I press a button on the printer and my life story prints, it's about 2-300 pages and there are pages missing. I say, "there's a page missing from my life story." The coworker tells me he got a (transfer to) farm and the animals all love him. I say it's hard work, no vacations from animals. People walking, very tired -- fall in a pile on the ground, woman in long black skirt. Some kids. I haven't thought about skirts or shirts for years, I just stay topless in dreams when someone takes them away, can't wear them when awake -- waistbands cause itching. Big envelope of money for Queta someone is passing around, stuffed with bills, cards on outside, some in metallic ink. I say it's her "moneybag." "It looks like a lot of network stuff to me." I have trouble with a young guy, keeping him alive, give him mouth to mouth. Airport loudspeaker, "please contact Mr. Change." The good thing is phosphorus in the afternoon, the bad thing that I might have done something wrong. Bernie takes over my job, says "all you do is work." Directions to thaw -- put water in sink, let steam rise. Must leave it to his son, papers intact for history of organization. ding on email, but no message -- supervisor. Had to move her anyway, to fill in gap when someone who didn't know job left. Woman saying, "what the hell does this mean? X or hex." "That's silly, selfish, completely selfish, I came in Friday morning." Two schools across the road from each other, lightning flashing. Same energy level, 130 year old experience level, managing 550,000 people. Two women in kimonos -- white and brown, new softness in the air. Sisters getting married. Offered retirement, Ms Ross -- she protests she'll only get $200 and it isn't enough even in Poland. "I don't want to fight, I want to stay in bed all day." "No anxiety, no gain." Very thin book, about 50 pages, My LIfe in Review." Half naked captives in a pen, I study in case that happens to me, I'll know what to do. Going around in a circle, pass my youth again, "poor can not get rich, only born into richer circumstances." 9 AM Women want to show me their new house. First part is Sandy Cano's and she shows me her bathroom - has a bare wire Christmas tree, six feet tall for hanging stuff on. Second part is Vivian Basques and she is designing Christmas trees, the living room is full of them, fluffy pink and white ones -- she has very high ceilings and Egyptian relief on one whole wall -- rows of figures in relief. There is a small pull-down desk next to the kitchen under a buzzing flourescent light for a man - has receipts for a bunch of stuff she bought just walking over here -- one is a new invention for stirring the foam into makeup. Egyptians were into make-up. The next part is my new house or Sandy Cortez's (she was outside the door saying come in and see my new house) -- she just plugged in the TV and a man is sitting there watching it. She thinks about rearranging the furniture but the TV jack is in only one wall. There is one more part to the house -- a room with no furniture, bare holes in carpet -- I like this room. Two teenaged girls are along the wall arguing. One with glasses tells the other that she can juggle too (she's holding little hard wood balls in a holder or launcher). The other girl snaps that she washed off her balls and is juggling less (she had six balls, but takes three out so that her sister will be right.) I say there must be an attic, this room goes to the attic. But there are two Hispanic men (voice says hired) and the family (stern old couple) want that stuff, in boxes. I'm not sure if I own the stuff at the bottom of the stairs, a lot of chairs. Some are black enamel dining room, a big rocking chair and two wheel chairs -- one with a transparent headrest that looks like an iMac and one hardwood. Stern couple are maybe S African. I move my car, Mom's green pickup -- the lot is dirt but has lines painted on it, a hilly lot, salesmen/realtors also are in part of the house. Inside a bed apprears and a couple across lying across from me -- woman tells me "her mother was a lesbian" man says, "how can you say that" and she amends, "she told me." [I was thinking that the woman who drowned her five kids -- they might have been her parents reborn to her and she hated them.]

Mouse trying to break into my bottle of soy noodles.

6/23/01 Justice R, 6 of pentacles, 4 of cups. Fortean Times, July 2001, p. 10. POND MYSTERY: Someone phoned police to report an abandoned van in a field near Henfield, Sussex. Police were called back after a man staggered to a farm. Three men had abandoned the van, wandered over farmland and fallen into a pond where two of them became trapped in deep mud. One drowned, one went for help and one could not be found. Edinburgh Eve. News, 2 Mar 2001. I remember a dream that might have been during the time I didn't write them down -- I went up a ramp into a big building then ended up in a farmer's field. First I was trying to climb over fences to find my way back to the road but there were pigs and cows beyond some fences. then I was in the middle of a pond that might have been hog shit, mud, maybe a big feedlot operation, I tried to swim -- very wide and I didn't know which way to go to get out of the pond. Finally I found a long narrow house with a root cellar.

7AM I find out my 5' aunt married to a 6' guy had to get him refreshed before she could talk to him [guy in apt 11, Jaime, came home drunk and dirty last night at 10 PM and she wouldn't let him in.] I talk about my boss, going towards a time machine - all the women traveling back to when they were thinner. Some question about if we'll be able to remember how to do our jobs after. I walk along a balcony high up in an attic. It will come in an email -- system manager is stunned. There's a photographer arriving to take pictures of my trained pets. They're hampsters and one is dark haired and one is blond. The blond one wakes up at 6 AM because it was trained to be a movie star from birth. The other one wakes up about 8 AM because it is having a harder time converting from being nocturnal. They are both on stage (in a cardboard box) and I'm trying to get dressed. I put on a red silk blouse and a black linen suit with a complicated ribbon tie at the neck. You can't even see the red silk blouse, he'll have to take two sets of pictures. There's no skirt -- so I have to sit by the stage, the photographer is taking pictures of the back of my head. The hampsters start to walk off and I have to catch them on the floor. I put them back on the stage and they doze off momentarily, frozen in place. Then the blond one is on its back and has been stabbed in the stomach. Song playing, "I can't have it all, I guess I'll do my best." [That's what my boss said to me last week at work in a big office fight.] I tell a woman at the door (fashion model) that I can only remember an inch of what happened. Before that I was working at a park -- some volunteers had changed all the bedding plants to the latest fad in plants. There is also a large vegetable garden and I tell visitors that's where the kids grow all the food they eat at the daycare. "Get your eyes checked, I want to talk to you for a moment." Heroism during a routine day -- cleaning a dusty table -- is physical movement. "How many Miss Lovelies." I sit in a speed boat with a lot of people who all want to drive. "Secretary, in spite of her busy schedule, heat, she died." "She's cheated on me since 1955." New room for used videos in a store, rented a bigger space. Prostate glands have been enlarging ever since childhood. Art -- got any side views of their penises or only bas reliefs of their heads? Jane Fonda, dressed like Barbarella, "she's been psychic since childhood." Carrs by jars. Face lifting hairstyles -- 12 dollars to 23 bucks. A long poem but I only read the first stanza, "You can find earthworms outfitted with sophistocated spy equipment." Woman disturbed for another life, the walls of the next life are set in a couple of feet smaller. People trespassing in other people's lives/minds. Man has a book about it. The photographer and another Sheila dressed in red silk are still editing the movie - I see the back of her head across the room. Picture of file box from top view -- "chaos of history being sorted out." "I ended up going back to take up residence in every city." 10 AM - large audience, anybody drop dead? A guy lying on top of a woman beside me on the bed when I turn over. A lot of sperm on my hand, pizza on floor. Mom sitting my two sisters down to tell them news -- "remember when I gave the 4th Street party

Mouse trying to break into my bottle of soy noodles.

6/23/01 Justice R, 6 of pentacles, 4 of cups. Fortean Times, July 2001, p. 10. POND MYSTERY: Someone phoned police to report an abandoned van in a field near Henfield, Sussex. Police were called back after a man staggered to a farm. Three men had abandoned the van, wandered over farmland and fallen into a pond where two of them became trapped in deep mud. One drowned, one went for help and one could not be found. Edinburgh Eve. News, 2 Mar 2001. I remember a dream that might have been during the time I didn't write them down -- I went up a ramp into a big building then ended up in a farmer's field. First I was trying to climb over fences to find my way back to the road but there were pigs and cows beyond some fences. then I was in the middle of a pond that might have been hog shit, mud, maybe a big feedlot operation, I tried to swim -- very wide and I didn't know which way to go to get out of the pond. Finally I found a long narrow house with a root cellar.

7AM I find out my 5' aunt married to a 6' guy had to get him refreshed before she could talk to him [guy in apt 11, Jaime, came home drunk and dirty last night at 10 PM and she wouldn't let him in.] I talk about my boss, going towards a time machine - all the women traveling back to when they were thinner. Some question about if we'll be able to remember how to do our jobs after. I walk along a balcony high up in an attic. It will come in an email -- system manager is stunned. There's a photographer arriving to take pictures of my trained pets. They're hampsters and one is dark haired and one is blond. The blond one wakes up at 6 AM because it was trained to be a movie star from birth. The other one wakes up about 8 AM because it is having a harder time converting from being nocturnal. They are both on stage (in a cardboard box) and I'm trying to get dressed. I put on a red silk blouse and a black linen suit with a complicated ribbon tie at the neck. You can't even see the red silk blouse, he'll have to take two sets of pictures. There's no skirt -- so I have to sit by the stage, the photographer is taking pictures of the back of my head. The hampsters start to walk off and I have to catch them on the floor. I put them back on the stage and they doze off momentarily, frozen in place. Then the blond one is on its back and has been stabbed in the stomach. Song playing, "I can't have it all, I guess I'll do my best." [That's what my boss said to me last week at work in a big office fight.] I tell a woman at the door (fashion model) that I can only remember an inch of what happened. Before that I was working at a park -- some volunteers had changed all the bedding plants to the latest fad in plants. There is also a large vegetable garden and I tell visitors that's where the kids grow all the food they eat at the daycare. "Get your eyes checked, I want to talk to you for a moment." Heroism during a routine day -- cleaning a dusty table -- is physical movement. "How many Miss Lovelies." I sit in a speed boat with a lot of people who all want to drive. "Secretary, in spite of her busy schedule, heat, she died." "She's cheated on me since 1955." New room for used videos in a store, rented a bigger space. Prostate glands have been enlarging ever since childhood. Art -- got any side views of their penises or only bas reliefs of their heads? Jane Fonda, dressed like Barbarella, "she's been psychic since childhood." Carrs by jars. Face lifting hairstyles -- 12 dollars to 23 bucks. A long poem but I only read the first stanza, "You can find earthworms outfitted with sophistocated spy equipment." Woman disturbed for another life, the walls of the next life are set in a couple of feet smaller. People trespassing in other people's lives/minds. Man has a book about it. The photographer and another Sheila dressed in red silk are still editing the movie - I see the back of her head across the room. Picture of file box from top view -- "chaos of history being sorted out." "I ended up going back to take up residence in every city." 10 AM - large audience, anybody drop dead? A guy lying on top of a woman beside me on the bed when I turn over. A lot of sperm on my hand, pizza on floor. Mom sitting my two sisters down to tell them news -- "remember when I gave the 4th Street party? Now four other neighbors want one -- the ex-beauty queen, Grisham, two others." Then I pull out on the highway driving a toy car made of metal. A guy in a convertible pulls up beside me. I pass a house where they are having a birthday party and one boy has brownies and pudding -- in a punch bowl -- pours rootbeer over it. "91 and 53." Man with photographic memory (John Castellano) working in Defense gives me a magazine cover. A guy with red sores healing on his butt -- look like fungus or ringworm.

