Home

1/25/98 Recurring dream -- a lot of people from work and my relatives from Des Moines and parents and I are trying to get down from a higher floor in a basket. The other Sheila is arranging the basket loads of people. Someone near me is talking about the military. My parents leave in the basket with suitcases. When I get in with some people from work, it tips and we fall out down to the floor but no one looks hurt. Then a young girl asks me about a job. I have made some corrections on a page of figures. She is lying on the bed working on an earlier copy that isn't corrected. I hit her and jump on her stomach and tell her to put the blanket back and get the right figures out of the wastebasket. Then John Byrne asks me about a jet (?) and people are lined up buying food at a catering truck. I dreamed about the wrong figures and jumping on the girl's stomach before because this dream doesn't end with an invitation and map thrown in the trash, to a party at Mr. Li's house.

1/30/98 I leave work at Northrop, have to pull myself up a stucco wall. It's a good thing I have strong arms from lifting so many boxes. I climb over a fence and go through the garbage at Hughes. They have good food in their garbage. Also 3D playing cards with a woman's breasts getting bigger, a man tells me. Then I'm feeding the ducks -- standing right in the water so I can see them. Roz Bradley is there. Then a girl orders a beer for $3.50 and has to drive to pick it up. The street starts with a "C" maybe Carmenita and is at the Hughes exit from the freeway. Shower sprays in one room of the museum or office building -- lots of red. I look for the door and there are three doors. It says "Exit" on the middle one. I decide to take that door and not second guess it. It is so dark inside I can't see a thing but I can feel someone else is in there -- the hand and arm.

1/31/98 Sandy Cortez says she found my application and retyped it for me. There is a name on the list she is checking -- Villegas Montgomery who is the new secretary and is out sick already because of lung cancer. He was the new colonel's secretary replacing Queta. I ask Sandy what to wear to the interview.

2/1/98 A man at work asks me if I am having a baby and I say I can't. Then I'm at Gram H's house looking down the hill where we played baseball the day I hit Mike and knocked him down
for quitting as soon as he was "out." I have a double. No one thinks she looks like me. I take
her in to put my make-up on her. She has her own clothes, so I think she can't look exactly
like me. She puts on eye shadow. I don't wear eye shadow. Hers is gray and purple. She puts
on my only sweater -- a long white one. But she's gotten too strong and I can't control her. I
think of folding her in half and putting her in the garbage but some men see her, so I stand her
up and smooth her out. I take her to a party at a rich guy's house and she turns into a spider.
She does investment counseling and a man asks her if he should sell. I'm on the path across
the schoolyard to the bridge and people and dogs are chasing me. I can barely get above their
hands and turn on my back and try to get altitude swimming.

