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2/11/01 A man looking at the rabbits, says that a few actually set an example - his sex record. Several men have to travel for the union and talk about green and blue germs in the hotel. The mother rabbit asks about some pellets in the rabbit cage - looks like poop. The baby rabbit moves them behind a wood post where she can't see them. one year old boy holding a newborn boy. A bigger kid handed him to him so that he could play baseball. I start to take the baby from the one year old telling him he's too young and has too short an attention span, but he says, no he doesn't in a man's voice. Then the newborn speaks also in a gruff old man's voice.

> 2/12/01 I play hooky from work and am meeting a man and am excited by
> this novel experience. Several people help me arrange for a place to
> meet. It looks like my Aunt Lucille's house. I look around and there is
> a strip mall across the street. A nice TV. A small cute dog walks by.
> The bedroom looks like a dorm in the dream, a lot of beds, and the kitchen
> has several stoves and he makes scrambled eggs. I keep changing clothes
> in the dream and then he gives me unusual shoes and says that he likes
> making funny shoes. They have "footsteps" attached to them like when you
> learn to dance. There are a lot of books in the house and I plan to read
> on this luxury of a day off. My Philip K. Dick books are there and then
> they disappear and I ask what happened to them. A voice says that he
> wrote murder mysteries. The books turn into stuffed cats with ugly matted
> fur that looks like porcupines. If this was the Israeli 16 year old who
> met the Palestinian girl from the chat room, clothes mean bodies. Maybe
> he kept getting in bodies of babies that were being aborted over and over
> or he couldn't decide where he wants to live next and was trying them on.
> In college, Cinda (Wormley) Kornblum had a dream about posts. They put
> different color posts in the post holes in archaeology to show where the
> ancient houses were and after hearing about these posts over and over in
> archaeology class she had a dream that all her friends had different color
> posts in their footsteps following them home. [Ofir Rahmal, 16, shot 1/17/01 by Palestinians, thought he was meeting an email "older woman, 25" for a day of hooky from school.

2/15/01 I'm taking the bus to where I used to work in 1981 in Inglewood. The bus driver is very kind and tells me lotto numbers - to pick the 30's not the 40's this week. I am getting special x-ray dark glasses. People in the strip mall talking aobut over zealous problem solving (union guy or a model in the boutique) and out at the vending machines where you pick up your glasses, teenagers are complaining that they aren't old enough to vote or buy cigarettes or beer but they are old enough to pay for glasses. Your last ten years you have to be cooperative (at work.) Better odds of survival or abortion if you wait until the seventh day.
2/16/01 At a lecture, Linda sits down beside me and says she saw my old boyfriend and he was really drunk. I ask her if he was developing pictures. She says he's the one I told her about, the football coach. I was sitting by myself on a wood bench with splinters trying to run six months of statistics in advance (baseball or work.) Bullet holes in wall in a classroom.

2/18/01 Running through sprinklers, a woman with a big butt in an orange bikini. A lot of info on defense or war. I'm walking through a city and get my bearings by going along the shore and then turn inland. A voice says, "good." Birds in a box, two owls, one is too small and gets smashed. A blue parakeet, dead, I try to eat the body but it's too tough, disgusting taste. Hematoma, calm before the storm - soldier sitting on a box in the dark by a fire. Aspirin will raise the level of something.

2/19/01 The end of the world is coming and people must dive into their websites, no more changes. No more new clothes. I go on a road trip and stop for lunch at an elaborate buffet with tables filling a whole room, breads on one table, salads, meat. One table has seafood and has caviar that is from puffer fish. I take a whole pound of it. My clothes are so old they start rotting off. Bill Clinton - the others are even bigger, lots of emails.

2/20/01 Whole night of opening the same picture over and over. Finally I protest. Black table in a white room. Some sort of judgement.

2/25/01 New office in a dead end hallway. I'm a bigshot in a beautiful building with a balcony. A guy in a tan overcoat looks over the balcony, young guy with a crush on me from another company. I fall asleep in the dream climbing up the balcony and wake up again, hanging by my knees from the railing.

2/27/01 I open a gate at the farm and chickens and sheep walk out. A rabbit bites a little girl's shoestrings.

3/1/01 A computer in the future for running the house. Has a button for showers, also moods or basic personality outlook. One for unborn children. A cornfield along the freeway. The farmer parks his tractor at the curb in a residential neighborhood. I look down at the valley -- arrangement of houses and open spaces.

3/3/01 Mom's old house, being torn down in the dream (I didn't remember in the dream it's already been torn down.) A lot of people - Mom says to paint the walls while waiting for a wedding/funeral. Someone sent the body to be embalmed and it'll be at least a month. A woman unzips a young guy's levis and takes out four penises and lays them on the floor. They crawl up to women and stroke their cheeks. One woman complains she wanted a white one. They are frilly on the edges like gills. One asks if it exited gracefully if the hole becomes dreadful. Donut shop in Hermosa. Sign on wall, Eve, ignore a different woman. You came from poolside (suicide) because you guys were too late.

3/11/01 Two geese in a hole up by the ceiling at Dad's old house. They drop down and a man picks the up by the feet then holds them in his arms.

3/18/01 Man made of sun. voice says, "I don't want to talk and confuse you." Stranded bullet. Catholic town, hotel rooms $135. Revolutionaries hide out on farms for a few days. Man comes all over me - sticky. I take a bath in a pond and a cat swims up to me and crawls on top of me. Red plants in water. US divides in half down the Mississippi River and the east half drifts over with Europe. Italy is deserted, reviled or disappears. Red headed women with doubles. One misses a day of work and the supervisor calls in a woman that looks just like her and gives her the raise.

3/19/01 Snakes are the cause of sterization. A man coming to kill me. I keep myself busy cleaning, clean the window so I can look out. Then spray windex on a round chrome thing with a high dome. Wet sheet hanging over the shower pole so I can't clean in there. Cows outside on the patio grazing, I tell a woman they're cute. Also hunting taxidermy pictures -- rabbit heads nailed to boards. When I was a kid I dreamed I passed a gate at the end of a driveway and there were dead bodies hanging on it. Their penises and breasts had been nailed on boards like animals head trophies. I had never seen an adult naked - was about eight year old.

3/20/01 I go on a tour of a soybean factory. Some kids show me their room with a computer for each one. I have a plan to take something and write different or destroy. All four phone lines are busy at work. I pick up the first line and a woman asks me what number I want to call. I pick up the second line and a man is calling a woman after work. President Walt Andrus. Signs of depression - enduring repression. Depression placebos for the holidays, like birth control pills in a circular holder.
[Phone calls always seem to mean plane crashes, often military ones. On 3/26/01, two F-15s disappeared over Scotland and two died in an Army helicopter crash the same day.]

3/21/01 Two trees of evil - covetousness and disbelief. I have to move my class out of the library, pack up. I see a map/calendar with a horizontal line for each day with the hours. It shows five chances for a heart attack or stroke for me that day and four chances the next day. There are four red balls and one orange, look like apples and oranges. I'm sleeping on my back with my left hand on my chest and suddenly my hand flies into the air like I've been punched through my back right through my heart.

3/22/01 Some things are locked up in a time area. Spindals like viruses. I'm riding a tricycle down the freeway, trying to build up speed to keep up with the cars I can see in my rearview mirror. My back wheel spins out so I get off the freeway where some people are working around a plank or small wooden bridge. A man tells a woman she's let herself go - she hasn't been managing her money. A voice says, "you're walking on water." (water is even thinner than ice) and then, "I had to stumble into a Christian one." A church with stained glass window has appeared and I ventured in curiously. I see several women I know and they've all lost weight.

3/23/01 Ionic and Corinthian columns. They are made of wood, are being remodeled. Picture of my Kindergarten boyfriend, Mike Koch, with his dad. He still looks the same -- five years old. His dad looks Italian. Then I'm at work and find some computer files I don't remember making and a guy is going to help me so I go to look for the note I put on my boss's desk asking if he understands them. There is a hot hard spot next to me. Then I feel a weird shove in my chest and I'm walking away from that spot.

3/24/01 Midnight - I'm leading a parade up the hill out of West Branch, Iowa (where I worked at the Herbert Hoover Presidential Library.) 4 AM - I dream about the other dream of the place where people get help -- I do work in dreams on other dreams -- it's a hole in the dream fabric, a tree, a brick area, a tunnel. It's all these things. The dreams are screen memories of other dreams. Someone changed the sheets while I was lost in the dream. A girl asks me if she can ask me a question. I say, "about what." She says, "your job - did Herbert Hoover throw their wedding clothes overboard on the ship to China?" (He and his wife, Lou had degrees in mining.) Voice asks me if I'd invest in Stephen King stock.

3/25/01 1 AM PST - reading Sean David Morton's March newsletter on the Year of the Snake and fell into a reverie and saw a picture of a dog (in the hog's territory) holding a boar's right back leg in its jaws. George W. Bush is a Dog. The two leaders of China are Tigers.... 4 AM - I wander into an Arab country with tents and sand floors. The cafeteria has an "R" posting on the wall. I'm summoned to see the leader (who I can't see) and my public defender or prosecutor, who escorted me in and carried my luggage stands behind me and throws my luggage as evidence to the leader. It has a tag on it with one of my coworker's name on it. I don't see why they care about an American woman, but maybe they still like fat women there. I keep thinking about the "R" on the cafeteria wall and think maybe the leader has indigestion and wants to be healed. I look at the prosecutor and it's an Iranian guy, Marty, from work wearing his black Italian Mafia looking shirt and he says he's going to strangle me with piano wire (and cut off my head) and I almost pee my pants. I edge towards the tent flap and wonder if it will get on my shoes - the sand is hard packed outside. The prosecutor says, "get back here, don't run away." There's a very thin girl with a red face sitting on the floor. I tell her I wish I could run away but another character says, "I'm happy to stand up for what I believe in." I think that my death will lead to the downfall of this tyrant in the long run. At the end of the dream, I almost go in again. There is a sign "Missile Music Man." I hide my three stuffed dogs from his kids, but in the dream they are stuffed elephants. 8 AM - I'm working with a group that have a secret room. I take in stuff to them through a time tunnel in a mall. You end up at right angles to where you started out. I bring in a round thing, maybe a clock, and they hang it. Then a man with an ax brushes past me through the secret door, chops a red velvet pillow and says when I look at him, "it's supposed to be indestructible, I'm testing it." It is unhurt by the chop. Then they put me to work collecting supplies for their daycare. [Week of 3/26/01 Palestinian suicide bombers blew themselves up in Israel.]

3/26/01 New moon. Water dreams. A little girl riding through a narrow canyon on a stream of clear sparkling water. I take the flashlight apart and there's water inside. House blows up when a guy lights a cigarette.