6/24/01 Fool ("Zero"), 9 of wands (stockade of wands/strength), 6 of swords (boatman rowing across river/science) (past, present, future) 1 AM - woman standing behind waist high blond girl with her arms draped over the girl's shoulders and clasped in front of the girl. Girl -- straight blond hair, glasses, says, "I'll try. This one is gone." 4 AM - I have updated my life, a new installment. A man questions it so I go to a series of attachments and click on the last one (about him) and it has a picture of a Tarot card -- the 9 of wands like a thumbnail picture in a news story on the internet -- card means recovery from illness. The caption underneath says, "Then you went to visit Dr. Leigh." 630 - 8 AM -- I continue with the "past" Tarot. A play, I see photos of my sister who weighs the same as in Junior High, or her daughter, sleeping (she has a heart murmur) -- on a softball team (everyone on the team asleep on the bench), a thick photo album as thick as mine which is nearby and I have to look to see which one is which. I've come to pick it up. I see her asleep, a kid again, home sick from school in a room with the door blocked by an ironing board so that no one bothers her. I went through an airport to get here, Des Moines, early morning, homeless oriental woman clutching her purse in the crowd. I go into the next room and an old woman is babysitting or teaching a class of grade school kids. I have been looking for a bathroom and the one at Mom's old house (closet where the chamber pot was in winter so we didn't have to walk through the snow to the outhouse is now a vegetable/flower garden [my sister built a new house and tore down the old one, built c 1800). I finally find a stool in the schoolroom but the seat is wet. The teacher says it's goat milk. I wash it off and sit down. A play begins around me. A man tells someone he has to give him 40% of his retirement, it's Prairie Tax. I'm dressed in a yellow and white strapless with a black patent belt, expensive dress (J/9 of wands is Sagitarrius/ appears and looks at it and says you have to have a calculator to shop in that boutique room -- "The Art Room." The dress changes to a white one. Then another woman comes forward to my left and he tells her she has to give 57%. I finally piss, the sound is loud on the cardboard down in the hole. Woman says I'm still the villian even though I pissed. A room with teenaged girls now, one comes up and says she's still sick after pills. I say she probably took them with soda, too much sugar, drink water, causes yeast infections -- orange juice has a lot of sugar too. [New Moon on the 22nd, Summer Solstice -- a lot of violence everywhere, Irish, bin Laden, Mideast, Eastern Europe, 7.9 earthquake in Peru, Mayon volcano erupted near Manila -- also I know sugar is up with no reason because my butt crack is itching and I haven't been eating sugar or much food, sugar must be up, retained waterlog finally draining out, have to pee.] "It looks like Dolly Parker and the others." Spilled dirt from a potted plant, "put it back with corn meal." "The company is going to call her with corporate information." The point of the play in the dream was paying $49,000 to the Japanese businessman. Noisy squeaking bed. Thin middle aged woman lying on the shoulder on Pacific Coast Highway, highway construction, in front of Fry Electronics with one finger on the pavement -- a blond in a car runs over it, voice, "what's the deadline?" "Doesn't matter who has to die, I'm going to put on this duster/bustier." "Anyone care to resist?" "Jesus Christ, you ran off the road." "Blue tile is back (closing off the sky). "Make twice as much, sell drugs direct to the public." Sound of fire alarm in a school. "Your soul is assassinated" (thinking of apartment 11's baby crying day and night -- probably bored.) "Better now -- bathroom; smiles." "Taxes -- the result of an end of year habit." [Death and taxes both come at the end (of the year).] "Petco, Moon and Stars." Pictures of Korean men who own businesses in Lawndale-- oil change, furniture. PIcture of business with walls rotted off at the floor, hanging from the roof. "You don't want to have to." "Airport knocks the shit out of you." "Fan stopped, backup necessary, don't give up." "Ulcer, she pass away also." "What about me (feeling of squirming off the hook -- barbless or no pain.) Thinking about how Mom hung my siblings on the doorknob by their shirt tails for punishment. Thin oriental man carries the $49,000 back to me --question. Deposit to computer account. List of words with meanings -- Macadamia nuts means "they tell him." Question -- "if I jack in and jack out of here?" Picture of cars and Ryder truck filling all the parking spots at Jane Addams or Jim Thorpe park. Message on toilet paper from businessman, "please love me." "It's about children, courage." It's ABC's. Japanese guy -- you march out of prison camp, right left right left, then fight your way up out of the grave, dig up through the dirt. Altered Bootstrap Courage. These alleged hangings are legal in ten days. All Been Changed -- by death. A list of scenes with ABC conclusions. "Al Backside Cute, Act Beyond/Before Club/Courage, After Being Cut, Ad Been Carried, A Black Cat, -- All Been Quick, Always Be Kept wakes me up -- not a "C". I click on Tarot readings bookmark to get another one, it's now the next day. Screen is blue words on white screen, reads, "I say, Host 0." Voice, "messing around with everyone."

6/26/01 Ace of swords, Magician, 9 of pentacles. 5AM I'm in some culture -- impression they are low tech,maybe another time or planet. One segment of the population does not remember the previous administration. It takes a woman to figure out how to register to die. The people are trying to disguise themselves. There are a few left from a rebel group. They want to hide a vehicle -- not crash it -- will make a big noise, flash of light when it explodes if they run it off a cliff. They hide it in a village where a young girl takes it over from me. She's washing the outside of it -- gray panel sides with tumbling mats on the ground that I spread out for her. There are some papers hidden -- then I have them hidden in my hair. Am afraid they are visible. I braid my long hair and twist it around on the left side and look for a big clip to put over it. "She is your girlfriend 1945. The worst you can do is the best you can do." A woman complains about something, a long legged girl -- from Waco, goes ahead of me. "They are dreams sent back by a man hidden." I go back about five steps, sound of rain -- people scatter quickly, fires, shelter. I'm afraid a man will recognize me, change my hair style, put my bun on the left at 5 PM, wonder if he'll recognize my body -- if is the same. Someone throws a bucket of water on me -- wakes me up, muddy ground I fell asleep on. "I wonder if they get paid by the rehabilitation." 9 AM He went through me a couple of times (I had a lawyer) and it didn't bother me. Be careful now, all they've got on us is new (soft longlife 100 watt light bulbs.) It's an open door until you go through (door closes.) Carrying a boy, pass a pop machine, "that's their superstition?" Pass a man near a gallery in Manhattan Beach, says "don't wear hair." (For your own goodness) accept what we tell you to do. I ain't got no songs, I ain't got no life (music playing). Just a couple (of rings to take) can't carry all the pots of flowers. Won't it look kind of loggy -- only two people with no rings. Plums sour on your teeth. Now it's back down to 120 degrees, shut down gradually (yard with fruit trees.) She likes grumpity, lumpity stuff, won't last (Gray Baby rabbit mommy). Late at night when I come home, rabbit watching me from under the trailer, by the stairs, rabbit poop under there. Giant snake crawls by my bare back -- as tall as me sitting. Meeting of the Neptunian Women's Club, dragged in on conveyor belt. It's about hardness, distance, supervisors (a doctor, Harding Road). You just take the time and do it. We just added two Harley's to our retinue. Lump sleeping under a blanket in the parking lot. Baby rabbit toy, it moves and purrs. Hand it to a man and when I turn around he's shredded it, stuffing coming out. Cat cleans the house, dusts by running through the house dragging its tail over the furniture. Clinging to the wall, can't go back to the house, can't live. Seashore, I don't see the logic to it. Characters you can add to a movie or take out and keep.

6/26/01 Strength, 7 of swords (futility), 9 of cups
(indolence). 1030 PM "we know the marks made on the body." Fingernail
broken, pink nail polish. "come out here and get a few dreams of it" --
voice of experience -- walking a long ways, picture of me walking past a
school -- deja vu site from previous dream. "you can't reason with it." 1
AM Navy guy's dream attached to Colonel's dream at the bottom, mine
attached near top, they are strung together, through doors or tunnels.
Their dream overlooked a window in a skyscraper. Martial jewelry. Hollow
metallic voice, "oh, honey." Plot to assassinate; voice, "yes!" Man in a
room with a white tile floor -- head bounces off floor. Bullet through head
maybe, or just fainted. Voice presenting, "the ex-president" in a marble
building. "He helps who sees the conviction," picture of crowd. 4 AM
blanket on the ground under some trees in the office. I look up to see what
kind of trees, there's an oak -- long branches that fall off unexpectedly.
Then they become finished beams that look like bedframes -- very polished or
varnished very smooth. I see Saroja back at work -- used to sit under trees
that would split in half -- gingko biloba trees. Employees cleaning out
empty offices for the summer --stripping beds, Nellie's photo albums found,
people just finished eating. I start to wash dishes (looks like the big
sink for pans at the VA hospital canteen) and a black man with a short dark
beard comes up and asks me what I'm going to do. I ask him what he thinks
is best and follow him down a hall to a room with tables that I begin
washing. Veta is grumbling about who does the most work or spends the least
time working, supervisor's role. A kid watches me throw away the photos --
trying to remember what the previous secretaries told me to do with personal
belongings left behind (one student left her souvenir book from a beauty
pageant she was in where they told her she was fat, reason she came in
second). I talk about mothers' favorite kids, then see a teenaged boy
looking at me. I revisit several old dreams again. I try on a green or
gold slip that just fits me, it's taffeta. [Tuesday June 26 6:16 AM ET
Papua New Guinea -- ``We now have three confirmed dead from gunshots to the
abdominal region and head,'' Dr. Chris Marjen, chief executive of the Port
Moresby General Hospital, told Reuters. ``Police have received information
about students being shot but we don't think it was by our men,'' deputy
commissioner of operations Sam Inguba told Kalang National Radio. - protests
against privatization -- multilateral agencies.]

6/27/01 Hierophant, Empress, 5 of pentacles (worry) 930 PM "you're not
giving up this week." Picture of pea soup with a dark haired woman adding a
spoonful of mercury to it, says, "it's so delicious." "she left scattered
messages." Man sitting in kitchen chair beside a building -- "pick your
brother's brains again." Picture of child with small suitcase full of toys,
jumps a small stuffed toy over the items -- small bottles. Then I look
again and the suitcase is full of knives, daggers, bayonets. A little rusty
or painted tan color. Little girl carried in arms -- "don't bring her if
her presence is..." Picture of super hero dolls standing in rows on the
planes of a curved leaf (segments between veins). "Can I borrow your
handcuff key, sister." Boy in white T-shirt. Small cute animal reaches
through a hole and opens a door, then comes through all teeth, claws, much
bigger, fatter. Looks like Soboro (beheaded around 6/11/01) -- long white
fingers he holds in front of him, goes through small doorway hands first.
Looks like he's being born maybe, long nails like Chinese style. "We found
mountains to move." "I think you're taking that a little irresponsibly."
"you have a special thing, I won't be using that." 230 AM man falls over
my ankles carrying a round clocklike thing (maybe timer), at first I think
he's broken my legs -- realize I'm dreaming. 430 AM man fishing along
canal, asks me if I've been drinking. I see a big gold ring or belt/crown
laying on the bench -- curves out at both edges -- wide gold one. I take it
over to the man fishing and sit on the bench. He kisses me and says he'll
get a more passionate one Sunday -- getting married. He felt tired when he
kissed me, said, "I'll be ten years older soon." I puzzle over that (one
birthday). He says someone called him and asked about the two Russian
children. I throw the ring, shotglass and something else in the water --
then feel bad and pull him out and lay him on the bench. He looks about
ten, has blue black hair like Amerindian. A garbage bag with two little
Indian dolls dressed in blue and pink beside it. "Keep the home fires
burning." "Lets have it privately." "The meek." "These muck, rapid."
"Thai come down and fight." I was having another dream before this one but
can't remember it -- everyone looking in a box of gifts -- 58 inches long.
[Bull rider in Newsweek article I read today got his ankle stepped on and
broken.] [I found a photo of Guillermo Sobero and he had a lot of band aides
on his fingers.]

Thursday June 28 8:38 AM ET Stranded Hamas Leader Flies From Amman
AMMAN (Reuters) - A Jordanian leader of the Palestinian militant group
Hamas, stranded at Amman airport for the past two weeks, flew
from Jordan to Bangkok on Thursday, Jordanian government officials said.

6/28/01 7 of swords, Page of pentacles, World. 10 PM Reading someone's
thoughts or comment to another guy, when he looks at some other men standing
in a row, then the other two leave and a tall man in a red shirt is standing
there alone -- "when everything dies down, when they forget about this, that
guy is getting it." "Woman's loud voice, a little agitated, about a piece
of paper folded into three parts, "the same results, I've already seen
them." One of my neighbors, in 19, saying, "your head is so filled with
things in five minutes."
5 AM I look at printers in a crowded room and see a machine sewing T-shirt
designs (new neighbor does that) -- two main employers to print for are
newspaper, Daily Breeze and I think the school district. The employees are
young and fooling around, stuff a roll of toilet paper in their pants and
walk around the store pulling it out for women customers. They are going to
say to the women, "this is for you" or "this is what you need." Room I just
came from has a book someone's mother made of her favorite story,
handwritten on grocery bags with pictures she cut out to illustrate it. One
picture is a hillside and the next one is a train -- very smooth black train
with rocks in a circle on the ground beside it. A man comes in breathlessly
and dances me through the halls. [The letters, scribbled on one-fourth
sheets of intermediate-school paper, were supposedly received by the
emissary at dawn yesterday in Isabela City through an Abu
Sayyaf courier.]

6/29/01 Ace of swords, 4 of pentacles, Sun 1 AM picture of two women beside a light blue car, door open, near a bridge or dirt road. they are pouring some white powder, something white onto a lump on the ground or a big pile of the white powder on the ground. 630 AM I look in the mirror several times. I look different. My face is flushed or sunburned, I have a sort of double chin, short hair -- looks like someone else's face. My face gets a little clearer each time I go back and look in the mirror again.

7/01/01 Queen of swords, 5 of wands (R), 2 of wands
1 AM A man with short, white, crew cut hair and chest length red beard, yellow wrap garment on sidewalk by a pier, yelling something. Voice, "you'll make some friends." 230 AM A man running through a jungle, shooting, shouting far off, defensive chaos. Voice, "they split into two groups" -- sounds ironic or sardonic. Grocery store. 8 AM "We saw the great ones rise, one after another." I'm sitting at a picnic table across from a man in a dark green or gray uniform. I get the impression he's a lieutenant, but can't see any stripes or indicia. He has a broad face, broad cheekbones, straight dark hair combed back, big square hands. I get the impression he has a lot of power. He has two cokes and asks if I want one. I say, no, I don't like it. He says all the drinking (or drugs) ruined my taste buds. I go to the sink (it is my kitchen) and get a glass of water and correct him -- that the reason I don't like it is because I'm perfect. I have no vices, I'm like the Virgin Mary or an angel (think to myself, "except for rubbing everyone the wrong way.") I'm wearing a red or orange peasant skirt over a yellow skirt and yellow shoes (thongs) that match the skirt (color matches, takes off five pounds below the waist -- I remember telling Cindy that at work and she said she'd never be able to forget it). I am telling him about my idea, how a high ranking military officer lost his job from touching and disappears and is never seen again. He tells me not to tell him that and pisses me off and I slide down the picnic table bench to the other end away from him and start to ignore him, then say, "well, Slyvester Stallone had a movie about that before my idea anyway." I get more tired as I have to sit there with him and slide down on the floor and he touches my back. I remind him, no touching. Two little girls, 5 and 2 come in and stand in front of where the TV is wearing yellow-green knit dresses that are pleated in back, buttom up the front and have very wide black patent belts in back. An old woman (35-50) with some teeth missing and stringy black hair says they're 50 pounds already and it's time to kick them out, but they'd just come back. The lieutenant goes into the bathroom and I hear him say, "oh, sorry" and look in time to see his penis in profile. He's peed on the five year old, who is sitting on the toilet. I go in there because I have to pee too, and it is a mess. There is pee all over the floor and the towel -- in yellow pools. The toilet is rectangular in shape and very large, lid slides around. Then I'm lying on the floor on the sofa cushions. He is lying on the floor too now, reading. A gopher runs across his hands -- both hands. Then I look over his shoulder and he's stapled it to a board. He is just putting another staple in its tail, which looks like a rat's tail. Maybe it's a mink - very nice fur on the animal -- looks like a muskrat. I absent mindedly reached down from my reading on the couch before that and picked it up by the fur on its back -- by the tail so it couldn't turn around and bite me. The man then diffidently pinched its tail after it turned around to bite me. There was a woman in the bathroom looking out a window that's not really there. Then we're sitting on folding chairs with some other women and he takes the paper I was writing on and carelessly waves it in one woman's face behind her glasses. The women were discussing what clothes would be in style in the coming year.