> 1/6/98 Voice saying, you are sick, stay home. I don't feel sick.
> Running away from some house. I hide behind a snow covered bush. There
> are some dogs in front of the bush. Also run through some other scene.
> It keeps starting over, I keep getting captured and taken back. Our old
> house, roof leaking, glass in the door is broken, the whole house is
> glass, translucent and a Vietnamese guy is living there now. I live next
> door in a longhouse. It is wood, stuff piled around. Saroja and other
> people talking. Thick envelope with my family tree.
>
> 1/8/98 At work finding maps with distances for a man in a black T-shirt
> and pants. Everyone else goes to a wedding in Oklahoma. Then my sister
> and her husband and other people appear. A young girl at a counter who is
> disgusted because I can't do something - some type of work or my own
> business. I say, life can also just be routine and resting when you
> aren't busy. [My sister started her own business.]
>
> 1/16/98 Going in a line somewhere. Buying groceries - $58. A little
> blond girl, about one, wearing pink pants and white shirt, long hair. I
> have a test and haven't studied. I have one day to study everything. Try
> to remember the locker combination to get the books out to start studying.
> The test day comes, similar dream last week. I didn't even study the
> whole semester. The questions are not even anything I know about. The
> first questions are verbal and then there is a test book. I don't even
> know the subject, but it may be science. There were experiments to do and
> there is powder on the book from them. I go back to work and cook my
> lunch on a grill outside.
>
> 1/21/98 Voice saying, Pico and Hawthorne merge today, he's a little
> porker. Two couples in a car. Another woman walks by - looks exactly
> like me - stooped shoulders and my hair. Some disaster. Baby pigs look
> different. A fence around them. They are standing upright. Go to Sears,
> it is a swapmeet with tapestry belts. Someone died, a casket.
>
> 1/22/98 A tree house. Boy with bare arms curling a girl's hair. Her
> hair is very thick and it takes him a long time.
>
> 1/29/98 In living room of an apt right on the beach, just got home. The
> neighbor comes in - I smell something burning and I ask him if he was
> cooking, he says, the hair of the bull. Two neighbors introduce
> themselves, tall men. A girl comes in and says, you're Tonio - she kept
> calling and thought it was the wrong number. Her name is Debra. Then two
> Puerto Rican men both named Christian Martin. There are a lot of babies
> in one corner and young children in another. The other apts are empty and
> dry grass in the courtyard.
>
> 2/2/98 A group of kids, I have to take care of one little girl. They
> were singing in the group. She has to wash her hands. I ask if she
> should be asleep by 9 and the teacher says, no, 10! I think she'll be
> going to sleep later than I do. She has been traumatized somehow.
>
> 2/3/98 A woman dressed in a metal dog suit is sitting on the couch with
> a man also in some metal bodysuit -- maybe a bull or teddy bear. He
> doesn't want to go anywhere dressed like that. A man comes in with a blow
> torch and heats the metal suit. People try to save them - a guy with a
> chain saw gets tossed off the porch. A woman carries someone out. A
> school room, the class is over (I'm using some guy's desk) and I look for
> my stuff. The phone rings and a woman asks if I want to do a political
> survey.
>
> 2/10/98 On a bus. A man sits in the seat across from me -- the last
> seat. RC Prunty, the boy next door in high school, gets on and has to sit
> with him. Out the window are red fires - some kind of furnace, factories.
> It is someone's wedding. A bedroom to the left. I'm going farther and
> farther away and don't know where. I think, this environment is different
> than my last life. At work, Queta has a red acrylic or glass heart. A
> German Shepard outside the window when I look down. People are arriving
> for a meeting. [Queta does have a heart like that on her desk.]
>
> 2/12/98 Pottery. An oriental woman and a little girl arranging them on
> shelves by the door of their house. Worrying if they'll sell.
>
> 2/13/98 Photos in an envelope. A road knee deep in cow shit. The bull
> apparently walks up and down the driveway shitting. Someone has shoveled
> part of it and you can see how many inches deep. It goes to the top of
> the curb. Also a picture of two kids side by side in a stroller. The
> pictures are damp in the trash, I can't get them out of the envelope.
>
> 2/17/98 A meeting of people working on contracts for airplanes and
> eating hamburgers and hotdogs. I get disgusted waiting and go in the
> kitchen and start wrapping more sandwiches. Lots of noise all around.
> Then a supervisor calls me back in and says some work hasn't been done -
> shows me a list of photos I was supposed to print. There are people
> standing in a row, I think I see myself with my hair up. It looks like a
> safari, maybe, people dressed in khaki with hats. Office is almost empty
> by the time I leave. Walls of one cubicle are crooked at the bottom when
> I go past and the light is still on in one cubicle where the guy
> transferred months ago.
>
> 2/26/98 A busy office. I pick up the phone and dial two numbers, forget
> the "1" for long distance. I can hear people talking. It sounds like
> the smoking area outside a building.
>
> 3/2/98 There are 72 rolls of carpet worth seven figures, then they're
> worth six figures.
>
> 3/3/98 Mental activity, a book open, I'm too tired to read it. A baby
> crawling like Little Edgar was sleeping when they brought him home from
> the hospital with his butt in the air. A little blond girl, I pick her up
> and then put her down and she runs away to play.
>
> 3/16/98 Flowers, purple ones in clusters with leaves like geraniums and
> white lace ones. Two women before you. A vacation, I drive along a
> highway. I stop. A semi passes close. A flatbed truck ahead picks up
> abandoned classic cars. Some are rusty, a Dodge. Some are new looking,
> sports cars like Corvettes. He finds a Porsche and stops. I wonder how
> he gets them up on the flatbed truck, did the owners leave the keys in
> them when they abandoned them along the highway. Then walking in an old
> town and an old Indian woman is selling old prom formals that my aunts
> wore. I thought Grandma cut them up to make pillows. Walking through a
> park with small deer.
>
> 3/19/98 Flowers laying on the carpet between the students' cubicles and
> mine. Then I look at what I'm wearing and realize they are the flowers
> from my skirt which is black with lilac flowers on it. I have plants
> growing in a huge window, some have grown a lot and are exotic. There is
> another one like a desert plant - thick tough leaves like a Century or
> Yucca, but very small. Terri Rinard from high school comes in and tells
> me the names and trims them. One plant is in my desk drawer - sick. It's
> a begonia with pink flowers.
>
> 3/25/98 Big building. Leather jackets. My hairbrush from Iowa falls
> apart and I get a new one with nose, eyes open. Look for leather pants.
> I walk up an outside ramp -- conversation pit with nice leather couches.
> A man says it's 10:00 in Philadelphia. I cut my hair, it's very red and
> curly.
>
> 3/26/98 Something about Communism. Some country is depopulated.
>
> 3/31/98 I'm in a hole in the ground on a hillside in Ireland -- very
> green. Have to dig deeper before something comes to kill everyone. There
> are some wire tubes that run around on tracks in a circle and make the
> hole deeper like screwing in a screw. On a prairie. Then I'm in a room
> where a woman's name plate in front of her is upside down and I can't read
> it. She has a paper cup full of icy coke, says, taste this, it's
> tasteless. She says everything is polluted - air, water, ground. You can
> see a reservoir behind her - or river, concrete.
>
> 4/7/98 I go to work in a mine as a visitor. Woman guard, I get a temp
> badge. Go down a lot of stairs - a gate on each one - with the man who
> works there. I dream about stairs a lot and can go fast on them. I ask
> how many floors down it is at the bottom -- 30 something. It is a soybean
> factory - dust everywhere, piled on the chairs. Dan Dixon (coworker) is
> sitting there under a canopy and he says, I hope there isn't a big
> earthquake while we're down here. I move out from under the canopy where
> a beam will kill me - I don't want to be buried alive. The man I came
> down with drives off in a little golf cart with a plastic topper. It is
> covered with yellow soy dust too and spider webs. There are women and
> kids sitting in groups surrounded by piles of laundry sorted into small
> piles. It looks like a river bank, underground stream. The man comes
> back after work and takes me back to the surface - takes a cooler full of
> ice. I cry on the bed and then I can't breathe. Time for school - a
> dress I had in high school in my closet. My sister says to wear the
> velvet or satin one. I finally find some knee socks. They are new gray
> ones, I don't have any nylons. My sister says she doesn't have any washed
> either when I try to find some in her drawer. She is going to wax her
> legs.
>
> 4/14/98 Man holding the boy's hand while he jumps on the trampoline.
> Mother plays with wooden puzzle on the floor.
>
> 4/15/98 My old job at Sierra Rubber - I take down several expired months
> from the calendar and all that's left is May, so I take it down too. The
> place looks like a dairy or somewhere different than it was. On what is
> supposed to be my desk is a bowl of plants that have gradually died. The
> last three are dying, one vine. One looks like lettuce and one cabbage,
> frilly fancy kind. A little girl with freckles appears beside me and
> wants a doll that just has a head. They were having a meeting and Anne
> comes out. The receptionist and I are writing checks and there is no
> accounts receivable on my desk. I wonder if they're still solvent and how
> I've gotten sucked into this work, what about my govt job. Anne says her
> pants are too tight.
>
> 4/20/98 An apt building on fire. Two women are trapped, then get the
> window open - a redhead and Sally Fields. Betty Thompson from high school
> (voted most popular) is working on some book. She is even taking over my
> dream. I drive home on Pacific Coast Highway. Don't have my seat belt
> on, am driving a big white truck. In front of the gas station on top of
> a hill in Manhattan Beach, a man gets stabbed. Another man is wiping the
> knife on someone else's jacket and says the other man got irrational and
> was fighting (just like the kids in preschool did when they tripped a kid
> that was running, because running was against the rules.) A red headed
> woman in a yellow dress gets up to walk inside the house, it didn't burn
> down - several people sitting on the porch. There's a man inside and
> she's shot twice and falls down - shot in chest or abdomen. She didn't
> get inside fast enough. I buy a purse and dump it out when someone asks
> if it is my purse. It has baby oil, bottle, kleenex -- things I don't
> really have. The purse is leather with designs on it like junior high
> kids carve in their desks. I wake up and see myself sleeping in bed.
> There is a baby's high chair where the table is and a baby boy in the
> chair -- I see his penis.
>
> 4/21/98 I'm in an old building - sort of like a parking ramp with a
> dirt floor or barn. There's a swimming pool in one room and a woman in
> the shower room. Her name is Lourdes or Mimi. A man tells me to go tell
> my boss I'm missing or forgot something and I start down a steep hill with
> terraces. There are people making a movie at the bottom.
>
> 4/27/98 People getting ready for a Christmas party in a new building
> that appeared in the school parking lot, kitchen and bathroom in the same
> room like at work. Knock on the door. Gail Fitzgerald from high school
> says to let her answer it -- it might be a killer. Candles in the
> refrigerator and a pot of blue mold -- my second successful science
> experiment in a coffee cup. Very complicated map, roads closed for 100
> miles by snow. Queta and others complain that the Colonel is not fair -
> her and Capt Gant's small errors are overlooked. There is a yellow bus to
> the party and even the colonel is taking it -- very late. Someone has to
> introduce the new huge white and gold lobby.
>
> 4/29/98 A house that looks familiar at one side but when you go outside
> it's a mall. Italian brick tile floors. The house has a lot of bathrooms
> with lots of towels - then one looks like the bathroom under the stairs at
> Dad's. One bathroom is in a line like a row of sinks but is out in a
> forest. I go to the one on the end. I drift through the scene stopping
> at all these bathrooms. The mall, I have to climb a hill that is a big
> ball covered with shiny blue tiles. Some kids are climbing across the
> slippery tiles (this is the roof of the mall) and the store owner
> underneath is complaining about the noise. One kid starts to slide off
> into a pile of balls down below. Someone says he broke a leg, blond kid
> about seven. [I read on Sean David Morton's website (interview with
> Adrian) in 2001 about UFOs with malls inside.]
>
> 5/4/98 Files. One has Christmas cards. The folder for Sen has a lot,
> Sin has only one dated 1979. The guy who hands out the files hands me the
> "F's". Then I'm in the "G's" and there are "S" in the same drawer, so
> it's a small file. It's in a grassy meadow and the creek is dry, then it
> rains and the water in the creek is a foot deep and the files get all wet.
> I look up and there are lilacs over the counter.
>
> 5/5/98 A sparrow on the steps of a brick building in front of the door.
> Says it can't talk anymore - is the only one who will talk to a
> psychiatrist. I try to kill the bird -- smash it against the door. I
> think it has a nest. Then I'm inside a small stucco house and I have to
> flee because the other birds are mad - there are already five crows and
> one bites my finger. In the car are pillows and blankets. Very sleepy.
> A man drives but he falls asleep and I have to drive again. I drive
> through Van Meter, cut through Terri's yard. She has pine trees sprayed
> gold and a 4-5 year old son. In the river is a ship and a guy has been
> thrown off -- he put garlic on another guy's teeth and told him it was
> mouth wash. The river looks like a beach in California. A man throws up
> and says, in the morning you will recall this and do the same thing. Then
> the car finally stops along a wall and I try to find a place to park free
> so I can sleep.
>
> 5/6/98 At a gas station. There are cats and kittens. I feed two
> kittens. They are very skinny. Some of the bottles have gasoline in
> them. I have two bottles of milk. The mother cat gets a full stomach and
> isn't thin anymore. I pick her up and she seems paralyzed or a doll.
> Trying on clothes in a dressing room at Goodwill. High heels look like
> in-line skates. Bra on the floor with C cup someone left. When I'm done,
> I can't find my shoes. There are a lot of shoes all over. Mine are red
> sandals.
>
> 5/12/98 A man with two little boys in a park. I talk to one of them,
> then forget what I said. They are going to visit an apt on the second
> floor. A girl opens the bottom door. Two young blond girls in a
> convertible park outside the park and all the people in the park start
> singing a song "The Man is Gordito." I try to think if this is a real
> song -- must be Guantanamera. That would translate loosely as One Ton of
> Ocean/Mother. The younger boy asks me if I'm kicking them out, then. I look at
> the clock in the dream and it's __:54. The real time is 4:09.
>
> 5/13/98 Typing a letter. A man standing by the big machine you use says
> they aren't going to put any more landmines in there.
> I wonder what a landmine would do to your letter. Then it's a lecture and
> all the desks are full, so I sit along the side on a couch. A man with an
> artist's board is also on the couch. There are thigh high boots on the
> floor.
>
> 5/15-18/98 Sewing. I make a red circle skirt (like I wore every day in
> second grade because I didn't have anything else to wear except my Great
> Grandmothers clothes from the 1920 that were supposed to be play dress-up
> clothes) black belt, white blouse. I sit down and the man beside me
> calls me "Mouse." That was Sandy's nickname Dad gave her. I can't
> remember what he's telling the other people at the table I've done. My
> bicycle breaks down, fan stops and front tire blows out, fortuneately
> right outside a bicycle shop in Hermosa Beach. The guy that runs the shop
> tries to sell me copy of the Titanic video. Then when I insist, he gets
> the bicycle tire ($10). It looks like an air filter box. I go out and
> walk down to the ocean which looks completely different, like a huge
> river. There is mud along the edge of the river and when I walk on it, I
> suddenly sink completely over my head and keep right on sinking. I decide
> to relax and just see where it goes since it is just a dream. Then I'm in
> a bathroom, fancy one in Manhattan Beach at the Tot Lot that has a side
> door out the handicapped stall. I go out that door and sit down on the
> grass. A voice says, that's my girl. It's Dan Dixon, I wonder what he's
> doing there. A man asks me why I didn't tell him my pimples are worse,
> "you can tell me." There's a woman with a baby sitting ahead of me and
> when I open the door there's a cat between the screen door and the wood
> door. Door is high up like a moving van.
>
> 5/23-26/98 Two cards, Empress and Queen of Swords. Queta goes in the
> express lane with a whole cart full. The Colonel's secretary gets
> preferential treatment even at the grocery store! A couple of people get
> mad and leave. A kid from high school, RC Prunty, is walking ahead of me
> down a road and shows me he has a switchblade. He walks in the ditch and
> eventually comes to a stream he'll have to cross. Then a tide flat.
> There are cars there. He has an old car and drives away. A bum is
> sitting on top of my car. The keys are inside, so I have to talk him into
> opening the door. He won't but the window is rolled down and I get it
> open anyway. Then I drive away and Drew Barrymore is in the backseat.
>
> 5/27/98 My hair is tangled. I wear a sweater and no bra and go to work.
> Gold sweater. I have a jacket too. I have figured something out
> correctly, some important man. I hear Apt 18 arguing but they are on the
> wrong side -- the Apt 16 side. Mirror image. I can go into the bedroom
> without hearing them through the bathroom mirror (that's the Apt 18 side).
>
> 5/28/98 At an outdoor cafe by the ocean at Hermosa Beach. I get called
> inside the cafe. A cat is lying in a basket but I can't understand it.
> Gray hairs mixed with darker ones. A voice says, I think this is nicer.
> It is a stuffed blue animal in a Picasso-like distortion of one cheek of
> its face. Someone says the cat shouldn't be sleeping in the litter box.
> They leave and the cat poops over the edge of the box. Tail was hanging
> over the edge.
>
> 6/1/98 A gun in the cab of a truck. Then it's just a BB gun and the
> barrel is cuved up. There are a lot of papers with it on the floor and
> the floor curves up in the cab. A barn with several floors you have to
> climb up ladders to reach. Two exits. I climb up two ladders and then
> some men chase me back down. The other climbers go out one exit and me
> out the other. Hillside with a lot of small animals like rabbits.
>
> 6/2/98 Two women sitting to my right, long blond hair and short red
> hair. It is an interview of an woman with straight black hair. She has
> to take her clothes off and do her Statue of Liberty act. She has big
> breasts and thighs wrapped in flags with stars. I fall asleep with my
> chin on my chest and then wake up and ask the other two what I missed.
> One woman says, just her whole womanhood. she talked about her boyfriends
> and heroin. Some men are tearing down a wall, pounding on it and pull it
> down. it falls like an avalanche. There's a man in a black leather
> jacket.
>
> 6/3/98 A woman beside me on the bed. She is complaining and then she
> gets cold and jumps into a pile of blankets on a chair. There's a man
> hiding in there and she sits on his lap.
>
> 6/4/98 I go into an office to drop off a chapter of a book I wrote.
> The man is on the phone and tells me he's read the first 2 1/2 pages and
> tears them off as he reads them. They are printed on scratch paper. I
> look around. He has two aquariums. One he says has turtles but they look
> like large yellow plastic blocks that shift around in the water. The
> other one has fish and one has escaped. A bluegill I think and I look for
> it. A girl has a fish but she says it's a large carp she caught
> somewhere. It has a broad back and looks like a red koi and is lying on
> the floor in front of the tank. The man at the desk says the rings are
> engraved and for me to touch this one -- it has raised metal design on
> each side of a large diamond. [July 2000, I bought a two day fishing
> license and we caught a largemouth bass and warmouth bluegill at Alondra
> Golf Course in Lawndale and put them in two aquariums in the apt.]
>
> 6/9/98 By the door at Mom's old house, I'm looking for a coat on the
> hooks. There is a buffet of desserts and a couple wants to adopt a
> dachsund with paralyzed back legs. The man asks if she's sure about that
> dog. I have to go out and it's cold and rainy. I leave and am walking
> behind Sandy and notice that she's wearing a basketball uniform with
> "Cheney" on it. I try to remember what team Cheney is on. I haven't been
> following basketball much. Allan twins, Becky and Jimmy, using an
> exercise ball, rolling over it. I called Becky Allen a witch in grade
> school because her hair was sticking out very messy and she called me a
> witch also. Phone call, I keep falling asleep and waking up in the dream.
> I'm getting dressed to go to a concert and a voice asks if I really want
> to go there. There is a radio in the bathroom like I used at Howard
> Johnson's when I was a maid and it comes on my itself. I'm carrying my
> brother - he has on shorts and I think he forgot his pants. Someone
> complains about carrying something heavy and I get confused and think he
> weighs five pounds instead of five years. He gets younger and I hold him
> around the middle.
>
> 6/11/98 Getting ready for a roast at work. John Byrne says you can make
> fun of bald. He isn't. I wonder what they'll say about me, PMS probably.
> I wonder what they'll say about Bernie. I have to go to the bathroom and
> can't so I go outside and poop on the ground outside the gate. There are
> alfalfa seeds already growing in it -- no wonder I'm constipated. A dog
> walks by, skinny mutt with medium fur. There are cats with long fur too,
> take a lot of washing and brushing. I still have to pick up the poop and
> find a bathroom. I go to a tall modern building with nice furniture and
> carpets. Finally find a bathroom with a long line of women and kids and
> I'm last. The men are all waiting in the chairs by the down escalator.