3/27/01 Dream of spring, maybe. It starts out, I repeatedly surface through algae and waterlilies, then I surface through a hillside, then the hide of a tan color/lion animal. The manager's daughter has the hide of the animal on her arm like a hand puppet. I grow by pushing through the atoms like an earthworm through soil. I see the insides of a amall machine like a chainsaw, sawdust on a snarl of cords. Earthmovers, sunny hill with planes lined up below, growing tree sap. Spring is here, movement, "welcome back." Sodden drone of classes still going on indoors. I'm sitting at a picnic table outside in a wet cold place with a lot of others, no blouses. I'm freezing in the wind and look around, there is a pumpkin color sweater on the ground I saw at the sidewalk sale but it might belong to someone. Jane Fonda gives me a black dress from the sale. I have to buy a map in a strange town. My code is azgarde. I tried to go to Loch Ness, too cold, got confused. High Priestess means unconscious, hidden influences, car repairs, and I wake up in the dream and can't read the rest as soon as I realize I'm dreaming about Tarot. Goes up, down, still save 1%. [Treesitter dream. Logging season begins May 1st. Also, the lost F-15's in Scotland, where Loch Ness has a mysterious influence similar to the Bermuda Triangle. Aleister Crowley owned a house on Loch Ness, and Led Zeppelin bought it in more recent years.]

3/28/01 I dream I receive a masters degree. Now I have two BA's and an MA.

3/29/01 A monster of Biblical proportions. Bill Gates trying to get some man to do something. I get a raise but end up with less money somehow

3/30/01 Sitting along a railroad track in a beach town with some kids playing at my feet. I'm sitting on a bench talking to a blond woman. The train has wood boxcars painted red and is a "love train." A list of words. One is "old powers = earth." I buried you then. Personal vehicles - you stand on a small platform just big enough for your feet and hold on to handles that come up like a "T." Looks hard to steer. Ted Berrigan had untreated diabetes, his son walks in, looks and sounds just like Ted.

3/31/01 Stewert's house. I've done something and people may make catcalls. I write down dreams on on envelopes. One each day. People at work lying on the floor, doing exercises before work. Lito says there's no room for Sheila. Bernie is in the row ahead of me under a table and there probably won't be room for situps without bumping our heads. A woman telling me how she ordered a mail order husband and other women are jealous of her but she says she could have just gotten a piece of rubber in the mail or drank like a fish. Voice, must take a big bite of a bubble, if you had succeeded in doing that all your problems would have gone away. At work I have a new job one day a week, shipping, and the Northrop employees are watching a movie about how the Russians are clamouring for better parts for their planes. Woman planning on having a baby in half the time. My boss climbs up on a shelf with a ladder and goes to sleep at lunch. A man tell me his shoulder hurts (just like mine) and when I squeeze it and say, "here?" he says, don't pinch grab it hard. His shoulders keep getting broader and I have to keep moving my hand. We dance bare chest to chest. Then he goes back to work and I walk home on the 91 Freeway, exit on Hawthorne Blvd and see the other Sheila with a patch of new sidewalk she put in and someone wrote on it. They carved the word "Judge" in fancy script like on a tombstone. She is writing a police report and writes the word exactly like they did in fancy carving script with all the shading.

4/1/01 As I was falling asleep around 1 AM I suddenly saw as I was really there, an ocean scene. I was floating nose deep in the sea weed filled water. [Chinese fighter pilot lost over South China Sea around 9 AM their time - he was probably dead accounting for approx. 24 hour time difference, he had been in the water about 3-4 hours by 1 AM our time. In the 2001 dreams I will eventually have a dream about South China Sea Islands erecting barrior to keep out "sea pirates" which I believe are the Red Chinese.]

4/2/01 Bump, bump, people dragging images with ropes, no horses like Indians before the White invaders. RR tracks. "Party" over and over in the dream all night long. Celebration parties near morning. [Maybe the 22 year old Hawthorne airport flying instructor and girlfriend of three months that crashed and died yesterday flying Hawthorne to Rialto were partying.] Near morning I am leaving Northrop through the back door -- blue one, not glass. Outside is a worker working on a rusty metal frame of what I at first take to be an airplane, but on closer look, see is a mastadon skeleton. The tusks are capped. The cheekbones are done. I wonder what suspends them in the air. [Northrop Plant 1 abuts the Hawthorne Airport.] Al tells me that I can't be trusted to set boundaries in policy meetings because I jump from subject to subject. I ask him who said that and he says, Marc (my old supervisor from the Max Factor Bldg.) My sister gets out of bed to check my accounting homework (to try to get a promotion) and I notice she's naked and I look and she is in bed with Dad.

4/8/01 I dream about a man standing in the corner, with shoulder length, stringy greasy hair, red silk robe with gold fasteners, boar teeth attached above his top lip. This is the living person, maybe, who posed for the statue of the guardian of the Chapel of the Wat Arun Rajvarum in Bangkok, Thailand. [Photo in Yesterday Has Much to Tell, Ralph M. Lewis, late Imperator of the Rosicrucian AMORC, San Jose, CA.] [I also in the past dreamed about a line of Indians standing for a photo in a fort. One I was told or intuitively knew was Crazy Horse. He was tallest in line, big chest, smiling. Everyone kidding around. When I woke up I looked for the picture in a book I thought I'd seen it in only to find that there are no pictures of Crazy Horse, but he fits the description I saw, kid name Curly or Blondie, tall man. Maybe a photo will one day be found somewhere or maybe the owners are not releasing it for public use.] Before I fell asleep at around midnight, I remote viewed a figure of a bull's face and front shoulders. It was a reddish brown bull and the face went from slender, cow face to thick bull face. Then I thought what about a bear and the face changed to a brown bear and then a black bear, but only the face, then only part of the fur on the face. Long silky fur. Also a person - looked male or short hair girl dressed all in white sitting on a small stool waiting - I was trying to remote view for a person who emailed me about her mother-in-law. See myself sitting in the middle of the street and I have to go around myself. [Fire, explosion this morning at Burger King and roadblock at Amsterdam Airport, Dutch aren't saying it, but it was caused by Indonesian youths. Gram Esther must really be Dutch, I thought Dad was kidding me!]

4/9/01 All night long I'm dreaming about emails. I'm an honorary board member of an Islamic museum and get six emails about it. First there is one and then the problem escalates to three and six emails - they are automatic responses. I wake up and go to the bathroom and think about the emails and how I wished I'd read them in the dream. I go back to sleep into the same dream and read all six. It takes all night until the alarm goes off.

4/17/01 Lawn chair by pool. Man holding gun in silverware dept. I look in my email for a message about a baby with big eyes, picture attached. There are several pictures. Voice says, someone is not all talk and no action. Earthquake [12:14 AM - not sure if it is a dream or real.] Saturday morning, I wake up in a motel in bed. Woman with two men and her anniversaries are the same with both, she has two dinners to attend. I cook two stuffed whole fish and eggplant with peppers. People cooking steaks and baked potatoes in fireplaces. Voice, they came in here and made this base for minor protection. Not quite ready, never quite right. You can wait in the corridor until then and then we eat and then you said... A cat eats and poops in a doggy bag of cat litter, waiter takes it away. Necklace like medieval armor with heavy chain, pendant is sqare of tin. Majorca. Itis nothing, you bacame sick. Bottle. No laugh with a roof.

4/18/01 Remote viewing. Two little girls standing in their cribs looking at each other, one with long blond hair and one with long brunette hair. Showing their toys.

4/21/01 Remote viewing before going to sleep -- geyser coming up in the ocean. I saw the same geyser in a fish tank at a wholesale fish store about 3 PM (4/20/01) during the day. The fish was very human looking -- face, parrot fish maybe. Knife stick in my leg, gets my attention. Something about an aerospace contractor. Supervisors in wheelchairs. They don't care because they're dying and do the work. I walk along a pleasant grassy area and come to an old Japanese woman's yard where she grows dry rice -- the foliage is short spikes with red rice grains in clumps. It looks like she's cutting it to sell. Inside her house, she has a lot of rooms, looks like Gram Wigton's house, English teacher, died young of a heart attack. I argue against something, old Japanese woman thinks she's going to die. I ask what I can do to help and she says she has some black truck farmers who do odd jobs. I tell her I'll finish harvesting the rice. Then a tall black man watches from the doorway as I flood the linoleum floor with hot water. The room is empty and the water goes up to the doorway and I run over there and make a dam with my foot to stop the water. I am going somewhere cold with a man and go to get my coat, wading through the water in the empty room. At the left side are two lockers with curved sides. He says his key will open my locker and opens it for me. My locker is also flooded with water almost to the top, in fact all except the top shelf. Middle East to become important. New refugees to the USA. Concentration takes more time, not less. [Friday April 20 6:38 AM ET 6 Dead in Plunge at Philippine Dam "...Lockwood would not comment on what caused the accident, pending an investigation. He said the workers were in a shaft that will contain water and form part of a tunnel system connected to the dam's turbines. The dam is being designed and built by New York-based Raytheon Engineers and Constructors Inc. and will be operated by San Roque Power, a consortium that includes Sithe Energies of the United States and Japan's Marubeni Corp. and Kansai Electric Corp. It is being funded in part by the Export-Import Bank of Japan. The dam is designed to generate 345 megawatts of electricity, control floods and irrigate 215,000 acres of farmland, said Lockwood. It will be the 12th highest rock-filled dam in the world, measuring 660 feet from the river bed to its crest.]

> 4/23/01 Voice saying, "Hermosa Beach. It's bad. Horse will rear up and
> strangle itself." "My friend Sam's frog broke." Kid has it outside a
> mall area with windows, in his pocket, pulls it out by the leg. "How much
> can you sit back and let teenagers go through adolescence." "Going to
> move down here to see me -- Florida. Going to move worms down here." "If
> you can't do the test you have to hide it." Have to use a table in front
> of the chair. "Man doing alchemy experiment? Someone not in bed, break
> off some extension." With a man at Costco, he has his own cart. Shirley,
> coworker from 80's, showing me the three of cups/hearts with other Tarot
> cards, -- "press here to make sure it stops, press here to be sure it's
> going." "All the things you did in college carried you." Grandmother
> takes three kids home, wants to share the market. Big tree in planter.

> > 4/24/01 I have nothing to eat so I go to a party. Little kid thinks he
> > sees a cat -- tail hanging out. Voice saying , "something changes when
> > you move something to another CD." Two messages I don't remember in my
> > sent folder -- about Muslims causing problems. Daycare. I get a part
> > time job -- few kids. A blond girl named Lori P. shows me where to brush
> > my teeth, hang my purse on some pegs near the floor under a counter, an
> > electric scooter. I ride the scooter up a hill -- it's a dark starry
> > night, stars, up a steep hill to a cliff and buildings across the valley a
> > voice says are QA. That was a break, I have to get back to the school.
> > Now there are a lot of kids. They are sitting in a big room in rows of
> > chairs. A woman arrives outside the door with a sack of birthday presents
> > for Brenda, her daughter. A voice says not to sit on the couch with the
> > kids, it is too familiar. A girl is making jewelry with green and
> > transparent clear glass beads -- look like ice. Father Malachi comes in
> > and someone makes one boy talk to him. He looks like Jim Jones. It is
> > already my second day working there and I seem to be full time. I wonder
> > what happened to the part time status and how I'm going to go to my other
> > job. [Father Malachi is dead, talked about demon possession on his last
> > interview with Art Bell on late night radio in 1996.]

