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8/19/01 7 of cups/R (debauchery) 130AM A very high hill in a city -- the downtown is over, at least two that I can see, hills. Maybe Rome or Greece. 330AM In the dream I go to Albert Taylor's website to see what he said, can't remember what I read in the dream, must go there awake. Last night on Art Bell radio he said that out-of-body to future or past can show you a personal future meltdown, not the world's.

Man comes back and says they saw Jesus. He was with God but when someone came up he didn't expect worship. God was just a Chinese guy. This seriously changes things for the world.
12/22/86 I dream I'm at Dad's house but there is a table in front of the window with mail on it. There were some cards for me. The anniversary card was a man carrying a woman dressed in white like a wedding dress and had several pages of text. Then it turns into a field with a road and the man was carrying the woman along the road. Then a bunch of bandits seize them and carry them into the woods. I am with one man and leader in one clearing and the woman is with the men. The leader shows that the seat of his pant is wet and poor people have to sit on the ground. Then I see the woman being sodomized and screaming and I think she will soon be dead and run away in panic. Then I find another group of young men with guns; they all crawl up in one tree like the wolves in the Wolf Man's dream (like birds roosting). I run and pass a beach where people are changing clothes in booths; soldiers are all around me on the sand and the enemy are chopping off one arm of each at the shoulder and they are all over the sand. Then I'm in a house, which is middle-class or gentile Irish and I'm pacing the floor because I expect someone to come kill everyone soon (like everywhere else). But when there's a knock at the door, it is a troubador and the woman who lives there is looking up the Union scale for troubadors in her book. It was going to be expensive because it was Sunday. The house is very long and seems to go on through centuries because the next room has ballustrades or stone balconylike walls, but on the ground floor like in warm Italian cities. The man there was wearing ornate Shakespearian clothes and the spaghetti is like strings of beads on the floor. I don't go any further (wake up). Then later I am back on the shore and now the fallen soldiers are skeletons with one skeleton arm chopped off at the shoulder beside them. These were all over the sand stretched out straight on their backs. Then I see an old house that seems to be in the country. A family is moving in very fancy furnishings like velvet and grandfather's clock. The grandmother takes a fishtank and the water flies up in the air. A man asks her what she wants to carry (she was already carrying a humanly impossible load--several boxes, fish tank, grandfather's clock and a bunch of velvet) and she says, "an umbrella." The water from the fish tank is falling back down on her. Then it's night and it has snowed, looks like Albuquerque from Sandia Peak across the desert. Everyone goes to bed and I'm up alone and Indians come in to kill everyone. I am crawling up the stairs with them and hear, "there's a light in there." I get to the top and kick the first one in the face; he falls down the stairs and stabs and injures four others. I turn off the lights and look out the window nervously. (Or I am climbing the stairs and there is a woman at the top of the stairs who sees us and screams for a man with a rifle behind her-- I fall down the stairs with the others.)

8/1/87 Pioneer days in Appalachia it looks like. Boy shot with arrow. Dad shoots Indian with gun. A girl is leaving, her uncle in the city says she looks like a mannequin and she goes in a horse and buggy over the mountains in Denver. It seems like it's me I'm seeing from outside my body. A man and two sons say, "where is that redhead." I make a fire and they don't seem to see it and make another one. A prickly pear is cooking, but the younger boy calls it a "peach." I go outside and it is Alice's nursing home. She says she gives up, she can't find her way home from a strange place again. I tell her I have to do it all the time in dreams. It is a snowy day in Los Angeles or Denver. The snowplows pile it up high even though it isn't very deep.

8/18/01 Strength 5-530AM/first light -- Who wanders in the street giving answers. A slaughter, head cut off. I'm at a party spot. I go to a window several times where someone tells what's going to happen either to me or the world. At the end a man predicts his own future. Many couples are arriving; voice asks anyway, "how many would pay to attend this?" It's in a hole in the ground, a shallow valley filled with snow and filth like ammonia snow on another planet but when I look around it all melts. Is a school gym. The voice just asks questions in this dream. Plants seeds and waters them with a hose. Man asks if his two kids will live, boy and girl. I'm there with a convention and everyone else can probably answer the questions. A woman asks me a question as I get off the toilet full of diarrhea from eating too many cashews; I clean hers and my toilet with bleach. Somewhere in Virginia; no choice down there, man. Two young guys, one says, I thought she lost; he takes off his hat and a rectangular bar. Yes arrived at BRAC company. Corn prediction, but farmer wants to know about children -- he looks too old, sunburned, hat. I couldn't stomach the deal, a lot of money. At the end a voice runs through the list of questions again; they're listed on a screen so I can read along and one is if a woman will get her head cut off; this is the only one that deals with violence, I hope. They reported many students with second degree burns (woman radio voice). Grizzled farmer is going to kill himself if anything happened to his son; after all the others are done he asks question, what happens where the material for these get-togethers runs out? The meeting is all men except for me -- rough men. Frodo al fresca -- this is what I want. Someone throws something out a highrise window -- cloth on the ground at the trajectory. Why do you show shame, question throughout. A huge explosion in Las Vegas -- picture of how it would look from Laughlin -- noise could carry that far and hurt ears also. Food in metal bags. Voice asks if couples would pay to come here -- to the ammonia ice landscape. The next drawing will be at least 10-20 years. Man hitting another man in olive fatigues but shooting starts. Why do you say that to everyone else, man throwing off uniform shirt. Dual voice, wasn't cheating, wouldn't have been. Building, very tall green building in Malaya, with a wire of beads strung around it. Man beating people in street with a stick. I thought I was going to remember the list of things right before I woke up. 9AM Man tells me that the signal will be a red pen and blue-black--payroll (nothing will happen). Loud voice says, "Disaster is without flame." A fancy hotel; I look up at what looks like an elevator and to the right of it a blue cloth with black lines in a distinctive Spanish pattern "unrolls" down the wall and looks like a scaffold or elevator -- and there is a word "Seconde" on it. A little girl beside me tells me what it means, but I am talking -- tell her it means second class citizen, separate elevator. People are passionately talking - a woman is talking -- very crowded, a bar or nightclub. A man gets off the elevator dressed in black. I feel a stab in my left chest or maybe a heart attack and drunkenly announce that I'm having a baby -- a boy. Someone is watching through a crack -- I can see only one eye. I think about stopping drinking; wash out my canning jar. Very crowded room, dark, wood walls. I think about if the blue/black cloth that was unrolled is Spanish, then the other one to the left of it might have been red -- rising sun flag -- but I didn't see any red circle in the dream. Maybe a bar in Manila.

Out from there is a town of the future--I end up at the library. The town looks like a mall. "By different styles in cooking you can tell what era it is." Jews took over Germany after WW I -- problem because of a woman--shoot in head. Little girl says, "oh, Sheila" because of the three pigeon feathers--I tell her that's not an American superstition. There are a lot of feathers covering a long wet spot with standing water--rectangular like a grave. In a class, Tina (captain) sitting next to me. Driver wants off bus too, must find some records. I only give you credit for the time you give/get it--eating, cooking--pants will be too small (stretch); walking down a hall at a mall. Last time was on Sunday. Outside building at work, tall boy looks in trash barrel for something of mine for a souvenir. Girl says she's 20 and he's a teenager. Petrogeists (poltergeists/petroglyphs) are not just rich/poor--water is too low. Remains of bodies in Alondra Park lake-

I'm working with a group that have a secret room. I take in stuff to them through a time tunnel in a mall. You end up at right angles to where you started out. I bring in a round thing, maybe a clock, and they hang it. Then a man with an ax brushes past me through the secret door, chops a red velvet pillow and says when I look at him, "it's supposed to be indestructible, I'm testing it." It is unhurt by the chop. Then they put me to work collecting supplies for their daycare.

Basketball game in balcony. A man, who looks like Yul Brenner. Voice, they'd be a perfect couple. He says, "if you want to see us together, you'll have to visit our home." Woman on porch in brown velvet suit -- talking about it. There are some young men serving food. She says to me, "it won't be easy for you, since both of you are servants." I don't know who she's talking about. She says, "aren't you marrying Shelley?" I don't know who he is. Then the scene changes and a whole group of people are hanging out at a rich person's house. I read a long thing about Yeats and then there are bottles of essences and I put on rose, a brown dress and a shawl tied the way Shelley tied her's. The woman who owns the house goes into the bedroom to argue about clothes because she wants fancy ones.

Queen of cups -- strong wind, whirling, person stretched out on table in pinkish dress, holes burned in stomach -- could look through into another world. I tried and everything moved violently. Voice, "women will be affected the most."