6/17/98 I go to West Complex at Northrop where I used to work in 1983 and
there are timecards going back to 1981 still there, many people didn't fill
them out. There are also some "retired" clothes that women wore to the
office. Mine is a dress with a T-shirt top and denim with a panel down the
front. Faith's is a blue and tan tiger print blouse like mine. There is
also a black nylon dress with a long bodice and little skirt on the bottom
and a bright pink dress. I think these are funeral clothes, but I need more
clothes and pick some up to wear again. Someone is in a hurry to leave.
Outside is a road, concrete broken up on a truck, grass and big aquariums.
The fish are gold fish, small red ones, a whole school. They don't have any
fishfood. They are eating the numerous dead ones floating at the top of the
tank, down to the bone in some spots. There is a piranha on a small
rectangle of ground. I give it a handful of food by mistake, but it eats it
as it flops around. [Apollo told me in 1999 that he had a Pacu, type of
piranha, that never stopped growing and when it got too big for the 75
gallon tank he stopped feeding it and let the water level drop to kill it.]

6/20/98 A phone call at work. It's someone's kid about the mother's
paycheck. Someone dumps water in the CPU of the payroll computer, the
monitor same thing, earlier. It is on the filing cabinet. Then I'm in
Mom's old house and the refrigerator has curved sides, not square, it's an
earlier time -- must be 1950's. The woman says her husband won't let her
buy a stroller for her two babies, so she bought a children's size loveseat.
Then it feels cold -- like winter-- but I know it's June. Outside a little
girl with dark, shoulder length hair, about ten, takes my hand to show me
some blue phone booth size boxes. She says, touch. They are very cold.
She calls them coolies. In a building with hallways between the rooms, like
the hallways in the Great Pyramid. Hallway to a first room, then beyond
that the walls are reddish sand color -- sandalwood color Mom painted the
living room.

6/22/98 I travel through a city -- sidewalks, streets, think, now I go
this way. In Hermosa Beach, cross the greenbelt to the cable company --
Adelphi. There are women there in the driveway. I do their payroll and
it's picked up by a service. A tall dark haired woman in a dark green dress
is talking about a trip she's going on. A man comes up and says he's glad
I'm still alive and that I know who he is -- his badge says Suzie Smith. He
looks like Mom's old boyfriend Al. He says he left me a letter in mailbox
21 but tells me what it says -- he's glad I'm alive. [Suzie Smith's latest
book, published 2000 is about how she wants to prove life after death by
putting a code in a computer and you can win a prize by proving it after she
dies.]

6/23/98 I have a job at a new museum. I seem to be the curator. There
will be a library too. There are beanie babies, a seal, a dragon I think.
Some are very small ones. In a restroom in Mom's old barn where she milked
the cows. It's a seminar for New Age subjects, very busy. They're on a
break and a blond guy is stretched out on the floor naked talking to a dark
haired girl. His penis is wrapped like on the Yanomano documentary.

7/1/98 Victor, teenaged boy next door, is limping, has carpal tunnel.
Walking through a city, a beading machine automatically makes necklaces and
designs. Some women are running it, strands of beads are woven together. A
puppy. Wets on the floor, pile of corn on the floor, my leg. Lois sets up
Christmas trees, a whole roomful of them, decorated, shows me more stored in
the attic. A little boy with some blond hairs in with dark ones, I say,
"eat" and he repeats it.

7/14/98 My neighbors, Ken and Lily, start a business and are selling
specialty food.

7/16/98 A trailer along Riverside Drive in Iowa City at the U of Iowa. I
cross a stream and fall in and it's a sewer I find out. Have to take off my
clothes. A bunch of people packed in to travel in the trailer with all
their suitcases, duffle bags.

7/22/98 Signe, coworker (Captain), is moving. She has a house and is
moving back to Maine maybe. She talks about her two ex-husbands and one is
suing her for breach of promise or something, she can't remember the term
for it. I wonder which one is the father of her two daughters. They don't
want to move. She talks to a woman standing in a doorway and says aside to
me that it's hard to believe that woman's husband married her -- he is so
well-spoken.

7/23/98 In the real kitchen of our apt. There is a man in jeans and a
leather jacket, no shirt, wrestler looking, talking about his problems. He
is the new guy in apt 18. When I passed there they were moving in and it
looked like a young girl with curly blond hair and this guy in leather.
Then it turns out they are both men and the blond "girl" is going out with a
younger kid. This is the guy-in-leather's problem. Then I'm on the scale
and I thought I weighed 150 and it goes up from there to 200. I look in the
mirror and my face is fat, cheeks sticking out on each side of my face and
hair short and curly blond. I wonder if I've really gained my weight back
-- Pat Casteel told me about how she'd have nightmares she gained hers back.