"I suppose you wrote my name in there" (Dick) -- "unruly passengers, yes." Reading the edges of video boxes -- bottom one is "Gorilla Girl Monsters," middle box says, "time to re-write these theses." "He's going to have to marry that girl." "My pleasure." "You spare one, you got wires between them, what happens." Printed denim, printed with small designs. "False indicator" (of life force, well being).

7/2/01 5 of swords, Magician, Fool 1030 PM "look at what the 3 or 5 look
like." 1130 PM "burst in here trading or taming man in "M" power or mother
relationship." 12 Midnight "No evil mind or baby that he couldn't detect."
Man inspecting an injured soldier. He thinks an abdominal wound has already
been sutured and says, "they did a sloppy job" and probes the wound with his
index finger, very deep. He says, "what's this?" and his finger is covered
with white stuff and then he pulls out what looks like a salami -- red
sausage. He says, "look at this, this is a simple operation." Picture of
soldier in truck, bouncing, has already been several days -- seems to be
getting worse. Woman talking, "very unusual to be separated from your
family." She is talking to someone, maybe a soldier, "You said or Yousef,
very brave. You said that yesterday, luxury, wasn't food. We made our
camp." Two men who don't know where they are, back to back -- afraid they
will both be shot with one bullet. Man looking around angry and upset, "I
had more than this -- troops." 4 AM I wander around the neighborhood on
Manchester and Hindry where I used to work. It is almost noon in the dream.
One woman is allergic to rice and has couscous. Another woman is eating
apples stuffed with almonds (might be peaches, very unusual) and has bitten
into some and put them back, like they are candy. I buy three pieces of
candy for $5.90 and have to climb over the counter to get out (very odd, but
it doesn't wake me up, I boost myself up on the counter and swing my leg
over, wearing red shorts). My wallet is on one side of the counter and my
purse with fringe from 1978 on the other, hanging in a bus. The bus has a
driver and two boys on it. I have to learn a new language. My change is
more than 10 cents. A couple of women are getting disability settlements,
at the end you find out they blew up a few real women for the training film
(about disability). I get the sensation of driving on freeways, but I'm
walking through a neighborhood of dry summer lawns and big houses, to the
corner -- businesses on both sides of that street -- Hindry. I've worked at
more than one of them. At the first one I go through there's a missed
opportunity on the floor and I pick it up. In the second place there are
huge floor to ceiling replicas of notebook pages that you can turn -- like
the laminated newspaper stories about the tsunami and flood they have in the
museum in Crescent City, and the flour sacks the grateful housewives of
Europe embroidered and returned to Herbert Hoover. This factory has no
complaints, seems to be run by men, no workers in sight, only a forklift --
the laminated things seem to be their instructions (one guy looks at them,
then hurries away), no one sick, all very busy. In the dream I'm a computer
expert and a woman secretary has just quit and her job is open, but she is
going on disability. Several women are, this place seems to be very hard on
women -- chews them up and spits them out. There is some sort of suicide
you can do to get a better body -- you die and get a better one. The
cashier gets vaporized and disappears. Voice, "if I don't knock us down."
A woman tells me there's a call for me -- I have just pulled a white worm
from my vagina, but I hurry to take the receiver. It's Shirley M -- she
will be off work for a year too before she can win her appeals for
disability. She needs money to live on, wants $25,000. I parked at the top
of a hill when I got here -- then a lot of other people parked in front of
me -- looks like a row of sofas, lined up perfectly -- or a row of cattle's
backs - down the steep slope. This seems like a worker's hell here -- and
they are all just on break, so far, buying desserts in the cafeteria! "49"
"A man jumps his motorcycle over air and takes earth (a page). [A couple
of weeks ago around midnight, a young guy crashed his Miata on Rosecrans and
Hindry -- ejected from car and landed on a parked car, car flipped several
times and landed on its wheels, per witnesses. Driver was critically
injured.] [Monday July 2 2:29 PM ET car bombs in the town of Yehud, near
Tel Aviv's airport. Four people were treated for shock.]

> 7/3/01 6 of pentacles(R), 3 of cups(R), Judgment People stepping on
> something, soft dirt, a hole in the ground, mashing it down, "loose things
> on the bottom." A child with short dark wavy hair, his/her hair or fiber
> optic fibers mixed in with the hair of various clear sparkling colors
> orbiting around the head. Very pretty. A blue, pink, red, green. Broken
> nails on wood. "This sounds good, you should have told me this before."
> "Don't tell anybody." "So you're not going." 1230 AM I find a quote of
> something I said -- "maybe we should close down for the summer to avoid it"
> -- large companies discussing. I find a red/burgundy plaid cloth belt tied
> in a knot and untie the knot; inside is a white leather belt with blue
> inscriptions on it. They seem to be the names of couples, three of them and
> I look at the middle one but am too far away to read it. When you click on
> it, it expands, "she bought it herself." It's a belt for a wedding dress.
> The patron saint of TV or movies. The patron saint of the married man. He
> comes in as I wind pictures or quote it. Song playing and a voice singing,
> "now it's useless to say, an assault on this island." I asked a bunch of
> Northrop people, I didn't remember this. 430 AM rewriting a sentence with a
> man's help. "It will soon be over," replaces the subject or first word in
> the sentence. Planting cactus in a fishbowl from a larger container. I
> hear the noise of eggs cooking and stir them, no one is watching them. Then
> I notice a young girl with curly dark hair and glasses cooking breakfast and
> preparing a tray. I am putting the one I cook in a gallon jar. Art
> Regalado followed by Tony Escobar rush in and begin talking to the girl.
> Old dresses I used to have, riding on a bicycle. Don't know when I had them
> -- should have kept them. Yellow one, another color also. [Tuesday July 3
> 8:39 AM ET Dando Killer Health Probe Launched LONDON (Reuters) - An
> investigation was launched on Tuesday into how health workers failed to spot
> the danger posed by Jill Dando's killer Barry George. The serial stalker
> was described as ``demanding and difficult'' but no risk to the public.
> George, 41, an obsessive loner with a conviction for attempted rape, was
> not recommended for treatment for mental health problems. He went on to
> murder the Crimewatch UK presenter on the doorstep of her west London home
> in April 1999.George secretly photographed hundreds of women near his west
> London home, police said. He was fixated with Diana, Princess of Wales and
> was caught trying to break into Kensington Palace wearing a military-style
> uniform, the Daily Mail reported.][Evening news, 14 falun gong hanged themselves with bedsheets in NW China.]

7/4/01 Judgment. 830 AM History children are reading now will one day become adult (China).... Guy not breathing through nose or out of breath, "can I lay down the bag now?" -- gym bag or duffle bag, dark green or gray with cloth handles.... "Shove those guys a shovel, now that you know the secret."... Long lines of people, looks like 1929 -- just a picture going through people's heads, then it changes to a long line at Sears. Waiting for job interviews. ... "Make it again."... "I believe it becomes a copper ball (crystal ball turns to metal, copper color) if you transport it back here" -- works because of the owner.... Robot talking, jerky movements like a robot, tall thin man, looks like a shadow, "Need to know. I serve a purpose." ... Voice that sounds like a person with a partial plate, "Sorry, I thought you were a stationary force."... "They have a fan that blows in there (picture of a concrete bunker room).... Picture of San Francisco peninsula with swirls all around it -- problems on all sides, it is an island of calm.... Another shadowy man in trousers walks behind men sitting at a table (cards?).... Man on phone, loud voice, "Good-bye. Sheila!" ... Lieberman, Latin America, can't stop it, disappearances, five spots on a map, study in 1936, sure it's his heart. Standing on headlines with leather shoes on the steps of the capital building -- looking down at them (too far away to read them). ...Bush, "the only way to take it is if you do it yourself (pay for it yourself -- trip?)" Very tall guy, sports maybe -- "I think you lost everyone this year" (you signed).... Fluffy long haired siamese cat -- might already be pregnant when fixed.

7/4/01 2-3 PM nap. Fish in a tank, water almost dried up. Fish buried in mud, very little water, can barely keep his head under. I think about catfish can live on mud and migrate, cover it up with mud. One opens its big mouth -- looks like it could swallow someone -- turns its head to look at me as I walk up. ... I go over to apartment 23, sit down. Say, "oh, yes, we have to walk across the street and see the fireworks at the high school. Sitting at a table, getting dark, I look past the person beside me at a small table and look out the window and we're on a train -- feels like we're going north. [fireworks were cancelled for the first year since 1982 across the street.]

7/5/01 10 of wands(R), Queen of wands(R), Knight of pentacles.
1 AM "Tailor made, sweetheart."... Selling something -- look like metal plates or coffee and end tables, voice ''sell it as a set."... Crowd cheering... A tall white guy hits another one in the back as he walks away or unexpectedly. 230 AM "Tiny seed grows until baby you can see -- is Dante, Dante you can see." ... "Two people caught in hell. The Divine Comedy, The Divine Burning, The Divine Drowning." ... Fair and square. What about you?... Mine clear, that's why we get along so well, ready to move to... Do you have to be six?... Ivy league does good. ... Picture of a guy inside a tree with his head sticking out through a round hole. ... Co-pay is $100, no one pays.... 9 AM "the representative from the sulphur group (volcano) and the suey group talk.... I was hired at a classy daycare and have to get dressed appropriately. I put on a bright yellow skirt, yellow knee socks to hide my unshaved legs. (really navy blue), I only work about three days a week. I go outside as soon as I'm dressed and a male teacher is lining the kids up to go in, speaking French. Two kids are not in line, I find them in a sink near the gate. One is very small, the size of a fetus and has climbed up the side of the sink, got a leg over and with a girl about a foot tall watching him. I lift the boy down and he becomes one year old standing on the ground, wearing sweat suit which I wring quarts of water out of them... "Chop six is featured here -- they invented it." 10 AM House comes with a button under the window ledge that moans, "another year, okay." "You'll have to work a year and buy your chicken in Cuba to afford a cigar." A woman in the dream named Yo, sitting on folding chairs, asks me if I remember the Constitution -- I say sort of, "We the people of the United States in order to form a more perfect union, establish justince and pursue the ... of liberty for ourselves and our descendents... and she says, look at this, and shows me a three line stanza in what looks like middle English or some archaic language. I think, this must really be far in the future, it didn't look that old fashioned before. The first word starts with a "C" and the third one with an "E". The first word is "centere" -- sounds Latin maybe. The word that began with an "e" is something like "elese." A lot of secretaries reading political books from book clubs. ... "Widows of activists in Washington (state) pursue a cause." ... Button you can press labeled, "perfect meanings." [Thursday July 5 1:36 PM ET Kohl's Ailing Wife Hannelore Takes Own Life -- she worked as a commercial English, French interpreter. She became allergic to light in 1993 after an allergic reaction to penicillin.] [Thursday July 5 10:15 AM ET Swiss Nurse Confesses Mercy Killing of Nine -- young nurse in his 20s or 30s. Liberal attitude to euthanasia for Swiss.][Tim McVeigh turned yellow when he died and his eyes were open, which is an indication that he was given puffer fish toxin -- like zombies in Haiti.]

