Home

Another dream help site stated that dreams of statues is an indication
that the dreamer will commit suicide.

I had a striking dream in my earliest dream notebooks of being on the
Apian Way and stopping at a deserted pink house where I found
two nude Roman statues of men in the closet. Other refugees came
along and I was embarrassed and put them back.

A few years later I told the dream to a woman (in a pink satin dress)
with three kids at a party in Chicago and she told me her dream
of giving a guy a blow job and she had sucked so hard she almost
had a stroke and then she looked up and he was a statue.


STATUE DREAMS

2/24/87 For several nights I dream about "end of the world" plots for movies, I think. Even
though the majority of people are dead there are trolleys that go to seven tourist parks that are
still there. There are quite a few other people visiting these amusement parks also. I walk
through the devastation from one park to another. I visit a TV studio and watch a stream of
consciousness or non-linear movie. The audience is (punk) mean boys who shut the lid of the
marble balcony and I can't see the movie. Then I go to Disneyland and the park is falling apart.
It has big plastic brightly colored statues of the Disney characters that the heads have fallen off
and are laying on the ground. There are lots of kids under two.
I am walking through a building in the future like our malls but there are bars as well as
restaurants in it. I go through Penny's and they have shoes and stuff I don't recognize, one
thing just looks like chrome bars. On the other side of the cafeteria is a circular moving
hardwood floor. It looks like a freeway and goes underground. There are signs and also a
loudspeaker warning that people get killed on this new transportation. I get on another one and
there are sweaters on the floor (ass deep) between the seats. I wonder if they are the sweaters
of all the people killed on the transportation (by a serial lady killer).

12/4/87 Walking through a new house or museum. Museumlike pool of water with ornate walls
and statues outside the door. A corridor lined with grass off into the distance. It's another
planet and I'm scouting it for a possible move. I have an advisor, which is a sort of horse that
you rode on but it could talk. It says, "what if the men are dangerous criminals?" I say, "we'd
better get a dog," and start looking through a catalog for a German Shepard. There is only one
page of dogs and the last two are types of coyotes.

In March '78 I was lying on the beach in Manhattan Beach near the pier and
had some sort of nervous breakdown that started with me lying on the cold
sand on the beach in March meditating and seeing two Easter Island type
statues in the sky right before the paramedic tapped me on the shoulder
(stupid surfers called 911.)

I go upstairs, Sally jumps out, she and another girl robbing people. I
say to take whatever they want. Then immediately I'm in the middle of a
circle dance. I start to break through circle, then don't, then circle is
going too fast. A man and I are outside and then it whirls around us. We
stand still. Voice, the worst is to stand passive and let things be done.
Dance ends, I hold up a large mirror/glass plate and all the women start
taking off their clothes. I take off my pants. I go to bathroom, it has
several rooms -- first has two fake stools, then a room with statues, then
room with green fur covered stools. I sit. Little dog with short curly
hair comes -- I say, did you come to help me (I'm getting the idea this is
a Church of Satan meeting) one bark. Are you my friend, two barks. Then
young man is there, I say, go away. He won't, asks if I ate meat, I say,
never, I'm a vegetarian. Then I think maybe they're going to eat me or
sacrifice me and say, but I cheat and I grab a piece of bologne and stuff
it in my mouth and laugh at him. He hands me a piece of cheese. When he
leaves, I spit out the meat, it has a bone in it too that gets caught in
my throat.Then I start telling him my dream as we
walk to the apt, he doesn't pay attention. There are posters in the
hallway -- woman that changes poses, side view by day (she's got pure
white skin), but at night -- fangs show in her mouth. She looks like
Vanessa Redgrave. Maybe she goes off her diet at night. Upstairs, I
throw down a steak I find on our landing -- it misses the garbage sack.

Jeanette and I go to work at the Grad College but all we do is sit and
wait. I go to basement, Jeannette stabs her hand with a knife, screaming.
Sally, our boss, takes a blouse, looks through scrapbooks, grabs me, very
scary. Mom, cottage cheese in diaphram. Voice, she wouldn't let me "have
children" before, but now she is supplying -- "having children" -- is
getting aroused. Man's voice, first time I ever heard anything but wish
to drag her in other room and fuck her. Man with chance ought to cut her
up -- she's a good thinker. [Sean David Morton interview of himself in a
future incarnation said that the people you reincarnate with killed you or
you killed them.] [Jeannette's twin sister stabbed her soon to be
ex-husband Air Force major in the hand with a fork for sending his steak
back in a restaurant.] Pat talking to Jesse -- map of Egypt, he says, I
remembered how the suicide ran, but couldn't remember others. Others run
into it, running at right angles to it, the wrong way.

We stop in a tunnel by the river to pick milk weeds
-- Mom breaks off the whole plant, Sandy picks open flowers, I say to pick
unopened buds. We pick the pods (unopened seeds) instead of unopened
buds. The car rolls away, I back it back up. It turns into a bicycle and
we brake it better. In the tunnel is a dump where someone threw away food
-- a sack of sugar, bananas, eggs. I throw an egg on the highway to see
if they're still good, then Mom does and they start to cook around the
edges. I find a tiny wedding cake, one inch first layer, 1/2 inch top
layer. Each layer is a different flavor and has the flavor written on the
edge. Dorothy points out that beyond the edge of the road, the sun is
shining. I take off the bride and groom and put on a black groom, white
bride further down on the chocolate cake, then a statue of people in a
cave, then one of a boy that said Happy Birthday. Mom (or Jean) has
another boy, I feel displaced. I eat half the chocolate cake and give the
rest to my brother (Nathan) who is sitting on the couch with Dad -- he's
younger and his feet are sore from something. He has other things on his
plate and doesn't really want the cake. I give the marble cake to my
sisters. They had the peppermint and white cakes. Then Mom is behind a
curtain in the cave fixing the picnic. We are getting full on the cake.
I am smiling and everyone else is somber.

Oct-77 In a field with a man -- in pictures we took with double
exposures. Man is posed with an ax upraised. In the background a horse
runs towards us, as it is a double exposure. The horse has two heads and
runs towards both of us. Then the field has a small horse and a girl on a
big horse. Man goes over the fence and tells me to follow. The horse
follows him and he catches it. Then the man says, "why didn't you follow
me?" The girl is amazed that I didn't catch a horse yet and insists that
I must. The dream starts with pictures -- proofs returned. In the first
picture my face on a red-orange background. Second -- bottom of face
reddish and top bluish. Later ones -- flawed nose of gold statue, new
piece put on -- has bricks, very Egyptian. Then pictures of other people
-- black lines on them from liquid. Out of focus picture of lots of
people hiding kids, then holding them up. Lots of pictures, a whole page,
of primitive women - they all have pieces of metal they wear or hold on
their bodies. In a room, Mom calling me to work, sisters following me,
pack my stuff -- packages of paper, roses cut. At a zoo -- elephant
(pampered, spoiled) with part of esophagus removed that leans on you. Man
and I start to leave -- through alligators -- then another animal comes
which looks like a donkey or horse and presses against me. It comes when
the man is there -- he went the alligator path and he says, "get out of
here you four headed goat."



Dream when I was in (1971) college. A fat dentist or the old Dylan Thomas.
Tall statuesque girlfriend visited him and found he had a wife and he hurried
her out. I am watching but find myself also
physically there and try to sneak out so that no one will know I was
there. I go into a closet which leads out. His wife is there, looks like Caitlin
and topples over. I call the operator for the police, afraid he'll kill me too
--Dave Morice answers and says he knows the number well but the
police have already arrived--find that the woman wasn't dead after all.

Allan and Cinda's -- it's been raining and water is on their mountain.
I say I'll help get it out. cinda says it rushes through like a river,
in both directions even, carrying her into other rooms. I
want to try, as I wait on the edge of the cliff. I say I'm scared,
the water comes and carries us into the other room, then continues
down the mountain into a quiet pool down below where
people are sitting. Clothes are gone now and I see my body
--very white - climb through fence parallel to water. Fun to swim.
Other people start to swim. Showing off. Man talks me into
cutting my hair. Go to high school, basketball game. Then walk
around school, there's a lot new --very long parking lot, circus type
stuff along the edge of it, minks. Large nude women
statues with wild hair. Hysterectomy on boys third birthday.

Dad has built a fur covered shelf in the car but the nails aren't solid and
the lock doesn't work. I pick up some nice things, a Virgin Mary
statue -- can't tell which end is fhe feet. I lean against one and
knock it off -- a China doll of a woman in blues and whites,
most of her dress is pearls. I pick up pieces from a parquet floor,
Kim is there bragging about something -- she has a baby brother
or twins and you are supposed to put water in their ears.
the baby sitter did this and then they weighed 3 pounds. I am
trying to put this together while looking at clothes I made for Barbie.
They are quite good -- polyester jumpsuit, black and
white, a hat, lots of stylish clothes. Someone asks why I put
on a particular outfit -- that, they said, of a school girl.

4/11/97 A saint statue in a garage in Hermosa Beach.
Sidewalks torn up. A man takes the term "family jewels"
literally and keeps his balls in a leather pouch.

6/2/98 Two women sitting to my right, long blond hair and short red
hair. It is an interview of an woman with straight black hair. She has
to take her clothes off and do her Statue of Liberty act. She has big
breasts and thighs wrapped in flags with stars. I fall asleep with my
chin on my chest and then wake up and ask the other two what I missed.
One woman says, just her whole womanhood. she talked about her boyfriends
and heroin. Some men are tearing down a wall, pounding on it and pull it
down. it falls like an avalanche. There's a man in a black leather

Concrete edge of reflecting pool.
Big statues (like Buddha, Tarot Emperor, Pope or FDR) stored in
various places on a tree of life or pattern. Voice,
"I'm the father long term." The Jews think it will all collapse,
but when." Little girl crying, might be Buddhist. Not
until 40's did he abandon his FDR image. The library
can accept the, if he comes in. Sound of glass door closing,
fright, help. The investigation, could be costly, we
need a loan, neutral, skeptical, court of Los Angeles, serves,
peacocks, the basis is many years old--wood, that's for Saturday
night, invented out of whole cloth, sooner or later,
calm voice, Joe. this happened to me, a morning girlfriend,
I had to have two kids, island like what, Japanese
women, I need...., lets see how long we can do it, four years ago,
Buchenwald crematorium, still sort of there,
half-awake, $5,000 bail, popping sound, cellophane, how available to you,
his favorite songs went right into mall, liberals, get involved with it,
April, completely alter/alternate today, richter sets in around
mouth, anxiety, how long to bring up steak house,
pilot, file it, I'll flip. Passion, Japanese contest of art,
I don't know if anything in it is alive, or all statues.

