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3/28/98 Storm is coming; a lot of rain and wind. Kick one's ass out and another's ass in. If you intimidate someone that long, he could have just died. A salad in a metal bowl, ambrosia; no hero; working at Christmas; going to bed with a cat; cats don't scratch leather couches.

I drive down a long wet driveway with large rocks -- I drive slowly. At bottom, find out there's a wedding and start dragging a large white cat up a ladder, up a hill. It scratches, but I persist. I lock it in the room where the wedding will be and lock it in. Then an old lady comes -- it's her cat and I feel guilty -- the cat is prowling around distraught in the room. It changes from white to black. I open the door to let it go -- but now it's on the offensive. I decide to kill it, now there are two, a black and a white. I hold them both down and step on their throats and think about smashing their heads with my wooden shoes. They both appear dead -- they have exchanged colors except that the white one is faint orange and they each have streaks of the other's colors -- the black one from the mouth. Sandy comes out and holds the black one and says it's still breathing -- she's happy. I take it and it stretches its neck out over the sink, so I cut it and blood and water rushes out for a long time. Then both cats really are dead and I put them in a
sack to throw away, they stink.

Oven on all night but cookies still not done. Voice says, "good" -- oven won't turn off, I fear. Some questions whether possible. Little kid comes in and says, guess what in hand? It's a tiny baby mouse -- brown. I open the basement door to see where found it -- points out board in handrail. Cat come -- the mother is white with a yellow head and makes a daring rescue of the baby. The cats attempt to catch the mice, but the mice are extremely quick and intelligent -- although the cats are also extremely quick and intelligent. There are more, both colors. There is a mother cat and four dying kittens in there, it connects to Sandy's room with screen between. The kittens are orange. In another dream of cats it said that cats and closets don't mix -- the cats shit on the shelves and make holes for rats to come in -- one thing cats and rats have in common, they make holes. Oh those fashions, I hear cokes and noises and fashions all day. Invisible friend and Peachie the cat makes holes for rats. I hear bright laughter
blossoming in the stairway. Archaeology trip with Paul and a woman.

3/28/87 I'm having the same dream again, so I'm relaxed - know exactly what will happen. My brother is about eight inches tall and hiding under a chair. A miniature horse runs in. Then a big horse comes in and I'm still not afraid because this is just a rerun. The horse just walks past me and the room seems to have the ghosts of animals from past dreams like the bull and the elephant, like shadows. Then my old orange cat comes in and the horse chases him towards me and the dream gets out of control again.

4/18/87 There are birds in my apt and I herd them out a sliding glass door. There's a cat out there. Then I go out on the front porch and four planes fly over, turn around, and fly back over at about treetop level with a vibrating, buzzing sound. The first two were probably fighter planes and the last two (all following each other) are different looking. The third one looks like a catamarran and the fourth one - huge, fiberglass with squared off front and back. I am so scared I can hardly look at it. Keep looking down. I go back inside and there are Easter baskets where the birds were.

5/23/87 Somewhere you have to go down a ladder to leave (one broken step.) Then there's an old house and I want to look inside - an open door and furniture, but there are mean cats. One bites my hand and two more are coming. I run outside and throw them back in.

1/12/88 I wake up standing outside the apartment building at the bottom of the steps by the laundry room in the manager's parking spot. I am standing right behind where their car is. I can see the fence around the parking lot, but can't see any cars. There must be cars parked there, there always are. I can't believe I'm out of my body, look around and the concrete looks like snow or sand with an edge like a curb. A man appears in the distance and approaches to the fence, about two car lengths away. He is naked except for a ribbon across his chest like the New Years Baby. He has dark hair. I think maybe he's a dead person and can answer
questions, but I don't want to ask any, I feel stubborn and that it is greedy. Then I remember that I'm out of my body and wonder if I can walk up the stairs and get through the doors somehow. I start for the steps and he glides over there, looks shorter now. He grabs the railing and shakes it. Then I find myself saying, you said we could move by August. The guy says loudly, that's what you think... I am thinking the question but he can hear me. His voice is metallic and loud, right inside my head. It makes my head ring and I put my hands over my ears and feel like falling on my knees. He glides closer, in one instant is right in front of me. I look at his teeth and the bicuspids look a little large, like a cat's. He has his attention on me and I want to get it off, so I yell, no, you said that. I wake up yelling in a strangled voice in my sleep. [then I went down to look at the spot where I was and the railing is rusted off and dangerous. There is a branch of a mint plant I never noticed before growing through a tiny crack in the wall from the old man
next door's yard.]

12/26/87 Shirley is driving an old car and it won't stop. Rolls down the hill and she says, now I know what's wrong. Usually that happens to me. It is so tiring to drive in dreams. I can barely push in the clutch and my legs have an incredible isometric stress. I go inside, it isn't really like my grandparent's house, has a New Mexico decor. I have two tiny "kittens" in my hand. It's a new kind of animal. My siblings arrive and come in. There is a space ship on the lawn with these animals. They say, do you know you get
diseases from animals (like Mom always said.) They urinate on my hand. I put them on a kleenex and it gets all wet and they disintegrate into caterpillars. I am a little annoyed because I heard the same speech and was telling Grandpa that they could be marketed, a fortune, but I knew animals are dirty and give you diseases.

Find four kittens, move them by picking them up and squashing them like nerf balls. When let them loose, they begin licking themselves, very ruffled up. Take them to their new home, a hole in the ground.

4/22/97 Box with strange animals in it. Bulls standing on their hind legs. I'm chased inside, there are rafters but they can get you down from there. Some are much taller. I see it from two angles - inside, the movement, dizzy. And from the outside, above. The walls are gray concrete curbs. I sit by the wall, look much younger when I look down at myself. A man says I can never have a vacation, must come here every day. The bulls look like big cats when they stand on their back legs. Muscles flex, no fur or maybe butchered.

I walk through the house with my eyes closed, all the way to the basement and back to the attic, where my two sisters and I sleep. I think maybe I was sleep walking. They say it was dangerous. A man wants to do an experiment where a tiny one inch cat goes down your throat. A party in a big house - Nellie. You have to steam the food you select. Phone call, a man says I have to move my car. He gives me a ride. I ask if I parked him in, thanks for not calling the police. He says he doesn't have any insurance and he should kill me. He's driving a big black Lincoln convertible at first and then it has a top. He says I know how the seat belts work, but they look different, don't stretch-- stiff like in old cars.

1/26/97 Red linoleum floor; caves in places; the chimney (metal) falls through the floor in the kitchen--seems spongy, gives. First the chandelier stops working; people dancing. On the ledge are a bowl of rice pudding and a cup of milk; it looks like the cats didn't eat it; snow on balcony; my vegetarian cookbook on the floor. Lists of how I think things are on one side and how they really are on the other. Some things are changes or things people had suggested for changes. One is making all the students secretaries, or leaving them where they are.

A cat in the car--climbs all over; put it in a cage with a squirrel and it licks its ears. There is also a bird in a cage; it eats $2 worth of food; 5 day vacation.

3/10/98 Outside Mom's house by the pump; there's a big cat in the yard; the girl with me runs to the house and it runs up to her; it comes up to me; very frightened. Then I'm up in the air, circus or something. People talking about how something happens over and over; I have to stay in a trailer in the yard and be abducted by aliens and they'll do medical experiments on me (and other kids). I walk by one trailer and a Navy guy is sitting outside the door reading a newspaper; then I'm inside a mall. There are dolls in refrigerated cases; girl is taking out one doll's clothes and going to wear them. I think you become the doll in some play. I think about the hallways between these cases will be very hot in the summer.

3/20/98 Waiting at a picnic table for a park to open; had a chain across the gate. One guy sneaked in early and a riot squad went after him--big dogs with wide shoulders. Chased him up a prickly tree--pine or locust maybe with small dead branches all up trunk. A black cat--chased the riot squad guy back down the tree--clawing at him. Then it opens; seems to be an Egyptian museum or one about investing. Walking through tunnel like mall hallway to buy groceries; stop and look at jewelry. A man tells me to hold one clear rock up under my chin and look through it at my breasts; I see a scene at first--white figures in a clear slab.

5/10/98 I take a bus to the airport, decide to go to Las Vegas; then I change my mind and am just walking, have to cross busy streets. Nellie is back at work with a $25,000 car. Other people doing payroll; notes on some of them to break it to them gently. Then I'm walking on the hill at the old farm and two cats are following me--very skinny. One light with dark stripes and one dark with light stripes; they zoom in close to me. They eat junk food that kids leave laying around.

5/6/98 At a gas station. There are cats and kittens. I feed two kittens. They are very skinny. Some of the bottles have gasoline in
them. I have two bottles of milk. The mother cat gets a full stomach and isn't thin anymore. I pick her up and she seems paralyzed or a doll. Trying on clothes in a dressing room at Goodwill. High heels look like in-line skates. Bra on the floor with C cup someone left. When I'm done, I can't find my shoes. There are a lot of shoes all over. Mine are red sandals.

There's a woman with a baby sitting ahead of me and when I open the door there's a cat between the screen door and the wood door. Door is high up like a moving van.

5/28/98 At an outdoor cafe by the ocean at Hermosa Beach. I get called inside the cafe. A cat is lying in a basket but I can't understand it. Gray hairs mixed with darker ones. A voice says, I think this is nicer. It is a stuffed blue animal in a Picasso-like distortion of one cheek of its face. Someone says the cat shouldn't be sleeping in the litter box. They leave and the cat poops over the edge of the box. Tail was hanging over the edge.

I have to go to the bathroom and can't so I go outside and poop on the ground outside the gate. There are alfalfa seeds already growing in it -- no wonder I'm constipated. A dog walks by, skinny mutt with medium fur. There are cats with long fur too, take a lot of washing and brushing. I still have to pick up the poop and find a bathroom. I go to a tall modern building with nice furniture and
carpets. Finally find a bathroom with a long line of women and kids and I'm last. The men are all waiting in the chairs by the down escalator.

12/5/98 The kids take over an apartment building parking lot, make an announcement that if you don't move your car it could be damaged by a ball -- the biggest boys are eight. The kid has a calling card on a string in his jockey shorts. I try to look at clothes and a big orange cat is lying on top of them and when I try to throw him off he growls.

5/17/99-2 Everything to do with packing--putting stuff in car. Pile--many people moving. Have to keep stuff straight. Watch is too tight on my wrist; I can't read it, blurry. Heir bottomless. Men show me babies in shoe boxes; pull out like drawers. A violent scene of a man being thrown into a new building, very jerky and fast. She more than made the attachment to us all. Throwing up. A man in his underwear in a hotel. Woman comes in and takes off her blouse; Howard Johnson's mirror and bed. Tall stork (bird)--like on bonsai. Very narrow. Dirty clothes piled up in hamper--fall out top. Over anybody. Log of golf programs; numbers, degrees, like diary. Man working with shadow projections of cats. New names for drinks. Rugs tangled around my feet in bed. Teddy bear, tie
around neck. He is/was going to be a big part of this. Pulled from sack. Woman wearing bathrobe. David Doyle; some other garment too flimsy. Spanking; won't that make you sad when I bite him. All but an awakening. I focus on the battle ahead. Emily Dickinson--because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me. A woman tells the young girls to throw away their bird book before next year's season of birdwatching. My two sisters go ahead and get a coating of mud on their legs. Lots of men swimming. The water goes right through the building. A lot of hippies have come to see a religious happening (live there) and their pets have given birth. There's a sign on the door about tending your pets and there are several female cats; I dump in a bunch of babies for them to eat. Some have two heads, eyes on the tops of their heads. The adults act like they're going to attack and scratch my legs.