7/6/01 2 of wands,dominion (clairvoyance), 6 of cups (R), no pleasure (in the past), 9 of wands (R), no strength (hiding behind your defensivness)
1 AM "You put her in here. The first thing in the world you have to get over." ... "I'll scream into the sky." ... Woman tied to a double bed, with bunches of gold color leaves hanging down from the canopy of forest. She's tied by her wrists; her mother comes with a bucket of mud or black water to throw on her ... Man comes up to ask me something; my face is glowing like the sun shining so I stand out in the crowd in twilight; I'm in the middle of a square of four corners (Amerindian four corners with four horses, or Tarot eagle, bull, lion, angel -- all reading books on the Wheel of Fortune X, not reading on the World XXI.) I'm afraid I can't answer his question. ... "Iron." ... "I wait." ... "Can she use a small smell to cancel everything?" ... "I just put it out on the freeway to play for a little while. Keep it turning." ... A close up of a Medieval looking design or illumination -- vines twining around red area ... "Now I'll give you a little break -- let me see who's going to arrest people." ... Carrying a bowl of something, a man overboard hanging. ... "Said he could be made famous by the blind man" -- a lady bug holding him, then laughing. 3 AM "Japanese sight, similarly has a high amount of crying, cut off." ... "When our mothers come we might, four times a year." (Mercury is retrograde four times a year and you can work on old things -- staceydean.org) ... 430 AM the apartment manager and we tenants move to a new building -- the new place looks like a motel and has a lot of closets in each room, enough for each person to have one. The manager has three closet doors along one wall alone, and two more on another wall, but one of the two contains only make-up, and the middle one of three contains her mother, drugged unconscious (visits her every day and kisses her on the forehead.) Before that, a group of people are sitting around on the muddy ground discussing their philosophy of life. One man has a thin face who used to be fat -- he leans over the campfire. One man talks about their women getting ahead. Then I'm walking past Best Buy with girls going to school and talking about their boyfriends and I see Signe ahead of me where the street ends and there is a crossroads -- the pregnant girls' highschool is to the right without crossing the street. Signe crosses,she's wearing her Air Force uniform; the walk signal looks different than in real life, is a blue and white message. A woman tells me I'm dressing for an important day at school, so try to look tall and attractive. I think about the long green dress I wore as a bridesmaid in Mom's wedding, my short red velvet dress with high heeled boots (but I forgot them in the old apartment), and a black dress I don't really have. My boyfriend in the dream comes in and he's going with the guys to shoot up heroin. He says I'll say something negative and bother his friends. I say I won't say a word and he says even my disapproving attitude will bother them, so I start up some stairs which I see are in Dad's house, [Jung, the negative animus is sacred convictions you acquire from your father]; he comes after me and I see that he's a blond, crewcut young guy and I can't hear what he's saying but am happy that he cared enough to follow me. I stand there stiffly and he turns around and goes right through the door at the bottom of the stairs without opening it; I can see through the wall also and say I'm sorry, thinking about how I couldn't hear him and how my goal was to be brave and face anything and also stop tuning, especially men, out. I concentrate a long time on what he said and think he was talking about "three cycles. ceremonial type of omelet. going over the work of the week -- your fatal accident looks very neat." When I go back to the motel, I pee and sitting on the toilet, work binding tampons into groups of three with stretchy pink bandage stuff that one woman says was in a bin near the commissary. It feels like a dream as I pee, and I hesitate, then pee some more because it feels the same as when I'm awake and almost can't pee because I'm afraid I'm really asleep and I decide I'm awake. [wake up groggy and can't remember anything until I feel a horribly big puddle on the sheet, but it dries up fast] ... "No more from memory" picture of a large oval lantern or giant ruby sitting on the slab where a tree was sawed off leaving a flat trunk. A girl picks it up.... "Woman's procreative urge, we set up a machine of 3-5 watts." ... Then I'm at work and an FBI woman with a clipboard comes to check security, which I didn't even know was my job. She points out that the kitchen floor has obviously not been scrubbed, but her superior has already told her what her findings are going to be and on the clipboard it says that it was done but could be done better. (the way I criticized at Dumdum.) The laundry also has not been done and the roll of nickels is missing along with the magnets where I keep them. I am distracted from the nickels by women talking about their kids -- one is holding a little boy with curly red hair. [In the late 70's I dreamed I was sitting on a park bench and a fat little four year old redheaded boy came up to me that I thought was my kid that I somehow overlooked or forgot to get pregnant.] 8 AM "The woman's life has been split into two" picture of a woman picking up a panel off the floor and puts it together with another one and makes a wall. ... Two planes, she's holding them up; voice "that's your topic." ... "Result of experiments of people to put more depth in their life." ... One man speaks and a voice says, "flakey" -- rueful voice. ... Picture of a big pile of gray powder; several people working on it. One has a degree in explosives, says, "that's the trouble." ... Voice says to me, "stay invisible" -- I'm watching the scene with the gray powder, standing at one side. They lead a woman to a platform or scaffold -- wearing Puritan long gray wool dresses. A small boy sitting on the ground watching what they do to the woman. [Dream of 7/4/01 -- of phone call, "Man on phone, loud voice, "Good-bye. Sheila!" /phone calls in my dreams mean military plane crashes -- "Friday July 6 1:59 PM ET Pilot Killed in Air Force Jet Crash CHARLESTON, S.C. (AP) - An Air Force fighter jet crashed in the Atlantic on Friday, killing the pilot. The plane, an F-16CJ crashed about 10:40 a.m. about 40 miles east of Charleston]

7/7/01 6 of swords (R) science; High Priestess, Unknown Influence; 3 of pentacles, works 1230 AM "on the edge of the edge." "your body needs to see that junk in there." 530 AM I rake leaves with my hands along the road in front of my house -- red and gold fall leaves -- before the other Sheila comes along to rake them; then I gather them up and throw them somewhere, in the river. [The Truth About Leprechauns, p 139, when a protestant minister tried to do an exorcism of leprechauns for a weaver named Joe MacPhearson -- they were making too much noise outside and he went to ask them to quiet down and they invaded his house; he couldn't get near his loom because of the number of leprechauns partying in his front room -- the leprechauns were back the next night and almost set the house on fire with their carelessness; later were heard to refer derisively to 'Joe MacPhearson's leaves and lances' (the pages of scripture and iron knife the minister carried. Fallen leaves have to do with the other world -- when the ghost woman crossed my path outside the Federal Building where the Vietnam Wall was later, I heard a dead leaf scraping on the sidewalk and looked down and she crossed so close to me she almost stepped on my feet. I remember looking out my window when I was a kid, which overlooked the gravel road, and silent herds of pigs or sheep walking past -- "on Halloween, wandering souls (from the previous year) which had been tied to the earth since their demise were rounded up and marched along darkened country roads under leprechaun escort."] Then I'm lying on a bed with a middle aged, shadowy man and we're discussing books of a previous decade -- piles of them. He says he's sick from something and gets up and goes out towards the foot of the bed. I look up and there's a girl with dark, very curly hair I can see through a hole in the roof, and she throws down a book that looks like the softbound People's Almanac -- I have to crawl to the book like an infant in the womb -- no air to breathe. I think immediately that someone has died (eskimos made a hole in the roof for souls to leave) but she quickly asks me to go ask the man something for her. I reluctantly go the direction he went, to the right and come to a fancy dark wood office door. He is already talking to a shadowy woman to my left saying, "give me 14 seconds to look away from this" -- he's got some paper on his desk, I assume it's classified. They are talking about her family's request -- for two new zip codes it sounds like -- one ends with "50". She leaves and he says to me, questioning why she came -- that they'll be getting married that weekend and he would have been seeing her soon. He's middle aged, slightly puffy face, white guy, dark suit. Then they're shutting down the computers for the day and I'm carrying a piece of paper with crayon drawings on the back of it, that I think is classified -- his kids were playing in his office. The computer is hard to shut down -- doesn't shut down properly and the girl says she has to put it into some other drive that spins fast -- maybe backup. Seems like NASA math problem. ... "Eddie Fisher (liked women with 8 husbands...)." Mouth smells like rotting meat. "Move it" quiet slightly mocking voice talking in my head. I open a black notebook that the top folds up, not to the side and there is a picture of the 2 of cups, lovers card.... Women sitting reading books about fashions of the future -- very thick gray sweats. ... "Have to reduce the number in the office by one, you can get aide for dependent children." ... guy looking over the roof by the hole says, "you are sitting." ... Young guy before that had a question, on a motorcycle, can split traffic, get places faster. 72" X 19" X 35" is what I think. ... Books sorted, I look at titles, Building an Affordable Shelter.... I think I heard the girl's story on Art Bell,not in a dream and I can listen to it again on tape [Art Bell last night was about some men out hunting in the fall in the South who shot and buried two Bigfoot. They said they could get $3-700 for a Bobcat fur, which I somehow doubt unless prices have gone way up since Grandpa was trapping.] ... I join others who try not to be too cowardly in their writing (compromise). ..."Three days. People are born because of boredom." ... A weekend seminar. ... Man drinking coffee, making plans. You can piss on 14. 930 AM "Can't get out of bed." Remembers something he walked to. Family porno. "Don't make a movie of it." [Black notebook looked like the ones Dr. Patrick Flanagan gave out in his weekend seminars -- which usually covered his students greatest interests -- how to find eternal youth through injections of placentas, gold, etc. in TJ or Virgin Islands -- or trips to the pyramid in Egypt.]

7/8/01 Queen of wands, Page of wands, 3 of cups (R) [wands are a natural/nature force as opposed to an invoked force (swords). The queen and page refer to ex- or past wives/mothers and children, ie. husband's past wife, past mothers, especially in the case of children's readings; the black cat on the queen of wands (broomstick) can represent animal familiars or dead pets.] 130 AM "Imagining." "You slid here." ... Picture of a little girl dressed with a super hero cape, someone pushes her gently towards a door.... I run up to a door and say earnestly to someone, "but my mother told me..." then I realize it was not my mother, it was another woman young enough to be my sister.... I wander off, in the dream I think I have to go look up some fact. Then I'm walking on the shore of the ocean and a man sitting on the roof of a house nearby says, "don't go." ... "Push twos. Mine got it." ... Man with a shovel says, "when you get here." 8 AM A long list of names in a the first of three columns, the other two columns are headed "Word" for sure, and maybe the other one is "World" or "Thought" or "Unknown". It is hard to remember more than one written word or number in a dream, but I remember the feeling. People enter the next world with food in their mouths. They are still talking about their boyfriends from that life. People will follow fashions, Old Navy -- will go with the clothes on their backs. People will sit under the trees and at their tops. We are entering a new phase, people are stuffed. They start over with a full slate. Continue to generate (picture of shit piling up under a man's ass) through "Word" and also in the new column -- new constructs.... Life is a series of outfits, you slip your arms into the next day's garments each morning and return naked to your bed each night. The network is a net like a web and the baby spiders fly away on a strand of silk and plop, land smack dab in another place. This world and that. Earth and architecture VS sky and clouds. ... A small suitcase or lunch box that someone opens and shows me the contents, a very neat clean bomb considering the dirty surroundings.... People going to their new lives with food in their mouths and pictures in their minds. "That is the truth about me." Respect for your calling, you call yourself into being. 9 AM Picture of a man's toenail cut raggedly and then it's cut off at the ankle with a ragged fracture. "Third one to fracture." ... "You don't have to be friendly/smile" (in dreams). .... Ghosts whistling in ears like asthma whistling in chest, but higher up by the ears. Ghost saying, "Who." "Hold on," pig snorts. Picture of pigs grazing through a small town street, rooting like bulldozers. "The next one will be the 1959 translation." ... See myself lying on my back on the bed and a lifesize Queen of wands merges with me. "One very active moment." "You are regressed into your decision in the 'Word'." ... The dream begins again, I forgot the beginning -- a blond guy talking to an man in ragged clothes. ... I pee in the dream and almost become lucid. A picture of a big box with holes for breathing -- shipped. Voice says, "it doesn't have holes for shipping." The lion lives apart from the herd. ... Movie ads in a newspaper, one is "Take Your Horses." A return of all your belongs when you wake. ... Nine ASA. ." [Bob Stanton, only the second career ranger to advance through the ranks, latest head of the National Park Service -- African American. "Bored with the boards/timber." The military guarded the first parks to be created; unemployed (depression) and sentenced youth (Conservation Corp). Bill Gates book I tried to read in 1995 in the store, still has some piercing chemical smell (in the ink?) that gives you SEVERE headaches, asthma, cough, earaches after 6 years of airing out!!! Is this deliberate to force conversion to ebooks? or a more expensive ink that was supposed to give his books immortality? or did some unscrupulous printer take advantage?]
Saturday, July 7, 2001 4.6 Million Cans of Formula Recalled

WASHINGTON (AP) -
The formula is intended as a sole food source for infants younger
than six months who have certain digestive problems or are
allergic to proteins found in milk and other foods, said Charles
Mize, a scientist with the FDA's food safety center.
Adding an incorrect amount of water alters the formula's precise
mixture of nutrients and could cause seizures, an irregular
heartbeat and even death if children drink the altered formula for
several days, Mize said.
Mead Johnson distributed the products nationwide and in Guam,
the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico.
The recalled Nutramigen cans are white with blue lettering and
have pictures of rabbits on the side. The cans were sold in
six-packs and have the following batch codes:
The company became aware of the problem after a consumer
complained on Tuesday, Paradossi said.