4/26/01 Men pass away worth more than women pass away. The people at the square -- obedient people. Have an eye on travel by Thursday. She tells the truth, she tells it wrong. I'd rather she goes to the oil industry. I don't think it's important to memorize every step to raising daughter. Do you know how many hours that would take. Something I didn't notice on table. Folded, percentages going up. Cookie in my teeth. Others get drinks, I just get some water in a glass. Have you noticed when a doctor will diagnose a doctor. Can't talk about 15 years ago, really nothing there. Brother living in Louisiana and bitten by so many mosquitoes. Headline -- Father Lives to See Son Indicted.

4/27/01 Severe effort of will to wake up -- open eyes in dream. I am suddenly aware that I'm driving in the dream, am so tired my eyes close involuntarily and I've fallen asleep with my eyes open -- just like in real life when you're that tired. Feel like a zombie, the walking dead. To stay awake, not to sleep. To stay in my lane on the freeway. But it's a dream, so the driving aspect is not really a problem. It is really a severe effort of will to wake up in the dream that manifests as opening the eyes. I think I'm too tired to go to work, must call in sick. Then I'm awake more or less, on my feet. The freeway starts on one edge of the town and ends on the other edge. I get the feeling I'm in Oklahoma City -- sunny day, blue sky. That is the impression I get. The freeways are an X -- two freeways. Albuquerque and Des Moines freeways are laid out that way too. I go to an office where they are making plans for some sort of change, moving people around, maybe to the basement. The freeway only went to the edge of town -- [so McVeigh may be trapped in an "Oklahoma City" hell after he dies --trying to get out. He might have to walk and walk too, I've dreamed that. Then I get a kids tricycle to ride.] In this dream I pick up papers down a long hall. Posters, work documents at a federal office, not the one where I work. One end of the hall has long long tables with all kinds of cakes, donuts, very fluffy and large potions, strange looking. I don't eat anything. It is a "diabetic's hell" -- [like Althea, one apt manager a few years ago, complained to me -- she said it's criminal to display beautiful cakes or dessert trays -- very distraught.] [If they are made of rotting flesh like my Great Grandmothers showed me in that dream -- that might be another part of his "hell". They say you make your own hell, if you don't believe in it, you won't go there.] I go to a room with white floors and two men are waiting to see the doctor. One man comes up and says he has STD and the shot hurts and they can just give him a pill instead -- points to it on a list. I think that a tranquilizer will not cure a STD, don't understand. Some people start talking about laundry. I go down into the basement and there are some clothes hanging on clothes lines. There are purple men's shirts and a woman's flannel nightgown and a short white T-shirt dress with elastic waist that has been dragged through sand -- crawling on stomach -- and the stain did not come out. They are dripping wet. [The laundry was handwashed in the basement.]

I dream also about a bull again -- big horn type bull, but the horns are only about six inches long, they scrape a bubble and
burst it. The bull is walking with a crowd of people and a woman tour guide around a shrine that is divided the long way by a wall. I am inside the shrine with a wealthy family; the wife is intelligent, professor. Man is out of the picture. Girl and boy, young kids, not very responsible. Boy is just playing video games and has hurt his leg auto racing. They are going to give me a ride after spring break back to my university and are donating a tanker load of salt water to the surfing pool there. I think maybe it's a UFO, they scoop up ocean water.

A drought going on by fall.

4/28/01 A man lies on top of me with his clothes on. I stand up and start to take mine off but a voice says I don't have to. Later I go into the bedroom and the man and a woman are lying side by side in bed. I slap him and look at her and ask if she wants me to slap her too, she shakes her head, no. I start watching TV and feel guilty for slapping anyone.

I am walking a long distance, trying to get home to a farmhouse where I live. I can see it in the distance, an old 70's car in the driveway. I'm cutting through a field. There is a moving van along the road, men working in the field and a fence. I climb through and pass the workers whose supervisor is telling them they have to work overtime until they are done, and then they can move in the van. Crossing the field, I am crawling over walls of sand about three feet tall that look like sand castle, wet sand arranged in a maze shape or like an electrical circuit. Some walls are close together and I can slide across on my stomach to the next one but some are too far apart. One crumbles and I think the men will never get done if I mess up their work. Sand carries an electrical charge and can melt into glass or mess up the electrical circuit. At the bottom of the hill is a studio with four big cards with some story written on them. The door is unlocked and I go out and can't cross the highway -- too many cars. May not hit me with it in 2001- bonus, tax liability. Maria's gonna take you some high heels - to get lost in. Forest defenders get a pet dog -- $500 one.

4/29/01 Axe murderers need friends too (when I was in third grade I took cigarettes
> to school from Dad's National Guard C-rations /they are in five cigarette
> packs -- and everyone was disgusted with me, but one boy talked to me) death
> is not final, just a waste of whatever life you've put in so far and also
> women's work in producing babies -- if right now I am dreaming with Timothy
> McVeigh every night. It is not pleasant -- everyone keeps smiling at him
> but it seems like making fun of him -- everything is just "gottcha" or
>could be just constructive criticism -- to remember, like don't forget not
>to be a strawberrry blond or bald or a drug addict in your next life..
>I see friends from high school and college -- the ones that flirted with
>me, in my case Steve Davis and Allan Kornblum. And TV shows --
>Happy Days, Skippy with Ron Howard hiding behind him saying
>he can quit marajuana any time he wants. They move a new guy into
> the bed while I'm still in the bathroom. The guy in the next room, top halves
>of doors open, is manufacturing something and has black cloth around the
.>light bulbs and they'll start a fire, boxes all around him. Trying to sell
>salad spinners in a place that only sells fruit salads. Bill Gates does not
>have the courtesy of making a meeting. Truck drivers wallet
>on the picnic table bench, belongs to a Union organizer. I see Sandy Cortez
>with her eyes covered, migraine maybe and her two year old, no one
>year old daughter, says something funny about telling Tony Escobar
>to paint his walls of his office. Sandy sits up and says, send him a
>45 to paint by. She has a pile of 45 records. Voice singing, The Devil
Goes Down to Georgia -- picture of a finger sticking to cold six foot tall
metal box. Voice says, no, a fiery death [cremation]. [Timothy McVeigh
had an alternate plan to assassinate Attorney General Janet Reno.]
Payments to ex-wives. List of three on a suspense list. Mike Dafforn says
the money starts the first day after the wedding. Kick starts life.
Man riding on horse carrying three wands. It is supposed to be the five
of cups -- disappointment, (full house) but it looks like a combination of
oppression, man carrying 10 wands and the victory card, six wands, man
on horse -- could think five wands are pointed at him, but they are his army.

> 4/30/01 25 years ago when I was sitting here for you. Answers: down two
> tubes [Mars]. You can't do everything, the amount of heroism. The south
> end of the harvest moon. See a girl sitting on a giant brain, then back
> of a woman's skull off -- can see the brain. Good luck. Making a
> beautiful house, patio, where no one will ever visit. 35 degrees, much
> harder going -- little girl, dark hair, in snow -- fluffy, white, deep,
> white coat and hat -- or it's snowed on her head, arms, she's been
> standing there a long time. Why leave early, why does this thing hurt.
> Snowy outside, about a foot of snow. I'm in a big house, woman has two
> daughters that look like blood transfusion bags to me -- in bed in the
> living room where she moved them. I want to run away and a young girl
> tells me to go. Then I hide outside along the wall. The woman might look
> out the window and see me. I sense her coming and hide in a concrete
> bunker behind the house. The young girl comes again and urges me to
> leave. I grab a box of food and a pan -- a man and I will be camping. I
> leave on an elevator that looks like the lift in an auto shop for lifting
> cars. It's coffin shaped with a body covered with a sheet and I jump on
> top of the body and ride up to the snowy garage, start the car. Voice,
> Abigail Adams. I see a group of twenty year old girls and tell them I'm
> running away. A five year old girl blabs the whole story and gives a
> speech. I can talk, it is clear. It is clear, I can talk to you. You
> hear Dar talking about Texas, well how'd you feel if you send but not all
> the messages go through. Why, falling down through a hole -- giant
> earthworm, 16 inches, to trail below.

> 5/1/01 The babies are full I noticed. Answer to an email. Magazines
> about Austrian Christmas given to soldiers. I call someone -- can't
> remember the phone number. Queta selling glass ware on the ground at a
> swap meet or yard sale. Looks like an antique store -- consignment booth.
> Blue glass jar. Set of dishes with red and brown designs.

5/2/01 Just like a basket, but more useful things -- hotel guest basket or Easter. I'm in a big granite building -- maybe Grad College -- the room is different, a bathroom with the stool very high up, like a brown throne or an electric chair. I sit down, have to go to bathroom very bad. All my insides feel bad. Notice a window from the other, double door bathrooms have. A young guy looks in. I pull up my jeans -- notice they are nice levis. I seem to have lost weight. He's Air Force or Army and shows me orders he has. I have a copy also on the table in the bathroom. His boss, a big hairy sergaent appears in a bed with a young girl. He takes off his camophlage and is naked. Other people look in window and I've pulled down my pants again but really can't go now with all these people. I have to make him disappear or leave. Voice, I cut off old man's head for bothering women. I go out to investigate the other door and it is a hallway with two doors in different directions. Someone drives me somewhere and I relax for awhile. I feel like I'm in Miss Nude America contest -- walking around nude. Voice, the worst that could happen is that you could lose. I don't even want to win, too much trouble, travel to other countries... that would be fun. My butt seems skinnier -- trying harder. In another room a group of little kids working on art pieces. I work alone at the side on something like a huge wood sculpture of a horse and general. They are making what they say/looks like a mobile for babies. It looks like coat hangers unbent and snow or clouds mashed around it and Christmas balls (red and blue) embedded in it. The dream screen pans along the mobile, which is curved wire in a spiral.

5/3/01 Man cured of cancer. Person will be surprised, wonder where cancer went. Cut out. Has to take it out of is website. I'm going on a journey -- not packed, not prepared, something very different -- someone takes me. I think of the ground too much in those years -- the trees grow, suit splits/rots off. Black suit. Man who sticks to his lie, and breakfast, crossroads, students, young people. Bury horse, what man is still sitting in the hospital with that baby. Dream same thing again -- Even if I'm with baby in high chair; cancer disappears in college town; voice, log on and check it. Dog tears flesh off shoulder, aircraft landing, too much money 9 of 10. Timeline, someone talking, happy, content. Colin Powell says, very loud voice, "something they took care of a long time ago." White flash, explosion. Got you covered, are you tired. Parking along a street by the train, buy ice cream for my daughter. Pretty street with trees and lawns. Have to walk past my boss -- keeps changing from Mary Jane Turner to Pete Landini. Two jobs, working at Dumdum and Grad College both part time at the same time again. Pie in a deep crack, only the regulars at the bar get it. Male equivalent of me -- is Paul Reubens and Jimmy Stewert. Crack of bat 25. 35 becomes 70. You could really trade off on the land. View of rough seas, muddy color mixed with blue and white caps -- a storm near land. The older parts of the seas have names. I call at random, I don't know their names, huge waves, vacation trips. Home day care -- Mom and I both run one out of the same building. Hers is new and has for sale listings for houses and cars, mine is just a list of names. The walls recently painted maybe, I have to rehang the art. Art is manilla cardboard with line drawings of bloodshot eyeballs; bread and wine. Stocking, stalking gown. [Mom does home care, I used to work in daycare.George Harrison operated on for lung cancer][Woman librarian killed downtown LA in her burgundy van, hijacked bus hit her. Small daughter survived.]

