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7/24/01 -- Correspondence of reality to 7/23/01 dreams --[Palestinians OUT OF BED. About 20 Palestinian gunmen, including members of
President Yasser Arafat Fatah faction and the
Islamic militant group Hamas, shot at the Gaza City home of military
intelligence chief Moussa Arafat, triggering a clash with his bodyguards on
Monday.] [Native Tongues by Charles Berlitz (author of The Bermuda Triangle)
-- Insults and Profanity Around the World -- "In Arabic the word "dog" has
been used as an insult ever since, about 1,350 years ago, a dog barked and
alerted the enemies of Mohammed while the founder of Islam was hiding from
them in a cave. Ya, ibn kalb --"Oh, son of the dog"-- are fighting words in
Arabic. Dog based insults are common in English and the Germanic languages.
A German favorite is verdammter Schweinehund!-- "damned pig-dog!"-- and the
less explosive stommehond, "stupid dog", is a Dutch example. In Vietnam the
insult do cho de literally means, "you dog birth". Russian speakers use the
expression, "son of a female dog", sukin sin, in much the same way the
equivalent English expression is used. But the exuberant Russians can go
even further, with the insult, huy sobaki, "dog cock" and then can top that
one with huy morshevyi, "walrus cock". In Swahili, an insult is fisti,
"hyena." German national insult -- to question if a person is really very
happy -- "Yes, indeed, as happy as GOD IN FRANCE."
Sound of rain on the roof around 2 PM. Usually means it's going to rain.
7/24/01 Fool, Hanged Man (sacrifices -- admirable or useless) 1030 PM "Do
you think we're going to give you a medal?" -- picture of hands holding a
metal rectangular box. 2-5 AM "Cut this out, Bill, look what they did to
Granny." Three algebraic formulas I saw written outside a cave at the
beginning and end of the dream. Simple formulas (x+y) + 1 is part of it.
Idea that it was three things added together, then two places and one time.
I see a man who reminds me of Bob or Raul (dark hair, doesn't say anything)
again. It's after running down a steep hill in deep wet sand; path; feet
get raw cold feeling; there are branches on the ground in two places, but
they have a manufactured look -- look like the rakes for Zen gardens.
Voice, "the last time we thought about having a child together. Redlight
district forever (her or Sheila?) In one part of the journey is a man
working on something -- boxes on shelves - I hug him then get very sad and
cry and he disappears. Things nobody would ever tell me. I assemble with
the others at the bottom of the sandy hill to discuss what is occurring.
Nostalgia in dreams -- streets you only want to go down once -- you don't
write down because you'll only go there once (more). This happens after
hitting my head in the dream and lying down -- someone hit me. A sheep
locked up in a small field -- must eat grass it peed on -- mild protest -
this is a minor problem [Hillerman book, hippies living on reservation
didn't know about sheep diseases such as scabies.] Voice, "blocks of power;
wouldn't/couldn't block you out" -- turning page. Picture of a big block of
dressed stone. "I don't think so, the fact that you may have enjoyed that
in the past doesn't mean you would want to do it again." Three wood steps
at one point on the path, more deep red steps that a boy slides down on his
butt. "A woman from the early 1900s who wrote about the working man. The
whole gambling scene is dreadful." Earlier, I climb up from a quarry,
abyss, garbage dump, water park, Lourdes and when Shirley comes along I can
see details [Carlos Casteneda in Art of Dreaming says it takes two to see in
dreams.] -- I pick up a textile, then see silk roses with a large pearl
drop from the petal like a drop of water; the first one has crystal beads
also coating it like ice. There is a whole series of them as the idea
developed. In the early ones, a ball of pearls hung from a branch. In a
middle period, there were whole clusters of pearls on strands hanging from
the roses. Someone interrupts me. Voice, "how come women used to have
those nine months." A voice says the wet sand is not important -- group
standing around. Gram Esther is looking at the silk roses too and thinking
that they would make good rose color hats with pearls on them. [She made her
own hats, including one of mink and one of pheasant feathers.] Memory of
days where I didn't eat at all -- in Chicago at a demonstration. "A
whip/rib cage." Young woman's voice, "Death as my hero." The young male
hero -- voice says, "freedom." Freedom from or to what -- "isolation."
Another formula under a cartoon -- abstract kid with spiky hair -- Calvin.
(Formula for) "the short term." Temper/temporary/loneliness. Popular
writer. Scandals (revelations) from God. "Dig up those (archeology)
memories/ruins." "Get started on it." I turned over to my left side --
black and white picture of Palestine -- two pictures. The first is a town
on a hillside with a big building near the bottom of the hill. Then a big
hole in the whole middle of the town above the big building -- explosion or
urban renewal demolition.
Brought forth in coldness/My grip was true/Ice cream was awful/sounds like a
poem, fourth line would be That's why I love you.
Fight over an unborn child or a baby. "He doesn't even know." "Mad Willie
will cover it." "Children learn about the Big Bang luck/lunch, don't they?"
"Records things you would pass by or miss entirely." "It'll never match, to
try my missing parts." "Children are born." A man and two teenaged kids
wake up this morning. "Can I do that?" "When things hurt, I thought they
reminded me." "You just lie there (not asleep)."

7/23/01 Page of swords (R) 1030 PM sitting awake in a car -- daylight; looking out windshield. A dog in a restaurant, waitress stands between it and a four year old diner so he won't talk about it -- there is a sermon going on at the front and she wants quiet. The dog seems to be the minister, was just howling, which the little boy remarked on and the waitress quickly stood between to block his view of the dog -- she has a full black skirt and white blouse, dark curly hair. The boy then begins eating spinach with a fork. He's blond, oriental looking, about 4 years old. [DOG is GOD anagram/palindrome]. Picture of a hospital, one patient or visitor checks another patient's feet. Their feet seem frozen, wrapped in rags. German hospital. Forest fire coming up to a river bank -- elephants running along the bank (trying to save people). 1245 Midnight email about Aspen. Little boy dressing himself -- steps into his (short) pants. 5 AM I look for a clipping of a recipe in my purse and find two different ones -- one is a picture of blue dots. Going out the door, there is a small sign over the door saying it's a talking zone (voice tells me what it says) -- is a lab where they build secret stuff, I guess. Out in the hall are a lot of workers, Johnnie is wearing a tank top, which is against the rules and is directing people. I talk to a woman about a computer and ask if Windows 3.1 will still work; she says she sees what I mean; potential problem. Then I see a list of two books by forest defenders -- the first one is called "I Won" or "I One". The other one has a long title or is a list of world events/accomplishments in 1959. The first title is cut off. A voice also mentions the title. I'm not sure if it was a dream or real life -- I saw a book of excerpts of War inspired literature and the first two items were Mein Kampf and Diary of Anne Frank, then there were journalists such as Ernie Pyle and maybe TV shows such as Gomer Pyle. I go to the bedroom and a man and two women are getting into bed. One woman is "fat, dumb and happy" -- has just been questioned by the FBI or someone -- she gives cagey sounding answers. I follow her and she's getting into bed on the man's left and a woman with curly dark hair is getting in on his right. He is jovial and the two women are reluctant -- pull away slightly. He says to one, "okay, go shopping" and to the other one, "okay, go work on your emails/computer." Then he gets out of bed and talks to me, sitting by the bed. I'm looking at a big stack of books and he says to read the "big two." I think he means Science Fiction big two, say, oh, Gibson and Sterling. Or maybe Carlos Casteneda and Patricia Garfield if it is the modern "dream gurus" -- or Remote Viewing (Ingo Swann) and Out of Body (Robert Munroe) -- Ingo Swann has two new big books -- Pyschic Sexuality and Secrets of Power. [Man on the bed looked familiar, very kindly man -- could be Wahid if he has two wives, or his ex-vice president, the new president of Indonesia, Megawati Sukarnoputri and president of PI, Gloria Macapagal Aroyo who gave her first state of the union speech -- On the economy, Arroyo said her government would focus on building infrastructure, including telecommunications facilities aimed at the information technology sector, roads to tourist destinations and
transport in and around the capital Manila..] [Curse lifted: Monks in the Mount Athos monastic community have been chanting the curse on August 23 every year since Ottoman forces killed almost all their brothers on the island, blaming them for attacks actually launched by the villagers. "Villagers had killed some Turks and threw them down a well... Two monks managed to escape and return to the Koutloumousi monastery, where they imposed a curse on the villagers to "never sleep again." L Ron Hubbard was sentenced to Eternal Wakefulness in Slaves of Sleep]

7/27/01 World. 1 AM picture of beams in buildings made of a synthetic metal/substance. 8 AM Voice, "going over email from Baltimore -- says go here if you're young and want kids -- 'tumble ye eggs'." Woman has woodland sprites. Art Bell putting together a puzzle -- is his whole wall, the door piece is missing. "They always have spoons on them -- plates?" "Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom." "Computers (2) don't even have a button to turn them on" -- picture of a lot of computers."
[For immediate release, 27 July 2001 nsarchives. CIA STALLING STATE DEPARTMENT HISTORIES, ARCHIVE POSTS ONE OF TWO DISPUTED VOLUMES ON WEB, STATE HISTORIANS CONCLUDE U.S. PASSED NAMES OF COMMUNISTS TO INDONESIAN ARMY, WHICH KILLED AT LEAST 105,000 IN 1965-66 WASHINGTON, D.C., 27 July George Washington Universitys National Security Archive today posted on the Web (nsarchives) one of two State Department documentary histories whose release the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency is stalling, even though the documents included in the volumes were officially declassified in 1998 and 1999, according to public State Department records. The two disputed State Department volumes cover Indonesia-Malaysia-Philippines in the years 1964-68 and Greece-Turkey-Cyprus in the same period.
(Ironically, Suhartos successor, ex-President Wahid, is on his way to Baltimore this week for medical treatment, (see History Bleached at State, New York Times editorial, May 16, 1990, p. A26: At the very moment that Moscow is coming clean on Stalins massacre of Polish officers, Washington is putting out history in the old Soviet mode.).]
7/28/01 Queen of swords (R), 5 of cups (treachery) 130 AM "always good possible." Software for kids that teaches, has memories -- I see it twice in the dream. Comes in home and school models -- the last step is to roll it in dust. "I wait past time to tell my brief story." Little girl throwing popcorn into a compter or VCR. 10 AM The dream starts in my real apartment. Dad has asked my sisters to help him with tasks around the house. I see a rear-view mirror on the wall by the entry door -- thought it was eyes looking through a hole and mentioned it to a woman as I walk past it. I go in the kitchen, which is larger because the stove and refrigerator are gone. I stand along the wall so they can't see me from the great room -- out of the way, so I don't influence the other people. I hear snoring and go into the bedroom where Dad and my brother are sleeping in my spot on the bed. I think about sleeping on the couch because my brother might hit me in the face flinging his arms around in a strange bed. Someone hands me a light purple irridescent silk suit ($3) and shoes that look like cracked mud on the bottoms which fascinates my attention. I walk down the front of the building and Martin is the manager again and he is talking to a family of Chinese or Tibetans (broad faces) about farming the front lawn (up on a terrace). He tells them $50 is not too much to pay and they must subdivide the groundcover into five sectors and in one the seeds don't come up, how will they replant without making tire marks into the growing sectors? I walk to a conference and Cyndi catches up with me. She asks me who called this morning -- it was the Colonel's secretary and a man. I stand at the door -- there's anther meeting still going on -- may be on airline safety or FAA -- blond woman in charge. I see a man and two women asleep in the corner. They were sleeping in their commuter van and were dumped out in a pile at work without waking them up. There's an empty chair near them and I ask Cyndi if she wants to share it. Voice says there's a camera in the room filming everything and Cyndi points up near the ceiling. Then I'm sitting in a folding metal chair and the blond at the front tells the people to introduce themselves. A women sitting in the back near me mutters that she isn't telling who she is, then says loudly to the blond that she's too shy. The next woman is lying on the floor and mutters that her name is Fine. She says loudly that she's just waiting for a transfer to Minneapolis. The blond says that they (management) don't usually sit around while two whole floors of high paid employees bail out and leave the office empty. I'm next and I don't know whether to tell who I am or not, after what the last two said, so I just tell where I work and that I'm a clerical assistant. The blond leans back and gasps in horror (looks like Mother Nature maybe) -- but I ignore her having become fascinated with my suit, which got a drop of water on it and now has a watermark or bird poop on my lap. I look up and the blond is standing beside me inspecting the water stain also and she says that it is very unusual -- "the suit is not made of metal." It looks like where a blow torch discolors metal in a rainbow mark. Earlier in the dream, two men had permanent bird poop on the bottoms of their shoes -- one with just one white poop, and the other one with a half dozen of them. 9 PM "Now I think maybe mother." "Illegal taproot deep in Congress." PIle of books I haven't re-read -- Ringworld on the bottom. [4 PM while talking on the phone, a man kept breaking in talking about driving on the freeway in S California; L... Boy; people looking at his unusual antenna; getting into it with a van; and he said, "I can hear you better too."]

7/29/01 Ace of swords. 1 AM "your hands look so small" -- picture of hands holding small, maybe child hands. Memory of previous dream -- keys I was loaned in that dream, two of them. Picture of a man in a long white lab coat running through the room twice very fast -- legs not moving -- he comes in from the right, goes along a counter, and disappears to the left. A pig tied up -- rope around head, by a gray wood or concrete solid fence or wall. Loud voice, "he's about 20 years old." I inspect the pig -- has wrinkled black hairless skin -- is about 5 feet long and 3 feet tall at the shoulder. Girl upset and accusing, "I lied for you and now you want me to lie for all your friends." Voice behind me, "not my friends." Picture of a bearded dark haired man surrounded by darkness -- looks like a Catholic picture of Jesus. 7 AM Letter from a teenaged girl quoting how some reform or change had been made in the first paragraph. She says drugs make an interesting person in the second paragraph. I wake up after reading only two paragraphs. Voice, "is that all?" "No." "Thank you for coming." Dog is killed or removed to make a kid relate to his own species. Story (in black and white) of a woman's life I'm watching, from the same room. She's a movie star and has to go to work. Her boyfriend, who she has just agreed to support, has straight black hair slicked back, bathrobe, and has his back to me. He looks sort of like Robert Mitchum. She complains about a blond who comes to visit, "being a mess". Then I'm out in the hall and see the blond arriving. She's wearing a black hat with a veil, black suit and heels, carrying a black purse so full of white papers they're sticking out the top and trailing down the side of her purse, which she finally clutches to her chest rather than holding it by the handle -- so that she can stub out her cigarette in the ashtray attached to the wall by the front door of the apartment. The papers are full pages and scraps -- disorganized looking and she grabs the whole mess and mashes it together as she goes in the door. She walks into the living room where there are two gray couches at right angles to the fireplace and he comes in wearing a bathrobe and walks up to the mantle for a drink -- with his back to the room. She says he looks terrible. He says, no he doesn't, he IS terrible. He goes to get a drink. She goes into the bedroom and he has nailed a rectangle of sticky green (only color in the story) astroturf to the top of the door, for sticking her mess of papers on when she puts them down. Then I'm in my apartment gathering up library books to return a week early. I put them in a cooler and keep two with bookmarks that I started reading -- black book of Ingo Swann about power and Carlos Casteneda about power/warrior/art of dreaming. Room looks neat without the books -- now the top of the TV is a nice bare expanse. 8 AM I go through a manuscript looking for a theory. A kid fighting with parents says not to bother him, then says that wood is the problem -- "wood coming out my ears" -- sliver of wood in his ear. Woman asks if I want to see some dust that looks like mice under the bed. I consider going through something deleting out all the details or tangent thoughts. "The trade laws have caused hardships for thousands, maybe five -- disrupting their lives. Three cars parked by the nuns dormitory. A woman talking about going to the other side; too busy on this side. Voice says, "all she does is hop." [headline today: Merle Haggard tells all.]

> 7/25/01 Knight of swords, Queen of cups (has blue feet). 945 PM "Send
> it back to me." "The Bob's will tattle." "It doesn't matter, I came here
> alone." "You can only hug (your own) hands so many times" -- picture of
> short stocky person like Amerindian pottery women. Picture of pregnant
> Indian woman in buckskin dress -- voice saying, "you know she ran out of
> staples." Midnight -- I attend a conference for a hopeless cause; no one
> will even listen about Indian life. Then a woman in picture wearing only
> a big baggy yellow skirt, no blouse, with stripes on it and a blue denim
> belt, skirt cut up to the waist on both sides -- looks sort of like bikini
> bottom on a thronelike chair with babies crawling on the awning above it
> (like Queen of cups). Voice discussing if babies are to be shot if they
> crawl over their boundaries. She says the baby on the roof is not hers.
> She is middle aged, graying hair, stocky and rough acting. Then she tells
> me there's been a miracle -- text has appeared, a press announcement --
> seems like the speech of some old-time Indian leader. The person standing
> in front of me was to be arrested or go home, giving up -- and the words
> were posted. There is great rejoicing. There was parking for the event
> through a detour of orange cones. Before that, the woman was arranging a
> protest and told me to staple my boobs up and take off my clothes for the
> nude protest. I circulate through the group of protesters and then follow
> an important shadowy man to another room where a powerful, executive type
> woman is speaking to a man who flew in from Italy. The woman has a photo
> of herself -- dressed in yellow skirt or bikini as above. Before I was
> discussing how history is an assembly line of change with the other group
> of protesters. "Publicity of their plight -- when they were going to lock
> themselves in (to change things.) I was looking up and the message was
> suddenly posted in stone along the roof. "The American Indians have won."
> Before that, a man turns on a stereo very loud and when I try to turn it
> down, I can't, the knob is broken. A crowd gathers; it is the living room
> of my real apartment and the door is open and people come in and stand
> around. I say they might as well, until the police get there about the
> noise at midnight. I like the song -- a rabble rousing ballad -- Bruce
> Springsteen maybe, No Surrender -- about resistance. It is in my kitchen
> and food has miraculously appeared for everyone. The conference is about
> survivability. "No prisoners, no retreat, no surrender, we will not give
> up, we will not give ground, we will stand our ground." "Shut off the
> electricity and the elevators (to high rise buildings." "Megawatts."
> 530 AM Someone questioning me on the name of the person who said this --
> I erased the name earlier, and even the sex of the person. Then I can't
> remember who it was. A neighbor girl from Junior High trying on green
> fatigue pants in front of a mirror in a thrift shop. Dad's khaki shirts I
> wore in college in another pile on the floor, and sweatpants -- this looks
> like my stuff in a yard sale. I walk past some shoes and see my
> reflection in a window -- I have a flat stomach and cut off denim shorts,
> white blouse, cropped. I seem to be in Junior High again too -- thin,
> about 100 pounds -- I am amazed that I look this good, think it is now --
> keep going back to look in the window at my reflection -- impression it's
> a bank at a mall. Voice asks about the hard shoes -- high heels; my feet
> are okay again, I don't need to look at the moccasins. I go back to the
> mirror and now the girl is completely dressed, with her back to me, and
> she has on the fatigues shirt too -- they look tight, which surprises me
> and I almost ask what size that is -- men's sizes start at 28. I bite my
> tongue. Then she speaks and says, "should I wear these pants tight like
> this?" Army uniforms are usually baggy. When she turns around I see that
> the shirt is tight too, only buttoned at the middle over a white T-shirt.
> She has hair on her chest that looks like transplants (clumps). I am
> confused -- thought it was Don's girlfriend -- German girl up the road
> from Dad's farm -- cheerleader type with curly hair. [Wednesday July 25
> 12:05 PM ET Masked Gunmen Kill India's 'Bandit Queen' By Y.P. Rajesh
> NEW DELHI (Reuters) - Masked gunmen killed India's ``Bandit Queen,''
> Phoolan Devi, outside her home on Wednesday, ending a turbulent life that
> began in poverty and rape, turned into a quest for revenge and wound up in
> parliament. Devi, 37, was shot by three gunmen who pumped five bullets (2
> in head, 3 in body) into her when she got out of her car and was about to
> enter her house in the high-security heart of the Indian capital, Joint
> Commissioner of Police Suresh Roy told Reuters. The short and stocky Devi
> was portrayed in the 1994 film ''Bandit Queen'' as a rape victim from a
> low-caste community of boatmen whose career of crime began as a quest for
> revenge against her attackers. Devi rose to notoriety in 1981 when 22
> upper-caste men were massacred in the Uttar Pradesh village of Behmai. She
> denied leading the killers but surrendered to police in the central state
> of Madhya Pradesh in 1983.] [From yesterday's dream of 7/24, new story
> Wed, July 25, 1:25 PM ET. Hamas leader's car was hit by four anti-tank
> shells and the whole middle was blown out of it -- looks like the hole
> appeared in the hillside in yesterday's dream - the pavement through the
> hole looks like a tan roof of a big building -- "The Israeli army then
> sent two bulldozers and a pair of tanks to level a nearby Palestinian
> post and petrol station, the witnesses said. A Palestinian policemen was
> shot in the hand during the demolition"..]

7/26/01 2 of wands (boldness, fierceness, courage negated by sadness;
clairvoyance) 3 of swords (sadness, singing, faithfulness in promises) 1030
PM "there will come a time when you'll do something very stupid in your
history (looking at a rosebush with shears in hand.) 4 AM loud voice
outside window in the dream. I wake up and look out, very tired - person
said three things --. "Tick, tick, what's this, Sheila?" Person outside,
I'm up high - thin, light hair, dressed in loose buckskin or draped
furs/pelts holding a ribbon or scroll. The landscape is desert - flat,
baked yellow or reddish soil.

7/30/01 6 of pentacles (success) 1030 PM a stream emptying into an ocean
-- rocky, muddy stream bed. Wahid departing -- aide kidding him about his
shirt. All the same thing -- use the same madness -- companies or
organizations or nationalities. I never thought about leaving her but I
didn't know what to do. We can't ride a giant carp in a tank (with a
bridle) picture of a huge fish in a small metal container. I'm reading an
email about a little boy chasing a ball of light (picture of him, wearing a
white shirt); 30 or 60 days to claim him. Test is nudist going to his car
at a busy street. 2 AM "I was the only one having these," voice says,
"but Frankie, think." I'm in a barn -- two geese come to the door and want
in; they are the size of full grown geese but have fluffy yellow down
feathers. They chase and bite each others heads. Before that, a blond
woman is petting a dead chickens or birds or baby turkeys (face down,
plucked, featherless, but have the head and feet) in a manger or soup pan.
She pets their heads and says how cute they are and I remember putting
poison down their throats as instructed (correct way to butcher them?). We
stand at one side talking -- I tell her about my bad luck and someone comes
in -- Toney Escobar and a woman bigshot driving electric cars. Tony's is
like a mini-Brinks truck or chrome panel truck. They drive off to the right
and I follow them on foot -- look like they are showing the place/realtors.
The woman says there's a lot of life left in them (workers come with it). I
follow, intending to cut Tony to ribbons, down to size -- I have scissor
hands, and he needs a diet. The woman has just told me that I was following
my boss and someone else in his car and something fell from the sky on their
car and it's not likely they survived. I am amazed how bloodthirsty and
ruthless I have become suddenly. Everyone had been grabbing their clothes
out of the washer and hanging them on hangers and mine were mostly plastic
clothes -- so they don't need to be ironed. As soon as I finish that, I get
mean. I want to check them to see if they're dry at lunch instead of
waiting until tomorrow -- I'm very antsy. It was a barn and I let in the
turkeys and then poisoned the babies in the nest/soup. The two fluffy
yellow geese come in the door and head for the stairs where the hay is and
lay some eggs. I follow Tony and he and John Byrne are in the nesting area.
One nest contains two white/speckled eggs but they are flat on one side -
fit together like halves of one egg. Tony and John are grinding up mud,
manure, and beans on side of the concrete wall (like a vertical mortar and
pestle). My hand merges with John's and he scrapes my thumb on the concrete
wall in his haste to get it ground and scrapes a big piece of skin off the
tip and it bleeds/stings. They bury the eggs in mud to the top of the nest
like reptile eggs. I tell him he should wear gloves to do that -- get a
rabies or tetanus shot too from the scrape. "You have all this clutter, I
want to just wrap it.". Her mother wakes her up at 6 for work -- if she
sleeps later something may fall on her. I drive wildly -- two other women
tell how they don't have time to go to work. 430 AM I'm sitting in a lobby
-- it's the break at a class and everyone but me has gone out to lunch. I'm
there alone. I grab my purse to look at some notes I've accumulated from
the class. I decide to try to find where they went to lunch and find the
parking ramp. There are very old people with canes sitting along the walls
and 2-4 old women sitting in an island in the middle. One says someone's
name and thinks I'm her; she begins to ask if I remember different events.
Looks like my Great Gram Blanche maybe. An old man (maybe Grandpa Bill, but
fuller face, not prominent cheekbones and wearing a black overcoat) with a
cane along the wall says, "Hi, Sheila." The blond woman walks by again and
tells the woman to shut up. I'm in a car driven by a shadowy person
down a brand new freeway that doesn't even have lines painted yet and still
has plastic on the edges of the pavement. I walk through a park with
pictures of lipstick and make-up booths, and a book of

matches. Two women
discuss cholesterol -- one ate only fruit -- Beverly Hills diet maybe. Then
I'm on a bus parked on a steep hill, waiting to go to someone's luncheon.
Howard Drobness has come back -- he says someone might leave that day and
make up his mind very easily, not like someone else. Then he looks out the
window and sees Colonel Crandall climbing the groundcover on the very steep
hill. Howard says Col Crandall looks sour faced, but he looks more relaxed
to me (since retiring). "Not today, must pass today." An empty garage or
warehouse and a yeti materializes inside right in the middle of the floor.
Voice repeats, "empty garage." "I had a black night of the soul because I
have no soul." Make-up display of "relaxed make-up" -- picture of twisted
rope or rag used in headache advertisements in the 50's.

> 7/31/01 9 of wands, strength; two of wands (R) fear of the future.
> 1030 PM I didn't write down what I was hearing at first -- trying a new
> thing of having a conversation maybe, but then after a few seconds I
> couldn't remember anything -- was a peaceful feeling, almost like a boat
> rocking -- only remember the first thing I heard when I relaxed -- "the
> phone call". "How many times?" "They're gone, I put them in the bucket
> (glasses)." 430 AM I sit in a car or at a table with a blond guy (can
> only see the back of his head) -- he lost $43K already. I reiterate --
> you lost $50K and just started college. Voice says, "he lost half a
> million." "Easiest way to find dead babies -- watch the mother" picture
> of cat (before they start to stink). "Romantic bison just at the end of
> his affair with filth." I'm trying to write a (murder?) script with two
> other people. I'm sitting with legs outstretched on the floor. I try to
> think of something, then say that it's not much use asking me, I can't do
> dialogue -- because I never talk to anyone. I tell them they need a
> sample script to see how many minutes before the commercial/formula, but
> they show me -- it's two one hour plays. Man takes a kleenex, then puts
> it in my purse. "What shall we have them say to each other? What shall
> we have them do?" [A mine flooded in China (electric cars) -- 2,300 people
> possible in mine. Nanotube -- flat, ring shape, new amino acid that kills
> bacteria, and maybe fungus and certain forms of cancer.]

> 8/1/01 Knight of swords (R) -- logical, ignoring the emotional. 1030 PM
> she opened her mouth up different ways. She's totally into it. Group.
> Cross numbers. 2 AM Auditorium at work -- looks like the N-Building. A
> speaker on the stage (black guy) and a young black guy in the audience
> watching raptly -- dream focuses in on his face from about 20 feet away,
> but I don't recognize him -- ignores the rest of the audience.
> "Ravenhurst." or "Havenhurst." Loud voice, "Chandra Levy and I... (are
> here). 330 AM the same auditorium as at 2 AM -- I must have been
> trying to figure out what the speech was or who the guy in the audience
> with the spotlight on him was. Sandy Cortez is scrolling down a list of
> white text on a blue background. The background is a flat color a little
> deeper than sky blue. Suddenly the blue becomes a 3D color -- different
> shade and texture -- looks like a deep blue pearl or opal with a dusty or
> sparkly surface. I go back to sleep again, and again start racking my
> memory -- about what did the list say -- it looked like a table of
> contents. Then the top of page two suddenly appears before my eyes and
> the words are exclamatory (something like 'look at this list' -- it wakes
> me up from the dream so I don't read anymore, but I don't wake up enough
> to write it down -- but I remember it ended with the word 'list'. 530 AM
> "the course of the people not set in concrete." The .... costs no
> sieve like that."
>
> 8/2/01 9 of swords (R) -- (self-torture over nothing, self-loathing,
> bed-of-nails.) 10 PM "Since you already know it, you should know what
> this is" -- picture of a metal rod -- looks like the rod for cleaning
> guns. Picture of a baby in bright light -- picture fades away after about
> 30 seconds like all remote view scenes. Then, longer, more dreamlike
> picture of a baby sitting on one woman's lap and reaching towards me --
> little dishwater-blond baby saying, "I want Mommy." Then I concentrated
> my hearing continuously on a sound like a motor that went on and on.
> (Gordon Michael Scallion recommends this method for meditation, can use a
> clock ticking, and when you can't hear it you've entered the meditating
> state) until all of a sudden I heard a roomful of people with deep, quiet,
> relaxed voices laughing and chatting; which also lasted about 30 seconds.
> 11 PM "Her parents didn't like so she wiped from her memory -- about the
> baby" (turkeys). "Another night -- known from ..." (scribble on the paper
> where I fell asleep). 130 AM Line from a book or computer screen zoomed
> in on in the dream -- the words keep changing. For awhile there are a lot
> that begin with "H". Maybe something about a "gene pool" -- maybe fetuses
> UFOs get from humans, see below. "Angry arms will." The words are hard
> to read like the other remote viewers complain about. [Foreign Policy
> magazine, also covered by the Washington Post -- article on population
> trends to 2025 The Population Implosion by Nicholas Eberstadt -- "Be
> careful what you wish for. After decades of struggling to contain the
> global population explosion that emerged from the healthcare revolution of
> the 20th century, the world confronts an unfamiliar crisis: rapidly
> decreasing birthrates and declining life spans that might set back the
> progress of human development." Article states that if you can answer why
> birthrates are dropping all over the world (including countries as
> different in attitude towards industrialized jobs, lifestyles and culture
> as: Indonesia, China, Japan, Germany, Brazil, Cuba) the Nobel prize is in
> the mail -- declining life spans are expained by drinking and smoking in
> excess -- example the vodka consumption in Russia and Baltic areas,
> suicides in Japan over the depressed economy. MY ANSWER: 1. maybe the
> UFOs are stealing the fetuses in greater quantities than before suspected.
> 2. other relevant facts are that the first country to experience a drop
> in birthrate was France in 1800 -- which was during the French Revolution
> AND during the colonization of the USA and the American Revolution, the
> per-capita alcohol consumption in the USA was dramatically higher than it
> is now.] 5 AM Someone gives me some pregnant rabbits. Then I have two
> boxes of baby rabbits -- packed in boxes like china comes in with packing
> material. I open the first box and try to count them -- there are three
> on the first layer -- they are pink and don't wake up. Someone hands me
> another box of them and three of them open their eyes and get out of the
> box -- one has blond hair. Then I see a young skinny cat and notice I'm
> in my living room sitting on the floor in front of the TV. The rabbits
> have crawled around behind me so the cat might not see them. I tell a
> shadowy man to pick up the cat and he does and puts it right back down
> again; so I pick it up by the scruff of the neck and hold it that way so
> it can't scratch me. The cat begins to talk, "I didn't do it." It is
> meowing very quietly but you can understand it. It says something else
> and then the shadowy person interrupts and says, "what are you doing?" I
> mention that the cat can talk. Mike Dafforn and Bernie (teaching a class)
> are with some young girls that are jumping in the ocean and Mike says the
> splashing noises they are making is "throwing food to the sharks." I ask
> if we can teach a class on butchering rabbits (and eat them -- I've been
> adding up the number from the two boxes). Bernie says one whole box of
> rabbits fell in the ocean. I resume trying to put the other ones in a
> bigger box so the cat can't get them. An Japanese woman shows me two
> rabbits she has that are striped like chipmunks. I find five more on the
> floor with webbed feet and put them in the box too and then say to the
> shadowy man that they look like moles. They are cold. He says, "they
> are." I ask what I should do with them and he says, "put them back." So
> I put them back on the ground. Then there are a lot of people in a dark
> warehouse with shelves up near the ceiling, and we move towards the door
> where there are lighted glass cases with desert plants and sand. A woman
> asks me if I want some man and I say no. She says he's good in bed, but
> he'd eat me. Then I see a snake in another lighted glass case that looks
> big enough to swallow the girl watching it. She asks if there are two
> snakes and I see a skin it has shed. There is another snake crawling
> along the back wall. She points out an injury on the snakes's side that
> shows up on the shed skin. I say, "yes, you can stab them if they grab
> you and try to squeeze you." Maybe it's the ghost of a snake that the
> police found stabbed to death with its dead owner wrapped in its coils --
> stabbed to death while it was squeezing him to death. The snake in the
> case's stomach looks funny -- slitted, like it might already have been
> gutted. It has grown a lot since I saw it last. Then I'm outside and in
> the dream I know where the town is -- it was supposed to be Germany
> visiting Sandy. [The apartment manager's rabbits had more babies (last
> night?) and she put them in a shoebox. She had one that wouldn't nurse
> the babies and she gave it (pregnant) to a girl who looked like she owned
> a snake -- leather and tatoos.]
>
> 'Rabbit Fever' Multiplying Rare but deadly disease reported spreading in
> U.S. Tularemia, the rare and deadly disease that baffled health officials
> on the Massachusetts resort island of Martha's Vineyard for more than a
> year, is showing up elsewhere around the country. The Deseret News reports
> two cases of the disease in Utah. The disease, also known as "rabbit
> fever," usually spreads through contact with wild infected rabbits, ticks
> or deer flies. Because the bacterium can spread so easily through air and
> water and because it can be so deadly, government officials consider it
> one of five potential bioterrorism weapons, the story says.... Korey
> Stringer, a 335-pound standout offensive lineman for the Minnesota
> Vikings, died Wednesday of heat stroke, one day after collapsing at the
> team's training camp in brutally hot weather. "I'm not one to make a
> whole lot of noise," Stringer said. "I'm not trying to back up the Brink's
> truck. I just want to make a comfortable living." -- quote from an
> article written about his weight loss down from 388 pounds. He had failed
> to lose weight under a doctor supervised plan in Ohio.... In a separate
> study in Nature, Krause reported finding a 70-million-year-old tooth
> which is the only marsupial fossil found in Madagascar. The tooth is the
> first identified marsupial fossil from the time of the dinosaurs from the
> southern hemisphere....Japanese Live Longer, Women World's Longest-Lived
> ... Despite reforms in Japanese immigration laws, a community of ethnic
> Koreans in Japan-many of them fourth-generation residents of the
> country-still does not enjoy Japanese citizenship. Japan doesn't
> naturalize any immigrants....

8/3/01 7 of wands (valour, taking risks, no compromise); 10 of wands (R) beware of backstabbing; 10 of swords (infatuation) 1 AM "Since the day of their inception all they've done is change people." "The roads are closed for construction~~~" scribble, fell asleep. 4 AM I'm in an unfamiliar room. There is a baby in the room with me -- playing on the floor, in bed I'm afraid I'll roll over on, and then on the changing table -- has been in the room quite awhile, must have wet diaper. I have to nurse him, no food in the room -- but I have no milk, he seems to be full. A man gets in bed with us -- seems to be bunk beds, so he's above me. He says he's dying and I say I'll be true to him forever. He says, "No, Sheila." Then I tell him I really like him -- wonder why I didn't say "love" instead. The baby crawls into another room with adults and I follow him -- seems to be the cashier stand at a fast-food place and go up close to the dusty windows to look out -- looks like the entrance to the Galleria where the 66 year old Mormon woman was stabbed by the 22 year old blond guy. [Mom told me to watch out for blond guys, they're crazy.] The man offers me cake with fluffy frosting like I used to make in high school (whipped in the top of a double boiler) but I'm not hungry and he has only one piece -- he would have to share it with me. I see his room and he has a bag with presents I gave him. I take back a book and an small see-through electronic thing even though it will be heavy to carry a long ways. I am setting off on a journey that begins at Northrop Electronics (closed building) sidewalk -- voice says I'll need water. I think I'm walking to Booneville from Des Moines down Highway 90, which is very straight, no curves, 2 lane. I think I will get there before I get thirsty, but am carrying a 2 gallon water container. I pour it out on the shrubbery along the sidewalk and it is really bullshit, not water. Then I realize I left my purse on the ground and go back and someone has taken everything out of it except my drivers license and car insurance card, which are all mutilated. I refill my empty purse with a one gallon plastic water jug and a rag and start out. I pull the jug out of my purse and accidentally hit a man on the sidewalk in the face. He lies down under an awning and says he's so angry that he has a big hard on and grabs it (down the leg of his loose trousers) and I have to have sex with him -- blow job right in front of every one I think, or sex, my choice. I am so tired of this dream that I don't care if I get AIDS, maybe I'll die. He says, "I'm a little baby" -- and I unbutton his shirt and he says, "ALL RIGHT." I tell him I don't want to give him a blow job, but my $30 is gone from my purse, all I have is that empty plastic jug. He says he's a cop or FBI and I'm bribing him -- takes out a badge in a leather case, but it is really his card -- name keeps changing when I try to read it. He looks like Mark Ferman. I give him a blow job for awhile and he embraces me -- his cock is a guitar pick. Then he acts very friendly -- I am surprised. I say, can I go now? I try to get out of there before anything else happens but see my Indian sand painting quilt I made and also a scrap of the worn out red and white one my Great Gram May made on his floor. It is very tiring to walk -- plus it's about 20 miles. I'm at the bridge the train goes through under Highway 90. I take very big steps and just try to keep going. I get to the exit through a restaurant/bowling alley. The exit is a turnstyle with metal teeth that look like shark teeth that is only about 6 inches wide. I stand there, too fat to get through -- wish now I'd lost weight when I had the chance. I look up and the cop is standing there along the wall wearing black jeans and a black T-shirt. There is a blond curly guy next to him who was at the party too and he says, "oh, it's our little friend". The receptionist at the desk on the other side has red hair pulled back tight. She tells me that's (six inch wide turnstyle) is the path to the weddings and you have to follow the same path throughout. I have to go all the way back to the pin setting area and start over and take the right path (the paths have waist high metal walls and are like mazes). She says I can go around on the patio and the path that goes in that direction is the priests path. I don't argue, just go that way. She calls after me, "never mix the social weddings and the ....." I don't hear the end or she trails off....... "There's a post here I could give you a ticket for." "Small schools - this whole package is drying out (no more small schools in the future)." "Over here, these two people start meeting policemen; noodles on your back." ... Book with chapters -- title is 'My Joses'.... Volcano near a town -- tourist on a plane goes there; voice says, "I thought you were afraid to look out the window; the food service; I'll take care of all that."... "She's checking her book in case she ever gets good enough or ever gets $20."... Large rodent snoring behind a glass wall -- sound like a metal marble rolling around -- high pitched whining noise. "Should let it out? This is your baliwik." ... Italian voice, "Thanks for tellin me the future is a lotta offensive..." "The last named hero carries the guys (to the pet cemetery where they put all their sons-in-law).... "A baby. A kiss to focus on.... Those who are pregnant don't want to spend any time talking."... Huge fire in the middle of a biosphere, "you saw the fire and you knew." ... Druid pledge of allegiance -- "Pledge allegiance to the crowd and to the tree clinging with poison oak for which we stand and which stands for us." [Carlos Casteneda said it's impossible to walk in dreams, he spent a lot of dreams trying -- must glide or float. When I floated in one dream, I drifted higher while I was looking around at a town's lights and ended up high off the edge of the earth and had to try to flap my arms or hold my breath to try to sink back down again -- I kept drifting higher. Other times I've flown to the beach, high above and seen the waves breaking at 180 degrees to each other like the Red Sea parting and I didn't get dizzy being up high.] [When I was in high school once I was drinking water from the disconnected hose at the barn pump and the unbeknownst to me the other end of the hose was in the bull's water tub in the barn where he was locked up most of the year and the water running back had bullshit in it -- he'd shit in his water tub.] 8 PM I'm in the dorm again. One roommate moved out and a second has her stuff sent -- so one whole corner of the room is now empty and you can see the wall. Ida (the one that moved out a long time ago comes back and puts her sweater in a cabinet in the wall). I'm finishing the one class I had to go for my BA, but it's 28 years later and now I can afford to live in the dorm and study like the rich students. I open the curtain and look out and it's raining. I merge with the window and then am outside on a jogging sidewalk. The weather is violent thunderstorms and rain like in 1978 at Mom's and then I get mixed up with dreams I had back then where I have to hike into the wilderness to hide -- I'm a revolutionary in the resistence. I hiked there so many times I started flying finally. The dorm is brick with a large window with blinds. The fourth roommate whispers on the phone but I hear "she". I ask her what she was talking about. She says her boyfriend ran past the window. I ask her why I'm taking so many classes when I only needed one two hour credit. I'm taking 16 or 18 credits. I have a bed but don't go to sleep in the dream.

8/4/01 Queen of wands; 8 of swords (interference) sheer bad luck, past humiliation, details waste time from more important things, care in some things and disorder in others.
130 AM "Sacramento milk bar." "She finds it and then she doesn't want it." Label on a small door that says 'find out' (tonight). 430 AM Small trees sprouted in manure. Plants with a sign on them that reads, 'Call the homeless by their names.' Voice, "okay, we will." (The homeless are plants and trees.) I hear the beginning of a poem but don't wake up and write it down. "I don't see how this establishes something, dear." A tree branch falls in the forest -- it's a virtual forest in a computer. I'm typing and there are two copies of it on the screen, each one in two parts and the computer lists all four parts on the screen as it tries to save it. I hear a secretary talking in the next cubicle -- about Oddly or Audrey. It is really two or three different Audreys - face lift. We secretaries all go to lunch, I have to mail an order for two dolls and an application for disability that I made a mistake on and had to do over. The power is off - it's storming out -- outside the window. I put on a girdle my aunt gave me when I was a kid. I pass a supervisor and hear, "I don't want to sign any more." Elizabethan dresses.

8/5/01 Chariot (R) inability to handle troubles; King of cups -- social reforming activities as a mask for the wish for recognition. I study one-three cards before sleep, but it is hard to remember all the details of more than one at a time (to reconstruct them in your mind after closing your eyes) so I just remembered the faces of the men on the cards this time -- two blonds. I also asked to see a past life -- far enough back to be non-stressful. 130 AM Then I seem to be the third sister or third wife of four of a Chinese household. The other three's faces are distorted like ghost faces - they elongate. I ask where I fit in and there is a dotted line around a space for the third woman in line. I assume it is a descending sort from oldest to youngest. 630 AM "You're not helping (hurting) me." Email repeated several times to get my attention -- about favorite concepts -- [mine seems to be women/children issues -- including future population trends, which are ultimately dependent on women having children. Last week the new research finding is that memory/intelligence and pain thresholds are related --(my conclusion: must be a recessive gene or mutation) -- so now they give pain meds in the anesthesiology so that the sleeping patients brains will not remember the surgery pain and develop phantom pain later]. ... I seem to be a cavewoman -- standing on a cleared field trying to decide if that (being in the open) is more dangerous -- attack from above (by big birds?) or the tall grass nearby is. [I have dreamed about a group of rebels or army through tall grass before.] My hair is tangled and I'm bent a little with age, sunburned, even though I see myself from the outside. Thinking makes my brain hurt a little. I'm tired and confused thinking about change. I open a door that was stuck -- science fiction inside. [Project Pope by Clifford Simik I just started -- is supposed to be about Robots building a pope with all knowlege gleaned by "trained human sensitives" -- but unlike remote viewers, they are listeners (sentence that can be read two ways "all humans" do this (no aliens) -- involves the canonizing of Mary" a listener, "an honest attempt to haul Vatican back to the course it should have followed all these years".]... "Road probably won't go through." Bunk beds, I can stand an awful lot of pain. Language of the people. Nightmares, Sheila. Next present is clothes. Three parts of your body, assuming you were right. Can't come back in without the key (broke itself off in the lock). Very tall speed bumps. I try it, but I don't care. 8 AM at a gas station to get air checked; only need $1.26 in gas. Man has two collages like mine -- one is of a statue of a man sitting at a table (clothes like the King of cups) with two other statues of men on each side of him. The other collage has numerous objects -- a shoe is one. "Military are ugly, they eat once a week." I'm at a bookstore or health food store -- outside is a crowd of people -- it's London and the bookstores open at 4 AM. When I go outside everyone in the crowd leaves -- to a teashop or the other door -- voice says, "don't be concerned about it." "It's on location, is very capable, goes very well with your camp -- good companion." I'm locked in a room for awhile and look around, a few scraps of paper on the floor. "The third one (husband) is a cop -- sits around the house." A young guy in a yellow T-shirt comes in and is very glad to see me. A shadowy man says he has to go and leaves out the door. The young guy embraces me and when he leans back I get a good look at his face, which is very tanned. He says ruefully that maybe he needs my religious viewpoint. I tell him that I have to be honest - I'm an atheist, but I was a religion major in college. Then I quote a Sufi passage (the key of the Rumi story) -- 'my beloved waits outside the door' and say that's the same as a Christian quote also, but it almost wakes me up trying to think of it. He gives me two beautiful dresses, but I put on a pink and white striped sweater and pink jeans so that I can go look for the shadowy man. A large group of his followers comes in, I can see only one black woman clearly. I go outside and realize I don't know where I am or which way I went to get here. I go to the right and the street seems to go in a circle, maybe a cul-de-sac. "It's the rushing hour and I have a guy to fix it again." "Did I get hitched again this year, probably not." Hunters shoot at a woman and hit a metal frame as well as her. I'm on a divided highway. 4 PM A woman talking behind a partition -- I say she's Rose, a stripper I heard talking at Second Hand Rose in 1978 -- she's still stripping. Then I see someone on a trapeze and think about falling and it happens, then I think that the person can grab the chain as they come around and that happens too,but everyone is crying -- including me, but it is silent. I run to the spot and there are mashed potatoes and a life-size nude woman made of pink jello the person could have fallen into. [Videotapes of a man cutting off pieces of women and eating them found -- roommates found them -- my dream rotting meat between teeth.]

8/6/01 7 of swords/futility (taking the easy way out; instead of taking
responsibility and confronting others with theirs) 1030 PM "Not mine, her
bracelet." "Sat in Congress adapting." I read an email in a dream -- "I
enjoy seeing your political..." then I wake up. 2 AM A shadowy man drives
me down a dirt lane that has overgrown with grass, looks like a lawn,
because no one has driven on it for so long. I think the man is dad and I'm
18 and leaving . It is muddy, a little standing water but he doesn't get
stuck. He says, "they needed some energy." There's a flimsy fence -- and I
throw a small $3 slice of hay. There is a whole herd of very unusual black
cattle with unusual skin, no fur. They are shadowy too but could be baby
rabbits/rodents/badgers/pigs/very small elephants without trunks, maybe.
Maybe they are dead -- dead people have no hair. The bull is right in the
center of the herd and he gets the hay to eat first I notice (like the cat
family). Then the bull goes to ridiculous extremes--put the piece of hay
under his 10 gallon water tub and is standing on top of it with all four
feet bunched up (like elephant in a circus) I assume so that the other cows
can't eat any. The man says the fence is very flimsy so there is no use
running away, so I go towards the bull and shoo him off the water tub; and
am embarrassed to be so scared that I yell, "daddy" and cover my eyes. Then
I notice a red bull and I think the two bulls will fight, but they just look
at each other and then they stare intently at me and then I'm afraid they'll
follow me like they usually do, and they start towards me. I hide in the
cornfield and the red bull charges down the row I'm on and I step through
into the next row right before he gets to me, like a matador. I have the
water pan and I get underneath it to hide (barely fit, must painfully bend
my head down) and I can hear them talking around me -- sounds like Bett.
There is also a box there -- about 2 feet tall. [The water tub is the one
the real bull had when I was a kid and he's shit in it and make dad mad.]
Pictures of different school classes -- ghosts in pictures and clouds around
the kids and they have their hands up over their faces. An elephant walks
up on his back legs and wants to hug me but I'm afraid his trunk in the way
will make his legs too short and he'll crush me. Aussie voice, "if you
reflect the right movement." "People are beginning to laugh and get
concerned about that" -- peeling ear of corn. Some product that is going to
make me younger and thinner -- sold in New York. "My Lord," voice says --
when I gather up a handful of bullshit to throw at someone. Magic Johnson
has some poems in the internet. Woman hanging off the top of a flagpole.
Woman blowing up the house says, "true, I bought some explosives." Mom
maybe, an Irish thing? "Body temp went down to 43 -- breaks you heart
because it is frozen and brittle. "Have fun sweetie," he called me that
before he left. Voice, "stick it out." Black bull is giving money to
Catholic school -- going to cause a big stink. Authorities never won in
Arkansas. "Don't break apart real easy when

. "Don't break apart real easy when they get afraid." 4 AM I
dream I'm walking around the bedroom but I don't look to see if my body is
still in bed, so I don't become lucid in the dream. [I have strained
muscles from walking up a lot of stairs at the beach to pick grass for the
rabbits and in the dream I got up to put menthol on it, but my body didn't
get up -- I guess I was out of body.] In the dream I can hear it is raining
outside the window and I hear someone saying they might have to drive to
Detroit tomorrow and the Interstate is closed. [Seems like I can hear real
people talking around 5 AM when they start to wake up?] "We may have to go
tomorrow."... Man with magnet (erasing?) phone messages. "The children found
in bed in pain are usually mine." List of things, "definite lack of
interest."... Medical experiment where two boys tread water until one dies.