A cat with four mechanical mice. Neck with holes for several stoma/stomata. Virginia Wolf, keep her out, she always forgets. Earth from air view--turning below, clouds, land masses in ocean. Cat on a Hot Thin Roof. Computer password is limit 7,8 or 40.

Take this cat away from me--closet shoot the baby. Coven of Justice. Son of a gun/sun of a guru. Something in my side--medicine. Take your things--poof, gone. Wrapped in rug in bedroom. I don't believe in you, interrupt your fate--a box, white walls.

1/3/00 Yellow cat, does he have anything wood for you? Five kids, ten cats, seated in auditorium -- hover over seats. Looking out the window, almost morning. A gray rabbit is sharpening its tooth on a tool on the ground, eating bones, crunch. I try to slide the bathroom window shut but a red chicken has its beak through the screen preventing it from closing. Then a female red chicken too. Two ducks, two orange cats stuck together like dogs. Two other birds, pigeons and doves; also bigger and bigger birds, crows, hawks, owls land on roof ledge of the open courtyard. I am putting away groceries, check to see how much pet food I bought. Two
packages of everything except ice cream. Ducks roll off the roof with some furry animal. Big dark gray ducks. The bedroom is open to the sky, the whole house. Very pretty starry sky. Feels like I've been embracing feathers and beak against the window. Pigeon noise. Hot weapon sizzles into fold of flesh, opened up, black hole, red around. Looks like short sword. 135 years old, takes off
jacket.

6/26/00 Life is just what your pet dog is eating. A woman takes a ballerina's (mine) place in the middle of the performance -- stands in front of her in the same ballet position with her leg extended up behind her. Then she falls into the audience and hurts her leg and the doctor says she must rest three weeks. Man must rest too -- Joe McMoneagle. I sit down at a booth to do homework; a baby crawls up to me, stands up, wants Indian food - oven rice that's cooking. Pete Seeger's kid did some project. Fireplace in living room -- little stream of gas runs down to middle, small yellow flame -- blue flames on kleenex. Smoke fills apartment, clears out fast, raining outside. I have a card that says, "Daughter refused," on cover, naked man sits down and looks at it. Sheer white dress with dots for movie. Cats in apartment, I have to poison them like rats or if they die. They melt out of the freezer.

Can't do anymore work about 11. I look like a pelican, rabbit poop caught on fish hook. Cat sleeping on black sheets, "Oh please."
Cut tendon, must be closing office. Our two children that stay with us. A line of electric cords at mailbox, I need to know which ones will activate. "Religion for idea, trouble for reality." Young woman in white jeans holding two babies in a crowd.

So his cat can stay there without them claiming it. Everyone in the world has a long hair Siamese cat.

"Putty cat, do you have papers?" "You should not have doubts that I'm listening"

5/19/00 I didn't know where it was before you got there. Walking home along Prairie from the south. Three dogs following me -- large furry one and two very small. An orange one is very tough. Turns into orange and gray cats. Gray one has very long claws. They live in a bird nest in a hollow tree. In the driveway, an old limo for sale. Used 1964-1977. Cracks in body; inside looks like mattress, sheets. Tough coming up. Wouldn't think she could do it again, right after. Ralphs having summer faire. A tall Japanese blond boy pretending to be various baseball players -- Davey Lopes. Misses a catch and runs back to first/third base side. This is in the grocery store -- they have hay bales for the fall decorations. A girl dragged in a circle by an inflatable doll on a carnival ride. Yard sale, comic books and a very steep hill -- very slick linoleum. Girl going the other way with 50's hair-do. I try on a fur coat. Clothes on hangers. Inflatable crocodile. Game where you hit the players. Glacine envelope -- for corn pollination.

3/30/00 The cow is in the field. The cow is in a lot of fields. C'est of love (on truck). A pile of grains on the ground, the way man began. Corn with wheat grains. Flash of lightning -- metal curlers in hair. A bunch of baby dogs and cats -- look like the box of rabbits. Also a tiny puppy and a bigger dog someone just brought in. I'm taking care of all of them and holding a baby. Petting all the dogs. A man hands me a naked blond little baby. It's a girl and she pees on some newspapers -- Esther's living room. I take her in to bathe her in kitchen in the dishwater; and she's afraid -- now a boy. I let out that water and get clean water, too hot.

Checking another fluid on car - must be transmission fluid. Hydraulics, or maybe a plane. A puppy or cat to analyze. Cat is pillow under my head or fur collar. Bones of skeleton clanking.

Can't keep his cat under control bejibes. Picture of girl turns into a cat.

Cat always trying to hang around car engine

8/23/00 Stage of my highschool -- [big wreck/car racing and men on the moon]. Lots of cat pee. Bird cage around part of a jungle scene. Moslem man standing beside it. Marshmallows, peace lovers.

9/25/00 Small plane, first one this year; hit broadside-- it's embarrassing. Rooms after work, cold. My window open, cat outside. I take in the other stuff, ask the cat if it's coming in. Man had said something was open. Job loading luggage, each set is a duffle bag and a suitcase. Pat hands to Col Crandall. I wouldn't have trusted you but there's gonna be a buck. Pilaca.

10/3/00 Margeaux singing Christmas songs in office on the other side of the room. People, 40's, changing. A woman standing with a man, tall and thin. He says she put a cat in the refrigerator and killed it. She says she took off its fur, gutted, cooked and served under wild dog.

Cats, they don't kill you at first; they wait until they're three and then grab you several places. The closer her fiancé came, the game...

My dresses in pile, watch TV show on big screen, then I have to get ready for work. Rabbits running loose, but gray cat like mountain lion comes and has sex with one.

Cat-deep cold bowl. Ok, I'm going to 44.

3/18/01 Man made of sun. voice says, "I don't want to talk and confuse you." Stranded bullet. Catholic town, hotel rooms $135. Revolutionaries hide out on farms for a few days. Man comes all over me - sticky. I take a bath swimming n a pond and a cat swims up to me and crawls on top of me.

A cat eats and poops in a doggy bag of cat litter, waiter takes it away.

4/24/01 I have nothing to eat so I go to a party. Little kid thinks he sees a cat -- tail hanging out. Voice saying , "something changes when you move something to another CD." Two messages I don't remember in my sent folder -- about Muslims causing problems. Daycare. I get a part-time job -- few kids. A blond girl named Lori P. shows me where to brush my teeth, hang my purse on some pegs near the floor under a counter, an electric scooter. I ride the scooter up a hill -- it's a dark starry night, stars, up a steep hill to a cliff and buildings across the valley a voice says are QA. That was a break, I have to get back to the school. Now there are a lot of kids. They are sitting in a big room in rows of chairs. A woman arrives outside the door with a sack of birthday presents for Brenda, her daughter. A voice says not to sit on the couch with the kids, it is too familiar. A girl is making jewelry with green and transparent clear glass beads -- look like ice. Father Malachi comes in and someone makes one boy talk to him. He looks like Jim Jones. It is already my second day working there and I seem to be full time. I wonder what happened to the part time status and how I'm going to go to my other job. [Father Malachi is dead, talked about demon possession on his last interview with Art Bell on late night radio in 1996.]

Cat described as a curb crucifier.

Teenaged girl hits the wall in an underpass so she can have a new car, she looks like Princess Di wiping the dust off herself, never able to have lovers. Announcement over loudspeaker, "those requesting job analysis" -- picture of a ball of yarn or a maze. Cat sinks its claws into your back while you're sleeping. Freeways completely empty, tunnels lined with white ceramic, vacuum family
cleaning them. "Stop destructive competition." Raul on first or third, throws ball to second -- to his twin, he's doubled, on first and third. Bridget going to new "valley" -- East LA or North US, Minneapolis -- she'll be a follower there, not a supervisor.

5/26/01 Justice reversed. Who's going to stay here? Woman takes off her coat and goes into a courtroom or hearing room. Cat in the small amount of material found in the bottom of the bird cage. Voice, "go ahead with plans." I go to where I left off in another dream. Who's in charge in family after Dad left -- Nathan or me?

"Easiest way to find dead babies -- watch the mother" picture of cat (before they start to stink). "Romantic bison just at the end of
his affair with filth." I'm trying to write a (murder?) script with two other people. I'm sitting with legs outstretched on the floor. I try to
think of something.

5 AM Someone gives me some pregnant rabbits. Then I have two boxes of baby rabbits -- packed in boxes like china comes in with packing material. I open the first box and try to count them -- there are three on the first layer -- they are pink and don't wake up. Someone hands me another box of them and three of them open their eyes and get out of the box -- one has blond hair. Then I see a young skinny cat and notice I'm in my living room sitting on the floor in front of the TV. The rabbits have crawled around behind me so the cat might not see them. I tell a shadowy man to pick up the cat and he does and puts it right back down again; so I pick it up by the scruff of the neck and hold it that way so it can't scratch me. The cat begins to talk, "I didn't do it." It is meowing very quietly but you can understand it. It says something else and then the shadowy person interrupts and says, "what are you doing?"
Bernie says one whole box of rabbits fell in the ocean. I resume trying to put the other ones in a bigger box so the cat can't get them. An Japanese woman shows me two rabbits she has that are striped like chipmunks. I find five more on the floor with webbed feet and put them in the box too and then say to the shadowy man that they look like moles. They are cold. He says, "they
are." I ask what I should do with them and he says, "put them back."

Then I'm at Petsmart sitting on a stool and see a cat walk by -- I mean to say, there's Tutu the manager's cat because it has chewed up ears, but I hear "there's Calico" come out of my mouth -- then the cat really does look like Calico (tail bitten off by the horse) but then the tail reappears. There is Apollo's miniature bulldog too and several other cats.

Maria and I are cutting up some tuna on the 6-inch square skin. I volunteer to throw it out to the cats, so I fold it up to keep from dripping blood and start out. The scene transforms from Grandma's yard, to Mom's yard, to Larch but I pass a glass lobby highrise with an elevator where I supposedly live to throw it across the street to the Vietnamese market/kennel. It is raining and when I go past the apartment building the water gets very deep, past my knees, so I just throw the tuna skin as far as I can and hope the cat
can retrieve it from the flooded street before it goes down the storm drain. A car is pulling up and a middle aged woman gets out accompanied by a shadowy man; she's ash blond, coat or tailored blouse, no umbrella. There's a light rain here bouncing off the sidewalk. The apartment building is in Washington D.C.

A supervisor tries to open the lock on two doors into the room I'm in with a man and a girl. The little girl wants me to hold her. The man was disguised as a toy robot earlier and shoots a beam that controls a mouse. Some people come in and start talking about the mouse and look around for what is controlling it and quickly spot the robot outside a window. Then the man turns into a cat and he can't resist grabbing the mouse, which is climbing up a curtain, but can't out-climb the cat. I see the cat's claws as he picks up the mouse. Then he holds up a scalp he ripped off the mouse, but it looks like an orange cat's scalp. It includes the forehead, ears and top of the head all in one piece of fur. I look on the inside to see how much flesh was ripped off and how much damage the cat/mouse must have suffered. There is a big clump of flesh near one ear, but not much more. I wonder if the ears were skinned or ripped completely off.

3/28/98 Storm is coming; a lot of rain and wind. Kick one's ass out and another's ass in. If you intimidate someone that long, he could have just died. A salad in a metal bowl, ambrosia; no hero; working at Christmas; going to bed with a cat; cats don't scratch leather couches.