7/9/01 6 of pentacles(R) success; 5 of pentacles, worry; Queen of wands(R)

10PM thinking about how the poltergeist this weekend was tapping down lower
in the room, not up at the ceiling -- picture in my head of throwing
gasoline on it (fire).... A sad girl, arms crossed -- sitting in a white
window or doorway watching.... $65.56.... Little (4 year) boy with big
dog, "I knew what to do." ... "It's not the papal aspects." ... Richard
Shaver -- "that was painful" -- thinking about how he mentally regenerated
bone in his spine -- in the dream he said it had to be twisted after eight
months, froze up. 12 Midnight "Servo models". I think I'm sitting on a
chaise lawn chair on a green lawn in a group, but then I see the scene from
above and see that there is a white dotted line around the figure on the
chaise. [I got up to pee and saw that I had only 5.5 hours left until I had
to go to work and felt like I hadn't even gotten out of half-asleep yet,
alertness; decided to fall deeper into sleep -- so tired.] 3 AM --
surprised to wake up again so soon, but less tired. I'm on a crowded, messy
place along a seashore with a bunch of mothers and small kids. I have a
very unusual paper airplane made of stiff cardboard, [Shaver said that the
moon keeps bumping into the earth and one way ancient people escaped (in an
"ark") was on gliders -- until the tornado of merging of the moon and earth
atmosphere subsided and also that the Garden of Eden is up/West.] The paper
airplane has a picture painted on it of a group of redheaded children at the
bottom and an airplane above them -- reminds me of an Easter egg. A little
girl with curly hair says, "give me that" and throws the airplane -- which
goes into some dried weeds and garbage falling out of bags all over the
ground out on the very white sand of the shore. I end up going on a journey
with them, to find the paper plane -- we pass a drainage pipe and a giant
black snake with a wide mouth and individual shiny black scales slithers
over the little girl and then overpowers me also as I try to push it away.
I mention that I hope it's not poisonous, and it pushes me down in the water
in the drainage ditch it's so heavy. We continue on to a store that is in a
washed out hole in a hillside, caused by the curve of a stream and flood
water -- grass at the top and tree roots undermined. One box has an
assortment of two layers/types of cakes in a floppy box, I think have been
reserved for Mom -- along with a history book. But a man complains bitterly
-- they were in a pile on the floor. Then I'm walking through my old high
school with Rhonda, and am carrying nothing, no purse. 4 AM I'm sitting in
a nice office waiting room -- check the chair to make sure I didn't track in
any lipstick or gum. ... A man talking on a cell phone, he's happy --
doesn't honk or yell at anyone. ... Very faint voice, "I pass this way."
Driver, stocky, middle aged Black guy.... Pay in the dark in cash from a
strong box. "only the set up." ... "Both sides through" -- sounds like do
si do -- square dancing. ... "There are so many of them" (young girls). ...
"Put more, Mom did you hear that?" -- teenaged boy, at a picnic. 530AM
I'm in the restroom at work and have to put a kids' potty chair on the
toilet, which makes it too high and you would be visible over the top of the
stall walls. So I sit on the potty chair on the floor -- visible under the
door; some women talk about clothes and then two men come in and stand right
outside my stall and talk about some business venture -- happy sounding.
They scare the shit out of me even though I just had to pee, and then I have
to dump the potty chair into the toilet. By the time I'm ready to leave, it
is just one man and me left in the bathroom -- he has a thin and very
sunburned face when I look back at him. I had gotten up in a daze, very
tired, and absently put on a bra, which elastic will make me really itch.
When I look down I'm wearing jeans and a blue T-shirt. I take big steps but
don't want to run, the man might ignore me (I make it to the door) -- but he
follows me out into the hall and says, "We're surprised to see you wearing a
bra." I start to tell him how my polyester bikini has made a lot of new
itches, then think, it's just a dream -- talking seems like a waste of time
in dreams

because I never seem to get the point. But the man answers me
this time, I'm sitting on the table across from the pop machines -- and says
that if a whole line of people walked by they'd be surprised which ones
caused itching. I walk down the stairs, which are wood -- Northrop's old
building that was torn down. Then I'm behind the present building and Tony
Escobar is sitting on the ground in trousers and bare from waist up (because
it's so hot) asking me about my 4th of July (the goat meat.) In the office,
I'm carrying a pot of green tea and Veta or Ida is showing a video on
contracts. Then I'm back home in a different apartment with a sun porch and
fill a bowl too full of red soup (hot and sour soup I made last night with
hotdogs that dyed it red) and put on my glasses to see if the soup got in
the speakers -- then I see a lot of dust with my glasses on and start
dusting the houseplants in the sunroom. Some dead leaves fall off a coleus.
Music is playing very loud of John Travolta singing a song that goes, "The
history lesson's over, the Big Kodondo's in the land" and a voice says, "I
think he used the wrong word" -- so I think -- should be, "Kahuna" or
"cajone". I hear the woman next door, the Marine and her Marine boyfriends
it sounds like, opening and closing her front door, so I turn down the music
and the alarm goes off. [I am beginning to think all the people that have
lived in apt 18 for the past 20 years have not opened and closed their front
door, sometimes every five minutes all evening, for no apparent reason --
maybe it's a ghost over there. There is also the sound of boots dropping in
apt 5 below, but Dad probably did drop his (combat boots). And a chain
hitting a metal flagpole and a tractor engine that I used to hear every
night before going to sleep. Shavers book I was reading yesterday says that
the way to attract the attention of the Deros or Teros -- watchers -- is to
drop your boots on the floor before going to sleep (if there is some
situation you want their opinion on.] [Two foot long piece of toilet paper
on the stairs when I left to go to work.]

> 7/10/01 Knight of pentacles (R); Death (R); Empress (R) 5 AM A
> lawyer, stocky, rumpled looking suit. I only see his back. I've been in
> a barn or warehouse sitting on the floor for some time in the dream. He
> has some innovation -- a book. I decide to check at the Salvation Army
> for it but a voice says it isn't there. Voice, "at least it was his
> back." [Barry Levin, high profile lawyer suffering from cancer was an
> apparent suicide a few days ago.] [An innovative study in the internet
> yesterday was that 85% of jurors make up their minds during opening
> arguments and the first witness, so the most compelling evidence should be
> presented in the opening argument. All further evidence is screened or
> slanted towards the initial decision.] [Tuesday July 10 1:31 PM ET
> Poland, Facing Its Past, Apologizes for WWII Pogrom -- Mourners, among
> them 70 relatives from the United States, Israel, Argentina, Mexico and
> Uruguay, walked after Kwasniewski's speech in the rain through fields to
> the site of the barn, where a new memorial to the killing was dedicated.
> Jonathan Webber, a professor of social anthropology at Oxford University
> in England active in Jewish issues in Poland, was overwhelmed: ``This is
> probably one of the most important and wonderful moments that I have
> experienced,'' he said. 1600 people were shot and burned alive at the
> site.]

> 7/11/01 7 of cups (debauch); Queen of pentacles; Knight of pentacles (R)
> 10PM very clear pictures -- contacts fall out or slide to side.
> Measuring men's shoes with tape measures, to fit through mouse holes. 3-4
> AM Five women want another woman to go with them in something, a lawsuit
> maybe -- because she has a lawyer with a bushy moustache and bare chest,
> sitting on the chair next to her. Or a gray shirt and black embroidered
> designs on it.... Woman goes and knocks on a man's door -- says she needs
> make-up. He says her money is spent for the next three months. I use
> some of her make-up, which is in four plastic cases, is in the shape of
> balls. I decide to use gold and/or silver rouge. When I reach for the
> gold it looks like a very small lamb or goat but when I pick it up it is a
> dragon standing on it's back legs. I look in the mirror and the rouge
> (gold and silver mixed) looks good on my cheek bones, but now I have very
> thick white Japanese style make-up on my forehead. 5AM "send book; I
> searched it but no mention of my father." ... I receive a picture
> postcard -- of five men in gray jumpsuits or coveralls standing in a
> group. One near the front looking out is crew cut hair, blond, tanned
> face, medium width face. ... "Man who died of chronic fatigue."
> Canola Oil -- 7/10/01
> cvs bag writes "Justin Carven, a recent
> Hampshire College graduate, has driven
> across the country in an '82 Volkswagen
> refitted to run on vegetable oil."

7/12/01 9 of wands (strength)(R); Hanged Man (R); Judgement
12 midnight -- usually taller than me. 2 AM Internet, voice, "it's sharper, remember this morning coldness, coughing." "if believe in clean water and air.edu some of (these characters) really different." "in its little told aspect." 7 AM surprise, land I own somewhere. Note to myself in red marker, "Mom asks what my type wants." Scholler. ... I am up the street in a traffic jam and roll along on a mattress -- push it with my hands over the edge. I intend to stop at a red light and figure out what I'm doing, but three lights in a row turn green and I have to keep going. I was going to buy lunch -- to Ralphs grocery deli. Dogs attack hillbillies -- "pole the other side" -- very dry male voice comments. [Pole can mean to take the horns off a bull or cow -- you put rubber bands on them to kill the horns first, then they fall off.] "you live the old fashioned way as soon as you go into a trance." 8 AM I go to a house where my sisters are teenagers again. I walked through a town to get there and everyone is wearing black jeans of different styles. I look in the freezer for some wine and tell them I'm making wine coolers for breakfast -- they're watching cartoons on TV. They object -- there's a plastic glass of what I think is orange juice concentrate in the freezer, but it's peanut butter. I go over to Mom's to tell on my sister -- that all she eats is peanut butter; and Mom finishes my sentence, "with a spoon." Outside Mom's house looks like Hughes plaza (with trees) but is Ted's auto shop. Two security guards come out escorted by a shadowy man -- they're very skinny, black leather with white letters SECURITY on their backs and tall spikes about 18 inches tall coming out the tops of their heads. The two march in step with the shadowy man behind them and when they turn under the tree, I see that they're carrying machine guns which they are careful to point away from me, and they turn and bow. I start cleaning for Mom -- there is a lot of dust along the walls, which I scoop up along with some toy trucks and unusual red nerf balls made of sponges. I ask her if Ralph (Nolan, Nolet, Norman) called. I get confused about his last name. He might live next door. She says he called but he only said one word, "Good-bye." I'm trying to find toast for my peanut butter, or scrambled eggs and see a young guy with dark hair I know but can't place is already eating at the table. He's wearing a blue cotton embroidered vest that he wore when I knew him years ago (that's all I can remember about him) along with a black suit over it. Ted's shop has glazed black tiles on the floor -- very good for cleaning the auto shop and making it look very elegant. It is right when I think that -- is when the two security men with the spiked heads smartly march out the door of the shop. 9 AM Voice saying, "city of 100,000--200,000 or a half million, but half of them are dead." Voice, "no question about it." City seems to be archaeological find in the cradle of civilization maybe. Distressed voice, "now I didn't take you home last night." Newspaper that is blank -- no headlines. "Narrow him" -- hanged man.

7/13/01 King of wands (R); World (R); Page of pentacles (R)
1 AM "Run to fools." "Rush Limbaugh has his own drive without him knowing it." "When you got back, the pots were all leaning -- under the window." "I went around there and then it turned out I was the sad one." "I already received it." "Just in case, Sheila." "They move back into the same thing -- roy." 4 AM Guy says something to a girl and she says, "I guess I owe you one of these" (notes) "that makes three." He says, "I'll write it on here" -- he's got tick marks on a piece of paper -- he shows five, not three, draws the line across the four tick marks. There's a scene where the girl is torn off -- she's clinging to the trees. "Phone style is probably not that bad either." "Castro will probably know her condition." 7 AM Supervisors make drastic changes to the work area, I have to grab a coat. I'm living in a cave in the ground. Feeling of panic. I point out the changes to the room or policies. Woman deals with four medics before sundown. She's on the list of young people. "Meeting with Walt Disney." "Looking at a book; upset the apple cart." Wants to, "Tie Levy to the passenger list." Girl wearing red and white check blouse -- "over cooked meat was..." A message log shows two things, the second one is a supoena of local bars. Pulled a muscle. People standing under a wave that is breaking and don't see it but know it -- say, "it gets worse and worse as we stand there with the wave spiraled partially over us." ... "The heel don't have nothing to heel to now." ... I tell Mom to find me something else to do. "They had a student like her -- from a critical team -- replaced her right away." ... Conversation -- Art Bell's voice, "you've heard me say ever since I was 11 I wanted to talk to a UFO." Caller's voice, "yeah, I heered you." -- sounded sort of like Dannion Brinkley, mocking -- doesn't say anything more. ... I'm walking to a market or drugstore, girl walking beside me is trying to figure out who I am -- says she can recognize me from the gum I chew, from the smell -- I chew gum incessantly -- she says it's some big block bubble gum. In a drugstore are assorted after dinner mints -- I want to buy assorted gum flavors so she won't be able to identify me. I feel like I'm blindfolded -- reach out and someone hits me on the hand, then a blow to the head. Then a woman who does recognize me comes up and says she was going to eat two pounds of popcorn drowned in macadamia and then she looked at the calories. ... It's like a museum; muse-ium, amuse-ium. I followed you. ... I was built in to a rugged office -- notice the lights are not dimmed over the young female workers. ... She stepped into my shoes, took after her dad. ... "I wanna go (or know)." "It will harm Jennifer; legal formula is bait; helping each other." ... "From here who appears to be in charge; too many polygraphs; too much shopping."

[thoughts on a few dreams. The two skinny guys in black leather with 18 inch black spikes on top of their heads -- might be the devas of Yucca plants. They are also called "Century Plants" and in the dream appeared when I went to check out my 91 year old step-father's auto shop, which he was still operating until a couple of years ago (in a garage he built at their house outside Van Meter, Iowa) -- the tall blooms that Yucca plants shoot up are called "Lord's Candles" -- desert plants apparently, maybe would be interpreted as, see themselves as "security" guards in black leather with SECURITY stenciled on their backs in white letters - and carrying machine guns, but very polite -- they bowed -- they also act in unison -- they were marching in step, turned together and I saw the machine guns in profile, then they bowed slightly. There was a shadow man following them as they marched quickly out the door of the elegant auto shop with glazed shiny black tiles on the floor.In the Cocteau movie, Orpheus, he has two motorcyclists and a woman in black leather who can come to take your soul "across the river", through the mirror, past Ceberus, the dog that guards the underworld. These devas of the Yucca (?) looked like them but were younger and thinner looking, maybe because they were not on the motorcycles. ... I was also thinking about that immense bull that jumped over me a few dreams back -- I remember the four-foot-wide splotchy-white-fur-stomach, but don't remember seeing any balls. They weren't dangling much, or I went into shock before and after -- seeing only the midsection above me. There was no noise of pounding hooves either, more like silent cat feet. But the front hooves looked like horse feet -- were round hooves. Voice, "Come on darling, which one fooling." The impression I get is of Diane Fosse -- who was killed to a blow to the head with a machete after years of guarding gorillas. She was reported to have used the technique of torturing pygmies that set traps by tying them up and whipping their balls with nettles. One theory was that a spiraling power struggle resulted in the deaths of even more gorillas, plus her death. "Stay all day."]