Another drowning on a school trip to the beach, like last year (girl drowned
in rip tide); two boys in rip tide, surfer held up one, but the other one
drowned. Federal judge killed by two motorcycle gunmen in Indonesia.
Police said they had arrested two men over the killing on Tuesday (8/7/01),
hours after finding explosives and documents (in his house) linking Tommy
Suharto to a spate of bombings which have rocked the troubled nation for
months. Stock exchange bombed killing 15.
8/7/01 10 of pentacles (family background) 11PM-- privilege. Picture of
simian face looking up and a hand with a wafer--impression of communion or
last rites. A campground with a bare littered path which changes into a
reclining woman's face--she is lying on her stomach, face to the left.
Mother Earth, looks American Indian. Everyone needs a check-up--a whole
group going to a doctor together. Picture of the interior of a Spanish
Mission alter with a bottle on it, man in robes sitting to one side in a
chair, "when you have one bottle, it's filled from the well." A young
redheaded woman to the left of a split screen--"blessed and beautiful."
Voice, "flatten the world and everybody in it." Woman in Russia calling for
help. "Instead of diverse, it's me." Man laughing, "Mike says they're
pissed." 12/Midnight--Man and woman in a truck driving through a forest,
sunny day. Voice, "clock." Man jumps out--he has shoulder length, curly
dark hair, army camouphlage fatigues. 3-4 times a week I'm happy--to see
your toes change color (through a hole in the wall). "I am pregnant, you
guys get out; my eyes are on top of the refrigerator; now wait for twin
boys." Huge super highway with 10-15 lanes in each direction crossing the
country. At the edge are rubbery balls the size of gravel the cars drive
over. The cars seem to be going at a constant slow speed as I cross the
road. Voice says a man was hit by a car. Maybe the future, though. There
is a plant that looks like a palm fringe with castor bean leaves that feels
like soap when you touch it, I bend the leaves down. Clothes washer/drier
that you put right in with the clothes (a small unit)--can wash them in a
small drawer. I am sitting in a drafty room in bed--school break. I have
several tasks I want to complete--laundry, several class assignments;
everything seems to be done, so I just sit there and look around--look out
window and a blond is down there talking to someone about laundry. I go to
the office and Pam seems to be the new supervisor or colonel's
secretary--has a nice office with more of those soapy plants, they are
ornamental too, they glitter. Man talking about a girl who lost weight.
Loud voice, "we do not release family matters."

8/8/01 Empress (R) You leave it on. Light stranger. Ironing board made of jute like welcome mat. Small insects (pink) in the seams of clothes -- I see one, inch worm. Crawls like baby. Jewish birthing chairs with a board between them covered with a tent.

8/9/01 Empress (R) 1 AM They're gonna have to pay for this (bigfoot). Peter, you throw away my handiwork, my dryness, my silliness. If I keep taking you, you're going to have to come to the conclusion. 2 AM There is a discussion of shamanic powers -- a woman and her daughter. The woman's power is solid, symbolized by matching red sofa and loveseat or chair and the daughter has a Cheerio she picks up off the floor which has a hole in it (traditionally, any food that falls on the floor belongs to the "Gentry" or fairies.) Discussion is the source of power. If you get a little bit furious, keep your mind to yourself. Another shaman advertises in the newspaper to find out the source of the power. Email to de Raney or Derhaney -- prevents disasters such as ferris wheels. Also the importance of the person and what they have to protect. 5 AM I'm at the home of my aunt or employer -- I'm babysitting -- I'm going to do it next week, otherwise I won't and I'm picking up some clothes. There are barriors of too many clothes to find mine, a little girl delays me, I pick up a quarter she found. I wanted to avoid the parents but I pass them going out and I don't have to think of something to say to them -- they seem to be gangsters, maybe Italian -- women is tall and blond, slender. They are very involved with their kids. I've just had sex with a guy -- I become conscious for a moment and groan and make too much noise, disrupt myself in sex scene, will bother the neighbors. Or blowjob and I'm afraid she'll smell my breath as I pass her. [This has to do with a Rumi quote, 'I silently moaned so that for a hundred centuries to come, The world will echo in the sound of my hayhâ1 It will turn on the axis of my hayhât ' (Divan, 562:7)] Secret is silent sex maybe -- for population density. The Lovers card is hidden by a black bar at the bottom of the computer screen. The couple is going out to a party, the woman is pregnant again, daughter looks about 8, has very beautiful dresses. Are you dedicated to my abuse and the story? Pregnant woman, doctors will not tell her how she's doing. Sound of rip page out of notebook. 9 AM Three hundred religions that have a temporary hold for one year -- or three months, on their ceremonies, try the new method. A man has sat so long he stumbles when he walks, limps, ragged clothes -- "get closer". On your own, so now you're processing. Hunting, a large animal on the ground -- I cut it open and have only a few seconds to take the heart. Very scholarly discussion about "scouts" (Stephan Schwartz, interview 8/8/01 on Art Bell, talks about how remote viewer human consciousness has affected sleeping mice." Energy of dreams; ability to remember; what would happen if he uses the code of his body? Alternate reality theory will cause disruption to society just like invitro. You have to make up for it, you have to call. A struggling life form, a small tree. A woman putting old furniture in a new house. New world with old world privatization. I'm reading a text, but a voice is telling me what it says in my left ear, "I wonder if you can be depressed in your sleep?" Woman's voice sounds like she has a gap between her teeth, distinctive voice. I try to wash it off. Magazine article titles I'm reading: Yet With Giant Flowers Taking the Scene. Hypo Inside is a Form of Petrol. Five Toys that Cluster Around -- man has no normal trappings of life, a table. Environment within a frame of family privilege. Continent fails historical test: pass saved, passe. I have two pencils and sharpen them down to nothing (dream remembered spontaneously hearing a mention of school on the radio). I'm standing outside a movie studio built in Palmdale, original building is a one-family house; big building with a metal roof; new construction, only the studs are up, next to me of 2X4s and I hear a noise and wood shutters roll down half way, then when I think about the danger, the other half rolls down cloth scrolls. There is snow on the ground but we don't wear coats. I'm carrying a sweater with gold designs like the Empress Tarot (dress); and think, Oh, no -- metal threads. But they are gold beads over gold threads. Somewhere I dreamed or read about four armies fighting in a temperate part of the Arctic. [story about silver derived chemical to be put in cloth in socks to prevent the growth of bacteria, mold and prevent stink -- a lot of people are allergic to metal.]

8/10/01 Empress/pregnant woman 1AM "yes, you come out of the eggs." Picture of a woman spilling wheat on the carpet (in my living room), then pouring water in a small circle all around her. Wakes me up and it IS the Empress! She has a wheat field in the foreground and a water fall on the right side, but with the added ceremony of a circle. "Since still upon this spot I put your passing." 5 AM I see a clock in the dream and it is either 1230 or 130, I can't tell where the little hand is exactly. I seem to be possessed by a multiple personality (dumb but cheerful) who is dreaming this dream or it is just that I keep switching from right brain to left brain in order to remember the dream. It also seems like someone has sent me a "message" or "email" in the dream and is talking to that dumb girl -- wants to be her son maybe -- because finally I meet the guy at a counter and he says that "policewoman was in India for 2 days... she has 2 hearts, 2 lungs... do you get the picture?" [pregnant woman would have 2 hearts--baby maybe removed by UFOs] Examples of dumb girl: she/I am talking to a young girl clerk paying for stamps that you have to print in the dream -- she prints a whole page and I think I barely had $6 for a roll -- she/I goes through my purse and finds two $5-bills (I only have one in my real purse), the dumb clerk gives me more than $25 change including some $1 bills that are "silver" so I look in my purse and find I'm dumb too -- she points out that I gave her a $50 and a $5. The $50 is cloth with embroidery on it. So then I have to give her $31 more, I think. When she/I walks away the thing we bought was a quart jar of gasoline that is supposed to be a car but it barely goes when you step on the gas. She says it will run every 2-3 of days to go to work -- is an old Volkswagen bug which I would NEVER buy. The gas looks dirty, maybe a clogged fuel filter. There is also a movie she says you can watch while you wait for your phone call to go through -- vidphone? (I am beginning to suspect I am in the future). I need to call because the new bug doesn't run and she's/I've wasted $1300 on it. I call at the counter -- the first time the number doesn't end with 72, so I must have misdialed. Calls are 23 cents and the female clerk helps me after I can't get the chewed up pennies to go in the slot. I put the 23 cents in her mouth and she says "good idea" when I put all the coins in at once -- bigger slot than now. Then the male clerk tries to help me (I don't know my phone number so I look on some "insurance" papers I'm carrying and it is 528- and I know the last part is 5672) and he dials and does the talking. First he makes a call for himself and I get impatient, but he only says one sentence and hangs up, "I'll be there on the 9th; how much is that going to take, a week?" Then he must call an operator in Alaska for the number I need and he must chat up the operator and reclines comfortably on the counter; then hangs up and says he was too scared to do it. "Night of 5 bullets." I have a gun in my purse too, and had a baby that I left somewhere with someone. I'm turning a thing around and sending it back and hear, "oh, Lordy, oh for a nap, oh baby." so I stop doing that and try to hurry. I/she start walking cheerfully down the sidewalk with the female clerk who is now walking home also in the same direction. I turn around and see a shadowy woman who looks like Nellie and think about borrowing her cellphone, but come to a blue phone booth along the sidewalk; now I think it's 30 cents to make a call. The other Sheila also comes up and says she piled them up like shoes -- she's good at phone calls and volunteers to help me too. The male clerk helps and is the go-between, "last line is while trying to call Chicago, choke laughing; male writing 'just in case something happens', 50 page fashion magazine doesn't end in divorce -- my family; to trust like that! -- pcture of kid thrown down from airplane or by the stork -- had all the plans changed and made at the last second (clerk believes in the stork...); India is in the same situation we are, closest example, burning (widows?); $47K to fix up an old house or $65K to tear it down (more faulty math by the dumb me?); woman officer helps a man out of the car by his hand -- he can't get out by himself; Weinerschnitzel hotdog costs $5-20 for lunch (must be the future); the Elizabethan story suits me fine -- make it suits; email address for horror and anagrams is Los Angeles prefixed -- 213 and 310; everyone has a goal or plan, I don't want to give you details. .... Later I sleep-write with scribbles -- man wants to do something like turning two hamburgers -- big mean? guy. 5-9 AM Muslim man on a horse, boy walking -- spoils of war? I don't wake up and write this down and it repeats over and over until I wake up at 9 AM. I am spoils of war also, man decides he loves me and hugs me. I wake up in the dream on a linoleum floor with nothing and don't even know who I am; but I've gotten a message from a man that we have to both leave at the same time. I am on the "escalator" that is the on-ramp to the freeway to the airport when I realize I don't have my credit card. My mind is racing -- where to go, Italy, Germany, France -- I want somewhere comfortable and Italy is sunny. Then I'm in my car going to work and there is a barrior so you can't turn at the crossroads-- also guards. Faith is ahead of me in line and gets out of her car and walks back-- looks very thin, wearing bluejeans, which is not like her. I tell her that there is a side road that the guy in my carpool took once to go around the barrior, but he was afraid (law) and came back to the main road. I go back to my car and it won't start, clicks; is parked by a wide river or flood channel in Huntington Beach. Faith doesn't offer me a ride, just crouches down and looks at some small damage on her bumper, she wants to sell the car soon -- it is a tiny blond or beige car,looks futuristic. I find a phone on a restroom wall by a big bush to call Auto Club and this time I correctly think the call is 35 cents. But there is gum inside the phone slot and it gets all over my quarter and nickel (I put in a dime and nickel). I also can't remember AAA's number. There are more phones on the counter by the guards at the barrior. [There is a one-day sale of NW Airlines tickets for 50% off I found out when I woke up.] A man following us yells when he falls down and maybe breaks a leg; he's dressed in blue and loses his shirt. It is a will in reverse I'm working on -- for guaranteeing in the next life, a contract. Heyokas in Indian culture do things "backwards" -- wear clothes backwards, walk backwards.

In Gaza, around 2,000 mourners took to the streets for the funerals of
Maher Afaneh, 27, and Mohammad Saqqa, 20, killed by Israeli troops a
day earlier during a confrontation near the Karni commercial crossing.

8/11/01 Empress (mother, pregnant woman) 1AM Picture of hotdogs on a table. 2AM Roz is secretary at F18 again, one week vacation and wants me to sub for her; I'm on a railroad flatcar eating; tell the men in that building I'm not washing any dishes -- to wash them as soon as they finish eating. I get there through a movie theater hallway and Jere and Nellie say they've finished all the work and are just leaving. I try to drive there; ask a sophistocated woman who is reading if she remembers what color the Government car was when we parked it; wait around and then there is only one car left in the parking lot,so I find it. 9 AM I find myself visiting my family and they ignore me completely, maybe grumble, why do I have to visit them. I remembered getting on a plane, maybe I'm sick. I'm sitting in a clinic and I knock on the employee's door to ask where to leave my specimens; the room is emerald green walls and deep purple velvety flowers. A young girl says to email it to her (her email box is 10 -- is in a childrens section of a library) then she looks at it and asks what the specimens are -- I'm holding a quart of water and a ob gyn test (embarrassing) and she says, 'oh, your pain specimen.' I remember going to grandma's house and there was no one there, there were two basement doors -- one green and one blue. I wander out of the clinic which has closed and teenagers are buying hamburgers with different kinds of fries -- one is "incidental" ones you pick out. I keep walking through the parking lot where a man is riding a horse that is running and screaming and fighting, he is pulling on the bridle. The horse ends up throwing him after I think it will; a flimsy fence appears, but I don't crawl under it. Then he rides past me on a dyed-black camel-faced creature that can talk. I hear it say, 'where shall we go now.' Everyone will get tired of this fad horse soon too, it thinks. I decide to cut through an empty lot to where my family lives in the dream and end up at a soybean field, big brick barn. I see empty fields in the distance; my family lives in the city and there are only three houses to the right in a new surburban tract. I am very tired but determine to retrace my steps. Then I think maybe I could fly -- it's a dream, but I don't try it. A list of stars who do and don't wear bras. A plate with a cookie on it.

8/12/01 Devil (Pluto, god of the underworld/sea) 1AM Palos Verdes, what your boyfriends said to you. 4AM I think I've gotten an answer to an email about a myth or fairy tale dream (I see the title of the email, which is THE MERMAID - the title is centered and the rest (?) scrolls off the right edge). Loud voice says, "Is there room with his paws in his pockets?" -- to send an email. Things we would have done differently today. Rain in Asia where they try to determine the fate of the islands. A new myth comes out and there is a fray or battle among some women -- I hear a scream, scuffling. The emails seem to be from a big brick barn (Piers Anthony story in Dangerous Visions -- man takes job on dairy planet/barn where he is a farmhand for a mute human female herd; falls in love with one young "cow" but she probably doesn't even feel his attempt before he escorts her to the brutal "bull.") You would need thousands of dollars to get it right, to reject me. Art Bell's voice saying, "I do." A jet comes too close and takes off the roof where some kids are working. Lily Tomlin's five year old character voice says, "fight ruins a young girl; I have a T-shirt of (bulldozing Lil Abner, Peter Pan or Little Mermaid)." This is in front of the Good Stuff mural of the ocean coming up and covering the streets of Manhattan Beach. In Moscow, shoveling hay in deep snow for cattle. Repeated three times, "I want to see now." Pool in basement of a Texas house (they put it indoors instead of in the yard (to make it safer) -- voice, "didn't matter, I played it safe." Bulldozed the pool. [teenaged girl and her dad drowned in the basement in Texas during a flood in a thunderstorm a few weeks ago.] Man says he cleaned up all the dead leaves in the whole neighborhood and one family wanted to do it themselves. I see some art on a wall just like a guy in the internet (he has lucid dreams and memorizes the art) -- "first picture" -- is a cloud bank from above, swirling like a hurricane, puffy white clouds in a circular pattern on the sky. Seat belt on a bicycle; violence of sleepers in a double bed (arms flailing). People are hoping (end of Earth Quarterly) -- voice, "you've gotta be kidding, sweet corn is modified field corn." 830 AM Started eating (Jewish) myths and myths started coming out the other end. "No, daddy, you can't, you're too thin." That's pretty petty of you, worm; you want to make it with this dish? I have a roommate; her passport expires and she calls her dad and says she can't come home to some family dinner, can't he come to her place. He has a gruff voice like a US capitalist, says it's okay.... There's an oriental wife (eating) so the blond wife leaves.... This is about a character (Barney dinosaur) that consistently appears without make-up.... Rick Coutu's new office, you go through a small hole in the wall -- has a tiny TV on the desk that is never turned off and a perennial plant on the shelf, light is (always) on but he's not there.... A dirty man with an Irish accent follows a woman and she says, "do you know what -- life is better if you smash it." He steps forward, "do you want some?" - Mr. Goodbar?... Awards (for neatest office?) Do you really want to win that?... Reading a book in a dream -- I like to go there (a sillouette of two people, ink blot) -- voice says, "I believe in UFOs." Cinnamon on a guy in a cowboy hat; after argue with boyfriend -- (Persian/Afghan dish has cinnamon sprinkled on wheat/meat dish for breakfast).... Man drags a dead snake/reptile out of a hole, "this should help things." ... A husband will come with you, but a daughter stays forever. A room with a test. ... Come on, your exile. Don't catch the location. Two meanings -- on computer screen -- and catch a falling woman in his arms. That's what she's saying. If I didn't go to work I'd be amply endowed too.... Kids talking to me -- they lose all their hair in a damp, hot place. You wash the bamboo stem in hard cider to sterilize it.

8/13/01 World (completion, return to the Fool); 9 of wands (strength) 11PM Earth First in Dallas. How often a transparent layer is over it. Series of slides of a bare back on a massage table -- green sheet. Answers you want to find tomorrow. Encino. In a barrel (wearing a barrel). You bring it down to El. Picture of someone skating backwards on roller blades, bent over, sweeping the ground/his tracks behind him. This month loosened you up to Phil. Deaf, definition (true). Trees out a plane door -- DB Cooper bailing out maybe. Taxi, taxman. "Have you ever seen the unsorted headlines here?" Breaking (up) just makes the heart grow stronger. 1AM I see a message about a sufi warrior and my step-brother. You shouldn't have to break one a day -- Art Bell bumper music -- Nothing but a heartache every day -- playing over an over every time I fall back asleep. 5 AM I check two things on a list -- one is of no account. A man wants to be driven to the mall to eat supper instead of cooking -- a celebration. Then in the turn lane (shadowy man driving, I'm in the middle) he says to drive downtown, he has to tell his friends. Voice sounds like Lito. Downtown we pass some women Air Force officers at a fancy hotel. I check on various relatives -- Chuckie, Roger. One thing the voice says is of no account, but there are several messages about it -- either ecology or war in the Mideast/Armageddon; I protest.

8/14/01 9 of pentacles (finding a way to make money through positive
thinking) 1AM A dream character I thought was an ally or cohort I see
walking away carrying something that looks like Mom's old vacuum cleaner
(cylinder shape, gray one from the 50s, with no suction). Says that's the
answer to fighting some big battle, which I think is beside the point. The
vacuum looks like a shadow -- is supposed to represent housework -- cooking,
cleaning. But it has an unusual long curved shape that looks like the
genitals of the spotted bull in the most common Minoan frescos of the
bull-jumpers. The curve of the long penis and the two balls at one end.
Maybe a hardened version too, for a walking stick. There's a wall that
might be the Great Wall of China, but I can step over it. I am visiting for
myself to see about the 1-child rule -- Bill Gates is with me, a little kid.
This seems to be Bill Gates, a little taller than a kid; the "bull" is China
-- we are visiting and step over the stone wall. 2AM Is an elephant, not a
bull - - China. "Give up grooming for... (sex) -- leave till the end."
"There were some bad islands (Australia)." A map on the wall with a big
country shaped like a T; it is pale yellow on the map. I try to look at
this new fascinating map but lose my concentration or someone gets in front
of me. Voice says about the T shaped country, "trajectory, start making
shifts." Culprit. Bill Gates carrying something. 5AM A woman talking
about a bombing in a parking lot; a lot of people standing around talking.
It is a seminar -- Jesse shows a chart and I memorize the steps, then he
looks around the room and says it looks like a party. When he clicks on the
word "date" it gets all crumpled up, but it still works to click on. He
wanders off to a small hole in a wall that leads to another room with a
telescope; there's a new girl over there also. I am getting dressed in a
gold satin blouse and red or yellow jeans (I have a choice). Out in the
parking lot (at electronics) men are talking about football and say that you
can use that "horse whisperer" technique for just about anything -- cutting
in line. Somehow I doubt it. A man reminisces about a street with two
schools on it -- calls a talk show about it (kid from the daycare grown up?
another dream -- when the kids were small, that I saw them -- especially the
girls, in 1950's style coats and they were old ladies walking across a
ditch.) Then I'm on a hillside in Iowa City where the Grad College is --
but a different feel, like I'm seeing it from another person's perspective
-- I feel like Darrel Gray or maybe a rich kid that didn't have to work and
went to school there. [I dreamed before of this route, and I was with
Darrel Gray after he died. He was driving past a wheat field and up a hill
so steep it was terrifyingly vertical and the car tipped over backwards.
Ceres VS Pluto -- capturing Persephone in the underworld for eating dream or
dead person joke.] Then I'm at Petsmart sitting on a stool and see a cat
walk by -- I mean to say, there's Tutu the manager's cat because it has
chewed up ears, but I hear "there's Calico" come out of my mouth -- then the
cat really does look like Calico (tail bitten off by the horse) but then the
tail reappears. There is a miniature black bulldog too and several other
cats.

8/14/01 about the Minoan pottery figure I was looking at in an archaeology
book before going to sleep -- the one where the three bull jumpers have to
jump over the bull in the maze in Crete where they kept the Minotaur. (That
was the Age of Taurus, that's why they worshipped bulls then.) So that
means we in the Age of Aquarius worship men or water bearers. And it is
interesting that hydrogen is made from breaking down water -- might replace
oil and will put a LOT of pressure on the Muslims to lose their fabulous
wealth...
But then I dreamed about seeing a man carrying the genitals of that Minoan
bull like my Mom's old 50's canister vacuum cleaner (which had no suction).
Then I found this news item at Netscape news last night: Edmonton, Canada
However, 19 other fiberglass bison had their testicles severed between
Friday and Monday, and the case remains unsolved. They have these 19 bison
in Canada for some type of Olympics event and they are painted the colors of
different countries and they are going to sell them after the event, but now
their value is diminished because they are not anatomically correct anymore.
Two 19 year old men were caught carrying the genitals along with a fire
extinguisher and a rag.

Morning 8-14-01 I dreamed I was standing in a parking lot at work (I
work for the Dept of Defense at Northrop-Grumman where they build the B2
Stealth Bomber) -- at the Electronics building (Johnson Building), which to
me might symbolize Vietnam because their supervisor is Vietnamese in that
building. Everyone was standing around in the parking lot (even though
that building has been shut down in real life and everything moved to
Rolling Meadows/Chicago area) -- and I could hear a woman talking about a
bombing. Then a very self-effacing sounding African American man with a
Southern accent (Washington DC accent) called a talk show and was trying to
warn about something. Then everyone went back in past the metal detectors
(which they don't have here). I could see the man on the phone in the dream
and he had a thin face, looked like Joe who used to work here. He told me
about a black fear in LA that the Govt will put germs in the aqueduct to the
black areas and accomplish genocide. Perhaps there is a fear in DC right
now that Arab/Muslim forces such as Kadafi, Osama bin Laden, Sadaam Hussein,
and others are planning a takeover of the USA and white genocide -- or
genocide of all Americans. Art Bell mentioned a buildup of Iranian troops,
Egypt announcement, unusual activity in Lebanon and Syria.

8/15/01 2 of pentacles (wandering, industrious but unreliable) 1030 PM as often as you're late. 130 AM I wake up in the dream -- four boxes. There's a dried up area on a chicken -- connecting area or tail. See you tomorrow, picture slides down wall. 3AM factions of people. [Origen has a patent on the process still at the application stage. Embrex produces machines that can inject vaccines into up to 50,000 eggs an hour, the magazine said. ... freeze stem cells from different strains of chicken, ...
``Billions of clones could be produced each year to supply chicken farms with birds that all grow at the same rate, have the same amount of meat and taste the same,'' the magazine said. ]

8/16/01 Tower/R (trouble you cause yourself) Keep (take) them in near the end--one of you can go. I haven't even got my pants out of the box. I'm reading in the dream about a site that the description starts out -- that it explores ancient worlds. The guard selected the string and selected the museum; I see an ancient insect and turn it over. Can't remember the rest. You have cats. Do you want to take it with you? We have tried an odd combination of "go" "older days". How are you treating Debbie? You were thinking about doing it and never had time--taskings. Boy in army fatigues jumps into the room, grabs me by the shoulders, asks, "how did I do?" He fooled some questioner that he would never do something. Cookies sent. Seeing someone else drives away the ..... Previously owned and used, yeah. Kidney stones--when kids smell the use of and spread in Indianapolis. 60 year old woman leaves hospital right away, says the beds are for 80 year olds; are for sharks. There are two cookies that feel comfortable yet. Dad stuck her head under the hose and held her there for 3 minutes.... I proceed down a corridor and have my clothes torn off; see a man on a bicycle telling a boy something; I try to keep up with them on my bicycle (I was coasting, and I peddle) until they come to a very steep hill which turns into a cement wall. I was riding down a narrow road, leaning my bike to keep from scraping the trees along the road. Road is to Booneville at first, then turns into the bike path to Santa Monica. [Woman in Santa Monica killed in a hotel fire and her two kids in serious condition.] I wrote something down in the dream--try to grab it--hand goes through some spider webs--looks like it's written in blood. I wake up in the dream and am 20 miles away--down the bike path in Santa Monica. I was reading something in the dream and a voice was telling me something in my left ear at the same time. The voice seems to stick in my memory longer. I have been dreaming of reading off and on all night and is very hard to remember when I wake up, but maybe I'm just too tired to remember this time. Tanned nude man with huge penis walking through a door--penis about a foot long. [BERLIN (Reuters) - A heat wave has prompted some Germans to strip off their clothes in the workplace... Germans have a special fondness for nude bathing, and lie by the thousands during heat waves on ...shores. "He was firmly told that next time he has to keep his pants on," ...Royal Canadian Mounted Police
...detained the man on Tuesday. The man, who spoke only Greek, told authorities he was walking to Vancouver and had removed his clothes because he was hot. The man was given a brief mental exam after his first arrest on Monday in the village of Yahk, then released.]

8/17/01 Judgement (taking of a definite step) 1 AM There was nothing she could do--went into a ... A wonderful saga. What a way to go to the movies - polished black surface. 5AM I have to go to school, have an earache and am going to stop by a pharmacy to ask the pharmacist what to put on it. I start to get dressed and the clothes are green skirt and jacket hanging on a rack like in a boutique, I apparently haven't even bought them yet. Voice says they're Navy uniforms that you would wear only in combat -- I'm not planning on doing that today. My boyfriend comes by to walk me to school (with a shadowy friend) but I'm no where near ready and they leave. Class starts at 9:15 and it is 9:05 already. I have a diaper bag packed and that's about all. I haven't even looked at my class schedule, but it shows only one class in the morning -- which I've already missed, it's 10:15 now, but I don't stop trying to get organized. I yell for my mom to help me; I've looked through my bookcase several times and she finds the book, by Gail Parent -- is an English literature book, the assignment is only one short story which I can easily scan if I get to class. Then I realize I need all the books for the whole day. Someone drops off a 14 year old girl and tells her there is an orphanage that will take her in next door -- she comes over and introduces herself to me, new neighbor. I go outside, am leaving for class carrying the book and diaper bag and my purse. I look back and the house is very large and made of white limestone rocks. My room had two doors. I see my mom in the front yard and think she's drunk and I stop and yell for her to stay calm. But she's with my little three year old brother -- he's naked and she is telling him that she's going to kiss his little moons (butt) if he doesn't stop taking his clothes off. There are some girls walking behind me that I hear say something about a redheaded tamale. My brother is throwing three foot rectangles in the yard under a weeping willow tree. ... You're going to Portland. Book about stainless steel behavior. Just a going away party. The road I am walking down is very steep and slippery looking -- I think the gravel road has been paved with something unusual looking. Sandy Cortez is parked at the curb and has my white T-shirt -- her clothes are all neatly folded and she has a lot of them. Can't decide where to hang it -- Mon or Tues. 530AM Up wind at sea level. Hardest thing in the world is to get someone to call -- there are records, precursor records. Those words mean two things -- 100,000 and ... Just keep lookin. 9 AM I have a baby and the first year when they just lie there is over and the baby is asking questions; it asks about it's blood, full or half. I tell the previous dream to a blond woman -- the big brick house (my family is not rich and I suggest that I was living in Leuzinger High School on the other side of the street) but she interrupts and says it means I want to be alone. I say, but there were so many doors (two in my room alone) and I didn't even think they had locks. She says they should get the locks fixed. Then a secretary and I are cutting up some tuna on the 6-inch square skin. I volunteer to throw it out to the cats, so I fold it up to keep from dripping blood and start out. The scene transforms from Grandma's yard, to Mom's yard, to Larch but I pass a glass lobby highrise with an elevator where I supposedly live to throw it across the street to the Vietnamese market/kennel. It is raining and when I go past the apartment building the water gets very deep, past my knees, so I just throw the tuna skin as far as I can and hope the cat can retrieve it from the flooded street before it goes down the storm drain. A car is pulling up and a middle aged woman gets out accompanied by a shadowy man; she's ash blond, coat or tailored blouse, no umbrella. There's a light rain here bouncing off the sidewalk. [Everytime I try to lose weight I dream about my Great-grandmother's room in the nursing home from her broken hip/osteoporosis. I was born at 10:15]

8/18/01 Strength 5-530AM/first light -- Who wanders in the street giving answers. A slaughter, head cut off. I'm at a party spot. I go to a window several times where someone tells what's going to happen either to me or the world. At the end a man predicts his own future. Many couples are arriving; voice asks anyway, "how many would pay to attend this?" It's in a hole in the ground, a shallow valley filled with snow and filth like ammonia snow on another planet but when I look around it all melts. Is a school gym. The voice just asks questions in this dream. Plants seeds and waters them with a hose. Man asks if his two kids will live, boy and girl. I'm there with a convention and everyone else can probably answer the questions. A woman asks me a question as I get off the toilet full of diarrhea from eating too many cashews; I clean hers and my toilet with bleach. Somewhere in Virginia; no choice down there, man. Two young guys, one says, I thought she lost; he takes off his hat and a rectangular bar. Yes arrived at BRAC company. Corn prediction, but farmer wants to know about children -- he looks too old, sunburned, hat. I couldn't stomach the deal, a lot of money. At the end a voice runs through the list of questions again; they're listed on a screen so I can read along and one is if a woman will get her head cut off; this is the only one that deals with violence, I hope. They reported many students with second degree burns (woman radio voice). Grizzled farmer is going to kill himself if anything happened to his son; after all the others are done he asks question, what happens where the material for these get-togethers runs out? The meeting is all men except for me -- rough men. Frodo al fresca -- this is what I want. Someone throws something out a highrise window -- cloth on the ground at the trajectory. Why do you show shame, question throughout. There are a lot of "S's" in the questions. Extend out, get cut off (guillotine a green bean that is stiff, not cooked and limp). A huge explosion in Las Vegas -- picture of how it would look from Laughlin -- noise could carry that far and hurt ears also. Food in metal bags. Voice asks if couples would pay to come here -- to the ammonia ice landscape. The next drawing will be at least 10-20 years. Man hitting another man in olive fatigues but shooting starts. Why do you say that to everyone else, man throwing off uniform shirt. Dual voice, wasn't cheating, wouldn't have been. Building, very tall green building in Malaya, with a wire of beads strung around it. Man beating people in street with a stick. I thought I was going to remember the list of things right before I woke up. 9AM Man tells me that the signal will be a red pen and blue-black (nothing will happen). Loud voice says, "Disaster is without flame." A fancy hotel; I look up at what looks like an elevator and to the right of it a blue cloth with black lines in a distinctive Spanish pattern "unrolls" down the wall and looks like a scaffold or elevator -- and there is a word "Seconde" on it. A little girl beside me tells me what it means, but I am talking -- tell her it means second class citizen, separate elevator. People are passionately talking - a woman is talking -- very crowded, a bar or nightclub. A man gets off the elevator dressed in black. I feel a stab in my left chest or maybe a heart attack and drunkenly announce that I'm having a baby -- a boy. Someone is watching through a crack -- I can see only one eye. I think about stopping drinking; wash out my canning jar. Very crowded room, dark, wood walls. I think about if the blue/black cloth that was unrolled is Spanish, then the other one to the left of it might have been red -- rising sun flag -- but I didn't see any red circle in the dream. Maybe a bar in Manila. [In remote viewing if you can't view something directly such as numbers or words, you use a symbol to represent them, such as the two flags or colors.] [By Dolly Aglay MANILA (Reuters) - A pre-dawn fire in a Manila hotel on Saturday killed at least 75 people, many of them found asphyxiated in their bathrooms from a blaze which apparently started in a karaoke bar.]

8/19/01 7 of cups/R (debauchery) 130AM A very high hill in a city -- the downtown is over, at least two that I can see, hills. Maybe Rome or Greece. 330AM In the dream I go to Albert Taylor's website to see what he said, can't remember what I read in the dream, must go there awake. Last night on Art Bell radio he said that out-of-body to future or past can show you a personal future meltdown, not the world's. 705AM I kiss my mother -- she's wearing a tailored suit -- and she flinches away. There's a shadowy man behind her. Then I'm in the car stopped at a light, where I start reading and even get out of the car carrying some papers -- but I notice cars waiting behind me and get back in the car and drive to work. I write at my desk until afternoon and then walk over to the next office and see that this isn't my job where I work, might be the rubber company where I worked as a bookkeeper until 1982 -- but that has been torn down and an office park built on the spot so maybe that explains the all new workers. I just go along with the idea that I work here too and that the other people are just new hires. The woman in the next office looks like Jackie and she has to do a difficult analysis of the company -- I say they must throw you in and make you swim as fast as you can, instead of starting out slow in a new job -- like teaching cats to swim. She doesn't need any help, info about the company. She volunteers that she knows what everyone said except one person. Then her boss comes in -- he's very tall -- and stands there beside her and another shadowy woman's desks. I say I'm taking a break after typing straight through, but he stares so I leave and hear him say behind me that "wasted half his break." I go outside to take my break and cool down and walk across a lot of green fields, then get in a car and drive back. When I go back in through a different door, it is through the tool room and a room with corncobs (like Grandma's furnace room) -- and now I'm at my present job and John Barman comes out and tells me to cut up some oranges for him to sample for the week's buy and points to a wire carton of them. When I look at them, they've changed into several goldfish bowls. I feed them a pinch of food just once a week right before sampling them and remark that it's a wonder they haven't starved (but the water stays clean, I think to myself). Voice says they're fine. I look closer and there are huge goldfish near the surface and a lot of smaller ones at the bottom. I remark that it's getting more grusome to cut off their heads each week because they're growing larger and larger, but I begin the task and reach in and grab one out of each of the first two bowls and lay them on the cutting board. They are very easy to catch, and grow fur - look like harp seal pups. Then another new tall, slender young woman asks me if she can buy my car for $25,000. I write down her words by carving them into her desk (so I will remember them until I wake up) -- I carve laboriously "BMW, $25,000" but then think about what I"m doing to the wood and look for a piece of paper -- she points to one on the wall where she already wrote it down -- it is something about selling cars that people donate and has something to do with the School District. She remarks that her boss is a workaholic -- which means that she is getting worked to death. I remark that he sounds like my old boss and name off a few facts about him, but she says he wants to avoid losing a lot of money in a divorce. I start to tell her about the new woman next to her (Jackie) -- how she doesn't want to go put papers on her boss's desk and tries to get the other woman to do it -- but she interrupts me by turning on a bug in their office, so she already knows. I hear Vernita's hoarse voice, and the boss saying, "You Bitch... or something to that effect, you bought this bitch." Then the man comes in where I am and is wearing a white overcoat. I am going to introduce him to the two women but I only know the name of the one I've been talking to -- Chantal -- but I glance surreptitiously at the other (up to now shadowy) coworker and see her name written on her paper -- Joy or Jennifer. .... I wake up and think about the previous dream -- too vague. Voice says, "ok, details." "outsiders didn't take off either one." Picture of a kid finding nails in the street and lying on the ground, finds thorns in the lawn (aids to remember) -- throw (women) up in the air like babies, or carrying in brides. "Ending: you passed out and the magic words were" -- reaches in pocket for a piece of paper. "Did the Attorney General tell you yet?" Opening back of truck, letting down gate in the back of the truckbed. "Stick together, folks, we control the weather" -- heart beat or machine noises. "I'm sleepy" -- "Oh, go march". Person lying in the street wants his gun back. Testing -- fortuneately I tried to ruin -- out camping or just in a bar. 930AM (I get up to go to the bathroom and remember I am supposed to dream something for the group experiment and ask my dream helpers if they have anything, then go back to sleep.) One of my dream helpers appears right where he disappeared the last time I saw him New Years, 1997 (out-of-body) and busily starts writing something in almost illegible handwriting, but I make out, "drive-away surgery" and two columns, of red and green stickers underneath it that I assume are the checklist for the patient. He thinks I'm a doctor. I wake up and write that down and go back to sleep and then I'm standing in the same place, outside the apartment building but don't become lucid. A little girl (my other dream helper) comes up and asks me something about the drive-away surgery, am I a doctor. I am busy looking in a newspaper for a restaurant that has fish dinners for as cheap as you can cook them yourself. She stands outside the apartment manager's door and asks her and she runs to her pile of coupons, rifles through them at amazing speed and comes back with a coupon for fish sandwiches at McDonalds for 99 cents. The coupon looks old, might be from years ago, she keeps newspapers she can't bear to part with under her bed. So I walk over the the dumpster and throw in my newspaper. Another neighbor comes out the manager's door and asks what was in the newspaper so I walk back to the dumpster and it is near the top so I can reach it and I get it back out. My feet are barefoot and get all muddy so I walk up to the grass along the curb, which is wet, and wash the mud off my feet so I can go inside. The water is cold -- dew -- there are two little kids sitting on the grass playing in the mud and some dog poop I have to watch out for, but it looks like kid poop. I think I saw fish somewhere for 99 cents a pound, but you have to take into account the cost of the fries and buns. Inside, her daughter is sitting on the floor in front of the TV and phone with a paper she's writing. I say, hello Andrea, no school today? (not her name) and she says, breathing through her mouth from her asthma, that most of the phone calls are for her -- kids thanking her for help with their homework. She has a paper she wrote in her hands. I sit down on the couch with her mom and remark that I'm surprised the kids don't use email -- her daughter looks older than 6 in the dream. She says it pops up with comments while you're writing (grammar check) like "so superlative" and she ignores most of them, but once in awhile... I agree most of them are just plain wrong but get the idea we're talking about something else -- men.

8/17-18/01 Brief flash of pink before the blue cloth in the bar scene.
Fujitsu announced in July that it was cutting output at the factory (Oregon)
to between just 10-20 percent of capacity. I say I've been exercising in
dreams and a man shows me his exercise --holding his arm up at shoulder
level pointed at city hall several times a day.

8/20/01 9 of pentacles (gain/wealth) 1050PM How difficult it is to learn
all that stuff (born into a different culture in each life, jumping all over
the world from culture to culture.) Picture of a cup hook holding up a
shelf. I have broken a yucca egg - egg in the middle of the plant. I'm on
the outside of a large rooming house or apartment building -- something
lifting me up to a window on the 3rd floor. Looks like a dream from the
70's I didn't write down but stuck in my mind; not even a striking dream.
Started with bicycles and toys on the sidewalk to the pink building on Long
Beach Blvd, then I'm inside and the room has a window with a big tree
outside and is high up. The room seems closed in at first, but then I get
used to it -- rug on the floor, bed. It's a big building with brown siding.
... Libido leads to second class structure. Teenagers on a wall talking,
doing their nails. Someone working, throws down the pen and leaves. You
have to walk up to her and say she's doing fine a hundred times before she
tries one on. I have more interest in her now. 42 years I wanted to say
goodbye. You have to dig the dirt off it (dig it up). 5AM People are
putting up Christmas trees -- one in each room. There doesn't seem to be
one for the room I'm in, but there is an adjoining room; but then I'm
looking up at a decorated tree. I go out to look for a tree lot to buy
another one and end up sitting on sand. A man approaches and sits near me
and slides closer where I can see him; a towel or blanket conveniently
appears we can crawl under and have sex -- another man is watching and there
are some other people.

8/21/01 2 of wands/R (fear of the future); 9 of cups (wish card)
12Midnight I look at some dreams with the perspective I might be
controlling and making things barren. I see a shallow depression in the
land--looks like the cleats in the bottom of a rowboat and rabbits are
between the cleats where people can't step on them--hiding like refugees.
230AM Theme continues--close-up of a hand and an unusual transparent pink
and yellow glass bracelets with little bubbles in the glass. They spiral
and have a part sticking out like a snake's head. They are around either an
arm or leg--tanned foot stepping on something.

8/22/00 10 of swords/R end of suffering; false sense of freedom from
adversity. 11PM till hurts. Freedom. I would have tried.


8/23/01 5 of wands. 1030PM People getting glasses of water from the
Colonel's refrigerator. Should we have enough room today. Someone having
sex on a hardwood floor. 5AM I'm in an auditorium, walk up the stairs
twice, very steep. Voice asks if I'm trying (in a dream) to exercise.
Finally I go back down to the bottom and look for an empty seat. There
aren't very many, it is crowded like a movie theatre, so I just sit on the
floor. Walking down the stairs I was wearing a dark gray dress, but when I
sit on the floor I'm wearing a voluminous pastel green chiffon dress over an
ivory taffeta slip. Sort of like the dress I wore as the candlelighter in
Judy's wedding in second grade. A man is talking in the audience saying
what he says when challenged. Can't pay attention to two kids. Before that
I went down some steep long stairs to where two men were sitting at the
bottom. Juanita is ahead of me and I hear them say, "are you here for the
money?" She goes to the man on the left, so I go to the desk on the right.
I think she's getting her reimbursement for traveling. The man I am talking
to looks like that young guy from other dreams. You have to answer four
questions and I was coached the day before. so the first answer is 5 foot
1. But I don't remember him asking anything. His mouth doesn't seem to be
moving. The next question is what is inside a tortilla and should have been
140 pounds (red hair, blue eyes). Banana leaves runs through my mind
several times but I say corn meal, then think, that was a dumb answer, those
are tamales with cornmeal inside. A picture of dry corn meal comes in my
head. The correct answer might be air, but I can't remember already. Ken
coached me on the answers, I protest, but then I slept that night and forgot
them. I say, so I'm not answering the other two questions or getting the
money... Then I'm sitting beside the young guy--looks like a model with his
sleeves rolled up and top button unbuttoned on his shirt, in his 20's. He
shows me a list of names and says, see how many this person got right, 113
out of 126 or 162. The slit in my black skirt keeps falling open and he
pushes it back up twice. I'm sitting with my feet up. At the end a voice
says, thirty years as a comedian and it's really more because the bad years
don't count as much as the good years.

8/24/01 10 of swords (reason divorced from reality; death; failure; idle
chatter; clever, eloquent and insolent person, impertinent yet with mirth)
1030PM A picture of round steaks on a plate, a whole pile of them. Knife
cuts one in half when I think it's too much. Voice, "put your name on it
anywhere." 330AM Empty cubicle next to mine at work, a man in there has
his computer on showing a woman's (now dead) life without him and what he
missed out on being an ex-spouse. It's a link to a website. 415AM
Monitor, lucky for me. Rush hour, put a toe. Young female voice, "Another
L six." Results about 25 miles away on a hill; literate math. A computer
game where you figure a math problem with the numbers 9 and 13 in it. I am
at Van Meter high school and parallel parked right along the curb in front
of the school. A shadowy sedan parks behind me. All my doors are ajar. I
am standing behind the car taking some pills, tiny blue ones (Abraham
Lincoln, that era, was taking tiny blue ones for depression that turned out
to be mercury) and they seem to be mixed blue M&Ms, blue aspirin and blue
Advil (?). A little kid comes up and asks for some candy and I say
dejectedly that it wasn't candy (now I have to hide it somewhere from the
kid). Then the kid says, "oh, poison candy" and I just throw it in a big
box of black hairy stuff in the back of the station wagon. A young handsome
guy in a black suit walks up and asks if I want a wire batting cage or
soccer goal moved from beside my car and grunts because it is unexpectedly
heavy and I hurry away and go inside (the door locks, but amazingly I can
hear him fumbling with a key); I heard him mutter, 'A Divorce Clinic'. As I
go in the door (which was not really there, was at right angles to the door
that really went to the music building before they tore that all down to
build on an addition on the grade school part of the building) a girl from
the class of 1964 (Patricia Albert) is leaving, wearing a red coat. She has
red spots on her forehead like mine last night. She mutters something about
being very busy and still has red/blond hair like in high school. Inside
I'm surprised to see my husband sitting on a pew and Joyce Brothers droning
on about intimacy; the audience starts booing. You get a free poster also
but they are out of them and have to wait--of various nature scenes like at
the 7th Day Adventist Church when I was a kid. I sit with my back to the
room by the window (which is boarded up) and am startled when a nurse comes
up and says, "are you taking your vitamin B for cold sores?" I'm floored; I
am taking vitamin B because my sister said it would help my shingles. I was
looking at a piece of paper in my hand with a navy-blue banner that says
it's Benefit 12. I am supposed to write the name of my job on the line on
the top so I have to scratch out the name I wrote there. Voice says,
"drano." [August 23, 2001 Nittany Pharmaceuticals, Inc. Recalls White with
Blue Specks] [Flight 236 landed without power, glided, in Azorzes--Portugese flight. Maria Fatima on board.]

8/25/01 Ace of Cups 6AM Mama didn't need the other. Earlier at work I'm working on a change to a new system in something. I'm naked at work. Only tells me 3 AM. Oil or coal in Iowa, investments. I'm at work, very tired, lie down across a bed. Voice says, Good. Man tells me on the phone he comes around three times a day to pick up mail; asks when my last 50 cents data goes out. Shower. 830AM I go shopping with my sister and she buys two pottery things for $48 and $61. She says Mom told her that her share was $50 for two gifts. I am going to look for something for me that I saw earlier in the dream, but she starts playing baseball with kids and taking photos of them. I go to a big building where there's a bar in one corner of an upper floor and a fat girl in tight jeans and skimpy top goes in saying that there are mean girls in there, really men that aren't even people. I go to work and find some viewgraphs to throw away but the wastebasket is too small, so I wander off looking for one. I end up sitting nude and a man sees me--I am going to stand up so he can get a better look; he gives me a black dress with red flowers on it. I walk through his house later and can see him lying on the bed in a mirror on the opposite wall, but the room is a dead-end that I thought had another door so I have to turn around and go back. Outside in a busy hallway a man with a little girl passes me and goes down some stairs and I start to follow (to a movie or somewhere) but I see a big cake knife with butter on it laying on the wall at the head of the stairs and I stop to wipe it off on a rag. The rag is really a chenille sweater that belongs to the little girl and her mother might not notice the butter so I wash it in a sink that is conveniently located

right there in the water fountain. A man walks up and I push the hair out of my eyes and he peers at me and asks if I'm the girl in apartment 2. He's wearing nice slacks, shirt and a brimmed hat. Then he puts his hands on my carotid artery on my neck and asks if I'll go with him to the hospital. He is muttering that he has to take a vacation. I say okay thinking I will just walk him there. A date! even though he thinks I'm the girl in apt 2. I take the sack from his shoulder, where he also has a box. I tell him I have to go to the bathroom and we pass one on the left. I was just in there, but now the toilet is overflowing, so I go into the other stall and sit down. I say something about how I'm as old as Cher (and he's young, what could he see in me?) and he's talking but I can't hear him through the door. Then a nurse walks up and asks him why he's talking to himself and he says he's talking to his friend. I have to go out and tell her there really is a friend. She makes a comment and looks at me like I'm be nuts, but walks away. I go back and sit down again to pee and a man that looks taller (but now I'm sitting) and in a longer coat, a trench coat, no hat and a more narrow head maybe comes in and takes a hunting knife out of his pocket and opens the blade and points it at me. A pillow appears that I clutch in front of my chest and stomach and I try to scream but a weak sound comes out. Now I'm glad that other guy is outside the door waiting for me even if he's crazy. I keep trying to scream louder or scream words. He says, this is how Louise died. [my neighbor's two year old had some heart problem before they moved] I see a window beside me and slide up two panes of glass and then bend the screen out to make a hole I can get away.