I drive down a long wet driveway with large rocks -- I drive slowly. At bottom, find out there's a wedding and start dragging a large white cat up a ladder, up a hill. It scratches, but I persist. I lock it in the room where the wedding will be and lock it in. Then an old lady comes -- it's her cat and I feel guilty -- the cat is prowling around distraught in the room. It changes from white to black. I open the door to let it go -- but now it's on the offensive. I decide to kill it, now there are two, a black and a white. I hold them both down and step on their throats and think about smashing their heads with my wooden shoes. They both appear dead -- they have exchanged colors except that the white one is faint orange and they each have streaks of the other's colors -- the black one from the mouth. Sandy comes out and holds the black one and says it's still breathing -- she's happy. I take it and it stretches its neck out over the sink, so I cut it and blood and water rushes out for a long time. Then both cats really are dead and I put them in a
sack to throw away, they stink.

Oven on all night but cookies still not done. Voice says, "good" -- oven won't turn off, I fear. Some questions whether possible. Little kid comes in and says, guess what in hand? It's a tiny baby mouse -- brown. I open the basement door to see where found it -- points out board in handrail. Cat come -- the mother is white with a yellow head and makes a daring rescue of the baby. The cats attempt to catch the mice, but the mice are extremely quick and intelligent -- although the cats are also extremely quick and intelligent. There are more, both colors. There is a mother cat and four dying kittens in there, it connects to Sandy's room with screen between. The kittens are orange. In another dream of cats it said that cats and closets don't mix -- the cats shit on the shelves and make holes for rats to come in -- one thing cats and rats have in common, they make holes. Oh those fashions, I hear cokes and noises and fashions all day. Invisible friend and Peachie the cat makes holes for rats. I hear bright laughter
blossoming in the stairway. Archaeology trip with Paul and a woman.

3/28/87 I'm having the same dream again, so I'm relaxed - know exactly what will happen. My brother is about eight inches tall and hiding under a chair. A miniature horse runs in. Then a big horse comes in and I'm still not afraid because this is just a rerun. The horse just walks past me and the room seems to have the ghosts of

Sally dreams

Cutting out pictures -- National Geographics -- they are ancient mystical books. Librarian is senior English teacher, just out of college, dark hair, but looks like Sally Staley, blond boss thesis checker at grad college. She comes around to check on me, brings books I want -- the blood of the mystic, the little girl, and sometimes the two moths. When she's looking at one I put everything away and sneak out with the kids that are with me. She follows, a stately walk. We cross the light on red, then a cow meets us at the other side and we hold onto its ear and it pulls us up the hill a little ahead of her. Then we reach the ship and she can follow no further. She talks to a watchman. In a way it seems as if she just chased us back to the ship. End up just taking magazines, modern ones. Mom's -- there are summer replacements for some of the rooms, I'm not coming back.

First dream in the new house on Larch -- Lawndale, California - 9/16/76 Driving by Moss's dairy in Iowa City -- cows and pigs in field. Go into hay area, Mr. Moss there. Very unusual bull -- large almond eyes -- doesn't like to be yelled at. He charges smaller cows, then Mr. Moss. I attract his attention, he falls on his back somehow and Mr. Moss breaks his front leg. There is another bull, curly head, more normal - bull turns into this one. Runs on his broken leg, then gets a cast and hip boots and walks upright. Then I'm inside looking at U of Iowa things on wall, surplus sales, and map (looks like LA) -- look out door -- boy says Hi, looks like one of the Hardy Boys -- he takes my arms from behind fixing a fixture. Then another guy -- more rawboned, curly hair, like Don comes in --presses up against me -- differences, says to forget about fixing the thing - he gets a hard on. I bend over backwards until he falls on the floor. I leave -- kids are hired to chase animals out of field. Then I'm at Mom's -- the people downstairs get ugly and I run upstairs -- prepare to escape, put on hipboots, then tennis shoes. Can't go out window -- deep snowdrifts, and snow on roof. Go downstairs, light keeps coming on -- someone says distraction is good. I pick up a deer head with antlers. Run out door, unlock is easy -- living room. Sally follows. I throw deer head and she picks it up and threatens others. I can only walk well with my right foot and start hopping. Get to car -- we all get in and lock door even though I don't have the key -- make car move so it will start by letting out clutch. I hide my book and blouse in the little room. There are unknown children. A "couples" party -- get a grip on each other. Drawing the lines. Taking liberties with the movies. We park car, man puts it on its side. Go to Student Union -- there is a CIA lecture, costs $5, $2 if you're in the Writers Guild. Sally is trying to bluff a cop in the middle of the road -- that she's in the writers' guild. Kids at Mom's again. My stuff is in Shirley's room, I wake up in Mom's bed wearing a sexy purple bathing suit. I talk about numbers, etc, since I haven't discussed them with kids lately. Mosquitoes want people that taste good.

9/1/77 (a few days after the full moon). I was supposed to be cooking dinner but it kept turning into things like eggs, hotdogs. Look out the window of the house, a pond out there -- large fish in it. Man says they're Gars -- but they are very large. Plants on porch. I'm in school, a test today in history, tomorrow physics. Sally and a blond come in for breakfast but when I don't leave, they do. Go down to office, make fun of gay men to Sally and the other girl; I feel sick -- trying to get my mind off my problems and can't believe I'm so mean. The secretary quit. I have five pictures of little girls at "school." ... Give dresses to two older women who are neighbors -- elastic top with wood or bamboo skirt to Aunt Jane and a straight beige knit dress to another woman. Also green velvet dress. Lots of "backwards" dresses on backwards, mine, Jane's [neither one of us has any kids, she adopted two girls]. All my old clothes dirty, torn, ugly -- time to go to work but snow storm out. New clothes upstairs in my room. ... Run down street to a certain place, man and I dressing in bathroom -- then run farther and farther. Christmas time and I don't have any presents to give except for a little wood doll for Chuck. ... I have several horses -- a black one, white one, pony. A man is trying to shoot the white one especially; lures them in by pointing to me -- but they run and get away. Sitting in a large circular corral. ... I go up to a door which has a lock on it with letters instead of numbers. The young guy at the door tells me the letters quickly -- they are Hebrew letters. The first two are R and M. I never work the lock correctly, but get inside. Woman gives a lecture about the Cabala -- two people asleep. Very interesting. [Cabala puts me to sleep -- I think deeply about what I'm reading and make all kinds of connections and sometimes also doze off just like meditating.] ... At an apartment building, a man and I live in one. Karen takes down the walls. ... On an elevator, by the edge -- hold on to pole -- edge keeps getting closer. Maritza says she's sick -- fainting, two other things. Large family at her house. Lynn has new boyfriend. [Lynn owned a waterbed store with her ex-. Told me once he was using LSD and got pulled over for "driving funny" and she was not and said he was not driving funny, so she thought that the police have ESP.]

Me dressed as belly dancer. Little girl touches my thigh. At a large dinner I don't eat -- instead continue with my belly dancing in the back. Sally mad. I go upstairs. Woman comes with a gun and says she's going to kill me -- I throw gun down the stairs. Arab family came in during supper. Every man is some woman's lover.

6/11/88 I dream I acquire an estate, including buildings, crops, trees, a handyman and a housekeeper. It is fall and the National Guard is harvesting my corn. When I arrive to take possession, I notice the handyman has slept on the terrace (where you could keep an eye on him). The housekeeper, who was also 50ish, says that he sent threatening letters one year when I went back to Iowa. The trees have been hacked and I wonder if they can grow back. They appear to be very old elms that were in islands in the field of soybeans that had already been harvested.

1971... A little girl runs up to a man who backs away and she falls down. Voice says, after all, the shoe of mercy might be on this foot. ... I dreamed I murdered a girl and nobody knew. The ghost was bothering the girls who lived in the room. It was Sally's room. I burned her up and flushed her down the toilet. There was no evidence, but I wanted to tell, but I didn't want to go to prison.... A race--prophecy at an alter or snowbank; the race is inside. The house is a maze, there are many doors--no closets or you take your chance; the important doors are in the floor. I run right to them--others follow; last door is an otter slide and there is no closing the door (concrete). Gorilla guards treasure, chase through maze, I have to keep moving. I trick the gorilla when caught--gives me a prize (red chiffon), but I don't know it. I eavesdrop and the gorilla gets fed up and is going to shoot me with an arrow; shoots ceiling instead. Finally, war; I jump in to get prize--we were there all along and others are there to help me out....

Reversal dream: At someone's house, maybe Sally's, I look out the window and a decomposed body lays there. He died in the winter and they put him outside but they forgot to bury him with spring. I call attention and his friend pulls him away to the backyard where he builds a fire of branches to burn the body. A mother calls and asks what kids are eating. She doesn't want Sally to eat any salad because she has been shitting the bed. I want her to eat the salad. The mother says, "roll a joint" in the background. We are both confused. The food keeps changing and I try to list off what we're serving. A boy keeps taking out a man's cock and playing with it -- says, doesn't it look like a baby? etc. I have to go around the table wiping off all their cocks under the table -- one has white stuff, one an erection, last two are very young. I do it very quickly. When I come back all the kids live with us and have been outside alone. Take them somewhere -- Mom gets out to go to the creek and we all follow, everyone is planting things along its wall like banks. Someone draws the dark haired woman next to me -- line drawing side view with only the eyes filled in, they are a very beautiful shape. Then they draw me. I have short curly hair, big boobs, big mouth, singing.

I am at work -- I talk while people are trying to take a test - I apologize. My boss, Sally, comes out and says not to feel bad anymore. While I'm talking the left side of my face gets paralyzed. I go to Mom's there is a hole in the freezer and the food is all thawed. I do something to some guy and then run down to the basement. My sister puts on a show for the kids with a magnet, have to find steel. The kids find a box of nails. She borrowed my spider. I get it back -- it clings to my finger but I'm afraid it's biting me. I put it in its cage, round clear plastic. I'm developing pictures, there's a little wrong with all of them. there is a young woman tutoring Japanese kids -- she's doing very well.

At work at the Grad College, Sally Staley comes in about bowling on Friday or Saturday. Woman shows gold invitation, gold ring, banquet. My name is scarfulous. Robbie makes an intricate house of paper pieces -- but falls apart when picked up -- try to glue it. [Robbie was four and couldn't talk yet -- sometimes he would talk some other language he made up himself.]

I go upstairs, Sally jumps out, Jeanette and I go to work at the Grad College but all we do is sit and wait. I go to basement, Jeannette stabs her hand with a knife, screaming. Sally, our boss, takes a blouse, looks through scrapbooks, grabs me, very scary.

Leave a wedding, Barb (neighbor in next trailer) driving. Sally and another woman talking about me. I hear, "fat chicken". She looks like a chele. Leaving out automatic door, I say, I heard it. She says they said, "fat chin". I have to be the man because I sleep on the left side of the bed. In a tall building, fire. Someone got in elevator and said to stall others. I did. Darrell there somewhere. We go downstairs. Woman fell, broke jaw. I help doctor helping her. We pull her down the stairs. Doctor stops to get ice out of his broken 7-Up bottle in his case. Stop on 11th floor, can't go further. I think of jumping, have come to this before. I don't want to fall. My hair is cut at shoulder length, flips -- on way to beauty contest. Someone asks about it -- I say it's a temporary trim. Then realize that's impossible -- very upset, blame it on my sister. Back on S Dubuque in the apt -- I'm in bath arguing with a man. Women next door come in -- our trailer is on fire -- go out and put water on fire, but it's their campfire. Fire is out, in front. The propane tank might explode. Tricks for begin school -- rabbit on hat. I pass old tree by sidewalk -- I put in dimes.