6-16-97 Wake up in a room in the future. There are twin beds and buttons on the wall. I go out the door and to an open air market in a college mall, looking at foods, books about the clothes - trying to find out the new ways. Man with me looking at a book about the tools of the future. Back in the room. One of the buttons is a suicide button. This looks like science fiction. A patio with trees and a big picture window with the view outside which looks like the Moon or New Mexico.

Running away. Warning comes on car dash - "water pump went out, stop." I'm coasting down a hill so I can get a little farther even though the car says not to. I pull over on the gravel shoulder at a hotel. The phones don't work, each wire is connected to a tiny carrot growing in a starting flat. They say to just wait, the phones are out of order. I'm sitting in the corner on a kitchen chair and make a break for it. Fleeing right through the walls it looks like, pieces of wood and fluffy white insulation. Very small spaces, then work areas, a kitchen with men talking about their promotions, one man retiring. Out the door to the roof, snow drifts and ice. More tunnels off the roof. Then I come to an abyss, trees far below, miles deep, no chance of climbing down. I am desperate after fleeing that far and decide to cross the abyss even if I have to jump - it's just a dream but I don't know what will happen when I jump. A bridge appears and I cross hanging by my hands. Then there's a green cleared strip through a forest. Then a man guarding a room, he fathers all the children, he's bragging to me, as I stand there wondering what to do next. I notice a cool breeze coming from behind him and see a tube covered with a cloth. I run through there before he can stop me. He thought the tubes had condoms, some religious belief. If there's air, there must be an opening to get out of there. I see an elevator and get in, there are two robots in there with me. A voice says to get off where they do. I ask if they'll sneak me out, they don't talk. They have a very small casket, I have to crouch in it. I'm wearing the shirt I wore to bed, pink one. I get off the elevator and stand in line at a counter trying to look nonchalant so they won't notice me -- like a deer in the headlights. A man hands me a handful of Tarot cards. This is my future life bio. There are two names, Calvin and William, maybe the robots' names. Alarm goes off, 5 AM.

Jean shows a brick teepee on a beautiful grassy road, mother shows the future houses, kind people recognize me, but I must go further to see first, Mom goes to church, Dad and Nathan work on machinery--I almost pull back to disaster, war is on, blackout on windows. I was crying out in my sleep, other room was barricaded. Mom still gone to work, Dad and Shirley and a frienddownstairs covering a chair, some stranger in the other bed who said she was Shirley. People crowd my room, panel at the ceiling decorated like Roman bas-relief falls down like a landing gear and the National Guard swarms out--everyone panics. I jump in a toy car and try to get away--almost trapped in grocery store, an apple box across the automatic door, which ends upholding it open for my escape

2/28/00 Some (3) siblings know their parent killed someone, body in freezer. The father is going west to make a new life. Boy becomes enraged because of tough pork--I say maybe my plate has a tender piece; it does and he takes it and gives me a bite. There's a noisy machine in the road, I'm confused, blurry-- a motorcycle approaching and might hit it, so I go out in the road to move it. I try to turn it down and turn it up and then off. The daughter says she's leaving (or mother) for a new life. I tell her she can go for a visit or a year but must come back. Blue leather. She has a terrible temper and looks down my blouse and says I'm fat and burns me with a match head. People living a long time are very strong, no disease. She'll live forever, is a boss. I push her off a balcony and ask a man if she hit her head on blue floor like a pool of water. She's still alive but he says her brain is crawling back into the primordial ooze. Driving through fog, can't see at all sometimes, very little others. The dumbest I ever let you in for is there something they expected to be doing the same time as you. Long hair is so different, they made a cross. Potato chip, try to call you up. A lot of glass bottles in cupboard; hand/sleeve knocks some over. Band across face or chest; those have been off since October. $15M because of some motto.

A long poem but I only read the first stanza, "You can find earthworms outfitted with sophistocated spy equipment." Woman disturbed for another life, the walls of the next life are set in a couple of feet smaller. People trespassing in other people's lives/minds. Man has a book about it. The photographer and another Sheila dressed in red silk are still editing the movie - I see the back of her head across the room. Picture of file box from top view -- "chaos of history being sorted out." "I ended up going back to take up residence in every city." 10 AM - large audience, anybody drop dead? A guy lying on top of a woman beside me on the bed when I turn over. A lot of sperm on my hand, pizza on floor. Mom sitting my two sisters down to tell them news -- "remember when I gave the 4th Street party

"They are dreams sent back by a man hidden." I go back about five steps, sound of rain -- people scatter quickly, fires, shelter. I'm afraid a man will recognize me, change my hair style, put my bun on the left at 5PM, wonder if he'll recognize my body -- if is the same. Someone throws a bucket of water on me -- wakes me up, muddy ground I fell asleep on. "I wonder if they get paid by the rehabilitation." 9 AM He went through me a couple of times (I had a lawyer) and it didn't bother me. Be careful now, all they've got on us is new (soft longlife 100 watt light bulbs.) It's an open door until you go through (door closes.) Carrying a boy, pass a pop machine, "that's their superstition?" Pass a man near a gallery in Manhattan Beach, says "don't wear hair." (For your own goodness) accept what we tell you to do. I ain't got no songs, I ain't got no life (music playing). Just a couple (of rings to take) can't carry all the pots of flowers. Won't it look kind of loggy -- only two people with no rings.

7/3/01 6 of pentacles(R), 3 of cups(R), Judgment People stepping on something, soft dirt, a hole in the ground, mashing it down, "loose things on the bottom." A child with short dark wavy hair, his/her hair or fiber optic fibers mixed in with the hair of various clear sparkling colors orbiting around the head. Very pretty. A blue, pink, red, green. Broken nails on wood. "This sounds good, you should have told me this before." "Don't tell anybody." "So you're not going." 1230 AM I find a quote of something I said -- "maybe we should close down for the summer to avoid it" -- large companies discussing. I find a red/burgundy plaid cloth belt tied in a knot and untie the knot; inside is a white leather belt with blue inscriptions on it. They seem to be the names of couples, three of them and I look at the middle one but am too far away to read it. When you click on it, it expands, "she bought it herself." It's a belt for a wedding dress. The patron saint of TV or movies. The patron saint of the married man. He comes in as I wind pictures or quote it. Song playing and a voice singing, "now it's useless to say, an assault on this island." I asked a bunch of Northrop people, I didn't remember this. 430 AM rewriting a sentence with a man's help. "It will soon be over," replaces the subject or first word in the sentence.

Energy of dreams; ability to remember; what would happen if he uses the code of his body? Alternate reality theory will cause disruption to society just like invitro. You have to make up for it, you have to call. A struggling life form, a small tree. A woman putting old furniture in a new house. New world with old world privatization. I'm reading a text, but a voice is telling me what it says in my left ear, "I wonder if you can be depressed in your sleep?" Woman's voice sounds like she has a gap between her teeth, distinctive voice. I try to wash it off. Magazine article titles I'm reading: Yet With Giant Flowers Taking the Scene. Hypo Inside is a Form of Petrol. Five Toys that Cluster Around -- man has no normal trappings of life, a table. Environment within a frame of family privilege. Continent fails historical test: pass saved, passe. I have two pencils and sharpen them down to nothing

I change a baby's diaper -- it is a very happy, smiling baby. At the stove a young man is eating potato chips. The baby begins eating them. I'm wearing a wrap around dress. I talk to a woman on the phone about "the other woman" - the woman in his dreams, very upset. Then I go home and a blond woman with two kids comes with me. We take the stairs, not elevator. Man is asleep. We talk about men in dreams. She says, hammer, phallic symbol (the only words they say.) She stays in our extra room, I leave them alone to rest, and she asks me if I want the calendar of nude men as I leave.

I am married to someone else, but he's always there. Then I find out we're at the ocean and there's a sea wall, it is twilight, going down to a huge field of eroded clay -- furrows all parallel. Sometimes it's snow, it overwhelms me. Two girls arrive escorted by another who leaves. We look at the wall more closely through the fence -- left side is a fireplace with smoke, on the right is what I take for another one but the woman says, "I wouldn't go in there for anything, a black hole." I get the idea it's an elevator shaft. It looked like a castle with a tower at first. The end is a redwood and it has a square stained glass window -- it is a church built like a trailer. Voice, "why do people live in them" I say, "it's cheap."

6-16-97 Wake up in a room in the future. There are twin beds and buttons on the wall. I go out the door and to an open air market in a college mall, looking at foods, books about the clothes - trying to find out the new ways. Man with me looking at a book about the tools of the future. Back in the room. One of the buttons is a suicide button. This looks like science fiction. A patio with trees and a big picture window with the view outside which looks like the Moon or New Mexico.