8/26/01 World/R; Page of Cups/R (merciless youth) [MINNEAPOLIS (AP) One in 10 girls and nearly one in 20 boys reported being raped or physically abused on dates,... 1998 survey ... report emotional problems
including suicidal thoughts and eating disorders, and to have lower emotional well-being and self-esteem. ...the need to begin preventive efforts before high school, said the lead author, psychologist Diann Ackard
Their study also is significant for the large size of its sample - 81,247 kids.] [From Dreamwork2000 newsletter, Strephon Kaplan-Williams, (I)speak from many years of relating and also working professionally as a
relationship counselor...Regarding the dark side you simply cannot make it go away by thinking 'good' and 'loving' thoughts. There is and always will be murder, terminal illness, conflict, rage, suffering, unconsciousness, deliberate and not deliberate evil and destructiveness.] 2AM Going and going, when she got through wouldn't have to argue at all. Man putting on a coat in a woman's yard. 830AM A woman supervisor in the dream boards a bus and talks to some teenaged kids about making life tough for the litle ones. She illustrates by reclining her seat back and says the little ones have to clean up after them and asks if they want to see the little kids go to prison because they don't have time to study. Then you see a close-up of the little kid licking her leg right below the hemline of her dress and he continues licking down her leg to the shoe. I am assisting a group of new or visiting (poets?). I must have somewhere to take them; I quickly decide on a driving tour of the rich successful poets homes in Beverly Hills. Someone wants to stop at a man's house that I visited earlier in the dream (at his request to help him with some paperwork) and just barge right in again with them in tow. I am arranging cookies in a punchbowl, but the cookies are underwater (in the dream this will soften them). I also have two raw piecrusts in the refrigerator and think about baking them, but look and they're already baked. One will be apple and I need a top crust and there is only a tiny piece of dough left, so I am just going to put a small round piece on the top. I get overwhelmed and sit down and one of the new people (there are three) comes in; I see only his back--he is dressed in black pants and black T-shirt and I assume he's 300 pounds because everyone has been talking about the fat man. He looks tall, but I'm sitting down. He is telling me, says, "first he'll offer you a beer or orange juice with..." but I cut him off telling him I have to drive this tour group and can't drink. He thought he was going to be volunteered to drive. I am not a very good driver [the last time I had to drive, to Long Beach, a car cut inches in front of me in a traffic circle and I was not even sure it wasn't a ghost car, it was twilight and the traffic circle was deserted when I entered it and then the other car came out of nowher, also I hadn't slept for 2-3 nights before driving], and am vaguely worried. I go in the bathroom and a little girl follows me and asks if I'm going to put cocaine in my nose now. I say no and she cries, "oh, no" and runs out. Then I look in the refrigerator again and there's a Wandering Jew rooting in a jar of water and the water is very low. It's got new growth on the side where you open the refrigerator door--it's been in there for a long time and is diseased looking, but has nodules of nitrogen on the roots and a healthy looking nightcrawler curled up at its roots. I walk down some carpeted stairs and the woman boss from earlier is sitting on a step near the bottom eating her bag lunch. She walks away and I see a slice of bread she discarded on the floor by the railing and pick it up. I am still thinking about the mysterious fat guy and think maybe he's just another new supervisor and his word "carries more weight" than a worker's word. I run into the worman supervisor again and now she's complaining to a male subordinate holding up another slice of bread from her lunch--it looks misshapen like the end pieces near the heel. [When I wake up I think of how my German-English/Irish mother taught me to feed guests, if you don't have any desserts on hand, "let them eat bread"-- she'd just tell me to cut it into squares and serve it on a plate, and ask it they wanted butter on it--her English grandmother served tea.] I open a letter which is an Open Letter from poets that everyone is talking about. I read the big text in the first paragraph which says, "What you can expect next is trouble because we aren't kids anymore." There are some other numbered paragraphs with demands (?) but I wake up as soon as I read it so I won't forget and can write it down. I almost am able to see it again and read more when I close my eyse, but decide to write immediately.

I'm at work and there is a sheaf of money on Queta's typing stand--woman
comes up behind me and says that shouldn't be there--big bills.

8/27/01 Queen of Pentacles 10PM Dissemination. 230AM The Nutty
Professor. Man says he posted twice this weekend, says he should start
putting his posts in a fatter folder--the label that I can see reads "Japan
post" but he says "Indian post." Picture of him being carried on a litter,
khaki shorts, pith helmet. "They possess the means by which angin (sic) and
are fatal." 330AM Door boarded up at work--a long table across it covered
with brown wrapping paper. Jesse asks from across the room in the library
if I'm going to give him one card. I go to see what he's talking about and
there are a lot of books--two interesting ones, The Green Man and one on
Buddha or British Lords. A man is supposed to come help me, but goes down
an escalator following some little balls that are rolling on the floor. At
work, everyone is outside in a clearing or lawn; all leaving work. 5AM I
pack a truck for a journey; I'm with a man and stop for something (gas).
I've been driving the whole time but I've been asleep. I wonder how I
stayed on the road. We start off again and I'm still driving but I'm on the
right side of the truck cab. My seatbelt isn't fastened and I ask him to
fasten it, and he scolds me for leaning forward. During the stop, I checked
the pile of boxes in the truck and a couple of my things are thrown on top.


5/16/01 High Priestess. Redwoods, butterfly. Rock reporter back there.
Lacey. Do you want to go and come back? If you missed your point (bullet)
spring break. He's waiting for someone to hurt him because he's allergic to
love. Jason, pooped pants, three years old again.

8/28/01 Queen of Pentacles (the watery part of earth) A man with two sons
along the street. Two women at a party ask if it is the last drink now, and
say they're drinking the last one straight. One woman says to give her a
glass (drinking glass). I have to go get my drink somewhere else. I walk
along the beach and see a party in someone's yard and think about asking
them for a drink or just trying to act like I'm a guest and take some. But
they are already carrying things inside as I walk up. A woman says I look
nice in that and I look down and am wearing the T-shirt I sleep in. She
says I've lost weight, enjoy it. Then I'm inside their house and blood is
running down my leg. I sit down so it won't be so noticeable and try to
wipe it off with my hand. The two sons come up to show me things they
wrote and some painting that have red backgrounds. The man says, oh, he'll
have a lot of women coming around now. I get the impression his wife died
or left. I can see the door about 10 feet away and wonder if he'll try to
stop me from leaving even though he doesn't sound interested in me. I make
a break for the door and try to get it unlocked and he comes up also, but I
wake up. This dream was sort of like the dream about visiting the Unibomber
in Montana. I was sitting in the yard at a picnic table and then he wanted
to go inside. I started screaming hysterically because I got the feeling
that anyone who sat in a certain chair in his cabin he superstitiously
killed. I thought I knew it was the chair on the far side of the room, but
started screaming when I tried to sit on a different chair.

8/29/01 7 of wands (R) 1AM long dream, couldn't remember it, I got up to
pee. 5AM Car all wrapped in tinsel. Voice, "have to get rid of this."
Someone takes off the tinsel. Earlier, I was in a big room puttering about,
then sitting on a stool. I can see Vickie across the room and somehow I
know she's trying to get a promotion. I tell her Joye told me she made two
mistakes on her application--she should have put "superior" and that she did
archaeology. Voice says, all she did was catalog fossils. There is a
picture in the dream and I pan around it from different angles and different
parts of the scene. It is quite beautiful, would make good art I think in
the dream. It is an excavated site with fossilized, white limestone figures
of men, possibly warriors that remind me of the buried Chinese warriors, but
these are horizontal and you can see their ribs. I don't look at their
faces, but they have long hair. They give the impression of Mongol
warriors. They are laid out on low tables, on a vast limestone excavated
plain sort of like Pompeii if a lava flow had buried an Art/human anatomy
class with the cadavers of bodies donated to science all laid out with
sheets over their lower bodies. A particularly nice arrangement of the
elements of the scene--I am close to one body (body looks mummified, ribs
sticking out) and the feet are pointing towards a mountain or dome shaped
oven is in the background against a blue sky. It looks like a mountain at
first, then like an oven or hillside with a hole or tomb in it. Vickie
gives me a limp peeled banana that is draped over her hand. It seems to be
an exotic variety of banana, a red one or plantain. I also find some
brownie crumbs in a pan and pick up some and put them in my mouth and a
Frank Grisham says he's frustrated, women are always feeding their other
hole and feel nothing about it. I walk over to a table which looks like a
campaign or sign in table. To the right people who have been there for some
time are signing up for what they want to eat from the available choices. I
drift past them and see a small bear in a cage along the wall. It's a baby
bear about 2 feet tall, wire cage door is shut but not locked. I open the
door to let it out, but it is holding something that at first looks like a
bowl and I think it has to finish eating first before it comes out. Then on
closer examination, the thing in its hand is a ring that looks like a car or
airplane part, the turbine engine you see in pictures in magazines with the
aerospace worker standing inside it. It also could be a collar for the
bear. A voice says it will come out later to play (during the convention).
I close the cage and it stays inside, just pushes the door open with its
arm. ... Apollo jogging with a stack of manila folders; one cigarette, no
problem. Pre-auctioned off; a hippie looking man with stringy dark hair.
.. I drive and get lost on a road that dead-ends into long driveways in a
hilly, dry area in California--ranchettes. ... Find my purse with other
wallets in a box and it has 5-6 quarters among my (real) dimes. Picture of
a van being parked in a garage.

8/30/01 4 of pentacles (R) suspicion, lack of originality. 10PM I make a
turn onto a street someone says is correct. There are 6-8 lanes of
headlights coming towards me--a few cars don't have their headlights turned
on. 230AM I have eye surgery in the dream. A man I can't see clearly
gives me a shot I guess because he says to hold the eye open and it's numb
now. I think he's doing the glaucoma test touching my eyeball, but he
grinds off some bumps on my cornea. I think that I'll need to call in sick
and won't be able to read for awhile but someone puts a book in front of me
and I start reading immediately. A new job in Montana. Vickie tells how
she introduced me to my husband and I get confused thinking we were already
married then. A snap; woman screams quietly. Splitter on the TV; voice,
"to have conquered death." A supervisor tries to open the lock on two doors
into the room I'm in with a man and a girl. The little girl wants me to
hold her. The man was disguised as a toy robot earlier and shoots a beam
that controls a mouse. Some people come in and start talking about the
mouse and look around for what is controlling it and quickly spot the robot
outside a window. Then the man turns into a cat and he can't resist
grabbing the mouse, which is climbing up a curtain, but can't out-climb the
cat. I see the cat's claws as he picks up the mouse. Then he holds up a
scalp he ripped off the mouse, but it looks like an orange cat's scalp. It
includes the forehead, ears and top of the head all in one piece of fur. I
look on the inside to see how much flesh was ripped off and how much damage
the cat/mouse must have suffered. There is a big clump of flesh near one
ear, but not much more. I wonder if the ears were skinned or ripped
completely off.

8/31/01 Ace of Cups(R) I meet an actor named Hungwa; he has another character he plays--Grant W. Picture on the video box is blue and pink words in a circle on a black box. A voice keeps prompting me to look at the box with his other name and I see it written Grant W. Reminds me of Tony Clifton/Andy Kaufman but I don't see the actor. If I'm over there she'll sign out and go to her room. She went to pick up her kid. ... I'm working on an idea. I'm standing on some railroad tracks and the train goes right through me or over me. On the train are supplies for Leprechauns--the supplies I'm surprised, remark are Tupperware containers and something else that is brick red in color. The train goes over me and then a boat comes back the other way up the highway. It has a wood, carved Leprechaun about 6 inches tall carved in it. The Leprechaun is also rowing. "Oh, my gosh, it's Li or Ling." Blond woman tells me something is wrong. The Leprechauns have a dead body they're escorting; I make up a title The Leprechaun Train or The Leprechauns on the Train. "Bride she may be; couldn't have been out of bed more than a few minutes." "Herman Laughling or Lawthling." So the train stops and a shadowy man says to seize something; that's when I see the boat. I see a fish that is shiney green like a snake. Man says, "Don't fool with me, I'm going to give you a black eye." "See" gives you something (you are supposed to demand a gift from dream characters). 9AM "You shouldn't be picking up life from down in the salad." I'm very tired in the dream. Dad's front room; some ripped up yellow note on the desk; I was looking for the yellow postcard. Also, I can see into the neighbor's apartment and hear a man's very quiet, "good night." ... I'm in a car with my two sisters; Shirley (punched me on the right cheekbone when she was about 6 and I was 11 and it turned white) goes to a gas station and comes back with very expensive lipstick and Sandy scolds her. Shirley cries and says she called Maj Basque Maj Frankenstein. I agree the bright red lipstick he wears looks strange. She goes on that he came jogging up through the woods with his infant daughter and Nick grabbed her up and she wasn't expected to live, but she did after $20,000 doctor bill. She must have had a genetic disorder, brittle bones or something for picking her up to hurt her. "Looks like your comet got here and came and went." [Girl in apartment building had brittle bone disease. Email about a man giving CPR, but the country he's from (transylvania) they suck not blow. She fainted on the toilet, from not eating, and broke her nose and teeth.]

9/1/01 Page of pentacles. A govenment, limestone building on Prairie near 405 freeway--windows have round holes in them (6 inches in diameter). 6AM I look around my house--has a large living room and slab floor and I notice the red oriental carpet from the Larch house. No one underneath anymore and I remark to a shadowy man that I can dance and jump; there is more room here too, room to walk around a little. Then some military come in and start a meeting whille they cook. Ed Leisy and I are cooking breaded eggplant slices. His is lower fat and gets too dry. I hear Preson's voice. He washes a dish repetitively or scrubbing the pattern off it in the next room and yells comments about a new man. On the wall is a chart that a voice is talking from--tells the directions to HQ, which is in a secret place out in the desert. The colonel has come in and they aren't sure of the directions. The other man says to take some street first and then turn on some numbered, lettered street. He says the colonel got the impression that it was 0021G or 0022G and if you're on 0023G or I you've gone too far. I get the idea this is Palmdale and it has really grown--they have MM Avenue where before it was M Avenue. [California defense buildup like the 80s would have employees parking in Arizona again and taking the shuttle the rest of the way.] Colonel asks who was not there today--I mention two names and she asks about me leaving and I say I was out a couple of hours in the afternoon but came back; then I tell the man I don't remember getting dressed again in the afternoon so I must not have gone back to work. She asks if my problem was solved. I tell the man, lets go, and we walk through the next room where I tell him that was my step-mother and she probably wants me to go do the chores/milk the cows. But there aren't any animals anymore and I don't have any rabbits. Besides, I do the cooking, laundry and the housework for six people (Mom's). I pass a bathroom (there are two) and end up wetting the bed for real. "Cookies, cookies and nothing but cookies."...If I want to take this lady down here apart... Earlier there's an attack and the men at work run for a one-way revolving security gate and run into a pasture on the other side. One forgets his briefcase, but it's thrown over the fence to him. A couple of them don't get away and are shot/lying on the floor. Voice, "they'll have to replace them." I see a letter with Franklin Jefferson's name on it--with his initials. I don't care if I don't teach anyone anything tomorrow; you know how they say the last thing you do... pile of papers about a foot high. I wish you could help me more, but I guess you wouldn't. Car races its engine at El Segundo and Hawthorne Blvds. Two kinds of diabetes, the lifers (has it been lifted?) Refused to listen to the cells until she was corraborated. Young kid driving waves at me from another car--sticking way out--scrape by. Day trips in Palmdale. 8AM I'm dropped off from a car, walk into a building courtyard but it is unfamiliar, not where I live. I ask two boys playing if they know which apartment I live in; I'm very tired. He takes me to a storage room where there are Christmas decorations. Then I go to a recreation room where two women and a man are arranging cards on a wall that spin and rearrange. They seem to collect them; mention a Hallmark and a Walmart. I get the idea it's the future and hard copies of cards are a collector item. One old woman is sitting there dying maybe and I take a whole box of the cards to her to look at. I see her chart and it says that she didn't adjust to the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. She glances at the cards, which I'm studying and says they are based on TV shows. I get the idea they play clips but don't see them move. Then I do see a starry night and a close up of a wood cross or assault rifle butt while looking at one. A little boy comes up and jumps into my arms and I can't take him with me. I'm wearing a nice dress and shoes. I asked the first two boys outside what day it was (to see if it was the future) but they didn't know. I ask the mal-adjusted woman too. There is also the top part of a Christmas tree being reconstructed also. Maybe in a hidden room--reconstructing the early Christian days when it was hidden or secret obsession with Christianity in a Muslim country. From now on I'll scratch your back if you'll try to scratch mine. 5PM You have forgotten already the me stand up for. ... A baby boy climbs up my chair like a snake while I'm reading. Also a girl about five at the coffee table moved over by the furnace. I hold the baby's head so he can watch TV; reminds me of Christopher Reeve. Woman smells a man's breath for liquor. A thin man with big ears hides in the bathroom. The woman next door shuts her door; woman says there's a big box coming. The fake is as valuable as the real. On TV you don't have to report on it. They won't let you in unless you're a writer. I won't be surprised to hear of boarding school crime.


9/2/01 Sun 630 Homi (Rumi group) had as much as I could stand. I will call and ask (someone with a big family) about the chances for inheriting diseases. I'm digging a foundation. A woman summarizes my story: "she was eating strange foods even before she got pregnant" (picture of wood)--she continues my story right up to the present moment and says, "she is digging a foundation in a dress and just chopped her toe right away as usual and had to go to the hospital" (I see myself from outside with a pickaxe chopping the hard soil, then with a large shovel moving the dirt aside--I'm wearing a knee-length dress.) [When I was a kid butchering chickens, I'd usually cut my finger right away with the knife and have to keep working like that with chicken blood and guts getting in my cut.] There is another woman working diagonally to me around the roped off rectangle we're digging a trench along the edge of. I talk about a disc jockey named Chris who played songs with unusual sounds like "Electricity". Then I'm in an apartment of a blond girl, Phil's friend from Long Beach and she's now very happy living with a guy who looks like Raymond Burr, just moved to New York. I see him in the kitchen and am surprised he's not in his wheelchair. She knows Chris and is surprised he contacted her--I say he's probably busy most of the time. Before that I look down and I'm wearing a bikini grandma made in the dream--it's threadbare chenile . This is the second one she made and she talks excitedly about Ralph. I see her in the dream and she has gained back some of her weight and has a boyfriend! Or grandpa's ghost is beside her. I hear a man inside an apartment talking about if the ceilings are high enough and the door will barely close because of the carpet. Woman's light on late--clippings Congressman officially on.... "Have forgotten a couple of years ago" (forgot two years--1999 and 2000?) I lost my patience over time. I hope that doesn't mean testing. They're all addresses than nobody ever straightened out. You're killing me. You did more than loyalty demanded, I imagine, imagine, imagine. After I sat on my glasses that day I could afford to not.... (see that anymore). Medicine through the Toltecs; someone sold the red carpet from Larch I left behind in the trash. We found two other couples that were going to do something (and started a revolution). Three boys, a lot of girls.... put on your make-up and go out. You're not going to change, you're not going to get the signals, are you? Thru thick and thin; the horses. 830AM I am getting off work and it is already dark. I'm surprised my sister is walking on the other side of the dirt road (other tire track) but she falls behind. I look back and the ocean has flooded the land right up to the tire track I'm walking on and hers is under deep water and mine is a suspicious shallow puddle also. There is also a tiger driven out by the flood walking among the refugees. I go back to tell her to watch her step and walk on my side and she is coming out of the woods carrying a large skull with one sabre tooth, the other one is broken off. She uses them in art or to scare away two-legged predators or her kids. She's dressed all in yellow and white and looks about 20. I tell her I cooked a chicken in a bag and left it in the church basement the day before when I had to go to class and forgot about it and wonder if it is dangerous to eat. She acts surprised and reminds me to put eggshells inside it. I remember not being able to smell the chicken even though I could see the steam rising (allergies). She is cooking a goose, putting a board inside it like Gary told her to (a board you stretch furs on to dry after you skin the fur-bearing animal), and says he said not to let it stick out the tail end, but she says it sticks out the neck end too, so she's leaving it like that. The goose is flat like roadkill or pressed duck and looks like it has feathers. I ask her if it's good and she says impatiently that you pick off flakes and they taste feathery and soft. Then I'm in a car driving home and when I come to the turn lane realize the car isn't slowing down, so I go straight and end up at work in a big parking lot where I can go in circles and try to stop. A man I didn't notice beside me says brakes only last about five years now and they pop off when you need to replace them (you can see them through the side of the car like through the side of the mag wheels.) A male Pinkerton guard is standing outside the door. Inside, Bernie is working on a newspaper assembly line and says the next issue of the class won't be until the first of February. It is a writers workshop and I check for the mimeo handout anyway and there is one. Voice says, "this is our day." A new major is in charge of the mimeo and it is handwritten and even the first few typed pages are smeary and blurry, but then the later ones get sharp. I flip through looking for mine and my writing is angular and my name is spelled Shelia. I read a few lines and this is not any poem I've really written and I can only remember the first three lines. "I held the food in my hands/I lost interest/and threw it away." It's apparently a poem about an anorexic or about me in 1978 when I went on the 2-3 week fasts. Loud voice says, "you try to give a bear a steak."

From previous day's dream. I was thinking about how there were 12 women and 36 men killed in a fire in Tokoyo--3 men for every woman. Then I dreamed 3 men and a lot of girls. ``The best solution would be to let the people land on Christmas Island,'' he said (Afghans smuggled by Indonesians.)

9/3/01 Page of cups 12midnight A woman advisory not to do that. 5AM People at work increasing their life insurance (because they plan on dying soon and want their families to get at least $100K). When I do mine, I get a (thin) piece of flesh from a cow's abdomen which the dream says is a roast and it is mailed to me. Pat has stacked up a pile of papers two feet tall which slide out and get out of order; she comes back and is a little dismayed. I show her how I put them on their sides and they turned into Tarot or playing cards (she was playing a card game in POGO and I lost her place when she was winning). She has cleaned off her whole desk getting ready to move to Laughlin

except for one book which she points to that has a blue and yellow cover and looks like the Chariot. I'm working with a young guy whose mother kicked him out. He has to mow the lawn which is a flood plain with 4 foot tall weeds that I plan to cut with a machete. One woman lives in a wire chicken coop. I tell him if he had some chicken coop too he would only have to buy food but he says he might need some operation. I say, oh, right and sprinklers too, which he will probably want for his yard. Voice, "Sheila, they're buying boxes." I puzzle over this in the dream. I see a car go through a light or something right in front of a police car but he ignores it. [Driving home from Vitamin World, I possibly commited gridlock but the police car was involved with a small yellow truck sandwiched/crushed between a city bus and an SUV. The SUV must have been going really fast to crush the little pickup like that, or the city bus suddenly slammed on the brakes.] I call a realtor and she says, "damn unusual." She reads off a number when she answers. BAAD girl. I am going in to work late with my badge on Labor Day; voice says, "altered as children." I am reading the text of a poem that says "pink and blue" but the voice reading it aloud says "public." Man on trip to West Coast, doesn't need to swing down to Southern California anymore. Overnight, lasted 25 years. ...

9/4/01 Judgment (facing at last an error from the past) 11PM Fiberglass.
5AM "I'm sorry, I promised you a party."
I was dreaming about work but can't remember. Pains in my feet falling
asleep, too much sugar lately.

9/5/01 Lovers (same angel as the Judgment card from yesterday) 1030PM No
deposit if you don't return. 2AM I use a file on the computer--something
posted on the bottom of another file. Has date and time stamps. Can't
remember, too tired. I believe your spirit it demagnetizing on its own.
430AM Payroll downloading into a terminal, one timecard at a time with
total hours--the timecards are already done. Then I'd have to go back and
Fool's paradise. Bob Plitt and a woman sharing a room with a lot of shag
rugs on the floor. They use the rugs to divide the room in half and one rug
is on the floor diagonally and Bob thinks the woman has a little more space
than he does. I am lying on a sofa and pee or think water is running onto
the sofa. I think, "I might as well take a bath." I think the sofa will
hold water and take some quilts off so they won't get wet. "We were in
heaven for three years."

9/6/01 3 of wands (R) tall, dark, and handsome... Around midnight I woke
up with three related things I could remember and I wrote down, "going through..."
then I fell back asleep, it was fading so fast and I was too sleepy to write
fast. I was reading the three steps of the Bardo, Tibetan Book of the Dead.
Then I dreamed the same thing again, I think and wrote down "A row of
computers with different things they do. "One of four rotten things on
earth." "Elves." "If like British Columbia, here's a little glass with a picture
of a boy flying a kite." Sandy gave me a knife shaped bookmark from
British Columbia from her government business trip. 8AM "Faith is gone
but life itself is stark." I dream a man is going to work and he reminds me
that I'm going downtown to buy some flowers (for a funeral). I go outside
and the car is in the parking lot at work by itself and some women have
pushed it across two spots and are standing at the side, flat place where you
jack up a Datsun (or a Volkswagon). I don't like them fooling around with
my car and grumble getting in and drive off. I drive to a narrow gravel
parking lot with only two rows of parking spots and a shadowy car has
just left and I get the second spot. Turning into this lot, I have to turn
left and there are cars coming over a hill and also from around a curve
you can't see over either to the right. I sit there while a lot of cars pass
and begin to notice a lot of very big 70's American cars. Finally I get
across. I park and start to get out but it has meanwhile become twilight;
I can see over the downtown of the city with all the stores from up on
the hill where the lot is, so I decide to get back in the car and leave. I
am putting my purse on the seat and turn back around and a shabby
man has reached in the drivers window and grabbed my Hard Rock
T-shirt and says it goes with his collection of religious T-shirts. He also
has the green and gold dress I was just wearing in his shopping cart along
with a lot of other clothes. I back out to get away from this shabby crowd
which now includes women and kids and a redfaced man looks startled
behind me. I drive up to the booth to pay and look for my ticket, which I
don't recall getting any, but there is a whole strip of them on the floor and
I give them to the toll booth attendant. He gives me a penny and says
he's calling his supervisor because I've been in an accident; the
the red-faced man I presume/assume is trying to say that. Then he hands
me a whole handful of pennies and one ticket I gave him was an ornate
check I can see in his hands; that's why he paid me instead of asking for
payment. I drive off before the supervisor can get there and go through
a building, driving through two doors to the sidewalk through a warehouse
district on the other side. Now I'm on a kid's tricycle and my knees are
short enough to fit it (I dreamed about tricycles a lot) and I peddle down
the sidewalk. Suddenly I know I'm dreaming and the peddling becomes
very easy and I go long distances over the incredible smooth, wide
sidewalk. Then I think wildly, I'm dreaming, what do I do next and remember
to try to fly. Nothing seems to be happening except the tricycle goes
faster, so I close my eyes and try to levitate the tricycle. I see vague
clouds below me but then I wake up. 5AM I was dreaming of rabbits.
People talking about killing the newborns/a girl asks if she can assassinate
the next time. There is a big pile of rabbit skins and dead rabbits; I'm
sitting in their midst. [guy in apt 7 is in jail for buying an Audi and driving
with a suspended license for hit and run.]

9/7/01 Knight of swords (revenge, secret service) 2AM walking through old dreams about F18/Northrop. I throw out one and temporarily keep five that concern predators. The predators are blond and two legged. The pages are mimeo (purple). 9AM I have a new job where the woman, my predecessor, died, but I don't use her office, I use the secretary's office (Queta's in the dream). I look out the window and realize I have a new house I"ve lived in for a year and I've never cut the grass, I don't even have a lawnmower. A shadowy man asks that we should do and I suggest borrowing one from Grandma--we'll have to buy one. Mom or Grandma has died and I'm living in the house as the oldest kid, taking care of my siblings. I am very nice to them, which almost shocks me out of the dream--I'm not sarcastic, teasing and hitting and screaming at them to help me with the work like I was in real life. I am very mellow and laid back as I have been a lot lately in dreams. A little German looking boy with crewcut blond hair (like my brother when he was little) 3-4 years old walks up, says, "I'm psychic, I see your future, You'll have two boys 4 and 5 or 8 and 9... and then you'll die of a coronary." The part about the coronary seems to be Sylvia's voice and her weird laugh when she adds stuff like that. I am pleased and surprised that being psychic seems to run in the family--my aunt's kid. He sat down beside me and in the dream and I listened politely and said thank you. Then I tell my siblings that I'll walk around the yard and pick up trash--the grass has been cut, the tops of each blade are distinctly chopped off, but it isn't that long for not being mowed all summer--voice says it didn't rain, or it was winter all summer. Then I go to work, still very content, and I work in a big payroll department in private industry. I don't work for the Govt anymore and am relieved--I probably make more money and have less responsibility. I am still vaguely worried about the "coronary" and make a mental note not to argue with a troublemaker about his pay check--just act like I'm stupid and can't understand him. A woman comes in with a two layer round cake with white frosting and shoves it to the back of a table and says she didn't want to spend too much on driving and take away from the gift (she bought some expensive clothing item) and I get the idea someone has a birthday. I am making the old fashioned wood bedstead beside the table and don't want to sleep in the bed where the woman died. There is a very big lumpy pillow. I try to dust and the dust sticks. [Steve's dream--he is eating a piece of very rich chocolate cake from a cake, then boiled eggs that you have to swallow whole. Real life--the gardeners just arrived to mow the grass; they are usually there when I get home from work at 5PM Thursday night, but Labor Day was Monday, and they've come Friday morning 9AM.] [Predictions in dreams are supposed to be taken literally. The fact that the theme of this night's dreaming was "revenge"--makes me worry about "curses." But even in the dream, I am relieved that I can at least have children, not like this life where I dreamed that if I tried to have a baby, I would die. Coincidence: right now they are vaccinating horses in the Midwest for an encephalitis epidemic like Babe, the pony died from when she was pregnant, like I dreamed she would. During the day I saw pictures of child laborers in a mine in India about 5 and 9 years old and wondered if they would get easier lives next life, but they are probably drug addicts.]

9/8/01 4 of pentacles/2 of pentacles 130AM clegs to start. 630AM I'll be back in about 4 minutes. It's 9:06. Non-attachment from mankind. It's my retirement party at work; Margeaux says she'll bake me a cake and I grumble about, how is she going to be able to bake one cupcake for me and cut the recipe down that much without the batter all sticking to the bowl, etc. I don't think it's possible, too much trouble for her. She says she'll get overtime for baking it. John Byrne says I'm cute sitting all alone in my sun hat in the middle of the room. "So I think that my last act was to bring about this...I put the bottles in each cupcake." Picture of two bathroom plungers on some breasts. Suren arrives and we talk about where everyone has gone; he says, "the sound of someone on the roof playing solitaire bothers me" (the noise of the cards). I crawl up there and it's a man sitting on the fringe of a crowd of people. LaWanda and Sheila give speeches and I thought it was a meeting of Bernie's group. I go to a restroom with two stools side by side. A blond comes and sits down beside me where I'm straining to poop and tells me she should have turned in her retirement request 4 1/2 months ahead of time. Then I see Marina clear across the big room and we yell to each other--she tells me John wants to talk to me and come to her phone. I tell her I'm trying to poop and tell him to call the phone beside me. I look at the number and when I read it keep getting the numbers wrong. They are 16 544-4546. The real prefix for internal calls at work is 7. A man points at an closed office and says, "who's stuck in there?" Looks like apt 9. Pat is going out and has chicken cooking which I turned over for her. I ask her if it will burn and she says no. I tell her I'll turn it again and she is cooking it like June Cole's recipe of Lipton Onion Soup. In the dream, electric skillets don't burn food. I was telling Marina that I was up on the roof and have to turn in my retirement papers. I tell Pat I cook my chicken 6 minutes or 10 when I forget it. If you were at home you would have to go hours without TV. You're at it. They walk by every day wearing brand new spike heels (past toilets). I wear some Cindy Lipe gave me, with wood heels--hold the handrailing. A fly in the river. Actually manage..... for Northrop (from a river at a distance-- can see a mountain range from the house.) In your body now. We have to choke them to death. Vegetables in garden; you can get more BEFORE you run out.

9/9/01 Justice (suspension of any action until a decision is made) 1PM a picture of an eskimo in a blue field of snow. 8-9AM I'm doing payroll in a private company now so I have to write the checks onsite. I write a lot of them then realize I was using the minimum wage when I was in high school--$1.65 an hour. I ask about a computer progarm to figure the taxes, disability and medicare and the many women in the room say they don't have that. A young girl printed some of the checks. I say I'll have to use a merge then, and a voice says, "what's a merge?" so I stop thinking about how to do the checks. I ask what the minimum wage is and see it written down--either $5.75 or $7.25. Then all the women are writing checks and they are done--each one might have written her own--a woman's voice says to just write them for the full amount and don't take out deductions (minimum wage X 40 hours). ... Then I'm sitting in the front of a big room, a church, but there is someone in the little room at the front hearing cases of some kind. I think I'm waiting to go in and there is a pile of branches about 2 inches in diameter with a few leaves on them (green wood) in front of me and I start cutting them up with orange scissors (the scissors cut right through them like butter which surprises me) and when I run out of branches I cut up a manuscript and then newspapers. I think my evidence is about married women getting fat because they have to feed their families and can't diet like single women and my evidence is Cindy Hauck from high school (got pregnant at 17, was eating only a half peanut butter sandwich a day when she was dating Chuck and I heard her tell Lori in the locker room that she was starving). My other evidence is the amount some of the men can eat; eat at other women's houses. I look to my left and Sanjay is sitting there with a man in a blue work shirt unbuttoned over a blue T-shirt. I think I'm making too much noise and put the scissors down. They are talking about their evidence. The man looks like Don Chapin and he says he's too hot; I tell him to take off the workshirt and he says he doesn't want to show what's underneath, make everyone look at that. I look down and notice I'm wearing the same blue work shirt and blue T-shirt. Then I'm across from myself and I'm on the news and Pam Parker has walked up wearing a short black cotton knit dress and stood beside me--we are both on the news in the front of the crowd in the church. We are standing, then sit crosslegged on the floor and stand up and I straighten my loose leather mini-skirt. Man asks if my hair was red when I was a baby. I don't remember being a baby (those days) and tentatively say, "yes." I say, "I'm cooking these apples four hours." and I go out, gambling maybe. At the beginning of the dream I am cleaning the office while everyone else is at lunch-- I'm dusting and cleaning the bathrooms.

9/10/01 4 of wands. 12midnight -- I remember and return to the dream of
going to a small place in the dream, where you are carried off by the
bridegroom eagle. They'd be sorry, trying to make up for your attention.
[At a website for folk wisdom from the Philippine Islands, I read that the
spirit visits earth on the 1, 3 and 7th days after death.] 1AM Crouching
down in a vertical box; drunken voice, sick and tired. 2AM I go to the top
of a platform and overlook things and pick out what's important (overlooking
the city, where I can see many buildings). Cold spot in there. Profits.
Knock the teeth out; big arid areas (I think this means to knock the teeth
of Easter Island statues). Born in 30 seconds. A picture of a big fish
with bottom teeth sticking out--very long teeth like sea anemones. Energy
now. All around you; standing on a platform up in the sky; blue sky, clouds
(daytime). Flying over the world; see people up close; eating some green
vegetable or grass. I see this over and over; vegetable sticking out of
their mouths. Voice grumbles. I go on in the dream and end up walking
through a big city with a man. In the lobby of a big building I start to go
to the left and he goes to the right. Voice, "I think this way." I go a
little farther to the left, where I think I can see windows or daylight or a
way out. Then I stand there for awhile so that he can find me; but then I
go to the right also. I thought I saw him coming back a couple of times and
waved and saw someone waving at me; makes me sad so I go on. The path leads
through rooms, hospital and dental where the patient has apparently just
left because the beds/dental chairs are empty. Then I go down a trail with
very large red fuzzy logs to the right of the dirt trail. I come to a fence
and start back the way I came; then see a distinguished African American man
who resembles Clarence Thomas on a higher trail; he's walking very slowly
and peering around and mumbling about rattlesnakes. I go up where he is and
this trail leads to a counter where people are eating and move their plates
aside so I can climb over. The man I was with before reappears. I was
thinking about getting a job if I'm stuck in this new world. Voice says,
"what about your computer?" Earlier I was dreaming that I was in an open
shed or corn crib and a horse comes up and rubs my chest with its muzzle.
The horse acts very tame and stands still (not stepping on your feet) so I
pet it. Then it says, "come here Sheila" and grunts and stands up on its
hind feet and picks me up with its front legs. It has a very broad chest
and looks and feels just like a real horse. I can feel that it is a male
and ask if we are having sex. Then I say it's probably better to be a
gelding than a stallion because stallions can't work as trail ride horses.

9/11/01 King of Cups (little depth of character--law or art) 12midnight
A man with a border of blue on his clothes (4 of pentacles) went to a faith
healer--had faith in. Roller skating through life. I can't remember
more--"running a rabbit to earth; in a grave, loose earth skidding" Voice,
"slow down, you're going to make this totally incomprehensible." 2AM Icon
of Tweety Bird (yellow head, blue eye) getting out of a bird cage--moves
very funny, seems too alive. I think I was following it earlier in the
dream. A man and woman working together on something. LaWanda saying
something, repeats, can't remember. 4AM I buy a camping spot for $2,000
and then when a man comes with a bedsheet , there is six inches of water
standing on it under the sheet, so we go to the apartment building, rooming
house nearby. Cindy Carr is next door to "my" door in the dream pounding on
her door and someone says she's making a scene. Workmen come into a sunken
room where there are a lot of chairs and say Ms Ross and Vickie were
fighting over a motor and dropped it and it is probably damaged. One man
is a very tall big man and the rocking chair he's sitting in creaks--he
looks around and says some people say he has a big butt. I go to the
kitchen and want the man to go out with me to get the tent which I think I
have at the camping spot. I say I have to get dressed and he says, "no,
hurry" then I have to make something to eat and he says just make a cheese
sandwich. Then I have several sandwiches that seem to heat up themselves
when you open them. Mike and Pat are there and Pat tells Mike to only eat
the ones with low cholesterol--fish in tomato sauce. There is also chicken
and I eat a small piece--sickening dream food. He wants the
hamburgers--thank god I didn't eat those. Pat gives Mike a fortune teller
in a box like at the Redondo Pier down in the sunken area and I can see it
is very beautiful--has neon light circling the figure in the box, the woman
tosses dice, flips cards; Mike becomes very distraught and rips the women
out and puts the box over his head and starts dragging a lot of money and
papers out of the wall or cupboard. Pat tells him she loves him and calls
him Barbara and mentions his three kids. Then two young slender guys come
into the kitchen [look like Billy the Kid and Brewster, the foreman from
Louis L'Amour magazine last night] and the dark curly hair guy asks for a
quarter and tries to shave his moustache. The blond guy puts some blue
stuff in the water faucet and squirts it in his shorts, which are also blue,
and over his chest. I tell him, "why don't you just use the shower?" I
start cleaning up the water that goes over to the hot water heater and then
notice he's drying it with a blow torch. I say, the floor was pretty dirty.
Two young mothers have also come in with several kids. A 2-3 year old blond
boy comes up and wants to shake my hand, then says several things, the last
is that my hand is so soft. I am amazed at his composure and talking
ability. I forget the name his redheaded mother introduced him to me, and
ask her "Eugene" or "Gene" and she laughs and says some long name. I see a
daughter also and she has red hair like the mother and the same
mouth--straight, big mouth. The mother is short and says something about
what they said about her in the South, Texas, and Randy Savage. A very
motherly girl with curly dark shoulder length hair who looks like a girl I
remember from the daycare is very motherly to a two year old girl. 5AM
Man reading from a page. It is two columns and looks like a Table of
Contents. He reads, "I'm the.... of the" "the master of the.... and the
North Ridge." Is this going to affect your goldbrick house. You could
have had them all red and had a different meaning (voice of a girl with a
stuffy nose). Bob (shadowy man) gets out of bed and leaves quickly.
Shocking... my guests aren't dressed... The jinx jailer doing something at
last (leaving a high rise building in a city). Lotto postcards sorted
alphabetically in slots like timecards at a timeclock (punch). Do you want
me to search now just like you were supposed to? Bare branch with silver
balls on it. Underneath, white gravel, four o'clocks growing beside the
stick-- maybe at the mailbox.

9/12/01 10 of swords (hitting bottom disperses past influences and opens the way for a new life cycle) 8AM Almost as many. Family group with kids; man smiles at me. I tell them there's the ocean a couple of hills from where they are on the sidewalk; I think they're tourists. Some kind of investigation of a public area. I am a little further away than I was before; I've walked to the ocean over and over in the dream; at first I was only a couple of blocks away, but now I'm a couple of miles away. I point the way up the street we're on, they probably don't want to walk that far or don't have time. They walk along with me for awhile, the kids are pretty old. The man is medium height, weigh, swarthy complexion. I go through my clothes and give a satin evening gown to my neice. Then I see Shirley and she's wearing the same dress I am (yellow in the dream); we're in a grassy outdoor area.

terrorists
victims of passion
all who sympathize
the temporary dreamers
drawn to your plight
like the flight of like-minded birds
don't be afraid
at least we can smile
when me meet
in dreams

those who must
do something
even if it's wrong
forge a new path
through a wilderness
of pollution and wage slavery

3PM I am on a horse up in a tree peering through the branches at a surburban lawn from over the horse's ears and a nest. The tree is a small one. You're standing on my foot; there's a correlation between the shape of the disaster (cloud) and the shape of the terrorist's head. So I prefer to walk. The terrorist matches his handwriting against a new life. Talk about going back and coming clean. Gelatin setting like liquid backbone. .... People telling about their experience-- a girl says, "so they decided to rape me, but there was no room big enough (to lie down)." A boy says he lost his space too, for a fire for cooking an old frog (he caught). I hate giving people room on the highway. ... I am sitting along a wall in a dream thinking over how I just had sex with my boss in the conference room along a wall. I am trying to remember how many times, three I think. I wonder if I caught anything and if I was moaning out loud or to myself from the pain--and if he thought I was enjoying it. I wonder if I'm going to get pregnant. I try to remember why it hurt. A little 2-year old girl comes up to my knee and tells a man, "don't touch her there. I'm my mommy's dad." I wonder where she learned that. I get a gift in the mail with no return address and it contains milky glass farm animals with art deco painting on them. I set up a horse, donkey and a goat. We go to my room and I lock the door but a young girl gets it open and comes in with a wet paper towel and says because of me fooling around Mr. Enough left without his advice. She hands me a card and I study the picture which is a 40s style car, long, touring car I guess or a hearse and she has collaged it with two smaller pictures of cars and a train coming towards the viewer. I look at the bottom of the card and it is a bull's lower legs, penis and balls with a large house fly coming out from between his balls. She hasn't glued it down yet, so it falls out and I put it back. It is her art/collage. It also has a poem written on the card and I read the whole thing but can only remember the first three lines after I wake up:

time and energy
to get rid of men
high on the hill

9/13/01 4 of pentacles/R (has a blue border on his garment, sleeve and
hem) (1st quarter of the moon was Monday) 10PM A horse with no rider but
a saddle and bridle walking through downtown Long Beach. Voice, "400 miles
or 3000 miles to the ocean wall"--horse will bump its head against it. You
even smell good. We're going nowhere; button in someone's lower back--looks
like rattlesnake rattle button. A small hole in the wall of the doctors'
office next door where the bee swarm went in is falling rapidly closer to
the ground. We are no longer dealing with a ..... adversary. Is aware of
current issues; panel of men in robes sitting along one side of a table.
One big man in the middle gets up and leaves. The deficiencies could take
12 hours to study. Innovation. Piped in (air and water, underground).
Laguna Nigel (earthquake). 24 hours to stare. Head on a padded railing
(around a boxing ring). I'm in the basement now too--on the floor.
12Midnight I am working with others, all cleaning our computer memories. I
see a bull grazing at Mom's; in the dream I "realize what's been done." I
hurry away from the bull (terrified of it) --big vehicles parked along the
driveway; a new path of paving stones through the garden I walk up to the
house, not looking back, but can't see how the bull can't overtake me before
I get there. I go into the master bedroom and start reading a book sitting
on a chair by the window. The bull goes from one side of the house to the
other looking in the windows and he might come through the glass because the
cow is inside. I pull the curtains. I continue to try to think of what
REALLY happened--I dreamed I saw a picture of a bull yesterday afternoon on
the couch when I fell asleep meditating. He was led or herded inside the
fence of the doctor next door's driveway easement through Mom's farm. I
think I've been transported here and dropped off in the past, even a past
dream. I continue to calmly work on the problem; the bull is inside the
room, standing on two feet and does something to the curtains, pulls them
for me. I lie down and the energy crackles off me like blue lightning.
I've been tricked; I eat grass. "This isn't that kind of movie." (John
Travolta voice where he was an angel; installments kind of movie you watch
to learn something--only as much as you need to know.) Voice, "oh, there it
is." A rip suddenly in flesh; feels like I'm ripped right up the left torso
or my clothes, which are gray sharkskin. The bull is at the door; at my
heels, I knock confidently and calmly. That 's a long
perspective/prospectus that I am still alive. Some men at work help me.
They're calm. I strip away their clothes trying to understand as I travel
Monday; I give the translation. The translation. I stand face to face
looking into the bull's eyes. He kisses me. Voice, "look at this." Some
problem with the camera. I am blind, but set it to record, can operate it.
Then I'm short on cash; quickly packed and pushed

out; I see the bull
embrace a woman. Is it too hard to preserve?--Barbara Carr's voice "but
there's something does." I'm injured; without the American... I'm
distraught, sit down. Sitting on fireworks; popping noises under the bull.
Bi-coastal. I sit down very close on a sofa to talk. I enter the room
quickly--the bull is embracing a girl. Version 50; a man catches a snake
(cobra hood) and holds it up outside someone's closed door--pointing the
head at the door. Behind you, completely unsafe tonight. "Failures"--angry
man, sound of a fist hitting an aluminum wall or pan. Comedies, you fool.
A boxcar; hoboes--"you probably don't remember that." I look out the boxcar
door, icing (winter, or on the cake). Okay, million people. I pile up
pages for a man, about 100 pages in a segment. A basket; whatever she wants
me to do; maybe nobody answered the phone but me; I pick it up slowly--the
phone on my desk at work. A million, 20 million dollars; don't worry, I
shall win. A girl's white pants ripped. Lito continue on a year. LaWanda
-- an anxiety device/advice. I sit in my salad in the Glad container (my
butt fits) with a large goldfish; "close to decade you are." New
explosions, cartwheels. A high-heeled cowboy boot that I look through the
instep. Train; you got it too... left me (pain in my left temple). This is
not just the man in the blue jeans, I've left ya. August 1955. I told them
to turn back; coffins left behind; bulldozer or Boseman. I shut the door
and hear a woman talking; I'm flying. Calculator clues. She says, "that's
cool, go on." Man sitting in a doorway working. Answega. Girl poops large
poop like a snake. Hideous technology. The rose--my habit made them stop
and think (rose on a cross or crossroads). She loves her young soldiers.
Gas, ruminants; God helped me; climb on pile of rubble. A list of hospitals
that are "associates". Driving something out of a truck onto a loading
dock, National Guard; not bad. 230AM One arm, that's like California.
You can count who your friends are, the way things are. Pants glued to the
window sill (man sitting on window sill, glued down); tried to bluff down a
mountainside. Order a lot of movies, home, home, phone, Knotts Berry Farm.
I didn't want to get that close (watch on arm). Grrr, sell; no options. On
the face of the earth when a factory closes. I missed my plane. What did
you miss on your birthday; no violent kind. It's done, Jesse. 330AM A
pipe in the street; checked for bomb. Voice, "is the food done?" 530AM
I'm staying in a house where a young mother has two kids; she feeds them and
then puts out puzzles all over the floor. Vickie is putting together one
and says not to step on Wisconsin. I woke up and said I had slept in every
bed in the house during the night, I kept changing beds, I think it was five
beds. I look for my glasses and find them at the front of the long narrow
train-like house by the exit; a one year old girl is sitting at a
table/bench by herself. I ask her if she's seen my glasses and she says
she's playing reading glasses. They are all scratched and I slap her before
I try to wash them off, then go crying to Mom in the restroom. Then Mom and
a man are packing advertisements to mail them and he says maybe they weren't
stylish. Mom has drawn a map of New Mexico where they live in the dream and
says for someone to drive there and Sandy will park the truck on the steep
hillside for them. They are no help with my glasses and I can't hear the
man unless I read his lips so I wash them. Then I see that they are some
fashion glasses with live fish in the frames. I try to figure out where the
hole is and if the fish has grown too big to get it out. I dump it into a
big tank full of fish, then see two more ancient looking mottled pink fish
in my glasses also and dump them out. There was also a fertilized egg in
the water that I thought was a scratch on my glasses. I look at the tank
again and the fish have changed to people in a doll house that are fighting
and hitting each other with sticks. I tried and tried all night to dream
and remember, but I didn't remember much about that bull. I was afraid and
walked away from it instead of going towards it. It came into the house but
I didn't talk to it.