7/14/01 4 of swords (R) speak out, shake things up. 1230 AM House - empty - room, "do you want to take a look at it?" 230 AM I finally slide down the slide! It is located in the new construction at my K-12 school, an addition that doubled the size of the school, my senior year. At the same time the slide goes deep underground, goes through harsh chemicals such as ammonia, and I'm fleeing a gang of bandits or some work I don't want to do, am too tired. After going through the sheet of plastic, the slide is leathery and is attached on each end and sags in the middle, reddish flesh color. I relax in case there is a verticle drop -- can't see what is ahead, could jar the spine if you land in a sitting position. I shut my eyes and cover them; a voice is whispering in my ear. At the bottom Sandy Cortez shows me about four outfits. One has a tight knit top and a stiffer skirt, the last one is knit jumpsuit body tights with white lace trim. All the clothes are the same color -- dark charcoal gray. I give them cursory glances and think, "I don't have any money." But what comes out of my mouth is that she'd have to pay me to wear any of them and I don't think they have that kind of money (organization she's working for.) A voice has been whispering in my ear very rapidly what is going to happen, so everything seems like deja vu and also things happen so fast that three things might overlap and run together. Then "My/our job is done" -- has already gone through this experience (Queta, Sandy). Then I'm in another room with a table where a young guy is sitting -- where you check out. He is disappointingly young -- about 17, naked to the waist, crewcut hair, but clothed in charcoal gray knit also. I got the feeling he was a mystery blind date. "Welcome to our widening area, and as many of you are aware." I dance around the room -- there are various dances available, also singing, by pushing buttons. I sprawl once on the floor or cause someone else to sprawl, and apologize. "Houston 250,000 takes over the bar." The dance is robotic or mechanized -- something guides you as soon as you step up to it, so you don't have to know the steps. I whirl, pushing through some double doors. "I don't get a sore headache when they do that to me." Food is delivered which is a whole cow, four legs smashed, sprawled flat, into a pizza box. Devon didn't make it here I notice and point out. Swooping in to park, Valley Drive --[Sweet 16 parties with stabbings]. Voice, "no wonder he wants the keys --after reading the choices." At first on the slide I think I need gloves, coat -- that it's painfully cold in there -- frost bite or chemical burns. "This could be it, Bertha/Roy." "I don't care if he thinks I have passion, need company, want the records or knowlege." Everything here is speeded up, seems like wisdom and knowlege, voice echoes or says more than one thing very quickly or even at the same time -- like a picture and words at the same time too. Almost like your mother telling you the answers to the situation from her experience. Two men start discussing over me. One is Marty -- "he looks different", I think to the other man, his hair has grown -- he's escorted me here, Marty says, "they bring you here in a box." 5 AM Space visitors land in Chaco canyon and try to get jobs as spy masters. They're very popular -- don't eat, just drink. Judge says, "I have so little time, must warn you about this." "The next time I grab something, remind me to tear off (the girl clinging to the trees)." "Doesn't feel like a sheep -- no warning comes on these men." "The god that does the sentencing at the 7th Gate." "Is frozen until they have permission to freeze duck legs. Proclivities." Man walks along -- story example of 31 injured. "FBI investigates Mr. Quarter" -- 9-2001.
9 AM I'm in Seattle. Man's name is Gordon or Erickson. His wife says he thanks me for feeding him -- he can't feed himself. He looks familiar when I get a good look at him sitting next to him -- looks like Carl Jung, wool coat with collar. His brother-in-law has fish delivered for dinner -- surf perch, a rubbery fish that tastes raw, a blue fish sliced across the grain or eggs (tastes good), which he remarks in awe is dinosaur, and a red fish -- salmon. I take a bite of each -- of the raw rubbery fish last, and the man beside me flees the table. I follow him to bring him back. When I get back, the rubbery disgusting fish is gone and also the blue dinosaur fish, and I suspect Gordon of taking it off everyone's plate. Now there is a lot of salmon in packages in an assembly line [salmon have made a miraculous recovery in the Pacific Northwest in only two years.] He has a precocious five year old son who I think is swimming in the sound -- I look for his head in the waves. Now I think this is Gene, Gram Blanche's young boyfriend in Bremerton -- he had a charter fishing boat -- or her son Snap. Then he's gone -- his daughter or wife shows me an essay he wrote but it looks like his main business was spying. A woman comes in to ask about a man's boxer shorts found weighed down with rocks in the sound. A rock building we pass with a small window has a note on it -- white letters on black with a phone number, letters cut out of a magazine like a ransom note. If he's Erickson, I think maybe he hypnotized the fish. [I pictured/visualized the blue gill -- bass are a lot easier -- bluegill are hard I wanted going on the hook once and it worked.] Before that I'm at work, after a few days off, and the dishes have not been washed for days. I point it out to male coworkers -- that there are insects now stuck in the sticky buns. There's a room with a pool and I want to swim, but am in the room next to it where a 20 foot wreath has been moved from the pool room -- and I notice there is a window and suspect someone has been watching me because I'm blushing. Tony comes in and says my boss is mad at me because I called headquarters and told them he was dead. Meantime, I go to find dishwashing supplies and a voice says to use them once and throw them out -- so I go to the Salvation Army and find a tiny bamboo tray in a box, with some glass pictures and a child's book with school essays, poetry and dreams written on it belonging to a guy named Mike [my penpal from Viet Nam in 1968-69.] I think that the dreams will be very useful because he wrote them down without editing -- the sex dreams -- because no one ever saw them and he gave them to the Salvation Army. [My penpal did tell me he wrote stories in high school. I had told him I wanted to write but had nothing to write about except stories my relative told me -- Dad swimming the creek with his clothes on his head on the farm and going on the garbage route with Joe to bars where he learned to drink and smoke at 13 in Des Moines; how someone was shooting at Joe's drivers and burned all his trucks but one, and on a scrap metal trip through New Mexico he went off the road and was in jail for 30 days and the sheriff tried to kill him -- giving him nothing to eat but beans and hot chilis but his wife was friendly; and the big old unpainted house on a muddy hillside overlooking the lights of Des Moines that Joe lived in, with one room full of chicks he'd found in the garbage with newspapers on the floor. An Erickson wrote a book about hypnotism -- an author who interviewed him found himself cancelling his return flight and climbing the nearby mountain; a local told him that happened a lot with Erickson's guests. In Bremerton in the rainforest, Gram Blanche said not to go off the road -- you'd break an ankle in the thick growth or fall off the cliff -- it was thick with prickly holly when I examined it.]

{Picture of Indian Prime Minister Vajpayee wearing a blue cotton vest.]
Saturday July 14 9:04 AM ET Indian Forces on Alert in Kashmir Ahead of Summit
By Sheikh Mushtaq
SRINAGAR, India (Reuters) - Gunfire flared across the border of
Kashmir (news - web sites) on Saturday and security forces on the Indian
side went on high alert just hours before a summit with Pakistan was due
to start. Police said six people -- including a 10-year-old girl and two rebels --
were killed in separate incidents. A third of the territory is under
Pakistan's control. New Delhi accuses Islamabad of giving military backing to
the separatists but Pakistan says it provides only moral support.

Friday July 13 01:23 AM EDT Residents Say Guardian Angel Saved Them From Plane
Crash
Trailer park residents in northwest Houston believe that a guardian angel saved
them from injury when a small plane crashed into their neighborhood. An
experimental plane was en route to Hooks Airport when it crashed around 3 p.m. Thursday afternoon.
Chase Helms, 12, escaped injury and death when the plane fell from the sky,
slamming into his trailer house narrowly missing the small swimming pool
Chase was filling with water. "I would have been right there," Helms said pointing to the plane crash site. "I
saw a squirrel running through the pasture and I walked over there to look at
it and then I heard a putt-putting sound and the plane crashed down."
The plane crashed five feet away from Helms and he said that the spirit of his younger brother Andrew,
who died on Christmas Day when a train slammed into his father's car.
"He was my best brother," Helms said. "That guardian angel was watching over all of us today."
Neighbor Sherry Minutti helped pull pilot, Greg Young, 49, to safety and she concurred that divine
intervention saved their lives

Saturday July 14 9:36 PM ET Fire at ATOFINA Plant Near Detroit Kills Three
RIVERVIEW, Mich. (Reuters) - Three plant workers died and several others were treated for injuries
after a fire broke out on Saturday in a suburban Detroit chemical plant owned by ATOFINA Chemicals
Inc. The blaze broke out when a rail car exploded at the plant, releasing methyl mercaptan, a chemical used in
the manufacture of chicken feed.

7/15/01 Wheel of Fortune 1 AM "Faith." "You." 4-5 AM I wake up in the dream -- a man came and asked me to change the 6 hours.... I walk around the balcony at work with another secretary, Gloria (forgetting that she retired several years ago). I seem to work for Dan Aguon now, Juanita must have quit. When we get back to her office she walks away from me to get some coffee and I notice she's wearing a full-length, see-thru black chiffon outfit over a black bra, panties, garter belt and black nylons. She says she's cold and is going to put on a jacket "like you wear" (to hide my 'no bra') and asks if this too much for the office. I say, "no" when all I can see of her outfit is the shoulder -- the chiffon is draped there, not skin tight. [Anne at Sierra Rubber told me that white sweaters with black bras were in style in the 60's -- also gloves for secretaries, in Canada, too, in the early 60's.] Some male co-workers ride by on horses triumphantly waving a pair of khaki pants with patches at the knees -- some guy is working in his shorts and socks too -- I want to go see who, but I end up out in the snow banging on doors before I freeze to death -- Terri lets me in -- we drink tea and fortunately I go to look out the window after a few minutes to check the parking meter and see one horse followed me and is tied up to the parking meter and go out to feed it and rub it down before it gets a cold, then see the co-worker sleeping in the snow drift on the curb. I get him up, brush the snow off his head and bring him inside too. I was amazed earlier to see what a good horesman he was and wanted to ride his horse, but remarked to the shadowy person with me tht the horse would buck and run if I got on it. Then it he got off and held it's nose and mouth shut and hugged it, mashing it's front legs together. He gets off the horse at Terri's house and I say, don't you have to tie her up? He says, half-hitch. The horse gets away though, and he runs after her and almost catches her -- runs very fast. I ask if he has any corn or even a carrot, and he says, good idea. But all I have is an oatmeal cookie and I eat it myself accidentally. I grab her bridle after a cop on horseback rides past and stares at us. She's got very silky dark brown fur with lighter stomach. Terri says the see-thru outfit, when I ask her if she saw what Gloria was wearing, is supposed to be worn without a bra. I think, "to work?" but politely agree with her. 10 AM I find myself at Bruce's new place -- an attic with a window in the eaves. He has a sewing machine in the middle of the floor. He then starts looking in the mirror surface on the window and mumbling. He looks about 20 in the reflection. Then a young guy with shoulder length hair appears and grumbles at first about people dropping in and interrupting, but then he says, "I know what, a spiritual welcome." and heads for the kitchen. I am trying to read, then struggle up from the chair, stiff, to look around, saying, this is the largest place you've lived in since the warehouse. It has a lot of floor space to walk around and a blue carpet. There is a hallway also with floor to ceiling windows along it's entire length that leads outside to a muddy hillside and ravine, and a barn with blue leather couches and chairs. Voice says to leave them alone. Going back I see the exterior of the house -- through the trees it looks like a three story single family dwelling made of redwood or red brick. All the stairs are exterior -- metal circular stairs with kids on them and a ramp where I let an oriental female mail carrier go first (with a 6-pack of Dr. Pepper) so she won't be behind me and see up my dress that I'm not wearing underwear; she uses a bannister elevator. It looks like Clark's Tower in Madison County [John Wayne was born there] and on the top is a young couple sitting on a blanket -- guy in army green fatigues and girl in gypsy looking orange dress. Voice says they were fighting last night. Shirley comes up carrying a 4 foot box that I think contains a set of glasses, for a gift. She spreads out a map and says she got lost because of the 6 behind everything -- LA 6. Someone says that's probably the number of miles and she points at the bottom where it says, "Map 6." She tried to ask the woman who gave her the map where she used to work, but the boss said they were busy and wouldn't let her in. She gives me one of the gifts too -- aquariums. She says one woman put in the wrong type of fish and it broke into 7 pieces (fish was too big for the aquarium). A young tanned kid with crewcut and naked to the waist has sat down very close to me -- so I get a good look at him. He says to look out the window and I see in the mud off the road beside the highway are two white/beige cars that rear ended each other, and a midnight blue car laying across the second car -- on top of it. Voice says, "he jumped them." [Picture in the internet shows Indian Prime Minister Vajpayee wearing a beige sweater over a white shirt. Pakistan President Musharraf and wife Sehba (in orange dress) are sitting in front of the Taj Mahal in another picture. Musharraf also traveled to Old Delhi in the afternoon to visit an apartment block that once was a mansion his family owned (and to visit his 90 year old former nanny.) In yahoo.com picture -- "President Gen. Pervez Musharraf, left, is greeted by Indian Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee Sunday, July 15, 2001 in Agra, India. The two are meeting for a historic summit in which the five decade long Kashmir dispute among other issues will be discussed."] [Eunuch's Convention in Rath, India 6/26/01 Yes. No politics. This is a cultural convention: we are here to worship our ancestors. We do not like politics. All the political parties are the same to us. If the public wants us to

We do not like politics. All the political parties are the same to us. If the public wants us to bring forth a political leader, well definitely do it, and theyll serve the country. But right now, we hijras dont want to go into politics. Reporter Carla Powers.] [Steinbrenner, in Florida on Saturday to watch two of his horses race at Calder racetrack, questioned whether Torre made the right decision by selecting seven Yankees because
the team lost its first two games after the break to the Marlins by a combined score of 20-4.] [Sunday, July 15, 2001 Pope Comments on G-8 Summit Set Up LES COMBES, Italy (AP) - As Italy prepares for a summit of the world's richest nations, Pope John Paul II said Sunday that
the Christian message calls for ``justice, solidarity and peace.'' ``Don't lose your shoes,'' John Paul joked to the pilgrims who stood on a muddy field near his (Alpine mountain) cottage for his half-hour appearance.
Although the pope no longer hikes in the mountains because of his frail condition, he has made daily excursions by car and ridden a chair lift that took him 8,900 feet above sea level. His vacation started last Monday. -- poem, Dave Hilton maybe, "the sky is a Polish girl with blue underpants."]