A woman shoots at a big statue of a bird--paint balls.
House full of stuffed animals, no room for

0/8/99 A list with a few items with pink dots in front of them,
this is my dream notebook, which someone found out
on the ground, in the street. It's a piece that was missing.
He's Allah's child. An angel in a box-- little dashboard
statues, feet break off one--zing. People from work walk up,
a museum store, replicas of Chinese pottery, full size. This
is a private collection or library of a museum. Several women
and a man, one couple under the table. A woman
says, "did you know if they don't want lions, they release them?"
I ask, "where, on plains?" Other rooms in museum--a
guy says he makes the eyes for owl statues out of nuts
(the kind for bolts) and he wants to sell some. An old woman has
one bag--the guide says not to go out there to get it--waves,
tide coming in--it is out in the ocean. People are coming
up that way. She wants to sell her contents--are fishing rods.
The concessionaire says they can't sell them for 3 year

There are large statues and one has been
destroyed. They seem to be made of wood and I wonder if
they could just burn them--wearing rough black baggy suits/
working class. I get the impression they are Lenin, Mao--people whose
actual bodies were displayed like statues. Maybe they are finally to be cremated. It looks like
the Northrop cafeteria, silverware stand. Tirzani book says he thinks Buddhism is the future of
the world--

"See road gone."
Almost screaming. Woman in fancy dress, stiff black skirt, bronze top -- sitting, smoking
cigarettes (like Voodoo spirit possession--smoke cigarette when possessed). Male statue,
head only, about four feet tall, white marble -- very thick vines as big as garden hoses, growing
over the stone almost covering it, inside it. Beautifully entwined. "You're making me work,
inside it." Statue has round looking head.

I was at a construction site of two roads -- one for men and
one for women. The men's road has constructions workers. The women's had a dangerous
loose sand area ready to cave/slide maybe so I climb up on it to pack it down. Part sticks out
that looks like it might crumble looks like a shoulder -- maybe Mother Earth, or a statue of a
woman like Mt Rushmore or Crazy Horse statues on a hillside. I walk on across the hill and
look over the edge, it is very far down, smooth carved sandstone looking -- some sort of statue
such as Sphinx or Standing Buddha. I am stuck up there, think about sliding, but it's vertical
drop. Someone gets me down, Living God. My lunch is down there and I'm really trying to get
down.

11/11/01--I see a
picture of a penis with what looks like a white twisted brain above it. Then I realize it could be a
marble statue of pubic hair above the penis

Then he's leaving and I ask him if
he wants to see my room -- I've just been in there and am holding a statue of Buddha. I have a
Virgin Mary in a wedding dress beside a Buddha in a faded orange robe, the couple from the
top of a wedding cake where the groom is reading a green book during the ceremony, and the
severed heads of a bride and groom. I also have a fountain but it is turned off -- batteries dead --
and when I look at it a lot of algae has grown in it. I got rid of all the fish, but there is a fish in
there again. Maybe a guppy from my neighbor. A large fancy yellow fish with huge square fins
near the rear swims up and he says it's a sting ray, almost wakes me up again. It looks more
like the car. Elaine is washing dishes and the water gets yellow greasy slicks and a yellow fish
dies on a lily pad. There are a lot of fish appearing in the tank which is now the size of a
swimming pool. I see a large goldfish,nose not downturned like a koi. I feed the fish
cheesecake crust, then the filling too. A kiwi bird with a curved bill appears - fat like a partridge.
A blue guarami/black crappie gets out of the tank and flies around the room, around the man.
He has a CD about coaching he is working on now on a shelf in front of him. Voice, "different
people like different things, the ducks like the scaberous."

Running down a road with my
siblings, kids again, naked. Gone about 45 minutes, serpent for a penis on
a naked man or statue. Sitting at a table studying; an elevator.

10/15/00 Raining, leaky roof. An elevator operator drops us off at the top, cap of the building,
which is the first floor. Walk down stairs to the second floor. Bed where I have to keep a
woman (Julia Roberts) away from the edge or boundary so that a man won't kiss her foot
because she's not immortal. Bullets are flying. A little girl in a lace dress. A woman tells me to
pick one of the queens or pages (Tarot) and go out in the other room where it will be even more
difficult to protect the girl. the girl says, you forgot to watch me. Neighbors outside swimming in
a muddy pond and water fall. Several girls look at Virgin Mary statues and I say she's the
goddess of housewives, cleaning and grocery shopping.

KNIFE DREAMS

8/10/77 I ride my bike up a mountain and coast down.
Last room is a doctor's room -- has a long ramp, but I decide
it's too steep. I make out with a man on the floor He says to check the
doors because we might have dead animals on the lawn. Grandma's house --
has two front doors, one is the split type, but only the top half locks.
Snow has fallen on the sill of the second one and I can't even close it.
Three wolves come, I grab them by the mouths and they get small. I call for
the man but he's asleep. We meet in the kitchen -- kill wolves with knife,
blood spurts from one. Then door closes -- wolves are three middle-aged men
dead on the lawn.

9/21/77 Victor comes over at 4 AM from the apartment next door.
... A snake that runs through food. ... Man in I in woods -- drawing
pictures of each other. A large bear comes along -- sniffing. Stand still
-- then it begins to talk -- asks where we're from. I talk to it -- man
runs screaming into a cave. I follow and the cave has little people in it.
They are little children. There are lots of caves -- the ones
with a steak knife outside have bears in them. a girl is looking for her kitten
which runs away -- but we find some strange things: a frog body with a
girl's head on top, a seed with four arms, a cap that is a metal bell. We
get home and there's nothing to eat, so we stay on our diet. Scott C reads
aloud from a history book. Dad says, "we don't want to hear about real
estate" (history is real estate changing hands).There are turkeys in
the window. I think they're geese. I have to fight for my old room.
I'm tired but know I have to keep going. Shirley is up in the stands,
angry because someone built in front of them. Several people studying a
contemporary of surrealists, who had numerous daughters, thought she was
a Shetland pony, or WAS one. At a very large penthouse on
the ocean -- house sitting. Tall rich, dark haired man walks
along with me and we pass an old weather beaten house where
artist/writer colony live. skating through a sculpture --
Tom Sawyer says, -- two eggs in a box." I enter the scene and have
a baby boy, the delivery is painless -- black hair, doesn't cry.
Talks right away. Using full sentences. Nurse it then going
range. There are lots of spiders on the moss, kids from school in
house. Rose and I catch them and take them outside.

10/26/77 Go home, pumpkin pie Mom or Sandy made -- I wrap some
for later -- too full to eat then. - kids from school coming back from
fishing. Go up the hill and end up with a black trunk of my stuff that
is bursting at the seams and contains two dead fish, a big one and a small
one. The big one explodes and gets juice on me. Carry them out
and cats come. A man butchering chickens -- I have to change to old
clothes to hold one while it bleeds. At school--gang of kids keeps
coming in -- stealing things/to kill president. I go in other room so
light won't show them things. One kid -- blond -- with huge knife
threatens me. They keep coming back, more and more of them.
Want make-up.There's a swimming pool -- I want to dive off terrace
into it. MJ comes, asks what I'm doing there - I say seeing what outlaws are
like. The air is filled with huge UFOs the size of houses. The houses
land and blend into the neighborhood. The are silent but I turn
around in time to see one land. The wind blows me off the road
and I fly over the city -- LA probably -- to a building -- movie
about brain surgery. The people in the audience -- in the front
are cutting flesh off a cow and eating it. Some cut other people's
legs, some their own, some huddle horrified and comfort each other.
I start to leave and the thin blond boy has attached
himself to me -- very small, sharp teeth and fingernails like a baby's.
I take him to a window well and, then drop him -- he looks
like a chicken. I leave, find blanket, jump up and fly without it.
The vampire is back. He bites my finger and scrapes it and says
I'll be a vampire now. I tie his arms and drop him on the city....
describe as wild looking. ... Small box flies into living room --
Jimi Hendrix record -- Call It to Your Mind. ...Woman showing a
dress to a customer, knee in her back. ... Glass shell of righteous thinking
over a woman's yard -- hurricane winds. ... To light -- coming to fore --
you spent so much time in darkness.

Living in a dorm, just moving in,went to religion class. Marvin Bell
dorm, very old. Karla Clark was one roommate. Other was a farm
girl who must go back on Saturday night to butcher hogs. Feeling
that this would solve our problems, if I went away for awhile.
In a poem I change red sky to gray sky. I hear the tractors passing
and the rain though I can't hear the animals yet. Beautiful nun,
gathered for a convention, celebration such as Persian celebration
starts to speak to me but I slip past. I visit someone in hospital.
Nurses lipstick matches fingernail polish;I run down the stairs and
hide in a man's birthday party--leave before the personal conversation
starts. $2,000 if you know what a little machine is. I give a gift--a
knife held like a prayer but take the machine. I knew but they didn't
let me answer. I took the machine and left the knife in its place,
ran down many stairs, hard to take machine back. It was dusk
but the blades were still turning, can leave hospital only at
certain hours. I left the beautiful little machine;
dusk but still turning like the sun.

A man appears to be going to stab another man in the back -- I grab his
arm and it is a wooden knife. Then he menaces me. I take the knife and
menace him. Then I look over a balcony and there is a mother rabbit made
of plastic pieces and the baby rabbits knock her pieces apart. I ask, how
can they get back together? Man asks if I will do some voodoo and if I
remember the song he sang once. I tell him I couldn't understand the
words and can't remember the music. We go to the
barn and there are horses inside -- two with tattoos. The woman cares for
them while traveling around S America canning them. I don't understand.
Then I'm standing on top of some dominoes with horses facing in on each
side -- like a wedding and a lot of saddles sitting around. I go up the
ramp/chute. There are horses up there too, filling the whole room. I get
on a saddle and find myself suspended in space and I can't get down.
There is a girl in the room, dark hair.
>
I get in the elevator with a man. I push a button for a floor without
thinking, I push one (I'm already on one), he pushes four, then I know I
really wanted six -- he gets off and then I see he pushed G --
to take me on a wild ride. The elevator goes very fast. I'm afraid it's
falling -- think about the people who live on G and have to
do this every day. We were at the top -- it is about 40 stories.
Finally I look out the window and see buildings going by.
I figure out perspective and they are going horizontally,not vertically.
Then I see that he pushed the button for five miles -- I am going
somewhere. I arrive at a young couple's house with kids.
On wagon -- Scott is happy because he wants to go home. The other
kid wants to stay with his parents. I set the mileage thing to find the
way back, the same number of miles in reverse. Older man finds out
I'm alone. Then another appears. First gets out his knife -- they say
this will be okay. I scream, whirl towel to try to knock knife, then
wrap blade (very long -- 1 1/2 inch) in towel and bend it back. He was
going to do something to my nose to teach me a lesson -- smash it?
I'm at the mechanic/Kennedy Auto. Return, work in cube, another girl
in next. Window open in case come back. trying to find flat parking
places. Jeannette has a thick book she wrote.

1/2/75 There is a man who kills women with a knife and a scarf.
He has killed two already. It could be anybody. Even me. A beautician
and I (Lilian Arnold) figure out that very cold attract very hot. We take
a bath in a stone basin. We are supposed to play football against two
other people for $20. they have lost bets on oil recently. I go to a
factory -- you need a pass. One floor is all clothes, cheap drab ones. A
reading at the Sanctuary -- Dave goes to something else. He has moved
back into a big room that will be partitioned. A woman, named Mrs. Dick,
comes in who has a printing press. Ramonas either being built or torn
down.