11/28/98 Some scandal with Clinton, involves a Mexican TV dinner. This was an additional dinner to three other ones. He and Hiliary have been out of town and I am in charge of a bouquet for their return. I pick up some sticks on the ground and they get rosebuds on the end, tightly closed. It'll be a few days before they return anyway. One is reddish and one yellowish. They open up on one side when I go to get a vase [Chinese child psychics are doing experiments concentrating on flowers and making them open] Lucid dream -- I start out at Alice Engel's nursing home. Women are standing around, a party and I dance a slow dance and am surprised I know how. My partner has to go to the restroom and I realize it's a dream because I don't want to go to the restroom. Quilt and two pillows in a sack on the shelf. The restroom is packed and we get separated -- I go in to find him as soon as I know it's a dream. I decide to try to stay awake as long as possible and walk across a grassy valley park. I'm walking with someone I can't see to my left. A man comes up to my right and says he wants to ask a couple of questions -- about the electricity changes. There are identical redheaded triplet girls having a picnic on a blanket under a tree. A girl with long blond hair past her butt with some other women -- they tell her to stay visible but she becomes invisible and may have wings. She runs through me. At the top of the hill are evergreen trees, a dirt path, curb and a building like a utility. Voice, "there's usually water here" and suddenly I'm up to my butt in cold water -- shock. I go the other way. A path into a big room like a waiting station for travelers, I start up an escalator but a voice says, "no" and I push my way back down through the crowd on the escalator. There is an elevator in the corner with a metal label on it that says 2012-2025 -- it looks like a morgue drawer, but I hope it's a time machine. I look at the escalator again and ask if the problem is that I don't have any money -- maybe I can pretend I'm with someone and voice says, "a couple of people can." I have to get a job, I try to learn about the place -- there are maps of various countries on a table, very detailed, New Zealand is my impression -- every little town. I wonder how I'll find my body again, and then I wake up.

1/25/98 A huge house; a lot of people. Have to get down from the top floor in a basket; button like elevator. Several people are Heldenbrands. A girl with very short blond hair; raining hard. Basket has the blanket from my bed in it. The other Sheila is in a room with wood chairs; she says it's residential--huge rooms, ballrooms. Mail--one package feels like a giant condom, a foot across. A woman falls out of the basket; my parents are going somewhere, I think they're taking me but they don't They have suitcases. Then there are people all around; some are talking about military. A girl talks about a woman she babysits for--doesn't buy a new car because the old one just fits in her two flower gardens beside the garage. I ask what kind of car; she doesn't know, so I guess "bug" and laugh because they are wide, can't think of a narrow small old car. Then I make the bed and make corrections on a page of figures. A young girl asks me about a jet and is lying on the covers along the wall with a little boy working on the figures again. It is an early copy and they aren't corrected. I hit her and jump on her stomach and tell her to put the blankets back and get the right figures out of the wastebasket. Then John Byrne asks me about a jet; I'm saying something about the military and there's a line of people to buy food; they are mainly buying bananas.

2/87 I am walking through a building in the future like our malls but there are bars as well as restaurants in it. I go through Penny's and they have shoes and stuff I don't recognize, one thing just looks like chrome bars. On the other side of the cafeteria is a circular moving hardwood floor. It looks like a freeway and goes underground. There are signs and also a loudspeaker warning that people get killed on this new transportation. I get on another one and there are sweaters on the floor (ass deep) between the seats. I wonder if they are the sweaters of all the people killed on the transportation.

9/6/97 Walking through a field on a road -- I went the wrong way and have to backtrack. Think about cutting across a valley -- the road goes around the hill. I crawl up and look over the top of the hill and there is a river down there. Several people tell me it's the San Antonio and some other river merging. Then I'm near Mom's old house -- overlooking Stewerts field to the river where I saw the cigar shaped UFO when I was about 7. I turn off and ride on a new trail across the corn field towards the river. Pedestrian and bike paths keep crossing. I'm on my old green bike. There is a diarama in a glass case like a pinball machine. A boy in the corner peeing, just put his penis away. Is some scene, I can't concentrate wondering about the pee. Then two cases with glass doors and layers. A voice says to look in there to see your future. I look in and it's like a funhouse mirror I think. First I see an old lady in a pink suit and hat or a pink dress. Then it's me but I'm wearing a white dress with ruffles all over it in layers. Very low cut neckline to waist. I look several times wondering if it will show other dresses, but it is always that one. I have curly dark hair. Red wagon, the box it came in empty except for pictures of Superman. Angel dolls in the window.

1/31/98 The future; things are different. Everyone wears orange/brown clothing unless they're naked. They are thinking of changing their type of medicine--they heal each other now, but might switch to physical medicine--which will have a shortage. They go to church a lot and have capital punishment. They live underground and their numbers decreased to 15,000 and then 2,000. Orange UFOs might come and help them; they are thinking about introducing other colors. There's something about perfection and the right to use midwives rather than doctors in childbearing. The young people don't remember any other system and there is a fear of losing historical memory. They are thinking of deliberate change to divert public attention from something.

8/16/98 The future. A man from the past has been transported here; he fries hamburgers and they watch him (living history). Cheer him and tell him to flip them with sign language. They speak a kind of shorthand in the future. He gets depressed and runs off the road with his car and hits a sheep or bear. A gorilla (animals all talk-speak English) goes to straighten them out. Carries out the sheep; later the sheep complains that its foot hurts and says its mother used to kiss it. Gorilla takes it (sheep) in the bushes and it comes out a bear. Then the couple goes somewhere in a convertible. There are three people in the backseat-I'm one. They pass a checkpoint going on freeway-man tells three kids to act asleep or dead (?) Guy finally pulls over-they have a monitor that goes right up to car.

No, the pantry is still independence in the future. Gore on a carnival ride through the funhouse or tunnel of love -- he looks dazed. I feel my throat -- feels like teddy bear fur. Stop laughing at that -- it's just a quiz to make you stop laughing. Relax here -- 00, 38,42 library 04-04 books are overdue. A lot of green dresses in a closet -- some have jackets, very beautiful fabric, crinkly, thick.

8/7/00 I take off and am flying but people in small, square buildings say I flew the wrong direction and swooped past them. Changing rooms at the beach. It takes a long time to distinguish between hunters. I meet a man and know I'm asleep because I didn't go. He leaves quickly for another country. The hand gets larger and directs me. It's the only thing I can see. Two computers moved by five people in a truck.

3/1/01 A computer in the future for running the house. Has a button for showers, also moods or basic personality outlook. One for unborn children. A cornfield along the freeway. The farmer parks his tractor at the curb in a residential neighborhood. I look down at the valley -- arrangement of houses and open spaces. shooting occurred" -- picture of her sliding down a gold mine trough -- like water slide, but clay color mud.

Possible futures in pairs: ballet and religions, different WICCA groups. At the mall, girl in candy store offers me a job. I think about it -- I could work two jobs. Outside in the parking lot, an old couple have changed shoes behind their red car and cowboy boots are sitting there. Family of thin women, 90 year old -- cut open. Some Tarot cards are just markers of bodily functions. Card of Dolls --

7/5/01 A woman in the dream named Yo, sitting on folding chairs, asks me if I remember the Constitution -- I say sort of, "We the people of the United States in order to form a more perfect union, establish justince and

pursue the ... of liberty for ourselves and our descendents... and she says, look at this, and shows me a three line stanza in what looks like middle English or some archaic language. I think, this must really be far in the future, it didn't look that old fashioned before. The first word starts with a "C" and the third one with an "E". The first word is "centere" -- sounds Latin maybe. The word that began with an "e" issomething like "elese." A lot of secretaries reading political books from book clubs. ... "Widows of activists in Washington (state) pursue a cause." ... Button you can press labeled, "perfect meanings."

Women sitting reading books about fashions of the future -- very thick gray sweats. ... "Have to reduce the number in the office by one, you can get aide for dependent children." ... guy looking over the roof by the hole says, "you are sitting." ... Young guy before that had a question, on a motorcycle, can split traffic, get places faster. 72" X 19" X 35" is what I think. ... Books sorted, I look at titles, Building an Affordable Shelter.... I join others who try not to be too cowardly in their writing (compromise). ..."Three days. People are born because of boredom." ... A weekend seminar. ... Man drinking coffee, making plans. You can piss on 14.

"Small schools - this whole package is drying out (no more small schools in the future)."

Large rodent snoring behind a glass wall -- sound like a metal marble rolling around -- high pitched whining noise. "Should let it out? This is your baliwik." ... Italian voice, "Thanks for tellin me the future is a lotta offensive..." "The last named hero carries the guys (to the pet cemetery where they put all their sons-in-law).... "A baby. A kiss to focus on.... Those who are pregnant don't want to spend any time talking."... Huge fire in the middle of a biosphere, "you saw the fire and you knew." ... Druid pledge of allegiance -- "Pledge allegiance to the crowd and to the tree clinging with poison oak for which we stand and which stands for us." There is also a movie she says you can watch while you wait for your phone call to go through -- vidphone? (I am beginning to suspect I am in the future).