9/14/01 Star (Pride) 145AM Did you hear about your blessings? Figure of a person draped in white cloth--over the whole face except you can see the eyes and especially the large mouth which looks like crumbled corn--bread instead of teeth. It's crumbling and the crumbs falling out of the mouth. 830AM I'm walking on a highway through a high bare country near where I live in the dream. It goes around a city. I am walking down this very straight smooth street which is shark gray color. I come to another street, a corner, crosswalk or crossroads and have to decide what to do: cross or go back. The sidewalk/road has been pretty smooth and there's a big puddle of water in the crosswalk. I look at my feet and shoes, which are knee-high boots, so I could maybe wade through the puddle. The puddle looks pretty deep. I walk into a left turn lane. Some other people come along talking quietly and I decide to go back the way I came. I go through someone's yard down a staircase but all I remember is the door to the street, which is double wood doors. Two young guys are going out also, out the left door, riding double on a bicycle with a platform on the back. I open both doors, the left and right. I tell them, isn't it nice that you don't have to be afraid, but they speak some other language, maybe Spanish. I keep walking and the twilight of night turns to early dawn of morning and I go through a restaurant where a young girl serves her two girlfiends hotdogs she cooked. I continue on through the kitchen and there are fancy apple pies with the apples sliced into long elaborate ribbons and also stacks of slices of apple in another. Some people are very hungry and have to eat soon. I come to where a sidewalk market or sale is being set up. "Be controvertial, eat his heart up." There are women selling music CDs with plain red and green covers in a curlique design. At a clothing store, I see my old college roommate, Becky. The woman running that store also speaks another language, sounds like French, but I don't remember what she is saying on the phone. She makes two statements that I hear. I think I'm in a store in Hermosa Beach with extreme styles. I look at orange dresses that look like 60's Laugh In styles with green boas outside hanging on the wall; and inside is an unfinished (sleeves have unfinished seams) yellow dress with beautiful pink flowers with pearls across the yoke. .... That hard and dissidant crowd. It could be anything. To go out and up and down those streets and watch TV. You know what I like, make it and make it look good too. There's nothing as we speak, to speak of, but you can have it. You go straight to my heart. The house. We raised them this way--view of a boy's school with the boys running, dressed in loose white shirts; I hope it turns out that way (teenagers begin to get minds of their own). Arab man in a white robe and over his head standing beside a white building looking over a desert scene; middle aged guy by himself. They shouldn't even be alive. You do it in the long run--bombs over a city with mosques. 11AM (I was lying on the couch reading about the Underground Man and fell into a revery.) A page turns in a color magazine and there is a two page spread of a black and white map (maybe some blue also)... Then a hand (white sleeve)carefully putting down a black (plastic maybe) object with a white stuffing type stuff on one side. It looks like a lint brush, hand size, rectangular, no handle. The spot it is being put down is a small dirt pile (construction) outside a high school (where in the other dream a few years ago I was hiding in a phone booth watching a bear that was sitting on a green carpet like grass in an easy chair with a reading lamp, wearing glasses with a pipe, reading a large book. Another shadowy bear came up on the other side from the phone booth I hide in.) "That is not so bad."

9/15/01 6 of swords (R) [Don't stick stubbornly to your own opinion. why should your point of view be more sacred than that of others?] 5 of cups [disappointment but with something remaining] 2AM Fires kept burning. You had a tough time on TV. 430AM Sound of Congressional hearings televised, questioning someone, I see a court reporter transcript (of a defense contractor testimony). Voice, "40 more boxes (of evidence seized). Voice: "I don't seem to be honest with myself. I mean, not too (sic) far anyway. The two car fares and the admirals. There's a garbage truck full for every 9 months." Headlines, "Over Two Dozen Names." "It keeps evolving/revolving down. I'm not spending all of it." "None...onets" Osama bin Laden (name repeated several times). "Creepy to show a stay." "To the left or right, wrong gate. Two of my cats have died, okay? No you get in front of the desk. No cracks, no pins. It is so important that Starbucks mend this heart of mine. Some girls are all caught up, by the time to get down to it. Well, I'll check so far." Jim Baber says, "but I'm sure I didn't do anything honest." Voice, "you let them go." Lito says, "That's not right, 40 boxes of evidence." I see a long poem and begin reading it--pleased that I can sustain the reading and remember so far down the page. Poem reads: THOSE KIDS
they diverted
other kids in play
and then they got on their bikes
and rode through the violence

I'm taking care of a little girl in a long house. She has left some food--she ate her meat and left the potato salad and corn. She takes the corn to the kitchen and I clean up the potato salad she dropped. Her bed is made. Voice says, it's the weekend and she'll be gone (with her dad). In the kitchen I hear Don Erickson talking to Maria--reading her Tarot, around the corner, I see it projected on the wall, computer Tarot. He says, "here's your card, an 8 and a 9 (they are in pairs); then a CPA and a 2; oh, look at this, a Leo..." Voice says, "this is where we diverge." A very soft voice in my head--a wedding or two. Voice comes back, "maybe on the 7th. The raz/rest can sneak through. Tell mama it's the end. I hope in 10 days." I hear the snap of fingers in the dream--[means maybe the economy will stabilize within 10 days. I heard a snap behind my head standing in line at the bank yesterday--a kid was passing with a blue can, Arizona ice tea.] Earlier in the dream I was on my soap box about the rich having arranged marriages, which ruins society; it leads to arranged kids. Then they have to hire people to run their houses and entertain. Voice, "the poor have no guests because they have no food." Louder voice, "I guess misbehave then." "With one stipulation." I woke up at the beginning of the dream and was in bed with a shadowy man, got up and started wandering through the house. Rick Coutu in the kitchen. "Small earthquake... in Madrid." Voice saying, "need cash." I think in the dream that ghosts say that and I think back to them, no you don't, everything is free. Voice says, "free house, car, even me." "They're kind enough to reassure you (the Tarot cards). "I have a beautiful office in a tall building", very contented feeling; "absolutely." [I agree/go along with the ghost if that is who it is.] "Handle officials." "Chills up my legs; story of peanuts/penis and Pakistan." "Hebrew night/Knight/knife" [one of the Kings in playing cards represents King David; one is also Alexander the Great, Charlemagne] "Why me, Mom?" "Missing in Italy." "Dust and reality." I try to visualize/or see in my mind like it is before me, the 5 of cups Tarot card for today: under a leaden sky, a white bridge to a whilte Mesa; the wine is spilled--it is a beautiful card. Voice immediately responds to this card, "Compare to me; comparatively; I never saw you. You lived some more. Brings out your past more." Then I hear an abrupt voice say, "What does he want?" I hear the sound of a whip or bull whip whistling through the air and hitting someone. "Cards on the table."
Then I visualize the 6 of swords-- boatman poling a woman and child across wide river--I can't remember his face but don't get up and look at the card. voice says, "okay for now." Voice responds this time, "look at me/you. When I got this job, I thought, that will do. Horse eats grass. One of my men. Canada."

9/16/01 comments I read last night that a man got in fight with 3 Arabs in a parking lot at the airport and he took police to the car after the bombing. My dream 9/6/01 there was a fight in a parking lot overlooking the downtown of a town with tall buildings--I thought NY or Chicago. Then (I was the terrorist in the dream) I drove out the booth where you pay and the guy handed me one penny, then a handful of pennies. I also had a check--which was navy blue. Then my child's tricycle I was riding took off into the sky and flew above a cloud.
I wonder if the terrorists feel like Judas, or if they are thinking of selling bil Ladin for the reward money. Or if the reward is one penny in their eyes ($10M).
Some are calling for Islam, Christianity and Judaism to recombine--they are all the same source. I am still puzzling over my first dream I posted on my website for the political predictions page, dated 1999, but I found it in January of 2001. "A cloud on the horizon. Arabs ride up on horses. I say to give them eggnog." In Costco yesterday, they were selling Christmas cookies and decorations, though.

I also left one incident (embarrassing) out of my recent dream of the street market setting up. At the clothing store my old roommate, Bec, got vaginal fluid/menstrual blood on a culotte dress she tried on and put back (yellow one). Perhaps the Moslem cross-dressers in Afghanistan are "polluted".

9/16/01 New Moon tomorrow. 4AM I wake up in the dream and I'm in charge for the night. I'm a man and start making rounds of the fence (electric). A group of women are... I see a post to a group; a group of women are in charge overnight of an airstrip. The (sic) is someone they can ask for help-- Check 6005--bored stiff. Has died. Taking the rest of the life off. Grew up and married me" (his mother did). At work on the stage at Van Meter high school where I remember we kids sitting on the floor and watching a space ship take off and a big pile-up at the start of a car race on a TV set. A voice tells me about a man who killed his girlfriend and is (at hard labor) across a river. I look and the river is a narrow one and the jungle has been cleared from both banks so that you can see it. The water level has dropped and there is a dry path through the river in deep red sand right in front of me. The work crew will be crossing to where I am; they wait while I get dressed, a long, tight denim skirt over shorts which makes it even tighter and I don't button the top two buttons (new style) and a blouse tied over a bare bust--I'm in a hurry (voice says, Sheila). We start off with another couple (Sandy and Raul) and Sandy says we're sneaking out 1/2 hour early and have to pass the open door where supervisors are. We round a corner and run into two men in suits but they're just Justin Abril and a short stocky guy. I say this is a long contract, the work will get done (if we goof off one day). Sandy says it's 6AM. We follow them and run right into the 2nd grade classroom where a lecture is going on, and I slide back out the door but sit at another table in the hall. I saw Ed Cross across the room and a voice points out that this is a motivational speaker and he's the skinny bald guy in the suit vest--looks like Montel Williams. There is a heavier bald guy dressed just like him and a short stock bald guy also. Maybe that's the goal of this seminar--to become a motivational speaker. I look up and a woman in a beige suit with a beige cloth looking face and perfect coral lipstick now seems to be in charge. She looks like Mrs. Patton, whose speech/drama/English/French classroom was directly above the 2nd grade on the second floor, but she is more stern and expects something. I genuinely say that the class is good and I'll take it soon; and as I go out the front door of the school I really am thinking about how to start a business, the network I'll need, the money. Then I get distracted by the big crane or something overhead. [It was in Mrs. Patton's college prep french class that I dozed off and when I woke up saw Randy Farrow's ghost in 1968 talking to her; she told me she was quitting that May and going to S Carolina where her daughter had cancer; she didn't have a nail on her pinkie I noticed as she talked..] Earlier in the dream I see a card, playing card--a lot of blank area, maybe the Ace or the end card with typing that protects the deck--it has writing on it to meet a man at someone's place/cabin. It is carefully written with a word inserted with a caret. I see a soldier with a billed cap eating at a child's school desk. Mrs. Patton's voice, "Embrace them, hey; you're okay. But after you've met them a couple of times..." Man's voice, "get rid of that transmission." Someone pats me on the shoulder and says, "Exactly what it was." "This summer you had to help me." "Do they care about the American flag (freedom) down there? Loud voice, "No, they don't." I see Don Ross or Six, who had to spend the whole day in Mrs. Patton's classroom taking 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th grade english because they flunked them and then died in Vietnam. I was hoping to have the right address on this (picture of a green apple someone is scraping the address off). Woman's voice, "Did that take?" Throw it 10 feet back, sausage or horse shoe. A picture of a girl in a red tank top at a pinball machine, "you're not supposed to use the original movie; the original enthusiasm." Old Sarge voice, "It doesn't matter, kid; get in here." Darrell has to go home, also someone else. Picture of a box of chocolate covered cherries in a man's hand as he's filling it back up, "what the Russians will say is a very popular field (at the track). My whole wrist hurt, the rest might hurt too. Mom asking every 15 minutes (lucid dream labs do this to you every 30 seconds-record is an 11 minute lucid dream)-- if it's safe to come out. Snake climbs back up on the couch (black father snake from a dream years ago in Iowa City). "Oh, you've come back," the shake and bake voice. "Okay, it looks like there's a war going on" -- big white flash in the sky. "13, curtains; they'll change it to guilty." Comment that a woman looks like a judge, too bad she isn't (Justice card is a woman). Marina takes over a whole section of a dream; in the dream she used to do payroll before me (Linda did) and she finds out about some problem; she passes me in the hall but is supposed to be someone else, everyone in this part of the dream looks like Marina and says, "Marina is angry." I think this will be a good chance to try to remote view her in Tucson and I can see her through a window pane and try to read her lips. She's saying some word that begins with an "S." I go back to my desk and start to type a message about the payroll but I see Marina through the wall in Col Mayer's office now and Col tells her to send the timecards back to the employees to do correctly. Then Nabil and Bett come up to ask a question. I start eating a loaf of Italian bread in melted butter as I work and am distracted by an African American man looking over the top of a wall at a hillside; two young guys join him and they exclaim that it's a panther that hasn't been seen for years (I assume it's black). It's in the business across the street from Northrop, a motel. I am alarmed and hope they'll keep everyone informed. Then I hear a loud announcement "BIN LADEN IS DEAD" and I get an empty feeling, who will they bomb now? Anti-climactic. The voice goes on to say that his house burned down and he didn't get out alive. I am meanwhile trying to pack my loaf of bread (sickening gummy dream food) to get away and something else has crawled into my aluminum warming sack as I wonder the whereabouts of the panther. [Yesterday I got a new book, Our Dreaming Mind by Robert L Van de Castle, PhD. Page 436, Dream Helper Ceremony says that this would make a change in planetary consciousness greater than the negative one of dropping of the first atomic bomb--if people suspend or voluntarily relinquish their personal dreams to dream collectively/telepathically about one target person's problem. He mentions, the dreams will not be about something trivial like what car to buy, thus my dream reference to the "transmission." The book also mentions that women dream of men mostly when they are ovulating.]

9/17/01 Queen of Swords(R) [spitefulness, malice, deceit] 10PM Before
the trial and during the trial. First time in my life. In my purse three
months later, he was never home; started editing on the web. Chapter.
Whole building is leaving (on a plane). Voice says, he did something
right--picture of a woman in a red blouse going to back up a man. 1230AM
"(It is) Betty, I tell you." I was dreaming about telling two women about
an email message. Message forwarded, a woman's voice reading the news says
that our man in ... has disappeared." A voice in my ear comments, "reduced
down to those eyes." This is on a red curtain or red background. Studying
the Queen of Swords before sleeping I noticed that she has red face, red
hands, red trim on her garment and there is red on the ground that looks
like a river of blood. A man on a very restricted diet. They are laying
low (picture of low skylines). No food-- children. In an effort to
investigate (BBC sounding voice). The eyes disappear--we all eat on the
ground on robes. "In the graveyard of the Hermit." Picture of bare ground
of a flat plain. Gray dirt, rocks; may be dusk or twilight or the shade of
a big building veranda. Prediction in Afghanistan: in about 4 months--a
big white flash fills the whole scene of my vision. The scene or screen is
draped with a man in robes. Our visionary. (Our ascetic, our man of
action.) Drunken orders. Things stuffed in the backseat of a car--voice
says going south. I thought the Afghanis would flee into the mountains
which are in the NW, I thought. Voice says, one of the best-selling
Japanese authors, Itto has died. The flattened plain; code red. A defense
group Thursday. Brace yourself for Jihad; rodeo bull riding--bull is named
Jihad. Kandehar. The holy men come and I wish them away (into the
cornfield). 315AM It's started; I feel the earth beneath my feet/sandals;
Julius Caesar. The hunt for pigs may be taken near strange cities; the
snort of pigs in their sheds. 338AM List of cities. Please; pls come.
428AM Now I thought we were done with all that hatred (fighter planes). I
am out of my body working at the computer and look at the clock and it is
3AM. The computer is where the kitchen sink really is (90 degrees angle
from real computer). A man comes in and I see I'm out of my body and I walk
back to the bedroom; I see his muscled forearm. He says, why do you always
run ahead of me? I say I am afraid he'll step on my feet. 5AM Who will be
taking the accounting of the Haj? Then I dream I'm walking outside to take
a break. Lito is leading the way. I say it's too cold. I go past some
stuff that looks like Midwest Bag factory where I worked in high school. An
electric space heater appears and a tiny trickle of water. I stop for a
second puzzling about how you would heat a stream of water with a heater.
But then I hurry on to catch up with Lito. There is a heater outside in a
little bower with trees also and I sit in front of it on a bench and begin
reading my book. Lito sits down across from me at the table but a man comes
up and asks about his printer and he leaves right away. Then the alarm goes
off and I'm really tired but wake up after about 5 minutes and get up.

9/18/01 Ace of Cups [fertility or creativity] 930PM It's food and water
I need (ticking this off in illustration on my fingers). Run with, not
away. Stern voice says, I don't want this. I go to sleep. 10PM I see
faces peering into mine very close up, one youth I study the face
longer--blond hair, at least shoulder length (can only see shoulders up),
brown or hazel eyes, tanned skin, large round eyes. I study the eyes
longer. Another similar person, but female looking comes up briefly on the
right. Voice, "loaded it up so you wouldn't want it." 1159Midnight Voice
says, "look what happened." Someone sent an analysis. I am distracted by a
handful of jade green marbles, some ranging in size to peas in an orange
crate shelf by the door. I was doing a ceremony with gold matches in a
cloth container. I don't want anyone to see it and close all the curtains.
I tell someone to figure out the ceremony and perform it. It was not
performed or taught to the children. There are no directions--I am cautious
but determined. People are talking, but I study the jade marbles and get
distracted. [Before going to sleep I was looking at Fingerprints of the
Gods about how the 250,000 people sacrificed at a time were to prevent the
end of the world. Rivers of clotted blood that were frightening coming down
the steps. Skinning people and greasing up and putting on the skin and
following people in the street and terrifying them, with blood and grease
dripping.] 205AM Book--on the spine it says Rolf Rudulf. Loud voice, "OH
I NEED MY MOTHER (LIKE A FUCHSIA). 307AM He sounds like a judge; a litany.
Harry Folk (Potter) and I.... 433AM I go back to the old house on Larch
and a new guy is living there; the slender charismatic young guy from
several previous dreams. I go in and get my stuff from the house, which is
plants and lettuce from the refrigerator and (?).. The lettuce has wilted on
the outer leaves and I peel the heads back to the green inner cores. Then
I'm not sure it isn't his lettuce and look in the other part of the
refrigerator and he has lots of produce in boxes. A voice says, "Sheila
look at this" and on the counter are many large meals such as meatloaf and
mashed potatoes. The voice says, "watch" and I see a scale where he weighs
the ingredients instead of measuring them. I go on into the living room
and I am telling him where to put his plants, but the room looks different,
no windows. He leads the way to a new window at the far side of the room
but over there is a pile of dirt like a prairie dog town in a zoo. Voice
says, "look" and little pink animals come out of holes and look like
dragons--I say, "oh, look, dinosaurs" and he repeats, "dinosaurs!" and
chuckles. Bigger ones come out and then he buries all of them back under
loose dirt in the tunnel. I peek down the tunnel and there is one emaciated
one that looks like a sick pig from a factory farm. The animals talk as
they flee back into the tunnels saying, "lets get the hell out of here."
They don't seem to like him. The emaciated one says, "oh, you guys" for
trampling past it. They are piled up. I tell him about the Russels who
used to live in the duplex and look out and there is still a barking
watchdog over there, but the fence is just one wire. Some other men come in
and one looks like an older version of him, like maybe he's a clone.
Another man says a snake is loose and a thin red one about 18 inches long
crawls quickly past. The room now has a dirt floor with hills or piles of
dirt. I ask if the snake is poisonous before I try to help catch it and he
seems to say, yes, it makes life interesting. There's a much larger snake
and some komodo dragons with various color skins (a lot of red). They are
easily netted by the man who seems to hypnotize them, the snake lifts it's
head and fits in the net. I try to remember if you get blood poisoning from
touching those lizards. I have some wet leaves, tea leaves and a young guy
with curly dark hair across from me wants some; I notice that he's smooth
in the naked crotch, which he obligingly spreads. I wonder how he pees.
The people on the other side of the table pass a plate of something and each
eat a small piece like it is very delicious. I get the impression of durian
fruit. The men all seem to be tanned, nude or bare chested; but two girls
dressed in tight white garments and cowboy hats that make them look very
firm come in and sit on the floor, then one dances with me when I try to
pass her to look for my glasses back in the kitchen. She runs out and says
she'll come back later and relax me. I chuckle and look in a mirror to see
what I look like and I am wearing a baseball cap; look like a male? so I
take it off. I take the wet tea leaves and start out a door on the other
side of where it was in the real house and a lot of people come in as I'm
leaving and I'm in a press of bodies. I see one Amerindian looking guy with
straight black hair and a lot of people with smooth, bland, tanned faces.

A
couple are carrying small children. Outside, all the other houses have been
torn down and the block is bare, rough dirt except for a green hole that I
surmise is the septic tank when I get closer and see that it has water
running down into it. I get too close and slip in and call for help, but
just one kid looks out and no one comes. I think the dirt along the edge is
drier and firmer and pull myself back up. Voice says, you know better than
that. I tell some more mature women, back inside where most of the crowd
has already left, that the house must have been rebuilt because it was not
this large or nice when I lived there; it is adobe looking with thick walls.
A man comes out the door from the room with the snakes to the kitchen and
the voice says, listen-- he looks like John Giorno and tells me they loved
the book, hated the D....... I guess that he meant my terrorist poem. I
say, okay. Then I go back into the other room again and the men are
hunkered down along the walls talking. The charismatic young guy or a
shadowy man I came with says, "here's my Big B back again." He also calls
me M. [The Ace of Cups has a bird with a cross flying into a chalice with a
W on it.] One man had remarked, "nice hair" in the doorway and I could feel
that it was very curly hair, probably very red. The man I'm with seems to
be waiting to speak to the young terrorist; and I tell him it's already 8PM
and we've been there all day, but he doesn't want to leave. I sit down and
they discuss "Big B". The terrorist guy gets a phone call. I try to place
him; he seems familiar. I also go to the parking spot behind the house and
get disoriented, seems like a courtyard. At one point in the dream, I look
at my hand and it looks like my stubby fingers. [Sufi coincidence today,
poem for the day mentions "the beautiful one" and staying two steps away.
Also, I looked like Chandra Levy (my hair and Big B's)--Maj Ed Dames has had
his crew remote viewing.]

9/19/01 Bomb threats in Tokyo against several corporate offices, including those of Citigroup units and Japanese trading house Itochu
9 of cups/R [wish card, over-indulgence in food and drink] 944PM This daughter of mine is going to exercise. Cylinder high-rise building with two revolving layers. 154AM Double-cross. Spaghetti, I forget the cheese. I move around in the compound--have a lot of freedom. I'll tell you for your holiday--zing out. I drop a baby on the ground in a glass jar. Work with people that are afraid they'll drop their babies on the floor; taking a class in diapers. 353AM How did that talk with Mom come today; rural protection. 4AM I'm at Northrop and waiting for the end of the day in the contractor's area. I lie down in a top bunk. There are two women below me talking about how they don't have much to do, but some other people's work to do with mss engines. The other one says they don't have much work if they slow down or speed up a lot. The woman whose bunk it is comes and yells for a man and he comes and tells me to get down from there. He smoothes the quilt (Gram May's) and says it looks okay but she wants him to beat me up, I think; so I run to another room. A loud mouth guy with a smooth tanned face and Northrop blue shirt (looks like the UFO/terrorists from last night) is making fun of me so I yell at him to shut up and then go closer to say it more quietly. He grabs my hands and I twist away and he calls me, "you no-good Indian." He wants to go fight on a hilly area of the office but I tell him I'm fighting right there on the flat place, since he seems to think I've beaten him already. They don't seem to have any cuss words in their language, I try to remember which one I read recently doesn't. I noticed "University of Iowa" on some of the laboratory doors. The woman from the top bunk is still grumbling and says they have a brand new toilet that has never been used, why don't I use it. But I go to the regular ones and Tony Escobar is coming out of one. They are the size of stalls and the doors are just leaning, not attached. I go into the one Tony came out of anyway. There's a glass wall so everyone can see you, with a strip of tape across the middle and I'm wrapped in toilet paper--am naked. I'm trying to poop and hurry, I hear Tony talking, coming towards me, saying he's going to call me George (?) but I can't remember the name so he elaborates that it means Scots Catholic--so I think he said "Gall" (Indian) or "Gael." The guy twisting my wrists was wearing dark khaki pants; he's stockier than the others and probably the toughest guy there. I tell people to help me fight him but they disappear into the ground. 100. M says Gary Bonachita's mail should go to Lockheed. Ms Ross, she's on a camophlage diet (she's invisible). Perfect--the whole package can go over to the Radisson/Holiday Inn (everyone leaving at the same time). 429AM That would mean no life. That's not really. Girl, I've go so many things to take care of. You couldn't ship them at night unless you created a photo litho plate. Sam Goody is ending it's (mall) life. Voice said they would have to travel across the night. No, picture of white chips that look fleshy (of flesh?) on a plate being passed (like communion?) Twinge of fear, looks like human flesh. Go back to burning building; lose their shorts. Summer nearby. Stacking in their own deck.

9/20/01 Ace of swords/R [chaos, self destruction as a result of excessive
force] 353AM Sell everything and keep up the high standard of living. Men
talking about how you can get a reward after death; I doubt it in the dream
and peer over their shoulders where they're looking through a catalog or
magazine excitedly. I see a young woman standing a ways in front of me,
dark hair, very pretty, like a model. She is wearing my clothes I think in
the dream, and she points out the length of the skirt and laughs--it is
ankle length. I look at the rest of the skirt and it is green with
orange/yellow pattern on it and tight fitting at the waist and hips, a
cotton skirt. She isn't wearing any blouse and her chest is tanned but flat
and featureless in the dream. Then I go to scold her for wearing my
clothes, if she gets perfume on them I won't be able to wear them and it is
my new dress. Now it's a dress and is very loose in the top and I unzip it
(it zips all the way to the hem I guess) and take it off her and start to
wash it in the sink grumbling. ... Preview type language. Something
will.... what will happen if... As long as they're the same..... that's
okay. The demise of my.... my lover/they listen/they live on (scribble,
hard to make out). Re-wrote it; we did it. Tall, thin man walking past a
two story white building; large building. Looks like the Northrop warehouse
type building. Talking/thinking about capitalizing.

9/21/01 Justice(R) 105AM A white horse with large black spots and a rider dressed in red walking/creeping along the far wall of a big room. A coffin, walls bulging--smooth gray gunmetal coffin. Can't see rider clearly, the clothes look like flowing red robes or dress; gets off the horse and walks at its head sometimes. Something that hovers in the air like a holograph--an airplane in a crate. Airplane has wings; light color. 525AM Hug of life; life is gone. Semi-circle of animals in the sky--animals look like gray shadows against a white sky; I have to look up to see them. There are about 8 animals or more. They all have 4 feet and are the same height and build; cattle, goats, horses, donkeys, longhorns. Pipe water is no longer valid. Lito and Mike by the computer room door talking. Star time. Man dressed in Navy whites. Voice, "all I can see clearly is the hat that he's wearing." "Oh, God, I'm gonna die and live in peaceful"--running hand over his crewcut. I see cast at 730. They are trained. I dream I'm talking to a girl about memorizing lines for a play. She says it's easy. Tashigi has one flight. That sounds like a concern that her dad is going to die. He said, "you've got family." Can't talk now, I'm at the Army medical command. She's just a baby and she's not bad! Who takes me today (Annie's voice). It's not here anymore and as long as it's on the other side. Armagedden is known as the birth of the time of the flag. Question, "what came before?" Answer, "anybody's guess." A lot easier are the hearings of the day. Crow cawing at the back of my head. Emergency. Food. Regarded that in trip. The money on three (speeches or speakers). Socialist politics (Michael). What happened while they're gone, Sheila. Keep right on with your work. You could smell this coming. He used to be out there--Jim (Jinn)--East of Los Angeles. "6 numbers." Her phone rings three times; 2-3 times a day. 3 visitors, they're all for me. Yahoo. He has to get colder (cooler) about who's the door of his house, the door frame. Couches in the hallway across from the restroom at work. There are only so many vegetables. [Those that are mottled and spotted <as, for example, the leopard> signify men who are crafty. Frequently they also signify men who have been tattooed. Spotted horse: the matter with which the dreamer is linked will continue to persist White mare with black spots: exceptionally beautiful woman.
if they are spotted, they will be much more terrible. For they are in no way analogous to noble or free men, but rather to the very violent and ruthless. For such is the disposition of these dogs. They often predict fever, since the star Sirius, which causes fever, is called the dog-star by some men.21
fish that are speckled ...signify poisoning for the sick and deceits and plots for those in good health. Fish that are red...portend tortures for slaves and criminals, violent fever and inflammations for the sick, and detection for those who are attempting to hide. the crow, the jay, and others of this type, indicate polyglots or very learned men. seeing his face in a mirror, BAD; it means another wife (Egyptian). If he eats a known plant: peace off mind. Looking in a mirror: voyage to far places. A white ox: soldiers advance from afar. A dog vomits: the family ghosts will have to eat. Corn and rice: one will receive corpses.

9/22/01 High Priestess [unknown positive force] 103AM A odd prevention. 242AM I recieve an email conversation that one person said there was a reply to theirs that there was a "red and black" war but the Muslims were afraid of a bath (I didn't click the blue link in the dream). The reply was that he was dressed in white robes. 658 How's your little boy? More; and two. Intelligence. Let's not linger. You probably have not had a situation of interest rates going as low as this. Took a number and I tore my door off. I wrote in black and white. That's what he thinks of me (Dirt). I'm on a hillside; a girl comes into the room where a man is sleeping. She has a party dress with a frilly skirt, tight top. Man sitting on a single bed. Fight over the keys, trussed up. A big powerful car by the mailbox. I stand outside the driver's door, then get in and hear the click of all four doors locking. I try it again. Someone approaching from the NE. A woman standing at another nearby car. I think we're supposed to park them and I'm supposed to follow her, but I drive away on a gravel road. The car is fast and sleek and easy to drive. I go to work, which is a huge hill. Everyone does an outstanding job here. We have an amazing operation. There is a machine on the wall which is my job and it puts up a list of people who are retiring. I put in the request, which I think is people over 65, but it isn't even over 62, is 60 year olds, so I think my report is flawed and useless. It puts out a 3D bar chart of cylinder shaped bars with the tallest one in the middle and there are about 5 but a male voice in my left ear says, "oh, there're 10." But I wanted a list of the names. I click on "names" and a long list with a gap of about 5 at the top and a longer one below. I start reading them off and a girl's voice in my right ear (she trained me, I am new) that if you don't go ahead with the report after starting it that the selected names all disappear from the system. "Did you see that guy's name--in my software class? I got 2... It would be terrible to open the door (behind which she lies dead) before her family. But maybe her family are veterinarians. We just had a girlfriend last night"... (pretty girl with spikey hair like the one born with a fulll head of hair) --this makes a woman sit suddenly. "Don't see them bad. I think it stands for everything, Kuala Lumpur" (woman laughs throatily as she puts down her purse on her desk). Jesse has to sit down, holds his temples--says, "it's the same thing, the bottom is New York City. No, doesn't know what it's like." "I can feel a few times where you're killing me crazily (young girl's boss or she's sitting in a chair in front of his desk while he goes through papers. Jane Fonda's future. A very old thin woman with a wavery voice, party dress of taffeta, tiny purse or gloves says, "I've never seen hers." Dress like mine from Judy's wedding. "If you're suggesting me." We are on the hill waiting for a man to arrive and tell us what to do; aware enough that we don't have to worry about it. Man questioning Colonel about Gordon. She says that he had no money problems and his wife is not pregnant. Colonel also says goodbye to Mrs. Cheney who tells her she's off for Sacramento; she has a new job. Col wearing kneesocks and has a 5 year old daughter she's walking with. I leave work and have to stop for a train, turn right down the tracks on my motorcycle (in dream). Train starts with a small blue car and a yellow one, no engine. Northrop employees talking about company owned apartments, voice says, "did you hear that?" I walk along the tracks and see the apartments on the beach with a garden on the roof. Men are smoking cigars on the sand even though it's twilight and one says he has altzheimers and his wife and daughter show their legs. He tells her to get something from Macys. I am leaving and a man doesn't want me to take a 3-part mirror in my pocket. I say, "goodnight Gracie." Margo is there naked from the waist up. The man shows me where he's hidden things in seven holes in the ground. They are in small holes with concrete covers and metal rings--he says they are gas utility access. I ask him if he hides drugs there and he says no, they are damp and sprouted; I see my jacket/cotton sweater from Macy's in the hole he shows me. My method confiscates the little moles. Juanita is in the office next to Barman wearing a mini-skirt and sweater. Thrown under hard punishment (Bett's voice). The hard/heavy one is the appropriate one (Lito talking in Ms Ross's doorway). 10-19-78 or 97. [dream I was looking for was 11-2-97 about a bomb under a car seat in Eureka, also a crystal ball.]

9/23/01 High Priestess 503AM Most of the deaths were in Vienna and Hamburg. Thinking about how quiet it. I see a map of the country with dates on different cities. Earliest is the 6th in about Chicago but I think it's Kansas City or St Louis. The rest are mostly New Mexico, Arizona, Utah, Nevada area clustered together and one further south at about Texas. I have to go south of Dad's farm; Mom has two ponies and a 2 year old girl rides the other one. I ride a brown one. The little girl gets way ahead and is waiting by a mailbox at the crossroads that goes to where 2 boys from my class lived--Dennis and Bob. My pony trudges along past a house. Mom urges me on. We come to where the little girl is standing and I get off to put her back on her pony. Her pony has disappeared and I'm going to put her on with me. My pony when I look at it has very long fur, no bridle or saddle and a very long, flat back. I don't know how I can ride it bareback with no bridle. I think if I dig in my heels to hang on it will run for one thing. A riding lawnmower appears and the girl gets on there and we ride back to Dad's farm. Mom says that the pony won't know it's supposed to carry me now and when I try to get back on obediently, it runs off across the yard. Inside the house, I've been babysitting the little girl and am stressed. A man comes to a sliding glass patio door and says, "where is she?" He has a slouch hat and black overcoat and has not shaved. The door is locked, but he yanks on it and breaks the lock easily. I stay calm and ignore him, turn my back. He picks up a dress and says she must be there. I thought I was just wearing it. He hold it up and says no one could wear her dress. I go into another room and play a marble game but all the kids leave to play electronic games except one shadowy kid at my left elbow. I say calmly to the man, but a little nervous, that it's a good thing I have a weapon. Someone explains to him about the woman. .... My deputy. I could have told you he's not here.... Look behind you. .... I've been told not to break down.

9/24/01 7 of swords [has Bedouin tents on the card and Russian cap that
matches the shoes and little shadow figures in some clouds] 1049PM A
sawmill saw blade is coming towards my forehead but I feel the pain in my
big toe of my left foot. Pain wakes me up. My Classical Hebrew professor
at the U of Iowa said "feet" is a euphemism for genitals in the Old
Testament; and mice for hemorrhoids--so the passage where someone gives an
offering of 7 gold mice is really 7 gold hemorrhoids] 1115PM 8059.80
1252AM I am in my room in the dream and can see the door from the garage to
the kitchen. I can see the car in the garage (maybe through the wall) and
then my mother coming in wearing a black suit and magenta blouse. It is 3AM
in the dream that she is getting home. I was going to get up and check the
door when she came in, I don't move--lie there and look around. I don't
know if I can move or am paralyzed. Voice, "lets get out of here before
they see us." "6021". Voice, "what that means is that you pass the idea
but you can't stop the emotions." A bad year (crops). I see a lot of
people very tiny, like the black shadows on the 7 of swords sitting on a
wire like birds; they are holding the upper edge of a giant American flag.
Man lying on the kitchen floor says, "they get you down and show you." "You
mean like Top Gun? She was there and then she was back inside hysterical."
Italian man's voice, sounds like Brando, "If I meet you I give you a kiss.
If not, I meet you later in Paradise." A pool of water with a female pig in
it; voice, "but I wanted to breathe the breath of a great man." "Sometimes
I can't see at all (eyes closed kissing someone goodbye (?) then I don't
know what makes itch. 425AM I see some men from earlier in the dream and
keep repeating the numbers so I won't forget them. A man is sitting like
Lincoln and I ask if the numbers are the results of the war in his one hand.
The numbers took a long time to come on my computer screen and I got a break
to become conscious. The woman is Julie Sundevil or Roz Bradley; voice,
"Area code 61. The master of nations." Someone pushes my thumb onto the hot
skillet I've melted margarine in to cook eggs; pain wakes me up again, felt
exactly like when I really touch the hot skillet. Suddenly I think I know
the meaning of my dream of the 8 old men in the canoe who got out and went
into town to eat and were followed by 8 young men--tall, thick dark curly
hair, tanned bodies wearing loincloths [men in a canoe is a female
initiation symbol per some book I stumbled on]. I am in a tall castle
fortress with hay inside like a barn. There are women refugees trying to
escape; I try to find rope or make one to lower us from the high window in
the fortress wall but the 8 young men come back (old ones all dead?) and I
don't know what to do and a voice says to throw the baby down. I think in
the dream that even a baby couldn't survive that fall, to start again after
we're all killed. But now I think baby Jesus or baby Mohammed born in a
stable. The 8 young men were vaguely Samoan pirate looking (hair) and I
thought it was the Chinese taking over islands in the Pacific... or Muslims
stripped down for battle wearing only turbans. But the turbans used as
loincloths would be more Sikh than Middle-Eastern. I didn't get a real
clear look at the 8 young men; just one looked me right in the face and he
might have looked like Andre the Giant. Then I went back to sleep and
dreamed a voice saying, "a kid is no longer a weapon"--picture of a lot of
pistols pulled by a lot of men sitting at a round table and then they slowly
(unload them) put them back in their pockets. Then I see a list of cities
with numbers across from them--in descending order of the numbers. Some
high up look like 6 million or 600 thousand. The bottom two towns have the
number "1" across from them. I think in the dream it is the number of years
the town will exist or maybe the population before/after the war. Graceful
man firing an assault rifle, "we hit a Republican town." Thoughts on
waking: 1. if you can feel pain in a dream, can you also inflict it. 2.
the expert dreamer is perhaps the ascetic. 3. Buddhists have been
meditating for 200 years but must still relearn fire burns in each
reincarnation. 4. the touch of my garment heals. 5. "the beautiful woman
without mercy/la belle dame sans merci" of the Romantic poets-- the
beautiful one without mercy.... of Nostradomus (?)

9/25/01 New Moon yesterday; Page of cups [message, invitation or
proposition] 10PM "Did he pass away"... woman's voice finishes the
sentence, "during a baseball game." Very close up picture of a cowboy with
a knife, holding down a roped steer. Voice says, "You're not going to like
it; a few families like mine." Answer comes into my head: "You can say
whatever you like, this is just a dream." Blood From a Stone--new book in
dream by Atwater. Collecting laundry, the house is much nicer, empty places
filled in with belongings and I'm disoriented. I find books in the laundry
basket, and add some very short shorts, a lot of pairs. Decide not to put
books in washer, look for bookcase. Then I'm outdoors and the basket is
full of driftwood. The grass doesn't have to be mowed, very short under a
tree. A very white man's shirt; I see his arm as he puts it in the basket.
Also an orange and yellow rayon shirt. There is a lot of dust on the wall
behind the bed because it's in front of the door and there is a draft. The
desk that was there when I put some books on it turns to a bed and the books
will be a nuisance to move to sleep. Voice, "what was that (noise)?" When
I go to wash the dust off my hands the sink is full of socks. I run water
on them before it registers that that is weird. There is a washer in the
house; if I wash the clothes I'll be wearing them wet; very unusual house.
Weird dream. In the laundry room I'm leaning against Clarence and a man
comes up and tells him that a man on his team was really put through the
wringer. (Clarence's teams are Yankees and Vikings) or that the other man's
team had a player injured by the Vikings.

>9/26/01 I had an amazing series of dreams last night. It started before I went to
> sleep with a Tarot reading that I thought was for bin Laden because the
> basis of the matter was the Tower--it even looks very like the
> WTC--lightning striking at about the 80th floor and people falling out of
> the tower. He has a woman in his past that is still dear to him-- the
> Queen of pentacles, which means either a rich girl or mature woman
> possibly even his mother. His hope and fear is that he's the Devil and
> death (6 of swords or crossing the river of death). There was also a Page
> of Wands reversed, he may have a child he doubts; this is his probable
> future. His friends see him very depressed (9 of swords). His definite
> future is either he is estranged from his large family or will not live to
> a great age (10 of pentacles reversed). I'm not sure of the middle
> card--I think it was the Ace of Wands or Fate, crossed by the 2 of wands
> or fear of the future or clairvoyance. The outcome was the 8 of wands or
> emails/messages.
> Then I went to sleep about 10PM--the card to study for the night was the 3
> of swords, a heart with 3 swords through it which can mean sowing strife.
> 2AM I saw a picture and woke up--a dumpy looking woman, looked like a
> middle aged Arab woman in a sack dress but she had very large breasts as
> wide as her whole chest that were drawn in on the front of her dress and
> they were an unusual shape--rectangular (a black and white picture). One
> breast sagged a little more; someone was redrawing the breasts so that
> they were not so rectangular as at first when they looked like the World
> Trade Center towers. I could see the pen redrawing them. The woman
> looked also like a pagan fertility goddess in her dumpy silhouette. The
> thought came in my mind of intellectual boys coming from peasant women. I
> went back to sleep and at 350AM I woke up after seeing a skinny Arab man
> in white robes that looked like bin Laden holding up some numbers. I
> remember exactly the ones in the middle--four ones-- 1111. I thought it
> was a phone number and he has a very easy one to remember and gives it out
> promiscuously to women. It read 900 1111 901. I thought of it as a phone
> number before I woke up and put it into the proper format of 900 111 1901
> or 1910. What I think this means is that 1111 is November 11th. That is
> the day World War II ended. Ones and zeroes have to do with computers
> also; and 9's are wildcards, and his Tarot ended with the 8 of wands which
> is messages or emails.

9/27/01 [The FBI also found a cashier's check made out to a flight school
in Phoenix; four drawings of the cockpit of a 757 jet; a box-cutter-type
knife; and maps of Washington and New York. Name and phone number written on
the map. He (Daquqi) said, "I, the fortunate one, pushed forward; Again
all the seven (trees) became one tree. At every moment they were become
seven and (also) a Single one: (you may imagine) what I was becoming like,
Through bewilderment. The Mathnawi of Jalalu'ddin Rumi.]
2 of swords (peace, tension remaining; confronting authority or blindly
following; calm before the storm) 1030PM Picture of a hunter butchering a
big animal; hanging up by the back feet so he can gut it. 12Mid "Hunters
bowl; down from the sea." I see a Tarot reading in the dream and see there
are 3 cards. I see the first 2 and then get impatient and predict what the
third one will be, a hand is turning it and there is a blank rectangle where
it will appear--the Ace of Swords/Spades and that it means "in love with
death." Then I forget the first ones I saw, except maybe the Tower again.
I forget the first two waiting for the third to be turned over but waiting
makes me more conscious. I wake up before the card turns. Second time
tonight I've been at the turnstile/guard shack at work; voice said, "they
must be loose..." "The damage is 100,000 today." 5AM On a break at work
with Pat and we hear Mike yelling from a block away that the Army called and
also Payroll; he's calling from across a big lawn or cornfield. Pat says,
do you need to go in here? It's a restroom at first, then turns into an
employee lunchroom. I have stuff spread out over the (round) table. I see
a slender dark haired woman, maybe Capt Johnson who is pregnant and when I
glance back again she's already about 5 months along and it looks like she's
going to have a boy (baby is low). I hear her say, "come out baby" and
telling someone she's ready to fly again. A man touches my shoulder and I
think it's Tony but he's a few feet away. A woman comes up and asks him
something (if he's crazy), he's new. Then Jere and I have to walk across
the city, I am glad I'm not alone this time. We have to cross a freeway and
I get confused and think we have to walk up on the freeway "overpass" but
she gives me a look and says, "no, underpass" and we walk under it on bare
dirt. Crossing a ditch she steps on a ball of sticks and it has a bird
inside a nest. She sets it up and it begins to walk shakily--looks like a
very small emu (hair) the size of a robin. It heads back towards the nest
by itself but she says there are six babies also and I go to help herd them;
they are running like shadows along a fence or ditch. By the time I catch
up with them they are full grown and pecking the feathers off each other in
big patches, skin peeled off and have very black feathers, look like crows.
Three men come up and startle me to ask if we want to hire the pony ride; I
don't see any ponies hitched up to a circle but

tentatively agree. The men
have unusual broad faces--the look foreign or very old fashioned
maybe--Swedish or Middle Eastern. [In Switzerland a man went into
Parliament with an assault rifle and grenades and killed 14 in a rich
district with low taxes--MSNBC.]

9/28/01 4 of swords (close to death card) 230AM picture of a bowl (of water)setting on top of a toaster. Voice, "or a roof man might come and put on a whole new roof." Dawn/don't need flashlight--Driving thru a town--this looks like a flashback or timeslip of the town--the past of the town. Impression of 50's cars and small grocery stores. I get started; driving a fleshy feeling car. I have to turn right, looks like Highway 1 near El Segundo Hyperion sewage treatment plant. Sound of a siren/ambulance and I don't turn; start out again and another siren so I turn anyway and pull over to the right. Look ahead of me and the street ends part way down a very steep hill; the pavement is cleanly cut off across the whole width of the street and there's sand or dirt after that. I don't see an ambulance go past. Voice says, "good thing you saw that." Looks like washed out roads in Mexico. El Porto or El Toro (old Marine base). A woman says spotlights were on her face. I think they're strands of tree lights on large Christmas trees and I turn them off. A baby crawls up to me and kisses me on the mouth; quickly grows up into a man and this focuses my concentration--his lips. Two boys talking--one threatens the other and puts a pillow over his face and I try to stop him. He asked if he could kill. "I looked and they're still in there." "She likes her (significant pause) big house." "Who is the expert?" "Must go on a long journey; I make storms to prevent the break-up (hurricane, flooding in Baja right now). There's a test." The younger brother is dressing (sign on the wall says "Downs") and the older brother jumps on him and puts a pillow over his face. School is starting and he's taking English. (one of the terrorist pilots took English class in Phoenix). I'm sitting in a classroom, pick up the material very easily, one lesson--don't remember any lecture or homework. I'm graduating and leaving for a job as an engineer. I'll be making a lot of money; I look good in (western) clothes--starched white shirt and dress pants. I pack some supplies; sky outside, very beautiful, country, stars, small store. "I'm brought before the others and singled out." "Stay in elementary school." A six foot, bright pink snake crawls into sight and a voice tells me to catch it with a pole (I think it has a hook on it I can hook into the snake) and I guide/drag it to a three foot tall white plastic bucket with holes like a colander. I yell for a lid to keep it in--now it looks brown like a rattlesnake and is trying to get out the top. There are several other huge snakes that have been gutted. They've been let loose; size of anacondas. Voice asks if I want that--I would have no arms or legs as a snake but could still climb trees and swallow people. "You've got to stay by (close) me." "There's nothing between us and the (rest of) the world; there's nothing to worry about." "I didn't come here to leave." A part from a car--"the oiler, I keep that to use again." "Find the operation, the operative(s), the methods, the target (attack)." I have to correct some map and send it again (it was the old Marine base at El Toro by mistake.) I see a list of three answers: 1. Hasid bring on the end of the world or holy war/Armeggeden or Jihad 2. The Gay Liberation Front 3. Revenge. Voice says, "(those are the) comments I'm talking about." (earlier I was wondering if "Mohammed was a Motherfucker" driving to work--fertility/goddess/plane/missile dream struck me as Freudian). Maj Ed Dames looking man standing to my left with a group of 100-150 men in ranks. "They want assurance (that they'll win)." Man's voice, "fairy tales. Do they have feet (ghosts) or against them?" I remember earlier after the baby kissed me a woman's voice said I was going to have a baby (boy). Man's voice, "Lebanon/loaf in the oven" impatient. Gutteral (Italian) voice with a picture of a Scottish man says, "Once upon a time; what's a gonna do?" Beginning and end of story again; third time in this dream alone--seems like time is speeded up in dreams. 10AM "The sky's the limit. You're/they're helping him, you know that."