1975 continued Rummage sale in a parking lot on truck, camera. I get lots of clothes. The men's shirts are free as a come-on. I try some on, very hard to get off (orange sweater.) Sally there, won't help, Susan. Char is selling them [told the new girls at the Herbert Hoover Library that every time she tried to quit they promoted her until she couldn't afford to quit -- that the VA Hospital was more interesting place to work but didn't pay as well.] Women's clothes very expensive. There are more than I got --some tops ripped. Adults go up to see what kids are doing -- they are hiding in two places, one place under the bed, they make the blanket bulge out. I am reading a book and go back one page -- energy, a diagram. I see it is an abstract picture of a cock pointing out. I'm working on the first floor of a house I discover has many more floors. I run up, there are bedrooms with art on the walls. Finally I begin running into people, servants. I begin picking up hairs off the floor so they'll think I work there. One is Charlotte. She says her legs don't hurt anymore -- there are long skirts in the waste basket. An old woman wants the "modern" ones.

A fat man and a thin man come out and go into their routine. I smile and take the fat one's hand -- then run up the next flight of stairs. There are two bare floored rooms -- one with a TV roped off with velvet ropes. I go back, I've been gone half an hour, hide the clothes in the coat room, which has clothes piled all over the floor. There are two little girls arguing in the corner. Sally is complaining about something a man -- public servant type did. There is a movie showing something I saw in person -- in a park, some girls left their stuff under a large dead tree and then the tree exploded -- branches flying everywhere. It plays several times. I look for myself in the picture and can't find me. A woman feels afraid in the country away from town.

A man brings his bull to Mom's house leading it on a leather strap. It is the most magnificent bull ever seen -- its head huge and curly (maybe a pair, a bull and cow). I am outside, watching a cloud come out of the factory, ask why there isn't a woman to fly up in them (Mom). Sally Redfern comes up -- says they're too thin. Make a list from a pamphlet of Jung -- a long list of ways that a woman improves a house. I take the bull home, leading him by the leather strap. I am careful not to rile or upset him. We turn into the bull's driveway, bull wants to run, I drop the strap. He turns into a fat man, gets very out of breath. I show him how to breathe stretching out my arms on the inhale, folding on exhale. We come to the barnyard, all the cows gather around. The bull becomes a very tall blond man in a white shirt. His left hand is injured, wrapped. I hug him, I only come to his waist. He folds down over me, his head on my back. I can feel his cock in my stomach, not hard. Painting in which the woman has three heads, all in a row.

A man comes to play the violin and I am to play the flute (drum top shrunk and broke) and do so pretty well. Woman explains the sudden crowd of people previously, she says -- that was the Virgin Islands and school was letting out. That won't happen in California. Earlier, I go to a place inland (black dirt) and am responsible for little kid who is so drunk he passed out. Other woman and I expect to have to carry him (he got a license to drive his tricycle but doesn't have a front tire), but I put him on trike and then take his hands and get him to walk. Get to ocean, which he thinks will sober him up -- he goes off to be alone. Wedding ceremony in pantomime, with rock and roll music for the words of the ceremony. Babysitting for Sally, she tries to trick me into writing dolphin song. Earlier, I'm walking with several men and they stop to talk to the girl next door about the Final Days. I walk down market, my left leg is shorter. Then we have to take Yuri (2 year old boy, pale, vegetarian) -- younger girl doesn't want to carry him on her shoulders -- change his diaper. Then, in Sally's house -- babysitting. Kids sleep. House is very clean and nicer stuff. New beds, canvas. No work or trouble at all at first, then things seem to get out of hand (more kids, crying, real troubles like diapers.) Sally giving a party for the Grad College (also test on Mary Hartman). She lives in an apartment near the Veterans Hospital. There are pictures of the women painted on each door. It is a dance at 8:00. Hard to tell where it is -- turn word over and it is a little signpost 1.1.1 Bertolino. I think it's in a small town. I spin around in a chair and fall off and knock over a table. A woman comes out of the bathroom and compacts it. I sit on floor. Then the party is in Sally's parents' house, very large and fancy. Sometimes in a man's house -- muscle man changes his look -- stands up straight and he looks normal; flexes muscles and hunches over and looks fat (flesh very plastic). Then have to wash dishes (not one in red plastic pan) girl with one hand. I tell her to put dishes away at least. She leaves and I tell the man -- very petty. Two women drag me away (Karen Hildebrand and J). We go outside, now all women. Swing -- each person on a trapeze and circle. Three planes take off squirting water out their wings and it begins to rain on us. We go to a porch and it's part of Sally's parents' house -- someone has made banana turnovers. Something about Sally's son doing work too advanced for him -- doing genius work.

Life magazine with history of people. Indians -- nice one raped by white guy (raised together). There turn out to be two babies -- one good and one bad. Then cold, Yetis take over. Never smile -- will drop fish if they do. "Start large fires because they like the way they look." Family at ocean -- undertow, my sensor falls off. At a lecture on Jung -- Sally teaches it. Student has to give half the class. We are kept in different rooms. I have to swim a river -- do it every day, but dread it this time. Two tall men are there. I go back to take off my sweatshirt and white sheet. Follow the example of boys, run in happy and swim dog paddle. Commune type house there. The other women and I make food -- yogurt. Wash off motorcycle after throw cats out Bought a trailer with not many miles on it. Black and white race horses, male and female, run across pasture -- different from other horses, thin. I have a spider in a jar that I've had for some time and has grown quite large. It looks like a turtle, hard shell.

Parking place, two men run towards a circus or carnival. I put away a bat and piece of gold aerial first and don't follow. Sally Redfern and I fight, after meeting on the street. Push and kick. Then I run into a store to hide and lock her in. She says I have one more chance to be friends with her. Going home, several paintstores in dream. Bridget Kelly wants paint for her first room. Driving along gravel road -- furniture (chairs) abandoned along it. Road very rutted and bumpy. Something about teenagers. Woman working for movie company goes along to castle to make an important deal. Hostile woman at castle. Men of castle use watermelon to symbolize money and all the characters start grabbing as much as they can. Women wear masks. "Biggest" guy has purple shirt front on elastic. I take Hebrew again --will be a lot of work to re-learn it. Study at next table -- have to translate four sentences. Very close basketball game at Van Meter. Then I go outside to find a place to fuck and Van Meter has lost when I come back without finding one. Dumdum kids fighting -- I organize them -- teach each one in turn pantomime. Hartley pantomimes tying shoes; he is very good at it. The kids become happy and do things. Mannix type shoe. I cough and white stuff comes from each side of my throat. It is a cluster of round things, rough, hairy and stinging. They move, are alive. There is similar worm on my tonsil.

Playing with little kids -- painting. Man comes in who ran in the morning. In a barn -- lots of manure. I name animals -- cow, bull, calf, horse. One woman falls of shelf into stream of water (can't swim) which goes down into a very wide flooded stream -- finally catches on tree, maneuvers it around towards shore but doesn't let go at the right time. "Keep trying" I keep yelling. Then she starts yelling, "a boat, a boat" -- climbs to the top of the tree (red dress - Sally). Another girl is getting to shore in a white dress. Man comes on platform -- shoots Sally, says, "at least I got that hawk." No one says anything. I am ashamed that I didn't 1- rescue her from water while shallow, 2-grab or yell at man. Later, down on lawn at picnic, man points gun at me. I yell at Dad, who's sitting at the picnic table and get behind a tree. Man comes to the other side of the tree, hands me a camera. He has a white box, I take his picture several times, then he catches me, says, "you're out of film, you've had as much as Marines -- the white machine weakens."

Setting bombs off in water - might go jail/July. I walk home a long ways in the dark towards Mom's - in Stewarts' cornfield. All of a sudden I look back and a man is following me - quite close. I scream, then say in calm voice, "oh, you were just seeing what it's like." Sally is teaching algebra to a group of women in our trailer, several more people come in -- very crowded. I go in bedroom because everyone disappears suddenly except Jeannette, writing a letter for my step brother, Chuckie. My miniature plants have grown, geranium bloomed. A man is on top of a girl in the corner -- face separated from body, body of mermaid. I fill up body with warm water -- it comes out hand -- and begin to masturbate. Shit comes out with water in bath tub. Steve says, "look at my pillow." I think I'm leaving or he is -- a note. It's a hunt for presents, a record and radio under my pillow. Man and I go into room when others go out -- algebra class -- I sit down at table, pretty dark hair girl says, "I'm Sheila." Dennis, my boyfriend from junior high, is to my right. He says it's too easy. There are three rules to begin - don't give up when it gets hard, many people can't get it when the problem is switched around. Problem on board is 336 <> 65. There is a machine in front of me, each side for solving one of two different kinds of problems. I ask teacher about it, he says they don't know about each other. Scavenger hunt led to music; Dave helped make it up. Tom was movie -- I get to see how I act. See quarter in Nissan. New Sphinx -- regular face from stone, wet -- then real Sphinx face of gold comes -- man says it takes unfair advantage.

Girl with oval glasses asks if I could possibly be happy. Look in mirror; I have curly hair, taller, blond--then hair straight, ear length. Apartment has stained glass windows, antique sewing machines and fancy candles; a ghost. Some women leave saying that the trial will be over and he'll be executed by the 4th and they'll take the antiques. The stained windows go all the way to the floor on the 2nd story--you can't fight and shove each other across the room in here.

A large new mansion, run by women and some men -- all living there. Girl upstairs who keeps the lights from working. She says the fuse box is too dirty, complicated -- had an Arab guy look at it. She's in Shirley's room. Mom throws her rocking chair downstairs, it has shirts nailed onto the arms. I start to pick it up and fix it but a man in the next room says he could scare her

with a dirty book about a ghost and now I'm afraid to go in there.

See a dream landscape -- one called Des Moines in real life -- view of downtown from a big hill near Sylvia's place on Manzanita. Jackie says she saw God -- she went up and wasn't scared (in the sky). God looked like a ghost. Now she sees him all the time.

On a bus, Mary Ann lives near me. There are some people I don't want to know where I live -- two men (probably Don -- ghost)

that are thieves. She almost tells them but I cover her mouth and yell at her. Julie lives up the hill at Taft's (next door) and a witch is staying with her -- an old woman who yells wildly and burns fires. I talk to Julie -- and she says the woman raped her and demolished her house. Julie felt very cramped with her in the house. Julie is getting married the next day and I'm helping her get ready -- clean. Two men go into college buildings to steal fire extinguishers. Cindy C did it once but says she won't again. Room of a guy, article on pyramid power. I get off at Long Beach - wearing long dress, green boots. Boy there with little child answers questions about it. Go back to freeway and Dad comes by in yellow car and picks me up. Dead fox by the road. We walk around Iowa City -- we run into friends and they treat us like ghosts -- find Paul's crystal ball on the ground. He appears when another woman and I are talking about him.

8/30/77 Guy killed by family after paying off his brother's debts. Then he sees the spirit/ghost of the other dead man -- act out what should have happened -- whole family lined up -- ducked. Guy should have killed one who owed him money. Man and I living in a house with two pine trees in front. I plant beans under them and the beans climb all over the trees. ... Shirley and I each have part of a crystal ball -- I can see the future in it. I weight 5-10 pounds more than her, then the same.