> 7/28/98 The river in Van Meter. I cross it towards the town and there
> is a flood in the middle -- the water is higher than at the edge. The
> higher part turns to waves and I surf to shore. I have a boat - name
> starts with "S" -- Sentinel I think. It runs up on the shore from the
> force of the wave. I walk down the driveway to wait for the school bus.
> There is a big hill that comes right down to the road and there's no where
> to stand.
>
> 7/30/98 Phone call. Wakes me up in the dream. A black magazine cover.
> Then the whole thing appears at once. Diana with some children. Some
> headlines I can't read. A picture of a pie, apple or cherry. [Diana died
> 8/31/98.]
> Repetitive dream I can't remember clearly -- working at a machine.
>
> 8/3/98 Black dress and suit jacket drying on hanger. Needs ironing.
> My purse in glove compartment - teenagers try to break in, car full of
> them. I sleep on floor -- cold -- in some building. Something folded up,
> looks like blankets. Old man gives me squares of white cake with
> strawberries. He's thin, white hair, dressed in a black suit. A man has
> done something to a woman inside her house. I'm telling about it and he
> reappears, then goes right through the door like a ghost. He's young,
> maybe 30's. Walking through a building, Hawthorne police have assault
> rifles, a man yells at them, they blame an old man and have a banquet with
> tuxes and evening gowns.
>
> 8/4/98 Little kids at camp - playing with bottles in a circle. Each
> one has a bottle. Counselor is blond, no shirt. Then that activity is
> over and they play a game with big green balls in plastic bags. A man has
> a pile of video sports games and asks a woman if she wants to play the
> football one for 2-3 hours. She says she was drafted by some professional
> team -- she's about 5' tall and 50's. There's a table with things
> scattered on it and I try to gather up mine.
>
> 8/5/98 I'm all alone in a apt. I think of things I could do. People
> start talking around me. Very vague, can't remember much.
>
> 8/6/98 River by Mom's farm, dirt appears in a ridge in the middle of it
> -- looks like someone is building a dam. The water comes right up to the
> patio right away. The stream decreases upstream. There're a bunch of
> Hispanic girls with whips standing there watching with one boy. They
> speak very cultured English and whip the whips against their legs. The
> carpet is damaged by the flood. Juanita (coworker) tells me her boss is
> getting a $2M bonus and she's getting $1M. That seems high for a Govt
> job. She hands me plates with holes along the edges and asks me which one
> I want -- one looks like sea shells, but up close it is a refrigerator
> that was washed out to sea in a flood. You can see waves moving on the
> plate.
>
> 8/11/98 A new computer system. Must be Windows 98. The screen looks
> different, sort of like Dungeons and Dragons or Dickensville. It is
> almost 5 PM in the dream, really it is almost 5 AM -- alarm. I've worked
> late in the dream. Trying to balance iron on ironing board -- very
> precarious. Blue handwriting on the bedroom wall -- small printing,
> almost a page. I don't go up to read it.
>
> 8/12/98 I'm walking somewhere, cross a street. There are two places to
> cross. The lower one crosses a flood plain or some large cemented in
> area. A blond woman, pony tail has been punched, has a large bruise
> somewhere, her neck I think. She sounds like the woman in the commercial
> who's daughter ate four pancakes. Man tells her she should see a doctor.
>
> 8/17/98 Waiting in an airport. Someone is leaving -- very emotional.
> Johnnie & Roz are there. Various activities in an open area -- picnic with
> games. Bead necklace -- large wooden beads.
>
> 8/18/98 Frozen thing thawing. Looks like a snow drift. Thaws into
> mountain, fingers, or popsicle shape. Very white snow.
>
> 8/19/98 Handwritten email from a woman, subject line, "Change Detroit."
> A list of five names like a seating plan.
>
> 8/20/98 Computer people eat dinner, then start working on computers
> again. I go back to get my purse and catch them working very late and my
> computer is all taken apart.
>
> 8/25/98 Keys in ignition, green truck, my jeans and purse in back seat.
> My old size 16 jeans. My Gram H' house. Some man went to Montana (James
> Madison), woman and daughter's heads on a pillow. Awards and training
> certificates for various people. I look to see if I have any -- it says I
> stood up to Rick Coutu and Queta Romo.
>
> 8/27/98 Remember what you learned in Mexico. Two gold lockets. One
> worn out. The new one has a diamond and smells like cedar. A girl in a
> bank -- all mirror glass like Fed Building. Man on outside, hands on each
> side of the glass. Girl dressed in pink and white. Books free on ground.
> Loose pages that are Barnum and Bailey related art and writings.
>
> 8/31/98 Pat (coworker) listens to my heart. Then she feeds her cup of
> coffee to Charley [Gram H white dog that she said I forgot to feed and he
> starved to death when she was on vacation.] I put her and the half full
> cup of coffee on a railroad car and push it. The dog wasn't done with the
> coffee. I wonder if I could drink the rest.
>
> 9/1/98 A ball of clay with things embedded in it.
>
> 9/2/98 A luncheon -- lots of tables. The dishes are in baskets, too
> many per table. The tables are arranged wrong -- long sides touching
> instead of short sides. One table is too slick, some of the legs are too
> short. In the bathroom a redhead tells me about a dog that eats with you,
> says my strawberry blond hair looks weird, another woman says I look fine.
> Walk in freezer with meat, walls are hot. I flush tennis balls down the
> toilet in the bathroom. It's a storage room, furniture, books, pictures.
> Walking up some stairs, there's something other-worldly about the
> bookshelves or library, a carpet or something different.
>
> 9/8/98 Mel from Mary Tyler Moore show is an FBI agent -- I see his job
> description, a GS-11. Wife Gwendolyn. Penalty for running away or not
> coming back on time. There are bracelets with their names (beads) and a
> knife folded up. Several cars. He drives up and down the long driveway.
> My hair is turning white and stiff -- ends cut off.
>
> 9/14/98 I have to go to the doctor -- a triangle shaped cut in my hand.
> I go to Gram H house to get the car and money. It is a truck with a back
> seat that makes a warning light go on. Her house is being airbrushed from
> gold to white with blue trim. It looks like a UFO, house is a shoe with a
> glass tower on top where Gramp is. Gram is below in the shoe part. [Gram
> is alive, around 90. Gramp is dead. They had six kids.]
>
> 9/15/98 Snow outside townhouses. A perfect Christmas tree growing in
> the yard -- I walk around it looking for crooked branches or gaps. A baby
> in a high chair is cold. His dark blue sweater has a tight neck. I have
> to change it to a red T-shirt and can barely get it over his head --
> squeezes his head and messes up his blond hair. The baby is working on
> something on the tray of the high chair. It is on a bus, which stops for
> food. A movie about airplanes. Man pointing at my stomach. Furry long
> hair dog hides behind the Christmas tree in the deep snow. I try to hide
> too, can track footprints in the snow. The dog might pee on the snow.
> The dog is white and they can't find it, but find me, which makes me
> bitter. Woman getting on plane with gifts -- some kind of summit meeting,
> earth changes report. Holding something round, a metal ball and Rice
> Krispies. Something can't be linked to the old girl. Rectangular package
> or book.
>
> 9/16/98 A Spiderman and another doll. They are programmed -- some
> modern thing and can walk.
>
> 9/17/98 Young people, students, trying to do something. Voice, "sorry,
> I'm going to shove it down your throat (civil war)." "E" in front of
> some numbers. Something about next week -- some paper. A man in a red
> plaid shirt.
>
> 9/29/98 Trailer with Christmas tree. You can't see the tree lights so I
> turn off the room lights but little spotlights keep appearing. A woman at
> the doctor, takes off her blouse when the nurse weighs her.
>
> 9/30/98 A marina, I think it's a bathroom but it's a boat ride, a
> bobsled -- blond guy driving with a bathroom scale in front of him. I
> leave out the window and the blond guy asks me who the pope is. I hear
> them say, "who did she think was pope, a Canadian?" I walk towards a mall
> to get food for my long journey across the desert. I'm not carrying
> anything when I climb out the window. I decide to go back to the marina
> and get my hat first. It gets dark and I'm walking on the road, three
> people are ahead of me and they talk about how cool it is in the desert at
> night, but I think it's dangerous to drive at night. I think about how
> I'm alone, unlike them. They go up the driveway, but the window is still
> open. Vines grow over the wall. My white cloth hat isn't there, just a
> straw one. A woman says bruskly that the two tiny straw/stick dolls
> (girls) I left there fell apart shortly after I left. A man says
> something about my hat and they aren't going to trade with me anymore. I
> am very angry and think vaguely about getting even. He asks where my had
> was made and I say, "Canada."
>
> 10/6/98 A lower bunk, man down there. He says, "I only care about my
> children." Then, "you have a great body." I have some cookies and have
> to remember something about maps and start thinking and ignore him. Then
> he says, "this would be a good day to die." I start to think about what
> they means and the alarm goes off.
>
> 10/27/98 Driving dream. A woman is driving for hours.
>
> 10/28/98 Dad with sergeant stripes again, but have been busted back
> again. I start sewing the patches on his shirts.
>
> 11/3/98 A surfer party at our old house in Lawndale. Joyce Brothers is
> there. A grassy hill, looks like a golf course, I've gotten over one
> street too far. A huge monument that shouldn't be there, might be S
> Dakota or Washington DC. I follow the other Sheila and the streets fan
> off. My sister pretends she doesn't speak English and talks to some
> Russian or Muslim women in a crowd on a patio of a high rise. They have
> scarves on their heads. Voice says, "we'll send each other long emails."
>
> 11/7/98 I'm riding a kids' bike to Mexico. The road is empty so I'm on
> the highway. I stop at a Catholic church for services. A man in the
> audience asks for two songs, Beethoven's Fifth and Dominique. It must be
> a liberal, activist church like in the 60's.
> The two men playing the piano from my high school play the second song
> first. A neighbor is there and says there were 15 cookouts on the lawn of
> her church. Outside on the highway two boys also on bikes -- one says he
> has to see Father Grunner (in Canada) because he's sick -- the Virgin Mary
> heals apparently. In Canada houses are being built along what looks like
> a beach front property but is a river. A voice says it's 85% brewery
> owners building there. I look at a site anyway -- looks like a golf
> course to me -- and it's a railroad built above deep water -- I'm wet to
> the waist. A little blond boy in jockey shorts crosses the river and
> watching him I see that it's very deep with ice. I'm carrying a radio and
> wearing a plaid coat and the water disappears and I don't get wet. On the
> shore, ice, foamy waves, and disturbed children sleeping on the sand in
> sleeping bags -- a pumpkin on sharp rocks on the shore. A kid falls in
> the water in his sleeping bag. The house where the disturbed children
> live is nearby -- throw rugs, mail boxes, a big yard, windows, wood stove,
> seems nice -- looks like a wealthy person's house -- the rooms are all in
> a row like a train, dining room, linoleum floors, but a woman says there's
> something wrong with it. Then I'm at Northrop in the cafeteria and
> another woman is wearing my hounds tooth jacket and talking about her date
> -- she gave him a Bloody Mary.
>
> 11/8/98 I have to work in the same room with a big black and white bull.
> He smells my face. Then two other bulls get agitated. I get out of the
> small furnace room, he's chained -- tries to follow me. I have to go back
> into the small room. A white bull clings to the cage. The other women
> and men to go lunch first and eat potatoes with melted butter or yellow
> cheese to cover the scent of the other bull. I wash my face with my
> napkin. There are other things to eat but I only take potatoes. Then I
> go back. The bull is asleep in the room and I reach in to turn off the
> light and my hand gets caught under his nose pinned to the wall. I pet
> him like the boss said. Boss and woman sit on the couch and the bull puts
> his hoof on his shoulder -- digs into a sheepskin. Then the bull rolls
> over down the couch and the man acts injured, especially his shoulder.

> 11/2/98 A lion has escaped from the zoo. I lock the doors of the car,
> drive a convertible to a resort with a lot of outdoor tables. People are
> driving around a circular drive to see the lion. Traffic. Two soldiers
> cross the road. I'm on a man's shoulders. He walks past a rack of
> clothes and I pick a black silk sweater and ice cream and another woman
> picks lingere -- this is instead of a new car. One woman talks about her
> brother's investments. At the cabin there are 45 doors to close. A
> garbage bag of empty whiskey bottles the lion puts by the fence so he can
> climb over -- but I call dogs by howling. One woman wants to place a bet
> on a horse, but her brother already bet $500, she finds out when she calls
> the bookie. People are going to bed everywhere, very noisy -- a long
> building. A couple under a bed. Little girl, sick kids.
>
> 11/12/98 Wealthy person's house -- I'm supposed to lock up. Bernie and
> Rick Coutu are there -- I haven't checked everything and they have to do
> it. Rick is locking the back door when I finally check. Bernie is in the
> porch with windows all around. He replaces the windows with glass bricks
> -- I never thought of that -- never have to lock them again. There is
> another door I think goes out to the yard but it's an attached apt where
> the "kids" live. Sandy and Shirley are in a hallway and look like twins.
> The men and boys are in a living room, so I leave that door unlocked. One
> boy looks like JFK, Jr. -- that door looked like the basement door. Then
> I'm on a side porch with screened windows. There's an Italian bosslike
> man -- like Pete Landini at work.His father had been sick but is now
> completely healthy. The old man comes in and looks healthy to me --
> wearing a black suit, wool. I go on into that door and it's an old
> person's house with lots of wood. The rooms aren't connected so you have
> to find the hallway to each door. I open one door, another room, and
> decide to snoop. This door leads to a short hallway, the steps are up the
> wall -- so narrow that you are climbing with a foot on the step and your
> back braced against the wall on the other side. then at the top you have
> to take three steps sideways way up on a narrow ledge and go through a
> small opening with more stairs. I turn back. Outside an old Russian
> peasant woman lives on a dirt hillside with her grandson who's about
> three. He starts chasing a bird -- a turkey that eats cigarette butts off
> the ground. Then I'm sitting in the bathroom of my real apt. I hear a
> man come in the door of the living room and then I see him -- gold and
> black suit with a mask, curly hair. He is doing some Jewish service in
> Hebrew. I recognize the words, lamach sabacthani (Jesus's last words,
> which I try to think what they mean and wakes me up). He has a lot of
> gifts in big boxes that he puts in front of the TV.
>
> 11/13/98 Driving, see a yellow car cross my path ahead. Hide behind a
> stove. A caterer's son knows where this is and finds me and starts
> slashing at me with a big knife. A Japanese guy uses karate on him, gets
> between him and me, but he still reaches around him with the knife. I
> laugh and throw food on him, then pans of food. I'm pregnant in bed, a
> woman is taking care of me.
>
> 12/1/98 A desk, it's my office. My pens have been moved around, ink
> eraser and rolling writer I don't remember. My desk is wood with pigeon
> holes and names carved in it. I carve a few more of people I know --
> secretaries at work. My boss asks if I'm hispanic and want a transfer to
> the school district in South Central LA. Then I'm at Dad's house wearing
> a summer T-shirt and I'm surprised because it's winter. I go in the
> bathroom under the stairs and wash my face and look around.