5/4/01 Tired always trying to think in my head. Must take this lid off before can live my own life (noise of granite lid scraping as it slides aside, seems like sarcophagus, is this what Egyptian initiation in the Pyramid involved, must push lid aside?) I was losing hair, it is all in the back now (slipped off head). He might do it from roast beef every day.

Sitting in the bathtub with a man in front of me. Shyami standing there watching me. I get out, wrap in towel, tell her I'm writing something important, walk to computer. I was dreaming it all night, over and over. The first dream wasn't even that clear. I don't know what I'm working on. Long slender legs, stiff like Barbie doll mannequin. I find myself jogging down a sidewalk, surprises that I can walk in a dream, I am taking very small steps, carrying a heavy two gallon container of water, car radiator shape. I'm wearing jogging shorts, turn around to see if anyone is behind me, an Italian man is. I explain that I'm jogging and can't stop, I pass a donut store or bakery with wedding cake in window. I jog to a house with a lot of kids eating at a table, no adult watching them. They tell me their dad is Italian and he eats stuff but only puts two on his plate. I ask what if there are more than two things and they say he uses two plates (plates are small ones you use for diets). I don't eat anything, stand by table. Then I go out into yard. Very ancient looking, very large elm trees, muddy, slippery ground with some rotting leaves. The man is digging along the wall for a garden. It seem to be in deep shade, I wonder how they grew stuff there (previous owners) but he digs up large, then huge monstrous carrots and throws them at me. I look around the yard for a spot that has more sun between the trees, but there is also a wall around the yard. Then I'm out on a sandy hillside. There is a long strip bulldozed down to black dirt underneath that is well-drained and crumbly. I look, weeds, grass or rice already poking up through the dirt. There is a sign that says Toyota has cleared this, but I walk out on it anyway and start to walk to the end of the runway to see what is over the edge of the hill. Voice, it's a Japanese bank. I go back the other way. I work at an office at a table, no privacy from the other workers. I write the idea from the first part of the dream another time and put the manuscript under my chair and start reading a book, wondering if I'll get into trouble. A tall, thin, eighty year old man comes up (new boss maybe) and asks if I've done any work. I give him the manuscript and he starts at the beginning and says the first page is funny, the part I was working on is in about the middle of twenty pages. I wander away to a big tank where some little boys are playing underwater. They have boxes that make air so they don't have to come up to breathe. One is riding a motorcycle and the old man is now trying the tank too -- sitting on a marble square. The tank breaks and the water that comes out on me is very warm, almost hot. I get a picture of a swimming pool, blue painted sides, open to the air, not closed like that tank, though one kid did surface to breathe sometimes too when I thought about it. I say it was my idea, I had it built, planned it, and I never got to swim. The old man or voice says, bubbles were annoying going through you anyway. [When I wake up I can't remember anything about the idea I was working on all night off and on, but wrote down a little in the middle of the night.] "It is interesting because the crank that wrote this is surrounded by 2/3 or .666 water. The land mass is a gate thru which we march. Picture of a bulldozed looking square edges tunnel through a mountain or hill. Tempe, tempest." [Tempe is fermented soybeans.] A man was explaining something to me but that is all I can remember, just fragments.

5/5/01 Tarot cards -- white bear, Texas, auto racing cards -- I'm done with these, a relief, one thing done. Tim McVeigh telling me how he was an instant winner (contest inside a Cheerios/yellow box). Picture of a metal box attached to a woman -- about the same height she is and 129 souls or kids go through her. Man or Irish God sitting on a hillside says, I left a message -- too angry to go somewhere. Men coming to a place with a lot of beds. A little girl helps a boy hide -- white powder all over him like ancient Celts used, stiff in his hair. I'm too tired to hide, lie on bed. The little boy comes up to me. I am sitting on the floor now beside the bed, robe buttoned up. A man is swinging a little boy on his huge erection. Man starts to take off my robe, girl's voice, "I don't want to take off my robe." Voice, "maybe next year, looking at my stomach." More people come in, Dad. Voice asks, who would sleep with their dad, I see a lot of hands go up -- about three women. 1928. I decide to be the same as them, put up my hand. A girl showing me three newspaper announcements about her -- one is Feb 28. One is two dates. Her marriages. I'm very depressed. Everyone but me knows what is going on and is having a good time. Wake up, go back to sleep. In a waiting room, I look down and see a baby (girl) on her stomach on the floor, on a mat. She isn't wearing a diaper, seems to be very coordinated, bends at the waist to look up at me. On a bed beside her are a lot of babies -- they blend in with the background at first, then I see more and more of them. They seem to be newborn. Then there are a lot of three inch tall three year olds and older standing looking at me. The one at the end seems to be a doll, the rest are alive. The newborns on the bed have diapers. I sit in a chair, can't lie on the bed, might crush a baby. A baby boy comes in the door, about 12-18 months, and crawls up on my lap and puts his arms around my neck. I get off the chair so he can sit in it -- he says he's cold (naked) and I put my yellow sweater around his shoulders. He kisses me and I just woke up, so think I should drink something for morning breath. There is a bottle of beer with about 1/2 inch in it and I drink some and the baby drinks the rest. He kisses me on the mouth. I think maybe he still remembers his previous life and that's why he can talk or is a dead person that doesn't know it. I think about telling him he's dead, but walk away to do something. His fist is right in my face when I turn back around or he punched me in the face to wake me up -- didn't hurt. In another room are two garments my daughter has given me. One is a blue/green jacket that matches a dress I used to have that looks like the dresses in a painting of a row of blond mermaids in green dresses sitting on chairs outside their doors. The other vest has green, blue and burgundy sequins and laces up the gap in the front. I wonder what she is going to wear.
5/6/01 People being sucked into an assembly line. Voice, you should use your 46, helps one person escape. Parrots at house at beach, good, now I don't have to go out and buy any dirt. Working in a huge building, a class. I collect the blotters and pile them up, they all have a lot of doodling on them. Then I go on break, Faith, Elaine and Mike go too, everyone in the class is on break. I pass the cafeteria which has beautiful wood paneling and fixtures but no apparent food. I go back to the first room (looks like a school) where there is a cabinet with a bottle (looks like Tums) a man tells me holds tokens for carnival rides. The tokens look like small circles of green paper with writing on them the size that would be cut out by a hole puncher and they're in the bottle with some styrofoam larger circles or communion wafers. Voice, when your pathfinder dies. The man is busy and seems to be a pre-school teacher and says the token bottle is behind the Menthol gum. A man in green sweats walks past twice and he has metal clips fastening his shirt and pants firmly shut. A voice says to go eat -- and I mildly protest that there was no food in there. I try again and this time Elaine reaches up on the top of the cabinet and gets down coffee cups. I go to several coffee machines but one just has hot water, one is empty, one is broken, one is turned to the wall. I didn't want any coffee. A girl with a lot of stuff spread out is in front of the only clerk where I absently find myself waiting in line to ask something. "Ever since Gary left -- he named the man in me, firm up backbone. Makes a monkey out of me -- already watch gain with no pain or rather gain with no playing. Music playing -- Move on Through to the Other Side (Doors) but a voice says the words should be, "no it's your self." She'd come home on Interstate 80 (or Hwy 90) to Booneville -- no problems in her mind (I chuckle, there's Randy Farlow trying to go to Booneville again.)" Purse empty -- I can't find my 2 cents -- to go see the boy cashier. Needs friends, but no where to put the bodies -- too busy, bottle falling over in a basket of cleaning supplies. I put down a coin (my new writing style) on a pile of cloth going around a corner -- Indians always accused of shoplifting like I was as a kid, taken in back room by woman clerk at the dime store. She's pregnant, glad daddy finally talked to her. Go to lake, as soon as Marble Line, close it again. Ed James, you don't know what you're talking about. Loud voice, "Microsoft stacked up to the ceiling" (feeling it is very popular). Summer camp, have some? 1/3 frozen, 1/3 ground, 1/3 fresh -- cherry drink -- the ground is choke cherries (wild from Dad's farm). Park door unlocked, window down -- this is one of your towns. You want your child to be.