1971--A little girl runs up to a man who backs away and she falls down. Voice says, after all, the shoe of mercy might be on this foot. ... I dreamed I murdered a girl and nobody knew. The ghost was bothering the girls who lived in the room. It was Sally's room. I burned her up and flushed her down the toilet. There was no evidence, but I wanted to tell, but I didn't want to go to prison....

Itemized life. Girl living with ghost. Real man there and ghost bites or pinches her on the calf. Man tells her to run and get help, she cries on the bed. Girl and I in a store with a big slide -- leave.

2/23/87 I dream I have to live with my parents again. I'm lying out on a towel in the middle of their gravel road by the mailbox. I have an old Mustang and am walking around at the beginning in chains like I'm the ghost of Marley. Flashbacks of playing badmittan in the yard, riding my bike up the steep hills, and escape dreams. This reminds me of jobs I could have avoided if I'd

gotten different jobs.

3/28/87 I'm having the same dream again, so I'm relaxed - know exactly what will happen. My brother is about eight inches tall and hiding under a chair. A miniature horse runs in. Then a big horse comes in and I'm still not afraid because this is just a rerun. The horse just walks past me and the room seems to have the ghosts of animals from past dreams like the bull and the

elephant, like shadows. Then my old orange cat comes in and the horse chases him towards me and the dream gets out of control again.

7/19/87 I dream about a war. There are skirmishes and people gradually get killed off. The woman in the next room gets killed and all her things have to be cleared out. She has some expensive dresses (some from the 60's.) Then I open a door and the men that are left are in there planning the next step in the war. I see some of the old men from work. There aren't many of them left. In the first part with the fighting, the battle is on a dirt road and there were fences and barbed wire (Vietnam.) Then I go to visit relatives - a woman with white hair standing on her porch. It seems like I'm a ghost floating along behind people who are really visiting their relatives. The woman is digging new potatoes. By the time I cut them open and stuff them they are eight inches long and three inches wide.

1/3/88 Something about the sun. Dead people (veterans) doing something new now. Maybe a cemetery/graveyard - the ghost looking out over the scene resting.

>
Halloween Morning 1986 -- 3 Violent Dreams. I am at a potluck party where everyone has brought some cookies or something. I know that one woman has hidden a bomb in her cookies that are shaped like an owl, so I step on them on the floor. Then the bomb blows up in the bathroom, but I get away because I knew about it in advance. Walking out of the house I see another

woman from inside and am amazed that someone else survived. She seems to be Death and tells me to turn around and I'll see all the people who were just killed in the house. They don't know they are dead and are walking down a hall and sitting by a window. She says they'll continue like this until they get "old" as ghosts.

Around Thanksgiving 1986 I dream I have a 2nd job and have to be at work at 7PM, but I fiddle around until a quarter till and then decide to drive really fast (I have an automatic in the dream). Then, as I pass the house after backing out the driveway, a girl who was standing by the road hitchhiking is suddenly inside the car even though I didn't stop; it gives me a start. I decide to be

aggressive and say, "how did you do that?" I am afraid she's a ghost.

12/13/86 A man and I are walking and someone yells at us--maybe says, "why don't you go to a motel?" He drags me to a motel and slaps down a $100 bill on the counter and we're in room 324G. On the way to the room we go shopping and the pants are all messed up--people have tried on all of them, but they have the wrong tag, which I knew but the shoppers coming along don't know. Then there's a pub sort of restaurant on the shore and the teenagers are talking about a revolution. Then one teenaged girl is hanged from a For Sale sign; she was standing on a wall and then dropped and was twitching with a rope around her neck. Then a balding guy, very muscular picks her up and sits her on the wall. I finally start looking for the room again where several members of my family were, but there was a pile of people on the bed about 4 feet deep I think were the ghosts of people who had slept in the bed before; there was quite a pile of ghosts. Then I wake up when I find a bathroom and sit down.


4/3/88 I go to spy on some factory workers. They are working in a corn field. It's dark. I go through a tunnel to the edge of the field. They might be ghosts and keep working because they don't know they are dead. It's very sad. They sense me and chase me. There's a big fire and their factory might burn down. I run away with them close behind. I slide back down the tunnel.

Then I'm riding down the highway on

on a tricycle with me trying to pedal and a man on the back.

8/3/98 Black dress and suit jacket drying on hanger. Needs ironing. My purse in glove compartment - teenagers try to break in, car full of

them. I sleep on floor -- cold -- in some building. Something folded up, looks like blankets. Old man gives me squares of white cake with

strawberries. He's thin, white hair, dressed in a black suit. A man has done something to a woman inside her house. I'm telling about it and he reappears, then goes right through the door like a ghost. He's young, maybe 30's. Walking through a building, Hawthorne police have assault rifles, a man yells at them, they blame an old man and have a banquet with tuxes and evening gowns.

12/11/98 I go to an old house where I've been in dreams before. It has an attic with six apartments, greenhouse and beautiful gowns, I

explain. Someone tells me this is Gus's house and he's been born here in six lifetimes. Gus looks like an old farmer sitting with the lights off

in the kitchen. He might have some skinny dogs. There is a lake in the yard with a wood boat ramp and they have been losing mallards and

malamutes. Maybe there is the ghost of an old man in there. I walk around the lake, which has feathers floating in it. I look down and am naked, so I try to buy a dress at a swap meet, but the woman won't even let me get one down with a broom so I steal a man's vest off the ground. There were two boxes of beads in the old house -- yellow and black faceted one and pink and white gingham.

8/13/99 Young people walking arm in arm, lie on blanket. Man in red shirt running, knocks two blond boys unconscious. A woman shoots at a big statue of a bird--paint balls. House full of stuffed animals, no room for kids. Woman has a ring with a cluster of pearls and breaks

one off. Man and kids run ahead of me--have to cross a street or fence. Long sidewalk ahead of me with some people. See young people walking arm in arm, girl in white pants. Things disappear like my degree and I have to go back to school, I have to study, christmas tree in corner behind panel. Two puppies/rabbits clinging to my feet, white and black, white one humps my hand. Women in house say they're mediums. It is an unusual house with open windows and doors on a bare plain--house when I was born was torn down but is now back, a ghost house. I can't hear and he talks in my ear, a woman is dead--I'm shocked, she's young, in the dream I know her.


6/2/97 I go through the louvered windows in the front of the house in Lawndale like smoke. Think I must be a ghost.

I pick up all my stuff which is in hollowed out spots in other people's stuff. My books, papers, posters, toy ghosts and a man asks if we are throwing away the Halloween mask (he's standing behind a moving van).

11/23/01 6AM I'm in a news story. I used it to get a number to gamble. It's about 46 mile island that has people put there. Have some disease. I look at the island on the map. It is long and thin--46 miles long. It is parallel to the shore and close to some continent, slightly curved like a scimitar. I look from the North end to the South end. The North end disappears. On one level

they hate Americans but they are also sick. Exiled to the island maybe. A leader has recently died. "Leave me alone (a prayer) oh, Datam, because I'm about to rise on intelligence." Someone else comes in and the talk turns to politics. I hear faintly, "hey, wazzup." There is white dust and avocado green. Everyone is transported in one move--the scene is old wood railings like in an Old West saloon. A voice says, "avoid our little ambassador" -- it is a little white chicken. Voice calls and I gotta go. Someone shows me the North tip of the 46 mile island. Voice, "it's a Polaroid place."--trying to take pictures of ghosts. Switched all at

once--things turned around my guide told me. But I was called away.

At class, a young instructor asks about the ghost - I can't hear, am partly deaf and the students make rustling noises. I get dressd, moving, taking self, TV, home. Now you can see - a person points at me. When are we getting justice. I don't know, it's not part of politics (call your congressman.) Poster - real people prayers - prayers painted over in red (over black.) When you sit up there and shop up there, when you die you don't care what they do (rich neighborhood.) Kids are taking a bath and let the tub run over and fill up the floor, but when I open the door, the water doesn't run out.

4/27/00 A trailer and farmhouse. Boys say they didn't like trailer - has a ghost in the front window. [I did see a blond guy with disheveled hair running up the hill to the trailer when I went out of my body while attempting hypnotism. First my hand felt like it was floating, then the next thing I knew, I was standing outside the trailer out of my body on the front wood step and the man was running very fast towards me with his body elongated in long steps to my

left, up the hillside through the trees.] man, skinny tall blond, gets in - I have to stand on the seat to see out the windshield. He backs down a narrow, rocky road. I'm by rear-view on passenger side - he'll have them widen the road 8-15 inches. Orange county,

9/9/00 Dan drunk, says he can't take anymore of something and is retiring. I find evidence of something in doctor's driveway,now he has to drive. I finish a long book, collecting sharp grass for the rabbits, swampy area. The book has chapters about the lives of different people. Working for food in the face of mockery. All I do is read and shoot positive across the computer, glasses and reading light. Done checking the fish, lets get you back in your hazastat. A book about ghosts turned rotten, have to get back

to reading. Unmistakable mounted lever match up, page blank finally. My job is to project hope in a world of problems.

5/11/01 Twilight -- time to see ghosts, it's windy, something swirling wind. You're not getting two just because you're new (man in mask). Slap, cut lip, plane to Eastern Europe. A plane lands in a field, I am the only observer except the air traffic controllers in a building to my left.

The plane is packed and the light is on inside. I walk away across white sand before they get off and I have to talk to them. A blond woman in a booth in the distance to my right -- I plod on, she calls to me, "who are you?" I don't answer, still grumbling. She asks if I"m the stenographer. I think and she can hear me, no, I don't know shorthand. She says, yes, she's sure I am -- there is the sign of the

stenographer over my head and it's very fortuneate, a blessing. I go up to her and she says I'm not going to be laid off, no one is. I shake her hand. Her hair is bleached blond, I can only see the top of her head because it is bowed.

I go back to my aunt's house, two servants, termites ate the door frame, sports on TV, baby crying. I say, clean curtains, take baby outside. The servants hate me. It is snowing outside and the sky is clear with big round clouds. I find a bird's egg that is cracked and show it to the kids I'm taking care of - they say it's been there a long time. I'm with a little girl with big eyes, she's teaching me to sit down.

I'm in a basement store trying on shoes, thin skinlike gray boots. I blame something on other people or my circumstances. Voice, "no, it is you." The school bus and Judy and Roger come at the same time. If I help them clean up they will take me to Japan. I meet Mom on the bus, she says we should go to Tennessee. Riding high sitting down -- go through stores, I jump down to look at clothes -- jump on skirt, other girl gets it. A series of men -- the ones I pick are drunk, bums.

Another part of the house connected by a narrow walkway with wax museum - figures move -- one a bride and groom, two old ladies. A second part to this museum -- servants. Talk about how to do it. I say they wait until they're dead, don't they. Person doesn't answer that, says that some people describe it as people who die and come back. Stomach surrounded by O6 zeams. Film making company comes to Dad's, I have a part which entails polka dot pajamas. At Mom's house, somehow I split my face into two by means of dividing the hair between the necks and decide to take pictures of the two faces. However, I need help to do this, get confused about the technique.