> 11/14/98 A black cloud on the horizon. Arabs gallop up on their
> horses. I tell the group I'm with to give them some eggnog. I train both
> students to replace me in PROCAS but they probably don't remember how to
> do it by the next day and will leave before I do. A Christmas party, I'm
> looking for something to wear. When I come back in the room the tree is
> up -- all the way to the ceiling, very skinny tree. They decide to move
> it to a different room, I get a rope -- this will be difficult engineering
> since it is already decorated and has strings of lights. One woman is
> sitting at the end of the table with one of each kind of cookie that she
> gives out. Cars being towed from under the building, three towed. Some
> are old and don't run, one is metallic blue long old car being towed by a
> modern convertible. A black guy driving by (I'm painting a picture)
> flirts with me and when I look up he says, "oh, yuck" and drives into a
> garage door opening in a big building. I'm an old woman -- 47.
>
> 11/15/98 An electrical barrior I pass, looks like a barbed wire
> fence across Dad's yard. Shirley wants me to help her cross it, I crawl
> under on my back -- it is electrified, you can't lift it up for someone.
>
> 11/16/98 I think I'm supposed to do some laundry that Faith tells
> me to do. There are a lot of towels in bins in a storage shed. But when
> I get there it's a valley with a stream to cross and a lot of meat to cut
> up. There are snakes hanging on a rack - one big rattlesnake with fangs
> and lower jaw already cut off and a dolphin carcass -- head and tail
> already cut off and gutted. I just have to cut it up into steaks. It is
> lying next to something else on the ground, something big that gives parts
> of itself to eat. The chest cavity also looks like a mountain lion. It
> looks like the Arboretum in Los Angeles with the peacocks next to the
> (horse) race track.
>
> 11/21/98 A white tarantula spider on a man's wall. A long room,
> narrow. A step in the floor. A man holding a baby covered with poop up
> to his neck. A dog rolling around on the floor. Something about an
> election -- 100% not okay. At a shopping center, I'm washing seven throws
> and a blanket but don't have any detergent. Only fabric softener in the
> vending machine.
>
> 11/22/98 Bayona Baiule. Denise was given a stress analysis test by
> the FBI and is telling everyone about it. They didn't ask every question
> and someone says something about the Swiss question -- Hermes. There is a
> garden to my right with peach trees, some on a one foot tall tree look
> ripe. There is a horse stall beyond that and an oriental woman carrying
> out horse manure. A grandma, little girl on her lap on a swing with me
> and I'm holding a baby boy and swinging him while he sleeps. [Peaches are
> from China.]
>
> 11/27/98 Kids pushing their trucks into a room where the Russians
> race them to the moon. The leader kills people, three for the price of
> one and killed three members of the Blues group the Dominiques. He also
> sells three desks for the price of one and if you buy one at half price
> you get $100 back on each of the other two. they can't make money this
> way and it will ruin their economy. Everyone's wearing plaid winter
> coats. A man joins the Russian leader and sings Guantanamera behind a
> glass window.
>
> 11/28/98 Some scandal with Clinton, involves a Mexican TV dinner.
> This was an additional dinner to three other ones. He and Hiliary have
> been out of town and I am in charge of a bouquet for their return. I pick
> up some sticks on the ground and they get rosebuds on the end, tightly
> closed. It'll be a few days before they return anyway. One is reddish
> and one yellowish. They open up on one side when I go to get a vase
> [Chinese child psychics are doing experiments concentrating on flowers and
> making them open, I did it once also, but only one petal folded down on
> one side, I am allergic to flowers so I didn't want it to open.] Lucid
> dream -- I start out at Gram Engel's nursing home. Women are standing
> around, a party and I dance a slow dance and am surprised I know how. My
> partner has to go to the restroom and I realize it's a dream because I
> don't want to go to the restroom. Quilt and two pillows in a sack on the
> shelf. The restroom is packed and we get separated -- I go in to find him
> as soon as I know it's a dream. I decide to try to stay awake as long as
> possible and walk across a grassy valley park. I'm walking with someone I
> can't see to my left. A man comes up to my right and says he wants to ask
> a couple of questions -- about the electricity changes. There are
> identical redheaded triplet girls having a picnic on a blanket under a
> tree. A girl with long blond hair past her butt with some other women --
> they tell her to stay visible but she becomes invisible and may have
> wings. She runs through me. At the top of the hill are evergreen trees,
> a dirt path, curb and a building like a utility. Voice, "there's usually
> water here" and suddenly I'm up to my butt in cold water -- shock. I go
> the other way. A path into a big room like a waiting station for
> travelers, I start up an escalator but a voice says, "no" and I push my
> way back down through the crowd on the escalator. There is an elevator in
> the corner with a metal label on it that says 2012-2025 -- it looks like a
> morgue drawer, but I hope it's a time machine. I look at the escalator
> again and ask if the problem is that I don't have any money -- maybe I can
> pretend I'm with someone and voice says, "a couple of people can." I have
> to get a job, I try to learn about the place -- there are maps of various
> countries on a table, very detailed, New Zealand is my impression -- every
> little town. I wonder how I'll find my body again, and then I wake up.
>
> 11/29/98 I run across an eight lane road, a bus passes, city bus
> with school kids. I park along a street, the dirt is eroded underneath,
> nothing solid to hand on to to cross a drop-off. Even the car might fall
> if I hang on to it. When I come back, one wheel is missing and a man is
> changing it. The jack is over space and rolls down the hill. Car is
> jacked up to remove something like mouse

> embryos, I have to jack it up. A
> lecture, you can buy the notes.
>
> 12/5/98 The kids take over an apartment building parking lot, make
> an announcement that if you don't move your car it could be damaged by a
> ball -- the biggest boys are eight. The kid has a calling card on a
> string in his jockey shorts. I try to look at clothes and a big orange
> cat is lying on top of them and when I try to throw him off he growls.
>
> 12/6/98 A black woman in a basement, she's looking for food, has a
> camera and equipment. She digs down to what she says are levels four and
> seven. A blue and green quilt is gradually exposed, then the dirt changes
> to popcorn. It is raining in the windows and very damp here and
> unsavory-- like catacombs. Water runs across the floor. The other Sheila
> is in the living room, through a hole from the basement. Prince Charles
> and Camilla are there, she announces. They come in. There is a daycare
> down the street from a Kindergarten, I worked at both. I get my camera
> and need a tripod in this low light. Camilla says she had a baby two
> months ago (she looks like Diana), the light is behind them. Then Charles
> is nude and I keep snapping pictures but he moves very fast and I can't
> catch him and run out of film. I tell them Mary Jane owns the daycare and
> bought another one and left me in charge, but Camilla/Diana can't
> understand me, so I say it slower. Mary, like the -- we both say Virgin.
> In a garden behind a house -- big yard in a valley. There are three men
> in lawn chairs, all have white blond hair. Two are sons of the third, who
> is very protective. The two sons say they've gone to a motel a couple of
> times and ask if I'm going to hold it against them.
>
> 12/7/98 I think, where is the money going to come from for the
> coming year because I can't face working. Very depressed. It's like a
> toboggan ride -- the neighbor's pasture where dad would take us to get a
> Christmas tree. Another scene, British or Chicago, woman says at least
> she knows expensive wines and perfumes -- Fergie maybe. I'm getting
> $25,000 from McDonalds, a subsidiary of Ralphs and that is what I'm going
> to live on next year.
>
> 12/10/98 Drive up a hill to an interseciton, waiting outside an
> emergency highrise, an ambulance pulls up and honks and a medical team
> comes out. I ring the buzzer and get in line. One man says he was there
> first and another wants to go ahead of me too. A handsome guy puts a coin
> in the phone and pulls my bill and I don't owe anything -- left blank like
> I paid cash for $178. While I'm waiting I read a pale yellow book. Marla
> is driving the van, Hugh has two girlfriends. A woman shows me a series
> of pictures of myself as a blond wiht different hairstyles. She said she
> couldn't take one before my expression changed. Dad's house, my room is
> breaking loose from the house and there is a crack in the ceiling with
> trees growing through and you can see the sky and sun shining between
> Sandy's room and mine and I look at her clothes in her closet. In
> Shirley's room, she's lying in bed holding a two foot tall Barbie doll
> that's eyes are open. She or the doll is wearing a bra with falsies.
> She's very skinny. I look at her clothes. In the dream I know who she is
> and that her daughter had dark hair like the doll. There is a wedding and
> the preparations are on the bed in the first room. I wonder if there's a
> cake, something got messed up and they don't want to start over and run
> through the ceremony again. Downstairs in the kitchen there is a cake in
> the kitchen and two tiny boys are eating it with their fingers. There's
> something unusual about this cake they tell me.