> 5/7/01 "As comfy as a worker can be now, Jesus pills" [I found out today
> that Indonesia had many churches bombed on Christmas Eve, 2000]. [Captain
> Jack (Modoc) in Oregon killed a general, on the insistence of a group he
> was hiding in the lava beds, that said they'd rather die than give
> themselves up (Americans wanted them turned over for killing settlers when
> the settlers were never punished for killing Indians) and then they turned
> themselves in, states evidence and Capt Jack was hanged! I think I was
> dreaming that he was talking to me] -- "if you're good they give you 35
> miles up and down the river. Thirty years in a cracker jack box. flies,
> maggots in a shoulder wound." A bus drops me off in a foreign country --
> has steep hills, no sidewalks -- there are several expatriots there, women
> mostly, who say there are no sidewalks and the ground is wet and slippery
> in Las Vegas, I see them climbing the sandy trails on hands and knees.
> Before the last one leaves, I ask her which way to my hotel, I think it's
> Columbia Street or Columbine Street -- I never go the right direction in
> dreams and she points 90 degrees from the direction I thought, but doesn't
> look sure herself. It starts to rain very hard -- everyone is wet and
> takes off their clothes, laughing, so she stays a little longer and I
> point out the circular street the bus took to get here and the wood porch
> we're standing on, very old looking. She shrugs about what I say, then
> tells me that she told her kids to prepare some food for her journey, for
> their last meal -- mac and cheese I think -- comfort food. Now I'm
> inside, through a doorway at the end of the promenade. Dad is there,
> nude, everyone is nude -- he has very muscular legs, young looking,
> wearing his Army hat. He goes into the other room where a younger guy, my
> boyfriend in the dream, is sick or studying. I hear a noise, book falling
> on floor, and "yes, I have 50 of them." I go to the door and look in and
> he's sitting on his bed with 50 books. I go over to him to talk quietly
> and he says Dad said he liked him. Then I watch him and he is putting a
> bottle away in a rack of other bottles he says are liqueur. He pours some
> in a glass and it goes up over the top -- I talk about the skin of surface
> resistance that makes it possible for the liquid to go above the top of
> the glass. He dips a paper towel in it and says, that should take away
> about one cup. Then he pours some into two glasses with crushed ice and I
> take two sips, laugh and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand -- sour.
> Liqueur is sweet -- I'm puzzled. There is a woman who is supposed to be
> retired, but she looks young and is filling out a job application for the
> Federal Govt. -- tells everyone she doesn't know what to do about her
> violation (drunk driving.) "Why should she get off, Smog Eagle -- I'm
> lonely." My twin dies on me while studying a foreign language all night
> -- picture of a deflated sack attached to a girl at the chest. Voice, you
> must account for this too -- picture of a naked, skinned bull. [brains
> are used to tan hides] Several repetitions of "three" -- man who owns
> house holds up a sign -- maybe Chinese joke about drinks being regular,
> supreme and unleaded. Myocardial infarction = death of the heart/soul. I
> clean crumbs off a round plastic transparent table -- voice says, "mea
> culpa." Man telling how his son was an acorn, fell near the tree. Three
> men, one is named Whipple Crane -- firing squad, bullet in the heart is
> also a heart attack -- in Utah they use a firing squad. (Chinese) play on
> three words, to accompany sheep and to travel. Budget arguments --
> President Millionaire. I am still tired. [I wake up a lot -- hot and
> cold -- and dreams. It was 4:45 this morning with 45 more minutes until
> the alarm and I fell back to sleep and had a bunch of dreams of which I
> probably remembered 1 out of 10.] The last two were Crazy Horse (?)
> riding his horse, it's head down, slowly down a hill to surrender and a
> sign that said Costco -- which a voice says, means the "cost of company."
>
>
> [Librarian degree is Master's level and above only. I just have a BA.
> The thought crossed my mind in college of majoring in library science
> because I spent my whole life reading from the time I could. The first
> adult book I checked out of the library was Riders of the Purple Sage by
> Louis L'Amore. It's a western and years later it became also the name of
> a rock n roll band. I was in third grade and all I could read was the
> title I found out when I got it home. Mom came up to my room and asked me
> if I could really read that book. I could only read "the", "and" and
> skipped the words I didn't know. So then she showed me how to sound out
> words. My mother didn't talk much -- even though she's 3/4 Irish and 1/4
> German/Dutch. Not to kids anyway, she talked on the phone sometimes. She
> spanked everyone about 10 times a day with a yardstick and when that
> broke, she got a stronger board to hit us with.
>
> I was reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee which is the Indian version of
> the plains war written by Dee Brown, whose Indian name was Brown Bear. I
> dreamed that I got the White Bear card in Tarot but didn't have to do that
> one anymore. So I'm not spending too much time on this. Interesting
> things I read in the Dee Brown book were -- there were a lot of surrenders
> in the wars of Indians and Americans, but many of the leaders would slip
> away to hunt when there was no food and the army would go after them and
> they'd surrender again, but once in awhile when a party would ride out
> with a white flag, the soldiers would shoot them, so it wasn't a sure
> thing to surrender. Also, a lot of the leaders died around the same time.
> One, Kicking Bird, had to pick 15 men to go to prison and he picked five
> leaders, some obscure warriors and some Mexican captives they'd raised.
> One man he picked cursed him even though he told him they would work for
> their release from jail (in Florida) and he died two days later drinking
> coffee. The man who cursed him died shortly after, the author said,
> ashamed for cursing his fellow leader. Several died from TB or were
> killed by the guards. Also, there was a picture of Cochise's son Naipha.
> I read the pages about Naipha from the index and fleeing into Mexico from
> the American Army, the men were fighting a brilliant rearguard action
> while the women and kids went ahead into Mexico and the Mexican Army
> stumbled across them and killed 3/4 of the women and kids. Cochise died
> of TB. That was the Comanche I believe, which is one of the nine parts of
> the Sioux. You hear about the Oglala the most these days. Also, on the
> chapter about the Ghost Dance -- the first one -- in Nevada -- people came
> from all tribes all over the place on the train, then 3 days ride and 2
> more days walk. At dusk, when you see ghosts, Jesus appeared and in the
> morning they looked to see if he had the scars the churches said he had,
> but he was an Indian (tribe?) and had scars on his wrist and face. He was
> wearing moccasins so they didn't see his feet. Return of the Bird Tribes,
> Ken Carey says that according to the Mayan calendar, 1987-2011 is the time
> of separation of fear and love.]

5/8/01 Toddler in flour sack shirt walking in long grass with plastic bread sacks in the grass. Islands, big trees on them, maybe floating islands. Roots anchor them. My face in mirror, combing hair, redder and thicker.

5/9/01 Test, if I correct it I'd get money, medical tests in folders. A man in a white shirt pacing. Carries a sign -- dan..atu. dragonatu.

> 5/10/01 I take the lid off a jar of tips. Strips of
> reddish brown paper -- must be blood money. Picture of Shawnteal, says
> full time employees are next, layoffs. Alaska oil stock, Eskimos, stock
> with "8" in them -- picture of man buying a whole stack of them in
> envelopes he's mailing. I'm living in a warehouse -- rough wood walls of
> plywood nailed up, shelves with stuff sitting on them, grass and foliage,
> reds and oranges, growing right in the room, need to be mowed by the end
> of the dream. I'm wearing green shorts and an orange sweater -- am going
> to the laundry room where I forgot to get my orange and gray dresses out
> of the washer. I don't have a gray dress. Girl next door is having a
> baby, doctor comes and is leaving with the father to go get breakfast as I
> go out my door. He says she's not having it yet. Out in the parking lot,
> Juanita and Cindy are backing out. Apollo reminds me to pick him up in
> the morning -- says he'll loan me his truck, don't go far. So I just
> drive around parking lot, out one exit and in the other. Sheldon comes
> into my room and I give him some Scotch or whiskey -- yellow. He says he
> needs only a sip to swallow a pill but chugs 1/3 of a water glass full and
> says, this is only a quart. He's drinking it like 8 glasses a day. Faith
> must be the "girl next door" -- she's in the next cube at work, but she's
> over 55, not likely to be having a baby. Wrap a man with a pistol in a
> quilt. Voice, I refuse to pay for Israel. A woman doing cards says,
> someone does love me. Ramon saying that it's not fair that your kidneys
> fill up so fast and you have to pee so much, first thing in morning. Tony
> sticks his hand in my purse, I'm afraid he'll cut himself on something,
> broken glass chips. Looking for my Delphi Associates newsletter he wants,
> says, they change the US Govt? Some girls come in, wearing shorts like
> me. I think the lock must not work right. The door just opened anyway
> like the house in Lawndale -- door would open when you were sitting there
> watching TV or would get up in the morning and it was standing open --
> ghost of the woman who died there, the neighbors said, maybe. Jesse
> agrees to an exam with the lights off in his office, I'm a doctor in the
> dream, but he asks if I'm a forklift operator -- but him up on a hydraulic
> lift and overhaul his engine. David Cortez sitting in his cube facing the
> door -- against the far wall. Has curly blond hair and glasses, wearing a
> sheepskin lined coat, ready to go to Germany with Sandy. Voice, she'll
> probably take you up on two. I go to a class at the beach, man at door
> says to come in. A young guy, straight brown hair, gray turtleneck
> sitting in the hallway in a chair -- several doors to choose from. A
> bison bull in tall grass -- far away, hard to identify for sure, looks
> sort of like a grizzly -- tall shoulders. Voice, come on baby. A book
> about trees with pictures. One has a damaged trunk, smooth, looks like a
> nude woman sort of, voice says, my relatives. All the pictures of trees
> are black and white or gray -- second one I look at looks like fog or
> grayed out. Young school shooter talking about long fingernails. Car
> runs out of gas at gas station, John Byrne says he has a credit card, says
> he's too old for that. Voice, twelve, sweetie; there's nothing right for
> the world. A word divided in the dream -- written on a white card --
> theri-man or ther-mani. Voice, by closing those doors. A ship, mucous
> and water on the floor from pregnant woman -- man in hard leather shoes
> walks up to it, snaps his fingers and turns around. Woman wrapped in
> towel, roomful of men -- I don't know if they even deserved it. Woman
> cooking says girl came in and started hitting her for no reason like a six
> year old. Three cards laid out -- loud voice -- seven (swords), ten
> thirty (wheel of fortune), death. Howard Drobness saying, camp, after the
> technical blurry. Surveys on applications, all say no to sleepwalking.
> [when I was a kid I would sleepwalk down the steep stairs in Mom's ancient
> house. she said she'd just tell me to go back up to sleep. She asked me
> what I was doing and I said I forgot to get out bread out of the freezer.
> I would dream that I could just jump down the whole flight and float
> down.]

5/11/01 Twilight -- time to see ghosts, it's windy, something swirling wind. You're not getting two just because you're new (man in mask). Slap, cut lip, plane to Eastern Europe. A plane lands in a field, I am the only observer except the air traffic controllers in a building to my left. Voice says, Air Force Captain aboard. the plane is full of people -- I'm surprised a captain gets this kind of treatment and this number of flunkies. The plane is packed and the light is on inside. I walk away across white sand before they get off and I have to talk to them. A blond woman in a booth in the distance to my right -- I plod on, she calls to me, "who are you?" I don't answer, still grumbling. She asks if I"m the stenographer. I think and she can hear me, no, I don't know shorthand. She says, yes, she's sure I am -- there is the sign of the stenographer over my head and it's very fortuneate, a blessing. I go up to her and she says I'm not going to be laid off, no one is. I shake her hand. Her hair is bleached blond, I can only see the top of her head because it is bowed. She asks, now will he come? I tell her I'll try to remote view it -- she looks like Col Mayer. [I wonder if she likes Capt Tyson and wants him to be her new boss.] I shake her hand like she is leaving, maybe she is not getting laid off either. Voice, "you know what, four down years." [She has four years at Northrop.] She kisses me on the mouth when I leave and I am afraid she'll get my cold sore. Pat Magro walks up to where I'm crouched on the ground -- the light is behind her and I can see through her skirt and blouse, no slip --slender, clothes are loose. Men are following behind her (trying to look up the) long slit in her skirt. She's wearing heels, white skirt, red blouse. She's very nice to everyone. I go to a restaurant where a girl and her boss are (literally) sharing a meal. She has a drink she gives him a sip from -- he says, oh, ice. She gives me a ladle of the food -- soup, green stuff and pepper in it. I drink it from the ladle, again am afraid they will get my cold sore, but later I see the ladle laying on the table, they were done eating. Recycle, clean water. Recycling for middle aged housewives for empty nests. I go into a room with shelves. Man complains because it is so cold. You need a coat. I say I'm going without a coat -- barefoot in snow like Indian Wars. Man holding a little girl in a frilly dress's hand, could whirl her around. In all livelihood. Picture of camels in a field of orange sand, gray boulders in the foreground. Another picture of mountains, maybe Denver.