9/29/01 Justice (blind clerics, coincidence?) 130AM "In operations, not free." Picture of a woman in bed, very tall son comes in. I go to sleep and am startled awake by two Arab women in long dresses blurt out and make my heart jump, "there's that guy!" I am with them and we are coming out of a stairwell in a tall building and a tall, muscular dark young man--I see him and he is wearing a deep blue nylon windbreaker jacket and a big black beeper or something on his belt. He's coming up the stairs and passes us. Then a picture of a big rabbit in bed and a dog standing on two legs; voice my my ear, sounds like I'm awake--"You are" or "Marty" --Bernie appears and says, "it's not the issue she wants." I go to sleep. 7AM I am thinking about 4 o'clock plants and see them in the dream, then a book appears before my eyes up close, by (Joan?) Bruno, subtitle is I Suggest We Pray. Then I'm cleaning up a community kitchen and find another room with a lot of leftover food, including fried chicken and I start eating a piece; Maria appears and says the piece she's eating is raspberry and I say they also have Parmesan. Maria says, "this is wonderful." Mike Byllesby's voice, "on my lunch break I'm draining the taxes." Toney Patterson's voice, "taken from the Book of Revelations, that's the blame for all this." Dannion Brinkley's voice, "who were those people, but the fender bender to an accident." Then I see two women's yards and they each have a S American bedding plant in front of their windows and they look out their windows at each other's plants. Julia thought... CIA and FBI guys (voice says I don't know their names) and a bald man driving out a driveway with the car window rolled down. Art Bell's voice, "He said his mind was missing." Another voice, "yeah, that's where he got that from. If I could think of that terrible "take-out" I could think of his name." Gravelly voice or a satellite transmission, digital voice, "We set this clock back for terrorist revenge." "Relief. We're talking about (a flood)." Man's voice, "are they putting things back please?" (only firemen are allowed to search the ruins.) I cut down one of the plants (of the two women) thinking that it is fall but the plants had been growing very slowly before my eyes; then I wonder why I did that and look for a plant to replace it and find a lilac color plant with very tiny flowers. Some voice had told it that the 4 o'clock couldn't make seeds; was planted by Julie. Then I'm at Mom's old farm and there are sink holes in the yard and it looks like danger that the whole area will sink into the ground. The old house (blue) is there again but is beside where it really was and I think it's the new one that was built there. I think the houses are too heavy and are making the ground sink. I look around and there is a wall of dirt behind me and two big tubes or hoses going up over the edge of dirt; the hoses are about 2 feet in diameter and I mention that one is the sewage hose going out from here and someone points out another hose going in that is a big gas pipe. The hoses almost look like large intestines, have folds in them. They seem to lead under the ground. I think I am seeing its basic working structure (most important features). Voice, "it looks pretty bad seeing it from this view." Several big sink holes; I didn't think they had them in the Midwest. Woman with a German accent, "If you don't give credit to this man--no life insurance to beneficiaries" (she holds a piece of paper and waves it.) "Biting. One child's chance." [Once I heard an aunt tell a 2-year old girl to "bite her, I would" --her mom's leg after she spanked her in a store.] Three sentences by a warning, nagging mother sounding voice, "I enjoyed that feast. But you'll have to get it. Because you're/they're in it." "Near completion. Army." Judy Collins voice--wavery, singing voice, "war is ... hold my hand for me." Fifth floor in my apartment in the dream; wreck your door. Earlier a young guy with strong bare arms is going to type; I tell him you have to build up strength by typing for hours. I come out of a fenced area--I got something. Cutting across a freeway, walking home. Snatches of beautiful dream scenes, warm emotions, work to do, a mission. Mystic way--DAILY bread. Fresh wounds, have to heal for awhile. Curtis Goins shakes my hand, says, "nicest I've met over there." "Small capability, $180,000." Grizzled Texan rancher or truck driver says, "People staying up hours--to make a published odyssey." The digital voice again says, "Too involved in the Anti-Christ movement."--picture of a man hanging up a sheet for a curtain (new apartment). "Incredible!" Another voice says, "Green language. House needed (other?) (brother?) NOW YOU PUT THEM TOGETHER." Voice says, "LOOK"-- I am driving through a downtown on a freeway--looks like Kansas City." Almost like a video driving game. "Of course has to go on strike, but tell me how many...." Movie star woman wiping her nose says, "should I tell her--the mountains and canyons are closed." Richard Schowengerdt's voice says, "hasn't been very successful, I should ask her." A voice says, "SEWER, that is a lane (basketball?) violation." "Air mill." "Dredging in restrooms." "We (only) just grew money." A picture of someone in tech support with powder on face (gun powder?) "Tents/tense of all these tests." A woman in khaki is lecturing in front of a room saying, "Made up who you are and explain it." Staging area, refugees. "Call me back--inside of that" (coffin or box). "He said.... Foreign woman voice, "You have to pretend yourself to find this." Art Bell voice, "he's not $110,000 a day to cross the river"--patting Ed Dames on the shoulder. "Slow photos...slow quotes." Picture of a girl at the beach in bathing suit--photographer shot up lying on the ground and she is standing-- voice says, "get the hell away from the body." Marty Barhaghi saying, "Devil music and who got picked up." Voice saying that if students didn't have summer holidays, workers might be afraid of long holidays. Woman asks, "it's end that you hook on some exit. Should I?"

9/30/01 Emperor(mental control over the emotions); 7 of wands(guy has mismatched shoes; energy at last grasp, victory in small things, wordy strife) 130AM A strange looking man who is all white--clothes, hair, face--dressed in white rags and newspapers; white like the Emperor's beard spread over the whole man. He has a small net and is catching (fish). He stops netting and stands pointing at my feet; startles me and wakes me up. 7AM I decide to go to a doctor on Friday (10-5); I'm given an appointment at Kennedy Hospital instead of the doctor's office so I decide not to go (too expensive) -- my problem in the dream is cocksucking. My symptoms are ob-gyn and I don't want an exam; also includes my death. Voice says, "something by the organizing radio station." "Hey, you!..." I see a picture (outside) myself fasting for 2-3 weeks, hips getting smaller in the mirror. "Probably better to sign it." "Delilah & Pat Dooley." 9AM I've found my way into a mall in the future. I'm in a shop buying couch pillows. Man with me picks one with a picture on it and I read the label that it is limited edition, rare to be found only in this shop--$20. Clerk sews it up (purse size with a zipper) and I tell her I didn't want that, I wanted the three plain gunny sack color ones in different sizes for $7. Then I have 5 of them and she adds it up and laughs, that I'm not going to be happy--$159. I refuse to pay and say to the man and little girl (Aisha has appeared, her hair longer and braided in a big braid) that security will be after us now (and throw us out of the future). The man and I sit down along the wall in a hallway under red shrouds and he says they'll catch us and force us to have children and I tell Aisha to bounce off the walls and distract the two women security guards aproaching (she talks about their big boobs and keeps them busy for awhile). Then two young pale male security guards come to help the women who are having no success with me--I see some girls behind them and ask loudly if they want to fuck the men and get rid of them too. Then I enter a room with a lttle girl and she writes on a piece of paper and tells me she is 8 1/2 and she wants to remain that age--it is the best. Someone knocks and I open the door when she ignores it, but she runs to a man who seems to be a servant all in white (Chinese or Arabic) and goes with him. I get the impression she's rich but makes the servants buy her stuff. I also talk politics with some people in the mall food court and say that Clinton and Gore did nothing and Bush Sr acted brain dead. Then I'm sitting at a breakfast bar and a dark haired 30ish woman sits down and I can see her face clearly. I tell her my plan of ingratiating myself through the little girl (I am worried about my survival); she says the girl's first words were "my friend" (I assume means her) and I say, "I'll have to bump you off (the log) then" (kidding). She stares intently at my face and says, "you're Arabic and ..... (European) (?) . I am nonplused and it stops me to think--Black Irish, maybe is what she sees, Moors invaded Ireland. She says, "you're so dark." and then I feel an alien feeling of depression and get the idea that this someone else's dream I am overhearing and I want to know what he tells him very much. She says, "you were a great man involved in war and you will be taking a rest of five lifetimes as an M.......... (merchant?) and then you can go back to war if you want." I say I don't like war and I put my head down on the counter and weep and it wakes me up. I forgot it was not me and ruined it. I tried to lie quietly and remember details and hear a voice say, "Man without a university, imagine!" Then two young guys talking, "They didn't phone me. This is a bastard mentale." I don't know if mentale is a real word, but it is pronounced like rationale. Then I heard a woman's voice saying, "There's nothing more we can do."

10/1/01 Tempurance(R) Full moon tomorrow. 1030PM In order to keep an ecstatic state for several hours or days. A great many other people want the class. 2AM George Bush's picture along the left edge in internet news I'm reading. Voice, "there are many groups. Could have him kidnapped." I was very hot all day Sunday and all night, feet hurt (sugar), kept waking up--every time I woke up I remember the same dream--I'm in the back of a church and there are two little kids looking at me from a back pew. Their faces aren't covered, they must be boys. A wedding or a church service or they're just there by themselves. Voice, "the bi.... process by which man's...." "Peace with the USA, respectful recovery." Later waking up again, "We went to visit the bride; it was a forcibly...." 5AM Loud voice, "It's so simple. No one asks me a question like this." Girl writing in a garden at a table. Rich train, party--no covered faces. Voice and picture at the same time-- "Running children in an arid environment." Picture of a remote ranch, cattle guard crossing in the driveway entrance of the road. Man greeting another, takes his hand-- (Kaboul or Kaboula). Voice, "A man walks, yeah, sure."

10/2/01 World 1030PM Tall guy sitting in a chair (getting his nails done), says, “I have to go” and stands up
abruptly. A rose on a cross in view—“he ate it.” So I am on the east (side of the mountains); Las Vegas or eastern
part of Washington State it looks like. 4AM I was just in a foreign country where I wouldn’t have to work. I say I
must finish my work, my dreams—I am confused and can barely remember what I was doing yesterday, something
significant maybe. Then I’m in a room that has been messed up by kids. A boy about three comes up to me and I tell
him he must change his clothes; he’s wet. I plan to pull off his shirt, but suddenly someone does that to me! I’m to
have four years off in the dream. Voice says, “it depends on how you relate to others.” Then I’m….. explain
something. Now I’m standing on an open hillside or mountain side—rock bluff behind me (dark gray, huge rocky
hillside) and it’s cold and windy. Higher altitude or latitude. Bob Rosenthal calls. I tell him death is messy—so many
details, just like life. “Last night Air National Guard lifted off some men. Blackmailing.” I see the Queen of Wands
but she looks down and looks like Justice, but alive, peering down at someone or something to her right. Wands are
Fate.

10/3/01 World 10PM "San Diego--back in the mountain in the battle with his friends." "I told Mrs. Jones that penetration..."-- this is on a handwritten letter and someone reads the words aloud. There is a wet spot on the paper and you can see the words on the other side of the page. "I didn't notice you had your jaw/fingers sticking in the wall/attached in the wall." Dreams seem speeded up with more than one thing being said and overlapping. "Must concentrate on each (one) subject." 3AM I go back to review messages about something. Voice says, "this is the last one." "This should give those who read it a clear insight." 5AM The last dream is about Tony Escobar and Ida Mora explains that time is accelerated, that's why it appears like this (I can't remember the first two things I was comparing, only Tony). Ida is asleep on top of the covers and wakes up saying she's cold. I have a brand new quilt (in the dream--this almost wakes me up because the smell of the chemicals in new cloth makes me sick) and I sneak up over the end of the wood bed and try to pick the quilt up without disturbing her. I went through a long tunnel, ate a Danish covered in powdered sugar lying on a shelf by Jere Hardin's cubicle. Something about a tree. I go out into the yard--a big machine there. I study a dog bark close up. Professional people reconciling their differences (of opinion).

10/4/01 Queen of Cups(R) Third day in a row my Celtic Cross reading ended with the Emperor. Two previous days in a row the study card was the World. Three card spread was 3 nines--cups and pentacles reversed, swords upright; then the Celtic Cross started in the middle with the 9 of wands reversed... humm The King of Pentacles is the fear--an evil man who never-the-less gives good advice....

1045PM Voice, "it has to do with poison gases (chemicals poisoning the earth/ground water)." "12 years; 12 years of college, not working" (gruff man's voice). Pointing finger and an intense voice that makes my eardrum vibrate uncomfortably and jerks me completely awake, "I TELL YOU I'M NOT MERCURY." 12Midnight "Resnyshe"-- message from. An email alert. Mine says the color red in the man's cloak (Emperor?) 2AM I see a book with a picture of a colony called "Reshiva" that is in Finland. I see Tony Escobar and he nods distractedly, "yes." He's intently watching a dance around a campfire in the snow--looks like a war dance in Finland. Voice, "he wants to herd the lion but his choices are met with irony (baleful)." 5AM Tooth missing, a gap; at first the gap is at the end of 4-5 teeth, then it's moved in between two others. I see a John L. Byrne in email (in real life, choices are "E" and "A"--"L" belongs with Rick Coutu and Robert Brown.)

10/5/01 8 of wands (R) Today in the internet--anthrax death: "Bob Stevens, a photo editor at the supermarket tabloid The Sun, died at JFK Medical Center in Atlantis after antibiotics failed to help kidney failure and cardiac arrest." My dream of 9/30/01--I called work to say I had a doctor appointment and Jesse said I already put it on my timecard (10/5/01 in real life). I was sent to Kennedy Hospital instead of Axminster Group where I usually go. My symptoms included death. 1AM I am suddenly out of my body at Prairie and Northrop Avenue watching two tall thin (for geese) geese-like creatures walking behind someone crossing Northrop Avenue on the east side of the street. They're in the crosswalk and a car turns--looks like it's going through them. The geese are covered with long furlike hair and are about 3 feet tall. I can't see their heads, a shadowy person is walking with them. 7AM Buckets of perfume (?) and reminiscing. "Will I ever get out of this thing? I had it first in the 60s." Picture of a people, including me, who have only right arms. Voice says, "There we are, all right-handed." Letters from two employees I'm reading--one is John Castellano. 11:11--picture of limestone, white stone. Can't you see what's happening and after you got it. People. Everything is rash. Kid Jehovah's Witness. That one on the path, malfunction, a finger touching a rusty machine in a 3-inch wide slot. Keep on at it hunters and adders. I see a man packing up a small case or large briefcase--maybe sample case. [Neighbor on the news says the terrorist that lived there carried this like he'd just come back from a couple day journey.] The world in repose. Lax/lacks behavior. Girl in black T-shirt and army fatigue pants, shoulder length blond streaked hair, bare feet. 12Noon There's a helicopter in the sky with a school bus dangling from a rope--to be dropped on a tall building if demands are not met. Voice, "watch out for the school bus." [U.S. Soldiers Sent to Uzbekistan today.] You must read what it says and repeat it--that's why it remains a mundane, comic piece. I walk through an old museum with not much in it, old wood building with dirt area, a room with rugs lying draped over the furniture. Little girl joins me to look at them, sings quietly like Faith. The rugs are white with designs on them. Then I pass an ornament made of mirrors cut into small pieces--has manure or algae on it--voice says, "why did you touch it?" Three people ordering at a table--one is Cindy McNair. Woman getting pains in her legs. "That's the way they want to work on us--what we should eat." I am watching the train/vehicle with the yellow school bus dangling from it. It takes time to find a target, so we have a little warning. My mother drives and backs down the freeway at great speed. She stays in the lanes amazingly mile after mile and off the off-ramp. In the N-building auditorium, the woman sitting next to me asks if I knew my dad has .... cancer. I don't hear what type. Voice says we're all terminal. [Meditating last night I saw a sheet of white light that looked like a plane of glass at about a 10 percent angle. 2:30, 1:30--8-9,000; German; 113 of this weeping animal.]

10/6/01 Knight of Cups [remote view TRN 4804/9731]
[Internet story: First, the researchers injected mice with prostate cancer cells from a human. This formed a skin tumor in the mice that acts much like prostate cancer in men. Zhiwei Hu and Alan Garen from the department of molecular biophysics and biochemistry at Yale University have (developed a procedure) called 'icon,' the molecule is able to kill the cells that make up the tumor's blood vessels.] After 1AM I go over military strategy as a component of logistic moves of some spiritual leaders. One is blond and I go over his situation in detail as an example. He had to go. The camera zooms in on him until it's too close--you see part of him. Later a man says, "congratulations with that discussion of the relationship of 1968(9) and 1978--you did discuss that bandaide the Bible." "If he cleans out his desk." At work, the other women make more than I do. Someone shows me a tombstone slab with the dates on it and says the dates are the copyright date (confuses me), and she can see in the murky".... too tired, scribbles after that. Picture of an oriental man in a crowd of taller men--voice says, "The Xena are an example of how the population is high. The only member of the (divine) team describe".... fall asleep. 830AM I talk to a middle aged man drawing a diagram on the board with a circle labeled Afghanistan and I get the idea it is the number of promotions at a university he's talking about, he's talking about his dedication to the Sports facilities. I have to pee and as I walk up a young man asks if I need to turn on the toilet, flip a switch and the lid opens (chrome like an ashtray). Another man from work sits down to my right and I have to stand up and pull up my pants in front of him and I see him out of the corner of my eye looking at my bare butt. Then he touches my knuckle and the left and right hands seem to be reversed and my knuckles have deeper grooves between them (like I'm thinner) but it is my hand. I think I have blood on my hand. The toilet paper is bandaides that you tear off like toilet paper. The first bandaide had blood on it and when I tore it off the middle-aged man had come up to tell me not to waste them; he said there were crumbs of rust on the toilet seat and then got into his dedication to the job and started writing on the chalkboard. I ask him if his successor is going to be as dedicated as him and if a brown-nose is getting the promotion, and also did they call both of them in to arrange the switch of jobs or only the brown-nose guy. Before I had to pee, I think I had sex, can only remember a fragment, taking off my clothes--maybe that's how I ended up now wearing two pairs of pants, black levis under blue levis. The man on my right points out a word the middle-aged man wrote on the board at the bottom "YOUR PRESIDENCY"--this is a greeting he is leaving for the University president to find. That man leaves and so do I, then find myself walking down the sidewalk with the man from work who is shorter than me, I notice (this makes me semi-lucid again). We end up in a small alcove where we listen together on a headphone to a tourist recording explaining a dam. Then he tells me that a secretary quit, she left and they said she quit; Barbara wanted her to come back and they would both sign something. I ask if she is looking for another job and she is working at the dam. They process salmon and I say that's better than a slaughterhouse at least--smells less bad. I look at my watch and it's 9 or 10. The class ended a half hour early when the professor left early. I go outside the little room and am on the big grassy hill in front of the Pentacrest in Iowa City. I look back and see Bernie standing beside the little room. I go around the corner and see two suitcases on the step outside a door. I think it's my stuff from me retiring from my job and go to look in the suitcase to be sure it's mine. A woman walks up and says, "Did she pack?" But I insist it is mine. The small case has only one lock (same one as last night) snapped. The door is closed but I think I know the combination because I work there--I'm out on the doorsteps. The case is on top of a piece of luggage I don't get around to looking at. Inside the small case, which is brown or rusty metal is a yellow washcloth, then a yellow rubber glove and when I unfold it, there is a very large artery or vein in it about 3 inches long with branches of smaller arteries coming out of this segment of large 3/8 inch diameter artery. This makes me jump--seems to be a doctor's kit and he was in a hurry and didn't clean up very well. Then another big piece falls out of the glove too--maybe a segment of intestine--this is bigger and puffier than the artery and curves a little is not smooth like a small intestine,more like the large intestine, but it is only 3/4 inch in diameter and confuses me. I also see a large bar of glycerine soap (transparent) in the case. Then I pick up another rubber item--also pale yellow and ask "what's this?" It looks like a very small rubber shoe, baby size at first, then it gets bigger (kid size--it must stretch to fit.) The rubber is very thick, not thin like a rubber glove.

10/7/01 Queen and Knight of Cups 1AM "She could have described in anger, one arm." "Two vortexes of energy fleeing--one right into....."--I see the picture of two whirlwinds of light going away from me. 5AM I see carcasses of animals hanging in a shadowy room. Rope cutting into the stubs of their ankles (no feet) that they are hanging like sides of beef. The meat is dark color brown like it's "aged" but in the dream I think it looks dehydrated or mummified--though is is not markedly wrinkled. I am not that close to inspect it--it looks smooth from this distance. It is smooth, but not slick like a skinned animal without it's hide. It looks like the hair came off but the skin is still there. The ankles are very peculiar looking--the flesh doesn't taper down to the ankle--looks like the rope is around the wider part of the calf. I don't look at the rest of the body. The rope cuts in down to the bone, compressing the flesh. Looks like sides of beef--two of them near the door of the shadowy room. 8AM I drive past the Federal Building and there are police all along Marine Ave. Very unusual--they seem to be giving martial arts demostrations in groups of 6-8 officers and are wearing khaki or white color clothes. Other police are just standing on the sidewalk looking at the street and behind them is a 6 foot tall pile of picket signs (they might be going on strike). The picket signs are laying on the ground and I can't read them. [Movie Deathrace 2000 was made at this Federal Building.] I turn right on Aviation and say to my passenger that some guy could speed on Aviation because the police are all on strike. A voice says it would be on lhis record, a bad blot. There is a steep hill I don't remember, so I turn left into Old Navy and end up in an apartment building owned by the Colonel's secretary. (We make progress, man pulling his hair out.) Voice, "Answer the phone. My mind could(n't) stay on this subject for two decades." "Fines for autograph, coke machine (big fine), won't be able to quit job at mall until pays them--" I hear LBJ's voice saying, "My Fellow Americans..." and I think, oh, no, another war. "Can I ask you a question--the answer is on the back of the (Tarot) card." An Japanese baby dressed in black and white bamboo design with splashes of other colors and very black hair crawls over a girl lying on the floor. Explosion on a walk street, breaking up wood for driftwood art. "Diner--different responses to the doctor, could you respond?" Girl (redhead) in a Manhattan Beach phone booth with her small daughter, "We're cousins in the first place to Ed." "There she is. .....the stocks are part of the combination of the deal." "I don't need a cola to drive me crazy." Burger King attacked on Pacific Coast Highway (PCH) in Redondo Beach--voice says there are multiple reports, may have already happened. "Name is Joyce, has a deep and intuitive regard for..." (a blond). Picture of hijackers snatching cigarettes out of the mouths of plane passengers (and smoking them themselves)--boss nodding approval. I see two pictures I could use for my dream art--two girls, one fading away in fog with plastic rollers used for permanents superimposed over her picture--the other girl to her right smiling--filapino girl. And another picture of a handsome filapino boy standing in a stream that has the weeds or rice cut back to expose the water, which is a brick red color. Before that I was trying to decide if I was ready to try doing Tarot for relatives. Then I'm at a grocery store at the snack bar buying a coke. I take the cover off it and dig out 5 dimes with difficulty-- then the guy gives me 30 cents change. Then just the nickel. I protest and his boss, a young girl comes up and offers me 5 pennies. The boy tells her I was flirting with him and I knock the can of coke across the room and leave with an older male employee chasing me. I walk up the street in front of my high school and see some people holding a white sheet banner that says the war has begun. I turn around and a woman in a whilte robe is between me and the grocery store guy so I relax--he can't see me--and I see a big explosion in the distance. I wonder why they are bombing Van Meter--only has 500 people. The bus was packed in front of the school; I check for terrorists but a voice says they are probably older than that. "Not any of my anti-heart poem." I have to run backwards to get back to the store and my groceries, which I fled without my cart. I see Dad and Mario Merced together dressed like Italian Mafia Dons and the grocery store guy takes me into a small room. He chuckles and says I probably did when I tell him that I heard that kid say I flirted with him. He lights some candles that are used for torturing men with hot wax and then some votive ones after I think about lighting them for the war dead even though there won't be any war dead. He says someone has to pay a fine for $5015. I see a big hole outside the store, maybe for garbage, that goes down into the ground--has bricks like a chimney around the hole and black plastic draped so I can't see down there. Then a man behind a glass window who looks like Don Erickson demonstrates a homemade metal detector that uses a two pronged wire with a bow shaped wire between them. A man behind me says you get several terrible shocks pulling that thing out of the two holes (looks like an instrument panel). Then I'm outside the building again and can't move forward again, so I turn backwards and am moving down a sidewalk in smooth long strokes like in a wheelchair. I decide not to look where I'm going, to let anyone get out of my way. I relax and look up at the blue roof of the building I'm moving away from (like a backstroke) and it says, COLOR, INC on the roof -- I know there

is no company with this name. Voice says, "problem with real late tern presidents." And when I wake up I can't remember if the name of the company was COLOR or CHICKS or COKE or CRAZY. I think it is COLOR and the roof is bright blue. Before that Queta was renting apartments in a building she owns and giving each person a potted plant and a mural. A woman inspects the plants,which are mint. She shows a woman into room 33. My picture is of sand with some yellow grains replaced by blue, pink (like the sand on the Queen of Cups card)--it folds in half like a game board--like Monopoly. I go to my new house and it is HUGE--it is a whole road where vacant farms have been torn down leaving their wooded lots. My living room is about a mile long. I say amazed I never thought I'd have a too big house--the furniture is so far apart! I look for the computer to hang my picture of sand. A man beckons and over there is Queta with some card tables and empty plastic pitchers. Next door to that is Lazaro's new house which has a stairs going up the hill that have wood and glass enclosing them--very fancy. A man follows me (sounds like Mike Dafforn) saying that if we're going to point out the economic offenders we must also mention the Japanese and Australians. Then I'm at another house where the mother gestures for the 9 year old daughter to drive the white pickup truck and she drives very fast and backs in. I tell her she shouldn't feel so proud, someone could cut in front of her. She says she learned to drive in Australia where there are all empty spaces and no danger of that. I step on a dry fall leaf on the ground several times and then we are at some stairs where the dad, Don Erickson and several aunts are. A voice says loudly, "That's not an assignment, that's a piece of SHIT." This speeds me up--one woman looks at my palm and knuckles like last night's dream and says she thinks "Cookie" constantly because she's on a diet. Mom says she's thin and eats normally, but a girl grabs her big thighs. Then a young redhead starts out the door and an aunt calls her name..... She says defiantly she's going to the mall and her two kids are happy to hear that their father's name is Mike Crow (mall is "Crow's"). I look into a crack beside the sofa and there is a glowing light in there like a big fire. "There's no transaction(al analysis). Friend also at mall--she says "I hope you die (and get away from here) but I must go on." Tony Escobar's voice faintly, "The FBI, that's the answer to it." 3PM Voice, "she's at peace." Picture of a girl in a white dress stretched out on a board being carried. "Oh how I spent hours to track her." Then I see a toy figure being demonstrated--it is bright blue plastic male figure and the dream stresses it is 15 inches tall. Black rubbers on shoes of a man dressed in loose black clothes--near Northrop Ave on Prairie Ave. A poem with blues and greens in it that has to do with how tired you are. "She will stop wearing the veil."--bin Laden will change his head gear. 5PM I seem to be homeless walking down a sidewalk. I am surprisingly happy. I decide to re-address a letter that is addressed to Vickie Watson--to save her work. In front of what might be my old building (whoever I am) there is a child's school desk on the sidewalk. I think that I cleverly left it here so that I could use it and I get a phone book at the corner and sit down to look for the address. My large purse and luggage cover the child's desk. A homeless man lurches by. It feels like a card inside the envelope--maybe a thank you card. Then I'm sitting in front of Jane Addams school yard on some bleachers reading and a strict woman sits down and corrects my quiz. I look at it and it has several pages of ovals for the answers. I don't remember filling it out. The woman says that there is one incorrect answer--quig--is it that or Japanese? I notice that the woman is Ms Ross and she's dressed in a (floor length) blue and green knit dress and jacket and in the dream I don't remember that she died about a month ago. She says, "excuse me, I'm having great fun." She goes over to a column of blue water about 12 feet tall and a foot in diameter and pours some in the top (my quiz) and then catches it at the bottom--tracing with her hand as the water goes down the beaker lines. There is a Japanese woman doing a similar thing and she had also dumped in a beaker of water and I wonder how they don't get mixed together. Ms Ross sits down again and she is all wet. I saw the Japanese woman's face inside the tube like a fetus too. I mildly say that I just didn't know that being a teacher got your clothes all wet--dirty work. Mom appears and yells to Jessie that the gas bill is going up--kids beside a school bus that are graduating. [I have to look up Jane Addams--can't remember what she did, Mother of Social Work: horrified by horrid little houses in nearby slums, this six-year-old from an affluent family dedicated her life to radically improving the social culture of America.The Spirit of Youth and the City Streets Book by urban reformer Jane Addams explores the dangers faced by modern youth and their alienation caused by commercialized recreation, no outlets for romance and adventure, and the
monotony of modern industry. Published in 1909.]

10/8/01 Kursk being raised (will take 12 hours): ...sank in just 356 feet of water. ... twin nuclear reactors...remains of the crew will be removed for burial. Maybe the two butchered carcasses I saw in my dream yesterday... 1AM Young guy in a coffin--turns his head when the lid is raised to put someone in ("occupied"). 330AM Short fat woman, dark-hair in rollers, dressed in black shorts and T-shirt. I walk through and the kitchen is out of order--all torn up, in fact there is a tunnel down into the floor and I can see wood beams or framing about 10-15 feet down. The tunnel is about 5 feet in diameter. As I pass the woman (?) she says or a voice on my right does with an abrupt voice, "He died." I want to know more about him: he was sick, rode a bike to her house, she lost her reason for living/eating when he died, he can't get some book and is bored. I am skeptical he's dead if he's bin Laden--also, the male Taliban are the fat ones... 9AM I walk the length of the building to visit a woman who lives at the end of it at one PM. A man in the office demonstrates how he can't see the big "E"--beside the Escalator. I walk and stride along very fast, eating up the sidewalk and come to a group of employees participating with a group leader. Apollo is chased by a large exotically many-colored stork. I get to the end of the building--visit the company library and go back, then realize I forgot my appointment with the widow--the same woman with the Australian daughter and Don husband from last night. I get a man to call her. He puts in the 3 dimes I saved from the coke in the dream last night and I push the numbers 592-2019 and he exults that I guessed right and she answered, after the warning click (like a fax). The man talks like Raul Montes or Rick Prehoda. He talks to the woman and says he/I didn't show up because he has cancer (aside to me, he has to tell me too--a sore that doesn't heal). I think its a freckle on his arm or on my gum. I sit down under the awning of Mom's old porch. Everything in this dream went splendidly (tone is Raul or Rick), except for the end where I am also to become a widow. The whole dream reeks of Raul except for the stork bothering Apollo and the guy that can't see the big "E". I was a stronger walker from exercise or maybe walking on my arms; when I thought that, the sidewalk became a steeper angle, like a treadmill. The widow (blond--reminds me of Linda Bell) is the woman from Australia from last night. The man told her he returned from the war last time and also has explosives on his job. Seems like someone else's dream, being dictated to me. 11AM I'm in a small porch that seems to be in a tree--wall is loose bark peeling off. I water some very small plants (cactus) I usually forget for years. I dream of them every few years and they are always dry--on the point of death. This time a man has watered them and there is water standing. One is in an ice-cream cone with a pointed tip. Weeds have even sprung up in the pots and some clover with one leaf (one-leaf clover). There is an armadillo in one rooting like a pig under the roots of the plant. I check to see if the water over-run will rot the wall and a voice whispers that the wood is soft--bark is peeling off like siding. [Apollo is "Loverboy number 2 in the office.] [Sean David Morton mentioned in #74 that the bodies of the workers found by Marine finding of fact report FOF in the Afghani plant Clinton had bombed the day of the blue dress were wearing shorts and short sleeved shirts and Moslem galabayas (dresses).]

10/9/01 8 of cups (R) [Indolence] 11PM Woman clerk scanning sports souvenirs. She picks up one and says, "Bulls, NO." She looked at two others before that. Girl with a bucket where the sidewalk ends in Manhattan Beach says, "we're lost here, mister." 1AM Email in the dream from a Palestinian brother about how their country was untouched. I get the impression of a very thin person eating something as he reads. A suitcase or briefcase--black (in a dark shadow). 430AM Sending emails to Pakistan and Germany. Someone helping me send them, like I don't know how to use the computer. The one to Pakistan is a black suitcase (very narrow). 5AM The old house I live in in the dream has all kinds of stuff in the attic like in previous dreams. I go up there and say, "SEE, I TOLD YOU." It starts with me getting ready for school or work and I can't find my hair tie. Some women are looking at Christmas decorations in an in-between room. I make stir fry ham and carrots for breakfast then notice it is not breakfast food and say I'll save it for supper. Then there are a lot of tarts/pastries like I baked in high school and I start to eat those but they all disappear and I find them in the trash. The little girls from apartments 6 and 10 (Aisha and Brittony) come in and I have to watch them because their mothers don't and I ask them if they don't have school; they don't. Then a woman says that the phone/doorbell rang and she had to answer it--the Army is there to look for something in that middle room too--it looks like a Christmas manger with no back on it, looks like a step. I finally go up to the attic and there are huge bowls in a room ahead. They look like mixing bowls and other pretty bowls, but they're about three feet in diameter. The whole room is full of them. I go through there and see a bag of jelly with a face painted on it--I thought it was some new military weapon for some reason before I picked it up. A woman hurries up to me and says it is new. In that room is a little boy sleeping on a couch and shaving gear on a sink--I say there are homeless people living in the attic. The boy wakes up and turns over and another boy says he has a pain in his stomach and he's going to stay with him until he dies. He needs wine. He is too young to buy it--but I am confused by the shaving gear and ignore him and walk on. The next room is a whole row of showers, all running, very nice warm light. On the right is a man sitting on a stool in plain view trying to poop--just like me in other dreams! Then I go into a room where there are monkeys in a long glass cage eating cakes. Women bring them more cakes and say the names of them to me as they pass (ice cream cake they gave them only one scoop to see if they liked it first). One cake is red with coconut on it. As I leave through the doorway of that room, two young women are leaving and one says loudly that she's taking a cake for him (I assume the wino boy). Then we three (wearing bulky winter coats) sit down in a narrow room in seats along the wall. I hear a crunch to my left and see she is eating it (the pastry). I am shocked that she lied but she is giggling. Another young girl comes up in front of us and reads an ad for a used car and says that neither of us answered the phone when she called about it. The ad is very down-home and talks about car trips to Indianapolis and summer jaunts... She says the Union checked out the car and "it was the only good thing that came off that invalid's lot." I try to think what I am doing and decide this is a tour of some military man's head/mind.

10/10/01 9 of wands (strength) Celtic Cross reading ended with Death Reversed/began with Strength (woman holding the lion's mouth open). 1030PM I do an example of supervisor (Gemini)--everyone has to prepare for Las Vegas constantly. I surface on the beach up through the dirt--a bluff over the ocean. Example of the way he's found bound--leg restraints as well as. Book of ...... Later, I go into a restroom in a different part of the building to try to get away from my co-workers and there are several women sitting around and say you have to pee in the wastebasket, the toilet lids are sealed--a blond gestures at her small amount of pee in the plastic wastecan liner--I pee a large quantity of dark red blood and a woman says, "I'm sorry"; then I hurry into Jesse's office while he's out to search for a barometer (tube of water). His bookcases have a lot of coats stuffed in them on the top shelves (down type), and you can't see the shelves. I pull my coat down and Jesse walks in with Mike or someone and the bookcase has fallen over on the floor. I say, "I didn't do it." I noticed that the MRB chart was gone when I walked in and I was looking for the figures on the other major task. I forgot I was leaving/running away--can't take any more. Jesse picks up the bookcase cheerfully and there are two injured ground squirrels with blood on their faces under it looking up at me. 5AM "Yes, I am."--Wheels in the Sky"(Journey). Receipt--$26 savings, $10 coupon. "Think bolder all the time"--noise of glass bottles clinking, molatov cocktails? "The Elder Don Spots." "That's very poetic." "Don't be strong." "I'm not talking about pineapples." "2393" "He's a full figure." An unusual voice says(sounds Shakespearian), "That you may then be in Palestine." Debra Kelly's voice, "Don't be a fool. Every body's now." British woman's voice, "Thank you"--pushing a box through a hole or tunnel. "A kind of dry horror." "Careful, they'll take you away"--suddenly I have Tarot cards in my hand and look at them one at a time--the first one is the 7 of wands, man on a horse surrounded by his followers--Victory; then Death card (which was the last card in my real reading before going to sleep) and there is another card under that one, so I know I'm dreaming--it the Tower. Death and Tower look very powerful together like that. Man with warts on his back who knows--the DOW close down. Only the candy...on the top. 9AM I'm sitting on a bench and some women are saying, "shall we get Sandy?" Then I'm in a rowboat out in the ocean and a man is in another boat beside us, Sandy Cortez is rowing and I help her by pulling on a concrete wall. Then we are beyond the wall in open water and the man in the next boat pulls me along by my pulling on his arm.. I am standing up in the boat; then we're on land crossing an old concrete fence that might fall over if you climb on it, thorns on part of it too. Hermie and some other men grab a board that is warped towards the ocean and break it trying to straighten it just as Mike Wallace gets out of a car and walks by and says he has to check on the condition of.... Before that I'm with some people that want to go to Santa Monica and get a love potion or return one. I forgot my car keys--can't go. One woman says to put on a coat and it is a lion fur. I think the Harbor she was rowing across was Boston or maybe British Columbia or English Channel. It was sunny. Back inside, I'm talking about the man who won the rowing race--say he moves his arms and legs like Jack Lalane and he is able to move easily in the dream state--Iron Man Triathalon would be through dirt, water and air (flying or gliding). Before that was a grocery cart with a piece of newspaper spread in it. I take off a heavy corseted dress that feels like ribs and flesh. 1245PM (resting, chest pains on my left underarm and shoulder) "Near the mesa." "At the airport, it's a cool game for them." 1PM Occult visit with (5) presidents. Voice says, "jot down the time." It is exactly 1PM. 116PM A ball of yarn, a snarled up trail to follow. Then I am inside a bus that has about a foot of water in it. Some women with veils and long dresses are standing near the driver and I wonder how they keep their long dresses dry. "Jump in water, doesn't look like she's doing anything in either direction." I see a woman, looks like Ida Mora walking and sinking into sand up to her waist as she walks. [an elderly woman and her two daughters, were killed in strikes late Tuesday on the outskirts of Jalalabad... emeralds in N Afghanistan.]

10/11/01 5 of cups (disappointment) 441AM I go thru ancient ruins, walking-- tumbling stone walls, old roads, a few weeds. 730AM I wake up and hear Debra Kelly and a tall man named George in the living room, I can see Caprice through the door. In the dream I forget Debra died about 3 weeks ago. A younger blond girl (looks like the Australian one from previous dream) comes in and I am distracted by her sitting an electronic typewriter (on the plastic travel desk) and supervising her. I hear Debra telling a man (who got out of bed), about a plan where "we combine our years and get 75." A voice says it won't work. By the time I get dressed (my jeans are very loose) and get in there, they are gone, the room is a little disordered and there is a partially deflated light blue balloon the man says they were batting around the room but there were "too many sharp edges" and points to some paper "corrected copies" make it bad to play with the balloon indoors. I say the sharp needles of the Christmas tree also. Earlier in the night someone dead was telling me they still hurt in a couple of places--the gums and when I ask if it was an injury, they say, "no, the needles."

10/12/01 5 pentacles/Hanged Man 130AM Topics--I work with one. Earlier there used to be tours of the cockpit. I am confused. A chart of statistics shows "None". A recorded sounding voice--like a black box-- "Let me tell you a story. I don't wanna be gang got." 715AM I have to go get Debra's timecard, supervisor (Josephine Ross?) says to take some action. Marina Rey tells me Debra didn't leave for the day until 5 seconds before her operation was to occur--so she faked the operation. Other women laugh and say they have circled the pictures of numerous co-workers in the crowd pictures at baseball games. I say, "so Debra was at a baseball game." I'm wearing a red silk suit that has a tight skirt like a girdle and can see the other women all dressed in black working at their desks. A man whose door was closed and I thought was out talks about how voices "carry" and I was criticizing late-night movies (his boss likes). Some faith healers--two of them who seem supernatural become popular. I tag along with a young girl who sits way in the front by herself. She's fascinated and I am worried about her getting into another cult. The ceremony seems to begin with regular church music, but then the two faith healers/magicians apparently hypnotize two women from the audience and make them mud-wrestle and then fight. They say they can do this to anyone in the audience, so watch out. I look around and tell the young girl, who is very knowlegable that we are on a flood plain along a small creek. She shoots back that she wants a permanent home and says it never flooded in Cambodia (or Vietnam). I look around again--the creek is very small now but there are high eroded banks and the plants have all been flattened in the valley over to the hills behind us. It flooded in Iowa, but this looks like the Los Angeles River. She introduces me to a tall man named Dave and another man behind him with his hand on his shoulder (very red hand) and he complains that one of their roomers doesn't study and finally finished one textbook on E..... and then tore it up. I say my good-byes to the hosts, who are tall, and say I can't remember their names; the hostess just laughs and accompanies me (the sun is setting) and lies on the ground talking and I notice her long back and good teeth, hair and cheekbones. I tell her my problem with the young girl (my daughter) and say she has lived all over the world and she snorts and says she's always lived in Los Angeles Chicana; just Puerto Rico, and ..... She points to a wood god (head)--like a totem pole or South Seas god--I wonder if she is pointing out my "wooden" and "quiet" demeaner from so much meditating--or the "boogy man" Grandma used to get us to go to sleep. A voice says, "fat thing at death's door." "Rabbit decides in the middle of the night--not going to let dog eat it." I also point out humps of dirt along the creek that look like furrows of a plowed field but not clean like dirt. I say they are silt from flooding and she laughs again. They look maybe like the "rice paddy walls of fertilizer in the Tim McVeigh dream--men working overtime loading the truck but the piles are much lower this time (?) She runs ahead--we're following a concrete wall and the creek and says, "this way"-- to the left. I notice Raul Montes teaching a grade school class on the right and she goes back to the party, says, "their two cars are gone now." Emails about sex, very revealing....where are the other two...voice--she died very unexpectedly....your highest assignment this evening... I want you to manage MSO (management suport)....there are bare spots (in a man's hair)...girl's voice again, very pleased, "here's a quote right out of Rumi." 11AM I go to the outhouse at Mom's old house and there are two 3-foot sticks I stuck in the ground in the dream that have sprouted and have purple magnolia or hibiscus flowers on them already, no leaves, just 2-3 flowers. Under the mulberry tree there is another stick, this one grew a branch, but it has died--not enough sun (?) I passed Dad walking down the path to the outhouse--he's just gotten home from work (graveyard) and parked in the pool. It is the shallow end or it is just a wading/reflecting pool. Pool is rust color--very unusual. Three Indians approach as I'm sitting on a chamber pot--dressed in chest protectors and other armour that is all made of massive silver and turquoise. This is incongruous. I think they might kidnap me and keep me in their dream world. A shadowy woman appears and throws the chamber pot on two of them and I vaguely protest the shit will be hard to get off the silver jewelry. The we run towards the house and crash the third guy into a rose bush full of thorns, which he is not familiar with. I yank one's clothes off. He is friendly, asks if I can wear a size 6 like young boys can. I think of my big hips, confused. I get inside and lock the hook and a voice says, "an old fashioned but effective lock" and little fingers reach through the screen wire. I am distracted by "Dad" in the dream asking if I invested in some company, American Ameliorated (?) I don't hear the name of the company clearly but dreams don't repeat and I tell him I'm 50 and within 5-10 years of retirement and dont' have to worry about investing. I get on the scale and have lost 5 more pounds (130) , this may be why I am attracting men suddenly. A woman comes out of the kitchen and talks about a promotion. I say people won't fly so much now and she shakes her head, doubts that. I tell her I get air sick. She laughs and says dramamine is really made of peppers, red pepper and peanut butter. She says, remember that.

10/13/01 Hanged man/7 of pentacles(R) 1245AM A look-alike for a blond (Hilary Clinton?) So far I haven't seen anything new (at the beach)--looks like where they keep the bulldozers. A figure in robes spread-eagle or outlined on the sand. "Dilate the cat." From the west side of Malaysia (rubber?) A man calls and tells where the eggshells (from Humpty Dumpty?) can be found--blue eggshells I just swept up on the floor before he called. Very small pieces. Sign over a motel room door (If you can read this?) 358AM Voice, "What, turn off the news (TV)." There is a group of refugees living in a bleacher area (like Dante's Inferno?) I discover when you turn a certain knob--like the F-stop on a camera, you get fries that appear as your "daily bread". "They don't want her to mention her boyfriend anymore. Going to pick him up. She's pregnant. A virgin birth." Very few of the Coliseum/bleachers seats are occupied with the "cameras" in front of them. A Hispanic man climbs up several rows into a vacant one and a coke is passed to him; I take a sip from it and disgust a guy. "It's a family pig--shorter than.... and can reach the feeder." Tony Escobar is giving a speech and keeps me awake in the dream. "Legitimate attitude for it..." I had just decided....you can be transported to where a larger body of war survivors are but you can't eat anything (?) I hand out the fries which are numerous after pressing the lever several times (like a lab rat). I give one to each person, there are two cardboard fry holders and one is above the other. I try to make them appear for the man who just got there next to me but they are payment for the past--thus the two holders. I grasp the cylinder and try to turn or adjust it to a daily thing. My camera has two layers, a past and a present or future. A bright light shines on me and I can't see the "Inferno" anymore. Takes about 5 minutes for a fry to emerge from the hole--I assume anyway,one is halfway out. I try to wake up others to do this. I talk to someone in the bright light but can't remember. One girl became thin and became a star. Three patients in white hospital gowns in a balcony. Recent history of China. She is vague about where she is now--sound of ball bearing in a can of spray paint being shaken. Two pretzel sticks--you can stick in your ear and your heart. This is recruiting for new viewers, spies. Tony knitting on a stool trying to see the future, then he's walking with 5 white dogs on leashes. Crawling cross a roof. 8AM I'm at work, Tony wants travel orders for Keith Abbott, he starts talking so quiet I can't hear most of what he says. I go to the restroom which is in a storage/parking ramp area. Maria goes into one and I go into the one next to her and then realize the next one over has my stuff. I go back in and am working on a contract when my boss comes in. He says there's an error on it and I see a more detailed contract on the second page--Shoji Yamamoto's name on top and $1.8M down farther on the page, I think but I get distracted because he's standing so close and notice his pants are unzipped and the QA men are watching his big penis. He rubs my nose like an Eskimo and I ask him where we should go--I feel obligated because of his big hard-on (he probably knows where to go away from this crowd, did this before). Then I remember the parking ramp and we start out through the plant but I look down and am barefoot on the greasy floor and that is a safety hazard so I go back to find my shoes--pass a Filapina guard who points at a badge (which I also don't have) and my boss sees one on the ground and picks it up, but clocks in with it and puts it in the timecard rack like at Sierra Rubber. Then I pass an open doorway and George Bush, an older supervisor calls me in there and tells me to sign out some supplies for office and personal for him. I follow him around the room, curious--it looks like the memorabilia at the Hoover Library. There are a lot of carved animals--especially green elephants; plastic horses like kid farm animal toys; small plastic dinosaurs in a box of which he is contemptuous; and then he exclaims--"look at this!" and it is dinosaur skin which is soft like leather and very thick with a porous white layer above (big holes in it) and a more solid greenish brown layer below. It is about 3/8 inch thick and in a big piece like a chamois skin. Finally in a corner he finds a ball of very fine white cord and I say he likes that because it reminds him of the Navy--macrame, a traditional Navy past-time. My boss walks up again and I follow him into a room where one of the Golden Girls is sitting at a table and she makes us sit with her. He puts his hand in my lap under the table so I do the same to him and massage his big hard-on for awhile, until I am almost awake. A voice whispers in my ear, "that's all right Sheila." I have finally become interested myself and take off his penis and try shoving it up, but the woman at the table distracts me reading a big book and sighing something complaining about her "... you know, bone cruncher." I say, "chiropractor?---but a man appears and he's a psychologist who is sexulaly repressed acting. [One of two Tibetan fortune tellers (Terzani travel book I was reading last night) used burned bones to tell Baron Urgern that he had 130 days to live (a Lama also told him exactly the same thing using dice) and he was handed over to the Bolsheviks who killed him. He thought the Bolsheviks were the "Great Curse" fortold by certain seers and had traveled around killing suspects with a motley horde of Russians and Mongols in Mongolia.]