Woman being interviewed goes and Dad drives.
Press room with several presses -- Sandy messes them up, all pink paper,
backwards. I tell Dad. She and I knife fight -- me defense. Dad has a
new daughter named Rowena, three sons of age between 25 and 10. Half the
presents under the tree are Rowena's. She has dark hair and is pretty and
spoiled. Living in a place where garden lasts all year round. People
from year before didn't harvest. He hits the trailer with his car -- knocks it
down the hill, caught on a tree half way down. Vernon and Audrey say we
have to buy it. Set up stove so not much will spill. A big house of a woman
with several kids. Floors very dirty. Much mess. Woman wasn't working all
the time to clean it up -- enoying something -- reading or TV -- mess and
kids depressing. Alandoni's story -- "one girlfriend -- the relationship
began with an ex-boyfriend holding a knife and ended up with Harry Epstein
holding a knife." [Alandoni and Harry Epstein both owned bookstores in
Iowa City.]

A guy who every now and then will twist around and
disappear under the ground. He carries something around. Then, a girl -
me with a movie about a thing from another planet - huge - big enough to
make 100 houses. I want to stay and watch the end, but a man tells me to
go to sleep and leads me away to Shirley's bedroom. I go back in, little
kids are watching, making fun, I go - can't stay at Pat Casteel's - go
through small store, several rooms of home canning, then an old man's club
house to the car. Kids come, rope car. I use my mind to hold it down.
They stab through windshield, knife falls through. They roll down
windows, I pretend to cut them -- they all swarm in. I bend one knife
(think, this is like a dream before). Then all the kids are sitting
around talking. I guess all their mothers are pregnant. I offer them
something. Kevin says, "yes, I'd rather have that than a baby brother."
Janet now has four boys and four girls -- I ask why; girl says "something
about a pregnant trap." Talking to Margaret about woman. There's a man
too - that most men go to. At Wesley House, has lots more rooms, some are
play rooms for kids.

I am walking down a dirt road with a hill at the
end. My sister is ahead -- I run but she runs. Look at road - don't get
there, then look at goal. When I get there she is black and says it is a
trap to kill me or to make me kill her. She has a knife (serated). I get
it, we fight by hand, I get her down. Other people come along the road.
I ask, "who are you?" I think the black woman is a man's animus -- face
gets very blurry and white. The three people say that drugs are bad. Man
says he loves them. At an old folk's home -- cubicles -- they make
things. Beds - my bed is a double one. I move to smaller bed by wall --
wonder if too close to passers-by. Dave M. has three plays - one about
marriage, infidelity, and Christ. Rich guy in auditions, has expensive
pin, may back - get there by end. One play, two women in loose dresses
open bathroom door, look in mirror and exit. Someone says they women are
gypsies. They kept me from getting mail. In a bathroom, men come in,then
women give a woman a douche everyday and scoop it out with a spoon. I
shut door and lock, then go out into 'showroom'.

Walking down a road. An old man gave me a glass
knife. I cut the road in half (for awhile -- made of paper) so invaders
will know there's a border. Underneath it's dirt, grass -- nice. Further
down I find my Tarot cards wrapped in silk, hairbrush, underpants, other
clothes -- a blue dress inside out. Cross road -- get to trailer and car.
Now I'm with my family, I remember something Shirley said. Sandy is going
to tell. Sandy says, "I think mercy is showing weakness." I say, "no,
that's what makes us human, not animals." Shirley is playing with some
little kids and doesn't come. We go to get her. She is surly.
See a station wagon drive up the driveway out the kitchen window.
Drives right up to the mailbox and starts pounding a row of nails in the top
of it. I want to yell at him, but she says no. Then I realize he's coming
towards the house and it is now the trailer with no lock on the door. I run
to get Dad, he's asleep and very groggy, comes slowly. I run back and hold
the door, very well surprisingly. Guy gets his arm through with a knife and
Dad holds door. I grab knife (only a butter knife) thrust towards me and it
cuts my hand but it doesn't hurt. Stabs also in the top of my thigh where
it folds (voice says, I didn't mean to do that). I grab knife, also
surprisingly easy. Everyone else calm and a little amused -- guy at door is
like the bull from earlier dreams. . Sleeping outside on
hillside. Insects start coming around, then a large dog. Magician turns
blue when sun goes down. Sticky black creature with stiff hairs gets on my
fingers -- first like insect.

Kids spill crayons all over ground, which is gravel and turns to
ice. Streaks of light go to Russia -- a little house, person won't open
door. Furry man stabbed in chest with knife. "Just what I want on the
front of my 40 Ford." Going on a pilgrimage with another woman and a
little girl (carry her.) Chew banana and my legs turn to chewed bananas.
We only have ten more minutes, leave from school. Little girl says she
knows where spring is -- but she doesn't. "Go straight" she says -- we
end up on an ancient golf course, ancient tractor. The Armenian machines,
between them they ran the defending machines into the ground.Grandma
acts like she doesn't know me, has a white sports car. On pilgrimage --
little kids keep getting in my way. Ski village, woman dressed in green,
thirty billion and one million. Dreams written down, very detailed
conversations that I hadn't seen. trying to get into classes, two are
Chinese writers and Blake. A war. Shirley and I duck from the bombs,
they bounce in the windows. Put cameras in our pockets and go
out to be spies. Jewish mother.I go to bathroom, very dirty -- boys
bother me, throw things -- bicycles and lighted cigarettes -- I scream.
Cross street, it gets hard to walk. We walk through a field
along a dirt road. Fianlly decide to turn back. The other women want
to go to a bathroom --knife with a special blade, two little boys with
sheep skin cape. We start walking back, they say there aretwo more miles.
I am afraid because I didn't put the knife back -- wearing my jacket that looks
like the Fool card. We all are too tired to go on, sit down. I'd like to hitch
a ride with the mailman.

Man and woman live by fence in very small
house. Man's has less straw, so is not as warm. Many people lined up on
bank in "beds", I lie down in one of two vacancies -- man pours water on
me, very nice, relaxing. Old woman with knife trying to stab me -- I
have gun but no bullets. Strategic retreat through doors, she stabs knife
into window and it holds. Two other women help her. When I get outside,
the chase ends, the two women are just pretending. I have jobs cleaning
houses -- one cancels so I cancel all the rest. One woman calls from
Europe to complain, so I say I'll go. She lives at WW or W West Street.
Cindy a mystic. Shirley going away to school, Sandy says
she'll be a big person. We have to have shoes made of butterflies or
light -- a man makes them. They also have to be able to cross water.
Carrying our weight in baggage. Drive tractor trailer and can't figure
out brake -- rolls of tape. Drive it down stairs. Go by daycare when
leaving -- take two year old Shirley with me. Cushion that will float on
air, I float, doesn't work for others -- woman pisses pants. Carry
Shirley on road, following man that's sweeping. Woman choosing between
boy from high school and a German - chooses the German.
Sing, make pies -- In a town, making a writer from leftovers. I am a
writer -- antagonize some guy passing by in orange Volkswagen. I
slither down path, go to where he ambushed me before. We fight, I win --
I lead him away and ask if he really cares. There's another guy on my
side. Gradually work my way to the top of an apartment building. First
outside it, then staying with someone middle floor. Then someone with me,
waiting top floor.

7/25/87 I'm at Hughes and specialists there for a workshop are waiting to
get in. A man tells me he's going to sneak in. I watch people go past
the woman guard. A bunch go past, then the first imposter. Then
immediately after him the second imposter gives the same name. I think,
he must have more than one badge. Then she surprises me and turns and
asks me if that is his name (Rick Flippo, an engineer at work.) I look at
him and it looks like him at first so I say, yes (except for his mouth.)
Then she grabs him and holds a piece of paper over his lower abdomen and
says she'll let him go if someone can stab him with an exacto knife on the
paper (like an appendix operation.) He nods and two people in suits
standing nearby stab him. Blood spreads on the paper and he gets very
shaky. I say, I guess he should have taken the trouble to go and get a
temporary badge. Guard says, he didn't have the paperwork.

8/26/87 Tall building, shopping for dice. A man with a knife appears on
the staircase. I run down flight after flight even though I think it's
hopeless (what happens when I come to the bottom and can't move like in
the other dreams?) But I make it outside to a parking ramp in early
morning. I think it's Saturday in the dream. A loud voice says, "it's
not really Saturday." and wakes me up.

10/24/87 I'm running away through trees and then over a wall. I keep
having to start over and after about five times of climbing over the wall
I'm too tired to escape again. The wall is smooth pink porcelain. There
are other people running away. They've run away so many times they've
made a path, steep, looks like the Redwoods. There are two paths and I
take the narrow one like a cow or game trail. A voice says that he did
that last time too hoping the guy chasing him would take one of the other
paths. Now the ground is dry and bare with clumps of cover. I can barely
move, so I crawl and eventually have to pull myself along by the grass.
Then the ground is bare with no grass and I'm stuck. An old man is
shooting and we can't run across the clearing to the next bunch of trees.
Then I'm at the wall again and everyone has found knives. One guy has a
gun and shot the old man but just wounded him and has only two bullets
left. My knife has a broken blade but the slivers are sharp. I try to
cross again and a helicopter with USA on the side and a boy scout type
sprays gas on us. One guy falls down on the ground and a voice says, why
don't you fall down and pretend to be dead/asleep like that guy? Then the
guy has a lot of supplies assembled, too much for everyone to carry and he
keeps thinking of more stuff we need.

11/7/97 Red chenille sweater. I'm in a bathroom and one toilet is full
and I'm afraid to flush it because it looks ancient -- sludge. I think
she washed out the sweater in the toilet. A meeting around a table.
Another woman named Sheila seems to be the CEO, wearing a gray blouse. A
man has to be restrained and get a shot. They stick pins in his hands,
big gouges, trying to find a vein, I think. I take the syringe away from
the doctor and it turns into a knife blade with a hook like a Swiss Army
knife and sinks into my thumb. Thumb hurts. [scratch on my scar when I
wake up.]

6/29/97 Housesitting. I see a woman and two kids (boy and girl about
five) -- a man gets in and woman behind the counter/mirror tells him to
put a knife to my throat. She gestures across throat. The owner's mother
shows up, knocks, climbs in window onto couch. The owner doesn't give the
man away. Henry Morgan is in the kitchen -- drank almost a gallon of
wine.

4/20/98 An apt building on fire. Two women are trapped, then get the
window open - a redhead and Sally Fields. Betty Thompson from high school
(voted most popular) is working on some book. She is even taking over my
dream. I drive home on Pacific Coast Highway. Don't have my seat belt
on, am driving a big white truck. In front of the gas station on top of
a hill in Manhattan Beach, a man gets stabbed. Another man is wiping the
knife on someone else's jacket and says the other man got irrational and
was fighting (just like the kids in preschool did when they tripped a kid
that was running, because running was against the rules.) A red headed
woman in a yellow dress gets up to walk inside the house, it didn't burn
down - several people sitting on the porch. There's a man inside and
she's shot twice and falls down - shot in chest or abdomen. She didn't
get inside fast enough. I buy a purse and dump it out when someone asks
if it is my purse. It has baby oil, bottle, kleenex -- things I don't
really have. The purse is leather with designs on it like junior high
kids carve in their desks. I wake up and see myself sleeping in bed.
There is a baby's high chair where the table is and a baby boy in the
chair -- I see his penis.