> 12/11/98 I go to an old house where I've been in dreams before. It
> has an attic with six apartments, greenhouse and beautiful gowns, I
> explain. Someone tells me this is Gus's house and he's been born here in
> six lifetimes. Gus looks like an old farmer sitting with the lights off
> in the kitchen. He might have some skinny dogs. There is a lake in the
> yard with a wood boat ramp and they have been losing mallards and
> malamutes. It looks like Wayne and Grace Reed's house, which was her
> mother's, maybe there is the ghost of an old man in there. I walk around
> the lake, which has feathers floating in it. I look down and am naked, so
> I try to buy a dress at a swap meet, but the woman won't even let me get
> one down with a broom so I steal a man's vest off the ground. There were
> two boxes of beads in the old house -- yellow and black faceted one and
> pink and white gingham.
>
> 12/12/98 Linda Bell goes up on a mountain, then says she's not
> getting enough rest on her breaks and her class on computers. Then I'm in
> a class on computers and the instructor says people don't need computers
> to report to management because they are educated and know how to do the
> job themselves. The classes are just TV classes, no live instructor. I
> get off a bus and have an hour until my connection so I look for a
> bathroom. The building is a school, one story, in desert -- very long
> building. Along the windows, grade school, english, home ec, up a floor
> is psych area. A lot of doctors and one boy patient walks slow. Narrow
> halls, no signs on doors, many auditoriums. Going back to the bus stop I
> have $8 and can only spend $1, the bus is $7. I remember a man who raped
> me when I see him. The bus stop is an Old West looking place. Then I
> decide to repaint the bathroom. The primer coat is dark green, blue and
> red and is already dry when I check it. That took two gallons. Then I
> paint the quilt on the bed lightly with the roller. Someone starts
> helping me and says one gallon should finish the second coat. There are
> two little girls playing on the ground outside the bathroom. They already
> painted theirs. Everyone must smile. I go past some men and out the
> door.
>
> 12/13/98 I go to my unfamiliar work late. A man comes up and hugs
> me and says he's my boss, everyone else has gone home already. He's
> surprised that I'm still there. I pick up the phone and it's a party line
> -- Pat Magro is talking. She says to me, everyone wants to use this and
> hangs up. Mike Dafforn is on it also and says no one will finish their
> work if they keep picking up the phone. Then Suren is on there. My work
> is typing data for John Barman -- which when I look at it is nude
> reclining figures of himself that cover two pages in magazines. There are
> a lot of pages, coffee table book. so I want to add all the numbers
> together and type one. A voice asks why I'm depressed. I go to another
> desk and call HQ to ask at least before I go home if Barman is supposed to
> be doing this. People tell me he has a son now too, as well as two
> daughters, his money is managed by an accountant, and other personal
> problems. Supervisors at work watch two men shoot guns, they mostly shoot
> in the air. One gun makes a white pattern in the sky. The supervisors
> put their coats over their eyes and go closer. [US bombed Iraq again.]
>
> 12/14/98 I'm working in a hospital taking care of two babies. A
> young Hispanic woman brings them in a small cart. Their bottles are
> already made but are too hot. I start cooking it again on a steel stove.
> You have to hold one baby on your left side and one on your right. This
> seems awkward for the baby on the right and she doesn't bend the right way
> -- stiff or two dimensional. A woman smokes while she breastfeeds her
> baby and every time the baby hears a lighter click she thinks it's time to
> eat. The mother is only 15.
>
> 12/15/98 I am out of class for a few minutes and when I come back
> they have a new problem on the screen -- the teacher is using my computer
> and overruns something else. While he's describing the program it's
> acted out -- a Yeti falls from the ski lift into shallow water on his head
> and is in a bear's territory but together they travel up a river in
> Columbia to the "source". The river I think is in Seattle or
> Valpariso/Vesperius -- find a magazine article about it. The instructor
> shows the highest point the bear and yeti have to cross -- the top of a
> suspension bridge, up in the wiring. They are up in the mountains now.
> This is the opposite side I usually approach this valley, so the stream
> comes out of a hoglot and is hog shit. A woman instructor says the time
> is up and two girls who were on that page are gone, she asks if they'll
> return later when their embarrassment wears off. Several people have
> sophistocated constructions. One is from another planet but just looks
> well thought out.
>
> 12/19/98 I almost quit my job for one in daycare. Necklaces -- one
> looks like fuzzy tiny pussy willow, and black pearl. I change wet sheets
> on couch, boy wet the bed. Washers are busy, Pam is washing, tells me she
> is too busy to tell me what dress to wear with the necklace. Marty
> groaning with pain. The weekend is over and I get ready to go back to
> work -- good thing I didn't quit.
>
> 12/21/98 In grocery store, my neighbors and everyone have three
> kids each. I follow some empty carts to a street corner and they roll up
> a steep hill; I run after them and catch them on the downhill side and
> they turn to red plastic like at Target -- then I'm in India or Africa
> where I'm tracking eight very old men who are going to escape by dying. I
> find their long canoe and all it has in it for supplies is some water from
> a leak (in the bottom). They have stopped and gone into the village for
> supper. I look out the window and see five giant Samoans (look Indian)
> and figure they're looking for the eight men. I drag their canoe which
> looks like a dugout but is flexible and leave back the way I came. Now
> I'm with a bunch of kids who want to escape also. There are groups of
> three skulls, these are multiple choice questions but only one is wrong.
> It is the attic of a building with bags of grain. Finally we reach a
> window and they say some ohter kids escaped through here. I take out two
> panes of glass and look down and it is about three stories up so I look
> around for rope or cloth to tie together. The others say you can throw
> babies down, it doesn't hurt them. Then the Samoans come into this room
> too.
>
> 12/22/98 I'm eating across from Marina -- she's eating green food
> with her fingers, lettuce, cucumbers, avocado. She has no fingers past
> the first joint, must have leprosy. I'm on a slanted board for models or
> papoose carrier. Then a man comes in and says the break is over. Two men
> try to decide where to drive, this is at a fence. A town on the horizon,
> voice says, you can't backtrack, but I do anyway and see a guy from high
> school, the old house (no bathroom/outhouse) and Mom -- four little blond
> kids going into a restaurant. [Mom always cooked at home, we only went to
> McDonalds once in my whole childhood.]
>
> 12/24/98 Hillside, camping. There is a map by the road -- Bradley
> Street doesn't go through. The two hillsides are different -- one has
> clover and iron weed and the other mint and fern. A man goes to collect
> firewood. Inside the house is a bedspread with rose circle designs. Nave
> is on Christmas.
>
> 12/25/98 A truck, I"ve walked through some landscape to here.
> Something is threatening me and a girl gets out a shotgun and loads it.
> Voice, you have to stick a piece of metal in the gun into the round spots
> on the bottoms of the shotgun shells. I say you can't carry or drive with
> a loaded gun. The girl asks a talking car and it says the same thing.
> The car has run off the road into the ditch. A shopping center, you can
> go in from certain lanes only and they are on an aerial view of the map --
> 10-12 lanes. A boy comes into a hippie's house with a kitten and says it
> bit him and that wouldn't have happened with a Furby. The kittne claws a
> small balloon and shreds it with it's claws. A guy asks some other people
> waiting if they wanted a blue rabbit. A bunch of women all wearing blue
> dresses. I try to pick out another language but they have a translator, a
> machine.
>
> 12/29/98 I stop for the car's new engine's one year check up --
> Tune Dynamics. My old mechanic is there too. He's in a hole in the
> ground with dry sticky weeds. When I get back to the car is it a
> concrete box. The mechanic has five kids now. The new engine worked
> because they got parts from a car a similar age. Voice, are you hot or
> just remaining to see your dead. I'm living a rebuilt life, only as long
> as I don't relax and sit back.
>
> 12/30/98 A phone message over and over different ways. Colonel
> gives everyone a cooked turkey in a pan but they're all gone, only salad
> and dressing left. It's a long line. Kids playing on a flood plain --
> several little blond boys are playing reindeers. A guy shows up at his
> girlfriend's apartment, she's gained a little weight, so he tells her she
> might as well have some candy too. Another man tells him he handles her
> well. A house made of rock with two fireplaces, a duck goes in through a
> hole. Dorm room, sick -- ate some corn chips that come out of a roller
> that taste like sour cardboard -- dream food.
>
> 12/31/98 A woman with kids already has new twins. They are cute in
> suits that look like otters. The boy pets the girl. Ken Wyse working for
> Mike Dafforn again. A severe illness, people fall to the ground after
> they get it. Voice, "the insurance companies won't be happy." This time
> something is right about people leaving their jobs.

12/9/98 A book of pictures of a red-headed woman's wedding. She has two
attendants--an oriental woman and another red/blond. The book also shows
their lingerie.

1980's Driving up 2nd street--Burin, Freeman, Artesia. Can't see where I'm
going, turn around. Large freeway--looks like Artesia. Crosses at right
angle. Blue trailer. Gram Grace. Lock all locks back up. Anne and Mom in
shirts talking about Dixie--job with travel; she's in Hawaii, costs $41 for
six days. Her job, mine, connected. Shirley says she doesn't want any
supper. Room in an attic. Woman face down on bed. I'm considered
unstable. Mary Jane at work--footprints to left of water fountain. I was
cleaning.

8/16/98 The future. A man from the past has been transported here; he fries hamburgers and they watch him (living
history). Cheer him and tell him to flip them with sign language. They speak a kind of shorthand in the future. He
gets depressed and runs off the road with his car and hits a sheep or bear. A gorilla (animals all talk—speak English)
goes to straighten them out. Carries out the sheep; later the sheep complains that its foot hurts and says its mother
used to kiss it. Gorilla takes it (sheep) in the bushes and it comes out a bear. Then the couple goes somewhere in a
convertible. There are three people in the backseat—I’m one. They pass a checkpoint going on freeway—man tells
three kids to act asleep or dead (?) Guy finally pulls over—they have a monitor that goes right up to car. At a
school, kids line up by the color of their clothes to play baseball. One blond girl is wearing two colors (skirt and
blouse) and has to go in a line with midges—little kids mostly. A girl walks by and says that 16-18 year olds are use
or lose. School goes up to 15 only. I ask the girl behind me—what about 49 year olds; that’s how old I think I am
(I’m 47). She cuts some price off my book (bar code) for me. Asks if I don’t like the book—it is taking me a long time
to read it. A girl in a burgundy dress comes up and asks me something; I am going home (wake up.) “Today
everything lay open as is the Sanctuary of birth.” “The architecture of change resulting in old age.”

8/23/98 The podiatrist makes deep cuts along the edges of a man’s foot. Then hands him the scalpel and tells him to
touch his forehead where he thinks something is and he makes two cuts there. I grab him and run out; he drives
very fast lying down with mirror used for looking around corners. The doctor says his blood is too thick; says it’s
not like it was in the other house.