10/14/01 2 of pentacles (change).
Continual Conversation with a Silent Man
... It is not a voice

a voice that is under the eaves.... It is not speech, the
sound we hear... In this conversation, but the sound...Of things and their
motion: the other man,... A turquoise monster moving round. Stevens,
Wallace. Collected Poems of Wallace Stevens. (Vintage Books - 1990).
1252AM "When the bomb goes off--now there's four of us. (4-7)"
Picture of a wall-size mirror cut into curved jigsaw pieces--voice, "it's
not going to work, is it?" Picture of a castle ballustrade--the good
bacteria grow up with or among the bad and take on some characteristics/wipe
them out. Places in History such as Kasizikistan where the path gets wider
(and flatter)--money to maintain. 430AM Dream still discussing over and
over the incident of germ warfare in Tibet--wiped out 1 of 3 people (also
Pol Pot in Cambodia and layoffs in the 80s US). It is a disease of
women....women are targeted....dogs slaughtered. "At first he clarified the
problem to his wife, Delo." Vivid picture of a large green plastic fish
with pink spots. A disease of intellectuals--voice says loudly, "I Can
Road." The bombing of the kiosks
(bazaars)..... Tibetan women marrying Chinese men. "3074" They're sending
you to a 2-hour thing. "....Bush said on the other network (anarchy)." I
hear Tom Brocaw say, "the people are thin." Flying for revenge (flying
dragons). "The first 5000 year old people that have traveled here. Sound
of a tractor or bulldozer plowing the forests. Brothers and close friends
driven out (Tibet) with sticks. Italian woman's voice, "Contrast, I don't
want to see it." Email--I want you to know every step I've taken, every
thing I've broken. .... I was renting on a mountain side on the beach, then
moved to a very large trailer--very wide and long like a train car. Women
from work mill around the kitchen and seem very pleased with it. Right
before they appeared I pulled the string from the ceiling and the light
didn't come on. I had to tap it twice before in the dream. I call the
desk--this is a very large complex--and a little later a repairman appears
to check it out. I see masking tape around a pin connector to make it
tighter. Mike Dafforn sort of inspects it for me and I think I've made a
mistake--it is too old and run-down, wiring seems bad and probably
everything else. Mike lives there and I ask him how to use the phone which
looks like a remote with a lot of buttons. The number in the top left is
1D-01.... He says you have to press that and get the operator. A woman
named Alma answers and asks if I want her to connect to Alma and Irv (my
parents I assume). I had managed to make one call by myself to a man and
there is a football game or something going on and he says "Syd". It's the
apartment in the city which I have not given up--am paying double rent,
which distresses me. I must make a choice. When I picked up the phone
again there was someone already talking about dental problems. Then my
crown comes off and Vickie and other women from work look at it and see red
infected area that they say means 16 quadrants deep-cleaned (one woman
whispers, pull them). A man says he had that and only ate raw vegetables, 2
carrots--to keep his teeth clean after that happned to him. Alma asks,
"is your number listed with us," then the line goes dead. But a man is
letting me lean on him, someone laid out food and clothes and the women from
work are visiting which is nice even though it's chaotic and crowded and I
don't know how I can sleep. Voice says, only the clothes in the middle of
the body--no shoes or anything. My phone is a pay phone and I have to wait
in line but I jump queue because it's my house. There are pennies falling
out the coin release and so many coins in the box it breaks a wire when I
pull that out. I go outside to walk and my left hip hurts a lot walking
along a rutted road but there is a city in the distance, trees along a river
and the sky is blue. A voice says the truth (about living in the country)
is that it is a long walk to school. Before that I was walking along a paved
path with Pat and it is twilight, we are walking home from work and live
nearby--I say, what am I going to do after you leave? She put a pile of
folded shirts and sheets (skins?) on the floor in the hall and I put them in
the washer in the basement and then keep waking up in the dream because I
forgot to put them in the dryer. My report in the dream was how
the war was going. There are 3 scenarios and two are together on the right
is all I can see--they are small pictures far away. Then a voice says, "it
would seem to any trained guerillas that you got the scorpion washed out (of
the burrow)." I say, "One day." And then a voice says, "In one day I saw
what Central Asia can be like." The computer connections in the trailer are
different also, but I can't afford to live in the city..... I pick a
beautiful crystal ball hanging on a bush--think it's a seed but it looks
like a spider egg sack with one baby and white silk around it. Voice, "I've
never heard of sick coming here and getting well." "Patience, Love and
Attention." Cher talks and I see a short scene in black and white--"there's
nothing like a cure for cancer, don't you think?" Then it winks out. A
voice says they're too frightened to start, take them and do stuff--they're
sitting on their baggage. Voice says, "Bill Bart or Bartley." Voice says,
"you've been sent to sit at the front of an ancient city "Talbot". I say,
"Wow, this is the
2nd time in this dream..." A girl sits with a guy in a booth--her
grandfather sent her here and they.... Sometimes an employee mocks--such as
the above--says "one year and 328 days." From a great height... They sit
together begging (with cups). Man in charge of all the religious shrines in
the country looking for someone to replace himself so he can leave. "1896"
Plane takes off, DOD sounding voice says, "Last stand for Sudivia." 1130AM
Colonel is driving, I'm in the backseat and a girl is in the front
passenger--she is driving to Dodson's house it looks like (or Bert Dodson's)
on the lower road to Van Meter off Highway 6 from Des Moines, past
Booneville. I look out the window, it's east of Booneville where Mom said
rich people are building fancy houses and see a house built onto an ancient
house that looks like weathered wood boards and the old part looks like a 20
foot diameter ancient tree.... Then farther on a house with a
thatched straw roof like in Ireland (that last for decades) and then finally
a house made of white bleached driftwood poles with gaps between them. I
say, "house of sticks, straw... must be the 3 Little Pigs. The girl is not
amused and I shut up. When she turns off Highway 6, a tiny hummingbird
flies in the window and goes down the collar of my coat and impales my neck
with it's sharp beak. I try to reach up and catch it, but it digs in with
it's claws. I yell, "stop" and jump out and take off my coat and try to
shake it out. The bird crawls up on my head-- I can see myself-- and is a
very large
yellow parachete. I grab it and it feels very well-fed, must have just
escaped and has not caught any diseases like Mom said from wild birds. This
is the 2nd time this has happened! The first time was when I
was 4 and I say this time I'm keeping the bird and get back in the car. I
say I'll name it Pretty Boy like the bird I used to have, but there is a
silence so I decide to name it Tweetie. It has changed into a Cockatiel
with yellow feathers and a blue face--very soft emu type feathers that the
girl is holding. A big white guinea pig is now in my arms, there are two of
these too. I have to find cages for all of them when we get home. I look
out the window again and we're passing a washed out area by a river and
someone has printed a message on the wall--about going for my interview but
the guy had been running the company for 66 years (and died) and he thought
he'd try running it himself. The word MY is very large out on a steep part
of the hillside. In Dad's living room is a very large cage with very small
animals--a house fly (same size)lands beside them for conparison. they are
climbing hills and branches in the cage. I go up to the attic (Mom's house)
and there are several women with a whole wall of cages and I say it is
turning into a "Pet Store". I think it will be cruel to keep the 2 guinea
pigs apart and a voice says they have 70 babies at a time. That gives me
pause. There is a house finch too and I look at it--tiny, very bedraggled
white feathers. Then it turns into a red and white striped bird I thought I
saw on TV (deja vu) that is a bird/fish. It fans out it's "feathers"--there
are some blue, yellow and red bird/fish. The large white stripe would
have to be a mockingbird. I finally put the guinea pig into a box and say
they're vegetarians (I was reading a book about them at the Torrance
Hardback Friends of the Library sale yesterday in real life, but put the
book back because of a dream in 1999 that I would put it back.] A man helps
me clean a box and it has no bottom, so the guinea pig can walk on the
ground and maybe dig out. But he has nowhere to go unless he can get into
the female's cage. I mention to the Colonel that he has cleaned the box
remarkably and get a good look at him and he says he's not usually noticed.
I close the lid and the guinea pig leaps up in the air out of the box.
Earlier in the dream I was butchering some animal like the dogs in Vietnam
in the Tirzani travel book. They eat guinea pigs in Peru. [Luc Ethier...wife Mary Jane Vitos in an undated file photo, was killed instantly when a lone gunman shot him before shooting his wife as they strolled through a market in Kuwait on Wednesday evening. Philippines Ambassador stated.... --Italian voice in the dream was Mary Jane Turner, my old boss at Looking Glass Preschool.]

10/15/01 Wheel of Fortune 1059PM Om til Lo. It doesn't matter how little tiny stuff is. A pink flowering bamboo that opened when I pointed at it (like Chinese child psychics). 4AM to 5:30 I was dreaming about a bay that looked like the Gulf of Mexico when I went up in the air. It was replacing a smaller bay that reminded me of a travel video about Ireland that was talking about a bay that was important in ancient days but is only deep enough for rowboats--called Calkerry or Kilcarry. I go into the small bay which goes into a cave or cavern. The water is tremendously deep. My boat meets up with someone else's. We go to a room inside the mountain. Tony Escobar is there also and we have identical drawings which look like pistols/Saturday Night Specials but made up of words typed in the shape of a pistol or maybe CAD--Computer Aided Design. They are pointed in different directions at first (suicide/homicide?) but then are rotated so that they point in the same direction. Seems like a Disneyland water ride, or Coleridge--Caverns Measureless to Man. I feel a chain around my neck like on the Devil card (Tony is afraid of the Devil) and a voice says, "take it off." Voice says, "I can stay a bug, stay 10 minutes." I take a piece out of the gun in a dreamy manner and drop everything in the deep water. This makes you forget. Hear a voice, "Buy." "Thanks for tour, I might have gotten lost even with oil lamp." I saw a name on a page--Jim Bradley. The CAD looked like a pistol because of the butt. Might be snub nosed, big barrel. Then I started dreaming about pets again and a voice said, "I can't stand anymore of these animals." Then the alarm went off--5:25.

10/16/01 2 of swords (R) lying, scheming. Some right on each side; check someone's honesty. New Moon. 340AM Ms Ross broke into .... and discarded the basis of 23 pairs. 43 Republicans getting off a bus when I go around the left side of it. None of them can type with more than one finger. Voice says, "preparing them." Before that I was at a fast food place and threw away two stapled tickets that seem to have the names of two TV shows printed on the second page. They are small like lotto tickets (but in black and white) or cash register receipts. You pick a show on Sunday night and see if something matches. (Bonanza, Star Trek, Mutual of Omaha Wild World of Animals were on on Sunday night.) I'm trying to put poison in a woman's food but she eats at restaurants. Looks like Jeannette. I throw the two slips of paper in the trash then get them out and glance at the shows. The 2nd page is a cowboy show is the impression I get. Don't see it close enough. Maybe the number you match is the one used for the VCR. Before that I was working with several other people to clean up a patio. It has a little fence, outdoors, a wood deck, food of some type--loaves of bread and fruit or vegetables. 430AM "You don't get it." Thinking about JFK, Jr's plane I dream "went back to work in his office afterwards." Picture of a young woman combing her long blond hair before she goes--gets that out of the way. The guard says there is about seven month's stuff left over at the end of the year--old business (?) "That's what the Federal attornies are for. They claim that they're not." "Gauze eye drops." "Decline, she crying" (Ms Ross). Millie Bond's voice, "in the backyard, he couldn't see." Registered nurse. What you say and what you do (John Byrne's voice). Phones ringing--monthly (salary). A young girl's voice murmuring, "I tried giving them to her."

10/17/01 Page of Wands (R) coward, cruel prejudiced youth 1030PM "Bring newspaper." "No, it's gonna take us awhile, and then he gets November." 2AM I dream about what someone else in the dream said about Mike Dafforn (Mike said after several promotions, isn't it amazing how quickly--only an hour after they get promotions--that they become "yes men.") He's being carried into the picture as a bull by his two giant horns (horns as big around as a person's arm)--a person on each side of him carrying him. He's in a seated position like on a litter. 3AM Dream refers back to Mike Dafforn. An old friend has dreamed about him and I see the same picture as before. Mike sitting on a small platform or lawn chair. An ear of corn on the platform being "beamed up." 4AM I'm having a quiet pleasant conversation. I'm walking thru a fancy building and come to stairs made of polished wood by the coffee area. There doesn't seem to be any way to go, but up the escalator, which is also polished wood steps. I ask an African American kid by the break room where the escalator goes. He says, "to another break room." I'm already on it halfway up as he answers. It disappears into the floor--the hardwood steps. They look like those things for slashing your tires if you go the wrong way in a parking lot or I am seeing a close up of the slats all escalators go into at the top and bottom--very wide holes. I see a roomful of people up there and am embarrassed to barge in and look around for the down escalator, but find myself sitting in an empty chair next to Mike Dafforn. He's picking out a picture or speech (tux for Eastern Stars meeting?) Voice says, "they aren't, I asked them." Jovial merchants deciding where to send sacks of grain. [UFO researcher was killed by falling down an up escalator somehow. A guy on Art Bell show went up in the air with a balloon, sitting in a lawn chair.]

10/18/01 King of wands (R) [evil minded, cruel, bigoted and brutal man, yet a good advisor] 11PM I'll print it out, you stay home. Don't give up, I get what you want. The dream keeps repeating something. Finally I wake up a little and see a form and the bottom of the form is for listing subgroups of an organization. "It matters which way you're looking at it." I see a room and orient myself by the stove. First I'm beside the stove looking across the room, then I'm at the door looking across a long room to the stove. A man in Las Vegas I'm telling how to copy and paste on a form. I see it folded up in his wallet. Phi Beta Kappa maybe. Or a marriage certificate. 4AM I drive to a card reader in a house up on a hill with a lot of small trees (orchard)--that looks like Prairie Ave, but up on a winding road in a mountain. As I drive up I realize I have only 29 cents in my purse. I get there and she's at a card table out in the yard. I'm a little disappointed because her house looks like a castle, but I don't want to get it dirty either. She starts to shuffle the cards and I quickly tell her I don't have the $15 (copay) or my checkbook because I just came from work (sneaked out). I thought last time she'd told me I had something she wanted and we'd barter or I could come back later. Voice says no, we'd get in trouble with the IRS--both of us. My watch alarm goes off and I push the A or C button three times trying to get the "bell" icon off. A little scene appears on the watch face of two (winged) animals like on the World and Wheel of Fortune cards. The animals are a horse and a rabbit or dog. It also has words and a man reads them over my shoulder twice so I can remember. The say I'll pursue or discuss or discover my own personal wings of desire. Then I'm sitting at a table at a musical where the waiters and waitresses perform. They are singing a "chatting" scene and one looks like George Mattingly and the man beside me says, "Cinda Wormley/Kornblum" at the same time. They seem to be people from my past when they're young. A girl in the second row looks like Nancy Obrecht. The room is rearranged and I am standing along the wall beside a man in a pink shirt (looks like Bernie Patnode). Another smiling woman takes my place in the four chairs at the table. I notice a man in the four with red hair in an unusual "rolled" arrangement that goes around his head. [King of Wands hair looks like this.] He makes a very short speech. (Looks like Jon Sjoberg or Aleister Crowley in his later years when he looked skinny and Irish.) There are large statues and one has been destroyed. They seem to be made of wood and I wonder if they could just burn them--wearing rough black baggy suits/working class. I get the impression they are Lenin, Mao--people whose actual bodies were displayed like statues. Maybe they are finally to be cremated. It looks like the Northrop cafeteria, silverware stand. Tirzani book says he thinks Buddhism is the future of the world--but according to him are banned in China. Can only practice Christian, Muslim and Lamaism there. 6/12/01 Ace of wands. 1030 PM Fast, panicked voice, "See road gone." Almost screaming. Woman in fancy dress, stiff black skirt, bronze top -- sitting, smoking cigarettes (like Voodoo spirit possession--smoke cigarette when possessed). Male statue, head only, about four feet tall, white marble -- very thick vines as big as garden hoses, growing over the stone almost covering it, inside it. Beautifully entwined. "You're making me work, inside it." Statue has round looking head. 1230 AM I turn over an elephant foot umbrella stand, it has no bottom. Picture of bison galloping across prairie, dust flying. Moving very fast, medium sized, gallops into the ground or falls into a hole. Man wearing khaki standing there watching it -- obsolete, zipped in plastic bag. 2 AM My neighbor and her six year old push the door open, heard a TV show is going a mile for every foot -- to Italy and Israel. I wonder if they're using authentic costumes. Aisha gets out her ruler to measure on the map how many inches. I'm still trying to write down the bison dream, think I'm awake and keep starting over and over. Just before they came in, I was at a construction site of two roads -- one for men and one for women. The men's road has constructions workers. The women's had a dangerous loose sand area ready to cave/slide maybe so I climb up on it to pack it down. Part sticks out that looks like it might crumble looks like a shoulder -- maybe Mother Earth, or a statue of a woman like Mt Rushmore or Crazy Horse statues on a hillside. I walk on across the hill and look over the edge, it is very far down, smooth carved sandstone looking -- some sort of statue such as Sphinx or Standing Buddha. I am stuck up there, think about sliding, but it's vertical drop. Someone gets me down, Living God. My lunch is down there and I'm really trying to get down.

10/19/01 2-3 AM Margo walks along counter tops like a cat. I look at my past dreams around the bombing in the dream----one sounds like snow--cat feet (Chicago?). 6AM A girl and I are traveling on foot. I was sitting on bleachers with my stuff on the seat beside me. A couple are sitting beyond that. Then an ad comes on the screen--the Army offering sex once and the second time is free. Everyone laughs at the movie on the screen showing waiters setting up tables for a LOT more business--they bring them in already set with cloths and silverware and drop them at odd angles. You go to a bar across the street for this. I stand up and start to walk over there and discover I'm topless with a long skirt and boots and I don't want to go over there like that--to look for the man to my right that I was with. The blond girl to my left also disappears and I stand up and her boyfriend now has three seats he can stretch out on. He's a rugged looking blond with a bad back. The bar looks crowded--you can see a guy with dark hair right inside the door. Behind me is a thrift shop so I try to buy a blouse before I get arrested. A teenaged boy passes me and says, "that's pretty good." I walk with my arms crossed over my chest nonchalantly. There's leather on the first rack and a rack of string necklaces behind it. The next rack has a lot of a popular Hawaiian blouse with embroidery around holes cut in it and blouses made of beads that don't cover much more than I have already covered. The girl says, "This!" and I pick up a knit tube top with bead straps but she is talking about a necklace she says is attractive yellow and orange beads. It turns into a choker when I pick it up but doesn't have any metal fastener at least that I'm allergic to. I hold it up around my neck to see if it is even long enough and it suddenly breaks into 1/3 and 2/3. I look at it and the break is an obvious clean cut by scissors or a knife. A man who owns it walks up and I try to pick up the beads off the carpet and jam them back on the string which is unraveling. The man is blond and also leaves for the bar. An African American woman says she made a lot of these beads too. "Sennacharib." Another voice laughing delightedly says, "A girl.....I'm sorry." I start walking again with the girl. She gets about a block ahead suddenly and then I suddenly catch up and even pass--lead. You move abruptly to where you're looking. We trudge along a sidewalk and then she goes around and I see something on the sidewalk and say, "beads" but she says, "sulphur/sulfa." Then I'm walking on pills covered with paper towels in a warehouse--they are laid out on the floor in rows. A man in a white lab coat says not to wander (like a dog), and we walk softly on the mess/disruption. Some pills are on cardboard backing. On the other side, the girl goes right and I go left. She jumps down to the next level and I climb down a door with small wood lathes nailed on it for toe holds but then the next drop is down red brick wall and is too far down to jump. I go over where she is after knocking down a brick structure that crashes down on the pavement. It was a fireplace kit someone was showing me in a movie earlier in the dream where you get the white bricks and have to assemble them into a fireplace. Then I wake up. Earlier in the dream a middle aged woman comes up and starts going through my laundry which is wet on top of the drier. I took my wet stuff out of the basket so that she could use it, but she wants a drier, not a washer. I don't ask if the clothes are really wet like she thinks. Then she goes through my lunch, purse, all my stuff thrown in a pile on the floor in the corner. She says something about an important letter. I go into the bathroom and there are two letters leaning up against the base of the toilet. The one on the right has stuff written on the envelope where the address goes--the first line says "confined to women's ward", then a list of nurses transferred to. The woman had left, but comes back in and is very relieved to find it. I put it back real quick so she wouldn't see me reading it. Inside were handwritten letters on blue lined tablet paper. I tell her I've also been confined a couple of times. In one part of the dream I'm putting on a wedding dress--very stiff--but I assume this is someone else's dream so I am not excited. A voice says/shadowy man, "we can't be cynical in our work." 2nd hand wedding/dress--if in the thrift shop? Apollo Bautista comes up and says, "your name is (is not?) involved in New York." Jesse Fernandez says, "only three touchdowns for a bunch of ...." -- he's clapping and has thicker and darker hair. "74 weeks and then Jim tomagram (sic). That's how we live." "The new spielwell (sic) (boss) is supposed to give reports (is anxious)." A woman with a stuffed up nose says, "block it open. I want that clear in this." I see a man in a baggy black suit in the bathtub and a woman says, "Yes, and then we submerged him in vodka." (Lenin's body?) Woman in medical office green uniform fastening a necklace around her neck and saying, "if I can get myself out of here." "Afraid of meetings (picture of a day planner) and earthquakes." "Sally." Dentist looking at x-rays with one tooth on each x-ray. Man says, "only been in two years (on some committee) Senator Daschle just called and said the same thing." "See the truck is trying to cut over"-- white truck. Picture of men with a white skinned tree trunk smashing through a window (storm). In one part of the dream a girl is trying to learn to drive a bus. I was driving it. She rolls down the hill and backs in circles just like I do driving in dreams. So I think she's asleep and dreaming and I'm awake. A different woman with braids takes over. "A bunch of half-disasters"--picture of people only up to their WAISTS in water in a flooded building.

10/20/01 Knight of cups--social engaged hero and/or gentleman crook. [I picked this card on impulse to study and then the computer also picked it!] 7AM I'm in an office where a woman likes bin Laden and the Taliban--thinks they've had victorious battles and the clock is reading seconds instead of minutes--so it's 7 minutes and 30 seconds--his lieutenants find out from me seeing the report, and I copy and paste the table of contents. I'm sitting on the floor by the wall watching grass grow under a table, which then looks like basil. I look down at what I'm wearing and I have on a men's dress shirt that is stiff and bulky at the waist like I'm wearing kevlar vest. It looks like bin Laden's clothes. My sweater disappeared. A "mother-in-law" sitting at the table is given a shot of whiskey in a huge brandy snifter or gallon jug and says it's just what her dad used to give her. Voice, "you're confusing be but its a good, doesn't matter." Very thin man with prominent bones in his face. A man in the corner in a dark suit comes over and arches his eyebrows interogatively when I hand him some basil tops I picked. I was walking with several women and our skirts have to touch our knees. Before that, there is a trip at work organized by Faith Herschler and I go back to my locker I have in the dream, but they tell us we don't need to take anything with us. It is a demonstration. I seem to be the woman that's wrong but I'm not crushed. The event has to do with my Tarot last night -- the 4 of swords or card of rest crossed by the 10 of swords (in the back). Flawed lives or flawed profession. A shadowy woman tells me, "I attempt to save them by standing behind them but they're shot anyway." [Mexico Human Rights Lawyer Killed--note left on her body, this is not a trick, the same may happen to others.] "You can't talk; men and women are treated exactly alike....." a reporter with the chaos of war going on behind him. Everyone grabs the books and I get one about (the night). "She needs to checked squashed reports. I have a minority...handful position against the world." A pan boils dry, kids, I'm a housewife distracted hearing the news--long skirt, my face isn't covered. I'm in a room with a man, door opens and a voice says to be careful--he's reading 2001 dreams. Description of his record. Thurston with ground cheese. The report went through the cracks easily in one piece. One's car breaks down on the way to Tucson. Hears the news on the car radio--it is first-hand-- I've tried to find a way out of this. I can't. I see it going to 2003 or into 2008. Before that I woke up driving down the freeway; I don't have my

glasses and am wearing the gray T-shirt I sleep in. I think I must go back and get my glasses and see I'm in the 2nd lane with little traffic and try to pull over, but find myself on an off-ramp pulling into a clearing of a place with a big blue tank and white building that looks like an oil refinery. I realize I'm asleep and remote viewing apparently so I look around and try to memorize the details. There is a city to the right in the distance. It has some bright white high rise buildings--2-3 of them in a small cluster. Near that is a building with a spike on the top and then another one with a spike some distance away from that. I think they're mosques in the dream but when I wake up Empire State building does also, maybe Sears (no, it has two spikes) in Chicago too-- radio tower. Then I wake up in the dream and tell a man about it, there's a mattress on the floor for a bed and a lot of very big pumpkins with square holes carved in them like TV sets or coaches for Cinderella. A woman is sitting there at a machine by the wall sewing. I cry and my nose swells shut and I have to breathe through my mouth. A man says, well, you told me about that. I try to eat some rice and beef with pineapple and my throat swells shut also. I try to tell the man I'm choking to death and he'll have to get a job. I tell him I'll get myself a slanty eyed Japanese guy. He says he'll get milk down me. Another man appears and says he told me to come into his office when I can't breathe. I open the door and run out hoping the cold air or cold water at the pump will help me breathe. When I say, I can't breathe, I can't; so I say I can breathe. Outside I see a man in a pink shirt down by the road. There are other people from the office arriving for a party. I guess I can't take the emotional involvement of remote viewing. [some of the slaves captured by the Sudanese army are supplied to the giant marijuana plantations reportedly operated by Osama in Sudan to fund global ter! rorist activity But FBI sources.....WTC security officer (died in bombing) used to be in FBI ....confirmed that O\'Neill was under investigation after he left a briefcase containing classified information unattended in a hotel in Tampa last year. It was in the wake of the lost-briefcase incident that O\'Neill announced that he would retire from the FBI. Was he called a crazy old woman? (dream yesterday).]

10/21/01 6 of cups (R) stop complaining that you don't get a fair share of happiness, that way you get none at all. No hope for the future. Immaturity, insecurity. 1AM Two pictures side by side in black and white, look like line drawings on typing paper. "Look at these again." 5AM Comparing SD Morton.... fell asleep. Tarot reading says, "A botched opportunity won't follow on this one." "Don't come unaccompanied this week." Studying: How to Take Away Your Taxes and Federal Taxes (retire/work at a low rate of pay?). Loud voice, "Do you want to get away from us?" If I'm a little kid again, at Grandma's, then I wake up. I wake up and have a pain in my right ear canal. I'm standing outside a city in a sandy area or clay near a white building with a flat roof. Voice says, Kaboul. A picture of my new boss, Bridget, and a voice saying "Intense energy, this is the way (must explode)." "They said his name was O'Frian." The global warfare report on the train; many on the ground are injured. Not in the helicopter. I sense great anger against those in the helicopter. The helicopter is a large white rectangular one. It was a sword this time (Tarot). Let me know when you've had enough; they were never slaughtered, were they? (picture of American kids in a studio audience of an afterschool cartoon/movie show in Des Moines--the Floppy show--those kids were post-Vietnam, were 18 around 1978.) 60%--chart with a line across it (helicopters strive for). Cybil/ Sybil. I see a an old woman with a hood on her head like on the 6 of cups. 254. 3 cases of local news. 730AM Very loud voice, "We throw off the Wha Care." I'm sitting with a man looking over a "lake" --it is a joke because the lake is sand--must be a "California dry lake" I've seen on the map. I see petrified toads in the sand and petrified waves or ripples made of sand. Dad and my brother suddenly appear to see it and we walk across it--as we walk I say this is Clear Lake and it usually has water and a bass tournament. There is water in one corner of it I remember from earlier in the dream and I tell the problems they have had there trying to manage the bass and the stripers. We are soon walking through a dark valley. A voice says, "they should remove the fat male bass." Another man had said the same thing earlier in the dream. [Taliban males look fat--their faces.] Earlier in the dream I pass my neighbors and Martin remarks my hat is ugly and I tell him off--I'm pale and get skin cancer. [Martin died when thrown drunk from a horse about 2 months ago.] I take off my hat and throw it on the ground. Then I'm trying to fill out a postcard and don't know the address so I go to look at the street sign and it is 512...... Street. Then I have to go find a room for some reason at a seedy motel--old one made of wood. I have to find the room and then find it again to be sure I remember and I go to 512 and the girl guarding the two doors (painted green and pink) with words over them says, "you remember." Then I remember it is room 215. I think I am supposed to go to the corner and catch the overland bus. The corner is triangular grassy knoll and the bus goes down the other leg of the triangle and I miss it--one bus a day. [There is a ghost in a black trench coat somewhere in Texas.] Then I go up a flight of stairs to a postal office (El Segundo?) and the woman up there has her coat and scarf on to leave at 5PM. She hands me a green schedule with "NW" on the top and says there are buses all the time for Van Meter (VM). I get the impression it's really "NA" or Not Applicable and stop thinking about that. I feel like I had other dreams where I was talking to some people, but I can't remember. Some sort of insight I've forgotten by the time I wake up. At one point in the dream I'm at an outdoor bazaar and two slender young girls are buying shimmery copper taffeta dresses, paint their faces with "tan" color make-up over their white skin and look at very fragile gold chain necklaces. They look "Arabian Nights." A woman comes up and says they have hats for sale and I tell her the man is 300 pounds. She brings me a giant hat made of blue denim in a box. [Note: 300 pound, over 6 foot man in a wheel chair in the WTC, made it down from 27th to 21st floor. A coworker stayed with him also. My dream about yellow clay explosives 3/26/97 also involved hats--on the other side of the factory for explosives there was a cafeteria with very stiff people and a woman kissed me on the cheek and told me to end it all. Then a man with one arm took me to a shop with a lot of mattresses for sale and old fashioned Amish type dresses and also HATS. One had an unusual green line drawing of a duck design on it. Later on the news, reporting Heavens Gate mass suicide, the announcer described an unusual hat with a duck on it.] 4PM meditation: helicopter dropping two black and white milk cows or cow and bull. Calf left orphan maybe.

10/22/01 Devil 11PM Picture of terrorists lying on top of women--voice says they were "Pushed in. In danger." (picture is of them pushed into their crotch). Lucky bamboo bursts its bounds (rubber bands). Two dreams of growth in the bamboo--one is in the... (fell asleep). Bound together (illegible) R Day of bamboo--this came after the.... 3AM Looking at a map of work Bridget has planned and the map jumps to work being done somewhere else on the map--either Chinatown or maybe China. 5AM Some women from work remodel Mom's kitchen. I come down the stairs from my room and hear them talking in Mom's bedroom--hear Bridget's voice--they aren't up yet, but I walk into the kitchen and it's remodeled. I didn't hear any hammering. It has a LOT more cupboards--all the way around the room. I brought a big bowl of 3-bean salad and there is wet paint so I can't put it in either refrigerator. I look closer--I thought I remembered a trip to Home Depot and Bridget picking out pieces of composition board which I am allergic to the glue. So I look at the cupboards and they have pieces of old wood nailed on top of them that look like drawers but are just false fronts. They look like old barn boards. She added a big old board in front of the wall phone which hides that and the winter coats that hang on hooks there and make a sort of "phone booth" for privacy around the phone. A more modern phone is also enclosed by old boards. Mom or Sandy comes in (sounds like Linda Bell) and starts dumping nails and big bolts out of plastic bags into drawers now that there are more drawers. But she and I both notice that a "new" piece of furniture is one "she dragged out again" and is an antique-some sort of vanity but the back of the mirror is towards me, with very small, useless drawers. "Stay out of it ibin." "There's a new cat outside very good at catching fat mice." I hear about an email commending all the computer security TASOs when I start to go out the door. "Even now... fan club."

10/23/01 King of Cups (R) [Man prone to melancholy and drug abuse] 140AM Message from Pat-a-quest. 4AM Some news story on insurance. Before that an 88 year old man reading a computer screen--dark blue words on white. Before that Sheila eating bananas John Byrne brought. When he leaves the room she says he bought the small ones and she likes the big ones from the top of the tree in that variety (the bananas that taste like pears). The Fought Back News -- a woman reading the story says, "We fought first." 5AM I dream I go to work and there is a new computer with red trim in my cubicle (and a fancier cubicle). [New computers make my nose bleed--the chemicals in the new smell.] 530AM Middle class woman, looks like Tessa Bautista on a balcony talking about insurance--Kaisar Permanente--she looks like Eva Peron. [Internet last night: The hazardous material (anthrax et al) was stored during the Soviet period on a remote island in the Aral Sea, which is drying up and is considered an environmental threat, a senior U.S. official, speaking on condition of anonymity, told The Associated Press -- like my dream of a couple of days ago about the lake drying up.]

10/24/01 Ace of Wands (R) Delays (several cards came up repetitively--Lovers/R (2of3), 5 of swords/R, World, Ace of Wands/R) [Similar news stories to the dreams--Taliban Confirm Japanese Journalist Arrested; Anthrax case in Argentina (Eva Peron)] 10PM Jealous. A surprise at the end of each reign. Tell her--Taliban resort (picture of a town along a beautiful white sand coast, palm trees). [Before dreaming this I read that the resort in Malaysia where the guests and staff were kidnapped by the Abu Sayaff had a Miss Earth swimsuit contest and then closed permanently last week. Some of kidnapped were executed. One said he liked Islam and would continue after his release.] 2-3AM When you get to the exit--religious organizations you helped destroy (religious Right) gets you a ticket on thru the door (into heaven?) 330AM USA where we can analyze the 50 points of things. I see the list but can't remember it. Did you leave us the compass? I didn't think too much after the.... wires protruding.... It is lack of yours. A man with a white loose sleeve digging up some round pieces of lead (2" in diameter and 1/2" thick) and cleaning the dirt off them. Voice says, Usama bin Laden. Apollo's voice saying, you're bound to have a few of these (he's sorting stuff to move). Faith...we can't do that now...back to normal...no time. Rumsfeld thinks if we hear in the next couple of weeks... Then I'm on a big ship, I think it's the Queen Mary and I want to look for the ghosts that are supposed to be there but I don't know if I should go into the rooms. Apollo says if the door is ajar, he goes in. These are vaccination...imagination at least. Bill Clinton/John Keats (poet) sold 700. In a class, the teacher says to see the page with the wheat, "huit" I think, after thinking he meant Son of Sam/David Berkowitz -- I think that means 50, then no, 80. That page is about the Senoi but its spelled Sennoic(a). I bought the book used and some pages are missing, about 1/3 of them. At first it skips from page 63 to 121. Pat says she took that class too and in her pantry where she keeps it are a lot of cans of tuna and other canned and dry foods stacked up. I think that her book about cleaning fish means a worldwide disaster and everyone will have to read books about how to catch and clean fish again. She and a man are at a patio table and she wants to leave now, forget the CD maturity date. I go shopping with my family in the dream and we each take a basket and a cart. Even my small son has one. Diagnosed...no choice...no choose...no chose. Just safeguard your homeland. I was never a student of any dreamer. Right inside the grocery store is a deli on one side and Bryan Jennings from high school is talking to someone behind the counter about logic, the logic of something. I look at celery on the other side and hope he doesn't see me. But I hear "Sweetie". He used to call me "Smiley" in high school. The little boy was picking up potatoes off the floor(that are sliced in half like hot potatoes) and one looks rotten or baked inside. [US Mail delivers hot potatoes now.] The floor has straw or sawdust on it. A kid has the dad's camera when a politician comes out and gets in a tight line with other photographers. Then I'm at a counter and Queta and another woman dressed in close fitting see-thru black lace dresses (Queta is wearing black bikini underwear and bra under hers, the other woman's underwear is more conservative) is adding up something and gives me a long tape plus a handful of change-- I have traded in some books. The tape has a lot of discounts on it and she says, yes, it does. When I start reading it, the text is about my life--an obituary. So my obituary is a list of everything I read and ate in my life. [Queta is dressed like an office manager (60's fashion), but she wore the black bra with a see-thru white sweater.]

10/21/01 4 of wands (R) hurried action, over anxiousness. 7AM Two dreams in a row I'm in a class and everyone else goes to lunch and I'm there alone. When everyone leaves there's a man in the corner who comes out and wants to ask something. I get another man to answer him. The second time I remember to scream and ask who he is. Must be Dave Goodman. A white guy with a clipboard. He drove 150 miles to work (at Northrop) which in the dream I think is like the custodian who always knew what was going on at the Hoover Presidential Library who drove to West Branch from Washington, Iowa. I ask him how he did after the other man leaves and he has two checks that he puts on my back for good luck (I bend over so he can endorse them). I ask him what the two men bought and he says mostly answering machines. Later I see him with Dorothy Compton or LaWanda Johnson saying, "you're the one, choc-o-late." They're headed for a popular bar. I thought the guy would blackmail me, and he's with a black woman. There are toilets all along the other storefronts. The free ones are full and there are a lot of people in the pay toilets but they disappear like they went through a door on the other side [like the toilet in the dream where I went out the door on the other side and Dan Dixon was out there and said, "that's my girl." Then I really found a toilet with a door (2)/emergency exit to the outside in the handicapped stall in Live Oak Park in Manhattan Beach at the Tot Lot and tennis courts.] Pam Parker walks behind me cutting through Northrop factory floor and says, "look how she walks" -- I walk watching my high heels. I can't walk as fast as the younger women. Woman's voice says, "she works, she should obviously get $120 a day" man's voice answers, "$100." I cut through a relative's house and begin cleaning. A girl offers me a broom that is so tall the handle hits on the ceiling. I accidentally whack the light fixture, then try to sweep with the broom held horizontally, then give up with a "lick and a promise." My aunt can't see that well and probably won't see the dirt. I can't see the dirt either without my glasses. The carpets are velvety and you have to vacuum up the footprints. People are buying food for a long journey. I put a couple of buns in a sack. "Escape over the Orinocco River." "We're 30-40 stories high." "Puck or Paul (?) is the one I like to talk to." Woman saying, "He's funny (amusing). Could do newspaper." Tall dark guy--like bin Laden. I did 100,000 hours of work for Mom. "Sheila, come in here" -- sounds like Lito Delacirna in Bridget Guillory's office. "Interest is 5.1%." "I pack my stuff and give a whistle--it isn't Mars." "I don't believe in 360 degrees"--picture of a blue and green earth icon (fake Red Cross trojan horse yesterday).

10/26/01 Page of wands (R) proud, intolerent, coward. 1AM The Republicans and Arabs have to go (loud sound of a paper cutter blade slicing down (Suren said the paper cutter reminded him of Lorena Bobbit cutting off penis). The last time of internment.... Farm prices if not tied to anything will drop. (Railroad stock?) Two things "tied" together...look like white and black rectangular gold bricks....they are wrapped in expensive paper like (Christmas) gifts. Stock market tied to "black money"? Congress is not going to fuck anymore....Or Latin America will fall (alone)....Make them call.....A headline in the CNN News in the internet in the dream--COLD WAR FED BY BFU OR BYU (BYO--Bring Your Own ammunition?)...Coach simply, not verbally--out of the area....renovations (picture of a wire yanked out in the Oval Office (electric or phone wire)....something white crumpled up in a man's hand he can't throw away--a white piece of paper, also looks like white crumpled metal or a white building (Air Force One and White House or white flat top Arab building from previous dreams?)... Everything is closed, as fast as I tell her (Dee's webpage it looks like)....Voice--it says over here, Netscape Error, could not be found--front end premonition or ammunition....may have to fly to Arizona and go to the pizza room (strangled voice)....picuture of Mafia, are low tech and foot soldiers visit each business personally...How you doing, Kid?...Tell her those get here as fast as email. Monday....Stop sending the top dog to Europe (military top dog?--Bush is a Dog)....not wanting to be myself, I'll be some one or I'll beat ya....now is the time to do it--clean window glass, no curtains so everyone can see in--be someone....He'll talk to anyone but you. disaster (picture of Khaki jacket--looks like Quadafi in Libya) supoena, everything is going fine....parasites in her teeth (I have one cavity)....are you trying to say younger--he didn't fear it?...padding around in slippers (Dee)--something that has to be done....Rhyme--Goosebumps (cut off skin--flay someone alive)...and if it were all of us here....a nationwide conservation of resources (voice is gravelly and slow--some past (dead) president giving a speech--maybe FDR or all of them!....the sign "Planet, Terrible Planet" ....etch-a-sketch being shaken, size 40, Bill Gates end of story, you don't get it do you, since 1977....then they stormed blocks away (picture of a piece of paper in a verticle sorter on a desk)...you're gonna get better, for real (picture of someone's guts I'm inside of the abdomen and I brush off some dust maybe off the intestines--looks fine to me)....camel dung--Grace gives you anything but an ear....Mud Allah...Marty Barhaghi holding a white wood bathroom door shut saying, you can't play that, you have to play that....All punishing my daughter. another voice says, I had her, Sir.....one person, going out, after a fall of a nation...all these wars going on that they signed CAD (aides carring the designs) for...I climb a barrior with someone trying to stop me at the top, throws something/dust down, knocks me down and I climb up again, then he embraces me--man in white robes. I find some lettuce in the frig, some old stuff (grandma's?) in an oatmeal box--buttons and buffalo nickels, old books, magazine articles. A man arrives and says my aunt is having terrible time getting money changed at the bank and I say, "laundering it?" but maybe she took it out and hid it under her mattress in fear of banks and now wants to put it back. Her two sons are living with her and one wants to run off. We have a lot of meat that others don't have. Anthrax germs in sacks like spider egg sacks. A shadowy man on a motorcycle rides through me and knocks me down. People hollow out pillows as barriors at my high school (so I won't dream about them?) Earlier a young girl and I were dressing our hair. I had a metal bowl full of white paste (like wedding cake frosting) and smear it in my hair on the bangs (like babies do). It dries and you brush it out. A hand reaches in and takes the rest of the white paste. I had covered all but the ends (split ends)--like the white paste Celts covered themselves with and made spikes in their hair (was aluminum I believe the Celts were mining, and tin for the Romans and Atlanteans per Harry Harrison). Taliban troops cornered Haq's party and he was taken into custody following a firefight in which four Taliban and three civilians were injured, the agency said. According to Bakhtar, Haq was found with two satellite telephones, U.S. dollars and unspecified documents.

10/27/01 9 of wands/ strength 1AM Picture of a rainy sidewalk--Lou Diamond Phillips looking scene--a man trips or is kicked into the street. We take one line. Falls off the curb. I dream Oakland/San Francisco is to be hit next by terrorists. I'm reading an email that says the other two cities both had a star in a circle on the map also. Now to the first week of November. Sunrise/7AM It's their family. I'm dressed in a blue and white check (really my quilt from the couch/ Early American) but looks like my white dress sometimes and sometimes the white dress is over the checks and you can see through it. I'm telling people about a disaster. Jesse or a Chinese engineer calls me to a strange doorway I've never seen down a "hallway" of apartments that cost over $1100 a month. I wonder as I walk towards him if there is any cheap housing here, wonder if I'm in trouble. Right inside the door, a man to Jesse's right greets me warmly. Jesse seems proud of my paper/insurance figures he's given them. It has a cover and I don't recall it. I take it and put it in the freezer...it might contaminate the food...I'm dressed in cowboy hat and boots...I got the impression as I approached it was some group home and I think I'm going to live there, but I don't get past the threshold...then the engineer says, "here are my assistant's figures"--he doesn't take the credit...I wonder for a second if he's giving me credit for his work and prepared my "interview". Then there are two women making fun of my efforts--my ability to hide or the accuracy of the paper I hid in the freezer. I have to find something new to wear...first I put on a scarf that is also checks (brown) and would look nice with the blue and white check dress. A girl says I should wear red, it goes with my hair and freckles and skin and says I'll be wearing a lot of colors I never did before. I'm talking while I'm dressing... I'm being flayed/skinned alive or a pound of flesh (which I heard often from Dad). I just received a huge amount of money--pay off for the stuff in the paper--and start thinking about taxes. Paper contaminated all the food. Collecting free, so I went without you--website. I haven't talked to her for months, Sheila; if you haven't talked to her. I try on different hair, clothes, way of acting (happy, cutting remarks at parties). Man left me here, I attempt to quickly adjust. I cut myself on glass/grass. I have a baby that quickly grows up; the other women don't want them. Apaches or Mohawks--very thick hair I have to pin up. Apollo, where do I put it? A glass hook Apollo is hanging over his door. I see two working girls get sick--two column arrangement in my notebook from the 70's. Thursday night--1958. A man is helping me--sitting on a short bar stool. I get a check for $110.10. 246A--that's the number they're looking for--all I have to do is produce the number. That's what I had earlier too. Don't get excited--just a (ghost) pie in his face. Come, come next week. One of their state holidays. Zeros or the letter O--most of them line up. Dentist (Filapino or Japanese) telling me they're gonna get out of there real fast. Columbia, NYC. I go with a man to get something he did. 1145AM A man tells me about a game that has a Sci Fi book by Harry Harrison that illustrates it. He tells me to wear more than one pair of shoes--stack of three or four shoes under my feet. A woman says, they must remove a gene. He tells me to put on or take off socks--shoes are tight all inside each other like rubbers over shoes. The oven is full of meals being heated--Queta tastes my blue sausages. The DCAA guy is talking about Robert Anton Wilson and says, "I heard him answer, but I didn't hear her say anything." I see Fatso, my dog from when I was a kid. He's crawling under a fence towards me. I lie on top of a man with a limp penis. He's in a deep valley. Apollo has a key, bent maybe. The girl in the Sci Fi book goes to other planets, might be crazy idea. The puppy merges with your soul--feels like a loving feeling. 3PM Fireflies are wish to get home. [6.0 earthquake in China.]

10/28/01 Judgement (R) delay. 1245AM You have no hold on me. Watering machine. Each prediction was a hit and cause undue.... Responsibilities...knocked 4-5 out. 2AM until Dawn/6AM Dream started out with the dream running 40% slower--FATTAH or Holy War....if the dream is slow or contains classical images... Then there was a long dream I couldn't remember and the text again, repeating (I read it in the dream)...Microsoft is slower...dream ask if this could possibly mean "new people." Repeats again--40% slower is in a heart-shaped shaded background...I've agreed to it and signed...40% again is wrong--someone is doing it free..... 40%--the Senate is gonna get it...voice in a big room--sounds like mine--my "thinking voice" I talk to myself in my head with or maybe Mom's voice. Faith's voice--40%--you didn't see what we did to Jim...Col Mayer's voice--what's the saying, if we can put our feet up, we can shut up? Dawn/6AM I'm driving, it's dark...three men with me, a different one gets in the front with me...puts a pillow on the dashboard and I can't see...so I look in the rear view mirror and there is too much traffic to pull back on the road...I'd pulled off the road to visit a woman, dark curly hair, her door is ajar and when I walk up looking at the splintering old looking door she is standing there and says, "knock, knock." From the outside, the building looked very modern--rectangular and shiney white (metal or very smooth wood with enamel paint, curved edges) with a penthouse on top, in a neighborhood of older type buildings. The hallway going up the ajar door has several doors to rooms or apartments of other residents. Her parents rented this new place, Sylvia Weiser maybe. She has just moved in and is not unpacked. There is a Christmas tree in the middle of the floor that is white feathers with a blue ones for the ornaments on it. There is also another green tree. I look around and the kitchen has racks of clothes blocking the windows. It seems to be like the penthouse with windows all around and mirrors on the side with the sinks. I start to tell her as I leave that she has too many clothes ruining the view out the windows, but decide not to be critical. Instead I tell her that she told me to keep an eye on the Christmas tree and I did and I saw it tip over and also a mouse ran into it. She tells me about a man in her building picking out tiny cans of paint and how he was going to paint the whole place red if she painted the (door) orange. Then she says, "Rose is home, I can go (to sleep) now." I go out to the car and there are 3 men in it waiting for me--I put some small sacks of food in the back and turn around in a very rutted road with very deep snow in piles I drive over to get back to the highway. The men and I stop at a country store run by a family and staffed by little kids that work free. One kid wants the man's thumb print or one of my fingernails. Another man with me runs over some cranberry glass with a wagon and says he is hungry when I ask why he did that. I go to the counter and the owners are assembling a raisen cake and have a metal bowl full of wedding cake frosting and put a small cake on top of the big one (like a wedding cake). The small one sinks in. They give a slice of cake with frosting smeared on like butter to a woman clerk who comes up to the counter to my left. I remember Dave Morice making a cake on George's birthday, in the dream only, and wonder if he sensed it. I follow George to a playground outside that has dog shit or fan shaped nuts on the ground and dead leaves under a big tree. Earlier, I was walking out to the curb and there are a lot of rats living in the street someone tells me.

Some are so starved that all that all you can see is yellowish bones and they look like skeleton ghosts. Very unusual. They aren't easy to see. A voice points out some that are still alive--pink and furless like pigs and wearing T-shirts (no pants) and sleeping three deep on the ledges around the bottom of the car.
12/Noon I'm at work, my neice Jessie is there and says she would have no problem if I could add. She's working on a timecard. In my payroll binder is stuff other people left behind--tablet with a little tablet attached, a college green tour guide that someone cut up and pasted in a scrapbook. The copier has been replaced with a temp copier that has two big iron shelves and a lot of heat coming out like a crematorium with two shelves to do two bodies at once. Earlier, people are trying to decide what to eat and Ms Ross is standing to my right after I quote her and Reese Haley says, the Commander. Then someone, looks like Debra Kelly, does a search on death records and finds her name and Ms Ross to see if they are there. I see the name "Perkins". voices are discussing if she really weighed that much (as on the obituiary). Another voice says he should know or the funeral handout must be correct.