11/13/98 Driving, see a yellow car cross my path ahead. Hide behind a
stove. A caterer's son knows where this is and finds me and starts
slashing at me with a big knife. A Japanese guy uses karate on him, gets
between him and me, but he still reaches around him with the knife. I
laugh and throw food on him, then pans of food. I'm pregnant in bed, a
woman is taking care of me.

12/28/00 Wheel of fortune. I don't want the expert of my female --
chasing tail in circle. Knight of Swords, knife revenge.

I'm walking near a woman who wants to carry the camera. She's wearing a rough
burlap green dress; short and broad. She has the camera in some papers in
her purse. I ask if she's going to pay to develop them. She says, "yes."
I say I will. She has a knife in her purse and says it reminds her not to
eat bologna. Woman's voice, when get money, interest in your friend.

8/12/00 That's the way it's going to come out. Cut arms, legs, penis
off. A man with a knife is chasing me again; I remember to stop and face
him. First I'm in a country setting or at least lawns. Then a building
with several floors -- staircase keeps turning -- I'm running down it,
turning on the landings, jumping down full flights. Chasing me.

9/30/00 Two sides of a package in a hand. Northrop puts curtains around my
cubicle and I notice I had rabbits I didn't know about; I give them water in
a pan lid and pellets (green and yellow). They had raw hamburger, steak,
meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans. Grey and black go outside-- a lot
of cats; black loses all hair on body, only has it on head. Voice says I'm
banned from playing certain lottos (free ones). Slow down if you take
buses; a year, you can't sleep too much. Crash straight ahead, it's really
going blind. Don't mess with it, beat it; hydraulic medical procedure.
Your whole body floats to the top. It got into your system, baby; it's all
over now. Heavy duty, the knife is paper. Getting right along to you.
Circus, how much do you have; I don't want to hold it.

4/21/01 Remote viewing before going to sleep -- geyser coming up in the ocean.
Knife stick in my leg, gets my attention. Something about an aerospace contractor.
I walk along a pleasant grassy area and come to an old Japanese woman's yard
where she grows dry rice -- the foliage is short spikes with red rice
grains in clumps. It looks like she's cutting it to sell. Inside her house,
I tell her I'll finish harvesting the rice. I flood the linoleum floor with hot water.
The room is empty and the water goes up to the doorway I am going somewhere
cold with a man and go to get my coat, wading through the water in the empty room.
At the left side are two lockers with curved sides.He says his key will open my
locker and opens it for me. My locker is also flooded with water
almost to the top, in fact all except the top shelf. Middle East to become important.
New refugees to the USA. Concentration takes more time, not less.

1/11/01 Tower. Who has a gun. I try to cut my hair myself and
it's longer over the left ear. Right side is okay. Sandy says is thicker
on the right too. Voice, you're going to beauty parlor, let them cut.
Ask if bothers anyone -- David Cortez says it bothers him. The sink is
full of a scientist's things (maybe died).
A group of people, we go to two cars parked along snowy street.
Pat Casteel drives, another woman and I are in the back. A man swerves in
front of us and goes in ditch. Driver/Queta tries to hide in a park.
We're in Minneapolis and Cinda has fourteen kids. We go to the mall and
Queta drives right inside the mall. A man says he's going to
stab Cinda or me to see how it feels. I'm topless with jeans, I get a
fortune cookie fortune out of a machine to tape over my boobs,
Fortune is Rumi, faint printing, one sentence -- fortune cookie.
Two men fight, guide says, not in store. The man with the knife gets a
forturne from the machine too. I give Cinda the ATM card -- $1000 in
checking. She has to get more money to sign up for internet -- she has a
secretary who will do it. The fourteen kids walk by -- snowball fight on
a snowy sidewalk path. One kid throws the snowball up and catches it like
a popcorn ball in his mouth. Someone yells, girl says it's her teacher
swimming. The river is steaming but has ice around the edges, wave
machine, waterslides. I stopped hurrying and enjoyed the water park and
Cinda's children. Waking up a man and little girl sleeping on the ground
under a blanket of snow outside a big house with a balcony. Workers
move the stove--young guys.

1/13/01 3 of pentacles. Waking up. Garbage burned, then put in
the corner of a shed. Man sleeping in it. Workmen painting doors,
I open a small window, can't get through -- just a grate.
Christmas 2000. Spent together so could smile for picture.
I hit him on the head with the with a butcher knife, then start
walking up a street with astro turf and a high dirt wall. I have
$70 including a roll of quarters. Need a newspaper to find another place.
Shyami walks by and I think of throwing rocks at her.
She has all her stuff neatly on shelves and dishes soaking in sink. Two
people on bikes stop and talk admiringly about how we were talking about
money in public, dimes fly up and stick on wall -- gambling, they're thin
dimes. I go up a ramp and a voice says, up here. It's a club, bathroom
is the only exit. Short plump talkative woman starts talking about Bush
-- his many lawyers, fourth and fifth Republicans in control. Seems to be
a New Age Coven type group.

1/13/01 A freeway on-ramp, 42 freeway to Palmdale. Voice,
everyone takes it. But it's really La Cienega parallel to the 405
freeway. The cars exit the freeway onto an escalator at the Galleria. I
have the wrong glasses, aren't mine. Stab with raw egg. I vote for
Shaq for player of the year, woman disagrees..
Girl beside me says she's going to get angry if all bad things blamed on
her. I asked her opinion. Tibetan things at stream, gather sticks and
wash them, a bull closed up in a pen. I don't work so I have no money to
run away. Big man angry, other man grabs a big butcher knife and runs at
him. He's supposed to handle him, no father. I'm too wishy washy
(stream) -- don't stand up for women's and other's rights trampled through
history. I say that "cigarette" meant "santuary" in Tibetan. Ted
Berrigan is talking teaching handicapped (either he was himself or the
students were). Nellie says the water is dirty, don't eat food washed in
it. Cheap son-of-a-bitch, sitting on stool in computer room, things come
in waves and ideas pictures. Office politics -- bad stuff has to be
blamed on someone. Get rid of that person, new boss.

1/31/01 Standing by a metal railing fence in a yard with a group.
Dad starts to walk past me, but I say Hi, then he tells me that Kelly's
girlfriend quit her job and then she left him. I say that Kelly had
management potential (since his dad owned the company). A bull comes
between another woman and me -- I step aside like a matador unconcerned
and he charges between us and hits the fence we were leaning on. Then I
get concerned that he'll come back and hide in a porch -- one end is open
and he goes back and forth lookig for a way in to get me and finally goes
around to the end. It is the closed end, but it only a matter time until
he checks the open end. Then I hide underneath the porch in garbage in
the crawlspace with a woman and her teenaged son. Then I'm in a different
room, long and narrow, but has walls, not just screen wire.

There's a
man, girl, boy, some other kids helping me. The bull gets his horn caught
in the window trying to stick it through and then he turns into a man and
takes the window out of the frame to get through while asking the other
guy if he wants to go out for a beer. We all go together. We're in
another house, long and narrow and I'm hiding behind the couch. He asks a
question -- it's a Tarot lesson. I see a big butcher knife and a butter
knife and hide them under the couch while trying to do the lesson -- my
card is the seven of swords. I hear the others' cards shuffling and they
answer how their card applies to the question. He asks me about a battery
-- if it lasts. I say it's a big battery. The next card I get is the
hanged man, but is a woman sitting in a coffin leaning forward in
supplication. I had that card back in the deck, then start looking for it
again -- that didn't look like a Rider-Waite card exactly (more like
Judgement). The man dials 911 after I think about trying to grab the
phone. He takes out a picture and keeps looking from it to me, and I pull
my blouse neckline different and concentrate on not making my usual
gestures, sit on my hands. Then I'm naked from the waist up again
somehow. I thank the girl and her son profusely and hug them, then I run
out -- he can read my mind (911) -- and run towards the ocean and slide
down a steep dirt path. I look back and he's sliding right behind me.
Other men jogging by don't stop. I twist his toe and he spins away out of
control and puts a girl in a 55 gallon drum.

Your next move could be disastrous because you forgot the farm.
I look at a bolt of cloth, get a feeling like a knife in my right breast/chest.
I am a werewolf there -- wood doors. Maybe it is
Israel/Armageddon. Maybe I'm moving stuff back up from the caffeine
wearing off. I look over the balcony -- a slide down to that lower level.
Voice, I have chairs. Man joins the army, stormy.
Man trying to break glass in MY dream (Stephen LaBerge test for a lucid dream)
-- is there someone lucid in my dream? A tampax in his other hand.
Powerful woman, she has a boy and becomes bored becaue she can't show it.
New Age catalog. Voice, too bad it doesn't come off. Time for a physical
interface. To be everywhere but two wells.

A picture of round steaks on a plate, a whole pile of them. Knife
cuts one in half when I think it's too much. Voice, "put your name on it
anywhere.

SHIT DREAMS

When a person dreams of "shit", it is most often an indication that he/she
is being forced to relinquish the illusory comforts of denial and
self-deception in waking life. Being forced to admit consciously just how
bad things really are is never pleasant in the short run, (just as
the archetypal "shit dreams" are almost never pleasant), but in the longer
run, giving up denial, facing and dealing with the "shit" of our lives as
it actually is, is exactly what the dreamer has to do in order to forge an
adequate spiritual perspective.

I thought I was the only one with dreams about this! At the time I was
working at a daycare with a LOT of dirty diapers to change and thought that might be
the cause of the dreams.

Mine was shit in streams across the floor. They started out small and then over
repetitive dreams eventually covered a large floor like a dance floor in a kind of
waterfall effect. I remember one striking dream where I was in a rowboat in a stream
and noticed that I didn't have any paddles (because I threw them at a bull) and also
that all the trees were dead which I attributed to the stream being "shit creek"
excessive fertilizer killing the plants-- nevertheless I was "up shit creek without a paddle".

****************************

At Mom's -- but only I alone live there
now. A young hippie woman comes and asks if I want to go to a cloth sale,
but I don't want to spend any money. She has a baby and hands it to me,
she wants a vacation, baby cries for her to come back. I have been
cooking supper and make the mistake in the dream of cooking in the
white enamel, red trim, wash pan we used as kids (for baths
with wash cloths, reaching under our clothes right in the
middle of the kitchen, and for brushing our teeth, shampoos)
-- which was used for washing something with piss. The baby has shit
and it is all over. I start to change the diaper, is going to shit again.
I take it outside and the outhouse is on its side. I sit it down anyway
and it shits on a plastic bag that I throw down the hole. Go back to
house and woman is back already. I wash baby -- now there is a bath tub
but the water runs out. She says the baby uses the bathroom at home.