9/1/01 8AM I'm dropped off from a car, walk into a building courtyard but it is unfamiliar, not where I live. I ask two boys playingif they know which apartment I live in; I'm very tired. He takes me to a storage room where there are Christmas decorations. Then I go to a recreation room where two women and a man are arranging cards on a wall that spin and rearrange. They seem to collect them; mention a Hallmark and a Walmart. I get the idea it's the future and hard copies of cards are a collector item. One old woman is sitting there dying maybe and I take a whole box of the cards to her to look at. I see her chart and it says that she didn't adjust to the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas. She glances at the cards, which I'm studying and says they are based on TV shows. I get the idea they play clips but don't see them move. Then I do see a starry night and a close up of a wood cross or assault rifle butt while looking at one. A little boy comes up and jumps into my arms and I can't take him with me. I'm wearing a nice dress and shoes. I asked the first two boys outside what day it was (to see if it was the future) but they didn't know. I ask the mal-adjusted woman too. There is also the top part of a Christmas tree being reconstructed also. Maybe in a hidden room--reconstructing the early Christian days when it was hidden or secret obsession with Christianity in a Muslim country. From now on I'll scratch your back if you'll try to scratch mine.

9/7/01 A little German looking boy with crewcut blond hair (like my brother when he was little) 3-4 years old walks up, says, "I'm psychic, I see your future, You'll have two boys 4 and 5 or 8 and 9... and then you'll die of a coronary." The part about the coronary seems to be Sylvia's voice and her weird laugh when she adds stuff like that. I am pleased and surprised that being psychic seems to run in the family--my aunt's kid. He sat down beside me and in the dream and I listened politely and said thank you. Then I tell my siblings that I'll walk around the yard and pick up trash--the grass has been cut, the tops of each blade are distinctly chopped off, but it isn't that long for not being mowed all summer--voice says it didn't rain, or it was winter all summer. Then I go to work, still very content, and I work in a big payroll department in private industry. I don't work for the Govt anymore and am relieved--I probably make more money and have less responsibility. I am still vaguely worried about the "coronary"and make a mental note not to argue with a troublemaker about his pay check--just act like I'm stupid and can't understand him. A woman comes in with a two layer round cake with white frosting and shoves it to the back of a table and says she didn't want to spend too much on driving and take away from the gift (she bought some expensive clothing item) and I get the idea someone has a birthday. I am making the old fashioned wood bedstead beside the table and don't want to sleep in the bed where the woman died. There is a very big lumpy pillow. I try to dust and the dust sticks

9/30/01 9AM I've found my way into a mall in the future. I'm in a shop buying couch pillows. Man with me picks one with a picture on it and I read the label that it is limited edition, rare to be found only in this shop--$20. Clerk sews it up (purse size with a zipper) and I tell her I didn't want that, I wanted the three plain gunny sack color ones in different sizes for $7. Then I have 5 of them and she adds it up and laughs, that I'm not going to be happy--$159. I refuse to pay and say to the man and little girl (Aisha has appeared, her hair longer and braided in a big braid) that security will be after us now (and throw us out of the future). The man and I sit down along the wall in a hallway under red shrouds and he says they'll catch us and force us to have children and I tell Aisha to bounce off the walls and distract the two women security guards aproaching (she talks about their big boobs and keeps them busy for awhile). Then two young pale male security guards come to help the women who are having no success with me--I see some girls behind them and ask loudly if they want to fuck the men and get rid of them too. Then I enter a room with a lttle girl and she writes on a piece of paper and tells me she is 8 1/2 and she wants to remain that age--it is the best. Someone knocks and I open the door when she ignores it, but she runs to a man who seems to be a servant all in white (Chinese or Arabic) and goes with him. I get the impression she's rich but makes the servants buy her stuff. I also talk politics with some people in the mall food court and say that Clinton and Gore did nothing and Bush Sr acted brain dead. Then I'm sitting at a breakfast bar and a dark haired 30ish woman sits down and I can see her face clearly. I tell her my plan of ingratiating myself through the little girl (I am worried about my survival); she says the girl's first words were "my friend" (I assume means her) and I say, "I'll have to bump you off (the log) then" (kidding). She stares intently at my face and says, "you're Arabic and ..... (European) (?) . I am nonplused and it stops me to think--Black Irish, maybe is what she sees, Moors invaded Ireland. She says,"you're so dark." and then I feel an alien feeling of depression and get the idea that this someone else's dream I am overhearing and I want to know what he tells him very much. She says, "you were a great man involved in war and you will be taking a rest of five lifetimes as an M.......... (merchant?) and then you can go back to war if you want." I say I don't like war and I put my head down on the counter and weep and it wakes me up. I forgot it was not me and ruined it. I tried to lie quietly and remember details and hear a voice say, "Man without a university, imagine!" Then two young guys talking, "They didn't phone me. This is a bastard mentale." I don't know if mentale is a real word, but it is pronounced like rationale. Then I heard woman's voice saying, "There's nothing more we can do."

10/13/01 358AM Voice, "What, turn off the news (TV)." There is a group of refugees living in a bleacher area (like Dante's Inferno?) I discover when you turn a certain knob--like the F-stop on a camera, you get fries that appear as your "daily bread"."They don't want her to mention her boyfriend anymore. Going to pick him up. She's pregnant. A virgin birth." Very few of the Coliseum/bleachers seats are occupied with the "cameras" in front of them. A Hispanic man climbs up several rows into a vacant one and a coke is passed to him; I take a sip from it and disgust a guy. "It's a family pig--shorter than.... and can reach the feeder." Tony Escobar is giving a speech and keeps me awake in the dream. "Legitimate attitude for it..." I had just decided....you can be transported to where a larger body of war survivors are but you can't eat anything (?) I hand out the fries which are numerous after pressing the lever several times (like a lab rat). I give one to each person, there are two cardboard fry holders and one is above the other. I try to make them appear for the man who just got there next to me but they are payment for the past--thus the two holders. I grasp the cylinder and try to turn or adjust it to a daily thing. My camera has two layers, a past and a present or future. A bright light shines on me and I can't see the "Inferno" anymore. Takes about 5 minutes for a fry to emerge from the hole--I assume anyway,one is halfway out. I try to wake up others to do this. I talk to someone in the bright light but can't remember. One girl became thin and became a star. Three patients in white hospital gowns in a balcony. Recenthistory of China. She is vague about where she is now--sound of ball bearing in a can of spray paint being shaken. Two pretzel sticks--you can stick in your ear and your heart. This is recruiting for new viewers, spies. Tony knitting on a stool trying to see the future, then he's walking with 5 white dogs on leashes. Crawling cross a roof.

There are large statues and one has been destroyed. They seem to be made of wood and I wonder if they could just burn them--wearing rough black baggy suits/working class. I get the impression they are Lenin, Mao--people whose actual bodies were displayed like statues. Maybe they are finally to be cremated. It looks like the Northrop cafeteria, silverware stand. Tirzani book says he thinks Buddhism is the future of the world--but according to him are banned in China. Can only practice Christian, Muslim and Lamaism there.

I try another number and get high pitched metallic robot voices in the future--just chit chatting platitudes-- sounds peaceful in the future. It's almost Dec 28th in the dream--

I trail three bad guys carrying a box. First I am an old man trailing them. They see my red dress through the trees. I walk past a field that was leveled and large transplanted trees loading stuff for Canada -- water and things from garbage.

A woman in khaki is lecturing in front of a room saying, "Made up who you are and explain it." Staging area, refugees. "Call me back--inside of that" (coffin or box). "He said.... Foreign woman voice, "You have to pretend yourself to find this."

Oriental woman's voice, "one of the transfers." Take this belt. The point at which the water went in my lungs. Try to figure it out. A body in the water ahead of me--in a casket, can't see it. Rectangular box or wrapped in plastic. A dream by committee; many people crossing the bridge, follow the railing until it's too far under water. A woman talking about dying, big baby; can't even go in the water, get wet. Can't find any women, comes home.


4/30/01 25 years ago when I was sitting here for you. Answers: down two tubes [Mars]. You can't do everything, the amount of heroism. The south end of the harvest moon. See a girl sitting on a giant brain, then back of a woman's skull off -- can see the brain. Good luck. Making a beautiful house, patio, where no one will ever visit. 35 degrees, much harder going -- little girl, dark hair, in snow -- fluffy, white, deep, white coat and hat -- or it's snowed on her head, arms, she's been standing there a long time. Why leave early, why does this thing hurt. Snowy outside, about a foot of snow. I'm in a big house, woman has two daughters that look like blood transfusion bags to me -- in bed in the living room where she moved them. I want to run away and a young girl

tells me to go. Then I hide outside along the wall. The woman might look out the window and see me. I sense her coming and hide in a concrete bunker behind the house. The young girl comes again and urges me to leave. I grab a box of food and a pan -- a man and I will be camping.