8/30/98 At a job; a turtle (looks like an anteater or armadillo) is eating a piece of lettuce that fell on the floor. It has
grown a lot—the owner had it 20 years and didn’t feed it much. I have some kind of important info about the
southwest. People can ask me about it. A man asks if I can sign his form that I counseled him on (alcoholism?) A
chauffeur has a key to the office and empties a bottle of sparkling water into the water machine. He’s a fattish black
guy. I tell him to watch out, he’ll get into trouble. There are two pots, Rhonda Allen put $50 into charity and won
$180; she’s singing (mostly Christmas carols) behind a screen. There are no decorations except lights on the wall.
After I talk to the man about signing his form I drive; the car is full of stuff. I drive very fast. My mind gets flooded
with pictures. A bunch of front pages from newspapers, personnel office. A bunch of girls doing a topless
show—they are HS, young. Two or three in the morning, a black guy talking about something. Woman goes to bed
and won’t walk anymore, Sees candy—big boxes of it from someone. Dr. Jing saying the lip could get better; the
day of the appointment it’s raining—hard to get there. Eight year old already had four boyfriends.

9/5/98 Faith, in a room with some objects; leave down a ramp—like a school room. Then in a smaller room, three
pages of hair colors. One is shades of white; Sun. She picks one. The name of one looks like Iowa--more vowels
between. Then a trailer community that rebelled and moved beside a lake where a retarded kid lived—now under
water partly (their fires). I walk around the lake—has a fence. Something is building a pile of sand through the
middle of the lake for the sewer pipes. New people moving in- go in bathroom and talk about “meth.” It’s a motel
room; International Boardwalk along ocean to bathroom-kids throwing rocks at the pedestrians. New people moving
in—I call police, just dial “9” and need a map to describe street—Playa del Rey. Street is Chixl de….. Then in my old
college room in Burge Hall, washing face. Voice, my roommate is coming; college girl, white pants, pink silk blouse.
My face has a white cross on the forehead.

9/6/98 Moving, a woman wants my loose beads. I don’t have anything to put them in; use sea shells. A map, area
highlighted. A voice says I caused this. Map stays in view—I don’t understand it. Family reunion; I am on couch
reading. Ron Jean sits down and talks about being German. The strand and ocean appear behind her. A kid is skiing
to the top of a pile of snow—a black guy helps him by hitting his butt with a board—pushes him up. They have a
dog named Corinne they fed on the floor—small curly white or yellow dog. New computer, works right out of the
box.

9/7/98 A lunch, pancake breakfast. Terri Rinard is working; gives me three quarters and tells me to go to Taco Bell.
She wants a whole list of things—cheese enchiladas, burritos, shoe strings, orange juice. She’s at home telling her
servant (or a blond) to make beef stew with beef, veal, vodka and tomatoes in one pan and two kinds of cobbler in
another. She lives with her brother most of the time—he calls and wants her to wash his car. Then I’m along a
highway; someone has keys. Soggy, rainy. Terri gives me some dresses; one has a beaded top, very
heavy—crocheted rag inner skirt. She said that when she lost weight the button would pop open when she said
BQM or explain. I look for a hanger down the street at K-mart, then in an old lady’s closet—take down her old
flannel nightgown. She says she’s glad she isn’t having kids. Three old men on roof, someone pulls them in. 10AM
A room like Home Economics room; Nita is there. Vickie comes in, wants email on paint. He hits delete button and
deletes my whole computer; then it’s version 3.1. She shows me some earrings and a necklace on a wrinkled neck.
People are going to class in the colonel’s office; they say, “hi.” People telling me the computer has subtracted
$79,900 from their bank accounts. I’m standing on a little hill, lawn in front of the houses and send messages to the
supervisors. Picture (pencil drawing) of breasts, bald head, torso. Everett Parker. Lecture—Christmas is the new
year. These gods are the same ones—underwater, swimming up a long straight pool.

9/11/98 Walking along the ocean, somewhere new. There’s a table with a view of the ocean, about a block away thru
two trees. A woman asks if I’ve sat there to do my homework. I walk further, down a big hill. I’m in the water for
awhile; vaguely looks like somewhere familiar. Then Van Meter and Faith Herschler and Mary Ellen Eichner have
traveled there on business. They are discussing the two main streets; they plan to drive together and Mary is
staying in a motel out on the interstate towards Mom’s house; Faith says that’s fine. I lost my white hat and am
retracing my steps. At work, it’s a huge pile of manure and Rick Coutu is carrying in boards to the barn. Then
there’s a new guy and the old man who runs the company says his last job was filing off screws on an assembly
line. Another group of younger people are saying that he worked for a lawyer and demanded to be fired. He’s a
young guy—about 28, worked 10 years so far—name is Wes (might be Pedrotti). He quit when they wouldn’t fire
him. Then I put on blue jeans and a sweater with peekaboo holes on a couch with netting. Two Spanish girls on
Inglewood talking about shopping. Purses.

9/12/98 I’m walking up the stairs talking to Roz Bradley and some other woman. Richard Schownegerdt and Robert
Brown are retiring—so there are a lot fewer Union employees. On the school bus, wearing my pajamas, no make-up.
I have a ridged scar or something across my back like a refrigerator seal. A modern building, glass, high-rise, doors
on each floor; all the people inside just wear shorts of various colors and go in the doors of the same color as their
shorts; security can watch them this way. Dad’s house, but Mom has it. Kitchen cupboards are bare, just Hershey’s
cocoa powder and dish towels. The kitchen has a 4-poster bed, an arm from a wall you can put things on; at first it
was empty. Grace Reed, the neighbor is having a children’s party.

9/13/98 If I miss one meal you’ll have to go through what I have. What’s wrong, don’t you believe in the big who do
in the sky? They told the guard not to let anyone who didn’t belong in the White House and now he won’t even let
in the president.

9/18/98 Gram (Esther) Heldenbrand’s living room; Marla (braids) is there and Nathan—he has a hernia and
separated rib. Vaccine hits him in the back of his head—he makes medicines. They are living with Gram and Gramp
(Bill); grandpa is alive. They can’t argue their young arguments anymore. Marla says that people don’t realize yet
that they are there to stay.

9/19/98 Voice, “consideration if you can get more money.” I order potato soup; it isn’t available right now. I eat
something and get back in a bus. The two students ask if they should go somewhere because they aren’t wearing
bras. They look like Linda and Nancy Arnold—skinny and flat-chested, you can’t even tell. Evaluating some
industrial object. The potato soup is some specialty; walking through something. Bernie Patnode tells me not to do
something, it will be cancelled. Watching a movie with the sound off, it reminds me of lip-reading lessons.

9/20/98 Dad’s old house, my room; a blond and a redhead. A couple don’t like the redhead. Black bag with tie.
Dancing outside a public building. People advising Clinton to resign—he doesn’t have a chance or there will be a
trial. He isn’t ready to listen. Telescoping woven segments—looks like cotton fishing pole. I have a newspaper;
Sunday and Monday. Buy ice cream—15 and 20 cents. I have small Virgin Mary statues, others and silver winged
Mercury dimes. A couple looking at clothes keeps changing costumes and dancing. Restroom painted green that
used to be a bedroom; sink made of wood. Machines for food—all candy.

9/21/98 Black male secretary assembling a report on half pages. Signe Vaughan makes changes—pages 20-21 and
70-71. New switchboard. MAC/SAC/DAC organizations all merged. Big hold button. Field between road and
outhouse, a jogging trail—tall thin woman runs by. Then a guy from HS going the other way (blond/red kid whose
dad owned the lumber yard) dressed in olive drab. He looks behind the tree for another kid from his class who was
using an axe or shovel—Greg Hulse or Junior Manning. Spring has appeared there by the outhouse. I go to see
where they are; they are all over the yard. In the house, I’m up to my butt in ice cold water (makes me jump). The
lamp in on, lots of furniture. On the other side, up on the hill—more water—muddy like river water. I wonder if the
dam is gone or if river backed up. Voice, “maybe it all melted at once.” [In Los Angeles, the side of a water tank blew
out and the flood went right through a fire station nearby—they were up to their butts in ice cold water.]

9/24/98 A rack of clothes, used for sale by women at work; a green skirt and matching top of Sandy’s. Very tiny
white skirt with swirly green designs.

9/26/98 Mom’s house, wire fence across door and wall in living room used only in summer. Didn’t lock, fan blowing
out, curtains open. I was taking a shower. In yard, it rained and there was a flood and now the grass and flowers are
coming up again like spring, but it’s fall. White snapdragon flowers, and clover. Announcement: they are firing all
the 46,47 and 48 year olds—they are lazy or sick. Queta is doing orders for Saroja to take a train; her marital status
says Sheila E or Single E and situated. It keeps changing as I look at it. John Malsbury, she says, is leaving. Then
that he’s working as a consultant. I must wear a towel because the curtains are open. Noise at door and it opens
(wire)!—wire like a cage. There was a cage also in closet/hall and I put an animal or bird back in it. Underneath, on a
shelf, my new boots; I tell someone this is where I live. A big black woman comes in; I ask her who she is. She says
she’s meeting some Christian group; man comes in, then two guys in 20’s. They see a pile of newspapers (Federal
Times) and say they are Psychology—of animals (is Union type information leaks). Then I am on a flooded muddy,
very wide river. There are fish, but it’s a bloody mess in water and game wardens have come in a boat. They ask if
you can hunt any of these animals and I say the ones that look like gazelles. I have read the article and think they
are the most crazy animals. Supervisor calls a man in charge of them to pick up an article on Volkswagon bugs that
has reappeared. Another man has picked up a bug from the floor—lady bug I think. Picture of an internal
organ—it’s okay—looks missing to me. We go to Bishop’s cafeteria and there are 1000 people—they can’t
microwave the trays and people have to wait for hours. A guy behind the door gives me a basket with food and
clothes and says it weighs 1500 pounds. A tray arrives and has meatloaf, mashed potatoes and baked beans. With a
young girl, about 12, someone’s daughter at a women’s center. She lives on a fishing coast and points out the
rainbows in the sky and water. There are very nice greens. The kids say they are too hot and want to swim. Blond
guy complaining that waiting is changing the shape of his face and personality.