> 7/16/01 Knight of wands (development of the emotions. Or don't face your
> problems before you get to them -- Waite) [nice Tarot sites at aeonglobe
> and facade. Builders of the Adytum/BOTA give a Tarot correspondence
> course.] Lovers (R) -- which is card VI.
>
> 1030 PM "Bitter years." Picture of a finger reaching into an abdomen --
> looks like a pool of copper color water. Long string or splash (like
> mercury) follows the finger into the air. 1245 AM Voice repeats twice
> when I panic that I can't remember the first time it said it, "Dream of
> eight, stick you through the middle and apple." "Like puzzles on a
> librarian's shelf -- caramel apple." [Card 8 is Strength -- difficult
> childhood per online Tarot course, learn tarot; or physical strength (from
> farm work.] 330 AM "Including weapons." "Oh, Bob, how do you begin to
> converse." 5 AM I walk through Mom's farm -- she is happy that the
> fences are all built, I just helped her with the last one behind the house
> [when I was 12, she and I had to build one -- unroll barbwire using a
> metal bar, then Dad and Kenny built the last long one along the road]. I
> pass the gardens my two sisters have put in -- Shirley's is very small
> area in the middle of her plot, one is all weeds. They need to be
> watered. I go to Sandy's house from Shirley's house and the driveway has
> gates at each end, voice says no one can get in -- no bulls. A woman I
> can't place is walking up the sidewalk beside me. She asks about
> economics, which she is studying. She says she's never worked harder and
> a voice says, "oh, come now." She shows me that she learned to put up a
> shelf on the wall -- which looks antique -- wood is chipped. Her text,
> which she wants me to read part, is from the library, and the passage
> seems to be about how to pick stocks (like horses) by the ones that jump
> out at you. A sophisticated middle aged woman in a long white cotton
> dress, drinking a cup of coffee, offers me a sip from her cup. I notice
> out the big window behind her an X-43 is taking off and landing --
> swooping in circles. They have their backs to it and don't see it. We
> walk over to the window to see if it is going to fly again and a band is
> playing -- there is a cafe table in front of the window with a tanned,
> middle aged blond, crew cut guy who is talking on an old fashioned phone
> that comes with each table. Bob is with me and I say I have to call that
> I'm late. I get out a dime and the blond man puts out his hand for me to
> give it to him. So I get out another dime. The blond guy remarks that
> this phone is very busy and he's making another call also. There is only
> one line, various extensions. I go to another table but there's a shadowy
> man making a call there too as soon as the blond one hangs up. As soon as
> both men at the two tables hang up, Bob calls. I hear his conversation
> and I thought he was calling Shelley in New York, but he says, Maria, and
> is talking about a custody suit. So he called his secretary. He says
> she'll make my call also, and hands the phone to me. But it's Maria where
> I work, which is confusing, but I tell her I'll dial myself. She says she
> enjoys talking to me and my sister. I'm not looking forward to it; phones
> are very hard to use in dreams -- dead lines, people already talking, dial
> wrong number, have to keep starting over, buttons very tiny or not
> labeled. [Shortly after waking up at 530, I thought I heard a helicopter,
> then about 10 minutes later, it got louder and there were 4, then 5
> hovering over the city about where Northrop is/ south of the Hawthorne
> Airport. And also over a jack knifed rig on the 105 freeway. Live on the
> 6 AM news on TV.]

7/17/01 5 of wands (struggle for recognition and financial rewards in occupation); hanged man (R) unavailing sacrifices (meanings from keyword - facade)
2 AM I'm sleeping on my back and when I wake up, realize I was dreaming, and turn over to write, over the end of the mattress, forget the overall scene and most of the action. I'm trying to climb into heaven and see a picture that indicates that it depends upon your enjoyment of sex. My sex life is laid out before me for my review. Voice says, "There are 600 emails to Herman." I turn away and then come to again, I am hanging by my knees from a bar or branch, like the hanged man. I have fallen asleep in the dream and drooped down from my upward climb. I've come on such a long journey only to find this out and have to turn around and go back. I announce in my thoughts to the shadowy people around me that they'll have to go on without me. I'm too fat or weak to climb into heaven maybe, if it's like chin-ups. I was doing okay before that -- you pushed certain buttons in a wall made of tan flesh -- a row of buttons. I had a baby no one wanted I was carrying, and even nursing, or the baby wasn't hungry. I'd traveled half-way around the world through war zones. It is quite a disappointment as the lid closes -- a very beautiful, shiny, polished black lid.... "The agent has twin engines and they 'run in black and white'." I see them -- "B" and "J", the black and white pillars on the High Priestess card (card of the unknown). ... Morning, noon and night -- your responsibilities run into each other as you slow down. Voice, "they're already still there?" ... Grown up kids still wanting something -- attention. ... "More than half of her markets were closed." ... I go into the corner of the Colonel's office where there is a wood barrel, and join Sandy and Sheldon who are already standing in it stomping grapes. There is barely room for me too. [Concorde is making a first small swooping circular flight after the crash that killed 112 last year. "Taking off from the southern runway at Heathrow in west London at around, the Concorde will fly towards Iceland, reaching its top speed of 1,350mph -- around twice the speed of sound -- before turning back to land at Brize Norton."] [Katherine Graham died today, she fell Saturday and hit her head at a business converence in Boise, Idaho -- Born to a life of privilege in 1917, Graham took sudden charge of The Washington Post media empire after the suicide of her husband, Philip Graham, in 1963. She put her stamp on the powerful newspaper and stood behind the Watergate expose that helped topple U.S. President Richard Nixon.] [I dreamed twice over the weekend about phone calls. An F16 crashed today killing two near China Lake. It was the Air Force's second F-16 crash this month and the fifth since
March.
On July 6, an Air Force pilot was killed off the coast of South Carolina
while on a training mission out of Shaw Air Force Base.
In June, a pilot was killed in southern South Korea (news - web sites)
while on a training mission out of Kunsan. In April, a pilot based at
Misawa Air Base ejected safely before his plane crashed into the sea
off the coast of Japan.
In March, the pilot of an F-16 fighter out of Cannon Air Force Base in
New Mexico ejected safely before the jet crashed near a bombing
range. The pilot, who was treated for minor injuries, told investigators
the jet's single engine failed during the routine training flight.]

7/18/01 3 of cups (Fortuna -- aeonglobe meaning); Page of wands. 1030 PM
"Once a year." "Glass" (slipper). "I made a mistake." "Holly in a truck."
"Nudge him, he'd almost hit one running in road" (picture of a shadowy fox).
"Cross over." "You're not stuck, you can back out" (picture of finger
trailing a string of flesh colored mercury again, in a room a person has
just entered -- door behind them). "12 Noon December." Picture of a tuning
fork -- big one someone is sitting on -- humming noise like ghosts make.
Louder voice, "how would you like to find out" -- after I was meditating
about the solitude of the individual, being all alone. Picture of a body
lying beside a plane in a desert, "hardly anybody will come back and see."
4 AM I dream in the dream about a young blond guy who is Indian or Arab --
Marty comes to lead him away. He has a bruise on his cheek, blood on his
face, a white bandage or some kind of white cloth around his head area.
Before that, I was trying to ignore some guy through the whole dream,
working around him, a spy. I think I will remember the whole long dream,
but this is the only thing I can remember just like yesterday morning. ...
People are given only 15 minutes to go back and get stuff out of their
refrigerators. ... I had climbed through a fence into a restricted area.
... Sound of an explosion -- concussion of sound. ... Feeling of dream the
same as yesterday, calm, quiet, this one is walking through a sunny, dusty
landscape -- wearing sandals. [Coyote shot yesterday in a park in Los
Angeles, after knocking down an Arab four year old boy and chewing up the
sandal the kid's father threw at him.] Feeling of contentment, routine
action. ... A chest type freezer, unfamiliar stuff in it. ... Voice, "he
won't regret the things he writes to these monsters." ... In the dream I'm
looking at my head -- which is in my hands -- skull laid bare, I look up the
bole at the bottom -- black hole. ... Picture of someone reading a
newspaper, not first page -- story starts out, the first sentence, "it
depends on the monk." ... "I used to but I can't anymore." ... "Curb the
sugar content. Yesterday I am so tired." ... Bulldozer sound, whole town
quietly waiting. ... Woman coordinating things hands Marty a folder outside
his office -- it is kept on a new shelf out in the hall in MSO. ... One guy
under review to shoot is a new upstart (blond guy). Shadowy guy watching
him (dark curly hair). [Another F16 (6th in 6 months) -- 80 miles from the
No-Fly Zone in Iraq -- Wednesday July 18 7:51 AM ET U.S. F-16 Plane Crashes
in Eastern Turkey.] [TOKYO (Reuters) - Japan's big chipmakers, confronted
by one of the industry's worst
slumps ever, are turning to a time-honored means in Japanese manufacturing
of paring output to match sagging demand: longer summer holidays at their
plants -- dream a few weeks ago, businesses talking about shutting down for
the summer.]

> 7/19/01 4 of swords (truce) 1130 PM pain in my forehead and headache
> and eye hurting on the left side after thinking about the third eye --
> trepanning -- T. Lobsang Rampa. 4 AM I'm sitting on the floor at a
> railroad station; have a calendar -- think about meals for all those days.
> "Almost done." "But watch, make sure your nipples don't flare up."
> "Eggs, fresh; voice -- if you put them in your food, others will follow
> your example like Madonna." I have kids in the dream and speak very
> precisely all the time; it is tiring. Two men with very muscular bare
> arms and shaved heads riding small horses. Their hair is cut in an oval
> shape on the tops of their heads. All these aging ships (in S America)
> carrying... dozed off ... extras. A man on a diet. Mountain ledge and
> water skiing -- feeds six for one day. Ding of email (computer was shut
> off for the night). A list of accomplishments -- military victories too
> -- in month of July -- too much. Little kids playing on floor. Women
> have to fight and take care of kids and find food for every day (picture
> of calendar pages for July, August). Walking down Artesia to the 91
> Freeway, I pass an open door and Sheryl Westbrook is inside at a card
> table in a small room, talking to a man in the shadows. Her door is not
> usually open -- I say "hello, how are you" as I walk past. She has not
> gained any weight since retiring early. She's busy and I don't expect her
> to answer and keep walking, but hear her say, "hi, you look run down." I
> was already to go on the right -- blasphemy -- had I never worn them. I
> see a man with very sloped shoulders. [Thursday July 19 11:26 AM ET G8
> Ministers Call for Foreign Monitors in Middle East By Steve Pagani ROME
> (Reuters) - Concern over Middle East violence pushed the
> Israeli-Palestinian conflict to the top of the Group of Eight agenda on
> Thursday, leading big power foreign ministers to call on the sides to let
> outside monitors oversee a truce.]

7/20/01 King of pentacles (farmer/Sitting Bull) 1 AM Christmas. Two hour lunches; checking computer. This ties together two sides of a river. VERY deep gorge -- connecting two mountains -- VERY long bridge. Bridge all the way across the Pacific maybe. It goes into fog and I can't see the end of it. Footbridge, people starting out on it -- dark haired girl.
930 AM In my old room at Dad's. Sitting on chairs, which fill my old room. One woman next to me goes somewhere and I move over one chair to my left, next to the next person -- a gray haired couple. Another woman moves her chair closer to me at my right. We talk about the other people in the group. She says they are discussing dreams or philosophy and says she can count ten in the group that are engineers, computer men, or both. She mentions their hair styles, which are afros -- 70's styles she says. She says this is typical of this group. The group seems to be all men in the rows in front of us. I have a long accordian plastic folder like credit cards come in, but it is 8 1/2 X 11 and the pages are covered with dust so thick I can't see them. I clean off two pages with a Kleenex. Underneath are magazine pages with text and pictures and also a lot of pages typed on orange paper. When I look away and look back, it has rained and the filthy plastic accordian thing is in a puddle of water and is now clean. I snatch it out of the water and my heart sinks that it is soaked -- but a man takes it and hangs it up to dry on a stone sarcophagus in my grandmother's yard (which is two miles away from Dad's house in real life). I turn around and am at my old school by the metal railing around it -- outside the window of the third grade room, [where I stuck my tongue on the railing when I was in third grade, in winter, and some kid ran to get the teacher. I told the teacher to pour water on my tongue, hard to talk with it stuck like that, but she wouldn't and told me to just rip it off. I thought about asking the nice kid to do it or spit on my tongue, but the kids warmed it up with their fingers and got it off.] I look through the window, and there is a black or shadowy woman sitting in a chair inside and she says to stop looking in there. I look down, then defiantly climb over the railing and through the window. I decide maybe she said, "don't just stand there". A young white girl/teacher comes up to me and has an accordian type plastic thing full of green pages. She holds it up anxiously and says that you can't read all of it. Everyone there is going to pick their codes off this list soon. There were a lot of kids in the room, but they've all been sent out to play says the middle aged teacher and she says they'll be gone all day because they make a mess inside. Even the older kids must wet all over, I think. I go back to get my orange manuscript and it is now hanging 20 feet up in the air on that stone sarcophagus and there is a long tubular white piece of meat that looks like a huge snake a foot in diameter and so long it is draped. Heavy ropes of snake looking meat in front of the manuscript.