I leave on an elevator that looks like the lift in an auto shop for lifting cars. It's coffin shaped with a body covered with a sheet and I jump on top of the body and ride up to the snowy garage, start the car. Voice, Abigail Adams. I see a group of twenty year old girls and tell them I'm running away. A five year old girl blabs the whole story and gives a speech. I can talk, it is clear. It is clear, I can talk to you. You hear Dar talking about Texas, well how'd you feel if you send but not all the messages go through. Why, falling down through a hole -- giant earthworm, 16 inches, to trail below.

428AM Now I thought we were done with all that hatred (fighter planes). I am out of my body working at the computer and look at the clock and it is 3AM. The computer is where the kitchen sink really is (90 degrees angle from real computer). A man comes in and I see I'm out of my body and I walk back to the bedroom; I see his muscled forearm. He says, why do you always run ahead of me? I say I am afraid he'll step on my feet.

"Don't be a fool. Every body's now." British woman's voice, "Thank you"--pushing a box through a hole or tunnel. "A kind of dry horror." "Careful, they'll take you away"--suddenly I have Tarot cards in my hand and look at them one at a time--the first one is the 7 of wands, man on a horse surrounded by his followers--Victory; then Death card (which was the last card in my real reading before going to sleep) and there is another card under that one, so I know I'm dreaming--it the Tower. Death and Tower look very powerful together like that. Man with warts on his back who knows--the DOW close down. Only the candy...on the top.

I'm in the body of a blond dead woman who's not happy--she pushes on the end of her coffin with her feet and makes it spin.

1/31/01 The next card I get is the hanged man, but is a woman sitting in a coffin leaning forward in supplication. I had that card back in the deck, then start looking for it again -- that didn't look like a Rider-Waite card exactly (more like Judgement). The man dials 911 after I think about trying to grab the phone. He takes out a picture and keeps looking from it to me, and I pull my blouse neckline different and concentrate on not making my usual gestures, sit on my hands.

I told them to turn back; coffins left behind; bulldozer or Boseman. I shut the door and hear a woman talking; I'm flying. Calculator clues. She says, "that's cool, go on." Man sitting in a doorway working. Answega. Girl poops large poop like a snake. Hideous technology. The rose--my habit made them stop and think. She loves her young soldiers. Gas, ruminants; God helped me; climb on pile of rubble. A list of hospitals that are "associates". Driving something out of a truck onto a loading dock, National Guard; not bad.

"Air mill." "Dredging in restrooms." "We (only) just grew money." A picture of someone in tech support with powder on face (gun powder?) "Tents/tense of all these tests." A woman in khaki is lecturing in front of a room saying, "Made up who you are and explain it." Staging area, refugees. "Call me back--inside of that" (coffin or box). "He said.... Foreign woman voice, "You have to pretend yourself to find this." Art Bell voice, "he's not $110,000 a day to cross the river"--patting Ed Dames on the shoulder. "Slow photos...slow quotes." Picture of a girl at the beach in bathing suit--photographer shot up lying on the ground and she is standing-- voice says, "get the hell away from the body." Marty Barhaghi saying, "Devil music and who got picked up." Voice saying that if students didn't have summer holidays, workers might be afraid of long holidays. Woman asks, "it's end that you

hook on some exit. Should I?"

3/1/00 Diamond salesman, wife and daughter moved from Oregon to a museum. Girl tells me she doesn't like coffins in the museum. They are dead buffalos. The rings are replicas of museum pieces--$5500. I'd seen them at the museum in Long Beach, they were Franklin Mint collection of diamonds, also another set of emeralds, sapphires.

1/13/99 I'm in an unfamiliar place. My sisters are there and have several Christmas trees. One is decorated with jewelry and they are talking about it. Then it's a mortuary and there's a dead man. Scene of the coffin. I have gotten a job there and my boss hands me a folder full of papers. I'm supposed to take them out and burn them. Voice, I didn't even notice you were gone.

2/7/99 New computer program; makes people happy and things run smoothly. Garage sale--two old men. They give me back a check; wrong name, different address. The bill is 16... Say they'll mail it. I put my pants on backwards. One man decides to drink fat-free chocolate milk. Snowy hill; women at huge auditorium. I put my purse on a seat between two men and go to look for bathroom. They are sheds on hill. Women inside are wrapped in blankets; fill sheds like vertical coffins. Mine is bare inside--have to pee in snow. One guy pees on money in someone's hand--no way to wash it except snow. I'm changing clothes in this box.

All of a sudden the house seems very small, sort of like a coffin, but there is still a small nook in the corner I can fit in.

Car that converts to a coffin. Driving along seashore -- looking at houses of rich people. Commentator says they space themselves out. Come to the largest. Guy who built it did so, so that it overlooked a pig pen

Get off an elevator on womens' clothes floor, look around. Leave, closing, and notice I have on a white dress with pink flowers, very flowing chiffon, look fat or pregnant -- take it back. Have to change in room with stalls, with officers that were veterans, Vietnam ones are all shot up, some on leashes. I decide to go out back and change. Orange chiffon dress, much too small, shrank; man in orange shirt chases me. I lie down on ground, make myself look like dirt -- shimmer when I know I've done it. Crawl through very small tunnel, pushing with feet. Car comes, I hide in bushes--green truck.

I have a check at the bank from the Government that says on it that it is for food, lodging... Walking by a used clothing store, silk shirt -- sells by ounce or inch -- 15 cents. It's about 30 inches. Outer layer is brown and inner orange. Grandma's house, the second floor has all kinds of art. Hear baby crying, Louie and Lucille threatening it -- can't find stairs to third floor -- see elevator. The floor folds in half like a pillow -- lets us off. Woman gives us a ticket then starts bringing in vacuum cleaners. I grab a man's hand and we escape to the fourth floor where there are a series of bedrooms with people asleep in the beds and something significant beside the bed. Carlos Casteneda book beside the first bed, picture of black woman by the second bed, then there's an empty bed and we jump in. I think we should throw a Just Married sign on the floor beside this bed. A dark haired woman joking about cutting off a breast.

On an elevator, by the edge -- hold on to pole -- edge keeps getting closer. Maritza says she's sick

With a group of women -- special services at a hospital -- also serving pizza. Ginna there -- elevator tips to rear, no door or door open there. Women have meeting and decide to protest -- squirt whipcream all over halls, also a chemical that isn't supposed to be used. I take one, doesn't work at first, then afraid of being arrested. Women march by at the head of (or disrupting) a beauty contest. Say one can is missing. Man zeroes in on can, which I'm holding and trying to hide, tapping on stool (hiding in bathroom). Policemen to my left is a drug addict and doesn't want to catch me (degenerates as dream goes on), I drop the can

and he pushes it back to me quickly.

I get in the elevator with a man. I push a button for a floor without thinking, I push one (I'm already on one), he pushes four, then I know I really wanted six -- he gets off and then I see he pushed G -- to take me on a wild ride. The elevator goes very fast. I'm afraid it's falling -- think about the people who live on G and have to do this every day. We were at the top -- it is about 40 stories. Finally I look out the window and see buildings going by. I figure out perspective and they are going horizontally,not vertically.

Then I see that he pushed the button for five miles -- I am going somewhere.

An elevator -- I get caught in the door and picked up. I fall back out a couple of times -- pulling a woman with me once. Darrell's -- a phone outside the window. I start to call but man comes out. I feel very overwhelmed with love. We go inside. I think the difference in me is that I'm pregnant -- but I'm not. I check my own thesis which is very long -- about poetry. I'm selling art originals and prints in Mom's driveway. The prints are like playing cards on the backs -- one is impressionistic three women.

Stop at a house, girls are unloading hay -- an elevator very high, maybe 1/4 mile drops bales at an uneven rate on a haystack. It is handstacked in one part and just dropped bales in an extension. I and two women with me help unload hay, I show them how to throw a bale -- it lands on two women's backs and they stand up to push it on through. The opening gets very narrow and has turns in it so that it is very hard to throw something through. Esther is in charge and has been stalling because the task seemed too hard, but we finished quickly. The floor is polished very smooth under the hay -- like a dance floor.

9/26/87 In the lobby of a building in Albuquerque that has fifty stories, green tiles and an elevator. It's night and you can watch planes from the roof. I'm with a family and seem to be one of the kids, sitting on a bench. The elevator door opens and the whole family levitates into the elevator. Then the elevator starts upwards and you can see through the walls. They are made of wire and it's like being on the inside of a dressmaker's dummy because the building gets smaller and smaller the higher up you go. Barbed wire at the top. You can see the lights of the city below.