Basketball game in balcony. A man, who looks like Yul Brenner. Voice, they'd be a perfect couple. He says, "if you want to see us together, you'll have to visit our home." The woman accidentally stepped on a basketball player. At house, first woman on porch in brown velvet suit -- talking about it. There are some young men serving food. She says to me, "it won't be easy for you, since both of you are servants." I don't know who she's talking about. She says, "aren't you marrying Shelley?" I don't know who he is. Then the scene changes and a whole group of people are hanging out at a rich person's house. I read a long thing about Yeats and then there are bottles of essences and I put on rose, a brown dress and a shawl tied the way Shelley tied her's. The woman who owns the house goes into the bedroom to argue about clothes because she wants fancy ones. Woman's face going around in a circle. Whorehouse -- servants decide not to let anyone else out -- I barely get out. Running down steps, jump down whole flights at once. Cubbyholes by a lake with curtains. You can't stay. A baby talking baby talk, then says, I'm really old, I'm eighteen. Lemon tree bloomed, after a few blooms, suddenly covered with blooms. I trail three bad guys carrying a box. First I am an old man trailing them. They see my red dress through the trees. I walk past a field that was leveled and large transplanted trees loading stuff for Canada -- water and things from garbage. I go back to my aunt's house, two servants, termites ate the door frame, sports on TV, baby crying. I say, clean curtains, take baby outside. The servants hate me.

Adults go up to see what kids are doing -- they are hiding in two places, one place under the bed, they make the blanket bulge out. I am reading a book and go back one page -- energy, a diagram. I see it is an abstract picture of a cock pointing out. I'm working on the first floor of a house I discover has many more floors. I run up, there are bedrooms with art on the walls. Finally I begin running into people, servants. I begin picking up hairs off the floor so they'll think I work there. One is Charlotte. She says her legs don't hurt anymore -- there are long skirts in the waste basket.

There are two little girls arguing in the corner. Sally is complaining about something a man -- public servant type did.

9/15/75 Go to visit Julie, live in top of huge house, old mansion made of rock. Walk around, chased back upstairs. All three women trying to find food, me crackers. Gail comes in afraid of man following her. I go back to camp, it's morning, going to leave. Janel/Shelley pulled up on bell tower rope -- forgot her up there, I ask if time to bring her back down. We were helping the maid serve the servants macaroni. I roll down rope like a carpet, slowly. Her feet and legs are still in the crouching position, she stretches on bed luxuriously -- looks like a baby in one piece pajamas. Bars, Shelley and I in side rack.

8/23/88 In a rich person's house because they are on vacation. I take a quick look around to see how dirty it is. I look on a shelf and find a box of diamond ear rings. I say, they took the kids and the servants, but not the moving men. The ear rings belong to the moving men. Then they return home, a bratty five year old boy running ahead.

A couple with a of guests has a free weekend where no one is visiting them; they invite us. They drive their RV (woman servant does) across a rutted field for several miles. This goes to a park; fishing and swimming for dogs and kids; muddy, a river flooding. I'm in New York -- take subway/train to Manhattan where other people are going to the Y. I go to street like Bob and Shelley described -- it has bums but they are all on one side of the street. I have a white sack of pennies that don't jingle -- a bum pinches me on the leg.

I'm standing in the living room of the old house on Larch and the room is empty except for curtains that match the carpet (have big blue and orange blobs/streaks of color on a beige background). I am standing where the table was where the plants talked (said, the killer is here among us). There are plain rough curtains in the kitchen. A voice says, the moving is done. The curtains on the picture window (which in the dream belong to one man--his room) have fallen down and I go to put the hooks back on the curtain rod and look out the window and see 2-3 bums/hoboes sleeping on the wet/freezing lawn. A woman inside is disgusted and I think she's telling me something but it comes out in little bursts of almost telepathic information. She has something on her foot, I think a burn (I burned my finger ironing clothes) but she seems to be saying she hired those bums standing on the corner/hoboes to load a truck for her and they raped her. The one closest to the window had curly dark hair or beard and white robes. She has very chic clothes, a suit and nice black heels and she puts an old slipper or sandal on one foot. I think about giving them some food, but they'll hang around like cats.

10/24/99 Dream--another world from which return isn't automatic or assumed. Class, get up at 4-430. Have to go get my clothes. Two men sleeping in the yard--Jim Baber and Charles Brockett. They could have climbed in the window--one man inside, very dry, dead yard. They say, "wait, think about this." Only allowed six months. I have an important interview for another job up north. It's at Noon or 1PM--written in my schedule when I found out. Interview for clearance, Manhattan Police. New course and new proceeds. It goes without saying, white cookies, leather boots.

Going to plant a tree. I plant a cedar tree and plan to plant a cherry tree but there is a men's store there. Minty stuff in a little bottle then ice cream appears. I offer it to two men on either side of me. Offer blue blouse to J -- she doesn't want, too expensive. I help maid clean picky old peoples' room. My relatives come and cook in my kitchen. Judy cooks pancakes.

I am at Next to New which has been moving its location to various places. It's actually a front for a powerful organization. I am looking through the magazines and find two Playboys -- one has the distorted pictures by a famous guy that I read about once. I
glance at the other pictures/Sophia Loren. One picture is of a woman held at arm's length giving a guy a blow job in a pipe (or under sand). Can't be too open. Suddenly the phone rings and a cock comes out the receiver and I'm giving the blow job. Connie hears it and calls the police. The locks on the doors are very high, but I crash against a green door and get out. I run very fast, my legs work perfectly. I drive to Esther's where three men are playing baseball on the porch. I say to come inside, I have something very important to tell him. The police are going to arrest us. Someone says he'll run away to South Florida. I have a job of maid and
sidewalk sweeping. Women try to change their husbands' outlooks by playing music. I also dust things off and put them away. Construction workers dump loads of polished rocks in the entrances of all the buildings. Mom asks if room is Haldeman's but I can't tell after they're cleaned.

Living with an old woman -- have to listen to music quietly so she won't hear. She hears anyway and comes up. I have the job of putting the dishes away in the cupboard. A little girl runs away and the woman brings her back. ... Time to get up -- 7:00. Jackie O (as old as Rose) -- they say sometimes cooks her own food -- even sends maid to another house --attic to sort clothes. The clothes are in that room, in boxes -- keep, throw away, maybe. I want to look at them, tell myself I can if I finish the script first, but I have sex with a man on the floor. Go to bathroom, go into other room, it's 4:00, dark. Can't find the bathroom.

A young man with curly blond hair and a lot of old men around a bathroom. Young one goes in, man gives the old ones milk cans to use around back. Women go in after awhile saying, Oedipus, Oedipus. I say, Euripides and am corrected. No one in there. In the trailer, there is a furnace behind the bed behind a glass wall and you can see the ashes down there. We both got metal sandals for Christmas, go for a walk. A lot of people eating at a table where two old maids and their two kids - a 12 year old girl and a 2 year old girl are eating ice cream with flaked chocolate topping. They talk about their independence. The girl says, with me as a babysitter. The little girl seems very nice, well-behaved. A little girl wants Mayasa's ear-rings. I tell her they don't come off. Then she wants her shoes. Their shoes are alike on the heels -- green and silver glitter, but the tops are different. I tell Pat Dooley about how the old men had to go around the back with milk cans. He asked how they were dressed -- very shabby? Yes. He says, that's because I'm cavalry and they were the peasants rounded up to be the infantry.

Mom's old house, walls painted in bedroom with fake rock. Very pretty. King size bed, vanity mirror, chest of drawers. Outside is a parking
place and leather couches thrown out. One chair still looks good--wicker and swivels on a cone shaped base. There is a Disco on one side; she has a maid. The stairs are a ramp part way up. A garage sale; I get a yellow coat with fake fur lining. Kids through house--a daycare. Vivian is asleep on the couch; puts her hand under pillow.

12/8/00 Shyami at work in a big hotel -- polished steep oak floors, like grand gallery of pyramid. I pass some families with old people going to die. Redheaded girl wants to work there too -- I go to ask for her -- her mother works there. Supervisor yells at someone. A family with a new baby comes up and says he looks Cuban, a boy, blue blanket. 11:00 - break time, maids playing cards at a table, have to fold towels a certain way. Lunch time, the whole day is going by while I try to get her mother/maid's attention, gesturing from the door. I go to get everyone where they're waiting for me to come back: man, redheaded girl, her boyfriend and Aisha. Girl asks if she can have a sandwich -- cold cuts.

5/28/00 People sleeping on tractors. Before that I was in a children's area -- warmer behind wall. I have a coat -- doesn't feel warm. Other people in outposts too. Kids having sex. Twin boys, very short hair. Nice shape heads. They were born again here after dying. Kid lying on Mom's stomach on slide. Throw them on the ground. Walk through a maze of stuffed animals. I step on their heads. Another route you can walk between; Jesse goes that way. White dress with black design. Different when I went to Miss somebody. Phone call; move to Simi Valley - whole place goes up in flames. They have to judge everyone. Four sweaters, designer names. Mental thoughts of greater heroes. Mashed potatoes 10.04 each serving. A speech by a great thinker on something. Remodeled dining room at a castle. Maid making a bed, candy on pillow. A woman sitting in her car -- belly button ring on windshield; I make some art project. Born near me -- 16th. Lost the ring from my diaphram - three months.

5/16/00 Have to list two bills, landlord and I take a blood test. Big razor blade like at Free Clinic to take the blood - woman goes first. Owner is nurse, says, lets see your nursing skills - have to do it yourself. It is a big house with a lot of people sitting around. Man is using a knife instead (two blade pocket knife) I print out formulas from a computer, some paper is printed with camophlage - military report. Man says another list is the one usually used. Woman doesn't like him. Volunteering at a pet shelter - the pets are very expensive. Yellow linen dress; I'm naked but no one notices. Maid playing/chasing a little girl - ruffled collar. Two long wires hooked to a metal post - piles of clothes - are you still against nature. White blouse see through with light - black throws shadows (breasts do).

6/2/00 A party, a cake with flowers - some are pale yellow, some darker dandelion flowers. Lilies in a flat basket. A hotel, no water in toilet. Maid uses another room - tall redhead, blue uniform with white apron. Bathroom is full, I wait. Tourists come in - several men and a woman - pictures on wall. Map to oriental - legend 10 on bamboo. Fighting (going with flow) green dress. Woman's jewelry collection. I clean apartment and throw out some large troughs of oranges and squash. There are small carved stones in there - hypnotism circle - a Buddhist statue, a green fairy, a rabbit, a button like a polished rock, a polished rock, an orange owl.
Voice says to only keep two - polished button and ..... a carved horse, can't stand up - bones wrong. I go upstairs looking for a woman who helps me with my work. She says they have trouble writing the endings now. The president is a problem; it's a college. She (black woman with a narrow face, casual cotton dress) has jewelry; a large paper mache thing - a shark with a green, strange, bony face - a spiral bone. Fish thawing - trout or whiting. Terri on a motorcycle.

9/1/00 Car hood propped open slightly. Truck parked in Sandy's driveway; path goes around trees by edge; barbeque on patio. Two men with a dog that eats my wild grapes--bird poop on them. I picked them; I have a Queens NY or Queen T-shirt. I sit down, eat macaroni. Two teenaged girls and a middle aged couple come in--one girl tells what a man said to her (blond with a big nose). They go into another part of the house which is rich, man says there may be money hidden there. There is a wobbly wood ladder going
up. Maids in uniforms go up the ladder. Green picnic table, patio above also. I'm on the ground, truck almost runs me over. At the top there's a hole in the floor, one woman is talking about a 10-key--it's a nursery or dorm. There are a lot of rooms around the edge, no way out. A motion detector. Fur coat tossed on the floor. Dad's lawn has a tunnel for some animal, lined with straw, more than one exit tunnel. The fish dies on it's side in agony, drawing its legs up.