5/12/01 The Philosopher's Stone -- 15. I move it down past that. I live in the country son, in Vietnam. Tried to take 25 decibles, 25 level of McVeigh trial to reconstruct, assistant to colonel now. Why not sell scores to Brenda [Lil old Brenda/VA Hospital]. Instability, parts decision.
Young couple on a beach, steep bank, big rock or overpass behind them. Boy is wearing orange trunks with white under them, girl same. They are getting dressed. I think, how wonderful -- Romeo and Juliette. Voice, you are going to put these on and go back. Rifle shots, then cannon. I look at the couple to see if they're shot but a huge 30 foot wave is curling over them, then slams into them and when the wave goes back out they are gone. They were lying side by side on their stomachs on the wet sand. Then a scene of their bodies sliding down the wet beach towards the water when it replays. Pictures in a book of things in a museum. Kida on sidewalk at a beachfront, walking and walking. I stop to rest and sit down. One kid wants his shoe tied, with another, both about four. I say to the woman taking care of them, the first knot is already tied -- she says, yes they just untie them pulling the loops over the backs of their shoes. Mom's kitchen, I've wired a chandalier onto the bulb in the middle of the kitchen ceiling. Bernie comes in to check it -- I grab his arm, which might make it feel better. Lito is going out -- I am packing jalapena peppers sliced in a box and he comes back to look at them. Picture of a computer screen with "July 2001" and "December 2001" typed on it, voice saying "if contracts closed are reported by general." Interviewer asks, why are you giving this information out for? pay? Forest ranger, little fires, couldn't stop that. In the front of a book it says, "illegal to portray any gifts (from your husband) as royalty or perjorative." Picture of a man fallen down a well, voice, "rock formed around him, vitreous rock." I'm standing with Sandy and her older son, Danny in my cube in 1996 -- she says, this is the way it affected him, me, you. She was showing him my necklace with Peruvian pink and blue jingle bells that he lifted up from my chest to look at. Girl in headlock, boyfriend. Voice, "why don't you look and see what your child earns." secondary family, secondary income. Exercises and insights about getting pregnant -- calcified. When you change coats, the money gets messed up, doesn't transfer to new pocket. Woman talking about girl's new haircut (Jackie O) "looks like you've been living." Woman has ear length dark hair, black suit, white blouse -- she was sad and eating, face puffy. So many things to remember in hospital -- meal schedule, med person -- guests make you forget. Potato soup, put in some wine (vinegar). Sandy C in the next to last office along the wall -- "military poems." Voice, "I'm losing my mind, can't remember how to fix (old) cars."

5/13/01 Something I don't need -- woman. Her name is repeated many times, written down, one name is long -- maybe Jennifer, one might be Howe. Investment information, cover of book looks like Dee Brown's book, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee -- leather looking cover. Book -- three letters on cover made of overlapping letters. So hard to remember as soon as I wake up --maybe it starts as 000, then overlapping makes K's. OKs or KKK. Voice says, "thirty years of this." I am surprised I'm wearing my glasses in the dream and am curled up in bed reading. Voice asks students to fill in for seekers. My old room, combination of Dad's and Mom's -- Ramones sitting in chairs around the room, but I can only see one clearly -- the one with the stringy straight hair like mine. They say, "we're back", then "Joey is really dead." A country western singer says, "we came perilously close to losing the house in a high wind," there are holes between the boards like Northrop and building style in Norway that withstands hurricane force winds. [Joey has decided on his next life and arranged it with his new parents and is in the womb.] I start out in the kitchen, Mom has two 10 gallon aquariums just like I do, but she has a carp instead of a large mouth bass in one. Her fish jumps out and lays there a long time but she puts it back in and it is still alive. During the near death experience it has figured out how to get its head over the edge of its tank and jump into the other one to kill the redear and warmouth. It is watching the other fish like a cat. Voice says, "they'll be alright, you could always knock the tank over;" I get ready to cook the bass, then other people protest and I demonstrate its various sharp fins on its sides, tail, sharp teeth. when I show the teeth, they are very long and curve -- tiny cat's claws or rabbit's teeth. The fish turns into a rabbit, large white male that has wet matted fur and a bad limp from a stroke or wry neck (turns head and looks up) and I follow it as it hops quickly into the living room wondering if it is sick because of me not letting it out of the cage --if it is the ghost of my male rabbit I had as a kid. [Dad always said to put the females into the males cage or he would forget what to do if he got disoriented by a new place, so the male rabbit lived his whole life in a small wire cage next to the bull's pen except when Dad made a big wire pen to put them on the lawn in summer, but the dogs were staring at them over the top.] On the far side of the living room the rabbit has a choice of bedrooms to right or left, it looks in Mom's room, then straight ahead up the stairs. He hops through Sandy's room where she and Gary are in bed head to foot (he must have another cold and she doesn't want him breathing in her face) and she wakes up and says she thinks Nathan took over my room when I left. I go in anyway and there is a powerful fan blowing into the closet/inside wall instead of out the window. I can't turn it off -- it is some essential thing that must be kept on -- it apparently sucks a lot more people into the dream. My room turns into a yard sale and I see a lot of shoes --mine from back when my feet were tough and I could still wear shoes. There are sandals under the bed and worn out heels on a rack behind the bed. The other Sheila from work is washng library books on the bottom shelf and whispers the gossip that another one of the students was found dead in the corner, suicide from overwork -- Erik. [Thurston is their supervisor.] I look around to see what I have for sale, embroidery thread, socks and unfired sculptures of wood stoves with piles of pancakes and wire spirals to represent pistol bullet trajectories. An old man takes the sculpture out of my hand and I think he wanted the wood stove, but he says they all have little dream catchers attached to them -- are tourist souvenirs. I realize I don't have any money anyway and stand by the side adding up my purchase. It seems to be Dillards (the clerk says they have to check boxes by the door for bombs constantly) and they are going out of business -- 50% off. All I really need is socks and look at them -- they are see through socks, very unusual. Voice, "this guy would depress anyone." Me? Young girl's voice, "hi, Sheila." "Not likely we'll be buying any of that." I remember not to waste time shopping in dreams, rarely forget anymore. Italian gangster appears -- breaks peoples' necks by making them kiss themselves (chests). Gain back spiritual progress at 1 1/2 grains. That umbrella is a perfect place for us -- perfect for you, out of your way. I will visit you and ask my bride to do the same -- picture of wedding party. Music takes the calcium coat off me. Then I'm on a tile or linoleum floor sweeping. It looks like no one has swept for a long time -- big pile of dirt. It was Tony Clark's turn last week and he apparently didn't do it. People come in, call me Mary or Elizabeth. I sweep it all towards boxes by the door, then realize this is a daycare and I've swept up the whole sandbox. The last person in charge moved the sandbox to the other side of the room in the corner so the kids can't run out the door. I look for a bucket to carry the sand back to the proper corner and Raul's two sons that I've met in the dream pass me and say, "hi, Mary." They are talking fondly about the third son, who I've never seen. Girls are fighting over who gets to wear what dress and Mom comes in and I tell her my old boss, Col Crandall is retiring, there is a party. Raul's sons are wearing tuxes. I was looking at blue neoprene wetsuit dresses a few minutes before -- has something to do with twister game. Col Crandall walks by and I say the layer of dirt protects the shine/wax on the floor. He says, I hope so. Now Raul's third son comes in and he's wearing a golf T-shirt and white pants. I question no tux and he says he wears size 21 and has to have them specially made. I think he's talking about his shoes and say, and you're still growing aren't you. I see his thin arms as he walks away and he turns (cigar in mouth) and looks at me amused and says, no I isn't. Then Raul comes in -- sits down at his desk, very busy. He looks up and says, "hi, Elizabeth." I tell him everyone seems to have forgotten my name, his two sons and Queta (he says Queta called me Mary). He seems to be an architect. Sandy C. comes in to help him with something. I go back to the sandpile and a little blond girl has started playing in it and I don't know if I can leave her there alone and go get more buckets of sand or if she'll throw it. She asks if the sand is sterile. I decide it's dirty but won't hurt her -- all kids play in sand. As I wake up a kid with shaved head points a rifle and says he's putting an end to Col Klinke/Crandall ( I stop him.) [My last words to Col Crandall when his three years were up at Northrop were that if he didn't change his ways in treating employees during his last year at the Pentagon, from which he was expected to retire, that we would meet again, I would be seeing him in Hell (really, I've been in hell and there is hardly anyone there, just five auto mechanics and a couple of other people and they all left as soon as I came in). He was very mean to Raul at Northrop -- made him write a very boring book with no supervisory help... using Microsoft Word... (Japanese Balderidge management...). Then Col ended up not retiring, but getting transferred back to Los Angeles from the Pentagon for three more years at Boeing where Raul had meanwhile transferred, and he promoted Raul to supervisor. Used the sea gull style of management, swooped in and shit on the employees occasionally as opposed to previous boss; quote from Pete Landini's wanna be lieutenant assistant when he turned her down, "I know, you only hire ex-cons." (Pete had five ex-wives he found at work and promoted all of them to high paying jobs to avoid paying allimony.]

> 5/14/01 Driving with three people at work in the government car --
> I'm in the backseat, two in the front. I feel like falling asleep, but
> decide to keep an eye on the driver. Can't see who the third person in
> the passenger front is, but when I sit forward to see who is driving, it
> is Howard Drobness. I look at him and he's dead asleep, head lolling back
> on the headrest. I am very disappointed and scared. I grab the wheel and
> try to keep the car in it's lane on the freeway and reach down and keep
> pressing on the gas to keep up with traffic from the backseat and try to
> climb into the driver's seat. [Howard is sitting there sleeping in his
> car sometimes when I get to work.] Sending dreams to Lakewood -- you
> must have correlations as a dead man. We hooked things up, didn't we.
> Then have to try again. Bass is hungry, that is why it jumps up and
> splashes. Daughter die too, now I take the mother. Now wait until
> Easter.