6/97 Running away. Warning comes on car dash - "water pump went out, stop." I'm coasting down a hill so I can get a little farther even though the car says not to. I pull over on the gravel shoulder at a hotel. The phones don't work, each wire is connected to a tiny carrot growing in a starting flat. They say to just wait, the phones are out of order. I'm sitting in the corner on a kitchen chair and make a break for it. Fleeing right through the walls it looks like, pieces of wood and fluffy white insulation. Very small spaces, then work areas, a kitchen with men talking about their promotions, one man retiring. Out the door to the

roof, snow drifts and ice. More tunnels off the roof. Then I come to an abyss, trees far below, miles deep, no chance of climbing down. I am desperate after fleeing that far and decide to cross the abyss even if I have to jump - it's just a dream but I don't know what will happen when I jump. A bridge appears and I cross hanging by my hands. Then there's a green cleared strip through a forest. Then a man guarding a room, he fathers all the children, he's bragging to me, as I stand there wondering what to do next. I notice a cool breeze coming from behind him and see a tube covered with a cloth. I run through there before he can stop me. He

thought the tubes had condoms, some religious belief. If there's air, there must be an opening to get out of there. I see an elevator and get in, there are two robots in there with me. A voice says to get off where they do. I ask if they'll sneak me out, they don't talk. They have a very small casket, I have to crouch in it. I'm wearing the shirt I wore to bed, pink one. I get off the elevator and stand in line at a counter trying to look nonchalant so they won't notice me -- like a deer in the headlights. A man hands me a handful of Tarot cards. This is my future life bio. There are two names, Calvin and William, maybe the robots' names. Alarm goes off, 5 AM.

1/23/98 Vivian, another blond give speeches; woman wants a presentation of the TAG playground. In hospital, have to go to the 9th floor; elevator is full. The stairs are like MC Escher; I can't find the way up--also like cloverleaf onramps. I stay there for awhile; becomes the office, Kelvin has clues to what he's saying.

A path into a big room like a waiting station for travelers, I start up an escalator but a voice says, "no" and I push my way back down through the crowd on the escalator. There is an elevator in the corner with a metal label on it that says 2012-2025 -- it looks like a morgue drawer, but I hope it's a time machine. I look at the escalator again and ask if the problem is that I don't have any money -- maybe I can pretend I'm with someone and voice says, "a couple of people can." I have to get a job, I try to learn about the place -- there are maps of various countries on a table, very detailed, New Zealand is my impression -- every little town. I wonder how I'll find my body again, and then I wake up.

4/19/99-2 In a clearing, the river water is very clear, running over rocks and sand. A young looking man with a cane; as soon as I get well, I'll bring a table. Elevator operator, doors close slowly, says most people walk; the elevator is new. Says, I'll take you up. Redheaded guy. Crazy goddess of slave laborers.

I get home from swimming, drive up spiral into parking structure. Waiting for elevator naked. Man finds shorts. I look for stairs, big crowd at elevator. Little boy says he's first--he has diarrhea. 13 steps on each landing, to top floor. Inside apartment, very airy, lots of windows. Man says he waited for me. Little blond kid follows me from elevator.

10/8/00 I walk up to a heavy metal door. A man says he had to pull his shadow around in front of him, so I try it -- with my dress ties - like wrap dress or strait jacket. This will make enemies waiting see the shadow first and reveal themselves or think I'm going the other way. I'm on a stretcher going up the elevator, carried by some little girls.

10/15/00 Raining, leaky roof. An elevator operator drops us off at the top, cap of the building, which is the first floor. Walk down stairs to the second floor.

7/27/00 In an elevator running away, past my boss down the greenbelt. Elevator at the next exit is a wire pen with boxes you climb down somehow. Pins to secure each level. A man gets in with me and says it'll fall fast with both of us in there. Floor bends, I pull, hold it along the walls. Two stories up. At the bottom, I run out. Sandy lying on the ground in a movie of her life. She's been hit in the head -- make-up is still perfect. I run so fast one shoe falls off and someone throws it to me. They hope it

isn't her allergies. I go to a shaman or ancient priest in a storefront.

10/8/00 I walk up to a heavy metal door and a man says he had to pull his shadow around in front of him; so I try it--with my dress ties. This will make enemies waiting see the shadow first and reveal themselves or think I'm going the other way. A little blond girl is hiding outside the door, I think she's going to say, "boo." She points at a group in the distance--our family. I'm covered with gingham cloth (green, white and another color checks); I'm cold, I'm on a stretcher going up on an elevator. Click of

false teeth, the host. Someone forces me to sell something for 1 dollar or cent. Small shoes, turquoise green, Chinese. How come you have a box of your kleenexes in there? Woman with daughter screams in pain, doctor says her other parts are diseased around a large area. Woman says she can get disability then, she likes to shop with this youngest daughter, two older ones.

Julie Nixon, her book, Special People -- about a visit to Chairman Mao on (western) New Years Eve, 1975, "alone with the masses" and "trample the beds of rich men's daughters"

1/12/88 I wake up standing outside the apartment building at the bottom of the steps by the laundry room in the manager's parking spot. I am standing right behind where their car is. I can see the fence around the parking lot, but can't see any cars. There must be cars parked there, there always are. I can't believe I'm out of my body, look around and the concrete looks like snow or sand with an edge like a curb. A man appears in the distance and approaches to the fence, about two car lengths away.

He is naked except for a ribbon across his chest like the New Years Baby. He has dark hair. I think maybe he's a dead person and can answer questions, but I don't want to ask any, I feel stubborn and that it is greedy. Then I remember that I'm out of my body and wonder if I can walk up the stairs and get through the doors somehow. I start for the steps and he glides over there,

looks shorter now. He grabs the railing and shakes it. Then I find myself saying, you said we could move by August. The guy says loudly, that's what you think... I am thinking the question but he can hear me. His voice is metallic and loud, right inside my head. It makes my head ring and I put my hands over my ears and feel like falling on my knees. He glides closer, in one instant is right in front of me. I look at his teeth and the bicuspids look a little large, like a cat's. He has his attention on me and I want to get it off, so I yell, no, you said that. I wake up yelling in a strangled voice in my sleep. [then I went down to look at the spot where I was and the railing is rusted off and dangerous. There is a branch of a mint plant I never noticed before growing through a tiny crack in the wall from the old man next door's yard.]

4/11/88 Three scary dreams. Walking through sand trying to see if there are buried rattlesnakes - any horns or noses sticking up. I wake up in the dream and find out I'm going to have a baby that day. I ask how I could have let this happen. I pace the floor. A man asks, what day did the doctor say she would be born. I wonder how he knows it's going to be a girl. I say, the day after New Years. He asks if it is the day after New Years. I wonder how I will support us. The I look down at my blouse and wonder

if it will really be a girl. Walking through a barren farming landscape. Then a dress shopping break. There's a car you can stay in and two rooms that overview different groups of the world - reminds me of Disneyland. There are mountain Chinese people - the man doesn't have any front teeth and the families are camped very far apart in snow. This is a UFO trick, it looks flat, but when you try to climb back up it's a vertical cliff like a mountain. I almost start crying.

Talking to Cinda -- mouse broke pipe on New Years -- Rota Rooter coming in box, no body bag (garbage). Taking care of kids, parents come but leave right away. We fry things in pans on table that heats up. Box of glasses, water glasses that ring and sparkle. Turn colors, mainly blue, gray. Mom says she might get them as a gift later. The earth is ancient, so it has been used over and over -- has writing in pieces of earth. I quickly carve something to pacify a woman -- has flecks of green in it like her eyes.

1/1/99 I live on the corner at the gas station and have a Ryder truck. I'm hiding in the shower acting asleep on my feet with the water running. A man, bomber is at the gas station. He comes over and moves in with me, I think about turning him in before he gets my involved. He sits on the couch and I put on a narrow straight skirt with flowers and he says to go to some class. I go out to a field and he's there too. We define truth, it has three definitions that I say -- truth, justice and the American Way or life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Then I think of truth is beaty, beauty, truth. I say that beauty is symmetry and he says there is none on earth. There are round ends for weights on the ground and they look like frisbees so I throw them. One circles him like a B2 (plane), boomerang. I throw it again and it rolls across the field like an army vehicle and a plane lands near it. I cook soup, children walk through all these passages. There are a few books in the library and a computer. Help plays a song -- rock n roll. I have a cast on one leg, medicines automatically treat you if you are sick. A couple, man with yellow shirt unbuttoned, redhead, short curly hair, plump. they have two boys playing in the yard -- looks like the 10 of cups.