10/29/01 5AM A man gives directions to drive from work to Santa Ana he says (I think Torrance) to buy something from a small inventor. He gives directions as I drive-seems to be from Crenshaw or Aviation down a side street or 120th and I say I must take the freeway to Santa Ana or Hawthorne Blvd to Torrance. I ask why he's down lower than I am-or I am sitting up on a high seat. The car is a yellow convertible (my head sticking out/Model T) I notice. I say, is this it? And turn on 135th and Hawthorne. We are sitting very close together. It's a motel, apartment 2. The door is taped like the Watergate with a big X and the maid has made the bed-guy must have moved out. But the man goes in to check after I open the door. I walk out very gracefully through a roomful of people with smooth tanned faces that are playing with toys such as two figures that ice skate on a tabletop rink. There was writing on the wall at Apt 2 and also several email address, one of which is easy-a word such as WayAbove (faintly religious). I see Sheila Kelly in the hall and her hair is dyed bright red. Also Jeannette Bryant/LaRue. Someone comes up and gives me yellowish brown powder (looks like yeast) in a hat. [In real life, last year during a dentist appointment while I was in the waiting room, a transformer blew up at 135th and Hawthorne-where the children's dental clinic and ..... are and scared everyone. One man said, I wonder who in this room would cause that.] Earlier I was at work and Frank Grisham has higher taxes because of a big raise or winnings. He says find the IRS form later. I'm wearing Levis, took kids to work. There are Christmas ornaments and a print job from a Kinko type place in my desk drawer along with several rolls of quarters. There are two more Christmas ornaments on the shelf in the restroom and more hanging on the wall-little deer made of wicker and lights for lawn ornaments. I find a key made of wood laying on the ground and pick it up, then notice a much larger one with a face (clock?) nearby and pick it up and unwrap it and hang it on the wall behind a woman who is giving a speech by the timeclock. The wire is limp and drops the key back on the ground.

4/16/87 I feel like a security guard -- walking outdoors at a nuclear plant and then indoors standing in the corner. I work 12:00 to 8:00 and every time I look at the clock it is still 10 minutes till 8, so I take a break in the cafeteria and when I come back it is still 10 minutes to 8. It is a very boring job and time goes very slowly and I've only worked here one day so far. I didn't like working outdoors, thought someone might shoot me and felt conspicuous in my uniform. I have my usual trouble walking when two women and I leave and I fall behind. Purse snatchers appear and the other two women fight for their purses. I decide to give mine up when the time comes and feel bitter because he will probably charge stuff at Sears with my credit card. I try to hand him my purse but he tries to cut the strap, so I run into an old man's house. He has a shotgun and I tell him, "shoot" but he doesn't so I grab the now pistol and fire but it just clicks. A cloudlike thing comes out and I pull out the clip and push a bullet down to the end and fire again. This time a bullet goes very slowly up to the guy's bicep and stops. He says, "ouch, I need that arm." I pick the bullet out of the air and look at it.

8/5/97 The phone rings, it's 7:30. My sweater looks very old. I'm walking down the street and there are two men and a woman in a nice car -- hunters. In the kitchen of the old house. Shots from hunters. A sting on my finger. I look at it and there is a drop of water on my left thumb. Then I get shot in the left bicep and I think, ouch I need that arm. A man mentions the shots going through the windows - have to do something. It is a hail of bullets, trigger happy hunters or Billy the Kid. Outside on the sidewalk. The car is above me on a high road, I listen to their conversation about what hunting equipment they need. Then I'm in a warehouse, looks like Australia. The animals, males, are standing on their rear legs like statues on a table, one deer, one moose. A deer hiding in another building behind some stuff. There are so many deer lined up along the wall on their back legs they look like mannequins in a clothing store. The hunters are just hanging around this building waiting for hunting season to start. Very pathetic. The deer looks like a woman hiding. Some are sick. Some are pregnant. Two are laid out on a table like an autopsy with a sheet over it. I peek under one sheet, a middle aged man. By the end of the dream when I walk through the building again, there are only two deer left alive, then none but maybe they went out the door. There is a pile of bodies on the floor, they are already skinned, or look a little rotten like they died and laid there a long time - leather skin, no fur, or like a slick skinned rabbit carcass. The people are very boisterous all around. One guy has a meat grinder and sticks my right hand into it up to the wrist and when I snatch it out, it has a cut on it. He does this because I won't say I love him. [dream after eating venison from New Zealand. I was almost afraid to eat the bison and frogs legs, but I just dreamed the frogs were sitting on big dinner plates like the Teacups at Disneyland and thought they were lily pads.]

10/19/97 May tells me two girls told her their dreams about school. A kid wants to shoot his machine gun somewhere. He's already gotten mad and pulled the trigger at his girlfriend, but it was empty. Hunters run out of ammo, they had four rounds and are in a lake. My sister wearing a yellow dress, I hug her and tell her everything will be okay.

12/13/97 At a remote area, rocks. Two men shoot at close range at rocks to flatten bullets--see which one creates more powder. One powders, one flakes. In a cube red and blue balls like molecules floating, have to kill a cow the next day for meat. Good news -- a man in Arizona is doing something.

6/9/99 Veterinarian-gun pointed right at my head-to shoot injured animals

9/21/99 The rabbits stand up only when they wake up. No pain. Rifleman, in car, again. Best possible, inopportune. Pictures that don't get old, tool bin at F18, familiar, what I can't do. Very dark, fence with gates, niche of opportunity. Soapbox, one for every system, lose your commitment. Drop rabbit pellets in their yard from helicopter so now they can shoot everybody all full of holes, innocence. Beer, bear. Strike weakness, number six, I couldn't.

Driving through the streets in "Prairie" -- drive right into some people's house. They wake up, fire a gun at the wall, throw it aside, then I talk soothingly. We go out in the yard -- their friend comes and they begin talking about gardening -- offer to give tomato plants. They have a retarded daughter.

Man asking, do you shoot the small sharks firstor the big ones.

A naked man in a shooting gallery buys a card and apologizes for not introducing me to his friends.

Art class, do busts of Nefertiti. Music playing, I dance in hallCamp, lots of women here. Two men, one tells the other to pretend it's cold, then puts handcuffs on him and tells him to be quiet for a certain time. Also has gun, but breaks it up. Powerful guy who has men

working for him, their feet have dehydrated into flat flaps. He's stolen their homes from them. One from Kansas, the Indies. Next he marries a woman and brings her there with another woman who advises her. He says that he's going to another country soon -- alone on a trip. One of the men, a doctor, says that he's leaving, when he says that the others' feet puff out again. Guy says, wait a minute, you can't do without me -- half of your patients would have died.

A young guy comes along, then a middle aged woman with a gun who tells us to take off our clothes and drive her somewhere, then she wants money. Guy is hiding his. I hide $5. In his truck, which is sitting there, there seems to be a lot of money under the floor mat. I drive oof through deep snow to look for the town marshal. The girl's dorm overlooks the pool and an amusement park

Store where there is supposed to be a classical music concert. A salesman with a superior attitude comes up and stares. I stop to ask about an antique refrigerator, has fins like an old car -- salesman says they are phoney antiques, copies for the new styles. People are arriving for a party, I go down two levels. The salesman thinks he has me in his power, but I do something to him, jump a fence and run barefoot over a field of golden stubble. Get tired, but decide to rest like in real life instead of panicking like i usually do in dreams and try to crawl and pull myself along with my hands. Now I'm back to the first level which is the barn. Start to open the door - a woman with two guns. I get them down on the ground and step on them. She leaves, she was the mother of the salesman.

5/17/77 New Moon. Barney Miller script draft done I must make peace with the FBI. Old woman takes rifle in backyard -- where animals each pick on one of her plants, starts shooting -- says she's leaving. Her husband at first runs out there, then afraid. I get behind her when she's got him trapped and hit her behind knees with my knees, like Mom taught me, joke -- knock her off balance. Then I take the rifle and target shoot. Two men throw up pieces of paper, two at a time (each) and two bullets come out of the gun. You have to aim high. I hit some that one man throws and bullets lay on paper and make it flat.

Old woman with knife trying to stab me -- I have gun but no bullets. Strategic retreat through doors, she stabs knife into window and it holds. Two other women help her. When I get outside, the chase ends, the two women are just pretending.

Go to large building where we go up and down the stairs -- a hood type guy and I pick things up off the stairs, grease gun for me, oil can for him. Go outside, S & G there, she saved up five weeks vacation and is in a jubilant mood. She playfully crosses Burlington and gets on a 10-speed with training wheels. She rides ahead. I start towards golf course, say we should walk there and back. Shirley wants exercise, S & G don't, so we start off

Baby boy whose diapers don't stink. Then a religious group comes in and puts up a fence down the middle of the floor. I find a breach and we go into their territory -- where they are smoking dope. Violence erupts. We start out in the car -- two boys with guns come. We disarm them and one falls. Go through someone's house, most people stop and don't go on. I go out side and keep going with baby. Little kid shrieks, could use for police whistle.

Dad drives towards Dallas County, but I think it's Madison County. Roadblock, guys with guns, put yellow plastic things behind our license plate. Something about blue cars from WW II. Also take two of our records and give us two of their empty jackets.

Man and his Symptoms. I pay a bill over by mistake for some kind of sweet dessert -- $30 too much. Coach at school gym, going on vacation a week before school is out, comes in bottomdoor (showers) and has a bag of candy. Camp on hillside -- get back in car because of crashing noise -- it is a deer in our headlights, men come in car and are going to shoot us. We run against great odds but aren't hit -- run up hill hiding in ditch of green grass. A movie of a man who robs people in his garage and kills some, throwing them in a ditch. Police come, he cries and puts his arms around policeman and kills him. Girl who cares only about her beauty is going on a trip, comes back saying he's following her. Police track down man, hold him on floor with gun. I pull the trigger, crying, six times but it never shoots. I go out the door and I have a butch -- my head has a big forehead (egghead). Of Ajax -- a room where I feel happy -- there is a circle and a square. The square is our chair with coats in the corner. I go to the airport to find out when the plane leaves for Peru, Hungary -- beautiful descriptions of trench before you get there. Mom has been there, pile of sticks and papaya ice cream. I have to warn her -- too far on foot. Driving in wrong lane to turn, a lot of cars fill up turn lane. Gas station man gets in and cleans glass on the inside then gives me $2.25. I say, shouldn't I give this to you? He says, thank, you, but you don't have to.

Me dressed as belly dancer. Little girl touches my thigh. At a large dinner I don't eat -- instead continue with my belly dancing in the back. Sally mad. I go upstairs. Woman comes with a gun and says she's going to kill me -- I throw gun down the stairs. Arab family came in during supper. Every man is some woman's lover.

Huge banquet -- pot of money where you are supposed to put in food like stacked logs -- all the ice cream you want. Huge banquet, booths, I'm in the last one. Also playing badmitten, etc. I was going to go home, but I had to wash all the supper dishes. Moving south into the peoples' territory, the dangerous people along the rivers, the rough element, people who play with guns, people who take out their agressions on animals, take out their aggressions on paper.

Julie Sundevil comes over and asks if I'm coming to their house. We go in a huge blue trailer with other people. They start a war with a town -- people shooting everywhere -- little girl that shoots when you're in the way. Man takes the gun from Julie, who is shooting out the door -- asks how many hits, she says eight -- he asks how many were horses. Man climbs in with a small handgun and is going to shoot me, then he's going to throw himself out backwards and drag me with him. Then it is over. Our group goes to their movie and I leave down a trail. Cop yells at me, white car hiding behind a bush with a bandit type dark guy and girl -- asks if I did something. The next car they stop has rich black people who pay them, they were candy makers. Snow trail beside this trail, which has become rutted. Pass "stove houses".