9/27/98 The end of the world. People living on either side of a river; I’m in a green tent. My aunt says, how could
you forget, you brought six. Seems to be a covered wagon—lots of kids. Some people when I take a walk have
houses. Teenaged boys having parties; no similar laughs, I don’t feel like laughing anyway. Hillside also looks like
Montana, farm, lake. Off to the right you can see a cemetery with palm trees—tops tied. Higher rate of suicide
among old. Voice, “that takes care of 1974 (1994?)” A girl scout troup, they want peanut butter and pepperoni pizza.
Green blouse, won’t tie, strings too short. Two brothers, one wants a window in the living room—full length next to
fireplace. Voice, “he’s found a way.” Story about monks, each year they can say only one thing. “What did they
say?” Satellite, a voice—in the new home the river is up to your neck, the moonlight is just like sunlight. The
children are all healthy. Girls taking SATs.

9/29/98 At a house, thru the hedge is the old house on Larch in Lawndale. It has a pool in the front yard; at first the
pool is empty, a reflecting pool. Then it is a concrete ditch, very deep. On one end a slide made of
plywood—extension. A reef, you can follow a curb across one end. A man is lowered down reef and then pulled up.
Then a grocery store, sausage and bacon

Cold-cut sandwiches with tomatoes. A class, coupons from the last
one—green jello recipes. Coupons that expired 12-31. Mom’s farm, a fence to the barn—I’m going to do something.
The horses come running and a gate opens for them—there are three. I tell them to go back and they back—seem
trained. Spook stumbles and falls in a trash dumpster—too heavy, ornamental saddle—mesh all around. I’m worried,
he says it’s no great concern.

10/1/98 Iowa City, hill at edge of Pentacrest. A man and two women cooking, street fair. Man has a nut in his teeth. I
hold out my plate, white with blue trim.

10/2/98 No blouse, I think about where it is—someone has it across the room.

10/3/98 I write an analysis of the Clinton problem for Pepsi. I push the car onto a snow bank, glacier. Nice view of
valley, a man appears and says I’ll have to pay for parking. I have no money. A long building, I help a girl find her
mother. Black guy looking in closet—light bulb barely lights. I was going towards the wall at the end of the
building. The kids’ mom (boy and girl) is in the other direction. Evening’s dreams switch around; I eat something
and a dam appears on creek parallel to driveway. There is one already on the river, which is a huge lake going
around the corner. There is a little barn at the foot of the new dam that’ll be under water. I find some package of jelly
beans to give to Pat Magro because she’s traveling. Mom is too—she shows me two dresses. The second one is
for the day in Palmdale—tight top with full skirt—very pretty. Mom is taking a kid’s temperature in the back porch. I
unload clothes and food from the car trunk. The new dam is filling slowly, but it’s drizzling.

10/4/98 I keep going down to the apartment on the first floor of the to get books. It’s a series of lessons--$12 per
week. That couple are both tall and say they quit because they were assigned—him poison soil, her many cows.
There were cows in the bedroom that stampeded out. The man says there is a noise like a basketball bouncing.
House covered with vines, combination lock on door. In the lobby a woman is weighing a mattress on a postal
scale, it is 34 ounces. People are arguing about how to do this. She said she used to do it in her kitchen—a small
post office she ran. Total charge for classes--$3666. Little girl running around reading meters—385. Boy too, at Las
Vegas.

10/5/98 A flood plain—sticks. Two ducks follow me; I am walking to the end of the drive to get a newspaper at the
gas station. The ducks are yellow—bite my calves. There are green, grass covered hills; this is a brick motel. Some
people have apartments and need jobs. A man on the phone is telling a woman there is an apartment on Jefferson (4
blocks long on map) to left. Looks like garage sale on Redbeam. On the path back, the walls close up, very narrow
and I can barely get through, then it turns. Earlier dream, successive young people rebel. I lock a series of doors that
make a glass room. Other women help me (the walls rotate to make a maze also.) Then younger girls break out of
another room. Then there’s going to be a battle between the men. There are planes, tanks, cars. I want to flee to the
mountains. There are flying buildings in the air.

10/7/98 The dentist, four more visits. Linda Bell is driving. She turns down a bus aisle which is also a street fair of
household goods. There are women with drawers of dishes pulled out. Piles of bedding. Then out of the bus door.
She and I are both wearing levis with elastic waists, walking somewhere.

10/8/98 A series of folders, some are empty. I’m in a pagoda across the street (open building). Princess Di is sitting
at a picnic table. I go over there and sit to write something and she turns towards me when I leave. Teenaged boys
bother her and a voice says she’ll kill them. People gather up things to move—Prince Charles . She looks thinner in
person. Drive through comedian workers spilling boxes of nails. Tables at break area—flour on plates.

10/9/98 Voice says, “two franz talking.” The car is gone; we must buy a new one. I see it. Along a street, man brings
his boss, Tom Neuzil from the VA hospital or Force Electronics. I’m going somewhere out of a building, big
machine, rooms.

10/11/98 A pink and black dress to match a liquor bottle. An apple tree, 15 cents, gets cut down when I’m trimming
it—grows on slant. Looks like aloe vera. I want to plant it again but there’s snow on the ground. There are some one
foot tall plants I also transplanted—pears on one, oranges on another (like new plates). Also an avocado. Walking
through a field with Janet Kastor. She asks what plants need water. The evergreens grow with none. There is alfalfa
(puts nitrogen back in soil). She finds a ham on the ground and starts cutting off slices. There are cockle burs I pull
out. Garden is poor dirt. I’m mowing it to a ditch in front of the house. All that’s left in the garden are small beets. A
mansion and a museum; the factory is painted pink with black trim.

10/12/98 Women in a room, driving distances. Mom lumps in breast; looked like me. A guy with blond hair,
handcuffs.

10/13/98 I have some gadget I was given; these have to be given out to every seven people or so. Rows of corn
with different insignia. Carved rocks or household. I’m transported in a boat. Then I have to row. Clothes, a whole
section is sent to someone.

10/16/98 I walk somewhere down sidewalk, Beyond Baroque behind me. Fishing tackle box has supplies for writing
convention and chain inside a plastic bag. A toy elephant touches me with trunk. Everyone eating vegetables,
numbers on cards on tackle box. I’m tired and want to go home.

10/19/98 A school trip, trunk full of fishing stuff—no tackle box. The kids thought they’d have time for sewing and a
movie too. A bolt of black silk cloth. Little girl’s hair caught in a notch. Boy is having trouble with his work.
Houses—lots of windows on Marine.

10/20/98 In front of Gram Esther’s house, driveway and parking lot. Two women are doing the chores at top speed
and have two buckets of slop. I help them—pour liquid into 2-3 pans. One male pig’s pan has a curved bottom and I
set it up/prop it. Couple of pigs tell me they really need liquid, it’s hot. They are very polite. Then I’m inside the
window, venetian blinds. Looking out at HS students taking college courses. Richard Arriola tells me he has to help
the Indians, but they have to masturbate for DNA tests on a tiny piece of cotton. Two girls ask me and I tell them to
do what he said. Out the window the Spanish students are saying they are going to organize so they can go to
boarding school. They go home to their parents at night. Then I have forgotten what I was doing there before I was
in a hurry to leave. Pat Magro is there too—in a good mood. She laughs about Richard Arriola’s joke (he gave me a
piece of cotton). May bed is by the front window. Some people are from Boston too—can’t do something.

10/21/98 Animals, an elephant on a slide or hill. Tigers climbing up boards and swings. Then rhino on porch with
baby. In the front yard are all kinds of big animals, even dinosaurs. The people chase them all away. They’ll knock
down the house. Lions with big mouths—different colors like cartoon animals. A baby in an oven; I take it out and
the mother appears behind me. I ask if she wants to hold it and she says no. It has a strong neck already—feels like
it’s trying to sit up.

10/23/98 I’m walking thru a building with concrete walls—narrow passageways. Linoleum with pictures of
leaves—two kinds. This has happened before. I come to a room with my clothes on a bed—grandma’s house. I
dump out my purse on the bed. I have my old Air Force green and orange jacket. I lie on the floor on blanket;
planning a meal. A woman is jogging; something about this causing bleeding in the head.

10/24/98 I’m in a rich house and ask how much to rent a room. Their mortgage is $3.1M. I tell a woman I’m all alone
and she tells me my card is one of the two and it means I have two accidents. Then I go to a hillside where I make a
chart from a letter comparing Northrop in 1995 and 1997. The chart is red and blue. Roz is in the hospital. A man
says she’s getting her stink removed. I have two baskets of boned chicken; distribute it, the colonel says. He looks
like Schwartzkof. A trailer with two bowls of cookies. Medical histories of older people go way back in computer.
Rick Coutu leads me across a field.

10/25/98 I go into the last room in Dad’s basement (furnace room). A cord seems hot but is a furnace cord. Another
door is closed/locked—looks like a Port-a-potty and there are stalls. I put stuff to make sandwiches on the sinks.
The other cords disappear—are built in. A pool appears, lots of people. Travelers. A woman with a kid. She’s
wearing tight-waisted, gathered, patterned blouse. Her name is Joyce. The other characters of the dream know her. I
am deciding what to wear. My sister or brother dips my pile of clothes in the pool. They are denim; blouse is white
or blue. I tell someone in the dream I’m going to cry again. I’m in front of a mirror with a ledge, put down the clothes.
I cry but don’t get an asthma attack.

10/26/98 Driving by student union, away from library. Snow on a pond. Ducks land. Then they pack down the snow
with their feet. Driver has a girl on his lap. Then old people watching television. Have boxes for their feet if the wind
starts to blow. I stand up—legs hurt. They are talking about their pills and stuff with young people. Pills are in a
wire fenced booth. If you can’t say anything good, can say something mean. Waiting for some decision about pills,
if they are covered.

11/1/98 A buzz, mailman comes up and has an envelope, very big and black. Check in window of
envelope—government check. Vietnam veteran, lives in a room that looks like a basement but has stained glass on
all four sides. I ask him how many women he had sex with in Vietnam and he says hundreds of young girls—it’s a
wonder he doesn’t have some disease. Women live in the upper part of the house. A roomful of aquariums—like
Dept 56. We go somewhere, I am riding down the highway on a tricycle and man is walking along the edge. I tell him
I had a trike and chair when I was a kid and probably wanted to ride the trike across the world like this—explains it
maybe. We are finding somewhere again. There is a snowy field. This goes down to a river—Albuquerque by
cottonwoods. We take back a white fuzzy jacket and pants. I have on a tight red suit I bought there. There are some
socks and stuff hanging in an outside dressing room.

Enter content here

Enter supporting content here