10/29/01 Death/ 5 of swords® regret, weakness 1045PM At what cost. Picture of a Santa Claus dressed in all black. Very big man, about 7 feet tall, big boots and clothes. He sits down in a chair across from the bed. ..... gods, goddesses, demons all invented to (explain things?) .... 2:30AM Boys to Boys. I'm in a big warehouse trying to escape before the flood (?) or some...... I make it out but see others in distress. There are 3 Tarot cards in one picture. There's also a thinner on top and it's snoop dog. I tell them to just leave. There's destruction behind us. Many have cellphones to call for help. The land rolls up in some places. I am walking down a ditch or row and a man asks what happened. The warehouse looks like corrugated metal. Particles fly away....a rocky hillside....green....looks like Greece or Turkey. There is a vast reservoir of truth. There IS. July 7, 1985..... You know what this is-hey Mr. Turkey....the fight, their rage.... Man holding two bottles, one is water or vodka.... In Turkey the road signs are pictures of simple animals, a voice says. 5AM A man gives directions to drive from work to Santa Ana he says (I think Torrance) to buy something from a small inventor. He gives directions as I drive-seems to be from Crenshaw or Aviation down a side street or 120th and I say I must take the freeway to Santa Ana or Hawthorne Blvd to Torrance. I ask why he's down lower than I am-or I am sitting up on a high seat. The car is a yellow convertible (to allow for my head sticking out? Or is a Model T) I notice. I say, is this it? And turn on 135th and Hawthorne. We are sitting very close together. It's a motel, apartment 2. The door is taped like the Watergate with a big X and the maid has made the bed-guy must have moved out. But the man goes in to check after I open the door. I walk out very gracefully through a roomful of people with smooth tanned faces that are playing with toys such as two figures that ice skate on a tabletop rink. There was writing on the wall at Apt 2 and also several email address, one of which is easy-a word such as WayAbove (faintly religious). I see Sheila Kelly in the hall and her hair is dyed bright red. Also Jeannette Bryant/LaRue. Someone comes up and gives me yellowish brown powder (looks like yeast) in a hat. [In real life, last year during a dentist appointment while I was in the waiting room, a transformer blew up at 135th and Hawthorne-where the children's dental clinic and ..... are and scared everyone. One man said, I wonder who in this room would cause that.] Earlier I was at work and Frank Grisham has higher taxes because of a big raise or winnings. He says find the IRS form later. I'm wearing Levis, took kids to work. There are Christmas ornaments and a print job from a Kinko type place in my desk drawer along with several rolls of quarters. There are two more Christmas ornaments on the shelf in the restroom and more hanging on the wall-little deer made of wicker and lights for lawn ornaments. I find a key made of wood laying on the ground and pick it up, then notice a much larger one with a face (clock?) nearby and pick it up and unwrap it and hang it on the wall behind a woman who is giving a speech by the timeclock. The wire is limp and drops the key back on the ground.

10/30/01 Ace of Swords (suicide if reversed? or abortion) 1240AM I get in an argument with an artist and she stabs herself in the stomach--slips it in. The woman looks like my aunt, slides a steel dagger into her stomach, is dressed all in black like the Death/Santa dressed in black last night as I was falling asleep when I asked for someone to help me. She had a tan "painted" over freckles and blond hair (my aunt really has brown hair, brown eyes and is tall--about 5'6" or 5'8"--she took after Grandpa). The card to study was the Ace of Swords or Spades. But I also studied the Death figure again to see if it would come back and I could see the face. Maybe Death is always beside you just like they say. She had the steel one-piece knife--looked military-- and she said, do you want me to stab myself? And she had the knife pointing at her stomach. Then she said, I already did it. She pulled it in and out a couple of times. I thought it was a switch blade and she just pushed the button until she pulled it out and I could see the whole thing. Some women are looking for some piece of art for some purpose. In the entrance, the floor is enameled--yellow and green ovals on terra cotta and I point it out as the one I like. One woman takes a free date book out of a basket. Further in, a man puts his arm around me and I feel his hard penis. Another man is peeking through the door, which is ajar and I pull it open and reveal him. The first man still has his arm around me and says he was my beloved father, beloved father-in-law. He looks like Dave Goodman's picture of himself young--curly dark hair. Then a man is distractedly sorting through some reports (looks like Sean David Morton) and says he has 7 copies. I look through them and there are a couple parts missing. They are in stiff cardboard folders that are red and white and look like boarding passes for a plane. The stuff inside is a print out you tear off--and is folded or creased. I look around. There's a big pile of dill weed on the floor. The other women run through the museum, which is crowded with metal sculptures and enamel tiles mostly. I come to a booth with purple glass and say it won't do and look around and the (visiting) artist is in the booth. She attacks me, then sits on the floor. She says my legs are a disgrace to art. With the encouragement of the other women, don't let her talk to you like that I say it's an accident of birth and then she lies on her back on the floor, dressed all in black and sticks the steel dagger/military/knife into her stomach. The other women run through again and remind me of a coworker from the 80's--Jackie (told me only British? and old women can wear purple) or Julie Sundevil and they are yelling that they need donuts and money. Maybe they are jogging through the museum (Cindy Battalaglu/Lipe told me that she bought a jogging outfit and jogged down the street from her apartment in Playa del Rey to a donut shop and back). I am afraid someone is going to come and stop me--I have found something important in the museum; plus the problem of the woman with the knife in her stomach. I'm topless holding a brown paper bag like they made on my job at Midwest Bag in front of my chest and the woman artist asks if I think that is appropriate--I say yes. I don't have any blouse and this is better than nothing. There's a child involved. We must be alone in all this beauty. I'm trying to find the bus to get us all out of there. There's a baby and he's killed, an Indian, a journey, a field of wheat, a bare dirt farm where the Downs neighbor lived (Craig Shambaugh). This seems like a chaos of rich details, some stuff I've never seen before. Some new raw material has just been delivered and I grab something and run out. I have to stay emotionally balanced to hold everything together I think, but the other women are running and yelling for donuts and money.... Polytheism, saves you the knife..... Deadline to make all the frontiers safe in Afghanistan (picture of the borders, this is to keep people OUT of Afghanistan.)... Today's snakes are coaxed.... Closing the door to future quarrels.... Every man plays a flute or recorder in order to carry it away on his lips.... When everyone's knee jerks straight (the same direction).... Man sitting dressed in black where the Santa was yesterday, beside the bed on the phone table--looks like Apollo--says, so restful and quiet..... Squaring the parameters--to make 3D... Practical joke among countries and then we write it down.... 530AM I wake up in the dream and the man in black is still sitting there. I tell him he can keep waking up and write down these dreams.

10/31/01 All Saints Eve is tonight/Full Moon. Page of Swords/R [fanatic; cruel merciless youth] 1-4AM(?) Phone number or TV show phone number is Cheers 2051. [Two earthquakes at midnight--5.1 in Palm Springs and Sequoia, Big Tree counry.] You know how they tell you that you have to be like a little kid. You have to go through drawers. [Mom's diary and Dad's pistol.] I drive to Long Beach where I do some experiment with cloning--take the insides out of eggs. Someone calls the phone number for me. 2051--why is mine nasty. Because you ask questions. You ask too. 10AM Man says the Cheers thing means India and send it there--then he'll come back and help me again. Earlier in the dream I was a travelor in China in a train station. Bryan Jennings (redhead/Irish) and Alan Manning (John Travolta) appear and are very disruptive teasing loudly and boisterously like they did in high school--Ugly Americans but the Chinese seem like prairie dogs too. In Junior High I bought some shoes size 8 like Mom always did so I'd grow into them and unbeknownst to me my feet had stopped growing and Bryan called me the poor little match girl with my baby sleeping in my shoes. I had an unpleasant past life feeling of being a poor hooker heroin addict and he was rich then too/Dickensonian. In grade school the teacher made Alan be my partner in a race where two peoples legs are tied together and my shoe fell off. I was assigned extra reading--A Tale of Two Cities and another Dickens novel; Silas Marner that Mom had to read in high school; The House of the Seven Gables, The Scarlet Letter and the short stories of Hawthorne; Green Mansions about a girl that lives in a tree and Cervantes Don Quixote.

11/1/01 5 of wands [struggle for promotion; complex situation that doesn't have much to do with you] 1030PM Here is a man. Pile of noodles (chow mein) on a man's plate just like on mine--noodles seem to still be frozen in a clump. Date: 2-26. 5AM I am in a field and then an auditorium with a man who says to come closer and he puts his arm around me. Then I fall asleep in the dream and then hear him talking to someone (his mother) complaining about "her roll of fat". That wakes me up again in the dream. He says, "I'm sorry you had to hear that." I look down and my bra is cutting in so I take it off and then my breasts hang down pendulously--touch my waistband. [My mother always pinched her roll of fat on her stomach and bemoaned it's thickness, now I do it.] I leave the room disgusted and see that it is locked--maybe why no one has been wandering through like in other dreams. I get in an elevator and it goes up very fast for many floors, so I know I'm in a large city--probably Chicago. The elevator tips a little from side to side sort of like the clapper inside a bell--pretty scary but there are several young girls in the elevator also and they aren't afraid. Then the sensation of motion and tipping stops but a voice says it's still working. I can still hear the man's voice and he says the end was good. I tell him at least I don't have a tiny roll of fat like an ET. There are several young girls in the elevator wearing scarves and "Communist" or activist work clothes. One girl seems to be drilling another on math while they go about their Revolutionary/Resistance tasks and tells her the correct answer is "from A to C." In the dream I can't think, but after I wake up think it must be a pyramid or triangle--hypotenuse. Coming out of the apartment, I am really pissed about the roll of fat/tight bra comment, but immediately outside there are a lot of older students (grad level acting) sitting and standing around talking about some movies on videos. I have to smuggle some out. The girls in the elevator are also talking about smuggling out Hector and Juan. They say, "the hero of the revolution is safe." One girl goes the same direction I do (through Northrop's plant where I work) and she finds an empty personal pizza box on the floor that looks like a flat piece of cardboard you could bake one on. On the back it tells who it is for--Hidalgos or Hildalgo Garcia (notes the pizza baker made from the order) and there is room inside for two pizzas, but only one was used--you can see the wet spot where it was. The girl looks like Warcry or Julia Butterfly. Earlier there was a room with a lot of teddy bears...... Voice says, "I collect electricity....the guards...woman's muffled anguished voice saying, "too late."....there aren't any kid chairs in the dream.

11/2/01 Queen of Wands/R [quick to take offense without good cause; jealousy] 1AM The winged double...pain...7....no exception...reduced...man himself is shackled. 5AM I type in a search and a computer voice says, thank you, this will give you a report on all ending with an "e". 7-10AM I go with a girl and her kid to visit a man. She is pounding on a different door than the one that is ajar and I force open, but he's inside there and has a table set with first 6 beautiful transparent glass place settings and then 3 on one side of the table close together. He has fixed fried chicken and mashed potatoes. We don't eat, but there's only one piece of chicken left, then crumbs which he says are cold. I'm in denim cut-offs and topless reclining on a hard bench but then I sit up to give him a good look since I'm nude, why cover up with my arm. I turn on a switch behind me on a rectangular sideboard looking furniture (girl says, are you sure that's what it is) that controls the console TV like my aunt Lucille had when I was a kid. I tell them that this TV still works--it's her old living room by the school--and about how Mike, April, Sandy, Shirley and I--when Nathan was a baby--had water fights here when we were kids and when we ran out of water, we had mud fights (didn't really, almost wakes me up). Then we have to leave, the girl has to go to work. I drive in the left lane and he says can't you get over into the right lane yet? I do in a gap in traffic and the cars are coming towards me in both lanes so I go onto the shoulder. Then the freeway splits into 2 or 3 and I have to choose one. He mutters that the girl couldn't find the way to the interview and why not since I am doing it. Then a tall man in a white long-sleeved shirt is driving and looking back at me and not watching where he's going, so I sit forward and he takes my hand. This is my daughter's boyfriend and I don't know what he sees in me. He'll go off to college and be influenced by the new people around him by the time he comes back..... I put on big rubber National Guard boots and bikini and wade into the cow manure.... You're stupid and I won't forget..... There are dead mice. I say if you hang them up on hooks their fur will slip off eventually by itself when they begin to rot. The man and girl want to skin them. That was when we left his apartment/house. .... Relax in a place of "dismushan/disbushan" I crawl from under a white canvas tent into the chest cavity of a bull carcass. Metallic voice, "are you still sick or what?" ....she bolted on me, she wanted money.... here is the dough--cutting up pizza sticky dough--dividing it up. ...far ranging theory--"started before you were born" in 1961--I see it in a magazine article. Another part says Einstein looked at it also. Woman looking for a piece of glass. She paid me white powder. ... You really need one now--new body--girl with waist length braids, green skirt, yellow blouse, black glasses and adenoids like April.... The mouse situation is Santa Ana (are there jobs available?)... She had to live with white ideas. ... A guy shows me his big ruby (?) ring and says he looks like Elvis. ... Great love for belovers. Don Erickson or Lito has a job offer. ... The wolf can't find matching with any of the 4. Balance the stock market and T-bills--both at 5%. Don Erickson does a presentation: he demonstrates how two men both have "H" as their middle name-- Osama son of Laudanum and Jesus H. Christ/L Ron Hubbard. People pour out of phone booths after his talk and buy and sell stocks. Don again: picture of men on horses in a Spanish bull ring. (Message to) Ricki--"I did/ate it myself." Men inside masks or veils so you can't see who they are in the bull ring.

11/3/01 5of pentacles [snow, lonliness, physical suffering] 230AM "Widow." (there is a window on 5 of pentacles--stained glass)....voice says, "I'm looking for something"...."vapour". Picture of curb deep water in the street in front of AM/PM gas station on Prairie; rain. Later I drive past again and the water has mostly gone down the storm drain. Surrounded by preferential treatment...I'm gonna get ready--bad mood....it is gone but it still itches there...redux and open it. 5AM Voice (man) says, pain in ears means UFOs to me....girl repeats that it is a UFO signature and UFOs seek out those he killed and softens their road in Afghanistan. They make them all pervading. Look in a window (illegible) come a number (?). 10AM I'm in a very large house with a lot of rooms and furniture--a lot of wood. The rooms are different "servants" areas where they camp out. The whole place seems to be empty at first and I look around. At supper time I look for food and see 4 employees sitting in a row out of sight behind a wood bar. I'm surprised to see Dan Reinhold and Bob Osterloh and Rick Coutu and Dan says, "Yes, Sheila." Before that I was looking for a good light to read and the living room was only about 60 watts so I try the bar in the kitchen but a man has his thesis (footnotes) spread out there. A couple of very small rooms had bookcases and a man is setting up another one of these when I go through the 2nd time. There are bar cookies of Key Lime and round slices of Jack in the Box sourdough bread in the refrigerator. I take a bar cookie made of frozen ground seeds--morning glory or poppy seed. In the sink is a serving spoon covered with mold. Three large rooms are being repainted by John Byrne, Julie and another man in thick green, blue and gold paint put on thick like art. Then I walk through a huge ballroom or outdoor size room with cathedral ceilings in white plaster color and workmen in the corners. I walk very smoothly with long steps swinging my hips and a man catches up with me. On the other side are museums where women work, a bowling alley, and landscaping outside. The museum is of a great man's life--like Hearst Castle. It has a brown refrigerator with a sign -- In here to see the 30's thru 50's. I hear two women saying it smells like butter (in two other refrigerators side by side in my previous dream also; one refrigerator was from the 50s and the butter was still in there in blocks) and it isn't good for you. At a counter are some pages with women's names cut into strips Pat gives visitors as they enter. I see Lenore written over and over on a page on the floor. Green Bay.....I compare two salads or lives--one takes the stuff another doesn't like. Earlier a group was sitting around working on a homework problem and a woman boss comes in and starts giving a speech.

11/4/01 Ace of Cups/R [rejection, stagnation] I type a message and pick bold text to send it to--it's to "anti-health" groups. 9AM Tarot cards. A man in the far corner asks for the King of Mountain card. I forget what he said and a closer man says he wants the Dazzler. I get a picture in my mind and it's a Jester/Jack in the Box twisted like a swizzle stick--maybe the Knight/Jack of Wands/Clubs/Fate which means you don't face your problems before you come to them. There's stuff piled up in a white enameled boat that belongs to Pat Dooley/Frank Pendergast in the dream, but his friend Riley is there and I am trying to finish and leave. A mall security guard comes up and says they couldn't find anything in my wallet and the man in the corner is a lunatic. When I'd asked him to repeat what card he wanted he said, "Economic Indicator" and I told him there was no card with that name. A man has some flimsy black and white drawings of Tarot cards to give away to them without breaking up my decks. But if you went down the line I would come and kill you. This is beside the road in the field of the bull in the tree, moon on the flood waters, murder for incest fear/jealousy, and spooked horses. You get more information in those verdant...I don't care, obviously you don't....please, we're risking the whole family...it's cold--it's the 11th house--I was wondering if it wasn't winter...I have a silencer and am looking for a Turkey to put it on...it is mine now--it'll be until February. Earlier in the dream I saw Chandra Levy in the crack in a stage curtain in a line with other youths; then she's up on top of a skyscraper and I can't climb up there; then the sound of a baby crying. How much for a ticket to the World Series--picture of a man in a winter coat in snow. The case for a time, close it down still. A big scythe or guillotine for shaving off the coating of mold on things. "A bumper"--picture of man in red shorts with stubble sitting on a bed. I disagreed with the lady and then she died. Sound of explosions on Manhattan Island--several small ones. It is left alone. Do you have the car keys? "The 3 pleasures will be mine"--picture of the Eastern Seaboard with 3 explosions on three of the cities. The explosions are yellow flames, not mushroom clouds. Appeared to leave until December--next weekend.

11-6-01 Mean dreams about people. Card to study--King of Cups [means quick to respond but little depth of character] 5AM This morning I dreamed about Sandy Cano I guess, but her name was Julie, because there was a woman who only showed up for 1/2 hour a day and I asked Thurston if he was going to have to fire her like all the rest of them in the past. Thurston was a woman-- Col Mayer in the dream and he said no, he was firing Vickie. Then he said he was firing her because he expected more wings and pointed at where he would have put them along a shelf on the wall. [I don't see how Colonels can blame us if they don't make general--Crandall was lucky to get 4 more years after the way he was always in a motel somewhere with Sandy (?) or.....] Then Northrop had turned into TRW [is this a fear or future I dreamed?] and all the geek engineers that worked here drove VW Bugs except for one guy, Norris (really my neighbor) who drove a big old 70's car. They had no life outside work and worked all night and were cooking their eggs on electric teflon grills in the morning and couldn't leave until they finished playing baseball (there was a huge crowd watching but might have been painted on). One guy with a puffy white face and pink cheeks I didn't recognize was complaining because his wife said his marriage was empty and he'd been kicked out of the Rosicrucians and she hadn't when they said that only one of them could go on [nous va no was written on the wall]. I am smoothing the frosting on a cake in the hall and can hear John Barman and Mike Daforn talking in the kitchen. John Barman is saying that his wife and kids have been evacuated from Manhattan Beach to Iran and also for proper medical treatment for his son but they keep calling him about the injury (he has two daughters, no son) I come in and clean the grill with a metal pad and ruin the teflon and make Mike mad. Then I hear some first graders in the bathroom and one is Aisha and I can hear she has diarrhea. I go to see if she's alright and she says she doesn't cry long about daddy because no one loves him. [she really calls him daddy-o]. 11PM man in army uniform sits down and stares into space...tea...someone takes the orders out of his left breast pocket...says he doesn't want to see change. 3 or 13 year old girl. 230AM "I can't be open about the facts....the revolt of the 23...a woman screaming--"is he Buddhist? Would he fight?" A man inside a big clay lattice bell that is on the ground--like in China. From what I said, the fight from the priest. We homage you.

11/7/01 It all happened over the weekend, Marxist rebels rigged a Renault with dynamite -- and the story flashed across the evening news, along with the car's license plate, VEN-311. Those who bet on 311 won about $350 -- the equivalent of three times Colombia's meager monthly minimum wage. [My dream over the weekend, 530 came up on the Pick 3 on the Saturday lotto.] Card to study--4 of pentacles/R [delays cause insecurity, suspicion] 5AM They wish to die...yellow envelopes...these kinds of stories....go. I'm living in a tunnel and a man comes along and says we have to go across the street and we have to drive. We go to a house where a lot of women and kids are sitting around on couches. I examine a table with an oriental jewelry black enamel box with a yellow interior that folds out flat like a sleeping mat then folds up from both sides into a box with something sticking out the top with a thing on it like on a graduation hat. There is no jewelry in it. Behind it are two figuerines, one has a white skirt with a black fringe hanging down in the middle like martial arts clothing. The other figure is wearing a tight black skirt. Then there's an explosion in the far corner and I get the idea that is was two blue balloons but can't look over there, my attention is distracted away. A little redheaded boy is sitting over there and I say the balloons must have popped because of the heat expanding them. It may have been the figurines that blew up, I am not supposed to look closer. A redheaded woman, the boy's mother stands up and gives a speech about how he had a lazy babysitter that left him lying on the sofa. I feel guilty and go up to the baby on the sofa and he jumps off somehow into my arms. But the mother takes him away, I can't do this either and grumbles that she wants him to tell the father some good news when he comes home to get his favor. She gives me a blue rag and I'm going to take him out to wash the car windows. I ask if only the windshield. His shoes fall off but she hurries me on. I tell her the kid just wants to say NO like a 2-year old but the baby gives me a grimace not to tell her. Outside I stand him on the hood of a blue car that looks like Sandy Cortez's old Renault. the neighbors have gathered and shout at me. The boy then says, oh, no and runs into a shed and I think he has to pee. He says, oh, no again and comes out. It looks like the shed where the UFO people were preparing their rabbit heads--a cooking shed. 5PM A man knows...pursuit...to beautify the earth, dig a hole...6 hours... sooner or later you're gonna have to...some things can only be done in person...nuances...you pull on a cord...torrid mix...near the outboard was an IRS...do you talk constantly...bull room...make me more...the trail led by him to me...the tip of one tooth touches...they would lose you and half of themselves...gasoline alley...dark caves, hooting and howling...shall we all die on the bank of the river...picture of a stack of books stacked horizontally--titles: Jesus, Buddha, red and pink and blue--maybe like Elizabeth Clare Prophet's books...the paper knot...the other so they shut themselves away in a tree is satisfactory.

11/8/01 Moon [deep want of security and fulfillment caused by fear and disillusionment, perilous times, vivid dreams] Devil [living in fear] 145AM Stand firm, stronger forest defenses. 345AM A new driveway where I go into work (in the dream). 10AM My boss shows me her new yellow suit in polyester and says she lost weight when she was sick this week off work--now she wants to keep it off--she points to her hips. She asks how I slept. I was cold--my feet were cold (almost wakes me up). Mostly I dream about the Thanksgiving luncheon really going on at work right now but I think it's a picnic. Lito asks Shirley Monteilh if she is going and she says she has the afternoon free but doesn't want to use her vacation; Lou Gizarelli is there (the Controller, Tony Branden called him the Ayatollah Gizzarelli because of his strict rules about dating co-workers--he could be heard but not seen in the closet with the receptionists was okay or but not leaving together--he wasn't like that before his heart attack, his secretary thought caused brain damage); John Devereux puts his arm around Jere Hardin and she knocks him out of the picture;

Dan Aguon tells a joke outside Jesse's office; Linda Bell is sitting at the picnic table like in a mall and a man I can't see comes up to her; Maj Basque is there dressed in orange pajamas lying in bed and I crawl over him to wipe dust off the wall (checking anti-virus updates on each machine in the office recently I was disgusted by the dusty keyboards in some of the offices, expecially the men--people get new computers and don't even dust them!); a man kisses my calf and Danny Calderon massages my left foot with the neuroma, in the dream it is black and blue like i have hardening of the arteries like Gram May but maybe I'm just invisible--I do foot reflexology on his foot and he has no sore spots that mean problems in the corresponding part of the body--Mom taught me from her classes she took in Minneapolis; a family comes in looking for their dad or grandmother--it's a new guy they just hired; final clearance in the company store--new stock is Dodger denim shirts and Indian cotton skirts; big hole in El Segundo--people look small on the edge of it--it is rectantular like a foundation for a new building--announcer says, did you ever see a bigger funeral. Unusual driving part of the dream--I drive around a curve through a red light but the guard is not looking--is the guard that knows all the govt people. Then I'm driving down a highway with construction of big piles of dirt blocking all but one lane. I am going so fast I become airborne. The scenery looks like a trail ride place. As I drive I am telling the passengers about a guy with a memorial to himself in his house--like Elvis--also a woman--he even has his body/coffin in there--then I almost wake up wondering how he could be dead and living there. Then we go to a store (man and girl take their stuff out of my grocery cart and I look to see what is mine) and take a game out and look it over, breaking in through the bottom of the box--it has a surge protector dated "1994" and a voice says, (you're sure, and I look at it again)--it is a game with iron filings and an electrical current that makes 3D pictures. It is 60X100--mirrors. It costs $150. Trashy, junky, bunky. Thursday, the day is empty--I'll have to fill it up--pull out storage or ice cream barrels. 4 of pentacles with the meaning under it--the 4 disks stand for money, good looks, kids/sex, health a voice says but underneath it is written "Ordinarily they burst later on." A whole list of statements about Mahatmas--one is that he stays in his dressing gown all day. ... I'm just about witchcraft or wasting away the bulks. December is 2 of wands. My mother says 3 convicts have escaped and I think the women at work have run off with them but I don't say anything. The freezer is jammed with ice. A voice keeps saying, 2 more steps. I have a fireplace in the kitchen a man says, really? I could burn 2 fashion magazines. A girl is forced to dance--I cover her eyes and she's almost deaf. Don't shoot her. Man on a patio--men come to look at his map and he says, POW. He has a new map also. A girl with braces says, "it's not just my mother--all these national interests." Fish dream 11/7/01 I forgot until something jogged my memory: two large fish met and one was white and it swallowed a fish as large or larger than it. But I was thinking about the fish being too big to swallow after a few were gobbled up in the fancy big aquarium with lights on it. The fish were yellow, black, blue--very bright and were swallowing each other up as fast as they could.

11/10/01 Judgement [change from a personal point of view to one aware of the cosmic influence]

130AM SHIDOCS.

6AM Man (GM Scallion or SD Morton) sitting on a throne like God or Oracle sending email lessons through the computer. One lesson is titled, The Computer and the Transformation of Lovers. Another one is Reaching 35 People, Empty Wastepaper Baskets.

Voice saying, the greatest thing that ever hit me-- I see a green flash and sound like sizzling and faint moter backfire sound or explosions. Flash looks electrical like when the electric lines were touching with green fireballs during earthquakes. I wonder if it's magnesium fire. Picture of a man breaking a mirror in half (folding it) that during this green explosion.

10AM A man sitting by a window says to turn up the pressure on a problem using a computer and water sprays out of a hose all over him and the window glass behind him shows a much bigger hose with water spraying into that room also. In dreams frequently a window shows someone teaching a class on the other side so I can see them but not hear them--like the window in a maternity ward where they keep the babies.

I'm standing in the living room of the old house on Larch and the room is empty except for curtains that match the carpet (have big blue and orange blobs/streaks of color on a beige background). I am standing where the table was where the plants talked (said, the killer is here among us). There are plain rough curtains in the kitchen. A voice says, the moving is done. The curtains on the picture window (which in the dream belong to one man--his room) have fallen down and I go to put the hooks back on the curtain rod and look out the window and see 2-3 bums/hoboes sleeping on the wet/freezing lawn. A woman inside is disgusted and I think she's telling me something but it comes out in little bursts of almost telepathic information. She has something on her foot, I think a burn (I burned my finger ironing clothes) but she seems to be saying she hired those bums standing on the corner/hoboes to load a truck for her and they raped her. The one closest to the window had curly dark hair or beard and white robes. She has very chic clothes, a suit and nice black heels and she puts an old slipper or sandal on one foot. I think about giving them some food, but they'll hang around like cats. Dan Aguon and several kids carrying candles in glasses pass me going up into the attic where there is a shrine to baby Jesus--midnight mass; it is Christmas Eve in the dream. I go too and a voice says I arrived on the stroke of midnight or 1 AM. I climb up there but have to counsel women and never see the baby.

Then I find myself in the office where two students cubicles are--they've left. A man is working the copier across from their cubes and says it had a message that caught fire at 19,000 pounds of pressure. I dump garbage on one girl's desk and have to pick it up--carbon paper from a copy and two paper clips-one piece of garbage is good and should stay. She has a six foot duffle or sleeping bag with something in it on the floor across her threshold on the wall opposite me. The girl next to her has books across her threshold--is Shawnteal. I start reading something hanging on the wall. Shawnteal comes in wearing a chiffon dress crying, Larry Shields brought me here.

We have silent washing machines--lots of them here in Washington D.C.

In the attic a man explains how two people are alike and two other people. I am very young and pregnant lying on the floor giving birth in a crowd. I have dark hair. It is going to really hurt soon.

Voice says, take two more classes and we'll take two off your girlfriend (necklaces). They (Italians) take them off her neck. If you can only wait for that kind of number (2) and they don't have it.

A real RE--VOLUTION--woman's voice says that quietly. Picture of a retangular 6 foot box of stuffed baby tigers and two disappear at one end of the box. [bin Laden gave an interview to Mir or Dawn and said he is fighting/sponsoring a Defensive Jihad. Bin Laden denied reports that he was suffering a kidney illness and praised Mullah Mohammed Omar, the Taliban's supreme leader. ``He is not under any personal relationship or obligation to me,'' he said. ``He is only discharging his religious duty. I, too, have not chosen this life out of any personal consideration.'' ] [Blanca, a long-time Estrada friend, was found stabbed to death inside her car last week. Her attacker remains at large and police said they had not established the motive for the murder. she was killed in a parking lot.]

Summaries of 11/9/01 and 11/11/01: 1AM A girl runs out in the street after a man saying, sir you have to help her. Everything she stood for now forgotten. 7AM Dream repeats twice--Lloyd Higginbotham telling me "the next man south". I seem to be from Turkey, easygoing, important--I am willing to meet my maker, this news shakes things up. Man commenting on two types of small planes. Men arrive in my kitchen for a political discussion, a friend and I go to the sink where rice is sprouting in an aquarium--beautiful green leaves inside the grains of rice--red bugs flee. One man in the hall delivers a Christmas present. Colonial side issue--Texas must get used to riding tall. A small boxy blue plane flies under and rips a parachute or umbrella--voice says Chinese planes are better--a boy says the plane was 159 miles up. There's going to be water all over the road. I hear a duck quack. Geraldo talking about flu--course of it--helicopter noise. Private Attention PA/your life may be affected YLMBA. Bolts falling in a tin bucket like Thomas Edison used when meditating to wake him up often. Picture of a mop, she's hobbling in love. Voice: you know which one--the West (dam I think, picture of UFO under water)--the explosives are already there--waiting to blow it up.
[American Airlines Flight 587, an Airbus A300, went down at 9:17 a.m. EST in the Rockaway section of the New York City borough of Queens about five miles from Kennedy airport. Joey Ramone was from Rockaway Beach/wrote song about it.]

[In Nigeria, Africa's most populous nation with more than 110 million people, many believe witchcraft involving the use of human genitals, eyes, tongues and skulls can make them instant millionaires. My dream at about age 8 of 20-30 human body parts hanging on a cattle crossing gate and also on wood plaques on a wall--breasts and penises.] Meditations 11/11/01--I see a picture of a penis with what looks like a white twisted brain above it. Then I realize it could be a marble statue of pubic hair above the penis....two cattle skulls hanging on the wall by the clock in a bank with red ribbons under them--ribbons seem a little tacky with the southwest look of the skulls... a water tower almost empty and I pee in it...pregnant woman, I can see her stomach where the blouse slips up, under my kitchen window in a man's arms...whose mother loves you...slipping through a rectangular slot into a pool of water--voice, you've laid the foundation....China, cribs where scholars are kept--voice, won't last very long...climbing through a building like the capital dome--kids looking for something.... 6 of swords card has added to the boatman poling the woman and child across the river now has a long wood bridge or dock over their heads added to the card....2 years have passed...faint smell of campfire, horseman in cave tells kids he'll come back with meat--snowy. Sherman Oaks, that's suicide (Mary Ferris--artist from NY and boyfriend...Kelly from Syracuse lived there). These are the unnumbered decades. 230AM Indonesia, crowd I turn back from-- I went to see about Theya Eluay's death before I know he was strangled and the driver can't be found. A voice says I'll see a man when I need help in the tunnel. I walk three dogs on white string leashes and one slides off the side of a bridge. Man jumps down and says he could be punished for this--he puts the dog back up on the bridge. Three people grab them and hug them. I said they probably strangled, just cut the stings. Voice, I reported this abuse to ecology and eulogy. The man has come when I need help. Dogs are small white mop dog, dachsund and a tiny dog. Earlier in the dream I went off the road by the Pentacrest by the Student Union--raining, no parking. Voice, when the chefs arrive they'll be angry. I hit my head with something and split my forehead open, and a garland of greenery is around my head. A man says 22-23 animals. 930AM Jim Baber says TRW (means Karma/credit cards) bypassed and went to Hughes on this. He's supposed to get there at 751 insead of 930. It's 5:00 and time to go home and I have a brand new job with Mr. Tarantino at the Fed Building again and I've been on the toilet since my dream at 2:30-- my butt twitches funny like a rabbit and there are rabbit turds in the toilet when I get up and look. A fat dark haired girl pushing a baby carriage wakes me up when she moves the curtain on the toilet stall. I say there's no procedure for this and Jim sharply tells me to look for one. I am trying to call 415-4765 and first I get a Northrop bigshot--Jim Stafford--but I dialed 8 which is the prefix for the Autovon--Govt line or 8415 and at Northrop the internal numbers start with 1 or 2 or 7. I try again and when I get to "7" a recording breaks in and says to read the manual before attempting to use the phone. I had gotten past one problem intuitively by putting an 8 behind certain numbers such as the big ones and the area code. I'm surprised Jim Baber shows up, his area code is 714. I try to figure out who I am in the dream--shaved legs-- I look down and look like the ghost of the redheaded woman crossing the street between the Fed Building and TRW and in front of the ducks at the N-bldg. that I saw before. I also could be the "Irish bitch? from their point of view" secretary told me that the FAA assholes wouldn't hire her permanently in 1982 when I worked there. 4 of pentacles according to this dream means getting ahead in a large corporation or Govt management job.

11/12/01 Temperence [balance of the two sides of your nature--this dream illustrates this--I am an introvert--the dream shows an extrovert] 1AM Reason has been reduced to inner depths. They often have pieces missing that museum pieces don't have. 5AM I'm at the bottom of the message-- says several ways-- finished the finished. I think it's an email application for 4th wife (woman in Finland was having email chat with terrorist Atta about archaeology and architecture--opium causes dreams of architecture--huge, complex and ancient rotting buildings). I'm in a big bed with a red silk cover masturbating and a man looks in the door and comes in and stands by the bed. Now he's my love at first sight boyfriend, I don't have one. I'm dark haired like Julia Butterfly. He's wearing red silk shorts and I tell him I'm not having sex with him and he starts out the screen door and I say, "wait". He comes back and says he's still hard; he's carrying a barbell or section of lead pipe. Looks the way I'd picture Scott microbrew, the dream guy/teacher in Las Vegas. Then I'm going somewhere with a man I know better and I'm wearing my old white satin shorts. He gets in an altercation with a man in the lobby and I decide to go change while he does that. I yell down to throw me the keys and his head appears on the stair railing. The altercation is with a man who wants to retire and says he's 90, no 99. Yesterday I dreamed about a woman saying "I'm 90" and chuckling when I say something about being 50 or something. Mom is still working at 70. I write an article about "I tried to stop you." It's a dog with a grizzled sharp back bone. I had to go up an elevator to get to my room-- went up very fast and tips like you can feel it hanging by a thread or one rope but a voice says it's okay. I hang onto some handles in the wall that look like a cash machine. Thurston--retired Marine drill sergaent is standing on that side without his shirt and some other people, so I don't feel under dressed in the satin shorts. The elevator feels like it's going up to me, but the others think it is falling and the young guy elevator expert says it's going to be a rough landing but don't worry. It was going so fast for so long I thought it was a tall building in Chicago (or Detriot where Thurston is from). A man calls me to the side and claps his hands loudly and says he's thinking about a woman right now (Shelley's dream about some Mike she was flirting with wanting a blow job right now--at a party.) I change to a dress with a woman helping me--blue, dropped waist and copper shoulders like the fall foliage of the native American grasses, trees I was reading about during the day in Plants, Man and Life by Edward Anderson--just English and other immigrant plants stay green from the slow foggy approach to winter--American plants all abruptly change color and drop leaves at the end of September. I talk while dressing and say the men are brave to brave the cold air to come. I see a map and there are big explosions in three cities along the Canadian/US border on the Canadian side. They are evenly spaced from about the middle to the East Coast. Voice says, "it's the child/son of the biggest drug fiend." He says to the son, "come here." When the elevator bumps to a stop Thurston says, that wasn't bad. It bounces and the floor bulges up--looks like a leathery flesh elevator. "I believe in night"-- the man leaves me a note that says this. The man had finished with his wife--that's what the finished at the bottom of the screen meant. A man gives me a lot of money in the earlier part of the dream. Jere Hardin explains something. The man is voting also (application) and this is Tibet--very blue skies, cold, high mountains (elevator). I see the rushing stream of spring--the streams will dry up or get smaller in he fall and winter, a voice says. A man holds a pie and says triumphantly they are going to jump start it. Woman's voice breaks in and says he makes me drive a lot--desert road--looks like highway to Vegas. Man says he remembers a Betty Jean who had just gotten married (my mother and step mother's names). Sylvester Stallone late to a ceremony--stuck at his desk. Two kids write a word I can't read in white chalk on my window ornament of the Virgin Mary with 2 kids. "An angel of 14 or 17"--a man talking fondly of Muslim soldiers. 11AM I'm at work and a man asks about my credit hours and pisses me off--his face is slanty eyes up close--like UFO but regular size eyes. Then I'm over by the MSO library in a purple shirtdress I wore in 1987 from Goodwill and I hear Queta say my name to Margo over by her door. Lito walks by towards Colonel's office carrying an impossible load of big boxes. One is flat, 6 feet long, 2 feet wide and about 6 inches deep wrapped with a big wide red velvety Christmas ribbon. I say the flat box is the size of a trampoline and he says it's from DCAA. [other dream, I sneak a trampoline on an air flight but it is really Dad's pistol. The gun I hid in a box with a ribbon disguised as a gift in 1978 was a $40 old army surplus rifle from WWII, Korea or Vietnam--don't remember what the Army Surplus guy told me.] [American Airlines set up a telephone number for family members to call for information. The number is 1-800-245-0999.]

11/13/01 Justice/R [bold decisions, unfavorable decisions] 10PM "sold next" 2AM I'm living in the tunnel where the stray cats live (they are gone) in the Northrop parking lot. Something doesn't change in the dream for a long time and I'm confused. I have a new button on my computer that goes there. This is like being tied to an anthill, being dead or some new intense concentration of unprecedented duration. I'm in the shadow of a big shadow of a line drawing of towers with holes in them [looks like the towers on the Moon card]. I see another card--I'm living on them in the deck. Classic look. I go to Rocky Mountains. Reminds me of the bomb shelter Sci Fi book with Patriots that use mail men and have a bunker in a mountain, but that one was in the Appalacian Mts. The culvert has a flat floor, is a third full of dirt. Angry people. 1800s atmosphere. George Bush's voice says, I wasn't buying the green back then. The tunnel is still on my screen for the longest time and then when I try to look at it, suddenly it goes blank and I am in total darkness. Before that I thought it was going to be permanent--seemed like the same dream for about 3 hours--and it finally got my complete attention. I feel like I'm in George Bush's party--can hear him. He's in the mountains. Voice, we have a rule--not to enter new information on someone that's not in the net. Driving around--won't be able to see you until.... I see another picture of a man with straggly long white hair with a balding top wrapped in a blanket kneeling on the ground and a strong, tall, stocky standing man in an olive green blanket is beside him with his hand near his shoulder. The white hair man looks like the one on the 6 of pentacles--beggar (on the card a man is giving alms). The white hair looks like radiation sickness. A man calls him "Bandit". 5AM The 35 year old black military guy is living next door again in apartment 18 with his teenaged son--they turn on their wall heater. They leave and I go over there and the son comes back for something and I tell him he should turn off the heater when he leaves--not safe. I go into their kitchen and look for something to eat or look in the pantry to see if they have anything. A voice asks, where shall we eat. I put on black socks (they're my pink anklets at first) and they come up over my knees but are anklet in style in the band--I study them and a voice says it doesn't matter if they're pink or black. I'm wearing a T-shirt I sleep in but with the above the knee socks (like I had in high school) it looks like a short dress. I go to get a gray sweatshirt jacket to go with it.

11/14/01 5 of cups/R [hope is brought back by the return of a friend] 8 of cups [let go of the lifeless, concentrate on meaningful--may cause feelings of depression] 11PM Picture of men standing at a creek blowing into the water with straws. Keko. "Dump it, spin out of control, there's nothing you can do with it." I go over the details of the 5 of cups/disappointment in my mind and see the tower with the hole in it. A voice says, "I look through the little hole in the tower so I can see the sorrow." "Looks old fashioned." "We don't need a spiritual opening, she's in our hearts." I go over the 8 of cups/indolence in my mind. But this time I see a different picture than on the real card-- a big angel with dark blue feathery wings that goes up to the edge of a cliff and looks off the edge. It looks like the angel on the Lovers and Judgement but I'm behind the angel and see the back of it's head and wings. "Sigmoid octopus." "The doctor told me if I fell down and hit my head there's be no cheese in it." 115AM I listen (pictures) to a voice talk about terrorism and young pilots. There are two incidents already and I can't join some organization--I'll lose my edge to act alone. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep this up--will become too routine (the young pilots) and I won't be able to pick it out of the background. Voice says, "Birdnies and Sheila Bird." Falling asleep-- scribbled writing-- I just watch and it works again. A voice talks and another ...illegible...and boys. 5AM There's no more room around the water--which is a small round lake like a volcanic lake--black volcanic soil around the lake that the women are lying on to sunbathe with no towels--there are so many women they are shoulder to shoulder and no more room for me. I walk through them and feel their hair on my feet and nudge one woman's head with my left foot. I find a round table with a bench on the other side but there's a man talking in front of the crowd--looks like a comedy club. The girls all took off their jeans along the fence and my legs are already tanned. The bench is under bright lights but the girl next to me says we're in a shadow--no tan. I squeeze in between some women in a cove. Then I'm standing in a closet with shelves and a white woman has moved to this city and has no where to live yet. She can't find her husband--has been paging him. He comes back and has been with a 16 year old girl-- is a Northrop supervisor with a tanned face. The girl comes in and is wearing a bathing suit. The women question her and she says she feels great but they examine her for bruises and say she's under a spell and doesn't feel great. Some young girls are eating lunch at the tables-- slices of meat they stick to their palms and say are disgusting shapes and grab off each others hands. I have a bathing suit of shiny gray fabric and look inside for the fabric content before I put it on. A voice says happily it's a small plus size--size 17 I see in it. A woman dances around the room with me and says, I want to eat and be eaten. [When I wake up I wonder who all those women are-- the ground looked like the river in Philip Jose Farmer books where dead people live.

11/15/01 Page of Wands/R [proud, intolerant, cruel, cowardly, young] 1030PM Are you Father del Rey? 2AM I see a list of coded messages/headlines and read only one by the time I realize it's a dream and then wake up to remember it. The one I read is down a ways since it is scrolling. It says, "This is Dan." It is lettered with "O", "P" and "Q". Then the "O" disappears. It means Islamabad. Almost illegible--I wond of off in 5 and 10 before. I wake up and am wondering what Islamabad disappearing means and a loud voice says, "It's a Jew's view of Europe." I wonder if P and Q is watching your Ps and Qs or is the Alpha and Omega of the alphabet. 5AM In a big Costco. I don't go in. I'm just in the lobby. I'm in the bathroom and a motor is damaged and running in a water pipe. A Filipino man is working nearby but out of sight and Willie Robles comes by to check on me. I have to walk all the way to the end of the store to turn off the light and walk back across it in the dark--lots of shelves of stuff--so I think I'll have to try to pay attention to where everything is. I have to go back to jail in Iowa. My sentence is 15 years or 15 months. I'm very panicked and dismayed inside but outside I'm calm and just mention to a shadowy woman beside me looking at the paperwork that they give women (longer) sentences than men in the Midwest--I saw it in a book by a woman lawyer. I'm not fighting it. I'm not sure what I did--seems like the IRS (secret accuser?) The woman is sympathetic and says they don't define the terms or give the steps to do things and it all hinges on one or two words. The word I see is RAMPANT but it is divided like in the dictionary RAM PANT. I rinse my hair in the hand basin and say something about how my husband never knew about how to do this. [I grew up in a house without running water and washed my hair in a small white enameled pan with red trim.] Willie says the motor is damaged and will never stop making this noise. I was holding it to stop the vibration. Out in the street I stop next to an outdoor cafe - I seem to be in a convertible so am on the level with the cafe which is up on a dock. A young black guy with a thin face is in the next booth to a couple playing dominoes and he's in love with that girl. He reaches across the low wall and makes a move with the dominoes. Then there is a girl in that booth and the couple is leaving and the girl reaches across to shake hands (no hard feelings) with the girl alone. She touches only the ends of her fingers, but the other girl makes her take her whole palm-- has drifted away and fumbles with her hands, then pulls herself back to her hand. The girl that got the guy says she's very happy and walks away like a model with her folder balanced on her head. The wind blows it off right away and spills a manuscript falls on the ground but when I look at it, it is large Tarot cards about six inches tall and they seem to be from a Pinochle deck because there are a lot of the same card. The cards fall in a reading on the ground and I see a lot of hearts. The card is white with a large pink or red heart on it and they are in two vertical columns. The girl becomes distraught and says, "oh, no, I've had very high blood pressure for a long time and didn't know it." She puts down more cards in the empty spots and gets a few more of these hearts and I think she's going to need a heart transplant! Then I walk through Costco up and down three aisles and they are planted with a vegetable garden that look on the verge of over-ripe to me. I ask Mom if she wants to pick a bushel of tomatoes. In the last row are some plants that are just coming up that my boyfriend planted and I wonder why he planted them so late--it's winter. They have round leaves and look like baby radish plants. I thought at first he'd planted a flower for me to find--very sweet of him. I walk up the row and the plants have grown up and are Jack In the Pulpit type plants they put in malls (Hawaiian plants) but these are red instead of white. Also, the fuzzy part is on the tip of the red "flower" leaf instead of at the base. I pick one and examine it. Then I run into a table and John Byrne says he got a call about missing timecards and lists off about 15 names. I get a pen and grocery list and tell him not to tell me, I want to see how many I can remember. I think the first one was Rudy, but can't remember one of them! Plus, the pen is new and won't even write. So I forget that and go on to something else. I realize all of a sudden in the Costco lobby among the snack machines that I only have to work in jail the same amount I worked on the job and I was part time. I only worked half a day--so I'll be in jail 22 hours a week. I wake up wondering if I can do the time in 24 hours or 3 day

11/16/01 11/9-15//01 meditations A man kicks dirt on the front hooves of his superior officer. Horse with the head of a man saying, "I've got to be believed." Paint on floor. Part of your land is cut to pieces and you live as someone else. Still uncalled for, it's a bad day for stuff. Four coins on a keyring. They are different countries money--first is red paper Vietnamese money, the second one is two pennies (tails). The third one has a number on it--1780 [previous dream of my last happy life--as the third wife of a Chinese man-- I see a picture of 4 circles and the 3rd has a dotted line around it. May have been the woman with dark hair down to the floor and daughter with the same hair who drove back and forth to San Francisco in one night.]

11/15/01 cont'd 7PM A kid in a store has the same asthma medicine as I so I tell him to drink mine--which is red liquid. He mutters, I'm going to drink again. A tall man dressed as a Santa Claus but with layers of cloth on his shirt front, which is black or red silk. I come up to his chest and kiss it. He bends down and kisses me on the mouth and won't stop. Then I have to climb into a car that is suspended vertically off the ground like it's jacked up. The car is probably on a tow truck but is standing straight up balanced on a bumper but not touching the ground--it swings like it's hanging from a chain like the pony Babe from the dead wagon after they shot her from her sleeping sickness coma--I try to open the door and climb up on the frame. I kick the tall thin man, thin blond hair, out and go around checking all the curtains for cracks so he can't look in and see me masturbating. Then someone asks me something and I have to climb up in the car somehow and I forget about it--car swinging like a stirrup. High step like into the tow truck.