> 5/15/01 Dreaming about timecards, lemon pepper in my stomach --
> feels like a whole spoonful, gritty, disgusting chemicals. I see someone
> from down hole, thought was dead, takes it well. Snowy mesa or bulldozed
> hilltop, looks like Gram H front yard where we used to play football on
> Thanksgiving. There's a trainer there or PE teacher, tells Justin Abril
> to run around the bases as fast as a track star. I go inside, hear
> someone behind me saying, I can't even run that fast -- arthritis in
> knees. Inside the house, the kitchen to left, Gram has moved out and the
> house is bare of furniture, but the window is open all day like someone
> lives there. My apartment to the right -- tree growing in a pot, big
> room, coffee table books. Then I'm walking down a street, cross railroad
> tracks or drawbridge and see a bunch of young people lined up to see how
> many they can squeeze in between a tree and a car in a field in Mexico. A
> man and kids come along and don't believe it, so I take him back there to
> show him and now there is just a handful of anarchists that scatter like
> birds and run into a field. Mourning doves grazing, they've turned into
> doves. Other birds fly ahead of me when I go towards the room again,
> carrying a little boy. Cars parked in rutted yards. It's Italy or
> France. Man says he's sent Dave's ashes to Paris, says it is popular with
> American writers, there's even a song about it, which he sings in French
> -- the ashes are laying in the train or subway station in bottles. Dave's
> are in a strawberry jam jar in a red gingham box (Catholic looking
> memorial similar to candles in a cathedral) -- they are right in front, he
> must have been a popular writer overseas. There is also an oatmeal scone
> with pink frosting that is named after Dave and seems to be very popular
> at the airport snack bar -- there are only three left on the plate and
> there are six each of other types of donuts. The man buys something and
> goes ahead with the other kids -- I'm still carrying the baby. By the
> time I get to the square, with brick pavement, they've eaten almost all of
> what turns out to be apple cinnamon rolls. I'm allergic to apples but eat
> a small piece anyway and it tastes like vomit. I eat leaning over the
> lawn, which is enclosed by a small wall, so I won't get crumbs on the
> sidewalk and a dingo on the lawn pokes it's head right in my face and
> makes me jump back. It seems harmless but dingoes are always being
> accused of killing babies. My levis get tighter as I eat in the dream.
> It feels like I'm wearing my size 14. I think to myself, I need a beer.
>
> 1/1/01 A wolf slips among people, faces of women change when he
> passes behind or through them -- cold feeling like death. A man can't
> jump from the frying pan into the fire without taking a running
> start/leap. Visiting Mom, I have a big TV, bed, pans -- all to drive back
> on a jeep to college. Jeep is wood inside, has a ledge on the back. My
> siblings also moved out and left a few dishes and other kitchen stuff. My
> hair very red, braided. Little girl buried under a rock in an animal's
> tunnel. People living there, some learn computers. My aunt Dorothy has
> dangerous curly hairs on her face. Dad wants to drive car to Long Beach--
> have to touch wire to the number on the gear shift to go faster in that
> gear. Advice about service, get rid of 79, your mother was right. Have
> not talked to anyone, not even one friend I used to say Hi when passed in
> six months (congratulations) your (character) was right on (about your
> selling your book). A film is forming over my book. I cut out 79. My
> character said I also would sell it. Really into this. Job a keg.
> Living together two quarters, must put on car insurance.
>
> 1/2/01 Ace of pentacles. A road, long, at one end I'm doing
> something some woman wants, her maid. I buy and put things there for
> movie someone is making, climb down stairs. I ask someone if they really
> need those things. Burlington Coat Factory. Woman gets talked into an
> operation by a religious group. I listen to the pitch -- go down a
> sidewalk from the Old Capital building. Pat Dooley is a friend of a rival
> group/doctor. I can't see, put on my glasses.
>
> 1/3/01 Two of wands. A woman lies down, spreads out and turns
> into a blue lake with waves. Everyone swimming to the left. Very
> crowded. Words and titles with dream pictures -- three parts to each
> picture.
>
> 1/4/01 Two of pentacles. Mary land. Loud music in the
> courtyard, 80's music. I get up and manager yells at workmen building
> something. Girl's hands look like mine. Ring on index finger -- gold
> wedding band. Plastic blue band on the other hand. She finds something
> in the computer, calls for me to come see. Hands a little rough, fingers
> a little swollen. I talk close, wonder about my breath. Car starts
> moving, new people at work pushing it. Two men, one woman (LaWanda).
> They push it up a steep hill, impossible. I get out, doors open in middle
> of street. They walk home, I'm stranded. It is some place with several
> rooms -- one has a rock band, two group counseling rooms. I have three
> purses. Two metal sculptures, one porcelain (Korean dog). I leave a sack
> and one purse and a man takes the Korean dog and says, that's a lesson for
> me. John Barman unravels a doiley my mom sent, they look like snowflakes.
> Yellow centers. Says he's bleeding from the yarn.
>
> 1/5/01 Carr groups bacon across mouth. Software for making
> website offline.
>
> 1/6/01 9 of swords. Booneville, I'm up Rosecrans at Sand Dune
> Park. Man is going to open a health food store where people can stand
> around and talk and he'll sell a lot. I tell a woman how there was a
> daycare or armory there before, across from the bank. Meeting rooms with
> classes. If you bring the wrong kid into the world. I told your father I
> didn't want to bother with. When a friend on a Greyhound bus. I figure
> out Christmas is for giving people interesting gadgets to try. Mixed up
> with a bunch of crooks. Hard to meet anyone -- Dangerous Places (Travel
> Guide). Put the Christmas tree into pajamas. Mother not working with us,
> she seemed to be okay. One more day of his liberation of history. I'm
> working in a store, pile of clothes on the floor I'm going to try on, gold
> dress, red dress, white with pictures of sailors. I have notebooks with
> computer, phone applications in them. The boss comes out. The other
> Sheila walks by and I tell him she tries on clothes and throws them on the
> floor and I was picking them up. It's not much work for eight hours.
>
> 1/7/01 Balcony -- a lot of women sitting on T-shirts in their
> family groups. Some men's kids go with them, such as Jesse's. Then I
> move to sand and read. Men come out to take a break -- Bernie, Jesse,
> others. I sit with a young guy who says Richard Choo wants to get rich
> from a business. His product will be himself. Faith classifieds.
>
> 1/8/01 Four of wands. Knock on door, is Johnnie (my neighbor),
> website not working or won't open fast. Sex in work site. The facts of
> life change. Bear makes raid of fish -- on land. Fish in mouth, in long
> grass.
>
> 1/9/01 Bodies in the bathroom, two men in tub. I wonder how I'm
> going to get rid of them. Four were games, boxes, maybe. Two in tub have
> white canvas covering them. I put kids to bed or wake them up with
> stories about blue high heeled shoes. Voice, mail the bodies somewhere as
> a gift to someone. It's a cabin. Then two preppy women are sitting
> beside the bodies. I get arrested, led off in cuffs. See mirror, I look
> like Susan Hayward being led to the electric chair. At least I've almost
> stopped itching. Brick polka dot floor. Three boys, Ted, Mike, ______.
> Wearing polka dots, black and white scene. Wooden swords, four of them or
> maybe nine. Can't see bottom.
>
> 1/10/01 Five of wands. Bald headed ivory white boy. Pieces of
> different puzzles, desk of man that quit Govt -- Tom Brooks. I look at
> the stuff he left behind on his desk -- pictures of fish, statues,
> pictures of cows and other animals. I try to put the puzzles together on
> the floor. Voice, aren't we having fun. Pat goes to the restroom and I
> go in also and ask her how many more years she can stand. She's wearing a
> pink dress and hair styled nice. I was wearing a pink bikini, then look
> for something else, white linen shorts itch. When I look in the mirror
> I'm a Japanese twenty year old male. Lisping teenaged girl in sheer green
> chiffon dress. Man at clothes rack tells her she's so sexy. She asks for
> a ride on his motorcycle to Upland. She runs and tells her dad. Trina
> crying in corner, blue address book. Annie comes back and says something
> was her fault, says Trina should be trained as QA inspector (promotion).
> Thurston very tired in corner, he rode a 10 speed bike to work (I wonder
> on freeway or side street). Man running down a grassy lane, I run too,
> against the wind, very hard to run. Easy other way, passes Mom's house.
> I touch and turn around to run back. Scrolling down pictures -- statue
> head, big nose; cake in a pink box; turns hard after a few days. Old man
> goes up on mountain to die -- face looks like red rock. Sharks beside
> Japan, three of them in school.
>
> 1/11/01 Tower. Who has a gun. I try to cut my hair myself and
> it's longer over the left ear. Right side is okay. Sandy says is thicker
> on the right too. Voice, you're going to beauty parlor, let them cut.
> Ask if bothers anyone -- David Cortez says it bothers him. The sink is
> full of a scientist's things (maybe died). He comes in, to yard sale of
> stuff, and picks up a nice glass watering pot and says that he watered his
> first computer with that. Someone else didn't like the mess in the sink.
> Two skinny old short women pee standing up in the sink (port a potty) at a
> gate or doorway going somewhere. Tours of the jail at Pelican
> Bay/Crescent City. TV Guide type of thing, around David's neck -- a light
> comedy. A group of people, we go to two cars parked along snowy street.
> Pat Casteel drives, another woman and I are in the back. A man swerves in
> front of us and goes in ditch. Driver/Queta tries to hide in a park.
> We're in Minneapolis and Cinda has fourteen kids. We go to the mall and
> Queta drives right inside the mall. I stop to look at a book about chicks
> -- the swim, etc. Also leather jackets. A man comes and says he's going
> to stab Cinda or me to see how it feels. I'm topless with jeans, I get a
> fortune out of a machine to tape over my boobs, then a blue jacket, short
> sleeves. Fortune is Rumi, faint printing, one sentence -- fortune cookie.
> Two men fight, guide says, not in store. The man with the knife gets a
> forturne from the machine too. I give Cinda the ATM card -- $1000 in
> checking. She has to get more money to sign up for internet -- she has a
> secretary who will do it. The fourteen kids walk by -- snowball fight on
> a snowy sidewalk path. One kid throws the snowball up and catches it like
> a popcorn ball in his mouth. Someone yells, girl says it's her teacher
> swimming. The river is steaming but has ice around the edges, wave
> machine, waterslides. I stopped hurrying and enjoyed the water park and
> Cinda's children. Waking up a man and little girl sleeping on the ground
> under a blanket of snow outside a big house with a balcony. Big yard,
> Gram H, Dorothy and I wear shoes, Shelley and Cinda also, can't believe
> the vines have climbed on the house like that. They are there for a
> speech. Going out of the mansion, so many tables and stoves it's like a
> furniture store. Room after room of them. Workers leaving carrying a
> stove set with skillets (iron) with lard in them for breakfast.
>
> 1/13/01 3 of pentacles. Waking up. Garbage burned, then put in
> the corner of a shed. Man sleeping in it. Workmen painting doors, puts
> two fish tanks and plants outside. Mr. Nelson building more apartments --
> big lawn with brick wall, I open a small window, can't get through -- just
> a grate. Whole row of apartments like this, cathedral ceilings. Outside,
> it's like the brewery/artist colony downtown - tore down garages to build
> more apartments. Cabins to right. Shed with building material,
> wallboard. Sculpture of man and woman face -- Christmas 2000. Spent
> together so could smile for picture. I hit him on the head with the
> butcher knife, then start walking up a street with astro turf and a high
> dirt wall. I have $70 including a roll of quarters. Need a newspaper to
> find another place. Shyami walks by and I think of throwing rocks at her.
> She has all her stuff neatly on shelves and dishes soaking in sink. Two
> people on bikes stop and talk admiringly about how we were talking about
> money in public, dimes fly up and stick on wall -- gambling, they're thin
> dimes. I go up a ramp and a voice says, up here. It's a club, bathroom
> is the only exit. Short plump talkative woman starts talking about Bush
> -- his many lawyers, fourth and fifth Republicans in control. Seems to be
> a New Age Coven type group. Women on bikes say not to go to Redondo or
> Torrance. Man says they took fish out because I was going to put them
> back in the lake. Bass is much larger, big enough to cook. A lot of gray
> fish gasping for air like carp in the other tank.
>
> 1/13/01 A freeway on-ramp, 42 freeway to Palmdale. Voice,
> everyone takes it. But it's really La Cienega parallel to the 405
> freeway. The cars exit the freeway onto an escalator at the Galleria. I
> have the wrong glasses, aren't mine. Sandy jumps down from the escalator
> right on the edge to give me mine. Traffic jam on escalator. Woman
> yells, "hey, Korea, where'd you get that green jacket?" Then on the
> swampy playground, someone yells, "hey, Korea" again. They are both
> Korean. Voice, I don't want to leave until later in the morning. Stab
> with raw egg. I vote for Shaq for player of the year, woman disagrees.
> Wrinkled woman at strip bar flexing muscles, looks young. They have
> handlers, there's only one young stripper. Woman's voice, "Angela, you've
> got a child, you're tied down, well give it to me and I'll take care of
> it." Free stuff in a bin in the door, something I wrote about people
> hanging up, free court cards. Aisha wanted a different one, but her mom
> gave her a thick pack of love cards. Books, small free ones --
> Christianity in Winter, some philosopher. A stream, poetry newspaper.
> Article about Ted Berrigan written on cigarette papers, called Sanctuary.
> Girl beside me says she's going to get angry if all bad things blamed on
> her. I asked her opinion. Tibetan things at stream, gather sticks and
> wash them, a bull closed up in a pen. I don't work so I have no money to
> run away. Big man angry, other man grabs a big butcher knife and runs at
> him. He's supposed to handle him, no father. I'm too wishy washy
> (stream) -- don't stand up for women's and other's rights trampled through
> history. I say that "cigarette" meant "santuary" in Tibetan. Ted
> Berrigan is talking teaching handicapped (either he was himself or the
> students were). Nellie says the water is dirty, don't eat food washed in
> it. Cheap son-of-a-bitch, sitting on stool in computer room, things come
> in waves and ideas pictures. Office politics -- bad stuff has to be
> blamed on someone. Get rid of that person, new boss.
>
> 1/14/01 Page of cups. electric shock -- you can learn that way.
> My new room at dorm, I have two, very small, cement block. Walls are blue
> and carpet is blue, same color of blue -- glitter and confetti and ribbons
> on window sills. I put a large picture on the floor, mattress, then very
> tall bed. Small wooden box of office supplies, has an area for tools with
> round bottoms, large hole, three smaller ones. Girl cleaning her room
> asks if she can be in charge of health instead. I tell her cleaning the
> chairs and tables will improve health -- where people touch. She has a
> lot of laundry. I'm in charge of love. I go to help a boy in a valley.
> A whole herd of cattle in the valley -- very small. I ask if they're
> elephants. General and his army. Don't write words, your mother answers
> -- send pictures. If you don't save it, you're not comfortable and you're
> not free. Green flannel skirt, full on dress. The girl is more settled.
> A disaster, fire. Everyone grabs the dogs to save them. I grab six
> kittens -- claws in my arms. A dark gray kitten standing outside beside
> the sidewalk watching the evacuation. Took fifteen minutes to get
> everyone out. [Animal shelter burned down.] You'll be happy to find out
> you can go back and I won't punish you with nothing. Pictures of vases.
>
> 1/15/01 Redear ate too much, poop, cloudy water. Overwork.
> Sitting on sofa, box, picture of fish -- in metal colors. Door open --
> 2000-2001. Metal balls falling, ice, hail or sleet. I go to visit an old
> teacher of mine, retired, with Rhonda Allen. She had to testify for
> conservation. Rhonda says to check my eye color on my application
> (Rosicrucian). Two keys on her door, but she comes to door. Rhonda goes
> in, I talk from outside, then she invites me in. An art work of rocks
> buried in sand. Two places with X's, have Chinese letters on bottoms of
> cakes. The woman says that next time she'll go home and commit suicide.
> I say, I'll visit. She asks her assistant (young boy) if they can hire me
> full time to feed ducks and keep books. Assistant says they already have
> someone to feed ducks. Rhonda crosses on don't walk, I wait, she comes
> back, police car goes by, she gives speech about how much he did for
> community - especially introducing dogs. Sam Kinison, you played it that
> way so you can't do any this way. Lotto, big win -- one side of road is
> Booneville. Bruce thinks it's funny -- crying funny. A full year,
> probably can buy a card. Mike Dafforn and I going back in barn (work)
> carrying lunches. Door has hook, I open two parts. Hay is low enough to
> climb up a path. I fall down and someone helps me up. A deep hole,
> clothes, puts me in a trance. Sandy/Mrs. Dodson living in a motel.
> Bathroom tub a mess. I find something of mine on the table, table is
> crowded. I have to poop. Man escorting two women opens stall door and
> asks if I'll be long. I say 30 minutes at least -- constipated. Door
> opens so everyone can see me. Oh no, you have signed up for the Govt (a
> life).
>
> 1/16/01 Mother and daughter in ancient Italy. Ring, woman
> criticizes daughter for selling out for it. Pat Magro and Mike Dafforn
> hiding papers along a fence -- free food at restaurant at the end of the
> day. Guard passes, they try to run. I saunter out with teenagers after
> music or cheerleader practice. Then through an enrichment educational
> center. Computers and pianos for each kid. Girl is playing Picasso on a
> piano. Another girl says she's bored. Mother asks how old she is, she's
> two. She can make a puppet dance on the keyboard, mother suggests.
>
>
> 1/17/01 I'll hit you, hit you hard.
>
> 1/18/01 Falling, I hear phones ringing. Uri Geller, Bob Feller.
> A bunch of TV stations, videos. Basement where two new young women start
> working where I do, square dancing. Pacific shoreline -- phone modem
> dials. Girl tells me to use the number 1 or 101 line. I'm supposed to
> call Mary Jane and ask the date a teacher -- Shirley Monteilh started at
> daycare/VA, to retire. She asked to retire. I'm next in age/line.
> What's this (Barry's voice.)
>
5/16/01 High Priestess. Redwoods, Butterfly. Rock reporter back there. Lacey. Do you want to go and come back? If you missed your point (bullet) spring break. He's waiting for someone to hurt him because he's allergic to love. Jason Full -- shit pants -- still three. Sitting on a full load.