2/4/00 Game show of characters fighting, Anwar Sadat. A woman is wearing a dress that is buttoned right onto her body along the edges. Chinese New Years--trip with two suitcases, all new things. 130PM TV, something that was a book or radio show. It's got a fantastic creature (voice says, what's that?); looks like a Roman god, Titans movie. I talk to a man waiting at the VA hospital for 4-5 days for an appendectomy. He says his game was used for the movie The Hobbit. I get out pills--5 or 6 and they roll across the floor.

1/1/01 A wolf slips among people, faces of women change when he passes behind or through them -- cold feeling like death. A man can't jump from the frying pan into the fire without taking a running start/leap. Visiting Mom, I have a big TV, bed, pans -- all to drive back on a jeep to college. Jeep is wood inside, has a ledge on the back. My siblings also moved out and left a few dishes and other kitchen stuff. My hair very red, braided. Little girl buried under a rock in an animal's tunnel. People living there, some learn computers. My aunt Dorothy has dangerous curly hairs on her face. Dad wants to drive car to Long Beach-- have to touch wire to the number on the gear shift to go faster in that gear. Advice about service, get rid of 79, your mother was right. Have not talked to anyone, not even one friend I used to say Hi when passed in six months (congratulations) your (character) was right on (about your selling your book). A film is forming over my book. I cut out 79. My character said I also would sell it. Really into this. Job a keg. Living together two quarters, must put on car insurance. New Years next day, Steve and I get dressed

the night before trying on clothes. Time to wrap it up -- two safes. I go down fire escape stairs and around and up the stoop.

1/31/01 Standing by a metal railing fence in a yard with a group. Dad starts to walk past me, but I say Hi, then he tells me that Kelly's girlfriend quit her job and then she left him. I say that Kelly had management potential (since his dad owned the company). A bull comes between another woman and me -- I step aside like a matador unconcerned and he charges between us and hits the fence we were leaning on. Then I get concerned that he'll come back and hide in a porch -- one end is open and he goes back and forth lookig for a way in to get me and finally goes around to the end. It is the closed end, but it only a matter time until he checks the open end. Then I hide underneath the porch in garbage in the crawlspace with a woman and her teenaged son. Then I'm in a different room, long and narrow, but has walls, not just screen wire. There's a man, girl, boy, some other kids helping me. The bull gets his horn caught in the window trying to stick it through and then he turns into a man and takes the window out of the frame to get through while asking the other guy if he wants to go out for a beer. We all go together. We're in

another house, long and narrow and I'm hiding behind the couch. He asks a question -- it's a Tarot lesson. I see a big butcher knife and a butter knife and hide them under the couch while trying to do the lesson -- my card is the seven of swords. I hear the others' cards shuffling and they answer how their card applies to the question. He asks me about a battery -- if it lasts. I say it's a big battery. The next card I get is the hanged man, but is a woman sitting in a coffin leaning forward in supplication. I had that card back in the deck, then start looking for it again -- that didn't look like a Rider-Waite card exactly (more like Judgement). The man dials 911 after I think about trying to grab the phone. He takes out a picture and keeps looking from it to me, and I pull my blouse neckline different and concentrate on not making my usual gestures, sit on my hands. Then I'm naked from the waist up again somehow. I thank the girl and her son profusely and hug them, then I run out -- he can read my mind (911) -- and run towards the ocean and slide down a steep dirt path. I look back and he's sliding right behind me. Other men jogging by don't stop. I twist his toe and he spins away out of control and puts a girl in a 55 gallon drum.

12/29/97 Animals in wood boxes; bulls (?) what else?
12/31/97 Two kids, a boy about 10 and a teenaged girl; the man is talking on the phone to a girl from high school who wants to order a

catalog--Dreamscapes. The notebook has paragraphs (paras). I look at them and find a letter to the girl's mother. She's pregnant and heard the first heartbeat, needs money, went whale watching where her mother found a bronze. The magazine article is called Mindscapes. It says you dream in progressively more shades of the same color--two, three. The girl looks very pregnant now--her belly button is protruding, cloth covered. She starts to tell me about her dreams--she leaves her body and doesn't want to follow it. Her teeth are blue and match her sweater when I look at her face. Her tongue is green. Instead she follows the relationships of the people to each other; the boss has a favorite who is obviously gay as the day is long. I think about an article I read that says this gives him high serotonin that gives him power; throws me on a tangent and I'm in a very green field along a road. Very intense greens. Driving towards Gram's nursing home; very tired--hard to brake. A curtain with blond boy and girl behind it; a baseball team, coed wearing intense green uniforms. Boys have tall 1890's

hats; girls wrap skirts and pull on hats. Woman coach; there is a song they are singing about fat girls to the tune of Bad Girls. Two boys are fat when I look. Then a mother is trying to come up with a diet; first column is CHOW; first meal is candy, powder in a tube. Doesn't seem like a baseball song; the game is almost over. It is icy like New Years Eve in Iowa; throwing out old ropes and rags from the apartment into the driveway, also a wheelbarrow. The car widows are fogged over.

1/2/98 A room with old hippies giving speeches around a rectangular table with magazines. One blowhard says something about recognizing you. His wife tells that he hides his jimson seeds under the wieners. I leave and go to the daycare center. It's cold and I look for my jacket but find candy. There is one little girl in one room. She says to get out, it's too crowded. There are 51,000 there. Calliope music. Hilton drives up in a classic Fairlane (?) I go over a hill too fast on my bicycle and get airborne and flip, try to land without getting hurt. I hear on the radio that my grandfather got an award and a divorce. He's been dead for several years. Grandma is 84, so he would be 92 if he was still alive. In the bathroom, two women washing their faces; cakes on a rack, all with yellow frosting; my hair is down when I look in the mirror.

12/29/98 I stop for the car's new engine's one year check up -- Tune Dynamics. My old mechanic is there too. He's in a hole in the ground with dry sticky weeds. When I get back to the car is it a concrete box. The mechanic has five kids now. The new engine worked because they got parts from a car a similar age. Voice, are you hot or just remaining to see your dead. I'm living a rebuilt life, only as long as I don't relax and sit back. New Years dream of 1997 I dreamed I was out of my body standing down under the building beside the car. There were several men working on the car.

12/30/98 A phone message over and over different ways. Colonel gives everyone a cooked turkey in a pan but they're all gone, only salad

and dressing left. It's a long line. Kids playing on a flood plain -- several little blond boys are playing reindeers. A guy shows up at his

girlfriend's apartment, she's gained a little weight, so he tells her she might as well have some candy too. Another man tells him he handles her well. A house made of rock with two fireplaces, a duck goes in through a hole. Dorm room, sick -- ate some corn chips that come out of a roller that taste like sour cardboard -- dream food.

12/31/98 A woman with kids already has new twins. They are cute in suits that look like otters. The boy pets the girl. Ken Wyse working for

Mike Dafforn again. A severe illness, people fall to the ground after they get it. Voice, "the insurance companies won't be happy." This time

something is right about people leaving their jobs.

12/28/99 Christmas dream, a lot of presents. I come to a fence and begin to examine it - very tight wire, five strands of barbwire, concrete posts... must be for some dangerous animal. A huge raging bull appears in a dust cloud at the corner. I get up on one of the concrete posts barely balanced and barely above him. A voice says to yell at him before he gets there. He comes right up under the post that I'm on. I don't know if he can see me or just sense me. An ocean where the river should be, canoes in a race. I have a lawsuit for assault. Threes are with me in sky since. I never get paid, a supervisor at work, John Byrne, says. My sisters' kids buy land in Arizona and plan to hold it fifty years. Man singing Irish folk song, all the other parts edited out. Voice says, why don't you change the melody.

12/30/99 I dream I see a pool from above, a kid trying to crawl, then lying in the pool face down, looks dead. Another kid sitting on the side. [On the news that day, a gunman killed two co-workers and the one lying face down looked like the one in the pool.] Three girls have owned it (red/black sweater). Then I can't get it off, too tight. A man tries to pull it off, says I'm not helping, I wriggle. Two kids I've never held, boy is asleep, likes to sleep on his stomach, doesn't like to be held. I put him back down. He smiles and touches me with his foot. I take out my ear rings to fight. Indians traveled on train [for Ghost Dance in early 1900's] to fight - Wyoming. Fight for Redwoods.