There is a mother cat
and four dying kittens in there, it connects to Sandy's room with screen
between. The kittens are orange. In another dream of cats it said that
cats and closets don't mix -- the cats shit on the shelves and make holes
for rats to come in -- one thing cats and rats have in common, they make
holes. Go back to Sandy's room, now it has shelves too, but larger and
brown. She says that she hated the mirror and slept on the shelves before
she got a bed -- also some little boys. Shirley asks about some kind of
bath. Sandy is going on a trip far away on a boat. Picture, person
sitting on one chair with an advisor sitting on another chair across,
flanked by a big sneaky man and a sneaky woman you can barely see. Oh
those fashions, I hear cokes and noises and fashions all day. Invisible
friend and Peachie the cat makes holes for rats. I hear bright laughter
blossoming in the stairway. Archaeology trip with Paul and a woman.

At hamburger place -- they have gravy, meatloaf. I
walk there with girls from high school. Rhonda wants to be on the outside
so she can hear the wind in the trees. Leave house of blond family I'm
supposed to be like -- step in dogshit. they are all prissy. We stumble
over playground equipment. People all crowd. I step on guy behind me's
ankle and he starts grabbing me. I try to bite him but my teeth keep
slipping off -- tiny bites. Then the place closes and we have to go
somewhere else around back.

Man and I in another city -- fish in a little swimming pool. I fish
with a string. Catch a very large fish, lassoed around tail, right off,
but it's a lamprey and man throws it back -- looked like a sea bass to me.
Bait, hook gone -- throw just string in, large goldfish goes for it but a
four foot white angelfish pulls my string away. We turn to go and I fall
in the water, which is very cold and smells a little sour. Very tall man
in a brown suit appears and pulls me out.

By the bridge by the boy's dorm -- Hillcrest
(Scott's dorm). Woman carrying heavy bluegreen chair puts it down. She
says she is from the art building -- 40th floor and a male ballerina (his
slippers the same stuff as the chair -- but they are really red) slipped
in dogshit and kicked the chair out the window. He was wearing boots over
the ballet slippers (really carpet slippers). She then says that she
catalogs everything and without her it would be a mess.

I am to take a written test given by the mechanic at the Rambler dealer. Visit
insane asylum, people all pretty normal but dumb. "Love affairs" -- one guy
interested in other women, they in him. All normal people sitting around
with friends smoking, pictures on billboards. Visit Dad's farm -- all
animals left alone. Baby pigs make a break out of pig pens, cow shit up to
fence. Mom's cows in clean stalls in corn crib.
Voice, "dreaming of dung hills is a sign that you are uncovering something
dangerous - something kept hidden." Shyama Perera told me that in
Sri Lanka dreaming about poop means getting money and a lot of poop is a lot
of money.

Riding in a boat down a (very murky brown water)
little creek with two branches. Get to larger creek -- think, I could
ride to river. Then think about no paddle and walking back. Bigfoot
tracks, about 18 toes. The boat takes off and flies into a dead
white tree. The stick I threw at the bull from the tree
was the paddle -- arms very tired, hard to throw anything hard. I
remember thinking in the dream that I wondered if the dirty creek that the
dead drowned tree was located in, with my boat flown up into it, was shit
creek and after I threw my paddle, I guess I was up shit creek without a
paddle. I was wondering if I could find the paddle and get it back.
So I won't have to paddle in the shit with my bare hands. I
climbed down to get it (very realistic, balancing on a dead log and
reaching down in the water), but the bull came back and chased me back up
the tree--standing on his back feet, could reach me. Then I woke up.

mealtime. A mother calls and asks what kids are eating.
She doesn't want Sally to eat any salad because she has been shitting the
bed. I want her to eat the salad.

I win a free house. It develops in front
of us -- four bedrooms arranged around a circle and squares to the sides.
All connected, brown ranch style with patios arranged around an open area.
We park, lots of cars. I look around at what plants there are and where
gardens could go. We go in and see the hidden drawbacks -- there are two
little kids, cranky. In the first bedroom there are two rows of beds,
couples in the first three or four beds on the left side. [Steve's dream
the same night. We got a new house, yellowish, ranch style. Little kids
invaded and took over -- oldest one 14, smallest 2. Steve began
handcuffing them 2 boys, 8 years old, back to back -- handcuffs on most of
them. Started spanking a 2 year old boy -- his sister jeering because he
was getting spanked -- he had shit his pants.

Now we're all moving out of a
building, Mom helping. She says she'll quit her job -- which is with
food. There is a bathroom with a metal sign on the door. Private, not
even for public sleeping. I keep looking at it to see if it is for
sleeping in case I need a place in an emergency. There is liquid shit all
over the place. Mom shuts the door and begins to clean up. Several kids
are there, ragged and crying. I tell them to help and we'll feed them --
carry lampshades. My job is writing down titles -- "intercepting" them.
Oil lamp, black table in my room, difficult because of all the cheese in
China. I start to fall into the outhouse -- my feet. Go out and clean
them in mud puddles. Driving alongside a car with a running board -- man
gets out on the running board. They have some sort of machine.

Road going to trailer. I see a large plastic wading
pool by the side of the road with a lavender translucent wide rim. I
jokingly say, look at this huge stool. I go and look in -- it has been
partly smashed and something piled on top. I lift the lid and look in --
the water is far below and is full of algae and there is another layer of
clear water nearer the top that you can't see as readily. Things skim
through it and make sprays of water. [I was changing a lot of diapers at
Dumdum. Jason was still shitting his shorts at three years old and
another kid -- EC's kid refused to be potty trained at three also so she
let him wear a diaper which was soaked as soon as he got there in the
morning, and then he'd say he liked wet diapers and clutch it so you had
to fight it off him. Eight out of fifteen kids in diapers or accidents.]

Walking
through grassy place -- many people work here cutting it by hand. Guy
takes us to end of property, trees to be transplanted, one raspberry crab
-- look like cherries -- he says the roots have to be pruned first. It is
an army-like camp. Go to barn, helping Mom milk cow -- had let one calf
die, two cows, four calves. Outside, I have to wade through liquid shit
-- ankle deep, vibrates much energy, makes you suck in breath. My sisters
want to go in up to their necks. It is sensual. A cat knitting, fishing,
reading on bank. Not getting current because knitting (originality) over
where current comes to her fish line. Everything gone from my purse -- purse - fool, memory.
People answering questions from
audience. One woman's answer is "over" -- guy with black patch over his
eye tells her this. Then she turns into a crippled girl and he's a black
soldier -- shares cigarette with man and me -- we are taking him home.
Puts wedding ring in his pocket.
building I want to go in (Gilmore Hall) has moat
that is easily avoided -- go to the side. Middle aged people come out;
students go in. I follow, want to go to museum but it's closed. Lie on
floor and read, go into room with furniture, more people come in. Gerald
reading page 192 of an art book; Dennis Smith in Iowa City to lose weight
-- kept him still, no food at first. Both in swimsuits. He starts
masturbating, I do it. Lots of girls come around making fun. He runs up
on the music building and cries. Painting and finding pictures, a yellow
piano. Woman stole a picture of silver fairies, close up of ones by a
lake, they fill the two valleys. Photo of Mom when young -- short red
hair in barnyard walking through shit -- faces bulls -- climbs up on fence
to "feel safe." Get in barn, women working hard. Mom keeps yelling at me
at the house to open the donut shop. Soap opera -- women talk about pest
mother -- put her to work while she's there. Very long thin couple.

A man is on top of a girl in the corner -- face separated from body, body of
mermaid. I fill up body with warm water -- it comes out hand -- and begin
to masturbate. Shit comes out with water in bath tub. Steve says, "look
at my pillow." I think I'm leaving or he is -- a note. It's a hunt for
presents, a record and radio under my pillow. Man and I go into room when
others go out -- algebra class -- I sit down at table, pretty dark hair
girl says, "I'm Sheila." Dennis, my boyfriend from junior high, is to my
right. He says it's too easy. There are three rules to begin - don't
give up when it gets hard, many people can't get it when the problem is
switched around. Problem on board is 336 <> 65. There is a machine in
front of me, each side for solving one of two different kinds of problems.
I ask teacher about it, he says they don't know about each other.
Scavenger hunt led to music; Dave helped make it up. Tom was movie -- I
get to see how I act. See quarter in Nissan. New Sphinx -- regular face
from stone, wet -- then real Sphinx face of gold comes -- man says it
takes unfair advantage.

At Dumdum changing diapers -- Delon (big kid) and Jerry (coworker) also
have diapers. I take Jerry's off and wipe him off. Shit in deep crevasses
like chicken bones but say he has to put it back on himself. He says he
wants it because it's cold. I go to the hospital and wait with Mom -- go to
restaurant and call to tell Lauri I will come back and wash out the diapers,
but I call Grad college and dial wrong. 353-5535, 353-5510. First time I
get a lecture on divorce and second time a service/gas station. I have
worked at the restaurant. The phone system has been changed. There are
codes -- such as job, age, etc. Kids flying with umbrellas -- cultural.
Swimming pool -- I go to swimming pool where Maureen Cozad works -- she
doesn't like it. Charley (dog) outside window ordering some action -- he is
vitality. Lights go out - hitchhiker wants us to take him.

Staying in Mar Vista motel, but it's run by Japanese. Also clothes a man pulls out of a pile of
really ugly -- must be kidding. Our payment is up and I'm supposed to go pay for more days.
Something says, no, we'll find a place. One of the blouses turns pretty -- gray, with lace down
the front. "If you stay serious this place of yours doesn't look like a yonky mon." Shitting in
large children's bathroom, Mark says, yours doesn't hurt -- I say, yes it does.... If you're
finished loving, you'd better go look.

7/17/98 A laundromat, I take out wet clothes; there are dryers one floor
down too, so I go down there. They are too hot and start a manuscript on
fire--scorch right in the middle of the pages. I wonder if it will do the
same thing to the clothes and don't put them in.
7/18/98 In the old outhouse. I planted a tree in there that is still
alive, by the door. The hole is almost full (of shit). Gary dug another
one nearby; it has grass clippings in it.

2/13/98 Photos in an envelope. A road knee deep in cow shit. The bull
apparently walks up and down the driveway shitting. Someone has shoveled
part of it and you can see how many inches deep. It goes to the top of
the curb. Also a picture of two kids side by side in a stroller. The
pictures are damp in the trash, I can't get them out of the envelope.
>
12/15/98 I am out of class for a few minutes and when I come back
they have a new problem on the screen -- the teacher is using my computer
and overruns something else. While he's describing the program it's
acted out -- a Yeti falls from the ski lift into shallow water on his head
and is in a bear's territory but together they travel up a river in
Columbia to the "source". The river I think is in Seattle or
Valpariso/Vesperius -- find a magazine article about it. The instructor
shows the highest point the bear and yeti have to cross -- the top of a
suspension bridge, up in the wiring. They are up in the mountains now.
This is the opposite side I usually approach this valley, so the stream
comes out of a hoglot and is hog shit. A woman instructor says the time
is up and two girls who were on that page are gone, she asks if they'll
return later when their embarrassment wears off. Several people have
sophistocated constructions. One is from another planet but just looks
well thought out.