In a laundromat with my family -- we're gypsies. There is a vending machine for things. I have a new dress that fits a little girl. I have a lot of clothes. The man in the control booth is Bob. A man comes - to catch foreigners - my two sisters run - I try to bluff, then run. We crawl through a field. The man finally gets ahead of us and threatens to pour a bottle of pop on my sisters. They ask if they should run for the hayfield. I say yes but he has a gun - Shirley points me up. He has a gun now - he shoots me in the head. It's a blank, but I feel something, he shoots again into my body. On a hillside, a man wants to pull down his daughter's pants and show a white mark, she cries. He shows another pair instead. A poor girl brings out several huge stuffed animals the community bought for her. She doesn't want to take them all the way back.

Mean guy grabs girl. Older man with her fingers gun hanging on the wall. Mean guy shoots him in leg. Two cops come, one shot. Lots of cops -- mean guy and girl lovers now --girl is smarter. Guy keeps saying, give me money now (blond crew cut). They have a stove buy no fuel -- full to the top with burning newspapers. Cops gather. Mean guy wakes up. A black woman unrolling a tapestry in the door asks if he wants the cops to bring in their "big gun" -- he says yes -- cops file in, half are girls, they have to go first and then the other half, who are big bruiser men on small wooden tricycles. I look at Tarot cards, which have something to do with five pieces of wood the cops have. Two black people with a bed in their backseat arrive and I take them to the theater manager -- it is a play. A girl angry about her double. Girl locked in her room -- I throw her a crayon. A line of people that need catheters - they can't talk. A long table with people feuding, kids hide under table and sneak out the end. Man with his hand in my purse - I sense him, turn around, we talk. Three people do armed hold up-- Morty Sklar. Bad guy comes around -- wants friends. I steal his gun and camera -- shoot gun, bullets are invisible.

Women who have guns but no bullets -- the bullets of the men go into their guns and the big mystery is where they go. There are two types of these women -- one type with the gun who are very aggressive and another type with white asses (bunnies) who walk around and take shit. Then one says to another -- but just see what happens if you touch her button -- kicks him across the room. Then, lecture -- most men in USA are thin, hardworking, small rather than easy going plump guy. We are led to believe by media.

At a very beautiful forest scene, go to grocery store where a whole group of little girl nuns are dressed in white with red ribbons. I get the key from my uncle Mike, go out and the front is now a shooting gallery. I crawl, another woman (nude) comes out and is shot on the hand (pellets). Winners are Imperator and about four others. Someone says, "you girls" several times and there is always a short guy with curly dark hair behind me. He says he likes the way my hips move. At the top, a man holds a crooked gun and shoots -- the targets are 278 feet away but only 6 feet higher than sea level. Bullets are very wild. A rabbit is on the left and a horse on the right. Go down, Imperator is there -- a very nice, smiling man -- says he's getting ice cream for everyone. Another woman brought eggs and herring and he says, "you remembered St. Patrick's day." I brought bread and strawberries. LIttle kids are eating eggs and strawberries. In a barn -- lots of manure. I name animals -- cow, bull, calf, horse. One woman falls of shelf into stream of water (can't swim) which goes down into a very wide flooded stream -- finally catches on tree, maneuvers it around towards shore but doesn't let go at the right time. "Keep trying" I keep yelling. Then she starts yelling, "a boat, a boat" -- climbs to the top of the tree (red dress - Sally). Another girl is getting to shore in a white dress. Man comes on platform -- shoots Sally, says, "at least I got that hawk." No one says anything. I am ashamed that I didn't 1- rescue her from water while shallow, 2-grab or yell at man. Later, down on lawn at picnic, man points gun at me. I yell at Dad, who's sitting at the picnic table and get behind a tree. Man comes to the other side of the tree, hands me a camera. He has a white box, I take his picture several times, then he catches me, says, "you're out of film, you've had as much as Marines -- the white machine weakens." Shirley helping me, or maybe watching. I get my finger up his nose and pull his mouth open and his body gets small. He's in my power.

At VA hospital -- crazy guy chasing us -cross drive -- go in. Man in black threatens crazy guy with gun, hits hion head.I go inside -- woman says, keep him out of here. Take kids and decide to hide in building -- go upstairs (carpet). Scott and I hide in bathroom when someone comes. Go out onto balcony -- suddenly know I'm dreaming and say "let's fly, Scott." He says something about gravity. I jump off balcony, don't fly -- fall on ground. People come -- car wrecked on its side -- I go to see it. Joel/Scott eats mushrooms when we are bagging them. Then we are both stoned -- I see two auras, one red and one blue which aren't together. He describes mine -- a black spot on the left that looks like a vampire -- "but you will be able to overcome it with the aid of people around you." Green cap on top of head -- means healing powers.

black leopard starts following me; Mom in shed and they have guns but they misfire. You have to have a hat to keep it looking above your ankles so it won't pounce. The scene changes and it really is New Mexico, further in my tour of the town. Calendars on the desk show December 17th, 7 or 11:30 on clocks. A woman has a lot of kids and her house is a castle but crummy, fell down (the wall) and she lived on the porch surrounded by lush plants.

Supervisors at work watch two men shoot guns, they mostly shoot in the air. One gun makes a white pattern in the sky. The supervisors put their coats over their eyes and go closer. [US bombed Iraq again.]

5/9/99 Something about Bill Gates and two other men in email attachments. I am somewhere working on something. Birds. It's the only way out; it's not so bad; it's going away. Airport, a woman asks if I'm okay. Winner. Wanted for questioning. That's not funny; computer replacing a list of names with a shorter one; click on square on screen. Woman's cult; young guys leave--man talks to them. Woman tells her daughter she could work as a miner for $5-6 per hour. When I go out to leave, there's a barrier across the road. A police car gets through; two men guard it; two other men have guns. A thin old woman grabs one gun to use--puts it under her chin, but she dies before she can shoot (no shot). Then one officer is on the ground, the other man has a gun at his head. He thought he was shot. Police car that got out wants back in to get something. Drives in a circle around the guard. Doesn't want to be trapped again inside, drives under the fence. Outside, mountains. Let me tell you a story. If you get the work you do. I'm not even a friend; they threw 4 people out.

11/14/99 A hillside. Pat Magro is happy, smiling, a man mentions. Her teeth are adjusted again. A Home-Ec tecome to study me. I put on my glasses and saw dust on the wall--clean it with a paper towel sock on a broom, asks if I'm in my 20's. A man buys chocolate chip cookies with an AK47. The clerk is a middle -aged man. The dental college or medical school has moved into a store front nearby as well as the church--remodeling I guess. A man and kids each with guns. It's raining. I forget my skirt and T-shirt--only wearig a vest and it doesn't cover my butt. Clerk at Ralphs looks like Raul--he runs out in the rain where the carts are to get one plastic bag at a time. He's collecting carts. He knows me and will see my naked butt (as I walk past him into the store).

Big horizontal house,. Cook carrots, no one will try them. Cupboard full of candy because of season. Jason has bananas, I > take them away. Sandy's ears quite improved, didn't have the attack she usually has that time of year. Can hear quite well. Desk -- Jean has one of wood, two parts, with a mirror. Dad has one just like it of clear plastic, gun rack.

7/12/01 Outside Mom's house looks like Hughes plaza (with trees) but is Ted's auto shop. Two security guards come out escorted by a shadowy man -- they're very skinny, black leather with white letters SECURITY on their backs and tall spikes about 18 inches tall coming out the tops of their heads. The two march in step with the shadowy man behind them and when they turn under the tree, I see that they're carrying machine guns which they are careful to point away from me, and they turn and bow 9 AM Voice saying, "city of 100,000--200,000 or a half million, but half of them are dead." Voice, "no question about it." City seems to be archaeological find in the cradle of civilization maybe. Distressed voice, "now I didn't take you home last night." Newspaper that is blank -- no headlines. "Narrow him" -- hanged man.

Gun with glass barrel, tube running through it -- shoots blanks. Shoots on the third or fourth click -- into the air
1/27/00 Automatic door at a store opens--for invisible people. M&Ms on floor. I go all the way to Pico, forget my badge. Guard records a movie of massaging someone's fingertips. Then says if my fingerprints were on a black box the reg says he'd have to shoot me (wing me). He says he could shove his flashlight up my butt.

" Gilda, "she was with shooting occurred" -- picture of her sliding down a gold mine trough -- like water slide, but clay color mud.

One guy under review to shoot is a new upstart (blond guy). Shadowy guy watching him (dark curly hair).

Hunters shoot at a woman and hit a metal frame as well as her. I'm on a divided highway.

Get off an elevator on womens' clothes floor, look around. Leave, closing, and notice I have on a white dress with pink flowers, very
flowing chiffon, look fat or pregnant -- take it back. Have to change in room with stalls, with officers that were veterans, Vietnam ones are all shot up, some on leashes.

Cougar on the road -- I have to face it, not afraid but don't defeat it. Man behind me helping me. Cat in the backseat, I put it there, funny meow, crawls through seat. I say I'll have to be very careful so it doesn't bite me. It does. I kill it. Worry about rabies or tetanus. Doctor very patronizing, says he could continue to cut following the line of infection -- do you know what I'm going to say? I say, tetanus shot? Blood rebels in my inner elbow. Second doctor I've been to lately. Trying to put opposites together. Day before, someone has mother cat that has kittens. Thinks 2-3 but then uncover lots more in nest.

Man -- rather shoot than go to jail was shot three times through the hand by the townspeople. The bear was also shot that was
working that day as an orangutan in the city zoo. He was to have gone to work as a zebra tomorrow. Not okay on Sunday. Telling jokes on guillotine. McLuan -- important things, involved in something. Stand in garbage instead of on scale. Dad, reached height of life, can dare to be weird. At the park with other people, including little kids. We were there before, police came and I stayed to help someone and got caught. This time I start off immediately when I hear they're coming -- leading a little boy by the hand. We (kids) look for a hiding place, but the ideal seems to be hiding as in a collage. I end up going back to the building (there's a black bear in the field in the corner). Two men and Lorna are the police. Lorna doesn't like anyone who doesn't act like her. Love at first sight -- one man likes me and pretends not to see me, I stand by the wall in a lighted room. Lorna asks me to lunch (thinks I'm rich). I
sit on my bed naked, Lorna comes up and now realizes who I am and treats me with contempt again. However, she does ask me a question about how I get along with little kids because they like me but not her. Man has two other wives -- Janet and Connie. Connie has a little girl. Connie has a ring -- purple cloudy crystal ball. I find two and she lets me keep one -- in it I can see them.

In jail with a group of people. Whenever the guards get up-tight - if we don't move fast enough - they shoot, one time I'm shot in the stomach. It doesn't hurt but I don't know how to get it out. Little kid asks me a question and I say, "no, it didn't go on through" and feel my back to see if it did. I go in the restroom and lock the door, then someone knocks and I let her in. All the men said she was mean, she explained that it was because she wouldn't do whatever they said. She says she has a plan. Then a man opens white wine around the fire and says it's just like the bad stuff but it tastes better. I reach for a small glass and get a big one. We are soldiers sitting around a fire. I go down the hill to where the beautiful blue ocean is. It is frozen and white along the edge. I cross, there is a log at one point - come to the hog shed where an old bum is spending the night -- he's very afraid and I say to reassure him, "I don't want to be you."

I am in a huge white hote