12/31/99 I'll go find another life -- 15 minutes. Curls in front, yellow pants, cough. Then I wrote about midnight -- "next entry is 1/1/2000". There are five activities after eating dessert. One is a flight from Seattle and the pilot pulls stunts. Don Clay says there are 4G forces. Strut could hit ground. [Alaska air did just that and crashed in the ocean off shore in Los Angeles.] The supervisors at work have little dolls that symbolize them -- Vivian, vulture; Dr. Barman, T-Rex; Rick Coutu, something short like dragon. John Barman medical checkup - has to wear old clothes and talk about the old days with wife/daughter because of her condition. Dr. says he's replaced smoking or coffee with alcohol and is only supposed to have a blood level of ___ and it is six. Everyone is very easy going, including me. Vivian works on the patio and her mouse cord goes over a tree. I drive to F18 down a huge paved valley. I remember to drive around the pot hole in the driveway and it has become a huge sink hole like a dam overflow. A guy in a red convertible is in the hole -- forgot about it or is a new guy. Then I'm up on top of a huge metal girder, very high above the ground, maybe two stories. I write a letter and say I have to get down to post it. I don't know how to get down. It is just a dream, but I might not be able to fly. A voice says, didn't your boss teach you that? [In the newspaper was a story about President Wahid's New Years visit to the American owned gold/copper mine in Irian Jaya, where the giant earthmovers are two

stories tall.]

12/29/00 Page of Cups. I have several jobs, now ones, old ones. I still work at Sierra Rubber. Mr. Gizzarelli remarks that I didn't come the week before, it's been more like 20 years! Two buffalo head nickels, foreign money. People dressed in 50's coats jump off a snowy hillside into the street. Fried rice. Hermosa Beach alley -- Manhattan Ave or Monterey. Construction workers on the other side of the alley, two babies on this side. Under car, looking at gas tank, I feel hands walking towards beach. Man tells me to give him a blowjob right there in the alley. Construction workers are right there, up high. Microsoft Access teacher looks under car with me for gas leak -- wood underneath, lots of room to crawl under.

12/30/00 Two of pentacles. I have a party. Pat Dooley comes (from 70's) and we chat all day. My apt is concrete. There is a very narrow room going the length of the wall where files are located. A toilet -- Northrop employees arrive for second shift. I lie on the couch thinking and then ask if he got married. He says, June 2, June 30 or May 2. This depresses me and I cry as he talks about other things at the table. The guests have arrived and are in the other room chatting. They don't even talk to me and I tell them it's 9 PM and time to go, I have to get up for work early. Pat says something about two years in 1978, not speaking. I

look down the cliff to see if his blond head is leaving. The guests are running down the mountain. They didn't even say good-bye, but they didn't say hello either. I say, thanks for coming. One man is still there and says he bought me a gift for graduation. Pat says the daughter doesn't look like the mother. Then the man is on my computer screen repeating that he bought me a gift. I ask what for -- occasion. He says for graduation, but he sent it Greyhound in baggage,so we have to go pick it up. He takes it out of the bag when I ignore it and it is a Butterball turkey with lines drawn on it where to carve. I say it probably rotted on Greyhound -- how many days trip. He says he sent it Greyhound because I went to stay with my mother and he didn't know when I'd be back and he had to maintain his contacts at the grocery store by buying something. The Northrop employees are directed to a picnic table -- one woman is in charge of the class of 21.

12/31/00 King of Cups. Pictures I'm uploading, tall black guy. Death came for me, gritty sand. Jessica walking around mall with her collages. A crowded place with banner that says, click here for c: or d: drives. My mother tells me to lose weight accidentally while helping me with manure piles. A hotel restaurant, I go to the bathroom and spit on the couch, sinks were moved. Man sitting there says that's the second time I've done that. There's a box of sand on the floor. I'm getting some kind of award. Two people riding bikes, Shirley or Nathan, running behind it -- must have a part from a Datsun to work -- some invention from 80's --differential. I ride up the stairs, voice says, no too strenuous. Push bike through antique store -- put gasoline on one of two students' desks, woman's voice says, ruined.

12/28/76 missing persons, cops won't do anything -- trick or newspapers. Look out the window at Mom's house -- there are beautiful pheasants, quail, etc all around the house making their nests. Traveling with a really little kid, bigger kid, cart. Weird combinations -- like me looking backwards, one kid standing on my shoulders in cart. This works, amazingly -- come to very worn road with water in gutter and wade across. Oriental men get idea to do so also. On other side is a fat insinuating little man.

He has beautiful liquid rings. The largest a red bear. Others of tiny animals in liquid. Lynn asks if I want her to sprinkle salt on

them. Desire pulls the cart -- does okay, but scared and uncertain. In one set-up, I look back the way we came, desire stands on my shoulders and a baby pulls the cart. Run into things, fall over. Should have said, "no." Didn't pick up kid's toys. I no longer work with women and children. They are no longer my responsibility. Ask them why they do things, or to help me. Woman

watching kids. Sean sticks scissors in eye. Shanna cuts her hair. However, they do wonderful art work in great quantities. Give some away. I get egg, Christmas tree. A cat begins having her kittens -- gray and black. Woman reaches down and pulls it out. I tell her not to. Then she starts to reach inside the cat and I push her away. After the kitten, the cat has only afterbirth. Electric

typewriter does tricks. pack to go on a long trip -- everything you could carry. There is a sickly girl in the bus. She went back last time. The trip is to a library in a desert. The man asks her, she said many people died on that trip. Then we are in the back of a truck (another woman and me) in dresses, our legs tanned. A boy in the front seat says people in this country live longest that wear the most clothes. Just then I see a very wide river and a group of people with packs, boots, jeans on its edge running towards a creek or ditch of water. I wonder how and why they're running. Then throw themselves down and drink, laughing.

1/1/75 I am with another girl and see a bright light. She says we were taken up by a UFO. The bright lights of our wars attracted people from another planet who could destroy our planet very easily if we used bombs against them. (I wrote this in the dream, there were two versions.) I look out the window and there are planes, huge ones, in the sky. I go to town. People are walking out of stores with things, but dumb things -- like candy. I go to a factory and people are still working, but are beginning not to. I go north to where our new home is -- Steve has fixed up the trailer and Mom put in a garden. Many strangers and family have piled into our trailer to wait for the end. I say I never thought the end of the world would come in my lifetime. There is new wood paneling and a rug on the walls of the trailer. There are lamps for reading. A chicken house and other houses are connected to ours by tunnels. There are ducks in a round coop and a screened long porch. All of the people as I walk home along the road are dragging things out of their sheds and using them to build. When I get back, a man asks me sullenly, "what did you bring?" (started as a shopping trip for a present for my grandmother). I say, "information." I am with a man I like and go for a ride in his boat. He tries to come closer and gets dumped in the water. I don't. Another man comes on shore, Neil Hackman. The first man gets dumped again on the way to shore. I have to get out because the two men are going. They leave in the boat and pull me in a boat. Also a little boy on a motorcycle. I tell the boy to straighten out the wheel and ride the motorcycle on the water instead of being dragged.


8/15/01 930AM (I get up to go to the bathroom and remember I am supposed to dream something for the group experiment and ask my dream helpers if they have anything, then go back to sleep.) One of my dream helpers appears right where he disappeared the last time I saw him New Years, 1997 (out-of-body) and busily starts writing something in almost illegible handwriting, but I make out, "drive-away surgery" and two columns, of red and green stickers underneath it that I assume are the

checklist for the patient. He thinks I'm a doctor. I wake up and write that down and go back to sleep and then I'm standing in the same place, outside the apartment building but don't become lucid. A little girl (my other dream helper) comes up and asks me something about the drive-away surgery, am I a doctor. I am busy looking in a newspaper for a restaurant that has fish dinners for as cheap as you can cook them yourself. She stands outside the apartment manager's door and asks her and she runs to her pile of coupons, rifles through them at amazing speed and comes back with a coupon for fish sandwiches at McDonalds for 99 cents. The coupon looks old, might be from years ago, she keeps newspapers she can't bear to part with under her bed. So I walk over the the dumpster and throw in my newspaper. Another neighbor comes out the manager's door and asks what was in the newspaper so I walk back to the dumpster and it is near the top so I can reach it and I get it back out. My feet are barefoot

and get all muddy so I walk up to the grass along the curb, which is wet, and wash the mud off my feet so I can go inside. The water is cold -- dew -- there are two little kids sitting on the grass playing in the mud and some dog poop I have to watch out for, but it looks like kid poop. I think I saw fish somewhere for 99 cents a pound, but you have to take into account the cost of the fries and buns. Inside, her daughter is sitting on the floor in front of the TV and phone with a paper she's writing. I say, hello Andrea, no school today? (not her name) and she says, breathing through her mouth from her asthma, that most of the phone calls are for her -- kids thanking her for help with their homework. She has a paper she wrote in her hands. I sit down on the couch with her mom and remark that I'm surprised the kids don't use email -- her daughter looks older than 6 in the dream. She says it pops up with comments while you're writing (grammar check) like "so superlative" and she ignores most of them, but once in awhile... I agree most of them are just plain wrong but get the idea we're talking about something else -- men.

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