Falling in love is your animal brain. It is a trance. Old folks home,
birdland. There's nothing as bitter as seeing happiness through someone
else's eyes.--Cervantes. Because I'm so empty, I feel the people around me.
Something is holding me up. There are tree branches and cute young faces in
the sun. I've been hypnotized and can walk because I remember someone told
me to do it. I put on my glasses to see something. I see people sad and
then happy and it confuses me. The public mask drops maybe. I don't
understand the sunny landscape. In anxiety and fragmentation. It's
probably someone else's happiness. A marriage of the minds. There's
something I don't know anything about except that it exists. The sound of
birds is all I have to listen to. Dog shit in the yard. A baby snake
uncoils. Big trucks to be disposed of. Gee open it; four hours. The
strongest thing isn't helping. I'm starving, naked, all white, no hair.
Instant soup, Manhattan mall, big teeth, why don't we do that. Fountain
with dolphins; girls are 20 to 200. Hey, lady. $100,000 share in a house.
I don't have to share--all alone in living room, widow. Skinny woman, black
belted dress, bare feet. Rabbit in mailbox, nest; pooped and peed all over
house.

I am setting off on a journey that begins at Northrop Electronics (closed building) sidewalk --
voice says I'll need water. I think I'm walking to Booneville from Des Moines down Highway 90,
which is very straight, no curves, 2 lane. I think I will get there before I get thirsty, but am
carrying a 2 gallon water container. I pour it out on the shrubbery along the sidewalk and it is
really bullshit, not water. Then I realize I left my purse on the ground and go back and someone
has taken everything out of it except my drivers license and car insurance card, which are all
mutilated. I refill my empty purse with a one gallon plastic water jug and a rag and start out. I
pull the jug out of my purse and accidentally hit a man on the sidewalk in the face. He lies
down under an awning and says he's so angry that he has a big hard on and grabs it (down the
leg of his loose trousers) and I have to have sex with him -- blow job right in front of every one I
think, or sex, my choice. I am so tired of this dream that I don't care if I get AIDS, maybe I'll
die. He says, "I'm a little baby" -- and I unbutton his shirt and he says, "ALL RIGHT." I tell him I
don't want to give him a blow job, but my $30 is gone from my purse, all I have is that empty
plastic jug. He says he's a cop or FBI and I'm bribing him -- takes out a badge in a leather
case, but it is really his card

Some product that is going to
make me younger and thinner -- sold in New York. "My Lord," voice says --
when I gather up a handful of bullshit to throw at someone. Magic Johnson
has some poems in the internet. Woman hanging off the top of a flagpole.
Woman blowing up the house says, "true, I bought some explosives." Mom
maybe, an Irish thing? "Body temp went down to 43 -- breaks you heart
because it is frozen and brittle. "Have fun sweetie," he called me that
before he left. Voice, "stick it out." Black bull is giving money to
Catholic school -- going to cause a big stink. Authorities never won in
Arkansas. "Don't break apart real easy when they get brittle.

A man follows me (sounds like Mike Dafforn) saying that if we're going to point out the
economic offenders we must also mention the Japanese and Australians. Then I'm at another
house where the mother gestures for the 9 year old daughter to drive the white pickup truck and
she drives very fast and backs in. I tell her she shouldn't feel so proud, someone could cut in
front of her. She says she learned to drive in Australia where there are all empty spaces and no
danger of that. I step on a dry fall leaf on the ground several times and then we are at some
stairs where the dad, Don Erickson and several aunts are. A voice says loudly, "That's not an
assignment, that's a piece of SHIT."

Under the mulberry tree there is another stick, this one
grew a branch, but it has died--not enough sun (?) I passed Dad walking down the path to the
outhouse--he's just gotten home from work (graveyard) and parked in the pool. It is the shallow
end or it is just a wading/reflecting pool. Pool is rust color--very unusual. Three Indians
approach as I'm sitting on a chamber pot--dressed in chest protectors and other armour that is
all made of massive silver and turquoise. This is incongruous. I think they might kidnap me and
keep me in their dream world. A shadowy woman appears and throws the chamber pot on two
of them and I vaguely protest the shit will be hard to get off the silver jewelry.

I remember Dave Morice making a cake on George's birthday, in the dream only, and wonder if
he sensed it. I follow George to a playground outside that has dog shit or fan shaped nuts on
the ground and dead leaves under a big tree. Earlier, I was walking out to the curb and there
are a lot of rats living in the street someone tells me.
Some are so starved that all that all you can see is yellowish bones and they look like skeleton
ghosts. Very unusual. They aren't easy to see. A voice points out some that are still alive--pink
and furless like pigs and wearing T-shirts (no pants) and sleeping three deep on the ledges
around the bottom of the car.

In that room is a little boy sleeping on a couch and shaving gear on a sink--I say there are
homeless people living in the attic. The boy wakes up and turns over and another boy says he
has a pain in his stomach and he's going to stay with him until he dies. He needs wine. He is
too young to buy it--but I am confused by the shaving gear and ignore him and walk on. The
next room is a whole row of showers, all running, very nice warm light. On the right is a man
sitting on a stool in plain view trying to poop--just like me in other dreams!

2 Mar 2001. I remember a dream that might have been during the time I didn't write them down
-- I went up a ramp into a big building then ended up in a farmer's field. First I was trying to
climb over fences to find my way back to the road but there were pigs and cows beyond some
fences. then I was in the middle of a pond that might have been hog shit, mud, maybe a big
feedlot operation, I tried to swim -- very wide and I didn't know which way to go to get out of the
pond. Finally I found a long narrow house with a root cellar.

Sound of fire alarm in a school. "Your soul is
assassinated" (thinking of apartment 11's baby crying day and night -- probably bored.) "Better
now -- bathroom; smiles." "Taxes -- the result of an end of year habit." [Death and taxes both
come at the end (of the year).] "Petco, Moon and Stars." Pictures of Korean men who own
businesses in Lawndale-- oil change, furniture. PIcture of business with walls rotted off at the
floor, hanging from the roof. "You don't want to have to." "Airport knocks the shit out of you."
"Fan stopped, backup necessary, don't give up."

People will follow fashions, Old Navy -- will go with the clothes on their
backs. People will sit under the trees and at their tops. We are entering a new phase, people
are stuffed. They start over with a full slate. Continue to generate (picture of shit piling up under
a man's ass) through "Word" and also in the new column -- new constructs.... Life is a series
of outfits, you slip your arms into the next day's garments each morning and return naked to
your bed each night. The network is a net like a web and the baby spiders fly away on a strand
of silk and plop, land smack dab in another place. This world and that. Earth and architecture
VS sky and clouds. ... A small suitcase or lunch box that someone opens and shows me the
contents, a very neat clean bomb considering the dirty surroundings.... People going to their
new lives with food in their mouths and pictures in their minds. "That is the truth about me."
Respect for your calling, you call yourself into being.

'm in the restroom at work and have to put a kids' potty chair on the
toilet, which makes it too high and you would be visible over the top of the
stall walls. So I sit on the potty chair on the floor -- visible under the
door; some women talk about clothes and then two men come in and stand right
outside my stall and talk about some business venture -- happy sounding.
They scare the shit out of me even though I just had to pee, and then I have
to dump the potty chair into the toilet. By the time I'm ready to leave, it
is just one man and me left in the bathroom

Mike Dafforn and I going back in barn (work)
carrying lunches. Door has hook, I open two parts. Hay is low enough to
climb up a path. I fall down and someone helps me up. A deep hole,
clothes, puts me in a trance. Sandy/Mrs. Dodson living in a motel.
Bathroom tub a mess. I find something of mine on the table, table is
crowded. I have to poop. Man escorting two women opens stall door and
asks if I'll be long. I say 30 minutes at least -- constipated. Door
opens so everyone can see me. Oh no, you have signed up for the Govt (a
life).

A cat eats and poops in a doggy
bag of cat litter, waiter takes it away. Necklace like medieval armor with heavy chain, pendant
is sqare of tin. Majorca. Itis nothing, you bacame sick. Bottle. No laugh with a roof.

2/11/01 A man looking at the rabbits, says that a few actually set an example - his sex record.
Several men have to travel for the union and talk about green and blue germs in the hotel. The
mother rabbit asks about some pellets in the rabbit cage - looks like poop. The baby rabbit
moves them behind a wood post where she can't see them. one year old boy holding a
newborn boy. A bigger kid handed him to him so that he could play baseball. I start to take the
baby from the one year old telling him he's too young and has too short an attention span, but
he says, no he doesn't in a man's voice. Then the newborn speaks also in a gruff old man's
voice.

Outside a young guy on his way to work says he walks in the
grass because of the dogshit on the sidewalk. I put on green leather lacy
shoes. There are two floors I pass going up barn ladder. One has two women
sitting idle. It's a union shop but they have nothing to sew, have to sew
fast.

Two men with a dog that
eats my wild grapes--bird poop on them. I picked them; I have a Queens NY
or Queen T-shirt.

You saw the cat poop on
the kitchen floor.four cats pooping

in area.-am on the toilet trying
to shit and a man comes in and I knock poop off with my hand.1

0/25/00 Dog poop and white dog in the parking area, Mom carries in a kid who pooped his pants for the 3rd time that day.

I start disrobing him on a towel; he smears poop on my sleeve, white terry
cloth.

SNAKE DREAMS

[I wake up and think about how in Egyptian
initiation a snake slithers up to you, stand upright and sticks its tongue in your mouth.>

[Quote of Ted Trueblood, Associate Editor from 1939, until his death in
1982, 100th Anniversary issue of Field and Stream magazine -- "Appointing [James G.] Watt to
head Interior was like finding a gopher snake to guard a nest of baby mice." "It started as the
Sagebrush Rebellion and it has now grown into what will be the biggest ripoff in American
history -- if it succeeds. And it will succeed, unless the victims, the American people, raise
such a hue and cry as has never been raised before. It is the proposed "privatization" of the
public lands, both the national forests and the range lands now under the jurisdiction of the
Bureau of Land Management. The real plot was slow in coming into the open and only this fall
did it finally emerge in its true form. It has been concealed by double-speak, lies, subterfuge,
and smooth-talking advocates who seek to rob the American people of their greatest land
heritage before they are aware. -- 'The Biggest Ripoff,' November 1982.]

Have to cross a great river -- follow people out onto planks then
find out it doesn't go all the way across. Voice, you've done this
before, it wasn't so scarey. Trying to return, have to hang onto slope,
then jump in and swim. Water is cold -- faster moving than looks. There
is a dam a short ways ahead. Horse sacrifices self to push me out. Climb
up, sent to Grace's cafe for some reason in a small town. This is a
trick -- she's a witch hunter or accuser. I try to escape -- carrying as
many of my books as I can, throw some of the other stuff at her. Then
went to Paul's -- roll down hill nude. He attempts rape -- I threaten
him. Barbra Streisand knocks on the door and I take opportunity to fall
out sliding glass door. All kinds of perils, lots of baby rattlesnakes,
lions, large hill to climb -- also Paul himself who is very tricky and
dangerous -- knives, cutting my hands only as I grab the blades. Wall or
hill at the back of the garden.