7/21/01 Queen of cups. 1 AM Fix those cars in the parking lot. "The Mideast." Emails with several two cents -- after an early death at 47 (in the 1800s). My time is not my peoples' decision. Picture of attached article in sepia tones. They say, those other people. 330 AM Signal from young Buddhist boys, on electronics or auto mechanics. "40 years of peace in the desert." Hiking and betraying (snowy mountain scene) -- who is this? [Aleister Crowley did mountain climbing. His several ex-wives and girlfriends ended up crazy or dead -- many became channelers --one baby crossing Tibet (mother, Rose) died from not sterilizing the bottles enough.] 7 AM I'm at work -- hide in restroom and when I walk in there is a girl hiding under a table and three boys hiding in the shower behind the curtain. I boost them up to the attic at the teenager's suggestion, but the baby immediately crawls to the edge. The audience sings, half at a time gets up and sings -- I sing quietly even though I can't carry a tune and feel taller. (can't remember song) Then they eat -- I clean up -- throw out bowls of ice cream and remains of cans of refried beans. One man picks up his computer and runs through the room -- then is added to the network, a remote area which he has to represent as well as his own physical location. [Runs like Lou Diamond Phillips at the end of one movie where right at the end before the credits, he's running down the street in just his jocket shorts, barefoot in the dark.] An bent old man and I are taking the table cloths outside to shake the crumbs off them. I am carrying a quilt I really made when I was a teenager that has still not worn out -- the designer cloth wears like iron and never gets threadbare. Some women remark on that. I move down the street so I don't shake the crumbs on the cars parked in front. There are a lot of dignitaries arriving. [Natural History magazine July-Aug 01 quotes an obscure California medical journal from the 1880s -- gunslingers saved from bullets in Tombstone, AZ by their silk ties and handkerchiefs.] "I'll call you back. I'm not lying. Not to go with you." I am allowed to see the design for something - the layout is circular. [Inventor in Hermosa Beach has a 4D idea -- goes in rather than out in 3D -- shot with one camera in a circle.] The man shaking the tablecloth has become sidetracked and is up on a platform with a railing in the parking lot. The award ceremony is to the babies -- their potential, or baby beauty contest -- maybe an award to companies for designer baby patents. "How would you see a mansion? -- Watch it on DC station." A man with baggy shadowy clothes hanging on the hook on the back of the bathroom door. "40,000 of them because we're incessant." "I'm going to give you drug papers." A man is right about sending files into the internet -- he is looking at seven files and then sends them -- they fill up the memory on his machine. "By yourself. First shot." Heart attack [manager told a joke -- reason fish die when you change the water -- heart attack.] "The funny side of Arizona and New Mexico." [Quote of Ted Trueblood, Associate Editor from 1939, until his death in 1982, 100th Anniversary issue of Field and Stream magazine -- "Appointing [James G.] Watt to head Interior was like finding a gopher snake to guard a nest of baby mice." "It started as the Sagebrush Rebellion and it has now grown into what will be the biggest ripoff in American history -- if it succeeds. And it will succeed, unless the victims, the American people, raise such a hue and cry as has never been raised before. It is the proposed "privatization" of the public lands, both the national forests and the range lands now under the jurisdiction of the Bureau of Land Management. The real plot was slow in coming into the open and only this fall did it finally emerge in its true form. It has been concealed by double-speak, lies, subterfuge, and smooth-talking advocates who seek to rob the American people of their greatest land heritage before they are aware. -- 'The Biggest Ripoff,' November 1982.]

All the following seem to refer to last couple day's dreams:
[Saturday July 21 4:08 PM ET Crush at Japan Fireworks Show Kills 10,
Injures 100 By George Nishiyama TOKYO (Reuters) -
Security guards blamed inadequate exit routes which caused
overcrowding at the only pedestrian bridge linking the beach, where the
show took place, to the local railway station. Eight children, aged two to nine, and two women, one aged 71, were killed, a local city official said. (my dream -- long, long bridge going into mist).] [Sunday July 22 1:05 AM ET Blasts Hit Jakarta on Eve of Wahid Showdown By Terry Friel JAKARTA (Reuters) - Bomb blasts rocked two Jakarta churches during morning services on Sunday, One woman's legs were blown off. Indonesia has never had a peaceful transition of power before (my dream, two groups singing in church).] [Tensions have been high since a three-month-old Palestinian baby, Diya al-Tmeizi, and two men were shot near Hebron on Thursday by members of an outlawed Jewish extremist group. Another Palestinian, Rajai Abu Rajab, died in an explosion in Hebron on Friday evening (my dream, three boys hiding in a shower, I boost them up to the attic, the baby crawls off the edge).] [Easy Reader (Free) July 19, 2001 -- Police Beat -- Two burglars wielding submachine guns robbed a hamburger stand in the 1800 block of Manhattan Beach Blvd Friday night...the incident began when two males burst into the restaurant and yelled, "everybody get to the ground." Both suspects brandished UZI submachine guns..."(my dreams, two young security guards with machine guns).] [Wahid said the explosives had been traced to an army arehouse and that he had ordered the military to investigate.] [Barbara Simpson's guest last night on radio -- Danah Zohar with books on New Physics, Quantum Mind and Rewiring the Corporate Brain stated uncategorically that children have connection to the other world naturally, but old people must use drugs. Natural History magazine (7-01 8-01) reports that the use of the mysterious straws found in Mayan tombs has been explained -- used for enemas used for ingestion of tobacco, alcohol and othe drugs such as peyote, mescalin, cocaine from S America -- rectum ingestion prevents nausea. Same magazine -- article "Got Silk?" states that spider silk is stronger than kevlar for bullet proof vests -- and an obscure California medical journal from the 1800s stated an observation of silk ties and handkerchiefs stopping bullets in Tombstone, Arizona.]

left out accidentally from 7/20/01 dream: Group of people (engineers and/or computer men) -- sitting in chairs waiting for something to start. Very fanciful clothes -- see through plastic outfits, very heavy furs like cave men wore.

7/22/01 9 of cups (wish) 7 of swords (past mistakes) 730 AM all I can remember is a peaceful feeling and the tanned expanse of a belly. Voice as waking up, "How old is she? 19." Woman's voice, "Dan is causing errors because his mind is warped; may call; mind be warped by that girl." Feeling of growing fatter and splitting in two. Smashing a hampster with my fist. "That damned little room, someday I'm coming." He even came and did the one dream of the small red room about the kids -- small room, red inside when you opne the door, like fire. Dad immediately saddled up a wagon for South Dakota. I thought, I must have something to eat. Mommy some people not going to get something. Not unless we take three bottled water to give them one, don't put that there. Man standing in hose to wash off mud caked all over him. Under this stiff layer, I told you he needed help. Arrested for their Ian blue eye when? Content must mature (like manure?). Car with a huge cancerous growth on the side at a gas station. I had such a great moment. Pulling the clothes off a girl. Sending a message. Going to origins/origens [company that does genetic research]. A dresser made of real wood -- mahogany -- in a muddy shack. Habit. Something burned or burned down, they closed down a ways (Shelley Long's voice) [tiny dance studio in Lawndale on Rosecrans, "Paula's" that burned down in the 70s?] . Stripping leaves off young plants; cutting down golden mature grain at the roots. May not hear the whole quesiton. Asian. I try not to even look -- a lot of traffic when driving. Yesterday -- 36. Man dressing. Bernie's voice -- do her act of Faith with everything -- talking to shadowy man. I know those people. Keep an eye out for it. Peeling a layer of brown skin off a man, then take a coffee break. Christmas is coming. Skirtus or Scirtus. Some Italian fashion magazine -- Pope has nothing to fear in a hail of bullets. South of France. "Don't be a nut; based on how much longer, Sheila?" Cutting a man down the front and gutting him with scissors or a knife. Only 23 more pieces of it, but hurry. Coming down the road --something new, change. I reach inside a woman and take out a baby. Nurse it. Go naked into a room with hungry babies. Muddy. A lot of stairs. A lot of naked flesh. Touching to calm. Big load of garbage, diapers -- Mike. 13 years old, protesting voice, no -- 25. A book -- change the books, you were there. I'm not the one that's not hungry -- man in green fatigue pants naked to the waist at a table [picture of soldier in Indonesia in Netscape homepage confirms this picture -- guarding the palace of Wahid in the impeachment problem.] Khaki pants. "Oh, Sally." [Aisha's imaginary friend's name.] But you grew up after sticky rice -- test of when you went. Picture of shelling rice out of a pod into a wood barrel. Next time that'll kill me. Today learned the subtlety of fear -- don't you miss man? African skies down at the lake, you can bring it all back. Voice states, "Two PM." Phone book. Thank you very much, much (operator's voice). Something in my March to June 2000 notebook. You hand it off. A naked person with blood all over him, standing up. Woman's voice, "when I hold this camera." Picture of red and blue stick ballet figures on a black canvas -- ladder in the background (also red and blue). An island of people in a crowd (gym selling barbaque at Hermosa Beach at the Budweiser beach bash). There must be another way. Roman, summaries of texts with questions -- what did this mean. "Go back in the hearse." I wake up in the dream and Terri is there and I wake her up and tell her I'm moving back to the house where we were babies living next door to each other and ask if she remembers that. She says the house was torn down -- to look nice before a restaurant inspection, you know. I knew that -- it's either 3 bedrooms or 3 room house. I walk past a man sitting on the ground; he is adamant about only being able to talk about a climbing bean vine nearby (Jonah maybe -- I place him after I wake up). Lucky Luciano -- was in it for wife's checks. Looking for them. I combine emails from a new guy and my childhood ones; they overlap. After they're deleted, only advertisements. [At 2:24 PM EDT (10 minutes ago) Wahid announced a state of emergency -- he is suspending the assembly and Suharto's party (second in numbers) activities are frozen -- aide says elections will be held within a year.]

8/21/01 2 of wands/R (fear of the future); 9 of cups (wish card)
12Midnight I look at some dreams with the perspective I might be
controlling and making things barren. I see a shallow depression in the
land--looks like the cleats in the bottom of a rowboat and rabbits are
between the cleats where people can't step on them--hiding like refugees.
230AM Theme continues--close-up of a hand and an unusual transparent pink
and yellow glass bracelets with little bubbles in the glass. They spiral
and have a part sticking out like a snake's head. They are around either an
arm or leg--tanned foot stepping on something.

8/24/01 10 of swords (reason divorced from reality; death; failure; idle
chatter; clever, eloquent and insolent person, impertinent yet with mirth)
1030PM A picture of round steaks on a plate, a whole pile of them. Knife
cuts one in half when I think it's too much. Voice, "put your name on it
anywhere." 330AM Empty cubicle next to mine at work, a man in there has
his computer on showing a woman's (now dead) life without him and what he
missed out on being an ex-spouse. It's a link to a website. 415AM
Monitor, lucky for me. Rush hour, put a toe. Young female voice, "Another
L six." Results about 25 miles away on a hill; literate math. A computer
game where you figure a math problem with the numbers 9 and 13 in it. I am
at Van Meter high school and parallel parked right along the curb in front
of the school. A shadowy sedan parks behind me. All my doors are ajar. I
am standing behind the car taking some pills, tiny blue ones (Abraham
Lincoln, that era, was taking tiny blue ones for depression that turned out
to be mercury) and they seem to be mixed blue M&Ms, blue aspirin and blue
Advil (?). A little kid comes up and asks for some candy and I say
dejectedly that it wasn't candy (now I have to hide it somewhere from the
kid). Then the kid says, "oh, poison candy" and I just throw it in a big
box of black hairy stuff in the back of the station wagon. A young handsome
guy in a black suit walks up and asks if I want a wire batting cage or
soccer goal moved from beside my car and grunts because it is unexpectedly
heavy and I hurry away and go inside (the door locks, but amazingly I can
hear him fumbling with a key); I heard him mutter, 'A Divorce Clinic'. As I
go in the door (which was not really there, was at right angles to the door
that really went to the music building before they tore that all down to
build on an addition on the grade school part of the building) a girl from
the class of 1964 (Patricia Albert) is leaving, wearing a red coat. She has
red spots on her forehead like mine last night. She mutters something about
being very busy and still has red/blond hair like in high school. Inside
I'm surprised to see my husband sitting on a pew and Joyce Brothers droning
on about intimacy; the audience starts booing. You get a free poster also
but they are out of them and have to wait--of various nature scenes like at
the 7th Day Adventist Church when I was a kid. I sit with my back to the
room by the window (which is boarded up) and am startled when a nurse comes
up and says, "are you taking your vitamin B for cold sores?" I'm floored; I
am taking vitamin B because my sister said it would help my shingles. I was
looking at a piece of paper in my hand with a navy-blue banner that says
it's Benefit 12. I am supposed to write the name of my job on the line on
the top so I have to scratch out the name I wrote there. Voice says,
"drano." [August 23, 2001 Nittany Pharmaceuticals, Inc. Recalls White with
Blue Specks] [Flight 236 landed without power, glided in, in the Azores (Portugese flight),woman named Maria Fatima onboard.]