> 5/17/01 6 of wands. Small bull on a hillside,
> trying to roll over uphill. Sheep can't roll uphill, will die without a
> shepherd. Bison walking through deep prairie grasses. I wanna get down.
> You should be shamed. For what you have. Profit, prophet. Grab back
> what. Beautiful new church, beautiful new house. A lecture, acquisition
> reform maybe. A man shows me a book of illustrations, very thick paper,
> pages. The text is hard to do, push something and it reads aloud to you.
> Rice with coconut milk. Filing out of the lecture, wooden stairs with a
> hand railing, cookies with M&Ms on them I want to look at the recipe for,
> go back but they're all gone. A crowd of black teenaged boys, I'm wearing
> a thick, heavy gold chain under my blouse collar -- dog chain, or Mr. T.
> Can tell it's gold by the feel. I push my way through the crowd. They
> might think a white woman shouldn't be wearing a heavy gold chain, hope it
> doesn't show. A man has a dog on roller blades or casters, feet wear out,
> skates through door. I go out a different door, white middle-aged
> brunette woman says I should have said "sorry." I heard myself say
> something, thought I did. She says I said, "hum." Door hitting her in
> the butt on the way out, but it slammed in her face.
> Outside is very nice -- lake in the distance at the
> bottom of a big hill. Looks like a city park, ground sort of worn out and
> dusty. Voice, go see their parents, they'll give you all kinds of
> protests. Group of children playing with a baby -- throwing it back and
> forth. The kids are only four and the baby is big -- they might drop it.
> The baby sits on the ground and is all sweaty from playing even though it
> just gets tossed back and forth -- wipes sweat out of his armpits.
> Boutique where cat Sally was killed when a woman walked her dogs past,
> only one wearing muzzle -- voice, does she have a closing store. Why (do
> they hang around in the hallway.)

> 01/19/01 7 of cups. Hours, 40 and 80 for work
> activity log and another activity -- golf. Apollo is in a new town. We
> have to look at the trees in the park. I pick up a green stick but it is
> a fishing pole, no string. I catch a very large fish anyway. Several
> people help get it off the hook. Tony Escobar puts it in a boat/shopping
> cart and it looks like a big bird. On the hook it looks like a fiber
> glass speedboat. Maria likes it. Young people working at a church --
> union guy comes around to inspect. Strawberry ice cream in toilet, pine
> needles on the counter that I'm sweeping up. I look around -- lots of
> garbage, three pillows, boy and girl students behind the counter, both
> very clever -- thiy pick pine needles out of a lemon meringue pie. They
> are sitting there holding their purses, etc, at 5 till, but I'm not done
> throwing trash -- a lot in the middle of the room, now there're big pieces
> of wood or boat parts. Real estate agents looking around. Ellen asks
> about something, must swim from somewhere. From a jack to a king.
> Turtle, don't know him until you crack him, take him and use him, untie
> meat. I'll stay home to welcome in 2001, whatever's left I'll take along.
> There might have been something broken (Nathan's job). Nathan is now the
> custodian -- wants an easier job. 25 grips on Australia. Can't remember
> if I met a man recently. If it bothers you, it hurts, if it doesn't
> bother you. I can't see ring under bright light, sort of live. It's a
> good thing I remember that year. Woman in leather air force jacket.
>
> 1/20/01 Email closed when I try it in the dream.
> Update of a list of news items. A clock that tells "no" when there's no
> time. Creek very shallow over grass, this was a river, can see line.
> Dirt is soft and dry and I sink in. Little girl about four walks across
> river. then she gets swept away by rapids, hits head on large flat rock
> on the edge of the stream. River drys up before it goes over a falls. I
> run after her. She's okay, miracle. We look at boulders and some sharp
> rocks in the river bed. A piece of fruit is cut up and reassembled like a
> puzzle -- looks like an orange rock. A second one, creek gets deeper and
> branches. Also the pieces of a dress cut out from a pattern, pins on
> floor that I pick up -- I'm a teenaged mom in kitchen. I break off two
> replies, float downstream -- then I don't have to float down a third one.
> Voice, maybe they can go to the bottom and tell me what they see (woman
> leaving parking ramp door), not the way it is now where everyone has to go
> in there and get it once (mail), crying, a retirement village near a
> river, man explaining -- they come right out the back, cover eyes with a
> blindfold, pats another man's cheek -- firing squad, Utah. Berkeley, our
> big winner on traffic alert.
>
> 1/21/01 A young Japanese couple on the back of the
> car, raining out. Girl says there's a noise, umbrella shut in door, I
> must have slammed it. I ask if they want to get inside the car, not ride
> outside on the trunk. I'll give them a ride, the boy says it's a long
> ways. He gets in driver's seat, drives to hospital, girl's mother there.
> Their clothes are wet, little boy points out wet sleeve on Japanese guy.
> Girl has Power Puff girls on her white tights inside a hard exterior. Boy
> said I was driving in second gear, but I thought I was in park. I go from
> floor to floor in the hospital. Shirley Golightly is there, I'm traveling
> with her, and she wants to go back to the bar, she disappears. Vickie
> approaches calling her name, but calling her Suzie. I try different
> floors, look at the directory of names