3/5/77 My sisters planting a garden in a shed at Grandma's --
using sand. Sand snakes letter. Call me Tennessee ruled in or out.
There is a notice on the door, sand from Des Moines is not fertile, no
good for growing plants. Go to bathroom, all dressed up to go meet lawyer
with three page thing -- something to do with scripts. Floor turns to
straw, very large furry spiders appear, then lots of small thin snakes.
You can't move without stepping on them. I have large boots like I used
on the farm for walking through mud and manure, so I'm not afraid.

We sit in the attic, the sun is shining and it gets quite hot. There are numerous
seams in the floor and all kinds of notched corners in the ceiling also. Man leads to the
basement, which is cool -- very large, only part of it developed into a room which overhangs a
large pool of water with rocks. The rocks seem to be broken up pieces of concrete and the
water doesn't seem to have fish. I get upset because all the women "dress" well except for me,
get huffy about the books, like I'm dodging reading them -- everything. Then we start back to
the attic in a jeep, open top, man driving. Lots of very large snakes are crossing the road, they
are 5-6 feet long but a foot in diameter. They appear to be rattlesnakes, diamonds on them, but
have no rattles. I point them out as possibly dangerous and the man begins running over them
-- one he goes in a circle to run over it twice. It seems a shame since so many years went into
their growth [really they're born two feet long]. When I think this, one bites me on the finger --
"gums" me. Man says not to worry, it's their meat that is poisonous. One reaches up and bites
him on the ass.

At the movies -- send kids out. Take blond kid by the shoulders. Then
sneak out myself into the world. Man sees me, I hide in seats. He still
sees me but I'm going out anyway. Go to visit George/Lucy -- ride on
hayrack. Go through marching band. Man runs behind hayrack. Two snakes,
very large, also follow. They have rattles but small mouths. I put both
in my sock. Go back, get man on hayrack too. Snake follows again but
then goes down side road. Going to morgue. Try to find restaurant,
shopping -- only have $10. Women in prom dresses talk about a guy touched
your arm in high school and you had to dance with him. the snakes throw
straws at our eyes on the hayrack -- have to cover them. When the snake
turns aside we know how powerful it was. George driving a slow hayrack to
the morgue. Scenery pretty ugly - raw slashes of clay layer of a hill.
Band was throwing marbles.

Driving car down Grandma's road -- turned into bike with training wheels, to highway 90 -- a
gravel road after a rain. Skid tire of passing little girl on bike. She gets mad, I explain that she
was going slower than I thought. Road turns into a steep mud path, meet some people coming
up. Woman says, "look a snake coming down" -- just then the little girl slides down with her
bike. They stop her fall, then I go down -- my hand got wrapped around with cloth -- the snake
was in there. I try to let it loose, finally get it loose - there were at least three snakes that were
hurt and thrashing around. We come to our house, which is a rug in a clearing. I put the
snakes on it -- a beautiful white salamander with its guts coming out. A very short snake, two
other hurt snakes. Then they begin to eat each other. Start packing up stuff and try to hide it --
because leaving on trip. At the beginning, I was going to go out and help my mother -- who
does all the work.

We are all living on a hill like Palos Verdes. One morning we wake up and
there's water all around. Go outside -- there are cables on the ground like
snakes -- they wind around my leg. I wrestle with one -- it gets me almost
down to the water -- if in water, I'll get electrocuted. Grab it right
behind head and it becomes docile -- carry it back up hill. No one believes
we're an island. Japanese guy with two boys. Neighbor woman cuts grass. A
Republican lives in a tiny attic. Go out in car/boat -- taste the water --
it's salty.

I am dragging a big black blob like a dinosaur or a Chinese dragon. I
say, I want to blow it up -- I mean wake it up. Voice, the Wisconsin
snake-hunt is about to start. You wouldn't think there would be many
snakes around these parts, then we found the snakes and they were falling
apart. I put on mascara to impress some man, it makes my eyes look small,
so I wash it off. Greg talking about how he gets people at Dumdum to do
things -- not by the iron claws of the eagle. Prairie dogs at entrance to
Dumdum (top of hill) which give warning if anyone moves. Jason gets out
to test them. I say they might take over. Greg and Jerry say, no, not
Kansas. I say, Japan. Rooms, I thought I had one, but I have two. I am
supposed to be studying -- my papers are on the table under the lamp. The
second room gets bigger and bigger. I do other things -- wash clothes,



River flooding. Guy carrying other guy is near edge. People at edge on land "can't" reach him --
don't really try. Someone says, that guy couldn't swim far, but he swam 38 miles. I jump in --
swim far, current carries, go faster if don't swim. Caught on fence. Guy says, have to watch out
for rabbits, deer. I ask, how about snakes, find thing on bank -- wear like hat.

Jason/3 and Jennifer/5 Good and I are going somewhere
(Jason is afraid of trying things). He steals a popsicle and I yell at
him for being barefoot and see that I am too. We come on an area of
snakes -- one very big snake with about three huge lumps that look as big
as rabbits, then another (male) snake crawls by -- large brown markings,
maybe rattlesnake. It comes after us. We came so a man could look at the
plants, but we turn aside and go back (to study snakes). Voice, "plants
all around and he didn't look at any." Snake chases us -- even climbs up
on couch -- it is very fast. Finally we l climb up on a table and throw
books at it and it changes. Jason goes to a corner where there are
several small plants and a pool of water and holds up one plant towards
me. The snake gets in a large saucer of water with dirt and plants -- at
first everything is cloudy, but then you can see it -- very stiff -- and
comes forward holding a red flower in its mouth. Looks like a poinsettia.
A hole in the ground with bones and tatters, a slit -- I look in where
people are practicing a play.

We live in a little cabin. There are new picnic tables with umbrellas. At
Dumdum, outside looking at the aquarium, there's a large non-poisonous
snake in it trying to eat the frog. Man has the frog inside washing it
off. Then a very thin red snake with narrow yellow bands chases me -- I
have a stick but it still chases. I go in the house, stuff a towel in the
crack under the door. Man and others kill the snake, cut off head -- pull
the jaws apart. Then I open the next door -- Dad's house and the snakes
are all in there. I expected this because of my dreams. The brown one
falls out the door dead. The red one is very big crawls in or tiny hole
in the refrigerator. In the living room I look under the cover on the
chair to make sure no snakes -- find papers. There's a little dog. Greg
lives with us and we throw out his bed -- forgot he was coming back.

They point to a wall-cliff across the way. Their
houses are up there -- ask the kids -- what's the easiest way up that
mountain? I start at other end sorting through my treasures -- petrified
snails, snakes -- I get confused, think snail is snake. That's what I'd
like -- life on loaf. Karol (Sebastian's mom) barely hit little girl --
woman framing her -- removed the steering mechanism from her horse -- which
ran away. At Salvation Army looking at clothes, can't take leather or hoods
downstairs. Man has girl with sign -- mechanical assistant. Look for black
dress -- whole rack of wedding dresses with bridesmaids dresses.

Many people come in, friends of the owner,
and make themselves at home. I get very uptight, start spanking babies and
saying I hate them, get jealous. I follow man outside and he's looking up
at the full moon. Man, woman, twins. Large horselike thing flying through
stars. Snakes coming around to get warm. I stop outside a mansion to hear
a speech.

4/11/88 Three scary dreams. Walking through sand trying to see if there are buried
rattlesnakes - any horns or noses sticking up.
I wake up in the dream and find out I'm going to have a baby that day. I ask how I could have let
this happen. I pace the floor. A man asks, what day did the doctor say she would be born. I
wonder how he knows it's going to be a girl. I say, the day after New Years. He asks if it is the
day after New Years. I wonder how I will support us. The I look down at my blouse and wonder
if it will really be a girl. Walking through a barren farming landscape. Then a dress shopping
break. There's a car you can stay in and two rooms that overview different groups of the world -
reminds me of Disneyland. There are mountain Chinese people - the man doesn't have any
front teeth and the families are camped very far apart in snow. This is a UFO trick, it looks flat,
but when you try to climb back up it's a verticle cliff like a mountain. I almost start crying.

11/16/98 I think I'm supposed to do some laundry that Faith tells
me to do. There are a lot of towels in bins in a storage shed. But when
I get there it's a valley with a stream to cross and a lot of meat to cut
up. There are snakes hanging on a rack - one big rattlesnake with fangs
and lower jaw already cut off and a dolphin carcass -- head and tail
already cut off and gutted. I just have to cut it up into steaks. It is
lying next to something else on the ground, something big that gives parts
of itself to eat. The chest cavity also looks like a mountain lion. It
looks like the Arboretum in Los Angeles with the peacocks next to the
(horse) race track.

Tied up in water, buried in ground, lifted in art, burned but not hurt.
I'm on street corner in Manhattan Beach. I take friends
(like credit card)-don't want to give up, don't need to. I won't feel
the pain (Southern accent). Snake family-meat eater
doesn't drink coffee and become prussic. Stockpile, I eat family.
Red brake lights ahead, the week-end ends, don't
count it like that. He watches me, I watch them. It was
kinda funny, flush with it yesterday, should be able to see
tonsils if infected. Drunk ever since. You don't have to watch
it if there's something better on. I don't want to give the
babies up. Nine went up the wall, nine came down. Follow around-
don't need it, things are bad, then the double
appears. He bought a new place in the woods/trees he
can't afford with crickets and snakes.

Snakes hatching...pictures of snakes or turtles carrying their
babies on their backs.

3/19/01 Snakes are the cause of sterization. A man coming to kill me. I keep myself busy
cleaning, clean the window so I can look out. Then spray windex on a round chrome thing with
a high dome. Wet sheet hanging over the shower pole so I can't clean in there. Cows outside
on the patio grazing, I tell a woman they're cute. Also hunting taxidermy pictures -- rabbit
heads nailed to boards.

Several other women and I get drafted to pick
new uniforms for employees -- a stripe in lemon-lime green suit, solid
green. After program works, I get the mod on it -- they are different
clothes, black and white. Sand Dune park -- I'm chosen for something.
Cigar shaped silver tube -- it flies, hunting I think. Hanging
horizontally on hangers -- wet suit, other clothes. Snake hills. They
were half price -- baseball uniforms. Hell's Kitchen book. Re-marry slip
refund.

Outside in the yard, a whole family of women, aunts are transplanting bedding plants into a
huge basket as big as a shed. Each one plants a different row of the plant of her choice. I have
an armful of bare branches that curl around my arms like snakes.