11/16/01 6 of wands/R [pride] Daylight-- I'm at a beach resort in a fenced off area. There's a part to my right where they keep the "good fighters" and they come by and get one out to fight a prominent warrior. Pat Dooley is the next one they get out. I just finished a fight myself in a barn where I closed the door until I had my weapons ready. It was a horse I was to fight--Spook, the crazy horse (bought from a trail ride) of my youth that came up behind the mother cat that carried distemper like Typhoid Mary, Calico, sitting on the fence post sunning herself in early spring and skinned her tail with his teeth. I get the idea the enemy is big but just looks like a horse to me--seems to be standing on two legs--a horse could rear like that--it looks surprised;defeated, ghostly--cavernous mouth-- though Spook didn't rear, he bucked and scraped you off on telephone poles or low-hanging branches, rolled on the ground when he had spring fever, and if you walked through the pasture, he and the two ponies, Christie the mustang and her daughter Donna the Arabian, ran straight for you from the top of the steepest hill and swerved aside at the last moment. Voice says, "you have to go out and learn or you're axing for it"--that's Ouija boards terminology. I look around suspiciously and can't find an empty box/coffin where someone went before I did. While the horse is threatening (rabid raccoon) at the door (the barn door is the kind divided in two and I am closing the top part too) I am walking back and forth through his territory transferring what are supposed to be baby mice from one cage to another. The mice are very large and have thick black hair and still seem to be asleep when you pick them up. They don't have large genitals like the ones in Petco. I transfer the mice one by one but dawn is coming and they'll be waking up soon. I go right through the line of fire. The horse rears and his mouth looks cavernous. Lito says, "they come after me." I ask him, "mice don't carry their babies (from place to place) do they?" (good answer) Then I go on to the seashore and am at a nice resort looking but crowded, fenced strip of sand (Australia--fence for sharks?) and a voice says, "do something" so I start sweeping the sand smooth but say I could do it much better if I had a tractor (also the way I got past Spook in the pasture when he charged) the workers use on the beach. (phenomenal) I hear tractors when it's time to go home from work--especially at the Federal Building in 1982--every night around 4PM--also the sound of a flag clip hitting a metal flagpole like at the school when I'm falling asleep. I heard tractors all day at Mom's house by the old coalmine in the country where it's quiet. If you complain the computer immediately sends you another email. When they take a man from the "fighters" pen (Venice Beach--the street is Apian Way where Pat Dooley used to live in Santa Monica where the body builder laid out in his yard) to my right I think that we should all go right now and fight together but two women and I cower at the far side of our fence into a bay. I find the door. I see a woman (Penelope Cruz) whose supposed to be pregnant but her housedress hangs on her--she's thin. A voice says they get money for it--so they go immediately (to a sham fight). I cling to a woman's flowing white skirt blowing in the breeze--I'm an infant. Ed Cross walks towards me from a distance and has some big tablets with the answers written on them (like Moses). Faith and Elaine both found middle names. They picked a time when I was very tired to attack...a cultured quiet clipped voice, says, "and it took 90 days"--this comment finishes the sentence. Someone is spending the money trying to get (buy) extra new children for the school. When I was fighting the horse I thought I had to go against his teeth and hooves but people were observing and commenting. I pushed him out and said I wasn't ready yet and shut the door kindly. He was a raging stallion. Someone wants to borrow my sledge hammer. There is a big bottle of whiskey to throw out--expired date. I have to go fight while the details are still clear in my mind. I think the fighters are being thrown to the wolves one by one. My hair is dark and I can sit on it. Cut them (tree branches) because they touch the house. Rebel leader doesn't come to save the girl because of his travel budget. He was showing how good he was--the hearts from the previous dream were the 10 of hearts from a regular deck of cards--not Tarot cards--not 10 separate cards. I see the strategy of the blond man (Pat Dooley) as he fights. He finds stuff in the internet (about him) and throws it in the stallion's face-- "YSSAF." 8AM I'm watching a movie about a couple, the Mayers, and Lana Turner arrives in a blue and white polkadot dress--it's a black and white movie. Lana's hair is wavey and she looks about 30. I'm wrapped like a mummy and carried somewhere. A voice says, "Yadaz/Lot is man's lot because he's lazy." I look through the apartment wall into number 16 and down into a new enclosed garage where some kids come up to the open door and say, "Trick or Treat". I think no one will give them candy on Nov 16th. There is also a small Christmas tree that was just one branch of a tree in a shallow pan of water. I'm throwing it out, the shallow pan is full of needles that look like Redwood or Sequoia and a man asks a Filipino woman/Emily walking past who used to live in number 15 if she wants it--she's on her way to get her bar. The city that's inside the fort. I'm in bed with a couple and their daughter and they are talking about a naked woman walking down the street to a pool and the how the rich Filipino woman in number 1 gets all that money. I live in a house on stilts and men are pushing a new gold kitchen stove up a ramp and also carrying up bottles of propane for it--will use it sparingly. Voice says, digging through the panic--that's where old Bibles come from. A voice says Oct 15th is when you start planting potatoes. Leave--I believe that's going to be acceptable. PGS month. I'm in the old house on Larch and there is a baby walking in a diaper--holds up 3 fingers when I ask how old. There's a 4 year old nearby also says the baby is 3. Next year-- she's trying to improve her dedication. Whose idea was it to let the solutions take so long--it wasn't mine. I'm in the body of a blond dead woman who's not happy--she pushes on the end of her coffin with her feet and makes it spin. [Former Abu Sayyaf hostage pregnant Zamboanga |By Alex Young | 08-11-2001 Reina Malonzo, freed woman hostage of the Abu Sayyaf who was abducted from Basilan five months ago, is three months pregnant.
Deputy Chief of Operations for Southern Command, Col Francisco Gudani, who made the announcement, said: "Malonzo has become emotionally attached to Abu Sayyaf leader Khadaffy Janjalani. It is why we are having difficulty getting information from her. The authorities say she is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome." Abu Sayyaf leaders abducted Malonzo, a nurse by profession, from the hospital in Basilan on June 2. Malonzo was apparently 'forcibly married' to Janjalani sometime during her five months as hostage, said Armed Forces Spokesman Brig. Gen. Edilberto Adan earlier. DEAD: Atef, who is also known as Sobhi al-Sitta and Abu Hafs el-Masry, is believed to be a former Egyptian police officer. He was born around 1944 in Minoufia, north of Cairo. Egyptian Jihad assasinated Anwar Sadat in the 1980s.]

11/17/01 9 of swords [depression/cruelty] 2AM "Tie it up, Diana." At least he'll have to jump down from the roof. There's a guy trapped on a roof. He's written a warning about.... and says.... 7AM I read a Will. It starts out, "She says 22 years and we have to respect that." "NO, in his reign you would help him." Karla Clark, my kindergarten friend I stayed overnight with comes in to where I'm doing laundry in the basement and takes me upstairs. She puts one phone off the hook beside me and goes to another one. I think she's talkig to a salesman about a house she's having built (but at the same time it's a car and a funeral plot he's selling). I can tell from her side of the conversation, and she turns the reciever out so I can listen too--that she has to agree to a basement or he won't build the house. I tell her I never heard of basements in Los Angeles--it's absurd. The salesman appears in the room and then I can hear his side of the argument too-- he says, where will you go in earthquakes? I point at the plate glass window beside me and say I could step through that in an earthquake, but not out through the dirt in the basement. I have to carry a heavy load. The salesman is very tall, white shirt unbuttoned at the collar, washed out hair--he may be an actor also. I have to get back to my laundry and the washer appears in the same room. I take out the clothes and there is a wedding dress (white net) in with a lot of other clothes. I wonder if the wedding dress was washable--it is all folded up. Karla asks if I'm doing anything--it is Wednesday night in the dream and I tell her watching TV. She asks if I watch three (popular?) shows. I can't remember the names--one is about pioneers and The Corpsman. Salesmen work from scripts. I'm working on something long on legal size paper on the copier and she approves of that. Voice says, "Cutting Cheney out of your life (like donuts)." I see a map and the names of three countries, Poland, Canada and Israel. [Karla's mother worked nights at a donut shop and her mother said not to go down in the basement-- her dad molested her down there, I thought when I was 5, she always smelled like pee at school.] I practice being the middle, quiet, unnoticed child. Someone asks if Dad would approve something and I say I don't know him that well. Everything ripped apart but seems okay--cheerful. There's a river there anyway, (down the middle of the USA on the map) I say. The Great Lakes will have to be thawed for the project. "Has been cautious about making obscenities about you"-- a metallic voice says this quietly. I jump on a horse and run like hell. A woman complains about rough treatment of her purse. I grab mine (my glasses in there, someone might step on) and a guy reads from a yellow ticker tape about my mother's past and life--a list of foods she put up in the freezer in the basement--12 pints of strawberries, 40 pints of corn. 1130AM I am surprised to see Eugene Hamilton in the Management Support Chief's office. It's his first day and he's constructing a wall between his desk and the office wall. The new wall has garden scenes painted on it. His boss, John Crawford (I don't see his little cigar) comes in to check on him. Eugene (retired Air Force sergaent) looks different-- is bald shiny head like Martin Burnham, the hostage of the Abu Sayaff. I ask him if he's going to take over payroll from me and he says Jerome will be coming over soon too and will do that or pricing checker. Tony Escobar walks by twice and makes us come outside-- heavy double glass doors-- to talk to him behind the barn. Gene comes out after I do and has to sit down on the ramp the cows walk up--he's very weak and can hardly walk. Tony starts lecturing everyone standing around (on the Stockholm Syndrome). Gene had walked around the aisles of the office with me back to my cubicle and my wall is now decorated with green bottom, blue top and garden scenes (like the 9 of pentacles--cottage in the country, not the 9 of swords--a death bed). The scenes are of Ireland and Gene squats by my wall with a tin bucket and says he collected small things to bring back by throwing them in the bucket. I tell him I saw his travel orders earlier in the dream so I knew he was in Ireland for two weeks for a class or on Government business. He says he was in Northern Ireland. There was a big block of dreams in the middle of the night I can't remember-- just that it seemed like a crossroads in Ireland.

11/18/01 Knight of Wands/R [If the Knight of Wands is: don't face your problems before you come to them; reversed must mean: face your problems before you come to them] 130AM I read in a book, "His eyes grazed the room. It was like being in love with all of it. It's not true. If he got through--picture of coins in a hand (6 of pentacles is another card for today--has the radioactive man on it). Also drums (drumb) being felt by the second/2nd (in a duel). 5AM A man in white robes holds up a printed page and I see printed in the middle of the page and snaps me awake--"As soon as I prepare my DVP (means I think Vice President). Suffering, it's very cold, I've been delerious and think no one will listen to me. 7AM I'm walking through a field and come to the cow pasture and see Spook, Fatso and Lady. Spook looks different-- longer fur under his chin like Babe, the pony, but no pinto spots. I pick up a long dried weed stick and hit him across the nose and hit the two dogs also. It's at the creek by the doctors' driveway easement through Mom's land. I think about bad karma and them hating me and think how sorry I am that I hit them. (Voice breaks in: a big monster come in to most of your movies--deep calm male voice.) The horse might become permanently damaged--flinch away--the nose is the most sensitive spot. Then I see Fatso about ready to bite off a little black puppy's tail (when I wake up-- it looked like a rat's tail). The puppy was black like Fats with a brown tail (Fats had brown eyebrows). I tell him no and push him away from the puppy before he kills it. He says, "I'm afraid of it." (a son). He pushes it along with his nose. the tan ones are female like Lady and the black ones are male like Fats (real life, Fats was Lady's puppy; she had two-- a real big one (Fats) and a small one). Fats says he's hungry and snuggles up to me, says he'd like some meat, bread and gravy. I don't have any food in the middle of the pasture and he says, "I guess dogfood" (resigned voice). I say, dogfood and gravy... the dogfood makes gravy when you put water on it. I look and he has two bowls and has only taken one bite out of his dry dogfood and the other bowl is full too. I push the black puppy up to Lady's nipple-- it might be the runt and die but there's also a very small tan one (pink right now). There's a big pile of 6 puppies to be given away already. Earlier, it was Sunday (like real life) but I got up at 5AM and started out for work. I realize I'm driving when a girl in white on a bicycle passes going the other way in the middle lane at the 405 freeway. I run over a sawhorse and there is a rectangular hole in Rosecrans at Aviation with a pile of dirt beside it and another sawhorse--looks like a grave--with a man with dark thick hair digging. Then I ride across rolling hills in an unfamiliar area--dry grass on the hills the plant guy described as beautiful golden grass. I wonder why Mom didn't stop me from going to work on Sunday. The road becomes gravel. Then I go up Mom's driveway to the barn gate and decide to check the cows. They forget to check them-- don't even check once a month--just let them graze. I stand behind a tree with a lot of sticks hanging down and to the left is a valley or draw. "Capturing silly people." "They are thinking of throwing tear gas into the stadium where we've all gone (tribesmen) for shelter." Voice says, "this killing invites tolerance." Then I'm in the closet with the empty box for some electronic thing and a voice says it won't hurt me. There were two big men in the stadium--one with a mustard yellow T-shirt and a necklace (Egyptian). Another man says he could dig up the pipes and fix them. Another man shoves him--he's in a white shirt. 10AM At work I walk through the building to solve a problem and come to Anita-- everyone had been saying she was coming to work at Northrop again (after quitting) and the day has come. She was with a group of women waiting at the DMV for their number to come up on the TV screen and there are some sugar cookies for sale for 50 cents each. They are very detailed with little wreaths made of coconut on them. Down a hall are glass windows with expensive men's brands of accessories and cologne displayed. I can smell the cologne right through the glass, it must be strong--drives me away. Voice says, "we did it for a dramatization for the cops--threw a kid in the street. We killed the kid actually." Apollo tells me there is a peep show and when you look in there is nothing there-- hirings comes to nothing. Set password and flush it down the toilet. The Pakistanis move to grip (grab) a star and they fall over. I follow Anita as she walks to her office and I find paper on the ground like the garbage kids in Afghanistan and a voice says it is used for toilet paper. She is going to show me pictures of her daughter's baby. She (I would) feel too young to be called Grandma. Voice says, "it is a car wide open come from Medicineville, Colorado." Her office is old, a lot of wood, a huge garage door size window that is open and she says the view is high up over the city. She starts working on some contracts and I say she got the same deal as Rick Prehoda--I hope she got the same high pay. She asks if I want a book of a Chinese prophet named Mingo and I see that now she's compiling/mapping predictions on a blotter calendar and she points to the significant days and puts stars on them -- December 5th and 20th (and November 21st). She is writing in Chinese now beside the English notes she made on each day. She asks me if I want kids-- I'm sitting beside her on the bed and am going to tell her a bedtime story but I look and she's fallen asleep. Describe your life as a kid--whoever liked me. Did I ever run. Did I ever keep a smell from you. A red spot on a butt. We don't want anyone to pay us for it. Keep it to yourself. I see a guy who has a website called Real Camera. The years 1992 -1994 you can look at free. This guy is good. I see a book cover-- the title is The Presents: The Country Against Aging. [The desperation of the beleaguered Taliban in Kunduz was reflected in an incident last week when six Arabs blew themselves up in front of the advancing Alliance forces at Dasht-i-Archi, near the Amu Darya river that marks the border with neighboring Tajikistan. NOTE: did they "build their own bridge over the boatman, across the river of death or 6 of swords?] [The Pope hosted a similar meeting in Assisi on October 27, 1986. (new one January 24, 2002) During that session, nearly all parties in armed conflicts around the world adhered to his appeal and laid down their arms for 24 hours as a gesture of peace while the meeting was held. Pope says, ``At this historic moment, humanity needs to see gestures of peace and listen to words of hope,'' he said. In his address Sunday, the Pope also urged Roman Catholics to hold a fast for peace on December 14. By abstaining from food, the Pope said Catholics could help concentrate their prayers for a world where peace is stable and founded on justice. Father Vincenzo Fortunato, a spokesman for the Franciscan order in Assisi which hosted the 1986 peace meeting, said: ``For us, this shows once more the spiritual genius of the Pope who is again trying to influence the world with the power of prayer. We are delighted he is coming back for this and thank him.'' ] 11/18/01 cont'd 2PM OWS bombs two police cars-- I see them putting bombs under the cars. Voice, "show her where to put it back." 4PM I'm in some country. I park my truck and and come back and my black female cat I borrowed has another cat--I get a feeling as soon as I walk up to the truck and see that I left the window rolled down, or the cat rolled it down. Their limbs toss around in the darkness--the sun went down while I was going through my purse on the lawn in front of the truck trying to find my mailbox key. Earlier, I'd woke up in the dream sitting in the left turn lane on Pacific Coast Highway driving south from the Hyperion Sewage Treatment Plant in El Segundo. I immediately tried to turn left onto Rosecrans with a big truck coming at me in the other lane but was horrified to find that I was paralyzed and my arms were pinned at my sides and I couldn't raise my foot to press on the gas pedal. [The Year of the Cat hate violence, I had just read before going to sleep, and the worst violence they'll do is to straitjacket you by force if backed into a corner.] I wiggled and wiggled and finally got my hand down on the gas pedal and got across before the delivery truck hit me. I tried to figure out why I was paralyzed and found I was wearing a heavy Navy pea style coat I bought in high school. I park at about Orville and Wilburs bar (houses there in the dream) but the lights in the houses aren't on and I'm under a tree and decide to just get back in and forget the mail for now. Three men (straight black hair like Indians) commuters coming home from work walk in the street, a mousy woman in a long tan coat goes into her house and the lights don't come on and I see some kids peeking at me from the other house--through the blinds and hear them say they're going out for pizza. I reach in the half open window and unlock the truck door and get in and ask the cat if I can tell her from the male and if anyone owns him or should I just keep him. She says, "yes." The male jumps out and walks up a driveway past the garbage cans and I see he's a huge Bobcat (has no tail and has whiskers sticking out at the sides of his face) but he is (black and white) tigerstriped. I finally get back to the mailbox, which is at the T-crossroads where Rosecrans ends at PCH and get it open without the key and there is a lot of mail. On the ground first of all is a letter I sent under an assumed name for Devon to a rock star. The envelope is a nice gray color. I get back a box top for Weight Watchers, a free pair of jockey shorts in red cheesecloth that the ad says are suitable for Jewish women, and Tampax--not a good mail day. But there's also a letter from my mother. I've broken off the door of the mailbox and figure out the whole group of boxes (look like Purple Martin boxes) move up and down a pneumatic pole and I pull it down and it slams into the ground like a falling tree cut down by a lumberjack. The mailbox had a rubber coated phone cord tied to the top hinge (Cats also hang themselves if their houses burn down.) My brothers and sisters are helping me by this time. They go into the nursing home to get a new mailbox to slide over this one. I hear two men-- prominent world leaders in long coats-- standing nearby and I almost slammed the mailbox down the pneumatic pole and hit them. It shook the ground. They are talking to each other and one says, "you saw yours (double) and now I saw mine." this is a bad omen. One of the men comes over and I think he's going to embarrass me in front of my relatives and he asks if I have a Tampax. I just got one in the mail. [New Moon three days ago on Thurs]

11/19/01 9 of pentacles [gain] Strength/R [exercise] 11PM All the way from last year when my father died (King Harbor, Marina). The dolphins braided (in the water). 130AM The same scenes over and over. He wants this story. I go over it several times. There is a scene I pinpoint of a bedroom and a father. It changes from that point, different scenes result. There are some Chinese landscapes, water scenes. Someone comes along and wants to see it again. I go to a landing on some stairs and close my eyes and sit across a coworkers lap on a bench. There are hanging olive drab straps dangling from the ceiling--looks like an airplane interior. Voice, wash an egg and your fingers get dyed (Easter). Full skirt, heels, RAF, Long Beach. The scene is a nude woman's breasts also. I have to pick it out of the background. A song in my head playing, some of the words are "What if I." Voice says, I can't see the mine. Are getting married, noisy, howlers, must put it all together. Juanita has been holding up the number 20 over and over every time I fall asleep. I have to find my way back myself from somewhere. A voice says to pass 2 freeways-- 35 and 116. A librarian asks if anyone has gray hair. She has a lot of it, she says, I mention that don't have any yet-- most people start getting gray hairs in their 20's I say. She gives me a big pile of magazines about Sufis and I say, for me? They must be very valuable. No peace and quiet. Has fallen in love with the long list. I pick up all my stuff which is in hollowed out spots in other people's stuff. My books, papers, posters, toy ghosts and a man asks if we are throwing away the Halloween mask (he's standing behind a moving van). We each write a book--I see the number 20 degrees (farenheit) in Juanita's book when she holds up a page. A girl says she'll help a man in the backseat. When I'm sorting out my stuff I see a blue paper bag in with some ordinary brown bags. The tops are twisted shut. They belong to a tall white guy. There are piles of books out in a yard like someone was squirreling them away in front of a house with a lot of metal and windows.

.11/20/01 5 of pentacles [poverty, lonliness, physical suffering]

11/18/01 news story: Astronauts complain about noise on the International Space Station. 11/20/01 news story: The driver was one of those killed Oct. 24 in the Gotthard tunnel (10.6 miles long) after his truck swerved in front of an oncoming truck carrying tires. The ensuing blaze raised temperatures in the tunnel to 2,200 degrees, .... driver's name was Aslan Seyfi, a 45-year-old Turkish citizen... Belgian truck carrying insulation. His body, identified by DNA analysis, was found 300 yards from the crash site, just short of an escape door, the prosecutor said. The body of the other truck driver, a Paraguayan who also held Italian citizenship, was found in his burnt-out cab and also identified by DNA analysis, officials said. Survivors reported that the Paraguayan driver had reached safety but made the fatal mistake of returning to his truck to retrieve something, officials said.

1130PM I cure you from assassinating. I see a scene in two (in front of both eyes separately) of a dusty plain and horsemen riding across it--mountains in the distance. I'm on a small grassy hill that is faintly green. The scene lasts only a few seconds and fades away. I am reading a list of meanings for a Tarot card: "touchable, brazen." 3AM I reach a well or hole in the ground and the only thing in there is my dream notebook--dream about my leg being paralyzed driving/hurt my knee last night sitting cross-legged on the floor. 10AM People give me advice through the dream. I'm at an old discount place with a leaky roof. The woman in apartment 5 is there too and we walk past some very large donuts that I want and she ignores and she orders an ice cream cone. The clerk has a lot of style and gives me a root beer float. But when I drink it, it is lemonaide with strawberry ice cream floating in it. He says it costs 75 cents and I give him a quarter and 5 cookies the size of dimes. Then I find a $10 and two $5 in my wallet behind some shredded lettuce. I was looking at blue and green striped jackets with a large white pull ring at the neck. I was looking at one with an ornate, thin gold band but my apartment manager pointed out a larger one that looked like gold metal edges on white jade. I look for one my size and they are all gone by the time I look again. I was looking at a big bottle of pearl color fingernail polish that had been returned by another customer because of Trenton Glue, a note on it said, and a woman reached around me and took the last jacket. Then we went upstairs and realized the store was going out of business-- there was hardly any merchandise left except for a pile of hams and the giant donuts. The manager says, Oh, oh, going out of business. It has started to rain and the roof leaks like a sieve. The rain is coming down everywhere as if you were outdoors in the rain, through little holes in the ceiling. The food is watered down and the table and dirty dishes are under water. The jackets were $3.30. Earlier in the dream I was at a house with a sunken living room with several cement steps down to it. People are lying around in sleeping bags waiting for someone to tell them what to do. A baby boy crawls up to me and then gets in a box (private box) and he says, "you're not going to last much longer." I get the feeling I can agree or disagree. I say, "no." He says, what's wrong with you, the same as the rest of them?" The people in the house seem tense. Things are disordered. I hear a man say, "who am I going to have sex with today?" There was a game like Scrabble in the dream that a man was showing me. I asked if we could change a letter in a word like in Upwords game and he said not right now or no. The man took almost all the letters and made a long word -- "UNDERMINE." I look at my letters and there was only one left for me and I complain that we should put 2 of these games together to make more letters. I have only a "P" and a lot of punctuation marks. It is impossible for me to make a word. 2PM while researching Tim McVeigh, I hear a voice say, "Bar 6, Sheila." and "the demonstration limitations of the United States would be him."

11/21/01 4 of cups/R [luxury, unusual opprotunities] 10 of cups [very happy contented life, slowly move on to new things] Midnight Voice--"do you want to be right out there with the kids?" 2-7 AM I come to a room with a sour smell. I see two books of codes side by side. Then they change so that they are transparent. They look like computer screens--background is gray with red, white and black words. I get the idea that the transparent one recalls messages in the dream or the transparent one is the other one that has been recalled and faded. A man who doesn't talk (took a vow of silence) says his one word for the year and it is "CONSCIOUSNESS." I am reading a book about Luther Burbank and Mrs Burbank ripped out some plants or ripped up some notes. I don't think he had any notes. Voice, "somebody's gonna go back up there and help Ed." Ed gives me the impression of a horse as I wake up. I hear a woman say, "is it in the bank?" and then a man says, "uh, no." A voice saying, "Tell the people." Another one saying, "when I went to the fireworks warehouse...." --but I wake up in the middle of the sentence to write it down. 7AM I see a little matronly woman dressed in black like the woman on the 10 of cups and she is doing an audit of the training records (pink copies) in the office. There are 3 lateral filing cabinets full of them. She says there aren't as many this year. I think the woman looks familiar-- a busybody, maybe she looks like me. She says Vickie is having a Christmas ornament contest on her house with her neighborhood.

11/22/01 The chairs in the White House are blue and green stripes like in my recent dream. President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo was wearing a green and blue outfit of the same colors a couple of days before her visit to the White House. "Aflaki relates that Mevlana was so distraught (that Shams was
murdered--but see Lewis on this one!)that he went into the garden
alone and was not present at the funeral of his spiritual
guide.....On the 40th day Rumi ordered mourning robes of striped
Arabian cloth, and replaced his white turban with a honey-colored fez
made of camel's hair. "There is a story from the American Indian tradition that after God arranged the six directions--East, South, West, North, above and below--one direction was still left to be placed: the most powerful
of all, the one containing the greatest widsom and strength, the one
which led directly to Him. He looked to place this seventh, secret
direction where it could not easily be found. It was finally hidden
in the heart of man, for He knew it would be the last place that
humans usually look." from Rumi, The Hidden Treasure, Shems Friedlander, Fons Vitae 1998, pp. 43-44.

The card to study was World [success and liberation] The World card is similar to the Wheel of Fortune. They have four corners of the bull, eagle, man and lion. 2AM I see a woman eating coffee ice cream sprinkled with M&Ms. Voice says, "affixed in a cup of denial." I get the idea it's the Ace of Cups. The 8 of wands means email and reversed, don't lose your temper if things go to slowly or possibly confused if too fast to follow. 4AM Very tired, it seems like Sean David Morton is still talking from being on Art Bell radio until 2AM. He's talking about some disaster with an Eagle if things keep on the way they are. I'm freezing in the dream and it wakes me up--my feet are especially cold. Because I wake up, I remember he was showing me a Tarot reading and all I remember is the Wheel of Fortune. I go up and give it another spin like a roulette wheel. I think it's in the 10 space or outcome on the Celtic Cross but it is in the 7 space, hopes and is sealed off from the other cards in a glass box. He also says, "Thousands of A6 take cover behind a gasoline tower." I am amazed when he says, "Death on the Moon," (people). The apartment I'm in is very large like an art museum with a central courtyard and large balconies overlooking it from the second floor. We are on the second floor in a loft and some other visitors come in and look at the inventions, recording equipment, a CD with a faded shade of red cover with white outlines of the 4 members of the band. He plays his hit song twice and then I play it again for another man that comes in. He sells a single for $10. but it's on vinyl--he says anyone would buy it for that when I say I need to trade it for a tape so I can play it. I discuss my new computer with a group and one woman listens especially. I ask her why it made a folder for Sean David Morton--I tell her it is a good email-- it sings, starts predicting things, seems like it's on auto-pilot. She tells someone to read my theory. I go into another room on a lower floor and see Miss Cleo. As I walk past (dream time goes fast, so I try to estimate the free 5 minute reading she gives you) she tells me that I'm doing fine by myself with my work. Then she says I should take the man to Vegas where he can work as a comedian with a black guy. He thinks quick on his feet and makes witty comments. 10AM I'm in a mall and the prices are 10% off. I hear a girl tell her mom a black sweatshirt with a zigzag red embroidered design down the front is too expensive and she takes it off from over her bouse and throws it down on the bottom counter. I walk over to the rack to check the prices and some women ask me to sit down on a blue sofa over by the wall. There are three of them and they are blond middle aged women--Golden Girls. Two are dressed in blue on blue print dresses and the other one has blue skirt of the same fabric with a white blouse. They tell her she's in after one year and it's been 8 months. One woman asks me what I put in Venture teas. I'm not sure what she's talking about. I say "vinegar in a meat broth." She says she put in a lot of money. She says her daughter Angela is not interested in going to Harvard or Yale--she hasn't made any plans. They all garden. I start to leave the mall and look for my party and see a big white explosion in one part that blows up the white wall. The store is closing, it is 6 PM and I have to go out a different door. I end up following two workmen in blue uniforms instead of a crowd going out one door. I go down a flight of metal stairs painted blue and stop there because I was on the 2nd floor. I open that door to the outside and a little boy runs past me asking if ..... is out there. It is a warehouse and residential area out that door, so I don't let the door close. Then I climb up a flight of stairs but at the top where you have to climb across to the next flight is a treacherous sandy area over a long drop. I go back down and see a woman worker in blue pants and white blouse and ask her if she knows where a door to the parking lot is. She says, "A walker... at night--they love this." I go out that door and around the end of the building and there is a big campfire sizzling and crackling in the parking lot with a group standing around it right where the cars are. Voice, "some of this there were real people"--the voice is a woman's voice and vibrates funny like metal sheets of aluminum foil that are shaken, but a very high vibration. "18 hours of him." I wake up and feel like there is a stick I have to pull out that was stuck through my left foot where it hurts. A voice says, "it's a dagger."

11/23/01 Meditations I forgot to type from 11/21/01-- "take notes, got to take notes".... test pilot (new supervisor is one).... picture of a sitting man beside a highway.... "a dangerous place for all if none have been at work"... girl with a big duffle bag, smaller luggage behind her.... "August 3"....."to face the settlement..the settlement gasoline imposed on me." From 11/22/01 dream-- "Thousands of A6 take cover behind a gasoline tower." [Connections to Internet real life news articles: on consecutive days of November 6th and 7th 2001, Britain and China (met with VP Hamzah Haz and President Megawati Sukarnoputri respectively) made announcements about developing the vast natural gas reserves in Tangguh Papua.] Meditations from 11/22/01-- "only where there is great damage"...."don't flee to the 36th one".... "rendevous 6 hours each day".

11/23/01 Star [Pride, splendid revelations of the future] 2AM Pictures of: 1. man driving a jeep slides down a rocky hillside off the road--he was trying to turn around. 2. a woman quietly enters a dark room and lies down in bed--on the other half of the bed are animals like elephants--a pile of them. 3AM A picture of an airplane and a woman is reading a magazine on the aisle seat. A (Swiss) man in a red plaid shirt goes past her singing, "It Belongs to Me." A man with a railroad car full of red stuff says, "New way of doing.... break cookie..... keep 'em." 6AM I'm in a news story. I used it to get a number to gamble. It's about 46 mile island that has people put there. Have some disease. I look at the island on the map. It is long and thin--46 miles long. It is parallel to the shore and close to some continent, slightly curved like a scimitar. I look from the North end to the South end. The North end disappears. On one level they hate Americans but they are also sick. Exiled to the island maybe. A leader has recently died. "Leave me alone (a prayer) oh, Datam, because I'm about to rise on intelligence." Someone else comes in and the talk turns to politics. I hear faintly, "hey, wazzup." There is white dust and avocado green. Everyone is transported in one move--the scene is old wood railings like in an Old West saloon. A voice says, "avoid our little ambassador" -- it is a little white chicken. Voice calls and I gotta go. Someone shows me the North tip of the 46 mile island. Voice, "it's a Polaroid place."--trying to take pictures of ghosts. Switched all at once--things turned around my guide told me. But I was called away. Fat guy says something is going to happen because he's not wearing Levis--he's looking in a vanity 3-part mirror. His pants are flimsy and can rip--they are white baggy pants. Tiny truck load. Then I'm at Mom's farm and a tank with a very large tailpipe goes in the gate. The tanks (2) are small looking with very thick metal. They go up the hill behind the house following the cow path around the hill, but one goes up over the crest of the hill then. Voice says, Mr. Stewart is going to have a hard time--someone just heard them tell him to stay in there with his cows. There are a lot of people standing around--it's at work and I say now we'll have to get out the dish detergent and sabotage the tanks like in the Hungarian Revolution of 1956 against the Russians (dish detergent made the tanks slip off the roads) but I'm so tired I'm lying in a rectangular hole in the floor with my hands crossed on my stomach and I don't think there is enough dish detergent at work for those big tank tracks. You have to shoot up their tailpipes also. The tank that went straight up the hill turns into a blue semi-trailer truck and falls over backwards. I am lying in a hole in the floor, retangular like a grave and I just watch the truck fall down towards me and dirt falls in my eyes. It looks like from the angle it will miss us. A woman screams and dives into the hole on my right side. Someone said, "they're going up there after Baber"--up the hill (he's in the National Guard). I look around and the street lights are still on-- I think how ironic that they are fighting a war right around the civilians (and we will use guerilla tactics against them too). I go to see where the truck landed--there were some women coming in a door over to my right with a ramp and dirt out there. I see a dent in the dirt right outside the kitchen door and a black woman says, "I know what you're gonna say, it just missed us." But it landed on the roof she says (and I think--so that pile of dirt is just dirt it knocked down then). The first floor was also hit, she said. So the building is very solid and we are safe here. A voice says, "wait until they call in their planes." Queta calls up and tells me to make coffee with neutral tasting paper filters and serve it with papers and write down the names of the new people--I see the manila folder is empty of names. I had just spread out my map on the kitchen table-- there is another map on the other half of the table so I say, "only Siberia will fit on the table." I look at the map curiously because "Russia" is blue in color on the map--it is hanging off the edge of the table. I was going through my refugee stuff I'd taken when I fled and have some coffee which is valuable here and I was going to sell when I looked out the window and saw the tanks. Before that I was helping some girls get dressed to try to get lovers before everyone is spoken for. My brother scoots down some stairs with metal edges--he's on his butt, in his jockey shorts and I can see brown skid marks on them. We go to the clothes rack and it turns out he was a girl and she looks through the available dresses. She has a lot of men and must make a good choice. Voice, "it's amazing how families get that much closer to you" -- door slams. "The 805..... the 1818." Earlier in the night I'd dreamed I was on a train that derailed. It was out on the prairie-- looked like Arizona. (No mountains close by like in Colorado, no canyons like Utah.) "It's one thing to horse your memory. Grilled ashes. A man lives to 90 on a $28 body. A man shows me the good deal he got--in the refrigerator." Pictures on a computer screen coming closer and through me. 7PM Fort Banning. Snakes hatching...pictures of snakes or turtles carrying their babies on their backs. [I dreamed earlier this year of someone hiding below a woman's (dressed in black) kitchen in a deep well constructed with huge 6 inch beam shoring. Tonight there was a preliminary 6 earthquake in Afghanistan-- could be the "truck" the other women in my dream were not concerned with--caused dirt to fall.] [A train hit a farmer on a tractor--train from San Diego to Santa Barbara.]



10/8/01 Kursk being raised (will take 12 hours): ...sank in just 356 feet of water. ... twin nuclear reactors...remains of the crew will be removed for burial. Maybe the two butchered carcasses I saw in my dream yesterday... 1AM Young guy in a coffin--turns his head when the lid is raised to put someone in ("occupied"). 330AM Short fat woman, dark-hair in rollers, dressed in black shorts and T-shirt. I walk through and the kitchen is out of order--all torn up, in fact there is a tunnel down into the floor and I can see wood beams or framing about 10-15 feet down. The tunnel is about 5 feet in diameter. As I pass the woman (?) she says or a voice on my right does with an abrupt voice, "He died." I want to know more about him: he was sick, rode a bike to her house, she lost her reason for living/eating when he died, he can't get some book and is bored. I am skeptical he's dead if he's bin Laden--also, the male Taliban are the fat ones... 9AM I walk the length of the building to visit a woman who lives at the end of it at one PM. A man in
the office demonstrates how he can't see the big "E"--beside the Escalator. Apollo is chased by a large exotically many-colored stork The man talks like Raul Montes or Rick Prehoda. He talks to the woman and says he/I didn't show up (to see widow) because he has cancer (aside to me, he has to tell me too--a sore that doesn't heal). I think its a freckle on his arm or on my gum. The man told her he returned from the war last time and also has explosives on his job. Seems like someone else's dream, being dictated to me. [Sean David Morton mentioned in #74 that the bodies of the workers found by Marine finding of fact report FOF in the Afghani plant Clinton had bombed the day of the blue dress were wearing shorts and short sleeved shirts and Moslem galabayas (dresses).]

11/24/01 Queen of swords [widow]; 9 of pentacles/R [gain] 2AM "the wannabee discontents".... "at loggerheads over her misnaming the plant in the doorway"--picture of a girl standing in a doorway--there are trees and loggers outside the door, the girl is just looking out at them and doesn't go out.... "there have been other times with law-enforcement rising up" 7AM testicles-- a nude man walks up to where I'm sitting and his testicles are in my face. The whole rest of the night all I remember are things typed on screens. The background are blue-gray and the words are in regular type, not bold or large words. First I see two columns on the screen. Each column is a radio personality and their characteristics listed under their names. At first the left column just says "Radio Personality" and the right column says "Sally Chiuk" and under her name it says "Radio Preaching". Then I look at the left column again and it now has a name also "Charles Long" and it says under his name "guest says he came out on a 'silver ladder' (into heaven)-- he came out on the crusting" (upper crust) (crust of a volcano). I see a ski resort on Dad's road where the Men In Black crawled across the fence and were hunting and their dog Jocko disappeared. I see a woman relaxing with an expensive brown Chinese teapot (museum replica) and a voice says she "cooks cats". Voice says, "problems go back decades with Charles Long." Voice says, "when I was eleven, Occupied" (by enemy soldiers). 9AM Another screen I'm reading. This one is about "Sim Eqiuwalk". The explanation underneath says "Kim" "lived in a tragic time-- tree after tree fell". A man is singing a new song I've never heard before -- "Well I'm Gettin to the Rise". "Flagstaff." "It's my period." I could read a lot of this from a screen in the dream. It also continued after I woke up so I could continue reading. I would wake up completely to write it down after about 3 lines so I wouldn't forget but when I went back to sleep several times, the screen came back so I could read more. 2PM meditation -- a man trying on boots. I hear the thump of boots on the roof. [Another noise I have heard over the years is of a man's boots hitting the floor when he takes them on sitting on the bed. I've heard it since I was a little kid and the sound has followed me when moving from house to house. I also heard helicopters, sometimes right above me very close at times.] [Yesterday morning I reported a dream of a stewardess reading a magazine on an aisle seat and a Swiss man passing her wearing a red plaid shirt with a knife going towards the cockpit. The man was singing, "It belongs to me" as he walked past the stewardess. Swissair crash just now (at 10PM),flight from Germany where the Green party is discussing sending troops to Afghanistan.] [Abu Hanoud, Palestinian FUNERAL today: "Six months ago, he was injured when Israeli warplanes retaliating for a suicide attack at a shopping mall in Israel bombed the Nablus prison where he was being held. (also deputy and brother) killed Friday evening in the northern West Bank when their vehicle was hit by several Israeli missiles fired from a helicopter.] [Dalai Lama is in Portugal-- " He is also due to pray at Fatima"]

11/25/01 meditation at 8PM 11/24/01-- I see a some small "drowned rat" looking gray/pink animal wagging its tail back and forth in my oatmeal. A hand picks it out. A girl with a pony tail says, he doesn't hear you unless you live.

Star [is pride; also the 3 of wands--but it can be the tall dark stranger] and the Hanged Man [inner peace, faith, sacrifice] 1AM I see a book cover--hardback with blue sky color dust jacket (looks like A Fortune Teller Told Me) -- the title of the book is "Everythings in Two: Makes the War Stop." The picture on the cover is two sailors working inside a ship's electronics room. [I've been thinking about an old movie about the Old West where an outlaw can avoid hanging if a woman will take him.] A voice says, "between the cheapest medal on his chest aren't you" -- picture of a man's khaki chest with medals on it (go between them like a constellation of stars). "Even as you find the arrangements"--picture of Brittony Spears. I go back to sleep and dream that a guy tells me that when I just gave him a blow-job that I don't remember-- he was worried because it was orange with chunks. I go to the sink to get some water in my hand and almost vomit several times when I bend over to drink it. The sink is dark blue in color with hard water deposits and there are a lot of clothes hanging you have to push yourself through. I tell him maybe he's dehydrated and needs to drink more water. A voice breaks in (Jim) and says they've found a plastic bag that men can wear and unprotected sex is the lowest percentage now. 4AM My old boss, Lou Gizzarelli is going through some vinyl records in a familiar dream room with a record player. Some are in the wrong sleeves but when I start to write the correct name on one he sits down beside me on the steps and says we played a lot of them. Then he remembers that I quit Sierra Rubber after 3 years and says, "but you deserted me" and gets up to leave. I say, but I got another boss exactly like you-- Carl Tarantino. I don't mention the rest of the Italian bosses--starting with Mary Jane (name was something like Bagolino). A voice says, "I cleaned and cooked" -- the picture that accompanies it is helicopters flying in front of a big white cloud I think in the dream is the World Trade Center and there weren't any helicopters there. 9AM I'm waiting in line at an airport with a man who looks like Bill Arnold (pencil mustache). He was very nice, wanted to carry me through the airport and at first I thought we'd just met. I'm floating and I can see my bare legs and I put a foot on each side of him at the chrome railing so he can't go forward to get a ticket for the plane. I am trying to quickly remember if I've dreamed anything about the flight number -- which is on a blue sign and looks like 537. Some people with me help me discuss it--one kid runs over to see the number closer and says the 5 is really an 8 maybe. The man with the pencil mustache keeps changing roles and now he says, did you hear that kid? and goes to the head of the line, then comes back and says they wouldn't listen to the kid, who said, "they shot an arrow at us." The line is short and I think for a minute it is really a snack bar. I want to tell the man that a short line is a bad sign--not many people on this plane. A lot of people miss doomed planes. Then I leave with those people-- seems to be the pencil mustache man, a woman with broad cheekbones, and a grown son. We go to the buffet and take a shrimp, scallop and piece of fish each on toothpicks and sit down at a red table by the window in an alcove. I try to stick the toothpicks into cracks in the table so I can put down two and eat the fish which is raw, smoked apparently. The woman looks around and says if they don't come offer us plates, we won't pay. I continue talking to the thin man with the pencil mustache and ask him if he noticed I called him "boss" twice. He looks like Bill Arnold, my boss at Pioneer Seed (corn) company. In the dream it was in Grimes and Granger on the edge of Des Moines-- but in real life it was Johnston, Iowa. Mom told me she lived in those two towns as a kid and she took us there to see if she

remembered it right and there was a driveway she said had a big snake across it and her dad had straight black hair combed back and a pencil mustache. So it's Jim, Alice, and Louis or Grace and Lee (two possible generations). Her face isn't as thin as Alice's. The man says, "did you hear what he said to you?"-- "see you when I get back." I mention reasons he might have wanted to die on that plane-- cancer or for the good of all. I put my head down and cry but when I think, oh, no, asthma, I won't be able to breathe, there are no tears and I stop crying quickly. I also mention people that are nice to you for no reason like they are being to me. I am wondering to myself if I want to see Louis again since Mom told me her dad molested the girls and the boys (6 kids) -- most farmers have crazy looks in their eyes-- from the isolation. Earlier I was washing my face and chest in the hall in a fountain and get my bangs wet-- I see my face in the mirror and I look younger and have darker hair. I'm wearing a purple dress with big white buttons (from Burlington Coat Factory) and got it pushed down to my waist without unbuttoning it somehow. Now I can't get my arm bent enough to get it down the sleeve and am afraid I'll put on something too tight and get my arms pinned like in other dreams about clothes. I pull the hem up to cover my breasts and look down to see if I"m exposing the other end but I'm wearing gray sweats (Cindy Lipe-Batalaglu gave me from her Turkish boyfriend at the Northrop University store). I look for a restroom and the Men and Women both go into the same big room, but one section is all men (with dark tans) so I give up and leave. Outside I look over how to escape this building. Even if I scale the inside wall, which is notched like a fortress and red brick in color, the drop on the other side will be much farther and kill us if we jump. Someone jumped a car at some point in the dream and it's overturned in the street-- they point at a burned out hulk. Before that I was in a discount store and most of the stuff is gone and I think it's going out of business--surprised Walmart would go out of business but a girl is grabbing clothes and says it's the end of the season and they have to get rid of them. I wander in to work and one woman leaves the room and the others begin to talk about her. I ask if it was work I really do, not her and they say, no supplies--there are a lot of them in Margo's office-- piles of boxes of staples. A blond starts slathering on hand lotion and the smell drives me away. Outside there are blue, green and white doeskin rugs in front of a sofa and Margo is sitting on the buckskin one. At one point during the night I awoke in the dream in a situation I've been in recurringly in dreams-- of standing somewhere on the edge of a town and I don't know where I am. That has usually involved a LOT of walking on my part in previous dreams. So I am not in a hurry to set out and stand there looking around. To my left are piles of dirt with grass growing on the tops of them, town in the distance, flat roofs. I look to the right and am shocked to see a lake. Some men appear and I say I'm confused to see the Great Lakes, Lake Michigan, that far south in the Midwest or in Detroit. I can't remember if Detroit is on Lake Michigan. The men say, "Yes, that's Lake Michigan." It looks like Lake Superior in Chicago-- right on the sandy shore with waves coming in. There is a small isthmus going out into the lake and it looks huge because I'm so close-- almost like an ocean but the water is flatter and greener.

[>>(Bedi Begum was murdered by flogging at the order of the Taliban in July of 1999,one of 60 women to die as a result of flogging this year. This narrative combines the elements of several true stories about various Afghan women.)

I Stand by Your Ear Unseen By Sue Silvermarie, an American supporter of RAWA

I stand by your ear unseen.
Before the flogging they buried me to my waist in mud
One hundred times and one, they beat me with a cane.

[WASHINGTON (AP) - American airstrikes helped subdue an uprising by Taliban prisoners of war at a fortress in northern Afghanistan, U.S. military spokesmen said Sunday. Hundreds of the foreign fighters were killed. The uprising started among about 300 ``hard-core Taliban'' prisoners who had smuggled weapons into the fort and tried to fight their way out, Stoneking said. The Taliban fighters were not Afghans and were mostly from Pakistan and Chechnya, he said. The Taliban soldiers appeared to have planned the battle, ``which appears to be a suicide mission on their part,'' Culler said.]

11/26/01 4 of cups/R [luxury, new opportunities, ambitions reawakened] 11PM 4 of wands--test; 4 of cups dysfunctional family. "Minimalist life" 1115PM Picture of a man and woman in grass skirts on either side of the strand in Manhattan Beach. They don't want certain things said, interferes with their ceremony which is to mix rainbow or layered drinks and consume them. Drinks look like an oil spill. 2AM on August 11th bin Laden began on operation--he'd lost some of his equipment and got desperate. 3AM A young guy has two papers signed by/for his wife in his hand-- I see the name-- "Luciendo Viescu". She's working and he says he's doing it for her and the baby. She didn't know she was pregnant. He has suitcases of money--makes paper cuts on my hands when I pick them up. She makes great progress. .... I have had sex several times in the dream and have an abortion. I can feel the baby fly away and then the dead body inside my stomach. You aren't alive until you take your first breath. Man kisses me and says, "you learned that too" -- my mouth seems to be cored out by UFOs like they do in cattle mutes. Feels like a tunnel to outer space. Try to get the eyes open (all I can see is a black screen before my eyes). He can look through the telescope and see what I see. Picture of packed nostrils-- pressure in nostrils is 23,000 pounds. The body's there, it's not a real viable text (abortion). A hole puncher stuck in the muscles of my left shoulder. Man secretly paid for Santa Anita smiles. [Sergeant served US: THE WALL STREET JOURNAL Nov. 26 - The first clue came back in 1989, in a field outside New York City. There, within view of a secret Federal Bureau of Investigation

surveillance camera, stood five Arab men taking target practice at a rifle range..... Finally, early last August, a secret memorandum began circulating at CIA headquarters just outside Washington. Its warning was simple: Bin Laden appears determined to launch a terrorist attack - not abroad but inside the U.S. But the warning wasn't detailed enough to stop the terrorism it predicted. Meanwhile, Ali Mohamed, the first and probably best-placed al-Qaida informant the U.S. ever had, was sitting in a federal prison cell, awaiting word of his sentence - and no longer a potential source of information on what lurked up bin Laden's sleeve. ....USA Today 11/26/01.Perhaps most telling about