Late at night when I come home, rabbit watching me from under
the trailer, by the stairs, rabbit poop under there. Giant snake crawls by my bare back -- as tall
as me sitting. Meeting of the Neptunian Women's Club, dragged in on conveyor belt. It's about
hardness, distance, supervisors (a doctor, Harding Road). You just take the time and do it. We
just added two Harley's to our retinue. Lump sleeping under a blanket in the parking lot. Baby
rabbit toy, it moves and purrs. Hand it to a man and when I turn around he's shredded it,
stuffing coming out. Cat cleans the house, dusts by running through the house dragging its tail
over the furniture.

I end up going on a journey
with them, to find the paper plane -- we pass a drainage pipe and a giant
black snake with a wide mouth and individual shiny black scales slithers
over the little girl and then overpowers me also as I try to push it away.
I mention that I hope it's not poisonous, and it pushes me down in the water
in the drainage ditch it's so heavy. We continue on to a store that is in a
washed out hole in a hillside,

I look through the window, and there is a black or shadowy woman
sitting in a chair inside and she says to stop looking in there. I look down, then defiantly climb
over the railing and through the window. I decide maybe she said, "don't just stand there". A
young white girl/teacher comes up to me and has an accordian type plastic thing full of green
pages. She holds it up anxiously and says that you can't read all of it. Everyone there is going
to pick their codes off this list soon. There were a lot of kids in the room, but they've all been
sent out to play says the middle aged teacher and she says they'll be gone all day because
they make a mess inside. Even the older kids must wet all over, I think. I go back to get my
orange manuscript and it is now hanging 20 feet up in the air on that stone sarcophagus and
there is a long tubular white piece of meat that looks like a huge snake a foot in diameter and
so long it is draped. Heavy ropes of snake looking meat in front of the manuscript.

8/21/01 2 of wands/R (fear of the future); 9 of cups (wish card)
midnight I look at some dreams with the perspective I might be
controlling and making things barren. I see a shallow depression in the
land--looks like the cleats in the bottom of a rowboat and rabbits are
between the cleats where people can't step on them--hiding like refugees.
230AM Theme continues--close-up of a hand and an unusual transparent pink
and yellow glass bracelets with little bubbles in the glass. They spiral
and have a part sticking out like a snake's head. They are around either an
arm or leg--tanned foot stepping on something.

Young guy asks if my ring is real -- two large diamonds. Horses going around a
circle. Girls talking about having to wear comfortable clothes -- knits and
crawl through tight spots and small holes. A lot of snakes run through the
room around nine PM.

2/11/00 7,3,8,0. Mailbox, large wooden orange crate box. Snakes quickly
slither up and get in the box. A cobra, a rattlesnake, a coral snake.
Small snake gets out and presses up against a boy and then me. Snakes are a
cure for a hot cunt (hot from herpes, snakes are cold). Book, some pages
fall out when I drop it; Bible--list of drugs, a leafy bush with tiny
leaves and magenta flowers. Page 37, pages 2-180 missing. Bathroom, I have
to pay; take three books with me; man comes in stall.

Running down a road with my
siblings, kids again, naked. Gone about 45 minutes, serpent for a penis on
a naked man or statue. Sitting at a table studying; an elevator.

11/11/00 Belly, dolman. No more bird noises. A very small snake in the
fish tank -- bit a kid. Assemblages of insect art, small trees in
planters. Moving to a rich estate. Wild girl in a pink shirt, blond
hair, rides her bike standing on the front wheel with her back forward.
Another girl runs. They are making beautiful art pieces which they give
to the guards or servants at the estate. One named Rose. Jesse (my boss)
taking large plants -- they are closing the estate and they could be
planted at a restaurant. Al Nakamura gets an extra battery for the lights
on his truck. Woman making two men drinks in cokes. Girl making art
looks like Jackie (coworker from 80's) Strange lock on the top part of
a two story door -- I wonder how you could even reach up that high. I
look out -- a wire box over the whole side of the house -- can't get out.
I go out of my body, from there I see that it is supposed to keep others
out -- young girls in the estate. Jesse's daughter is blond, teenager. I
ask if he was going to discipline her, he said he thought he already did
-- he stood at the door when she passed. Voice says, good answer. Tables
in almost empty rooms as people pack, very low table in Shirley's (sister)
room. I look at an ornate outer door for a platform to put a tree. One
tree has pink blossoms, one is a large cactus. Jesse is taking over the
estate and staying, apparently.

Little statues for sale, $20. People ask cards who
gets which ones. Button like a star sapphire. Angel with wings on mouth;
man with leg bent, cigar on arm; angel with wings spread out; little kid
with wings closed over his front; tiny angel with red windmill spinning
behind it. Woman says she'll give it to me if I'll go get her sack. Then
says she'll give it to me and Peggy Parrish. Go to visit a woman who
talks to Julie a long time on the phone. She has gotten a ride to Ohio,
her landlord is mad, in her lease it says no cooking, no working. Several
women, we all take what we want -- no one else wants a pile of cotton
gauze dresses, Medieval looking. "At first you didn't sell any, and then
after awhile you did." >
6/29/77 I ride with a lot of people who work for the Post Office. They say
veterans will be pleading their own disabilities now.... Get out of the car -
wearing white halter top. Lots of bikes by the car door. Other girls in
house. Fitzgerald girl. They are getting ready for work. Some wear
shorts. White track shorts.... At Mom's -- three toilets in living room,
women working behind them -- like telephone company.... I go apply for a job
at a gas station. One of the Bassetts there. I make a joke about Cedar
Rapids (Cedar Rabbit or the smell of the Ralston Purina cereal factory --
you could smell it 40 miles away in Iowa City when the wind was blowing that
direction.) He says it's like before. I say yes, but this time I'm
applying for a job and fill out the form. ... Finding statues of birds on the
ground -- rocky area....

8/5/97 The phone rings, it's 7:30. My sweater looks very old. I'm
walking down the street and there are two men and a woman in a nice car --
hunters. In the kitchen of the old house. Shots from hunters. A sting
on my finger. I look at it and there is a drop of water on my left thumb.
Then I get shot in the left bicep and I think, ouch I need that arm. A
man mentions the shots going through the windows - have to do something.
It is a hail of bullets, trigger happy hunters. Outside on the sidewalk.
The car is above, I listen to their conversation about what hunting
equipment they need. Then I'm in a warehouse, looks like Australia. The
animals, males, are standing on their rear legs like statues, one deer,
one moose. A deer hiding in another building behind some stuff. There
are so many deer lined up along the wall on their back legs they look like
a mannequins in a clothing store. The hunters are just hanging around
this building waiting for hunting season to start. Very pathetic. The
deer looks like a woman hiding. Some are sick. Some are pregnant. Two
are laid out on a table like an autopsy with a sheet over it. I peek
under one sheet, a middle aged man. By the end of the dream when I walk
through the building again, there are only two deer left alive, then none
but maybe they went out the door. There is a pile of bodies on the floor,
they are already skinned, or look a little rotten like they died and laid
there a long time - leather skin, no fur, or like a slick skinned rabbit
carcass. The people are very boisterous all around. One guy has a meat
grinder and sticks my right hand into it up to the wrist and makes a
sore. He does this because I won't say I love him. [dream after eating
venison from New Zealand. I was almost afraid to eat the bison and frogs
legs, but I just dreamed the frogs were sitting on big dinner plates and
thought they were lily pads.]


I have small Virgin Mary statues, others and silver winged Mercury dimes.

Room, meeting of men on couch, down some stairs, male love song on radio, men behind me say women meet in another room, Joy on
door. They are the 74 that keep the company profitable. Ask if I'm joining. No one looks old enough to retire. Boss walks up-Jerry from VA hospital (German or Irish). Freezer thawing , ice buildup, small package of refried beans with avocado, a dress, a man coming to kill me, police are busy, once you start writing that's it, our apartment has a door I never noticed behind the chairs that's a vault door of a bank, someone looks out and then closes it. Northrop clean bill of health a few months before, being checked again already. Passion, Japanese contest of art, I don't know if anything in it is alive, or all statues. Tori had told her it was over with. A man goes by on a motorcycle and says he gave me those boots I'm wearing; I think they're cowboy boots, but they're hush puppies (with shoe strings) -he's some singer.

> 7/20/77 I am walking down a road. A man and woman with a baby go off on
> motorcycles to Torrance to complain about something to motor vehicles. Very
> bad time -- gas on Empty, rush hour, place closed, exhaust fumes. I sit on
> a chair for awhile and look at the scenery, listen to Doors. Leave through
> their house -- steel gray, parents talking about learning to communicate
> with them in Philadelphia. Go down a road -- run into the man, look for
> something I hid beside the candy -- think it's a coin but it's a pile of
> photographs. They are at the end of the aisle in plain sight. The aisle is
> full of strange people, all pushing, etc. I wait there, an old woman's
> pictures were in the pile -- very white faces, thin slit eyes. She wants me
> to go with them to a restaurant but I explain I just went there to buy
> something to drink and am waiting for Mom and my brother. The woman
> suggests I go down the steps to a water fountain. The fountain turns into a
> box on the wall. I almost fall backwards into the creek while learning to
> do something in the box.... At Swim and Play -- girl behind counter looks like
> the one at the health food store -- Best Foods in Hermosa Beach. Then rows
> of children in two's appear carrying white knives -- they are rehearsing.
> They become Black and Japanese kids dressed in Scottish clothes and doing a
> Scottish dance.... There are five blank checks in the mail from the electric
> company -- because the other electric company overcharged in two places.
> They can be redeemed for pizzas, photographs, or cash. ... I'm a boat; I dance
> on the water.... Driving through the streets in "Prairie" -- drive right into
> some people's house. They wake up, fire a gun at the wall, throw it aside,
> then I talk soothingly. We go out in the yard -- their friend comes and
> they begin talking about gardening -- offer to give tomato plants. They
> have a retarded daughter.

> > On a school bus, four hour trip -- goes in a pattern
> > around a town. Town in center, driver says, "now we're going south."
> > Then we arrive at Bob and Shelley's -- Shelley dressed in sweater, white
> > satin blouse with rose at neck, white striped pants. Steve and I go to
> > lake, I didn't bring any food or clothes because he said we were just
> > going to Mom's. I yell, go back. Row of cabins all alike, first one old
> > people, second, theirs, with orgy inclined party. I go outside and sit on
> > a bench to read, two women across with a baby that cries and has to have
> > constant attention. Go back in, two stoves. Steve has chlorophorm -- is
> > going to kill the only witness, woman in basement. I argue, he puts it on
> > my face instead. Shelley comes up, I push Steve out the door and lock it.
> > He breaks the window with a cup, we fence with knives. Al Buck helps him,
> > then Sally -- they reach in the window and take tools -- hammer, etc. I
> > say it isn't fair and they leave. Go out, see cabin from distance (Dad is
> > there) -- it has big holes with boards nailed over them. Two men and chop
> > wood for kindling. They are very thin, drugs. Man goes with them, they
> > kick him out -- say something about a baby. I say, you don't want him
> > either? Bob says nobody wants relationships where you have to work. I
> > sleep up the hill at Julie's trailer. We sleep in the same bed but I go
> > to the couch where I have a fever and am getting well.

I keep thinking of myself as